437 - Leaked Group Chats & Door Dash Debt

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Speaker 27 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.

Speaker 27 Great to be back with you here.

Speaker 27 Lots of fun being had by all.

Speaker 27 Great episode with Andrew Schultz out. If you haven't seen that yet, you should check that out.

Speaker 27 A lot of people enjoyed it. Thank you for the kind words.
What is going on with

Speaker 27 these group texts? I'm telling you, I'm telling you, and I've I've told you before, I'll tell you again,

Speaker 27 get out of these group texts. They are fucking you up.

Speaker 27 They're fun when you're 23.

Speaker 27 As you get older, you have to extricate yourself from the group text, by the way.

Speaker 27 You have to severely limit.

Speaker 27 your

Speaker 27 or rather people's access to you as you get older. It's not a free-for-all anymore.
It can't be for your own sake,

Speaker 27 for your own safety, for the sake of your own mental health. You cannot just have unlimited access to you.
You have to, it can't be, your phone cannot be going off every minute of every second.

Speaker 27 It will not work. You must

Speaker 27 limit the exposure. There's always someone in a a group text who's way too into it.
There's always someone in it who's not into it at all.

Speaker 27 There's always someone side texting you. There's always someone weirdly offended in a group text about something.

Speaker 27 And you're like, no, the whole point of a group text is to talk all kinds of shit that would get us thrown in jail if it were to ever leak. That's the point of a group text, but it's not fun.

Speaker 27 It's evidence. It's mountains and mountains of evidence on somebody's phone.

Speaker 27 Someone's always showing the group text

Speaker 27 to other

Speaker 27 people that are not in the text.

Speaker 27 I mean, there's legendary group texts. I've been a part of some of them, but at the end of the day, you got to get yourself out of them.
You have to get yourself out

Speaker 27 before something like this happens. It's bound to happen.
Now, I don't even know what this was. I don't even know if I believe what this is.

Speaker 27 That the national security advisor, this guy, Mike Waltz, added Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic Atlantic to a group text where Vance, Gabbard, Hegseff,

Speaker 27 and others on Signal were talking about military plans. Number one, why am I not in it? Why am I not in it? I'm friends with two out of those people.

Speaker 27 I'm friends with Vance and Gabbard. Why am I not in the text? I could be hilarious in it.
All the time, I'd be funny. And I wouldn't add anyone into it.

Speaker 27 Apparently, this journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg at the Atlantic, who's a massive

Speaker 27 critic of the administration, is in this group text

Speaker 27 on signal and they're all texting

Speaker 27 the plans for the, we're, we're, who, what are we even? The Houthis.

Speaker 27 We're bombing the Houthis, and I'm bullish on that. I like that because the thing about the Houthis is no one really cares.

Speaker 27 We're not committed. We're not, we're not going to be.

Speaker 27 The thing about we need to bomb someone. We need it.
We need it now.

Speaker 27 We've needed it. We need it.
We'll need it in the future. Always and forever.
We need to be bombing someone. We just need to.
There's nothing to do if we're not. There's nothing to do if we're not.

Speaker 27 The Pentagon's got a budget of like a quadrillion, quadrillion dollars. What do you do?

Speaker 27 When you sit down to work on Monday morning, if you are not launching an attack at someone, there's genuinely nothing to do. There's nothing to do if you're not at war with someone somewhere.

Speaker 27 You got to be. And the Houthis are a decent target because they move around a lot.

Speaker 29 They're on the sea.

Speaker 27 They're disrupting trade. They're doing things.
They're like lovable little scamps. I mean, they're not lovable per se, but one of them, that hot one was.
Remember that hot one?

Speaker 27 They compared to Chalamet, that guy. And they're doing a lot of stuff on social media, the Houthis.
I think that's what they're mostly doing. I think they're just posting, really.

Speaker 27 I think they're more social media stuff than anything else. That's what they're really doing.
They're out there like tagging shit.

Speaker 27 It's like old school, graffiti, fuck you, down with Israel, stuff like that. I don't know what they're actually doing.
Yeah, there's a hot one. There's a Chalamet one, you know.
But

Speaker 27 that's where we're.

Speaker 27 We're focusing our attention is like blowing the shit out of them because they are fucking some stuff up on the sea for like the Chinese and for us

Speaker 27 and they're backed they're backed by Lebanon I think

Speaker 27 they're a militia but not officially Hezbollah is the real Lebanese militia and the Houthis are oh they're backed by Iran

Speaker 27 and they're part of the axis of resistance good God is great death to God is the greatest death to america death to israel curse be upon the Jews.

Speaker 27 Victory to Islam is the main political slogan of the Houthi movement. So they're out there and

Speaker 27 they're, you know, some would say that's extreme. Some would say that view is extreme.

Speaker 27 And we're bombing them because they got to get bombed. You can't pop shit like that and not get bombed.
You have to get bombed. That's our job.

Speaker 27 As much of a pass, I don't want to be in a war, but I want people to get bombed. That's the fact.

Speaker 27 And if you don't like it, then fuck you. I want people to get bombed

Speaker 27 because without that,

Speaker 27 they will piss in our face.

Speaker 27 We have not made a good movie in fucking forever. We have nothing going on.
We have to bomb people to just get attention now. There's nothing left.
There's nothing left here in this country.

Speaker 27 So that's it. And if people pop shit, they have to get bombed.
But we shouldn't commit troops. We shouldn't,

Speaker 27 no regime change.

Speaker 27 Stop building malls there. None of that works.
Just bomb them from the skies.

Speaker 27 Rain hell on them. Whatever.
It's fine.

Speaker 27 They want it.

Speaker 27 They want it. That's the whole point of it all.

Speaker 27 They do that. We do that.
It's a whole thing.

Speaker 27 It needs to happen.

Speaker 27 No one's suggesting that it's not happen. Everyone in this government's doing it.
We'll do it. Bernie, AOC,

Speaker 27 you, you listening. If you were in it, everyone would do it.
There's nothing else to do. There's not, what would you do? You'd get into the government.
You'd go.

Speaker 27 You go to the government, you order lunch. They go, all right, that'll be here in about 45.
You go, cool. You wash your hands a few times.
Then you're going to start drone striking people.

Speaker 27 There's nothing else to do. There is not one other thing to do at all, except steal a little money from old people.

Speaker 27 And that's, they're running out of that.

Speaker 27 So you have to bomb people. And you got to talk about it with the other people in the government.

Speaker 27 Because that's literally your job. There's nothing else to do.
Where's Frank? I don't know. We're bombing the at noon.

Speaker 27 And you go into the text and you go,

Speaker 27 we're going, we're triangulating on their position. We're going to bomb them.

Speaker 27 And then you eat a salad. You're eating a salad while you're doing this.

Speaker 27 You're texting the group chat about the bombings.

Speaker 27 Because there's no other way.

Speaker 27 Don't even imagine. Don't even entertain there being another way.
There's no other way.

Speaker 27 So you're you're bombing them and it's, you're sitting at your desk and you're just ordered, and literally you can look at your secretary, you go, what,

Speaker 27 what is that salad I like?

Speaker 27 It's Mediterranean. It's from a Mediterranean, it's Mediterranean.

Speaker 27 That salad I like, but I don't want, they put too much onion.

Speaker 27 I don't want that. And then she orders it for you.
And then in the group text,

Speaker 27 you say, we're going to bomb them at 2 a.m. our time.

Speaker 27 And,

Speaker 27 you know, so here's what it says, right? This is what the text says.

Speaker 27 VP, building collapse, had multiple positive ID. Pete, Corrilla, the IC, amazing job.
JD Vance goes, what? I feel like he doesn't know what's going on. Michael Waltz, typing too fast.

Speaker 27 The first target, their top missile guy. We had positive ID of him walking into his girlfriend's building and now it's collapsed.
JD Vance, excellent. CIA director, a good start.

Speaker 27 Some other guy, Michael Waltz, fist, flag, fire. Good job, Pete and your team.
Michael Waltz, the team in MAL did a great job as well. SM, great work, all.
Powerful start. Pete Hegseth might be drunk.

Speaker 27 CENTCOM was, is on point. Great job, all.
More strikes ongoing for hours tonight. We'll provide full initial report tomorrow.
But on time, on target, and good readout so far.

Speaker 27 Susie Wils, Trump's chief of staff. Kudos to all, most particularly those in theater and CENTCOM.
Really great. God bless.

Speaker 27 Steve Witcoff, that real estate developer who's trying to organize a Middle East peace deal.

Speaker 27 Prayer Hands, Muscle, Two Flags.

Speaker 27 TG, great work and effects. It's a group chat.
It's all it is. It's just people at work.
It's their job. That's all it is here.

Speaker 27 It's not,

Speaker 27 I'm telling you, the problem with everything now is that people are convinced. that everything is really interesting and it has layers of meaning and everything.
And I'm a conspiracy guy.

Speaker 27 And I've even,

Speaker 27 I don't even think it's that interesting anymore.

Speaker 27 I think there's things that are interesting, like there's evil people doing horrible things, largely for money and control and power and to satisfy their Machiavellian urges and sexual desires and whatever.

Speaker 27 But this is just a group chat of people at work. And this is what the American government does, which is just bomb people constantly all day, every day.

Speaker 27 And what are you, what are we not going to bomb them?

Speaker 27 They're fucking with us. They're doing shit.
So we're going to bomb them. Trump's right about that.
Trump knows. Throw the bombs

Speaker 27 because

Speaker 27 otherwise no one's doing anything.

Speaker 27 There's nothing to do. There's the government is not even real unless we're bombing some.
It's not even a real thing. Like, yes, do I agree with all the Elon firings?

Speaker 27 No, I think some of them are sloppy. But here's the reality.
A lot of it's just not even real. Like these people don't job jobs and they don't even exist.

Speaker 27 They're not even real and they're being paid for by tax dollars to create these things that aren't real, that don't exist.

Speaker 27 So in order for our government to exist, we have to start bombing people. And then people are going to talk about it.

Speaker 27 It's just like if you worked, you know, if you worked at Chipotle, Chipotle, Chipotle,

Speaker 27 is it the LE at the end? Because some people pronounce it the other way.

Speaker 27 I don't, I agree. It's Chipotle.

Speaker 27 You're texting about, you know, oh, fucking, you know, that she's a cunt, that dirty bitch.

Speaker 27 She people are going to get sick when she touches their food and stuff because that's that business.

Speaker 27 They hire some skank who's touching the food, and you and your friends are in a group text talking about what a dirty hoe she is that she's touching the rice.

Speaker 27 That's this. That's all.
That's what this is. There isn't more to this.

Speaker 27 And then people are going to like, oh, well, people could have found out. Well, so what? So what?

Speaker 27 Would anyone be shocked if they found out that we were bombing people?

Speaker 27 I don't understand.

Speaker 27 I mean, yeah, I guess it's bad because then the people, we're going to bomb them.

Speaker 27 And you're saying, oh, yeah, but our enemies could have found this out and tipped them off that they were getting bombed. Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 27 So we bomb them again. We would just bomb them again.

Speaker 27 This should be public.

Speaker 27 This should not even be in a text. That group text should just be on Fox News

Speaker 27 as the one that goes, you know, that whatever it is on the bottom of the channel, it should just be that.

Speaker 27 Strike drones on target.

Speaker 27 Can you imagine all the boomers going nuts, getting excited, just sitting in their living rooms, eating lemon cake that their daughter brought them from Starbucks, and they're just going, going, the bombs are dropping.

Speaker 27 They're dropping a bomb. That's just all people, but people just want to get involved.
People just want to be involved.

Speaker 27 I'm not outraged by this. What are we outraged about?

Speaker 27 Did everyone just realize we've dropped bombs on everyone or that people text about it? It's their fucking job. It's all it is.
There's nothing.

Speaker 27 Like imagine a job review. He goes, what are you guys doing? They go, oh, we're just, are you not, you're not bombing anyone? No, what are you doing?

Speaker 27 What are you doing?

Speaker 27 Well, we got together and reviewed the intelligence and,

Speaker 27 well, we found out that, yeah,

Speaker 27 and we were going to bomb them. Right.
That's all there is. There's nothing else to do.
That's the whole reason the government exists.

Speaker 27 That's it. It's to give people social security so I guess they don't have to eat cat food or whatever and to bomb people.

Speaker 27 I just like these Houthis. I think this is good to bomb because we can't go to war with Iran.
It's just sticky and messy.

Speaker 27 And they have allies like China and Russia, but no one cares about the Houthis. The Houthis are an expendable group of people who

Speaker 27 are just out there. And Iran doesn't really care about them.
They just go, yeah, fuck shit up.

Speaker 27 And then you'll get bombed by America. And Iran's like, they're not going to bomb us.
They bomb you.

Speaker 27 And the Houthis, this is all part of the show and part of the fun.

Speaker 27 You need groups like this, Al-Qaeda,

Speaker 27 the ISIS.

Speaker 27 You need them.

Speaker 27 You need these groups of radical psychopaths who do stuff and then we bomb them. It's the only thing

Speaker 27 truly that we really understand.

Speaker 27 Everything else is kind of this weird black box of like, what are we doing? This is cut and dry. They pop shit on social media.
They're all on social media popping shit they're talking mad

Speaker 27 and we're just bombing them what are they doing in a suz canal they're around there in a suz canal

Speaker 27 yeah because as much as we talk about it we can't go up greenland all those people are white so we're not gonna go kill a bunch of white people in green what are we gonna go into denmark and start uh

Speaker 27 throwing cogs around. It's not gonna happen.
We gotta bomb these people, the Houthis, because they're somewhere in the sea. How great is that? They're just in the sea starting shit.

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Speaker 27 Speaking of bombs, this Snow White, get this Zegler video up.

Speaker 27 These movies, you got to stop making these big budget movies, by the way. You have to stop doing it.
You have to stop with these big budget movies.

Speaker 27 The Hollywood Reporter just came out and said, Gen Z is no longer watching this type of entertainment. They're all watching social media creators, YouTube, whatever.

Speaker 27 Now, by the way, the Hollywood Reporter came out with that last week. They should have written that article in 2012, but they're behind.
That should have came out like 2014. It came out last week.

Speaker 27 They're like, do you know that Gen Z is, they don't, they don't value this stuff. They like the internet.
It's like, guys, how behind are you? But they're all invested in believing that

Speaker 27 big

Speaker 27 bloated corpse of an industry is going to continue. They're all, they have a mutual investment in it.
Part of the problem is that they come up with these movies like Snow White. They ruin the movie.

Speaker 27 And then you have this bitch. I mean, these are the, when actors and actresses talk, you realize that they're the biggest losers in the world.

Speaker 27 Now, the reason that we can tolerate that is because we don't know that.

Speaker 27 They read words written by other people and all of their appearances are carefully managed. and choreographed.

Speaker 27 But when they go off book and they start telling us who they are, we realize they suck and we hate them. And that's what's really destroying Hollywood.
Sure, there's a million reasons.

Speaker 27 But the biggest thing, these people,

Speaker 27 when

Speaker 27 just given the chance, completely

Speaker 27 fuck everything

Speaker 27 by talking.

Speaker 27 And if they would just shut their mouth, no one is asking these people to talk.

Speaker 27 No one is pleading with them for their opinions on anything. No one cares.

Speaker 27 But they feel compelled

Speaker 27 because they're watching the people on the internet talk and get a following, being authentic or being themselves or being some version of themselves or whatever. That being said,

Speaker 27 these people go, oh, I'll do that.

Speaker 27 I'll weigh in.

Speaker 27 And they make a big mess.

Speaker 27 And everybody hates it.

Speaker 27 Now let's watch Rachel

Speaker 27 Zegler here. It's just, it's cocky, it's humorless, it's everything wrong with everything.
Let's watch it.

Speaker 68 And to everyone

Speaker 68 who hates when I win, oh my god, the winged victory came to the Louvre in pieces. What? And people still line up to see her.

Speaker 27 Oh no.

Speaker 68 And I can only hope

Speaker 68 that despite my flaws

Speaker 68 and despite my cracks and my breaks, and there are many of them,

Speaker 68 that at every premiere

Speaker 68 and everything I do,

Speaker 68 people will wait in line to see.

Speaker 49 Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 27 Someone has to put her in a cage.

Speaker 27 Someone has to put her in a cage.

Speaker 27 I mean, there's no other way to say it. She should not be allowed out if she's going to behave like this while she has a movie out.

Speaker 27 You have to put these people in a cage. If you are not, if you cannot keep your mouth shut,

Speaker 27 you have to get locked in a cage until we put a lot of money into this film. We put a lot of money into this film.

Speaker 27 And if you cannot participate in the promotional rollout, we're putting you in a cage.

Speaker 27 We're locking you in a room until you learn how to be. With all my flaws, with all my flaws.
I hope at every premiere, people buy tick. They're all crazy.
They're all psychotic.

Speaker 27 It's insane. They're all little Hitlers.

Speaker 27 Despite my flaws,

Speaker 27 I hope at every premiere, it's like...

Speaker 27 I mean, just it's the,

Speaker 27 they're always acting.

Speaker 27 They're not humans. They're not people.
They, they, they, they must be put in a cage for their own good. For their own good.

Speaker 27 Here's the guy whose dad produced a movie. You really want to do this?

Speaker 27 Yeah, my dad, the producer of enormous piece of Disney IP with hundreds of millions of dollars on the line, had to leave his family to fly across the country to reprimand his 20-year-old employee for dragging her personal politics into the middle of promoting the movie, which she signed a multi-million dollar contract to get paid and due publicity for.

Speaker 27 This is called adult responsibility and accountability, and her actions clearly hurt the film's box office.

Speaker 27 Free speech does not mean you're allowed to say whatever you want in your private employment without repercussions.

Speaker 27 Tens of thousands of people worked on that film and she hijacked the conversation of her own immature desires at the risk of the cop blabbity blue.

Speaker 27 But here's the point. He's right.
Shut up

Speaker 27 in the thing.

Speaker 27 You're Snow White.

Speaker 27 You're not going to save Gaza.

Speaker 27 I'm not saying she's wrong about everything she says. I don't know what she's saying.
I don't care. But you're not going to do it.

Speaker 27 You're just Snow White and it's fake. You're actually not even her.
She doesn't exist.

Speaker 27 You don't have any powers to save these people

Speaker 27 who are hurting.

Speaker 27 And this idea that you like need to speak up, it does, it's not. You don't.
You actually don't. You can just shut the fuck up.

Speaker 27 You can keep your mouth shut immediately.

Speaker 27 That's what I would say. I would say,

Speaker 27 the movie's coming out now, and I put everyone in, I would get everyone in an office, and I would say, hi, so we spent all this movie on Snow White.

Speaker 27 We spent all this money on this movie, Snow White, and

Speaker 27 it's about to come out.

Speaker 27 And if you open your mouth

Speaker 27 at all, about Gaza,

Speaker 27 okay,

Speaker 27 or about trans suicide, I'm gonna, I'm gonna come and I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna come to your house.
I'm gonna kill you. Do you understand that? I'm gonna come to your house and I'll kill you.

Speaker 27 If you talk about trans kids hanging themselves or Gaza in the middle of the Snow White

Speaker 27 rollout, the product,

Speaker 27 here's what I want you to talk about.

Speaker 27 I love the movie. It's beautiful.
What a story. And I'm so glad we get to retell it and re-introduce it to a whole new generation of children.

Speaker 27 And then I know you're going to want to say more.

Speaker 27 I know you're going to want to say more. And you're going to go.
And speaking of children, and I'm going to go,

Speaker 27 shut up.

Speaker 27 Shut up.

Speaker 27 Speaking of children,

Speaker 27 shut up.

Speaker 47 Andrew Tate, they're saying he strangled his girlfriend at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Speaker 27 I was there that week. I heard nothing.

Speaker 27 If he sends me crypto, I'll be a character witness for him. Truly, I'll be a character witness for him.
If he sends me crypto, I will say I was there. It didn't happen.
She's a liar. I hate lying.

Speaker 27 Okay. Yeah.
One of Andrew Tate's girlfriend has accused the self-proclaimed misogynist of choking her so hard during rough sex inside the Beverly Hills Hotel that she later alerted authorities.

Speaker 27 Oh, enough.

Speaker 27 You're very lucky to get choked at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Speaker 27 You're very lucky to get choked at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I think it's a little, you know, the entitlement that people have.

Speaker 27 That ain't, that ain't a cheap room.

Speaker 27 That ain't a cheap room to get choked at in.

Speaker 27 When you were getting choked at the Beverly Hills Hotel, you were getting choked at one of the top properties

Speaker 30 on the planet.

Speaker 27 I don't know why he doesn't go to Dubai. I don't know what he's getting into here.
This is not going to be good for him. Go to Dubai.
Go to Dubai. Choke in Dubai.

Speaker 27 I don't understand.

Speaker 27 I don't understand why you wouldn't just go choke people in Dubai.

Speaker 32 Oh, my God.

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Speaker 27 Tufts University graduate student grabbed off the street by federal immigration officers.

Speaker 27 This is part of this new push to

Speaker 27 like disappear these people that were participating in these campus protests. Let's take a look at this.
I'm not for this. I also am not for, I wasn't,

Speaker 27 let's go, let's, no one asked, no, I didn't vote on letting any of these people into the country. No one did, by the way.
But I'm certainly not for removing people that have a differing opinion.

Speaker 27 That is free speech. I don't think that's the right way to go.
Do I think it's a problem that we have a lot of foreign students in America and we don't care about the American ones? Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 27 I do. But let's watch this

Speaker 27 disappearance.

Speaker 27 I'm gonna go Spijano.

Speaker 27 I'm the food Spijana.

Speaker 27 Okay, it's fine. I'm gonna take you.

Speaker 27 Okay.

Speaker 27 Is this being done for for America or for Israel? I mean, this is a fair question. Is the United States government now just taking edicts and orders from Israel?

Speaker 27 I think it's a fair question to ask. Does anyone feel safer with this woman off the streets?

Speaker 27 Is this the American government's,

Speaker 27 is this what people voted for when they elected

Speaker 27 Trump is to have a country taking orders from Israel? I don't think so. And now, again, I'm not, I'm sure me and this woman would disagree on lots of things.

Speaker 27 And I, and I, and I'm very,

Speaker 27 very much a proponent of strict, tight immigration controls. But she's a legal U.S.
resident. She participated in pro-Palestinian protests as a legal U.S.
resident.

Speaker 27 Her arrest follows the White House's crackdown on what is classified as anti-Semitism on U.S.

Speaker 60 campuses.

Speaker 27 What is this?

Speaker 27 And does anyone feel uncomfortable with this?

Speaker 27 Does anyone feel weird that anti-Semitism can now get you deported if you are a legal U.S. citizen?

Speaker 27 Is that odd?

Speaker 27 What other isms are coming? I just don't, I don't understand this.

Speaker 27 I think people that commit crimes,

Speaker 27 it's a different story,

Speaker 27 but to speak out against

Speaker 27 an ally of America should not be grounds for

Speaker 27 someone to be deported. And we look right now like we are doing this at the behest of Miriam Adelson and the big billionaire donors

Speaker 27 that have been very good to both parties in America. I couldn't think of anything that would feed Jewish conspiracy theories more than this, by the way.
I could not think of it.

Speaker 27 If you wanted wanted Jewish conspiracy theories to kind of, I don't know, slow down,

Speaker 27 I don't know if this

Speaker 27 was helping.

Speaker 27 I don't know. If you think Israel has too much influence in our country, is this helping

Speaker 27 correct that belief?

Speaker 27 Asking.

Speaker 27 Just throwing it out there. Would this be the way

Speaker 27 if people say to you, hey, Israel runs America

Speaker 27 through donors, and you say that's silly and absurd and ridiculous?

Speaker 27 Does this

Speaker 27 happening

Speaker 27 make

Speaker 27 people

Speaker 27 more or less

Speaker 27 do they dig their heels into that belief? More or less.

Speaker 27 That's, by the way, remember when for like four years you could say anything about white people

Speaker 27 anything kill them

Speaker 27 How about we genocide the whites fuck white men? They should die. Let's deny them health care, but there was a few campus protests for like a month and now

Speaker 27 They're like deporting

Speaker 27 students

Speaker 27 There was but there was like years and years of shitting on whitey

Speaker 27 and then no one really cared No one's getting deported.

Speaker 27 What about the people that said negative things about, I don't know, other countries?

Speaker 27 I mean,

Speaker 27 will you get deported if you criticize, if you're racist against Filipinos?

Speaker 27 Because I have been. And it's only because my godson, they told me he was Chinese because he was so little I couldn't tell.
And I said, I will pay for his school. And then now he's Filipino.

Speaker 27 But I didn't know that at the time, and I would not have gotten involved.

Speaker 27 No shade, I just want high-end, Chinese-Japanese. That's it.

Speaker 27 Now,

Speaker 27 I don't live in fear of being deported because I've said

Speaker 27 things about Filipinos, and I don't think I've even said anything terrible.

Speaker 27 But

Speaker 27 does it seem odd to anyone

Speaker 27 that people are being

Speaker 27 put in detention for being anti-Semitic?

Speaker 27 Is that is that good?

Speaker 27 Do we think that's good?

Speaker 27 I don't know.

Speaker 27 I'm a gay person. If someone was homophobic, I wouldn't want them deported.

Speaker 27 I don't, is that grounds for deportation?

Speaker 27 If someone said, I hate gay people, I'd say, okay.

Speaker 27 But I don't, is that grounds for them to be deported?

Speaker 27 Doesn't this feel like it's going to a bad place? Does it feel good?

Speaker 27 Does it feel good?

Speaker 27 It feels a little bit like

Speaker 27 we're doing this at the behest of billionaire Israeli donors. No,

Speaker 27 yes, perhaps.

Speaker 27 I support Israel's right to exist. I don't agree with a lot of these kids at the colleges, with a lot of what they're saying.

Speaker 27 I think they're silly. They're kids.
Some of them have some points, but a lot of them are saying things that I too would disagree with.

Speaker 27 The colonization crap and the blah blue and the this and the that and stolen land and the land acknowledgement and America's this and that. I don't have any time for that.

Speaker 27 I don't have any time for that. This land was stolen fair and square.
You steal it back, idiot. It's the way land is transferred.
It's called stealing it. How do you think land people get it?

Speaker 27 You steal it. Okay.

Speaker 27 But I just think,

Speaker 27 you know, because I try to calm these conspiracies down.

Speaker 27 I have

Speaker 27 some anti-Semitic friend. I'm going to be very honest with you.
I'm going to be very honest with you. I have.

Speaker 27 I don't know, I don't even know how many. I wouldn't, I would say,

Speaker 27 I would say not a ton of them, not a ton of my friends, but a chunk of them

Speaker 27 are anti-Semitic. A chunk of them, not a ton of them,

Speaker 27 65%,

Speaker 27 65%

Speaker 27 are maybe anti-Semitic. 65%,

Speaker 27 mildly, 65%, 70%.

Speaker 27 70% of my friends are anti-Semitic.

Speaker 27 And I tell them, I sit down with them, I go, you're wrong about, you're wrong, you're wrong. It's not the way you think it is.

Speaker 27 But things like this, I don't know. It's hard for me because I'm always trying to correct them.

Speaker 27 They go, don't you think Israel has too much influence in America? And I go, how dare you say you prove it. You prove it.
And then they start proving it. And I go, la, la, la, la,

Speaker 27 So

Speaker 27 the point is, we gotta just stop with the nonsense.

Speaker 27 I probably hate that bitch.

Speaker 27 Not even for political views. I just, I don't like most people.

Speaker 27 I just think, and who's the other guy, Mahmoud?

Speaker 27 Khalil. Khalil?

Speaker 27 I'm anti-immigration.

Speaker 27 I'm Young Bannon. That's my rap name in the underground scene.

Speaker 27 But

Speaker 27 I think we need to chill it out. Let's get Americans up.

Speaker 27 Everyone's up. Everyone's not up.
Lots of people are down. And we got to get them.
I'm not for bringing, but look at this bitch. Am I scared of this bitch?

Speaker 27 Let's get that up.

Speaker 27 I don't love.

Speaker 27 I mean, I don't, we're deporting her.

Speaker 27 Let's hear what Marco Rubio says. Now, the reason I like him is because he was gay and he went to foam parties in Miami.
I read it on a thing.

Speaker 27 Get it up. Let's go.

Speaker 27 That's where you're in the foam and you jerk someone off in the foam. Keep going.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 27 Secretary of State, Marco Rubia. When you're in the foam, you can suck someone in the foam.

Speaker 27 Secretary of State.

Speaker 69 We revoked her visa.

Speaker 27 He went to a bar

Speaker 27 where

Speaker 27 they would put foam in the back of it and people would fuck in the foam.

Speaker 27 Marco Rubio, Secretary of State.

Speaker 17 To the U.S.

Speaker 69 We revoked her visa. We gave you a visa to come and study and get a degree.

Speaker 27 Not have opinions about the job.

Speaker 69 During the campaign, President Trump promised.

Speaker 27 Is that Miriam Malizen?

Speaker 27 Interesting. She looks like a Sasha Baron Cohen character.

Speaker 27 Yeah, listen, and I went to one of these encampments and everyone took photos with me and was very nice to me.

Speaker 69 Protests on campuses where some Jewish students reported being harassed and assaulted.

Speaker 27 If you hate America. Yeah, I just, listen, I don't think...

Speaker 27 I don't think that we should be kicking these students out and I don't like them. But let's,

Speaker 27 I'm just saying,

Speaker 27 if we want to correct this idea

Speaker 27 that Israel has too much influence and power in this country, if we want to correct it, stop it, deaden its tracks, okay?

Speaker 27 If we want to shut that down,

Speaker 27 I think this is the wrong way to do it.

Speaker 27 It's the wrong way to do it. Because I have friends and they're wrong about it.
And then I tell them

Speaker 27 and they say to me, They go,

Speaker 27 Israel has too much, their lobby is too strong and too powerful, and it's actually causing the United States government to do things that are not good.

Speaker 27 And then I go, Yeah, well, show me some facts.

Speaker 27 And then they go do that. And I go, Hey,

Speaker 27 will always

Speaker 27 love you.

Speaker 27 I

Speaker 27 will always

Speaker 27 love you.

Speaker 27 I will always

Speaker 27 love you.

Speaker 27 And then I say, what were you saying?

Speaker 27 I didn't hear you.

Speaker 27 I was singing, I Will Always Love You.

Speaker 27 By the late, great Whitney Houston, but Dolly Parton first, let's be honest.

Speaker 27 Figure it out. Figure it out.

Speaker 32 Oh, my God.

Speaker 34 Trying to make progress with my finances has been a real problem.

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Speaker 37 QIIME understands that every dollar counts.

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Speaker 34 Oh my God, trying to make progress with my finances has been a real problem.

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Speaker 44 With qualifying direct deposits, you're eligible for free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals.

Speaker 50 To date, CHIME has spotted members over 30 billion.

Speaker 51 Open a checking account with no monthly fees, no maintenance?

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Speaker 56 I mean, Chime is the best.

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Speaker 27 United Kingdom

Speaker 27 outlaws a non-domicile tax law. United Kingdom has announced it will scrap a 225-year-old rule that has allowed many of its richest residents to pay hardly any taxes on their vast foreign earnings.

Speaker 27 You live in the UK, you have a business in somewhere else, Kazakhstan, India, whatever, you're making money, they want you to pay taxes in the UK.

Speaker 27 Smart people who I disagree with all the time, like Scott Galloway and Kara Swisher, are out there going, Scott Galloway's going, well, a lot of my friends are leaving the UK because you're, and I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, because they're being taxed and they, they don't want to pay these taxes.

Speaker 27 So they're leaving. And I'm sure that's true.
But also, Scott, but don't you understand why you can't create something that isn't a country?

Speaker 27 None of those people feel they're not living in the UK because they care at all about the culture of England. They see it only as a financial opportunity.

Speaker 27 And when Steve Bannon says that's no good, you all go, hey, it's the the fascist, Nazi, racist.

Speaker 27 But the reality is, if you look at a country as only an economic zone, then if taxes go up, you get the fuck out.

Speaker 27 This is why you can't destroy a common culture and replace it with a financial architecture

Speaker 27 so that People are only participating in an economy and not an actual country that has an actual culture.

Speaker 27 I'm not saying these taxes are just or unjust, but

Speaker 27 if taxes are the only policy you're thinking about in a country, I'm not saying they're unimportant, they're incredibly important.

Speaker 27 But this idea, these are the same people that when I listen to them, they talk endlessly about the dangers of nationalism.

Speaker 27 The dangers of seeing a country as a nation that has a distinct history and culture. Doesn't mean that it's racial.
Does it mean that it's religious?

Speaker 27 It shouldn't be, but it's a distinct idea of what a culture is. And the idea that the UK has completely thrown that out.

Speaker 27 They don't care about it at all. It is, they opened their door.
London opened their doors. It said every billionaire, every oligarch, every come on in.

Speaker 27 That's why I disagree a little bit with the Trump's

Speaker 27 the golden visas where it's like 5 million you spend, you buy the visa. People that are spending that kind of money, yes, they have the financial wherewithal to be here in America.

Speaker 27 Maybe they're creating jobs and opportunities. I'd be for it if, like it was like build a factory here, you get citizenship, or invest a certain amount of money here, you get citizenship.

Speaker 27 But the reality is rich people just existing in a country doesn't necessarily make it better unless they feel some connection to it.

Speaker 27 If they don't feel a connection to the country at all, and it is simply a landmass,

Speaker 27 when taxes go up, they'll leave.

Speaker 27 And the people that Galloway's talking about, because my friend's going to live in

Speaker 27 Spain or Italy or whatever, wherever they're fleeing to or going because they don't want to pay the taxes. It's, yes, are the taxes silly, ridiculous? Perhaps.
You have high taxes there.

Speaker 27 But one of the reasons that this is very easy for people to do is just go, goodbye,

Speaker 27 is because the super rich

Speaker 27 no longer care about any nation state.

Speaker 27 It does not matter to them. Their only loyalty is to a financial system that they can suck as much money out of as they can.
It's lovely in Italy. It's fine in France.
And, you know,

Speaker 27 they'll make it work.

Speaker 27 They'll figure it out. They're going to live well wherever they go.

Speaker 27 So you have to stop seeing any discussion of nationalism and of culture as this type of Hitlerian dog whistle.

Speaker 37 It's not.

Speaker 27 It's absolutely not.

Speaker 27 We can discuss the merits of Hitler. It's a different conversation.

Speaker 27 I'm kidding. But the point is this.

Speaker 27 All these people

Speaker 27 that

Speaker 27 don't don't seem to understand what happens when you take away a culture

Speaker 27 Whatever that culture happens to be people think culture is all race or all religion a lot of it is customs and traditions civic

Speaker 27 institutions

Speaker 27 expressions of

Speaker 27 you know

Speaker 27 the way people celebrate holidays and seasons and whatever and when you when you destroy and a lot some of that's based in religion some of it's based in race, not all of it.

Speaker 27 People from all over the world celebrate holidays. People from all over the world celebrate certain civic milestones in specific ways in specific countries.
It might be having a siesta.

Speaker 27 It might be like whatever culture is, but

Speaker 27 when you import people from all over the world,

Speaker 27 who don't respect the culture of an area and don't care about it, it doesn't mean anything to them.

Speaker 27 They are only there to suck money out to put their kids in good prep schools that you cannot afford to send your kids to. And then the minute it gets harder for them to exist, they get up and leave.

Speaker 27 They get up and leave. So, you know, I think there has to be a recognition and an understanding of the fact that like while we shouldn't be deporting the chicket tufts.

Speaker 27 You know, because that's not what we should be doing.

Speaker 27 We also need to let her know that she's not here to make America into whatever she thinks it should be.

Speaker 27 That's the reality. Sorry,

Speaker 27 you're not here to do that. Just like my grandparents weren't here to do that when they came from Ireland.
They were here to exist within a culture and do very well.

Speaker 27 And be very, they were very successful. My grandfather was very successful

Speaker 27 in that culture because he came and embraced it. And that's

Speaker 27 what

Speaker 27 people should be doing. They come here from other places.
And she kind of was embracing our culture, like throwing tantrums

Speaker 27 and kind of being somewhat fat.

Speaker 27 But

Speaker 27 I do think

Speaker 27 there's got to be a non-racist way to say, just shut up and be like us.

Speaker 27 There has to be a non-racist way to say you have to act like everyone else.

Speaker 27 There has to be a non-racist way to say stop being different.

Speaker 27 There has to be a non-racist way to say enough with your own bullshit.

Speaker 27 Fall in line.

Speaker 27 I went to a furniture store the other day and a guy said to me that table's 80 grand. I said well that's way out of my budget.
He goes it's rosewood. It's Brazilian rosewood.
He goes,

Speaker 27 you can't get rosewood anymore because they won't allow the trees to get cut down anymore because of the deforestation and the whole thing.

Speaker 27 He goes, so people will pay so much for fucking real rosewood.

Speaker 27 That's what it's about.

Speaker 27 It's not about

Speaker 27 the Middle East all the time.

Speaker 27 You know, it's not.

Speaker 27 It's about that. Life is precious and rare and fleeting.

Speaker 27 So we shouldn't be disappearing these

Speaker 27 people.

Speaker 27 Because I don't want to keep having these arguments with my friends

Speaker 27 where they're like, everyone in the government

Speaker 27 is like crazy Zionists.

Speaker 27 And I'm like, that's not true. I'm like, name the people that are.
And then they start to do that. And I'm like, I come from a land down under.

Speaker 27 You know, it's just, I don't want to have to keep

Speaker 27 having these conversations.

Speaker 27 On a hippie trail, head full of zombie.

Speaker 27 They're like, are you going to listen or not? I met a strange lady. She made me breakfast or made me nervous.
She took me in and gave me breakfast.

Speaker 27 I don't know. Is this a dangerous person?

Speaker 27 You know,

Speaker 27 are her ideas maybe not great? I don't know. Yeah, it's probably a lot of Kill Whitey in there.
She's probably got a lot of Kill Whitey going on.

Speaker 27 You know, but

Speaker 27 are we going to, I don't think we should throw her in the truck.

Speaker 27 Make her work at the mothership.

Speaker 27 Make her work at the mothership.

Speaker 27 Don't deport these people. Make them work at the mother.
Let them see the best of America.

Speaker 32 Oh my God.

Speaker 34 Trying to make progress with my finances finances has been a real problem.

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Speaker 37 Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 27 That's why when you set up a direct deposit through QIIME, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit and more.

Speaker 43 Chime is banking done right.

Speaker 27 Open a checking account with no monthly fees and no maintenance fees. Get paid up to two days early when you set up direct deposit.

Speaker 44 With qualifying direct deposits, you're eligible for free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals.

Speaker 50 To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion.

Speaker 27 Open a checking account with no monthly fees, no maintenance, not to mention access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs, more than the top three national banks combined.

Speaker 56 I mean, Chime is the best.

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Speaker 27 People are now paying for DoorDash with installment loans. This is the hell we're in.

Speaker 27 This is the hell that the economy's gotten to. Eat now pay later.
DoorDash Klarna deal fuels concerns about loans for takeout.

Speaker 27 These fatty bumbatis cannot afford a crunch wrap they are literally putting it on layaway the food delivery app and the installment lender say they're ordering a offering a flexible alternative to high interest credit cards some social media users and advocates see it as a sign of hard times

Speaker 27 yeah it's a sign of hard times if you're financing a panini yeah Of course it is.

Speaker 27 Of course it's. Who are the people who don't see it as a sign of heart? I love how they're like, some people think it's a sign of hard time.
Yeah, everyone,

Speaker 27 anyone that you would tell this to thinks it's a sign of hard time. Who's celebrating this? Who thinks it's a good idea that you have to pay for a burrito in installments?

Speaker 27 I mean, who thinks that's great?

Speaker 27 A Klarna spokesperson acknowledged the online pushback, but said any form of borrowing for food purchases is potentially concerning depending on the circumstances.

Speaker 27 Quote, if people are in a situation where they feel like they have to put their food on credit, that's a bad indicator for society, the spokesman said.

Speaker 27 Still, many people make, quote, a rational decision to use BNPL services to help manage their money, the spokesperson said, adding that the new features would be available only for DoorDash purchases of at least $35.

Speaker 27 A few dollars more than the platform's average order as of last March. Wherever high-cost credit cards are accepted consumers should be able to choose a zero interest credit product instead

Speaker 27 indeed industry-wide data shows the short-term loans have become a routine feature of many consumers wallets particularly among young adults coping with inflation

Speaker 27 so here's what they're saying order at least 35

Speaker 27 and then will you can pay

Speaker 27 So not only are they incentivizing financial irresponsibility, they're incentivizing being a pig.

Speaker 27 That's what they're doing.

Speaker 27 They go, get the cake.

Speaker 27 Get the piece of cake for $6.99. It's going to take you over $35.
Then you charge this whole thing. You finance it.
You finance the whole thing. Get extra.
Get another sandwich.

Speaker 27 You might want another sandwich. It's fine.

Speaker 27 Keep the more food you buy,

Speaker 27 the better deal you get. You could just finance it.
Who cares?

Speaker 27 A spokesman for DoorDash didn't comment on the criticism of its partnership with Klarnis, saying their collaboration provides even more flexibility, control, and options. The delivery service

Speaker 27 noted that its users can already pay with Venmo and Cash App as well as government aid, including Snap benefits. DoorDash doesn't care.

Speaker 27 It's not their job. DoorDash goes, listen, man.

Speaker 27 You're a middleman.

Speaker 27 DoorDash, a middleman.

Speaker 27 You're a middleman. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, piggy pigs.
Burrito there. You here.

Speaker 27 We got a guy going to get it to you.

Speaker 27 Well, it's what it is. They're not.

Speaker 27 Making four payments to cover three tacos on Tuesday sounds complicated because it is, said Adam Russ, director of financial services at the Consumer Federation of America and Advocacy Group.

Speaker 27 I wouldn't characterize this as a solution. It's a fintech innovation that creates problems.

Speaker 27 Hey, Adam, fuck off. We're hungry and broke.
Fuck you, Adam.

Speaker 27 So what?

Speaker 27 Why not?

Speaker 27 Charge it. Fuck it.
Go back. People will go, why'd you go bankrupt? You go, DoorDash.

Speaker 27 I ran up. I owe $80,000 to DoorDash.

Speaker 27 We're going to run into that. People are going to go, I owe $70,000 to DoorDash.

Speaker 27 Because I charged food for the last three years to survive.

Speaker 27 And I can't do it. Now I'm on disability because I've eaten so much DoorDash, I can't even participate in the workforce.
So now I'm in a scooter that needs to be paid for by disability.

Speaker 27 And I owe $75,000 for DoorDash. But by the way,

Speaker 27 a lot of people, and I get I've been in that position where you just don't have the fucking money. People don't have the money.

Speaker 27 You know, that's what it is. People need to eat.
They don't have the money.

Speaker 27 You know, I mean, what are you going to do?

Speaker 27 You could go to a store, I guess, and cook it.

Speaker 27 That's not American. It's not American.

Speaker 27 Think about being broke and cooking, how depressing that is.

Speaker 27 Think about being poor and in your kitchen with the thing like this,

Speaker 27 with the pan.

Speaker 27 It's not American. America is about being a delusional psychopath.
It's like, that's what it's about. It's not about being a rational person.

Speaker 27 America is about being a nut job all the time. So like you order burritos, you charge them, you scream and yell in your house.
You live stream to know.

Speaker 27 I'm fucking.

Speaker 27 You, you coach, you become a life coach. You tell them that they don't know how to be like, it's all about the hustle.
It's about the grind.

Speaker 27 They can't see that you're living in squalor, your own filth, you know. You're like, yeah, fuck yeah, man.
I'm going to fucking crush you today. Monday.
Coffee. Yeah, that's a coffee radar.

Speaker 27 I got a coffee radio. And then you go nuts and then you order a burrito and then you charge it and then you're fucking completely, you're 40 grand in debt.
You try to change your name.

Speaker 27 You cut your cock off. You throw it in the street.
You become trans.

Speaker 27 You're like, I don't owe that fucking money. You go, I think you do.
And you go, stop dead naming me. You attack a TSA agent.
You bite him in the neck at at LaGuardia.

Speaker 27 That's what being an American is. It's not making eggs in Europe.
What?

Speaker 27 That's not it.

Speaker 27 Being an American is about going into debt, developing an alternative persona,

Speaker 27 becoming trans, and then attacking a TSA agent

Speaker 27 on drugs.

Speaker 27 Get up, dank to moss. Get up, dank to moss.
Dank to moss is all of us.

Speaker 27 All of us are Dank DeMoss.

Speaker 27 They came for Dank DeMoss, and I said nothing.

Speaker 27 And then

Speaker 27 no one let me in a car when I became 600 pounds.

Speaker 27 Dank DeMoss.

Speaker 27 This is the evidence she's showing that she can get in a car.

Speaker 70 Ringo. Thanks to Al.

Speaker 27 There she goes.

Speaker 27 That's what America's about. I showing someone I can get in a car.

Speaker 27 Don't you dare deport Dank DeMoss.

Speaker 27 Don't you dare deport Dank DeMoss. I don't care what she says.
That's an American person.

Speaker 27 she's already been approved for the DoorDash card.

Speaker 27 She has a gold card.

Speaker 44 She's platinum.

Speaker 27 Thank the mosses platinum.

Speaker 27 DoorDash, platinum.

Speaker 27 Yeah, get a little heat. Let's hear a little heat.

Speaker 27 Oh,

Speaker 70 my homesy bumbling. Pay fat queen.
These bitches under me. Worry about who? Which one don't bother me.
I done lost my mind. I think I left it at home.
I ain't fighting to the top.

Speaker 27 I've been DoorDash.

Speaker 70 I've been chosen again. again.
If she wants more, she a fan. If I lose $20, I'm just gonna up shit again.
I be mental and these bitches when I rapping makes sense. Bitch, I made it on my own.

Speaker 70 Y'all had to slip three dicks. I ain't jumping for these niggas and I stand on that shit.

Speaker 27 I can outsmart it.

Speaker 27 It's a beautiful country. Get it out of here.
It's a beautiful country. It's a beautiful country.
It's a beautiful country.

Speaker 27 And why shouldn't you be able to door dash burrito in this country? In this country?

Speaker 27 why not they're door dashing burritos while bombing people in the group text

Speaker 27 why would you not be able to do that timbillocomedy.com we have no shows on sale off

Speaker 27 new special coming out april 16th shooting a crazy promo for it this weekend we moved the raleigh dates to may

Speaker 27 um because we're shooting an insane promo this weekend i'll just say it's one of the awesomest things ever

Speaker 27 and uh it'll come out uh special on netflix really great, great time. We had at the mothership.
This is a special I'm proud of. I really love it.

Speaker 27 And thanks to Joe Rogan for letting me doing it, for letting me do it. Thanks for

Speaker 27 obviously letting us use the club. Thanks to everyone who came out.
It was an amazing

Speaker 27 weekend of shows.

Speaker 27 And that'll drop April 16th on Netflix.

Speaker 27 The streaming service Netflix.

Speaker 27 We'll be back out on the road, you know, late this year, early next year, in some theaters and having some fun.

Speaker 44 But,

Speaker 27 you know, we'll just be hanging out on the internet and we appreciate everybody.

Speaker 27 And let's have Dank DeMoss play us out a little bit here.

Speaker 27 America, America, you used to be so fun,

Speaker 27 but now you go to bed at night, scrolling on your phone.

Speaker 27 Well, listen up, America, Carnival is here.

Speaker 27 There's comedy and snorkeling and dining like everything from sea to shining sea. Find you fun again today.

Speaker 71 Carnival is calling. Save up to 40% off your cruise vacation.
Offer plastic cruise fair only, restricted supply. Visit Carnival Long for details.
Ships registry, the Bahamas in Panama.

Speaker 72 The kind of fishing hackers do

Speaker 72 They cast their lines, bogus emails, fake websites, deceptive login screens, hoping you'll take the bait. With online phishing, there's no calm, no peace.

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Phishing season is over.

Speaker 73 This is Michael Lewis from Against the Rules, the big short companion.

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