Confessions of a Mucus Plug: Tuesday, April 8th, 2025

I sound amazing. Welcome back to the toast and happy.
What is it? Oh, only Tuesday. Dave choose.
You choose. Make a choice quickly.
Myself. Bruno.
Claudia. Bruno.
Turdy. Bruce is my choice today.
He's in the studio with me looking handsome as ever. Handsome Diablo.
Diablo? Yeah. He's a handsome devil.
Oh, is that what Diablo means? I should know that as a tosada. You should.
I'm pretty sure. Bruno's not a handsome devil.
He's a handsome angel. It's true.
He's a angel. He's a devil on opposite day.
Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho.
Broody. Hey, turdy.
How you doing? You know. Brody.

Hey, turdy.

How you doing?

You know,

doing.

Choosing yourself, though.

That's good.

Practicing self-love.

In this day and age,

I really don't have the time or space to choose anyone but me.

But in choosing yourself,

you're choosing your unborn child,

which is so beautiful.

Oh, and also in choosing myself, I'm choosing others because if I'm stable, a lot of other people are going to be OK. I know.
And if I'm not stable, I worry. Oh, you know, Ben and I discovered something really funny last night.
You know how we're always talking about Ben's feet? Sure. In what sense? In the sense that they don't see each other.
They're always going in opposite. We also talk about his toenails.
So no, that's not what I was thinking. And we also talk about the pace in which his feet move, which is very slow.
So the pigeon-like nature of his feet. Yeah, it's not pigeon, actually.
It's duck. It's anti-pigeon.
Yeah, it's duck. It's the other way.
Duck. So basically his toes, one's a conservative and one's a liberal.
They never see eye to eye on anything. And we discovered that Ben actually, and I'm surprised that, you know, because his mom is very into, like very into, she always tells me like when they were growing up, they did like so many activities.
She's very into like, you know, keeping the kids stimulated. I'm surprised she never threw him in a ballet class because it turns out Ben.
He's always in first position. He has incredible what they call turnout, which is your ability to turn out your feet yeah he was born in fifth position so we last night went through all the positions that you can do in ballet let me tell you ben didn't even flinch he executed them all flawlessly and even like trained dancers like you have to train your feet to turn out like to have this natural inclination to be able able to, Ben can make his feet into an equal sign.
Yeah. And it doesn't hurt.
He's not even trying. I fear he really missed out on a career as a ballerina.
On his calling. Yeah.
I understand he could have been the next Mikhail Baryshnikov. Alexander Petrovsky.
Instead, he's the next Alex Gornichelli. Also good.
Also good. That's how I feel about Dana being a gymnast.
Because Dana is 4'8", which is like a great height to be a gymnast. You're compact.
But she has incredibly long arms. Oh.
And so could you see her on the bars? I could. So she missed her and ben can go live with their regrets yeah do you feel like you missed your calling in any particular skill or sport no i feel like i gave i tried everything yeah and my calling is to be a podcaster and a mom yes oh that's beautiful i'm holding space here too.
My calling is totally to be a podcaster. But I do wish I had applied myself a little bit more in, like, the theatrics department.
I think I could have. I could have made something of myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could have.
If I had, like, you know, done show choir or, like, whatever, maybe joined an acapella group at NYU, I think I could have a career both as a podcaster but also a pop star. Yeah, that's a bummer.
Sorry. I have no regrets.
I'm happy with where life landed me. Yeah.
And I think Ben is too. And I don't think he's lamenting over like a career lost as a ballerina.
I don't know if that was his dream, but he has a natural inclination for it. Yeah, he definitely does.
So I'll send you a video. You will die at his feet.
Like I might get I know them. I could see it.
Nothing. You're saying to third position.
He was already in it. You know, yeah.
Flawlessly. It was so funny.
That's hysterical. I'm also just like experiencing this kind of terrible phenomenon where I have like I have to pee so bad.
I have to pee so bad. I have to pee so bad.
And I go and there's no pee. What is that? UTI.
No. Really? Well, that is like.
Is that just like pregnancy stuff? That's literally exactly how someone would describe a UTI. Someone who's not pregnant.
Both people. Like you could have a UTI, but also it could be like your baby's pushing down in your bladder, making you feel like you have to pee, but it's phantom because there's nothing in there.
Should we tell everyone? Tell them what? What we did yesterday on FaceTime. Tell them what? Tell them what? I mean, it's your story to share.
I called Jackie. Wow.
From the toilet. Which isn't new.
No one can ever say that she holds back on this show. Well, I called Jackie because, you know, I had a question for my doctor.
But I think that, like, at first I was being, like, a little dramatic. So I was like, I'm not going to call Dr.
Fox. Let me call Jackie.
And you guys know my obsession with catching my mucus plug. Like, I have only recently learned about the mucus plug.
And ever I found out about it I just think it's so interesting and for those who maybe don't know Jackie you told me about this your mucus plug is like kind of this like clump of mucus that falls out of your uterus when you're like due to give birth like they say it could be like an indicator of like a week um before it was for me the first time it's just sort of like hey how y'? We're coming. No, it's still really early for me to have lost my mucus plug, but it's not out of the realm of possibility.
Yeah. And I don't know.
I was just like looking at my undies being like, it's giving mucus. Mucus.
Yeah. But it was a false alarm.
Yeah. So I did show, just to be clear, because you know Jackie's squeamish like that.
She let me like show her my underwear which was really nice and she was really cool about it and she assured me that it's probably nothing but just to text Dr. Fox.
Dr. Fox said it doesn't look to be terribly alarming.
Classic lady stuff. Yeah but like I do and I know it's like a common thing where like you take pictures of like your bodily fluids during pregnancy and share them with your healthcare provider.
It's really not something through the portal right it's really not something i'm come like i'm ever going to be okay with like there's so many things i've gotten used to like people sticking their hands up my vagina probe like the sending pictures of my knickers like it's not it's not gonna ever be normal to me sorry that's so crazy even though we are taking taking the picture you're you are so open so it's funny that's where you would draw the line but i will say i think if you were ever really concerned about something like what you saw yesterday wasn't alarming if you were alarmed you would send that picture off in two seconds in a negative way you're right you're right yeah you know i low-key like wished it was my mucus plug because i'm just like waiting for the day that just know when i lose, you guys will be the first to know. She'll be bringing it in the Ziploc onto the show.

Oh, wait.

That's why the frames are empty.

They're waiting for my mucus plug to be smeared on the wall.

Yeah.

But you might not lose it.

I know.

In a part of you.

Like, I think with my second, I didn't, like, it was still in there when I went into labor in Dr. Fox.

Yeah, some people don't lose it.

But maybe he could have given it to me.

Some people don't lose it. And some people don't even realize that they lost it.
Like, what if I pee in the middle of the night? Like, it's dark. I'm not looking at the toilet bowl.
Yeah. So I'm just on high alert.
I know. I really want that for you.
Me too. Like, I just think it would be a really beautiful full circle moment.
We have to listen. I think it's on the Patreon.
Jackie's first birth story. which I mentioned.
She just low key casually name drops the mucus plug. Like as if I know what that is.
And my reaction, like that was a pivotal moment for me as a woman. I think that was one of the things that made me want to get pregnant.
Yeah. But I just want to say, I didn't know what a mucus plug was either, but I, you know what you read about it on the bump app.
They're like, right. It could happen.
what it was and when it happened I knew what it was there was no confusing it okay that's good that's good to the fact that I had doubts like yeah you won't have a doubt okay yeah it's too early when you know you know that's so beautiful so um I don't know if there's like a Vegas odds on when my mucus plug is gonna fall out but it's

as far as i know it's still inside okay but hedge your bets you guys yeah it's anyone's game i can't wait i'm just as excited for the mucus plugs arrival as i am for the babies hopefully you get a little distance between the two so you could focus on your mucus plug and of course i don't want the plug to look overlooked.

Yeah.

We also need a name

for the plug,

like Plugio.

No. the two so you could focus on your mucus plug and of course i don't want the plug to look overlooked yeah we also need a name for the plug like pluggy o no would you like to be the namesake my plug so yours would be like pluggy loo yours would be plogers plogers or pluggy loo i like plogers i think it embodies the plug plogers sounds like something you read on Urban Dictionary, like a Blumpkin or something, like a Plojers.
That's what a mucus plug is, something from Urban Dictionary. You have a Plojers.
Can I tell you that today we have Dear Toasters? We actually have an update from somebody who wrote in somewhat recently, and it's like, people always say we're being dramatic, right? For once, we weren't. Let me tell you, every time you say we have Dear Toasters or that we have an update like my stomach drops like no how do we deal with this feeling like i get so worried for the girl the the one girl of course for her but just in general like it's just a worrisome thing that's because i'm an empath yeah it's hard to do like an invite segment on your podcast when you're a deep empath because I'm still holding on to like every Dear Toasters from the beginning of time.
Yeah, of course. They all take a little piece of your heart.
And they all like make their way into my DNA. I don't know what it is about me also this year.
Do you feel like always people are like talking about the Sephora sale? Like every time it happens every year. And I kind of just like let it pass.
Like I don't buy. Like I don't I have placed three orders and I actually I'm gonna go into the store today I think it's because I feel so ugly that like I think makeup's gonna help and it actually is helping like I've been replenishing all my makeup trying new things and it does make me feel better like the things that I can control but I can't remember a year where I've ever maybe sometimes I'll like place one order but people are always like what'd you get at the Sephora sale.
This year I have, you can, I have the Sephora app on my phone. Like I'm being really crazy.
That's so crazy. No one is talking about the Sephora sale more than you.
I know. And it's, by the way, it's amazing.
Bringing it to the fore. I will say it did come at a really good time because I'm low on every, like I've been meaning to place an order at Sephora.
And I'm like, oh, it's a Sephora sale. So I did my my restock of the things that I use but I also plan on going to the store because I really want to try House Labs Foundation and I tried to order it online but like they literally have a shade that's like pink yeah you need like you need to go get matched yeah well yeah I just need to I'll probably get like two colors people say that like it would be a really great weekend foundation for me and that's what I'm in the market for.
No, but also like restocking your makeup is so expensive.

Like it really adds up. Everything is literally every good piece of makeup is $40.
Like it's really crazy. So 20%, I think I'm going to have to place another order.
I always spend $120 at Sephora. Like no matter what I buy.
Oh, that's like your number? It's always $120. Okay.
I feel like it could be worse. Yeah.
Well, unless well unless i'm doing like oh my god you guys jackie has started sending me like cheapskate hack videos like so dramatic like she sent me this video like why are you sending me this is like because she's cheap you're like yeah maybe you could do it literally this girl squeezing every last drop of product out of her toothbrush metal product it looks like what they put in your vagina for a pap smear yeah it's like a clamp where you twist every little piece of toothpaste cream and it moves everything down to the bottom so you don't miss a drop it's actually meant for paint i'm gonna get it for you jackie was like you should try this like bitch please I. I am not that cheap.
You you've always been like very economical in a very. Yes.
In a in a good way. Like you know admirable head a good head on her shoulders.
But you have recently veered. I think it's like you're so scared of all of the financial burdens coming my way.
Yeah. that you've really like tightened the purse strings.

Really?

But I just went to the Prada outlet and I spent so much money.

You saw.

I saw.

I did.

Like I crushed it at the Prada outlet.

Yeah, that's good.

You guys, I got a pair of shoes and three bags.

You didn't even tell me what bags you got.

You were being so weird.

It was one for me.

You were not being helpful on the phone.

That's why I was like sending everybody pictures

and you were chiming in so late.

Be like, what about that one in the back? I'm like, girl, we've moved on. I was not by my phone.
And by the way, the Prada outlet was seriously like, fucking, you had to be so crazy. The sales lady was like, do not leave this, like you have to hold this bag.
Someone will take it. There's only like one of each.
And then I gave it to Ben. All of a sudden, I see this male salesman walking around with my bag.
A male salesman? I said, excuse me, get back here. That's my bag.

Ben set it down.

Ben had given it to my saleswoman to take to the front desk

and she gave it to this man.

She brought in-

It was still yours.

It was still mine,

but you had to really act quickly and swiftly.

There was a line to get in the store.

It was really kind of all the other cheapskates showing up.

So you were like dilly dallying,

answering me like 20 minutes later about a bag.

Yeah.

Which is the worst day to go.

Morning.

I was at the Prada store probably about one o'clock.

Oh, we might've been napping.

So like I said,

and I was like,

I was asking you if you wanted a bag.

Like it was seriously.

Yeah. And it was kind of, yeah, and you didn't't answer so I actually planned on going back to the Prada outlet it was really a fabulous outlet I think I might go to the outlet too the Prada outlet now is there a Prada outlet by you at this outlet center that I went to the Woodbury Commons um there was a Le Creuset as well well there's a Le Creuset outlet near outlet near me as well.
And I've been itching to get back. I only knew to look.
I only knew to look because you had such a fabulous experience. Did you get anything? No, it was, let me tell you.
So the outlet mall is huge. Like where you park and good luck finding a spot like is where you have to be.
So we parked like in the luxury section because I wanted to go to Prada and then went to go to Theory. So we walked around a bunch.
Leuset was actually five miles away on our way out we drove past it we couldn't find a parking spot and we just left like I just I did not oh going to the outlets as a pregnant person I I needed like an ADA you know what actually I've had a thought maybe people are gonna call me for I think that pregnant women should get starting at the fifth month a handicap placard. I agree.
Or just like a pregnant parking spot. Yeah, something.
And also for mothers with small children. They should get parking at the front.
They shouldn't be in the back of the parking lot. I agree.
The parking situation was so crazy. There were so many empty.
I've actually seen signs for family parking in some of the bigger places. Oh, really? Yeah.
I forget where. But I would say it was like probably I don't know if it was Target or Walmart, but like where they have huge parking lots and everybody gets a spot.
And I've seen family parking. But like it should be at the grocery store.
It should be everywhere. I agree.
It should be everywhere that like a handicap placard is. Yeah.
Yeah. My father-in-law has a handicap placard and he like is so he only recently got it.
Let me tell you, changed his life. And like I'm jealous.
Yeah. But you don't take it.
Oh, and then something. No, of course not.
something so funny about my father-in-law has a handicap placard and he like is so he only recently got it let me tell you changed his life and like i'm jealous yeah but you know and then something no of course not something so funny about my father-in-law he loves these outlets that we go to so on our way home ben calls him just like brag that he crushed it at theory and he was so excited and he ben was telling his dad like oh claudia did so well at prada she got like great shoes and bags and bruce ben sad was like oh that's great because you know you can wear that at any size and i'm like great shoes and bags. And Bruce, Ben said, was like, oh, that's great.
Because, you know, you can wear that at any size. And I'm like, yeah, like exactly.
No, wait. So when he said it, I was not miffed.
I'm like, no, exactly. Like Ben got a whole new wardrobe.
It's exciting to get that. And I can't, like I wasn't going to buy any clothes at the outlets.
Like I'm not buying for this size. You weren't going to buy a Prada dress at April Pregnant? No.
So I was like, yes, Bruce, exactly. Thank you.
He was like, I'm happy for you. Like that you were able to get stuff.
I'm like, thank you. And then we like kept talking and then he said it again.
He was like, and that's so great because, you know, you can wear these bags and shoes at any size.

Okay, Bruce.

And I was like, say it again, Bruce. Say it again.
And again, he didn't mean it maliciously, but I was cracking up so hard. I'm like, you like I liked that he saw me the first time.
The second time it felt a little redundant.

I understand.

Yeah, but it is nice that I can wear them at any size. It is.
Still, you didn't send me your three bags that you got. Okay.
Do you want me to send them to you right now? Yeah. Yeah.
I'd like to see. Even though, like, if you read the chat, I did show everyone the wind up.
And, like, what's going on with the birthday bag that I got you? Remember? From last year? Yeah. That's still my bag.
What do you mean? you'll wear it this summer? Yeah, of course. You want to give it to me?

You're more than welcome to borrow it.

I need a bag like that for summer.

Like a raffia tote.

Okay, I'm sending you.

Okay.

Oh, parchy mu mu.

Yeah, I got that one.

Okay, very cool.

And then in the second picture, I got the two bags in the front.

You guys, they were half off.

Blue and white and tan?

Yep. Love.
And then these, they were inspired by you. I was surprised you didn't answer me.
Jackie has these fab pair of Miu Miu heels. Oh, I love them.
Heels. Yeah.
That are so comfortable. They're like great basics.
I've worn them once. I have them in three colors.
I wear them every time I go out. And every time I wear them, I'm like, oh, I need to buy them because they're so comfortable.
They're so classic. don't really like I find heels really uncomfortable um and they're so expensive but like you know it's worth the investment but you know me and my cheapie so they had them at the outlets and had them in two colors but one wasn't my size I would have gotten them in both we should go to the outlets together because that would be fun it's like a blend of the things that we love yes designer and heels yeah that's so Designer deals.
So I'm happy for you. So all's that to say, I'm not that cheap.
I bought three Prada bags on Sunday. Okay.
Yes. They were 50% off and fell off the back of a truck.
But still. They said Prada.
But I did just get my $4.95 breast pump in the mail. Insurance.
Insurance covered. And I got 1,000 milk bags.
God willing, I should need all of them. What breast pump did you get? The Spectra.
What color? Blue. Blue.
Well, I called Shannon yesterday. Did you see Shannon's stories? No, I didn't catch up.
What's the latest? I'm still finding out if James passed his driver's test. He did.
Of course he did. He can drive.
He just couldn't get here. So Shannon was like, you know, I know we all clown on like health insurance and how it's like the worst thing ever.
But it is like amazing that you get a free breast pump.

And hers had just arrived.

And I was like, oh, my God, same.

Mine just arrived.

Like, this is so exciting.

And then she was unboxing it and she got the pink spectra.

Oh, she'll be.

And I said, I called her.

I said, Shannon, you got to go blue.

You got to go blue. Everybody knows.
Jackie told me that. But then everybody echoed like blue, blue, blue.
And she was like, wait, what? Taylor told me pink. And I was like, really? And like Taylor's a trusted source.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taylor's like her mom best friend who has like a thousand kids.
And so I was like, maybe she got confused. So then Taylor and Shannon spoke.
And actually she had a really good explanation. She's like, no, I said what I said.
As like your main pump, it being plugged into a wall, which is what the pink one requires, it's much more powerful. Your portable pump can be whatever.
But like if this is going to be your main one, like, yeah, get the one that plugs into the wall. Where are you going? So pink is more powerful than blue? That's what Taylor said.
Wow. So did you lead me astray? Well, I'll just say Chantal never said that.
I don't want to, you know, I don't want to pit mama against mama. Doubt Taylor's lived experience.
Of course. I actually feel like you do want to doubt Taylor's lived experience.
No, I don't. I respect Taylor.
I respect her. But I just hadn't heard that before.
Yeah. So lots going on and it was only $4.95.
And Shannon, when she did the spectra she was like oh this the blue one was four dollars and 95 cents with insurance and the pink one was free i'm like yeah i can't give it away fast enough just i feel like that tells you what you need to know correct but you only get one free one with insurance like per child multiples per child yeah you only need one yeah but if you wanted to switch i'm saying oh you can't send it back i don't know shannon's like i'll have to call my insurance company all the paperwork it's not worth it it's fine she'll just need an extension cord don't we all need an extension cord yeah you've actually reached like peak living when you have multiple extension cords i'm in a bad place with my outlets in my room right now i only have like one that i can get to and so like you own your home like what's stopping you from calling an electrician and putting in an outlet nothing like i rented apartment where the outlets me where the outlets are they are like it's it's done you know there's nothing i can do about it but that's your fucking home bitch you bitch. You built it.
Like, put an outlet literally on your bed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe I will.

My outlet in my bedroom,

like the one that's like my main hub

for my heating pad and my phone charger,

my hatch,

it's in the worst fucking spot.

Like, I've actually thrown my back out

trying to plug my phone in.

Yeah.

My bedside outlet is in a good spot.

I just need more outlet.

Oh, well, you gotta go on Amazon and get that thing.

Yeah.

It's like it plugs into both outlets and it gives you six.

That's what I have.

Okay.

I'll send you an affiliate link.

Send me the link.

Get the commission.

I'm always sending my friends and family affiliate links.

Of course we are.

I hope everyone is who signed up for these programs.

Thousand percent.

Well, we do have stories today.

Tell me a little bit about them. I would say they're varied.
I would say they're good. Oh, and it seems as though they're female focused.
Oh my God. We are such female founders.
Confessions. Confessions.
Of course, we're talking about confessions. Please, is that a...
No. You're lying.
It's Lemonada Day. It's Lemonada Day.
I just want to let you know, like I'm actually at my wits end with Megan. We literally don't even talk about her.
And seriously I know could like go to the moon and I wouldn't even mention it because I don't want to upset you I'm not saying I'm not saying with you I'm saying like with the with people like I've actually had enough of her I've had enough it's Megan overload as well and I mean we'll talk about it but just like the idea that she's a jam maker and a podcaster and a cooking show host is insane like to do all three things in one month

when she hasn't worked one month in 10 years is so crazy and just like a bad business strategy

and we will get into it great we shall get into it but we have of course it's lemonada day the

window is open so is that door i know unfortunately it's lemonada day more we've been waiting for this

day for so long i gotta cross it off my list we have ceremonies to do i guess i guess yeah this

Thank you. I know.
Unfortunately, it's Lemonada Day. We've been waiting for this day for so long.
I had to cross it off my list. We have ceremonies to do.
I guess. I guess.
Yeah. This is where I'm in a prison of my own making.
Yeah. It's major podcasting news.
And it's Claudia was right news, which we'll get to after the break. So without further ado, do, do, do, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.
Okay. I'm like, what's a spoiler? What was I right about? Did I say Whitney was going to be her first guest? You'll have to wait and see.
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So our first story, the first episode of Meghan Markle's Lemonada podcast called Confessions of a Female Founder is here. And her first guest was Whitney Wolf Heard, the founder of Bumble.
And I do believe that coach predicted that as really when we were saying like the elk of guests that she would have. Yes.
I remember who we were. I remember that we were guessing like female founders.
Sarah Blakely would be a good guest. You said Whitney.
Did I did take it if I had if I had remembered that I would have been more excited about this story so assume that you did say that because I don't know why I would think that you did I remember you said and I was like oh that's that's such a good call it's really doesn't bode well for like Megan's show that I was able to guess her first guest like it's because everything is so generic and corny like female founders you know yeah yeah and she's like the classic female founder yeah it's just so unoriginal and corny like I the fact that I guessed it and I'm not even like a particularly smart person I can't even remember that I guess like I don't think it bodes well for the the future of this show yeah well they're having some girly chit chat talking about women workforce, working moms. Megan actually shared for the first time that she had postpartum preeclampsia, which Whitney had as well.
She was saying it was so rare. It's so rare.
And it was so scary. Going through that after having children and like trying to be there for your kids and where your baby.
And it's unclear if it happened after Archie or Lilibet, being a new mom and also having a serious health struggle. The interesting thing about podcasting is what we always say, right? Like the cream rises.
You can't fake it. And so with like the jam, and we didn't even talk about last week, the jam went on sale and sold out instantly.
And, you know, it looked to have been really successful. Now we don't know if she made a hundred thousand jams or she made 10 jams and they all sold out so a lot I think of being a celebrity and having brands or an influencer even it's like smoke and mirrors right you can for sure you can pretend that you have all the influence in the world but only you really know like what what coin you're bringing home with a podcast it's really interesting to see who flies and who falls and I will be very interested to see how this episode debuts.
The charts don't lie. I looked this morning.
Now, it is really early. I didn't see it anywhere, but it did just drop.
So I give it 24 hours. Yeah, give it 24 hours to see, like, where it lands.
I will say the charts don't lie unless you're exclusive with one of the networks. Networks.
Like, who knows? Because also also it's all very concentrated. But there is some vagueness in podcasting.
Like we will never know how many people listen to her episode. Like it's not so out there.
I do think. It's not YouTube.
Like if you put up a YouTube video, the public can see exactly how many views it has. There are no, there's no way to know how many downloads somebody's episode gets.
So I do think you can still like feign success. Yes.
Yes. That's true.
Point because eventually no one wants to pay for your ad spots or to pay you if you're not bringing in money. Now, speaking of her ad spots, Liz Woods did point out because I was curious about this as well.
You know, part of being a podcaster, you guys just heard me do three ads like you read ads um and I actually I meant to tell you this so on the good guys they were talking about um how Gavin Newsom just launched a podcast like how crazy that is and Ben was like well he does ads like that's crazy he's the governor yeah and I actually went to listen to hear the ads and they're pre-recorded commercials by like someone else it's not not Gavin's voice. It's like a commercial, a real commercial.
And it's an iHeartRadio podcast. So it sounds like a radio commercial that you hear in the car.
And so Megan's is the same as Gavin Newsom's where it's not Megan reading, even though she had like premium sponsors of this episode, like Discover Credit Card. It was not in Megan's self voice.
I don't like that, you know. I know part of being a podcaster.
So you got to get in there. You got to get down in the mud.
We want to hear your take on the ads. Tell us how you use code TURT in everyday life.
Oh, my God. Speaking of women in podcasting, I have to say something.
I, I'm actually really worried about Kylie Kelsey. So I don't, I don't listen to a lot of podcasts, but I don I don't listen to any podcasts honestly But hers comes across my desk all the time Because she's always like talking about like mom stuff And she has like different celebs on And I guess her thing is like she tells it straight Right like Not gonna lie is the name of her show So she won't lie And so she is always like responding to people Who like say ludicrous things about motherhood And I just like genuinely want to know like who the hell she hangs out with because who the fuck is saying this shit to you like she I saw a clip and it was like c-sections aren't real births and like people say that to her I guess she's had a couple of c-sections like who the fuck says that like I like that's insane and nobody I know would ever say that and I feel like yes it's like produced content for a podcast but like it makes it seem like literally she knows the worst people because it's like, oh, people will say to me, who? I think she's talking about like social media.
Maybe like trolls, like maybe they're like searching in the gutter for the like the worst things that people say or just like bad tropes. You know, I've heard people I've I've not heard anyone that I know say that, but I am aware that that is a narrative out there that's like C-sections aren't real, Bert's.
But like no respectable person says that with their whole chest. Correct.
So yeah, she's responding to like these gutter trolls. Yeah, but the way she says it conversationally sounds like somebody, you know.
Like her friend when they went to coffee. And they said.
Yeah. And I'm always like, girl, you need new friends.

Like you need a new social circle.

But maybe she is just like responding to general like things.

Yeah.

Not like specific instances.

I think it's more so like stereotypes and just the nasty things that people say.

And she's clapping back.

Because it really made me worried for like who she hangs out with.

Oh, okay.

No, I feel like.

I think it's probably a little more produced than that.

I hope.

Okay.

I hope so.

Yeah.

Well, I welcome Megan, of course, as a female founder myself and a female podcaster.

Good luck.

Yeah.

A woman in podcasting.

Good luck.

Like, I don't, like, I don't care, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I should like, just like I would watch, you know, as ever TV.
I should, like, listen to this. Even this morning, I put on Rascal Flatts instead of, like, listening to see what's up.
I have no. Because you chose yourself.
I have no desire to listen to this. Zero.
Not even for R&D purposes or, like, for the tea. Like, not even, even like to hate listen.
I have no desire. No, she's taking it really seriously from like a business perspective.
And that to me is just uninteresting. Like, I don't know who the next guest is going to be.
And there are women, especially that I'm sure she knows, who are really entertaining but also have amazing businesses. Like, she should have Reese Witherspoon on, you know? Not that there's anything wrong with Whitney Wolford.ford she's like built an amazing billion dollar business but like from an entertainment perspective it's not an entertainment show it's a business show and for that I'm just like bored I don't think it's fair to say that we're bored because we didn't listen because we didn't listen but bored by the concept yeah and I know that they're not in a studio together both looking pargy wearing like Laura Piana sweaters because I know it's done remotely and she's in her living room and it's audio only so like seriously I'm out is there anyone she could have on that you would Gwyneth you would tune in thousand percent okay so there is I feel like she will have her on maybe not this season because the season's probably wrapped and they just became friendly maybe next season I know we already had this conversation but I my money is more on Megan going on the goop podcast to promote her own new podcast and like gwyneth wouldn't go on this unknown show pod swap that's what we call it around these parts yeah we need a pod maybe maybe two for two with pod predictions i think so i think i can't believe i said whitney like somebody find the clip for me please like i don't believe it i'm literally so smart let me know if you guys remember what I'm remembering by the way I remember the exact conversation and I remember making a prediction that you thought was good because I remember feeling good about myself and then I remember like you couldn't think of one of my gosh she's so dumb I'm so smart no no mine was Sarah Blakely like from the get no like you couldn't think of one I remember okay so okay I see yeah and like you were dumb and I was smart I gave you the highest? I paid you the highest of compliments.
It's not enough for me to prop you up.

You also have to stomp on me below you.

Correct.

So I remember that feeling.

I just don't remember exactly whom I predicted.

Got it.

And I don't think of the Bumble founder a lot.

So I'm surprised she was in my brain. No, I don't think of her a lot either, even though she's so ubiquitous.

And she's a classic girly.

Female founder. Yeah.
Yeah so what check it out check it out and and if you do listen like let us know your thoughts as toasters who obviously have a high bar for content correct i trust the toaster's opinion on it agreed are you ready for our next story oh i'm gonna move some things around I don't think you're ready for the next one this next one was a turdy sent to me but I had seen and I too was interested shout out to Liz Woods for posting the premium content because Francesca Farago is claiming that influencers have been offered money to promote negative Hailey Bieber narratives on TikTok so Francesca Farago took to Snapchat to walk up her stairs and wash her face and casually like drop this bomb. Yeah, she was doing skincare.
Yeah, but like she was, it was such an afterthought. Like she's literally, I know she's also a new mom.
She's like huffing and puffing up the stairs. To twins.
To twins, like she's pumping, breastfeeding and just decides to share that apparently influencers are being paid to hop on this TikTok trend. She got an offer herself.
She had said in the past, people like herself get paid to do trends, whether it's dances or use certain songs or certain audios. Use music, right.
And I could see that. I don't think we would do this, but then I started thinking maybe we should pay influencers to use some of our sounds from our show.
My God, that's money I'll spend. Right? But they do it anyway, you know? Yeah, not enough.
We are a delight. What is it? The fact that we have so many haters genuinely blows my mind.
Anyways. Yeah, we're viral.
So it would be akin to that, like, us paying people. But it's, I don't know who.
pay people to use their music. So maybe it's labels, maybe it's artists.
She said she got an offer. It's a bunch.
I've been offered to like use someone's song. Like it's a bunch of, nobody you heard of, right? It's a bunch of people who do it.
Like music labels, management companies. But then I feel like after the Justin Baldoni article and like we were all introduced to the concept of like astroturfing um you'd always felt like certain things were getting like unfair treatment on social media and you were like who's behind this and like if you feel like a conspiracy theorist and that's why that blake lively like her initial complaint with all the screenshots like actually was so for me at least like eye-opening because he actually sent a Hayley Bieber tweet yeah remember he was like we need this yeah for Blake and it was like 10 times Hayley Bieber has been a woman hating mean girl but I saw it more as like bots and bot farms and like a company creating a bunch of accounts making writing viral tweets and then having their thousands of accounts like that yes and not paying real people real influential people to say stuff that they don't even know to be true that maybe this is just like the next step in astroturfing this was surprising to me um she did not name anyone specifically but implied that um certain trends and popular sounds on platforms like tiktok may be part of a larger smear campaign so she said she got an offer to do this Hailey Bieber trend that's going around it's like he thinks I we just met but turns out I was stalking him and it's like a picture of Hailey Bieber because that's the narrative about her right now oh you know what I've seen that okay so now influencers are it's that picture of her holding like J14 magazine when she's actually 11 being like, I love Justin Bieber.
Oh, my. So, yeah, she she didn't do it.
She thought it was like nasty and she's letting everyone know. Thanks.
Yeah, thanks. Because I feel like if you're a rational media literate person and you watch what goes on on social media around certain people, Hailey Bieber being one of them, you feel like it's an abnormal reaction.

There's so much being said and it's all so nasty.

And you're like,

you don't want to sound like a crazy person,

but you're like,

this feels coordinated.

So something like this

does give validity,

also like the Justin Baldoni

introduction to astroturfing

and that company in Dallas

that does this for a living.

You're like, oh, no, these things do exist. Right.
But then who's paying for this? Well, yes. So a lot of the initial, you know, I mean, I saw it and I'm like, oh, it's Selena.
Right. Like, and I think that's the natural everybody, even because even the Selena fans are now hating on Francesca, sending her so much hate and death threats.
She never said it. So it's like you're self-identifying yeah like so I mean who else for real who hates Hailey Bieber even though like Selena Gomez doesn't hate Hailey Bieber as far as we know right like they were photographed together at LACMA Claudia you have to let that go I can't it was three years ago and it means nothing.
Like so much has happened since then. Yeah.
It's a hatred between the two. But I just refuse to believe, it feels like Selena Gomez is like the happiest she's ever been.
Like maybe there was a time where I could see Selena Gomez being so miserable that like, yeah, I'm a billionaire. Let's spend some coin ruining Haley's life.
But now she feels like she's in the best place she's been in, in like actually 10 years. Yeah.
Also, I don't know if this is like an organic movement or I've been AstroTurf successfully, but I've been getting served all these clips of Benny Blanco. Yeah.
He's having a moment. Various podcasts, talking about his music.
What a cogent, intellectual, insightful man. Like, I feel like, you know, Nikki Glaser made that joke at the Golden Globes, like he's just to be with Selena like he is such a catch he is such a good guy he says really wonderful things about her but also he's such a great music creator he's been like showing how he's made certain songs for years even like he did um one of the Kesha songs he showed how he made the bridge he had like no more money or time left and so he used like DJ turn it up he had she had said that once the beginning of the song so like he made that the bridge and he's like showing how he writes all these songs he's a very smart person I'm really um impressed by him yeah I actually think that like the Benny Blanco turnaround because at first like they started dating everybody's like ew right and then they started doing a lot of press together and I think a lot of it had to do with their interview on Jay Shetty where they talked a lot about their relationship and he's like from Jay Shetty he's extremely emotionally intelligent and it's like you know internet talk it's like guys get you a guy who will do and it's like that's literally Betty Blanco and you're all clowning on him what because he's short and has curly hair like he's actually a very um good partner and like he really is gonna be like an amazing husband and so I think a lot of people I don't think it had it was astroturfing I actually think it was because I watched it slowly unfold extremely organic people being like wait we're clowning on him because he like took that picture with Selena's feet and he has like a gap in his tooth but like wait he is so respectful he's like saying all the things you bitches are always saying you want your boyfriends to say and he's like he's very smart and he's very well spoken he interesting stuff.
I'm very impressed by him. Just wanted to make note of that.
Right. So why would Selena now be like going on another astroturfing campaign when she really seems to be, I think for the first time in a really long time, like genuinely happy, personally, professionally, like she's crushing it in all corners of her life.
Yeah. I't see her being behind this but if not her who because it's definitely you're right like okay so it's a coordinated thing there's an agency paying people on behalf of who who's paying the agency yeah that's my question yeah oh also i forgot to check off on my on my notepad lemonada it's it up.
I brought out the list. So the only thing that we're still waiting for in our countdown list is keeping up with sports.
And I do think we'll be waiting quite a while. We should have them on this show.
I would absolutely love it. And I think we could.
Even though I think that part of the reason why keeping up with sports is not here, nor will it ever be,

is I don't think that they worked well together, and I don't think they would agree to do an interview together. Maybe we could have them on separately, and they could each tell their side of what happened.
Yes. Oh, I love that.
That's the work we need to be doing. Love that.
Are you ready for our next story? Yeah. White Lotus still making news after the premiere.
Yes. And now we are learning that a scrapped sex scene between two unlikely characters in the season three finale was cut.
So apparently the White Lotus scrapped an unexpected sex scene between Piper and Zion. Yes, Belinda's son apparently took Piper's virginity.
Yeah, the show's creator, Mike White, revealed that they were supposed to hook up even though viewers never saw them cross paths at the resort. He said the part that was cut, which is very disappointing, is that she decides to lose her virginity in the script in the last episode and she actually has sex with Zion, which is Belinda's son.
I mean, I guess it's in the very last episode so she's already back from her monk trip and she knows she's not to move to Thailand. So I understand why if they needed to cut stuff like what this didn't serve any purpose.
It would just be like for fun. Yeah, I think people actually would have really loved it.
He said I was trying to do too much narratively, which I can understand why he felt that way. But when you watch the whole show, it's like there actually kind of wasn't enough narratively.
Yeah. And he addressed that in the podcast, too.
Yeah. He said something like I'm edging you guys to get out of my bed if you don't like it.
Yeah. He was basically like, I've seen the backlash saying like nothing happened in this show.
And he's like, this is not the type of show. It's a world building show.
You're just like getting to know people for one week. All roads are not supposed to connect back to the murder.
Like it's not that type of show. It's not murder on the Oriette.
Like it's just a show. And this, if you don't like it, scram.
Yeah. Well, he said a little harsher than that and he made it very sexual, which I guess he does.
He did and so I chose to paraphrase. No, he said like this is my bed.
Don't sleep with me. Get out of my bed.
I'm edging you. You like edging? Yeah.
You don't like edging? Leave. Maybe he saw the Toast podcast talking about edging and he was inspired.
I think fans would have went wild for this. I just want to say it might have been a miss to cut it.

Like people like him a lot.

This is the second thing I heard was cut.

And then the one about Lori's daughter was cut.

Yes.

Carrie Coon had a trans daughter and they like talked about it.

And that whole scene was cut.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, I guess it was more so to serve that conversation about like all their different lifestyles.

Like Leslie Bibb who goes to church and voted for Trump and the other two who didn't. So I guess it was like meant to be political.
I don't think either of those two, like really either of those missing scenes. And that's the whole point of deleted scenes, right? They can be deleted.
Yeah. They don't impact the plot at all.
I am fine with not seeing. I found Belinda's son to be annoying.
Like I had had enough of him. You know? Yeah, he was crazy.

He was crazy

and he was like barely in the show.

I just found his energy

like so overwhelming.

Do you think he got

the same $40,000?

It's an amazing question.

Actually, he's not

in every episode.

So he's in the first

and the last,

maybe the last two.

So maybe he made $120,000.

Yeah.

Whereas everybody else,

except for Sam Rockwell,

he probably got paid

the same as Sam Rockwell. Everybody else is in every single episode.
Yeah. True that.
Are you ready for our next story, number four? Mm-hmm. Our fourth story that you sent me from an interesting website.
Oh, you guys. It's called whereisthebuzz.com.
Yeah, sorry. There wasn't like a lot of widespread media coverage because it's like pretty much an internet thing, but it's also a very New York thing.
If you want to know what's going down in New York, like something's going down. The New York Knicks took down the Phoenix Suns 112 to 98 on Sunday night.
But the real fireworks came from O.G. Anunobi, who erupted for 32.6 rebounds and three assists, possibly powered by Olympic gold medalist Suni Lee's courtside presence.
Yes. So Suni Lee went courtside to the Knicks game and she looked so unbelievably gorgeous.
And there are a couple of videos of what's his name? Sorry, Ben is obsessed with him. Oh, gee, like walking past her and like doing like good basketball moves, like right in front of her.
And he had like a particularly good game in the Knicks. Aren't like amazing.
They're not not bad and he's a good player. But this is sort of, you know, something had to be different, right? Why was this game different from all other games? Sunni.
And people think that like, you know, there was a pretty girl in the front row, an Olympian, you know, and he kind of was showing off. Do you think she was a guest of his to begin with? So the narrative online, which is completely made up, like everybody's just LARP larping is that they're totally not connected and i think when like you come as a guest of a player you get like much worse seats they don't give you court side but when you're suny and like the knicks invite you you take a court side seat you know i think she was there like for press yeah so i think she could have still gotten seats if she was like his girlfriend.

She could have gotten great seats.

But there's no reason to believe that they're boyfriend and girlfriend.

But the way he was like looking at her, it could have been like, that's my girl.

No, and I absolutely love this for Suni.

I think that that's a great boyfriend for her.

And we don't even talk about how, you know who's like a prominent New York Knicks wag right now?

Who?

Jordan Woods. Carl Anthony Towns plays on the Knicks.
And she like low-key has been with him for a while and he's a really good basketball player. Oh, that's cool.
Good for her. Yeah, like he's legit.
She's not like married to like, I'm not married, excuse me, they're dating, but like, you know, like a sad basketball player. I think some girls just want to date basketball players so they'll pick up anyone.
Yeah. No, he's like, he's a real player.
And the nba like you're probably good you know yeah you're getting choked up it's emotional to think about all the players who aren't good enough yeah no but like some some girls just want to say that they're dating an nba player so like there's a scrub who like still wears jeans to the game he just because he's not going to get played and he makes two hundred thousand dollars a year and like you have a boyfriend in the n But that's not what this is. So I just want it to be clear.
Like she low-key has like a boyfriend who's really good. I assume.
I don't get the vibe. She's always at like Sushi Park.
Okay, she was there once. But yeah, that we saw.
Always there. Always.
Are you ready for our fifth and final story? No, I am not. Is it our fifth and final story that's brought to you by Saks.com? It is.
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I don't know if I would say I'm like excited.

That's not one of the parts that excites me.

Like it's not like a mucus plug level of interest and intrigue.

No.

Things I'm actually looking forward to most.

Ready?

Obviously the mucus plug.

One mucus plug.

Two, baby.

Two, yeah, meeting the child.

Three, like the smells.

Like I feel like I'm so excited to see what my baby smells like.

Like baby smell, newborn smell.

But it's my baby, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh,

Thank you. yeah meeting the child three like the smells like i feel like i'm so excited to see what my baby smells like like baby smell newborn smell not like but but it's my baby you know like all babies smell good and your children have smelled amazing like seriously some of the best smells of my life and i can only imagine like this one's gonna be even better it's mine yeah i feel like when you're so close to it you don't smell it as much like it's no like it's like your house because you're in it you're in the bubble yeah oh shit that because like yeah not when i think about it i feel like it wasn't every time i pick them up maybe you weren't taking the time to acknowledge the smell maybe maybe okay well i'll let you know i'll report back and then third kisses like no one can tell me like how many kisses like they.
Much girl. Much girl nation.
My kisses, yes. I love that for you.
Our fifth and final story is actually a little bit of baby adjacent news because Caitlin Bristow and Jason Tardik continue to fight as she is slamming him for using her dream baby name for his new dog. Have you seen this? I have.
It is extremely awkward. So we actually talked about it on Patreon last.
Oh, that was Patreon. That was Patreon.
How she has started to share some stuff about why they broke up. She talked about him getting into podcasting.
How she felt like he was sort of riding her coattails, mooching. He wasn't paying half the rent, whatever.
She would have to like beg him to pay bills even though they were living in her house that she fully paid off. That she didn't want him to move into and now she is going on her podcast to talk about how he used her dream baby name for his new rescue dog she said I'm making this clear it's not that I'm not over him but to get a dog and name that dog my dream baby name that I've had in my baby names for 10 years I even have a text that says to him I said the day I met him quote I want to name my baby Teddy.
She doubled down that she's very much over him after breaking up with him in August 2023. After four years together, she said, I did not want to be in that.
It felt icky to me. I did not want to be in it.
I know I seem very angry, but it's more like I don't like feeling disrespected. And I just have so many gross feelings from that because for so long I was made to feel crazy.
And now I'm like, oh, I'm not crazy. I just saw what other people are seeing now.
Are people like turning on Jason Tardik? I think that she's making a compelling case with everything she shares, right? Like she's just, and I feel like she keeps maintaining like a level, even though she's like dragging him through the gutter, she keeps maintaining like a level of respect. Like even with the, we talked about this on the Patreon, so I won't repeat, but when she was saying like he would never pay bills, she was like, I wasn't perfect either.
Like, yeah, I was crazy not letting him podcast because I had a podcast. So she keeps like owning her shit.
So if you're going to drag someone, like you have to be perfect, right? But she keeps owning her shit with every breath that she also drags him in, which I think is like making a compelling case. And I think that, I mean, this is kind of crazy.
So I just want, I want it to go to his instagram because i think there's something just for his side of things like he got a new dog and then he said my new buddy needs no yes that's what i was just pulling up he was asking people on march 4th on instagram like what should i name my new dog polling people and then he wound up going people had suggested um teddy which is the name by the way He named his dog Teddy and that's her baby name.

And there was another name that people had suggested that it was like between the two

and he went with Teddy, which is her dream baby name.

And he knew that.

Now, to me, the weirder thing about this is,

and I want to know, like,

I would like to hear from Sean Booth, okay?

Because now there are three people

who are like obsessed with golden retrievers

and it all started with Sean Booth. Do you remember that? With Tucker doodle.
So Tucker doodle was Sean Booth's dog. And then when him and Caitlin got engaged and moved in together, like it was their family dog.
But when they broke up, like he was Sean's dog first and people were like really following along the devastation of Caitlin losing Tucker. Now he wasn't wrong for taking Tucker, but it's just like a sad part of a breakup.

It's just sad.

And people were so sad for her.

And then she got ramen noodle.

Yes, she got a rescue golden retriever.

And another one, Pinot.

Pinot Noir.

Yeah.

So she has two golden retrievers.

Then Jason comes, and she becomes like the Sean Booth.

Jason comes to live with her. He falls in love with these two dogs who are not his.
Ramen and Pino. Ramen and Pino.
And then they break up and he's dealing with the fallout of losing. So he gets a doodle.
Or whatever it's, what is it? A golden retriever. Yeah, it's a classic golden retriever.
It's the dog from Full House. And so to me, like, that's the funny thing here.
Like, not the name. I can't get over, like, what does Sean Booth think of all of this? Yeah.
And it's just a cycle that's going to keep repeating itself. Yes.
Because the next girl. Jason's next girlfriend is going to fall in love with Teddy.
And then she's going to be heartbroken. And she's going to get snickerdoodle.
I don't know if Sean Booth cares about the canine aspect of things, but I wonder what he thinks about this infighting, because it was crazy that after she moved on from Sean, she dated Jason for four years, which is a really long time, and they were engaged, and that was a really serious relationship.. Relationship.
And the fact that it went south is really surprising. Because when you're with someone for four years, like you would get married.
Because like, yeah, if you hate them, like you'd hate them at two years, too. Correct.
So I just wonder like what he thinks of the whole thing. But what I want to say.
In terms of the name. I want to talk about the name.
But I also want to say about like her sharing the details. I do do agree with you that she is still being respectful because I feel like a lot of times people get out of a breakup and the next day they just start a laundry list of everything this person said or did that like we should never know like yes you tell us you tell us and it's not good but like I would never want to date that person next to know that anything that I say like there's nothing private here no it is now common for you to be relationship, break up, and then within the next month, go on a podcast or your own podcast and share every dirty detail.
Like, yes, even if somebody wasn't great to you in a relationship, barring, you know, like really bad things. Relationships are two people being human and you should be allowed to like keep that private.
It's like an icky thing. I don't like it.
And never really talked about him he had a whole relationship since then with Kat it's been a long time and I still feel like she is being respectful it's been two years and even the things that she's not saying things that he said to her like Aaron quotes like just generally speaking he wanted this I wanted that I didn't like this and I think that's just like a fair way to talk about a relationship at a glance. But now she's pissed.
Yeah. Now she's pissed.
Now with the name, I've seen like, you know, two schools of thought online. The first being like, oh, this is so disgusting of him.
And two being like, I think like, you know, men were giving this man more credit, like that he was even listening, that he knew like your favorite baby name, you know? I feel like he's the type of guy who swears she swears it's like a core part of their relationship it was like from the beginning of their time together like it was a thing so i think it's odd that she told him what she wanted to name her baby the first day she met him no like girls are just like crazy you know i think he's the type of man who listens and remembers. I don't think that this is like a coincidence, but I could see for him being like, well, what does that have to do with me and my dog? Like, it's not like, you know what I mean? Right.
Because then if Caitlin has a baby and she names a teddy bear, it's weird. It's Jason's name.
But I can see for Caitlin that it's like, you named your dog my baby name. Well, the fact that one's a human and one is a dog is obviously an issue as well.

But I think it actually would have been worse if it was a baby because then like if Caitlin's baby and Jason's baby have the same name, like that's even weirder.

But Teddy is also Theo.

So they're all wanting to be Theo.

Trailblazer.

Yeah.

It's definitely.

All right.

Well, Caitlin, now that you can't use the name might i suggest dora do dadu just an idea crunchy angel what a weird saga what that was like a weird development that made me feel weird agreed and i feel like this is not the end because he has no when his next trading secrets come out he's got some secrets to trade. Right, he hasn't responded.
He hasn't responded, but maybe he won't because I think that then she'll respond and make him look even worse and like maybe this is as bad as it gets for him and he can come back from this. He could take it, yeah.
Yeah, it's nothing like really crazy. It's just, you know, breakup stuff.
But I don't think he should respond. No, me neither.
Because she'll come out swinging. Well, let's dive into Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment, where every Tuesday, Jackie and I select three submissions from swirlies who have written into us from around the globe about things going on in their lives.
Today, we have one update and two submissions. If you ever want to write to us, it's deartosters at gmail.com or head over to our website, thetoastpodcast.com.
Scroll down. There's a submission box.
Both methods of communication are completely anonymous. Do not worry.
Now, which one do I want to read first? The update, maybe? Like, you've teased us long enough. Sure.
So, the original submission was, like, maybe two or three weeks ago about her husband who got a new secretary. And she, like, calls him crying a lot.
And then they were in the car. And she was like, are you alone? And he was like, no, and hung up.
Remember? Do you want me to read the full submission? I think so for other people. People might not be as plugged in as us.
My husband recently got a new secretary. She always calls and texts him and cries to him every day about her marriage issues and that she might be getting a divorce.
She barely shows up to work. But my husband has not fired her.
Last weekend we were away. She called to ask a work question.
She was on speaker. And at the end of the call, she asked, are you alone? He quickly said no and hung up.
When I asked him about it, he was like, oh, it's probably nothing, but I don't think it was nothing. Am I crazy? Is it something nefarious going on? I want to snoop, but I don't want to snoop, but maybe I should.
And we told her, like, this woman sounds crazy and unprofessional, but trust your gut. Like, just keep an eye on her.
Jezebels must be washed. Hello.
I'm the swirly who wrote in a few weeks ago about my husband's secretary calling him after hours to complain about her divorce and asking if he was alone. After writing in, I decided to trust my gut and I went to surprise him at work last week for his birthday.
His office is the last one in the hall. It's private.
Nobody can enter from the main office unless they're buzzed in. But I have a key.
To make a long story short, I walked in on them making out. I ran out.
He ran after me, crying, pleading, saying he's sorry. It's not his fault.
He's a sex addict. And I need to give him a chance and he'll go for help.
I want to be there for him and help him. I just really can't move past this.
I'm currently at my sister's house, just still in shock and unsure what to do. Anyways, your podcast is the only thing that makes me smile daily.
So thank you, swirlies. Love you.
Bye. Oh my God.
It's so crazy because when you read the submission, I'm like, this could really be nothing. Like, yes, I mean, like I know we dig into everything, but like, everything but like it's probably nothing oh my god do not go back to him it doesn't sound like you have kids so this sex addict is not your problem and like anyone with agreed to not even be like oh I messed up to make it out of sex addiction like no to like your first you've just been caught no and your first thing is to come up with an excuse no.
But the excuse is worse than if you just made a mistake. Because I don't want to go on this journey through sex addiction with you.
I don't. I don't want to worry about it for the rest of my life.
Like you literally just said I have a chronic issue. I will never stop.
Right. And the issue is fidelity.
Like come out. No, no, no.
Good day, sir. And she would have mentioned if she has kids.
So. No, she doesn't.
Run for the hills. Agreed.
And I think the lesson here is like, it's hard not to get carried away, but you really should trust your gut. But sometimes your gut is so crazy.
And also like sometimes people are so normal that they don't do so. Like a crying secretary could be a crying secretary, but your husband's like normal and it's just like this.
And when you love your husband as you should, like you see them as in the best possible light yeah i'm really sorry that that happened to you but i'm glad you found out me too before it was like too late and gets so complicated with kids hooking up that you just walked in on one random afternoon right and you caught it right that's what's crazy you know god was on your side yeah because they could have just also been working you know they could yeah they could have been like just talking they don't spend the whole work day making out could have been talking she could have been crying and you could have been like still unclear it would have been it could have been something that was excused away yeah but you have clarity there's nothing better yeah i'm sorry okay hello i'm in dire need of your help turdy i know can relate since this is your worst nightmare. My mother-in-law loves to give us gifts, a.k.a.
junk. For Easter three weeks early, she gave us a bag of shit that weighs more than my one-and-a-half-year-old.
Upon opening it, 95% of it was old and used. There was cat hair on it.
I'm allergic and I hate cats. So I kindly asked if she wanted the bag and the used eggs back.
She was mad and told me that

I could throw it away. I explained how I don't love clutter

and I feel guilty throwing things away. Plus I'm a busy

working mom so a trip to the

donations bin isn't an ideal thing.

She was passive aggressive and now I don't know what to do.

I can't handle more junk and shit in my house.

Do I throw it away and try not to feel bad?

Do I not accept the junk? Hell.

Okay, this is so a case to the sweeper.

Only Claudia can answer this question.

I am someone who

like if you bring something to my house, I don't even care if it's like

Thank you. Do I not accept the junk? Hell.
Okay, this is so a case to the sweeper. Only Claudia can answer this question.
I am someone who, like, if you bring something to my house, I don't even care if it's, like, plated in gold. It's going in the trash.
Like, I hate shit. And I agree.
Like, it feels so stupid and wasteful. And you just want to tell the person bringing you the shit.
Like, stop. But we have to act right.
And so I don't think you should say anything. I think the fact that you did say anything is, like,.
This is your mother-in-law. Do you want your used eggs back? You need to make peace with throwing shit away.
It's Marie Kondo. Is this sparking joy? No.
You absolutely have to be okay with throwing things away. Because if you're going to be as militaristic about junk as I am, you can't tell every – sometimes people are just being nice.
You can't tell them that it's ugly and gross and you don't want it, even though it's ugly and gross and you don't want it. Just throw it away.
You have to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. And while it's admirable, you want to go to the donations bin, please, the people who are using that bin deserve better than your used eggs.
Throw it away and keep your mouth shut and keep the peace. Yeah, but that's a real issue.
I have it too. And that's what I was just saying.
Like, please. And I think I think my friends and family who listen to this podcast heard me like if you're coming over to my house postpartum, don't bring anything.
A cupcake, of course, is always welcome. But like, don't bring crap.
We wouldn't dream of it. And don't bring it with like ribbons and cellophane.
Like, that's more trash for me. Joyless.
Joyless. Yes.
Joyless. I want to live in a joyless home wow i so stand with this girl i know it's and you work so hard to make your home pargy and you especially like how hard do you work when you're having company over right like you your house is never cleaner than the second before company comes just for them to come with their ugly shit like i hear you it It's disrespectful.
If you're coming over for dinner,

don't bring me a gift.

I'm good.

I won't.

Okay, this one's like kind of crazy, okay?

Hi, ladies.

I'm feeling like such a brat,

but give it to me straight, am I?

My husband and I have worked really hard

to make a good living

and provide for our family financially

in a way that we've always wanted to.

And recently, our success has afforded us

the ability to join a private club that we are absolutely loving. The club does allow us to bring a limited number of guests.
Can we come? Right. Well, here.
We're going to find out. Ready? The club does allow us to bring a limited number of guests on site for special events.
So my husband is wanting to invite his sister's family to things. Sorry, I don't know why I just stuttered.
My husband is wanting to invite his sister's family to things. And here's where I might be a brat.
My sister-in-law and her family are not the elk of country clubbers, if you know what I mean. They don't work.
They don't even try to work. They live off of their parents.
They're in their late 30s. They're older than us.
They do not own the proper attire to attend events at this venue. To make matters worse, I find them insufferable to be around and impossible to relate to.
This makes holiday events especially hard. My p-jama of a husband wants to invite them to country club events and doesn't have an embarrassed bone in his body he doesn't understand why I have so much anxiety around this what do I do I don't like this of her I don't like people who are embarrassed of their family for reasons like this that they don't have the right clothes like if you don't want to be around her because she's insufferable that's a different problem.
But like you're at a club and there's a buffet and a million things going on.

It's not like you guys really have to chat.

No one's looking at you.

Be like embarrassed of them because they're not the elk of country clubbers.

Like that's really snobbish.

Agreed.

And if there is a dress code, like a lot of clubs like require a man to wear like a collared shirt or whatever.

Just let them know.

Yeah.

They'll have a collared shirt.

It might be ugly.

Who gives a fuck? But it will be within the code. I care more about like what's on top of the buffet you know yeah you're really you need to completely rejigger your priorities sounds like you just hate these people and like you're looking for an excuse for them not to come but jackie's right like you should never be embarrassed of your family like family's family not want to spend time with them because of their insides but not because of their outsides i'm right she just mom'd you hard like you've been mothered sorry i know that's like no she's

right but that's just like i i don't like that to be like it's no but i do think you have a

responsibility as the club member to let them know about the dress because you don't want them

showing up and then they'll be embarrassed that they can't come into the dining room so yes tell

them the dress code they'll be within dress code it might not be pretty but it will be

I'm going get over it. Just change your mindset.
Yeah. Stop.
I'm, like, feeling defensive of the sister. I know.
I mean, them not having jobs, like, is a little a little crazy you know and it's like they're not the Elch of country clubbers but they're just like these nepo babies who live off their parents sounds like country clubbers sounds like clubbers to me that's a good inconsistency you pointed out yeah interesting follow up do let us. Yeah.
Interesting. Follow up.

Do let us know.

Yeah.

Guys, that's our show.

A Nalafi for you.

Is it Nalaf?

I'm flying blind.

Yeah, it's like an hour 10.

I know.

You are flying blind.

You need to get a clock.

No, the thing is,

I look at,

I know what time we start

and then I have a sense

how we're pacing.

Well, I have a sense that today's episode is over and I've had such a pleasure being here with you. But my spidey senses are telling me to wrap up.
Okay. I'm older.
Me too. Thank you so much for listening to the Toast of the Monday Morning Show where we deliver the fast five stories you need to do every Monday through Friday on YouTube.
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