CMA Sabotage: Thursday, November 21st, 2024

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Thursday.

That feels like a Friday because we're fucking celebrating, bitch.

Hey, Jax, how you doing?

I'm Dern.

I'm Dern, actually.

Okay, you are the ladies in blue today.

Okay, Laura.

I feel like people wouldn't believe us when we say that we don't plan our outfits.

We are just so simpatico that like.

I actually think people would believe it.

We literally show up looking like rats in sweatpants.

Like, why would we plan that?

Plan matching.

Like, yesterday, we were of the same milk.

The day before, we were wearing cream sweaters and leggings.

Today, we're both wearing blue.

When do we ever wear blue?

There's just like, at least for me, like a really limited amount of clothes that I'm willing to put on my body.

So it couldn't be anything other than accidental.

But it's always, it's just to say we are simpatiko.

Now, I just want to get out ahead of some of, you know, the drama, letting everyone know the good guys were using my studio yesterday.

So if this episode never makes it to air, that's why.

Okay.

What were they doing in there?

Just being good.

Did they have a guest or something?

They did, actually.

They did.

Do you want to spoil it and just like ruin their show and their surprise?

Kind of, but I can't remember their name.

No, I want to know who it is.

I can't remember their name.

But Ben was like obsessed.

I'm like in this very sort of territorial era.

I don't know if it's like the hormones, but like anytime Ben's texting someone, I'm like, who's your girlfriend?

Like, and I'm really, and he's like, he talks to a lot of people.

And now he's only, there are certain people.

The other day, he's like giggling in the bed texting someone.

I'm like, who are you texting?

He says, Alex Gornocelli.

Oh.

Now, Alex Gornashelli is in the list of approved people Ben can talk to because, you know, she's married.

She doesn't seem romantically interested in Ben, so I'll allow it.

Everyone else.

You got to keep your eyes wide open.

Everyone who else Ben talks to is is lesbian.

Like, he's literally only allowed to talk to lesbians.

I believe the guest on the podcast yesterday was lesbian.

I said, that's fine.

He has been texting a lot with Witchbone Kitchen because they're like doing a collab.

And Ben is so excited about it.

And like, he doesn't stop talking about this other woman.

And she's on my list now, even though she's a toaster.

So she is approved, although she's not a lesbian.

She is a toaster and she's in a relationship.

So I'll allow it.

He was talking to this.

I guess that's what happens when he's like in all these female spaces.

Yes, yes.

He's got a lot of female podcasting and cooking.

And he was talking to this other girl yesterday.

And I'm like, who's that?

He was like, she's a lesbian.

Don't worry.

Like, he's just talking to a lot of bitches.

Or is she by Claudia?

It's a spectrum.

No, no, she's lesbian.

One day here, next day there.

And of course, you know, because I said this last week, nobody believes me.

I have so many friends who are lesbians.

The tailors are always like, he's always texting Taylor.

And I'm like, that's fine.

That's fine.

Yeah.

That's completely fine.

And I'm just like, I'm in a special type of mood today on the way to work.

Like my body started to break down.

I'm not wearing the right bra.

I can like putting on a bra with like clasps and cups is so not in the wheelhouse of things I'm capable of doing.

Like I

couldn't possibly fathom like putting on a regular bra and the clipping.

Just wait till you have to get the bra extender.

What's that?

Like extends.

It clasps to the clasp and it gives you a few more inches and then it clasps to the other side.

Okay, I don't think I'm going to be needing those because I'm not going to be wearing them.

I will not be wearing.

And so I bought these bras on Amazon that I really love.

Actually, when I was at your house, I was having so much trouble with bras.

I just like ordered some shit on on Amazon that would come the next day.

And they're like, you know, a cross between a sports bra, but like a stretchy relaxation bra.

Comfort.

And they're nice, but every time I wear them for like more than a day, they lose their like grip on me.

So I'm disposable.

So I'm walking to work today and like my tits are seriously hitting my knees.

Like there is no support in this bra.

My back was killing me.

I get to work.

I literally took a ponytail.

And I like bunched up a lot of the extra material of the bra in the back.

And like, like, I have a halter bra on now.

And if you see my bra straps like through my sweater, I don't want to hear it.

Like.

Do you own own the bra that i have that you fell in love with this summer clasps i'm seriously not doing it

yes clasp asking a pregnant woman to clasp her own bra like

no no i'm only looking for over like over the head bras okay and over the head situation situation yeah it's kind of it's been plaguing me like i love the skims bralettes but i'm i i'm at a place now where i need a little bit more support

And the

rib, like the elastic on the rib cage is tight because it's very supportive.

It doesn't bother me.

I couldn't go for that tightness.

I'm really struggling.

Although this halter scrunchie situation I've got going on feels amazing.

I'm also using a heating pad.

Like, I'm just, I'm in the phase of breaking down.

And from a physical perspective, and just know if I've got a little extra edge today.

That's why.

That's why.

Sorry for Jackson Quad.

And like, I already was feeling edgy because I was gathering my thoughts about the CMA awards and they're all negative.

And so I was, you know, I just started off the day in like a really negative mode.

Understood.

I feel really fair about going in on the CMAs like we're about to today because we're always gassing off the country music industry.

Like we're always every award show, we're like, this is how it's done.

Grammys, take note.

Last night, my ears were bleeding.

I don't know what I was watching.

I was, but weirdly, I watched from start to finish.

I just liked like being sat in a party or something and I was looking for something to watch.

I'm telling you, cable is where it's at.

It just like worked for my schedule last night, plus the commercials, as you said.

But we need to talk about that because it was not good.

I'm assuming that'll be our first story.

I have such nasty things to say about the production, about the talent, about the awards, about the outfits.

Like, seriously, I completely agree.

We're always gassing them up.

And I have the like most criticisms I've ever had for an award show that I, yeah.

And I didn't even make it more than halfway because I fell asleep at like 9.30.

I saw what I needed to say.

And I just want to say all of my critiques.

Just note, I'm obviously not talking about Luke Homes because like I would not obviously not because he saved the show with his presence

if you hear that opening yeah intro and you're not lit up

you're not alive twisters like just to see the song in action

I guess I guess we love that song Oklahoma by Luke Combs he played it when we saw him at MetLife and it was so good he was so good last night.

Like, so just know, when I'm slamming the country music community this afternoon, today, whenever, just know, I'm not talking about my King Luke Homes.

I wouldn't touch a hair.

And they didn't give him any awards, those disgusting animals.

I'm assuming that's our lead story.

It is.

CMA's recap plus awards plus moments.

So we'll get into that in the first story.

I don't want to put the carp before the horse, as they say.

I am experiencing something.

Or as we would say, the curt before the hurt.

We would say the curt before the hurt.

I'm experiencing something, you know, I don't know if I've ever said this on the podcast, but I never lived alone or like even not alone, like I never lived like with friends.

Like I went from living, you know, at the house we grew up in.

I stayed there for like a little bit longer than I should have.

And then I ended up moving in with Ben.

So I never had like an adult apartment that was my own, you know, my own space, even with roommates.

And so when Ben goes away on work trips, I like to LARP that I'm like a single gal, like and like, this is my apartment.

And it's really interesting to see how clean I can maintain a space for X amount of time.

And so we have our apartment, we have a housekeeper come once a week.

And it's like the best day of my life.

And I always try to maintain as many days of that freshness.

But, you know, I live with Ben.

So if he cooks dinner, like, we're back at square one.

Now, I'm just like, my apartment was just cleaned and I'm like a single gal living in New York City.

And every time I, you know, use a dish, it gets cleaned immediately and put it away.

And like all the clothes go in the laundry.

And I hate being by myself because like I miss Ben and I just like hate being alone.

But I'm kind of loving this like single gal era I'm currently in.

You're finding the joy in it.

That's good because that's always been your least favorite, but now like you're seeing the plus side.

No, I literally like act like I'm a girl who's like going on dates.

Like stop.

She's gonna download him.

No, literally.

I'm just like single and like, yeah, this is my house.

I live here by myself.

And like, yeah, I do all the dishes.

You want to come over for drinks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it's so

pregnant.

It's so mature, you know?

It is mature.

So my house is nice.

My house has never been so clean, and I love it.

That's really scary because your house is always so clean.

That's really nice of you to say it's not.

Oh my God.

What are you talking about?

Like you, there's not a speck of dust.

Like nothing.

Everything's like in a cabinet.

Don't let

it seriously.

That's so nice.

Yeah.

It's on another level of cleanliness.

It really is.

I feel like I've given up trying to like

achieve that.

Cause I'm just like, she's just like turbo sweeper like her house is just oh my god i didn't know that you noticed that's so clear

and under control yeah my house is clean and clear and under control and it just goes to show that opposites attract because ben is the exact polar opposite of you he's getting worse he's really just

i can't like

I'm curious to see when you have a baby, like they just come with so much stuff.

And I'm looking forward to seeing like what you do with that stuff because I know you're not going to to want to look at it.

You know, a lot of,

I'm so glad you just brought that up because that's, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I scared you.

Like you say it was loud.

I was talking about your microphone.

I just dropped my phone.

Give me two seconds.

And like, I thought the yogurt might go flying.

I thought the yogurt was going to go flying too.

Dude, that would just be so smelly for days, but it didn't.

No, no, no, we're all good.

I'm so glad you brought that up because a lot of people like are asking me questions, you know, like, are you nervous?

I'm not.

I feel like really excited.

The one thing that's giving me like a little bit of a pit is I feel I'm going to lose control of my home and the order of things.

And, you know, I don't like clutter, but the baby brezza and the bottles, like I'm worried about clutter.

I'm worried about like dishes.

I'm worried about just like an influx of laundry.

Like that is definitely something like that's my number.

I know it's so fucked up.

Like that's my number one concern.

No, I feel like you'll get the breza is so ugly.

Like they've got to do something about it.

It needs to come in like a little Mackenzie Jackson.

Jack Mackenzie Childers box set.

Whatever happened to a dishwasher?

Like, you will not ever be able to explain to me why I can't just wash a bottle in the dishwasher.

You can, you can, but how many times do you

run your dishwasher?

Once a day?

No, like once a week.

Right.

The bottles, we probably, at peak, like when they're only on bottles and not food, we're probably running that brezza like three or four times a day.

And it's a smaller thing than a whole ass dishwasher.

But it's a dishwasher, like I don't want to get a breza.

Dishwasher would suffice, yes.

Oh, it would?

Yeah, I don't see why not.

Oh, porge, okay.

But then also, like, the breza dries them too.

You don't want the bottle.

I hate that fucking drying rack.

So, and things come out of the dishwasher still wet, so you put it on the drying rack to like dry out.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, this see these conversations, like this actually makes me anxious and like nervous.

These conversations.

But I feel like the dishes and the laundry, like you'll, that'll become part of your routine.

Like, that's not the issue.

It's like the stuff, like the mats.

Mats up.

Stroller, where do people who live in New York City?

And by the way, my neighbors better get with it because that stroller is staying in the hallway.

Yeah.

The thing is, I used to like feel like, like, oh, I don't want to see all this like kids stuff.

I thought that's how I was going to feel.

I wouldn't want to like buy all this stuff because I don't want to see it.

But like eventually, by the time I got to the place where I was buying that stuff, like looking at it brought me joy.

Now I don't think that's what's going to happen for you.

So a lot of people are like, is Claudia going to move to the suburbs?

Is she going to move?

And if there's anything that's going to push me, it's not going to be my family.

It's going to be the fact that I have no place to hide all of that ugly shit.

That is what's going to put me over the edge.

Yeah, elbow room.

And we talked about that.

So yesterday, Jackie and I dropped an episode on our Patreon.

I want to talk about Patreon really quickly because two things exciting one i just got an email that i we've been actually asking patreon to do this for a while you can now buy patreon gift cards like for the holidays if there's someone in your life who's like always using your patreon account you can actually give them the gift of patreon and sign them up with their email and you pay for it so if you go to patreon.com there are now gift cards which i think is amazing and like with the holiday season i want to let everyone know that And two, we just dropped a brand new episode, like a big Q ⁇ A about like everything pregnancy-wise, like from a lot of people want to know if I'm moving to Florida.

I am not, like Steph Sang and I'm not

trying to conceive journey, conception.

So I think we've really covered everything that we had wanted to.

It's a video question set and audio episode on patreon.com slash the toast.

And yeah, that's what I wanted to say.

Yeah, no, so I guess the only question we didn't get to is like, how do you feel about the incoming clutter?

I could do a whole episode about that because I seriously feel really bad about it.

Like I feel scared.

And like, where are my minimalist mamas?

Like, I know.

And so you always are saying like, the cave women did it.

They didn't have a baby breast.

Like why do I need all this stuff?

Like are there mamas who just don't?

Like I'm gonna be the

it's like the de-influencer non-consumer mama.

Okay, well the cave women didn't have formula and bottles, so they just breastfed and they didn't have dishes.

If you want to strictly breastfeed, you don't need to get a breza.

Okay, by the way, now not enough people talk about how that is definitely a check in the column for breastfeeding.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to, but I'm going to try super hard just to get a bunch of people.

No bottles, no pumping, no dishes.

Oh, because that pump is so fucking big and ugly.

Yeah, no taking the bottle with you on ice, wherever you want to go, just whip it out.

Whip it.

Yeah, whip it good.

Whip it real good.

Not enough people talk about that.

Yeah, it's a major key.

So that's what the cave women did.

But then also when you want to be like a minimalist mama, then you have to just like be cautious of like sad-based territory.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because the children do need colors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At some point.

First, they can only see black and white anyway, but like eventually they need their primaries.

And you're going to have to see that red, yellow, blue roygy bib in your house i don't by the way i happen to love the rainbow like i love color even though like my design palette for my home is very much like neutrals and a splash of emerald um i happen to love the rainbow i think it's so beautiful and like i love colors like i'm not put off i just mean like in the kitchen in the common spaces like the brezza the breza for me is emblematic of like the baby consumerism industry and how it's like oh it's gotten a little too far i saw a machine that um i think it's also made by baby brezza so sorry for like dragging them, but I couldn't believe how stupid this was.

Like that puts the formula and the water together for you.

Yeah.

Like, bitch, it's a scoop and a bottle of water.

Like that's like that to me is consumerism at its finest.

People love that thing, but I've also heard some bad stories about that thing where they've malfunctioned and they're not putting enough

powder formula in the bottle and like babies were like

hungry.

The clinical term is called like they're not thriving when they're like not gaining enough weight and like developing.

And it was because of those breza machines.

So if you follow the turties anti-consumerism baby mama journey, you won't have these problems.

Just shake it.

Like that to me is.

I was to say I never had one of those.

And I guess like if I had the biggest house in the world, like seriously, the biggest house and I needed to fill it up with stuff and I had unlimited money and unlimited space.

All right, maybe I would get it.

You would get an espresso for your formula.

But I actually wouldn't because I feel like it takes longer to make the bottle.

Like and the kid is screaming and I'm hungry.

Shake it.

I'd be like, Ben, what are you doing?

He's like, I'm using the machine.

Why?

Like, do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

No, you're like standing there waiting.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

To me, like, that machine is emblematic of really what's wrong with like the, the baby industry and exploiting mothers, honestly.

I agree, but I just want to let you know, like, people love it.

Sound off in the comments, you guys.

Do I need one?

No.

No.

Shake it.

No, yeah.

So, how do we get here?

Oh, yeah, my back hurts.

That's, that's what I'm dealing with.

So, yeah, I guess I'm not sure.

And the thing is, actually, I don't know if I'm like going to be able to breastfeed, breastfeed But I fucking better because I put off a breast reduction and lift seriously for 10 years like whatever I want to breastfeed my kids and if it turns out that I can't and I could have had perky little tits 10 years ago.

I'm mad.

I'd be so mad

Yeah, we're gonna be shoving that

there's a lot of things that you can do to troubleshoot

Just sounds like more jobs more work Yeah,

that's really so hard.

Yeah, I know.

I spoke to Chantal.

Good, good.

She needs to get electric

tits.

Yeah.

I mean, but for some people, it just comes really easy.

It's the most natural thing in the world.

Yeah.

Well, so there, that's what we were saying.

There are girls who, like, you know, pregnancy is lovely and boobies produce milk at no

challenge.

I have come to terms with the fact, like, I will literally never be one of those girls.

And that's okay.

Everybody, not everyone's as funny and beautiful as me.

Like, we all have been dealt different cards in life.

Singing voice?

I mean,

that's a couple chips.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

So I can't complain, complain, but I need to know.

Like, I can't go into it being like, oh, yeah, I'll be one of those girls.

I'm not.

Yeah.

I'm not one of them girls.

Where was Lee Bryce last night?

Not there.

Not there singing Summer of Us.

And that's why the show stung.

So let's get into our CMA recap and the Fast Five stories without further ado.

And dear toasters, we will do it today.

And how many do we have?

I have a few.

I have to sift through them.

I want the best, the creme, the cream to rise.

So just stay tuned for that.

Love it.

I already didn't like my segue.

So I'm just like, yeah, like, um,

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Our first.

First,

she has to address the frog every time.

Like my frog and I are embarrassed, but first story, CMA Awards 2024.

Recap winners, performances.

Where do we want to start?

Let's start with the beginning, which were the hosts.

Oh, I was unoffended by them.

So unfunny and like not charming or enjoyable, but not offensive.

They were not offensive.

And I did think, I'm like, damn.

What is Peyton Manning running from?

Like the man says yes to everything and he's such a legend and the way they talk about him, you would never know because he's at the opening of every envelope and he doesn't need to be doing things like this.

Like he's seriously like a decorated hall of fame.

He still does football stuff.

People love that him and Eli do like TV, ESPN recap, whatever.

So every time I see him and last night, I was like, he's working so hard.

I was like, why are, why?

Like, go home.

Like, go be a dad.

Like, I was seriously like.

kind of judging.

I'm like, get out of here.

Maybe he's like a shopaholic and he has like a very high credit card bill and he needs to work really hard to sustain his level of living.

Although I don't think that like hosting the CMAs is a big payday.

No, but it like it puts your name out there.

So the big paydays come for other stuff.

They see you in this, so then they're like, Laney, you've got hosting chops.

And Luke, it's also very good to just be in the good graces with the CMA brand because you want to win awards.

And so I understand why they do it.

Cause like Luke Brian's a big star.

He doesn't need to be hosting this.

Like Lainey's on her way up.

I totally get why she did it.

So I understand why, like, you know, it's politics at that point for the country music artists.

Seriously, why the fuck was Peyton Manning there?

I'm serious.

I really feel like he is like unhappy at home and he's spending as much time away from his family as he can.

That's what it looks like to me.

He's always everywhere.

To me, it looks like he has very expensive hobbies.

Because you know what?

You know who's not doing things like that?

His brother Eli.

Yeah.

We actually saw his brother Eli on the beach this summer.

What was he doing?

He did.

So busy with his kids.

Like,

happy family, man.

I'm telling you, there's something going on in Peyton Manning's personal life.

He's saying yes to too many like lowbrow things.

Well, that's a conversation, an episode for another day because the CMA awards

took place and he was in participation.

So the hosts, I thought,

kind of stunk, but like, again, not offended.

And a show isn't made or broken by a host.

Like, who cares?

Especially if they're not, like, trying so hard.

So it was just fine.

They were a conduit from one thing to the next with their little jokes.

Yeah.

Performers and winners, which do you want to do first?

Performers.

Performers.

So the show opened with...

Host Malone.

Host Malone and Chris Sapleton.

And

they were good.

They were fine, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, everyone loves both of them.

I thought they sounded really good.

And like, it didn't clue me in yet that like all the mics were fucked up and they were fucked up for the moment.

There was a production issue going on at that arena.

Yes.

So other performers, who were your favorites?

Let's start with the good news.

Luke Holmes was amazing.

Yes.

Excuse me.

You were amazing.

They sounded just like their record.

So they, I have ended up on this side of TikTok.

People are obsessed with them.

They perform it.

I think she opens for him on tour.

So then she comes out when he's, you know, the headlining and they sing it together almost every night.

And they have amazing chemistry.

I think people are like writing fan fiction about them because they're so dying for them.

I mean, it's like, it's gorgeous.

Like they need to get married.

I love them.

So I've been following a lot of the Lauren.

I was really excited to see them live.

She's new to the country scene.

This song is huge for her.

It's an amazing song.

It's so different.

What's her name?

Ella Leigh.

Langley.

She's amazing.

She's a rising star in country.

I thought she was one of the best performers.

And I actually thought Riley Green sounded terrible.

I thought she sounded great.

She had such riz.

Like,

the way when she was walking is like the whole room stopped and stared.

She sounded exactly like what she sounds on her song.

And she just utterly, she was really impressive.

I never saw her before, but of course I heard that song because I'm a living, breathing individual.

Yeah.

And I was really impressed by her.

I completely agree.

I'm so glad you liked it.

And I need you to like get on the fan fiction.

Like people are writing books about that.

Because he's single.

We saw him perform.

He's so handsome.

I think, I don't know.

I feel like he dates like a lot of like, you know, like models and stuff like behind the scenes, which like I don't love for him.

Like, I want him to date her.

But I don't know a lot about his personal life.

Got it.

One of my favorite performances was Casey Musgraves, the architect.

That song is hardiness in a bottle.

She really like showed up and showed them.

It's like, oh, you thought I went to the other world.

I'm pop.

No, I'm here.

I actually don't think she showed up and showed them.

I think it was a little bit like, hey, hey, how y'all doing?

I'm back.

Yeah, like I went to the pop world and I kind of want to come back, please.

And I think I'm glad that they like had her perform and I'm glad she's like really back in the country fold because I think she makes her best music when she's not trying to be something that she's not.

And she just like embraces her roots.

And so I, and that song, The Architect is so comfortable.

Central songs.

I was actually really happy for her message.

And she looked gorgeous.

I do feel like it was a little bit like, hey, guys, I'm between my legs.

Yeah.

But like her performance spoke for a trip.

She earned her spot.

You know, it wasn't like, oh, pop, wombie, get out of here.

No, no, no, no.

agreed

then my boy Shibuzi performed he performed two songs he started with highway and then he went into a bar song and that was when the evening kind of shifted for me because up until that point that the songs were kind of like slower and and people weren't like singing along or standing but then like a bar song comes on and that's been the biggest song of the year and like not one person that they panned to know the lick knew the lyrics that was weird it really highlighted like a weird energy in the room.

I would have loved to like speak to someone who was there if like, were the vibes off?

Because how how everyone was not getting up, dancing, popping their pussy for Shibuzi was so strange, even though I did feel like his vocals, like he was also having some sort of production issue, because I know he can sing.

I've seen him perform that song many times.

At a certain point, like there were production issues because people who we know can sing like didn't sound like themselves.

Megan didn't know.

Also, you know me.

You know what we needed?

We needed Miley.

When she was singing Flowers, she's like, I know you guys know this fucking song.

Like get up and dance.

And you know, I would feel like it was targeted towards Shibuzi if then after that performance, I didn't notice it.

Everyone was like in a bad mood the whole night.

Like, it was not, it was not Shabuzi targeted, but that's what made me realize it.

Because that is the big, everyone, even if you've never, I have never went on Spotify and clicked that song.

I know every single word.

Yeah, so that was like really weird to me.

And I was like, this is a sleepy crowd.

Yeah.

And it's just like a music.

It's like maybe they can't even hear.

I mean, something was off with the audio, but I was like, okay, the vibes are off at this show.

Yeah.

What other performances?

So Chris Stapleton performed

with Post Malone and then alone.

He performed a song, What Am I Gonna Do?

He always sounds good.

And Post Malone also performed alone and he did not sound good, even though he has a nice voice.

Yeah, he did not.

Like, I didn't think he sounded good in the opening either.

So I didn't want to be mean and say that because you were really nice.

But we know he has a nice voice.

So I think he was really sabotage.

I think they were all really sabotaged.

Do you think he fell victim to the production issues?

Yes.

Okay.

Megan Maroney.

Oh my God.

She was the most sabotaged because I've seen her perform live.

Like she can sing.

That's like her thing.

I also, I felt like the song she was singing wasn't big enough sonically for an award show.

It's like, like, it's just a little diddy.

Like, the production was bigger than the song.

You know, who absolutely slayed, but she always like

shows up and does the job.

Kelsey Ballerini.

She has like an amazing voice.

She did not fall victim to any.

She was not letting those in-ear monitor.

She was not letting any of it get to her.

She sounded vocally stunning.

Yeah.

And I really like that song with Noah Khan, I guess, is

Kahan, even though there's an extra A.

Um, Jellyroll performed with Brooks and Dunn.

Jellyroll looked amazing.

I didn't know that he was on this health journey when they cut to him.

Oh my God, he had such a light in his face.

I thought he looked amazing.

I'm so happy for him.

I think they said he'd lost like 75 pounds.

He also performed a song Liar with Keith Urban, which is the only song from the evening that I've now added to my Spotify.

I loved that song.

Also,

you ain't nothing but I was listening this morning in the car.

liar.

This keeps happening to me.

Like,

oh, I really liked, and you know I don't really like Thomas Reddt.

I loved his performance with Teddy Swims.

Yeah.

And that was actually a song that I felt like everybody in the crowd was singing.

It's funny how like everybody knew that song.

And Thomas Red has only won two CMAs when they introduced him.

I thought that was like a little embarrassing.

Let's get to the awards because that's like really my big gripe.

Yes, so the awards, Chris Stapleton was the big winner, and I just feel like when that happens, like no one can really say anything.

He won two Canadian music.

I can say something.

I can say something.

Let me say this.

I am a big country music fan, but it's not my only genre.

So I very much exist like within the country music space, but also in popular culture and pop music.

So I think that I bring a unique POV.

I do not know that Chris Stapleton song.

Yeah.

I hadn't heard it.

And for him to beat it so many times, to beat Shibuzzi so many times, they went out of their way not to give Shibuzi an awards.

And I'm sorry, CMA is not beating the allegations that they don't like black people.

I'm sorry.

Like with Beyonce and now Shibuzzi, I tried to defend you, but you're kind of becoming indefensible.

You can't give it to Shabuzi, the biggest, best song of the year.

Like, you're literally going out of your way to not give him a single award.

No, that was the song of the year.

There's no disputing it.

And now I'm looking at CMA like, because, you know, with Beyonce, like, I felt that people were making valid arguments on both sides about whether she deserved to be nominated.

I think she did deserve to be nominated, but I could hear like a country music critic, like whatever.

Yeah.

Shibuzzi is undeniably the biggest country music artist this year.

And the fact that his song did not even get a single award, I'm I'm looking at CMAs a little,

a little suspiciously.

And then Chris Spapleton also won male vocalist of the year.

And when he won, they said, they announced they were like eight-time winner.

And they panned to Luke Combs.

And he's like, he loses to him every year.

He goes eight times.

I think people were misconstruing that, like thinking he was mad.

I think it was more of like an impressed vibe.

Impressed, shocked, like that's so like funny.

I didn't think he was mad.

I don't think Luke gets mad about this stuff.

Like I think he's I get mad on his behalf, seriously snubbed for every single award.

He didn't go home with one single award, but okay.

However, Entertainer of the Year did not go to Chris Stapleton, shockingly.

And what was so shocking was that it went to Morgan Wallen, who was not there.

And Jeff Bridges read the card and he said, Morgan Whalen, which I really related to as someone who doesn't pronounce anyone's name right.

And then they were like, Morgan Whalen, and he's not here.

And Jeff is like, so I'm accepting this award on his behalf.

And he's like, to the girl, he's like, give me the award.

It's really crazy for the biggest award of the night to go to someone who's not there, but that means that it's fair because it goes to show that that's really how the Academy voted.

And that's actually the one award i don't have a big gripe with because obviously i wish my boy luke won but for the past couple of years it has so clearly been the entertainer of the year luke or morgan they're on the same level they play the same size arenas as beyonce as taylor swift as ed cheerin' like they're undeniably making the biggest impact in popular culture for the country music space so while i obviously wish it had been luke i think morgan is so deserving i have no problems with it i'm fine with it no issue i wonder why he didn't go i'm sure luke feels the same way to like lose to somebody who he actually feels like is on his level.

Yeah.

Not, you know, some rando.

Yeah, not that, like, I just feel like Chris Stapleton, it's like when people don't know what to do, they just go to Chris Stapleton and he's like not offensive, but it's like,

and I don't know how you beat it.

Not exciting.

How you beat everyone as the male vocalist of the year, but then you lose to the entertainer of the year.

Like

was

Morgan was nominated for male vocalist, but that's that's more so about like songs, whereas entertainers got like tickets, tickets, tickets, brand, et cetera.

Okay, go through the awards, select the main ones so I can go.

Okay, so entertainer, Morgan Wallen.

Single of the year, White Horse by Chris Stapleton.

Should have been Shibuzzi.

Album of the Year went to leather by Cody Johnson and beat out Fathers and Sons by Luke Combs, Deeper Well by Casey Musgraves, Higher by Chris Stapleton, beat Chris Stapleton in his own game, and Whitsit Chapel by Jelly Roll.

And actually, in addition to Liar, I will be listening to Cody Johnson's album because he performed with Carrie Underwood.

It sounded really nice and I feel like I would like him.

So that was like my two takeaways.

Cody Johnson, I don't have a, I don't think that any of these albums were the album of the year.

So whoever they gave it to, like fine.

Who would you, who do you think it is?

That's what I'm saying.

Oh, I don't know.

The big ones didn't really release this year, Morgan and Luke.

So well, Luke did fathers and sons.

Yeah, but that was like

gay.

It was like a passion project.

Yeah.

So I'm fine with this.

I also would have given it to Deeper Well.

I think that album is so Pargy and perfect and she doesn't get any credit.

I think everyone does have her tail between her legs.

But the song The Architect is like

a marvel.

It's special.

It's so special.

She's not getting enough credit.

I agree.

She's kind of working her way back up, I think, the country music ladder, for real.

I think

that people really did not take it well, that she blew up from country and really left them behind.

Yeah.

And then went on to do Breadwinner and it was like pop and like, it was, it wasn't a good look, honestly.

And she's my queen.

I literally, I invented her in this universe.

Like, I've been listening to her longer than any of you snitches have.

Like, you don't know how to do it.

She left you too.

She left you too.

She loved me too.

And like, I did not listen to Breadwinner.

Yeah.

That album was not for me.

I don't know who it was for her like new fans.

Yeah.

Next song of the year went to Whitehorse by Chris Stapleton.

And what else was nominated?

Burn It Down, Dirt Cheap.

I had some help and the painter.

So actually, Shibuzi wasn't even nominated for that.

That was weird, too.

I had some help, should have won.

And I don't know why I didn't see a single nomination for Post Malone's song, Pour Me a Drink, with Blake Shelton, which I think is bigger than the Morgan Wallen one.

I mean, we all have our Post Malone claps that are, to us, bigger than the Morgan Wallen one.

That's not, that's not even my favorite one.

I'm just saying, like, based on how I rece see the culture and, like, where I's playing in Dwayne Reed, like, it's the, it's the Blake Shelton one, weirdly, which there was no hype for.

Everybody was hyped for the Morgan one.

Oh, I feel like the Morgan one was ever, like, did what it needed to do.

I mean, and it's good.

It's good.

The thing is, is that my overall takeaway from the CMAs, and I know that I come in, like, with a special POV.

Like, I'm very internet, right?

And there's a whole country music scene, country radio.

I don't even live in the South.

So, and that counts for something too, of course.

Now, my POV in the world I exist in isn't the only one, but I think it accounts for like a huge part of success for people.

TikTok, social media, is your music being played in New York?

Like, that's how you know a song is really successful.

And I just feel like they completely discounted anything that isn't like old school, traditional country music, country radio, country world.

And that is shaboozy.

That is TikTok.

That is social media.

So I was really disappointed to see that like they

were like.

not willing to like open up their world at all.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And then there was also like the other random shit that they keep doing.

Female vocalist of the year, Lainey Wilson.

Who else was nominated?

Kelsey Ballarini, Ashie McBride, Megan Maroney, Casey Musgraves, Lainey Wilson.

It was Kelsey Ballerini's year.

Yeah.

It was.

It's just like it's always Lainey Wilson is the female Chris Stapleton.

Like nobody's going to complain when you give it to her except for us.

By the way, that's literally it, what you just said.

But like the

country music industry loves her.

And by the way.

Loves him.

And I say this every year.

Totally talented.

I love her.

I have no issue with you.

Hang tight, honey.

I'm a wild lie running down a dream of a long lost highway.

Like, obsessed.

And then the only other category we need to discuss is New Artist of the Year, which went to Megan Maroney.

And she beat out Shibuzi, Nate Smith, Mitchell 10penny, Zach Top, and Bailey Zimmerman.

And as much as I like...

would have gone for Shibuzi, I also would have gone for Megan Maroney.

Like I would, I'm happy with either.

You're a little biased because I can tell you like that Shibuzi deserved to win for Bar Song because the song was so big.

His album and his breadth of work hasn't taken on that life yet.

Like Megan Maroney has tons of hits.

She has a whole album that everybody loves.

Like, she is more of like a well-rounded artist.

While it remains to be seen if he's like a viral, like, you know, Old Town Road.

Yeah.

Or will it be this big, long career?

So, I actually, you know, I'm like, we're feeling very defensive of Shibuzi.

I didn't think he should have won that category.

I would have been happy if he won, but I was so happy to see her win.

She was so happy to win.

She looks so gorgeous.

She's a beauty.

She's a beautiful woman.

Oh, my God, that face.

Like, and she was.

I don't know if she, I think she thought she wasn't going to win.

So she was like really surprised.

That was a really nice moment.

Yeah.

Of which I think there were few.

Yeah, it was not their best.

It wasn't country music's best night.

Maybe their biggest, not their base.

Just appear to be like, like, getting smaller.

Do you know what I mean?

And it sucks because it feels like so many pop artists want to get involved in country music.

Beyonce, Post Ballone, like the biggest.

And I feel like every year, more and more people show up to the CMAs and do a collab, Teddy Swims.

And it feels like the CMAs is so not receptive to that.

Like they're not willing to get that.

Well, I don't think they

it's nice it's nice no i i think i don't think they want like everyone like coming in and doing a little you know cma spin but i do think like the people who are in the industry like in all corners of it in that genre like should be more appreciated than the few the selected few yeah no they have their their selects

and i'm over it like so over it least you could do is fix your sound problems you're not embarrassing these talented artists my ears ears were bleeding at some point.

Yeah.

And like, I, I, I don't want to be mean, but like the worst, like, I, you know, I'm not going to say it.

There was one person who was singing.

I was like, my ears are actually bleeding.

Like, this is crazy.

And I forget who it was.

And I think that's for the best.

I know who it was, but I won't say it.

Who?

Will you text me?

We were texting about it.

We were texting about everything.

Okay, whatever.

I'll tell you after.

Okay.

Are you ready for our next story?

One of our favorite categories of stories.

Favorite books, turning into movies, casting news.

Anne Hathaway will star in an adaptation of Colleen Hoover's Verity for Amazon MGM Studios and Michael Show Walter.

So following the success of the Amazon film, The Idea of You, Anne Hathaway and director Michael Show Walter have found their next big project to team up on.

She is set to star in Amazon MGM Studios' upcoming feature, Verity, which Show Walter is helming.

So they did Idea of You together.

Now they're doing Verity.

based on the number one New York Times bestseller by Colleen Hoover.

Like nobody doesn't like this book.

This is an amazing book and it will be a very good movie.

Am I wrong in remembering Verity being blonde?

Not that Anne Hathaway can't be blonde, but

that Verity can't be Brunette.

Right, right.

Yes, Verity is the woman upstairs.

Yeah, she's not who I pictured for Verity, but she's a woman actress who can get the job done.

She's actually not at all who I pictured.

And my initial thought when I saw this, I was like, meh.

But then I did remember the idea of you, which I was very, very critical of, the book.

And I opened my iPad on the T on a plane, like ready to hate the movie, and I absolutely loved it.

So she did that project justice.

She's got a little bit more credit in my book now that she did that.

So always.

This casting of her doesn't like excite me that much, but what excites me is that like this is getting off the ground.

They're obviously taking it seriously.

It's going to be big budget and it's going to be as good as it can be.

So I'm excited about that.

And it's not like I had anyone in mind that I was like, this person is Verity.

Also, as much as Verity is the title character, she's not the main character.

She's barely in it.

I want to know who's playing Lowen.

Is that her name?

I always pictured Verity, the crazy blonde lady upstairs, as what's her name?

Diane Krueger?

Oh, but she's,

but she's a little bit older.

Verity's like...

Diane.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

You're thinking of Diane Keeling.

Keeling.

No, from Inglorious Bastards.

Yes, yeah.

Oh, that's true.

That's joked by Christophe Waltz.

I don't know why.

I've always thought of her as like, you know, she's like running around the upstairs looking crazy in a robe.

Like,

yeah, and the sources say that this will be in theaters.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah, it has the potential to be, you know, I said this about Housemaid 2, so I feel like they're going to kind of be like coming out at the same time.

Yeah.

The next gong girl, really.

It's a great, great thriller book.

And if done well, we'll crush it.

And I'm so glad that even though, you know, it had its drama, I'm so glad that It Ends With Us did so well in theaters because that means that movies like that will be put in theaters and it's not just big Dwayne The Rock Johnson movies in theaters anymore.

Yeah, no, it kind of circumvents that Matt Damon.

Well, it plays into it because it's like there's an existing audience and we know this is going to do gangbusters because millions of people have read the book.

But now we're getting quality movies and we're back to like rom-coms and romance stories and for the girls and not just like San Andreas Fault.

Correct.

So

I'm glad that they found a solution to the lack of DVDs.

Yes, and for the girls.

And when the movie comes out, like I will go to theaters and support.

We, I didn't realize that, like, it was difficult to get our type of movies into theaters.

And now, when they are released in theaters, we all have to go.

Yeah, my husband's going to love to hear that.

I'll literally go with him.

I'll go with him to do our part.

Yes, we all have to do our part transnationally.

Yeah.

So that's exciting.

That is.

We'll keep you posted on other casting news.

She's like a good actress.

Do you know what I mean?

Like a talented actress.

Like, that's really all it takes.

Yes.

Even if it's not what we visioned, you know, like,

yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Coachella lineup dropped.

Yeah.

Coachella 2025 headliners are Lady Gaga night one, Green Day night two, Post Malone night three.

And then some sub-headliners are Missy Elliott, Benson Boone,

Charlie XCX,

Lisa.

That's Tyler.

Charlie XCX wouldn't be a headliner.

for Coachella.

Do you agree?

She's the second.

She's right before Green Day.

That.

I think that's a fair place for her.

Yeah, no, no.

And when you think about like Lady Gaga, like they're not on the same level, but like when you think about how many people know her music, especially the type of people that go to Coachella.

Yeah.

I would have thought she could have been a headliner.

Maybe.

She could have been, but

if they didn't get Green Day or Post Malone.

I think her being right under there and then her next album, she could totally be a headliner.

I feel like that feels right.

Like, remember when we went to Coachella and Billie Eilish, like, was second?

And

she was at some random stage.

Right, but like she's bigger now than she, like now she she headlined i feel like it feels right yeah i when we went to coachella lady gaga was a headliner and it was amazing like she is such a performer i'm shocked that she's the friday night even though she's sunday she said this she said i've long dreamed of throwing a massive night of chaos in the desert it's like girl we were there she said she wasn't the number one headline no she totally was she was she said i've had a vision i've never been able to fully realize at coachella for reasons beyond our control but i wanted to come through for music fans like what do you mean we got a crap i thought it was amazing i loved every minute of it I've been wanting to go back and do it right.

And I am.

What is she doing?

Why does she have to like to be expensive

shit on the one that we went to?

And now it's like the bar is so high.

What the fuck are you going to do?

What couldn't you do?

Ben's going to want to go see Green Day.

He could go for the night.

Do you have the time?

Like he's going to mosh.

And Post Malone will be good as well.

Yeah, very good.

This is a pretty good headline.

And lineup, I would say, only good things, except at the bottom, it says, Travis Scott designs the desert.

yikes run for your life yeah i feel like that's worse than having him as a performer he's designing a festival he's a part of the infrastructure that's way worse than having him headline all three nights like that's terrible

so why they're getting tickets keep that in mind designed by travis scott are they okay the more i say it's the craziest

stay towards the back the more i say it the crazier it sounds yeah of course like if they for him to be involved in a festival is already like yikes, but you would assume his involvement is singing.

Just like artistically.

Him being boots on the ground, like in charge of security.

I don't know.

I don't like that.

I don't think that's what it is.

I'm sure it's just like he's doing some art or shit, but like phrasing it like that, Travis Scott designed this festival.

No, thanks.

Run fast for your mother.

Run fast for your father.

Like, I wasn't planning on going, but if I was, this would definitely give me pause.

And if I was, like, now I'm feeling a little like itchy to boycott, just to let you guys know this was a bad idea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's really crazy.

It is

I'm not seeing really enough energy for that.

Yeah

So he can yeah, that's I'm sorry like the more I think about it I'm flabbergasted guffod even though it's not the right word

Are you ready for our next story number four?

Yeah

It's a little reboot news spin-off, I guess, spin-off.

Suits LA is bringing back Harvey Specter, Gabriel Macht, the return of my dreams.

On an NBC spin-off.

So

this is the news suits fans have been waiting for.

The star of the hit legal drama will appear on the upcoming NBC spin-off.

Suits LA.

Gabriel Macht, who played the brash and suave super lawyer Harvey Specter on the original series, will reprise his role on the offshoot in a three-episode arc.

Sources tell deadline, a rep for NBC, decide to comment.

So it's Suits LA, but it's not surrounded around Harvey.

He's just on three episodes.

I guess so.

Like, I guess the passing of the baton.

Perhaps.

Oh, that's like, this is like the Shake Shack news.

Like, you must read the fine print.

Suits la.

Suits la.

Suits Lat.

I actually feel like Suits spin-off shows have largely failed.

They had that Pearson one, Jessica Pearson, who was like a favorite of a lot of people.

She like had her own law firm show.

I don't know.

So

I'm not optimistic, especially because it's, and if they're ever, if they were going to do one spin-off, the most beloved, like everybody, it's Harvey.

Like it's, everyone loves Harvey.

He's so handsome.

So I feel like perhaps like the time for this has passed, even though so many people got into suits like in the last year or two.

Oh my God, imagine it's successful and like Megan Markle does an episode.

Obsessed.

That's, by the way, we all have to watch it.

We need to make it popular so that that happens.

I could see it happening.

I saw a headline yesterday that like Prince Harry was getting tattoos with jelly roll or something like that.

You're kidding.

No, I need to get the exact headline because it was so, it was so shocking.

And I was like,

what world are we living in?

Yeah, that's really crazy.

Good for jelly roll.

Prince Harry jokes he wants a lower back or ass tattoo in hilarious video with jelly roll.

That's a headline that's.

Elizabeth is rolling over in her grave.

I don't know which part of this is more shocking.

Like, I saw that headline.

I was like, imagine Prince William reading that over his morning tea.

Like, he's going to choke on his tea.

He's going to choke.

That was Harry's plan all along.

He wants a lower back or ass tattoo?

Is he okay?

Seriously.

Growing up and maturing is realizing like Prince Harry has always been and it will always be the problem.

Like he was the problem in his family.

He's the problem in his marriage.

And like Megan took so much and it's him.

It's literally him.

I have such a hate for him.

And I actually like, I think we collectively need to rescue Megan.

And I think maybe Suits Law is the thing to just like give her the confidence to take her life back.

Well, recently I've really been itching.

I've been ready for and like, I'm in a place to really receive the American Riviera Orchard show.

Like I was thinking when I was like, no, where is it?

She launched her lemons basket.

You changed the name, remember?

Yeah, in the spring, but those PR baskets went out in the spring.

We're coming.

How did I get on that list?

On almost one year, there's no show.

That's so Megan.

Like, that's my queen right there, like, announcing projects, cutting the check, and not finishing.

Like, like, that's literally me.

It's goals.

Like, how do you get away with that?

I feel like we're always being held to our deliverables.

It's so true.

Like, she is just never like finishing what she's starting.

Like a $20 million podcast deal with Spotify for two highly produced seasons where she probably did like a total of speaking of two hours.

And that's like all, that, that's what it's about, like life, like being a businesswoman, taking your time back.

No, I love her.

She's exploiting these big companies for her own self-interest.

And I live for it.

And it's just like, you would think at some point that the issue with doing something like that is that the buck runs out and like people are on to you.

And they'll sign up.

They want to work with her.

Yeah.

And that's like being interesting and beautiful and like really mysterious.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, I, every night when I like go to watch, she'd be like, if American

ARO was out, like, I would be watching it.

And the fact that it's not here, like, it's the season for a nice, cozy cookie.

She really, she really needs that.

Like, I do think she has like great recipes, and she's definitely like organic.

Like, you're like, she makes her own butter and she's chickens.

Yeah, I think that

it's a missed opportunity, especially tis the damn season.

Tis the season, like, time is a wasting.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

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Our fifth and final story is some podcasting news, which we'll get into in a second, but it reminded me also of Megan Markle and Lemonada.

Remember when we we reported that?

Oh, yeah, what about that?

Lemonada got her podcast, and I was just reading up on it.

They said that they pushed the launch of the podcast till 2025 so as not to compete with her new Netflix show

cooking show, the American Dirty, which didn't come out.

Right.

So we're just like, we're getting pushed back more.

Obsessed.

Our fifth and final story is giving Lemonada, which is why I remembered that because someone is entering this podcasting sphere.

Ugh.

Chrissy Teigen launches a new wellness podcast called Self-Conscious.

It is an audible exclusive.

So Chrissy Teigen is adding another title to her resume, podcaster.

She shares that she hopes her show can help people break the cycle of negative thoughts.

She said, quote, all we do is negative self-talk all day.

And I think it's just this beautiful hour release where we can do something to better ourselves and learn something.

I honestly really hope that people learn to give themselves a lot of grace.

I think it's really easy to be tough on ourselves and easy to think that we're not doing enough.

We're not exercising enough.

We are not meditating enough.

I don't really worry that I don't meditate enough.

I definitely don't exercise enough.

Eating well enough, we drink too much.

Over the course of these conversations, she's begun to peel back the layers of challenges hindering her own well-being.

She hopes for listeners of the podcast to do the same.

I feel like when people come up with podcasts, they like feel like they need a reason and like a description that makes them different.

Like a podcast is a podcast.

Talk about whatever the fuck you want.

Like the fact that you need this like mission statement that like we know you're not going to do it.

It's going to be end up like you having Christiana on like you and your, and that's great, and that's great.

But I think that whenever somebody comes to the space, especially like a little bit late, they feel they need to have like a structure that is so different from anything that's out there.

And like, that's why they're late, because they were coming up with this really unique idea.

It's like, it's just a podcast.

Is that that serious?

No, and like two people can like have the same mission.

Five people can, a bunch of people can.

You're all gonna say different stuff at different times.

We all take on the matter.

Every podcast has the same mission, like to have interesting conversations.

Like that.

Right.

Right.

Keep you coming.

We don't need an outline.

We don't need a deck of like the mission.

Especially not one so dreadful.

Like, come on.

And that's not what I would have expected.

Like, the thing about Chrissy Teigen is before she got canceled, but even still, like, she has a really loyal fan base of people who really like her personality.

And, like, her personality is like, she makes fun of stuff.

And, like, she's really real.

And so, this, like, no negative.

Why?

Sometimes life is negative.

And that's fine.

Like, let's talk about it.

It's funny.

I actually don't think this mission statement really aligns with her personality and why people are drawn to her.

They're drawn to her because she's like, yeah, this supermodel husband is a billionaire.

And she lives, but she's so real.

She's out here like talking about it.

She wears diapers postpartum.

Like she really keeps it very real.

And I wish that was the statement because that's really why she's so successful.

Yeah.

This podcast will finally probably fall under like the wellness category where it's like, we don't want a wellness podcast from Chrissy Tegan.

Like she could have done something in comedy.

She could have done something in like parenting.

Yeah.

Food.

This, yeah.

Hosting.

And I mean, hopefully it's not what she says it's going to be because this just really sounds like really boring.

And

it does.

Like hopefully, like she does an episode with John.

She does an episode with her sister who everybody loves she does an episode on cooking a holiday one like she's very homemakery like this is such a weird angle when they when the her doing a podcast she's perfect for it she has a great personality she people love to hear her talk so why she had to come up with this like fucked new image

just do a podcast yeah i'm so ashamed like it's actually surprising that she's never done a podcast before she's very podcast no i know well i think like there was a really like a big chunk of time where like she was a little too good for it you know yeah and now she's been humbled like the rest of us and she goes where all former canceled people go to the podcasting space.

We welcome you with open arms.

I wish you the best of luck.

But actually if this were like an interview show like Armchair Expert with like her famous friends, just having like funny conversations, that would sound more interesting than whatever this is.

Yeah, because really if you're, if you're going to do conversations, like interviews, which it sounds like she's going to do, you know, none of these people are any better of interviewers than the rest.

None of these people are like formal journalists.

So it's really just about who you are and who you know and if people want to trust you.

Like she can get Kim on, you know?

Yeah.

And she's kind of perfect for it.

She's really well connected.

And people really, I think, I think seem to like her and trust her like in the Hollywood space.

So I don't know why she didn't just lean into that.

No, she could have been female armchair expert.

What was the name of the podcast?

Self-conscious.

With self, like really big and then conscience.

So it's like self.

Conscience.

It's a bad name.

It's a bad name.

And I feel like she has this big brand.

Or conscious.

Not conscience.

You're saying it weird.

She She should have tied it into her brand, which is cravings, like cravings and chatting.

Yeah,

something.

Chrissy's Cravings, chat, chat.

Yeah, thank you.

We love alliteration.

Yeah.

So we'll see.

The thing is, the cream rises.

Right.

She might end up on our list of celebrities who started podcasts and never finished them.

Ashley Graham.

Yeah.

Is she on our list?

Let's check.

Ashley Graham.

Yeah.

Like she is on the official list.

No, I think the list is like, that's not who comes to mind for me.

JVN.

JVN is done.

Yeah.

Don't we always have this conversation?

Yeah, and he's like canceled.

Oh, right.

He should come back to the podcast.

And we had so many people on this list.

I like didn't even know they had a podcast.

Ellen Pompeo, right?

Ellen Pompeo, yeah.

Why is she?

She's on the list.

I actually have this list memorized because it's so funny.

Go the list.

Okay.

Jay Cutler.

He had a podcast.

Yeah.

Member Sophia with an F1.

Em Ryan.

Yeah, yeah.

To me, she's the list.

Oh, yeah.

That's really emblematic of of like this big push and then nothing.

Archetypes, which stays on the list until Ileminata brings it back.

Kim Spotify Podcast.

Oh, and I'm sorry.

I apologize to JBN.

He released an episode yesterday.

Oh, taking him on.

But he definitely went on break because he was on the list at one point where they were like doing old reruns.

Oh, you know who we have to add?

Anna Farris.

Yeah, but I feel like it's unfair because that list is like failed podcasts.

And podcasts are allowed to end.

She did it for years and she was enormously successful.

I agree.

She doesn't go on the list.

I think we've already had this conversation and reached that same conclusion.

Kim Spotify.

Yeah, that's a true crime thing.

Michelle Obama.

Spotify.

A lot of these were the Spotify when they were like throwing money at celebrities and it was supposed to be huge.

Ashley Graham, as you've stated.

Graham.

Yeah.

Anderson Cooper.

That's shocking.

Shocking that he did a podcast.

You're on TV every day.

Like, why do we need more?

Ellen Pompeo, as you said.

Hysterical.

Margot Washer and Oliviash.

Oh, my God.

We had to.

Listen, the call is coming from inside the house.

You had to.

And then Phineas and Claudia Salewski started a podcast in COVID, and they don't do it anymore.

That sounds dreadful.

Oh, my God.

It's a classic tale.

By the way, I feel like you guys did this last time, but I forgot to take out my list and add people to it.

Sound off in the comments if there are people we're missing.

I want to get this list robust.

Next up is Dear Toasters, one day late, but don't worry, next week it'll be one day early.

And from here on out, we've discussed Tuesdays are Dear Toasters Days because Wednesdays will be real house-wise and Beverly Hills Days.

So Dear Toasters is our weekly advice segment where Jackson and I hear from the girlies.

We try to help them out.

You can write in submissions to us two different ways.

One, just send us an email, dear toasters at gmail.com, or you can head over to our website, thetoastpodcast.com, scroll down, there's a little dear toaster submission box that goes straight to us, totally anonymous.

We'll help you out with whatever you're dealing with.

Hey, Jackson turned.

Long time toaster, first time writing in, love you lots.

I'm in a pickle.

About a year and a half ago, I became friends with my neighbor.

Things were going great, normal, no issues.

She then had some health issues, and our group of friends was right there for her through it all.

Once she was better, she convinced me to apply to work with her.

She works in child protective services.

Shortly after, we began working together.

Things were going great, but she sent me a text out of the blue on a Sunday saying that she thought I had autism.

I was a bit shocked.

I didn't love the vibe of being diagnosed by a friend when I didn't ask for it.

I ignored it and just hoped that she would get the hint, but the next day at work, she doubled down.

She asked me if I saw the text message, what my thoughts were, to which I said, I appreciate you as a friend, but that really isn't me.

She then said that I was wrong and urged me to get testing done ASAP.

I was put off by this and I ghosted her and then dropped the friendship completely.

It has been about six months.

We recently began speaking again about work stuff and I'm starting to worry that I rushed into a decision to drop a friend.

Am I being too sensitive about this or was dropping her appropriate?

By the way, I just want to say, it sounds like she's the one with autism.

Like, because people with autism are known for like their directness and they're like saying things that are socially weird.

So saying someone randomly that you barely know, like that you think they have autism, like that's something actually an autistic person would say.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Also, I feel like she offended you, fine to take space, but now, like, you kind of miss her friendship and you're moving on from it.

And that's also healthy, too.

Just because you like drop someone, it can be temporary and then you pick back up.

If you miss her and you, and you work with her, and she's your neighbor, like, how can you really avoid her?

And it sounds like you want to like forget that.

It feels like you're naturally coming back to the business.

And I like that.

I like that.

Normalize that too.

You don't need to like drop someone forever.

Sometimes you just need to teach someone a lesson.

Like, maybe you guys were getting a little too close.

She thought she could say anything to you.

Yeah.

And you get, you put some distance between it.

Now get back to it.

Get after it.

Yeah.

I agree.

I wouldn't fight like the natural urge that seems to be happening like some people come into your life in waves and that's fine but if you're naturally

kind of like swimming towards her for whatever reason let it happen and if it comes up honestly just say it like it's kind of crazy yeah and time heals all and don't like feel like you know you shouldn't forgive her you know forgiveness is a good thing even if she didn't say sorry like you can still forgive and move on yeah and just like

yeah people are really just crazy well that's also

Yeah, people are crazy.

The way people act is really, actually, that's a good segue into the second dear topic.

You can't control how they act.

You can only control how you react.

Swirlies, my PJOM gave me the biggest ick of my life, and I need serious help.

I am not an overtly physical person.

I love affection for my husband, cuddling my babies, but unnecessary touch from others is not welcome.

Literally.

I can relate.

What is the ick?

Recently, we were at a family gathering at my in-laws.

I told my husband I was going to start gathering the kids to go home and I expected him to follow me.

I was getting flustered, juggling the kids, wondering where he went when I look up and I see my husband is getting a massage from his sister in the middle of the function.

The massage continued while I stood there waiting with our tired kids.

He even had the audacity to lay on the floor, request a lower back massage.

I understand as his wife, I've been lacking in giving him massages.

That's why for his birthday, I gifted him a nice massage and I often encourage him to go to a professional.

Once we left the event, I let him know how icky it was to me.

He seemed annoyed, and every time I bring it up, jokingly, he gets upset at me.

I need to move on, but I fear this ick will haunt our marriage forever.

Please humble me or help me accept this ick.

By the way, you're so valid.

You're so valid.

That is so crazy.

Like, I know, like, sister?

Sister.

Like, people in families like give massages sometimes.

Like, not like, like, I'm like, sometimes like Zach will like rub his like grandma's back, like, if she's just, like, sitting.

He's a good grandson.

Right, right.

But like.

He's an old woman.

So when you said sister.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No.

Yeah, Ben actually rubs his dad's back all the time, but his his dad actually has a bad back, so it's really nice.

No, it's nice.

Honestly, like, I want that.

Like, I will sign up for that

one day.

But the sister, and then he's laying on the floor.

And then also, less, forget, like, the tired children, we need to go home.

He's like, and it's not like you even said, like, she's a professional chiropractor and she was adjusting him.

Like,

excuse me.

No, I would never get over that.

I would never let him live it down just to make sure he never does it again.

And eventually.

There's so many elements of it that are weird.

Like socially, you're laying down in the middle of a a party.

Get up.

You're a father.

Second of all, like your sister's touching you, that's disgusting.

Freudian type shit.

Three, you are literally leaving me hanging, getting the kids in their coats.

They're screaming.

They're tired.

They're throwing food.

Like be an involved parent.

Get the fuck up.

This isn't the Canyon Ranch.

No, and like if he really like...

He needs you to massage him.

You get him massages.

His sister's massaging him.

Like, he should see a doctor because his body's not functioning properly.

Nobody needs to have this many massages.

And you like making it, putting on you, like, maybe I don't give him enough massages.

Jackie, I was just, let me this one.

Just give him one massage is more than enough.

Too many.

It's too many.

Too many.

I understand as his wife, I've been lacking in giving him massages.

That is not your job.

No, it's not.

And some people, Ben loves massages.

So maybe this guy's the same way.

And so you getting him for like a birthday

anniversary, always giving him a gift card to a massage is amazing.

Like, that's seriously brilliant.

There is literally no obligation on your part to rub this man's back.

Is he a professional athlete?

What is he doing?

And if so, then get a masseuse to come come to the house once a week.

A sports therapist.

Yeah.

No, and I don't know.

If you're a professional athlete, like you're bringing home the big bucks, all right, I'll rub your back.

You know, I don't have to work.

Like that, I need to know more.

But it just sounds like he's a big old baby and I hate him.

No, and you're valid in your ick.

And seriously, never let him live this down.

If only so that he knows, like that type of physical touch with your sister, like is not appropriate.

No, it's so crazy.

And just even if he still thinks it's right, just to never do it again to avoid like your ire.

It feels like Melissa gorgo wrote this in and teresa was rubbing joe's back because they're like those type of siblings who definitely like you know touch that is so weird okay the husbands are really acting out okay here's another one about a husband hey swirly swirly gumdrops i need to know your thoughts on this my husband and i have been together for three years we've been married just over a year since we've been together he has been adamant that i cannot see his butthole i jokingly inquired about it a long time ago while we were dating and he was very clear like no that was a boundary for him i could that i could not see it now that we're married and he's locked in forever i thought maybe it wouldn't be you know know, as big of a deal, but no, he is still, he will not quote, show whole as the kids say.

I'm not really interested in seeing this part of him.

And I just make a joke about it occasionally, but now I'm genuinely curious.

Like, is this normal?

Please share your thoughts.

Sincerely, A Wife in the Dark.

I love your show.

It keeps me alive.

Thanks.

Now, I want to say something really quickly because sometimes I jump to conclusions on deer toasters.

Like last year, last week, a lot of people were mad at me when I said that it sounded like that girl's fiancé had a gambling problem when in reality, he's just from the south and people take sports like way seriously.

So, okay, maybe I was off the mark on this one.

And you guys know like I'm always jumping the gun like your husband's gay.

But it kind of sounds like your husband might have a stretched out booty hole from like, you know, being gay, like butt stuff.

And maybe he didn't want you to see it.

Oh my God.

I'm taking the total opposite approach.

That is a totally fair boundary.

I disagree.

Why do you want to see his butthole?

Not want to, but like things in life, like when you're, I've seen Ben's butthole.

What time am I to give him an enema?

Right.

And things like that would come up, but you're not saying he wouldn't even let let me give him an enema, but like you just like want to like look at it for sport.

Like, I'm clenching, just thinking about it.

Like, no, I have a great idea.

Okay, listen, we need to start poisoning this man so that he needs to be

a bad one.

Yeah, we need to give him a modium, like make him breakfast every day for a week.

And he won't go to the bathroom and say, babe, like, I haven't gone to the bathroom in a week.

And you say, oh, well, do you want an enema?

It's not a big deal.

I'll just check it to you.

And we'll see if, even in a medical emergency, he won't show you his butthole, then something is off.

Does a gay person

who takes it up the butt really have that much of a different looking butthole than someone who doesn't?

It depends, I think, how active you are, but I do think you could have a stretched out booty hole.

That's like the thing.

That is the thing.

I'm pretty sure it is.

Let me just ask.

Hold on.

But I feel like you could, if his booty was like a little stretched out because he's gay, like he could say, I make like big duties.

Like, I don't think he's hiding anything.

I don't think he's hiding anything except wants one part of himself, like the deepest inner corner of himself to be private.

Bottoms a lot possibly have a stretched out butthole question mark.

I just want to say I've never disagreed with Claudia more.

Of course, there's always anyone, you know, your husband could be gay, but like

that is not at all what I think is going on here.

I think this is a very fake.

It's so funny.

Like boundaries are so foreign to me.

Oh my gosh.

Because I just like, I walk around my house and again, so does Ben.

Like boundaries are so foreign that my, my first instinct was like, he's gay.

You could walk around your house naked and still not want to show someone the innards of your booty hole.

I asked, does someone who bottoms a a lot possibly have a stretched out butthole?

Oh, for sure.

Hot dog down a hallway vibes.

Wait, but what about the hole itself?

Would it be visible to the naked eye?

Yeah.

No, he's talking about once you're inside.

Like it would be visible to the naked eye question mark.

The booty hole looks different than a virgin booty hole.

Like if I looked at your butthole, I would know that it's been stretched out.

Question mark.

I'm like.

Who'd you ask?

I don't want to say.

Like, I'll tell you after, but like, I don't want to put this person on blast.

Like, yeah.

Oh, they usually close.

It's an elastic.

Interesting.

So it just, like, stretches.

Listen, not everyone has to show you every crevice of themselves.

And I understand why he doesn't want to bend over and spread them just because.

Yeah, okay.

My thing is wrong.

Oh, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that.

And I'm wrong.

Like, one day in time, if you guys stay together, you will see his butthole.

Like there will be an enema.

Maybe I.

His time is coming.

There might be a hemorrhoid.

He might need you to look at something, but just to like look at it for shits and giggles, I understand why to him that's like, no.

I guess like it is just weird that there's like, you live with this person and there's a part of them you haven't seen.

I think there should be a little mystery in everyone.

Nah.

That is so not weird.

Well, I don't know.

It's like a man gets to see, like if you're married to a man and you have have kids, like he sees you at your worst, at like the goriest.

He sees every part of you, like, bend over.

We need to be even.

For sure, but if you said to your husband, I don't want you to watch, like, if that was for some reason how you felt, like, they wouldn't watch.

They would look still curious.

No, I feel like if you were really admin about it, like, they would respect that.

Let's do one more because I do have a fourth and it's pretty good.

And we've put Jackson Claude.

Hey, Jackson Claude, I'll make this short.

I'm dating a total PJOM who's been a literal angel sent from above.

Now, this is the perfect example of a running inside joke of like toast hood is that like people will write and be like, my pea jom.

And then they'll say like the p-jum did something so not precious and not gem-like.

And I just want to say to this girl, you are not dating a pea jom, okay?

Start again.

I'm dating a total p-jom who's been a literal angel sent from above.

Girl, you do not know the meaning of the word angel.

No, and also like people don't even talk that way about like actual p-joms that they love.

No, like you have been hoodwinked.

However, the last month,

I feel like he's been really distant.

He recently shared with me how he would rank his priorities.

One, it went himself.

Two, his family.

Three, grad school.

Four, the Arizona Cardinals.

Five, his job.

Six, a baseball team that he coaches.

And seven, his friends and me.

This isn't sitting right with me, but is it enough to end it?

He said he doesn't see these priorities ever changing.

He's really obsessed with baseball, but is this normal?

No!

Well,

no.

There's so many issues here.

First of all, if he's a PJOM heaven sent onto your lap and he said one thing wrong one time about his list of priorities, then what are you talking about?

He's an angel from heaven.

But he's been distant.

And he's so, he's so great that even though you're number seven, like, it feels like number one.

Right, right.

But that's not what she's saying.

It's not a perfect relationship because they've been experiencing this like rough patch.

What I would say is, yeah, his priorities sound fucked up.

But if you were to marry him, then you move up to family and you're not in the front.

Right now, you're girlfriend and friends.

You're in a friend.

Right, so you would be two.

You would be number two.

It's kind of crazy putting yourself as your number one priority.

And the baseball team that you coach, like it's a...

There's craziness here.

However, like when you're someone's girlfriend, like the expectation, like you, you grow in their hearts and you become, you grow into things.

So I think eventually you'd be family, but he just sounds like a piece of work.

He sounds sounds like really self-involved and really immature, like not someone who's looking for like a real meaningful, you know, earth core shaking kind of love.

I don't know how you would get from friend to family while he's prioritizing grad school, his job, the Arizona Cardinals, and the Little League team that he coaches, not to mention himself.

Yeah, I think probably you being number seven, there's so many issues here is you being number seven.

You not even being number seven by yourself because you're looped in with friends.

Another big issue we're not talking about is himself himself being number one.

That's like really, really crazy.

I think with a man like this, it's really hard to get from seven to two.

I don't think.

Yeah.

And I think you'll be like, even if he marries you, like, you'd be like fighting your whole life to be like an important person in your husband's life.

Who the fuck wants that?

How do you mean?

How important he is.

I guess he's in grad school, so he's kind of young.

Like 22.

No, no.

I mean, some people go to grad school directly after college, but some people go years later.

Yeah.

You could go when you're 30.

It doesn't mean, it doesn't necessarily mean you're 22.

How does he have time to coach the little team, go to grad school, and have a job?

Well, he's neglecting his girlfriend.

That's how.

Right.

I don't know.

I would just sit back and think, like, if your friend came to you and said, like, my boyfriend put me on number, like,

however, like, but then it's also like actions speak louder than words.

He treats you like a PJOM heaven sent from above.

And, but then he said something, but he treats you great.

So if he's what you said in the beginning, then what are we talking about?

But right.

By the way, do you feel like he's a PJOM?

What do you feel more?

He's a PJOM angel sent from heaven above, or do you feel more like number seven?

Right.

And also, like, sometimes men say stupid stuff and they, and they don't realize like how wrong it is until weeks later, maybe even years later, maybe years down the line, he would think back on this thing that he said.

He'd say, I was so stupid, you know, and like he can grow out of that like stupidity.

Oh my God.

But you have to evaluate the rest of your relationship because just as he said that thing one time, like I, I don't think you have to write off what is otherwise a very good relationship.

If it is.

If it is, but you said it is.

Yeah.

Oh my God, I'm starving.

Like, can't wait for a big, fat, fatty lunch.

What you gonna have?

I'm not sure yet.

It's raining, so I feel like I need to be extra fat.

Extra cozy.

Yeah.

Extra padded.

Extra pets.

I'm husking up for winter.

Yeah.

That's our show, you guys.

As promised to dear toasters, was kind of banging.

I'm so glad we waited.

And it'll be on Tuesday next week.

So we'll get into a good rhythm.

Tomorrow's Friday.

Great.

Just great, great, great.

Great, great, great.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast Millennium Morning Show.

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