Sexiest Man Available: Wednesday, November 13th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Wednesday, a hump day, which makes sense because Jackie and I are dressed like a bunch of camels today.

We got two humps on this hump day.

Turtle and I are twinning lumps.

Actually, you and I are the two humps because we're both twinning in camel.

And it's a big day, you guys.

It's merch launch day.

So our fall merch shop that we have been teasing all week finally launches today, 10 a.m.

So it's already out.

And the website, of course, is Hermes.com.

It's shop toastmerch.com.

Our big collection, this is like our final collection, like big collection for the end of the year.

So usually we do December one, but we decided to do this one, like more autumnal collegiate vibes.

So if you're wanting to get someone something for the holidays, we have hats, we have bags, we have sweatshirts, we have sweatpants, we have t-shirts, we have cardigans for the very first time.

I feel like such a broken record because about everything I'm saying, like this is my favorite thing we've ever launched, but then I'm saying that about everything, but I mean it truly, like the cardigan, the tea, the camel logo, the girly Swirly University, where I got like a five-star education, and then Garji Parji, I can finally wear that across my chest.

Like, it's a beautiful thing.

And a couple of housekeeping things, shall we?

We get a lot of questions about sizing.

Jackie and I both wear mediums.

If I was just getting the crew neck, I would probably get a large so I could do like oversized with leggings.

But when I wear it as a set, I like it to be more fitted.

So if you're getting the whole set, I would go your regular size.

Everything really runs true to size.

The t-shirt, the girly t-shirt in white is meant to be fitted.

So if you're looking for like a looser fit, I would size up again.

But everything really runs true to size.

that's first oh i just know and then if you like the refrigerator open like am i okay you left your refrigerator running you better go catch it can we close the refrigerator

if you like an oversized tea like what we've done in the past there is a girly tea in the shade mushroom that is it's toasty i'm sorry toasty in the shade mushroom that is oversized and the st the quality of it is a little bit thicker than what we launched in the spring because it is fall now so it's a little bit thicker stock also wanted to note that because we really try not to do most of our drops, we do pre-order so everybody can order exactly what they want.

Nothing sells out.

That does mean that the lead time for shipping is a little bit longer.

So it says four to five weeks right now.

But you'll be able to get everything you want.

You won't have to like, you know, be crying because you're getting like a size you didn't want or an item that you wanted sold out.

So just keep in mind four to five weeks and you can get whatever you want.

So that's great.

Nothing's going to sell out.

We're going to close the shop in a few days, but you have time.

Yeah.

So

head to shop toastmerch.com.

Merch week is the best week because we finally get to wear all the stuff we've been working on.

I don't have to think about what I'm wearing.

That's it.

And we look amazing.

That's it.

Like not having to think about outfits.

And I guess that's what it's like being a kid when your parents would like lay your clothes out for you.

It's, I actually, I just don't even know if I realize like what a burden it is on me.

Especially because like, you know, we are on camera and everybody's like, you know, it does hurt when everybody's like, Jackie looks great today.

And I'm just like, okay, now I'm a big piece of duty.

No, it really hurts when they're like, slob.

I, yeah,

I know what you're saying.

Well, I mean, yeah, but it's like it's it's tough.

And then the days, some days I'm like, I'm stepping my posey up, I'm dressing up, and like, then I feel so stupid.

But anytime I find that I look better on days where I'm just cozy, anytime I get dressed up, I feel incredibly stupid.

Like on Friday's episode, I actually didn't even get to talk about this, right?

I had to run out of the toast because I got an opportunity.

There was like a meeting being held with the president of Israel.

I got to meet the president of Israel.

I actually have like a picture I need to post.

So I got like dressed up.

I was wearing like a really nice stod like sweater dress, boots with the fur, like heels.

I felt so stupid.

We're like sitting here talking about like Brianna Chicken Fry and Zach Bryan.

And I'm like literally going to a business meeting.

No, there have been some times where I do something in the morning that requires me to like wear a dress or look nice.

And it's like, well, why not go to work looking so nice?

Because like, why, why take it down a notch?

And I just look so stupid in my chair with my headphones like in my dress

that I never want to do it.

I often feel like the more put together and fancy I look, the worse my performance is on the toast.

Like

you do feel that way.

My level of comfort is parallel with my level of funny.

Like, it's just.

Also to say that's probably why this week has been amazing toast-wise, amazing looks-wise.

Plus, we get to twin, which I love to twin with my twin.

Yeah, me too.

My twin flame, turdy.

Um, like, you're so positive today.

And, like, I, I, I, I want to be on your level.

I, like, snap my neck in my sleep, which is

it's been happening to me a lot in my older age.

It always happens in my sleep.

So it's like, I go to bed happy and I wake up.

What happened?

Yeah.

And the way I want to seriously snap my own neck and just like kill someone it is so like i can't even talk and i'm so animated when i talk yeah yeah i can't do my thing you can't yap as the kids say i can't yap as the kids say i'm really sorry i've been there so many times it's the worst thing i do believe that our beds are too soft and we

human beings are like meant to sleep on the floor you know I know.

And Ben was like, well, tonight you'll have to sleep with no pillows.

Yada yada.

And I'm like, why?

It's not going to help it get better.

There is a certain amount of time I have to suffer before.

Like, it's just yes nothing i do is gonna move it along like it's just probably two three days that i have to suffer and then i will be better and i could spend those two three days i see hot sleeping on the floor or i could just live my life and it'll be the same amount of time before i feel better we're not meant to sleep on the floor you know there's grass no there's jackie they say like when you really throw out your pack you're supposed to sleep on your dining room table like flat hard

oh my but this is something that we've known for a while it happens to me every few weeks because my bed is just too soft and one day i will deal with that that.

I have so many other things I need to deal with that like it's just.

And I love my bed.

It's not a priority.

Oh, yeah.

And I love my bed.

Yeah.

So last night I told you I'm very much like in my cable era and I decided to do something a little crazy.

I know what you did because you actually FaceTimed with me last night.

Even though you haven't been FaceTiming with me.

Yeah, we're Jackie and I are kind of like working through a little family issue.

Meanwhile, I had to talk to your husband.

I had such a terrible dream about him.

Like I need to make sure he's okay.

I feel like my dreams are actually like really connected with what's going on in the world.

I feel feel like maybe zach needs to talk to me about something like the issue that claudia and i are having is a scheduling issue because she's been watching a lot of tv with her husband which is like beautiful for your relationship you watch harry potter you watch gilmore girls like it brings you together but when he's watching with you like he doesn't let us face time and like literally he has a timer on the other night he said i i begged to get five questions in yeah and i didn't even and he said yes and then i didn't even get to ask five questions so i've definitely felt like jackie and i aren't communicating as well as we once did.

And last night, Ben was out to dinner.

Jackie and I were on FaceTime for like two hours.

Party.

Two hours.

Doing nothing.

Like he thinks we just like, I'm, it's a need to have conversation.

No, I just want to like be on the phone with my sister.

And so we've come to the conclusion that my husband is driving a wedge between us trying to like, you know, just watch Harry Potter.

No, trying to definitely separate us.

Like

I don't, the thing is, I don't think the intent is bad.

I don't think he's trying to separate us.

I think he just wants to watch his show, but he doesn't understand like how important.

Like he, you know what he said?

He said, screw sisterhood.

Well, it's so important to note that if Ben and I were watching something and he took a phone call like from anybody.

It's different.

It's different.

I would say...

It's not sisterhood.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No, let's say you know Let's say it was his sister.

Let's say Maddie called it's not sisterhood.

That's her sister.

It's brothers and sisters.

Okay, true different.

I would say get the fuck out like I would seriously be like sibling hood.

Are you crazy?

It's sibling revelry, if you will.

It's sibling revelry if you will.

I know.

I understand like the concept of interrupting like it's annoying, but this is my life partner, like my business partner.

Like

scram.

Seriously, scram.

He doesn't.

So if you've guys been feeling like a sort of tension on the toast, like Jackie and I aren't as close as we used to be, that's why.

Or maybe it's actually the opposite where we do all this nonsensical catching up on the toast because we don't get to do it at other points of the day.

I actually agree.

But wait, so you were on FaceTime with me when I decided to make this decision last night

because I've been watching Jeopardy every night.

It's kind of becoming like my new favorite thing.

I feel so smart whenever I get an answer right.

Like it's just really, it's kind of one of the highlights of my day.

And then I just leave the TV on and Wheel of Fortune I watch passively it's really so dumb like I can't okay and I just want to say I'm not into Ryan Seacrest and Vanna White like it's the old and the new we either needed to get both of them out or both of them in like it's wrong

but then dancing with the stars was on at eight o'clock and I was like all right you know what like I'll watch it I'm always talking about it like peripherally on the toast maybe I could know what I'm talking about now I'm not gonna be able to know what I'm talking about because I found the show like so impossible to watch that I was on my phone the entire time but I did with me I did catch like glimpses of things here and there yeah she was talking to me yeah and i just have a major critique of the show that i have to share because we're at the place where like there's fewer people left and everybody's scores are getting better i think there's a point in the show when like everybody's getting like eights nines and tens

and

I'm gonna single out Danny Amendola, but it was happening to everyone.

Okay, so this is not like a statement on Danny Amendola's like dancing career.

He got a 10.

So just make an example out of him because he can take it.

Yes, and it's emblematic of the entire issue.

And I'm new to Dancing with the Stars.

I really never watched.

So I'm sure you guys know this, but I didn't.

But like, I didn't know we were giving out tens to amateurs.

Like, that was not a 10, a perfect 10 means there's no, I'm like, right.

He was so stiff.

And like, yeah, he didn't forget any moves.

He did everything right.

I was like, are you kidding?

A 10?

Like, how low is the bar?

I was so shocked.

And I was like, this show is not serious.

Is that a serious show?

I understand.

And to be honest, and I have said this before, first of all, if anybody wants to know who I think should win, it's Dwight Howard, but that's neither here nor there.

It's so easy for the men.

And by the way, there's mostly mostly men left.

I think it's two women, Chandler and Alona.

Pomalhorse Steve.

Chandler.

I actually don't know her.

She's like this very beautiful girl.

I've never seen her before in my life.

Disney?

She's a Disney.

Okay.

But then there's Pomalhor Steve, Joey the Bachelor.

Rome has an ancient vibe to it.

Greece.

Old school vibe.

Old school vibe.

Greece.

Dwight Howard.

Danny Amendola.

So it's mostly men.

It's so much easier for the men to get a perfect 10.

Like, all they have to do is properly lift the girls girls who are three pounds, and they're professional athletes.

Dwayne Howard can lift this girly, no problem.

Like, it's actually biased, it's not an equal playing field.

You don't think it's harder for men to dance in general?

Like, to well, it depends on the man.

Sometimes a man comes on, and you can tell they seriously have no rhythm.

And honestly, like, if Dave Portnoy ever went on Tancy with the Stars, he would be out first because one thing, and they released like a bunch of bloopers from him recording his diss track, and it was exactly as I thought.

The man has no rhythm.

The person who wrote the song had to literally repeat every line line to dave and he had to copy it exactly he could not stay on beat it's if if you have rhythm like i do you have to watch it's infuriating jackie like he can't

see go like he was that is so funny it was a very funny clip but some people have rhythm and some people don't and i think that like you could tell like the gymnastics guy you have to have rhythm to do those routines yes howard totally like can kill it at a bot mixed dance floor like he has rhythm so if you have the basics yes but some people i think that's gender regardless like if you don't have rhythm like you really can't dance.

I agree with that.

So, everyone's been wanting me to watch Dancy with the Stars.

And you know what?

You got what you asked for.

I really didn't like it.

Okay.

Like, oh my God.

I don't know how you guys put up with, like, I forgot this thing about cable.

It reminded me of The Bachelor.

Like, how they play with you.

Two hours.

That's so crazy.

Two hours, so many commercials.

And then they did like a pop-up challenge where like everybody did their performances.

And I was like, we've literally been here.

There's a whole hour left.

What are we going to do?

Surprise.

Here's your category.

go plan a dance at me it's like they all had five minutes to put together a dance and choreography and like come back like it was so color war it was so stupid yeah i was gonna say it's like camp and not in a good way right like i don't want to watch someone's camp on tv so i fear i cabled a little too close to the sun honestly i'm sorry for you i finished i continued not finished reading my frida reada free to reada And the fact that it's taking me this many days tells you everything you need to know because a Frida is a 24-hour read.

So I think there's something happening with Frida.

I experienced something the same where I was like, it was the only books I wanted to read.

They were so quick and easy.

They were adding to my count.

And then you get one that's just like seriously bad.

And you're like, how did I, I Frida too close to the sun.

Yeah.

Mine was, um, I forget what it was called, but it was about this like co-worker who goes missing.

Interesting.

So I'll finish the book and like, it's, it's, it's fine, but I'm looking forward to moving on, maybe reading, maybe reading what you suggested.

The Many Lives of Mama Love, Oprah's Book Club.

Now, if you're going to read it, here's something I only figured out after that I feel is important like to the story.

It's called The Many Lives of Mama Love, and the author is Lara Love.

So it's her story.

I didn't realize it was like a memoir.

It's kind of.

It's like...

Memoirs of a mama?

It read like a fiction book.

Okay, I kind of like that.

Yeah, and Oprah's actually in the book.

It's cool.

Okay, I'm open.

Yeah, I think I love it.

I'm open.

And now I'm on my, you know,

prison reform shit.

Like, it really, it's one of those books that opens your eyes to the system.

Kind of how like Demon Copperhead, after I read that book, I'm like, child and family services is disgusting.

This entire system for kids, like, who are growing up in poverty and like, it's disgraceful.

It's literally pharma.

Of course, it's built to destroy the lives of these children.

Like, honestly, they have not helped one person in their life.

Like, that was my takeaway from Demon Copperhead.

You will have that same takeaway from the prison system from this book.

Oh, I could see that being.

She's like one of the few who actually got out, like, by her own sheer will and determination.

Like demon.

Like demon, yeah.

So yeah, that's just like kind of what we do here at the toast.

We we talk about the government agencies.

We go down a myriad of rabbit holes.

The government agencies are very much in the news.

They are.

Wait, also.

I was going to say, run up show.

We have Deer Toasters today, but that reminded me that yesterday, you know, Jackie and I feel really bad that last week or whenever it was the week before, we forgot Deer Toasters.

And we know that the community was outraged with us.

We received

death threats, backlash.

Like, we heard your cries.

And we won't do it again, we promise.

But to make up for it, we recorded an entire 45-minute podcast and video episode exclusively going through Deer Toaster submissions.

It's on our Patreon.

And we just want to.

We do it every few months on Patreon anyway.

It's just if everyone loves a little DT.

We wanted to give back to the community.

And we did.

And it's up on our Patreon right now.

Yeah.

And we'll do, we'll still do.

Don't worry.

This week's segment.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Three submissions.

Even though we actually have like really good stories today.

SMA.

The big celeb news of the day, finally.

SMA.

So I actually feel like, and no, I'm the last one to say it.

I actually feel like we should make haste and get into the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Today's episode is also brought to you by Skylight Frames.

So holiday seasons are fabulous, but we're always missing, you know, me and Jack are not going to be together.

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Like it's sometimes hard to not be with the ones that you love during the holiday season.

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Thank you, Dr.

You got a welcome.

Our first story, the big celeb news of the day, finally, people's sexiest man alive has been announced, and it is

John Krasinski.

Now, I heard two things about this that I feel like ruined my take on it.

So I want to get your take, and then I'll read the two things that Dumois posted that really shook me up.

Okay, I think this is a great choice.

I think that it covers like People Magazine's demographic while also being like objectively a good call,

pretty relevant.

And I think everybody really likes this guy.

And that's coming from someone who like actually hasn't fallen into John Krasinski lore.

I don't watch The Office, I don't want Jack Ryan, I don't watch a simple place.

Objectively, he's a good-looking man.

A simple place,

A quiet place.

And Cody Simpson's getting a CMA award.

Correct.

Objectively, he's nice-looking.

I know people really love him.

And even though I'm not even a part of it, I think this is such a great choice.

So I can only imagine how people who love him feel about this.

Okay, that's a good take.

Now, Dumont was a single-scale.

What was your initial take?

I didn't, I literally saw the announcement

via this Dumois thing on Twitter.

Like, it was the first thing I saw when I woke up, and there were two blinds that she had read.

I'm shocked at what you could say that could ruin people's SMA.

Well, the first was that FYI, Glenn Powell, was aggressively courted for Sexiest Man Alive, and he turned People Magazine down.

He joins the ranks of Ryan Gosling, Jason Mama, and Keanu Reeves in terms of stars who have been begged to be Sexiest Man Alive, but who have absolutely refused.

Okay.

Then this is the blind that like really made me like question everything.

Okay.

This A-list actor.

who is starting to fall from stardom was willing to pay millions of dollars to be quote chosen as 2024 sexiest man alive.

He knows that people are losing interest in him and he thinks that spending the money on the title is a good investment in gaining back momentum for his career

i do not believe that okay like because if that's true that's just like the nuttiest thing i ever heard that really i didn't know you could pay

i don't think i don't believe it i just want to say like i'm john krasinski is not my fave but i'm going to trust your guys's fave because he literally says in the

article like he immediately blacked out when he was told he's gonna be people sexiest man alive keep in mind these are actors, like they are deluded.

I know, but like I don't, I mean, I know people boldface lie to your face, but until I can confirm that they've done it once, like I do give people the benefit of the doubt.

And I've not seen John Krasinski to be a liar.

And I also don't agree with that blurb that like he's waning from public interest.

I think he's doing just fine.

And I think he's like.

at a level where even if he's not doing public outings and things like he's always eternally famous he's at that level now let me like really strip back and give you my thoughts thoughts.

Like, I'm not offended by this choice whatsoever.

Again, he's not my favorite.

I actually don't particularly think he's like good looking, but I know there are people who like die for Jim and Pam and Jack Ryan and all that.

So again, I'm happy for them.

And I think I feel this way often about People Magazine.

Like

they, they always just make like a, it's like so obvious, you know, like do something crazy.

I think it should be a little bit obvious though.

Yeah.

For what this is.

I don't know.

Well, they do like, you know what, never mind.

I'm not going to say that.

Who would have been been like a crazy?

I don't know.

I even think like Jeremy Allen White would have been a crazy choice because he is like still kind of niche.

He's on one show.

He's not niche.

He's not niche.

We are just used to People Magazine choosing men over 40.

He would be the youngest person to ever be chosen.

I also think that's a good precedent.

I don't know.

Like maybe we could also have a different publication do like...

Maxim, sexiest.

Hottest guy.

But like, I like what People Magazine does and I like that they don't stray too far from it.

Like it's a, it's an older more established man.

Everybody really knows them.

It's interesting to me that

People Magazine is not ordinarily a publication stars at this level would ever sit down for an interview for.

Now, a lot of them make an exception for the sexiest man alive thing.

It's Glenn Powell.

Actually, Glenn Powell yesterday, or maybe this morning, was announced as the cover star of Vanity Fair with like the like Jonathan Bailey and Nicole Kidman, like the big movie stars of this season.

And so it's clear he's like really in a a different stratosphere.

And he's on this path of like Hollywood movie star.

We haven't had like a real male movie star in a while.

Like that's what he wants to be, very like Tom Cruise back in the day.

So I can actually see him turning this down.

And I do feel like perhaps there was a time where John Krasinski would have said no to this,

but not anymore.

Yeah, I think...

He's at the right place in his career as the sexiest man usually is because it's more of a

sunset season.

That's yeah, a sunset season.

And I understand why Glenn Powell would have said no if that part is true.

It's a little too like commercial and corny and I know he wants to be taken seriously.

And there is like, there is something lovingly corny about Glenn Powell.

And I don't think he wants to do like more of that.

Like he's, he's all set.

He wants to win an Oscar.

Like, and I think that that's the route he's taken.

And that's not like a commercial thing.

Like you don't do big.

People magazine spreads when you want to win an Oscar.

Like you're very low-key artist.

You know, don't talk to me.

Yeah.

So I think, and of course, you know, if this is just about sexiness, period, he's not the Adonis, the

scientifically the sexiest man.

He's very good looking.

It's an unoffensive choice.

It appeals to a lot of Americans.

And it's a good choice.

I think it's a really good choice.

It's a good choice.

Not a really good choice?

Well, the idea of like what Dumas said, like him begging and paying for this, like makes me cringe.

So that's like the only thing ruining this for me.

Okay, but do you think there's a possibility that it's not true?

Of course, of course, but like I know, I'm only seeing it through the lens.

Dumas said something else this week that broke my heart.

What?

That Arielle Frankel was out on a date with Gobbledygoop.

With

what?

Who is, I don't know.

Matthew Bray Goobler.

Oh, man, you don't know him.

He's from Criminal Minds.

He's like, everyone's like, I don't know who that is, Gobbledygoop.

Oh, okay.

So if you don't know who Gobbledy Goop is, then like I could see how that would upset you because I know you want her to be with that other Jewish character from The Bachelor.

Having said that, like he, people are obsessed with him.

He plays,

what the hell is his name in Criminal Minds?

Like people are, I love criminal minds and I love him.

And like I totally get the, there is an obsession with this guy.

And I don't even know if he's ever publicly dated anyone.

And now his first sighting is with Arielle Jewish Queen from The Bachelor.

Like I'm actually not upset about it at all.

Okay, I'll be less upset.

It's a huge pull for her, if true.

Okay, even if it's not true, the fact that they're associated, like, it's just really great for her i want greatness for her so i will support her um i just am going to be mourning like the shittock that never was yeah no i i totally get you

just want to see but i'm glad to know that he's worthy of our swirly what's his last name gobbler matthew gray goobler g-u-b-l-e-r

it's not blueberry gobbler I do believe he actually might be Jewish.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

This is great news.

Matthew, let me look at him with a keen eye now.

Matthew,

really cute.

He's super cute, really successful, huge.

Like, people are obsessed with him.

Oh, he's in your favorite movie, RV.

Wait, what?

Who is he?

Who is he in RV?

I don't know.

That's what came up on Google.

He does look familiar, but I've not seen anything that he's been in.

He's really from Criminal Minds, and that's it.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he's the one who helps them with the septic.

I fucking love RV.

Okay, it all comes back to RV.

Yeah, he's really cute.

I'm happy for her.

And Jackie, he's Jewish.

Does that change things for you?

I accept.

It does change things for me.

It does.

Yeah.

I just want greatness for her.

I'll support her in anything she does.

Let me tell you, I know this is like a blind spot in your pop culture knowledge, and I can tell you, like, it's a really good thing for her.

Okay.

Great.

It would be like, I'm trying to make a comparison that you would know.

I don't know, but just have faith in me.

Like, this is amazing.

Okay.

Yay.

Yeah.

Like, there's like Jeremy, while it was nice, he's not like the only Jewish guy out there, you know?

No, I know, but I just love the idea of like the bachelor.

Of course, of course.

Of course.

And they had that video together.

I thought that was like a hard launch.

I thought so, too.

No, she was spotted with the goobs.

What did you call him?

Gobbledy Goobler.

Gobbledy Goobler.

Seriously, top five funniest things you've ever said.

Matthew Gray Goobler.

Okay, I'll book it.

Yeah, no, he's one to watch.

She's one to watch.

And so at diosmosis, he's one to watch.

No, that's a good one.

So hopefully either all of the things that Dumois said are true or none.

Like, it's so hard to know.

You really have to use your judgment.

Yeah.

I think some things are true and some things aren't.

I'm going to give John Krasinski the benefit of the doubt here.

Maybe he doesn't deserve it, but I'm going to give it to him.

And I just want to say, I can see a world in which they would have chosen him like he wasn't begging or paying.

Like I can see, it's not so out of the realm of possibility.

Oh.

No.

And he doesn't seem like the kind to be like so obsessed with how relevant he is.

Like he's made a lot of money.

He's painting him out to be this huge loser.

He has this huge show on Prime.

He,

it's being made into a movie.

I heard.

He's also like, you know, part of an A-list Hollywood couple that everyone's obsessed with.

Like there's, there's relevance in that.

I don't think it's true.

Okay.

But thank you for bringing it to the discussion table.

It's very important.

My pleasure.

It's very important.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

About one of our favorite couples, Olivia Munn, is sharing a lot about the early days of her relationship with John Mulaney to GQ.

So for some people, the early days of her relationship with John Mulaney is like the most important thing in their lives.

Like, because the timeline, you know, there's no problem.

No, and they're going to be like seriously sad for this because she's admitting that she barely knew John Mulaney when she got pregnant.

They weren't even dating yet, she says.

She said it wasn't anything close to dating when she found out she was expecting their son Malcolm.

Quote, I barely knew him.

She talked to GQ because he is on the the cover of Comedian of the Year for GQ.

And she talks about how they got together again in 2021.

She said at the time he was looking for an apartment in New York City after splitting from his ex-wife.

And Olivia referred him to a friend and they began talking again, at some point developing a more intimate relationship.

She just wanted to say something.

I'm sorry.

Because this is harking back to a conversation we had when we were talking about the Grammys.

Like, and I think John Mulaney is amazing.

You guys know, like, I love him and I think he's really successful.

I don't think he was the comedian of the year.

Like, these arbitrary titles.

and that's what I was saying about like comedy.

Like the new world of comedy has like a lot of catching up to do to like the OG.

It's like a very old school type of thing.

And so if you're not like, you know, on the road, like the whole podcast and special, I feel like is not like Shane Gillis was the comedian of the year, you know?

Yeah, well, it's she cute.

This is their men of the year issue.

And then like in the comedian category, it's John Mulaney, but he also got the cover.

I think we're going to be, we have to just accept these things because we're getting into the list time.

I know where we're at.

But I hate when the lists aren't accurate.

Like it really bothers me.

To me, this isn't the worst choice they could have made.

Like, it's not a good thing.

No, was it the biggest year for John Mulaney?

No, I feel like he was literally in hiding.

He had a second kid.

Like, what did he even do?

Didn't he put out a special this year?

I don't think so.

Not like Abilities a Prison.

No, that was Baby J.

John Mulaney's special.

You saw him at the Lighthouse.

That was really big for him.

Yes, and he had said, like, he really hasn't done much this year.

Oh, he did that

Netflix is a Joke festival that they televised for Netflix.

He had like a little late night show,

where he had a bunch of people.

I agree with you.

It was called Everybody's in LA.

Yeah, okay, I'm sorry.

Not to be like a stickler for the lists, but it just goes without saying, like, if we're taking a look at this year at a glance, comedian of the year for men

wasn't.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Continue.

So she...

She said that she was excited when she told him that she was pregnant.

However, she added, it wasn't necessarily we're going to be married and live together or any of that, but it was I will be involved in some way.

She initially assumed they would simply co-parent their child while she lived in LA and he remained in New York.

However, the two would talk every once in a while or he would come visit her throughout her pregnancy.

At the time, he was fresh off of his rehab stay after relapsing during the pandemic.

Before that, he had been sober for 15 years.

She said the two seemingly grew closer throughout her pregnancy as the exciting arrival of the little one was the only thing that made him seem light and happy.

She said, I remember he was really excited to tell his parents.

I was watching someone newly sober at the edge of a cliff and I didn't know him well enough to help him.

In my head, I'm thinking, I I don't really know what's happening with this guy.

It feels pretty shaky.

But then I would see him at the troubadour and be like, man, he's on fire.

He's just that phenomenal.

By the time she was six months pregnant, she decided to get involved in his recovery and stage a mini intervention.

They agreed at the time that she would give him random drug tests, which is still something she does to this day.

Wow.

Two months later, they decided to raise their son as a couple.

That's so cute.

So cute.

And then he announced that they were expecting their first child after their relationship was exposed that spring.

So it's just like so crazy that all of this came out and like they really barely knew what they were were even doing.

Well, I think that like this actually, it does make sense.

I didn't envision it that way.

I thought that they decided to have a child together.

Yeah.

And then for all the, you know, girlies who can't move past Anna Marie Tenler, they're like, well, he never had a kid with his wife of 10 years.

And so actually, this is congruous with the person we knew him to be.

Like kids was not in the plan.

Yeah.

And of course it happened and it's like, you know, a happy accident and it's beautiful, but it actually, I think, makes Sean Malani look very good.

It's not like he just didn't want to have kids with Anna Marie.

Or that he lied to her.

Right.

It really was not in the cards for him, but obviously accidents happen and this was a good one.

But I actually think this is really

a good luke for Mr.

Mulaney.

And it's a good lesson in trust your faves.

Well, that too, but it's also a rom-com in it.

Like, like I'm just picturing it.

And it must have been very scary for him to like, you know, be newly sober and then also find out that you had someone pregnant.

Like.

Yeah.

And to be fresh out of a long-term relationship.

Like I imagine this time was actually very dramatic for him.

Like that's a lot to be going through all at once while also trying to stay sober and in a new relationship, leaving an old relationship, baby on the way.

That's a lot.

It is.

The more I learn about these two, even the way she's describing, like how, like, it really sounds like a book.

And I also feel like people had painted this picture of her where it's like,

she knew what she, she had eyes on him.

Yeah.

Like went right for him.

And it's like, no, even when she got pregnant, she didn't expect that they would be together.

She definitely got like classic woman, you know, like the Jezebel label.

Like the womanly wiles.

Right.

Like she actively pursued and got herself pregnant.

Like they definitely, I think like the haters definitely painted.

And they really, for years, they've said nothing.

And this is just like a random anecdote, but it's really like a window into how they got together.

I mean, even if...

How they got together wasn't as cute as it sounds.

Like I ship these two so hard.

Like I think they they have such a beautiful life together, and I think they're perfect for one another.

Yeah, not everything happens the way that you plan it.

Yeah.

Actually, what's that quote?

Something I was just reading.

Man plans and God laughs.

Yeah, that too, but it was also like life happens in the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know the one.

While you're making plans or something.

Yeah, no, but it's like life is what happens during...

It's probably highlighted in my Kindle somewhere.

During the things that you didn't expect.

Like, it's obviously more succinct than that, but like, I don't know.

No, but it's so true.

And like, look how they ended up.

Like a love, now they have another baby.

They have a family of four.

It's so sweet.

Yeah.

They are married, correct?

Yes.

It's so sweet.

Like, I, I truly love these two.

Me and I.

And I like them both so much individually.

And they sort of came to me on their own.

Like, I never, I feel like before, while he was married to Anna Marie, like everybody was obsessed with Jamaica, he is the best comedian.

Claudia, Claudia, remember when we were just doing a list of people that we don't care about separately, but together we love?

Yeah.

Are we talking about them?

No, because I'm saying actually now I care about them both so deeply independently of one another.

At one point though, I didn't.

I feel like the world tried to get me to care about John Delaney and I was like, get away from me.

Then the world turned on him and I said, oh, you're interesting.

Come here.

Yeah.

But that's always what happens.

Like, I only really start to like people when they have a fall from grace.

Like, because when you're

universally beloved, I'm like, okay, whatever.

I don't need to invest in you.

Oh, people hate you.

You're interesting.

What'd you do?

Come here.

Yeah, but also it's like how you you um deal with it right that like that that builds your character and talks and shows people who you are really yeah yeah and shows yourself who you are yeah same with olivia munn i mean she was like we said like painted out to be this like absolute harlot

whore of babylon if you will and

no i did my own independent research she's a queen And now everybody loves her because of her skins campaign and her breast cancer journey, but it's like, I liked her before.

Where were you?

Yeah, I liked her before.

Where were you?

Where were you?

Are you ready for our next story that's interesting to me?

It's a little Outer Banks drama.

Oh my God.

Okay, I'm familiar.

And the annoying thing about this is that I'm in the middle of the most recent season.

I think I have a couple of episodes left.

And the drama has spoiled it for me.

So I just found out what happened.

Okay, I am all caught up, except I didn't watch this most recent season yet.

But I think I could do it without spoiling, except maybe you'll realize that two people get together.

But that's not not a major spoiler to like the actual show no no no someone's leaving the show yes i won't talk about that okay i won't talk about that um but outer banks the new um season just dropped and two of the stars are feuding so badly that apparently they couldn't even film a hugging scene together now when i read this i thought it was gonna be

chase and madeline klein because they dated so publicly but they have maintained like that they have a friendship kelse ballerini follows madeline they're always leaving comments on each other so i was like oh my god is that fake but no it's not about those two and if you have been following the lore of, if you're like obsessed with Outer Banks, then you know all this.

But most people are not like die-hard Outer Banks stands.

Like

I watch every season, but I don't follow them on social media.

So it's about JJ and Kiara, who actually in the show date.

And I think many years ago at the beginning of the show had like a brief something.

He is now engaged to somebody else.

Yeah.

And she is in a relationship as well.

So rumors are continuing to win.

I believe with a woman.

Yes.

Oh, interesting.

Rumors are continuing to swirl that they've had a falling out.

A source exclusively tells people that they are not feuding despite ongoing speculation.

Okay, sure.

A couple things happen.

One, Eagle-Eyed fans noticed that in one scene in the new season, the two of them are just like sitting next to each other, cuddling at a bonfire.

Yep.

And the way that the scene cuts,

you don't see the two, both of their faces at the same time, making it seem like there was a body double for each of them.

No, because they couldn't be holding each other.

Because the man is taller, there's a scene where it's like just him and she's like hugging him down below.

So you see the top of her head, and it's literally not her.

Yeah, no.

And what's, I saw the headlines before I saw the actual clip, and I was like, oh, they didn't want to film a sex scene together.

Like, okay.

Yeah.

There could be a lot of reasons for that, especially if they're exes.

But no, they couldn't even just wrap their arms around each other.

And so this has been like a fan theory for years, being like, they hate each other, they hate each other, they hate each other.

Because also, there was a dinner, a cast dinner in June 2023, which was attended by the guy who plays JJ and his girlfriend, and then Kiara and her partner, Mariah.

Yes, a woman.

And in the wake of the dinner, they both reportedly unfollowed Rudy's girlfriend.

Yes.

So the rumors are that like, and by the way, Rudy is now engaged to this girl.

So the rumors are that like Rudy's fiancé is like really jealous that he's Rudy.

He's Rudy.

Yeah.

But like she is really uncomfortable with the fact that he still actively works with and has romantic scenes with his ex and she's very threatened.

And they're really putting the whole thing on Rudy's fiance and she forced

what you're gonna say next just don't say okay okay so like she's the reason for all of this which I feel like is such a convenient theory we have no we have no proof and up until this point we've really had no proof besides like Instagram stuff but now the stunt double like being exposed It's definitely giving a lot of credence to these rumors that have existed for many years.

That's really crazy to me if that's what it is.

Like that's really immature, especially because of Madeline and chase and i also feel like just to the storyline like they could also break up jj and kiara like they're not germane to the storyline them being together not like

sarah and john jay john bay um yeah and to be honest i actually would be for that and it would make sense in the storyline because I felt this way last season and this season even more so.

I cannot watch the show because of JJ.

Like he is the most reckless, out of control, worst friend, worst character, worst treasure hunter.

Like the fact that he's alive.

And then this treasure hunter.

And then this season, like something happens that really pisses him off.

And it's wrong.

You know, he gets wronged by the rich people.

And what does he do?

He burns down downtown.

He starts a riot.

He starts looting.

He's...

literally, he sets fire.

And it's all local businesses, by the way.

So it's like, you're not hurting any of the rich people.

He beats up policemen.

He destroys police cars.

I'm like, wait, he really, he became like an anarchist.

And that's what I was like, seriously, Ben?

I can't watch a show.

I can't root for these kids anymore like they're anarchists like at first it was like yeah fuck the man and like the rich people and I was like yeah yay now they're treasure yeah now they're like defacing public property beating up policemen like burning down local businesses I can't I can't this show is so crazy and it gets to a crazy point of ridiculousness but there is something about it that like it warms

it's got hard like it sticks with me and every time there's a new season I do wind up watching it and it was one of my like sir clause shows last year that got me through like really painful week.

So for that, like

I'm riding with OBX.

You'll have a hard time.

Like your moral compass will come into question this season.

Me and Ben were looking at each other.

We're like, what the fuck?

Like they took it too far.

Jackie, like everybody's rioting.

There's like, oh, there's like a, there's like a police hunt for JJ.

I'm like, okay, we have seriously.

Outer banks too close to the sun.

Like, oh my God.

It's really crazy.

Okay.

I'm older.

Yeah, like taking a baseball bat to to the windows of the pharmacy, the store, like local-owned businesses.

I like, I don't know what he was trying to do.

Started like literally taking a bat to the electrical poles.

Like he literally shut off all the power downtown.

It was really crazy.

And I can't explain.

Like he, they go to this town hall because like the rich people are stealing from them and whatever they lose.

And it's wrong.

The rich people are being wrong.

But he starts beating people up.

So he gets thrown in a cop car.

Well, John B.

takes a bat to the cop car window.

JJ runs, takes the bat, and burns down downtown.

Like it's, these kids are actually now the villains.

Understood.

But now knowing like that spoiler that we won't say, are you going to keep watching?

Like Ben was really into it.

And like, I don't know, I really, I couldn't like not.

So they released it in two parts.

The first part, like the first four or five, maybe six episodes, I actually really liked.

Okay.

The second part, I was like, these people have lost the plot.

Okay.

So I don't know.

I don't know what my future holds with this show.

Okay.

Well, I just thought this was really crazy.

That like went really viral its first season.

I feel like every time that happens, nobody really watches like the second or the third season.

But no, it's this really strong fan base.

And it's because like these four young kids, or five, six, actually, they're beautiful and they're always like taking really good photos on Instagram.

And like people are obsessed.

They travel to Outer Banks and watch.

them film.

Like it's it kind of has like that gossip girl sort of fandom.

Also like Riverdale.

And I think they said next season of OBX is going to be the last season.

So it'd be like total five or six seasons, which is similar to Riverdale.

Yeah.

And then everyone like wants to go do other things right well i think that like and people on tick tock are comparing it to rays jean paul

okay but why he only did one season right but like leaving a show that like made you famous for like other opportunities and people are like worried that any the person who ends up leaving i won't say who it is um like might have that sort of régé jean effect I could see that.

Because what in the world happened to Regé Jean?

But he could evolve season two.

Like that's

last stream.

This is season four.

Yes, it's different.

It's different.

It's more so of a Marissa Cooper.

I'm still waiting for that Ray Jay Jean big project to drop.

Like, what did he do?

Big secret project.

Yeah, he couldn't film Brincherton because he had this big opportunity.

What was it?

I don't know.

That will go down in history as like one of the worst choices ever made.

Yeah, I hope he has like new management now.

I don't even know what help.

Oh, you hear Chapel Rome split with her management?

I did because of Chapel Rome.

Because she was mad that someone wrote about it.

Therefore, people were writing that she was mad.

And I

posted about it on their Instagram.

Like, new article at our website, read about Chapel Rome.

And she commented, you guys suck for this.

Like, girl, calm down.

It's literally their job.

Yeah.

Chap gonna chap.

I don't know what else to tell you guys.

But she keeps, she keeps out chapping herself.

Yeah.

But because now she's getting to things that are like truly indefensible.

Like with the paparazzi, like nobody's ever going to take the paparazzi side.

So we're like, yeah, chap, go, chap.

But it's like independent journalists, like leave them alone.

Well, they're not really independent journalists, but it's like you can't like be mad about everything.

This is

the system.

Yeah.

It's the industry.

So you're in the wrong industry.

And I'm not saying the industry is right for the way that it operates.

Right.

They think she's going to change you from the inside out with her fabissinum put them.

You know what, chap?

Go off, queen.

If you can, can.

Are you ready for our next story?

What number?

Number four.

But we have deer toasters.

Yeah, I'm ready.

I'm ready.

Some crazy news, which is that Travis Kelsey's Kansas City mansion was burglarized of $20,000 in cash during the Saints game, while Patrick Mahomes' house was hit 48 hours prior.

And to be clear, this just reminded me, the sexiest man alive this year is Travis Kelsey.

Yeah, but the thing is, he would have never sat for that interview because he would, it should have been Jason Kelsey.

Love that too.

But like, if we're talking about like accurate lists.

Yeah.

Sexiest man alive of 2024, it's Travis Kelsey.

I agree with you.

But there's so many politics in the list that I get that.

Yeah.

Burglars reportedly targeted Travis Kelsey and Patrick Mahomes' mansions in Kansas City last month ahead of their matchup against the New Orleans Saints.

According to a police record obtained by Page 6 on Tuesday, the burglary at Mahomes's estate was reported by a bodyguard just after midnight on October 6th.

It's unknown what, if anything, was stolen from his home.

He was notably out celebrating Travis's birthday the day in the hours leading up to the burglary.

So I mean, that's literally the house he lives in with his kids.

Like, that's so scary.

Yeah.

It's unclear if anyone was home during the break-in.

And then less than 48 hours later, Travis's mansion was also broken into around 7.30 p.m.

Shortly after kickoff against the Saints.

You know what's crazy is that they live in different states.

Wait, what?

One of them lives in Missouri.

He lives in Missouri and Travis lives in Kansas.

And they probably live five minutes from each other.

That's so crazy.

No, this is like probably one of the worst parts of being a public figure is like, especially like an athlete, like your schedule is literally out there for the world to see.

Everybody knows when you're at training camp and so it really makes you a target for things like this um and i think that there's really only one celebrity who's got security down pat and it's miss taylorina swift and she needs to hook up trev with her guy yeah patrick you don't think that she had

I don't know.

Well, he did just move into that new house.

And she's like, if she's going to spend time anywhere, it needs to be like completely clear.

So I don't know.

This is just like the worst feeling.

I know nobody feels bad for celebrities because they have like all the money in the world and like you're $20,000.

It's not about what they stole.

And maybe they stole something, you know, sentimental and that's irreplaceable.

But like such, I've never, God willing, God willing, Brocham, Brocham, bite my tongue a million times.

I've never been burglarized.

But I know people who have and it is the most violating,

like horrible, it's not about the things that they took ever.

It's about the fact that even if you were home, if you weren't home, somebody was in your fucking house, like that's a sense of peace you can never get back.

Yeah.

And I know people who have moved because of it.

So

I don't think the $20,000 is going to cripple him financially, but the sense of peace and then also like Taylor's not going to feel comfortable.

Yeah.

At a place like that, it just really offsets your entire sense of peace.

Yeah.

I hope they catch the people who did it.

I feel like there's never enough like energy.

Yeah.

I know the boys who did it.

Right.

Like I feel like, especially when we report with like a lot of the celebrity homes in LA, like there's, and we're always reporting those sorts of stories and it's never like caught the thieves.

I know.

I think that's why like the Alexis Nyers trial was as big of a deal as it was.

It was like the first time, because it was this, like, organized ring, it was the same couple of people doing everyone's houses, that it was such a big deal, and it got such attention, not only because of their reality show, but like, they made a movie of it.

Like, because who the fuck, like, who's doing this?

Right, right.

Now,

I think it's there's a difference when somebody steals from you.

Like, Alexis Nyers wasn't a dangerous person, you know?

But the, the, the

group of men who burglarized uh Dariet's house with guns, like, that's different.

And they never caught those guys.

No, like, it's actually so crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

No, is it our fifth and final story that's brought to you by State Farm?

It is.

Thank you so much to State Farm for sponsoring today's episode.

We know that our listeners can agree.

Nothing feels better than a personal win.

Like when you get a final piece of furniture delivered to your apartment and your home really feels complete, or you hit a best new record during a turdy run.

Perhaps, yeah, you're training for a 5K.

Whatever small, big, simple, complicated win that you have, it deserves to be celebrated.

Like maybe you're a toaster who managed to stop for a much-needed iced coffee but still made it to work on time.

Or you didn't make it to work on time, but nobody noticed.

That's a huge win as well.

Perhaps you found a new pair of jeans that finally fit, or you fit into an old pair like from high school.

Whatever it is that you define as a win, it calls for celebration.

And who's cheering right beside you?

State Farm.

Because with the State Farm personal price plan, you can create an affordable price just for you when you bundle home an auto.

So celebrate by breaking out the confetti and those happy dance moves.

Talk to a state farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan.

Now, what's also great about State Farm is they are for all toasters.

Whether you're like a slower toaster like Jax, perhaps you want to talk to a State Farm agent on the phone, maybe you want to go to them and talk to them in real life, whatever that's like.

You can do that.

But if you're like kind of a fast-paced, bright lights, big city, you know, fast-moving girly, you can't like...

turred over here, you can talk to a state farm agent on their app or their website.

Like really whatever method of communication works for you, they will adapt to.

So talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with a personal price plan.

Like a good neighbor, I can confirm State Farm is there.

Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state.

Coverage options are selected by the customer, availability, amount of discounts and savings, eligibility due vary by state.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Today's episode.

Yeah, no, you're good.

Today's episode is also brought to you by Peloton.

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even their ketchup, like their unsweetened ketchup.

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Thank you, Jackie.

What is it, Turkey?

I just want to say, also, kids love ketchup, and like, you don't want to be giving them all that sugar.

I use the Primal Kitchen ketchup for the kids, and like, they love it, and it's no sugar.

Thank you.

So, when I'm talking about myself, like, I'm obviously also talking about kids.

You guys know we have, we're on the same level.

Our fifth and final story is a story that I hate.

Oh my God, it's a story that she hates.

Lena Dunham will be writing a sand-baked free movie for Apple in A24 based on the Michael Lewis book, Going Infinite.

So, Apple in A24, an early development on a film adaptation of Michael Lewis' book, Goning Infinite, The Rise and Fall of a New Tycoon, with Lena Dunham attached to write the script.

So this is about Sam Bankman-Fried, the founder of FTX, the cryptocurrency, the youngest billionaire, et cetera, et cetera.

Yeah, I've done like an amazing thing for myself.

And it's that I really have carved out like a media blitz on Lena Dunham.

Like I am never like seeing updates on Lena Dunham.

I really

do are a lot of updates.

No, I know that there are like peripherally like she does work and she was at Fashion Week.

Like I have completely carved out a world where she doesn't exist.

And like

that

is on protecting your peace.

Yeah.

No, this is doubly bad.

Like Sam Brakeman Freed, yucky.

Like we don't need a, like, let's stop making movies about criminals.

Like, it just incentivizes people to do crime.

Yeah.

This was like a really crazy story.

And I also feel like.

It was hard to understand.

So it's going to be a crypto nature.

Yeah.

But it's going to be insufferable.

Yeah.

And it's what's so amazing is living in a free country.

Like, I will not be watching this movie and you can't make me.

Yeah.

No.

Like you, you literally can't make me support.

I won't.

Who should play Sam Bankman Freed and why should it be Ethan Slater?

Oh, that's an amazing call.

I was going to say Jesse Eisenberg, but maybe I'm just like thinking small, like Facebook, like, you know.

Yeah, like to like, he already did his tech movie.

Honestly, though, it's like, who's like a nerdy, curly-headed fuck?

Like,

and of course, like, hair and makeup.

It would be nice if we could just, like, visualize.

Let me think, let me think.

Hold on.

I'm sure people will say like Jonah Hill.

But no.

But he doesn't have that energy, that vibe anymore.

And Sam Bankman was so young, like curly-haired male actors.

We could wear a wig, but.

Adrienne Grignet.

Okay.

It's like, if I were an actor, even though this is probably a breakout role, like I wouldn't even want

that people would think i look like that

okay he's obviously like far too old but

at the time like if he was the right age like kind of like a will ferrell totally do you know what i mean yeah honestly i think ethan slater in a wig

timothy shalamay i'm sorry obviously that's the answer don't do that to timothy but that's the answer i feel

that is the answer okay

Well, those are your values.

I have no other thoughts.

No, me neither.

Me either.

For you, bye.

The day is far from over because it's Dear Toasters Day.

Every Wednesday, Jackie and I do our advice segment.

It's called Dear Toasters, and we are reading real submissions from real listeners.

And you can be one of those listeners if you want to.

Send us a submission.

You can do it one of two ways.

You can email us, of course, simple.

Dear toasters at gmail.com.

We'll keep your name totally anonymous.

Or you can over to our website, the toastpodcast.com, scroll down.

There's a submission box there.

You can write whatever your heart desires.

If you've written in and you haven't gotten on air, either your

submission is uninteresting or or it was far too long.

So try and keep it concise.

Like, need to know information, okay?

All right, first up.

Hey, Jackson Turd, I got engaged to my P.

John back in March, and I couldn't be more excited.

We started to look at venues in our area, but we haven't found the perfect one yet.

I did originally want to get married in spring 2025, but I'm fine with pivoting to the fall because of the...

A lot of the good dates in spring are already taken.

Summer's too hot for us.

When I mentioned this to my fiancé, he said it's not a good idea to get married in the fall because of football season.

He had the nerve to say that I can't get mad if people come to our wedding and are on their phones during the wedding watching the game or even refuse to come because of football.

I plan on having an amazing band.

So hopefully everyone's like on the dance floor enjoying.

He's crazy for suggesting this, right?

I really don't want to wait till spring of 2026.

Please help.

Do not wait till spring of 2026.

The good news is that if this is true, then it's a universal issue.

I think as, I mean, there's a chance that during the reception, people would be on their phones watching football.

Those aren't the people who are going to be like lighting up the party anyway.

It's not worth not getting married.

I think like people worry about a lot of stuff when they're planning the date for their wedding, but like your biggest thing should be like, when do you want to, like you want to be married, you want to start your life to postpone it for a football season.

I would still work out, if you want to get married in the spring, like you could find a venue.

It's November.

It's not too late.

People cancel.

Yeah.

I

don't believe in like a,

there are certain things you should avoid.

Yes.

I went to a wedding on the Super Bowl once and I can tell you like everybody was, and it was like in another country, everybody was looking for the Wi-Fi and everybody was.

checking their phones like even if you didn't really even care about football like right i would avoid football sunday for sure um super bowl sunday excuse me yeah Super Bowl Sunday.

But football season in general, like people miss football games all the time.

It's not a big deal.

Your husband.

It's too long of a season to just be not a ripe time for weddings.

Your husband's far too dramatic.

And I do want to say,

it does sound like, and maybe I'm just like being crazy.

It sounds like your husband has a gambling problem.

Like just based on like his inability to

jump.

Like Terry, you're getting ahead of yourself.

I just want to say like look into it.

Okay.

People who can't miss like any sporting event, it's usually because they have money on it.

Get married whenever you want.

Not what works for other people.

You need to start your life.

You can't wait for football season.

Don't give up on spring 2025 and do not push to spring 2026.

Agreed.

1000%.

Now, our second submission is somebody who went viral.

So normally I would be jealous, but like if this happened to me, seriously, just take me out back and shoot me, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Jackson turn.

I woke up to a not-so-pargy Instagram DM sending me a TikTok of my husband.

He was in New York City sitting at a table at a bar with the caption that read, Ladies, if you are married to this man, he just said, My Halloween costume is a man who hates his wife and then flashed his wedding ring right at us and he's trying to flirt with all the girls.

My husband makes dumb jokes with his friends all the time.

He's also not on any social media, so I sent him this video and we talked it through.

I know nothing happened and nothing's wrong with our marriage, but people I know in real life keep sending me this video and I don't know how to respond to them or how to make it stop.

Help, please.

How do I reply to people who I don't even know well talking about this?

Now, there's two issues.

I know you only see one issue.

You say the videos were fine, but how do I respond to people?

And we'll get to that.

But I would be absolutely remiss, devastated, and heartbroken if I didn't at least talk about the video.

And I know you say you talked it through and like, I trust you, but like, I do fear that you are like getting really used to behavior that's not normal.

A joke like this is abhorrent.

Like it is unacceptable.

It's not a joke, actually.

Like there's truth in it.

So I wouldn't be so quick to

skirt past this issue and on to the next one.

And I actually think your, your issue here is the joke, not people texting you about it.

Right.

So let's, yes, the issue is what he was said, but she is asking for advice.

So we can operate, let's try and operate under the guise that he's like a perfect husband and he may be.

But I just, I would be remiss if I didn't encourage you to like, of course, about it.

You shouldn't tell your friend if somebody's, their husband said this about this.

Like, I fear that you're like kind of used to being spoken down to.

And like, your husband might be one of those men who like makes jokes about their wife, even when she's around.

Like, and I hate that.

That's like one of my biggest pet peeves.

Right.

That's like a bad joke to make, but then they're also saying he was flirting with the girls.

And yeah, nothing happened because they thought he was an asshole.

Nothing happened.

He said he was married.

Right.

Nothing happened because they didn't want anything to do with it.

Not because he didn't try.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is like a really big deal.

But the thing is, like, if it's, if for, if somehow it's like not a big deal, like your husband has the world's worst sense of humor and judgment, but is otherwise like a really great partner somehow.

And like you can understand how this moment happened.

Who cares what other people think?

It's your life.

Like that can't be

what if you know that it was, it was fine for however that could be possible.

Like if you know that that was fine, then like you need to not care what other people think.

If like you're clearly happy in your life and

that's not a reflection of your relationship.

People sending this to you who don't really know you, they're not coming from a good place.

Like it's obviously if it's gone viral,

if I barely knew you, I would just assume that you saw it.

I'm not going to text it to you.

Like, they are not coming from a good place and they don't deserve a response.

So, if this, if anyone who's messaging you is not someone you would normally talk to, I wouldn't even respond because you're actually looking for tactical advice on how to respond to these people.

Anyone you don't know, well, do not respond to them.

Do not respond.

And also, like, he fucked up and embarrassed himself.

They should be reaching out to him.

So, you should just be like, I know, crazy, right?

Send it to him.

Like, he should be the one feeling awkward.

Everybody experiencing him this video of his bad moment, not you.

No, I just, it sounds like like you're, like the, the feeling of your husband embarrassing you is like one that you're familiar with, and that makes me really sad because a husband's job is to protect you and not put you in a terrible spot.

And the fact that he did it and got caught on such like a global scale is unfortunate, but I'm sure you've experienced this on smaller scales all the time.

And I just want to let you know, like, that's not normal.

That's not good husband behavior.

And I feel like you're just used to it.

And even the way you wrote us, us, it just like concerned me about how you like skipped over.

It's very concerning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, in terms of the responding to people, I don't.

But also, I need to make sure that

his inbox and his friends and family are sending this to him.

So, like, you got to reroute.

You got to bring him in.

Add him to the group text.

Hey, babe.

Reroute the shame.

Christy saw your video.

Oh, forward it.

Forward your mail.

Yeah.

Screen it.

Dump it on him.

Everything.

Yep.

A thousand percent.

Okay.

Our third is is a crossover between deer toasters and abyssal unburden yourself, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Swirlies.

I was sharing my screen while presenting to my all-male team, including my seven-year-old business partner.

This is probably like the worst way a story could start for me.

Like, this is my biggest, I don't know what's coming next, but I'm scared.

Earlier in the day, I was listening to the toast.

Oh, God.

And for some reason, the Spotify widget popped up on my screen while I was sharing it and showed the unfortunately timed episode title, Tits Out for the Boys.

For the life of me, I could not get the title off my screen.

And my seven-year-old business partner proceeded to point out the pop-up.

Seven-year-old?

70.

Okay.

Proceeded to point out the pop-up, asking me, What is that?

What does that mean?

I chalked it up to a pop-up and tried my best to move on with the presentation.

Do I bring it up again and explain myself?

Do I just move on?

Should I ask someone else on the team what I should do?

Help.

Okay, wait.

I just want to look at something on Spotify because, Audio, you and I were talking about this, and we uploaded the episode, Tits Out for the Boys, and Apple podcasts start out the ice cream when we wrote it we wrote t-i-t-sh and apple took the liberty of putting an asterisk on the i it must go and the t however spotify did not okay because they respect free speech but now i'm wishing that they did yeah because you because then that was a good call the old man wouldn't have ever known he could have got toots out for the boys tops

but it's straight up tits well i do think that the seven year old man didn't know what he was looking at i don't know that he knew you were actively seeking out a a podcast titled to tap for the boys and honestly i apologize i do and we should keep that in mind we should keep that in mind when we are titling episodes going forward maybe he did wasn't reading the title and maybe he saw two beautiful women the cover art um true the toast and he was probably like really um taken by our beauty that he didn't even read the text maybe he's like doesn't have the best sight and he keeps asking what is this because he can't see Let me say two things.

I think you're in the clear.

One, the man didn't know what he was looking at.

Like he has no idea how to process that sort of media.

You're fine.

Your other younger coworkers might have known that.

Now, luckily for you, the toast is an incredibly popular podcast and we are known.

We're not like a pornographic podcast.

So anybody who saw it was like, oh, she's listening to the pop culture podcast and they had a funny title.

Like, thankfully, we're so famous that people know about us, even in a basic sense, even if they don't listen, they know the basics.

They know we're, you know, funny girls.

Yeah.

So you're good.

And if they go and if they go and Google it, like they'll see that it's just like a pop culture podcast.

It's not Thanks to our popularity, you're in the clear.

I understand feeling really awkward about this and your right to feel that way, but I do think you can un the burden.

There's a lot of different ways of like plausible deniability.

And if anybody actually saw it and wants to dig into it, it's totally harmless.

And like seriously, blame Kim Kardashian.

Yeah, right.

Maybe if she didn't have her tits out, they wouldn't be

able to episode.

Right.

You're fine.

Yeah, you can unyourburden.

And sorry for what it's worth.

I'm sorry for the part we played.

I just want to say, like, of all the things that could have come up when you shared your screen, like, that's really not the worst thing.

So true.

Like, your nude photos, of course, like, come to mind.

Of course.

No, no, no.

Your husband sends you.

Have a dick pic.

Comes to mind.

Well, yeah.

A lot of people like take pictures of their

poo.

That's like a thing people do.

Oh, or like of like a really bad pimple.

Or like.

Yeah.

Or like you have something on your vagina that you need to send the doctor.

Like, hey, I've got this like pimple.

Is this normal?

Let me know.

Yeah.

Like it could have been a pic that you would send your doctor.

I mean, I have a thousand photos of my tonsils.

Like, whenever I get sick, I'm always taking pictures, like flash high-resolution.

Like, and it looks, it, it looks like a vagina.

Like, you're fine.

Yeah.

Just think about all the other worst things that it could have been, and then you will feel great.

You guys, thanks so much for rating in.

That is our show.

Thank you so much for listening to the toast.

Make sure to head over to shop toastmerch.com.

Get your merchandise.

You have a couple of days, so like, don't worry.

And the pieces won't sell out since it's all pre-order.

Keep in mind, it's four to five weeks for delivery.

Thanks so much for listening to the Toast Millennium Morning Show where you live.

Devastated stories, you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts and where podcasts can be found.

So Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Audio, IRD Castbox, all the places where we listen to podcasts, find us a toast to see if I fire view about a beautiful sounding and ooh, wickedly talented.

We are.

Love ya.

Bye.