Sky1 S1E6 - Brazil (October 29, 2010)

The seven wonders of the world.

Christ the Redeemer,

the Tanj Muhammad,

the Great Pyramids.

Truly man's greatest achievements.

But there's one man who sees them differently.

Her built adjustment will go, what's been going on?

Frow Pilkington.

Close your mouth.

I don't know the correct term.

Moron.

I think.

He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like mang moron.

Buffoon.

Idiot.

Is that normal?

And he's a friend.

He's a typical Little Englander and he doesn't like going out of his comfort zone.

Follows a squash.

I just think that it'd be amazing to send him round the world.

What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world.

I've been to many exotic places.

I genuinely think travel broadens the mind.

I want him to hate it.

I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement.

The lights are changing!

Lights are lights!

Nothing is funnier than Carl in a corner being poked by a stick.

I am that stick, and now I have the might of sky behind me.

Shit!

This is one of the funniest, most expensive, practical jokes I've ever done, and it's gonna be great.

Just let me go!

Jesus Christ!

Carl,

sending you to see Christ the Redeemer,

magnificent religious symbol that towers down over Rio de Janeiro in Brazil.

What's your first thoughts of it?

Look how big that statue is.

I just think of the people who live in Rio, right?

They've got that there every day when they leave the house.

They see it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's there again.

Sick of seeing it.

It's like a pylon to them that

you get sick of it.

It's a good place to meet, you know, it's, you know, you can see it from everywhere.

Yeah, I don't think it was built as a rendezvous point, to be fair.

I think it's also something to do with the spirituality of the country.

But it's not just that that you'll be seeing.

You'll be experiencing Brazil as well, a magnificent country.

You know the carnival's going to be on when you're there.

Oh, gay, isn't it?

Does that.

Do you feel like you have to be part of that to enjoy it?

Or do you feel left out if you're not?

I'm not stunned.

Well,

he's so confused because I don't think Rio Carnival is known specifically for its gay fans.

There are a lot of men with tans and little posing pouches.

Listen, if you want to see a guy in his speedos and nothing else, this is the place to go, Carl, if that's what.

That's what I mean.

I'm not really into that.

Can we make a note to make sure that we do get him?

Will you please at least get in the spirit?

No, I'm not not doing anything that I wouldn't normally do on holiday.

No,

no,

when you're on the beach, you're in trunks, aren't you?

No, I don't.

I just wear shorts.

So, how short?

How short?

What's the shortest shorts you'd be willing to wear?

Would you wear hot pants?

No, there's no need for that.

There's no need.

No need to wear trunks like that.

No, I'm not doing anything for the cameras.

Red braces?

I'm just going to go.

I'm going to go and look at this.

That's all I'm doing.

I don't need to go to the gay parade.

There's no need.

Not a gay parade, gay parade.

Right, enjoy it.

This is the hottest I've ever experienced.

This

absolutely.

I can see that

ringing.

Is that the Jesus thing up there, Chris?

Just to your right on that hill?

Yeah, that's the Jesus thing.

It's not as big as I thought it would be.

What do you think of this?

This is Copper Cabana Beach.

It's alright, isn't it?

I mean, I know I didn't come for that, I meant to be looking at the Jesus thing, but

this makes the Jesus thing better, doesn't it?

You know, that's like a nice little added extra.

You're on the beach, have a look up.

There it is.

What?

That thing that's in the films.

Oh,

going swimming again.

Still hot though, innit?

I mean, is it normal to have sweaty ears?

I've never had a sweaty ear in my life.

I mean, they're not even doing anything, and they're hot.

I've just got to get to the place that Rick and Steve have sorted out for me to stay at.

I don't know anything about it other than they said that it was a good place to meet people.

I don't know what that means.

Alright.

Hi!

Welcome to Parrots of Flipanema.

So this this is your gaff, is it?

Yeah, let's go man.

This is a kitchen.

And when you cook anything, you try to keep clean at the area, okay?

Don't tell me that, tell the last fellow who was there.

Yeah, yeah.

This normally

it's a place for pool table, but in carnival, man, stay crazy with the a hundred persons inside of the house.

Okay, and the people sleep in there, mattress.

It's gonna be 100 people, innit?

Yeah, people sleep there, man.

Pay more cheaper, but sleep there.

Because it's crazy.

And this is your dorm.

You stay here, close off the window.

How much is it here?

How much is it normally to stay here for a night?

£4.5.

Have you got anything for about six quid?

What?

A little bit better.

Anything for just a little bit there, just a little bit?

Just around six or seven pounds?

No, man, no, we don't have.

There's rough in it, then there's rough in it.

This isn't proper rough in it.

This is just scruffy bastards.

It's alright, just uh

four quid.

I think it's overpriced.

You are having a laugh.

Well, Ricky and Steve thought you needed to socialise with other people, so that's why they put you.

I'm not socialising.

I don't do that.

I'm just not that sort of person.

I'm old in the age now.

You know, I've got enough friends.

I've always said you only need seven mates to get you through life.

That's it.

That's why, you know, I've mentioned Snow White with the midgets.

She had them all covered in seven.

Same thing again with friends.

I've just found out that the Rio Carnival's on, which is the big dance thing that they do in Brazil every year.

Ricky and Steve are probably aware of this, and that's why they've sent me here this time of year you know because they know I don't like crowds, they know I don't like parties so to them this is hilarious.

Oh hey you cow.

I've sorted out a local fella called a hickey who's going to teach me how to do the samba.

He's going to pick me up on his motorbike.

You know I came to dance.

Jesus.

Rather just walk, to be honest, than this.

We are preparing to you to do this big parade, okay?

So, first of all, we should do all.

What do you mean?

We are going to parade with this big school of Samba.

Well, I'm gonna be doing it in front of thousands of people, camera, and everything else.

It's gonna be quite a performance.

Like a dad,

okay?

You dare here.

Do it again, do it again, do it again.

Front, back,

cha, cha.

Cha.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Is there no area where you've just got a load of people who aren't very good, but you let them take part because they're it's simple or something?

Just put me with them.

I'm pushing you to the higher level.

That's what you're gonna wear in this, your hairdress.

You're just gonna look lovely in this.

Just perfect

is everyone gonna be wearing this everyone's gonna be like that not ready for this am i i mean this is like their world cup final innit and you wouldn't you wouldn't say oh car likes a game of footy stick him in gold they shouldn't have me anywhere near it

what do you think

pandy on crack

I mean, I'm in Rio, right?

I'm meant to be seeing Christ the Redeemer.

So, what am I doing dressed up like a clown taking part in a carnival?

I mean, what am I meant to get out of this?

Look at this.

It's not a good sign, is it?

I've got shit on it, and the thing's coming off.

I'm sure one day I'll look back at this and go, wasn't the carnival.

But it's just not happening now.

I'm sort of thinking, I'm in the carnival now.

Like, what am I doing here?

I mean, when a hickey said, you know, we were going to a sambadrome, I pictured something...

Just something better than this, really.

I mean, what is this?

We're in the middle of nowhere.

Just like a trading estate, isn't it?

With a bit of kitchen liner on the road road for people to dance down, people sat either side on the chairs.

I mean,

it's nothing special, is it?

Our float starts, I think, three or four floats that way.

So, really, I couldn't be any further back.

I mean, it's almost like being at the back of the London Marathon.

By the time I go over the end line, people are at home in bed.

I might as well just be dressed up as a rhino in a fun room.

I feel like that.

I mean, I'm next to like a couple of old women now, you know.

I can't ask for more, really.

I'm right at the back, and with some 70-year-olds,

if I can't look good in this, I shouldn't be here.

Oh, I'm knackered, man.

I'm knackered.

Oh, I've got a blister.

Bloody hell.

I don't know if she's using the carnival or just earning a few quid at this this time of night, I've no idea.

I mean if I've got blisters on my feet, I dread to think what an arse is like.

Oh, fucking hell.

Are you gonna go for a wash?

Forget it.

Not worth it, is it?

You've seen the mattress.

Not worth it.

You've seen the toilets.

It's the equivalent of having one of those sort of Romanians up traffic lights clean your windscreen.

They don't do a good job because they can't.

They've got some dirty water and a dirty sponge.

Same as in there.

But

like I say, I can't sleep anywhere tonight.

Don't you want to go down and have a drink and have a party?

No, it's embarrassing, isn't it?

I'm like, I could be some of their dads.

It could be like your dad going to a party that you're having and stuff.

I mean I'm hoping that they kind of think I am old and at least when they come back up here later they might be quiet and wake him up, he's old.

I'd be happier in an old people's home.

Seriously,

they'd all be in bed now.

Could you sleep?

They're the bolts.

Can you sleep in this?

I can't do this.

Seriously, I can't do it.

I'm not letting Ricky and Steve sort of do this

because that isn't what it's about.

But I'll tell you what, they wouldn't do it.

Rickin' Steve wouldn't be doing it.

You know what I mean?

There's no way Steve could hack it here.

He goes on to his mum and dad's when he's got a cold.

You know that.

Right, Mahdar.

Sort of the first time I've seen that since I've uh since I've been here.

I don't even get the impression they're that religious here, to be honest.

I suppose with a lot of religious people, it's

about covering up, innit?

And being quite, you know, not being sexy.

Whereas here, you know, you feel like you've been out with some of the women, you've seen that much of them.

You know, everything's on show, innit?

There's nothing left to the imagination here.

I mean, look at him.

No shame, just nipping out for a loaf.

When I go to bed, normally wearing more than that, just in case something happens in the night, a fire alarm goes off or something, you've got to leave the house.

It's mad though, innit?

Because I'm here in Brazil, you know, to see Christ the Redeemer, right?

The wonder of the world, the reason why I'm meant to be here.

And yet, Ricky and Steve are saying, oh, don't be worrying about that yet.

We've got some other plans for you.

You know, get down to the beach and meet this local fella.

His name's Celso, you know, he's going to show you around the place.

It's you?

Here's me, yeah.

How are you?

So, Cel.

I'm Celso.

How are you?

Celso.

Nice to meeting you.

How are you doing?

I'm very well, thanks.

No, I don't want to sit down.

I just want to give you something that the first contact we always have to wear it.

Calm down.

I've never had that as a gift.

On a first meeting before.

Sure.

A little bit forward.

Yeah.

Sit down.

Tell me what's going on.

You will see in a minute.

Why is there no other men in here?

Why is there no other men?

There's a woman over there looking at me in a funny way.

Yeah, they have a woman here, but they have a lot of men that come here too.

You've known me now for a bit.

Will I be happy with this?

Wait.

Well, you know those guys that do surf, they wax here.

Would you like to try?

Not really.

Do I seem like the sort of bloke who has a wax?

I'm like an ape.

Well, you look nice to have a wax.

It's gonna work.

Yeah, but my girlfriend likes it.

She likes it.

Yeah, she loves it.

She loves the air a bit.

I can get out whilst you get on dressed if you want.

No, no.

Why don't you try even on your arms a little bit?

I feel much better without a here.

Yeah.

Well that bit you're having done there, I wouldn't mind getting that done because sometimes I have to tuck it in my pants.

That's a sign it's a bit too long innit?

When you have to start tucking it in.

Oh Jesus, it's hot.

You have to relax.

If you don't relax you won't enjoy it.

Oh Jesus, that's bad, that

is bad.

She did.

She took a bit then.

Now just a little bit just to see if it's ready.

She's...

Ah Jesus!

Is it bleeding?

There is two other parts.

If I left it would it look stupid?

No it's not good.

It seems that you have something here.

She shouldn't be laughing you to be honest.

Oh gee, laughs.

Oh you look so clean.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You look nice.

Really nice.

I suppose it's good for me to meet different kinds of people innit?

You know, there's no point having mates who are all the same.

Let's see some boom boom.

Something for the beach.

What do you think?

I don't think this is necessary.

I mean, Celso is different to me, other mates.

He'd be like, you know, a new addition.

Would you like to see some of these over there in front?

To see each one fits on you?

No, honestly.

I don't want a pair.

See, there's nothing wrong with these.

Do you know what I mean?

That's all you need.

Alright, honey.

How are we going?

I don't know if I'm seeing the real Brazil, to be honest.

I mean,

no, I just mean in terms of like, you know, what I've been up to.

When he passes, each one he passes, goes, oh.

Here I am.

How do I look?

Have you got a little thumb on?

No, well he he he bought me some.

Yeah that's not

smackless.

Just try it, just add that just a little silk pouch or something, a little red stacking pouch.

I don't I don't understand why you need that much of a tam.

When I get home, I won't be saying, look at the colour of me, whipping my ass out.

Just the face

You're feeling hot aren't you?

I'm used to this anyway my feet are killing me How about the the thing that I bought you yesterday?

Don't you feel comfortable now that it's so hot to wear it?

Because I'm gonna wear mine.

I'm already wearing it

well they'd see me ask and they'd be looking at it and going oh look at the state of it

nobody's gonna look at you

I have to tell you a story about this part of the beach on the 70s all the artists used to come here to smoke marijuana and do this kind of stuff and then since then this part of the beach become a very famous and a gay beach too.

And I would like to sit down because I'm tired.

We've been walking miles.

Just keep going for another couple of minutes.

Oh, I'm so tired.

Come on.

I would like to sit down.

I mean, it's good seeing this, but let's keep walking.

Bloody hell, in only another two minutes, we'll be out of it.

Come on.

We can, but I would like to sit down.

Don't worry about it.

It's a beach like any other beach.

Yeah, but it's.

I honestly, do you know what I'm saying about being closed in?

I love this

weather.

Yeah, I'm not enjoying it.

This wind.

So delicious.

No, there is a chair for us.

I need a chair.

Brigada de sing.

Delicious.

Massive beach.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I have to take my take.

My sherboff because it's too cold.

What do you think?

It's hard to tell.

It's hard to tell.

I guess there's a friend of mine.

Not that much to see you again.

How are you doing?

Yeah, Marcelo.

Marcelo.

Good to meet you.

Hi, Carl.

How are you doing?

Welcome to Rio.

You're happy.

But look, you're flying over there.

No, I'm fine.

Because I've got a few

of you.

I've got company.

Honestly.

Close to you to Janeiro.

It's like, please your ego.

You have novelty value.

You're all so whitey and you get pinky.

It's a lovely coddler.

Like really, really lovely.

Different from everyone else.

People like the difference.

So why do you have to hide your beauty?

I keep it for my girlfriend.

A girlfriend?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you mean the others?

What others?

What do you mean the rest of humanity?

You just need to be looked at.

This is what the beach is all about.

It's not, that's why I don't come here that much.

I don't like being looked at.

I just thought a quiet bit.

Let's go for a quiet walk.

I see.

Let's love a quiet walk.

Really?

Look at this.

I'm going to have some math edge and I would like you guys to join me.

No, I'll watch.

I don't need one.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Thank you.

Seeing people at the back room.

Fucking up.

I tell you what, he should have had his arse done yesterday, shouldn't he?

He had his back in his front one, look at that there.

You know, and to think that earlier on, you know, I was asking whether he's gay or not.

I feel a bit daft now.

I mean, I don't want to moan, do you know what I mean?

I know I'm quite lucky to do what I'm doing, but I thought the idea was that Ricky and Steve wanted me to broaden me mind, that's what this is all about.

But being in that carnival yesterday, that didn't broaden me mind, did it?

That just knocking me legs up.

You know, me to see Christ the Redeemer, the wonder of the world, why can't I just see that and go home?

But now they're calling up, saying, Oh, why don't you go and see a block party?

You seem to have a party for any occasion, really.

It doesn't have to be your birthday, it's just it's a Wednesday, let's have a get together.

So, uh,

yeah, that's what a block party is.

Just going along, hundreds of people, you know, I don't like being in crowds, but apparently you get quite busy.

Closest thing I've probably done to this block party is when I was a kid and it was a Queen's Jubilee.

And, like, you know, people turned up on a street, you brought your own food, everyone had a good time and went home.

I didn't enjoy that.

I remember sort of my man being annoyed that scruffy Sandra turned up and at a load of trifles, you didn't bring anything.

It's basically a big queue with someone playing some music.

Episodes I don't know what I'm queuing for.

And I hate the sort of silly weeks and stuff.

I mean maybe I'm miserable, maybe I'm the only one here who isn't enjoying it, but if I'm not enjoying it, I shouldn't be here.

I know this isn't for me.

My ears just haven't stopped since they've been here.

I get off the plane, they were sweating.

I've never had sweaty ears.

And since then, they've been overworked with constant, you know, drums,

singing,

whistles,

chanting,

dogs,

helicopters, just gaze.

One massage for your ego.

Gaze wouldn't normally be on that list, but the one I met here just wouldn't shut up.

Great place to live if you're deaf.

That's what I'd say about Rhea.

Lovely and relaxing if you're deaf.

I I left that in the end.

Did my heading.

You left it?

Yeah, I cut it.

It was ridiculous.

I mean, I'm not that fussy in that, but it was minging.

There were underpants hanging on the end of my bed and they weren't even mine.

Well, I've got a bit of good news for you.

You've already met Selso.

He has personally invited you to stay with him in his place.

Hop round there.

Spend the night with him, have a great time.

But

what's the point of this, seriously?

But you already got hold of it.

We've already a meat.

You don't treat our own hospitality like that.

I wonder in another country.

I won't go on.

Can't treat you like a BD.

You know, you don't have to defend the person who wants to be a bad person.

Isn't that a gay term, that?

I've heard that's a gay term, BB, for bum and bollocks.

I mean, I'll do it.

I'm not that bothered.

I mean, I know his house is going to be nicer than where I am now.

But what am I doing with him?

Is it a night in?

Can we just have a game of cards or...

Have a game of cards.

Go in there.

I'm in the bed for the night.

I'm so glad you decided to stay.

Where are you?

Come in.

Here in Brazil, we have a tradition.

When a friend or someone comes to your place, this person have to sleep on your bed.

Because this tradition, when you receive a phone.

I've never heard of this tradition.

Yeah, but this is Brazil.

This isn't here in Brazil.

Sleeping your bed.

Yeah.

I don't want to do that.

But that's the tradition.

I don't know about the traditions.

Okay.

That's what I'm telling you.

That's the way to say that you're welcome to my place.

This is a lot of kit you're keeping.

Yeah.

And that's where I sleep.

So, where are you?

Where are you going to go?

I have to work.

I'll be back late tonight.

When Steve said go and stay, I did expect something different.

I thought it'd be a bigger place.

I mean, I ate anything that's overcrowded.

I can't even think straight.

I mean, for me, popping that up there, pop it in the bin.

It's just like, look, there's a hole there.

Shove it in.

That seems to be his thing in life.

If there's a hole, pop something in it.

And it's nothing to do with anything, but this is mental.

I think it's a tradition that you should do if you've got the room for it.

I don't even like this.

I'm just having it because again, I feel guilty.

I'm just doing all stuff to please the fellow who I don't even know.

He doesn't even tell me what he does and stuff.

Oh, Jesus, what was that?

Here I am.

How are you?

May I sit down?

Sit down, yeah.

I'm ready to go to job.

This is the last thing you should know about me.

I'm a female impersonator.

Close your mouth.

This is my name.

As a female impersonator, my name is Lorna Washington.

Why so surprised?

It's just weird.

It's weird.

The way I behave, you know.

I don't know.

I don't.

No, just sort of looking at you, hearing the voice coming out that I know.

Oh, yeah.

But it's like you've had

Wizzle Gummage sort of change the head.

Change the heads.

It's a little bit freaky.

Okay.

Be yourself comfortable.

Be at home.

You're home.

I'm leaving.

All right.

Have a nice night.

I'll see you when you get back.

Is it normal?

This Brazilian tradition of making everyone feel welcome.

Does that still count when you say, I want you to stay, but I'm going out?

I don't see how that counts.

I don't know what's going on out there.

Things like that freak me out.

I'd wake up in the night with that laughing at me or something, like a Chucky.

I've been in the toilet, and there's a couple of cockroaches.

I know we're in Brazil, they're everywhere, but I don't like them.

I can't see him now.

Don't worry about it.

So he's got two fridges to put place in.

I'm cooking, I'm cooking.

I need a garlic.

Where's the garlic?

Is it in that one, that one?

No, it's not, it's down here in the corner with a cockroach next to it.

Look at that down there.

I've heard heard that cockroaches are like the toughest thing that's on the planet.

They say, like, if there's a nuclear bomb,

they'll carry on living.

Yet, in Celso's kitchen, dead.

I mean, it's a bit rude, isn't it?

Sort of looking at his house whilst he's out.

But then again, he shouldn't be out, should he?

It's his house.

I said it all there.

It's his house, and he's not here.

I don't think we should stay.

Please leave your message and we will return your phone.

Hi SLSO, it's Carl.

We haven't got your mobile phone number, so we've had to call your home number.

Even though we're still sat here, but we're about to leave because it's it's too noisy.

Hope your Friday night was good.

Thanks for having us around.

Honestly, I don't know why he invited me round.

'Cause it's a bit weird, isn't it, that he gets me round and then he goes out.

The only thing I can think of is you know, he lives in quite a rough neighborhood and he's thinking, Oh, I'll get Carl round, you know, he can be a bit of security.

That's all I can think of.

I just want to go to a

quiet beach, really,

get away from it all

because it's

wearing me out.

It's just been a full on week, hasn't it?

You know, what with the carnival and then the block party and that late night out celsos and stuff.

Do you know what I mean?

There's been nothing relaxing about it, has there?

It's not holiday.

I thought it was, that's why I took the job on, to be honest.

But uh,

it's a good beach.

Sea's a bit active, so I wouldn't get in that.

But yeah, other than that, it's nice enough.

I worry that, you know, if there's more people turning up, it's not that big.

What'll be here if it's crowded?

Ah, for fuck's sake.

You know,

I can never enjoy anything, can I?

Is that the plan to never let me just have a normal, nice day?

You've always got a.

What do you mean?

Well, it's it's obviously some nudish beach, innit.

I'm not d

you know, I didn't put trunks on, did I?

I'm not gonna walk around with my cock and bollocks out.

It's not even that hot yet.

He's kept his t-shirt on, but his pants, a little bit hot down there, gotta whip them off.

Not bending over now for a

I've never seen anyone bend over so much as him.

Bloody yell.

How you doing?

I'm alright, yeah.

Not bad.

Okay, but here in this beach you have to remove your clothes.

It's an atrium beach.

What, if I want to stay here I have to take them off?

Yeah.

These are the rules.

Yeah, it's the rules of this beach.

The one that's quite interesting is if

a male beach goer gets a bit sort of excited,

go into the sea, it says, until it calms down.

But that's embarrassing because that means everyone knows what's happening.

If you suddenly just suddenly run into the sea and stand there looking round, I wonder if these two women here is their job to be on here so it doesn't happen as much.

It's like a little, you know,

a safety thing to stop it happening.

I haven't seen one fella run in there and look worried.

How are we doing?

It's been going down the beach.

We can't be moaning about that then.

Well, I haven't finished.

It was a nudist beach.

That's good, isn't it?

You know,

I didn't like it.

I just felt a bit uncomfortable there.

And old people's stuff is because they're doing that all the time, it was all like leather.

It's not about being nude and being free and that.

They just don't like wearing pants.

That's the end of it.

The pant haters.

I just think they load their knob out, don't they?

I don't know why they don't just cut a little um hole in a pair of trousers.

Well, oh they do, don't they?

A lot of them cut the art out, don't they?

I think that.

Yeah, I saw that at the uh at the carnival, he was an arse on show.

I don't know who who was gonna watch this.

What's the radius gonna say?

And now on a sky one, Carl Filkington, an idiot who doesn't know anything, walking around looking at old men's knobs.

I mean

I don't know, it's not going to be a great write-up, is it?

Well,

it's not, I mean, Sky won't normally put that sort of shite out.

I don't think it's uh,

but

yeah, okay.

So, yeah,

we've uh we've got the trailer sorted.

Well, I'm going up the mountain today, aren't I?

To see the Christ Redeemer, which is a little bit weird that they've stuck it so high up on a mountain out of the way.

It's almost like the locals don't want people to see it.

I mean, on a cloudy day, you can't.

It's weird.

So, anyway, yeah, I'm just going to go up and have a look.

Steve sorted out a woman to give me a lift.

So, yeah, I'm going to go and have a look at it, see if it's any good.

You know, I'm here to broaden the mind, I'll give it a go.

I'm not saying it's going to be rubbish before I've seen it.

I sort of think from a distance,

Jesus, top of a hill, looking like he's about to bungee jump.

You pass it, you go, there he is.

Great.

What else are we doing?

That's enough, really, for me.

Nice to see you, yeah.

Nice to see you too.

And the Lores House.

Dolores.

Yes.

Let's go.

Yeah, let's go.

That's in this town.

The foundation of our city.

I am the driver.

Yeah, you keep looking.

You look alive.

Oops.

Oops.

I've just seen the back of Jesus' neck.

Look, look what a beautiful, my beautiful man.

The big fellow.

How many steps?

Beautiful.

220.

220 steps.

Yeah.

There he is.

There he is.

Come here, you're gonna see it very well.

I will explain you very good.

You are in the top of the world, man.

Come, come, come, because this is the view, you know.

Look, what a beautiful.

That's an inabloor.

Look here, look from here with this light behind.

It seems like magic.

Look at the face, which is so delicate, so clean.

The weight of the statue is 1,145 tons.

And there's nothing there to punish anybody to say, no, it's open arms, blessing the city.

Nice woman and everything.

But it's that thing, innit?

that she loves it so much

that

I'm not going to change your mind, am I?

I'm not going to come here and say, you know, it's all right, but it's not that amazing, is it?

It's like telling someone that the kid's ugly.

It doesn't matter how ugly that kid is.

The mum and dad love it to bits.

And I didn't want to say, but when I was looking up, I thought the chin looks

a bit big.

It's like that.

All the rest of it is brilliant, the proportions, his arms and that, his body, but they just need to to chip away a bit more, I reckon, at the chin.

It's a bit sort of Jimmy Illish.

Say if I get back home and someone says, You've seen Christ Redeemer?

I go, yeah.

And they go, what's it like?

I'd probably just say, it's like a big ornament.

Do you know what I mean?

It's like something my auntie Nora would have, sort of next to the telly.

But I'd say, if you're going to come up here, it's not about that, it's about that lot.

It's about coming up here and seeing all the view there.

Knock that down.

You still get a crowd coming up here.

You could stick anything there.

Stick a cafe there.

And people would come up here.

You can charge as much as you like because you've got nowhere else to go.

You're trapped.

You're dying of thirst.

Charge about four quid for a can of Coke.

The only mistake I made is I said, like, he had a chin like Jimmy Hill.

And after that, people told me it's not his chin, it's his beard.

But he doesn't look like a beard.

So they could have just done with chipping a bit more out, make it look a bit more airy.

I was was saying that there's so many sort of flying ants around there.

I imagine the workers going, I've had enough of this.

Does that look like a bird?

Yeah, it does, Bob.

Let's go.

Not hanging around here.

That ruined it a bit.

I don't know why there's so many flying ants up there.

Ants shouldn't have wings.

I mean, when you see them walking, they're all over the place.

They sort of go forwards and then come back exactly the same path and shoot off over there and come back again.

If they're not good at walking, they're going to be useless with wings.

I mean, if I don't like it, there's no point in me saying, oh, it's magnificent now.

Do you know what I mean?

It's just, that's false, isn't it?

And that's what I told Steve.

And he was going, oh, Carl, you're an idiot.

How can you not be blown away by, you know, the wonder of the world?

And I said, oh, I think it was the crowd that did me heading.

You know, I didn't enjoy it because of all the people up there.

So he sorted me out a helicopter ride to see it from above.

He said, that will blow me away.

So have you been in a helicopter?

Nah, no, I've never done it before.

So it's just...

A little bit, you know,

nervous about it.

It's just you've got no chance, have you?

If it goes wrong, it's not like a plane that glides, it just drops.

It's almost, it shouldn't be in the air, really.

Should have left a message for Suzanne, really, but.

Do you want to say a quick move?

No, I'll leave it.

She gets a load of money anyway, doesn't she, if it all goes wrong?

Oh, God.

There it is,

it's the big Jesus

sneaking round the back of him

brilliant,

love Love that.

I've always kind of thought people with money who buy one.

You sort of go, absolute knobbed.

What do you need one of them for?

Which definitely the best way to get about that.

I mean, the landing's a little bit like, oh god.

And I wasn't really enjoying seeing the wonder at the time because I'm like thinking, am I going to land and all that?

But it's brilliant.

Best thing, I reckon I can go home now.

What you're telling me is that you went up in a helicopter and you really liked being in a helicopter.

Yeah, but that's what that's it.

Is it that's the that's the big finale of the programme, is it?

I just thought you meant when you said not the helicopter, that's I just said I enjoyed it, that's all.

Yeah, and the Jesus thing's alright as well.

You enjoyed the helicopter and the Jesus thing was alright as well.

Next time on an idiot abroad,

Matt should pitch you.

Get out of the way.

It's accessible by an 11-hour trek trek through the mountains.

Well, that's not accessible, is it?

That's true.

I'm not getting on this.

Why is it landing on water?

There's enough land here.

Chop some of the trees down.

Oh, fucking hell.

It's getting to the end of the day.

I've got to try and sleep in the jungle.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

You're not meant to laugh, you're meant to go, ooh.

There's no way anyone will be watching this going that looks pleasant

Elsie

wants to go in there

definitely not