Toast Herstory: Sharks Don't Speak English (Original Airdate July 16, 2021)

49m

Watch the original episode here on YouTube

  • Machine Gun Kelly had a Megan Fox poster in his bedroom as a teen (Page Six) (10:18)
  • Kyle Richards and Betsy Brandt to Star in Real Housewives of the North Pole Movie for Peacock (PEOPLE) (14:00)
  • Mark Wahlberg Regrets Going on 11,000-Calorie Diet to Quickly Gain Weight for His New Movie (E! News) (20:38)
  • Blue Origin's Flight Will Include The Youngest And The Oldest Humans To Go To Space (NPR) (25:55)
  • Shark advocates call for rebranding violent attacks as 'interactions' (NY Post) (31:30)

Love Island Recap (37:50)

The Morning Toast with Claudia (@girlwithnojob) and Jackie Oshry (@jackieoshry)

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https://www.girlwithnojob.com/book


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Transcript

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

It's Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Oh my god, it's Friday.

Did you know that?

It's so exciting.

It's so beautiful.

I love it.

You're not dressed like it's a Friday.

Well, if I may.

We have an unspoken rule here that Friday is like merch sweatpant day.

It's when you show up and be like

snatched Karen from finance it's not nice thank you so much for that compliment calling me snatch it's so nice so if I may can I tell you

can I tell you my logic yeah of course all week I dressed like it was Friday like sweats merch just like really brought nothing to the show and I've never loved you more okay but This is my last show for about 10 days.

Yeah.

And I really didn't want the last thumbnail to be like me in a grout fit again.

I wanted to leave them on a high note.

And so I just felt like, and also like for myself, like when I wear sweats that many days in a row, I'm like, do my other clothes still fit me?

So I just needed to like get into some real clothes.

And I have a busy weekend where I'm going to be like dressing up all weekend.

And so I was like, I might as well get the ball rolling now and like put on something with a zipper.

And so here I am.

And also, even though this outfit like looks so fancy and fabulous, it's actually really comfortable.

Sure, yeah.

So is mine.

It's really comfortable.

I'm wearing the toast

win spring.

And I shaved my legs and put on a little self-tanner.

So I thought the gams needed a day out.

The gams need a day out.

Have you switched to Isle of Paradise yet?

No, I haven't.

I used Santrope last night, and it's pretty good.

It makes me like a little like green?

Yellow.

Yeah, it's honestly, it's not the right fit for us.

I'm telling you.

I'm not sure that it was, but I also bought like a spray bottle that's like kind, like that I have never used.

I bought it.

I was influenced by an influencer.

And she also has red hair.

So I was like, okay, maybe this will work for my coloring too.

Which one?

Sophia LaCourte.

Oh my God.

We're obsessed.

So she's like a TikTok.

Where'd you buy it?

Did you follow her on Instagram?

I follow her on Instagram.

Oh, I only follow her on TikTok.

Yeah, no, I'm so thoroughly influenced by her.

So I bought it, but I still never used it because every time I've gone to use it, I'm like, what if I do it wrong?

And then I have like a wedding.

And so I need to use it like on a boring week, but it hasn't happened yet.

Speaking of Sophia LaCourte, what was that Redheads book by Renee Carlino?

Between two strangers?

Before we were strangers.

Before we were strangers.

And the main girl is a girl named Grace who has red hair, right?

I thought she had blonde hair, but sometimes those things can translate differently for people.

Well, whatever.

I imagined when I was reading the book and and I was very like into it, the whole time I thought of the main girl, Grace, as Sophia LaCore, because I had like just started seeing her on TikTok and she was like in my brain.

And now I just have association between the two.

That's really funny.

Yeah.

I just want to tell you really quickly about my night because I just did like so many things, you know?

I went to Comedy Cellar, which was so premium.

Like, you know, usually you go see a comedy show.

Like, some comedians are better than others.

Like, this was just like sickening lineup.

But I guess that's like the point of Comedy Cellar.

It's like a premium

de de la creme.

Crème de la creme.

So like cream, that means cream.

Every single comic was better than the next.

Like it was so hysterical.

Like I was actually like belly laughing.

And it was, first of all, they take your phones when you, and like your Apple watches when you walk in.

So at first I was like a little annoyed, like crazy anxiety.

I was like, oh my god, what if I get canceled?

Like I just like something about not being on my phone just gives me terrible anxiety.

But once I was able to let that go, it was so premium for a million reasons.

Like, you know, we operate very much in the digital space, which is this like, you know, sensitive,

politically correct, safe space,

at least our corner of it.

And just to hear people like making crazy fucking jokes like about everything was so refreshing.

I forgot that people talked that way.

Like, because we like, we just don't joke like that.

And it was so refreshing.

And I was just like cackling the whole time.

And it was like a whole, it like refreshed my brain that like you can joke about stuff.

And it was so delightful.

And I loved the premise of no one having their phones.

Like it was just really

safe like for the comics and it was just so premium and I just I cannot recommend going to comedy seller enough like and I guess Tina goes like all the time okay gotta go a lot and it's so premium like I had been a million years ago when because it's by NYU and they have like a really small club and now they have like multiple locations and I went to like one of the big ones with like air conditioning and it was like so premium and like it had like a million drinks mozzarella sticks like really premium can't recommend if you're looking for something fun to do in New York Premium.

I hadn't heard.

So I think we're thankful for your recommendation.

No, I know everyone knows.

Everyone's like been knowing this.

Also, a lot of times like comics will, well-known like A-list comics show up there to try out new material.

Like Amy Schumer is always spotted.

So Dana literally waits outside

comedy cellar every night until she can go and see Amy Schumer and she's actually gotten to see her.

Yeah, I mean, I guess the point, most people go, of course, for the show, but like hoping that a celebrity is just going to stop by.

And I was like, really hoping like Dave Chappelle or like Pete, when they took our phones, I was like, do they do this every night or is someone special coming?

And Pete Davidson is like very strict about phones at his show.

So I was the whole time I was waiting for Pete Davidson, who never showed up.

But the show was so good, Like, I actually did not mind.

Yeah.

Premium experience.

So I know everyone knows that, but I just never go downtown.

It's nice that you know it now.

Yeah, it was so fabulous.

Like, I want to go again.

You should.

And the air conditioning, like, I just can't stress how high-powered and voluminous it was.

That's amazing.

And then I like had a night on the town, and I really am proud of myself because it's a Friday and I'm not hungover.

Like, you know, it's a Friday.

We saw your stories last night.

I was like, okay, Claudi's going out, and she's going out again, and more and more.

And I was like, okay, so it's a hungover show and I'm wearing a pussybow.

It is what it is.

Yeah.

But look at you.

No, first of all, I got home at like 12 because comedy cellar was like 8 to 10 and then we had dinner and drinks from like 10 to 1130.

And it was just like a civilized adult night.

Like not, I guess I'm realizing this now.

Like not every night has to be like blacked out until the break of dawn.

Sounds like last night was the night of realizing stuff for you.

It was because I still had fun and I was so happy to be home by 12.

Yeah, and like to go to sleep without the spins.

Without the spins and I woke up feeling completely fine.

That is so, Claudia, that's beautiful.

I would love to eventually get to a place where my partying and my work life can sustain each other.

Yeah, there's no reason why they should constantly be in conflict.

They're constantly battling one another, and it's so toxic for my mental health.

Well, I'm glad that there was a detente last night and that you can give us, detente is like peace, ceasefire.

God, yeah, there was a ceasefire for sure.

And that you can give us full Claudia today.

Yeah, no, I'm thrilled to be alive on a Friday.

It's nice.

It's beautiful these Fridays.

Great weekends ahead of you.

Yeah.

Beautiful stuff.

I have such a busy weekend, like I said.

So

we're here.

We got to do what we got to do.

We got to do what we gotta do and other I actually had a really busy day yesterday of like all the errands I've been putting off like manicure pedicure like wax etc

so I was just errands errands errands meetings meetings meetings podcast podcast podcast so we're gonna do what we do best and we're gonna podcast for you on this stunning so hot Friday even though I'm still wearing a sweatshirt don't ask me why it's still cold in the studio not as cold as it's been it's as if someone here watches our show and saw us struggling well if you're watching the show we don't agree on the air conditioning thing please This is a perfect temperature.

Air conditioning back on work.

This is a perfect temperature.

It's a little hot.

You can wear shorts and they're not needing a blanket.

It's a little hot.

Perfect temperature.

It's just funny.

And you're wearing a sweatshirt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A form-fitting sweatshirt, so that never helps.

Yeah.

So let's dive in because we've got a.

We don't have a lot to talk about because, like we said, well, we actually didn't say it.

We said it before the show.

There's true Slim Pickens.

Tell us about your experience trying to choose.

Today was one of those days where I went through all the sites and I was still at zero stories.

Wow.

So I had to go through them all again.

Then I had to go to like the reserved sites.

And you know what?

You are going to get some interesting world news, but I know you guys love to hear it, especially on a Friday when you're going out to embark on a weekend.

You might meet new people.

Maybe you guys need to talk about Jeff Bezos going to space.

Maybe you need some interesting factoids about it.

Maybe.

Right, like maybe you're going to be at a wedding and you're going to be like, you know, a far-off friend who gets seated at a table with people you don't meet, you don't know, you've never met, and you need something to talk about.

And you'll be so grateful you listen to this random ass episode of The Toast.

Right.

And you're gonna be like, What do you think about shark attacks?

And right now, that doesn't mean anything to you, but in 45 minutes, you're gonna have a whole new opinion on that.

Yeah, and you know what?

After coming from Comedy Cellar, I have this whole new vibe: like, I'm ready to offend people.

And I think the shark community is gonna be my first target because I've been inspired by the brave comedians who fought for our right to joke about whatever we want to joke about.

And I'm feeling all revved up.

Like, I wanna be like a crazy, offensive comedian today.

Okay, cool.

That's exciting for all of us.

Fuck you all and your pitbulls.

No, I'm kidding.

She can't handle it.

I can't, I'm 100% kidding.

Like, please don't come for me.

Okay, cool.

Now, I think without further ado, to do to do, where are you right here being perfect?

It is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, first story, you know, we'll hit you with some mindless celeb news.

Machine Gun Kelly had a Megan Fox poster in his bedroom as a teen.

Oh, that's cute.

Isn't that cute?

The rapper, now 31, had a poster of Fox, now 35, hanging in his bedroom as a teenager years before the pair ended up dating.

He said it was from her GQ shoot, so that's some full circle shit.

As now they are very much in love and together.

Yeah, I guess that's so crazy.

That's kind of like how, well, they're not dating, but like Billie Eilish is like a comrade of Justin Bieber when like her whole early childhood was devoted to standing Justin Bieber.

Yeah.

You love to see people living out their dreams.

To me, it reminds me of the story of Jason Mamoa and Lisa Benet.

Mama.

Mama.

When he saw her on TV and he said, and he literally pointed to her on the TV.

He was like a child.

And he said.

He turned to his mom and he pointed to Lisa on the television and was like, mama, I'm going to marry her.

Which is kind of weird.

Just

how old was Lisa?

She was on the Cosby show, right?

Yeah, and she's older than him.

Right, no, of course.

So like, I just want to know how old he was when he was fantasizing.

You know, it's just like age is so weird, you know?

Yeah, it is weird when you think of things in those terms, but it could also be cute.

And in this situation, I think it's cute.

If you ever heard Jason Mamoa tell the story about like him looking at the TV, Google it.

It's so funny because all I took away from it was mama.

And if you've been listening to the show long enough, you know that.

That's a morning breath joke.

You know that that sent us.

I just want to, like, I'm so confused on who our audience is actually because we have so many toasters who are new.

We have so many OG toasters who fall off the wagon.

Like, who are the toasters right now?

Do you guys know that mama joke?

The toasts.

Because I could start recycling jokes, making them like they're new, you know?

Right, no, first of all, the toast is a revolving door.

Literally.

And I do feel like so many listeners have been with us since day one.

But I don't want to exclude those new ones by making them older.

But I also think that so many are constantly discovering us because they'll get comments like, what's our DH?

Like, that's not even that old.

So, you know, I think the toast is really for everyone.

It's ubiquitous.

So, if you're an OG toaster, apologies for the redundancy.

I just think that's a really good inside joke we need to bring back.

Yeah, I agree.

We have so many inside jokes.

So many.

Justice for the girls.

I know.

Apparently, someone reminded us that's what we used to wish for at 11-11.

Right.

Justice for the girls.

In reference specifically to

Kelly.

Justice for those girls.

But justice for like all the girls.

Justice for girls everywhere.

Agreed.

Okay, so he had a picture.

Wait, who are we talking about?

Oh, Machine Gun Kelly.

Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like that actually tracks just like timeline-wise.

I feel like every

guy who like grew up in the 90s or early 2000s had a big ass poster of like Megan Fox because she was the the the it gal the sun 2000s yeah what did I say 90s 90s yeah 2000s I feel like I've been in bedrooms like where there was a Megan Fox poster yeah for sure she's definitely like a poster girl what poster did you have oh you had a backstreet boys poster I did it was very cool and like it was like not even a poster it was like a silk it was like a silky material like it wasn't like something that you read from magazine it was like a it was gifted to me where it like rolled down it was yeah it's like a parchment honestly like a piece of art yeah Olivia had the same one for InSync.

And if you want to hear about the Oshray family childhood battle between InSync and Backstreet Boys, which is a lot more fascinating than you might think, read about it in my New York Times best-selling book, Girl With No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster.

Yeah.

So that was.

Jackie Yellow approved.

She read it four times.

Three.

Sorry.

I just, because I said this week I've read it three times, that like people would like.

So you haven't read it one more time since we last spoke?

That's disgusting.

I haven't had a lot of time.

I'm sorry.

Disgusting.

Are you ready for our next story, which is some cute, exciting news some ces yeah yeah kyle richards will be starring in a movie for peacock called the real housewives of the north pole oh i didn't know that that's what it was called i just read the headline that she was doing like a hallmark holiday movie and i'm like oh cute perfect for like her level of acting called the real housewives of the north pole which is actually like even more perfect but a little confusing yeah because now i'm not thinking it's gonna be like a you know

a Hallmark holiday movie.

It's gonna be like a parody, no?

Well,

no, I don't think it's gonna be a a parody.

I think it's going to be a Hallmark holiday movie about, I don't know.

It's who are the other housewives, cast as?

The only other cast member announced is Betsy Brandt.

Yes, I saw that on Kyle's Instagram and I do not know who she is.

Me neither, but Peacock announced on Thursday that an original film titled The Real Housewives of the North Pole will arrive on the streaming service later this year.

Real House Eyes of Beverly Hills vet Kyle Richards will star in the project alongside Breaking Bad alum Betsy Brandt.

Who'd she play in Breaking Bad?

Do you recognize this woman?

Kind of.

Breaking Bad was so long ago.

No, honestly, I've literally never met that woman in my life.

Okay.

Well, you're about to.

Yeah, can you tell me who she played?

Sure.

Marie.

Marie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The DEA agent's husband.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I never watched that.

Oh, my God, she was so annoying.

Well, hopefully.

Have you ever watched Breaking Bad?

No, I have.

I've never spoken about this.

We have spoken about it, and it's honestly not even on my content plate.

I have a really kind of hot take for you when it comes to Peacock.

In, you know, the wars of streaming, Peacock is like shitting the bed.

like they're not doing anything even remotely remarkable except for the real housewives all-stars which hasn't even come out yet and i just feel like every time we hear something like that they're doing i'm just not into it and also

i have every streaming service i don't even know if i have peacock downloaded on my apple tv and if i do i never open it except one time when i was at olivia we watched at her house we watched nyc prep that was premium they have a pretty good cat backlog catalog bethany ever after and when i did watch down to not be i'm pretty sure it was on peacock even though it is now on netflix definitely check it out here's a little by the way all the as of like last week all all of the Twilight films are now on Netflix.

And I bought them on Amazon Prime.

So like it doesn't really affect me.

Happy to support the franchise, though.

So exciting.

And, you know, if it's reaching new people, that's just so beautiful.

Like, we're always welcoming new stands.

Here's a little descriptor of the movie.

In the upcoming film, Richards and Brand stars Trish and Diana, aka the Christmas Queens of North Pole, Vermont.

Okay, so they're not like Santa's elves.

Okay, okay.

That's important to clarify.

It is.

The Christmas Queens of North Pole, Vermont, Trish and Diana, have won the best holiday house decorating competition every year for the past nine years.

It sounds so good.

But days before Christmas, a friendship-ending argument sparks a townwide feud and draws the attention of a national magazine writer hoping to make a name for herself with her scintillating expose titled The Real Housewives of the North Pole.

Okay, this sounds stunning.

Stunning, Oscar-worthy.

So they obviously have like a battle.

They both will decorate their homes separately.

Tribeca Film Festival is quite funny.

sundance can toronto tith they're all calling saying we want this film it sounds so good venice okay i take back maybe maybe peacock is onto something maybe peacock is onto something i mean you really can't go wrong with um a great christmas movie premise and then to have this like housewives tie-in makes it uniquely peacock uniquely peacock no one else could unique lock

No one else could.

No one else could.

This actually does not sound bad.

It does not sound bad.

I'm excited for Kyle.

I haven't really seen Kyle act in anything

except on this week's Real House I was at Beverly Hills when they did the flashback to Little House on the Prairie.

I'm not going to lie.

I was quaking.

Yeah.

I was shook.

Yeah.

My bed was just rocking.

Yeah.

So was hers.

Literally, because she had scarlet fever.

So upsetting.

So I don't think I've ever seen her act in anything.

So

she wasn't acting an American woman, right?

She was producing.

She was producing.

And I never saw her remake.

Should say to Witch Mountain.

No, that was when she was still a kid.

Yeah.

She also did that.

what's that scary movie that's like really famous that she's in with mike myers and um jamie lee curtis

halloween they redid it too never saw it either so okay so this will be the first i'm definitely gonna watch this and you know what i'm not trying to like jump to any conclusions or anything but we are like low-key like really close to christmas i know you know i was when i was watching potomac it made me so excited for winter when they were pulling up to um Went's house.

Wendy's house and they were like getting out of the car and it was like snowy and icy and like it was like chilly.

I was like, I love that feeling.

No, I know.

And honestly, like I'm on this side of TikTok where it's like they show you Christmas cookie videos and it's like 105 days till Christmas.

And honestly, I feel like a part of growing up is like really, I feel like when you were a kid, you would like die for the summer.

And now I'm like, the summer is so fucking hot.

I still have to work.

Like I want Christmas time.

Like once Halloween starts, I feel like I'm actually the happiest.

And that really harks back to what I said yesterday about me having reverse seasonal depression.

Like the summer does not make me happy.

Nice weather does not make me happy.

Like staying inside with a hot cocoa and a fire roaring and a Christmas tree, like, that really brings me joy.

You would cultivate vibes.

There are no vibes cultivated in the summer.

That's so funny.

Yes, because literally, like, I just made the decision to sit in my living room on Sunday.

And I'm like, should I cultivate a vibe?

Like, light some candles, down the lights.

It doesn't work.

It's too hot to light candles.

It doesn't work in the summer.

It doesn't work.

So I just feel like normalize standing winter.

I think a lot of people do.

The only thing I'll say is, like, yes, that time is so exciting.

Halloween, my birthday, Christmas, like everyone's quaking.

It's Shaffie's birthday.

I'm so lucky to have a birthday in November.

I'll get her.

But then after New Year's, it's

bleak.

Bleak.

Dark.

For a while.

But for like four months.

But you know what I've realized since then?

And I feel like when I was younger, I used to get like really depressed after winter break.

And it's like so much time until next summer or winter or summer break.

But you know what's the cool thing about like the years?

Is that they always come back around.

So it's like, yes, okay, you could say it's, you know,

right after Christmas, but you could also say 360 360 days till Christmas you know what I mean I I understand what you're what you're saying but I just

no

whatever the message I'm trying to instead we should plan like an amazing trip for like February March have something to look for look forward to yeah no you're 100% right February and March are really

dark yeah We need a, I mean, I guess we have like Passover slash Easter in like April.

Yeah, but no.

And Valentine's Day in February, but But that's like a fake fucking holiday.

Yeah, but no.

Yeah, no.

We need a trip.

Yeah.

Let's get on that.

Let's get on that.

Yeah, we're going to preempt the calendar.

Yeah.

Are we ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Mark Wahlberg regrets going on an 11,000 calorie diet to quickly gain weight for his new movie.

You know, I really actually enjoy reporting on stories where like method actors or like really like highly trained actors get into shape or like gain weight, lose weight for a movie because the fact that people can have that much control over their weight is the most impressive thing to me.

Like if I knew how to do that, I could literally build a rocket.

Like I would be the smartest person ever.

The 50-year-old departed star visited Tonight Show on July 15th to promote his forthcoming drama, Joe Bell.

During the interview, Jimmy Fallon asked about the recent shoot for his latest film Stew, during which Mark at one point gained at least 20 pounds over the course of three weeks to portray a real-life boxer turned priest.

When he spoke with Jimmy back in April before the process had begun, Mark sounded excited, ebulent about the chance to gain a significant amount of weight over the course of the 30-day film shoot.

However, as he explained to Jimmy Fallon, he has since learned this was perhaps not the wisest choice.

He said, Unfortunately, I had to consume for two weeks 7,000 calories and then for another two weeks, 11,000 calories.

And it was fun for about an hour.

It was such a hard physical thing to do.

Losing weight, you just kind of tough it out.

You just don't eat and exercise.

And this, even when you're full, I would wake up after a meal and have another meal.

I was eating every three hours.

hours.

It was not fun.

I really just like have never related less to Mark Wahlberg.

Yeah.

I can understand the the plight of like having to eat when you're not hungry.

That's actually painful.

But to even compare it to being harder than losing weight like no.

Well I also think maybe like mentally when you are like grinding to lose weight there's like you know you have a goal and you're and you want to work towards that goal but like the goal on this end is just to you know be unhealthy and it's like hard to motivate yourself to want to do that to your body.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

But like.

Especially when you're someone like Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Wahlberg, who's like always up in the gym working on his fitness.

He's my witness.

Yeah.

And he'd be riding down the block just to watch what I got.

So delicious.

So delicious.

But you know what?

Mark Wahlberg, like, is forgalicious.

So I feel like that's that makes this whole thing okay.

Yeah, no, he's definitely fergalicious, but I, he was struggling with things that were delicious.

You got it.

And his witness.

And he'd be riding around the block just to watch what I got.

Taste it, taste it.

Fergalicious deaf.

Fergalicious deaf.

And you don't know that.

That's not going to gain weight when you don't want to.

Yeah, but imagine just like, oh, I wish my life was involved with me having to gain weight to make like $30 million in a movie.

Like, I'm sorry, these celebrities are getting more and more out of touch.

Okay, probably, but it's like Jimmy Fallon asked, you know?

Yeah, and that's on Jimmy Fallon.

And like, they go on these shows to talk about what they've been up to, and like, that's what he's been up to.

Yeah, I do feel like I haven't really heard a lot about Jimmy Fallon.

Do you know what I mean?

I feel like he was like interfaces for a while.

I feel like I go out of my way not to hear about Jimmy Fallon.

Like, I saw a headline move away.

Yeah, you have like a thing.

I don't have a fucking rig on the Jimmies.

Like, I fucking can't wait to hear it.

If you had to rank the Jimmies.

To me, they're both really bad.

I would say.

Including James Gordon.

James Gordon is probably my favorite because of Carpole Karaoke, and he's given us a lot.

I would say the little Jimmy.

Kimmel?

No.

Fallon?

The shorter one.

The smaller.

How many Jimmies are there?

Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy?

Jimmy Kimmel?

No, I think Jimmy Kimmel is like.

You don't know Jimmy Kimmel is?

He's the bigger one.

No.

There's like a huge switch.

Jimmy Fallon is taller.

Okay.

Jimmy Kimmel is not the one I'm talking about.

Is the bigger one.

Wait, and so what's Jimmy?

Is there another Jimmy?

Jimmy Fallon.

Yeah, Andy's friend.

I was going to say that's the smaller one.

I would argue he's bigger.

He's taller.

What are you talking?

They're both palm.

Okay, Jimmy Fallon height.

Oh, six foot.

Okay, I guess that's pretty tall.

Let's find Jimmy Kimmel's height.

Well, I think.

He's like 5'9 ⁇ .

Jimmy Kimmel height.

6'1.

So I was right.

No, he's not.

So it's literally.

What does it say?

6'1.

Joe,

Joey Kimmel is not 6'1.

But on a different side, it says 5'11.

You just can't get straight answers.

Okay, whatever.

So if you had to rank best to worst.

Okay, I really don't like them all.

I would say I like Fallon more than Kimmel, if

I had to say.

Yeah, and you like James Corden better than both of them.

Yes, but also because like, oh, I guess James Corden is around a lot and like in your face.

The Gen Z

generation hates Jimmy Fallon.

Like, no, fuck James Corden.

Really?

Yes, they despise him.

Like, there was so much outrage that he was.

on the friends reunion.

Like, they just think he's so annoying.

And honestly, I like him.

You do like him.

Yeah.

I just lost all all my stories.

Like,

trying to find the Jimmies.

Okay.

And that's why I fucking hate the Jimmies.

Unbelievable.

My stories are back.

Okay, good.

Well, I got them.

They didn't just pop back up.

The boys are back.

The boys are back.

Probably the worst song from high school musical.

But the most.

Is that when they're in the junkyard?

Yeah.

Atrocious.

And then they're like kids.

Oh, my God.

So bad.

Horrible.

Anyways, in a little space news of the week, you guys know Jeff Bezos is going to space and his flight will include the youngest and the oldest humans to go to space.

I just feel like he's overcompensating for the fact that Richard Branson got there first.

He's like, well, I'm going to break some world records.

100%.

And I can understand why, like, you know, he made all these strides to go to space and he's not even going to be like the first billionaire private, like, bought a ticket to go to space.

No, now you're like a loser copier.

So I understand his need to like one up and do something for the Guinness Book of World Records.

Sure.

But I don't think that this is it.

No, it's not even impressive, to be rude.

Like, could he bring a dog to space?

Love that idea.

You know?

Also, like, he's just giving me like major Luanne de la Sepps, like early Braille Housewives of New York vibes, like, constantly one-upping, like, her fancy friends.

This is just like, I feel like he should just take the loss, you know?

Like, him overcompensating for getting there second with these illusory attempts, it's kind of making the whole thing more illusory.

And it's like, if you really want to go to space, like, that should be enough for you.

Like, do it for yourself.

Dianeu.

Don't do it for other people.

So just.

Like, if that doesn't fulfill you going to space on its own, whether you're first, second, third, but by the way, you're second, don't think that you're first.

Don't get it twisted.

Then like really, what's the point of how much money you spend and all of this?

No, you're so right.

That's actually one of the key takeaways from my best-selling book, Girl With No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster.

It's like doing things for yourself, not for like the perception of others.

And I feel like that's something Jeff Bezos could actually really use from my book.

Yeah.

Instead of a copy.

Get it on Amazon really easily.

Prime comes in a day.

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Or the Kindle is automatically downloaded.

I'm going to go down like in a minute.

Yeah.

He could download it on his Kindle on his way to space.

Great read, you know, for his journey.

Yeah.

Space read.

Right.

It's like you could take a book into, there's so many things that you could do.

You know, you're 100% right.

If we're going to break a record, like, let's do a cool one.

This is honestly not inspiring at all.

But he's taking an 18-year-old and an 82-year-old.

And that's what he wants you to know.

And that's what he thinks is going to set him apart.

I just have to say, and I don't want to jinx anything.

I'm not trying to be like a bad omen, but like all this like billionaire, like having fun in space, spending money, it's all fun and games till something goes wrong.

You know, like we're, we're not just just like you know taking a roller coaster ride like we're actually doing something incredibly dangerous 100 which reminds me of jessica simpson's book which is when like she was in school and they were watching they were watching the space take off i forget what the name of the flight was we weren't we weren't alive the one that crashed and like they played it in all the schools it was like such a big deal just the challenger seven years old

and and they never took off the whole thing just exploded no they took off and and it exploded okay so and they all like were watching it Yeah, and like all these kids were

a generation of kids traumatized from watching like a live

killing.

Yeah.

So I'm just saying, like, we're all joking about it, but it's actually very dangerous.

Well, I know.

And NASA, even the world's leading space researchers, even they had made a mistake a couple of years ago with the Challenger.

So like it's not that crazy.

It's a dangerous job.

I think that's what Jeff wants you to think too, like Jeff Bezos, brave.

I'm not going to lie.

When I think of Jeff Bezos, a lot of adjectives come up.

And brave is not on that list.

I think of smart, greedy, bald.

Like, I think of a lot of things.

Brave?

No.

I think of newspaper in the morning.

That's what I think of.

I think of, I want to get drunk with you.

Not too drunk, just a little tipsy.

Yeah.

That's what I think.

Sick.

And I want to read the newspaper with you.

So sick.

That's really what I think of, honestly.

I hope he brings the newspaper to space.

To be honest,

I really don't think Jeff Bezos has ever fully recovered reputation-wise from his scandal where his text messages were.

what's crazy.

I think that he has recovered reputation-wise 100%.

Like, nobody even references it anymore.

Like, he's still with her, even though it's like the brother who

leaked the messages.

But for me, like, that's all I think about.

And it's, I guess, because he like decides what people think about, he's put it out of their minds.

And even though they like can't be like controlled, I can't be tamed.

Yeah.

Like, that I'm still thinking about it.

But I can't.

That's actually a really good point.

I can't believe that everybody's moved on in the way that they have.

And not every article starts with Jeff Bezos, who once said, I want to wake up with you and read the newspaper.

Like, no, by the way, you're 100% right, but I can believe that people have forgotten about it for the exact reason you just mentioned.

Like, he owns the Washington Post.

He's like one of the most powerful people in our country.

Like, of course, we're no longer thinking about it.

He doesn't want us to.

He put a chip in us.

Like, you're 100% right.

So, that's my, that's my thoughts.

But we're at the Morning Toast, we're here to remind you.

Like, those things happen.

You know what?

You know what I think I'll do today?

I think I'll repost those text messages on our Instagram.

Never forget.

Hashtag never forget.

And probably my favorite time to ever be alive was when his text messages came out and there was like a challenge in the toaster community when girls were sending word for word what he was like these creepy kind of like lame putting attempts at romance yeah romantic text messages to their like fiancés or girlfriends or husbands and the responses were so funny that was like my favorite time to be alive yeah and now i have nothing to live for because everyone's forgotten everyone's forgotten but not us you can't you can't run away from it, Jeff.

Like, you can go to space, but we'll never forget.

Just like...

Who did you say?

You said Jason Momoa was Zoe.

No, remember what he said.

Remember when you said?

That Jason Momoa...

That Zoe Kravitz is Jason Momoa's stepdaughter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stepdaughter.

What's the moment?

Yeah, remember when you said that?

Now it's like...

I don't know where I was going with this.

Maybe just move on.

Okay, I'll move on until you can get your footing back.

It's not going to happen.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story only if it's the final story

we need a triangle because when I when I hit yes when I hit that last note I just want to ding the triangle order it from Jeff Bezos' blog

okay our fifth and final song.

No, and we'll get like a little hook and we'll hang it right here.

Yeah, and it's just like,

or maybe we need like a, what's it called on the drums?

A timber?

Timbal?

No, no, but for this particular song, the sound we're emulating is a triangle.

I actually feel like, what's it called?

Symbol.

No?

Yeah.

Yeah, where's.

Like, I think that is actually more of the vibe I'm personally going for musically.

Okay, that's fine for you, but I want a triangle.

Can you order two triangles?

Thanks.

Thanks.

That's exciting, you guys.

The toast is moving on up.

We're becoming a musical show.

We always were.

Yeah.

But we used to be a cappella, and now we're going to have instruments.

Yeah, we're going acoustic.

Are you ready?

God, my legs are hairy.

I really need to use my Athena Club razor.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Can you guys see it?

No, they can't because my legs have been so hairy all week.

This is actually

a chutzpah level.

No, they can't see it.

I've already conducted this experiment on the show.

Can you see it, my hair, from your purview?

No.

Okay.

No, I don't think so.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Because it's so controversial.

Shark advocates are calling for a rebranding of violent attacks as interactions.

So they want them to be called, instead of shark attacks, they want them to be called shark interactions.

Marine experts and advocates in Australia are urging the public to refrain from using the word attack in reference to sharks, declaring that the majestic predatory fish has been unfairly stigmatized as a deliberate killer.

Instead, officials have suggested that violent run-ins with sharks be dubbed with more neutral words, such as interactions.

Others have suggested swapping the word with the terms negative encounter, incident, or simply bites.

The University of Sydney language researcher Christopher Pepinff said shark attack is a lie.

He argued that a majority of what people call attacks are merely nips and minor injuries from smaller sharks.

Like, honestly,

stories like this make me not want to like live in this world anymore.

Like Like, for real, like, are you fucking serious?

Like, you're worried about the sharks' feelings.

Like,

no offense.

Sharks doesn't watch the news.

No, and like, no offense.

Like, sharks don't have feelings, and they don't really care about like your sharks.

Don't speak English.

Sharks don't speak English.

Totally.

And, like, I just can't believe that there are like actually really smart people who have dedicated their entire lives to

academia.

And this is what they came up with.

Like, no wonder we haven't cured cancer yet.

Everyone's focused on the dumbest shit of all time, like, the linguistics of sharkhood.

Like, I honestly can't.

And

it's really upsetting.

Like, I know we're joking, but like, it's really upsetting.

No, do you know what I'm saying?

Yes, this is really upsetting.

This is what we've gotten to as a society, minutiae of how we refer to shark attacks.

And I'm sorry, we don't attack sharks.

They attack us.

It's an attack.

It's an attack.

So I'm just like disgusted.

Like, I really am.

Especially coming off of being at Comedy Cellar last night where like everyone was saying the craziest shit.

And I'm like, really and now I'm back in the real world like where it's like shark interaction

it's a shark interaction literally like

how did we get here like I am so upset and it also like it you worry about okay

Say, you know what, shark enthusiasts go ahead like then what's next?

No, of course it's not about the sharks even though it kind of is like it's just about the people.

It's not about the sharks honestly.

It's about the people because the sharks don't care.

No, and it's like if only the sharks knew that like there were these losers advocating the sharks would bite them

Literally.

And you know what?

Justice for anyone who's ever been bitten by a shark, this is so insensitive to them.

Yeah.

And I'm just really sick.

And I reject this.

I reject.

I reject.

No.

Shark attack, attack, attack, attack, attack.

Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack.

Shark attack, shark attack, shark attack.

Shark attack, shark attack.

What are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

Shark attack, shark, attack, shark attack.

What was that?

Oh, it was a shark attack.

Attack.

What are you going to do about that, huh?

Professor, Christopher.

What are you going to do?

Attack!

Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack!

Chuck attack, shark, attack, chug attack!

Hmm?

Christopher!

Chug a deck!

You're reminding me of that shark from Finding Nemo.

Which one?

You know the one.

Fish are friends, not food.

Yeah, and I feel like honestly, that movie was actually detrimental and was one of the reasons that got us here.

It's like, look, the shark is nice.

It's not based on a real story.

No shark ever said, fish are friend, not food, because they eat fish.

Because they don't speak English.

That as well.

So I just feel like it's kind of been this like

subliminal messaging teaching our kids.

Like normalizing

sharks.

And it's like they are a deadly predator.

No Ellen animated feature film is going to change that.

Right.

Shark attack, shark attack.

And honestly, like you can't negotiate with a shark.

No, you can't.

And I wouldn't suggest it.

And also, and I just really can't stress this enough,

as you said so

poignantly, sharks don't speak English.

Also, like when I said like what comes next, I'll tell you what it would be.

They would make them change the name of Shark Tank.

No doubt.

They would make them change the name because it's offensive to sharks.

I'm surprised we haven't gotten there yet in this twisted society.

But

if this goes through, that's what's next.

It's not going to go through.

You want to know why?

Because we reject it.

Yeah.

Shark attack, shark attack, shark attack.

Attack.

We need Kevin O'Leary back on the show just to discuss this.

100%.

So anyways, if you do find yourself like at a dinner party or a wedding this weekend, like I do feel like this is a good topic of conversation.

You can get to know a lot about someone based on what they, what their opinion is on the story.

100%.

And honestly, if you just feel like starting shit at like a family barbecue, to stand up and say, shark attack, shark attack, shark attack.

Yeah.

We have a little TV recap because Love Island was on last night and we both caught up.

All right, Love Island.

I have to say.

On Wednesday night's episode at the very end when Cinco chose Trina, I had a feeling he was going to, but part of me was like, when he was actually saying it, he seemed so sad.

I'm like, oh, I think maybe he's actually going to pick Cash.

Me, too.

I was devastated.

Like, I really was.

And it's very possible that he was meant to be with Trina and they have like a better connection, but I just don't like how the whole thing unraveled.

And when they were all sitting at that all girls brunch and basically Cash was just trying to like, I don't even know if that's true.

Like he went for Trina because she didn't open up.

She was just trying to like rationalize what was going on.

And I thought Trina was like being rude.

Like basically saying, like, interrupting her and being like, I find that offensive because you're basically saying, like, I'm his second choice.

When, like, she really was not saying that at all.

And I just, I know.

She was saying it a little bit.

Well, you know what?

She should, because literally, what Trina did, Trina was being a Jezebel.

I don't think so.

Like, this is the name of the game.

I think these two girls are friends.

I think it's painful for both of them.

And you don't need to put one down in order.

She didn't even mention Trina.

No, but like, that's what she was doing.

No, she wasn't.

And I also feel like I totally understand why Cash is upset, but I feel like everything that she says kind of is, or is saying like about the situation.

Like I'm not upset.

Like then she'll say like I put up walls with Cinco, but then she'll also say like I was full.

Like but then we see her and she's brilliant and I'm just like, but how do you really feel?

Because I feel like she's just like wanting to say the right things because she knows that like that's the show.

Like that this, you know, you have to be open and everybody gets to meet everyone.

But it's like, I'm having a hard time getting at how she really feels about it.

That's actually a good point.

She does contradict herself a little bit.

But not for any like malevolent reason other than I just think she really is trying to be rational and not emotional.

But it's like, you can be emotional.

It's Love Island.

Love is emotional.

Yeah, she definitely is, like, has her guard up on what she wants to reveal and how she wants to be perceived.

Because honestly,

now that

he chose Trina.

She doesn't really have any other prospect.

She's spoken to no one.

No, but then Isaiah just popped up and all of a sudden there's a connection there.

Which I really like because I like Amy and Jeremy together.

Me too.

I think she likes him and his bad kissing and all.

I know, but there's just like something so illusory about Jeremy.

I know.

I just feel like whenever we see his conversations with the woman that he's into, like they're not showing us anything of interest.

Substantial, yeah.

But then it's like.

He has such a good friendship with Cash and like you see him like around the house and it's like, okay, there must be more to this man.

Because everyone really likes him and like they all like respect him and they say he's like the nicest guy in the house.

So if he was such a dud, that wouldn't be the case.

Yeah, but but he's giving off duddy vibes.

100%.

And I like Shannon and Josh once again.

Yes, me too.

Honestly, I feel like I'm on the roller coaster with Shannon.

Like I hate Josh, but also like they're clearly OTP.

No, but also like when he came back from that date, he was doing the most.

It was actually the perfect exercise for him in being able to prove to Shannon that he's 100%.

Like he did everything so right, like above and beyond, right?

Like leaving, kissing her, coming back, kissing her.

Like didn't really give Florina any.

He said she was like beautiful and stuff, but didn't really give her any hope.

Yeah, my worry with Josh, like, if I was Shannon, is like on the weeks where the boys are in charge, like, he can be a dick.

And then on the week where, like, Shannon is in charge, he's like a kiss ass.

But it's actually been the opposite.

Yes, that's true, because I don't think he realized that the first recoupling was going to be the girls, because he wouldn't have on that morning kissed Amy.

No, was it?

Yeah, Amy.

I think you know who the recoupling is going to be based on who, if there's more boys and girls.

More boys and girls.

No, but it was like the first week.

I honestly don't think he he knowed he realized.

I really don't know.

Wow, that would, that would actually be kind of sweet if he didn't realize because that means he's not just thinking about sticking around.

He's just sort of going with how he feels.

I just don't understand why they don't just commit to each other because then, like, when she was like, I'm going to talk to Isaiah, like, they get in trouble when they agree to like be open with other people, but then they get jealous.

Like, why don't you just agree not to be open?

Because it's too early and they're really there to meet more people.

So it's like, if there's going to be someone who comes in who's better suited for them, then

they should be able to discover that because they're there to meet the person that's best for them.

I know, but don't they also want to win?

And the long couples win.

So I would just like find someone.

Not necessarily the long couples win because if they just cut became in a couple now and that was it, there was nothing really more from them, they wouldn't win because nobody really likes either of them yet.

Like they are not boring.

They haven't had to choose each other over other people like with stripes.

It's a lot, it's a lot more than that.

And still, like right now, watching it, I don't know,

I don't know which couple would is even a front runner for winning.

Well, they're all so messy.

Like, I feel like

Will and Kira, but they are boring.

You're right.

And I, like, don't like them.

I, like, hate them both.

No, I just get, I just think something is gonna happen.

She's a lot.

Like, and he appears to be into like her overwhelming, kind of smothering nature.

Um, but that does get old in a house for weeks.

Yeah, and like, what if someone comes in who catches his eye and his mind?

Like, just right now, he hasn't been with, met anyone who he likes more than Kira.

So that makes it really easy.

But like, you know who I think he's actually really well suited for?

Amy.

They had a little.

They had something and they never explored it because he decided to stay with you.

Yeah, but that could come back around.

Right, because like they both speak Spanish.

They're vegan.

They're vegan.

They're both just kind of like weirdly intellectual in like a, you know.

Metaphysical sense.

Yeah, he's always like doing yoga.

She wants to preserve the planet for her future children.

Like, I think that actually they're a perfect match because I think him and Kira is a very physical relationship, and I think that definitely will fizzle out.

Like, I don't think they're gonna ride it out together.

I don't think it's sustainable, yeah.

It's too much too soon, it's overwhelming, like, they are never not together.

Like, they sleep together, they wake up, they do yoga together, they have breakfast together, they sit on the pool together.

Like, it's a lot, yeah, just human nature, like to be with the same person for so long, yeah.

So, um,

I'm just like loving.

I know I keep saying this, like, being a part of something.

Even though I got to download the app and like start voting because, like, all three girls going on a date with Corey,

it didn't make sense because they all all said who they wanted to came in in the first episode and we when did people vote because we were watching the episode when we met them and then later no at the end of we got introduced to them and then they said go vote at the end of like an episode from the end of last week.

Okay, but I really like Corey and Florina.

Me too, of course.

And I think that actually if they can like,

that's a couple where it's like, okay, we see what they have in common.

They've explored other people.

They're really, and if they got together and then continued to build, like that's a couple that could win.

Yeah.

No, I think they're a good couple too and of course i was happy for corey because he's like had literally nothing going on nothing um but all three girls getting the date like made no sense and it wasn't even a date it was literally them sitting in the corner of the house i thought they were gonna leave no it was really silly but then they got their actual dates which sucks for corey because they were like i'm not taking corey on a romantic date because we've already spent time with him and so they took people that they just wanted to talk to that they hadn't gotten a chance to yet yeah The house is so nice.

Like sick.

Every time they pan, I'm like, I would love to go on vacation here.

Like it's so bright and colorful.

The slide looks very dangerous.

All the houses, houses, like, they do a really good job with the neon signs and, like, the bright colors.

The big heart.

Also, the females, like, just looks and glam and outfits are just so on point.

You want to know why?

Because I think, like, I think they spend most of their days, like, sitting in that makeup room because they really don't swim that much or like do anything.

They, like, work out in the morning and then they like gossip.

And they always gossip in the room.

So, if that was me, I'd be sitting in the air conditioning, flat ironing my hair the entire day.

No, it really is.

is like camp.

I think in the morning they do the workouts.

And I do think that they swim, but they probably can't wear their mics while they're swimming.

So there's nothing that interesting and then I think it's like shower hour and then they all

step out and they do their like slow-mo and like they walk to they each get a glass of wine and it's just like must be the most fun camp.

I agree as well, but let's talk about shower hour.

Do the boys and girls have separate showers?

Because it always looks like they're in the same room not at the same time.

I think that they do because it's CBS and the house is huge.

Yeah, I think why would there be one bathroom?

But they probably just look like are the same exact layout because I always see them like in the same shower as the boys but then it's also multiple heads in the shower there's no doors right so they're just you know spooking at each other something that happened a few weeks ago like no actually like maybe at the beginning of this week when sinko was like starting to have feelings for trina again he was talking to the guys and they were in the shower and he was not in the shower and he opened the door and stuck his head in to talk to them there was two guys in the shower so he was like looking at two penises being like uh i don't know what to do like cash is like you know i'm having second thoughts or whatever and i'm like did you just stick your head into the shower yes he did and if I had to guess I would say would be because maybe he thought the audio wouldn't get picked up oh oh yeah and they do not let go of those microphones they sleep with them like I know oh and I never I didn't really understand why every time they wake up they put on sunglasses it's because they're under production lighting when they've just been asleep yeah and the room gets so bright from being pitch black yeah awful yeah I think the only thing I couldn't envision myself being a part of is the sleeping arrangements.

Like, of course, being in bathing suits, yeah.

But having to sleep with a stranger, and not only that, in a room with 15 other people, it's actually very unsettling.

Like, what if you fart?

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of farting.

Yeah.

Like, I haven't slept with a stranger since I was, like, in college.

We'll camp.

Yeah, I guess.

But, like,

in camp, you're only with girls.

And, like, you're all just like, yeah, farting and, like, you're shaving your legs.

Like, you're like, yeah.

gross together, but like with boys, like, you wouldn't wouldn't do that.

Yeah.

That's the part that like also I felt that way about too hot to handle.

And the too hot to handle beds are very small.

I think they're full-size mattresses where I think as in Love Island, they're all queen-size.

Yeah, no, it seems like pretty like a good setup.

And I'm sure they got comfortable.

Like maybe at first it's weird, but I think they're like comfortable now.

I'm sure when they go home, they like miss all their camp friends.

That's how I used to feel at camp.

Like I missed the, you know, the loudness

of the bunk, and then you get back to your home and it's like so silent.

So quiet.

I think as a child, I went through like many and many depression after camp.

Like I took it really hard.

I think most that's a sign of a good summer.

100%.

Now I crave the winters.

And that is our show.

That is our show.

So for next week, let's talk about it.

I have lined up a couple guests.

A couple premium guests.

I'm really excited to watch.

The schedule is not set yet.

So I will be posting at some point over the weekend the entire schedule for next week.

I'm really hoping to do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in studio with fabulous co-hosts.

And then you and I can catch up Thursday, Friday with some podcasts only transatlantic

continental.

Transcontinental content.

So

stay tuned.

I will keep you abreast, but I'm just working on some last-minute logistics.

I've got two out of three of the co-hosts booked, looking to host one more, but I'll keep you abreast as always.

But we'll be in the studio on Monday.

So just stay with us.

Yeah, I'm so excited to watch.

I'm excited for my trip.

I'm going to miss you guys, but I'm really excited.

I'm excited to get away.

You know, I always come back with so with a whole new energy, joie de vives, stories to tell.

And I really, I think that I need that.

You know, it's like this in this heat of July, and like, it's time for me to go.

And it's time for us to go into our weekends and for you to go back to work or to start drinking.

I don't know.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Morning Toast, the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you, yes, you need to know before you wake up Monday through Friday.

Before you wake up and take a bite at it.

No.

Before you.

This is what the problem we had yesterday.

Thank you so much for listening to The Morning Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found.

So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, IR Radio, Cast Box, all the places.

So, if you listen to podcasts, find us someone in Chelsea, leave a five-star view about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

Now that we know that a lot of people still listen because all of you guys left the matcha emoji today, I think shark emoji today.

Oh, for sure, shark emoji on our Instagram.

This is like a secret little society.

I'm so excited.

Thank you.

I can't believe how many people commented on our Instagram.

It was so fun to watch.

Love you guys.

We have to wrap it up so people don't think there's something happening.

Love you guys.

Have a great day.

We'll see you on Monday.

Sharkatimi.

Bye.