395 - Celebrity Home Invasions & Costco

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To learn more, visit energytransfer.com. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
I had a great night at Gotham Comedy Club. I did the Comedy Juice show.
It was great. Jerry Seinfeld was on stage when I walked in.
It was wild. I was very excited.
I was a little nervous. He has no idea who I am, probably, and wouldn't care and shouldn't.
but I was nervous that you know because he made that film that I discussed and I didn't know if he was going to get off stage and like beat me up because he is kind of an elegant guy you don't think he would come to fisticuffs with a guy like Jerry Seinfeld. He's a billionaire or something close to that.
But what if he just smacked me across the face? I wouldn't hit back because I respect success. I do.
That's the thing. I really do.
I actually do. And if he smacked me in the face and spit on me, I would just stand there and be like, I didn't mean it.

Truly, that's exactly what I would have said.

If Jerry Seinfeld got off stage tonight at Gotham Comedy Club

and he smacked me across the face and spit on me,

I would have said, I did not mean it.

That's what I would have said.

Because it's Jerry.

And I respect that.

You know what I mean? I mean, I would be lying if I said I would do anything else. I would say I didn't mean it.
I was hoping, this is what I was hoping happened. I was there with my friend who's an insignificant comedian.
I won't say his name. We were there and we were, it's true.
He's earned nothing. And I was there with him and I thought it would have been great if Jerry goes, after my set, he goes, come on, let's go.
And then we go, we get in his car, we go right to the helipad. He puts us on a helicopter.
We land in the Hamptons. He takes us to his kitchen, and he keeps feeding me Pop-Tarts.
And it's like, have you ever seen the movie Seven? He's feeding me Pop-Tarts the way that the guy ate the spaghetti. They fed that guy spaghetti until he died.
Seven is a film that my father took me to see when I was like nine years old, which is not appropriate, but it was a really great movie. Who doesn't like the movie Seven? So now that, and I want you to show this picture to the audience because that's what

I wanted

Jerry Seinfeld to do to me. Feed me

Pop-Tarts until I exploded

like the guy in Seven.

But instead of that, after he did a great set

he killed. I'm a fan.
I'm a big fan of Jerry.

His stand-up, you know, is killer.

He's a fucking legend. He gets off the stage

and he's whisked away.

Gone.

Gone.

Before he can smack me.

Before he can set me straight.

He does not even know who I am.

I guarantee he's never heard the criticism.

Which was light-hearted and fun.

Let's be honest.

The criticism of the film was light-hearted and fun. Let's be honest.
The criticism of the film was lighthearted and fun. And no one should get angry.
Nobody with a Billy should be mad. But he didn't even look.
It was interesting. He didn't even look in my direction.
Not that he knew not to look, but it almost felt like he almost maybe did. But great set.
I had great set. Everybody was a killer show at the Gotham Comedy Club.
Lots of fun. My pool in the Hamptons is not done.
It is upsetting. And I know that this is one of the segments of the show that people are not going to find relatable.
We get this from time to time. People get very angry.
They go, you know, well, no one wants to hear about your problem because it's not really a problem. You know what I mean? And I get it.
I get it. but I'm there the other day and there's two guys working on the pool.
And one of them,

I said,

how long is this going to take? I get it. But I'm there the other day, and there's two guys working on the pool.

And one of them, I said, how long is this going to take?

And this guy said, and he had an accent, and he goes, it will be very quick, maybe two weeks.

And I go, where are you from?

Where are you from?

And he goes, and it was a silence.

But it wasn't long. And he went,

Ukraine. And I went, you're from the Ukraine.
And I said, yeah. And I said, so did you just come here after the war? And there was a silence.
This time was longer. And he like, welled up.
You could see the tears in his eyes and he like he, he went, yes. And then he nodded.

And then I felt terrible because he's a young guy and he's over here.

And I felt very bad.

But I said to him after like a minute, I said, I'm sorry.

You guys are going through that.

And he just kind of nodded.

And he looked down at the floor.

And then I said, but we have to get this pool done genuinely because the season has kind of already started. I tried to explain to him the season in the Hamptons.
I said, do you know where you are? Like, do you get it? I go, the season is kind of starts earlier and earlier every year. And I was explaining to him, like, I'm losing out.

Not having the pool.

And he got it.

And I felt really bad.

And then I called Ray.

And Ray made a great point.

Why isn't he fighting with the Ukraine?

He deserted.

He deserted.

He deserted the Ukraine.

And the pool is late.

So when you think about it,

Thank you. deserted.
He deserted. He deserted the Ukraine and the pool is late.
So when you think about it, you know, if they don't get this done on time, I'm going to go up to him and go, huh, why aren't you fighting with your people? Why did you leave? Why did you run away from Russia the way you're running away from deadlines? Why are you running away from the Kremlin the way you ran away from our June 1st deadline? I feel bad for him. I feel bad for him.
I do. But, you know, what am I going to do? What am I supposed to do? Let this slide.
I have to be forceful with him, even though, you know, he's not the boss, clearly. He's just the worker.
But, you know, I get things out of him. You know, the boss never shows up to the fucking job.
So I get things out of the young Ukrainian who's lost it all.

He's lost it all.

And it sucks.

But he's now in the Hamptons.

He's building pools.

That's kind of cool.

That's not bad.

That ain't bad.

By the way, what was he going to do there?

Think about it. It's not that great.

You're in the Hamptons building pools, meeting podcasters.

Is that not cool?

So what? So what?

So what?

Figure it out, move on.

But he did look very sad for a moment there

because I believe the war for them was very disruptive.

I do believe that.

I do believe it was disruptive.

I have nothing to say about Caitlin Clark. I'm the only one who doesn't.
I don't care. I don't care.
I mean, she's white. People like her.
They're watching the WNBA. Maybe.
Are they? Really? Is it a big... And the black girls are mad, and I get it.
They're mad because she's white and people are watching for her. I get it.
What do you, you know?

Hey.

I'm not watching.

I'll never be watching.

I'll tell you, I don't care how good she is.

I don't care what she does.

I don't care what any of them do.

I will not be watching the WNBA.

You know, I barely watch the NBA.

People tell me all the time.

They go, why don't you go to UFC with Dana White and sit there with Joe Rogan? I go, I don't like that. I'm not into that.
I don't care. They go, but do it anyway.
My agent calls me, goes, why don't you go to the Lakers game and sit in the front row at the Lakers? I go, who cares? Why? Well, that's what people do when they are trying to get famous, but they need to get even more famous. I go, I don't care to do it.
It's well, I don't, I'd be embarrassed if I was on the jumbotron. Everybody's like, who's that idiot? Some people know who I am.
It's what are we doing here? Why don't you go do it? You have famous friends. You go sit next to them with your famous friend at the Laker game.
Why don't you go see a WNBA game? Go see Caitlin Clark. Get on the Jumbotron.
You go with one of the big dykes you know. We're a big lesbian.
You go and see Caitlin Clark. You're the big dykes.
They're all nuts, these people. They go, why don't you do more? You should go to UFC.
I go, you know, I just, you know, if I'm not genuinely

interested in, I don't do it. I don't care if it will benefit me.
It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
Who cares? You know, so I, all I'll say about this woman is, hey it sucks it sucks to have a white bitch come into the thing and turn into that. So I'm sorry about it.
And what about that bitch who was in Russia? Is she back? Is she in it? And no one cares about her? Does no one care about that woman? Well, I don't know what to tell you, but the one who went over to russia and she got caught with the weed pen and then we traded like the most dangerous person in the world so that she could come back and no one cares about her who do we trade for caitlin clark if she ends up in a pen if putin puts her in a pen who would we trade for Apparently every, all of Congress, which I would like maybe. But no, seriously, who would, if the Lord of War got traded for this bitch, Brittany Griner, nobody cares about, if Caitlin Clark got, then I mean it would be, who would we trade? The Rock? Someone big.
Because she's such a big deal, apparently. I don't know.
I don't know. I'm happy for other people's success.
And I want everyone to be there. I want people to get to a place where they can be happy for the success of others.
But it'll never be. It's not how we are designed to be as people in this country.
When you live in this country, you're not designed to be happy for the success of other people. You're to believe it is a threat to you and your family when someone does well.
When someone else does well, you should immediately view them as a threat to your livelihood and general happiness. They are a threat to your happiness if they are doing well.
They are a threat to you. That's the ethos of America.
Somebody's doing good. You got to take a deep breath when you see someone doing well in this country.
You got to go, and it's unhealthy. You people got to be happy for other people's success out there, but you can't do it.
You can't do it. People get very heated and very angry.
Not like me. I celebrate all people at all times.
My friend Jerry makes a movie. I watch it and I like it.
I like it. Because it's fun.
And it's about tater tots. The next film, Netflix presents Tater Tot.
The story of the... It's just the story of the tater tot.

Jonathan Tucker is an actor.

He's in Los Angeles.

He did a really good thing.

There is a,

he usually plays bad guys.

I don't know anymore who these people are.

I don't know who these people are.

None of this is real,

by the way,

anymore.

So,

let me, let me, apparently this person's an actor. No, I mean, this is what we're going to have to do now.
Apparently this person is an actor, and I'll take everyone at their word. And he's on a show called Kingdom.
And Kingdom is what again? About what? I think it's a fighter out of Venice. Yeah, great.
So there's that, and he's an actor, and he lives in an area called Hancock Park in L.A., which is an area of old mansions where, like, I don't know, was it Bing Crosby that lived in the Western White House? Was that where he lived? Who owned that Western White House? I think it was Bing Crosby. Hancock Park has some legendary real estate.
It was the Beverly Hills before Beverly Hills was Beverly Hills. Hancock Park is the old school really high end area.
They have the famous country club and all of the old stars of yesteryear. We're talking the 30s, the 40s, silent film stars, and then obviously the talkies when they went into that.
Hancock Park is old school. And this guy, Jonathan Tucker, who's an actor, and I'm sure has a great career, and I'm not going in him at all.
I'm just saying, I don't know anymore. There's too much to know.
There's too many actors. There's too many shows.
There's too much. So I don't know.
He's a great person, apparently. Around 6.34 p.m.
in Hancock Park, he has an industry executive wife, Tara, and their twin children. Tucker saw a stranger enter a home near his own and acted.
Basically, there was a home invasion near his house. He like ran in.
When he was talking to the police, Tucker spotted a door wide open and dashed into the house where the intruder had just gotten entry. He first encountered a terrified little girl who he carried into the street, handing the child off to his wife and went back to find her mother and an infant who was terrified and frantic with the invader still in the house.

The LAPD responded quickly because it's Hancock Park,

and they put the guy in handcuffs and got him out of there.

But that's a pretty amazing heroic thing that this guy did.

But I wouldn't have.

I wouldn't have done it. I would not have done it.
I wouldn't have done it. I'll tell you this.
When you're around as long as I am, and you've seen as much as I've seen, you want to listen. Stay out of people's business.
Stay out of their business. This guy's running in the house, grabbing people.
He thinks it's Hollywood. He's running them out.
He could have gotten everyone killed. He could have gotten people killed in that house.
Now he didn't, but he could have. He could have gotten people killed in that home.
A man had gone in the home, and that man, we don't know, maybe he's mentally unwell, I believe. And this guy runs in like it's a Hollywood soundstage and everything's going to be okay.
Not me, not me. Here's what I do.
If I see, I know, don't laugh because I'm right. I see someone, if it's true, I see someone running to my neighbor's house I get in my car I take a drive away I drive away Because I'll be blamed for this Guys like him that look like him Get away with it If I run into a house And I run out with a girl I'm going to be shot by the LAPD They will will shoot me multiple times.
Good-looking guys like him, Mr. Tucker on Kingdom, they get to run around the world like it's their play thing.
They get to run into houses scooping up infants. I do anything like that, I get shot in the face.
Okay? Can we watch a little bit of this? Yeah, yeah, here. I'll skip to the actual package right here.
Walks up to this Hancock Park home, speaks to himself,

and lets himself in through the front door.

Seconds later, you hear screams from within.

Go back.

Go back.

Because, by the way, that guy didn't even.

Go back and let's watch what he does.

Whole thing?

There we go.

Yeah.

Give us some context ring video shows as a man walks up to this hancock park home speaks to himself and lets himself in through the front door seconds later you hear screams from within called the police drove home the homeowner asked us not to show his face why because he's black that's why the kids start screaming because he's black no this is disgusting it's actually disgusting it's actually disgusting now a black man walked into a house and the family screams this is what this story is to me i would have gotten in my car and I would have driven to Malibu. And I would have done nothing.
Let's finish this, please. And three young daughters.
He rushed back after getting a text from a neighbor about the suspicious man. He went in, my wife saw him, that's when she exited the premises.
By the way, this neighbor's smart, he doesn't want to be identified because he knows it could go the other way by the way this neighbor's smart he's a shadow he doesn't even want to be identified he goes well the media could just decide in a minute that this uh this actor is a clan member who's trying to kill someone you don't know how these things are going to play out by the way this guy will be kyle rittenhousehouse in an hour. You got to be careful.
I don't get involved. I don't get involved.
I see a black guy go into a house in California. I go, I hope they invited him because he's going in and he's staying.
I don't get involved. I don't get it.
It's just what it is. It's just what it is.
If I see a guy with a pride flag And a machete

Go into a house

I get in my car and leave. I will not call the police.
I will not help. It's the state of California.
You don't know how it's going to go. You don't know how it'll go.
Just stay out of it. You're not saving anyone.
You're not saving anyone. To grab another kid.
Then that's when we see another neighbor, actor Jonathan Tucker, take charge, storming barefoot into the home. Why is he? He's got a bag.
He tells me he would have used for protection. Oh, interesting.
A side angle view shows as the family escapes through the back of the house, making sure every child is accounted for. We also see as Tucker runs out, holding one of the kids.
Now, by the way, imagine this. Then we see fat racist podcaster Tim Dillon make the situation worse.
By entering the house, probably looking for food or drugs, Dillon, who looked like he hadn't slept in three days, further continued to terrify the mother and her children. After this poor black man who was just looking for a glass of water was being harangued by Dylan, Dylan decided he was going to rape the mother and daughter and led them out of the house.
Alt-right comedian Tim Dylan, I mean, this is what I mean. This is what would happen.
This is the way I would be treated. This is why I stay out.
I stay out of it. If a woman is being brained in front of me with a shillelagh, which is like that old wooden thing that the Irish use, I would look at her and I would mouth the words, I'm sorry.
But that's it.

I will get blamed.

I will be, for my whole life, I'll be blamed if I get involved.

I'll get involved.

Let's see the end of this.

Very heroic on his part, but let's see how it ends.

Tucker, definitely, he took action.

Yeah, he ran in right after me.

Show yourself.

Shadow?

Oh, here comes the LAPD. A bunch of chicks.
That's great. It's a fat chick.
Can you imagine? Can you imagine you're in your house, some lunatic just wandered in your house, and you're sitting there, and then a fat chick. Look at this.
The LAPD fat chick squad shows up. Look at this woman.

Can you imagine this is going to save the kids?

Can you imagine what is going on with this?

No offense, but where are the dudes?

Like, what is this?

Are we making a point?

She's the first one up to the door.

That woman's the first one up to the door. Are we making a point? She's the first one up to the door.
That woman's the first one up to the door. Is this, are we making a point? This is crazy.
There's respond, not knowing if the suspect is armed. There's a brief standoff before they eventually move in.
The police found him hiding in a closet. So he didn't do any damage to the property.

She doesn't even go in, the woman.

That's hilarious.

It's all fake.

The terrifying incident happened Sunday evening around 630 in the 100 block of Citrus Avenue.

The suspect was taken into custody without incident.

They like this.

The people of L.A. like this.

I have no sympathy.

Shut it off.

I have no sympathy for any of them anymore.

I really don't. They like it.

They elect it. They vote for it.
They want it. They like it.

Their lives are boring. They like people kicking in the doors trying to kill them.

Whatever it is, they're enjoying it. They enjoy it.

So let them have it. It's their culture.

It's the culture of Los Angeles.

People like it. They like talking about home.
It makes them

feel alive. It makes them feel

alive because nothing there anymore does.

So the only thing that makes them feel alive is the excitement of potentially getting a knife to your throat. That's the way a lot of them come.
It's the only way to come. They imagine a guy wandering in the house and cucking them.
And they go, well, maybe somebody will wander in here and fuck my wife in front of me so I can finally come. Perhaps somebody will come in this house and fuck my wife because I haven't sold a screenplay in a long time.
So hopefully somebody can fuck my wife in front of me. Maybe a big smelly homeless guy comes in with a rash and he fucks my and she likes it.
and he is beating that up while I sit there in the chair and stroke myself

and I can finally come more than I've ever came before. Even on all my SSRIs, I can still cum very thin jism.
Jizz. Everybody now, by the way, is trying to take technology from the children, but apparently there's some more evidence that technology itself is having adverse effects on an Amazonian tribe.
They were given Starlink internet. This is Elon Musk again fucking people up.
Elon Musk has become a god, by the way. What's interesting about billionaires is they actually become real-life gods.
He can give you Starlink. He can give you the internet.
He can give you speech on Twitter or X if you want it. We are watching billionaires become actual gods in front of our eyes.
Like they have these uncontacted tribes in the Amazon and Elon Musk's Starlink has connected an isolated tribe to the outside world and divided it from within because now a lot of them are addicted to porn and social media because this is inevitably what happens when you introduce something like this. After only nine months with Starlink, the Marubo are already grappling with the same challenges and have racked American households for years.
Yeah, by the way, get them. Get them involved.
I'm sick of their lives that are about, you know, necessity. I'm sick of their old customs and their fucking get them.
I want every uncontacted tribe hopelessly addicted to online porn. If we got to go through it, they got to go through it.
Reach them. Pierce the densest thicket of the jungle to deliver these people porn and social media.
After only nine months with Starlink, the Marubo are already grappling with the same challenges that have racked American households for years. Teenagers glued to phones, group chats full of gossip, addictive social networks, online strangers, violent video games, scams, misinformation, and minors watching pornography pornography And this is Can you show some photos of the tribe Because this is Yeah, this is the real deal This is real deal tribe They're in the Amazon And Now they're on TikTok Overnight They're living in hut, and the wife's trying to go to sleep, and the husband is on the phone.
Look at this guy. This is amazing.
This is an uncontacted Amazon tribe that has lived forever, probably maybe warring with some other tribes. Maybe not.
I don't know. I don't want to cast aspersions on anybody's.
Maybe it's lovely and peaceful. But they're living in nature, in harmony.
They're doing what they got to do. They have customs.
They, you know, there's, and then the whole thing is upended in the matter of nine months. The tribe is out of good because now they know there's more.
Guess what? Now they know there's more. And that's why they're fucked.
You can't know in life. This idea that you should always know how good someone's doing, you shouldn't know how good someone else is doing all the time.
It's bad. We go back to the beginning where we're talking about Caitlin Clark.
We're talking about whoever. In your face every minute, how good someone's doing and how important that people feel that they are.
It's bad for the person. It's bad for other people.
So this tribe that was probably pretty fucking happy a year ago is sitting around and they're watching the real estate shows And going, it might be nice to have a toilet It might be nice to have a toilet Or go see Taylor Swift at an arena That might be nice to watch the white woman sing The white devil woman That's what they probably call her But they say we like to watch Why can't we see the white devil woman. That's what they probably call her, but they say we like to watch.

Why can't we see the white devil woman?

Can you imagine the wives being like, they want to see Taylor Swift?

They now know who she is.

She can't be on the internet for any length of time and not know who she is.

So, by the way, our culture is at the lowest point it's ever been.

It is across the board.

Not all things. There are good things.
I'm not trying to be needlessly negative here. But our culture across the board is the most banal it has ever been for the most part.
And it is also insane. It's interestingly both at the same time.
It's completely insane and also somehow boring. It's like boring and then also crazy.
But it makes the least sense it ever has. Nothing really makes any sense.
We are introducing this Amazon uncontacted tribe to the internet at the worst possible time. Literally, there are people, children are identifying as animals on the internet, not all of them, but there are people that are claiming that they feel more represented by, I don't know, birds or something.
There are people on the internet wearing diapers. There are

adults wearing diapers and demanding to go to spas where they can be treated like babies. And this is when we are introducing them to culture at this exact moment.
This exact moment is when they're going to get their first taste of American culture. They're watching TikTok.
They're just seeing crackheads and Waffle House brawls and people in Down syndrome doing drag. This is their first taste of American cult.
They've never, all they've done is try to spearfish in the river and now they're watching people with Down syndrome do drag shows. And they don't get it.
It's hard for people like me to get, and I've been around a while. I mean, I was kind of raised on this, not drag Down syndrome.
You know what I mean? The internet, I was been around. I get it.
These people overnight have been thrust into a world that is completely upside down, insane. They don't know what's happening.
Can you imagine being a tribe in the Amazon and trying to just navigate what the fuck is going on? Everyone is so connected that sometimes they don't even talk to their own family. Alfred Marubo, the leader of the Marubo Association of Villages, has emerged as the tribe's most vocal critic of the internet.
The Marubo passed down their culture and history orally, and he worries that knowledge will be lost. He's most unsettled by the pornography.
He said young men were sharing explicit videos and group chats. Yep, welcome.
A stunning development for a culture that frowns on kissing in public. We're worried young people are going to want to try it, he said of the graphic sex depicted in the videos.
No, I mean, these guys now are seeing women get choked out, get their heads smashed through glass tables. They're seeing bags over women's heads, the Marubo.
The Marubo are watching our porn at its most violent and its craziest. They're watching people shit on each other.
They're probably, what's that? We had this creepy comedian from one guy who used to watch that cake farts website where women would just fart in cakes. This is what they're watching.
They are watching all of this now. They don't, this is not like fun, early 2000s porn, like, oh, the pizza man's here.
This is like people are, there are genres of porn there where women are just stepping on bugs with high heels. You know, can you imagine leading this tribe and seeing like immediately seeing all of this and going, how do we, we can, we can't handle this.

We can't handle it.

He said some leaders have told him they already observed more aggressive sexual behavior from young men.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Where's the Marubo, Andrew Tate? He's coming. He's coming.
There's going to be a guy chewing leaves in the forest being like, these bitches got to start making that porridge. These bitches are trying to go to school now.
Where's that paste they used to make? Where's that yucca paste?

Yeah.

Look at those two right there.

Go up those two.

They're going to be doing like some type of house hunters vlog.

It's very destabilizing to people. The idea that immediately they're being confronted with all of the things they didn't really know existed or they had heard rumors of.
They had heard rumors from people that went to a faraway place. Look at the Starlink, the girls holding up the Starlink.
They have no idea what's about to hit them. They have no idea what's about to hit them.
They don't need to know. I mean, are people better off with this? If they've lived the way they've lived for so long, is it, are they better off at least in America if you watch some of these things, right,

it's, you know, maybe you could say to yourself, listen,

maybe one day I can start at OnlyFans

and I can shit on a glass table

and a guy under it can pleasure himself, jerk off,

and I can make a couple of bucks.

Maybe I can make a couple of bucks shitting on glass tables where men under it masturbate. Maybe I can make a...
If you're an American, you can look at that guy, maybe I can do that. Maybe I can get involved.
Maybe there's something in it for me. Maybe there's some meat on the bone for me.
But if you're one of the Marubo and your job

is like, you know,

fisherman

or hunter for the tribe,

do you need

do you need to,

you know, watch

season two of Buying Beverly Hills?

You know,

it's just, it's just,

it's just, it seems like it's unnecessary.

Young people have gotten lazy because of the internet.

They're learning the ways of the white people.

That's right, baby.

You're gonna learn the ways of the whites.

The young people are like, fuck you.

I don't want to make the pottery today.

I don't want to make it today. I don't want to make it today because I just sold a picture of my feet.
You people are backwards. You're making fucking pots.
Who cares? We'll go buy pots. I'm selling pictures of my feet on the internet.
I've got a future. And listen, let me be honest with you.
This whole indigenous uncontacted tribe porn thing could go big. I'm dead serious.
These people doing porn could go big, big. This could be huge.
And again, I think porn has a lot of negatives. But I'm just saying from a business marketing standpoint, if these people would just start to embrace this, if it's here anyway and we can't get rid of it, this would be a big, there'd be a lot of people into this porn.
You know? There'd be a lot of people, especially some mixed race, you get some whites in there, you get there You get the colonizer The colonized The whole indigenous thing Everything's a fetish Put it up on FetLife Put it up on FetLife This could be big Embrace it They need to stop I realize now That it's probably very disruptive In the negative thing they're experiencing. But I also think if they play their club, they're not that great looking, but it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. It's really just about, are they willing to really put it out there? You know? The internet has divided opinion in the Marubo tribe because some people are holding on to the old ways.
But the new ways are better, guys. The new ways are better.
I mean, this is the fight, right? This is the whole fight that every civilization is going to have. They're just having it in one year.
That's pretty extreme. But you can't fight progress.
It is going to be... There's such an interesting experiment to watch next year.
Like what's going to happen. The leader dies.
Someone claims he was murdered. They start all these Reddit threads about it.
They become deeply suspect of each other. They do like a January 6th.

But they kill the people, you know,

because maybe they're really about it.

I don't know.

I feel for them.

I don't know what to say about it.

But if it's here and it's staying, you got to get with it.

There's a lot of stuff.

By the way, it's a great reality show, number one.

It's huge.

It's great.

The Marubo.

You're on Netflix. Like, you know what I mean? Like, we're into great reality show, number one.
It's huge. It's great.
The Marubo. You're on Netflix.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, we're into it.

We're seeing it.

We're seeing it.

Just need to send a producer down there.

Hi.

How are you?

Hi, my name is Jessica.

We're so excited to show you uniquely, you know, your culture and how special you are. And put cameras down there, live stream.
Can we contact them? They have the internet. Can we contact them? Can we get them on this show? Is there a way we can get them on this show? You would have to find them, yeah.
Well, they're found. They're in an article.
If you can get them, I'll interview them on my show. If you can get one of this Marubo tribe, because I get it.
We're letting them into the party at peak insanity. Peak insanity.
We're opening the door. And they're going, what the fuck's going on? But I'm going to tell them about cool stuff.
Do they know about succession? We do good stuff. We also do good stuff.
So, you know, I mean, I think that, like, there's probably there's probably something fun that we could introduce them to. I thought about this article, The Cult of Costco.

It's such an interesting, thinking so much about the suburbs

as I finish this book that I'm going to release.

It's going to be out in the holidays.

Stop asking me about it.

It's going to be out for the holidays.

You people are aware of that?

The holidays?

Do you not understand when I respond?

It's the holidays?

What holidays?

What do you mean what holidays?

Flag Day.

Christmas.

Hanukkah. Ramadan.
Isn't Ramadan in December? Who cares? What I'm saying is the holidays. Don't look it up.
It doesn't matter. Winter solstice.
How one of America's biggest retailers methodically turns casual shoppers into fanatics. What Costco has done, by the way, what Costco has done is, is, is, is quite impressive because they've turned Americans into monsters.
Um, and I remember like when everybody from my neighborhood first started to get their Costco cards and they're, you know, we have something called BJs and there's, there's different variations of Costco, but I remember that everybody started to get their Costco cards and then you would go with them. And it was a big day going to Costco.
It was like a big day. I remember my mother, her friend, I would like lend my mother her card or something.
And then we would go to Costco and it would be a big day because you can get items in bulk.

You can have everything and you,

you keep it in your house and,

and you,

and it's exciting to have food forever and know that you don't have to go

shopping again.

You have all of the food and And when you have more, you consume

more, of course.

You have more, you eat more.

You have a bucket of something,

it disappears. You don't

portion it out. It's not

rational. They know this.

They know at Costco that people are not.

It's America. They go, if we

give people a bucket,

they're going to eat it. And they're going to

come in and get another bucket. And make no mistake, you get buckets.
If you showed Costco to somebody in Europe, they would vomit. We buy industrial size buckets of like cleaning solution, but it's ketchup or it's mayonnaise or it's barbecue sauce.

The size of some of the Costco products shows some of the bigger, some of the biggest Costco products. It's truly grotesque.
And when I was in Europe with Sam Talent, we were over there performing, and none of this exists. None of these exist in Europe.
You cannot go to a store and get three months worth of chocolate-covered pretzels. You're not permitted.
I think we've got to stop allowing certain things. And this is kind of one of the things, unfortunately,

that I think we're going to have to stop allowing. I think, I think this is probably, and this is where my libertarian streak, uh, you know, it, it, it hits a little bit of the wall because I do think that in the food space, um, like for example, I think we're going to look back on this.
You subprime mortgages I do and they were all adjustable rate mortgages you would take a mortgage and then a few years later the rate that you had would quadruple it would double, triple, quadruple and then you could no longer pay the mortgage we all look back on that and we go why the fuck would we give someone a mortgage that was cheap for two

years and then wildly more expensive just 24 months later? These people's lives aren't changing.

It's not like in 24 months they've all made lots more money. Why would we do that?

And the reason that we did it was greed. And look at that Costco selling massive bag of popcorn.
Look at this. This is not okay.
I think we're going to look back on this and, and, and say, this is not okay. That we let the companies not only poison the food.
I mean, look at that. Look at that.
Go to that cart that that woman has a child sitting on that. Now, yes, there's a lot of water here and Tide and detergent and like, it's, you know, there's a lot of water and stuff, but there's also going to be a lot of food on there.
She's just warming up. People have like these, this is all industrial.
If you go to Costco, it's like a big factory. It's a warehouse.
And you're pushing large cans of poison in a cart. And then you have to load up your car and then you go feed your family.
I don't think the, and you know, it marries a lot of the trends in America. Like a lot of people are preppers.
A lot of people are preparing and maybe they're not even stupid. Who knows? They're preppers.
They're preparing for a time when they, they cannot get food. This was big during the pandemic.
People started to really panic and then people would stock up. Even me, I said, I don't stock up on anything.
I eat out a lot. I usually don't freak out.
I don't think that we're not going to be able to get Kraft mac and cheese, but people were stocking up during the pandemic on everything. And that's always kind of been a theme of America is that people use the perhaps legitimate fear of some cataclysm as a reason to have so much food and hoard.
And hoard food in their homes and have closets full of food, pantries of food 8 10 12 15 things of bread crumbs 20 bread crumbs things you could fill a kiddie pool with bread crumbs and just fucking you know coat chicken cutlets in it for hours and our and it's just i think we're gonna look back on it. I think we're going to go, this was a major mistake.
I think we'll look back on this and I think we're going to go, this is disgusting. And this is a major turning point.
Going to a warehouse to feed your family was a turning point in our culture. it was not a good one.
Walking into an industrial warehouse and buying tubs of things, barrels of things, rolling things onto a cart, putting so much stuff on a cart,

you can barely see your child.

It's not good.

This was not a good turning point.

Creating a fun environment in that warehouse

where they had like food, you eat, you eat,

and you shop.

The Costco had that little thing you would buy food at

that people really liked.

The chicken bake. There was a few things in at that people really liked.
The chicken bake.

There was a few things in there that were fun. They had frozen yogurt.
And you would eat there. It was a whole day.
Getting food was a whole day. And you would need to eat literally Kirkland.
Yeah, Kirkland. Signature brand, everything.
You would need to eat to have the energy to then shop for two hours.

Because a trip to Costco would be two or three hours.

And they would tell you that.

Your mother would tell you that.

You'd go, don't whine.

This is going to be three hours.

And it would be three hours of going around Costco, which was always air conditioned

to a point where it was frozen

because they like to keep

the fatty boom batty's comfortable.

It's comfortable

to be, it's a nice cool, you never want to leave.

If you're in a nice

cold environment

and you're a fatty boom batty,

you're, you don't want to leave. It's comfortable.
The minute you start sweating, you're out. So they kept it like sub-zero.
It felt like you were walking around the freezer. And you got everything.
And I just think we got to turn on this. This has got to be, this is not good.
Someone has to articulate, probably better than me, why it should be shameful and embarrassing to be a member of this. It should be shameful, embarrassing to be a member of this.
This is not how you should shop. This is not how you should feed your family.

I'm sorry.

Everyone now on Instagram, they make these videos.

All these like blue collar working class people are making food videos now

with all this poison food because they're like,

why should the rich people have all the fun making food?

I'm going to show you how to make buffalo chicken pudding. There's a woman on there and I'm not going to bring her up.
And I do like her, but she's like, she does these tutorials where she's like, today I'm making pizza cake. So what? It's cake and pizza and my kids like it.
She doesn't ever feed the kids vegetables. She makes the worst food for the kids over and over again.
There's this other woman, and I don't know what people get out of watching her. She's like, watch a working-class woman make her husband's lunch, and she makes him, like, just adult, like, Lunchables withables with like all processed food.

And it's the most disgusting thing you've ever watched.

Listen, I'm saying I think with the Ozempic stuff, maybe this is a turning point.

Maybe we are about to turn on this.

They certainly feel like all of these drugs are starting

to be very effective.

People are starting to eat a lot less.

A lot of these companies are flipping

out. They don't know what to do.

All of the people

that make Ozempic and Vigovic and all those,

they're now, I think, the

most, like, they have the

biggest market cap of any European company. I forget the name of the company that makes Ozympic.
But Nova something else. It's made by...
Novo Nordisk. Yes, Novo Nordisk.
Nordisk. A brand of, yeah.
Is the maker of Wigobi. it's Europe's most valuable company worth more than 500 billion euros this is the beginning of a big turning point and what I believe if this is all correct this is the beginning we're going to start turning on these food warehouses, fast food.

I think this could reshape America.

It could totally change.

I'll be dead.

Everyone I know will be dead.

Maybe not.

Maybe not, but I'll tell you this.

I think this could be such a major disruptive,

just like the porn to that tribe in the Amazon. You might see a time, because nobody takes Ozempic and goes, let's go to Costco.
There's no way. If Ozempic does anything, you should not be able to walk through a Costco.
And I haven't done it yet. I'm waiting to see if these celebrities croak.
As Stavros said to me in the green room, he goes, let's wait and see if Mindy Kaling drops. Mindy Kaling.
But here's what Ozempic should do if it does anything. If you walk into a Costco, you should have the reaction of that girl from The Exorcist.
Your head should spin off your shoulders. You should start projectile vomiting.
Ific does anything when you walk into Costco you should just start it should be like the exorcist because you should be disgusted by this food that could fall and kill you there's so much of it it could fall off a fucking shelf and kill you that should make you heave on Ozempic. You should be disgusted.
Wagovi, Munjaro, whatever. You should walk through Costco, and I mean, it's like me, 14 years sober, going through San Fran, watching people lay on the street with needles out of their arms.
That is what Ozepic should make you feel like in Costco. And the article is the cult of Costco, right? And it is a cult.
Yeah, the cult of Costco. It is.
Go down here for a minute. Let's see.
Sensory overload starts the second you enter the airplane hanger size store. The is packed with people And do I smell hot dog water? Yes, you do The shopping floor is a bewildering jumble of merchandise Much of it's stacked high above your head Still in cardboard boxes There are virtually no signs to tell you what's where You eventually realize that the stuff you came to buy is, of course, all the way in the back I hope these become Museums I really do I hope we look back at this and these become Museums, you know we do move on from stuff There used to be bars everywhere littered This country was littered with bars Where people would sit and smoke cigarettes They were on every corner and now they're not there as much They're almost.
They're almost gone because Americans simply just decided that they didn't want to live like that. And I'm not saying that that was the right decision either, considering what they're doing now.
But you can look at these stores and eventually see a time in the not-so-distant future when they don't exist. When they don't exist, when people are like, you know what? I'm not going to buy.
I'm not getting an appetizer. My mother once got an appetizer box.
The count was 300 hors d'oeuvres in the box at Costco. There was 80 potato puffs.
They told you what they had. It was like 80 potato puffs, 80 fucking, you know, whatever turnover, whatever these things are, 80 pigs in a blanket for new year's.
We didn't throw any party. You know, it's, it's, it's too much.
It's disgusting. It's disgusting.
And I think that maybe this, these Ozempic drugs change and everyone's like, well, isn't that the easy way out? America's the easy way out, dummy. We've always been the easy way out.
What are you nuts? No one in this country is looking for anything other than the easy way out. Everyone has been looking for a get-rich-quick scheme or some fucking thing they can figure out and make a lot of money.
Nobody in this country is looking for the how good it feels to do a day's work. I just feel good doing the Lord's work.
No one in this country, maybe somewhere else, but not in this country. This is the easy way out.
That's what we do. Russia fights World War II and wins.
We take credit. Easy way out.
It's what we do. It's what we do.
Yes, I know your grandpa died on D. They fuck off.
They lost more. I'm not even saying that, you know, the sacrifices of us, but it's not even comparable.
I mean, it's the easy way out. It's what we do.
We're good at it. We're good at the easy way out.
Taking the easy way out and making it look hard is actually more difficult than doing the hard work. No one respects anyone who works in this country.
Look at them like they're scum, as you should. Someone who's working, you immediately feel bad for.

Our parents, and I said this on Tucker,

they used to point to people in the street who were working and go,

look, that's what you're going to be if you don't figure it out.

That's what you're going to be.

You're going to be in the street working all day.

Like that in-shape guy you see working, you're going to be like him. If you don't figure it out, you can sit at a desk all day.
It's just funny. I'm like, listen, think whatever you want about these drugs and maybe they kill everybody in a year or two.
I don't fucking know. But this whole idea that it's hilarious and it's like people are like, well, that's taking the easy way out.
It's like that's everything we do. Everything we do is the easy way out, buddy.
It's everything we do. That's the easy way out, that Ozempic.
Hey, man, that's what we're into. That's what we're into, the easy way out.
It's the easy way out. It's why we have a fifth grade reading level in America.
Most Americans read at the fifth grade level. Okay? Because the seventh grade books are too hard.
The fifth grade, you know why? Because it's the easy way out. TV.
And then the internet's even easier than that. It's on your phone in your pocket.
Now, what do we use that to do? Get smarter? So cut it out. Cut it out.
I mean, listen, you might not like these drugs and they're fine, but let's not pretend that, like, there's some fetish in this country for hard work. Let's cut it out.
What am I, 10? What am I, a child? You don't think I've been here? Everybody in this country is looking for their mother to die so they inherit a house. They're looking to slip and fall in a Wendy's to make money.
People in this country, I had a friend who injured himself in a Home Depot parking lot pushing a cart, and he sat on his ass for two years, and then they gave him $50,000. Scott, nice guy.
And we all said to him, you know, you could have made more money if you just worked those two years, but he couldn't work. He had to prove that he had a debilitating back injury.
So they eventually gave him $50,000. You could have made more than $50,000 had you just had a job.
And you know what he said? It was the most American thing he ever said. He goes, and what, so what would the point of that have been? What would have been the point of that? And, and he was right because he sat on his ass for two years and then he finally got a nameless, faceless corporation to kick him $50,000 because he was retarded and that's the American dream that's the American dream the American dream is that it's not to work hard every day all day and get nothing or a very little bit it's to hack the city all these kids go to Stanford they put a hoodie on and then Peter Thiel gives them $9 million because they say they want to build a spaceship.
That's what it's about. It's about being full of shit and getting lucky.
That's what the country's about, and there's nothing wrong with it either. There's nothing wrong with it because that's inevitably where civilization lands.
It starts with hard work. And then people figure out that that's gay.
It's pretty dumb to toil in the field. And then people start realizing, actually, we found a better way to do it.
This is where civilizations all go. They all go to where no one's really working.
No one's doing much of anything. And that's where we're at.
And yes, we're going to have to take drugs to make us not eat ice cream sundaes. Because we're at a point now where everything's gotten so easy.

Even the things that shouldn't be are easy. Even if you have a hard life, it's easy to be a fatty, boom, batty.
It's easy to get cheap shit food. It's easy to get porn.
it's easy and that so all civilizations eventually get to a point where people get lazy and they look for what we're looking for which is an easy way out or up that's why there's so much as an emphasis on networking everybody's like it, it's who you know, not what you, it's network. That's a full on admission that everybody's trying to get juiced into something.
Everybody's trying to get let in to something they don't have the quality, they don't have the qualifications to do. That's why they're all obsessed with network.
It's not who you know, it's what you know. It's not, I'm sorry, it's not what you know.
It's who you know. Network, bro.
You got to network. Build your network.
And here's what they're trying to say. If you're full of shit on your own, that's tough.
You're full of shit and everyone you know is full of shit. Now we're talking.
That's hard to beat. That's what networking is for these people.
That's what it means. They don't ever say it like a rash in a real way where they're like, build a client base by networking and offering people.
No, no, no, no. They go, if you're a delusional psychopath, you need to be around other delusional psychopaths because eventually there'll be so many of you, you just create a thing.
It's just there. People go, well, they're all there.
It's just what happens. So that to me, I never, I never look.
Now, I don't know anything about this drug. And I know people that are on it.
A lot of people that are on it. Some people love it.
Some people say it's stalled for them. they are they've hit a ceiling with it and they can't

go on. But the thing that

I find the most

hilarious are the people

that go, well, it's an easy way out.

It's an

easy way out. And you go, yeah,

exactly. But yeah,

that's why it's worth

$500 billion.

That's why it made all that money.

That's why it made all that money.

Telling people to do something that's difficult and hard

is not going to make that much money.

Giving people something and going,

hey, it's the reason that Costco has a cult of followers is because they go in there and it's easy to be an animal. It's easy to walk through a warehouse and get bags of goldfish that look like sandbags you're using to stop a flood, except you're putting them in the backseat of your Kia Spectra and driving them to your house so your children can eat them and die.
But that's easy. Nobody's going to Costco for veggies.
You're going to get highly processed food and a lot of it so that you can shovel it down your family's throat. So we're all looking for easy way out.
This might just be a better easy way out. I don't know.
I can't wait till the Amazon tribes get introduced to Ozempic. I can't wait till these fucking the Marubo are on Ozempic and they learn about plastic surgery and they learn about all of these things.
It's going to be great. Two years from now, the Marubo women are going to all have facelifts and new tits and new asses and new heads.
And the men are all going to be on Viagra and all of these other drugs. And everybody in that tribe is going to be on a Zempek, the people that have gotten a little chubby because they'll start eating our food eventually.
There's got to be one Postmate. There's got to be one door dasher there.
One guy who shows up. One guy.
Wait till there's a raising canes.

I want to put a raising canes there.

I want to put a raising canes in the Amazon.

Fatten them up.

Fatten them all up.

That's what I would do if I was a billionaire like Elon gives them all Starlink.

I'd go over there with raising canes.

And I'd introduce chicken fingers to the Amazon.

They all get fat.

Just big tribes of fatties. Eating chicken.
They go, what did Tim Dillon do with his billions? They go, he introduced chicken fingers to uncontacted Amazonian tribes. And they all got fat.
And then they all had to take Ozempic. And he invested in Ozempic, too.
He was sick. It's like the Rothschilds, how they funded, supposedly, both sides of the wars.
I would fund Raising Cane's. I bet there's some sickos that are doing that.
There's definitely people in our society that are like, let me invest in Nestle and No Vote Nordic. Because they go, the fatter they get, the more they'll need the needle.
You've to cover your bases in America. You got to cover your bases.
You have to make sure that no matter which way it goes, you're on top of it. You've got a little money.
That's really what it comes down to. That's why I would not have saved those children in L.A't, I don't know.

I still don't know.

You don't know how it's going to go.

And in America, you always have to cover your bases.

You have to make sure that if it goes left, you're okay.

If it goes right, you're okay.

So I just would have quietly got in my car.

And this is my advice to anyone.

Anyone that sees someone being attacked, get in your car, and this is my advice to anyone. Anyone that sees someone being attacked, get in your car and drive away.
And I know you guys doesn't feel heroic. It all depends on the song.
Really. All depends on the song.
The only time I want to see you intervene

in something like that

is if you see me getting hit by Jerry Seinfeld