Original Recipe: Monday, June 16th, 2025

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Good morning, girlies.

It's the toast.

It's Jackson Claude, and we're your hosts.

It's your favorite show.

The fast-five things you need to know.

We'll start your day off swirly.

It's the toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to the toast.

Happy Monday, you guys.

Today is a Monday, but it's a celebración because we've got Claudia Ashre, Coaches, Woachis, Turdy, Lou on the toast.

Welcome to the top.

And let me tell you, it was hard to get a slot.

Like, I was like, I could come back for a day or two.

And she was like, no, actually, you can't.

Thankfully, I don't know who was supposed to be today, but like, Shannon getting sick, like, rejiggered last week.

And so, they, they made time for me on my own platform.

How generous.

Yes, it all worked out.

We're so excited that you're here.

I know people are going to be overjoyed.

Everyone has missed you so much that we're supporting you and we're not rushing you back to work.

And we support new mamas, but we have missed you.

How are you?

You know what?

I'm doing really good.

The last time I came to podcast, which I did my birth story on Patreon, you guys should check that out if you have any questions about like my journey with the C-section, Breach Baby.

I was feeling like, you know, it was so soon.

Like, oh my God, I walked here and I was like, oh my God, like it was like a big scary world.

I went to New York once in 1981 and I just did not feel safe.

Today, I was like, okay, let's get this bitch back to work.

Like, I feel like it's, it's doable, you know, I, I, and maybe today, just like everything worked out, but like, baby is fed.

I don't even feel guilty.

People think I feel guilty going back to work.

I'm like, no, bitch, I'm ready.

Like, everybody wants to hear from me.

It's kind of like, you know, all the anticipation of me coming back.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, sorry.

Sorry, Ruby.

Can't talk to you.

I got to go meet my adoring fans.

I feel good.

I feel really good.

There's also so much going on in pop culture that I need to talk about.

And I'm dodging Love Island spoilers like the plague.

I'm one episode behind.

I can't watch them live.

Like, I have a fucking newborn.

Like, them being on it at nine o'clock.

Are you kidding me?

That's midnight for me.

So, no, but it's so good that you're going to sleep before that wake window.

Like, I used to go to bed at like the 11 o'clock after that feeding, and then it's so late.

And coaches prioritizes the early bedtime.

That's how we started.

We started going to bed.

We started going to bed at like the 11-12 window.

Big mistake.

Now we go to bed at 8:30 with with the baby.

It's better.

Obviously, every night is different, but that means I have to watch Love Island the next day, which is fine.

Cause like, you know, during the day, the baby sleeps a lot too.

So me and Ben are always like, Ben calls it Love is Blind or Too Hot to Handle.

He cannot remember the name of the show.

I also don't like that like when I want to text someone about Love Island, I'm not writing out Love Island, so I'm writing Lai.

Lausa.

Laiusa.

L-I-U-S-A.

There's not a good acronym for Laiusa.

There's also Liuk.

Liuk.

Love Island, UK.

Ben is obsessed.

I'm obsessed.

We didn't watch last night because we watch him during the day.

So I'm going to give some thoughts.

Same, I'm caught up to the same place that you are.

I did not watch last night because I knew you weren't watching.

And I finished catching up at like 11.

So I didn't want to watch another episode.

So let's give our thoughts up until whatever happened last night, which seems to have shook the villa.

Now, you can't obviously plan when you have a baby.

And some people like to plan it so that like they, you know, give birth right before the summer.

So it's not too hot.

If you can plan your postpartum around Love Island, I cannot recommend it enough because I imagine it's quite overwhelming to keep up with the episodes when you have like a full-time job, a family to take care of, like you're just like busy everyday life.

Let me tell you,

postpartum, I need three episodes a day.

Like there's not enough.

And the night where there's not an episode, like that next day, me and Ben just stare at each other.

That's really funny.

Well, I'm excited to talk about it with you because so far everyone I co-hosted with has not sacrificed their entire life to watch Love Island.

It'll be good.

So if you haven't watched the most recent episode, you're safe here.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is a safe space.

Let's just go couple by couple.

Obviously, we have to start off.

Oh, you want to do it it now?

You don't want to save it till the end?

Just like, because nothing.

You're right.

You're right.

Okay, fine.

We'll put it in the time stamps so that nobody gets spoiled.

You're right.

You're right.

I got you excited.

Yes.

She's too hot in the pants.

I'm so worried that like I'm not going to get all my thoughts out on today's episode for like all the things that I think that we're actually going to do a Patreon episode because there's been so much pop culture stuff.

Like Aaron Rodgers is married.

Also, our bet.

Like we have to.

You owe me money.

I don't owe you money, bitch.

Well, you make, you have to make a donation in my name.

You say to the beautiful Jacqueline Oshray.

How much did we say it was for?

Even if we said five five grand.

We always say five grand.

No, that's insane.

We definitely said.

You're right.

You're right.

I think we said 10,000.

We said 1,000.

You're welcome, Mark.

We said 10,000.

We did a donation to the Mark Schoenweter Foundation for $1,800.

Question mark and in Jackie's name.

Question mark.

Done.

Oh my God.

We should make more bets, first of all.

And then for stories today, like the celebrities were just celebrating

Father's Day yesterday, which we do need to talk about, how you celebrities celebrated.

But I picked some stories that are like part of things we talked about last week because I need to get your opinion on certain things.

Yes, we're going to do like a whole backdated Patreon episode because like I need to talk about Rachel Zoe.

Like I need to talk about a lot of things.

But yes, I appreciate today doesn't need to be the most like timely topical episode because I need to talk about some things from last week too.

The only thing that is not in the stories that we did need your opinion on like right this minute is Tarek.

Oh, I know.

That's my king right there.

Like one thing about Tarek, he's consistently aggressive and we love that for him.

Did you read the details that it was a knee to the face?

Oh, my God.

Let me tell you, like, every, this is the thing.

I have been on Tatarek since the hike, right?

And he's actually done a really good job of rehabilitating his image with like his content with the old wife and the new wife.

And he lives in on the joke.

He wrote his book.

He talked about the arm tight and how we were all deeply misunderstanding it.

It was for the bears, you know.

I never was fooled.

Now, this is just further proof.

He's like clearly a crazy person.

The amount of times I got tagged in like e-news, the TikTok, Instagram, I must have gotten DM'd 10,000 times.

I love that people associate his.

Tarek's violence with turdy.

Correct.

Obsessed and just like all is here to say, like, I told you so.

Like, that's my consistent king right there.

Okay.

Yeah.

And you appreciate consistency.

You know I do.

And I, especially in this kind of crazy phase of my life, like I really come to appreciate the stable things that I can rely on.

And that's Tarek being violent and getting assaulted and arrested for a battery and assault.

In Tarek's defense, he said that the guy was taunting his elderly father.

That's the thing with Tarek.

He always has a very valid excuse.

Like the bears, right?

Yeah.

So maybe that's true.

Maybe that's not.

That's all I can say.

Yeah.

No comment, you know.

Well, I'm glad that we have your official statement on the matter.

We couldn't put it to bed until we did.

It's also so Tarek-like to have an outburst on my maternity leave.

Well, I felt like he thought he could get away with it.

Because Tarek watch went dark for a month.

But, you know, I came to work today just to speak on this issue in particular.

The substitute teacher is in.

Thank you, Ray.

He thought school's out for summer.

And he didn't realize how I'd been influencing young minds about him because the way that, like, that's a news story, like, truly, who gives a shit about, right?

In the real world.

Thousands of young women were heavily engaged.

Two is probably e-news' like most shared posts.

A thousand percent, like trending news in the corner of their website because of us.

Yeah.

you're welcome, Tarek.

Come on the show anytime.

What can I say?

Yeah.

Except keeping him relevant.

You're welcome.

Well, how are you doing?

How's new Mama Life?

How's Rue?

How's Real?

It's so great.

Ro, how's Ben?

Yes, Romeo is home.

We celebrated Father's Day yesterday.

And all Romeo wanted was, all Ben wanted was for Romeo to come home.

And that's what he got.

Let me tell you, I had been telling Ben that.

I had been telling Ben he might be like overestimating how easy it's going to be, be like with the walks and Romeo's still very much like a puppy-ish and Ben was like it'll be fine it'll be fine and like it was a little challenging last night was our first night Romeo just um like was barking a lot waking the baby like it wasn't it wasn't 100% copacetic and Ben

I hated to be like Ben I told you so and I couldn't be like a bitch because it was Father's Day but like I told you so you know was it midnight yet No, no, because we go to bed at eight o'clock.

It's good to have him home.

And, you know, all the hate I've been getting on the internet has winded down because we didn't re-home Romeo.

He stayed with his grandparents for three weeks and now he's home.

It's good.

I wanted to get in like a nice routine with him before the summer.

So it's fine.

But they say like there's this condition.

I forget what it's called, like postpartum something where you just hate your animal.

Like you just can't.

And I'm not experiencing that whatsoever.

I'm just obviously like have different priorities now.

And I will say I think Ben prioritizes the baby and Romeo equally.

And I'm like, you need to stop.

But it's good.

Romeo's fine.

He's fine.

We celebrated Father's Day, Ben's first Father's Day.

Obviously, there was a lot of speculation.

Will we celebrate?

Since I didn't get to celebrate Mother's Day because I gave birth literally one week later.

Straight up said, You're not celebrating Father's Day.

And we did celebrate Father's Day.

We celebrated Ben as a father.

We also celebrated Ben's father.

So it was really nice.

We had like a bagel brunch, and then I got Ben like an in-home massage for his birthday, which you know he loved.

And he was like feeling so guilty about it.

He's like, You should take it.

You should take it.

I almost did.

My back was killing me.

Breastfeeding is backbreaking work.

Yeah.

I had like, I had, I had the foresight to like weeks ago make this plan for a gift and I wanted to to follow through on it.

And if I, if I took it, Ben would have been fine.

But he deserved it and he loves massages.

He's always asking me, can we go get a massage?

He's like, we have five minutes free.

You want to go to the nail salon and get our back rubbed?

Like Ben's obsessed.

So it was the right thing to do, but it was hard not to take it.

I can't lie because he really wanted me to.

And I was like.

you know what?

Ask me one more time and I'll take it.

Yeah.

And actually in hindsight, we did actually have a really party delicious Mother's Day because we were together and like you were doing the same thing that like I was doing.

And that's how I celebrated Mother's Day.

So like, it wasn't like you had like a non-bland

Mother's Day.

Like, I feel like you were celebrated.

So for him to have a little something, and of course, he's been a wonderful partner.

I wouldn't say that I was celebrated, but yeah.

Well, every day of Turdy's life is a celebration of Turdy.

It's true.

Right.

I feel like when I came on Patreon and did the birth story, I was still very much in, like they say, like there's like this euphoric, you're like running on adrenaline, postpartum.

Not everyone experiences it, but I definitely experienced it.

Newborn bubble.

Newborn bubble, like even the things that are hard and that suck, like you don't even care.

You don't see them.

Like I was very much, some people have the total opposite where it's like postpartum depression.

I had definitely like the euphoric state.

And I'm out of that for sure because it's been like a little bit more real.

Like the nights are getting harder, but I'm still like loving every minute.

We'll see what like what I say next week.

But I do think also sometimes people's postpartum depression like doesn't come until like one or two months.

Like it's not immediate.

Maybe that's waiting for me.

No, no, no, no.

I'm just saying like you could still have the euphoric bubble, but then the crash like might be even harder.

The euphoric bubble is so real, though.

And like, here's what nobody tells you about having a baby.

Cause one of the things I was most excited about was the smell, right?

I love the way babies smell.

It's just like so delicious.

That smell lasts two weeks.

I thought that smell lasted like a couple of months, but I was like sniffing.

Yeah, with draft.

And Johnson Johnson.

Yeah, I was literally sniffing behind his ears, like seriously, so creepy.

And I'm like, where is the smell?

It's, it's gone.

Oh, sorry.

What you also don't realize is that it's harder for you to smell it on your own baby because like you are part of the smell.

Like you would always come to my house and be like, the smell.

And like, I didn't smell it as much as you did because I'm immersed in it.

So like next time I'm going to be able to do that.

So maybe now that I've come to work.

Oh, I mean, it's a little short.

Like.

And I go back, I'll smell it.

I think when I see the room, I'll let you know

what kind of smell he's emanating.

But like, I think you're just too in it.

Okay.

So don't think that all is lost.

Well, I'm really excited to be back here on the toes talking about the things that I care about.

Like I, Ben has been an amazing teammate in all this.

And I like talk to him about like what goes on in the world because I have nobody to talk to.

And he does his part.

He like pretending to care, but it's nice to be back with people who actually care about the important things in life, like Aaron Rodgers being married.

I told him that.

And Ben was like, was he not married before?

I'm like, no, why would I share that information?

Why would I randomly say Aaron Rodgers is married if you've been married for five years?

Also, that's rude because I feel like that's a topic that you should both be able to

read.

That's why I brought it up.

I've got a lot of people shared interests.

That's why I brought it up.

Okay, fucking rude.

It was actually so rude.

He was like, was he not married before?

Like, why would I randomly just be like, oh, Jackie Osha is married?

Like, duh.

Oh, Lish.

I'm going to go easy on Lish because

Lisha.

Lish deserves our utmost respect.

Lish deserves ease.

Lish deserves ease.

Lish is an amazing dad, partner, friend.

Like, we knew he would be.

He sent me his recipe for chicken rocks.

I crushed them.

And Lish has been a huge part of my life recently, aside from being like my brother-in-law.

Of course, the father and father.

Because my children are obsessed with the good guys theme song.

I love that.

They are always like talking about good guys and bad guys because they love superheroes.

And sometimes they'll be like, I want, you know, they'll say like, I want baseball songs.

So I just like search baseball on Spotify and play something.

And they say, I want good guy song.

And I'm like, well, actually, you had uncles on the ones and twos.

And

what do they think about like the vocals?

Do they say that they hear Josh's parts?

They love it.

They love the song.

And we keep listening to the same episode um just and it starts like this benny and joshi joshi and benny the knicks are all so bad and this is not good benny and they and so we have to listen through that part too i forgot that their song is not on streaming services like ours is no and i could kill them i'll tell them i'll tell them to get on it i did tell ben but i don't want to push the point because i know he's busy and do you think ben knows how to do that like okay i guess i should tell josh because i'm literally like skip going back 15 minutes they also know this is a dear media production i'm cracking up

and i literally have to sit there in the passenger seat don't worry i'm not driving it's in sex car and go back 15 seconds like four times and we listen to it again but at this point when they do upload it to spotify i need it to include benny and joshi joshi and benny things are all so bad and this is not good and this is a dear media production

the following podcast is a dear media production hysterical

so i have always a warm spot in my heart for ben but he's been a very big part of my life recently i love that My children's number one artist.

Me too.

Literally, me too.

It's going to be on your Spotify.

Well, it's not on Spotify.

Oh, my number one podcast this year is going to be Good Guys.

Oh, I hate that.

Yockey.

Things I hate, that.

Nothing, nothing could usurp the toast, actually.

There's no, there's nothing I could listen to more than I listen to the toast.

It's not statistically possible.

I actually don't listen to the toast.

I watch the toast.

Yeah, I don't.

listen to it either, but I do go to our page every day to share the link.

So maybe that counts for something.

Can Can I tell you my thoughts on Jackie Owen Friends?

Because I was thinking this last night and I wanted to share, like, cause I've been a toaster these last couple of weeks.

Let me tell you how fabulous it is to have a daily podcast with Pargy vibes, audio and video that comes out every day.

Like, I totally get why people are so obsessed with us.

And it's been so fun, obviously, to watch the co-hosts, especially some of the new ones.

And I was thinking last night, like, I wanted to share who my favorites were.

And then I realized, like, I'm so toxic because both of my favorites.

are the men.

Oh, who?

Joey Camaster.

Always.

And nobody is a bigger fan of Joey Camaster than my father-in-law.

He said, I saw Joey.

Comaster is on the toast.

I have to watch that one.

I said, yes, you do, Bruce.

Did you see Joey was talking about Bruce on the podcast?

I forget what he said, but yes,

because Joey's also the son of a chef.

Yes, and you know him and Ben cooked together.

Yeah, and he said that he kikied with Bruce.

I was like, not that kiki with Bruce.

Bruce loves Joey.

Okay, like I love that.

And Joey's obviously been on before, but not with you.

So it was like a new dynamic.

And Joey's just like, no, yes, with me, but not in forever.

Not since Pink Backdrop.

You just need to like park him by a microphone and he will make you laugh like I just love him and I honestly the Christley story being the his day I needed to hear his thoughts on Julian Todd Christley, which I also want to talk about in my Patreon episode

So obsessed.

And then I also really loved Jared Freed, like fresh, you know, Floridian dynamic.

So not me being toxic and like choosing the two male hosts out of like 15 who are all women.

But that those were my faves in case anyone was wondering.

Those were so good.

I seriously have so much fun with it every single day.

I'm also getting to live out like my Jackson Wonderland era because I'm really enjoying the art of podcasting.

Like we get to the stories, but not everyone's a pop culture expert, so I'm not like rushing there.

And I just get to like have a little chit chat, see where the condo goes.

And let me tell you something about Jax.

She is chatty.

Chatty.

When she's kind of left to her own devices without Lechard, she can talk that Jax.

I mean, KFC and I did an hour and 45 minutes.

Let me ask you something.

How do you feel it's been going with the advertisements?

Oh, I'm having a a ball.

Yeah, I know.

I'm having a ball.

And nice of you to put your mic flag on.

Explain to me where your mic flag has been for the last three at-home episodes.

You didn't have it with Trout.

You didn't have it with Margo.

And you didn't have it with Taylor Strecker.

Sorry, not Trout, not Trout, not Trout.

It was at the studio.

I bring them to the studio, so we have mic flags for our guest episodes.

And then the couple ones that I did from home, I didn't know the day before that I wasn't coming back.

You know what?

In the words of Jackie O, I'm fucking all the way off.

Like 100% valid excuse.

Thank you so much.

A little slack would go a long way around here at the moment.

By the way, I did give you slack because I could have brought it up the first time I saw it and I didn't.

Yeah,

I'm trying not to be, I'm trying to be like a hands-off maternity, you know, like, but it's hard.

Oh my God.

She's literally not.

It's so hard.

But you've been doing a great job.

You know, obviously the ads have been running a little long, but you know, that's just a gift to our sponsors.

It's a gift to our sponsors who are so tried and true.

And I love that every day.

So many of the sponsors are the same.

Like they deserve our love and our authenticity.

So today I'm also going to do the ads just because I want Claudia to just have like the guest experience.

You know what?

I really appreciate that.

Like, the ads is a burden, right?

You agree?

Like, timing it right and making sure it's like a good part of the show and like that you're being funny.

So, it is, it does weigh heavily.

And the fact that I'm just sitting here without an iPad, like, I don't know what I'm going to do during the ads.

No, and also, once you get into a groove with the ads, you remember all the copy, you know, the points that each brand wants you to hit.

So, it's just like all in your head.

Like, the first few days, I was like looking at there's so much copy.

What do I need to say?

Now, I'm Sympatica, which you usually are with the brands, but like, stay, out like stay chilled

Stay chilled, you know, don't worry about it and I got two new air conditioning units in the studio while I can hear them

you can don't worry the microphone's not picking it up the audio microphone, but I've been I've been obviously preoccupied with Ruby, but air conditioning is still the number one priority and I now have three units.

Oh, I forgot to tell you guys.

Remember, I was talking about how I got this brand new air conditioning unit in my studio.

I was so excited.

It was like really like a labor of love.

I had to buy it, then I have a come and install.

Like it was a whole thing.

It was, you know, working part deliciously for like two, three weeks.

I get an email from like Home Depot or whatever that the exact model that I bought, like of all the units in all the land, the exact unit that I bought has been recalled for mold.

Now,

there are a lot of things things get recalled for.

And for the most part, it's like not the biggest deal, but like mold.

Yeah.

Not an option.

I would have ignored it if it was anything else.

So then I had to get a refund and a new one and an installation, like Torture Fest.

But we now have three work units working firing on all cylinders of this new office and to be honest I'm kind of called

oh LOL well we're matching today also we didn't plan like cream sweaters parts and pants creamsicle squirrel We're so creamsicle and we're just so simpatico.

And we're also running a little bit behind.

You know the time police is here.

Oh, but that's the thing about being a guest on my show.

You never know how long the pre-fast five banner could go.

Well, I'm ready to dive in.

in okay i just i'm shocked that you're ready to dive in i'm no you know what you have to give us more sorry you know we've got fans we need more coaches yeah my like current timeline is my breasts like i can feel them growing larger but i would rather rush through the fifth story than skimp on banter do you know what i mean all right let's banter anyway what do you know two episodes last week it was just four stories i don't know how many people noticed but i was like

i got the fast five have taken a hit oh the fast five have taken a hit for sure uh did you talk about the real houseways of new york like like the loser version, all of them commenting on your Instagram reel?

No, I didn't because I'm like, it made me so uncomfortable.

But I did allude to it when I was podcasting with Taylor Strucker because last week when I podcasted with Margo, we were talking about the Real Houses of New York recast and how like whoever did that like should be fired and they shouldn't be in charge of the next, what they're going to do the same job again of recasting Real Houses of New York.

And we posted that clip just about like fire people who are bad at their jobs.

And then like a bunch of the former cast members started commenting.

of, like, the new show, like Jenna Lyons, Uba.

They were like, butthurt about it.

When, like, the clip wasn't really about them.

And, like, we said what we said, and I stand by it.

Yeah.

Uba's friends with Taylor Strecker, though.

Did you know that?

Yes, I did.

Long-standing friends.

Amade, Amade.

Uba's comment was funny to me because she said, as long as you have confidence in Wi-Fi, like I guess.

Who cares about facts?

Who cares about facts?

Yeah.

What was that factual?

I don't know.

I didn't understand her comment, but I met Uba once and I was absolutely

jazzed by her.

So she's a-okay in my book.

Like just because you're not a good reality star doesn't mean you're not a good person or an interesting person.

Or like, I mean, I don't think I would be a good reality star, but like I'm fabulous.

I would argue if you're not a good reality star, you're probably a good person.

That's just kind of the connection I made.

After Taylor's Trekker hosted, she came over to my house.

She was like, I forgot, I didn't realize I'm like so out of it.

When I saw her on the toast, I'm like, oh my God, bitch, come over.

Like, you're in my studio.

Come over.

She did.

We went to lunch.

Like, that was like the most normal I had.

Where do you think?

30.

I had to take Ruby to Bloomingdale's to have ice cream.

And Taylor Strecker had never been to 40 carrots.

That's twisted.

You went to Rubingdale's?

We went to Rubingdale's.

It was my first time in like an indoor restaurant.

We go outside every day, either for a walk, to the park, or like an outdoor lunch spot, somewhere that has like par delicious outdoor seating, alfresco.

But it was so hot that day.

So Taylor Streker said she'd never been.

And so I was in an indoor restaurant.

I can't lie.

I was like having a little bit of a panic.

It was like, it was kind of crazy to have like a three cycle.

It was a little stuffy.

It was like, it was busy too, but like lots of kids.

Yeah, I was like, I was hating it.

Um, but it felt so good to be like out and about.

I love Taylor Strecker.

So, like, if you want to have more of my friends come to the studio, that would work for my social events calendar.

Okay, great.

I'm trying to think.

Oh, this week, I have an exciting week.

I have a guest coming to stay with me for two episodes, which is something that I had meant to do previously, but it just hasn't worked out until now.

So, I have my guest,

and then we're off Thursday, and then Friday,

we have another exciting guest, guest.

First time co-host, not first time guest.

That's all I'll say.

I want to know who it is.

Give me like a subliminal message.

Okay, I'll give you a gender, male, and it's been in our text messages.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Male.

What do you mean?

It's going to be your favorite.

I'm so toxic.

And now that I'm a boy mom, I just want to say, I think there's been a lot of speculation about how turdy is going to be different, right?

Like, obviously, motherhood changes you so much.

And when I come on the podcast and talk every day, like, am I going to be a different type type of person?

And for the most part, I actually feel more like myself than ever.

I don't feel like I've changed that much.

Except, like, I will be changing my disposition on deer toasters two ways.

One, because I'm a boy mom now, and I'm definitely a toxic boy mom.

Like,

I need to have a daughter so that Ruby has a girl to marry because he's not marrying out of the family.

Sorry.

What about a cousin?

What about Nika?

Mikayla, sure.

Fine.

Fine.

But the second way I feel like I'm definitely going to be changed when it comes to deer toasters is like, I feel like sometimes I'm a little cavalier about like, you know, boyfriends and husbands just being like, whatever, you know, like

make it work.

Yeah.

You're always like, break up with your gay boyfriend.

I am always saying, break up with your gay boyfriend.

But I feel like now more than ever, I've really come to understand and appreciate how, like, who you have a baby with is like, it's a choice, right?

Like, it's like the biggest decision you'll ever make.

Life is not a fairy tale.

I'm sorry.

Like, the guy who's, you know, giving you eight orgasms and like, you know, riding off in a motorcycle, like, I love him and he's mean to you, but like, I love him.

Like, that, the bar has been raised significantly.

Like, the most important choice you will make in this life is who you go through the newborn trenches with.

And

like, I just, like, I'm not going to be putting up with this like behavior any longer, even though I really haven't been putting up with it, but the bar is even higher now.

Yeah, you haven't been putting up with it.

But are you also saying, like, it's more than just like, I love him.

Like, yes, no, but we need to be thinking critically about the characteristics of our partner.

That's what I meant to say.

And what you want in a father.

It's not so sexy and romantic all the time.

Like, when you are choosing who you're going to marry and have kids with, like, there are so many, obviously, love is important, right?

But it's not the most important.

No, sorry, it is the most important.

It's not the only thing.

There are so many other characteristics.

Like, and I think that when we were like, oh, my husband's a P jam, but he did X.

Well, a P jam wouldn't do that.

So actually, he's not a P jump, and you need to break out with him because you can't be, he can't be the father of your children.

Now, if you're not planning on having children, you can let him get away with more a thousand percent.

Um,

but I just like I feel like my

growth will be most evident during deer toasters.

Wow.

Can't wait to see it.

Should have had you on a Tuesday.

And like the mother-in-law, like, now I'm the toxic mother-in-law.

Nobody's good enough for my boy.

Literally nobody.

I got so upset like on our first outing, which was to the pediatrician, like three days later.

I got so upset in the back of the car.

Like thinking about the fact that Ruby's going to have a girlfriend one day.

Not on my watch.

No, and like just wait till you start thinking about like when he gets married.

No, I feel sick.

The girl gets like all the good

holidays.

Yeah.

That's why

I think there are things that you can do to stave it off.

Yeah, have a daughter.

Have a daughter.

Well, yeah.

I will be having a daughter next.

But I think also like having an amazing vacation home

that everyone wants to go to.

No, but also just being like the fun.

Like that's my goal.

That's my like.

Your daughter-in-law would like run from you if you're like a toxic, overbearing.

You just need to be like the fun family.

Like, oh, you know, our outings are great.

We go out and we have cocktails.

Like, we're fun.

everyone has different ideas of fun though you think it's so simple but it's not i also haven't had a cocktail

right i went out to lunch on saturday i almost did but it wasn't the right it wasn't the right setting and i think i want my first cocktails to be like in the hamptons this summer yeah and it's like less so about like obviously your breast milk which by the way if you're not like drinking into oblivion like you can still use your breast milk yeah and they say the best time to have a cocktail is as you're nursing like a wine in one hand a baby in the other no because like the milk that they're drinking is from two hours ago thick things that you ate.

Yeah.

But more so it's like can you parent a little tipsy?

Do you want to?

Yeah, a little hungover.

No, that's where it's like more unpleasant.

Challenging.

So if you have like a wine in the middle of afternoon and you're crashing

by evening.

It's going to be a lot of trial and error this summer.

So I'm looking forward to that journey.

But it will be a party summer.

It's going to be a swirly summer, the second in a row.

It's also going to be a party Patreon summer because if you want the party vibes, head over to the Patreon.

Like it's going down.

You're halfway through.

You're halfway through, Jackson Friends.

And in two weeks, the toast is off for the summer.

Yeah.

But we're not because we'll be releasing one re-release every week and one Patreon every week.

So you'll be fed plenty, but still.

But still.

Now let's get into the fast life stories that you need to know because Coach needs to go home to her wee little baby.

Because Kojis is leaking.

Shout out to Lanseno.

Okay.

If you know, you know.

You Lanson know.

You Lanson, no.

I got this box.

Jackie was like, you need these like nipple covers.

I'm like, okay, whatever.

Um, and it came.

It was probably a box of a thousand.

And I'm like, what the hell am I?

I'm done with it.

Like, I, they're the, everything Lansono makes is the best thing ever.

So are you oversupplied a little bit?

I am definitely.

And we talked about, thank you.

I'm glad you brought this up.

We talked extensively.

Your dreams came true.

I am.

I'm not an oversupplier.

I make more than enough for my child.

I don't pump.

I collect milk with like a suction thing.

And I have a freezer full of milk that I've probably pumped collectively four or five times with.

Everything just gets collected.

I collect like 12 extra ounces a day and I'm not even trying.

That's just like, and I'm still always like big and engorged.

So I got what I wished for.

I'm not an oversupplier because I watch people who pump 30 ounces in one sitting.

Like that's fucking crazy.

That's like extreme over

supply.

I have a very, very healthy supply.

And I'm very grateful because I know some people people like pump all day and get one ounce.

Like, yeah.

If I, I could pump, I actually did pump last night because Ben needed to make a bottle.

I pumped for about six minutes and I got five ounces.

Like, I think that's really, yeah.

That's a lot.

No, I know.

Her dreams came true.

Is it everything you dreamed of?

Um, it's nice to not have to worry, honestly.

I know some people like really panic, and that's the thing.

Nursing is so hard.

And then I go to the doctor and, you know, poo-poo is gaining weight ahead of schedule.

It makes you feel so good, right?

Like, it's

worth it.

It's worth all the pain and literally like the crying at night.

i know some people go to the doctor after going through the same pain as me and they're like you need to supplement with formula it's not baby's not driving baby's not gaining enough weight and that's really hard so i'm grateful to the supply for that but it's not without its challenges my boobs always hurt i still am wearing a bra in the shower i have a shower bra that i hang on a hook and is it a bathing suit yet no no i was thinking of buying a bathing suit obviously like a waterproof top a waterproof bra which is a bikini top jackie i literally was like to ben they should make shower bras and he's like it's a bathing suit

when you said you take a shower in your bra i was like is it a shower bra but then

that's a bathing suit so i have one distinct bra actually if you watched my patreon what's in my hospital bag one of those mom cozy ones i got from amazon it's like kind of like a really thin it's not a good bra for like every day it's a good shower bra i wore it today before i got here i showered in my shower bra um so that's the bit the bathing's not a bathing suit margo came over and i was nursing and she was like holy shit my boobs have tripled in size and they were already doubled in size from pregnancy Like they are the biggest boobs definitely in New York City right now.

Like nobody has bigger boobs than me in the five boroughs.

That's the challenge.

My, like they hurt.

They're really big.

But other than that, it's been, it's been a blessing to have a supply.

I'm very grateful.

I know not everybody has that.

That's really beautiful.

I need to let you know something beautiful.

Speaking of beauty, today's episode of The Toast is brought to you by America's sweethearts, Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, coming back to Netflix season two, premiering on June 18th.

So perfect timing for Swirly Summer because Jackie literally sent me the article.

She said, do not watch this until July 1st until we're all together because we are watching it this summer.

Because last summer we watched DCC America's Sweethearts on Netflix and it was the perfect family show.

It was so cute.

It was so good.

I've always been obsessed with DCC because I am ahead of every single trend and my husband is a Cowboys fan.

So I came to know the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

Humble brag.

Early in life.

And so I knew how amazing this show was going to be.

And it is even better than you could ever imagine.

And now season two is coming to Netflix on June 18th.

So all seven episodes will release at once.

Thank you.

At 12 a.m.

Pacific time, 2 a.m.

Central Time.

And they will be available globally in 190 plus countries.

So season two is going to be all about.

unprecedented access.

It's very real and vulnerable storytelling, the duality of being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, what it's like in the audition room and on the field on game days, but also back home during the in-between personal moments.

We got to know so many fantastic girls last season, some swirlies, of course.

You learn their backstories, everything that goes into being a cheerleader.

It's just such a good show.

And if you haven't watched season one yet, you better get caught up because we're watching season two and we'll be recapping it and we'll be loving it.

So watch season two of America's Sweethearts, June 18th only on Netflix.

And that is my Bat Mitzvah anniversary.

And I don't think that's a coincidence.

Me neither.

Happy anniversary to me.

Today's episode of The Toast is also brought to you by Resort Pass.

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And that's the great part.

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It's so hot.

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Can I ask you a question?

Are you not using a timer?

I do sometimes.

Okay.

But when I'm live doing it, I don't because I've got like, you know, I feel

like a spy with all my different gadgets.

But if I pre-record them, I do.

But, you know, I'm winging it.

I wanted to say one more thing about motherhood that I, like a thought that I had that I wanted to share because I feel like I'm kind of like the, you know, I'm always talking about how like I timed it so perfectly.

And like I really waited till I was ready.

And so many people said to me, including you, that really stuck with me was like, you know, you're going to love motherhood so much, you're going to wish you did it sooner, right?

Like you, I remember when you wrote me a card last year, I think for my birthday, you were like talking about how I was such an amazing sister and I've been such a great aunt because you had obviously like a a tough year with Charlie.

And I was, you said, like, you know,

when you were pregnant, you were like, it's gonna be like one of those things that I told you to do, like reading and downtown Abbey, like, you're gonna wish you did it sooner.

And I was just having this conversation with Lauren Elena because we were two days apart, um, due date-wise.

She went so over, and I went so under.

Literally, she just gave birth, and I almost have a one-month-old.

Like, that's how crazy it is.

But she was like, Oh my God, I wish I did it sooner.

And it really got me thinking, like, do I wish I did it sooner?

And honestly, no.

Like, let me tell you why.

I feel like I'm enjoying it so much.

And

if I was like, when I was younger, I was like so impatient and so like such a brat that I, if I was doing like all these like night feedings, I would be a monster.

And I don't think I would be enjoying it as much.

And I think I'd be like really mean to Ben.

I think like I did it, you know, everything obviously happens for a reason and timing is everything.

But like, I don't, I don't have that feeling like, I wish I did it sooner.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes, but I also feel like if you're ever going to feel that way, I wouldn't expect it to be right now.

Oh, okay.

You know?

yeah, because you're like in the trenches.

Like, it's like, why would I want to do this hard thing sooner?

I'm glad that I'm more prepared.

Yeah, right.

No.

And also, there's so many things that go into it.

Obviously, like, getting your mind right.

And I feel like I've only recently gotten my mind right, if I'm being completely honest.

Financially, like, it's such a not a burden, but like, obviously, it's like a lot,

expensive, like, costable bills, even if you're not buying a crib for your son, right?

Which I didn't, by the way.

And everybody was like, oh, I see that you, that you bought a crib.

Like, you obviously got the one you wanted.

No, bitch.

Okay.

See, I told you.

She made it work.

I made it work.

Thank you.

Baby list.

What was it saying?

No, no, no, I hear what you're saying, that you're in a good spot now.

But like, one, you might have that.

If you ever feel that way, I think it might come later.

And two,

you could argue perhaps that if you did it sooner, even when you weren't like

as mature as you are now, like it might have matured you.

Because it's the sort of thing that changes a person.

However, there's no way to know.

There's no way to know.

And I think, I think the timing is all right.

And I think in the words of Garrett Hedlund from my favorite Gwyneth Poucher movie, timing is everything.

And seriously, who wants to live with a regret like that?

Like, that's totally.

Like, no, it's how I like it.

It's good.

40 minutes later, I'm ready for the first story.

Justin Bieber declares he's a dad that's not to be fucked with in a bizarre Father's Day 2025 post.

So literally BSA.

Justin Bieber is continuing erratic social media behavior.

We can call it.

He posted a selfie yesterday on Father's Day saying, I'm a dad that's not to be fucked with, middle finger.

Then he also posted a series of people.

Literally, Huda.

Oh, from Love is Blind.

Yeah.

Love is Blind Island.

Love is Blind.

Love is Blisland.

Then he also posted a series of text messages with a former friend.

Like,

I don't want to say that.

Drop the name.

I don't want to say lashing out at him because it's not lashing out if you're acting out of trauma, says Justin.

But him turning on his friend, it's like a series of three screenshots and that person's person's no longer his friend.

He didn't say who it was.

Kind of random that he posted it.

So it was just like a complex day for Justin yesterday.

He's still like spinning out, although Haley is over here, like maintaining everything's good.

There was also that paparazzi video of Justin in a blue hoodie, like begging the paparazzi to leave him alone because he's standing on business.

Okay.

Yeah.

But then Haley commented on a girl boss town TikTok where she was just like, Paparazzi, leave Justin alone.

Like we literally don't need to see a picture of him going from his van to his door.

Like we don't give a fuck.

And Haley commented, like, exactly.

So Haley's over here maintaining, like, it's all good.

When like, it's, is it all good?

I don't know.

But I think when you've just sold your company for a billion dollars, everything is good, you know?

Just sort of washes

clean everything.

Right.

Why doesn't somebody buy my company for a billion dollars?

And I'll just test that theory, you know?

Yeah.

And then you could start yelling at the

paparazzi and like, does it matter?

No.

No, it doesn't.

And the paparazzi have been such like an issue in my life that I obviously resonate with this completely because I was paparazzi one time out of TMZ, outside of catch by TMZ those photos never make it to air they never saw

an issue it has been an issue a big one

in your life and the thing is it's actually better that those photos never saw the light of day because I forgot to share when we shared that story recently that I had the biggest visible panty line in the dress that I was wearing like actually offensively large oh speaking of visible panty lines I don't know why that just reminded me I did also want to talk about the fact that I've restarted the show girls

I don't want to talk about that I know but I have I have one thought Ben had never seen it, and I just had a feeling he would love it.

And I was right.

He's upset.

Because it was good.

And before it got bad, like there was a moment in time where it was lightning in a bottle, and it was like so good.

No, no, it's so good.

It is some of the funniest writing.

I don't find the show particularly relatable.

It was one of those shows where it's like, there's four girls.

Which one are you?

A Samantha, a Carrie?

No, it's not like that.

I don't know if anyone's lived experience is even remotely relatable to those four freaks in Brooklyn.

But I believe, and my major takeaway is it's kind of a, if you want to have the conversation about nepotism, let's start with Allison Williams, the worst actress to ever walk the earth.

Now, I'm sure that she has gone on to improve her skills because she was in that, you know, very popular Jordan Peele movie, Get Out, and she's gone on to do great things.

But her first ever job as an actress was this hit HBO primetime show because her father is, you know, now disgraced news anchor Brian Williams.

Is that his name?

Yeah.

She is the worst actress to ever act like it's an assault on the art form of acting it's shocking that well everyone else is a nepo baby in that show too lena dunham's dad uh zosha mammoth's dad jemima kirk everyone's parent is someone famous she is glaringly nepotistic she is awful at her job and i feel like sometimes we talk about nepotism where it's like well are you deserving of it like when it paltrow at you know 21 winning an oscar like she was going to be famous regardless i don't give a fuck who her dad was or her mom allison williams was going nowhere before her father.

Like, she's a true character study in nepotism.

She definitely got better because, like, I know she went on to do big things, but oh my God, she's the Marnie is the worst actress ever.

I'm like, is this a joke?

Well, I feel like when they got cast, also, it was like a bunch of Nepo kids.

They were probably friends.

Nobody knew it was going to be like the next biggest show.

Lena Dunham was like a first-time writer, just like sort of hit.

And it could have gone, it could have been just like a weird artsy prize.

It's not like she got cast in Dakota Johnson, 50 Shades of of Grey,

no prior work.

Which is still like, that's the craziest act of nepotism to ever shake.

That's the craziest act of nepotism.

Your first job ever, like you have no experience.

Like the biggest franchise of all time.

Guaranteed hit.

So I'm going to give Alice Milliams like a little bit of a pass there.

How does it make you feel about Lena Dunham?

Like, is she a once-in-a-generation talent?

Okay, it actually makes me feel really conflicted because while her character is horrible and we hate and whatever, she's everything else.

She's the creator of the show.

And obviously, like, I'm normal.

I dislike Lena Dunham, but I just like her for reasons.

I feel like people just dislike her because she's like.

Yucky.

Yeah, like, but I just like her for that one article she wrote about Jack Antonoff being, like, having a Jewish boyfriend.

It was deeply anti-Semitic and beyond problematic.

And I've never been able to move past that.

I can acknowledge my own biases.

It's literally because of this one article.

People don't like something she wrote in her book about like molestation.

She says like a

step.

I don't even, like, don't even remind me.

Like, for me, it's just, it starts and ends with that article.

No, but but the book thing was weird sorry like yeah no agreed agreed agreed agreed agreed i totally forgot about that having said that like she's

extremely funny and talented like the writing is and she's a new show coming out i know with my queen meg stalter who plays the assistant in hacks jimmy's assistant maybe you should watch it i know like the thing is

I'm conflicted because and also she saw something in Adam Driver none of us saw because he was like this random weird actor this is his first first role in girls.

And he is the biggest star in the world now, Star Wars, because of her.

So listen, you know, she's definitely having a redemption era because she's been like popping up a lot.

And this new show, I think, is going to be really good.

And I'm having a girls' renaissance.

Like, I'm sorry, it is really good.

Are you having a Lena Denham summer?

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't tell anyone that.

I'm not.

Title, Claudia Osher.

Are you having a Lena Denham summer?

I'm not.

I never said that.

I'm just saying.

Ben Soffer Soffer is having a Lena Dunham summer.

He thinks it's so funny.

That is funny that he thinks it's funny.

While I have you on the subject of Justin Bieber, we need to know your thoughts on Rode sale and Haley's post about the

Justin's post about Haley's Vogue cover.

I think I was on the show for Vogue's Vogue cover.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

The Rode sale, obsessed.

Like, you love to see women in business.

Now, obviously, I'm toxic.

And so I'm obviously going to compare Rode to Rare Beauty because it's like celebrity-led brands, beauty space.

And, you know, we just love to see that.

Like, we just love to see like Rode doing its thing.

Sorry.

And I just, I love when people make a million dollars.

Like, obviously, I wish it could have been me.

But if it wasn't going to be me, I was really happy.

I'm a Haley stand.

She needs, like, she needed that.

She did.

Like, she's so underestimated.

And everybody, she just gets, and I think the Justin Baldoni thing, like, really highlighted, like, what is going on on the internet when it comes to the vitriol being sent Haley Bieber's way?

way like you could dislike something she did or she could not be your favorite person but it's really fucking crazy what has gone on with Haley Bieber for 10 years

for all that she's been with this billion dollars is

penance or whatever whatever the word is like she deserves it it's she is restitution yes thank you she deserves she needs this billion dollars she needs to relax the products are amazing she needs to relax but also like keep them coming my whole face is road me too that road toner is the best beauty product of all time.

Like, I just want to say I used it through.

I used to skill in Drickle bottles.

Yes.

I used it throughout my entire pregnancy.

It's in my skincare routine.

It's in my makeup routine.

It is the best thing.

Obviously, the pep, road pep, liptide, peptide liptides, whatever the fuck they're called.

Obsessed, I'm wearing one right now.

Yeah, but like a gloss is a no-brainer.

Everything she makes is amazing.

Pineapple face scrub.

I just mine.

Pineapple.

Yes.

The marketing has been like a true exercise in how to use influencers and how to receive feedback from the internet that's not necessarily positive and like implement it into your brands.

Like that was something that happened with her blushes.

Like she released a bunch of blushes and this really popular makeup creator was like, these don't work for anybody who's like not pale as hell.

And she worked with that creator, came out with a whole line.

Like she just took the feedback.

It's just, it's brilliant.

I'm sorry.

It's an exercise in how to make products for women, make products for the internet.

Like I love it.

Yeah.

I hope Elf doesn't ruin it.

Yeah.

But Joey, it was actually great.

We had Joey on when we discussed the sale of Rude.

And he's a makeup artist.

Like we forget because he's also like a star.

million other things um but he was saying how this is going to be so great because e.l.f like they are able to make products cheaper not sacrific not changing the quality just because of the volume of the orders that they place it's true e.l.f.

products are three dollars for everyone and they're premium as hell it's like the best drugstore brand out there right so he was very excited about it no he's so right for that i'm very excited about it too and then the vogue cover like A lot of Justin Bieber's social media activity, like I don't give a fuck about.

Like some people monitor everything.

They're like, that's rude.

And he's talking about Selena.

Like, I literally don't give a fuck.

I never, even the story you were mentioning, like, could I have changed the subject faster?

Like, I don't care.

This vogue cover one,

that one caught my attention.

That one was really bad.

But, like, Haley remains unbothered, billionaire queen, you know, says everything's fine.

So I don't know.

Once again, I'm left confused.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree.

I'm just sort of like on the sidelines.

I'm not going to put too much.

I'm not going to like join a team.

No, I'm just, I'm going to stay using the road toner.

Same.

Our next story is actually some funny Doja Cat news because Doja Cat's going viral for a fan encounter that she experienced.

A video went viral of a fan.

He's also an influencer.

His name is Pablo.

And it's a video of him like praising Doja Cat.

He sees her outside of a building or whatever and like they're hugging and she loves his t-shirt and she wants one.

He said, I made it.

And he takes it off and gives it to her and then like holds her and kisses her and then it's like, what's your real name by the way?

And she shares her real name and she actually seems like really like excited to meet him and you wouldn't think anything of it.

It's just like a fan interaction.

Then Doja Cat went on Twitter and started tweeting.

She says, Bottom line is, I'll smile at you, but it doesn't mean I fuck with you.

And don't touch me and manhandle me when you don't even fucking know me.

If you know, you know.

I honestly think I need to stand up for myself in the moment sometimes.

And he didn't even know my fucking name to be touching me and kissing me on my face like that is crazy.

Then she said, I threw that musty ass shirt away, by the way.

Literally?

Lol.

Lol.

what are your thoughts okay so i i feel two ways

because

i i agree that like fan culture is so crazy like the way celebrities get manhandled is really nuts like people are just like animals animals yeah but like it's hard to to know that he was crossing a line when you were engaging so heavily you know what i mean like i didn't i watched a video and i didn't think anything of it but then i saw her reaction i'm like okay that's valid too like yeah i i i actually don't know no but i feel like like she did the right thing in the moment like you would have you would have never known that she was not enjoying it like she gave that fan like every bit of shine that she had like literally they're hugging up like best friends he does kiss her on the face he's literally holding her by the arms so i don't know what she like successfully got away with hating the interaction but looking like she liked it so i don't know why she then like went on to twitter to like say that it was the opposite of that but maybe just so to not encourage more people to do it because i do agree like him kissing on the face and he's a dozen fam but he doesn't know her real name Like, yeah, I guess, but, like,

like, you know, Stephanie German.

Like, if I saw Lady Gaga, like, you know someone's real name when you're like a fan of theirs.

Well, Lady Gaga is not Doja Cat.

No, but like, he's a fan waiting outside for her.

So, like, he's that level of.

I do feel like a lot of celebrities, like, have

thoughts on this, and they put in place like boundaries that like no one would even be able to get close to them to kiss them on the face.

Do you know what I mean?

And that's, yeah, that's their boundaries, and it's the right thing for them to do for themselves.

Some people love it.

And they, Maddie Healy's goes out and makes out with fans, right?

Like,

so I feel like the better way to handle this would have this to been like for Joja Cat to be like, this is a lesson that like I needed to learn.

I do not want to be kissed or touched.

And like you can give people less access to you.

Do you know what I mean?

But like you can't like go balls deep in fan culture and then be mad when people don't act right.

Like fan culture is insane.

Yeah.

But if in the moment, if she had like been a little standoffish and like not okay with the touch, it would have gone viral in the other way of like her.

But I would have been defending her because like that's valid.

Me too.

And I'm not, I actually,

she didn't have to say the shirt was musty.

Yeah, like, no, she took it away.

Beyond that, I do think, like, her giving him what he wanted in that moment, making herself uncomfortable because she didn't want to, like, yep, be a not a people pleaser, and then saying, you know what, like, don't touch me like that, fans, like, I don't like it.

I think that would have been totally fine.

It got a little harsh with the musty.

With the musty, which is like, if anybody ever calls me musty, just like, meet me on the Queensboro Bridge, I'm jumping.

And I actually am the definition of musty these days because the way you like sweat sweat and smell postpartum, especially if you're breastfeeding, like nobody told me that when you breastfeed, like you have an aversion to deodorant.

I put on deodorant 55 times a day, but like it doesn't work, right?

Not enough.

Well, your like glands are working overtime.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I remember when we were at the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center doing a meet and greet, there was a toaster there who had given birth like three days ago.

There was literally a placenta hanging out of her.

And she was like, I got this ticket and I went to labor early.

I'm like, I don't care.

I'm still coming.

She's like, I'm really sorry if I smell.

I'm like, why would you smell?

She was like, when you just are postpartum, you smell.

And I gave her a hug.

I was like, she didn't really smell, but I was like, it stuck with me.

I'm like, oh, I might smell.

Oh, she was underselling the smell.

No, you're like sweating out all of the hormones that you've built up over 10 months.

And you're sweating out 24-7.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So perhaps we are duly, if anybody calls you that, done.

Yeah, I definitely am musty, but it's probably the meanest thing you could say to someone.

But when I wake up and I look in the mirror and like, I've obviously been sweating throughout the night and I sleep in just my nursing bra.

It's a really scary sight, me waking up, a diaper and a nursing bra.

And I look in the mirror, I guess like the, the actual perfect word to describe how I look is musty.

And are you wearing a musty-ass bra?

No, I'm keeping my bras so clean.

I change my bra every single day.

I have which is like, I know that sounds like, well, of course, like you change your own.

No, every single day, of course.

No, no, no, no, but like, no one changes their bra every single day.

No, no, but I have four and I wash it every day so that I'm never left without, you know,

it's a full-time job staying on top of my kindred braverly collection of nursing bras.

Understood.

You are Braverly.

You're a wizard of Braverly Place.

Title.

Our next story is a little biz news because David Beckham is launching a new snack line inspired by his love of beekeeping.

If this were anyone else.

Actually,

I was about to write a bunch of people.

I'm going to go to the next sound hate this, like a new snack line inspired by their love of blank.

Like, shut up.

David Beckham.

The next memory is the best thing that ever happened to those two yeah because when i think of like celebrity beekeepers i do think of david beckham yes a hundred percent and then they also got that uber eats campaign from the super bowl because of the whole tell them

tell them and then they made a line of merch victoria beckham merch it's the best thing to ever happen to them i love that i'm a big fan of them Celebrity product lines are getting a little crazy.

I've never been one to be like, oh, celebrities launching brands.

I happen to love it, especially in the beauty and skincare space.

Like, I think some people have a lot of negative things to say about it.

It's so oversaturated, whatever.

I literally don't give a fuck.

The snacks, like,

are yay or nay?

It's kind of a nay for me.

I don't mind them because I feel like they're usually filling a gap.

And I find that, like, a lot of celebrities, especially like celebrities who have become moms, like, they go and create the snack that we all want to give our kids.

Like, Jennifer Garner, Once Upon a Farm, Pargy.

Jessica Beale Kinderlight.

Like, by the way, why can't I find Kinderlight anywhere?

I need to be on their PR list.

Jessica Beale.

The amount of of kinderlight we go through in this house, I want to be on your PR list.

And I also feel like we try a lot of celebrity snacks because we're on PR lists.

Like, I don't know if I would be so engaged.

Yeah, agreed.

What is he making?

So he is making a line of kid-approved fruit snacks that evolve from his passion for beekeeping.

His fruit snack line is called Bee Up.

It's available in three flavors, very berry, tropical mix, and sour watermelon.

I don't feel like the fruit snack space is oversaturated yet.

No, definitely not the specific fruit snack aisle.

Like we're good.

Like when you go for a fruit snack, what do you go for?

What the fuck is a fruit snack?

I go for a fruit roll-up.

A gusher would be like the toxic version and then like smart sweets would be on the other side, I think.

So Ben and I love the red like wallaby licorice.

We do like smart sweets.

I love the toxic, of course, fruit roll-up, anything made by like General Mills, fruit roll-up, fruit by the foot.

Gushers, I fuck heavily with.

So I guess, yeah, I do participate in fruit snack culture.

Yeah, my husband loves like a fruit snack gummy little thing.

He loves it.

Like we always say, well, like, you know, nerd's rope.

Ugh.

Ugh, Ben loves nerds gummy.

I mean, literally.

Ugh, they love them.

The worst.

I will be buying B up to supplant my husband's obsession with nerd's rope.

This is a celebrity brand I might be sitting out.

You know,

I don't think that this applies to me.

I love David Beckham, and I know things have gotten like way worse with him in Brooklyn.

Oh, that's also been, there have been a couple of recurring stories that you've missed over the last few weeks.

Haley and Justin Bieber, the Beckhams, Baldoni.

Baldoni keeps popping up.

Like lively stuff.

I've never, I actually really miss being here.

And like, every time something happens, I like, I'm so like mad that I can't give my thoughts because my thoughts are the best thoughts, in my opinion.

But every time I see a Baldoni story, I'm like, honestly, thank God I'm on the toast.

Like, I can't be out here keeping defending myself.

You know, I ignore this ones that like, I think we are able to ignore.

Because every minutiae minutiae becomes a story.

Right.

The ones that have come up in the last few weeks, like, you actually have to discuss Taylor Swift, Scott Swift, I know, Scooter.

I know.

They drop the defamation.

Claudia, it's been a dark time.

We'll talk about it on Patreon, honestly.

I don't have the mental fortitude today to continue to defend myself.

I just feel like a lot of people are going to listen to today's episode, and I'm going to repeat my advice that I have for the two of them, which is that you need to meet and you need to drop it.

You need to just end this.

Both.

Why?

I feel like it's like the best thing to happen to Justin Beldone.

Like his name is.

I don't know.

His name was like effectively tarnished for 35 seconds in December and he will not let it go and he will not rest until every allegation against him is completely dispelled.

Yeah.

And he also winning.

And he needs to get his stuff back.

Like he needs his agency.

He needs his

podcast host.

I still want to talk to that girl.

Why'd you jump so fast?

Desperately have her as co-host.

Why'd you jump so it wouldn't be a co-host?

It would be a co-roast.

Why'd you jump ship so fast?

Right.

Anyways, Be Up by David Beckham will be available

one day.

Somewhere.

Hopefully, like at Thrive Market, then I'll try it.

It's such a Thrive Market product.

Is that the sponsor?

No.

Is that your segue into the second ad break?

No, unfortunately, it's not, but you can always check out Thrive Market, a beloved brand here.

But if you also do want to pop off in the wellness department this summer, taking Symbiotica supplements is one of the easiest ways to stay consistent with your health goals, even during a business, busy summer.

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Our next story.

Let me say something.

I love when you do the ads because I can check my phone and I was just checking the family chat and something insane is going down.

Let me read it.

Don't check.

Okay.

Okay.

So in our family or in the world?

No, in our family.

Okay.

So I just opened the chat and there's like six photos of this notebook that mom found.

It's like from a million years ago.

And on the first page, it says Claudia Ashre, intern.

So obviously this was like a notebook I planned on using at some internship.

The first page, someone else's handwriting.

It's Margo.

I'm pooping.

I didn't bring my phone to the bathroom because it has to charge before dinner and I'm very bored without it.

I really hope you didn't need this journal because that would be very awkward.

And then she dated it.

January, February, March, April 2nd, 2015, 5 p.m.

The next page.

This is obviously at 7.30, two hours later.

Margo, I love this idea.

Sorry, I totes love this idea.

I'm pooping now also.

Kind of sharp.

Wow, how bad is my handwriting?

See you next time.

Next time was June 10th.

So two months later.

Margo.

OMG.

Totes forgot about this.

I'm having a super seamless poop right now.

Smelly though.

Illy, M-G-O.

Is that all?

No, then the next

was July 5th.

I wrote in the doghouse.

I don't know what that's referencing.

Then July 16th, Margot.

she's gonna kill me for reading this, just began my poop

with a ripe fart.

Wow.

I hope the rest goes smoothly.

And then she signs it.

Seriously, this is the funniest fucking thing.

Do you recall doing that?

Save it.

I kind of do.

Yeah, well, it's the outside of the notebook.

Okay, it has a big Twitter.

It's obviously, it's a Twitter merch

from our days working in media.

Yeah, that sounds right.

Yeah.

Our next story, something else that big that happened while you were gone, I'm glad we get to talk about it, is Haley Steinfeld and Josh Allen got married.

And now she's revealing all of the magical details about the unforgettable wedding weekend.

So Hailey Steinfeld has a newsletter called...

Yeah, did anybody else think the rollout of her wedding photos was really fucking weird and annoying and it was giving on the J-Lo?

Well, yeah.

So at first she was giving nothing.

Like they were aerial paparazzi photos, but then there was nothing else, no vogue spread, no nothing.

And then

Friday, a bunch of pictures came out from like her party planner and like people who worked with her sharing like pictures from inside the wedding.

So this.

And then her newsletter is called The Bow Society and then they posted something on Instagram being like if you see the photos anywhere like report them.

It was just all like really weird.

Oh, that's weird.

But then so she shared she was torn between wanting to share every detail and wanting to keep them close to her heart.

Of course.

She ultimately decided to divulge all the moments that she and Josh can't stop thinking about.

Sickening.

She said, I'm sitting here with Josh, like her husband Josh Allen, like biggest quarterback.

The hottest man on the planet.

Yeah.

And we're reminiscing on the best weekend of our lives for the millionth time.

Over the past two weeks, random yet specific memories have been popping back into our heads.

And we've been blurting them out to each other, often through smiles, laughs, and tears.

No, I fucking love these two.

And everything, she looks so sickening.

Oh my God.

Her accidents.

Every dress, every look, her glam.

Everyone's talking about her nails, like that it was like the best manicure they'd ever seen in their entire lives.

Like her fingers were perfect.

And you can see the manicure like through the gloves, that glove photo.

Everyone's loving.

Okay.

She's just so pretty.

And she so doesn't try hard.

That's what's so cool about her, right?

And she just like fell in love with this guy and he happens to be like the coolest guy.

Everybody loves him in the football space.

Like everything she does is so cool.

The wedding was everything I expected and we're like glamour, three looks, hair up, hair down, feathers, couture.

I just loved it.

I saw a lot of hate being sent her away for the tent that they got married under.

Like people just thought it was ugly.

Like the black and white scallops thing.

It wasn't for me, but like it still looked pretty.

Yeah, like you bitches could never.

You bitches could never.

That one photo of her that's like gone viral of her in her first dress, the sun is in her eyes.

And so she's just like covering her eyes with her hand.

I see it.

Seconding.

This is like a celebrity wedding.

I care a lot about the way people like cream their pants for Sophia Richie.

This is my Sophia Richie.

Like I love these two.

No, it's our Sophia Richie of this year.

We don't have our wedding of the year yet.

To me, this is a frontrunner.

Like last year, we had Olivia Culpo.

The year before we had Sophia Richie.

And this year it was a tie between Demi Lovato and Haley Seinfeld with Haley eking out a witch.

I don't feel like it was a tie.

I didn't feel like they were even playing in the same league, honestly.

I thought Demi looked beautiful.

And I love Haley.

I love Demi's era of like being just like a normal like Texas TikToker.

She just like makes content.

She's like traditional queen.

Yeah.

Seriously love that for her, but her wedding was like nobody moved.

Sorry.

She looked pretty, but nobody moved.

This is the wedding of the year for sure.

Do you think that, and I, Haley Steinfeld is Jewish.

Do you think that the tent was a chuppah?

Like, do you think it was a Jewish wedding?

Like, it wasn't not.

Right.

that could be a chuppah i i think it was like i think if not they wouldn't have had that correct so like if you are criticizing it you're anti-semitic correct and you know they have like a big fucking house in buffalo because they low-key have to live there for like 80 of the year yeah but they got married in santa barbara yes which is so pretty yeah parjalish i loved everything about it like the dress and it wasn't even like a high-end designer i hadn't even heard of the name like she just she got the dress that she wanted do you know what i mean yeah no it was really, really a beautiful affair.

And

I'd love to get the details.

If I was getting married this year, I'd be saving a lot of this to my Pinterest board, especially like the type of photos that they took.

Like the, the, the wedding styles, maybe not necessarily exactly what I would have done, like flower-wise.

Yeah.

Right.

But the

photos that they got were so stylish, but also classic and like trendy too.

It was really, it was so.

It was also like models, you have to remind me.

I know.

So obviously like me and Ben's photos, if we copy them, would look so

like this.

Me like, like confused, like squinting.

Maybe it's in the professionals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're right about that.

Our fifth and final story is some Jews news because Natasha Leone is rumored to play Joan Rivers in an upcoming bio pic called Can We Talk.

So this is not confirmed, but this feels like it's probably true in the sense of it's happening, may not go all the way, but like definitely these talks are happening.

Natasha Leone, five-time Emmae, will play Joan Rivers in the upcoming biopic, Can We Talk, currently in development at Sony's 3000 Pictures.

So, Natasha Leone is from Orange is a New Black, for anyone that doesn't know.

She's also a Russian doll.

Everybody loves that show, but I don't watch it.

She also went to our high school.

Like, when you go to the Wikipedia of our high school, I know it's about us, but yeah, she went to our high school.

That's why, like, we can confirm she is Jewish.

She's the most famous alum, and I'm still waiting for them to update that Wikipedia page to include us, but okay.

Um, it has literally, uh, there's someone like at the UN who went to our high school, Natasha Leone and Leandra Medina of Man Man Repeller.

But also the toast.

Like, where is our, whatever.

It's head.

Whatever.

Chip.

I'm sorry.

I'll take the Wikipedia.

The chip rares its head.

Yeah.

We literally can't do one episode without the chip.

I just want to say I adore this.

There has been, I haven't heard it until right now, so this is my like first time reaction.

There's been a lot of like things about Joan.

Rumored.

There was the Catherine Han.

There's a lot of like pressure.

And there's always like negativity when they cast someone, mostly from us, because it's such a big role to fill.

And then there's also like Mazel, which they say was loosely based on Joan.

There's Hacks, which they say is loosely based on Joan.

And

I actually think Deborah Vance is a great character to pay, like, to pay honor, to pay homage and honor Joan, but it's not a Joan biopic.

It's not a Joan show.

It's just like loosely based.

So they're going to do it at some point.

That showtime show like got canceled.

There's been like a lot of drama.

I don't know when they're going to do it, but if it is Natasha Leone, it has the turdy stamp of approval, which I feel like when it comes to casting Joan is kind of the only approval you need.

Yeah, and it's a hard one to earn because they're very big shoes to fill.

We would prefer someone Jewish, but if you had like a non-Jew who would crush, like I'm open.

I'm open.

But I do even the side-by-side pictures of them, like I could see Natasha's face

morphing into Joan.

I'm at faroutmagazine.com.

Yeah, you are.

Yes, you are.

I'm at the far out.

Now, obviously, like, you don't think

Joan and you think Natasha Leone, but Natasha Leon is a kind of actress who has a corpse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a chameleon, if you will.

And she's very

serious.

I'm at Far Out magazine.

Like, she's not, like, you know, she doesn't star in flops.

Like, she doesn't star in movies that feel like community theater.

Like, this means it's getting, like, the Oscar treatment.

Do you know that Joan Rivers'

government name is Joan Malinsky?

Where does the Rivers come from?

I don't know.

I'm not shocked.

Everyone has a stage name.

Oh, Melissa Rivers, the only child of comedian Joan Rivers, has given Leone official blessing to step into the role.

Melissa will also join as a producer on the project.

One thing about Melissa, she's going to produce.

One thing about Melissa, she's going to be there.

She's going to be there.

Like, I appreciate her commitment to having her full-time job be Joan Rivers' daughter.

And when that, when Joan was alive, obviously that was like a much busier role, but she's booked and busy.

Yeah, but now it's like the preservation of Joan's legacy, which I do think is a full-time job.

And I'm glad that there's someone there.

A thousand percent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, so I think this, this bodes well, like won't get our hopes up.

It's not confirmed.

Cautiously that's it.

It feels right, you know?

Yep.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

And I feel like maybe they put it out there just to like see how people reacted because people reacted poorly when it was Catherine Hahn.

Catherine Hahn.

Yeah.

And I feel like the reaction is going to be positive and they might move forward due to that reaction.

Let's do a little Love Island recap.

I forgot.

And let me tell you, I don't don't know if I mentioned this on the birth story, but the second I gave birth, my coccydinia returned in full force.

I've never been in more pain in my life than I am in this moment.

So I just wanted to let everyone know.

Like, I know I look like a beauty queen, but I am suffering.

Love Island.

Let's go couple by couple, giving our thoughts on everyone.

Obviously, things are changing, but the kind of name on everybody's lips is Huda and Jeremiah.

Oh, yeah.

I hate them.

Well, she, to me, is like a Dylan of this story.

There are a couple people who I'm like, you're the bad guy.

Yep.

Huda is one of them.

But Jeremiah is also like no walk in the park.

And he, okay, I have something to say that I feel is really unpopular and it only almost made a TikTok about it, but TikTok leaves no room for like nuance and I would have gotten canceled for it.

But and I want to say this, and I'm saying this as a mother myself.

This trope of people, but it's the references I'm referencing, it's both women, going on dating shows and like making, establishing connections with someone and then dropping the bomb that they're a parent, which is a beautiful thing, but it is a big thing in a relationship.

You know, Jess did it on Love is Blind.

Huda, like you're saving it, not leading with the fact like, yes, I'm a Scorpio.

I live in Charlotte and I'm a mom.

Like,

holding it until the person has like started to fall for you.

And then I don't love that.

I think it's like a very strange.

Now, I've never been a single parent who's had to date, and I imagine it's very difficult.

And people write you off immediately because they're not interested in dating someone without a, with, with kids.

So I'm sympathetic, but I don't, I don't think it's a good way to go about dating on a reality show.

I agree with you.

I would just not directly compare Jess and Huda because I do think like people who go on Love is Blind and Love Island, like it's a completely different type of show.

They're looking for different things.

Coming on Live Island to look for the father of your child is one of the crazier things that I've ever heard.

Also leaving your child for however many weeks, it's a no-context show.

They have no idea.

I imagine they're letting her talk to her daughter.

Yeah.

But the hoops that she probably had to jump through to get that, like it's a no-context show.

They're literally on an island isolated.

They They have no idea what's going on in the world.

It's true.

To do that, to potentially, what amazing love match comes from Love Island?

Like, that's really...

Tommy and Molly.

Oh, I'm, I take that.

Never mind.

Controls.

But no, no, no.

They're the exception to the rule.

Like, you might find a boyfriend.

Like, really?

Have there ever been any liosa weddings?

No.

No.

So the decision to come on Love Island for that, like, just doesn't seem like congruous with what you are probably actually looking for by coming on Love Island.

Love is Blind, like, really is for serious people.

Now, I agree, you should bring it up sooner, but I also, Love is Blind is also about the connection.

You're not sharing a lot of things.

You're holding back a lot about yourself to see if the connection's there.

Yeah.

Also, Jess can do no wrong in my eyes.

So

you're going to hear me.

No, Huda.

Okay.

I wanted to say my favorite part of the season thus far was when Sierra was the new bombshell.

The recoupling ceremony happens.

Everyone's man, Shelly's man, Orlandria's man, everybody gets up except for Jeremiah to put themselves in the running for Shelly's choice.

Excuse me, sorry, Sierra's choice.

And Huda's like, oh, she's like getting all that.

I don't like that.

That makes me mad.

You guys deserve better.

And it was very, I believe her intentions were pure, but she was, it was so patronizing.

It was like, look, I have a guy who likes me and none of you guys do.

Like, you guys

try me on my level.

Like, I hated it.

And the fact that Orlandria was like, girl, we don't need you to do that.

Like, stop.

Huda started crying.

Was like, you're a mean girl.

I'm sorry.

It made me fuck.

I've loved Orlandria ever since.

It was, it was such an annoying thing.

She wouldn't let it go to like huda like oh that makes me so mad oh my god i'm never gonna get over this oh you guys need what i have orlandria clocking it being like we're good first of all like tailor i'll survive and second of all like stop yeah they tried to make her feel bad and i if this message ever reaches orlandria i need her to know i was thinking the same thing and i love that you said it i know but then when Huda and Elandria spoke, like Alandria was like, no, I didn't mean it like that.

Orlandria walked it back.

Yeah, she was like, I just meant we'll talk about it later.

Like, this isn't the time.

And I just feel like she should have like dug in and been like, no, you are doing too much.

Like, you need to act holier than now.

Orlandria saw that potentially because you're worried about what people are going to think.

Like, she didn't want to be cast as a mean girl.

Well, here's Huda crying, and Huda was like, I was just trying to help you.

Like, she didn't want to be seen as the villain.

And she automatically undid it.

But I believe that was what she meant in the moment.

And I stand with her.

Up until what I've seen, the show is suffering from a lack of girls not wanting to step on each other's toes.

Enter Iris.

Enter Iris.

But even still, they all come in.

I'm here to shake shit up.

I'm going for Nick and Jeremiah.

I'm slipping through the cracks of Jeremiah and Huda.

And then she goes to Jeremiah, I scared to talk to you.

Right.

Like Amaya, when Amaya came in during the baseball challenge and she was like, oh, I'm here to shake shit up.

Yeah, I have found that like my thoughts on everyone are pretty much aligned with what people on social media think, except people were like, Amaya's a queen for demanding more from Ace.

We hate Ace.

They hate Ace.

I love Ace.

I hate Ace.

Amaya.

I think he's so cute.

Love him.

I can't believe you like him.

Wait, I have questioning for you.

I have

Amaya fumbled the ball because Ace was dead wrong.

And every when they started fighting, and he was like, These are my dad.

The first conversation he was calling me, babe.

Yes.

He was just saying that to push her away because he always wanted Shelly.

So Amaya wouldn't choose her.

Well, that's what I have to ask you, Ace Stan, because he's problematic and he wants to make Shelly jealous.

And then Shelly didn't give a fuck.

And he was like, oh, shit, I have to throw Amaya to the curb.

But like, every hundred percent.

I'm sorry.

His hibachi, like,

I, I, like, was in genuine pain watching him try and say, I'm not 100%

breakfast.

I'm not an Ace defender, 100%.

I just happen to think he's really cute and sweet.

And I think he likes Shelly.

And like, I think he.

I think he's such trouble.

And I hate Amaya.

Like, I hate her.

So the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I just need to know you're safe and like.

valid in hating both of them.

Okay.

It's nice over here.

Ace just has like a really cute smile.

I don't know.

I just think he's cute.

Like when he's such a liar, he like so gaslit Amaya being like, these are my boundaries.

I don't want to cuddle.

Like, I'm not going.

I'm not going to do that.

And then literally five minutes later, licking whipped cream off of Shelly's shoulder.

She obviously doesn't like Amaya.

So why would you choose her?

But why would you fucking choose her?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I cut it all up.

Like, they should, Amaya, I mean, Shelly and Ace should, like, be in a couple right now to see if they even like each other.

By the way, I don't think they do.

Yeah, no, I don't think so.

I don't think they do.

I think there's a lack of attraction between a lot of the couples.

It's like weird.

It's like these, first of all, it's a pornographic show in all these sexless relationships.

It's so weird.

Like they, none of them touch each other outside of the challenges.

Claudia, someone is going to pull down someone's pants and give them a blowjob in a challenge one day.

Huda almost did it to Jeremiah in the leather and lace.

I literally thought she was about to give him.

But like, where is the line?

Like, they're seriously having sex.

And then when you're talking on the couch, it's like,

I like yoga too.

Jackie, I don't know how these people go home and look their parents in the eyes.

Like that baseball challenge was horrifying.

I'm sorry, the baseball challenge changed me.

Yeah, me too.

For the worst.

And then it, though, prepared me for leather and lace, which I thought was also

really,

really weird.

And you know, when you like watch TV with your parents and there's like a sex scene and you feel weird, like I feel weird watching this with Ben.

Like it's literally weird.

You should.

It's also just extra weird when you think about the fact that like these people have no chemistry outside of the challenges.

Like Alondrian Taylor, like why aren't you guys further along?

And I know things are about to change and I'm glad I like Jalen.

I'm so happy he's here.

So I want to kiss on the mouth whoever handpicked this bombshell for Orlandria because she deserves better.

Taylor gives nothing to her, to the show.

I literally forget he's there.

He's awful.

And she's such a queen, Orlandria, ever since she clocked up.

She's like, I'm just obsessed with her.

Yeah, yeah.

She's got her head on right.

She's always giving really good advice to people.

And she's like a true friend to a lot of the girls.

So I've been waiting for her moment and they couldn't have picked a better person.

Now, when those first two man bombshells walked into the leather and lace party, I was like, where the hell did you find these ugly freaks?

Like they were set up so poorly in those outfits.

To walk in in an outfit like that.

So not right.

You seriously look like a like a male stripper, like not a serious

lovent.

I was like, ew.

Then they both.

I think the male strippers can't be serious lovin' trips.

Of course, of course.

But when Hannah started talking to Jalen, I was like, wait, Jalen is cute.

I didn't, when I walked in, I was like, ew, like these, both these guys are ugly.

But then, like, when you heard them talk and wear normal outfits, I was like, oh, love this guy for Elandria, Pepe.

Love Jalen.

Like he's so cute.

Jalen is for Elandria.

Oh, wait.

Am I mixing up their name?

Pepe is between Sierra and Hannah.

I loved him with both Sierra and Hannah.

With Hannah and Charlie.

I know, I know.

Even though she just wants to hook up with everyone.

She's like self-sabotage.

She just like, she's, I don't know.

She just like wants multiple partners.

Like that's why she's here.

Like some people are here for a relationship.

Some people are here for for a hundred thousand dollars hannah's here to hook up with a lot of people and she's just being upfront about her intentions i find it so interesting because like there are people who come on the show i'm like oh you're obviously like the best looking guy here or the best looking girl here and like they can't get arrested like to me like charlie's so handsome nobody has looked at him twice like seriously it's i thought he was gonna get voted off like and then it's like when all the guys came on like the very first episode and everybody was like really into one person i'm like oh really i don't even think he's so cute so it's like my taste is so different from like the younger generations no and also their taste is also different from each other's, which is good.

But now like Iris came in and she's so beautiful.

So cute.

But I feel like no one's really like click like like all in on her.

Yeah, they're trying to make it seem like her and Jeremiah have something.

But even though Jeremiah fucking hates Huda more than anyone, like he never has hated someone so much in his life, he can't quit her.

No, they 10 days in are already like that couple that's been together for three years that hate each other, but don't know how to break up.

Like they can't have one pleasant conversation.

And the reason why, I mean, I don't love Jeremiah.

I don't really know him outside of his relationship with Huda, which stinks.

When they're having those painful conversations, like it's her half of the dialogue that like really makes me want to turn my TV off for him, like, because she's like,

like, first of all, like, she's like, oh, finding shit to complain about.

Like, yeah.

Yeah.

Just the mumbling

and this kissing sounds.

The two things are going to drive me.

up a wall.

I need to watch on mute.

Like I seriously can't listen to it.

And he's just, all he says, like, what?

Are you serious?

Like, he doesn't really say much back.

Yeah.

She's just always complaining.

And the conversation that

Huda had with Nick telling her that she has a child was top 10 one of the weirdest things ever.

Why did she say it like that?

She goes, I'm a mommy.

And he was confused because what she was trying to say is that I have a daughter.

I have a child.

And yes, technically saying I'm a mommy

is saying the same thing.

But he was like, to what?

A pet?

Like, it was so confusing.

And it's like, I'm a mommy.

And he's like, Mama Sita.

Yeah, he didn't say.

He didn't get it.

And honestly,

neither did I.

Like, it was just so random.

You also wouldn't assume somebody who's going on Love Island and is 24 has a kid.

So it's like, it's kind of a surprise thing.

So for her not to be like, I have a child, like very clear and distinct made it so

in the villa, like it could mean so many different things.

Like it could mean that like parents dad, like a pet baby to look after for a day.

I'm a mommy now.

Like it's just, I'm sorry.

It was wrong.

It's not a sentence.

It's not a sentence.

I agree.

And it's also weird.

And I do actually have a little bit of sympathy for Jeremiah because he's in love with, or falling for this girl.

He finds out that she is a mom.

It's

nobody to talk about it with because she won't tell.

At this point, the whole house should know because any future bombshells that are coming into the villa, they watch a little bit of the show.

They know the people.

They all know.

So now just like the four guys who you know best in the house don't know.

Jeremiah can't talk to his friends.

Like that's a very isolating place to be in to go through like by yourself he's like a young immature guy like i it's a lot he needs and she waited three days three days in the villa is 30 days yeah

it's not fair no and that's like back to my point about you know saving this piece of information until somebody's fallen for you it's like it puts jeremiah or jimmy from love is one in like an impossible situation because if they start to you know back out of the relationship it's obviously because the person has children which like kind of makes them look like a dick and

that's like not fair because if somebody doesn't want to date someone with children like that is a valid yeah

and it makes you look like an asshole on TV I guess so but I need someone to like get the message to Fiji like if that is a deal breaker for you at 22 years old like we're not mad at you no of course it's a valid reason it's just obviously like an uncomfortable thing to say Yeah, but with Jimmy, like, we are mad at you.

Well, yeah, because Jimmy had like other issues.

And at the same time, and him and Jess were such a great connection.

At the same time, he was just totally like one over.

It was worth working on.

It was worth working through.

Because he thought he was talking to Megan Fox.

And also, like, if Huda and Jeremiah's relationship was like better and happier right now, like, it actually wouldn't be such a big thing that she has a daughter.

100%.

But Jimmy and Jess were so happy.

The last thing I want to talk about is also going to be a really unpopular opinion, but this is my first season watching with Ariana as the host.

The last time I watched that girl, the creator, Arielle.

Arielle.

Yeah.

Vandenberg.

Is that her name?

Yeah, she was the host.

And now, the host obviously is like in one every like seven episodes, so it's not a big deal.

But I find Ariana to be like a really strange host, and I think that the editing helps a little bit.

But me and Ben both were like, Does this feel awkward to you?

Like, and you know, they're adding music and cutting out awkward silences, but like I'm still feeling the awkwardness.

Like, she's like, How did you feel it the most?

And why was it Leather and Lace?

Leather and Lace was not a good showing for Ariana, but also you've been bad boys.

Yeah, stop,

But also the very first episode where they had to kiss to couple up,

it was so, the awkwardness was so palpable.

I could feel it.

And I'm like, what is going on here?

And you know that they're helping with the editing.

So how much worse it must be in person.

Savia, crickets.

I feel that way about every challenge.

And I do need to ask you, have you been a bad girl?

I want, like, you guys, the leather and lace challenge, like, was another cultural shift for me.

Like, no, to me, it was the baseball one.

Like, the baseball, yeah, no, and I talked about the baseball one with, oh, Taylor Strucker, because I didn't know Taylor Strucker is such a prude.

So I was like, Taylor, you have no idea what they're doing on Love Island.

Like, it's seriously disgusting.

It would put you into a coma.

It would send her.

Yeah.

Like, imagine your grandmother watching this show.

Like, horrifying.

And I just want to say in our defense, I know we get a lot of shit for not watching last season.

And of course, like, the one season we didn't watch is the most popular, most amazing.

Change the game.

They're doing a spin-off show, by the way, like Manchester Rural Style in L.A.

We don't know who these people are.

I love that, by the way.

I think it's new.

It's brilliant.

Amazing idea, but it's because it's the one season we didn't watch.

We tried to put it on and it was all ass and titties.

And we're with our family.

Like, we could not watch that.

Last summer, yeah.

It was horrifying.

Imagine like the chat watching a challenge as a whole family.

No, Jackie, we're going to have to like watch and see that for the summer.

Single night.

Also, are we like almost, is it almost over?

Like, are we halfway through?

We just started.

Oh, it's just begun.

Yeah, I think it'll go through.

I mean, I'm just guessing, like, through the end of July, at least, maybe into August.

I just want to say I'm having the time of my life.

And I think that's why it's on Peacock and not on cable because it's pornography.

It can't be on, yeah, agreed.

It's pornography by these sexless individuals who have no chemistry.

Yeah, and then they cut to the nighttime and everybody's on opposite sides of the bed.

It's, excuse me, you just dry humped this person.

Not even dry, wet.

That baseball challenge like really changed me as an individual.

So did leather and lace coupled with Ariana's participation.

That's so funny.

I didn't have that.

Maybe I'm just becoming like hardened and inured.

The leather and lace like didn't shake me the way baseball did.

I just thought it was so crazy.

Like, they all have to, like, go and have sex with their partner, like, in front of everyone.

Partner they don't have sex with at night when they seem to see in bed together.

And I don't even enjoy those challenges.

The fact that the new bombshells came and they have to hardcore make out with five strangers.

And like, each girl has to act like she's, or I think, or they are so into it, but it's like you just kissed the girl before, like this, and the girl after.

So, Jackie, I said to bed, like, during the baseball challenge, like you going, like a girl going to make out with the first, second, and third baseman, Like, those guys are making out with each other.

It's gay,

like, you would, like, you seriously, Jeremiah, like, making out with somebody who has Nick's saliva.

Like, it's seriously, it's kind of homosexual.

Yeah.

Well, that, and it also is, like, I think a couple of them are like, bye.

I wouldn't be surprised if we start getting some, like, girl.

I think some of the girls are more into each other than into the guys.

That's, I, I do think a lot of them are, like, not attracted to.

Of course.

I'm sorry, Shelly.

Like, I appreciate you trying to be nice.

We know you don't like Austin.

Like, we know.

know.

Or Ace.

If you liked Ace, like, you would be different.

And I don't blame you for not liking Ace.

And they need to bring in a man for Shelly.

But at this rate, like, I'm Team Austin.

And I want to tell Love Island producers, like, we don't need those kind of sick challenges.

I actually thought the challenge with the, we had to answer the question or like pie someone in the face or whatever.

Like, that was funny.

When they had to do the briefcases of like, who do you think I slept with the most people?

Like, getting to know one another.

I actually enjoyed those more than the pornographic ones.

Yes.

And those also start drama because they have to like be a little shady and it moves the plot forward.

Baseball moved nothing.

Nothing.

We had that one thing with Huda and Amaya and it was over before it even began.

Leather and lace move nothing.

Having the time of my life can't recommend having a baby enough coinciding with a Love is Blind USA, whatever the fuck it's called.

But you could also just like watch and that's like I watched Love It's Blind UK when I was postpartum and it was also a Pargy experience.

So Lausa is, I'm loving it.

Like loving it.

Yeah.

I like talking to you about it.

So I'll keep watching for my job.

But don't I love the tweets, I love the tweets.

Like, I run to Twitter every day.

I never get to enjoy the tweets in the moment because by the time I'm caught up, I've ruined it for you.

No, no, the next episode is airing, and like the tweets are new, and I can't read them.

Yeah, you are missing out.

The tweets are so fun.

So, I'll be caught up.

Um, and just don't ever think for one second I'm watching this like for my personal enjoyment.

Oh, I am, by the way, I'm enjoying every minute.

Um, I gotta go.

My breasts are gorgeous.

I've been a bad girl who needs to to be punished.

Guys, I have so enjoyed being back.

If any other time slots open up for the rest of the month, I know you're like so bucked, but I, I, like, this is doable for me.

So let me know.

I'd love to come back.

For sure.

Things come up.

Like, you're welcome to come back anytime you want to come up.

But like, and when someone like cancels.

Yeah, things come up.

You never know.

Like, like, when somebody cancels.

By the way, you are on the calendar for one more day.

Oh, is it?

Yeah.

Is it like the final episode of Jackson Friends?

Yeah.

That's a good way to end it.

Okay.

So at least I have that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we love you so much.

We will see you tomorrow.

Have a par delicious day.

Love ya.

Bye.

Dad?

How do you make a happy egg?

Well, it starts with a happy hen.

Happy egg.

Happy crack.

Happy flip.

Happy poach.

Happy whip.

Happy hen.

Happy egg.

Happy sizzle.

Happy brunch.

Happy hen.

Happy egg.

And you can make eggs a bazillion ways, but that orange yoke is how you know it's happy.

Happy

egg.