Toast Herstory: I Don’t Like YOU (Original Airdate April 3rd, 2024)

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the Toast and Happy Wednesday.

That's right.

It is Wednesday.

It is hump day.

It is middle of the week.

You did it.

Congrats, grads.

How you dern, Jacks.

You're doing it.

We're on our way to the land.

Things we're doing.

The week.

It.

The days of the week.

I wonder if we'll ever mature enough to stop talking.

I don't think so.

It's your main

episode.

That's part of being a weekly podcast.

Daily podcast.

It's part of being human, first of all.

And second of all, I like how you say mature.

Like, I think it's probably the most mature thing about us, how we're so self-aware.

We're always observing our surroundings, our circumstances.

I think it's really indicative of not only, you know, high maturity, but also high intelligence.

Not mature, evolve, past, you know, because everything, the jokes change on the show all the time, but kind of like the one constant.

is the day.

Are the days of the week.

And I guess like Hubermeister isn't on his podcast talking about the days of the week, even though I think in an odd sense he is.

But he also drops weekly.

We can't compare ourselves to those slackers.

Yeah, we can't compare ourselves to people who don't work nearly as hard as we do.

To weekly slackers.

Yeah, it's

rack-at-tack.

Yeah.

And blame and shame.

And blame and shame.

Speaking of my favorite person to blame.

Who's my favorite person to blame?

Ben.

It's his birthday.

It is his birthday.

And then, you know, I feel like we use this platform a lot, really, as like a punching bag with our husbands.

And honestly, I feel like it's the best things for our marriage, honestly.

Like, I think you and I both have, you know, knock wood, knock wood, really healthy, strong marriages because we have a platform in which we can just commiserate and vent.

I mean, then we don't go home and take it out on our husbands like other women do, like, for real.

It's true, I think.

But today,

let's make an exception.

Today is Ben's birthday.

And actually, Ben was supposed to be on a work trip.

He was supposed to leave at 5 a.m.

This morning, but there's like a crazy storm up here in the northeast.

Like, he can't go anywhere.

It's been postponed.

So, like, I had planned nothing, like, for the actual day so I look like a piece of shit no he must know that yeah you know of course but we made last-minute lunch plans I've got a last minute balloon delivery on its way and on my way to lunch I gotta go buy a gift because I was I was planning on spending the day buying him a gift what are you thinking I don't know I like was really nice when I was in St.

Bart's and I bought my I was at Prada like buying myself things and I bought him a Prada wallet which I should have just held the fuck onto like a big dope.

But I got home and he was like, how was your day?

And I was just so excited.

Like I was like, I got you a wallet.

then the next day he actually left the wallet in a cab thank god we found it we tracked it down but yeah that's just kind of husband i have oh my god i have to stop today was supposed to be positive no for sure i just feel like you shouldn't like buy him some designer dust today like

i feel like if we think you should you know where you should go for his birthday gift where to like William Sonoma or Sir LaTabell and get him like a really cool kick chick like cooking gadget.

That's a great idea, but then it becomes my problem.

Why?

They have beautiful things.

You could find something that would be cool for cooking and really nice.

Do you know what he bought?

We have a KitchenAid mixer that we got.

It was on our registry.

Like, you know, that $500 thing that everybody puts on their registry.

It's a rite of passage.

Ask me how many times we've used it in our seven-year marriage.

Okay, probably zero.

Zero.

It's a mixed music.

Because

once you use it once, you will use it more.

But first, you have to take it out of the plastic.

You have to see like how life-changing it is.

So we've never used it.

And Ben decided over the weekend to buy a new attachment for it, a meat grinder.

He's like, we can make our own sausage.

I'm like, you're

never going to make.

Sausage?

Are you going to be eating sausage?

Of course not.

That would be the craziest like thing.

That would have been, that sounds like an April Fool's party.

Claudia's making and eating sausage.

But I do kind of love the idea of going to like William Sonoma.

I'll add it to the list.

But wow, we took a real digression there.

It's so hard to get away from it.

You could get him like a gorgeous premium olive oil.

Okay, I feel like I could do better than that.

No, no, no, like a really fancy olive oil.

Like he would, that's thoughtful.

It helps you.

By the way, I love it.

Really fancy olive oil.

So

backtracking before I started complaining,

he loves a good knife.

Yes.

Backtracking to before I started complaining.

I feel like, oh, you know, a lot of the days we come out here and we say, good guys, this, good guys, that, not so good guys, you know?

But today I wanted to say this.

Ben, I know you'll never hear this because you don't support my podcast and it's another issue in our marriage.

Ben, because the people who rat on us will never send the nice things that we say.

On the off chance that this, you know, makes its way across your desk.

Let me say this.

I love you.

You're a great husband, a great father, really, a really great father.

I hope this year is filled with joy and happiness and peace.

You know, Ben and I were talking last night.

It was a tough year for Ben.

He lost the Yo, which really was, I want to say much harder on Ben than it was on me.

I mean, it was really hard on me, but Ben took it really.

You know, Ben's never lost knockwood.

you know.

I've been through it.

He hasn't.

So I hope for this year, happiness, joy, success,

prosperity, and peace and health.

And I love you so much.

And you're an amazing husband, even though I joke, really 10 out of 10.

Couldn't ask for anyone better, except for Joe Manginello.

But, you know, let's not bring him up, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

No need to, like, compare Ben to, you know.

Who's the worst husband?

Honestly, it's Brock from Reba.

I, like, I can't get over it.

He's so awful.

Just awful.

I was going to say, like, Scott Peterson, but have you seen

that?

Oh, man.

There's like a movement of people who are believing Scott Peterson now.

Like, it's come full circle.

And now they're thinking maybe he didn't do it.

Okay.

There's also like a movement of people who support Osama bin Laden.

Like, who gives a fuck?

You know?

No, no, I'm saying this is really making its way.

The mentally ill are going to stay mentally ill.

And as long as us mentally well people remember that and we don't let them get to us, we'll be okay, you guys.

Yeah.

So I'm glad that that's not Ben.

All zeta.

No, it's not.

Well, TBD, okay.

It's not.

He's the best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's the best.

And we love him dearly here at the toast.

He's, you know, he's always there for us.

He fills in when we need him to.

He's great for the content.

He's always up for a good joke.

And, you know, Ben, I love you.

I really do.

I love you.

Happy birthday, Ben.

Oh, and Spritz is celebrating in a big way.

They are biggest sale of the year, 24 hours.

The code is BSC32.

Stands for Ben's Offer Celebrity is turning 32.

32.

And that's a big discount.

We don't really do that.

So BSC32 at SpritzSociety.com.

If you want to do anything nice for Ben's offer, you will go to the website, click around, maybe buy something.

That means more to, like, Spritz means more to Ben than I do, you know?

And that's not true.

Honestly, for his birthday, she just plays a mega order on the website like you should you should

ben is like always like monitoring spritz and like when people there some people order i would make his say some people order like for bachelorette parties or even for their weddings and they order like bulk amounts and ben will go to like the highest um amount and like literally add product to their order and send them a thank you note like he's obsessed i'll do it that's my gift whatever you were gonna spend at like louis vuitton or william sonoma spend at spritz love that and then like send it to like a worthy toaster love Love.

Cause I'm sure you need planning a wedding.

I'm sure you don't need more spritz in your house.

If it's anything like my house, we're stocked.

More spritz than water.

So it's a great day.

I'll be out with the celebrity all afternoon.

I had to clear my schedule because I got to take care of the birthday boy.

So that'll be great.

We're going to lunch.

I do have half of his gift purchased.

I mentioned it on the Patreon.

I'm going to give it to him today.

So should I say it?

I don't want any these bitches to spoil it.

Let's.

put trust in the audience.

Even though I trust the audience, I just don't trust the rats.

But like, let's give them a chance to not disappoint us.

No, and like, by the time this episode is up, I'll be giving it to him an hour later.

Yeah, I think we're fine.

And he won't be on his phone because he'll be with his darling wife.

The first half of the gift that I got him is, of course, just so happens, Ben's birthday week, Olivia Rodrigo's performing at Madison Square Garden like four different nights.

Oh, yeah, I knew that.

So I'm getting, I already got those for Saturday night.

Oh, I knew that.

I thought it was going to be something I didn't know, which is why I made me say it.

But yeah, we did take a big chance now.

Oh, fuck.

Should we cut it out?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm saying, like, let's see if people have learned.

Yeah.

And then if someone does message him, well, name, shame, and blame them.

Oh, by the way, if somebody does message, I'm like, I will be sending them.

I'm going to find their name and then find their address.

And I will, like, get on one of those like monthly annoying prank mail things where they send you a glitter bomb, a bag of shit, you know, like, I will do that to you.

So just be prepared.

Love it.

And I'm a woman of my word.

Like, I will follow up.

Love it.

Name, shame, and blame.

So, we've got Ben today.

We've got deer toasters.

They're fabulous.

We have an update.

We have a couple of really funny ones.

We also have stories.

Describe them for me in perhaps, let's say, six words.

Wow, six.

Okay.

They are good.

They're not great.

Oh, a conjunction.

That's like six and a half words, but I'll allow it.

I'm within the box.

You put me in within the box.

You know why I'll allow it?

Why?

Because I love a conjunction, junction.

What's your function?

Thank you.

We finished each other's sandwiches.

I want a sandwich.

I would not turn us.

Oh, and also we're going out for like the celebratory lunch.

Do you want a lunch?

Well, I don't want to like get stabbed.

So I'll tell you.

Okay, let me tell you.

We've eaten there.

Of course.

They have a few locations in Manhattan.

Is it one of our usuals for no?

Okay.

I'll just text it to you.

I love texting.

I love texting.

And this is like, this is not...

People will find out on your Instagram later where you went.

And it's a place where like the food is like really indulgent, especially like, you know, possibly.

Which one?

Which one?

The one near the other.

Their all menus are a little different.

The one near, you know, us.

Okay.

Oh, that's really fancy.

Yeah, I know.

And it's raining, so I look like a piece of shit slob with my moon boots.

Oh, they're going to see you in the back.

I know.

It's one of those restaurants where it's like, oh, they'll clock you the second you walk in.

Gap tooth bitch to the back.

You.

What is

the Tom Madelvey thing?

It's not VIP.

It's not.

I don't like any girl-ish.

You.

I don't like.

You.

Actually, that's not Anna Delvey.

That's Michaela.

That's the Maider D at the restaurant you're going to.

Michaela's favorite thing to say is, I don't like it.

That's when she's like, stop, Claudia.

Like, please, stop.

She goes, I don't like it.

I don't like it.

And I guess I maybe took it too far one day, just like with my love and

so instead of saying, I don't like it, she literally pointed at me.

And she was like, and every time I recreated, I put it in the Anadelbee voice.

But she did have a little bit of Anadelbee to her.

She goes, I don't like you.

And honestly, the room went still.

Silence from everyone.

It was chilling because she really took it up a level, not only with the accent, but also, I don't like it is different than I don't like you.

You dead in the eye finger.

She also kind of wagged, wiggled her finger.

I don't like you.

Went around the room.

Who's it going to land on?

Out of luck, you.

And now we can't say it.

And that's exactly what the maid or do you at this restaurant would do.

It'd be like, oh, leggings?

Out of luck, you.

I'm wearing leggings.

I needed to wear something tucked into my rain boots.

Like, I can't.

I'm just a victim of circumstance.

That's so you.

It's like you, you feel like that gets you out of like victim culture if you blame it on victim of circumstance.

What else am I supposed to wear in the rain?

Walking around working.

I'm a working woman.

I have bills to pay.

I'm not just this lady who can like walk around in stilettos with her driver, you know?

Yeah.

I know those are the type of people that eat at this restaurant.

Yeah.

You should see their mean of transportation when they leave.

Like what are they changing their shoes?

They're not.

Or they're wearing like Chanel Wellies.

No, they might be wearing Chanel Welly's or they're literally wearing stilettos and they'd walk three steps to their driver.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm a working woman.

I'm a woman of the people.

I'm a woman of the streets.

You are

But I am wearing Jenny Kane.

So like, yeah, they better be seated at the front.

That brings up the group average.

It does.

It does.

You look cute today.

Thank you.

Pretty in pink.

Are you experiencing, you know, days of rain like we are?

No.

Am I?

No, I'm not.

But I did place a huge order of new clothes, like daily clothes last night.

And so until it arrives, like, I'm just like, these are placeholders.

You know, these days don't count.

I don't need to like try and find like a busing outfit.

Like it's all coming.

I just need to get there, you know?

Okay, so I'm at the phase where I'm like, I kind of like gave up, but I still got my

slut strand.

So that like gives me a couple points.

I'm at the phase where I desperately need to clean out my closet.

I can't buy stuff because I'm out of hangers.

Me too.

I know you said I can't, but I bought more hangers.

Number one rule, you cannot buy new clothes until you're, if you don't have hangers in your closet, like loose to hang up the new clothes, that means you need to.

I have to purge.

However, I have purged like a lot just over time.

And I'm in a place right now where i have so many clothes because i have so many size clothes like i have all of my old clothes which that's fair right i feel like it's a loophole and i get a pass because i have all my old clothes which as you saw like i'm still going to wear them one day i gift like they're for everyone they're great clothes then i have like my clothes that i wear right now that i need of course then i have like pregnancy clothes of course by the way you're allowed that i understand i'm not experiencing a transition you never know what you're going to need and when and like i i can't be like buying new stuff again like whenever but where do you put the new clothing so I have the hanging space because I do have a big closet and I could like smush things aren't totally smushed yet okay but I don't want to get to a place of totally smush that's not ideal but I need a array of sizes like I literally have everything from extra small up until extra large and I need it that way right now That's fair.

That's fair.

I just need to devote some time because I placed a very, very small order from Zara because I needed like a, I needed like two capsule collection item wardrobes.

And I feel like Zara is a good place, like before you spend money on like a big expensive thing, see if you like it from Zara.

So I just got like, I needed a pair of nice black like trouser shorts and I needed a nice spring coat.

And they're just sitting on the dining room table.

Like that drives me insane

when there's no space for it.

And I don't like shoving it into my closet because you shove it and then you don't ever like you can't see it.

So you're never gonna wear this new item that you just bought.

Why do you, you have those nice spring coats from Theory?

i do i do i was like 60 pounds heavier when i bought them so they're like a little big on me i still wear them they're the kind that could they're kind of like one size i still wear them but like i want something new like something a little bit longer

out with the old and in with the new goodbye clouds of gray

skies of blue okay i can understand that i can relate And also, we just got, I got so much clothing.

Rails is one of the new toast sponsors, which actually they're sponsoring their first episode is today.

We're obsessed with them.

I get so much clothing from them and they sent me clothing, which is like a dream.

And it's literally sitting on my dining room table.

It's pissing me off.

I pretty much already worn everything that they sent.

So did I.

Ready for the next round.

So am I.

The one outfit that they sent that we both have, I think I've worn it five times and I got it twice.

Two weeks ago.

I wore it twice and I haven't taken any pictures in it yet.

So like I'm ready for a third.

I haven't taken any pictures in it yet.

Every time I wore it, I was with different people.

Yeah, same.

Like I could wear it again.

You know what?

Maybe I'll wear it to tonight.

Ben's birthday dinner with his family.

That would have been been a good thing to wear to your fancy lunch.

Yeah.

Also to say, I personally, I kind of love lunch better than dinner.

Like I love going out to lunch better than going out to dinner.

I like lunch menu items better than dinner menu items.

Okay, that's really, really interesting.

I don't know if I like dinner more than I like lunch.

Are you talking about, also, what day of the week is it?

You know, hypothetically.

Weekday.

Oh, weekday?

No, my weekdays, like, especially with like my new health journey where I'm really trying to figure out I'm on weight watchers, trying to figure out like how to stay healthy and, but also full.

My weekdays revolve around my dinner.

Like when bed is done working and we make dinner, like it's the highlight of my day.

Well, like the restaurant you're going today to, I would rather go there for lunch than for dinner is what I'm saying.

Like I love like lunch fare and I love lunch lighting.

I also feel like people.

Like I don't know if this is just like a me thing.

I always feel like yeah, I can have like a bigger lunch because like by the end of the day like won't even count, you know?

Yeah, but I'm not even going to have a big lunch.

Like, I want a light salad, a couple abstituna tartar,

maybe like one.

Like, that's just what I like.

You know, I don't eat steak, I don't eat meat.

Like, right.

So, the dinner options, what am I going to have?

Pasta, like, it's just heavier, and there's less for yarn girl.

I feel that.

And your girl has been left behind.

Yar girl.

I don't like it.

I like yar girl.

So, having said that, I do feel like we should get into it.

We have a lot to do today.

And you have to make it to said lunch.

Right, right.

Keep talking about it.

Totally.

So without further ado, did it do,

here are the fast-tified stories that you need to know.

Today's episode of Toaster Story, which is so fabulous, by the way, I hope you're enjoying, is brought to you by Clean Simple Eats Protein.

We have found our newest...

protein powder obsession and it's clean simple eats we love them because their protein powder is always grass-fed it has no seed oils no artificial ingredients it's also third-party tested it's non-gmo it's gluten-free each serving has 20 grams of protein.

So their protein powder is really creamy.

It's really smooth.

We like to use it in a smoothie, bake it into a recipe.

We've been on a protein journey lately.

Clean Simple Eats is really integral to that journey.

It's the most delicious way to get enough protein every single day, which we know is super important to staying full, staying on our fitness journeys.

They have so many different flavors to choose from.

They even have protein powder variety packs.

You can try individual servings of multiple flavors, which I recommend if this is your first time using Clean Simple Eats, because then you can find your favorite flavor.

In addition to their best-selling protein powders, Clean Simple Eats also has clear protein powder.

Clear protein powder is all the hype right now, and Clean Simple Eats has the best one out there.

The pink burst flavor is life-changing.

It tastes like a melted pink Starburst.

And Clean Simple Eats can't keep it in stock because it is so, so popular.

It's also delicious.

So you just mix the clear protein bag with water.

You get super refreshing and light drink with 20 grams of protein.

So visit cleansimple eats.com.

Use our code toast20 at checkout for 20% off your first order plus free shipping.

That's cleansimpleets.com.

Our code is toast20, T-O-A-S-T2-0 for 20% off your first order plus free shipping.

The link is also in our show notes.

So enjoy.

Thank you, Clean Simple Eats, for sponsoring today's episode and enjoy the rest of this hilarious episode.

Love ya.

Bye.

Thank you, Claudia.

You're welcome.

Our first story.

Brittany Cartwright describes the breaking point fight with Jax that led to separation.

So Brittany Cartwright has revealed the moment she reached her breaking point with Jax that prompted her to separate from him after five years of marriage.

She was on Watch What Happens Live Live on Tuesday, and she said, we just had a horrible fight and it was like a veil was lifted and I noticed everything wrong.

They always say a woman can hit her breaking point and it's hard to come back from that.

I feel that.

She said that the fight served as the catalyst for their separation involving a night during which she had gone out with Kristen Dodie.

She said he kind of made up a story in his own head and started a fight over something that never happened.

We thought about everything, she added, calling their marriage a very toxic situation from which she needed to remove herself.

well

okay well that's like i feel the first time she's really directly sort of explained what happened and i don't know if since i heard that they were separated if i believed it even though i had been told by people that i know that like that it's for sure for real but the way they're acting is just like a little thirsty but they are out here promoting this new show like and there's a plan

and they're like they're trying to make it to the lady

So I was catching up on Vanderpump Rules last night, and it was the scene where Jax comes, which I kind of loved, by the way.

I was giving very much Sheen and Moore walking from Brandy Glanville into, sir.

So Sandoval was like, you know, you haven't stopped talking shit about me.

And then they cut to a clip from Jax's podcast.

I had totally forgotten that the production company from Vanderpump Rules had reached out to us asking if they could license our episode with Jax,

that they needed to reference it in the storyline.

We were talking about Sandoval the entire time.

We couldn't have signed the thing faster.

We were like, yeah, of course.

And my heartbeat, I was like, oh man, this is it.

But it wasn't.

And I feel like maybe they just decided not to use it because if there was ever a moment that it was.

Well, yeah, no, I was watching and I had the same thought, but I'm pretty sure I watched it after it aired.

And I'm like, oh, it must not be here because everyone would have been sending it to us.

So I was two weeks behind, and I was like, oh, wait, no, definitely not.

Because I don't think everyone would have told us.

I don't think they're using it at all.

That's too bad.

That would have been really a value add for the show.

Like for them.

And that was such a great episode.

The girls would have loved to see it.

It just wasn't.

It would have been good for the whole community.

Yeah.

Missed opportunity.

Are you all caught up on VPR?

I didn't watch last night, but I caught up on the first two.

And honestly, like, I was bored to tears.

Like, I guess that big reveal.

No, no, no.

I was already caught up on that.

The big reveal of like Katie fucking Max.

Like, who gives a fuck?

I didn't even know.

I know Max because he was, you know, on for one season and then got fired.

But I didn't know him and Tom Schwartz were even like that close of friends.

Like, I don't care.

Yeah.

Well, it was that.

To me, the most interesting thing.

Also don't care.

Also, like, Lala, like, and I love her.

And I honestly, I find the whole, the most interesting part of this whole show is her and Katie's relationship.

She like really, she said a few years ago.

It was 12 years ago.

And honestly, I feel like Lala did Sheena dirty in that moment.

I think so too.

But I think in that moment, she had a really good friendship with Sheena and a pretty good friendship with Katie that she was trying to maintain.

Salvage.

And it's like, if you want to be a good friend to Katie, yeah, you do go take it to Katie before you go and talk to Sheena about it.

But I think if that were to have happened even today,

they obviously are in a fight, her and Katie, but I feel like in that moment, she didn't know like where her best friendships were going.

And she was just trying to like be a good friend, which is the right thing, friend thing to do.

But like Sheena's your closer friend.

You need to be more protective of Sheena.

Let me ask you another question.

And by the way, we'll talk about Dancy with the Stars because it's so funny.

Do you feel like Sheena was actually mad at Brock for bringing up the Max thing or she was just being like koy?

No, she was mad at Brock.

What?

Being coy what?

Like, oh, we didn't want to make this a storyline.

No, I think she was mad.

Like, because I think she also.

Doesn't think they would have had a conversation about that, like, in private.

I think it happened the night before.

It's something that they both noticed.

I didn't think they expected either of them to say it, but Brock saw an opportunity to like give Schwartz a talking point because he's just getting like railed on.

And it's like, actually, Katie's not perfect either.

I think Sheena did not want it to come up then in that way, so uncontrolled.

Like, and if ever, because I think Sheena also at this point, like, wants Katie and her friendship to work.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I um no, she seems like seriously mad, big mad.

But I do, by the way, I think Katie's like justified in wanting to fuck Max.

Like I don't think she owes Tom anything,

especially like she said, like last year while we were still being separated, I asked Tom not to fuck anyone in the group and he starts dating Raquel.

Like I thought her explanation was totally justified.

She's obviously vindictive and like honestly she has every right to be.

But there was something else that I found to be so bizarre.

The dog.

By the way, does anybody else like kind of ship Lala and Schwartz?

Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah?

Okay.

I don't think they would ever work.

And I'm pretty sure she said like she would eat him for breakfast, which she wouldn't.

She could.

But like there's something really sweet about their relationship.

And crazier things have happened on this show.

Like they keep cycling through.

Like I wouldn't.

be the most surprised if that was like the next iteration.

And I'm kind of obsessed, even though I maintain that Schwartz and Joe need to get married, have children, and live happily ever after.

They're perfect for one another.

Oh, by the way, like, I think Joe is weird and whatever, but like, I actually felt really bad for her.

When Sheena, like, didn't stop with the braids and the hair, like, in the cap, you're a hairdresser.

Like,

shut up.

Like, who cares?

Yeah.

And it just comes off like really nasty whenever it's everyone against one and they're talking about her in front of her.

And I'm sure like Joe has done them dirty in over the years.

It's just not a good look.

Like, oh, the

snickering and the talking.

Like, it's just,

just don't, don't talk about her then if you don't like her.

Tom Sandoval going up to Ariana, like, about the house.

And I want to talk about the house, but like, my butthole was like clenched shut.

Like, it was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my entire life.

And honestly, doing that takes such balls.

Like, only a truly crazy narcissist, like, would have no self-awareness and, like, be able to do that.

And I loved every minute of it.

What is going on with the house?

Like, no, it's insane the way that they're living like with the person they hate most in this world.

They can't even go to a party together yet.

Every single night they sleep under the same roof, just the two of them.

Yeah.

In last night's episode, like they got into another crazy heated thing.

Like Tom left.

Like Ariana was just like

raging, eviscerating him.

Like there's nothing he can say.

He leaves and it's like, and she's going to leave and every like, and they're just going to be together, the two of them.

And I feel like a lot of the fandom feels like Lala's commentary about like brand deals and stuff is her being jealous.

And maybe there's an element of jealousy from some of the girls because it's like kind of crazy that, you know, Ariana, who really for the most part up until recently, like gave nothing to the show and like wasn't, you know, bleeding out like other people going through stuff is now like hosting Love Island and getting all these opportunities where it's like Lala's been through stuff.

I can under, I actually can understand the jealousy.

I really can.

Yeah.

But I don't think it's coming from a place of jealousy.

It's coming from a place of facts.

Why?

And by the way, she's like, with all the brand deals, Ariana can afford an apartment.

Cut to one month ago, what did we just report?

Ariana bought a house, a million dollar house.

Like she, back, whenever this was filmed, she was able to afford a house as well.

Like, I'm confused.

Of course.

And Sheena said last night, I feel like they're always talking about like the brand deals.

Like, she's fine.

She's, you know, doing well.

But Sheena then was saying last night, like, in one of her commentaries, like,

Tom cheating on Ariana was the best thing that ever happened to her.

First of all, it like released her from this horrible relationship.

Horrible person.

Horrible person, horrible relationship, like so unhappy and miserable.

Yes.

It made her into like a national hero.

As opposed to them just like breaking up and no one caring and like having to move on with your life.

You get all like,

you're winning.

Like, and La La said that she was like, you've won.

Like, look at him.

Look at his life.

Like,

you're on top of it.

It's so true.

No, and, and I think that maybe the resentment and the anger that she still holds is, you know, like

she loved this person.

Like, I get it.

I get it.

But like, taking an outside perspective, you're right.

Like, Ariana went, or whoever said it, Sheena.

Like, Ariana went from being like a low-level cast member on a show that was dying.

Like, for real, the show, I wasn't even sure if I was going going to watch that season.

Like a really like a dead show to not only being on the biggest reality show of all time, but being the biggest person on that show and getting opportunities on Broadway, just buying your own million-dollar house, dancing with the stars, Love Island, every brand deal you could ever imagine.

Like her anger towards Tom is bringing her down because it's making her like kind of a misery.

It is.

And everyone's saying it.

And it's so true.

She needs to like release it, not for him, it's so that he can feel comfortable around her.

No, for her.

Like it's, it's palpable and it's not a way to live.

Especially in a new relationship, you have this much anger towards your ex.

Like, how can you even

enjoy what you have?

And that's, I feel like, what Lala was saying.

I think maybe a lot of like her anger and just like misery comes stems from her relationship with Katie, who's also holding on to all of this anger.

And I have to say, I feel like Tom Schwartz's relationship with Tom Sandoval was a huge factor in Schwartz and Katie's divorce.

But to blame entirely Sandoval for that divorce is unfair.

Like it takes two people in a marriage to break it up, not the husband's friend.

Yeah.

And I think Schwartz, the way he disregarded his wife for people like Sandoval is a huge part of it.

And I feel like Katie really blames Sandoval for the demise of her marriage.

And I don't think that's fair.

No, but I think it's easy to.

He's a very hatable person.

Yeah.

And I think that Ariana and Katie are very united in their hatred and just like

being

haters at the moment.

Yeah.

What's crazy is like years ago when the Toms, like when they were married to the Toms, they actually like

didn't really like each other.

And then they slowly like got on the same page and then they had to be like the wives of Tom Toms.

They were always together.

And then they saw like their husbands being stupid.

So that like united them further.

And then they were like, oh, you're doing a restaurant.

We'll do something about her.

And now

it's just funny.

Like

it's the...

They're thick as thieves through like the strangest of circumstances.

Yeah.

And wouldn't have ordinarily been the best of friends.

Something about her.

Like I loved Lala being like, we've literally tried these sandwiches a year ago.

They obviously had the sandwich tasting just to keep the restaurant a storyline on the show for like publicity.

Where is the restaurant?

Honestly, they kind of look like clowns for how much they clowned on Tom and Tom.

And say me what, that place is open.

Yeah.

And I just want to say, Jax has a bar that he literally got open in six months.

Like, and he's always posting on Instagram that he's there.

And like, it's a full-fledged facility.

Yeah.

And the thing about something about her that they kept saying is, like, you know, it's going to be smaller and we're going to be more responsible with everything.

Right.

And

where is it?

And I didn't even realize, I only realized when I was watching last night that it's in the opening credits.

Yeah.

And it looks great.

And I'm starting to feel like if there were a reason to hold up a license, you know, like city bureaucracy that were holding it up, like they would tell everyone that.

They'd be like, you guys, we're so excited, but this, that, and this is happening.

The fact that there's no

communication about what's holding it up, like, I think bodes badly.

Very poorly.

And I forgot who said it, but Lisa was right.

Like they got a lease.

They've been paying rent on Sun or West Hollywood Boulevard, whatever that street.

Like one of the most expensive.

And yeah, it's small, but it's a storefront, store level.

Like it's expensive.

You've been now paying rent for over a year with now making a dollar.

They sold a little merch, actually.

So that was something.

But like, what in the world is going on?

Yeah.

And then the other thing was the thing with the dog.

And it also becomes like a bigger storyline in this episode.

Like, cause she call, Ariana, like calls him like an attempted dog murderer.

Oh, yeah.

And when she said, like

he tried, like, that they're her children and that, like, this person, like when she was talking to Lala, she was like, those are my children.

And like, this person, like, tried, like, didn't care if my children died.

It's like, if that's how you feel, why'd you leave them alone in the house with a sociopath?

So, well, that's one point, but also when she was saying, I feel like that whole situation where Tom put the dog in Ariana's room and there was food on the nightstand.

Well, that's just, first of all, Ariana needs to clean up her room.

I mean, Lala says in this episode, like, didn't you get a trash bag sponsorship?

Like, throw it away.

Throw it away.

I have to say, it seemed like a really, really unfortunate series of events, not a manslaughter.

Like, it just was like, honestly.

whatever was going on in the house.

Sometimes you need to put a dog in a room.

And this is Ariana's dog and putting Ariana and Ariana's in the master suite.

Putting the dog in Ariana's room, I didn't think was like a crazy thing to do.

Should he have known to go look around for food?

Honestly, no either.

This is not a kitchen.

It's a room.

Like it was just, it felt like something really unfortunate, not something malicious.

Oh, I agree.

But this is just, I feel like this is Ariana's anger manifesting.

And she just sort of like released it for herself.

Like she wouldn't,

because honestly, this was, you always want to blame something when someone like, something like this happens.

Like I remember when Theod Cancer, we're like, who can we blame?

Yeah.

Who can we blame?

Imagine if the person you hated most in this world was partially responsible.

Like easy.

Yeah, of course, but like in reality, that's really not the case.

No.

And again, like all of these things that she's like angry about or holding on to, like and this negativity in her life would just be gone if she would just leave the house until you guys sort it out.

And the way that they're living with the boxes

and.

Oh, and Anne.

And Anne.

So Ariana asked Anne for recommendations for assistance and Anne wants to be put in the running.

And we do know that in real life, Anne does work for Ariana.

Oh, we do.

Oh, yeah.

I knew that.

Did you not?

No, because in this episode, she's interviewing Anne in the kitchen.

Tom Sandoval comes out of the gym.

He's standing on the landing, the staircase landing, and he's hearing them.

And Anne saying how she like wants to work for such an amazing girl boss.

And of course, Tom Sanderson.

Oh, my God.

Anne would want to work for a girl boss.

And then Tom Sandoval is like, then has a conversation with Anne, like saying, like, I think we just need a couple days off.

Doesn't even fire her anything.

And Ariana goes and tells the group, like, this, you know, attempted murderer.

dog murderer is eavesdropping on my conversations.

It's like, well, you live in the same house and you are having a conversation out in the open.

With his employee.

Like, I'm sorry.

It's absurd.

No, and oh my God, wait, that's like really crazy.

Yeah.

No, she, and I was surprised in the episodes that I watched, there were two events that she went to that he was at.

Yeah, well, she has to if she wants to show her.

She's in the show.

And it's not fair for her to be pushed out of the show when she didn't commit this crime.

act of adultery.

So I'm with her like, yeah, fuck, I have to go.

And then she gets mad at her friends who invite him and put her in this situation.

And I get that on a human level, but on

this is your job.

Working.

We're making a show here level.

Something's got to give.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It's, I don't know how it even could.

Because say she releases the anger and she moves out of the house.

I still never want to see her speak to this person again.

And you have to work with her.

How do we go forward with the show?

Yeah.

Well, also, the more I watch, the more I really believe the rumor about the reunion where Lala and Ariana just have like a knockdown drag out fight because Lala is coming at this from I think a similar place as we are which is just like a little bit more at a glance you know and a little bit more sympathetic to everyone including Ariana but Ariana's not the only victim here you know like and everybody makes fun of Sheena but like I actually really

the dancing with the stars thing I didn't understand but I did understand like her

being sad about her friendship with Sandoval

being ruined.

But Ariana is right about the fact that Sandoval is definitely using Sheena as like his gateway to filming and events and Tahoe because the more people who can tolerate him, they don't even have to love him, but the more people who will, Schwartz is tolerating him, Sheena will tolerate him, the more

stable he is in his job on the show.

Yeah.

James will tolerate him.

She's not right about him.

Ariana's right.

And because Sheena is sort of like the weakest thing, she's so sweet.

Like she's not a mean-spirited person.

She's a little self-centered, but like she loves hard, you know?

Yeah.

No, I agree with that.

It must be incredibly frustrating.

And I just, these are, this is like not normal circumstances.

Usually when you exit a relationship, you then just move on with your life.

You don't have to then film a reality show together.

But so if Ariana like really wanted zero personal ties, like she would have to leave the show and watch the show.

She shouldn't.

No, but Sandoval's not leaving.

So we need to, now we're in the place in the show where we need a resolution.

I think that's how everyone feels.

And I keep like putting them.

It's frustrating.

And now every episode, they're trying to put them in the same room and get there.

And like last night, it was so bad like it was oh i can't wait a barrage love it was oh my god like seriously uncomfortable like seriously i just like wish ariana had this energy when she was dating sandibal because somebody desperately needed to put him in his place he acted worse with ariana than he does without now he's kind of on this apology honestly nothing he's doing is bothering me Before, he was a monster.

With Stasi, you remember in that book event?

He was horrible.

And she just kind of sat there and like let him act that way.

No, and I said this a a few weeks ago but i keep thinking about it a few weeks ago i accidentally watched an episode from last season and i watched a few minutes before i realized i was watching the wrong episode because it was katie and ariana in something about her talking about how lala told ariana that Sandoval didn't leave the barbecue when he had a ride and he lied about that when she was dealing with her dog and her grandma and he stayed there with Raquel.

And Ariana was saying to Katie, like, I don't want to hear these things.

Like, like, like, she was mad at Lala for even telling her.

Like.

no no she was so unreasonable and she was kind of the woat when she was like up sandoval's ass and like never told him that's what a good partner does like you tell your partner in private like when they're being wrong and encourage them to like do whatever she was just like awful and like not enabled but just did nothing and so now it's like yeah you know what we've been knowing and it's like frustrating because now we're over it yeah like and now he's been handed his justice

Beyond.

Like, I feel fine.

He's been punished.

I don't think a person who's cheated has ever been punished in such a way.

No, but he was punished for like that, but also in my mind, for like the years and years of atrocious behavior.

Agreed.

Like he was knocked down 1,000 pegs.

Yeah, no, he's like the biggest weenie.

I don't even know how like anybody could look at him and honestly not feel sorry for him.

He has his weenie parties.

Oh, wait.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

That pool party with Billie Lee and her friend and then those two girls from Instagram.

And he's like telling them the story.

Is there any way anyone in Los Angeles doesn't know who Tom and Ariana are and what happened between them?

Not even that.

Like not to be so mean, but like the whole, it was giving like, where did you find these freaks?

Like it was just,

it was a circus.

Like I didn't even know who these people were.

Like, and everyone was just like acting crazy and like taking shots.

And I was like, okay, stop.

Like, stop.

Stop.

Also,

he was flirting.

Oh, I was in pain.

It's really pain.

But like, when you think about like his like romantic aspect of his life, it's like he's heartbroken over Raquel, who he loves.

And like she is disappeared.

And

he's in this whole thing.

And he's trying to flirt in the pool.

And he's saying, like, yeah, I'm murdering my ex-girlfriend in the bedroom upstairs.

I crushed potato chips and put them under the door.

Claudia.

Painful.

Seriously painful.

Okay.

Well, Jackson and Brittany are still.

And by the way, I've heard The Valley is very good.

I'm not going to watch it.

I'm going to get the first half of the first episode.

I got the gist.

And

I feel like you would like it.

It's like people who are in like your stage of life.

I know.

I didn't love any of the characters yet.

Yeah.

I mean, besides Jax, Britney, and Kristen, like, I'm really not interested in meeting new people.

No, but it wasn't.

I need to go back to it and remind myself why I didn't finish watching it.

Cause there was a reason.

Because I do like, yeah, I love like seeing new mamas like, you know, got baby here.

Give her, like, I love, like, that's so interesting to me.

And there were new cast members who looked like interesting people with like things going on.

Just the dialogue was giving cringe.

And it was like, we're excited to be on a reality show.

And it was giving like old school reality show where we're just like saying stuff because, hey, we're on a reality show and I'm excited.

I know.

It's giving like charity in Dallas.

And I'm wanting it to work out.

I feel that.

They were talking like that.

Yeah, that was really the issue.

But they have to find their feet.

And I can't, you know, it's hard.

Not every show can be vanderpump rules like no

are you ready for our next story which is one of my favorite stories yes unintentional comedian kelly ripa is being hysterical today because they aired a rerun of her show today because i guess there wasn't a new episode and no one like double-checked what the episode was.

And in the episode, it's from June 2023.

She is like begging for an invitation to be on Diddy's yacht.

I didn't know what you were going to say.

Like, if they re-ran the one after like 9-11, I literally didn't know what you were going to say.

So, Kelly and Mark are on vacation this week.

They've been re-airing old interviews from Life with Carrie and Kelly and Mark, but it seems someone wasn't paying attention when they picked out the videotapes because on Tuesday they aired an episode from June 23 in which

she spawningly begged for an invitation on Sean Diddy Combs's yacht.

Meanwhile, his homes were raided last week as part of what appears to be a sex trafficking investigation.

Oops.

Wade,

I also think it's kind of crazy.

Like, by the way, Kelly and Mark, like, take a vacation for sure, that they rerun episodes.

It's a topical show.

She does like kind of what we do at the top of the show, talking about what's going on in the world, news, pop culture, celebrities, like light stuff.

And then there's like a guest interview, but it's like not the type of show you can re-air.

We've never re-aired an episode of The Toast.

Like, that's weird.

Especially not from a year and a half ago.

Like, maybe air from last week.

Yeah, yeah.

That's like really like...

bad programming.

Like care less.

What else should they do though if they are taking the week off?

Guest co-hosts?

Well, that's really hard to program, too, if you don't have one person who's used to doing it.

That would be like if we took off and two people just sat in their chairs.

No, but like if we had, not us, like if she had Ryan come for a week.

Yeah.

And Ryan had different co-hosts.

Or Michael, if she didn't leave it so bad with Michael Strahan, like if you had like friends of, and I feel like Jerry O'Connell comes on all the time to like replace Mark or someone, someone comes on as like when Mark is sick or when Kelly's sick, I think they had one of their kids.

Like they have friends of the show who could come in with different co-hosts.

Like, I don't know.

I i feel like they should be trying harder for their audience i think this is standard stuff and we never would have even known if it wasn't just for this which is so unfortunate i did not know that they re-ran topical you know shows i don't feel like they ever re-ran an episode of wendy i feel with the with her stories

that's so crazy that's like so lazy on behalf of cable like do better whoa not to hit him with the do better

No, do better.

Like seriously.

Jackie, if we took a vacation on our show was owned by ABC, we would literally be like and we had unlimited resources we'd be like let's get stasi and you know

taylor struck her pay them like

yeah and that being said abc we are available for purchase merger and acquisition i'm down

if you could okay great question if you could have any media company whether it be a streamer a network whatever purchase the toast and like be the like we get to still do the show every day but then we have access to whatever you know like if like probably nbc is the most yeah but you know Disney, ABC, Hulu.

I'm down.

Like if we could have our show live on

something, like we are exclusive, let's say, to YouTube or we are on the YouTube homepage every day, or we're on the Netflix, where would you want to be?

Like any network, streamer, or social media platform.

Like if we were the official daily morning show of.

I know people would like think we're going to say Bravo or E, but that's small thinking.

No, and every show on e-flops.

No, it's just small potatoes.

Like,

I want to be worldwide nationwide.

Yeah.

Where's everyone right now?

Honestly, everyone's at Max right now.

Max is having a moment.

Every streamer has like a different moment.

It would be Max and Eastas.

And by the way, the show would be like the morning Max.

The morning.

Max and Eastas.

Yeah.

I think Max, that's almost what I was going to say.

But also, I wouldn't mind being a part of like an Apple or a Roku or Prime because then they put you on everyone's stitch.

Devices.

Yeah.

Devices.

No, that's good.

Obviously, I would say, I would take a Netflix.

Ever heard of it?

Of course, of course.

Netflix.

And they are getting into live programming.

Hulu.

Hulu.

X does a lot of live, like long-form videos on it.

I'm not gonna be on X.

You don't want to be there?

No one really watches it.

It's just like,

I don't know.

We wouldn't have an engaged community on X.

I don't think that's true, but I think you want a piece of that, you know, Hollywood glitz and glitter.

Hollywood, sure.

Hollywood.

Yeah.

What about TikTok?

Is there setup for that?

No, no.

But we would reach the kids, which would be nice because they need to be spoken to.

We do, but like, is it our job?

No, it's not.

And I also feel like just part of being a kid is just like being radical, you know?

That's true.

Like, you.

Like, I always worry about Gen Z.

Like, I see these stats.

Like, they're so anti-Semitic.

Like, they're insane.

But sometimes I just want to chalk it up to them being young and dumb.

Like, that's like Woodstock, you you know, all those 16-year-olds were taking dumps

out in the open and like doing Molly and Acid.

And then a few years later, like they all got jobs and most of them came back down to earth.

Yeah.

So I feel like, I don't know.

Yeah.

I like to think like these young, crazy, really dumb kids are just radicalized and they'll come back down to earth.

But I feel like to a degree, yes, like when you are young, you don't, you think you know everything and you don't.

That's a classic trope.

But are we getting to a place where it's like more than just the classic trope?

Like it's giving

all our youth.

It's a lot.

It's a lot.

Yeah, it feels more than usual, but I hope I like your interpretation of things.

Yeah.

Just an idea.

Any further thoughts?

I mean, I did, but like, I don't want to get into it.

I feel that.

I'm exhausted.

Yeah, yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Like, exciting news on a number of levels.

Yeah.

Nicole Ritchie and Joel Maddens look like kids, Harlow and Sparrow, make their red carpet debut at the premiere of Don't Tell Mom, the babysitters dead last night in Los Angeles.

So of course, I had to do a little digging.

What is this?

They've remade the movie.

Nicole Ritchie is playing Rose.

I'm right on top of that, Rose.

I'm right on top of that, Rose.

Oh, wait.

So who's playing Christina Applegate?

Who's playing Christina Applegate is Simone Joy Jones.

I don't know who that is.

Hold on.

What a great movie.

That movie like raised us.

And I'm right on top of that, Rose.

The poster for the movie, the tagline, let me know when you're ready for it.

Yeah.

Respect your elders.

You're lying.

Wait, I also want to see what Nicole Ritchie's kids look like.

I feel like she doesn't really show them.

They look like Nicole Ritchie and her husband.

Really?

I mean, I would hope so.

It's crazy when that happens.

But it's really cute.

They're literally.

Oh man, the girl is gorgeous.

They're mini-mis.

The girl is gorgeous.

And the guy is literally like a, in simple plan.

No, like, if they ever wanted to make a movie about their life and, like, their, well, I guess they would be brother and sister playing.

Never mind.

I take back what I said.

I can't.

Oh, and Lionel went to the premiere.

So did Sophia.

Love.

Oh, how did Sophia look like that?

I don't think she wears the carpet.

Oh, oh, oh.

I'm obsessed.

I love.

Nicole Ritchie is one of my absolute favorite celebrities on the planet.

Yeah.

No, I know.

And so this is very exciting.

Like, we love the movie Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, and I'm so glad they're remaking it for the younger set.

But, like, if you haven't seen it, I think you should watch the original first.

Yeah, you should, not to sound like such a grandma.

It's Christina Applegate.

Who else is in that movie?

Who's the mom?

Let me see.

Give me a second.

I'm obsessed here.

1991.

Sue Ellen.

I'm obsessed.

Sue Ellen is Christina Applegate's character's name.

And who else is in this movie?

Nobody I know.

Let me see.

Jot.

Yeah, you don't know anyone.

Oh, David DeCovny.

He's literally in everything.

But that's really it.

It's so good.

I'm so excited.

I wonder where we could watch it.

I think I just, when I was looking at the background, it's B.E.T.

Exciting.

Only in theaters April 12th.

Oh, and it's in theaters, but the...

The backdrop said BET.

Yeah, BET's original films in product.

In Tyra Banks' production company, Smize Productions, our executive production company.

You're lying that it's called Smize Productions.

She's so iconic.

She's so iconic.

This is just tens across the board.

Agreed.

That's exciting.

I loved that movie.

Yeah.

Our next story.

Lizzo is breaking her silence to clarify that she's only quitting negative energy moving forward.

So Lizzo said she quit last week.

People were like, she quit.

And some people were like, no, I think she's just like a figure of speech.

That she's like done with this shit.

And that's exactly what it was.

So she shared a lengthy statement on Instagram and a video saying, I want to make this video because I just need to clarify.

When I say I quit, I mean I quit giving any negative energy attention.

What I'm not going to quit is the joy of my life, which is making music, which is connecting with people because I know I'm not alone.

In no way, shape, or form am I the only person who is experiencing that negative voice that seems to be louder than the positive.

And then if I can just give one

inspiration, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

I believe her that she didn't mean she was quitting music and that she's just like i quit i get it um

but for somebody who's like quitting negative intoxicity like she keeps making content about it like i seriously like she needs to take a break like she's just in she was really really famous for a really long time and like as always like ability is a prison and yada yada and then she was accused of some pretty heinous thing so people we just need a break from you and she doesn't go away like she keeps posting and she's trying to like elicit sympathy i think and it's just not working So just I feel like it's always good for celebrities to take a break, but she like won't.

Or she's taking a break.

I feel like she might be just like scaling back, but not gone.

Cause I think it would also be like kind of an admission of guilt to go.

And she's maintaining her innocence that these people, like she said in the last statement,

are saying things about her.

So I think she kind of needs to like stay making content while also like staying positive.

And I don't think it's going so well yet, but I I think maybe like starting today,

it's going to be good.

Okay.

I think the I quit threw everyone through a loop.

Not me, though.

Not you.

Not me.

I knew she was quitting negative energy and haters.

I just knew it.

Yeah.

It's like a child.

I quit.

I had just seen the news headlines before I saw her statement.

So everybody said, Lizzo quits music.

I'm like, okay, Lizzo's quitting music.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you got to go to the primary source club.

This is what they teach us in a history major.

I learned, like, that's what I've got out of my education.

And that's what we were talking about yesterday, reading comprehension.

And also reading between the lines.

Harder, but important.

Harder, but important.

She did say I quit.

She did.

But there was more there, there.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Our fifth and final story was some news that was quiet that I think they'll be mad that we're

blowing up.

But J-Lo quietly rebranded her tour as a greatest hit show amid weak ticket sales.

After canceling seven dates of her first North American tour in five years and weak ticket sales, J-Lo has renamed it to apparently broaden its scope, changing it from the This Is Me Now to This Is Me Live, The Greatest Hits.

So I don't know if prior to this she was planning on playing the greatest hits or if this was going to be a new album tour.

It's giving it was going to be and now it's not.

Or maybe it was going to be and they didn't put in the title and they thought people wouldn't know.

I can't imagine J-Lo would go on tour and not spend at least half the show playing her greatest hits.

Yeah, I think she would have played a lot of hits.

I think she also would have been marketing the new album.

I think now there will be more hits and less albums.

Still album.

We're still going to, this is me now, but like generally majority hits.

Like, I really feel this is a very good step.

I've been following, you know, the rise and fall of J-Lo over the last couple of months very, very closely.

I think it's one of the most interesting things.

I just don't know why I find it so intriguing.

And I happen to think this is a brilliant next step.

And

it, you know, gives me hope that whatever direction her career is going to go next is more to this icon level.

I don't know why she's still doing the same thing that like Ariana Grande is doing, you know, who has way less experience than her.

J-Lo's been around forever.

Like she should not be doing the same sort of prototype as like, you know, releasing an album, press tour,

Arita tour, like the same cycle, like the one direction cycle.

Like, what are you doing?

You're not in the same strategy.

Like, get off the road.

You have to act differently.

Get off the roller coaster.

Like, you are different.

And you're very much, I feel like, in the Celine Dion realm, which is an equally good realm to be in.

Now, you don't have to go to Vegas and do like a boring residency, but you do have to act different.

And so the fact that they're now branding this as Greatest Hits does give me hope that they're seeing her career, whoever's running her, but I feel like it's actually her, but whether it's her management, they're seeing her now as in this different category, not retirement, but

icon.

That's a better.

Yeah.

That works for me.

All of a sudden, this concert sounds good.

Like, we're going to hear the J-Lo hits.

Right.

And J-Lo's known for being such a performer.

The fact that her performances were not selling well, when I think that's probably her biggest strength as an talent.

Strength and

allure.

Yeah.

It's very concerning.

So

I would, like, if I may, I wouldn't buy a ticket, but if somebody said, want to see J-Lo, here's a ticket.

I'd say, honestly, yeah.

I know most of the songs if it's the greatest hits tour.

And she's a fabulous performer: the dancing, the singing, everything.

Dazzle, dazzle.

The hair, the clothes.

Like, she knows how to perform.

This is sort of like

an issue with

touring albums.

It's like, I want to hear like general things.

Like, what if it's not my favorite album?

And I didn't get to see you on the last album tour, but I'm seeing, that's why the Eris tour is really great.

It's like, it doesn't matter what I feel like.

It's also very, very artist-dependent because, like, I think of, because the next concert I'm going to see is is Morgan Wallen and I didn't go last time but he did a big big like I had my chance he did a big ass tour for his last album and his last album was enormously popular this time after doing like the most with the previous album he's now doing the most again with the new album and you know what I feel like that's fair but it just depends on the artist like if your most recent album was a flop but you have like tons and tons of hits like do both for sure but i just think of like luke combs like i absolutely need to hear this album live And if I don't make it on this tour, like, I will have missed my chance.

And yeah, the next tour, like, he'll play some of this.

But I need this album.

Yeah.

So I guess I'm going to Jacksonville.

Jackson Turdy and Jacksonville.

I'm down.

Jackson Turdyville.

Yeah.

No, like that's, I guess, what I need to do because his tour just, he said he's like, he really didn't consider me, honestly.

And it's fucking rude.

But by the way, back to what you were saying, it's completely artist-dependent and and album-dependent.

Yeah.

But you felt that way about Taylor Before Eras, like you didn't get to see the red tour and like how badly you wanted to see the red tour.

It's just a necessary evil.

Like it just is what it is.

But maybe Eras tour is like really shaking up the industry.

Like people are seeing like, oh,

oh, you know, like maybe I can do this.

Yeah.

But I also think maybe some people don't want to work that hard.

It's a lot of work what she's doing.

By the way.

Do you think they even remember all the lyrics to all their old songs?

That's like...

Some artists talk about how they don't.

Joe Jonas talks very openly that even recent songs, like he cannot remember the lyrics.

And I know Miley, a lot of times, has a telepropsy.

You actually, you know lyrics and memorize them really well, but I could see you being the sort of person, like if you were a pop star, like yeah, no, I wrote my song, but I don't remember the lyrics, okay?

Sue me.

Okay, when I was in St.

Bart's, we got back to the house and like we were drunk and we were like making snacks and somebody put on music and 100% came on and like I literally didn't know the words to the second verse but I was also really I feel like that's a part of the era story like the whole thing is so impressive but that's like on the list of impressive things that I don't think she gets enough credit for and her lyrics are so Erin Sherkip

and Aaron Sherkip

especially I'm going down

Melan Timbo don't disgrace that song

the best song ever Also, by the way, it's even more impressive when you think about the fact that she'll literally go on the acoustic set and play a song from 17 years ago.

That's the most deep cut that she's probably never even played live.

She probably released it and never played it again.

Cold as you.

I think she has such a good memory and that's probably why she has a hard time letting things go because like they're so seared into her memory.

You know what?

What the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.

It's a blessing and a curse.

Yeah.

Like she remembers it like it was yesterday because her memory is so strong.

That reminds me of Dana.

Yeah.

And I also think she's a person of high intellect.

And I think memory has like is a part of that, you know, even though they say people with bad memories are high intellect but maybe that was just like something they told you guys me searching for a headline that related to me yeah no it's giving Dana Dana would be a great pop star because she'd remember all of her lyrics

but she'd also be a bad pop star for 45,000 1,000 million reasons mostly that she can't sing

saying she dances like um like she's playing charades

yeah we bought a house like you know I'm yeah I'm yelling timber

you better move You better.

You better dance.

That's so funny.

That's funny.

Yeah.

And she would admit it.

Like, it's a point of pride for her.

Yeah.

Oh, well, what's so fabulous is that the stories were great.

Really, Jackie?

10 out of 10.

I enjoyed them so much.

Thank you, but I really think we made the most out of them.

It was us doing what we do best.

And what we do best is really help people.

I think that's fair to say.

And Wednesdays are an extremely helpful day here at the Toast because this is Dear Toaster's Day.

Shut up.

Today.

It's only okay when you do it.

Yeah.

Today's Dear Toasters Day, our weekly advice segment, where you girlies will write in and we'll do our absolute best to help you.

We got three submissions every week.

You can submit deartoasters at gmail.com, write us an email.

Or if you want to be super, super anonymous, head to the toastpodcast.com.

Scroll down.

There's a little submission box.

No name required, nothing.

Today we have an update and two submissions.

The first update is from the girl who wrote in about taking her husband's last name when her husband's last name was duty.

And we understood, you know, we, and by the way, we had gotten a lot of feedback from that episode because we had said to each other, we gave her advice, but then we were also like, what kind of last name is that?

Like, I've never heard that.

And a lot of people wrote in, like, it's really a popular name in the South.

Like, it's a thing.

We didn't know about it.

But we had encouraged her to speak her mind, maybe do some sort of hyphen, some new name, like Ellis Island, I think.

Like, Kaylin and Dean.

Ellis Island.

Wait, what did you say?

Kaylin and Dean?

Oh, Kaylin and Dean.

Kaylin Miller-Keys married Dean Unglert, and they both changed their last names to Belle, which is Kaylin's mother's maiden name because that's what they related to most and wanted to.

I thought you said Kayla, and you just reminded me.

We had spoken at length on April Fools.

Like, we were so curious if anyone was going to, you know, make the April Fool's joke, I'm pregnant, because it's something people do every year and they always get canceled for it, and people never learn.

This year was no different.

Thank you to everyone who sent me on TikTok.

You know, Travis Kelsey's ex-girlfriend, Kayla Nicole, who's like an influencer, and she's like always in the news for like shade of tailor.

She's pregnant.

I love that she was the one.

I couldn't have picked a better person.

I agree.

I love that for her.

Like, I think it's so great.

And

God says, seriously.

And yeah.

Just.

Okay.

Our first year toasters is from that.

Obviously, you're not a toaster.

No.

Duty update.

I was the girl who's getting married to the PJOM whose last name is Duty.

I honestly wanted to create a completely new name, a combination of both.

Alas, everyone in my

fiancé's family wears the duty moniker with such pride that they were actually a bit hurt when they found out my true feelings.

After realizing how much it meant, I have conceded to using the name personally.

So Christmas cards, meeting new people socially, but professionally and legal purposes, I am keeping my own name, XOXO, Mrs.

Duty.

I just want to say, it's big of you.

I went through a...

like an emotional roller coaster reading this.

Like, of course, at first, we have to circumvent duty, but then you say, like, this family is a proud family.

And like, to go, and then you like took your like second grade humor to them being like it's duty like i feel embarrassed and like of course you i know it should be a proud duty

and i also feel like nothing like if you own something

like there's nothing cooler than that like if you just like that's true if you were so confident and like

I could forget the meaning of the word.

So by the end of this, I was like, I could see, I could be rooting for Mrs.

Duty.

I like in general, like you have your family name and then you have your professional name.

So that works for me.

But I do think, I don't remember what our advice was then, but my advice now would be to kind of reframe it in your head and like to find the joy in the duty.

I just want to say, I do feel like the family could have been a little bit more understanding.

Like it is a piece of poop.

Like you're not being a child.

Like

words have meaning.

And so for them to just be straight up offended and not being like, yeah, no, when I married and I also felt like it's somebody can commiserate a little bit that beep, but be

real to the family, but also her, like, be mature.

Yes.

No, no.

I actually think this is a very, very mature way for you to move forward.

Honestly, I don't know if I could ever be that mature because like duty is duty.

And also, I'm a duty person.

We talk about all the time.

Not everybody uses the word duty to describe poop.

A lot of families have their own words.

Like, duty is our family's word.

Like, I have to make a duty.

There was duty on the floor.

Romeo made a duty.

Like, duty is our word.

Of course.

It means a lot to us.

Yeah.

But for other people, it's like, oh, yeah, that is a meaning of that, you know, hopefully that's what it is for you.

But I just, the best advice you could give, own it.

Just own it.

Own it.

Yeah.

Bear with pride.

Okay, our next one is so crazy.

Hello.

My husband and I just got married this past September.

I was talking to him randomly this week about how we should look at cemetery plots together.

And he said that he already has one that his mom got for him when he was 15.

Mind you, it's in his hometown, which is the town we went to college in and where we met.

We do not live there anymore.

And I would really rather not be buried there.

I said, well, if I die first, I can be cremated and just placed in your plot.

And he went on to say how he doesn't believe in cremation.

I said, well, we just have to be buried next to each other then.

Please help a girl figure out and how to get on the same page with my husband about where and how we're buried.

Okay.

I don't know what like the textbook, like healthy and right time to talk about this is.

I've not even thought about it.

And the few times that I have thought about it, like it is

confounding.

Yeah, it's confounding because it's like one of the husband or wife like isn't going to be buried with their parents because you'll be buried with your in-laws and then your kids might not be with you because they're with their i don't like it i

i don't know what the answer is i don't like it either it's wrong like but I find peace in my religion, which is really puts very little emphasis on the physical body.

They really say, and I remember at a funeral hearing this from the rabbi, and it actually weirdly brought me great comfort that, like, this is a shell.

The person is not there.

They, Jewish afterlife spends a lot of emphasis on your neshama, which is your soul, and your soul is with you.

Like, so I don't, I really try to hang on to that because if you think a lot about, you're right, maybe my kids won't be with me, and maybe I won't be with my family, maybe I'll be with Ben's or Ben won't be with his.

Like, it's bullshit.

So, I really, I try not to think about it, and I try to really lean on my faith, honestly.

Yeah, no, and I think it like sounds weird and feels weird, like to the living but then like to the dead it's irrelevant and think about how often we we like never even visit

i know i've we've literally visited our dad twice and it's only like when we're in the neighborhood which is never so yeah i i it helps to not be attached to that as an idea but it is it's really

weird And I don't know, like, what is Emily Post's like etiquette for when you talk about it?

And what do most people do?

Like, is there, oh, we are, we always go with the mom's family or the dads like

i i don't know why i happen to think you always go

with

the wife but i also think it has to do well yes people buy their plots in advance but it kind of has to do with like where you die where you live and where you live but like you might like retire somewhere different from where you were spending your whole life

Right.

That's why like a lot of our grandparents who are from New York are buried in Florida because that's where everyone goes to retire.

So it's, I have no advice for you.

And it's something I've put off.

I am thinking about, I don't even like, it's not like I actively put it off.

I've just like,

I don't even worry about it.

I don't, I want to say like I don't care.

I have to imagine that like, God forbid, you know, in a million years when I die, the people around me who know and love me will advocate for the best place for me to go, given, you know, where others are.

Wait, stop.

I'm literally going to cry.

Are we not going to be buried together?

That's what I'm saying.

Because like you're going to be with your family.

That's why we should like, that's not what we should do.

Like we should buy a family right now and like kind of take it get it take it get it over with

also like who knows what our financial circumstances are going to be in the future like when you feel i guess that's why people have the conversations like if you have the money at this point buy it now so you save your family the trouble later it just feels like a like a lot of sturm and drag and like drama term for a dead body for something that's like not

hopefully god willing like just not important right now

and that's where some could argue

right when i go to a cemetery and I see the people with the huge

mausoleums that you can literally walk into, it's like, to me, that's a waste of money.

Like, and I guess maybe it's faith-based.

I was going to say, different religions like have a different idea of it.

So I'm not going to yuck anyone's yums, but I like that ours like de-emphasizes it because it's, it's giving willy-nilly.

And also, I like that you don't have to go visit to feel connected to that person

because in Judaism, that person's always with you.

Yeah.

But like, thanks for bringing this up.

Yeah, we have no advice.

Sound off in the comments if anybody has any help.

It's kind of like a miserable conversation.

And it like makes me sad that like, this is the conversations you're having with your new husband.

Like, right.

Less than any.

Like, stop having these conversations.

My tip is to like seriously drop it.

I agree.

Let the chips fall where they may.

And just if being cremated is like really, really important to you, like make a will.

It's important to him, I thought.

No, he doesn't want.

He doesn't believe in it.

Just drop it seriously.

No, but also like if you die first and you want to be cremated and your husband doesn't believe in it and he won't do it, if you have a will, he legally has to.

So put it in your will.

And then, and, you know, every woman should have a will.

Every person.

Every woman.

Stop talking about this.

Seriously.

It's harmful to your relationship.

Okay.

Our third and final is very topical and it's like really unfortunate.

It's an April Fool's joke gone really wrong.

My sister and I are longtime toasters.

We love you, swirlies.

We decided to pull an April Fool's joke on my boyfriend and it completely backfired.

We've been dating for six months.

We're in a happy relationship.

We talk about the future and getting married and I'm really certain that he's my person.

He was at the gym and we had told him that we were next door at Whole Foods grocery shopping.

As we pulled in, I saw his car and we thought it would be funny, given it being April Fool's Day, to pull a little joke.

We wrote and left him a note on his windshield saying, hey, I think you're really cute.

I see you at the gym all the time.

Text me.

And we gave a fake text number from the Text Plus app.

He did it.

He said, hey, I believe you left the note on my car.

Very confident.

Much respect.

I was shocked and I called him about an hour later after seeing him respond to the app.

I didn't respond in the app, and I kept and keep the conversation going because the point of the joke wasn't supposed to be to try to catch him.

When confronting him about the text response, he got defensive, saying he didn't think what he said was wrong and got pissed off because he thought we were setting him up for a test.

Thoughts?

Do I have a right to be upset?

Does he have a right to be upset?

You sound seriously like a battered woman.

You absolutely have to break up with this man.

He didn't even know what the person looked like, and he sent them a text.

Like,

it could have been a man.

Like, no, that's serious.

I want to say, but it's also like insane.

See, and the fact that you're,

oh, for sure.

But wait.

The fact that you're writing in, being like, does he have a right to be upset?

Are you okay?

Break up with him.

He will cheat on you.

He probably has.

But, like,

bad prank.

But you know what?

Bad prank.

God's looking out for you.

Like.

You might not have never noticed because you seem to be under his spell.

Yeah.

But some.

This man's a horrible boyfriend.

Yeah.

Break up with him.

Now.

Now.

This last thought.

Do I have a right to be upset?

Does he have a right to be upset?

Are you okay?

Like, I'm really worried about you.

To answer your question, does he have a right to be upset?

No.

Do you have a right to be upset?

Yeah.

You should break up with him.

My goodness.

This is such a weird story.

Like, I seriously, like, I'm uncomfortable.

And I just like, and of course, like, he obviously failed the test.

And it's actually a good lesson.

Like, if you ever need to test your man to see if he's loyal, if you feel like he goes to the gym and like creeps on girls,

do this.

But this girl wasn't even coming to you.

I know, which it's like,

and it is good to know, like, if he is a scoundrel, like, it's good that you know now.

But seriously, like, what are you doing?

It's entrapment.

Like, what did you?

No, it's a crazy point.

It's a crazy thing to do, especially to your boyfriend of like six months who still might be in this phase of like seeing what else is like of keeping an eye open.

Like, I'm not committed.

Yeah.

I think that like if there, six months isn't like the most serious relationship, your newly boyfriend grows.

Yeah, but if you can't, if you can't even stay monogamous at six months, like if he's still keeping his options open, then he's not serious about you.

Yeah.

And you say you're serious.

You wrote in the email, we're talking about the future.

We talk about getting married.

We are serious.

That's what she wrote.

Yeah.

I don't know.

He's running for the fucking hill.

Like, Zach, did this happen?

And Zach, like, yeah, I would have totally broken up with him.

But at six months of dating, we were very serious.

That's what she said, too.

Get rid of him.

And I want an update.

Seriously, don't, do not run away from me.

That's our show.

Again, if you want to write in, that's dear toasters at gmail.com or head to the toastpodcast.com.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast of Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast-five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us video a thumbs up.

We're also available on the podcast and where podcasts can be found.

So Spotify, Tunis, or Public Radio, Radio Castle, all the places we have listened to podcasts by Show Toastley, Fast RVO, beautiful sounding, and wickedly talented we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Love you.

Love you.

Bye.