Toast Herstory: HemRata, Jeese and Zelener (Original Air Date March 27th, 2023)

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

Happy Monday.

Sigh, gasp, eek.

It's all right.

It's all right.

You want to know why?

Why, Turdy Lou?

Because we are on our way to Friday.

At least we've, you know, gotten the ball rolling.

We're on our way.

Just like Mason Ramsey taught us.

Yeah.

No, it's a great Monday.

I'm happy to be back with my girl, Claudier.

We didn't really catch up that that much this weekend.

So I kind of like want to know what's going on with you.

How's Turdy?

What's new with Turdy?

How's Theo?

Theo's doing well.

Turdy's okay.

What's wrong, Turdy?

Well, Turdy, you know,

had an incident.

Oh, goodness me.

Turdy, you know, has been talking a lot about how she wants to try physical therapy.

And Turdy went.

I went on Friday after the show, and I so wish I went on Thursday just so I could have told the the story on the podcast on Friday when it was fresh.

But quite possibly, the most humiliating thing happened to me at physical therapy.

Like, I haven't recovered since Friday.

I don't know how you could.

Please tell them, Turti, what happened to you?

Well, it just started out where, like, the physical therapist was like a really handsome guy, which I just feel like is wrong.

Like, I don't, like, it's just, it's, it's a power imbalance, you know, he was so handsome.

And it just, I felt uncomfortable to be honest.

And

the most embarrassing thing.

So, I get there, and I'm like, so excited because, like, I really, and he was able to, he asked me like a bunch of questions first, sat me down, and he was really able to diagnose me.

I think I have a slip disc, and it's something that like stretches and you know, weekly sessions for a few weeks really should be able.

It's very common, so it had nothing to do with my boobs.

I thought, like, he was like, No, your boobs will really give you like upper back pain, and I have like lower to middle back pain.

Um, so I felt good, I was getting diagnosed, and then he was like, All right, put the gown on

and we'll do some stretches and like this machine i was like i was so excited and he said i was like wow a gown i wasn't expecting that he was like just leave your bra on i was like damn okay

and i was thinking i'm like there's no way he didn't also want me to leave my undies on like i'm not going to be bare vagina on this table like this is physical therapy not like a spa even at the spa i keep my undies on but like not everyone does you know it's it is optional it's optional i was just like he definitely meant like just leave your undergarments undergarments on, not just my bra.

Yeah, he just probably doesn't know how like women's tings work.

Yeah, yeah.

So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to do something crazy.

I'm going to leave my undies on because there's no way.

They do smell wide.

So I come back.

He comes back in the room and I'm in my gown with my bra and undies and he's like, oh, oh, I'm sorry.

You could have left your pants on.

I was like.

But you said just my bra.

And I guess he meant like we're doing my back.

So like why would my bottoms be even and I should have like thought that way But I was just listening like I I was following the rules.

And I was like, oh, I could have left my pants on.

Thank God I didn't take my underwear off.

And he was like, do you want me to leave so you can put your pants back on?

I was like, please, like, thank you.

And the session went on without a hitch, but like, my, my dignity was just destroyed.

Stripped from you, much like your pants.

And he did a really good job of not making me feel weird, but like, I'm so like, I'm already like a self-aware person.

and this was just like on my first time meeting and honestly it was it was humiliating

yeah

I can't even offer you words of support that's like an unburden yourself that like I'm doing here on this Monday that we just kind of have to sit with I know and there's no unning this burden um I can't even make you feel better because it's Such a crazy story.

Stop.

No, I know.

It's so bad.

Like it was humiliating.

And I really, I really did try to not let it like mar my whole experience.

Is that the right word, mar?

Yeah.

Because it was so fabulous.

You know, I got a diagnosis, which made me feel so good.

I got a sickening massage and I got stretches and I've been doing them at home every day.

I have to do them today.

I've been really good.

Like, I am committed to fixing my back problem.

And it was such a, it was a gorgeous place and it was a wonderful experience, but I am blinded by, you could leave your pants on.

I felt like a predator.

Like, you're you're like Pee Wee Herman at the movies.

Yeah, it's like, put your pants on.

Oh my God, it was, it was humiliating.

It was, it was horrible.

And he really, he really was such a nice guy and he didn't make me feel bad.

And then he was like, I hope you like country music because that's what we play.

And I was like, I was like, this, this is such a great experience.

I wish I didn't ruin it.

Yeah.

But it's okay.

We're going to get through it.

This is part of life.

It's just important for everyone to know, like, before you judge me, like, this is my first time ever doing physical therapy.

I was shocked to even see a gown.

Yeah, you've only ever put a gown on, like, at the doctor, where it's a full-body thing.

Like, when you see a gown, you take your clothes off.

Right, because, like, I really, I could have just laid there in my bra and pants, no?

Bra and pants.

Like, I don't know if I needed a gown.

Whatever.

It was just.

No, but he's like, that's how private he was.

No, that's how courteous this man was.

Such a gentleman.

And instead, we had Turteus taking her pants off.

Yeah, I am going back tomorrow, and I do think I'm going to say, sir,

you are far too handsome to be my physical therapist.

Give me the ugliest guy you got.

No, because there won't be anyone who can work with you and you're stuck with the guy who you took your pants off for and now you're calling him far too handsome.

I know.

I'm afraid he's a hand.

Predator strikes again.

I feel I'm afraid he's going to hear this.

No, I think I need to go with a lady.

I think I'd.

But you know what?

Like me and me and this guy, like we made really great progress.

Like I am going to stick with it.

And you know what?

I've already on the first day embarrassed myself to the nth degree.

Like how much could it really do?

History, I think it's fine.

It's fine.

Just stop like talking about people's looks and stop taking your clothes off unless expressly directly.

So you want me to stop being me?

No, taking your clothes off is not a part of

no, it was so uncharacteristic.

But I was really, I was like, you know what?

I've never done physical therapy.

This is how they do it.

I'm going to dive in and really give it my all.

And I gave a little too much of my all.

It's okay.

And I was wearing these like ugly under like it was just it was bad

do you see your underwear

yes

full coverage

i mean do you know me it was a little too full coverage it was like a blanket that's good that's good yeah they were like high-waisted black granny panties you didn't moon him i didn't moon him oh no imagine if i was wearing like a g-string like hey boys

Yeah

So that happened to be on Friday and like my whole weekend was just kind of a blur of humiliation.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Ben was out of town, though, so I really needed to busy myself because if I had just like stewed on that and been alone, it would have been horrible.

So I made myself busy.

I saw my friends.

I had a nice weekend, you know, went out on Friday and Saturday night.

She's a social girl.

She has, she makes social calls.

What did you do?

I went out to dinner.

Yeah, I went to Carbone, your favorite, on Friday.

Just like a low-key dinner, you know.

And then I went out on Saturday to Boom Boom Room, which I haven't been to in forever.

Just, you know, saw the sights.

And I got home late.

Oh, I fell.

I fell.

But you know what?

It wasn't like an embarrassing fall.

You know, the fall is really what started our entire Unburden Yourself segment.

I fell in front of Mary Kate and Ashley.

Actually, I don't know which one it was.

It was just one.

I think Mary Kate.

So if you have been here for a while, you know that that's what started, you know.

the Monday unburdening segment.

And I fell again on

Saturday night, but it wasn't humiliating because I was with Taylor and Taylor and like, I can't embarrass myself in front of them.

Like, they're family.

Like, I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest.

And this stranger on the street helped me up and he was actually really nice.

And I wasn't humiliated.

Like, I can't explain it.

There was nothing in bad.

Like, I genuinely fell.

It wasn't like I was so drunk.

Like, I tripped.

I was wearing big shoes.

Like, things happen.

I fell.

I'm a human.

Shoot me.

For sure.

And I'm not worried about you being humiliated or anything.

Like, I'm worried about your health if you keep falling.

Like, you're going to hurt yourself.

I know, but, like, do you see the shoes I wear?

I wear the biggest, tallest platforms and I'm this tiny little girl who like has no upper body strength.

I have no strength anywhere.

Well, that's why you're doing physical therapy.

Right.

I'm building it out for your heels.

A hundred percent.

But like I have no core.

So I don't have like that.

The core is what keeps you centered.

Yeah.

My core is jelly.

Yeah.

So it's no wonder I'm tripping all over this town.

Be careful, Turdy Lou.

I know.

And I did like, I hit the deck.

Like I went like hands, knees down on the concrete, but I didn't hurt myself or my ego.

Like I can't explain how some falls are just different.

No, I understand.

I'm not embarrassed for you.

I'm just like, now, like, you're falling a lot.

Yeah, no, I have no center of gravity.

I love to have cocktails and I wear big shoes.

I think that's a recipe for disastre.

Agreed.

And so far, you've been blessed that you haven't, you know, hobbled into the toast on crutches on a Monday morning.

No, on a Monday morning, I'm going to come in with a boot.

It's in my future.

I know it.

I'm so reckless.

I don't like look before I cross the street.

There's curbs.

And we're in the city, bumpity, bumpity.

And I was in the West Village.

Those roads haven't been paved since the early 20s.

Yeah,

so I'm merely a victim of circumstance, honestly.

It's a lot of things.

Yeah.

Including your own choices.

Jesus, you're such a teacher sometimes.

I don't think teachers go that hard.

No, they should.

The kids need it.

They should, but like, that's really for the parents to do.

Yeah, no, you're such a parent.

I was actually thinking this morning while I was listening to Luke Combs' new album, which I'm obsessed beyond.

Which is called Getting Older, right?

Yeah.

And it's like a part of this dual album, really.

Growing up is the first part and this is getting older.

There's a song growing up and getting older.

And for me, like growing up was such

an album that really spoke to me.

And I realized like of these two albums, like I am growing up and you are getting older.

Cause there's a lot of songs about like parenthood.

Yes.

And for the first part of, it feels like Luke wrote the song when he was like thinking about having kids, the first album.

And then the second album was like once he had the kids, you know?

Yeah.

No, I really, really relate to this album.

There's a couple songs that just speak right to my heart.

It's such a good album.

His last album was so good too.

And like, so good.

I still wasn't done listening to it.

But for me, I'm loving this.

I was listening to it all weekend.

And I actually think I'm going to get in the car today and just sit in the driveway and listen to it some more.

Do you think, like, you agree with my call that like we are the two sides of this album?

Yes, I do.

Like Luke probably like wrote it with us in mind.

You were, I posted that song, Take Me With You, Take You With Me to My Story because it was like my favorite and most emotional song.

And then you were like, oh my God, yeah, made me cry not to put you on the spot.

It did.

And then I was thinking like, I'm not ashamed of my emotion.

I was like, oh, what part of this made Turdy Lou cry?

Because I'm like, I know why I'm crying.

Because we're taking Rold everywhere with us.

It was for Rold.

Okay.

Cause I didn't know if it was like.

I was like, is she relating to it like as the kid part of it?

It's like, you know, no.

I actually didn't relate to that part.

Like when I was a kid, I didn't really want to go places with my parents.

I was like, let me go, bitch.

Like, let me be on my own.

I'm an adult.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

I don't really, like, I relate to the parent part of that song where it's like, I just want to take you with me everywhere.

No, that's us.

Like, we're always thinking, like, how can we take Harry with us?

Yeah.

We're not doing anything if we can't take him.

No, yeah.

Like, Harry, like, whatever we plan something, like Harry coming, like, first of all, it increases the budget, you know?

It increases like the time.

It increases everything.

Yeah.

But we're constantly like, how can we accommodate?

Yeah.

Like, or, but it's just like, how could we be somewhere without him?

Like, why would it be there?

Is it worth it?

No, no, no, so I'm loving this album.

It's a masterpiece and I also listened a lot to Morgan Wallen's new album.

We have a lot of new music and we have a new music story Kelly Clarkson.

So we're just kind of it's that time of year where everyone's gearing up for summer so like the releases are starting because like everybody wants to have like the song or the album of the summer

and that takes a while.

So this is summer.

Summer.

Summer summer.

Summer.

So it's that time of year where we're getting really good music and we're just, I'm loving it.

Yeah, me too.

I'm a little overwhelmed, but now that I have a car, I have a wonderful vessel in which to listen to all this new music.

So I'm feeling less whelmed.

Less whelmed.

That's good.

I'm glad the Tesla is underwhelming you.

Yeah.

No, it's been good.

Tesla makes it so easy to listen on Spotify.

Except I didn't realize I have to pay for a premium subscription to my Tesla.

It's like $10 a month if I want Spotify right there on my screen.

In addition to other things, not just for Spotify.

It's like a million things.

Karaoke.

You know, there's car karaoke in the Tesla?

Okay, that does sound like something that should be like an additional bonus, but Spotify is like a basic human right.

I know.

Well, I can listen.

You could listen to the radio.

You could try Sears.

Could you plug in like your phone and then for free?

There's like no plugs.

I don't know how to plug in my phone.

Car is turned.

I also have not been to Florida to see your Tesla.

I am coming this week.

Oh, PSA.

I'm coming to Florida Thursday.

There is no show Friday.

Jackie and I have like a business thing.

Woman tings.

We're going to have a businesswoman thing.

So there's no show show Friday.

Apologies.

And then I haven't made my plans yet, but I hope to still be in Florida by Monday so we could just do the show together.

Together.

Harmoniously.

I'm feeling like it might be acrimoniously.

Why do you feel such a way, Turdy Blue?

I don't know.

I'm just feeling like that might be the vibe.

Sounds like you want it to be the vibe.

Yeah.

I mean, a little drama, a little fight never hurt nobody.

I mean, people are always asking.

It does hurt.

Okay.

I wanted to share this now that enough time has passed.

People are always asking, like, how do you and Jackie do the show?

Like, if you're like sisters and you're fighting, like, what is what happens to the show?

And we really, like, don't fight as sisters or as business partners.

But, like, what was it, last week?

Maybe it was the week before last

during the show.

Like, Jackie and I, like, maybe like we just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

We were, we were just like talking about a story.

It was like the Law Roach story.

And we just started fighting in the story.

Yeah.

No, it was like neither of us would back down from the point.

From the point.

And that we couldn't pivot out of it.

No, and like, I definitely ended up being wrong, but like, you would not let it go i didn't realize i was being that way like so we fought literally on

show versus impact like impact of course but i was saying i didn't realize i was like harming you you were just like like dog with a bone that's what i had said during the fight and so we literally fought on the show we cut it out obviously and then we continued to do the show and like for the first maybe minute it was weird only if you knew like maybe you would even notice it um but then by the time the show was over like we ended up with such a great show we were so funny.

It really healed us.

We didn't even really talk about it.

We were both like, sorry, move on.

So that's the only, like, honestly, memory I can think of in the last maybe three years where people have asked, like, what if you and Jackie fight?

And I don't have a point of reference.

Now I do.

Yeah, we just got like stuck in the mud on that.

That's exactly what it was.

We were just like digging on this stupid fucking story.

We got stuck.

We got stuck.

It happens to the best creatives.

But then the toast healed us.

As the toast does.

Because by the end of the the show, I mean, I think I speak for both of us.

Like, I didn't even care anymore.

Like, it was like, whatever.

The show, that was over.

The show was great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it was like, it wasn't a fight worth continuing.

It's not like either one of us felt so hurt we needed to talk about it.

No, no.

No.

And now we can talk about it.

And now we've said it.

And now we have.

So that's a little toast fun fact for you.

A little BTS.

Yeah.

It was an acrimonious day.

T'was.

That turned harmonious.

Harmonious.

Because the toast is a harmonizing brand.

Just like me when I listen to Luke Hombs.

Not true, but sure.

Turdy, just wait till you're in the car with me.

Like, I'm hitting these notes.

Luke is crying.

Jackie is singing, because Luke Combs has a low voice and you have a high voice.

Jackie is singing the same note, but in a higher octave, and she thinks that is a harmony.

Luke and I harmonized.

I'm not getting into this again.

I'm not getting into this again.

Like.

No, like we were driving all weekend listening to Luke Hombs and like I was in the I actually drove a lot this weekend considering Zach was in the car with me There was only one outing where he drove and like your girl was just like hitting these notes harmonizing Let me let me ask you a question When you and Zach are going out somewhere together Do you take your mom car, you know, your Harry Safe Kia or do you take your Tesla?

So they're both mom cars really and yeah, but like one of them is an SUV.

No, no, no, they both are They're the same size.

So it's like we kind of need to switch one of them which isn't gonna happen

like a convertible or a one car that's really big because kind of both of ours are like if we have guests or something it's a little small for um mid-size.

Yeah.

So

does your back row of Tesla have captain seats or three seats?

Three.

So that's and then is there a backback row?

No.

Okay.

But Zach's has captain seats and a backback row.

So they're both kind of conceit the same amount of people.

Just depends on the vibe.

No, that other car, Zach's car, is like the mom's SUV.

Not the way Zach.

Zach is like, that's his mobile office.

He's got literally like desktop computers in there.

He has a folding table in there.

He has a fridge.

He's literally, he could live out of the car.

Yeah.

No, you'll, first of all, I think you have the wrong impression of Tesla.

That is

a

car.

When we went in Lauren Elizabeth's Tesla in LA, is it the same one?

I don't remember what kind she had.

Okay.

I have to see it.

Yeah.

And I can't wait to drive it.

I know.

You have to see it.

I'm excited for you to drive it.

But most of the time when we, in the last few weeks, like when we're doing a family outing, we take the Tesla just because it's more fun.

But Zach will drive it sometimes too.

But yesterday we took the Kia, we needed the extra seat.

Just depends, really.

Got it.

Yeah.

Bryce is comfortable in both vehicles.

He makes himself at home.

Low-key, like having a baby, is like low-key annoying with the cars.

Like that car seat is fucking huge.

Yeah.

And then in one, like, nobody wants to sit in the middle seat next to the car seat.

The car seat's like on your lap.

For sure, but you get to like play with hattimes.

Of course, of course.

But then there's also like the car seat.

Um,

what's it called?

If it's your permanent car, you install like a car seat base.

Right.

And that way the car seat just clicks in.

It's great.

But then that makes that seat unusable even when there's no baby.

Forever.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

Like, oh, these kids, my God, they just need to learn how to drive already.

No, no, no.

Get their own car.

That's my job.

Oh, that's true.

You did just learn how to drive.

Yeah.

So it's been a fun adventure.

That's great.

And you know what else is great?

The wealth of stories we have.

I mean, after the show on Friday, you know, Rhys Witherspoon, Strategic Queen, dropping in on Friday afternoon, like divorce.

Then there was Selena's new man.

Like, actually, a lot came out.

We have a lot to discuss.

Thank you.

And I'm ready.

We should.

We could.

Yeah.

We will.

I think we will, yeah.

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Our first story, the story that's on everybody's lips is that Harry Styles and Emrata were on each other's lips this weekend.

They were spotted making out in Tokyo, hot and heavy, and

everyone is really, really shook about it.

So he's in Tokyo for his love on tour tour.

Yep.

He was doing, he's all over Asia.

He's everywhere.

Who knows what brings her there?

She just happened to be there too.

It looked like they were at some sort of small gathering of friends.

Yeah.

And it looks like someone else at the party was the one who took the video.

Like, this is not paparazzi.

Yeah, it was definitely boots on the ground.

It was boots on the ground.

And it was, you know, it was a passionate makeout.

Yeah, we are now getting all different angles, videos, photos.

They were definitely making out.

There's no, you know, way around that.

It was definitely them and they were definitely making out.

And people are shook.

I mean, I think whenever Harry is tied to a new person, people are automatically going to hate it because so many of his fans feel so territorial, and everybody feels like it should be them.

And I totally relate to that sentiment.

Here are my thoughts.

I thought she was dating that guy, Eric Andre, because literally a month ago on Valentine's Day, they were naked on Instagram together.

So I'm just confused about that.

Two,

you know, one thing about me is,

how do I put this delicately?

I'm not like an M Rota Super fan.

I feel like every time we talk about her,

every time we talk about her, like I say that, like, I feel like her brand, which is very like sexy feminist, is so like not my vibe whatsoever.

So, I acknowledge that I'm definitely biased.

So, therefore, I'm not here for this pairing.

Um, I also feel like it's a little soon.

You know, Harry just got out of a really long-term, like, it was a long relationship, that Olivia thing.

Like, it's a little soon.

Yeah, I mean, a little soon for a makeout?

No,

yeah.

So

I

am not, it's not who I would choose for him, knowing that he is, you know, like the second most eligible bachelor after Jason Sudakis.

Sudakis?

But I kind of ship.

I think like they're so both eligible.

They're so good looking.

They're so single.

Why not?

They're pretty similar in age.

You know, it's definitely in a more age-appropriate relationship than last time.

And this one is like a little bit more obvious.

With Olivia Wilde I think we were all like, what?

But I also don't think that they're going to start dating.

I think maybe the fact that these videos went viral will make them like go out again.

But they were just making out like, I don't think they're together.

Emerada has been like bopping around dating.

She's single.

She's with Eric Andre.

She was with

Stevenson.

She was rumored to be with Brad Pitt.

Like I think she's just seeing what's out there.

And fortunately for us, this was caught on camera, but we were never meant to know about this.

Very true as well.

Even though it does make me feel like it's a little more serious if she's in Tokyo, like, why would she be there if not for him?

It's not like she's filming a big movie in Tokyo, you know?

I feel like celebrities to like fly someone out to your show to the hookup is like not a good deal for sure.

Tokyo?

No, I know.

It's not, you know, North Carolina.

It's Tokyo.

That's what, like a 19-hour flight.

Yeah, that's a commitment.

That's not a

flying out just to see.

That's not.

No, maybe she was in a neighboring country and they lay up.

Make up.

She's literally Sean Mendez.

I'm a couple hundred miles from Japan.

I was just thinking, what's that song?

There's a song about this.

It's such a good song.

Yeah, like Lost in Japan or something.

She got played.

Lost in tonight.

I just said that.

I got a couple hundred miles from Japan.

From Japan and I.

Oh, my God.

We'll be looking for someone to hold your hand tonight.

This is them.

Good song.

Literally.

That could be what happened.

That's very true.

I don't know.

For me,

and I feel like I say this every time.

Like, it's always like, who is Pete Davidson going to date next?

And we were like, you know, guessing, and then it was Emrata.

It's so obvious.

Like, I don't know what I'm saying.

I like what it's obvious, though, sometimes.

I don't know.

I just wish Harry would like surprise me, you know, date someone ugly, date someone chubby.

Okay, but he couldn't have been more surprising with Olivia Wilde and you weren't happy about that.

Yeah, maybe I'm just like a woman hater.

That's kind of what I'm feeling.

I feel like you're feeling the way a lot of fans are feeling, which is like, it's never going to be good enough unless it's you.

Like the way you just said, like, someone

chubby, yeah.

Someone Someone who's a podcaster.

Like, I feel like unless it's you,

you're not going to be happy.

But, like, let me really say, like, with my full body, how like I'm really not interested.

Not that anyone's asking.

I'm like, not interested in dating Harry Styles.

Like, first of all, like, I am happily married, lest we forget.

Yeah, right.

To like your maim to the convo.

Like, I'm not available.

Like, I'm really not available.

No.

And

to be honest, like, yeah, Harry Styles is so handsome.

Like, if I could choose any celebrity to like hypothetically fuck, like, he wouldn't even be in my top 10.

No, I know.

And I don't think it's that, like, in practice, all these fans, like, really want Harry to show up on their door and ask him out, though a lot of them do.

I think it's more like this just territorialness where like this possession.

Yeah, it's like you're always going to have this block up about who he dates because, like, this piece of you is just jealous.

Doesn't mean that you're seriously hoping that you become

his next girlfriend, but like, you just can't be happy for him.

Yeah.

And you can't see him with someone else.

Although, like, I do really like, there are parts of me, like, all of me actually, like, I ship him and Kendall.

Like, I think they're perfect for each other.

Like, I don't think I would be feeling that way this way if Kendall was the girl in Tokyo.

Yeah,

they are literally so similar.

I know.

Which is why it's just like this block that you have.

You know, I'm not saying anything I say, like, makes sense.

No, no.

Because really, on its face, like, these are two

very

suited people who are suited for one another.

It's also just so crazy to think how like Emily Radikowski for most, like the entirety of her fame has been tied down.

You know, she's been married for so long.

And so imagine if she wasn't like how many, you know, eligible men she could have dated.

Like that's commitment.

I think she's making up for lost time.

Yes, she definitely is.

So

I just want to go on the record that I am here for this couple.

I don't think it'll turn serious, but if it were to, like, I'd kind of love that.

Like, photos of them being styling and walking in the streets.

Like.

Wait, by the way, I totally forgot.

Before the show, we were talking about stories.

Do we have a story about Gwyneth Paltrow's trial?

No, we don't.

I know she's going viral, though.

She is.

Like, let's just talk about it for two seconds because I have so many thoughts.

You don't have to add it as a story.

It's just like a separate anecdote.

Obviously, this clip went viral of the opposing counsel asking her about Taylor Swift because Taylor Swift really kind of invented the whole thing of counter-suing for a dollar where it's like, you're making a point.

It's not about money.

It's about justice.

And then she was asked, do you know Taylor Swift?

Are you friends with Taylor Swift?

It was so irrelevant.

And it really, I know we're all like joking about this.

It's such a gross misuse of our justice system.

It's an abuse of people's time.

This whole thing is a circus.

It's a farce.

And like everyone is sitting there, like everyone online is like.

you know, Gwyneth Palchow, because she's been sitting there getting cross-examined like with a smile on her face because this is so stupid.

She didn't do anything wrong.

And everyone's like, not Gwyneth Palchow being so patronizing.

Really?

I would be too.

Like this whole trial is a farce.

It's a circus.

And like, yeah, it's funny in the pop culture.

Haha.

But like at the end of the day, like this is

an abuse of the judicial system.

It's abuse of the judge's time, the jury's time.

Like this is so stupid.

It's not fucking real.

Literally nothing happened.

And it's moronic.

Moronic.

But I mean, how can you say that with certainty that nothing happened, that she did not do this?

Because look at what the counsel is spending their time on.

Do you know Taylor Swift?

Are you friends with Taylor Swift?

When was the last time you spoke to Taylor Swift?

How does this happen every day, like where people sue for nonsense?

I know, but we're all like eating it up.

And I feel like it's really highlighting like how this is, we're such a, what's the word I'm looking for?

With an L.

Litigious.

Litigious country, you know, everyone just sees everything that happens to them as an opportunity to sue.

Yeah, well, that's for sure.

But I do think it's part of, you know,

being an American is having the right to

sue someone if you have been wrong, but also having the right to defend yourself and like letting it play out.

If Gwyneth is being wronged in this situation, like the justice system will prevail in her favor.

And for this guy, like if he really was attacked by Gwyneth,

then

he'll have his justice too.

Like that's really what the judicial system system is for.

I know it's like a waste of everyone's time, but that is what like in any case, like there's someone who's blatantly wrong and blatantly right, but we have to sit there and we have to talk about it and get to the bottom.

I really hope like nobody's buying what this, you know, victim quote is saying.

I'm so, and yes, I'm definitely biased.

I love Gwyneth.

Yeah.

But like, I don't know how anyone could like watch this trial and be like, yeah, like justice for this guy.

Like, well, what I'm seeing is that.

And his daughter's on the stand, like, making jokes, like literally literally auditioning for SNL.

Like it's moronic.

Yikes.

What I'm seeing though, no, people, this quote of Gwyneth's has been going viral because the prosecutor asked,

like, did you suffer at all?

I want to get the exact quote.

Like, did you suffer from this incident?

Like, I know you had planned like an expensive trip in Park City.

Right.

What was the exact question?

She was asked about the losses that she had suffered from the crash.

crash and Gwyneth said, well, we lost half a day of skiing.

So yes.

Because it was so insignificant.

Like people are like mocking her over her response though.

Like, you know, any slight inconvenience to your life.

Well, we lost half a day of skiing.

No, because that's how minimal this whole situation was.

Like nothing happened.

You know?

Yeah, actually, I saw a quote from Gwynneth that from her point of view, like the man came from behind her.

He collided into her and his two skis went between her skis.

So it like, uh, her legs,

like her legs spread.

And thank God she's so flexible.

I know, but she said she, at first, she thought it was like a sexual assault.

You know what I mean?

Because if you don't know what's happening, and all of a sudden, somebody's coming from behind and forcing your legs apart, like that's pretty scary.

Yeah.

I just, it's so dumb.

And she's handling herself with the utmost grace because I could never.

But that's, you know, that's what the courts are for, and yes, people take advantage, yeah, but it's also for the courts to

you know instill that people don't take advantage.

And it could, Gwyneth could have counter-sued for $300,000, too.

You know what I mean, right?

Right, right, to pay, and also

she's just trying to clear her name.

Clear her name, it would have been easier for her because the judge capped it at 300,000 to just pay it and not, she's spending more on legal fees, honestly.

Yeah, but your name is your name, Turdy Lou, right, right.

So she has to go through this circus just to clear clear her name.

Yes, but having the opportunity to clear your name is what makes this country great.

I agree.

So you just got to trust the process, Turdy Lou, even though I know it can be

your favorite thing to do.

100%.

Are you ready for our next?

Okay, so overall, let's move on from Harry and Emrata.

Overall.

It's fine.

It's not like the most original creative idea.

It's fine.

At least it's age appropriate.

Yeah, I think it's a little cute.

Just a little cute.

Oh,

I'm so not where you are.

It's just like, you know, they're so good looking.

What's bad?

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yes, definitely.

One ship builds, another crumbles.

Reese Witherspoon and

another sinks.

Reese Witherspoon and her ex-husband, husband, Jim Toth, are divorcing after 12 years of marriage.

Rhys and her husband are calling it quits.

The star announced the difficult news on her Instagram on Friday.

She said, we have some personal news to share.

It is with a great deal of care and consideration that we have made the difficult decision to divorce.

The actress detailed that despite their split, they have enjoyed so many wonderful years together and are moving forward with deep love, kindness, and mutual respect for everything they've created together.

Their biggest priority is their 10-year-old son, Tennessee, as well as their entire family as they navigate this next chapter.

That's a nice name.

Yeah.

You know why this is tough?

Because it's a celebrity businessman Bo relationship that didn't stand the test of time.

I mean, and it was a successful relationship.

They got married.

They were together for 12 years, which in Hollywood is very long.

So I wouldn't consider this a failure, but it's always tough to see, you know, the businessman, Bo, celeb, starlet, duo go down.

Agreed, though, I don't think that this is a knock in the businessman Bo category because when I think of a businessman Bo, I want someone who's out of the industry.

Like

he's a businessman, Bo.

He's an agent.

He's still in Hollywood.

And to me, that's, it's, yes, he's in the business of Hollywood.

It's better than dating a fellow actor, but still not what I would have chosen.

So I don't feel responsible for this.

I don't feel responsible either.

And I find,

I think, you know, the proceedings, she's so rich now.

And they built that company, Hello Sunshine, that was just valued at a billion dollars.

They built it during, she built it during the marriage.

I have to assume he was a part of it.

He's a businessman and they were married.

So I wonder what this means.

Yeah, but it's not like when they got married, she was like somebody

with no success.

Like, I'm sure everything is extremely tied up and spelled out.

Yeah, one of my favorite things about Rhys Witherspoon is the way she's just kind of navigated, maintaining her status as America's sweetheart.

And nobody seems to remember that video when she got pulled over.

I think she was drunk driving and she was like screaming at the cop like, do you know who I am?

I'm America's sweetheart.

That's one of my favorite moments in pop culture history.

And I love that nobody talks about it because she's a queen and she's totally evolved past it.

And she like built built this sickening business and she really is like her with her it's like the cream rises she's so talented you know a million star let's try and star business start businesses not all of them become billion dollar companies backed by blackrock you know yeah and she's really just done something so unique like with the books like she's really well i think she just kills it i think it followed a really natural progression and that's always how the best things happen and now so many people but i think it's her passion try to emulate hello sunshine but i think when she started a book club like she just really liked to read and then she read so many great books that she was like i'd really like to see this as a movie and then she's like like hey i'm a movie per person why can't why not me and you know that's how the best things happen it's when you're trying so hard to do something like shooting in that's when it's bogus

Yeah,

so she'll still be rich, of course.

I just do wonder, you know, celebs, they're all tight-knit, you know, they get their pre-nups, post-nups, they do all that.

But California, where a lot of people get married, is a community property state.

That means, you know, half to everyone.

Yeah.

Well, I hope that they can settle things

harmoniously and not acrimoniously.

No, no.

And also, you know, she's now on the market.

Add her to our list.

Like, who do we see Rhys Witherspoon with?

I mean, part of me, you know, always will stand her and Ryan Phillippy.

I think, you know, that was just.

It was a moment in time, but they have two children together.

You know, they're both so good looking.

Would it hurt to try again?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't get good vibes from the two of them.

I do feel like they were definitely like young and it was fast and they were, you know, hot and heavy until they weren't.

Do you think she'll go like older or younger?

This might be the time in her life where she goes younger.

I mean, she literally could have the experience that she played in Nancy Myers' daughter's film, Home Again, where she dates a 12-year-old.

But I don't like that for her.

Now, I think, I think Reese is like really confident in her, in her, you know,

age and her maturity.

And I think she'll want someone who validates that, like someone on her level.

I really, I don't see her dating someone younger.

I really don't.

But I feel like her being with Jim was like making that choice, you know, like

she saw like she was going into the business world more.

Like she's really in a serious relationship.

Like, I think whatever she does next will be divergent from that.

Not saying she's going to go younger, but she, I don't know that

that it's going to go.

That's interesting.

It's interesting.

You know, you always like then just choose the opposite of what you've had.

Right.

Just as like a knee-jerk relationship.

Might be with like a backup backup dancer after this.

Right.

Very Casper smart.

Yeah.

No, that's a good point.

It's also just hard when you're such a powerful woman.

A lot of people can't handle that.

Right, but that's why I think a lot of powerful women, for a number of reasons, but one of them being this, they go younger because young guys, they're not in competition with you.

So true.

And there's already

college.

Right, there's already a power imbalance because of the age.

Yeah.

Like, so what's a little, you know, what's a couple billion?

It's not competitive whatsoever.

Such a good point.

So there it is.

Makes you think.

And because they can.

Right.

No, and it's fun.

Like, who, no offense, who wants a saggy ball sack when you can have a fresh one?

Like, I get it.

I get it.

Yeah.

Isn't that why you go younger?

You know, perky tits versus saggy tits, perky balls versus saggy balls.

Like, I guess.

A few reasons, but yes.

Aesthetics, yes.

Right.

Like, conventionally, saggy balls are not as as appetizing as perky balls.

Thank you.

Thank you for continuing to say saggy balls.

Who wants a wrinkly scrotum when you could have a, you know, a big fleshy one?

I get it.

I'm a human too.

I get it.

Scrotum.

I get it.

Yeah.

But I think also after 12 years of marriage with a businessman who's like, you know, probably smart and has opinions, it's like, I don't want you to challenge me anymore.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, no, I don't need to be someone.

I just need someone beautiful.

I just need someone beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I wouldn't be shocked either if that's kind of like a rebound relationship for her, just to feel something different.

I get it.

Yeah.

But,

you know, they were kind of a staple in the industry.

So.

For sure.

And they were very like low-key to the point where you almost forgot she was married.

Yeah.

But like, then all these articles are coming out that this was like, you know, no surprise to Hollywood insiders.

They've been living separately.

Well, why haven't they told off?

They've been living separate lives for a while.

Right.

Everyone loves to be like, oh, I knew.

Yeah, totally.

It's everyone's favorite thing.

I called it.

Yeah, like, no, I've literally known this for years.

Insiders knew.

Like, shut up.

Shut up.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yes.

But it appears as though you're not.

Now I am.

Some new relationship news potentially.

Oh, this is weird.

Selena Gomez and Zane Malik spark romance rumors after alleged New York City dinner date.

Selena and Zane sparked relationship rumors after the the two singers were allegedly spotted on what appeared to be a romantic date night in New York City.

A hostess at a celebrity-loved Manhattan restaurant witnessed Selena and Zane locking lips while grabbing dinner together on Thursday night.

Clarissa Garcia claimed in a TikTok video that has since gone viral.

She told page six.

Clarissa Garcia is definitely also fired come Monday morning.

Yeah, but I feel like, I mean, now she's in page six, her TikTok went viral.

Probably not worth losing your job, but it's worth a shot, you know?

It like isn't worth a shot because people who like make videos like this they definitely have a moment it's a flash in the pan they don't really start careers on on as digital influencers after this like yeah it's the one video nobody's oh let me follow that girl who one time saw something you know yeah but maybe if she has something this could have just been like a little boost and now she has you know her big thing and we're all gonna be able to see it.

I don't know.

She could have just sent it to Dumois, but actually, I probably wouldn't have believed it.

She said no one noticed them except for for the hostess.

It was pretty public, but no one really cares about famous people in New York.

Did they say what restaurant?

They didn't.

That's also not true.

Say what restaurant.

And that is not true.

I totally agree.

Not true.

They didn't say the restaurant.

They blurted out.

They walked in hand in hand, making out, and she seated them.

I don't know.

This is like one girl's account, and she also said like nobody cared.

And I'm just telling you, if Selena Gomez and Insane Malik walked into a restaurant, no matter how cool it was, people care.

Also, like, Pixert didn't happen.

Yeah.

Okay, so, but let's, let's play.

Let's assume that this is.

They went to dinner.

Do you want to see them making out at face value, too?

Sure.

Let's say they're dating.

Let's just say, I can't help but wonder what this means for Taylor Swift.

Like, that's really where my.

That's what you said.

Please explain why you're.

Well, Taylor Swift's best friends in this world for many years.

These aren't like fake celebrity friendships.

Like, they're real.

Selena Gomez and Gigi Adid.

Gig Adid is obviously, you know very tightly linked to zane malik they have a child together um

what does that mean for taylor swift you know but also you know that also means that selena has like some inside scoop from taylor about gigi and zane and like let's me not forget zane like smacked yolana hadid and threw her down the stairs with the elder abuse like i can't imagine hearing that firsthand and then being like yeah that's someone i want to do

Yeah, like let me bring my gran to go meet my new boyfriend so he could, you know, give her a, give her the old one too.

Yeah.

I just, I feel like we don't talk enough about how Zayn Malik was accused of elder abuse.

Like, no, no, no, he was accused.

And the thing to me is like shortly thereafter, like him and JG broke up for good.

They have not been like spotted.

There's no going back.

Like

it's true.

Yeah.

It's true.

It has to be.

And Yolama was a wild claim.

It's not like so-and-so said.

Like Yolam just said.

There were papers.

Yeah.

That's why we know about it.

Yeah.

And then like Gigi did not go back.

Like, it's true.

Yeah.

I'm in agreement.

Um

So yes not really like what you want to hear about a potential boyfriend I feel like

more details about it from Taylor.

Yeah, I feel like Taylor has always towed the line about a few of her friendships conflict a little bit.

Yeah, um, you know, cuz Gigi's such good friends with Kendall and she's such good friends with Taylor and obviously there's bad blood

Oh, yeah, cringe.

And

she's done a good job.

I feel like even when she hangs out with Gigi or Selena, they don't hang out together.

So

she'll toe the line.

She'll be fine.

Plus, she's busy and is probably not paying attention to all of this.

And I also

don't believe it.

That I feel is her saving grace.

Like, she doesn't have a responsibility to like, you know, Gigi or Selena right now because she has a responsibility to her millions of fans.

Like, she's out here doing the most three-hour shows, you know, twice a week.

Yeah.

She can't be bothered.

She's traveling.

She can't be bothered to be bogged down with petty gossip.

By the time her tour is over, we won't even remember that this was a story.

Yeah, so true.

Great call.

And you don't believe it?

Not at face value.

No.

You know, I just need a little bit more than one person's account.

No, and like maybe they walked into a restaurant together.

I don't think they were making out.

I don't think that they were making out and nobody cared and nobody took a picture and nobody saw them.

Again, just like with my chain smokers call, like, I think they might have been working on something.

Like, maybe she's working on something with a lot of different people, has an album coming out.

Like, they got dinner after studio time i don't think

i wanted to tell you um last week i forget where i was but i met a toaster who was just delightful and she was like by the way i was at the bowling alley next to drew and selena like i was the one who like took those photos that went viral and they were making out the whole time they were they were

And she was like, it was like the craziest thing that ever happened to me.

I was like, oh my God, yes, Queen.

And she didn't have a photo of them making out.

She did.

And it didn't make it to the airwaves.

I don't know why it didn't make it to the airwaves.

Did you see the photo?

I

did not.

You have to question everything.

But I do.

No, I know, but I don't think a toaster would lie to me, like, for real.

No, I don't think so either.

But like, that's an account I believe, you know?

But I don't know this girl, but now I know the Selena, the Drew witness.

I don't know this witness.

I don't know, Turdy Lou.

And

didn't happen, literally.

You want to know why?

You want to know why I feel like these two situations are different?

Because when the Drew and Selena thing happened, the person who took the photos didn't like try to get famous off of it.

They just put the photos out and like TMZ got them.

The whole story being centered around one woman makes me feel like it's very possible this is like a stunt.

Or, you know, like, because now we're all talking about Clarissa or whatever her name was.

Yeah.

That makes me a little suspicious.

Well, Clarissa got, is not the hostess.

Sorry.

Clarissa's friend is the hostess and texted Clarissa.

So now we're two degrees.

That's even more broke.

It's telephone.

It's a, yeah.

But, and the text messages from Clarissa go, are you ready for, nope, from hostess, go, are you ready for this?

I'm screaming.

Clarissa, what?

I'm scared.

What happened?

Hostess, tell me how Selena Gomez and Zane just walked into restaurant that's blurred out, hand in hand, making out, and I seated them.

Clarissa, ha,

shut the fuck up.

Hostess, girl, everyone's out here feeling bad for Selena.

Meanwhile, she's with gigi's baby zaddy

okay so now i didn't realize that that is another layer of so this clarissa don't even work at the restaurant

hostess just said whatever she wanted and she gets to keep her job right unless somebody at the restaurant can make you know the connection between clarissa and potential hostess but they can't because this didn't happen so every big restaurant is like we're gigi and we're zane and selena here not us not us every hostess is safe.

Not Clarissa sending every VIP restaurant in this town into a tizzy.

Yeah, but there's nothing, I don't think this is true.

Interesting.

Okay, well, I need to wait and see if the more stuff happens.

Yeah,

same.

I'm going to need more than Clarissa's text messages.

Yeah.

Agreed.

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Next story.

Kelly Clarkson's divorce album is forthcoming.

It will cover the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Kelly announced on Sunday that she is coming out with a a new album called Chemistry.

The talk show host explained in an Instagram video that she came up with the title after her acrimonious divorce from her ex-husband, Brandon Blackstock.

I feel like we are so like on the cutting edge and like really have made the word acrimonious, like have this revolution.

Yeah.

This renaissance.

We love to do that for words.

Acrimonious, wench, nefarious.

True.

The list goes on.

I was trying, I'll start a list on my phone.

She said, I was trying to find a word that really described the whole thing because I didn't want everybody to think I was just coming out with some just like, I'm angry, I'm sad, like just one or two emotions, you know.

This album is definitely the arc of an entire relationship, and a whole relationship shouldn't be just brought down to one thing.

So there's, you know, the good, the bad, and the ugly kind of thing going on in it.

She said, chemistry can be really amazing, a sexy, cool, fun thing, but it can also be very bad for you.

So she thought it would be the perfect title for the all-encompassing record.

I mean, respectful queen, this man has literally, you know, robbed her blind, tried to strip her of everything, and she still remains like such a peaceful, respectful co-parent.

Even in the music, she's not making a divorce album.

It's really...

probably will be more of like a tragedy.

Yeah, well, I think one, like he's the father of her children.

And so you just want to be respectful because they will be hearing this one day.

But two, I think there's a lot of truth in the statement that it's not just just like angry, sad, bad.

Like it's a whole range of emotions.

You know, it's grief and it's loss.

And it's, you know, I'm sure some of it is extremely bitter, sweet.

And even when you're fighting with someone, I know he like, you know, squatted in the Montana house and there was all this drama.

But like you loved this person once.

They were married for

10 years since 2013.

Yeah.

So almost 10 years.

Like there's a lot of history there.

And I think.

that it is reductive to just be angry.

And that's not true to the human experience.

No, it's a very mature taste.

And she's a mature queen.

So why would you expect anything less?

Like she's not putting out a diss track, a diss album.

What do we think?

Like there's obviously going to be like a lead single called Chemistry.

So what do we think the song Chemistry is going to be like sound like?

It's going to be like, you know, Kelly's iconic sound.

Top.

But the lyrics are going to be kind of country where they kind of switch up at the end, like all these good things about chemistry.

But then it was like the chemistry that undid them but like give me a melody oh

this is really your specialty

you do the music chemistry is like a hard music i'll do the lyrics you're literally uh drew barrymore i am huge 100

chemistry

chemistry

you don't think it's gonna be chemistry

i think it's gonna be upbeat where it like builds and builds and builds and like the chorus is like upbeat and fun and then it ends with like a zinger line where it's like

but you on the music

yeah like yeah yeah like we like

I don't even want to go there but I could hear it in my head what's the song I made up for Selena how did it go oh my god I could better better fat now myself

I'm not alone too much to dance with your heart yeah but when I lonely I lonely I get lonely in the dark

so so good

so i think it's gonna be pop anthem but then it's like one two punch you know what i'm excited about

i feel like our generation and like the culture has an entirely new respect for kelly clarkson in the last few years i feel like her brand has like really taken off with the show and um her karaoke covers her kellyoke i feel like there's a whole new audience of people who are looking forward to this and so i feel like in in the past, a lot of the music she released has gone underappreciated.

I really feel that way.

And I think it's disgusting.

And I think like that this is going to be really big for her.

She's partnering, not partnering, she's pairing this with her Vegas residency, which was right when COVID started.

We had tickets.

She had to cancel it, obviously.

And now they are rescheduled for this summer.

Yes, I saw that too.

She has a 10-date.

Vegas residency in the works.

So that's really exciting.

I don't think I'll be able to make it.

So I'm just like kind of devastated about that, but I'm hoping that she will do a chemistry tour

and bring it on down here to me.

But this is her first traditional album since 2017.

Like the fans are ready.

It's been six years and I've never pressured Kelly into releasing new music.

No, because she's really been killing it in all other aspects of her career.

And like, honestly, I don't want this album for a few months because like I've got Luke Combs, I've got Morgan Wallen, I've got Mimi Webb.

Like I'm booked and busy, Kelly, right now she said it's coming sooner than y'all think but she didn't drop a date which for me feels like it'll be at least may

yeah i need time for sure yeah her also her titling it chemistry like was giving me like ed sheer and vibes now that we broke down his oh another subject in school another subject in school because we don't know where he goes from here he's done all the

math symbols he had he had said

in an interview recently he was asked he says he has another another, you know, symbolic thing.

Do you know what he could do?

He could do the exponent sign, you know, the little carrot top.

Yeah.

I don't know what he would call it, but something about like multiple of

exponential.

That's a good title.

PEMDAS is better.

PEMDAS tour.

Yeah.

He's going on the PEMDAS tour.

I know.

Let me just tell you how never once in my life have I successfully used PEMDAS in an equation, like equation that had parentheses, exponent, multiply.

That shit doesn't work.

Like you cannot convince me that it does.

No, it does.

PEMDAS doesn't work.

It does.

It's a faulty equation.

It's a fault.

It's an acronym for a reason.

It's a lie.

I think you've just been burned.

By PEMDAS, definitely.

I think you have some trust issues and you have walls up.

I definitely, I'm like on an episode of The Bachelor.

Like I have walls up.

You know what you have up?

You have parentheses up

To your left and to your right.

Everywhere I look, I'm just kind of being closed in on.

That's so turdy.

That's so turdy.

It's the pim dust she can't solve.

That's so turdy.

It's so mysterious.

That's so turdy.

It's the flashlight she can't see.

That's so turdy.

Where are her beans?

Yeah.

That's so turdy.

It's the flashlight she can't see.

That's so turdy.

Blame Ben Saffer celebrity.

Ooh, that's really good.

How is BSC?

That's really good.

BSC is doing well.

BSC is home.

The celebrity has returned.

Thank God.

And he made it out of the country.

They let him back in.

Yeah, of course.

Ben was able to find someone somewhere in New York.

to get his passport to.

They were flying to Miami.

Ben was flying through Miami to the Bahamas.

Ben waited for them in the airport, got his passport, and flew out to the Bahamas.

That's Ben's offer a celebrity.

Yeah, I guess people will really do anything for you when you're a celebrity.

Thus, he got his passport.

So, was the lesson learned?

Of course not.

Fuck.

I know.

I'm glad he's home and back with his turd, though.

Me too.

Theo really missed him.

We know you missed him too.

Oh, desperately.

So sweet.

Hate being alone.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story, which is some more iconic singing female news?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Adele has extended her Las Vegas residency and is planning a concert film.

Adele announced Sunday that she's extending her Las Vegas residency with 34 more dates between June and November and also plans to release a concert film.

Saturday night's show was the last performance in her original Weekends with Adele series that covered 34 dates since last November on the strip.

Her representatives said Adele's show will resume at the Coliseum at Caesars Palace on June 16th

and run through November 4th.

The June performances will be recorded and released as a concert special.

I mean, I don't know why she wouldn't continue.

When I was at the show, she literally said, I love doing this.

Like, I literally get to be in Vegas for a day and a half.

I get to be at home in LA for the rest of the week, be with my kids.

My kids love coming to Vegas.

Kids, sorry.

It's a dream job.

She's probably getting paid out the ass.

Like this has probably been one of the most successful residencies for

what hotel was?

Caesars.

Caesars.

And it is a real Caesar's palace.

Right.

Since Celine Dionne, like this is

huge.

I mean, Celine Dion's was bigger, of course, but I can't imagine one negative thing for anyone who was involved in this.

Like everyone's making money.

Everyone's happy.

So many videos have come out.

Like Adele goes viral every week for something she does.

It's so good for her brand.

And it's good for her.

I don't know why she would stop.

And she said when I was there, she's like, I really don't like touring.

It's not something I'm comfortable with.

Like, I did it once and it was hard.

Like, it's a lot of time away from home.

It's a lot of travel.

She's not built for that.

So to take a 45-minute flight once a week.

Yeah.

And it's like, everybody can come to me.

And everybody does come.

I mean, Kim went, everyone goes, but I'm bright.

Yeah.

Like, I don't know why she would ever stop.

Yeah, but I think this is something that happens with Vegas residencies where I think it really is so lucrative, so easy,

but you get kind of stuck in it, you know, and I don't think she's close to doing that because she's just done 34 shows and she's doing 34 more.

But I feel like it can be hard to come out of that cycle because you get into such a good rhythm.

And as a performing artist who over the years, you don't have a lot of patterns and everything is so up and down and up and down, like you really cherish the stability of Vegas.

That's why it's typically used as like a retirement plan.

Yeah, but I think it's hard to get out of there.

Yeah.

I don't think that Adele will have that problem.

I feel like she's found a life hack for being a performer

because she'll still release new music and people can come.

It's not like she's going to be there forever, but I think it might be hard to, especially harder to get back on the road after this.

Yeah, because it's just been so easy.

Yeah.

But I'm glad.

Should we do a Vegas residency?

Kind of.

I'm down

Although when I was on tour I've only in my life ever canceled I think three shows and I had to cancel my Vegas show due to poor performance literally two weeks out like five tickets it sold we're not big in Vegas we're not Vegas is like a notoriously tough market because people don't usually buy tickets unless it's for like a Dele till they get there they see oh let me see Donnie and Marie you know yeah So you have to have a lot of faith in the fact that people might show up that day and buy tickets.

But I was playing a room for a thousand people and I had sold 100 tickets two weeks out.

I was not doing that right and so we have to hope there's like a thousand toasters in vegas every single weekend right right

okay well we'll

we can dream and manifest

um

the other thing i wanted to talk to you about tv recap was succession last night i watched succession

highly anticipated season premiere for the final season truly gave us nothing.

The show, you guys, I have to tell you, is so bad.

And if you think about, I've been saying this like for so long in any given episode, absolutely nothing happens.

If you think about how every season has been so titillating since season one and like where we started in season one versus where we are season four episode one like seriously what's changed they still own the company the only thing that's changed now is they're all three children are beefing with logan but it's like they could literally turn him around stab him in the back each one of them six times and then like the next day it's like so are you gonna call the kids no let them call me it's like nothing is permanent no betrayal is permanent like think about what um they've all done not but the

one kendall kendall i can't ever remember his name think about all the things that kendall has done and yet he still like has his inheritance even like right i think logan likes playing this game with his kids um they're kind of only the only worthy adversaries for him only because they have his resources at their disposal so it's just like he gets to spar with himself um i mean he is sparring with himself because they're buying that company with the money they made from Waystar, which is their dad's company.

They're literally like the definition of entitled Nepo Babies.

No, the definition, and I think people like who watch the show are rooting.

Some people are rooting for the kids and think like they're the future.

No, not me whatsoever.

But like.

If you listen to what the kids say, like they never say a word of substance.

Everything they say is nonsense.

Every idea they have is bad.

They really think that they like are doing something and that they have like, they know what's best for the world and for culture.

And like they're literally so fucking dumb.

And the fact that kendall values pierce at like six seven billion which is probably worth let's say 7.5 he was lowballing them let's say eight even but they paid an extra two billion dollars to end the conversation like do you have any concept of one dollar when roman was the only one like trying to break it down for them like oh we just paid an extra half a billion just to end the conversation like what would that's 500 million dollars right like what that money could be used for other things so like i don't understand how after this they have any money left to their name and really like, they have this opportunity to do whatever they want with their lives to create the companies that they wish to see in the world that they hoped that Logan would have created all these years.

And instead, they're going to take 10 steps back just to fight with their dad.

Go buy an old ass, basically another version of ATM, which they've hated all these years and they think is so backwards.

They're going to buy that just to fuck with him instead of like starting something new and light on their feet with for far less money and like trying to do something new.

No, instead, like their relics, just like the relics that they make fun of.

So this is my first time watching Succession.

I feel like maybe last season, I had caught up with like the last three episodes left.

So I really binged it all.

And watching it in full is much more exciting because

episode by episode, like really.

It was boring.

Like I was bored.

Yeah, no, and every single time there is like a countdown clock, a call has to be made within the next 24 hours or 48 hours for a contract to be signed.

We never actually get to the signing of anything.

Nothing actually ever changes or gets done.

We just get people negotiating on the phone and like talking so slowly with so many filler words of like uh yeah um well so like and they literally put all that stuff into the dialogue I watched

on me too and The way that these people speak in like such broken sentences and and if you if someone will say a bunch of words and like when you distill it down to what they've said they've said they've said absolutely nothing.

Yes, yes.

And that's like the vibe of the show though.

Right.

People just talking to like hear themselves speak.

And then, of course, last season, like Tom, big bad Tom, like he's, you know,

all after all these seasons, like, he's finally having his comeuppance.

And like, no, he's still the same shit he always was because he flopped back again in this episode and ruined everything

for

Logan.

He gave, he tipped Shiv off.

He tipped Shiv off.

He's the reason why Logan lost the steal.

And Logan's right to be like, if we're good, we're good.

Like, you don't get more than that.

100%.

I just felt like so bored the whole time.

Yeah, Yeah, I felt bored.

Except the conversation about Greg's date's purse was quite possibly one of the funniest things of all time.

Like how they just judged her immediately because her purse was a little big.

Yeah, but she was also like walking around taking pictures.

She was out of control.

She was out of control.

But that was hysterical.

Yeah, it was very funny.

Like little things like that make the show really funny.

And a lot of like the characters like quirks.

But like last night was just so much like shiv and the kids.

And I just, I hate them.

Hate.

Except for Roman and Roman needs to go back to the other side.

But it's like in every episode, like someone will make a final decision, we're betraying dad.

And now it's the next episode, and I'm like, Well, you are you ready to go back yet?

Like, there's no permanence in anything that happens, and nothing has changed since the first season.

Like, nobody went to jail over the cruise ship stuff, like even Kendall.

Remember when he left and he was just being such a loser with his like art collective, like nothing now.

We're back, he's back with the kids, with the kids, now they own Pierce.

Okay, I guess.

Like, how do they have any money left?

I don't know.

Their finances.

Like, I get that they're, like, uber, uber, uber, uber, uber, uber wealthy, but, like, it really confuses me.

Yeah.

Like, they're all using all the money that they get from this Gojo sale to

buy Pierce.

So, like.

Well, I feel like something's going to happen with this Gojo sale because they keep saying 48 hours and it's not done yet.

Well, I think that Logan should cancel it so the kids don't have the money to buy Pierce.

Yes.

Duh.

But, like,

it's like, why did he need to to sell it in the first place?

What was the problem a while ago?

Because it stung.

No one like an FBI, what happened with them?

Right.

No, like, oh, one thing about me is like, half the shit that goes on in the show in terms of like business completely goes over my head.

Like, I have really no idea what's going on at any point.

Yeah, but you know, like the big ideas, which is that he's competing for Pierce with the kids in this episode.

But like, the stuff in the past, I genuinely don't remember why did Logan have to offload the company so hastily, right?

Because like they wanted him out.

Jose,

the board, member, that guy, Adrian Brody.

Adrian Brody, right?

They wanted him out and the company also like stinks.

Like they have like no, nothing big.

They wanted to buy Gojo, but then it was like, actually, Gojo could buy us.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I don't remember.

Okay, so now if Gojo doesn't buy them.

Okay, so what?

So we're back to season one, episode one.

Exactly.

It's so like nothing ever happens.

They were just always on the phone.

And like.

They're always on the phone.

It's just so stupid.

And nobody trusts anybody else.

Like one, the kids, like, don't even trust themselves or their own instincts.

At least Logan, I constantly confuse Logan and Kendall, but at least Logan trusts himself.

But like the fact that those three kids can't trust that like they're actually going to be loyal to one another.

Or they don't even trust the decisions that they make.

They don't even know if what they do is like the right move.

They're actually not smart businesses.

No, they spent three months like luring investors into the hundred, which is just like class right uh on it's like a startup that's been done a million times yeah yeah and it's extremely pretentious and elite and like only for a handful of people right but they're willing to walk away from all of that which they thought was a good idea but they're not sure that it's a good idea because oh there's this old dinosaur that's up for sale that our dad wants right right no it's moron let's pull all of our money to fuck with him Like Ben watched the episode with me and he has no idea what the show is about.

I just basically told him like these are the kids and that's the dad.

And I honestly feel like it probably wasn't even hard for him to catch up because all the shit that's happened in the last four seasons doesn't even feel important.

No, it's not important.

Right.

It doesn't feel relevant to the current storyline.

And, like, why am I supposed to mourn the loss of Shib and Tom's relationship when, like, they've never been in love or had any?

So, I went on Twitter last night to see like if people were talking about the show and, like, you know, if I missed anything.

What did they say?

What did they say?

People were like, this scene is so beautiful.

Like, them holding hands, being like, we gave it a go.

Such a, such a stunning portrait of a marriage.

I was like, these people are fucking delusional.

Like, this is not a marriage that's even remotely relatable in any way.

It wasn't really ever real.

No.

And we're supposed to be mourning it.

I felt no emotions.

No, it was a beautiful apartment.

I feel like what's the point?

It's a beautiful apartment.

Stunning.

That's crazy.

But like, Tom isn't like a real person.

You don't feel empathy for Tom.

He's like this caricature.

Yeah, and he has no scruples.

He's just looking out for number one.

I think when he ties, when he attaches himself to someone else, like if he could just be loyal to the person that he attaches himself to, I thought it was Kendall, but then he like had to go and call Shiv.

Like I would be able to.

You thought it was Logan.

Sorry.

I thought it was Logan, but then he had to go call Shiv.

I would have been able to have respect for his at least loyalty, considering it's not like he's an ingenue.

And so in the last episode of season three, when he chose Kendall and went and warned Kendall, I had respect for him for like making a choice.

Shid treats him like shit wants an open relationship.

And like he's going straight to the big man, but then literally like that, the respect is lost.

And it's so funny how if you probably look at the tweets from like season three, season finale, like Tom's a man.

Like Tom is it.

And now what do you think?

No, but that's so Tom.

Like I actually feel like Tom is probably

the most well-developed character.

Like he's so spineless and he's constantly being spineless and he's constantly like exerting the little power he has over like people underneath him like Greg and like abusing it.

He's really this like insane fucking person.

Yeah, but the thing is I would have thought that his character developed but then in this episode that he had to call Shiv and say the Naomi Pierce thing and ruin the

Tom.

So he hasn't developed at all.

No, but I'm saying Tom as the character like is so detailed.

Like yes, yes.

You know who he is.

I, yes, as a character on a television show, but as a real person like no none of these people like are really relatable in any way in in the way that they think like having no scruples no loyalty no one they can trust

and like being okay with that yeah and just being like so miserable in their lives when it's like why don't you just go enjoy your life and stop worrying about with your dad just like say hey thanks for the billions

i'm gonna go get him

instead of like constantly festering in this horrible environment, the kids are the worst, except for Roman.

Except for Roman, but he's siding with the worst right now, so he is part of the worst.

But even when he chooses Kendall's side sometimes, like he's done in the past, like he's not fully on that side either.

Yeah.

He's just always on the fence.

You mean Logan?

Sorry, Logan.

Why is it so confusing?

Because the names give the, it's like, yep, yes, I know you're going to be.

I'm going to give that woman's TikTok where she's like, if you like the name.

Names that feel the same.

If you like the name Logan for your baby, but you can't use it because someone else had it.

Try Kendall.

By the way, they look the same.

They feel the same.

They are the same.

Yeah, I don't confuse Kendall and

Kendall and Roman.

No, I know.

Roman is Roman.

They have the same phonetic structure.

It's something.

That's a plot hole.

100%.

At the end of the day, I stand with Logan.

eternally.

He's the best character.

I stand with Logan too.

And also, so many times he starts saying something.

And I was like, oh, this is the part of the show where Logan loses his mind he has you know he's dementia riddled and it's time for him to retire but then he when he was watching atn at the end

or when he was at the diner with his bodyguard yep i was like oh logan's lost his marbles

Every time they like zoom in on him slowly when he's watching TV and he goes to call someone and he like literally can't even move his hand to call.

He's like, and he starts like babbling something.

I'm like, Logan's lost it.

And then it comes out.

And it's

like, oh, fair point.

Facts.

That guy does look like a thumb.

I always think, I'm like, oh, this is how the show ends.

He's sick.

He's going to die and none of this will have mattered.

Yeah.

Like, how does the show end?

The show is about succession.

It's about like the line of succession.

Like, does Logan die?

Does he finally hand over the keys to someone?

Is it one of the kids?

Like, how does this show end?

I think,

I think the way it started, the kids come back on board and they're in line whenever Logan chooses to retire.

And by the way, the whole issue with the show, the whole reason they're even fighting is because Logan won't retire because their dad won't die fast enough.

Right.

They're so evil.

They're so evil.

So I think it'll go back to the way that it was where the kids come over to Logan's side.

They also own Pierce.

Now they have an even bigger empire.

And if you could just fucking wait for your dad to die instead of kicking him into the grave, it will all be yours.

Yeah, but which kid?

That was the whole point.

Well, that's something they have to sort.

Who's running Pierce?

They still have to figure that out amongst themselves.

Kendall Logan is never going to choose one of them, though he should choose Roman, even though Roman is also disgusting, you have to remember.

I know he's

in a little disgusting.

He's done some really like perber stuff, not even the Jerry pictures, like

with the girl.

I forget what it was, but he's like, he's really degrading.

He has some clear mental health issues.

Yes, yes.

But he seems to be the better person of the three of them.

Yes, I agree.

And he seems to be the one with like the slightest bit of family loyalty.

Yes.

And who do you dislike more?

Shiv.

Kendall or Shiv.

Shiv.

Shiv.

I really like

Kendall is far and away like the worst because he's also really easy to hate.

But Shiv is a human.

Yeah, but Kendall has been so humble.

I know.

But

it's nice.

Yeah, I know.

It's nice when somebody's so evil, like, gets what comes their way.

Like, it makes them more likable.

Yeah.

Shiv is just like constantly floating through life, like, bulldozing, and no kind of like, you know, when she seriously, like, thinks she's morally superior to everyone.

She thinks she's the smartest person.

Like, even when she was opening the door at the Pierce's house and like coming in with her new offer when she had the 10 million, she had this fucking smirk on her face.

I just wanted to slap it off.

She was like,

10 million.

Billion.

I like, I just, I really don't like her.

I really don't like her as well.

It's like they all got together and said, how can we create the most unlikable character in the history of television?

And Shiv Roy was born.

The thing is, like, people who watch the show, like, one, love it.

And I think people,

like, love Shiv.

That's crazy.

I think people are team Kendall over Logan.

People are team kids.

But even when it was Kendall versus Logan, and the other two were just...

That's insane.

The other two were like working for

Waystar Royko.

That's also a weird, a lot to say.

A great star.

Wastar Royko.

They were working for the family business and still like talking to

Kendall.

Kendall.

So it was really a battle of Team Kendall or Team Logan.

Like people on this earth, a lot of people were Team Kendall.

Maybe even like the majority of people.

Yeah.

L to the OG.

Zud be the OG.

And I'm the plagiar.

So good.

That was the best part.

Yeah.

Zud be the OG.

But it was, it was terrible.

It was horrifying.

But somebody like Kent, like Kendall would do that, like that level of narcissism, like thinking that's a good idea.

Yeah.

But also, like, the thing about Logan is, like, even though he's so smart and this and that, it's like he's actually not because he has nobody worthy to leave his empire to.

Yeah, he's surrounded by enemies.

He's his family.

Like, so what, so

So, what's all this for?

That's a great thing.

But I think he also fostered this environment of competitiveness and like mistrusting of the kids.

And I think a part of him also likes it.

Yeah.

He's created his own enemies, but

I think he likes having enemies.

Yeah, well, it keeps you on your toes.

Yeah.

So hopefully more happens next week because I was unsatiated.

Nothing's going to happen next week or anything, but then when we watch the season finale, I think we'll be able to say what happened this season.

Right, right, right.

I think.

I hope.

a girl can dream.

A girl can dream.

So that's our show.

Nice long one for you.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Hope it got you to lunch, maybe even dinner, depending on when you're listening to this.

Have an amazing day.

Thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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I'm gonna see you tomorrow for Tuesday, Tuesday show.

Bye, love ya.

Bye.