Turd’s Havin’ His Baaaaby: Monday, November 18th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Monday.

And boy, does it feel like a Monday.

We have mountains to climb.

We've got mountains to move, but it doesn't feel like a Monday because it's very exciting.

Because we're feeling joyful.

We're feeling joyful.

I can't even imagine how you're feeling.

I'm just going to throw to Turdy because it's Turdy's biggest.

Let me tell you how I'm feeling.

Literally, I was in a bathtub last night, like after, you know, my whirlwind announcement.

And do you want to just announce for anyone who's like not on social media but only listens to me?

Oh my god, there are like a couple of people like that.

Um, yes.

So I shared on my social media yesterday.

Perhaps you guys aren't aware, but I am with child.

I am pregnant.

Yeah, that's right.

Mevin is baby.

And yeah, she is.

Yesterday, we finally told people, like, seriously, you guys have no, like, not to make everything about me, but like, today is exclusively about me.

So seriously, don't even bother, you know?

Like, Jackie, seriously.

I hit three, but you just, you just hit him with a we, finally told people.

Oh, my God.

Ew, I did.

You're a we.

I'm not a we.

I feel even stronger about the lack of we now that I've been through this.

Me.

But I guess like we did tell people yesterday because Ben was calling up, you know, I had like, I had a couple of people to call.

Oh my God, Ben was like, all right, I got to call.

How many friends do you have?

And it was a collab post.

So it was a wee.

It was a we.

We finally told people, you guys, seriously, nobody knows how hard this has been for me.

Like I had.

I think those who know you, and that's literally everyone who listens to the show knows you inside and out, like knows that this was probably so hard for you on so many levels.

It's the hardest secret I ever had to keep.

And seriously, when you and Olivia had both gotten pregnant, there's something special about the first time.

Every time is special, of course, but the first time like really hits different.

And you had told me, like, I remember struggling so much.

Like, I actually got drunk and told a couple of people.

Like,

I didn't even keep the secret.

Well, I just told people that I could trust.

Now, with my own secret, I can't get drunk.

So I really like was not telling people, oh my God, I don't think I actually knew how much of a burden it was on me until I let it go last night.

Like I was in the tub after and Ben, when I got out, Ben was like, you were singing so loud in the tub.

I'm like, I haven't been singing.

Like, obviously on the toast, I have because I had to pretend.

And, oh, remember when I said I could never be an actor?

Lies.

I'm an amazing actress.

I could totally do it.

I don't think I realized what

a weight this was carrying on me.

Not only like one, I'm a joyous person.

I like to chat and share positive news.

Like that.

Right.

Also, you know, I don't like keep information to myself that well.

It's not one of my skills.

And three, I talk for a living.

Like, and there's so much going on in your life when this like new thing happens.

And to just sit here and like, that's why we've been talking about food so much.

Like, what the hell else is there to talk about?

Oh my God, if I didn't tell you guys one second sooner than I already did, like I was seriously going to explode.

No, that's the hardest part.

The first trimester is so isolating, whether or not you do a podcast, because you're like going through all this stuff and you can't talk about it.

And so I feel like

that's the reason you want to share most publicly soonest is like to talk about what's going on with you.

Not only that, the isolating part is so real.

And I don't, I know, and in Judaism, we're very superstitious.

So like, so then if you're like, you know, following all the rules of Judaism, you're like nine months pregnant pretending like you're not.

And everybody around you just acts like, oh, how you feel?

Like no one's really, I couldn't do that.

And I

like obviously immediately told like my immediate family and Ben's immediate family.

And like obviously having you guys has been such a such an outlet for me.

I can't, but I also just had to tell my friend Margo Fish like pretty early.

And I trust her implicitly.

So like it wasn't about that.

I just like needed someone to talk to in such a real way.

And I'm so glad that I did.

Like I didn't need to tell a million people, but like I needed an outlet.

I needed a friend.

And that's like the person I talked to the most outside of my family.

So like I felt really good about that.

And I'll get into the details, you know, nausea, phasia.

Yes, I've been diagnosed with IBS, TMJ, literally everything that could like befall you has befallen your girl.

In junction with your coccidemia.

And let me tell you, my coccidemia has never never been fucking worse.

And I'm sitting even more.

And, you know,

a way to counteract coccydenia, like, is to be more active.

And I seriously, not exactly.

Walking.

Walking to lunch is my activity of the day every day.

And there was like a period in time I would love to go look at my steps.

I lived pretty close to our studio.

For like two months straight, Ben drove me every single day.

Like the idea of just putting one foot in front of the other was unfathomable.

And like we sat in so much traffic to go four blocks.

Like I didn't fucking care.

Like I could not move.

And I need to talk about Ben, obviously.

An integral part of this journey.

And it's so funny when we started like telling a lot of our friends, so many of the girls were like, oh my God, isn't it amazing what your body can do?

And like, how much like our husbands are so useless.

And they totally are.

Like, honestly, every time Ben complains, like literally last night, we ate a lot of Chinese food.

He's like, I'm so nauseous.

And I was like, you're what?

Having said that,

as much as a husband can do, Ben has done.

Like he has been, and I have not been easy.

I don't think that's going to come as a surprise to anyone.

I'm usually like very congruent with the woman that we know.

I'm usually very bossy from the bed, you know, get me this, get me that, get me this, get me that

times 45.

Like, seriously, I am an animal.

And the mood swings, like the hormones, the rage you feel like at the smallest, like rage.

Oh my God.

And Ben has not once held it against me.

He just like sort of moves on.

And I'm so appreciative.

And then like every couple of days, I'm like, oh my God, I'm really sorry.

And then like the cycle starts over again.

Like I'm like, I say to Ben, like, I would stop if I could.

I literally can't.

Like, please leave me alone.

He has been so wonderful.

And shout out to him.

Although, you know, if he complains like one more fucking time and just seeing it, there have been so many things that I wasn't expecting, right?

Like, oh my God, I'm like, I can't even finish a thought.

I have so many things to say.

No, and we're going to like thoroughly break this down like on Patreon.

Turdy is sat, but.

That is for later this week.

So now just give us the thoughts that you're thinking.

When I went on this journey and when I would picture my life pregnant, there were a couple of things I was like,

oh, that'll be hard.

Obviously, one of them was like not drinking.

I'm very social.

I love to drink.

Let me tell you, that's been the easiest part.

Like I don't miss drinking at all.

Like hate, hate, hate.

I was actually really worried.

That was definitely something that like, I think pushed off my decision to like,

I love to go out and socialize.

I'd love to have a cocktail.

Like it's such a part of my life that I couldn't even imagine my life without that.

And seriously, you guys, if you're worried about it, it's not like you, you will not miss it.

Like it seriously makes me sick to even think about it.

Um,

and I knew I'd have to cut back on certain things, but there's two things specifically that, like, I am living without that I am really deeply struggling with.

And on one of them, like, I am cheating.

Okay.

The first is Advil.

In general, like over-the-counter medication.

I'm very much like,

I'm a big customer of Big Pharma.

Like, I take, I buy everything.

Whenever I have the smallest ailment, it's an Advil, it's an Aleeve, it's an Excedrin.

I've got them all.

Love all of them have been living without

and i like all my little ailments they're really starting to take me down like i'm not okay

yeah that is really

not being able to take medication you can take tylenol but why would you waste your time or yeah

have you taken anything

i had to take advil after my um surclage when i was in so much pain and dr fox told me i could take advil and so i did and was it amazing

it was it was so nestling like I know some bitches.

And in hindsight, like, that I was only taking Advil after like a major survey.

That like leaves you in as much pain as like childbirth where you get like the horse pills.

Um, it made a dent.

But anyways, I'll also say, like, it was fun.

I know that there are like some bitches who like postmates

like Jimmy John's to the delivery room.

Like, I will be postmating Advil.

Like, I actually, I don't even need to postmate.

Claudia, they give you the high prescription Advil after childbirth.

And that's what you deserve.

That's what you deserve.

I love Advil so much.

I can't believe it.

And like the 600 milligrams.

And And I'm really aware of how much Ben takes it because he goes into the bathroom and I hear the bottle rattle.

He's always got something, you know, a headache, sinuses.

And it's real, that has been something I didn't foresee, like really challenging.

Now, the other challenge, I would say my greatest challenge that I have not been able to really stay away from, but I tried really hard is soda.

Obviously, I love soda.

Everybody knows that about me.

And I always thought like, you know, if I had to live without soda, I could, but like, I don't want to.

I actually cannot live without it.

First of all, it has all of the things that I, as a pregnant person, need, like bubbles for the nausea, the burping, the taste is so good, and the caffeine.

One thing I'm having a major aversion to, which has been really challenging, is coffee.

Like you said the day I got pregnant that I have to throw my coffee beat away because it's like.

cancer in a bottle.

It's not even sold in other countries.

Like it's biohazard.

And if you guys are curious, I am on the Jackie All Wellness Plan.

So like I listen to what Jackie says.

And then Margo introduced me to Chobani.

And so like right before I got pregnant, I was like, okay, this Chobani is a fine substitute.

The Chobani, like, there are a couple of things that I cannot fuck with post-pregnancy, post-whatever you want to call it, conception.

Chobani.

Gilmore girls, like,

some things just make me.

Have you been making that noise?

Of course, every time I take out the trash, and by the way, taking out the trash is no longer my job.

Like, it's was it your job?

Yeah, I'm literally the housemaid.

I do everything, but Ben has completely taken on garbage.

I, and once the garbage gets even remotely full, take it out.

I can smell it from my bedroom.

Get it out.

Yeah.

But certain things, and I don't know what it is.

My hand soap.

Oh my God, I'm so mad.

Like right before I got pregnant, I wanted to like really fancify my apartment.

And I got all new hand soap and matching cream from the whey.

You know, the hair company.

I went somewhere.

They had the whey cream.

I was like, I mean, the whey soap.

I'm like, oh man, this is amazing.

Got it from my hole.

If Ben washes his hands in the other room, I could smell it.

I say, get back in the shower.

I say, get in the shower, use Dawn.

Certain things have like seriously crippled me and the chil body creamer is one of them i actually am having a little bit right now because like i need i haven't had coffee in months like a full proper coffee i can't remember the last time i finished coffee no trying to find the right hand soap is a journey and then you will like get to you just need unscented that's why now we use like those dove hand soaps in my house that was a result of like pregnancy trying to find a hand soap that didn't make me want a bomb we went to blackberry farm everything smelled so good i was like i want everything from here it didn't smell as good you know, I am, I travel now around my house with my body wash because I actually like the smell of my body wash and that's what I wash my hands with.

And if Ben needs soap, I say, go get the body wash.

Like, we are just working with what we have.

Yeah, it's so crazy, the little thing.

Oh my God.

And you forget, I would have forgotten all these things.

No, and lest you not remember.

Let me tell you, I feel like I've had a very, and I'll get into this more deeply because I think a lot of people were like really surprised that I was pregnant.

Cause I've had like a pretty complicated relationship with like when I felt like I was going to be ready.

And I've never really been afraid of being a mom.

Like I just know, like, seriously, I'm going to crush it.

Like these kids love me.

Like, oh my God, could I be more entertaining?

But the concept of pregnancy, like I've always found really intimidating, really daunting and really unappealing.

Like everything I've heard and I've seen, I'm like, you know what?

No, like I'm good.

And now that I'm on the other side of it, like I can tell you it is that bad.

Like it really, really is.

And everybody tries to prepare you and there's really no, and if I meet one more bitch, how are you feeling?

Totally fine.

Totally fine.

I've been feeling great.

Oh, no, I'm really not nauseous at all.

Like, oh.

You mean pregnant people who's?

Yes, I can't.

And you know what?

There were a couple of people in my life who like knew how I felt.

And they were like, listen, by the way, it really wasn't that bad.

Like, I felt totally fine.

And I was like, you know what?

Maybe I'll be one of those girls.

Maybe I'll be one of those girls.

And I found out I was pregnant so early.

Like how, what, three weeks, eight days before my missed period.

I just took a test because I was going to have a drink.

Like, I wasn't even expecting.

So I have known for so long.

Where was I going with this thought?

Oh, and the first couple of weeks, you really, I felt nothing because I wasn't even supposed to know I was pregnant yet.

And I was like, you know what?

I'm one of those girls.

I was working out.

Me and Hillary doing the soda.

And I was like really eating well and feeling good.

And I was like, oh my God, I.

Like it skipped me.

Like I'm

refreshing.

And I was really ready to like lean in, you know, really be like Courtney.

You're going to be one of them who like does yoga throughout your pregnancy.

And who loves being pregnant?

Like, I'm gonna be Courtney Kardashian.

Cut to like, seriously, three weeks later, I'm Kim pregnant with North.

Like, I'm not okay.

I'm huge.

I'm sick.

Like, I'm feeling every little thing.

Like, there's two types of pregnancies, Courtney and Kim.

And I'm having a Kim pregnancy.

And because I found out so early.

You never, even if you were having like a...

an actual Courtney pregnancy, like you would respond to that.

No, Jackie, let me tell you, no, I really tried.

Like, I really, really tried.

And I remember like, I must have been four weeks pregnant.

And I'm like walking to the elevator with Ben.

And I was like, this is so special.

Like, this is probably the only time, like, so many times you're pregnant.

And then you have to like raise your other kids, right?

I can't fucking imagine.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Like, sounds horrible.

So this is like one of the only times in my life, like, we'll be able to just like really enjoy it.

And I'm feeling good.

And I check it.

I tried.

I tried to be positive.

I tried to lean in to buy feminine side.

No.

Thank you.

Okay.

Well, the good news is as you are now in your second trimester, like things will start to look Yeah, I can't even and they will get get better before they get worse.

I can't even really complain about how I feel.

Like right now, I'm so tired.

I slept from nine to seven.

Like all I do is go to sleep.

But compared to like how I felt like during the Jewish holidays was like some of the worst.

worst timing for me, I can't even complain, but I am looking forward.

I'm feeling a lot more like myself.

And I do think telling people, I don't think I realized how much it was stressing me out.

It was just kind of consuming like everything I said on the podcast.

Could it be taken misconstrued?

Yeah.

I was about to post something the other day.

And I was like, I feel like that might be like a virtue signal to pregnancy.

and then you told me it was because i've been eating so much cereal so i was like i was gonna post a story like kind of obsessed with cereal in my cereal yeah and the box of honeycomb said post on it and i wanted to be like marjorie post like and then i was like hmm

is this a sign is a pregnancy i just don't think i realized like how much of a a toll it was really taking on me and i really wanted to surprise people and like you know ward off evil eye like we have so many like disgusting cunt haters like i just i don't think i realized how much it really was weighing on me and how much better i feel already just like having been able to tell people.

And of course, like the attention, the likes, the engagement, it does not hurt.

I didn't know that many people could see.

I didn't know that many people could see my posts.

Where have you guys been all my life?

So good to know that your phones do work and that I do come up for you, but you've just been largely ignoring me.

That's totally fine.

It's totally fine.

How's it going on TikTok for you?

Because I know that Instagram is very mama-friendly and like mama content really gets out there to the masses.

Yeah.

I don't think that I am like big in the mom community on TikTok yet.

So I'm just, I think I'm sort of migrating over there.

I've only posted one thing.

It did, it did perform pretty well, but I got to get in with those girls, you know?

You got to get in the algo.

Yeah, in the algo, if you will.

Oh, and I have something I want to say now.

And I'll just sort of, I'll wait for everyone who yelled at us for leaving the Eras tour early.

I'll wait for you guys to apologize.

And also I need to give like majeure shout out and credit to my sister Jackie, who took the entire fall for it.

When it was me, I was so sick.

Probably the biggest mistake I made in my first trimester was going to the Eras tour.

And that day, I was

so sick.

And I tried not to go.

And shout out to Jackie's neighbor, Randy, because I gave her my ticket and then I took it back because we were down there with our friend Margo, different Margo, who didn't know at the time.

She was like, You're not coming.

We flew down here for it.

And I was like, I'm so sick.

And she was like, Who fucking cares?

Like, get up.

And I was like, oh, okay.

And then Ben was like, yeah, you should go.

We flew all the way down here.

Everybody was giving me bad advice.

not me

i already called randy i already gave your ticket away so that you couldn't go back on it and then she went and then 10 minutes later like i took it back and i'm really sorry randy that was like actually unbelievably uncool of me and i've been meaning to tell you to like explain to her why i took the ticket back i will um okay so i decided to go and i had a good time but like halfway through i really started to break down like heat sweat nausea exhaustion like i don't even know and

By the end, I was texting Ben.

I was like, and we still had this huge walk to the car.

I was breaking down.

The next day, I slept the entire day.

I felt so sick.

I actually had such a pit.

I was like, What am I doing?

Like, this is so

much more important than a ticket.

Like, I felt really silly.

Um, and then when we started getting so much hate about leaving early, I was like, Oh, these bitches don't even know.

And they obviously assumed it was Jackie, like, hater Jackie, hating every minute of it.

When it was literally me, I was like, Can we leave earlier?

Um, but we couldn't, our friend Margot didn't know.

So, I was like trying to be normal, and it was just,

I knew I went to the era store for one reason,

and the reason was, and I talked about this in the vlog, and we are not sharing the gender yet, but I definitely like have a preference when it comes to gender.

And

that's a boy.

Based on gender.

That's bad to say, but like it is, like, that's what's the preference.

And I don't know, the idea of having a daughter just like, it didn't seem, I was like, I don't know, like, I can't see it.

I can't see it.

Yeah.

And then when we went to the heiros tour, there were so many moms with their young daughters, like, having so much fun getting dressed up.

I'm like, oh, that's what I'll do.

That's me.

I can see it.

So I feel like for that reason alone, I'm glad I went to the eras tour because it helped me visualize a potential possibility.

But other than that, like big mistake, huge.

It is no place for a woman in her first trimester.

The jumping, the dancing, the, and also I'm like, first, for the first time, really very sensitive to like being around a lot of people.

They're getting sick.

Like, I don't know.

I just, it was a mistake.

But, but I learned a valuable lesson.

So I'm glad that I went.

Yeah.

That's go good.

Yeah, I just wanted to.

And we're just waiting on those apologies.

Yeah, seriously, you guys.

You just seriously, you never know what someone's going through.

And isn't that what we're always trying to tell you?

Trust yourself.

I know.

And you really thought the worst of Jacks.

It was all the hate was directed towards you.

And I just sort of sat there and let you take it.

And you're a queen for taking it.

Happy to absorb it for my girl.

But that's what was really going on.

Like, I was

like, dying, breaking down.

Well, we are so, so happy for you.

I just really.

We are so excited to hear updates from you on how you're feeling and your POV on the whole thing.

Cause I agree with you.

Like I, your readiness has always been like a topic of conversation.

I feel like the way that you felt about certain people when they got pregnant, that being like a

big, a mover and shaker for you.

Yeah.

Let me think.

I feel like you are that to a lot of people.

That's sweet.

Thank you.

I'm trying to think like who moved me and shaked me the most.

Yeah, when like someone got pregnant and you're like, oh, I know like that.

Kaylee Bieber moved me quite a bit.

Like he's cooler and more fabulous than her.

Who else?

I don't know.

It was largely about that.

It was, it was about that, but it was, I feel like, um, a lot of it had to do with my weight.

There was like a time in my life where it was just inconceivable that I would get pregnant.

Like I'm five feet.

I'm so huge.

And I'm one, I'm going to gain another 50, 60 pounds.

Like I, I, I couldn't physically bear it.

So

that's a huge part of my personal journey.

Not everybody has the problems that I did, but for me, for a lot of years, it was like so not even in the realm of possibility, honestly.

I couldn't even see it.

yeah no that makes total sense and like i don't even want to talk about my weight currently like

i

i keep saying to everyone i'm such a liar i'm like you know i've made peace with it like whatever like i literally haven't i'm so mad so like you'll never fully make peace with it but like you will become peaceful about it and it will just it won't it is what it is let me say one thing actually one possibility also when you start when you start showing that's also the hard thing about the first trimester like yes maybe the third trimester is like even more enduring physically but like you're showing and it's beautiful and everyone knows around you.

Like even strangers know, like

take heat.

Literally last weekend, me and men went for a walk.

We went to a diner at the end of the walk.

Like if I don't eat, I'm really not okay.

Like in HomeGoods the other day, I seriously almost are up.

But I was so, and of course sitting at a table, they were like five minutes.

So there's a chair.

I take the chair.

I'm like trying, just breathing, like trying not to pass away on this chair.

And this like 900-year-old man comes and I know everyone's looking at me like, get up for the man.

No, men, get up for me.

Like I was, if I had stood up in that time, I would have completely fainted.

And I felt so guilty.

That's the hard part about not showing.

But the thing I wanted to say about my body, which I literally my whole life have hated, like still hate, the one positive thing I will say is that I've always hated my stomach.

Like it has just been the bane of my existence, like.

ugh, like looking in the mirror, hate, hate, hate.

And I still look in the mirror and hate.

But there is also a part of me that looks at it lovingly now.

Like there's like a child in there.

And like I do find, so like, I'll be like, I sometimes wake up and my hand is on my fupa.

And like before it used to be on my fupa, like, I would be imagining like a chainsaw cutting it off.

Now it's there, like, very, you know, rubbing.

And it's like pillowy for the baby.

It's a little cushy.

I hate my fupa a little bit less.

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

Well.

We'll do like a full breakdown.

So if you are a Patreon member, the vlog dropped last night.

That I started when I found out I was pregnant.

And it takes you through the first.

So much, such a fun watch.

Yeah, like doctor's appointments, telling sisters.

Telling people.

Yeah.

It was actually a true labor of love.

And I'll continue a lot of the journey.

I probably keep most of that,

like more intimate stuff on the Patreon.

It's just where I feel more comfortable.

I know a lot of people are like annoyed about that, but it just evil eye, evil eye, evil eye, you know, like.

patreon.com slash toast.

And then this week, yeah, we will do a Q ⁇ A about like the whole journey.

Any questions anybody has about like, you know,

conception.

Yeah, that's right.

How'd you do?

I'm dogging it.

Things of that nature.

And it's just a great time to be a Patreon member.

It's a great time.

It's a great time to be me, honestly.

So not to be annoying, but.

Well, we're really, really so happy for you.

Happy that you're sharing.

So excited for all the updates to come.

Same, same, same.

Like now that it's out, oh my God, the TikToks I could make, the TikToks I will make, I made two this morning.

Like, it's just sort of, it's kind of

freezing out of me.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, it's very beautiful.

And we do have a lot to get into today.

While also, you know, we'll probably come back to this every five seconds because it's the biggest thing going.

That's the big celeb news of the day.

Oh, my God.

It is the big celeb news of the day, especially because it is Monday.

Jackie and I did watch Yellowstone last night.

There'll be a brief recap, like talk about nothing happening.

Yeah, but still, just like back with our faves.

And they know that, you know?

Yeah.

They know it's just a show that you're watching.

It's a comfort show at this point.

Yeah, like there's a couple of people, and they gave us so much comfort when it comes to like Beth and Rip last night.

So for that, I'm grateful.

But overall,

it was a

episode.

Yeah.

Well, I guess without further ado, that's really like all there is to catch up on.

Like seriously, I can't talk about anything other than myself.

I have like weeks and weeks and weeks of just like bottled up stories, emotions.

I hope I enjoyed these last few weeks.

Yes.

Seriously, good luck ever talking again.

For real.

And I really let you run wild these last couple of months because like I had nothing to say.

I ran wild.

She was insane.

She didn't cage.

She didn't shut the fuck up.

Like it was insane.

So without further ado, did

about dirty little.

I feel like I haven't talked about myself enough, but like I don't have anything else left to say really.

I mean, although if you

prodded me with questions, I could wax poetic, but.

No, that's what I mean.

Like we're always coming back to this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Okay, wait, I just remembered like three other things I wanted to say.

Remind me.

Okay, Dr.

Fox, one thing.

And the second thing is, go now.

Oh, yeah, Vanessa Carlton.

But just, I seriously can't remember stuff, so I need to tell you.

Okay.

So I just wanted everyone to know, like, yes, Dr.

Fox is my doctor, the doctor who like literally saved Jackie's life.

And I never had like an OBGYN who I was like in love with.

And honestly, I probably haven't been like the best about my reproductive health.

Like I have been to the OBGYN like five times, like once every five years.

And so he's my doctor.

And it's like, if anybody wants to know what I'm going through, it's so great to have a doctor who's like really

well versed in.

my family's medical history because Jackie's condition like actually is hereditary.

And so thanks to that, like Dr.

Fox knows all about your circlage, every time I go in for a skin, which will be double the norm amount of time because of the circlage, I always have to go transvaginal.

So just know, like while everyone else is getting ultrasounds, like I have a big rot up my vagina because of Jackie,

which is just amazing.

Which is just, and let's, it can, let's talk about that transvaginal probe.

I never felt anything like that in my entire fucking life.

Oh my God, ever, I never knew you could feel like you could shit, vomit, and piss all at the same time.

Like, oh my God, that stick stick is insane

yeah it's an insane stick what nerve and the way they just wielded it around like harry potter like

oh my god that stick is like is actually what nightmares are made of men many

men will never know what that's like

there's so much especially like there's so much i feel like at my early appointments when like the baby was a grain of rice um like they couldn't find it you know like because it's so small so they really are like digging around excavating oh my god like could not breathe

damn and so i have to do that every time because like i said jackie and her problems have well it can be hereditary but could also be like circumstantial so

not necessarily means that you'll have the same thing because for me it could have happened didn't happen in my first pregnancy so it could have been like um a fluke

and something that had happened because of my first labor yeah no first labor was labor intensive he has said like that he's had patients whose other siblings don't have it and some do like it's no yeah but it's just something to look out for but it is nice to like have to know like go in with but yeah but i didn't realize that meant that like every single one of my appointments.

And I have double the amount of scans, like as everybody else.

I didn't know that like, you know, it made me a special.

And so that's really exciting.

So just know like when I go to the doctor, that's what I'm experiencing.

I don't, I'm never going to have that kind of like in the movies when they, you know, put the thing on your belly.

No.

You'll have some of those.

I don't know.

He said he literally was going to be the same.

He literally warned me.

He said transvaginal every time.

With him, but you'll go other places and get it on the belly.

It's just not going to be like it is in the movies.

You'll get out of the TV at some point.

What was Vanessa carlton yeah okay so um

like pregnancy hormones and by the way something's so strange about me i'm such an emotional person like everything makes me cry how many times i cried on this podcast like a thousand times i have not really cried like during this journey like i don't know i'm not feeling like emo i can't explain it which is so bizarre for me but like the hormones are hitting in like different and unique ways and the other i was dying to tell the story on the toast but i knew like it would so signal that i was pregnant like a week ago, me and Ben woke up early and

or I don't know.

I was laying in bed and Ben was getting dressed.

And I had told the Alexa to put on some music.

And they put on, I'm literally going to cry telling the story.

Okay.

They put on thousand years.

No,

thousand miles.

And I know Ben loves that song.

And I thought he loved it like because of white chicks.

And he was telling me, he was like, I love this song.

I'm like, I know.

He's like, no, no, no.

Whenever I think about it, I just like picture myself at my parents' apartment growing up, like putting the CD in my dad's bows.

And I didn't know what he was going to say next.

And what he did like seriously, like hit me right between, like I was seriously, I sobbed for like 35 minutes.

He was like, I just picture myself.

And I'm picturing like fat little Ben, curly hair.

Like Ben's, Ben as a kid was like very sensitive, very, like, his, he was really encouraged to like lean into his emotions.

So he gets a CD.

He's like, I popped it in my dad's bows.

And I just sat down and like tried to teach myself how to play it on the piano.

And like,

seriously,

cried for like 20 minutes.

Like just, oh my God, I'm going to cry talking about it again.

The image of Ben, like, who doesn't play piano, but like trying to teach himself piano with his like CD player, like while his parents, like, he probably was hiding from his parents, like,

it was actually too much to bear.

Like, I couldn't, I literally was hysterically crying.

He thought I was so crazy.

Oh, and he was leaving.

That's why he woke up early.

He was going to Dallas.

They did an event in Dallas last week.

So I'm like, you're leaving me with this story.

Like, I'm going to slit my wrists.

I'm just like so upset.

No, that's so cute.

And I I think it touched you even more in addition to the hormones because it's like, that could be your future child doing that.

Totally.

Like teaching.

Like putting on toast by Claudia,

learning how to play the chords to play backup for mommy.

A thousand percent.

And we need to come up with a name

for the child.

Yeah, like in the family, because I don't know what to call like this thing.

And I feel weird saying it.

Yeah.

I think those were all the things I wanted to say, but you know.

Other things could come up along the way.

Maybe this story will remind you of something that happened happened this weekend because some of the big news from the weekend was the big fight There was actually two big fights.

Oh, yeah, so that's a little confusing, but there was one fight on Friday night Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson on Netflix in Dallas

Netflix I watched the whole thing Netflix's first live sports event ended with a bang as the boxing match between Jake Paul and Mike Tyson went all eight rounds with Jake Paul coming out victorious via a unanimous decision.

So I tried to watch the fight and literally during Serrano or maybe before that, like my Netflix cut out and it never came back.

So I went to sleep.

Yeah, a lot of people had that issue.

And to be honest, Netflix really needs to get their act together.

Like they've done a couple of live events and it's clear that that's like a

format they want to get into.

It's worse every single time.

I mean, the Love is Blind live reunion was such a fucking shit show that Chris

rock live special had so many issues.

Like at this point, in the first, at the beginning, I was like, okay, you know, give him a minute.

It's completely unacceptable.

No, I mean, like, cable does it every day.

No,

pay-per-view, which is like what usually is the format for a fight.

Like, they, if you're going to, like, switch from this OG format, like, you got to, you got to buck up.

Like, this, it's awful.

Yeah, it's really crazy, but the fight was like the biggest thing.

Yeah, I thought it was really interesting that, um, like how people's narratives so quickly changed because I was watching and it started at eight and they didn't go on until like midnight.

So I saw so many different interviews.

I saw people on social media and everyone was like, Mike Tyson is going to beat the shit out of Jake Paul.

I can't wait.

He's a beast.

He's going to get his ass beat.

Like beep, beep, beep.

And then the fight happened.

And while he didn't do that, he managed to make it eight rounds, but he like lost.

He lost, obviously, and he lost every round in my opinion.

Like he was clearly the weaker.

I mean, he's 58.

Like, it's, what do you expect?

And it's so funny how the narrative is now like, why does Jake Paul only beat up old guys?

Because I guess like Jake Paul's thing, and it's actually really smart, is he's gotten really far being taken seriously as a boxer because he puts together these huge productions.

I mean, that show on Netflix was produced by MVP, most valuable producer or whatever, productions.

That's Jake Paul's company.

So he's really involved in the whole thing.

And he only told Jake Paul?

Right.

He has this big deal with the New York Times.

He has this big deal with Netflix.

Like, he's a businessman.

And so.

Everybody says about him, yeah, but he only, and he's undefeated or he lost once to Tommy Fury.

They're like, he's only

boxing like he boxes former athletes, retired boxers, like people, big names that people want to tune into, but not necessarily like the best fighters.

And so now everyone's like mad at Jake Paul.

Like this was elder abuse.

Like please, you thought it was great when you thought Mike Tyson was going to win.

Right.

So please, like,

you can't just change your mind.

You liked it at first.

Yeah.

The narrative has completely changed.

No, and even though Mike Tyson lost, like from what I'm seeing, like he lost with dignity, with $20 million in his pocket.

Well, that's the other thing.

So I'm not sure.

And me and Ben talk about this every time there's a fight with Jake Paul is like, they say there's a script and it's like this conspiracy theory.

And of course, if you watch a WWE, you know that's scripted.

Yeah.

But with boxing, it's like, or these types of like Logan Paul type fights.

We don't know.

Now Logan Paul's WWE.

It's

by the way, it's very confusing.

And then there was also a UFC fight.

Yeah.

I can't, I

we don't know like if they're really, and I could see a world in which like Jake Paul wants to be taken seriously as a fighter and I do believe that

Mike Tyson was in a lot of debt and I don't think there are many opportunities for him to make 20 million dollars in a night anymore so I think that maybe like him and Jake Paul had some sort of agreement like yeah give me the 20 mil and you can beat me whatever sure um

And so I think if it was scripted and that is what had happened, like Mike Tyson comes out winning anyway.

I think he needed the money.

And if it wasn't that and it was a fair fight, then it was a fair fight.

Like I don't know if these types of fights are scripted.

Like, why would Floyd Mayweather ever box Logan Paul?

He has more money than God.

Like, he doesn't even, I think that maybe

$50 million.

Yeah.

But still, like, why would he do that fight?

This person has fought two times in his life.

Can I, could I fight Floyd next?

Like,

these fights confuse me.

And, like, I, I, I'm one of the people, like, I understand the Paul brothers and how big of a deal they are.

I think a lot of people clown on them, especially when you think about how they started.

And like, you know, there's a lot of, they've had their own scandals, but like I understand the magnitude of how impressive it is of what they've built.

And like they literally each have hundreds of millions of dollars.

Like I actually respect what they've built.

People hate them and clown on them.

I don't.

Yeah.

No, but I don't understand.

This harks back to the Forbes creator list that had them down for like 8 million or 11 million dollars, but he just made 40 million dollars in a night before end of the year.

And that's before sponsors.

That's before his own production company.

Like, it's absurd.

Yeah.

That list, yeah.

The Paul brothers, say what you want about them are incredible businessmen like wait and then also so there's wwe there's jake paul and boxing there's ufc and ufc there's also like what mma tyson fury does he's the heavyweight boxing champion is that heavyweight no heavyweight is ufc

I don't think it is.

And there was a UFC fight the next night, like a big one.

Right.

A huge one.

On Saturday night.

I watched both of them.

Well, I couldn't even watch Netflix but like to watch them both to see what the difference in fighting styles is oh I watched them different

so I'll tell you the Jake Paul one first of all you wear gloves that's huge that's like a punch to the face and that's like Cinderella man

sure

um it's yeah it's like it's like jab cross jab jab cross uppercut yeah exact exactly like kickboxing kind of

And there is a ref so that like you can't get your ass beat to the filth.

Like the UFC, there is a ref too.

They're not wearing gloves.

You can kick.

You can jump.

Like

you can seriously do whatever the fuck you want.

I've seen people like jump on other people and like suffocate them.

Like it's much more

violent.

Yeah.

UFC.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then WWE is like all staged.

So

it's staged.

It's total bellas.

It's total bellas, exactly.

Understood.

And then like the Tommy Fury of it all, which you sent, or someone sent me a TikTok that now like the ladies of Tommy Fury are coming out.

Lady.

Some lady said on a podcast that she like slept with Tommy Fury in Dubai and she's like smiling.

It literally gave me the heebie jeebies.

Some like

actual rodent, like went on this British podcast hosted by three dudes, and she was just like, yeah, like that not in Dubai, like Tommy had slept with three girls and then me.

Like, I'm literally the reason

that they all broke up.

You forgot the smile from ear to ear.

He slept with three girls and then me.

With shit-eating grin on her face.

And I I think she thought, like, these three podcast hosts, like, thought she was like hot and like would think that this was cool.

And they're like, really?

And like, I just know that they all thought she was disgusting.

Like, I hate this bitch so much.

Like, seriously, I wish her only the worst.

She's sitting there like with this just shit-eating grin on her face.

Like, she thinks she's hot shit.

And like, somebody lied to her several times.

And I just actually never wanted to punch someone so much in my life.

That's not cool that you had sex with Tommy Fury after he slept with three girls and he has a fiancé and baby at home.

Like, Like, we're like,

what part of it are you feeling prideful about?

Is it the fact that you broke up a family?

Is it the fact that you were his fourth choice for the night?

Like, which part is requiring you to be smiling so hard?

I'm not sure.

I watched that video

and I actually felt, you know, what, you know, word came, like, you know what?

Emotion, disgust.

Yeah.

Same.

Same.

Well, that's all the fight news for the weekend.

That's the first time I got it.

Free girls.

Yeah, it was like free girls before me.

And like,

I just fucking hated her.

Same.

The fight, I just want to say, like, I really enjoyed.

Every time there's like an influencer-y fight that's like made into a big like pay-per-view thing.

I always enjoy it so much.

Not like the fighting part, but a lot of like the there's so many celebrities who come and it's like a fun event to watch.

Although, I don't know who's in charge of programming.

I would just love if the main fight didn't start at one in the morning.

Yeah.

They have the DC

out there.

Yes.

We saw all the DC.

It was a little bit of a spoiler as to who made it this year because we haven't seen the new season yet.

Yeah, but it's also like they post on social media.

Like we know who made it.

Yeah, I knew that my spoiler alert, my Swirly Reese and Charlie had made it.

So that was like all I really cared about.

Yeah.

And then, oh, and Ben went to the other fight.

Yes, and then the next night there was like UFC, the separate one that a ton of celebrities were at,

including Ben.

And

he i'm passed out i went to bed at eight o'clock watching veep actually i woke up in the middle of the night like choking on my own throw up it was actually really crazy how did ben get tickets

ben you know okay who'd he go with like he brought his friend encore like literally people fawning over him like oh no ben take my free seats take my free seats like you don't understand the power of the bs did he offer you a ticket of course but i was not going Do you like now?

Do you wish that you went?

Well, when he got like a big side, the star started.

I was in like a, I was in like a fitful sleep.

So when he got home, I was like kind of up and I was so hungry, too.

So I was like, can you get a piece of bread and tell me about your night?

And he was telling me that he saw Brianna Chicken Fry and I was like really jealous.

And not Ben.

He's so funny.

He's like literally texting with Brianna Chicken Fry and like, hey, I'm in this lounge.

You want to meet?

Like he didn't just like run into her.

He so like makes magic happen, you know?

Yeah.

And then he ran into Kelly Taylor.

They had never met.

And so Ben was like kind of nervous.

He was like, I'm going to go up and like say that I'm your man's husband.

And Kelly was like, oh my god, of course I know BSC.

I'm a swirly.

Like she was everything you could possibly want.

So Ben was feeling like really high on his own shit.

Who else did he tell me he ran into?

Like it was star studded.

Like

before they went to dinner and there was like a new restaurant opening.

So that's where Ben went.

And obviously it was like packed with like cool people.

And I get tagged in like a million TikToks when I get home.

And Bethany was at this restaurant opening.

And so she's making a TikTok like, come with me to fabulous new restaurant opening.

and she like is filming and like ben really it's just ben

um so yeah ben spoke to bethany ben met everyone ben was out and about and like for the most part i i haven't gone to anything like i just have no energy to go and whenever ben gets home he's like it's horrible everything nothing is worth going to and i never feel every once in a while Even when Ben was getting dressed, I was so tired and so was he.

He had had like a hard day.

And I was like, I said, I'm like, I seriously, I'm so not jealous of you.

Like, have the the best time.

Bye.

Meanwhile, I got home.

I was actually like, kind of.

But just take the era's lesson.

No, it's so true.

It's so true.

It's so true.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Last night was the Governor's Awards 2024.

It's the Oscars Governor's Awards.

So like the pictures, they're like stepping, standing.

It's all the celebrities were there standing in front of the red carpet.

Yeah, I saw the colours.

The Oscars.

And I'm like, the Oscars weren't on last night, were they?

No, but it's not.

No, but it's not the Oscars.

Governor's Award.

They really just, any excuse to get dressed up, these people.

Yeah.

So JLo was there, Angelina Jolie, Selena, Jennifer Lawrence was there, pregnant, wearing bottega, a sister in pregnancy for you.

I need to keep a list of who I'm pregnant with at the same time.

Yeah.

But like, also, it'll start coming.

Like, obviously there are people who are, you know, at the end

of their run, but like people who are in the same timeline as you, like, you'll start finding out soon.

Yeah.

I was like briefly pregnant with Pookie.

Yes, you were.

Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman.

Did you see last night during Yellowstone how hard they're pushing that new show, Landman?

I did see how hard they were pushing that new show.

Did it work for you?

Honestly?

A little bit.

They said

that it was premiering after Yellowstone.

If I wasn't so tired, I fell asleep right last time.

It was a sneak peek.

It wasn't a premiere.

It was like a preview.

Okay.

The only thing is like John Hamm.

I don't know why.

I don't, and I know John Hamm is in one of the most critically acclaimed, like, best TV shows, Mad Men.

Something about him is not like a serious actor to me.

I feel like he's always in it being like satirical, like in 30 Rock, you know?

Yeah.

I don't know why.

When I saw he was in it, I was like, oh, this show's not going to be good.

Also, I feel that way about Demi Moore.

Like I feel like the Taylor Sheridan world, it's like he finds people and like new audience coming in.

Like, I don't want people that have been around like doing this

shows.

Yeah.

The thing is, I don't even know a single, except for me.

Except I'll allow Billy Bob Thornton because he's the landmark.

Agreed.

Agreed, 1000%.

But when it comes to the Yellowstone characters, I do not know a single, besides Verip, a single one of their first and last names, like in real life.

And also, Michelle Randolph is in Land Man.

Taylor Sheridan likes her.

Yeah, I like her.

She's great.

I like her too.

Obviously, I mean, what's not to like?

So, like, that's a big draw for me, but I could just see myself watching for her and then being like annoyed that she's not in every scene.

I don't know.

Also, like, Taylor Sheridan is pissing me off.

Yeah.

And, um, but they're like, if I'm going to support another one of his shows, like, I don't want it to be this one.

They're clearly trying to, like, take the whole Yellowstone audience because the show's ending, but it has the biggest audience, like, in TV cable history.

And they're trying to put it on another show and they've chosen Landman.

And I don't think it's a worthy.

The title also makes me laugh.

Agreed.

And I was saying to Ben last night, I need Taylor Sheridan to go on Joe Rogan.

Oh.

Or like a podcast.

Like a long form, because I feel, I want to know what his motives are, you know?

Yeah.

Would you say Landman is greater than Sandman?

That piece of shitbook you read to your kids.

Yeah, I would say.

I haven't seen Sandman for a while.

I think I might have hidden it.

i ripped it up and threw it in the garbage anyway more governors at the governor's awards uh love to see the swirlies being glamorous like tom hanks and reader wilson what about kim zolsiak and chet wilson not pictured but maybe they just didn't walk the carpet for privacy love that rita wilson now that i'm like you know in this phase of my life love that she never changed her name rita wilson hanks yeah she's rita wilson like love that yeah

yeah so i guess this is just giving like a little taste of award season if you're feeling hungry.

I'm not, but I did like to see everyone like looking beautiful.

Everybody looks like a clown these days.

Yeah.

Like it's like being ugly is like a competition and they're all trying to win first place.

So to see everyone like looking normal and sound of mind, it was really, it was a pleasure.

Jennifer Lawrence looked absolutely beautiful.

She never steps out.

And when she does, like.

She doesn't make us regret it, you know?

She's like, yeah, like every time I see her, I'm like, we made the right bitch famous, you know?

Totally.

She's so beautiful.

Yeah, she really is.

And she's got the personality to match, which people that beautiful usually don't.

Right.

Because they're the theater kids who shut you out of 13 because they were jealous of your big personality.

Not only that,

they've never had to rely on anything other than their looks.

Yeah, and their talent.

Let's talk about like models, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

I am.

Some big sports music news.

Sports.

Oh, yes.

Beyonce Beyonce will perform Cowboy Carter songs for the first time during NFL halftime show on Christmas.

On Netflix.

Can somebody explain it to me?

So Beyonce will perform songs from Cowboy Carter during halftime of the NFL game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Houston Texans on Christmas Day at NRG Stadium in her Texas hometown.

Details about their performance are scarce.

However, Netflix teased in a press release Sunday that it will include some special guests who are featured on her genre Bending Country album, which

had collaborations with Dolly, Miley, Post Malone, shibuzzi and more artists also jackie what should we can you explain it to me no i tv uh football on christmas is on cable so next netflix is live streaming the game on wednesday december 25th the christmas game oh great another piece of shit we're not going to be able to watch good luck watching so wait the game is also on netflix netflix is live streaming the game

But that's crazy because do they have like a NFL campaign?

They don't.

Yeah.

Prime does.

Prime has Thursday night football and then the rest of football is on cable.

Well, they maybe made a big bid for the Christmas game.

Just one rogue game on Netflix.

This makes no sense.

Netflix does a lot of one rogue.

Netflix is like so janky.

Unless this is like not an NFL affiliated.

It is, but like, could you imagine them paying the Ravens a bit?

There are.

There are.

Oh, you mean not an NFL?

There has been Texans to play.

But there have been non-affiliated

Super Bowl or football performances like outside the stadium.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Like Taylor Swift did that big one in Houston, I think, for the Super Bowl, but it was like the day before.

Yeah.

This is different because they are playing football on the games.

I'm so confused.

Also, speaking of football, you know, Travis's team lost last night.

They're now no longer undefeated.

And they lost to Josh Allen's team.

And

Taylor didn't go to the game.

So they lost when she doesn't go, which, like, I'm happy for her that they lose when she doesn't go.

That like looks good for her.

But she didn't like cross paths with Haley.

It wasn't.

Well, that's the other thing.

What is the status?

This is like a blind spot in my swifty knowledge because somebody could leave a comment.

What is the status of Haley Steinfeld's relationship with Taylor Swift?

Like, she was briefly in the girls' club.

It's obviously non-existent or else they would have like gone to the game together.

They would have been waiting for this game their whole lives.

Yes, but Taylor couldn't go to the game regardless.

Like, she's in era's mode.

Like, even though, like, she had the night off, I think.

And Toronto to Buffalo is a very short flight.

She doesn't do that.

Like, if she's in a city, she's not leaving.

Like, she's finishing her.

But the last show was on Saturday.

And the game was on Sunday.

And then she's going to Vancouver?

Yeah, like she really could have gone.

Yeah, that's weird.

But she didn't want to see Haley.

Maybe that's it.

That's what I'm saying.

I don't know if Haley was there.

But yeah,

the Chiefs lost.

The Chiefs lost.

Yeah.

It was a tough, I actually watched it.

It was

good game.

Good game.

Also, I was going to say back to the other artists with Beyoncé, Shibuzi is doing SNO in a few weeks.

Shibuzzi is doing SNL.

And Paul Mezcala's host.

I like Paul Mezcal.

He is a nice looking boy.

So I've seen the trailer for Gladiators and I'm very open to it.

The fuck is Gladiators?

The movie, Gladiator.

They're remaking it.

Paul Mezcal.

Yeah, I think it just came out.

Oh, well, you know, I went to go to the movies yesterday and you and your Matt Damon quote like are actually ruining my life.

Me and Ben were like, we just want to go like be fat, eat popcorn, and like.

We don't need to see the best movie.

We just need to see something.

You guys should see Gladiator.

There's nothing playing.

The only thing was this like Judy Greer movie, a Christmas pageant.

Sounds amazing.

And I was like, wow, are we really going to see?

No, Jackie, it was like, it's about these like bad kids.

It's all about kids.

Judy Greer is just like the mom.

Like,

it looked so stupid to the point where I was like, I don't think we can go.

Like, it just.

I think you just have to wait one week.

Like, everything's coming out in a week.

I know, I know.

And I have, I have my wicked tickets.

Your wickets?

I have my wickets and I'm ready to go.

Tickets, tickets?

Tickets, tickets, tickets.

Well, that's very exciting.

It is.

Are you ready for our next story?

No.

Oh, my my God.

Are you?

No.

Is it our next story that's brought to you by Too Faced?

Yes.

All right.

So, Jackson and I are really excited to be working with Too Faced again.

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And because they have so many fabulous scents, I thought it would be fun to play a little game with Jax.

I'm going to give you a

situation.

Okay.

A

kind of like, let's play like an improv.

Okay.

I'm telling you where you're going.

Tell me which of these kissing jelly lip oil gloss scents you are going to wear for the following situations.

Okay, let's say you're running errands.

Which one are you reaching for?

Bubble gum.

Such a runner.

You need to explain yourself.

Like it's such a runny.

Like, I might be chewing bubblegum.

Casual.

Yeah, yeah, I like that.

What about like a very chill holiday get-together?

Ooh, I think raspberry.

I think raspberry is a good call.

I will sort of ask you what you think about piña colada because the piña colada is a clear gloss with a gold shimmer.

And I feel like gold shimmer is very holiday.

It is very holiday.

That would be my backup.

But I feel like just raspberry, it's the vibes of the holiday.

What about a date night?

Which one are you reaching for?

so then it has to be zach's favorite flavor right

he loves a sour watermelon loves but what about birthday kiss like it's really it's like a smoochy type of

you know okay date night birthday kiss

um let's say you have like a big holiday work party oh big holiday work like for me i'm going pina colada because of the gold shimmer right right no you're right and what about just like classic work oh classic work hmm

like there's a regular day at the office for jackie Jackie O.

She's a, she's an in-office girl.

She's no longer working remote.

I think sweet cotton candy because it's cool mint blue and I love that smell.

And last but not least, let's say you're having brunch, very cash, you know, mimosas with the swirlies.

Not me, of course.

I'll be doing a virgin mimosa with friends and family.

Grape soda.

Yeah, grape soda.

I love the concept.

Like we were raised on like lip glosses with delicious flavors.

And I love that they're bringing this back because I feel like we're all obsessed with like lip oils now looking for for like that plump, hydrated look, but bringing back that like early 2000s nostalgia when we all used to like eat our own lip gloss.

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Thank you slash chart.

We didn't even address the fact that we're matching today.

I mean, there's so much to address.

Like I'm literally with child.

Like how could we address something so rudimentary?

We just needed to address the twins in the room.

Are the twins in the room with us?

Right here.

Oh, I'm not having twins.

Sad.

You guys know that that was definitely like something I was like potentially looking forward to.

Although I am on a side of TikTok where like girls are talking about how they found out that there was a second baby at like 25 weeks.

So like there's still hope for me.

And that would explain, like, why I'm rapidly gaining weight, but

you never know.

It's not completely off the table, but it's not currently on.

Our next story

is some fun celeb hookup news because Kristen Cavallari is sharing that she hooked up with Jason Statham and Morgan Wallen.

Her friend claims.

So, Kristen and Justin put out a video.

You have to watch it.

They did that trend of like suspect is blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, yeah.

And they need to do that.

Claudia, they fucking roasted each other.

It was

so funny and so honest.

And in that video, we learned that she has hooked up with Morgan Wallen and Jason Statham.

Okay, I love Kristen Cavallari for this.

This is what Justin Anderson said about her.

Suspect let Morgan Wallen hurt her feelings and she kept going back.

And then about Jason Statham, suspect's hottest hookup that she's never told anyone about was Jason Statham is what Justin Anderson said.

I feel like there are certain people in Hollywood, and Kristen Cavallari is definitely one of them, who are like really pretty, have been famous for a long time, and have definitely hooked up with a lot of celebrities.

And I feel like people like that are never giving us enough information.

And I guess that's, that's how you stay hooking up with celebrities is by not being a blabber mouth.

But like the absolute gossip girl in me, like needs to know who certain people have hooked up with.

And the fact that we are now getting like this tiny bit of really juicy information, like the Morgan Wallen one is so crazy to me.

I love this.

I need more like young hot things in Hollywood to tell us who they're hooking up with.

Well, I feel like now

that Kristen, like she said, she doesn't want to date celebrities anymore.

Like she just wants a regular degler.

Like so she's not jeopardizing her opportunities to hook up with celebrities.

So, like, for future hopes, she'll let us know.

Yeah, I love this for her.

This video was so funny.

You have to watch it.

I need to watch it.

Well, she lives in Nashville, by the way, so it makes sense.

I feel like if you're like a pretty girl who lives in Nashville, like you've hooked up with Morgan, or you've like had a chance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like if you're an ugly girl, it's really shocking.

Cause also, like, he's married with children now.

And he is like a movie star.

Yeah.

Like, he doesn't even live in the States.

Like,

he is a global movie star.

So, go, Kristen.

Go, Kristen, go.

I wonder what phase of her fame, like Laguna Beach, era.

Well, not Laguna Beach.

She's a minor, but oh, like a while ago, because, like, I said, like, he's married with kids, right?

And then she was married, so it must have been before

all that.

And then also, don't forget, like, even though we just think of like Kristen and Jay Cutler, and he's just like her ex-husband who's annoying, like, he's Jay Cutler.

Oh, no, I don't forget that he's

kind of like a Patrick Mahomes type, right?

You know, right,

right.

So just a little.

I love like a marriage, an actual marriage between like a mega star and a

star athlete.

Mostly football.

I don't know why I have like a special place.

I'm trying to think like who else?

Who else made a good marriage?

In football?

Yeah, with like a celebrity.

Olivia Culco.

Yes, Russell Wilson and Sierra.

Yeah, but Olivia Colbo is new.

I mean, like, who's been together?

Now they're an institution.

Okay.

Russell Wilson and Sierra.

That's a really good one.

Although, is he retired?

I can't remember.

I feel like back in the day,

who's Tony Romo married to?

He is married to

Chase Crawford's sister.

Sister.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good one.

Yeah, it is a good one.

Also,

it was not football that I was just thinking.

Oh, like Kate Upton and Justin Berlander.

Perfect example.

Oh,

Jordan.

Oh my God, I can't talk.

Joanna Garcia Swisher.

And Nick Swisher.

And Nick Swisher.

That's a good one.

Yeah, that's a good one.

There's good ones in baseball, too.

Yeah.

Oh, our favorites.

Hannah Jeter and Derek Jeter.

Our favorites.

They're an institution.

I like them a lot.

That's a good one.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Oh, bidding is such sweet sorrow.

A little Bianna chicken fry news.

Bianna?

Brianna.

Miss Chick is allegedly...

Miss Chick.

Miss Chick is threatening to release video of Zach Bryan allegedly abusing her.

Do it, do it, do it.

So she claims she has a video of her ex, Zach Bryan, abusing her.

She threatened to release the supposed footage on Sunday morning after the country singer is posting images of her cat on social media.

So she took to TikTok to say, if that man doesn't stop sharing pictures and videos of her cat, she'll post a video of him whipping shit at my face.

So I guess he's been like posting to taunt her.

Like there's, and I'm not sure what the origins of this cat are.

I don't know if it was a cat that got together, if it was a cat, Brianna, because they both had a lot of pets.

And the pets that they brought into the relationship, as far as I know, left with them.

Like Brianna left with her dog and I think a cat too.

But maybe this is a cat that they like fostered together.

I'm not sure.

But Brianna has been saying, like, it's her cat and he stole it from her.

And I guess he's like taunting her.

The only, the only thing he can really do, he has nothing like to say against her.

And so he's just torturing her with pictures of this cat.

And, you know, he sure shut up after that.

Yeah, because she had said previously, I miss Stump so much.

I want to fucking kidnap him.

But when Zach left and didn't tell me anything, he took Stump out of spite.

He didn't even like cats.

His dog, Jack, hates cats.

She said, my dog, Boston, loves cats.

I love cats.

Can someone steal the cat back for me?

The animals throughout this have been one of the hardest parts.

Like, I just think about Boston and Jack and Stump.

I think about Stump every night.

Oh, my God.

We need to get this cat back.

Yeah.

Well, I think she should make more threats.

Obviously, this is a person who, I think, responds to this type of like violent and aggressive behavior.

It's like, that's his method of communication.

So I would threaten to put it all out there if the cat isn't left on my doorstep by 9 p.m.

tonight.

Of course, Dave commented, do it.

I commented, even if he stops posting the cat, you should post it.

Yeah.

Like, I know, and I think that she is

slowly like rolling back this line of thinking because you could tell in the first episode, she talked about it.

And then in the second, there was already like a shift.

But when you really were in a relationship with someone that you love, even if they did wrong to you, you still have this like odd need and want to protect them.

And I'm sure she has things on her phone that could like seriously

destroy.

And she needs to start, she may be, okay, she's left to post it, whatever she, she needs to start using it to her advantage i like this concept of making threats i think it's an effective way of communicating with seriously like diabolical manipulative pieces of shit yeah um they respond to that sort of they almost respect it and i love this i really do and i think it's a brilliant approach and i think it will be quite effective yeah also for like on the brianna's um personal life front she's really been like living enjoying life i think she posted a video and like some guys like cozying up to her and people she's been sharing on tick tock about this guy

australian she's just like fighting back in the comments

so this is a guy she's been sharing like on tick tock she's calling him the aussie guy i think he's australian i think she met him at a bar a couple of nights ago and he's in new york for a week and they're just like hooking up like she's being very open about like what that is yeah um but she's like out every night she's staying at a hotel in new york looking for an apartment um looking fabulous going to fabulous events i mean dana white gave her tickets to the ufc it was it wasn't like that she went to that fight that she saw ben at like for fun like she's like a big celeb now they like hooked it up she was sitting two rows behind the president one row behind miles like she's at that level like she's listening her best life as they say no it's fabulous no one deserves it more but some woman said so someone commented on her tick tock that was fast and she said well i was cheated on my whole relationship so yeah

even if even if she wasn't okay shut up yeah how about what if you what if you actually shut the up

i i think the world would be an amazing place if you did that yeah

just a thought um love this journey for her.

And I think it's also made people realize like how really radio silent she had went on social media during her relationship.

She would post every now and then, but now she, you forget, she's a content creator by trade.

Now she's posting like content creators too, three to five times a day.

And people are like, oh my God, I miss this side of you.

This is what she became popular for, like going out every night, fashion, makeup, personality, and she's so bad.

Yeah.

You can, and she's having fun and she deserves fun after what she's been through.

She deserves fun.

Yeah.

Those are the fast five.

Let's quickly dive into the Yellowstone recap.

Episode two of the final season aired last night.

Not much happened, although it was an enjoyable episode.

Like I found myself enjoying every minute of it.

Me too.

I have a question.

Once again, did I miss something on the TV that's

okay?

Because one day...

I was looking out for it this time.

One day it's six months before, six weeks before, and then the next day.

One day John's alive, but we don't see him.

One day Rip is walking and the next day he's walking back to the ranch.

I'm like, oh, Lloyd's probably shocked to see you.

What, do you need a horse because of the the snake bite?

No.

Ben was so confused, and I was made it a point to have to point out to him.

They didn't do six weeks before.

And the thing is, they keep going back and forth in time.

And usually there's like a big indicator that we're back in the future.

And that would be Kevin Costner.

Because half the show, he's alive.

Right.

So where are he?

He's not there.

Or even an exact thing.

They're not doing a good job.

He cuts to Beth like in a black dress.

I thought she was going to the funeral, but like, okay, same.

Clearly, we're somber now.

What is that?

Like, I'm,

I need it spelled out for me.

What day of the week is it?

I do want to say, best part of the episode, dropping that wench, Piper Parabo, off at the airport.

Like, when I thought, when she was walking to the airport and then she turned around, I'm like, do not turn around.

Go to the airport.

Please leave.

Like, I could not stand her.

Not that idiot, not even being on house arrest.

I'm just worried this is not how her story ends because why would they have the actress Piper Parabo be in the last season for only three minutes?

Like they could have just like not paid her for this season and not had her.

I completely forgot about her.

But she's so unnecessary and she's so random.

Yeah.

That exchange between her and Beth like was really funny, but like I need her out of the state immediately.

Oh my God.

Wait.

Am I just like really emotional and pregnant?

Or when Rip said he'd never left the state before, like, did you also cry?

I didn't cry, but at my heart.

Like you felt.

I love this man.

Like I would do anything for him.

Yeah.

No, I wanted to know.

So they were obviously like so happy when they went down to 46s for the night.

Yeah.

And then they're really trying to highlight like a shift in the culture between Montana and Texas, how Texas is like a state that really embraces and like harnesses agricultural and like farming.

And they make it, you know, everybody respects it.

And in Montana, because of all these like bureaucracy and tourism and big companies, it's a dying job.

Right.

Right.

And so it seems like Beth is starting to like maybe see a future for them elsewhere.

And then John dies.

So like, I don't know if that propels her forward into the future or like takes her back.

Like maybe it's like, oh, we could have had this, but now we can't.

Yeah.

I don't know either, but it's nice to see her having some ideas because somebody needs to do something.

And it was also nice to hear from Casey.

Like we, even last week, we struggled to like place Casey within the family.

Like, is he supposed to take over?

What's he about?

And he's, and he literally said like what he's about, which is that I like the ranch work, but I never wanted to take this over.

Yeah.

and now it's like on tape and obviously it's like a big question to ask a kid who seriously has said three words in his whole life but it seems that like he's having the same sort of feelings like i like working here i don't want to like run it but my god it seems like nobody wants to work these days bitch it's a family business some people would kill for this get up yeah get to work yeah

No, that scene.

And I'm sorry.

I really don't like his wife.

Like she is chess and she doesn't do anything wrong.

She, and I feel like even recently, like she really has like leaned into the Dutton life.

And I think that she straddles her two worlds very well.

I just like find maybe it's her haircut like I find her insufferable.

Yeah.

And I always just feel like she's like making things really like emotionally weighted for Tate.

Like just saying stuff like like your dad just pulled over.

And said the same.

He just pulled over on the side over.

You could have been like, oh, he had to take a call.

Instead, it's like, when your father's quiet.

Yeah, Jackie.

Ben literally was like, that's probably the wrong thing to say to your kid.

I'm like, for sure.

He's going through a lot.

He's just a kid.

Like, you don't have to put all this emotional weight on him.

You could have just made up an excuse for why he pulled over.

Jackie, she didn't have to make one up.

He literally said, I have to download something on my phone for work.

Hang on.

Okay.

Sorry, honey.

He had to download something for work on his phone.

We'll meet him at the house.

That was a really weird scene.

But that's just like classic herd.

Like, they, they do the floors and it's like

every house is home.

Yeah, yeah.

She's like, the floors look great.

She's so serious.

She's so serious.

I also hate that bitch for market equities.

Like,

when she was getting her pussy ate on that table, i was like

girl this is literally like a government building because you put your dress back on

i was like get your pussy off the table

she obviously like sees jamie for the like loser that he is how like how can she even muster up

yeah but she obviously like she sees a a nice future for herself so she's putting out oh you think that's what it is or she's like and what i also don't understand understand is like, why would a woman like this, like literally give herself mind, body, soul, everything to like this company?

Like that she's

all about for the company.

I don't think she's going to stay with Jamie.

I think once this is all said and done, she moves on and then like seduces the next man who's in the way.

No, because Jamie's like so easy.

Like if he becomes the governor so easy, then she's like the governor's wife.

Like I could see her doing this.

Yes, for the company, but more so for herself.

No, but she's not pursuing the wifey route.

She would already have a ring on her finger.

She's just manipulating him for the company.

And it's like, girl, why do you care so much about this company?

They could fire you.

I feel like she's just manipulating him because she can.

By the way, and when Beth choked her, obsessed.

Yes.

No, but I'm telling you, like, it doesn't end in marriage for the two of them or else she already would have manipulated Jamie into proposing to her.

Yeah, yeah.

She's really just like using him for market equities.

It is really nice to see Casey like do something for once in his life.

You know, he's always just sort of like letting life pass him by.

Yeah.

Like even him making that phone call, I was like, finally.

Oh, so you have contacts.

Yeah.

Where the hell have they been?

But I think that's also just like, as a man, now that his father is gone, like, he has to step up to the plate.

He's the man of the family.

So he's got to call his contacts and download his app.

That rattlesnake thing, like, I was like, I'm going to have a lot of stuff.

She already was bitten.

Oh, so did I, which is better than what it ended up being.

Like, not her laying there, laying in fear for how long?

Like,

I just about passed away.

Yeah, that was shocking.

No, and I don't remember how they picked like who goes to Texas and who doesn't, but like, the way I would be so relieved.

Like, that kid is crying in the bunkhouse back at Yellowstone.

Bitch, you could be in Texas.

Stop crying.

And the MVP of the show is Gator the cook.

Oh, he is just a delight.

He's a delight.

It's clear that because John is not in the show anymore, they've beefed up other people's scenes.

Like, we got so much Beth and Rip and we got so much of like the cowboy humor.

And like, and I love it like where was this content all along?

John was sucking all the energy out of the room and also I think they were making a show like more for TV and less for like the cowboys across America watching and I think they realized like no like it's the people who are shown on the show who love the show like let's do more of this that even showing that workman that like that Smith last week and by the way Last week,

people were writing in the comments, he is actually

a real

you could knew it.

And he had passed away.

The episode was

dedicated to him.

That's who that was.

Oh, that's really sweet.

He was like a famous Texas blacksmith.

Yeah.

You can, you can send, even like the highway.

I love the highway scene with Beth and the police officer.

And it's like, that did nothing to move the storyline except just like,

no, it's set the scene.

Yeah.

And it's just like nice dialogue and appreciation for our cattle ranchers.

And you know what?

We don't appreciate our ranchers enough.

I can say that.

No, we don't.

No, we don't.

I don't think about where my piece of steak comes from.

I had beef stew last night.

I wasn't thinking about the rancher that rounded up the cattle and took him to Texas for brucellosis.

I meant to say this last week, too.

Every time the episode ends and it's executive producer Kevin Coster, I'm like, get the hell out of here.

Yeah.

You can't take credit for that.

You honestly don't love it enough.

You don't even show up.

How can you have been an EP?

Because he like signed on from the, he's in since the beginning.

In name only.

He's an executive producer in name only.

But like the brucellosis is really cramping my style.

I agree.

I need those fucks to get back to the business.

Like they just like

are parked up in the desert because they want to be.

Like Taylor Sheridan, the actual man, like offered them to stay in bunkhouses, but they want to be sleeping with the snakes.

No, Jackie, they didn't offer it.

It's like it's a part of his service.

Like you can pay extra.

They paid for the land.

They're paying to rent just to get through the season.

And it would have made it more.

They're on an extremely budgeted travel agenda.

They can't pay for the bunkhouses too.

That's like, you know, getting an upgrade at a hotel.

I guess so.

Just seems that it seems like they want to be sleeping in the dirt.

I mean, why they aren't sleeping in their cars is beyond me.

There's a truck right there.

I say, can't get in.

Go lay out.

Yeah.

Even when Rip was like, I can't leave.

And she was like, we're going to a hotel.

Sleep in Beth's car.

Yeah.

It's a little, it's a little much.

Yeah, they're like making it hard for them.

They're making it harder than it needs to be.

And like, why are they so far?

Why don't you park up next to the bunkhouse or like a close by?

They like really want to be so remote.

Yeah, how are they charging their phones?

I was thinking about that.

Because Rip keeps picking up the phone.

True.

Maybe a car charger.

Maybe there's a generator or something.

Definitely a generator.

Definitely.

Yeah, because the Gator's got a gate.

Gator's got a gate.

Maybe solar power.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, that house that in the East Camp that Casey and his wife are building?

Like, I need that house.

Yeah, but like, no neighbors for miles.

And it's just you guys.

You have to really like your wife, which I think he does.

Yeah, no, or you could get eaten by a bear and like no one would know.

Yeah.

Just something to think about.

But you'd have a nice house.

You'd have quiet.

In this economy, like owning land, it's worth a couple of bears.

Worth a couple of billion, as the show is foretelling.

And like, they, they still just won't sell it, right?

Like, and I know why, but it's better than it being taken from them.

That's true.

I don't know.

And their financial situation does confuse me a little bit.

Like,

Beth is riding around in a Bentley, buying everyone hookers and hotel rooms, flying everyone out.

Meanwhile, they're broken.

Beth has money from her job previously when she bored in stock.

Like, she's rolling in it.

The ranch works season, like, it sustains itself just barely, but that's like what ranch life is.

You make just enough to get to the next season.

But yeah, like, remember when they had a helicopter?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Like, are these people rich or poor?

I can't tell.

You know, they like so much staff, drivers.

They're not liquid.

They're not liquid.

All right.

Well, that's the Yellowstone recap that honestly

was better than the actual episode.

So

there's that.

That's our show, you guys.

Oh, tomorrow we have a guest.

We've been teasing it for quite a bit.

We'll announce it later today.

I'm really excited about it.

I actually watched the episode yesterday because I had like some edits to make.

It was so good.

Like reliving it again.

You guys are really going to love it.

So I'm excited for that.

And if that's all, that is all for today.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toasta Millennium Morning Show, where we delivered the fast five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Bye.