England Bans Catholicism: Tuesday, January 14th, 2025

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Tuesday.

Hope everybody's having a gargest, glorious day.

And speaking of gargest and glorious, it's my gargis and glorious friend and sister in Christ, Jackie O.

Thank you, Later.

What a beautiful introduction.

Happy Tuesday to all who celebrate the day of the twos.

Are there those who don't?

I feel like there are those who don't.

Do you think there are people who live off the, like, who, because days kind of the week are kind of like a social construct, very much so?

Are there people who don't adhere to the days of the week?

Days of the week.

For sure.

I mean, there are people who like don't adhere to like a lot of random things, you know?

So days of the week.

Sure.

And just like there are other like calendars and other cultures, like maybe today isn't Tuesday for everyone.

Well, actually,

it's not.

In Israel, you're saying it's Yom Shleishi.

Oh, well, they're also a day for you.

Right, and they only take off Sunday.

So, yeah, it's Yom Shishi in Israel.

So, yeah, I guess not everyone is dealing with the exact time-space continuum that we are currently dealing with.

But I feel to the major constituents who listen to this show, who live in America and abide by the calendar, yes, yes, they are.

Just want to say, you don't want to leave anyone out, Claude.

So, I've kind of put my foot in it this morning.

I don't know if I totally forgot to tell you this.

Already?

Yeah.

So early.

Well, I had to wake up early.

I had some content to film, and I was just like getting a head start on my day.

And I was eating breakfast, and then this thought came to me because I'm like getting really tired of these pregnant bitches coming for my neck.

And I just told, I like, I told them what they needed to hear.

And actually, you are in what would be like the injured party because you have been pregnant with a toddler.

Like I'm just so tired of like, I'm making like I'm always like talking about my pregnancy because like that's what I'm dealing with.

And people be like, just imagine doing this with a toddler.

It's like, we get it.

We know.

We know it's harder.

No one is arguing with you.

We feel bad for you.

Like literally, we would never want to be you.

Like we get it.

But like it's so annoying to like infringe on someone else's suffering like because you are suffering more we get it So I made a tick tock this week.

That's so crazy and technically I'm uh an injured party But I would never say that to you let alone think that like no

suffering Olympics

It is but also like as you have children like your level of what you can withstand just like grows you just become like stronger inside and out and in some ways like doing it the first time is the hardest So I'm not with those people and I would never say that to you.

No, it's just like no one's really even arguing the point.

It's definitely harder to have to like chase around a toddler and you can't just like rot in bed when you don't feel good.

Like I get it, but it's so fucking annoying to say.

And like, I'm tired of these bitches.

And like, it did cross my mind when I like first started feeling sick.

I'm like, oh my God, like this is probably like, you know, the only pregnancy that I'm going to have without a child.

Like, oh, my God.

So we all, we feel bad.

Like, we get it.

We're not disagreeing with you, but like, it's annoying.

Shut up.

So I made a TikTok about it today.

I didn't know they were coming for you.

That's really crazy.

No, it's just this thing that like pregnant in chronically, the chronically online pregnant community, like it's every comment section, just wait till you have a toddler running around.

Just wait till you're chasing after a toddler.

Like I know, it sounds literally horrible.

So I guess I also like can't really speak to it because I was on bed rest.

Yeah.

Slay.

Life hack.

Slay.

Oh, life hack.

But I was thinking about you because I feel like when you got pregnant.

Was around the time like Harry wasn't like a toddler yet.

He was not like walking, was he?

No, he was not walking.

Right.

So it's like seriously not your problem.

It's the problem of the person who's carrying him.

And because you're pregnant, you can't physically carry him.

That's the life hack.

Get pregnant while your first is still crawling.

Yeah,

that's something.

But then you always do have to carry them.

But then at a certain point, I couldn't carry him.

Right.

So I just like was starting stuff before TikTok gets banned, like want to, you know, make waves and start stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Countdown to TikTok.

Do you hear the rumors that Elon might buy TikTok?

But then I also heard that.

No, I didn't even hear that anywhere.

Oh, I heard light whispers that like Elon's gonna buy tick tock or thinking about it and then I also saw that that is not true so I don't know control

like if if that's true whatsoever I have now seen a couple like very wealthy people discuss it Kevin O'Leary allegedly Elon Musk mr.

Beast was talking about it like what if they all just work together yeah I would like that thing is and I heard this at the Supreme Court hearing is like even if somebody buys it, the data center, like something about like the actual technology of the company cannot be unlinked from Byte, which is the Chinese-owned company.

And like therein lies the issue.

They like almost can't even sell it because it's,

I forget what the word is.

It's inexprably linked.

Yeah, I forget what part of the company.

It's like it's data centers.

It's something cannot be unwoven.

Interesting.

So complicated.

So glad it's not my job to deal with that.

Such a global issue.

Yeah, I don't have answers for you.

I mean, I do like get off TikTok, but I know that's not, that's not going to work for everybody.

But yeah, glad that I don't have to sort out this mess.

Yeah, because I've like a lot going on in my life.

Granted, I don't have a toddler, but I have a lot.

What's with you?

Not too much.

Busy morning so far this morning.

We are out and about early.

So I'm just sort of sat now with my girl.

Nothing better.

Ready for some adult convo.

Oh, are we going to be talking about pornography?

No, but actually I went to an event last night.

I told you you tried to call me.

Oh my God.

I called Jackie like I always do and she's like, can't talk at an event.

Excuse me?

What event were you at?

PTA meeting?

I was no, I was at an event.

It was, it was really like a women's event.

Oh, women in chat.

The theme was the theme.

And maybe I could bring some of my learnings to the toast today because it was all about manifesting.

Oh my God.

In earnest, in like a very spiritual way about like manifesting the things that you want in your life.

And I'm not a big manifester.

I think anyone who listens to the show would know that about me.

I'm kind of like the opposite.

So I was really trying to be open-minded and understand

what manifesting not online but in its origins actually means now before you get into what you learned i need to know more about the context like you need to give me more information on the like the details of this class was it a class

um it i guess you could call it it wasn't a class it was a torah restaurant No, it wasn't a Torah class, but it was, it's, um, I think the women who run it are like very into Kabbalah.

So it was spiritual.

Kabbalah.

Okay, okay.

And, and like, God was in the room, you know, they were like the universe slash God, whatever you believe, but like these are women of faith.

Correct.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it wasn't like an agnostic event.

I can't believe like you are saying these words.

Like,

I know, I know.

But a friend of mine, you actually, whom you know, I'm not going to start like dropping names, but a friend of mine from this summer, she was coming in for this event.

So she was like, come.

And then Olivia was like, oh, I'm going to that.

I didn't think you would want to go.

Olivia was going?

Olivia was already going.

She's, so I was.

she is less universe manifest spirit than you she kind of is though she's kind of is no i could but anyways i could see her thinking it's like so stupid

no no no she no she's not and she's been to like this event before so she was going and then my friend was going so i was like okay of course i'll go and it's all it was all about manifesting so i really was just trying to learn because i've i think of manifesting as like influencers like printing out pictures on pinterest and like putting it on their vision board and calling it a day yeah

but the original intention for manifesting, it's much more than that.

And it's a lot about like positive

affirmations and like self-talk.

And like

there's a lot of steps towards manifesting all in ways.

Were you joining the 12-step program?

It was like five or six steps.

And it's like, yeah, if you could do all those steps, like you would be like a totally mentally healthy person and probably

I wouldn't be at this class.

The steps are like not as easy as just steps, you know?

So it was very interesting.

And I'm thinking, I really am thinking.

And also, there was also like a bit of meditation because when you are manifesting and you're going into your soul, you're trying to think about like the things that you truly desire.

So it's a very relaxing exercise, actually.

Right.

What do you truly desire?

Well, I'm not going to share that with everyone.

Oh, really?

It's very personal.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, they brought out like these big like poster boards.

I'm like, we're not about to write down like our heart's desires, are we?

Oh, I guess, yeah, it is like personal.

I gave mine away.

I was like, I'll write in my notebook.

Thank you.

Did you bring it to BYO?

The thing is, they gave notebooks to everyone.

So it was so my kind of thing.

It was worth it for the free notebook.

So it's nice to think about as we go into the new year, like what you want to manifest yourself in the first three months, six months, 12 months.

And the 12-month goal should be something that seems so far-fetched, you know?

But like the three and six months are the steps to get there.

Wow.

I'm just.

I'm in shock.

Honestly, this conversation and like this new line of thinking like does feel like a betrayal.

No, I'm not saying this is like it's it's nice to think differently for an evening.

Sure.

You know, sure.

Get in touch with your true self.

Sure.

You should try it, Turdy.

At least once.

I agree and understand.

I don't think this is like specific to like spirituality.

That like you get out what you put in, right?

So if you like walk through the world with a fibis and a punim and a terrible energy and attitude, like that's what you're going to receive.

And if you're like a joyful, positive person and you put out positive things and laughter and light, that will come back to you you you get out what you put in so i don't know if that's like a revolutionary like philosophy but i agree with it yes yeah that's part of it yeah you know putting out the good vibes which is always a good lesson yeah

okay wow took a turn this morning well that's what i was up to what can i say exactly manifesting

Manifest destiny.

Oh man, me and Ben watched the funniest episode of Curb last night.

Like, we just like are on a curb kick.

It's like the one thing we can agree on, just like play in the background and they charter a plane to go to a wedding and the pilot needs everybody's weights and nobody will give it yeah and um so they have to like land they have to make an emergency landing and drop off their suitcases because the plane is too heavy whatever it was so fucking funny they go to this carnival and i guess it's like this you know it's like this mexican carnival and there's a guy there who can guess anybody's weight so larry like brings all the people over oh right i've seen this episode we've talked about this episode before it's seriously peak comedy yeah when it aired we were not okay oh my god it's seriously so funny Yeah.

I was cracking up.

Oh my God, that's okay.

Never mind.

I actually maybe I'm not sure.

I mean, that is like, that's so real.

If you're ever in a situation where you have to ask like your friends for their weight, I mean, it's not like, even when we're renting skis, like you need to ask everyone.

They're like, oh, I'll fill it out myself.

Yeah.

When Ben and I were first dating, we were in Puerto Rico and we went parasailing.

And the guy on the back of the boat was like, I just need like your rough weights.

And Ben was like, oh, I can like go in like the other part of the boat or whatever.

And I'm like, no, it's fine.

120.

And the guy was like,

the guy was like,

he gave me eyes.

He was like, I'm going to give you another chance to.

Do you really try and lie?

Of course.

I said, no, but then you're like, you're, that's so risky.

I said, 125.

And then he was like, and I gave him a look and I was like, just, you know, do your, do your worst.

Like, overestimate.

I don't give a fuck.

Then also, I'm always doing it in dangerous situations.

And if somebody's asking you for your weight in that sense, like, it's usually for your safety.

Like when I was on this, um, me and Brian were in the British Virgin Islands and we were like island hopping and you take these tiny fucking planes.

They needed my weight.

And like, I honestly hadn't weighed myself in months.

So I just, I honestly, I didn't even know.

Your guess is as good as mine.

But round up.

Nah.

Round up because, like, seriously, they need enough fuel of what you want to be going down right before you hit land.

So I did tell Brian like right before we took off that I lied about my weight.

And he was like, I'm literally a father.

Like,

yeah.

I would, if I were traveling with you, I would go over on my weight just to like make up for your lie.

Wow.

Well,

I just feel like I'm not going to be traveling anymore if that's just like the state of travel.

I agree.

I feel like we've reported on stories where like even commercial airlines are like something to consider accounting for people's weight when purchasing a ticket.

Yeah.

It's definitely a tough line of line of like line to walk.

I just feel like I can't get hurt if anybody like no one's going to be asking about my weight if I never leave my house, you know?

yes it's just you know they're always asking like for the right reasons but there's just never a right reason you know of course and like they don't do it in the most discreet way now i know it's like a part of this parasailer's job but he should have pulled me to the side but don't you think if he pulled you to the side he'd be like oh why'd you think i'd be embarrassed well because i'm fat like i'm not stupid or blind i know i'm fat i was fat at the time like extremely there's no right way to go about it And the funny part of the curb episode.

Actually, you could give everyone a little slip of paper and they could write it down.

Right.

That's the way to go.

Well, that was the funny.

The thing with the curb episode was that Larry needed to collect them to give to the pilot.

And like, they weren't comfortable giving it to Larry, let alone the pilot.

And it was the men, too.

It was so fucking funny and so real.

I just loved it.

I know it's such a good episode.

It really is.

It's like season nine or 10.

We have a great episode today.

We have stories.

Jessica Simpson is single, and that's kind of huge news for.

for a select few.

And that includes us.

We also have Dear Toast Show.

That's number four for the year of couples.

Yes.

By the way, Paige and Craig was technically December.

But I wonder, maybe this is starting a new batch of three.

It also feels like people just drop big news in the new year.

Yeah.

Or maybe people like kind of give themselves till the end of the year.

And it's like, if we can't work it out, like we're going to start the new year on a new foot.

Part of it is just

high time for breakups right now.

I wonder.

Also, the fires, like maybe that's like a way of burying, because I literally forgot about Jessica Alba.

So much has happened since.

I mean, we were always going to forget about Jessica Alba.

She is forgettable.

Like, I didn't forget about Paige and Craig.

It's just about.

No, of course not.

I can never, and i will never did you see that paige was at a football game with another male however i didn't see like anything untoward no not untoward but i like saw her sitting with a guy at a game yeah in a city that like she has no connection to like why would she be at the eagles game because her man's there like

because her man's yeah i don't know i'm not jumping to conclusions but like the odds that he's not straight are kind of slim because they're at a football game like oh you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel yeah no he's right he ain't gay Yeah.

He was wearing like he's just not gay.

He's not gay.

I didn't get a good look because my video was far away.

What did you see?

My video was far away too, but then I like saw a photo of the man and I got like a resume

and a name.

Oh, I didn't get that.

Oh, yeah.

He works.

He works in sports.

Like he's

ain't gay.

So

it was.

Not that gay people can't work in sports, but I'm just telling you guys, he's not gay.

So you think it was sedate for sure.

Like, why the hell else would she be there?

Oh, my God.

Okay.

I was trying to think.

I'm like, do some people in Albany root for the Eagles?

Like, no.

I was like, really trying to make it make sense.

I'm like, no, I'm in denial.

Yeah.

Who were they playing?

I don't know.

Oh, I do know.

I don't know.

I think they were playing the Green Bay Packers because they were both wearing green.

And Harry said, are those the Green Cowboys?

And I was like, how is Zach going to answer this?

They're both green.

Then he said, the Packers were wearing yellow.

That's what I overheard from the kitchen.

And when you're thinking of like ways to explain things to your son, do you think like you're getting close to the point to explaining to Harry that cowboys don't equal football players?

They're just a specific team.

Because Harry will see someone playing in the park football and they'll say, cowboys.

Yeah, but right now this is like it works this way.

Blue cowboys, red cowboys.

Cool.

You know, like we're all on the same page.

1,000%.

Yeah, but soon

I'll start going through the teams.

Where do you even begin?

There are that

not my job.

Harry, by the way, not my job.

Harry's gonna be on a podcast in 20 years.

Like when I was a kid, I thought that all football players were called Cowboys.

Like we're always talking about things we thought when we were kids.

And like, that's the way you're experiencing that with your son.

It's really cute to see it from the other side.

And it's very logical.

100%.

How we came to that conclusion.

Mm-hmm.

So we also have dear toasters because it's Tuesday.

So also to say, it was they were playing the Packers.

So maybe she has like a Packer, even though she was wearing the Eagles

garb, maybe there was a Packer

connection.

Listen, I'm down to clown with you.

They will find it.

The Packer connection.

I'm down to clown and like make stuff up just to

make ourselves feel better.

But like it was most likely a date.

Okay.

Get it, girl.

That's a nice date.

The love.

Nice.

Dreamer.

And Paige.

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Our first story is the big shocking news of the day.

Jessica Simpson has split from her husband, Eric Johnson, after 10 years of marriage.

They called it a painful situation.

So Jessica Simpson told People Magazine in a statement today, on Monday, that Eric and I have been living separately, navigating a painful situation in our marriage.

Our children come first and we are focusing on what is best for them.

We are grateful for all of the love and support that has been coming our way and appreciate privacy right now as we work through this as a family.

This is devastating.

Like, one, because I hate when like internet, like hawk, eagle-eyed internet users are right.

Like, there have been a lot of rumors about them for a while, her ring and she was out without him, but all of it could be explained away.

And now it's like, well, they were right.

Yeah, I just feel like you can't really judge Jessica Simpson based on her social media or like what she's doing with it.

She's not playing that game.

No, there's just like, she's so layered.

Whatever she winds up like posting social media is just like one picture.

So if her husband hasn't been there in a while, like doesn't necessarily mean anything.

But there have been rumors about this, but I also feel like rumors have plagued them throughout their entire marriage.

So at a certain point, it's like, listen,

shut up.

We'll fight, like, when they say what they say.

Now, if you read her book, which you absolutely should, because it's the most

amazing.

It's the most amazing book of all time.

It's really sad because they were really have been through so much together.

And I think that like only recently, not like.

only, maybe I would say in the last five or 10 years, has she sort of been rebirthed?

Like she had went through this really

tough struggle with alcohol addiction.

And he was there, you know, thick or thin, supporting her, like kind of picking up where she was putting down when it came to like the family and the kids.

And she wrote about him with such respect and such gratitude that it makes me really sad that like now that things seem to be going much better for her,

they didn't make it.

Yeah, it does make me sad because he seemed like a good guy.

He's charming, happily ever after.

You know, you kind of

Write them off and don't worry about that.

Right.

So when someone comes out of retirement like that, you hate to see it.

They have a big family.

Yeah.

She seems really happy.

And then they say a painful situation.

So, this isn't the usual, you know, schedules.

Privacy, just didn't make it.

Love them.

Yeah.

And of course,

it begs the question of what we were talking about last week in regards to Jessica Alba.

This is another woman who makes significantly more money than her husband.

He's like a former football player.

He didn't really like achieve greatness in that.

But where I feel like, I think I know them a little bit better than I knew Jessica Alba and her husband because I read her book and he was an extremely involved parent

Eric is that his name?

I literally don't even know his name

Like super super dad almost so I feel like he will get a large settlement because she owns a billion dollar company and I actually this is a rare scenario where I am okay with it like I think he earned his living Do you know what I mean?

But I also think that because of what happened with Nick Lachey, she probably has a pretty strong prenup and isn't gonna have to give half.

Just like she's she's gonna say but a prenup is is helpful but in a marriage where you were together for so many years you built a huge part of your business during that time and you have three children together like the court you it's illegal for you to walk away

child support and alimony but you probably just said automatically get half no no no he's not gonna get half but he'll i think she'll give him like a big chunk unless like it ended really poorly like i feel like Maybe if Kelly Clarkson marriage had ended like in a more amicable way,

she would have been okay giving him a big settlement and then monthly payments for the kids and whatever.

But she had so much resentment because he was such a shit that he didn't deserve it.

I feel like I need to know what happened between these two.

Pain where?

Where's the pain?

Who caused the pain?

Was it an accidental pain or an intent?

Was it an affair?

On this pain chart, show me how bad it is.

One to five.

On this pain chart.

I'm sorry.

That's just like a crazy.

Vague term, but also pretty specific considering they could have not included that and just been like

marriage is running

painful because the marriage is ending.

Is that where the is that the cause of the pain?

Or was there a different pain that caused the end?

Eric and I have been living separately, navigating a painful situation in our marriage.

So there was a situation

that led to the end of the marriage.

That wording is is intentional.

Something happened.

Now.

I feel like, you know, I always try to look at both sides when there's a devastating breakup and get excited about like the girl going out and like maybe reconnecting with John Mayer.

But to be honest, like, I don't have that sort of feeling.

I feel like what I took away from her book was that like, not only does she require, but she really thrives in like stable environments.

And I think he was really that for her.

And I think maybe the marriage would have ended a little while ago if she didn't really cling to that sort of stability.

So I don't want to see her like, that's not, I think what's even best for her, like out and about, you know, dating around Hollywood.

Like I liked that she had this guy who was like kind of a nobody.

Like, yeah, he played football.

Like, tell me what team.

I'll give someone a million dollars if they know what team he played for.

Like it was just this kind of good situation they had random but good yes but jessica simpson like is a lover and she actually probably will have a new relationship because she's a relationship girl yeah there are so many people in her book who had she had like real relationships with not just like and i don't think she's like a fling person but i think she likes being in a relationship so as when the dust settles from this i think she will want that again because i think she likes that partnership well maybe her neighbor slash mom friend kim kardashian could set her up with someone.

She runs in a very, very cool, powerful circle.

She lives in that neighborhood.

Her kids play soccer with the Wests and the Kardashians.

Like she is ripe for a good setup.

I guess, but like if Kim could set someone, if she had all these bachelors, like one for himself, two for sisters for Chloe, like let's get it popping.

Well, Chloe had said that she doesn't want to date until the kids are grown.

I know, but.

The heart wants what the heart is.

Right.

Like the right man walked up to her.

But I also feel like the men that Kim knows, like, obviously don't work for Kim and therefore they wouldn't work for Chloe.

But Jessica's totally different, you know?

Yeah, Jessica is totally different.

And she's kind of this like free spirit.

Even though she likes athletes too.

Yeah, but it's different.

He wasn't like an athlete.

You know what I mean?

But Tony Romo.

Well, he's so happily married.

And I would never, ever, ever wish ill on him and his family.

They have a beautiful life together.

They're like Texas royalty.

No, I'm just saying just that she likes athletes.

Tony Romo.

No, but I was was just going to say, like, having said that, I shit.

What about John Mayer?

Well, you know, I've recently gotten over in a very public way my crush on John Mayer for many years.

Like it was, it was him.

He was the end LB.

And I felt really good about the fact that like Ben didn't like not look like John Mayer, you know?

They're not twins, but and I've recently just started to find him like unattractive.

Not even like in a physical sense.

Like, yes, you know, he's not aging in the way that I had hoped, but you know what I mean?

Like overall, like his vibes, like some of the things, it's like a little, it gives me the ick a little bit.

Like, I'm just over him.

Um,

so maybe at one point, like, these two reuniting would have been the best thing to ever happen to me, but not only does he give me the ick, I also don't think, like, now I'm suspicious of like men who, all he says, he wants to get married.

He wants to be in a relationship.

I'm a relationship guy.

You're literally almost 50.

You could be married a hundred times if you wanted.

Like, you never, even in his lyrics, he talks about like how he wants to have kids.

It's like, well, you don't.

Yeah.

Like a woman can want to have kids and not.

Like, it cannot happen for her.

But if a man wants to to have kids, like he can have kids.

It's not a choice.

I mean, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

It is a choice.

It's just easier for them.

It's like the minute they decide.

So he's like, it's like, you're not serious.

And it's like, well, you're almost 50 now.

We're still doing this.

Like, grow up.

Speaking of John Mayer, Sabrina Carpenter.

Did you see Harry Jousey was on Kristen Caballari's podcast and he said that he DMs Sabrina and wants to go out with her.

And Claudia, the way I ship, and I think it's, first of all,

I think compatibility-wise, they would really, like, they're both really funny.

Looks-wise, they're a total match.

They're a total match.

I think that they would really work out.

And then also, celebrity-wise, I think that would be a really good match for her.

Like, someone in the spotlight, but not totally what she does and would totally look up to her and treat her like the queen that she is.

Like, I need this to happen.

Serena, check your DMs.

He got dragged.

People were like, you think the biggest pop star, you're literally from too hot to handle it.

I do think.

I do think.

And I agree.

Like, on the surface, you're like, what?

But the more you really think about it and really what she needs, also you have to think about the fact that like she's very comfortable in her sexuality and she's kind of like freaky for sure, you know?

And like nobody is more open about their farreakiness than what's his name?

Harry Jowsey.

Harry Jowsey.

I agree.

At first, I was like, wait.

And then I saw a picture side-by-side side of them together.

I'm like, they almost looked like cousins.

You know, I'm like, oh, it's perfect.

Not that like cousins should fuck, but like, they have the same sort of like aura.

They have the same aura.

And I just,

I really wholeheartedly enjoy that.

Yeah.

And even even my girl.

Just like Mr.

Right Now, not Mr.

Wright.

Like, I don't think they're going to get married, but I think that would be really fun for Sabrina.

Yeah.

And like, it would be nice to like be with somebody who's like actually handsome and tall.

Do you know what I mean?

Like it would just change it up for Sabrina.

Yeah, something new.

Something new.

It could be the start

of something new.

Feels so right to be here with Harry Jowsey.

Oh.

I like harry jousey those clips were cracking me up i like harry jousey too actually i think it's really impressive what he's done with his like modicum of fame yeah so as like sabrina's number one fan the carpenters indoors carpentators yeah

our next story another celebrity is postponing a big announcement Beyonce has pumped the brakes on her big reveal as LA is on fire.

So Beyonce was set to announce something huge today and she's put it on ice as the wildfires continue to cut a destructive path across Los Angeles.

She issued a statement on Monday night saying the January 14th announcement will be postponed to a later date due to the devastation caused by the ongoing wildfires around areas of Los Angeles.

Yeah, so like it's weird to postpone, to announce, to announce a postponement of an announcement.

To announce an announcement and then announce the postponement of the announcement.

Of said announcement.

Having said that, like she was in a bad spot, you know, like she couldn't go radio silent because everybody's like, Beyonce, what's up?

And like, it's sort of like tacky to like make even though i do think now

she could make it without it being like create like out of touch like i think that enough time has passed where it's like obviously the devastation is still ongoing but like it's more under control and i just don't think it would have been like the worst thing if she had done it I don't think it's tasteless or tacky for people to announce things right now.

However, I think it's not the best business

because you're not going to be able to promote it as much as you want and it's going to get lost in the news cycle.

and so it's better to just postpone it so you can have the moment that you want but it does beg the question like what's the announcement that she's announcing i know postponed because i don't think it's an album tour

yeah cowboy carter tour which sounds so fun honestly

yeah probably

and maybe she was like wanting that momentum from the halftime show yeah

But now she's postponing the announcement.

Yeah.

But I am feeling like tour, but I.

Although I feel like when there's like a big stadium tour coming out, like people, it always gets leaked.

Oh, really?

Yeah, because people who like work at the stadiums get like an email about, you know, the upcoming tour schedule.

And I feel like it always gets leaked.

Oh, well, then maybe not.

But what else could it be?

I don't think it's an album.

No, yeah.

She has her hair care line.

Like, I don't think it's a line of goods.

Retirement per chance?

That would be crazy if Beyonce was just like, I'm retiring.

No, I don't think so.

I don't think you have to set a date to announce that.

Not only that, like, she's a businesswoman and you don't go out while you're on top.

Like there's more money to be made.

So

when did she postpone it till?

I'm not sure.

I mean, there's no way to know.

And honestly, I feel like if she were to set another date,

write what down.

I'm going to write it down.

It's just things to follow up on.

Yeah, yeah.

Things to circle back on.

I'm loving having a pen and paper, let me tell you.

And I also, of course, need to circle back with keeping up with sports.

Yeah, that's sort of the inspiration behind the list.

It should be called the Keeping Up List.

They should announce the premiere of their podcast on power.

Agreed.

Keeping up with sports.

So this is just my follow-up list.

Yeah, whatever happened to blank.

Yeah.

I like that.

Whatever happened to Megan's podcast with Lemonada?

And it's a list.

Lemonada podcast.

Lemonada ex-Megan.

That's weird.

What's it happen?

Meganada.

It's happening, but not before Netflix.

Did you assume Ms.

Rachel is now like on Netflix?

I did.

I know you're over her.

I'm over her too.

Yeah.

No, I'm not into her.

But I just want to say, I've clowned on her for like being a communist with like her inability.

She put her businesswoman pants on.

Yeah, her inability to like franchise and like make money.

And no,

she should have been on Netflix for a while.

Yeah, she got a taste of the luxury life.

I think she's like also announced like she has toys.

I think she's got a book.

Yeah, she always had like good revenue streams, but at the level that she like influences young minds, like if that were me, I actually would be retired and I would be a multi, multi-billionaire many times over.

And so I just always thought like she was kind of lacking that entrepreneurial spirit.

And now I feel like you're right.

She got a taste of the high life and she wants more.

It's true.

She's got a big, a big appetite.

100%.

So I guess we'll wait to see what Beyonce's announcement was going to be.

Very exciting and very vague.

Very vague, yeah.

You're probably right about a tour.

I think that makes sense.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Mm-hmm.

A little music news says Carrie Underwood will perform at Donald Trump's inauguration.

So the inauguration committee has announced some.

Inauguration?

Inauguration committee has announced some performers, speakers, et cetera.

And the most recognizable name is Carrie Underwood will be singing America the Beautiful.

She said, I love our country and I'm honored to have been asked to sing at the inauguration.

And to be a small part of this historic event, I am humbled to answer the call at a time when we must all come together in the spirit of unity and looking to the future.

Now, I think a lot of people were really shocked by this.

Like

probably one of the first like truly mainstream popular, actually, no, I'm like Jason Aldean, but like it's very rare for a celebrity, like an elite

to

get involved with Trump.

And so a lot of people were really shocked by it, even though I feel like if you've been paying attention to Carrie Underwood over the last couple of years, like there's no way like she would have

not been conservative.

Like she makes her own yogurt.

Like she's so like, do you know what I mean?

She's so like granola, like for sure.

She's getting a lot of backlash.

But I will say it did spawn for me.

Now people are like reminding like all these old clips.

I've watched like a million compilation videos.

Like eight celebrities you didn't know performed at previous inaugurations from the last like two or three presidents.

And I was actually really shocked to find that Miss Kelly Clarkson gave one of the worst performances I've ever seen.

I forget, I think it was Obama's first, and she sang like one of the, you know, God bless America, not the, not the anthem, but like one of the follow-up songs.

It was so bad.

And I've actually never heard Kelly sing poorly.

I highly encourage you guys to just like look it up on YouTube.

You will be shocked.

She might have like started in the wrong key.

Something happened.

Like something went wrong.

And we know Kelly can sing.

It's not, I would love to know what happened.

Like it was so bad.

That is so crazy.

i did not know that but yeah usually like the last inauguration gago performed gaga so beyonce famously beyonce famously and actually but my little research trip tommy is actually hillary duff was at george bush's inauguration a lot of people don't know that she was there but did she sing she didn't sing she was just there

Yeah, so it's like, I feel like it's like a big deal now, but it almost just becomes like a part of history because we don't talk about, you know, Hillary Duff at Bush or Kelly Clarkson at Biden or was it Biden or I think it was Obama.

Like we don't talk about it.

It just sort of becomes like a part of American history.

So now in the moment, it's like there's backlash or we're all talking about it.

But I don't know.

I just feel like it becomes like cemented in history and we all just move on from it.

Yeah.

And I think for some artists, I think some artists like are very political and would never like cross a line or perform for someone.

But I think for other people, like it's really an honor.

It is a, it is a huge honor to perform at inauguration for the entire country like and to see it as a unifying experience like i i think that is a nice thing and also for the people watching i want a good i want some good performers i want some beautiful renditions of our beautiful country's beautiful songs also and i think jelly roll was just talking about this because he was at a ufc fight and he met trump and you know some of his followers were like i can't believe you like man trump and his response was like are you guys kidding me like i've i'm like i was in jail i got to meet a president like i don't give a fuck fuck which one it is.

Like, it's such an honor to meet any president.

I've never met a president, have you?

No.

No.

Like, it's such an honor.

I don't have to think about that.

Like, yes, you could look at everything so politically, but for me, like, I grew up so poor.

I literally went to jail.

Like, I'm now here, like, in rooms with presidents.

Like, yeah, I'm going to say hi and be respectful.

I don't give a shit who the president is.

So I think a lot of people come to it with that POV.

Like, just being asked.

Some people are inherently political and they are not willing to get involved on a side that doesn't.

On certain sides.

Yeah.

Like, they would only do one side right which i think there are people that would do

both sides either side and then there are some people who are just thirsty and it's like yeah millions of people are watching like

it's like singing out the bus these bills aren't going to pay themselves exactly Yeah, so I look forward to seeing what she does with it.

I just watched her perform on New Year's Rock and Eve because now she's like really back out there.

She's American Idol Judge.

So she did ABCs, New Year's, and she's giving it her all.

Yes, she definitely, like, she never took time off because she's always been touring.

If you've been following Carrie, like, there's new music, there's new albums, there's new tours.

But I think from like real public life, she's actually very private and she doesn't like show up and do a lot of stuff.

She has like a private family life, too.

Also, you know, there's like a lot of, you know, rumors about her and her family.

It's all like, you know.

Yeah.

But it's, she seems well.

She does seem well.

And she was good on Rock and Eve.

Yeah, not my favorite song choices, though, would be my criticism as a big Carrie fan.

I saw her perform somewhere.

What's the coach coach, maybe something like that?

And she wasn't like a headliner.

I was like particularly like looking for, I was like, I want Luke Holmes and Morgan Wallen, but she was fucking amazing.

No, I seriously love her.

And

have you seen her dies?

It's like actually the craziest thing.

Her

concert DVD is coming out on Hulu soon, remember?

That was a story.

Right, it's she's like very much in the news right now.

Yeah, no, she's doing a lot.

Maybe she got bills to pay or something.

Yeah, no, she wants to promote her concert DVD.

So

this is a real good platform.

Everything you're looking for is like a concert movie.

It's no longer called a concert DVD, Grandma.

No, but Claudia, like, it's a concert DVD.

I know.

What are we calling it?

Like, Taylor Reputation, it's like an Eristour movie?

Like concert streaming on streeters?

Yeah.

We need to come up with official replacement for concert DVD.

I guess it's a concert movie.

But sometimes they make it like documentaries, Sean Mendez Wonder.

Like, it's just different.

Right.

Right.

Oh, my God.

Do not.

I won't get started on my documentary.

No, no, no, no, sorry.

Not, that's not what I was saying.

Do not make it a documentary as well.

I will.

Oh, no.

If I'm turning on your concert DVD, it's because I want

the bangers.

Oh, my God.

I forgot to tell you the most interesting page I ended up on.

Okay.

Page.

Like someone's page.

Okay.

You know me, I like, I interact a lot on social media with Katy Perry.

Like, I am a fan of hers, begrudgingly.

Yeah.

So I ended ended up on Katy Perry China, which is like a Twitter account just dedicated to like Katy Perry updates.

There's a million of them.

Like you wouldn't think anything of it, right?

Like it's like a fan account that shows paparazzi pictures, but the person who runs Katy Perry China fucking hates Katie Perry.

I saw some of the nastiest tweets about Katy Perry on a fan account of hers.

So Katy Perry was seen leaving CVS with Orlando Bloom and Daisy.

And you want to bring them those nasty fucking tweets here.

I do.

I do because it was seriously so crazy.

Okay.

So Katy Perry was seen leaving like a CVS with

Orlando and the baby Daisy.

And

Daisy like starts to have like a tantrum like leaving the CVS and she like won't get in the car like classic

toddler.

So this is Katy Perry China.

Ready?

The pictures of Katie, like the paparazzi pictures of Katie, Daisy, and Orlando.

Breaking news, Daisy cried.

Was it her evil mother who wouldn't buy her a toy?

Katie Perry, Olando Bloom, and their daughter, Daisy, shopped at CVS on January 10th, 2025 in Santa Barbara.

Daisy was found bursting into tears.

So I was like, oh my God, were they hacked?

Like, it was such a crazy.

And the account is Katy Perry China.

And I was like, there's literally no way.

So the next tweet comes up.

This is why no one wants to have kids these days.

Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, and their daughter, Daisy, were shopping at CVS.

As they were leaving, Daisy started throwing a tantrum, causing a scene in front of bystanders and embarrassing her celebrity parents via the Daily Mail.

Jackie, it is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Like, why is somebody dedicating their life to a Katy Perry fan account when they literally hate Katy Perry?

I, I mean, that's just people, right?

Jackie, it was so funny.

Her evil parents.

Was it her evil mother who didn't buy her a toy?

Like, seriously, crazy the internet.

She says, oh, there's a new TikTok account that you would love.

Oh, send it to me.

What is it?

It's called like Daily Mail.

history or something.

So they like write headlines and things like as if what was happening in like the 1500s was happening right now.

Because I saw it and I was like, I thought it was a real Daily Mail headline.

It's like breaking Catholicism to become

banned by the King of the Church of England.

I was like, wait, what?

And it was like from the 1700s, like Henry VIII or whatever.

You would love it.

It's like, it's fart.

It's

money and fart.

Smart and funny.

That's funny.

Stasi was trying to get me on TikTok by like teasing these like good historical accounts.

She was like, there's stuff for you.

There is stuff for you.

let me tell you what the account is called she's given up

maybe i can find

it's called history mail

history mail that is a history mail okay the greeks have gifted the trojans a wooded horse piece is close inside reports state no it's such a funny concept scientists invent what they call a wheel which is said to change the world experts say it's too complicated for widespread use

that is so funny small city filled with mainly criminals named Rome is trying to expand its territory.

Experts say it won't get far.

That is funny.

I shall follow.

Oh, are they on reels?

They are on reels.

Hopefully, you know, it's history mail.

Who do they?

Okay.

Well, thanks for that detour.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Our next story is some bed bed news because Brittany and Patrick Mahomes have welcomed baby number three, a girl.

So Brittany and Patrick Mahomes shared that their daughter was born.

Her name is Golden Ray Mahomes.

And I just can't wait for Taylor Swift to invite her to up to get the 22 hat and say, and it's golden, golden.

Cute.

Celebrities like often do crazy things.

And so the Mahomeses, I didn't know this, but apparently like they have like a metal theme within their family.

Their kids are named Steele.

Their dogs are named like Alice.

The daughter's girl, I don't know.

The daughter is Sterling Sky.

So Sterling.

Which is a normal, by the way.

Sterling itself is a fine, like normal name.

And then the son is, his first name is Patrick, but they call him Bronze.

Okay, well, he is a real name.

Because, oh, I'm sorry.

Because he's Patrick Mahomes III.

Bronze.

Oh, that's cute.

Love.

Like that.

And then Golden.

So yeah, while the theme is like kind of crazy celebrity, whatever, each name individually isn't that crazy.

No, not at all.

I would say Golden is probably like the least conventional in terms of like i don't know if i would say golden is like a name but it's pretty and it's not crazy

no

it's not that's very nice i'm happy for brittany and patrick of course

but also and i think it lines up nicely like i think they have a break this week so you know do you think she'll be at the playoff games 100 one thing about brittany mahomes like she doesn't

true it's true and she like bounces back she's like oh we just had a baby but it's a super bowl like she like i would would actually think this is the worst timing to have a baby, like, during the playoffs, because like, this is when

moving out of commission.

Right.

She'll be there.

Brittany Mahomes.

She doesn't miss a game.

No.

And when your husband has a $500 million contract, like you can take private planes.

You can hire nannies.

And

I feel like she puts her husband's money to work.

And I love that.

She could get a bed in the suite and she could be sat in bed watching the game.

She probably is going to get like a wet nurse.

Like, that's what I would do if I had all that money.

Like, I would get a jet, a wet nurse, a bed, and we would just travel the country with my man.

Yeah.

Sounds kind of nice.

It honestly does.

And it's not her first, it's not her second.

Like, I feel like by the third, you're just,

you're just like.

You're on the go.

Yeah.

And she's already like a

go-getto girl.

100%.

Well, happy for them.

Me too.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

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Our fifth and final story is a little memoir news.

Who's writing one?

Memoirs of a Brookie.

Brooke Shields' memoirs have come out.

She's been in the news.

A lot of headlines about excerpts from her book.

Her book is called,

Are You Ready for It?

Shield Me Forever, something like that.

No, it's literally so bad.

It's so long.

Brooke Shields is not allowed to get old.

Thoughts on aging as a woman.

What?

That's the name of the book.

That's the name of a...

TED Talk.

It's not even, it's like, it's on a, it's a sentence.

No, it's the name of a college paper.

Oh my God.

They're getting worse and worse.

Honestly, me and Ben watching so much barefoot contessa because he's like seriously obsessed with 9 and he's like literally sits and writes notes.

You tell him to get ready when the luck hits.

Yeah.

And then he was showing me something where he was like, that's the name of her book.

I'm like, yeah.

Well, here's what Brooke Shields is sharing.

She's actually a lot of like headlines have come out about stuff that she's sharing on her press store and things from her book.

But she said that Tom Cruise actually privately expressed remorse over his ridiculous rant about her use of antidepressants, she revealed in her memoir.

Oh, wow.

This book was published today, and she said that the actor eventually said sorry to her.

She said it wasn't the world's best apology, but it's what he was capable of, and I accepted it.

That was a big part.

So it's interesting because she had a documentary that I feel like really shook everyone.

It's a lot of celebrities do documentaries, but hers like really made conversations, made waves.

And I think it ushered in this new era of like Brooke Shields appreciation and this took a hard look at like how Hollywood is really fucking obsessed with young girls in a a really disgusting way.

And she bared the brunt of a lot of it at the time.

So I feel like she got a lot of it out in the documentary.

And I'm sure the success of the documentary made it easier for her to like sell a book.

But I wonder what's in the book that wasn't in the documentary.

I don't know.

Maybe it seems to be also a focus on aging as a woman.

So like with not so much like a life story as it is like.

a woman's story.

Right.

I mean, and the documentary was actually a lot about her mother.

Yeah.

Who was like, you know.

So I think this is more about her and where she's at in her life.

And so she talks about the

beef with Tom Cruise from back in the day and how he eventually apologized in his way.

That was the craziest part of the documentary because she

was like one of the first women to ever publicly speak about postpartum depression.

And she had it like really bad.

Like she had to, I think, like get treatment for it, like outpatient.

It was really, really bad.

And she was like, nobody's talking about this.

And I think she spoke about it on Oprah or something.

And people like fucking came for her, Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise, one thing about him, like at least he is consistent.

He is seriously the biggest loser on the planet.

I'm sorry.

Like, they try to make me like him with Top Gun and like his movie star.

Like, I get it, like Jerry McGuire, but he is a fucking loser, and he always has been.

I'm sorry.

I hate him.

Yeah, we're back there.

Yeah, we're back.

Like, the Olympics,

yeah, control.

Time, one step forward, three steps backwards.

Like, I just, I actually can't.

There are some people I think I can like willfully ignore and just like be blind to their flaws.

Like, Tom Cruise is so problematic.

I'm sorry.

Hate.

Yeah.

Well, I actually, I think that this book is a good book.

Like I would trust her to write a memoir.

I feel like every time she's like speaking or giving an interview, she just has a lot of say, a lot to say.

She has a lot of wisdom and she's been in the industry for so long.

So even though the title is like not my favorite title,

I

think this will be a good book.

So that'll be let us know.

Is the title not my favorite title?

It's probably one of my least favorite titles.

It's up there with when the luck starts or whatever.

What's it called?

Be ready when the luck hits.

It's frustrating when celebrities have bad names for their memoirs, but it's especially frustrating when like the public can easily think of like five that are so good.

Barefoot Confessa.

Barefoot Confessions.

It should have been called Barefoot Confessions.

Like that's just it.

Like obviously I would have liked Barefoot Confessa, but okay, confessions.

Like when there's such an obvious choice and you decide to not only not choose it, but go with the worst one ever.

That's especially frustrating.

Yeah.

And what was Josh Gad's?

I remember we just were talking about it and it was good.

I think it was was like, are you there, Gad?

It's me.

Something like that.

Josh Gad memoir is called In God We Trust.

Funny.

Funny.

So.

But he's a funny man.

Like, not everyone wants to be funny.

People want to be funny.

They don't have to be funny.

Barefoot Confessions is not funny.

So the way that they did her title on the cover is better than In Spoken Word because it says Brooke Shields at the top as if she's the author and then is not allowed to get old.

Okay, it's really long.

Thoughts on aging as a woman.

Let's do Deer Toasters, our weekly advice segment, where every Tuesday, Jackie and I will read three submissions from the Swirlies in Need.

Now, if you're a Swirly and you find yourself in need and you want to reach out to us, you can head over to our website, thetoastpodcast.com, or you can head over to your email and send us an email, dear toasters at gmail.com.

Are you ready?

Yes.

Okay, this one like actually made me laugh.

Hey, swirlies.

Happy new year.

I'm in dire need of your help.

My husband has been in a fantasy football league for 15 years.

And until this year, he's never even come close to winning.

Last weekend, he was beyond stressed and just awful, snapping at me and just being a big weenie.

In the end, he lost.

I had already gone to bed, but I could hear him storming around.

I even heard him crying when he came into the bedroom.

I got the biggest ick.

Since I was pretending to be asleep when all this happened, how do I address it with him?

Sincerely, wife of a big football crying weenie.

Oh my gosh, I feel like you have to let it go.

Like you don't address it.

It just needs to be something that you, yourself, and you know.

Like you never saw it or heard it

i like really hope that he wins one day

but i just i don't think there's anything to say unless he brings it up because it's affecting him so much but maybe you just need to let it out

and today's a new day it's really tough when like you see someone doing something that they like they were doing in private and like you can't judge people for what they did in private when they thought nobody was watching now that person being your partner makes it even more awkward because you're supposed to not have secrets um

but yeah i agree with with you again.

I don't think you can address this.

Like you just need to know like your man is crazy and this is really important to him and let him like cry.

Better luck next year.

Yeah.

I think

it is crying.

Well, you know, how much money is on it.

But my initial thought was like, oh, your man has a gambling problem because like seriously crying is really crazy.

And like maybe he

maybe it's a pretty big cat and he needed the money.

Maybe he's in debt and it's about not sharing that with you.

So I could see more sinister and more nefarious things going on here.

Now, I feel like I'm always saying, like, your husband's a gambling addict, your husband's gay.

So I was refraining.

But I do think, like, if you wanted to look feet further into this, you might find something more sinister.

Because

this is not normal behavior.

Or maybe like he.

He's not in debt, but he was looking forward to getting that money and like doing something really exciting for himself or maybe like taking you on a trip and he's crying thinking about like you guys on the beach like to be clear he was not crying thinking about you guys on the beach like maybe he was crying because like he had his eyes on a Rolex and now he can't get it.

Like maybe something like that.

Yeah.

But I think it's important to be like, you know, realistic here.

He was not planning a beach front vacation for you guys.

I just feel like if you want, since you can't speak to him about it, if you want to like make yourself feel better, just think about the fact that he was going to buy you a Birken and he's crying because he can't.

I've cried too.

If you can't let this go, while I don't think talking to him about it is going to solve anything, like do a little digging into the financials.

Like you might find something.

Just make sure that we're in the green.

Yeah.

Because it is sort of crazy behavior.

I know men get like really into sports and like, but to lose a fantasy league, especially when you lose all the time, like, yeah, to get close and then lose, it's even harder.

But like crying is, is actually like lunacy.

And it actually, it's really crazy.

I think he had big plans and big dreams.

For a big trip.

For a big trip.

And he was going to.

Renew your vows.

Yeah.

And that's why he's crying.

Okay, ready?

Hey, Jackson Claude.

I'm in desperate need of your advice.

My boyfriend, 6'3, Buff, works in finance.

He's a P-JOM.

Our relationship is fantastic.

But every time we visit his parents, I really start to cringe at him.

He's 29 years old and he still, in all seriousness, calls his parents mommy and daddy.

He'll say something like, mommy, can you make me a sandwich?

Or daddy, can you pass the salt?

I'm sitting there wondering if I should start packing my bags or just quietly slip out the back door.

I haven't said anything because I don't know if I need to get over myself or if this is grounds for a conversation.

Please help.

Now,

I have to come to the table and say something.

Your husband does this.

My husband picks up the phone.

Hi, mommy.

Hi, Daddy.

I never thought until this moment that it was weird.

He has, I think, like a very normal, healthy relationship with his parents.

They're really close, but I don't think it borders on like, like weird.

Now you got me like, obviously, like rethinking things.

Like, I think it's maybe like.

I mean, Ben's 6'1.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I've never thought it was weird.

So I want to say this might be a you thing.

What I was going to say is like, even if it feels weird when you hear it and you don't like it, like this is not a deal breaker.

And it's also not something that I think that you could say to him.

Like after 29 years, you need to start calling his parents something else.

So I think that it's something that you just have to like learn to ignore.

And

when you hear it, like in one ear, out the other, because why ruin a good thing?

This is not a deal breaker.

No, no, I'm sorry.

If you're willing to give up a P-Job man who works in finance and is six, what did you say?

Six, three.

Six, three?

Like, who the fuck do you think you are?

Like, we're just giving up perfectly good men because they call their moms mommy.

No, it's that's what I say when like it culture has gone way too far.

Yep.

That we're actually considering like giving up a good relationship because of the three times a year he sees his parents, like he says something that like puts you off.

Yeah.

No, you actually need to get a grip.

Like this is one of the situations where I want to shake the toaster in question and be like, he's a good man, Savannah.

Like, what are you doing?

And also, maybe like you could like run interception.

Like you make the sandwich before he could ask his mom.

Like you get the salt.

Like so that he does not need to address his parents at all.

Now, that's unreasonable.

Like a person is going to live in a house for a couple of days and have to address the person's house that they're staying at.

Now, and I don't think you should, but if you did want to like try and get him to stop saying it, you could like tease him being like, mommy, like, what are you sick?

And like, maybe he doesn't even realize it.

And then slowly he'll start.

But I think like you'll just come off like naggy and bitchy for.

He's going to write to his podcast.

Like, I call my mom, mommy, and daddy something that's good.

Dear goodness.

It's really something that's really special to me.

And my whole family does it.

And it really, like, bonds us.

And my girlfriend is making fun of me.

And then Ben, the host, who also calls us mom, mommy, and daddy, is going to tell you to break up with that girl because like she doesn't understand good men like you.

And then you're going to lose your perfectly good boyfriend.

So stop it.

Just ignore it.

Ignore.

Okay.

Are you ready for our last one?

Yes.

Okay.

Hey, Jackson Claude.

I need advice.

My mother-in-law has made so many comments about my weight gain.

She did it over the holidays and I don't know how to deal with it.

Comments in front of his entire family, aunts, uncles, brothers.

At one point, his 20-year-old brother actually stuck up for me because he felt so bad.

The worst comment was being when she gave me a sweater for Christmas and I opened it in front of everyone.

Before I could even open it, she says, I got this for you before knowing how much weight you've gained.

It's a medium.

You're probably going to need a larger and extra large.

But like, she could have just said, if you need another size, let me know.

The medium did fit.

Slay.

But she asked me later that night if she could give it to one of her son's girlfriends instead because it would probably look better on her and fit her better.

This is just one example of many.

My fiancé didn't think anything of it and she didn't said she didn't mean it like that.

I have so much resentment.

I could hardly stand being around her.

Help.

What do I do?

Well, I think it's important that you wrote into us because we know nothing about the situation.

And like sometimes like with in-law drama and then your man like kind of not not taking your side, but not like sticking up for you.

You're like, wait, am I in the wrong?

Just.

From an outside third party perspective with no particular interest in the matter, like this woman's a cunt.

You literally did nothing wrong.

And your man, not only like gaslighting you into thinking it's not a big situation, big deal, but also like not standing up for you against his mom.

Like your man's a pussy.

So you got a pussy in a cunt.

And

I know this is your fiancé.

So we can't break up with him because like obviously there's a lot of people.

She said fiancé.

She said mother-in-law.

Oh, mother-in-law.

Oh my God.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

So it's your husband.

This woman's a bitch.

And I feel like with in-laws, when you're like the.

the daughter or the son, like you deal with, you put up with stuff because this is an older person.

You have respect for them.

It's your partner's mother but you do eventually like hit a point where it's like actually this is no longer works for me like i've swallowed too much i can no longer swallow yeah and i think you're reasonable for being at that point like that is crazy so the taking the sweater back put your foot down like you have power here and you don't have to go and you shouldn't go and you should boycott and not someone on your side not telling her like i want her to be nicer to me like No, there's actually, there were times where you would have accepted forgiveness or correction or a husband to step in and all those times have passed and you're not going anymore so congratulations you fucking played yourself because if you had just said something to your mom all this could be avoided and now you're not going and the good thing that the small bit of hope we have to cling ourselves to and buoy ourselves to is you have an ally here and the brother so you're not the only person like see it's not like everybody's like what no you're crazy somebody else sees what you see so that's huge because i think a lot of times like in family dynamics if you're the outsider everybody's like what are you talking about yes you're crazy put your big fat foot down

and we're not going anymore.

Put your medium-sized foot down.

We're having Christmas at home.

Medium could have taken a large foot down.

Yeah.

I'm not putting myself in this environment.

I love

the sweater still fit you.

You played yourselves.

I love that the sweaters still fit you.

That's crazy.

That's it wasn't a part of her plan.

That's why she was like hoping that the sweater wouldn't fit.

She's like, oh, I'll just give it to Sarah.

But it did fit, but she had to give it to Sarah.

Like, she's seriously, she's maniacal, diabolical bitch.

And if your husband like won't go for it, start firing off some texts.

Start making it permanent.

Yeah, that's tough.

Like when you're in a battle with, you know, I follow this woman, Shauna.

Do you know Shauna?

No.

Let me make sure that's her real name.

And I actually followed her like before I started telling people I was pregnant.

And I was worried.

And she followed me back.

And I worried that she was going to like blow up my spot.

Cause like she does all

like newborn content.

And like she does like these little skits.

She's like a mom.

She's like a mom influencer.

Her name is not Shauna.

What is her name?

Shauna.

Yeah, Shauna Lander.

I love her.

She does these like little skits about like newborns, like when friends come over and like ask me.

Oh, it's crazy.

How do you spell Shauna?

S-H.

I love accounts like this.

Oh, you're going to love

Shauna.

And by the way, you probably will recognize her.

Her videos go so viral.

You've probably seen it before.

S-H.

A-W-N-A.

Lander.

L-A-N-D-E-R.

Is she on Reels?

Yeah.

Oh, she's Shauna the mom.

Okay.

Yes, I see her.

Have you seen her before?

I don't think so, but maybe.

So she has a lot of skits about toxic mother-in-laws.

I love it.

And so if you're looking for Inspo, like go to her account and she'll tell you how to deal.

I forget who her, like, she has like a classic mother-in-law, like, with a cat.

Barb.

Barb, that's her name.

And so, like, she'll give you good tips on how to handle the Barb in your life.

Yeah.

And like, say your husband's like, no, we're still going.

Like, send a text to the whole family.

Say, hey, everyone.

We've been attending easter this year as barb

can't control herself yeah can't control her rude comments if you guys want we'll have it at our house right barb you are not invited just

light a match yeah like i feel like you've put in the time you you you can't get to the place where you like burn it all down without putting up with a lot um and you've definitely put up with a lot and you can you can burn it to the ground.

Yeah, and maybe that's how you get on a new page.

Like if there is like hope for the future, like something really big has to happen where she could maybe understand,

even if she doesn't like agree, but at least just be respectful.

That's not how you talk to people, that you want to, that you want to endear and that you want to come to your home and spend time with you.

That's just not.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with that.

Like that's brutal.

But I hope we've given you like the confidence and the power to take control of your holidays.

Yeah.

And that's our show, you guys.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast of the Monday morning show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know everybody through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts and where podcasts be found.

So, it's Spotify, TuneStitch, or Public Radio.

I already cast box all the places where we listen to podcasts.

Find us at Toasty Visibility, about a beautiful setting, and wickedly talented we are.

Love ya.

Bye.

Heart.

Hit him with the heart, turdy.