Keep Your Man Ugly: Monday, December 2nd, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Monday.

That if there ever were a Monday, today would be the one.

If there ever were a Monday, it's so funny how last week we were going on and on about how the days didn't feel like the days and how silly are we because the rest of the year is just we could write it off.

No, we got hit over the head with a Monday.

Jay, I don't even know how we can continue on, like seriously, even begin the show without acknowledging where the hell you are, you guys.

Donde esta, Ja.

Dunde

la fole es el studio nueva.

Studio nuevo.

If you're watching on YouTube, you're probably like, what holiday extravaganza is Jackie filming from?

What a bright time.

It's the right time to rock the stage at Gizno.

Yeah, she really wanted to promote Gizno, so she rented this studio.

This is for Gizno.

No, I have so much to update you guys on.

I have a new studio.

No, I'm not.

I moved.

We've been talking about a rebrand.

This is it.

No, I am in Dallas and we had to do toastiness today.

And so I booked a studio here in Dallas.

And so far, it's been so pargy.

And I didn't expect such festivity, but I'm loving it because I am so the elk of a spirited woman.

No, and the thing is, and this is not going to be a relatable sentiment to our listeners.

So you guys, I apologize.

But when you are like as homegrown as we are, everything we do, our studio we built ourselves, our tech we run ourselves, to just walk into a studio and have everything done for you, like, okay, am I Mariah Carrie?

It's like a...

Claudia, I was just about to say it's Mariah Carey.

And you have nothing to worry about.

Like, I sit here in my studio while we record.

And every probably 10 minutes, you probably see my eyes.

I just check to make sure we're still recording, that the camera hasn't died.

Like, I'm always checking my things.

You have a staff.

Okay, stuff.

Yeah, no.

So I'm just kind of like talent today.

Yeah.

Walked in the studio, went to work.

My brother-in-law drove me to work this morning.

I've got my thermos full of coffee.

You're so scared.

I'm so, but the thing is, I already live in the suburbs.

I'm so Texan.

You are.

So Texan.

This 19th.

And it's been great.

And this is like a really great way for us to travel and work.

And it's so true, by the way.

See the great studios of America.

If, you know,

you know, barring there's no like tech issues afterwards and I'm able to get the episode up.

Like you are free to move to Dallas.

I'm loving this studio that you're at.

This curtain is gorgeous.

And we'll just have to get you like some wallpaper and you're good.

Yeah.

Also, I just feel like every studio brings its own energy.

And not only does this studio give me a gene sequence, I had the worst night's sleep of my entire life last night.

What happened?

The entire, like, I couldn't fall asleep, stay asleep.

The boys were like up, you know, rotating alarms.

I think my aura ring in total said I got like four hours of sleep.

They're concerned over at Aura.

They're like, girl.

Headquarters, stop what you're doing.

We're having a meeting about this.

Also, the craziest thing happened to me this weekend.

What?

Oh.

Did I even tell you this?

Well, no, you didn't because you've literally been ignoring me for weeks.

I haven't spoken to you seriously since the toast on Thursday.

Wednesday.

I have not spoken to you.

I mean, we did finally FaceTime last night so you could see the 20 seconds.

We didn't even have swirly chat.

So we haven't swirly chatted since the toast on Tuesday.

I seriously know nothing about you.

I don't know where you are.

I know nothing about you.

And you don't even know what I've been through this weekend.

No.

We have so much.

to catch up on like on a swirly level before we even get into the fast five which are juicy juicy what happened to me I don't know if you heard through the grapevine but like I was struck down on Saturday I had the worst stomach bug 24 hours oh my god both ends get out of bed what'd you say both ends

I know you don't like to talk about it not not Noro style just like just so strange you know I can't even pinpoint what it was It was like nausea and belly ache in the morning.

And then I took a zofran, so that sort of subsided.

But then I just had like body aches and chills for the rest I went to sleep at eight o'clock and I woke up around eight o'clock it not the greatest sleep and I felt so much better the next day it was really just 24 hours it was the craziest thing but you know nodavirus is going around

I can't say I've had no no no novirus and it wasn't that it was just a some something

it's disgusting what they're trying to do to you maybe it's because you abandoned your family and God wanted to punish you because you literally maybe or maybe you wanted to punish me so you sent me a bottle no

tell the Lannisters it was me.

That's terrible.

I'm really sorry.

Like nothing ruins a holiday weekend more than both ends.

Yeah, it wasn't, it, it wasn't like like that, but um,

I guess for drama's sake, yeah, it was both ends.

Crazy.

She's crazy.

So, yeah, I just had, it's not been a restful weekend.

Last night barely slept.

And all is to say, that will contribute to the energy today, whatever that energy may be.

So you're kind of like letting everyone know like you're on your period, kind of.

Like if you have a a bit of an attitude today that's why that's then that's everyone knows why i used to share my periods oh i wanted to talk about periods that's not what i was trying to say i'm just like i just think today's going to be different from all other episodes oh wow okay different

right i mean look around it's already different it's already different she has a curtain feast

and if you're listening as a podcast curtains match the drapes

We'll post stuff to the Instagram so you don't miss so you can see the curtain.

Yeah.

Wait, I had something to say.

Oh, you know, I was thinking yesterday about something I've always thought about like being pregnant is like, oh, like a nice fun bonus of being pregnant in addition to, you know, the joy of life is like you don't get your period for like a year, right?

Right.

And so it occurred to me

like over the weekend, it's been a couple of months since I got my period.

And let me tell you, I don't care.

Like, I would take my period over some of the side effects I'm experiencing.

Like, it's literally not a perk.

No, like pregnancy symptoms are extreme period symptoms.

They're not even remotely on the same level.

Which you'll make up for all the bleeding that you missed.

In the hospital.

Postpartum.

Yeah.

You got a lot of bleeding to catch up on.

I'm here just to constantly remind everyone about the perks and the downfalls.

And there are definitely more like negatives than there are perks.

I discovered a few perks this weekend.

Like Romeo shit his crate

and I walked in to wake him up and the room smelled.

And I'm like, did somebody die?

It was so smelly.

And then I opened the crate and I was like, ah.

And I literally like went running out of the room gagging.

And it was such an ordeal to clean it up.

And I didn't have to do any of it.

Like Ben did it all.

So there are, you know, small silver linings to this journey.

Now let me ask you,

in what world would Romeo have shot his crate pregnant or not pregnant and you would be cleaning it up instead of Ben?

It's so funny because I shared this on my Instagram and I got that reception a lot and I'm shocked that people would think that like I would let Ben clean up duty.

Like he's such an insufficient cleaner and you know, okay, cleaning a dish is different than cleaning up duty.

Like in my home, anytime Romeo has had an accident, like doing all the laundry and like spraying down the the crate that's obviously me I was surprised that so many people thought like that would be a Ben job no matter what like are you guys crazy I would never leave him in charge of fecal matter in the home it's too serious it's too grave of the sanitation department you're right did he complete the task he did and I you know with a watchful eye behind him I was really being

really nutty oh also so much going on first of all so if you're a patreon member you know this already but over the weekend we dropped two fabulous episodes one of them was Ben and I we recorded a Patreon over Thanksgiving Day weekend.

So many people had been wanting to hear from Ben, like post-pregnancy.

It was the funniest episode.

And it was supposed to be about like pregnancy and like the journey and fatherhood.

And it was, but like there was a big chunk in the middle, probably like 25 minutes that just became a referendum on hygiene.

And we had this big conversation about teeth brushing.

I don't know if you know this, like

I have a husband.

And I'm glad that I shared it because it turns out a lot of people do.

I have a husband who like I fight with to brush his teeth.

Like it's like I have to beg and plead like get on my knees.

Okay.

And then we had a bunch bunch of like dental professionals in the comments sounding off and i just wanted to ask if you had to choose one time of day to brush your teeth like for that would be like the most impactful when do you think it would be the morning so it actually turns out that what they say in the dental field is like you brush your teeth in the morning for the world but you brush your teeth at night for your dentist like for the actual health of your teeth it's much more important to brush at night and that's why i'm always fighting ben apparently like it's a thing that men do like they don't brush their teeth at night and oh my god it was so funny on the podcast.

Do you ever have to like push him to brush his teeth in the morning?

No.

And so, this is Ben's like philosophy.

He brushes his teeth in the shower.

He leaves his toothbrush and his toothpaste in the shower, and he always showers in the morning.

So, sometimes he showers before bed and then he'll brush his teeth.

But, like, to him, like, taking the toothbrush out of the shower and bringing it to the sink is, you know, such a journey that he just couldn't possibly bear the brunt of it.

So, sometimes he ends up not brushing his teeth.

And I seriously have gotten to the habit of being like, I'm going to brush my teeth.

Should we do it together?

Like, making it a fun activity.

Like, it.

Maybe you could get him a toothbrush shaped like an airplane.

I've actually gotten then another toothbrush for him that we leave at the sink.

So you have your sink toothbrush.

A toothbrush shaped like a fork.

Jackie, I left him a toothbrush at the sink.

And then so he has one in the shower.

He doesn't have to move it.

And then one in the sink.

Cut to a few weeks later.

He was like, went to go brush his teeth and he's using my toothbrush.

And I said, what are you doing?

He said, this is my toothbrush.

I said, no, it's fucking not.

So we can't even, we can't handle having two toothbrushes at the sink.

I just want you to know, like if someone's listening to this episode, maybe their first time or they stumble here by accident and they don't know that Ben is your husband, like they would assume he's your child.

Having to convince him to brush his teeth, you bought him a special toothbrush for outside of the shower.

Well, sometimes it does feel like I am his mother.

Like this morning, I had to call him into the kitchen and being like, listen, you're not in trouble.

But

I love to hand wash dishes.

I actually feel like it's, like, sometimes a dishwasher just gives you like yucky vibes.

So certain things, if there's not raw meat, like we use a knife to cut a vegetable, it can be hand washed.

Well, knives should be hand washed anyway.

Yes, of course, I do know that, but I'm just using it as an example.

So, we have this drying rack, and when I come in in the morning, like there's a couple of dishes on the drying rack that are dry, and almost every single one of them still has food on it.

So, I had to call him in and be like, Listen, I want to talk to you about something.

You're not in trouble, but like, this is unacceptable.

Like, you can't put away dishes with food.

And he, seriously, he had the absolute audacity to say to me, Listen, I tried my best.

A for effort.

I'm like, that's unacceptable.

This isn't like a test on math.

You didn't try your best.

You just didn't try.

Like, the spoon was still sticky.

Weaponized incompetence.

Yeah.

That is a classic case.

I'm trying to get all of this under control before, you know, God willing the baby comes because, like, I can't live like this.

Two children.

I can't.

No, no, now's the time.

That is so funny that your version of nesting is like boot camp.

It is literally boot camp.

All is that to say, there's a great new Patreon episode that you guys are going to love.

So head over to patreon.com

slash the toast.

And let's talk about our holiday weekends because I kicked off the holiday going to the parade, which I had talked to everyone about, like how excited I was.

And of course, like the year that I get to go to the Thanksgiving Day parade, front row seats, VIP treatment is the day of like the biggest storm.

Apparently New York has been experiencing droughts.

I had no idea.

So it was like a good storm, but

definitely like took its toll on the parade.

I think I got sick.

Like it was just, it was a lot for one person.

I'm so sorry.

And it affected me too because I was really excited to look for cogers.

Where's Kojers in the crowd?

And by the time, like, we are on an hour delay here.

So, like, by the time I turned on the parade, like, you were gone.

Well, in real life.

Me and Ben were like shuffling in and out, which, like, you weren't supposed to do once you get to your seats.

Like, you're really not supposed to move.

But I'm sorry.

Like, we were sitting in the torrential rain.

And they had this like fabulous little lounge inside with like a ton of food and stuff.

So we kept like going back and forth.

But also, we very quickly realized our seats were like three seats off camera.

Like we were just

out of the view.

So even when I was there, like for 10 feet from sitting, no one was seeing me, which was just, it was definitely upsetting, except that I wore this coat and they made me put a pot.

Well, they didn't make me, but they gave out these ponchos.

And like, I'm sitting in the rain, so I'm wearing the poncho.

And something about the way the poncho laid on my jacket, I actually looked like a linebacker.

Like, I looked huge.

I had this, like, hump, like, like a turtle.

Like, I had this shell on my back.

And I actually,

I did not want to be seen.

Turtle the turtle.

I didn't want to be seen on television.

So I was actually grateful for the seats.

But it was star-studded, let me tell you.

Who was I sitting next to?

Jessica Chaste and her kids.

Her husband.

Everything.

Skylar Aston.

Obviously, it's not.

Did you talk to anyone?

I spoke to Ben.

Oh, and then you were sitting next to Jessica Chassis and like, was there a word exchange?

So the thing is, is that Jessica Chastain and I both actually follow each other on social media.

And I believe we've DM'd like once or twice.

That's always so awkward, whether or not it's an A-list star.

Like you're all from your town that you both follow and then you like run into each other and it's like, why do we follow each other?

Yeah, like I kind of wish she wasn't there, honestly.

Like I was so awkward.

And so when she came, she was like with her kids and she was like clearly in mom mode and also very flustered because she also was sitting in the rain.

And I'm what's flustered.

I was like,

Jackie, I'm gonna go up to her and be like, hi, Jessica.

I'm girl in the job.

No, but like if you were sitting next to her, like, oh, oh, like, a little, I was like, oh my gosh.

There was like three people between us.

Oh, like, oh, it's freezing.

Just a little something, you know?

Yeah, I didn't want to bother her.

And I actually have no regrets about not bothering her.

Like, she was.

Seriously, she looked just like anyone else, like a really involved, kind of overwhelmed parent.

Understood.

And Skylar Aston?

Skylar Aston.

I feel like him and Ben would be friends.

Yeah.

He was in a third row, so I didn't really talk to him because I was in the first.

You didn't talk to people in the first row.

I didn't talk to people in the third row.

And then you know who I did see, which I texted you, but you didn't answer, kind of the theme of the weekend.

Who did you see?

Joey Grazia Day.

Old school vibe.

Okay, you text old school vibe, my boy.

We also like, he's kind of the man of the hour.

I know.

So you texted me that in a flurry of other text messages, so I never got to respond to that.

Like you saw him in the stands.

you saw him in the show.

Like what was he doing?

Oh, no, he was a part of my VIP crew, like with the lounge and the seats and the ponchos.

I didn't see where he was sitting.

I didn't see where he was sitting because he, I saw him in the lounge.

So far behind you.

I saw him in the lounge and then I went out like the second the show started because I wanted to be there for like, you know, opening kickoff.

And I think him and the swirly were like having a cocktail inside.

And then like 30 minutes later when I went inside for a break, he was coming out.

Like we were kind of on different schedules.

So I didn't even see.

Two ships passing.

And I did want to say hello to him, except like now everyone, he just won Dancing with the Stars.

So like, I didn't, I don't care about that.

Like, I cared about him when he was the old school vibe kind of guy.

Right, right.

And I just know like if I went up to him, he would be like, oh, another Dancing with the Stars fanatic.

And like, I don't even give a fuck that he won.

I just like wanted to talk to him about the old school vibe.

Right.

Like, we didn't watch his season.

We don't watch Dancing with the Stars, but we're really big fans.

Of his work on page six.

Of his work, like on my Instagram algorithm, seeing pictures of him and his lady, neither of whom I follow, but I really enjoy like seeing them come through my algo once in a while.

Same, and that's the only regurt that I have.

Okay, no regurts then.

We watched the parade.

It was jolly good fun.

And I just want to say that everyone who participated in the parade like put those French can-can dance Olympics openers to shape.

So true.

The girls who couldn't dance on the riverbank and said it was because it's raining.

Like I'm seeing high schoolers in a kick line.

It's so true.

And what's your excuse?

Were you keeping count of how many fell?

Because that was like seriously my activity of the day.

And it was like so sad, but so many.

I mean, I don't know.

They were doing, they were, they were like a, I forget if it was like a college or a high school doing an Irish river dance, which I just think

it was the one and only fall that I saw.

It made me really sad.

But my concern is like, I don't want anyone tearing an ACL over the Thanksgiving Day parade.

Like I don't want any career ending injuries.

And like even if you fell, it just means that you gave it your all.

Like don't be embarrassed.

Seriously, like because look what happens when you are too scared to fall, Can Can Dancers.

I I guess maybe because they would have fallen in the river.

Like they would have

off a cliff and cracked their heads open.

Yeah.

It's the Olympics.

Like the whole world's watching.

I don't know what to tell you.

Take a risk.

Or like, move the dance.

That's just so crazy to me how the Thanksgiving Day parade, like these are high schoolers who gave it their all, left it all.

for a couple of, like, you know, a nationwide performance, whereas the Olympics global audience, they couldn't can-can.

I'll never get over it.

No, it kind of was like a sleigh on everyone's behalf like hoda savannah al jimmy fallon like everybody really and then of course the performers the raquettes the broadway shows the high schools it really was a sleigh even though it was not ideal and let me tell you whatever it looked like on tv in person it was worse it did not let up for 30 seconds the rain was vicious like truly vicious every it was i love the parade it's literally the best time of year it's the most beautiful thing ever and i hope to be invited back next year so i can like actually see it in like the sun.

Yeah, in the in the glory that it was meant to be seen in.

We got up to the part in the parade until the Disney cruise float where like Mickey and the gang like sang a song on a boat and then we just had to keep rewinding and watching that maybe 50 times and that was the end of the parade.

I also want to talk about Dasha if I may.

That was my next point.

We absolutely have to talk about Dasha.

Now, I'm extremely sympathetic to you know any sort of faux pas when it comes to like wardrobe, hair, makeup, especially in the rain.

So the the fact that she began singing and had probably been on that float for two hours, drenched in rain.

So her extensions were still straight, but her natural hair was curly and she had a mullet.

Like I actually.

Thank you for explaining that to me.

I thought that was a style choice and I didn't mind it.

No, because I saw her TikToks like on the way in the car and she had like a full glam blowout, but the extensions like stayed one way and the natural hair reverted to its natural state.

And then her lipstick was.

She obviously wasn't wearing waterproof lipstick, which was a huge mistake on behalf of her makeup artist.

But like all these things are par for the the course.

I think it actually.

Like, that's like someone falling.

Like, I'm not mad at you.

Like, forgive yourself.

A thousand percent.

But what I can't forgive

and what I actually want to forget is the outfit.

I was actually, her performance was so, it struck me in so many ways.

One, because of the lipstick, obviously, but that's really not her fault.

And then I just started looking at her and I was like, what the hell are you wearing?

Like, seriously, you're wearing underwear and a bra.

First of all, it's one degree outside.

It's pouring rain.

And this is a show for kids.

Like, no, it's for the children.

Not only was her outfit inappropriate, but the way she was moving,

there was no need for that.

And I feel like maybe every year, like there's always one new pop star on the scene who like wants to make a moment and just like be inappropriate.

And I just feel like the Thanksgiving Day parade is not the place for that.

It's really just a beautiful family-friendly affair.

And perhaps it's the maternal spirit taking over me.

But I actually found it downright offensive.

No, and like I would have, she's someone who I would like.

She's got like country hits.

And like when someone, I people want to like push the envelope, do stuff every once in a while.

Okay, a little edgy.

when you do it in kids spaces I'm done with you there's a time and a place for pushing the envelope and that's not in kids spaces it's not it's not in kids spaces so she kind of definitely was a moment for me

yeah that was a shock I think for everyone but it did also sort of unite the nation It did sort of unite the nation.

And hopefully she just takes, you know, this is a learning process.

So hopefully that's just something she learns.

Yeah, I could eventually forgive it.

Maybe Maybe she didn't maybe she never saw the Thanksgiving Day parade and maybe she's not American, is she?

It was for 21 plus.

Literally.

It's kind of like when someone botches the national anthem.

Like it's so disrespectful, but it's also really funny.

Yeah, but with the botching of the national anthem, like I don't think that people set out to like be disrespectful.

You think she set out?

I mean, if you know where you're going and like you put on that outfit, like you, she's not blind.

Also, it was the...

No, and Jackie, like, imagine like at dress rehearsals and stuff, like, you're standing next to Mickey Mouse, and that's the outfit you're wearing.

Like it's not nice.

No, you need to have that rule.

Like if your skirt doesn't hit the bottom of your middle finger when you put your arms down, it's too short for the Thanksgiving Day parade.

Other than that, all I did all weekend was like eat everything in sight.

And I watched so much television.

Ben made me watch D.

1, 2, and 3, The Mighty Ducks.

Have you ever seen them?

Oh, I thought you were going to say Descendants 1, 2, and 3.

I wish, Jackie, seriously.

And I think Ben had this experience too, which sucks because he loved these movies growing up.

And then you watched them as an adult and you're like, oh, Emilio Estevez is a freak.

Like the movies are horrible.

And Emili Estevez like leaving after the second movie when the franchise was so popular, like it's big time losery of him.

I can't believe you watched that.

I fell asleep.

No one could ever make me watch something like that.

During both.

Jackie, well, I was really, I was in one of those moods where I was like nauseous and everything was making me nauseous.

Everything Ben was suggesting to watch.

So then he just put on Disney Plus.

And for some reason, Disney Plus like settles my stomach.

Like I find it unoffensive.

So I'm like, put on whatever you want.

And I was like, going to sleep within the hour.

He's like, we have to watch Mighty Ducks.

I'm like, okay, you know what?

I read Keenan's book actually.

We don't have to watch Mighty Ducks.

I had heard a lot about it, you know, growing up.

And I wanted to see what it was like.

It was like you had to be there.

It was one of those things.

Horrible.

And seriously, maybe I'm just like an adult now.

There were so many inconsistencies in the movie.

I'm like, how could you have watched this?

It makes no fucking sense.

Yeah.

The movies are horrible.

No, and even the premise, like now i'll watch an old movie and i'll recognize it was probably you had to be there and it was better then but it's like a fun swirl like first wives club like that's just like a fun swirly concept a bunch of young kid hockey players jaggie can i tell you what happens in the movie like you're gonna crack up it's so stupid ready

so Emilio Estavez is this big-time lawyer and he gets pulled over for a DUI and like part of his community service is like coaching this peewee team.

And this pee wee team, he gets like the bad district, like they stink and all the other teams have like a lot of money and and they're really good.

And they're in Minnesota where like hockey is life.

So in the first movie, you know, he turns it around, gives them love and attention, and they're really good.

And I think they win like the Pee Wee Championship, okay?

It's classic Globo Gym versus Average Joe's.

Just wait.

First of all, they never would have beat the other teams.

Like it's just absurd.

Okay, but I can I can suspend disbelief.

They beat the other teams because they had, I don't know, heart.

In the second movie, after such a banger first season, who takes notice of Emilio Estavez and his team?

Oh, just the Junior Olympics.

Okay.

And they hire Emilio Estevez and the Ducks to join.

You won one Peewee season

and you stink and all the kids are like homeless street rats.

Like, I don't understand like where they come from.

They keep picking kids up off the street.

Now you're going to the Olympics.

Oh, and by the way, spoiler alert, they win.

Like, it's just, it's...

It's so stupid.

Damn.

It's a perfect movie for a kid because you really need to like know nothing to believe it.

Yeah, it's for the Elk of Dreamers.

It's for the Elk of Dreamers.

Then I also watched The Empress, which I feel like you were talking about.

I'm always talking about The Empress.

It's a fictional drama.

No, it's actually basically.

It's like the crown, right?

It's like the crown, but it's

Austria, Hungary.

The Austrian Empire.

Yeah, the Austrian Empire.

Cece of Austria, who was married to...

King Franz.

Emperor Franz.

And she was married to the worst emperor of all time.

I don't know what the perception of Cece and her mans was prior to this.

Are they known?

Are they like the greats?

Like, what do people think of them?

Because I think she's fucking annoying.

And he was seriously one of the worst emperors.

And I don't know, like, spoiler, I know the Austrian Emperor, like, is...

I know the Austrian Empire no longer exists.

I don't know how they got there, but I imagine Cece and her dumbass husband were a part of it.

Cause like they are.

ruined like some of the worst leaders on the planet.

Well, after I watched season one of that series, as I anxiously awaited season two that I think just dropped and I haven't watched yet, I read two books on CC

written by my swirly Allison Pataki.

I think she wrote

Marjorie.

Marjorie.

Yeah.

So I got the gist on CC and like basically when her and her husband got married, they like, it was a love match.

They thought they were in love, but like she and everyone around them said it and they didn't care because they thought love would conquer all and love does not conquer all in a situation like this.

She was not cut out for the life of the Empress, of you know, just the daily

everything that it entails.

Um, so they grew apart.

He, like, cheated on her a million times, gave her, like, STDs.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Couldn't cover that.

She has, like, she had a lot of affairs.

She wound up spending a lot of time in Britain.

She was just, like, very tortured, but she spent a lot of care, a lot of time in, like, self-care and beauty.

So she was, like, always known as, like, the most beautiful woman in all of Europe.

In Europe.

Like, I think literally into her 60s, like, just a Garji Pargi girly who liked horse's.

That must have been exciting to have booked that role.

You know, they're they're looking for the most beautiful woman in all of Europe.

And mom, I got the role.

Like,

that is exciting.

I keep thinking about that.

Yeah, did you watch season two?

Yeah, I'm all caught up.

Oh, so, okay, don't, I, I don't, I wonder where in the history books season two ends because there's so much within that story that's so crazy about like the sons and whatever.

But just to bring it back to something else that you learned that I know is one of your new favorite facts about how did World War I begin.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand, who's that?

Wait,

he is like the he is like the grand nephew of Franz that you're watching.

Like he was in line.

Oh my God.

The more you know, I'm about to slay Jeopardy.

Yeah, just connecting.

And Ben loved The Empress.

Like we woke up every day on the holiday weekend.

He was like, should we watch?

Should we watch?

I couldn't believe he was so obsessed with it.

I highly recommend like just a good swirly drama.

Well, also, you learn something.

Like I was, I met Napoleon.

I said, oh, I know you.

Like, it's really legit.

Yeah.

Also, it's dubbed.

So, it's actually even more impressive that you liked it because it's like, you know, that's always a little bit tough.

I'm glad you brought that up because me and Ben were discussing that as well.

I said it's a real testament to how good this show is because if it were any other show, the second I realized it's not in English and I have to watch like a mismatched lips speaking it, I would have turned it off.

Um, and it didn't even bother me, like, I didn't even notice it.

Yeah, oh my god, I'm so glad you liked it.

I'm so excited to watch season two.

And if you like, like, the crown and historical non-fiction dramas, even though they changed some stuff, I think.

The Empress.

On Netflix.

Finally, season two is here.

And I'm all caught up on Yellowstone.

I'm sure you're not because you're not home.

I'm not.

But did you watch the episode before last?

No, I'm now two behind after last night.

Something really crazy happens.

May have been worth it.

Talked.

Shit.

I won't spoil it.

Watch it for the download it for the plane.

I will.

I will.

I'll catch up.

I'm very excited.

So it was just kind of like a rotting weekend for me.

I like lost brain cells and gained pounds, you know?

Yes, understood.

Unfortunately, I couldn't eat as much as I had wanted because on Saturday I didn't eat a thing.

Not a thing.

Actually, I had like seven crackers, but after, but literally nothing more than that.

And then yesterday I was so nervous to set off my stomach that I

ate less than I normally would and very bland.

But I decided to just like, you know, try all the pies in my county.

Oh, that is sad because I feel like Dallas County pies hit differently.

Right.

Like, I don't know.

I just feel, I feel robbed.

That sucks.

And I'm sure your weekend was like total opposite.

I saw you were like out and about with the boys, like doing all types of holiday things.

Yeah, arboretum, walking, shopping, as much as we could fit in.

So it was, it's been nice.

And also, like, now all the lights are out.

It's just so festive and so wonderful.

Yeah.

And you almost don't mind that it gets dark so early because you get to see everyone's lights on their homes.

And it's really nice.

Now, let me ask you a question.

I'm sure a lot of people wonder this.

Like, do you think you could see yourself living there?

Um,

well, let's see how today's episode uploads.

Uh, no,

I don't know why it just feels like so much further from like you.

Do you know what I mean?

I also think because like Texas really has its own culture, like that's so different than like Florida, New York, even though like you're like in a Texas Jewish community, it feels so culturally different.

Literally, it could be another country, Texas, like they have their own set of rules, their own set of everything.

No, but I don't know, for some reason, even though I'm sure distance-wise and like the plane ride isn't even that different, like

moving to Florida feels like moving cl like closer from home than moving to Texas.

Florida is like an annex of New York.

Yeah, are there rumors that I yeah, they are and the people who live in both places like they just come and go and they're vulnerable.

Are there rumors that I'm moving?

No, I don't think so, but I think like it's something people wonder.

Like that's where Zach's from.

You have so much family there.

Also, whenever people travel, I think, I think Ben especially is on Zillow.

They're like,

Ben loves Zillow.

I don't I don't think I really th think like that.

Oh, I'm always like everywhere I go, like picturing like what my life would look like in that, that place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's, it's fab here.

The secondly wrapped Wednesday's episode last week, our last episode of the week, huge news about Vanderpurp Rurals came out.

Then our faves got engaged over the weekend.

Like, I kind of love taking five days off because it makes the day we come back so exciting.

Yeah, I mean, between you and I, like on a personal level, missing my girl.

Of course.

And then the stories are storying.

And when you don't pick up the phone, when I call you, then it makes it so much more exciting to talk to you on the toes.

Like, I actually look forward to coming into work because I'm like, oh, I get to see my long-lost sister.

And I called you back three separate times yesterday, like hours apart, and you didn't pick up.

Yeah, that was like that, too.

That was my fault.

I was taking my daily two-hour nap.

So like, please respect

the pregnant woman.

The second time I was watching Yellowstone, my stupid fucking phone was on, do not disturb from the nap.

Like, I forgot to turn it off after the nap.

That one was my fault.

The third one, I was watching the new episode of Yellowstone.

You call me at like 8.15.

It started at 8.

I can't apologize for that.

But what I can apologize for is I picked up my phone at 8.24 and I saw that you called me at 8.20.

So I was four minutes late.

Like, pick up when I call you back.

I was on the other line.

I figured you might be.

And I knew that when I was done with that call, I would call you back and I was just going to make you like wait for it.

Yeah, and you made me wait like 15 minutes.

I was chatting.

So that's why I don't want you moving to Dallas because I seriously can't get in contact with you.

And we're in different time zones.

Yes, although I kind of like the different time zones because I'm laying in bed.

It's like 8.30.

I'm like, shit.

Normally I'd be like, oh, oh, I missed the boys.

They're asleep.

But it's really 7.30 and they were up.

So I actually don't mind the time difference.

Okay, it works for us.

Yeah.

Intercontinental.

Yeah.

Okay, let's get into the stories because we must do that.

And I feel adequately caught up with my sister, as always, if I remember anything that I want to share with you or the class.

It's our show.

Just chime in.

We make the rules.

This is our show.

We make the rules.

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

How was Parsley's weekend?

She spent it in Nashville with her family and Travis's family.

The Kelseys, all of them came.

Even Kylie.

She didn't have that as a story, so I don't know why I just asked that.

Oh, okay.

I thought I had like new information for you.

No, I saw that they were all together for Thanksgiving, but I was going to get further details from you.

But we'll get into all of that

in the fast five stories that you need to know.

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There's even a few pieces that if...

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What can I

say

except

you're welcome?

Moana 2 is out now.

Yes, Olivia saw it over the week and she loved it.

Yeah, how nice.

Our first story, the big news that dropped right after we wrapped on Tuesday, but I'm kind of glad because we've gotten more information in the last five days.

And there was a new episode of shenanigans out that really added some color.

Yes, and they've released just information about the valley and Vanderpump Roll Season 12 will be completely rebooted with a new cast.

And to be clear, that's the upcoming season.

Yes.

So they don't even get like goodbye or nothing.

It's like, you're fired.

It's over.

Yeah.

We thought that they had filled.

And it's so crazy because it's just so classic, us.

We were talking about this on Tuesday.

So I actually don't even feel like we missed out that much.

We had this conversation about where do they go from here.

And I was telling you how they're at a standstill because of salaries.

Except the only thing that I got wrong was that Dumois had said that this season is being filmed and it's good, but where do we go from here?

But there is no this season.

So here's the information that we have.

On November 26th, Bravo announced that the hit series was renewed, but the twist in the martini glass is that Vanderpump Rules will feature a brand new cast going forward.

Lisa Vanderpump said in a press release, in the restaurant business, one shift always gives way to another.

Cheers to the next generation of Vanderpump Rules.

So the original cast

learned of the major series shake-up 24 hours before the news was made public.

Pretty much everyone is off the show except for Lisa Vanderpump.

And now it is being reported that the Valley Season 2 will feature Sheena, Tom Schwartz, and Lala following the reboot news.

So that's where we're at at the moment.

So I understand completely, and I don't disagree with why they did this.

Like, it's not sustainable.

However, having said that...

They did attempt a small-ish sort of reboot.

And I think those were some of the worst years on Vanderpump Rules.

Like dreadful storylines, dreadful people.

Max, Brett, Danica, Charlie.

Like, that was horrible.

So I don't have a lot of faith that this new reboot show they're going to put together is going to be good.

Having said that, I actually think that a lot of the cast graduating, like the whole tie to Sir makes no sense anymore.

Like these people are parents.

Like, yeah.

So having Lala, Sheena, I find Tom Schwartz really like an interesting choice.

Having them graduate to the Valley, especially when The Valley was so successful, I think is natural.

I just, I think this is the end of the OG show because no one is going to watch us.

Yeah.

So while I do think what we said last week about the salary cap issue being a major issue,

the sources are saying that there had been a long pause in production and nothing had really changed among the cast since the season 11 reunion.

The network felt there was no path forward with the group in that capacity.

I do think it's a very important thing.

What I had heard was that Ariana was

in negotiations and she like doesn't give a fuck.

She has so many opportunities.

So not only did she want, I think like a million dollars, like something.

something huge, she also wanted stipulations in her contract that she didn't have to film any scenes with Sandoval, no scenes with Lala, like like things that really make the show We're gonna pay you a million dollars and you're not even gonna participate like

Really not

It's not workable.

I think that if they didn't have rules like that and they put them all you know on a cash trip together and turn the cameras on I think they could have had entertainment value but it's as they say nothing lasts forever.

I thought Sheena had a really good outlook on it, but also knowing that she's gonna be on

It's easy for her to like say goodbye to this like her next job is waiting

this wasn't gonna go on forever and things change people graduate so I think this makes a lot of sense.

I'm actually glad they're just ripping the band-aid off and not letting the sh the whole show go.

Like, even though they technically did this with Roney, I don't feel like it's the same.

I feel like this is a better

use of this idea.

Well, Roney, yeah, is the natural comparison.

Roni felt really premature.

Like, I don't think there was really a lot of demand.

It didn't feel like they were at this standstill.

There was like an issue that the women were drinking too much and like going on in circles.

And then the next morning, they had no idea what they were talking about.

So, it felt like a little bit of a waste of time.

But there were fixes to it, it, and the women really wanted it.

Now it's like everybody shows up to Vanderpump Burles and they don't even want to be there.

Like there's a lack of interest.

And I think that's where the two situations are really different.

But Bravo just doesn't have a great track record thus far of rebooting shows.

The good news is, though, I feel like there's really a lot of potential.

There are so, well, I guess they're going to cast from whoever is already working at Sur, but I feel like, you know, people in LA, they want this so badly.

They're going to do what it takes to make great television.

And maybe we'll get a real like junior version of Vanderpump Worlds, the one that we all loved.

Now, as someone who is in my Valley era and who really enjoyed Valley Season 1, one, I've heard Valley Season 2 is insane.

Did you hear this?

No, my God.

Wait, where are you hearing things?

I don't know where I saw this.

I literally have no idea.

Probably just like something in my Explorer page that it's the craziest season of reality TV ever.

Oh, my God.

You should watch season one.

I should.

And now that Lala is going to be there, like, of course I'll still be watching even though I already was going to.

And I just want to say I'm holding space, a lot of fucking space, for Lala and Tom Schwartz because

the reason is there for him to be on the valley.

Yeah.

She was on Watch What Happens Live last week and Andy was asking her about relationships with different castmates like Ariana.

She hasn't spoken to her.

Katie, she hasn't spoken to her.

Schwartz.

She said, I love Schwartzy.

Yeah, I think that we feel it.

I think we're not, like everyone, we're not.

feeling nothing like there's something there if there ever was a reason for them to not especially from lala's pov it was her relationship with Katie, even when it was strained.

But when she was on Watch Humboldt's Live, she said she hasn't spoken to Katie.

Like, there is no friendship there.

Now they don't even work together on the show.

Like, what the hell does Lala owe Katie?

I think it's definitely a possibility.

And it could be one of those things that gives the Valley,

like, it's sort of Scandoval moment.

Like, it would be huge.

But it also could have been the thing that saved Vanderpump roles.

But the thing is, even Scandoval didn't save Van der Pump Rolls.

No, sorry, it gave it a season and a half.

Yeah,

it gives you a little bit more life, but maybe like the production company couldn't afford it and the Valley could.

Because Sheena Lala, I mean, Sheena and not Tom Schwartz, actually, just Sheena is the only one going to The Valley who was an OG cast member from Vanderprump Rules season one.

So she was one of the hot, her, Katie Maloney and Tom Sandoval were the only people who from season one were full-time cast members.

So they were the highest paid on Vanderprump Rules.

I guarantee you, Sheena took a significant pay cut.

to be on the valley, but that's, you know, that sustains her podcast.

That sustains her Instagram, all the things that are on the show.

100%.

Her YouTube.

Yeah.

No, it's good business.

And now she'd rather be on TV than not be on TV.

Everybody's talking about the Valley.

They're going to be talking about the Valley.

It's only in its infancy.

So it's all up for them.

And I'm really happy.

And I feel like the people who didn't make it to the Valley, most of them seem uninterested in reality TV anyway, like Ariana and Katie.

And I think.

No.

Ew, no.

I think the only person who wasn't invited to the Valley, and I understand why, but I do think it's a miss to not have James Kennedy on TV at all.

And he needs to get married.

I bet you now he gets engaged and they have a baby just so he can get on the valley.

Like I like how having a baby or like trying to conceive is like literally the one rule to getting on the valley, which is why I don't understand how Tom Schwartz is.

But that's so Tom Schwartz.

That has been Tom Schwartz's, Tom Schwartz is just one of those people.

I think that's why so many of the cast members had fights with him.

Like born under a lucky star.

He never worked at Sur.

He never worked for Lisa Vanderpump.

He ends up getting his own bar.

He is a huge castmate on this show.

He never worked at the restaurant and served all those years in the back alley smoking cigarettes like everybody else.

He never put in his time, but he gets these things because he's like a likable guy.

It's actually so unfair.

Yeah.

That is, I forgot about James Kennedy.

Where does James fall into?

Because he's also like kind of, I consider him more of like the new.

Yeah, like he could be on the reboot.

Yeah, he could.

But I think they just want to start fresh.

They don't want someone who's like, this is my restaurant.

You know, like.

They need all new, and I get that.

And maybe he'll come to the valley one day.

Yeah.

But he does does live there.

Yeah.

Like they had the airport.

They have the house.

I don't know if that's in the valley.

Well, the burbs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, he's on his way.

So I'm very excited for Valley Season 2.

And you know what?

In hindsight, what we got at the season finale of Vanderpump Rules last season, like, that was a series finale.

Now we know why there was that weird montage.

Well, I don't think they meant it that way, but I think they left space for like, how do we come back from here?

We might not.

So we're just going to show you like really where we're at and what we're thinking.

And in doing that, they put a period on it.

You know that it's our time.

These are the best days of our lives.

Just raise your glasses high.

This one's for you tonight.

It feels right.

I'm ready to change.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It had to happen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yes.

Some more marvelous changes in the air amongst love.

Haley Steinfeld and Josh Allen got engaged in a rose-filled proposal.

They shared on Instagram this week that they will be getting married after getting engaged last week.

They shared a photo of them on the water.

Rose, honestly, I'm seeing a chuppah and a lot of chubbah.

I'm seeing honestly that this was a wedding.

And he, there was a collab post and the caption was Infinity 112224 Infinity.

Okay.

Written by Josh Allen, by the way.

He's the lead on the collab.

Oh.

Actually, I feel like it depends on who you follow because mine came up.

Haley Seinfeld is the lead.

This is, yes, because you follow her, but this is the People Magazine embedded.

Okay, okay.

It's Josh.

I opened my phone and saw this and like actually made a sound.

Like I was like, ah, like I knew these people.

Did we not talk about this one week ago that they need to get engaged in like the comparisons between them and Taylor and Travis?

And not then Taylor and Travis both liking this photo, like giving them ideas and shit.

Yeah.

I think it's all good for Parse and Trav.

Mm-hmm.

But not to take away from Haley's moment because like I'm really happy for her.

She's really defied all the odds, all the Bills fans not liking her.

I feel like she honestly like kind of put her career on hold for this man.

And it's working out.

Also, I don't know if you saw like Josh Allen's ex making like a little bit of drama.

Somebody

had left a comment on her post being like, you need to find like another NFL boyfriend now that yours is take and something like obnoxious.

And she responded, well, actually, my current boyfriend is the owner of the team.

So no more CTE morons, something like that.

Oh my God.

Wait.

And then she deleted the post, deleted the comments and wrote on her Instagram, sorry, guys, my Instagram's been getting hacked all weekend.

Like trying to figure it out.

Stay tuned.

Okay, like seriously, lying about your Instagram being hacked or any social media is the biggest loser thing you could do on the planet.

And it does remind me.

Especially because you just have a big pair of brass balls to say that.

So keep them.

Do you remember when Casey Musgraves liked a tweet that was like derogatory about Taylor Swift and then said her Twitter was hacked?

No.

I do.

It was years ago before Casey was Casey.

Like it was niche to me because I knew Casey, but people didn't know Casey.

Tell Casey, like, has Taylor Swift, like chip on her shoulder.

Yeah, you know, she has that lyric, never part of no big machine.

Don't sound sad, good old boys club.

Yeah, no,

if you've been present for the lore, like you could find things with Taylor and Kelsey, but excuse me, what's her name?

Casey.

Casey.

Yeah, lying about your social medias getting hacked, like when you said something that you didn't like, it's a move.

I respect it, but it's a really bad move I actually don't respect it and is she like just to go back to the original point like is she dating the owner I don't know who she was referring to she says she her current boyfriend owns a team and so she doesn't have to deal with any CTE idiots owns a team or a team

no a team not the bills I thought I thought like he owned the bills I'm like damn and I actually watched the bills game last night did you see the bills played the 49ers and it was like

15 inches of snow.

Like it was insane.

People couldn't get to their seats, okay?

And the Bills won and before the game started I had a thought and then the more I was watching and this is gonna offend some bills fans and like seriously I don't give a fuck so like eat my ass because I actually like the bills but the bills like have been consistently good for a couple of years They don't win the Super Bowl, but like they're always good, especially with Josh Allen.

Like they're good.

And they always have like a good record, right?

Because you play half your games at home.

And like you're training in the snow.

And then you have people from the Miami Dolphins and the San Francisco, people playing in California come to your town and obviously you win.

And I saw this guy holding a sign that had like a statistic and they put it on tv i'm like you guys shouldn't be proud of that it makes us realize like maybe you're not that good you're just good at beating people like in the snow because this guy held a sign it was like we're 10 and one at home since 2020 like for the last four years you've barely lost any games at home okay so like that's why you're good because you trick people to coming get a roof why is there no roof like literally in minnesota where it's always snowing the vikings have a roof why the fuck would you a like subject your players to playing in the snow like it's such a bad health risk and two like it's a trick i bet you if they closed that roof and they they all played regular games and there was like air conditioning and shit like that, their record at home would not be so good.

No.

I don't know if you guys are ready for that conversation, but.

It's a good point, but I guess, like, are they not better football players because they know how to play in all the elements?

No, that doesn't make you a good football player because you know how to like slip and slide on snow.

You like to dip, duck, duck, dip.

Yeah.

No, and it's like, maybe if there were other.

And you know how to pop and lock and Jackie, there are no, maybe, maybe once every couple of years, will it snow during a game?

Like in New York.

Like, it's very rare, but it's consistently always.

There's like a ton of games every season.

I just feel like we're not having that conversation out loud about Buffalo, and now I've said it.

Now I've said it.

I think you raised like a really fair point, and they'll never get a roof.

Like, they, that's the softness.

They just like want to be hard.

They want to be hard, but there's also like a, not cheating.

And it's a method.

It's a strategy.

I just want to say, like, and you are hard.

Bill's like fans mention you're hard.

Like, I'm not a part of this conversation.

Just get a roof and like, let's see what happens then.

I would love to know, like, one gets a little bit of a stats into the curtains.

She fades to black.

I would just love to know what the stats would be with a roof.

Okay.

I'll call the roofer.

Yeah, get a quote.

Get a quote.

It never hurts to get a quote.

I think about me, I'm always getting a quote.

It's sometimes so inconvenient to do all the legwork and for what?

Not only that, sometimes it does hurt to get a quote because then you get like follow-up emails and texts for months on end.

I got a quote and then I decided not to do it.

Of course, that's what happens.

The quote talks you out of the project.

I got a quote and I decided to do it.

And then a few days later, I was like, I'm not doing it.

And then I had to like pay for the time that the quote and it was like very off-book.

It wasn't like in the content he said.

You pay for the time.

Yeah, he was like, don't you think you should like

the came that I measured?

No, getting a quote is free.

Yeah, no, we got to kill with a quote.

Claudia was.

Jackie, you're such a sucker.

The biggest.

Everybody knows this.

Oh, God.

If you're looking to swindle someone out of money, like the vulnerable, she's right here.

Yeah, no, it's true.

I won't need that.

Technique, you don't pay for a quote.

That's like seriously the same.

The thing is, though, my husband is the opposite of me.

Like,

two cans.

So I am like, this is you.

And by the way, he was the one who took it on.

And still, we had to like pay us something.

I guess if I gave you more details, maybe you would understand more, but still, it doesn't always

not hurt to get a quote.

Right.

You sound like somebody who got hurt.

I got hurt i got terrible i'm so sorry i feel better anyways ma's will talk to hailey steinfeld and josh allen i hope so and so converting i hope they have a big beautiful is she jewish yeah

yeah she is steinfeld steinfeld yeah i never thought of that so i hope that

i'll meet you under the chubba josh do you think josh allen will wear yamika oh my god i'm freaking

i like was excited about these two before i even realized that Yeah.

You think Taylor and Travis will be at the wedding?

No.

Well, that will be the big tell.

I think that they're going to be.

But I think Taylor gets invited to a lot of weddings, and unless you're a true ride or die best friend, she's not going to go.

She's actually like a distraction.

Like, yeah, it's cool to have Taylor Swift at your wedding.

No one's looking at you.

I guess.

Unless it's like Abigail, you know.

But if she's like not there, then there's beef.

And we've long been wondering.

So even though they like the posts, I'm sorry, there is beef.

You can like the post of your enemies, but you don't go to their wedding.

Maybe Taylor Swift stopped being friends with Haley Seinfeld.

When Haley Seinfeld released a song, kind of let myself.

No, I don't need anybody else.

Because Taylor was like, I can't be friends with somebody who wrote the best song of all time because it'll just make me look bad.

Because Love Myself.

Actually, her very brief foray into pop stardom

is some of the best music.

What was that other one?

In Capital Lettis.

Yeah.

And then there was one more.

When I get chills in that, no, that's Love Myself.

Hold on.

Hold on.

No, she really like slayed the pop game for 30 seconds and then she's like, she kind of slays everything that she does.

She doesn't flop.

Oh, Let Me Go with Alesso Flower to.

Oh, starving.

Most girls

are strong and smart and beautiful.

Most girls work hard.

We all go far.

Unstoppable.

I'm obsessed.

No.

Starving.

I was adding in those.

I was starving to

taste.

That has over a billion streams.

Jackie, both times when I sat down to write my Grammy Award-winning songs, Toast and 100%,

I spoke to the producer and the songwriter and they were like, what's your vibe?

Like, who do you?

They were like, Jess Glynn.

And I literally said no, Haley Seinfeld.

And they were like, oh, okay.

Most Girls is a Toasty Anthem.

Most Girls is a Toasty Anthem.

And Love Myself is really good.

Shut up.

Love Myself is really good.

But if you do look below the lyrics, like beyond the surface lyrics, it is a song about masturbation.

Do you know that?

Yes, yes.

Okay.

Yes.

Are you ready for our next story, which is a perfect segue because it is about Parson Trav.

Okay.

Taylor Swift and Travis Trav masturbating.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey's family spent special Thanksgiving together for the first time.

For the first time in forever.

Taylor Swift and music, they'll be live.

Taylor and her family, including her mom and dad, hosted Trav and his family members in Nashville.

People reported on Sunday.

A source told the outlet that Taylor and Travis had a great Thanksgiving together with their families, calling the Tennessee gathering very festive and special.

Okay, now I'm trying to like figure out why Nashville, but I think just logistically, when she has a house in every port, you know, he was going, Trav had to go on, what was his game?

You're asking the wrong person.

What day did he play?

Whatever.

He had to get to Vegas.

So I guess maybe her LA home would have been better, but

New York makes no sense.

Like it's just too far from Vegas.

So Nashville is kind of halfway.

Yeah.

And you have to think about, you have to think about vibes.

Like you want to set the right tone.

This is a big weekend, and you don't want, you know, no offense, the LA attitude.

No, but in terms of her options, she has an LA, Nashville, New York, and Rhode Island in America, right?

Those four?

That we know of.

So it was really only going to be L.A.

or Nashville.

And I guess, yeah, you have to consider the vibes.

No.

Thanksgiving in L.A., no.

It's like a a Hallmark movie that's filmed in July.

No, Thanksgiving.

And then I think you also have to think about hospitality.

Like, everyone's staying at your house.

Like, which house has more bedrooms?

Now, I don't know the layout of both houses.

I would have thought her L.A.

one was bigger.

But in terms of bedrooms, like you have to think about the Kelsey parents and the

Swift parents are both divorced.

So it's four bedrooms.

What about Jason, Kylie, and the girls?

Were they there?

They were.

So it's Jason and Kylie, a fifth bedroom.

And also, Nashville is easier for those Kelseys to get to.

They're not going to L.A.

The girls, six.

Taylor and Travis, that's seven.

Is the brother there with his fiancé, Austin, for sure?

Unless he was with his fiancé's family, but that's eight.

Let's say conservatively, that's before any friends, assistants, eight bedrooms.

So she's got to think, which of my houses has eight guest bedrooms?

I'm sure most of them, but.

So definitely Nashville does, because otherwise they would have done holiday house.

Yeah, which is such a vibe.

And I guess when you have a private jet, like it doesn't really matter, but it's a little inconvenient.

And it's a little chilly.

Like Nashville is probably perfect.

It was probably idyllic.

I'm sure that like every side dish, every trick, I'm sure it was literally like a hallmark Thanksgiving.

If you looked up a textbook picture of a Thanksgiving dinner, you would have seen this.

Now, this is really behavior of two people who are betrothed.

Yeah, you kind of, you get engaged and then you do this, and then the baby comes in January.

I think that it's just really

serious type of behavior.

And of course, you can do this with your boyfriend.

You actually don't do this with your boyfriend.

I know especially your boyfriend okay let's say you're just like people who've decided not to get married so he's your boyfriend of like 15 years okay your life partner your boyfriend of a year and a half yeah a year and a give or take a few months um no it's it's really serious it's serious behavior yeah they started in july so a year and what four months

it's serious

yeah it's serious

I think they actually have to be engaged.

Otherwise, like if I had a friend who was doing this with her boyfriend, I'd say that's too much.

I'd say it's time for him to pop a question.

Right.

Unless he popped the question at Thanksgiving.

Right.

Which people do.

Is that a better place?

That's like a very, and honestly, when you're someone who has it all, like, what's he going to do?

The top of the Eiffel Tower?

Yawn.

That's true.

The more intimate, the better.

In my home, in my backyard.

And maybe he prayed that Chris Lane song where he talks about doing that.

Remember when Chris Lane wrote that song for Lauren Lane, like about how he was proposing to her and then played it in real time?

Of course, I remember.

I think that's what Travis says.

I remember everything.

What kind of music do you think that Taylor and Travis listen to together?

Because I think individually, they probably have really different tastes of music.

Lurd listens to everything.

So I think she's fine to listen to whatever he wants to listen to.

And I think he likes a mitt.

They probably listen to Post Malone is what they can agree on.

He's for everyone.

She's also very country.

And I know he likes Morgan Wallen.

So he likes country too.

I can't see her liking Morgan Wallen.

Yeah.

But I could also, like, he also likes like hip-hop.

That's why I'm like, maybe postmolo, because he kind of does everything.

And he's like, that's actually really good movie.

She loves him.

And that's their like move, their safe artist.

Yeah, that's cute.

Maybe he came to perform at Thanksgiving.

Maybe he'll sing her down the aisle.

She'll totally sing herself.

No, I'm kidding.

Oh, my God.

Anyways, this is a really major update in

the story.

It's also crazy that we know, no?

It is crazy that we know.

I hope we get some picks.

I would just simply plots.

I just want to see like the tablescape, even.

I think if we ever get picks, like it would be of the tablescape and it would be in three years.

And we'll be like, oh, that was the Thanksgiving we talked about in 2024.

I actually think the vibes cultivated, like, we're very folklore in Evermore.

Yeah, Taylor is like, and I mean this in a positive way, like really corny and she loves like a baked treat and she definitely gets into the theme and the spirit.

Like, I love that about her.

So she definitely like lays the table very Hallmark.

And maybe they got together and watched the Hallmark movie about them that Donna's in.

She 100% did, and they laid the table with the fancy shit.

Lay the table with the fancy shit.

Are you ready for our next story, our fourth story?

If it's our fourth story that's brought to you by Sex.com, perchance.

It is perchancey.

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Thank you.

So our next story, typically facial hair would not make news.

However, this is sort of the internet.

Yeah.

Jacob Alorti debuts a shocking new look and fans have mixed reviews.

So Jacob Alorti attended the red carpet premiere at the Marrakech International Film Festival in Morocco on Friday for his new film.

No one knows what that movie was because no one can stop talking about his new film.

No one cares.

So everyone is saying this is the first time that a beard has not enhanced a man's look and considering he is like objectively the best looking man of our generation

it all is to say like it doesn't look good the thing is it looks bad like I don't even think there were mixed reviews because I didn't see anybody saying anything positive like it's a bad beard now I don't know if he's just a person who doesn't favor beards or this is a particularly bad one it's a little unkempt it's a little too big um I happen to have really liked it.

I like when very good looking people look a little bit ugly.

It makes them relatable to me.

And I think it's like humbling.

And I don't, I don't dislike it.

I actually think overall, like, his Q score will go up from this, but he does need to get rid of it.

But just knowing he's capable of looking ugly, like, that's so human, you know?

Yeah, I also think it's good for his...

future as an actor because okay maybe he's not always gonna play like the teenage heartthrob maybe he could play the ugly guy like yeah no he's a chameleon yeah not every person in a movie should look like a movie star like they're supposed to be based on real people regulars so i think this is shows range for him so true but like if i'm his lady love shave it

well if i'm his lady love i'm just i'm grateful and i'm not gonna be complaining like hey

shave it the thing is is that if you look at olivia she's very beautiful skin and i i can't see that like rough coarse beard hair like being gentle on her skin anyway

because her skin is her business you know like that's how she makes a living i think it's an exfoliator for her maybe that's why her skin is so great maybe maybe.

But you know that there are people who experience, what's that thing called, like beard burn?

What is that?

Oh man, you don't know.

It happened to like one of my best friends in college when she was like dating her husband.

Any bearded man?

Well, no.

Yeah, I guess if you date a bearded man, yes.

Like if you kiss them, like some people have really sensitive skin.

I'm surprised this ever happened to you because you have such sensitive skin where you literally break out into a rash like and like just from getting kissed.

So yes, that happens to me.

I get redness, but I wouldn't call it a rash.

It goes away in like 30 minutes.

No, this like lasts a day or two.

No, I wouldn't say a day or two.

Google beard burn.

It's like on your chin.

No, it's just like a bad thing.

But I definitely would get I would get irritated for sure.

Yeah, well, some people have it really bad.

It's called beard burn, and that's why like their husbands have to, you know, live a

beard-free life.

A beard-free life.

So maybe we need Olivia to fake a little bit of beard burn and then be like, Jacob, you have to shave luck.

Or maybe she's like wants to keep her man.

Maybe not that.

far to date the hottest man alive.

It is important that we all encourage our husbands at different points, like to look ugly, because like, that's my man, right?

And like, who you looking so good for?

No, and it's like

I guess it's good that Ben doesn't brush his teeth.

Yeah, and I'll tell everyone, my husband doesn't brush his teeth.

Don't kiss him.

Do not come.

He's gross.

Do not come.

He doesn't brush his teeth.

Ben doesn't brush his teeth.

Funny.

Yeah.

Okay, are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Some actual like heated drama.

Not the heated drama.

Not the heated drama for the fifth and final.

But like Billboard Magazine is really going through it right now because they endeavored to do something that nobody fucking asked for.

And

they're pissing everyone off along the way.

They are.

So Billboard Magazine has been putting together their top pop stars of the 21st century.

And they've been like teasing every day, you know, number 10, 9, 8, 7, 6.

So first, they named Justin Bieber number 8, and Haley Bieber is, you know, throwing

it their way.

That wasn't ever confirmed that Haley Bieber's, I thought that was, I think that was fake.

Really?

The Haley Bieber shade.

Because, first of all, them naming Justin Bieber number eight is actually extremely generous.

I feel like accurate.

That was right.

Yeah.

And then the comment that she allegedly left on a billboard post was never seen.

I don't know that that comment was real.

Okay, well, the comment said billboard is a fucking joke as per usual.

But that's just

an appetizer to the main dish.

It's an anecdote.

Which is that it's a story about Parsley again because Taylor Swift was crowned number two pop star of the year, which already has people like in a tizzy because they think that she should be number one given all of the.

Well, after they announced number three, everybody realized the only two spots left were Beyonce and Taylor.

So they were like fighting.

I don't remember.

Okay.

It's so of not important.

Right, right.

And also number three.

Billboard doesn't know the definition of a pop star because there are people who are left off that list and then there are people who are on.

There's bands on that list.

yeah so i guess a band is a pop star and then that means like where maroon five wasn't on the list and there they should have been like they they don't know what a pop star is and then like some people on there weren't pop stars rihanna was number three drake was number four i don't think i would consider drake a pop star correct

pop star is for the girls i just

i agree completely five i don't know was the weekend on there um yes he's number 18.

no there's a lot of he's like a boy pop star to me justin Timberlake is also a boy pop star.

Yes.

Now, my issue is that he's number 14, which doesn't feel right, but he could be here.

That's fine.

And Justin Bieber, too, is a boy pop star.

Fine.

Yep.

Five, Lady Gaga, six, Britney Spears, seven, Kanye West.

I wouldn't consider a pop star.

Not a pop star.

Eight, Justin Bieber, nine, Ariana Grande, ten, Adele.

Eleven, Usher.

Oh, you know, that feels right.

Really?

Yeah, he just, he just operates under the radar.

That's the thing.

But like.

20, Bruno Mars.

Are you guys okay?

Oh, that's wrong.

He should be top five.

He should be top.

He could have been that 10.

Yeah.

10 spot.

That's wrong.

Also, so yes,

it started because then Rihanna was.

Everybody started fighting.

Taylor and Beyonce are left for two and one, and they announced Taylor as number two.

So people are upset about that fact just in general.

But then they put together this video package of her highlights.

And in that video, they included footage from Kanye West's music video where he had created a

mannequin of a naked Taylor Swift.

This is like the thing, this is her Roman Empire.

Yeah, from the famous music video, and it's like,

it's not even really her, but like, why would they 3D model?

It's not Germaine.

It's offensive.

It was offensive then.

It's offensive now.

It has nothing to do with all of her amazing accolades.

Like, it's seriously so offensive.

They got so much backlash for including it.

They finally like apologized in the middle of the night.

But people are not happy about that in particular.

And it's kind of like ruined this whole fun that they were having.

It's true.

It's true.

Now, I really want to talk about two things.

One, can we just quickly discuss like what you think of them giving Beyonce one and Taylor two?

Like I disagree with that, but I do understand that like this is subjective and like someone could argue both sides.

Like there are things that Beyonce is definitely better at and there are things that Taylor is definitely better at.

I happen to think the list of things that Taylor is better at is just a little bit longer, which is why she would have been number one.

But like, I'm not mad.

Beyonce is one of the greatest.

So like if she's going to be one or two, like I get it.

I just, that's, if I made a list, I would have done the opposite.

Yeah, I just feel like you can't call things until they're past.

Like, it's so true.

We'll see how history remembers all of this and what, what turns out to be the biggest things.

Like, I can't call it while I'm in it.

No, that's a really good point.

So,

and then I think today they announced that Beyoncé is number one.

But that's all sort of been lost in.

Yeah.

Their statement was like it was an internet.

This is what the statement said.

They said, we are deeply sorry to Taylor Swift and all of our readers and viewers that in a video celebrating swift's achievements we included a clip that falsely depicted her the publication wrote in an apology post shared on x just after midnight on november 28th we have removed just after midnight yeah they posted it at 1 a.m like they thought they could like get away sly with this apology and honestly one thing about the swifties they're not dropping anything and and and they shouldn't drop this like a dog with a bone they said we have removed the clip from our video and sincerely regret the harm we caused with this error i just like things like this don't happen accidentally or skip through the cracks like it's very intentional and it's so disrespectful.

It is.

And I feel like Taylor went through a period in her life, and I don't know if she's still like existing in this space, where anytime there was something like within culture that she found offensive, like she would speak on it.

Like Ginny and Georgia, you know, she called out Netflix for making that joke.

And so I think there was a time where she would have spoken on this.

I don't think she's really about that life anymore.

And also like Billboard is such a strategic part.

You can't like alienate Billboard, right?

If you're an artist like her who cares about all the accolades and the charts, like they are a strategic partner of hers.

So I don't know if she would say anything regardless of that, but I do feel like that part of her career where she was like constantly speaking out is kind of over.

Yeah, I also want to know the criteria for this list because I saw some interesting stats because then the Swifty started arguing why Taylor should have been number one for Beyoncé.

The most interesting thing that I read was that Lover

was a five-year-old album, sold more copies this year than Cowboy Carter Carter album.

And how do we fact-check that?

I don't know.

Didn't you tell me that?

No.

How many copies of Lovers

sold 2024?

In the first half of 2024, it sold 208,000 copies.

So I guess let's say 410.

Okay?

Okay, wait.

Why do I think that, though?

Like, I really thought you told me that.

I never told you that.

Copies of Cowboy

Carter

sold 2024.

By the way, oh, the first album's first sales, first week, I'm sorry, 407,000.

So no, that's not true.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, well then take back what I said.

Stricken from the record.

No, and by the way, I saw people arguing both sides of why it should be Taylor, why it should be, and there are really compelling arguments.

Like, you know, the fact that Taylor is the sole

songwriter of most of her music and she plays multiple instruments is like a huge factor that compared to Beyonce is not.

Also,

I mean, if you compare, I think like a big thing is like being a pop star is like the dancing.

And that's like Beyonce is like, you know, amazing.

And Taylor, you know, she's gotten better, but it's not like her thing.

Yeah.

Also, like the number of number one hits, according to Billboard, how many times have you been number one on the charts with Taylor with so much more?

So there are compelling arguments on both sides.

And that's why there's really no wrong answer.

It's not wrong to say Beyonce is number one.

I just would have made Taylor number one.

Yeah, no, it's not wrong to say.

And I actually think,

you know what?

These two fandoms, I just, I don't want any part in this.

If it was my list, like, it would have been Kelly Clarkson, number one, Little Mix number two.

And by the way, it's important to note that Kelly Clarkson was noticeably absent from this list.

This is disgusting.

Okay.

And that's why this list is disgusting.

It's actually so true.

So why, like, why are us caring?

We're giving this list credence that it doesn't like a not because either you're going to piss off the Swifties, pissed off the Beehive or pissed off Billboard.

Like, I'm not part of this.

What if not my Clarkson fans call themselves the Clarksons.

What do we call ourselves?

Yeah.

I don't know.

You know, I'm the biggest fan of people, but I've never really engaged in, like,

stand-um.

What's the name of Kelly Clarkson fans club?

Kelly and Aaters?

Clarksonators?

Team KC.

No, thank you.

That's bad.

No, thank you.

That's the name of her official fan club.

That's the Kansas City Chiefs.

Yeah, that's not a good one.

Sorry.

It's okay when you have

raw talent like that.

You don't need frivolous things like that.

Yeah.

And also, we're like grown women, us Kelly fans.

It's true.

Like, your mothers, your lawyers, your business owners, like, you're not Arianators.

Arianators.

Oh, my God.

My entire timeline on every platform now is behind-the-scenes wicked content.

And

I think I might be an Arianator.

Like,

I just am.

I actually think I might download threads because I'm getting all these like threads really compelling thought-provoking yeah

teased in my Instagram where they just cut me off right before right where you would be interested

they're crush I'm so close even one person I looked up their handle on X because I wanted to see

and I couldn't find it they're about to

talk about threads like that failure that was really crushed I didn't download threads that day that one billion people did but like now I did these wicked movie reviews that they're leaving me in in the lurch might get me.

No, but if you're writing shit on threads and not other places, like do you not want people to see it?

I don't know.

I don't know what's going on, but like threads is trying something.

I just want you guys, I'm warning you.

They're coming.

They want you to engage.

And you're getting dangerously close.

I'm getting dangerously close to the edge.

I am.

So I have to say, the studio has been a dream.

Let's just pray that my.

What do you keep looking up at?

Jack Self.

There's a huge trigger here.

Yeah, huge.

Like, I'm literally, I'm a movie star.

It looks like a movie star.

Jacob Alarde.

Yeah, we're playing people.

Are you at the Marrakesh Film Festival?

Yeah, I actually look like I'm at the Marrakesh Film Festival.

Will you be in the studio tomorrow?

No.

Oh.

No.

We'll discuss.

Oh.

Am I supposed to know something about tomorrow's show?

Yeah.

Are you not on?

Yeah, that is the plan.

Were you going to tell me that?

It's fine.

I'll get Ben to sub for you about it.

You remember I kept saying December 4th, December 4th?

No.

You don't remember?

Search December 4th in your texts.

No, what I'm going to do is text Ben.

He's so dramatic when I make any sort of change to his schedule.

Honestly, the studio is pretty close to the airport.

Can you host The Toast with me tomorrow, question mark?

By the way, we can record early if you want to come back to the studio.

Oh, you just let me know.

It's pretty close to the airport.

Just makes you think.

And then Zach has to get the boys ready for the play, not you.

Yeah.

Let me know what Ben says, but like we can make it, it's always a make-it-work moment.

No, Ben, like, Ben will be

difficult about it, but then all he wants to to do is come on and promote good guys in spritz.

So he'll be like, I'll make it work.

Yeah.

No, he loves it, and everyone loves him.

So it's like, as much as I'm going to miss you guys, and of course, like, I'd love to see my curtain again.

Yeah.

It's all to the good.

I would love to see your curtain again, too.

So we'll discuss offline.

That's our show, you guys.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast on Monday Morning Show.

We're dealing with the Fastest Story using it to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So you're watching us on YouTube.

Please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast and anywhere podcasts can be found.

So at Spotify, June, Stitcher, Public Pretty Wire, everybody Cast Box, all the places where we listen to podcasts, find us the toast.

Leave a five-star review.

Do it.

I dare you.

Do it, you guys.

It's been so long.

It's yeah, about how beautiful, setting, and wickedly talented we are.

We've also always been so wicked-coated.

That's wicked-coded.

Adele Dassim.

Love ya.

Bye.