The SpongeBob Letters: Tuesday, November 5th, 2024

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Hey, Zach!

Are you smiling at my gorgeous canyon view?

No, Donald.

I'm smiling because I've got something I want to tell the whole world.

Well, do it.

Shout it out.

T-Mobile's got home internet.

Minutes!

Whoa, I love that echo.

T-Mobile's got home internet!

How much is that?

Look at that, Zach.

We got the neighbor's attention.

Just 35 bucks a month.

And you love a great deal, Denise.

Plus, they've got a five-year price guarantee.

That's five whole trips around the sun.

I'm switching!

It's crazy!

Yes, T-Mobile home internet for the neighborhood.

McDonald's, you still haven't returned my weed whacker.

Carl, don't you embarrass me like this, please?

What's everyone yelling about?

T-Mobile's got home internet!

McDonald's got my weed whacker!

Yes, Yes, T-Mobile's got home internet.

Just $35 a month with autopay and any voice line, and it's guaranteed for five years.

Beautiful yodeling, Carl.

Taxes of these apply.

T-Mobile.com slash ISP for details and exclusions.

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Tuesday, arguably the chewiest Tuesday of all Tuesdays, because today we're choosing the new president.

And Jackson Claude are here to break it all down for you.

Steve Kozniaki Edition.

What's that guy's name?

So

Steve Wozniak.

Like so similar.

Like, yes, that's his name.

Steve Cornishlli, like Alex Cornishlli's brother.

Glasses.

Steve trousers and glasses, yeah.

Steve Glass, George Glass.

His name is Steve Glass.

So yes, we have sort of done away with the fast five.

This is going to be an election day special where we're going to break down everything that's happening county by county, vote by vote.

Swing state by swing state.

Swing state by swing state.

I think that's what everybody wants you knew about the toast put it out of your mind today like we are breaking down kind of the biggest and baddest things going on in the country and that is in the keontree that's trump vance vs harris walls let me tell you these like uh these duo names don't roll off the tongue like they're kind of well the way you just said it it was chewy because you threw in the vs okay no but like trump vance versus

yeah the versus

trump vance

harris walls Like they both just like they're chewy.

Do you know what I mean?

Harris Walls is.

It's like a lot of R's and W's, and then Trump Vance is very consonant-heavy.

Like

consonant?

What about Trump Walls?

Harris Vance.

Honestly, sounds like that.

It's just like the way I'm saying it and the way you're saying it, like you're making a meal of it.

So obviously, we will not be doing that today because we actually value our careers.

And so we're just here to get you through the day.

And honestly, congratulate.

I was thinking about that on the way over here.

Like, it's been a long election season.

I feel like it really amped up in January like we have been doing this for a long time we have made it through like let the chips fall where they may like we're at like we're at the inflection point like we made it it's almost over

and congrats

congrats like for making it through it's a tough time election season people become really insufferable especially if you work like in the public sphere like best of luck to you um

and we made it through and honestly like i'm proud Yeah, and we're gonna have a chili to celebrate.

Yes, I'm defrosting meat as we speak.

I said, Ben, get on it.

Ben's golfing, so I am forced to make the chili today.

So we're screwed.

We're screwed.

Yeah.

We

deserve better.

Well, Ben's like, I can start the chili when I get home at like four.

He should have started it before he headed out for the day.

Put it in the crock and let it sit.

Yeah, so it'll be an adventure, Turties, you know, Turties cooking adventures.

They're always, you know, fun and exciting.

So we'll just see where it takes us.

I had wanted to start mine before the toast today, but I just ran out of time.

But it's okay.

I'll still be, if I start right after the toast and then put it in the crock, like we'll be on time for dinner time, but it would have been nice to have that behind me.

So something major happened to me yesterday.

I haven't really spoken about this

like publicly in a while.

I speak about it in my personal life all the time, but as you guys know, around, you know, Q1 of this year, I decided to be a woman of my word, which is what we were talking about yesterday, how important that is.

And I decided to, you know, set up an encampment outside of Bloomingdale's.

I'm one of their biggest customers in their restaurant.

I eat there.

That's not what I thought.

Because what I thought you were going to say, which is, by the way, like, you missed 10 months sober.

i must yeah i know because i like lied when it was nine and i just like moved on i know but like now it was the time to do it yeah but i had already done it i posted in feed i couldn't post twice Oh,

I thought you deleted it.

No, no, no, no.

I thought that's what you were saying because that's what you started in January that you said you were going to do and you didn't.

No, what I started in QN is that like I said, I would not be supporting this restaurant any longer because I'm just like tired of eating, you know, food that isn't good.

And so I have, I have literally not eaten there once, not once since I said I'm such a woman of my word.

But Shannon was in town yesterday and we wanted like a light, swirly lunch.

And it was just like the the you have to see the sight.

And it was like really just what we needed.

We wanted like sodas and salads and wraps.

Like we just, so I went and let me say I crossed the picket line.

So I'm a scab.

I'm a scab.

We already knew that.

Yeah, I'm a big time scab.

And

it was so good.

Like, I don't know.

You know why it was good.

I don't know if they were having a good day.

Like I happened to just catch them on a good day because that happens.

Or like they, like that was my impact.

No, you needed some distance.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Like when you're eating it every single day, like you you become accustomed to the taste and like you become more in the weeds as opposed to like having it fresh.

You like miss the whole experience.

No, no, no, no, no.

Like, trust me.

Like, I know when my raps like aren't made with love.

And

like yesterday's rap was made with love and I always like request extra toasted and they never toast it but like this time it was like there was tangible differences and I really I'm not I'm not saying it's my impact because it could have just been an off day like and I go back in a couple of days and it's back to break.

Yeah.

So I'm cautiously optimistic.

I think it was a good day plus absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And I think if you continue, if you were like, oh, they got their shit together, I'm going to go back every day, you would get to the same place.

No, that's like actually so like offensive and belittling of you.

Like, because then that's just like assuming that my encampment only began because I got sick of the place, not like there was an actual flaw in the restaurant.

No, no, that's not what it is.

Yes, yes, because you're like, well, you know, you're in my life.

I just said there is a flaw in the restaurant, that it's on and off all the time.

So you had an on day.

No.

No, you're not understanding.

You're not understanding.

Okay.

It was made with love.

I'm glad for you.

It was really good.

And I was like, didn't want to be embarrassed in front of Shannon, like, taking her to a restaurant that's full of crap.

Like, I think she enjoyed it.

We had ice cream.

We had wraps.

We like gossiped for like three hours.

And then she was leaving.

Three hours of gossip.

I feel like when you debriefed me, I didn't get like three hours' worth.

Yeah, I was feeling like there's things you're hiding from me.

Well, and Ben is keeping you from me.

She also, like, she was at my house right before she went to the airport.

So she was coordinating like her Uber to come pick her up.

And like, literally, she was being like kind of like, I mean, I'm like an airport Nazi.

Like, I'm always like super early.

She was just being like very relaxed about it.

And her flight was out of LaGuardia, which is like closest to the city.

So I was like, all right, I get it.

I mean, she had a checkbag.

She was just being like a little loose, like a little free willy.

And she's calling herself an Uber.

And she realizes her flight is actually out of JFK, which is like double the time away.

And she's certainly not going to make it.

So much drama.

She ended up getting on a flight out of LaGuardia, like she's okay, but like kind of a chaotic day in my house.

Wow.

Yeah, drama.

It follows me everywhere.

yeah

these people are obsessed with me i feel like you don't have like a dramatic life i work hard to make sure that it's not and i also ordinary instead of violent exactly and i don't court drama like some people could something could happen to me and like i could make it a dramatic moment but i don't because that's not how i the level that i want to live my life at do you think that that's something i do I actually wasn't thinking of you, but like some, I feel like something could happen and like people assume like the worst intent or someone are like, I'm going to take care of my.

And I'm just like let the chips fall where they may I have to tell you I did not hear one word you just said like sometimes people are like the girls talk so fast I don't know what they're saying and I'm like you guys can't relate I actually did not hear one word of an entire sentence that you just said Which you said sometimes

sometimes things will happen in your life

I was rambling

after the ramble I did not hear sometimes things will happen and like you're like this is wrong I'm gonna take it to the manager like

when something like doesn't go my way I'm just like okay and so it didn't go my way.

Yeah.

And I maintain my calm.

I guess we're different in that sense because I'm a justice seeker.

Like if something is wrong, it should be made right.

And especially if I'm the person who's been wronged, of course.

So I guess in that sense, I do seek out drama.

But I call it, I think of it more as justice than drama.

Of all the people that I know, when I think of someone who seeks out drama, like you're not first on the list.

I feel like that's okay.

I feel like people are always calling me dramatic.

I think you know who's first on the list.

Olivia.

Yeah.

Olivia is a drama queen.

Olivia is the drama.

Olivia is a storyteller, and it's kind of one of her greatest qualities because she'll tell you something that happened, and like it sounds crazy and exciting.

And it actually wasn't like that, but she's really like very

eloquent in her storytelling abilities, and she makes it all sound so exciting.

No, and like if the same thing had happened to me, I might not have even noticed it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's perceptive, that Olivia.

She's so funny, but she's so the drama.

25 Packs of Gum.

25 Packs of Gum is like an OG OG family inside joke.

Like seriously, since we were six, and it was like a huge fight between Olivia and Jackie.

Like we were on vacation in Florida.

Please tell the story.

I know we've said it on this show before, but and I can never say that.

It's because we haven't.

It's illustrative.

It's illustrative of Olivia's flair for the dramatics.

We were like young tweens and we were going for a walk.

I think it was probably just the three of us.

Maybe Margot was there, but it's not germane to the story.

So we went to Walgreens as one does and like Claudia and I wanted to buy a pack of gum.

Because like we're kids and we're crazy.

Yeah.

And maybe, maybe I'll give Olivia a bit of the doubt.

Maybe we wanted to buy two.

One for each of us.

One for each of us.

That does sound like.

Maybe Margo was there.

We wanted to go buy three.

Yeah.

One for each of us.

And like when we used to go on excursions, like without our parents, like Olivia, the way our family was like the dynamic, Olivia was automatically in charge.

Like Olivia has always been the boss of us since we were kids.

And like, that was a rule we really respected.

So like she was given the money, she was given the directions.

Like we were in servitude of Olivia Ashre.

And when we got back, like

the report would always come in.

Like, how did everybody behave?

It was always Olivia's responsibility to report back, give the change.

For some reason, we started fighting in Walgreens.

I don't know why.

But when we got home and Olivia relayed to our parents, like, what went down, she said that Claudia and I wanted to buy 25 packs of gum.

And here we are, like, feeling so slandered.

Like,

it's just so crazy when somebody says something and it's like, not what happened, you know?

And it was just the first, and the way Jackie in particular, because I would have like forgotten about it.

Jackie never forgot this moment because it was just like really emblematic, if you will, of like Olivia's real like tend to tendency to jazz it.

Jazz it up.

To add color and to add packs of gum.

25 packs of gum.

That's so classic, love.

Yeah, so anyway, all this to say, I think you operate at a decent level of drams.

Okay, I see.

And like, technically, it was Shannon's drama.

I think the issue more so is like you making it about you.

Yeah, but Shannon was like really chill about it.

Like she was like, I'll get in the car, see if I can find another flight.

Like, if that's me, I'm sweating yeah but also there are like a number of flights from new york to national

it was late in the night like it was maybe she wanted to sleep over i said by the way i'll make the best guest bedroom up like let me know if you don't make it yeah like her options were good no matter how you slice it i'd be chilled too so true You can't get bent out of shape about that stuff.

Yeah, I guess that's really what you learn the older you get, like not to get so bent out of shape over things.

Like that's actually something you have taught me that I'm really trying to implement into my life.

Because to me, like every mountain is a molehill.

Like

everything everything is the biggest, worst, most horrible thing that's ever happened to me.

And just sort of like letting things roll off your back is such a hard but good quality to have.

And I'm really trying to, to become that person.

Well, that's good.

Like, you literally don't give a fuck about like most things, except like when Jackie freaks, like, you know, it's bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like

long fuse.

Yeah.

When it reaches its end.

It's over.

Run for cover.

It's over for you, bitches.

Yeah.

But it's a very long fuse.

Very, Very, very long.

Very, very long.

We also have a show.

Endless.

We have a great show today.

We have

stories.

Tell me a little bit about them.

What are they like?

They're a little random.

Not the greatest elk.

But like, seriously, who's really doing anything today other than like voting?

Like, really, who's going to post an announcement, make something about them?

Like, it's election day.

So I just feel like that's

inevitable.

Terrible.

Question mark?

It's terrible, but inevitable?

It's terrible, but inevitable.

Like, of course, last year, last election, presidential, Eric Rajardi did file for divorce.

So we had that one.

And by the way, we were grateful to her for giving us something to talk about.

That was the election.

That was a gift.

That was a gift.

But I also,

yeah, so now we have like some things that happened yesterday, like a little something, but nothing major.

And that's to be expected because the major news is the election.

Get out and vote if you haven't already.

I'm wearing an election sweater.

Oh my God, I'm so jealous.

I didn't think of like dressing for something swirly or even wearing my sticker.

Or even wearing your sticker.

I have this American flag sweater from Tucker Nuck and I was going to wear it the other day and I was like, no, I should save it for election day.

Yeah.

How do you feel as a redhead about wearing the color red?

Because actually for

your birthday gift, I almost bought something like that was kind of like would clash with your coloring.

No, no, no.

Actually, so much so I don't own anything red.

This was gifted to me from Tucker Nuck and they had a blue one too that they sent you.

And like I would have chosen blue, but I'm not complaining.

And I actually, I think it's like fun to change it up.

But I was at Wonder Woman for Halloween two nights and one of my costumes only came with a skirt, not a shirt.

You just have to wear a red shirt.

And I did not have just a red t-shirt.

I wound up having to like, you know that Mosquino McDonald's t-shirt that I used to wear all the time?

Like if you're an OG fan here, like you know the shirt.

I wore it to death.

I turned it inside out and I wore that because I literally don't own a red anything.

That's so funny.

There are like no colors I avoid.

I obviously gravitate more towards like black, but I don't like stay away from any colors.

So many things you have to think about when you're a redhead.

It's true.

I'm sure if you think hard about it, there are colors you avoid.

Yeah, like I wouldn't wear, you know, vomit green, but that's just because like it's ugly.

Like if there's a shirt like or a blouse or a dress that like makes like that looks amazing on me, like I don't care what color it is, you know?

Oh, I'm really big on colors.

Like I can love something.

And also I, when I love something, I get in every color, but like if it's not my colors, oh no.

And this, you know,

inevitably will lead us to the conversation about getting our colors done, which we haven't done, but we should.

Yeah, no, I've moved on from it.

Oh, she's over it.

It feels like it just felt like really necessary at one point because everybody was like doing side by sides for us and being like, she looks like shit today.

She's this shade of green.

Yeah.

She should be wearing this shade of green.

And now people aren't doing that anymore.

So like it's not top of mind for me.

Well, I actually intentionally wore white today

because to symbolize the white stripes on the flag.

No, I wanted to stay away from any colors so as not to you know

make anybody think I was making an endorsement in a subliminal way.

No, actually this clip of me talking on the podcast went viral on TikTok.

Somebody else posted it and I like obviously the point of the video is not like my looks, but I happened to look like really beautiful.

I was like, I wonder what I did differently that day.

My face like looks so like light and bright and I was wearing white.

So I was like, maybe I'll try to replicate that.

Somebody just like took a video of their computer where I was, I guess a couple of days ago, or maybe like last week, I was saying something and I was like, oh, probably four months ago.

No, no, I know it was somewhat recently.

What were you saying?

I'll tell you when it was.

No, because I know I was looking at the outfit.

I was wearing jeans and I just decided to wear jeans last week and like really regretted it because it was hurting my vagina while I sat here.

I was like, What were you saying?

I said, I was in the middle of a sentence.

And then I said, oh, wait, I was about to make a joke that was literally going to land me in jail.

And the kids loved it on TikTok.

And it was like half a million views.

Yeah.

It was the day after the Cyber Truck.

Okay, so yeah, last week.

Was I wrong?

Mm-hmm.

No, you were right.

That's like, that's the whole clip?

Yeah, like it was just a cute moment of people like finally appreciating my sense of humor on TikTok.

Like, thank God.

I love that.

Oh, I also forgot to tell you.

We went super viral on TikTok.

Like, and we are being accused of being a rage bait podcast.

Do you know what that is?

Explain.

No, but I'm sad.

Tell me what it is.

Everything is like when you clearly say something like factually inaccurate or stupid, like just to bait people with rage.

And it was our clip about Lizzo's Halloween costume because we didn't discuss in the clip that like her costume was like a reference to a South Park joke that was made about her.

We don't watch South Park.

Like, I actually don't care.

And so the comments, like people are like, seriously, someone's going to come stab us.

Like, they're so mad.

So it has like a million views and all these comments just rage bait, rage, bait.

They're mad.

Big mad.

And it wasn't our clip that went viral because we did from.

It's our account.

Yeah.

That's so funny.

I just want to say, like, maybe she did do it because of South Park, but I think she might have dressed up as that even without South Park because it's just like Ozembic and it's pretty obvious.

Everyone gets made fun of on South Park.

They don't make it into a Halloween costume.

Maybe she said some.

She probably said somewhere.

If everyone's yelling about it, she probably said somewhere, I'm doing this because of South Park.

But like, the story works even without South Park.

Sorry.

The more I think about it, the more I can't believe that you like wore that sweater and didn't tell me to wear mine.

Like, I didn't realize we had the same exact sweater.

Like, I would have been so cute.

You think we're like dopey?

Oh my god, what's more American than matching American flag sweaters?

Like, I can't, I'm so mad at myself for not even thinking.

I'm sorry.

How cute would we have been?

We would have been so cute and so American.

Oh, sorry.

We forgot to open the show.

God

bless America,

land

that I love.

Stand beside her

and guide her

through the night.

No, through the light from the night.

Through the night with the light from above.

From the mountains

to the prairies,

to the ocean,

with

America my home, sweet home.

God bless America.

My home,

sweet,

home.

I fucking love that song.

Me too.

All of the American anthems really slay the house down boots.

I have a fun game for us to play.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

You have a game?

It's a fusion of like toast games ex-election day.

Okay.

So we're going to predict the election outcome right now.

Okay.

By playing our heart game.

So,

right now, we're gonna make a heart.

If we can make a heart, that means that Kamala will win, but then we'll do it again for Trump.

Okay, okay.

And then it's a tie if we both get it.

And by the way, what if we don't get it for either of them?

Well, then we didn't predict the election.

Okay.

And don't forget, we did predict the Super Bowl that one year.

So, okay, ready?

Three.

Like, just place your hand and in three, two, two, one.

This will tell you if Kamala will win.

Okay.

Honestly, I kind of slayed that one.

It felt really right.

Okay.

Now we'll see if Trump will win.

And if they both get it, then there could be like a tie.

And then we will find out for weeks.

But there could be a tie anyway.

Like, that could happen.

Okay, ready?

Yeah, Electoral College, if the numbers shake out that way?

I feel like there's no way that they could.

No way.

Like, you're telling me

the Electoral College can think that through?

There's processes for if there's a a tie, but it could happen.

So Selena Meyer, by the way.

It's so Selena Meyer.

Okay, ready?

And it'll be Trump.

Three, two, one.

I do think the outcome will be different because you're doing something different right now.

Am I?

You've seen like further.

Anyways, like, so either one of them or they're both probably wrong.

I would bet that they're both wrong.

So there you have it.

Not to spoil the evening for you.

Should we also flip a coin?

Heads for Kamala, tails for Trump?

I don't have a coin in here.

Me neither.

Who the fuck has a coin these days?

Actually, I have like a car,

a coin jar in my home because, like, I never know what to do with like random coins I find in like Ben's pants.

So I started a jar.

I think there's like $6 in there now.

Nice.

Yeah.

Also, like, I find random bills in my house, like Euros and shit, from like the three times I've ever traveled.

I don't know.

She travels.

Yeah.

International.

And I don't know what to do with it.

So it's in that jar, too.

It's kind of like a weird jar.

You could take it all to the bank one day and like they can get it.

Yeah, I could.

I definitely could.

I saw Zach just text me.

He's going to the market.

You know what?

Ground chicken.

I was going to make a beef chili, but I didn't want to.

Yeah, I'm doing ground chicken chili today.

One, it's what I had, but it was what I was looking for.

Like it was my number one choice.

I'm sorry.

Ground chicken is the best.

Because Ben saw our Instagram post yesterday.

He said, oh, we're making chili tomorrow.

I said, yeah, we are.

And he was like.

He had to kind of sit me down.

I think he thought I was going to be adversarial.

And he was like, we have to talk to Jackie.

Like, enough with this like meat alternative turkey.

Ben hates ground turkey.

By the way, I'm so off of turkey.

And you know what it's from?

Remember that night that we cooked turkey lettuce

at my house?

Jackie, that ruined ground turkey for me.

Can we talk about how disgusting those were?

It was in the spring when Claudia was here.

She makes these lettuce wraps with Ben, so we made it.

I only had turkey, so we did ground turkey, and it was like so yucky.

It was

so yucky.

And it was like so turkey.

By the way, we might as well have seriously been eating a live turkey.

Like that's how turkey it tasted.

I'm so glad that you, because like we all were eating it.

We're like, like, oh, it's good.

Like we didn't want to like acknowledge that this thing we all collectively spent all day on was fucking disgusting.

But when we went upstairs, Ben was like, that was fucking disgusting.

I'm like, listen, you can't like be rude.

Somebody is cooking for us.

Like

the thing is, it was the turkey.

It was the turkey.

It was the turkey of it all.

And before that, I used to make turkey.

ground turkey all the time.

It's weirdly like always, they always have kosher ground turkey at my grocery store.

So it's really accessible for me.

Like whenever I would make meatballs, I'd make them with the ground turkey.

And I had a couple of like bad turkey incidents in the last few months.

And I actually made ground turkey last night because I had it in my fridge because it's accessible at the grocery store and I was going to put in my chili for it tonight.

And I was like, I don't fucking want chili.

So I made this Weight Watchers

turkey skillet.

So when I was on Weight Watchers, they really push ground turkey because it's zero points.

And like, I'm such a big portion eater.

Like when I was like, I was abusing the Weight Watcher system by seriously having like 65 turkey meatballs, but they're actually not good.

That's why it's free points.

It's just like so turkey.

It's just so turkey.

And it's like, you understand now because at first when I was first introduced to it, like I must have been eating something that was made really well because I was like, wow, if I could just swap out everything I eat for ground turkey, like all my tacos and my chili, like I'll be thin.

Oh my God.

It's not that simple.

It's disgusting.

So last night they had a taco salad with turkey and it was fine, but like I don't want a turkey chili.

I have, I took out two packs of ground beef and they're defrosted.

I was going to do a beef chili.

I don't love a beef chili.

It's just like a little fatty.

Oh, it's just a little beef for me is a little heavy.

Like I'm i'm at this age of this kind of era in my life and ground meat is my favorite thing to have for dinner like oh my gosh it's like meat

grinder yeah we got one on the attachment to the kitchen aid like ground meat is my favorite you know meat of choice and i'm really like the last year ground chicken is so underrated ground chicken is the best of the ground so zach is gonna get me ground chicken and now we'll be having chicken chili and if you are following my chili recipe if it's not too late swap out the ground turkey like it's so turkey it's so turkey also taylor strecker makes her chicken chili with rotisserie chicken so it's like pre-cooked and it like saves so much oh that's another thing and she shreds it up and it's actually really good and hers is a weight watcher's

it's a weight watcher's recipe um and you know chicken breasts like white meat on a rotisserie is zero points two

and it's so good by the way i'd like to challenge you if you're cooking chili today like why not follow my recipe i am Oh, you are?

Yeah, of course, except Ben was like, you can't make it with turkey.

I said I would never.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay.

But you've never like followed my chili recipe, so I'm excited.

Yeah, I don't, like, really follow recipes in general, so don't be offended that I like avoided yours.

But, like, that way we can ensure success.

Yeah.

And cook it in the crusade and then move it to the crock.

That way.

No, I'm just leaving it in the crusade.

Okay, but remember to stir.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Job.

I'm using the crock pot you got me.

I got Jackie such a nice gift, like a sickening crock pot.

From Laura Ashley.

It's Laura Ashley for Dolce and Gabbana.

It literally looks like Dolce Gabbana.

It's sick.

It's soap.

I like if you, even if you had got me like a Dolce and Gabbana, like Sicily printed crock pot, like this one's more beautiful.

It's really gorgeous, except for the Laura Ashley logo, but we'll just, we'll scuff it out.

I don't know Laura Ashley.

I actually, I posted my wallpaper yesterday and to rape reviews, everyone's really liking it, but some people were like, this is so Laura Ashley.

I'm like, I don't know her, but she sounds fabulous.

There's nothing wrong with her or her comedy.

Her logo is huge.

Like it literally takes up like too much of the crock pot.

But like, I don't know Laura Ashley.

Do you know her?

In a personal sense, no.

No, like what's your association with her?

Okay, my association with her is like lots of commercials in Florida.

I feel like when we used to like sit on those like

in those big lazy boy recliners at Grammy and Pop's house, like and she was always watching the Food Network, I feel like I would see like a million Laura Ashley commercials.

And what was Laura selling?

Oh, it's very like Martha.

It's like really pretty, but reasonably priced homewares.

Interesting.

And when I think of Laura Ashley, like, does she have stores on the highway, like next to rooms to go?

It definitely gives that sort of energy, although I don't know if she's in the brick and mortar space.

Because if she has a big store on the highway, like, I gotta go.

Yeah, let me, this is Laura Ashley's store locator.

Oh, by the way, Laura Ashley's crushing it selling on Wayfair, Macy's, Laura Ashley, USA.

Yeah, they have stores.

Oh, but they sell like in a lot of other stores, like Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Yeah, let me see if she has a store near me.

I think I gotta go support my girl.

Yes, they have stores.

And they have a website.

Yeah, it's also, I feel like, one of the early 2000s brands that I didn't know was still around.

Okay, so it's Ashley store.

Oh, Ashley Home Furniture?

Is that she rebranded?

Or is that different?

I don't know if it's different, but that's why I think she has stores on the highway because I'm thinking of Ashley.

But is Ashley Laura?

Ashley?

Sound off in the comments.

I'm not rage baiting.

We're not rage baiting.

We're just genuinely asking questions.

Do you find that you maybe rage bait sometimes?

No.

Like, I avoid any sort of negative backlash, like,

like the plague.

like I try and sit here every day and just be so likable and amenable and wonderful.

I would never

yeah

Do you think people people definitely think that I do and even when I say that I don't they like wouldn't believe me.

I say what's on my heart, you know, I say my truth teller.

I don't say anything like for the clicks.

I wish I did.

Yeah, I wish you did too.

Yeah, I don't like say a hot take like just to say it.

No, my gosh.

Just to have something new to say.

I just trust and believe it.

It's hard to say a hot take.

She really feels this way.

You could get burnt.

Of course you could.

I would want it.

It's hot.

I'd stick with the lukewarm takes if that's what's on my heart, but it's not.

It's not.

I've just looked at the time.

Do you feel like we kind of have a little bit of a job to do?

I've been looking at the time as well, and I know we have a job to do, and feel free to do the ads.

I'm not in any rush to get to these stories.

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What can I say?

Except

yada

cam.

Our first story.

Oh, by the way, we don't have to.

We must.

I got the ad break in.

So, like, we're good.

If you want to chit-chat about anything else.

So much pressure.

Is this about Jason Kelsey apologizing?

I felt sick watching it.

No, literally, it's about Jason Kelsey apologizing and how you felt sick watching it.

Okay, so let's talk about it.

Jason Kelsey expresses remorse over a heated moment he slammed students' phone to the ground.

So as predicted, Jason Kelsey issued an apology about the slur that he used in response to the slur that was used and the phone slamming.

And the apology was not the tone that I expected.

So he is expressing remorse for the incident.

He said, quote, listen, I'm not happy with anything that took place.

I'm not proud of it.

In a heated moment, I chose to greet hate with hate.

And I just don't think that's a productive thing.

I really don't.

I don't think that it leads to discourse and is the right way to go about things.

He said, he fell down to a level that he shouldn't have.

The bottom line is I try to live my life by the golden rule.

That's what I've always been taught.

I try to treat people with common decency and respect, and I'm going going to keep doing that moving forward.

Even though I fell short this week, I'm going to do that moving forward and continue to do that.

Like, if I thought Jason Kelsey had actually done something wrong, this is actually an amazing apology.

Like, I felt like he really, like, the remorse came through.

It wasn't cookie cutter at all.

I'm listening and learning and doing that.

And he definitely didn't have a script.

He probably intentionally asked for no script and just wanted it to come from the heart.

So he actually, I read it pretty quickly, but he says it very slowly.

He's like, thinking of what's correct.

And he's clearly emotional.

Like, it seemed so genuine.

Like, and

i under i understand because the more i even thought about it how we were talking about yesterday how about like the kelse brothers are like weirdly these like you know athletes but they're so brand safe and they have the cereal and the tv shows and i forget he also has this huge espn contract and that's where he made the apology so i understand why he did it i'm sure it was

he was told that he has to for a multitude of reasons.

I don't think he did anything wrong.

I don't think Jason Kelsey is a homophobe whatsoever.

I think he's a king.

I'm glad he just addressed it.

I'm glad they didn't like take him off the air for a week.

Like, I'm glad he was able to, it's over now.

Like, it is over.

I really don't think there's like a long, any long-lasting damage done to his career.

I don't think this changes the way people see him.

I think he's, you know, people very favorably, people like him.

Like, it just, I was watching and I'm like, there are people who do fucking terrible things and never apologize.

Like, I can't.

Right.

Like, it just, for him to have to debase himself like this when we both agree, and I think a lot of people agree, like, not his fine.

We know him, but nothing terrible.

And we know

that he's clearly like, he's so mad at himself.

And it's like, like, forgive yourself, Jason, you know?

I just feel like the apology was like so big.

Yeah.

And the crime was not the biggest.

No.

And what's the lesson here, right?

I think, of course, he's the lesson.

What is the takeaway?

Don't mess with Jason when he's on a breakaway.

Like the lesson, I think, for him is like, you know, don't greet hate with hate.

For me, the lesson is he needs to start acting like a real celebrity and like start.

Taking advantage of like underground tunnels and security guards.

Like every time I see him, he's like walking with regular people in big crowds at sporting events, like sitting in the stands.

Stop it.

You're literally so famous.

I know, but that's really why people love him.

I know he goes to the tailgates and he does the keg stands.

Like if he starts acting and getting like a good service, like then he doesn't have that Jason Kelsey factor.

And I think people will still love him, but like it takes away from that's like his

lead.

I know.

I don't know.

And he was

MCing or whatever Travis' game because Monday Night Football was last night.

Travis and his team played the Buccaneers.

Leads into our next story.

They are still undefeated.

The Buccaneers or the Travises?

The Travises.

Well, that does lead to our next story because Taylore was at the game.

Taylor is having a big week.

She is

completed her Eras U.S.

leg.

Yes.

And she has one more show.

One more city.

One more weekend of Eras in Vancouver.

Did you know that Snitch is trying to go to that?

It's in Toronto, which makes Snitch going a lot less crazy because it's a 45-minute flight and Vancouver is like a six-hour flight, totally totally

different.

Jagged doesn't respect Canada.

Um,

I didn't know that, but it makes sense.

I think a lot of people like last-ditch effort, especially from the northeast.

Like, it's really easy to get to Toronto from lots of parts, like lots of people.

I guess it would be like going to Boston.

I think I'll go to Boston.

It's seriously like going to Boston with a pastor.

And we know that Margo would just go to Boston on a dime.

A thousand percent.

Is it this weekend?

No, Margo's here

Margo's coming here today.

Did you guys know?

Right, right, right, right.

She's coming to see her sister.

She's coming to see me.

I'm so excited.

So I also, the chili needs to be great because like it's the first thing she's going to taste when she arrives.

It's so true.

So I think it's next weekend.

And then she was also, I got all this from the Redhead.

She, we recorded yesterday, so now I know everything that's going on with her.

She's also trying to go to Vegas for Adele's last show.

Okay.

Did you know that about her?

Didn't, but I know she's seen the Eristor a couple of times.

And I would recommend if she's going to like make a last-stitch effort, she should go to Vegas.

Like, to see Adele, like, it is

spectacular.

Adele Eras.

She's really been appreciating Adele.

Now, I tried to say on the episode, like, I don't think you need to go to Toronto for Eras, but I also didn't want to

enable.

Yeah, that didn't want to go there.

Like, I didn't want to bring

that community on the Redheads.

Like, seriously, the most non-controversial podcast of all time.

Actually, I don't know that to be true.

I feel like the Redheads are always like making crazy controversies.

I'm always reading about it.

I know.

Well, if you listen to the Redheads, you know, we get a little crazy, but on our face, like, we're just reading.

The Read Heads.

The Read Heads.

You guys should check out the Redheads.

Claudia, you have to read the book that we read.

I know.

So I'm going to

choose it for my own book club.

It was so fantastic.

We had a really good time on the episode.

It drops Thursday.

But anyways, all to say, Taylor's Eras U.S.

done.

One more weekend of Eras.

Like, what are we thinking, Sam?

What are we thinking?

Here's what I'm thinking.

Like, and I'm at this point, I have no proof.

And I actually don't think that this is what's going to happen, but like, I actually need it to.

I need these two to get married.

Like, it's, you know, she's in the suite with Andrea and Mama Kelse.

Like, these people, Jason's over here putting his entire career on the line, defending her.

Like, they're a family.

And what do families do?

They get married.

Family.

I'm growing trees.

Obviously, I'm very toxic, like, and I'm more traditional.

So I'm like, they need to get married and have babies, like, whatever.

And maybe that's not Taylor's journey.

And I apologize for putting like my expectations on her.

But But that's what I would like to see happen.

Like she did this amazing thing.

She's the most successful person in the world.

Like, yes, she could keep like hustling very like Kim Kardashian.

I want to do this and that and that.

Or you could just like bloom where you're planted.

You have this amazing boyfriend who's so successful in his own right.

Things seem to be going so well.

Your families blend so well together.

You just came off this huge feat.

You have the admiration, love, and respect of everyone on the globe.

Like invest in yourself.

Take time.

Have a be if that's what you want.

If that's what you want, obviously.

But I do feel like that's what you want.

She's still like traditional, hopeless, romantic.

And every song she's ever written is about love and romance and a traditional love story.

So to think that, like, that's not what she wants, like, everything she's ever said is pointed us towards like, yeah, so I'm just married, then comes married.

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

So I'm making assumptions for sure based on like just information, but that's maybe that's what she wants.

And I would just love to see her like slow down a little bit and like invest in her personal life and just like be with Travis and get married and hang out with her family.

Like being on tour, especially a tour of this size and like, you know, range, like she was in China, Shanghai or no, she wasn't in Shanghai.

She was in like Singapore.

Like, she went everywhere, like the farthest, Australia, the farthest depths.

Just like Lay, go to Travis's games, live in Kansas City, hang out with Britt.

Like, I'm all about like slowing down.

I agree.

I do think that perhaps the surrogate is due in January.

Oh, Jackie is convinced that like they already have a baby on the way.

And yeah, because what I saw at Ara's, like when she said, I'm having his baby.

No, I'm not.

Archer.

So the no, I'm not means like the surrogate's having it.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Archer means that it's Travis's, of course.

Of course, I'm having his baby because like she will have his baby, but she's not having his baby.

And the only real like proof, not proof or like support for this theory that I have, and it's just not a theory.

It's more of like my hopes and wishes, is that like she very well could have kept doing this tour.

Why did she have to end it?

Like she is, this is like the third leg she's announced.

Do another one.

Like do a flip.

Everybody, you could sell it and you could keep going and you could add, but she didn't.

So

she obviously wanted to make space for like maybe, you know, writing new music and recording new music is a great job to have when you're settled down.

You just, she has a studio in every house that she lives in.

Like you don't have to be traveling and being so crazy.

Like, I don't know.

I just think it's possible.

The reason why I think it's like a surrogate, because if she were to be getting pregnant, then she could only like start the process in.

December and it takes like a while and then to be pregnant.

And like by the time she actually has a baby, she'll have to go back to work.

Doesn't she want to be home with her baby?

She could start in January when the surrogate is due.

No, I'm telling you, I actually don't think that they would go the surrogate route honestly travis is such like a physical person you know i feel like he would just knock her up you know yes but i don't know if this conversation is so offensive or not but well here's what we're the we're women we're the ones who would be offended by it right so true And like Taylor could, maybe she's the only one who could be offended, but like she's doing okay, you know?

Yeah, and she's as far as I know, she doesn't listen, so we're good.

We've

never sat out of survival.

It's not like Kylie with the manicure and the trees.

Like there's no murmurings that Taylor has ever heard the show.

So, like,

we're safe.

A tree falls in the wood, but no one hears it.

Is it offensive?

No.

No, it's a good point.

And, and I think Taylor, if she ever heard it, would know like we're speaking out of love and like just sheer desperation.

Like, I would love this journey.

I just, I really want them to get married.

And I don't need like pictures.

You don't need a vogue wedding.

Like, I just want them to be married.

Like, I want them, I love them.

I don't, I think that a baby is more possible than a marriage.

I think marriage is just really complicated legally when you're like Taylor.

Successful.

Yes.

So I can do without that, but I would love for them to start a family.

Sorry, I said it.

I said,

I would just love for them to settle down, whatever that means for them.

Yeah.

I'm having his baby.

Because also, Travis has said plain as day, he wants a family.

So if she doesn't, then that would mean that they probably won't make it long term.

Right, because that's like an actual deal breaker for people.

No matter how great a relationship is, if one wants kids and the other doesn't, and neither are willing to budge.

And neither, I guess, people could change their minds, but if they're like, if they're not going to budge, then they shouldn't be together and they shouldn't budge because you deserve to have the life that you want.

Of course, no.

And I do think when you're dating past a certain age, like you kind of address that almost immediately because to be in an almost two-year-long relationship with somebody who you have this huge disagreement on on like kind of a deal-breaker, um, it's really

not a relationship worth pursuing at that point.

So I think that they're probably on the same page.

Yeah, yeah, they've had this conversation because we know that he wants kids.

That would ergo mean if A equals B, B equals C, Taylor wants kids.

No, I'm obsessed.

Hallelujah, baby.

And these are the kinds of conversations we're going to have on election day when there's not much more to talk about.

It's so true.

We're just like avoiding landmines.

We're just, we're going to guess when Taylor Swift is having her first baby.

When is the surrogate due?

And like, what do you think the responsibility of being Taylor Swift's surrogate is?

Because I always felt that like with Kim Kardashian and she had talked a lot about the surrogacy process.

And she, I don't know, they never put her on the show, but like we knew so much about her.

And that's a big responsibility.

Being a surrogate is like the most big responsibility there could be.

I wonder if surrogacy is legal in Missouri.

Oh, right.

There's a lot of litigious policies.

Because if, like, a lot of people go to California to do it because they have really lax

policies around surrogacy.

Yeah, and actually, like, up until last year, you couldn't even do it in New York.

I remember Andy Coleman was always advocating for that because he had two babies via surrogates.

And I think he also went to California.

Because I was going to say, wherever she's spending a lot of time.

Is it on the ballot this year?

No, no, no.

No,

because if

she had been going to LA a lot, I'd say, oh, the surrogates in LA.

And she surrogacy is legal in Missouri.

Got it.

And that's why she's like happy to go to Missouri and they got the new house with the wing for the surrogate.

Jaggy.

I'm telling you, I don't think, I mean, there's a million reasons why someone would have a surrogate, but I don't.

I don't see, I think for most people, it's like, it's not your first choice, right?

You're kind of left with no.

Time is very precious.

This shaves like a whole year off the process.

Right, right, right.

Something to think about.

And I also feel like becoming a billionaire was something that was really important to Taylor.

Like, you know, these milestones, certain things like are oddly important to her.

And you think like, well, if that was me, I wouldn't care.

But like, she cares about album of the year.

She cares.

And I think she cares about being like the first woman billionaire solely for music.

And she did just recently cross that threshold.

So it's like everything she's really ever wanted has come true.

And where do you go from there?

It's kind of like when Kylie got pregnant, it was like, what else was she gonna do?

She was a billionaire, she had everything she ever wanted, she was a top of the game, biggest celebrity.

Really, what else do you what can you do after that except just like settle down and like settle into it?

That's why it was like so crazy when Kylie got pregnant, but now in retrospect, like it really wasn't like she was what 20.

No, it was so crazy, but really, what else was she gonna do?

Like, she was nothing to do, she was had already done everything, yeah, you know.

Are you ready for our next story?

Number three, yeah, another lady in love.

Who?

Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater have gone Instagram official a year and change into their relationship.

Actually, who knows how long?

Because apparently all this stuff happened that we don't know about.

But the two of them have gone Instagram official.

They attended the Wicked Premiere in Sydney on Sunday and shared their first photo together on social media on Monday.

She shared a cute image of herself leading Ethan down some stairs among.

in a carousel of other images and he posted that picture too and she tagged him.

Yeah, so it's so funny.

And I know you don't know this.

So the Jennifer Hudson show,

the like talk show hosting.

I think I know it.

They do this very cute trend that's really been very good for the show because I feel like her talk show kind of like goes in free fall.

I feel like it wasn't making a lot of waves.

And now on social media, they do this thing where every time a guest comes out of their green room and walks to set.

all the production members, like producers, PA, they line the hallway and they do like a cute little song and dance and cheer for the person.

So they're like, E, Finn Slater, Eth, Eat, like they make something up and it's really cute.

Um, so so many have gone viral.

The first one I saw was like when Stefani, she had no idea.

She comes out of the dressing room.

She's like, What the fuck?

And seeing how people like get involved is like so funny.

Really, like, it humanizes a lot of celebrities, and it's this really fun thing that they've been doing.

And Ethan Slater won, he went on Jennifer Hudson and he got one.

And the video went so viral.

And, like, literally, that was the catalyst for people now, like, have completely changed their tune.

He's not like Ugly SpongeBob.

They're like, all right, I get it.

I get it.

I'd let him, I'd let him ram me with a 10-foot pole.

Like, it's, yeah, it's so crazy.

I saw the video.

I just saw it.

The internet is so fucking like wishy-washy.

It takes the tiniest thing to like turn them completely.

But there has definitely been a shift in the Ethan Slater rhetoric.

And a lot of it, I'm telling you, has to do with that Jen for Hudson video.

I saw the video, and that was not my takeaway.

No, so funny.

Tana Mongeau replied to it, and she was like, You guys are so fucking finicky.

Like, at first, it's like, ew, who's this ugly gap-tooth bitch?

And now it's like, oh, I'd let him ram me with a semi-truck.

Like, it's so crazy how like fickle the internet and like the people's opinions are, you know?

But I I saw the video.

And what did you think about it?

Like, I wasn't moved.

No, neither was I.

I didn't, like, it wasn't, it was congruous with the Ethan Slater that I know.

Okay, so I saw actually a video that I totally should have sent to you.

So he's being interviewed on the red carpet, and someone, I guess, this, like, I forget what publication it was.

Their thing was like asking every person who came by to get interviewed to do the defying gravity, like, oh,

like, do your version of it.

And he did it.

and he was seriously so like nasally and spongebobby he literally sounded like spongebob and i my immediate thought was like okay spongebob is in wicked and he was like oh that was like he said that was a little spongebob like i put a little too much sponge bob in it he like referred to himself honestly that made me like him like moves the needle yeah

that's really funny he was like ah

like really spongebob

It was literally like somebody said, can you audition for Defying Gravity as SpongeBob?

SpongeBob version.

Yeah, it was so funny.

That's hysterical.

And we're getting a lot of like, you know, pictures and videos and photos of them interacting, walking down the stairs together.

They like are ushered to their seats for the actual premiere and they're holding hands and like they're surrounded by fans.

So it's like officially, you know, on.

Yeah.

And you know what?

I think the timing is really good.

It's been a very long time.

They're still together.

They're promoting the movie.

It's good for the movie that there's a romance and they're so serious and like they deserve to be out in the public and enjoying their relationship.

So even though like,

even though right right even though period even though though

even though that

I'm happy for her

I

am not so easily swayed, you know because I'm so stubborn.

It takes a lot for me to change my mind.

Time heals most.

And so regarding the relationship, like

I'm you're good?

I'm not good, but like, I really do like Ari and like I am trying to trust my faith when she's like, you guys, it's not at all what it's been made up seems like.

And so, like, I really am trying to, I don't know what it could be, but like, I'm trying to just like trust her.

Yeah,

and maybe it's like, fool me seven times, shame on me, because, like, she's always got a serious man, and it's always, you know, but you gotta trust your faith.

I really do like her,

but but I don't like him.

I just want to say, I just want want to make that really clear.

I like her too.

And honestly, even what I've seen from him, there's not a million likes.

He seems like a nice guy.

He's a little bit more.

He's not a nice guy.

But yeah.

The letter.

The letter.

The letter.

That he wrote to his Jewish day school.

Oh, my God.

I totally forgot about this guy.

He's a fucking spineless loser.

Yeah.

He's like, he's like a self-hating Jew.

Yeah, oh man, I totally forgot.

He's horrible.

Back, I hate again.

Sorry.

Thank you for reminding me.

It's so hard to keep up.

Like, part of this job when, like, and I'm sure, like, you know, by the way, I had to be reminded too recently.

I had forgotten.

And really, part of this job, especially in the last year, I'm sure you guys have noticed, is like really a lot of the times, like, separating the art from the artist.

Like, there are some people, like, I actually will just like forget that they've like done or said things about Israel or Jews.

Cause like, I can't, if I think about it too much, like, I'll have to quit this job for real.

Right.

When you care as much as we do about celebrities, but more about like our Jewish identity and supporting the state of Israel, like it's actually really fucking hard.

So, some things I so push out of my mind, Ethan Slater was out of my mind because he's so irrelevant, honestly.

Not that I pushed it out of my mind, but there are certain, like, some of my faves who I just like I look past.

Yeah, yeah, because you want to get the job done.

But it's like, yeah, separate the art from the artist, but when I don't consume your art, then I don't, then you're all the same to me.

So, like, Ethan Slater, I didn't see SpongeBob Live.

I, I'm not like a fan of that.

And that's why, and you're so wrong for that.

So, like, all I know is the letter and the baby.

The

SpongeBob ladders.

The ladders.

He wrote, like, along with like two other freaks, like this, he penned a letter to like an open letter to like the Jewish day school that like raised him and just was like clowning on them for like supporting Israel.

It was really like the worst thing ever.

And it was like, leave your school alone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you don't touch the SpongeBob ladder.

Are you ready for our next story?

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our next story is today's Martha Stewart news in an effort to rebuild what Martha lost

stolen from her.

We shall talk about Martha every day until the job is done.

So she's a billionaire again

i love that so bethany frankel actually took to her tick tock to do a little martha stewart story time did you see i did see but i didn't watch the whole thing because i felt like it was going to be like a martha hate train and i wasn't in the mood so it was like a bit of both but ultimately it sounds like like respect but also just sharing like anecdotes from her time with martha over the years it was an eight-part series which like seems like a lot that's a lot right okay that just seems like a lot no i can tell you especially ever since tick tock um released the ability you can do videos up to 10 minutes long there has never been any sort of need for a part two let alone a part eight

maybe a part two maybe but eight parts like come on and maybe that's why i'm not a successful tick tocker because my philosophy is like i refuse to do good pot two like off put it all in one video like i hate that

Yeah, she recalled the few interactions that she had with Martha over the years.

And actually, she's an interesting person to like hear her point of view because I feel like for a few years, she was probably like a Martha in training.

Like she was like, Martha was probably like her inspo.

Yeah, for sure.

So Bethany Fringle had competed on Martha Stewart's show in 2005 that was called The Apprentice, The Apprentice, Martha Stewart.

And it was like Martha Stewart's version of The Apprentice, which I didn't know that she had, but it makes sense because like she worked with Mark Burnett.

Mark Burnett for her talk show.

And also like that show sounds amazing.

I think I have to go watch it.

Bethany was the runner-up.

Yeah, in the past, Bethany has claimed that the two butted heads following the show and now she's spilling the tea.

During the series, the TikTok series, let's not get it twisted, she remembered a time when Martha made an appearance on her talk show, Bethany, and called her a pest.

Screaming.

She said, while Martha wasn't very nice to Bethany on the show, the host recalled it being a milestone in their relationship because it made her feel more like her peer than her apprentice.

Right.

She said, quote, it was my house.

She was a guest in my home, and I still treated her with honor and respect.

She's a tough bitch, and I know she's been so challenging, and she comes from old school generations.

I don't give a good fuck about any of that.

It's a touching story.

She built a billion dollar business.

She went to jail.

She's been in the clink.

I know from people who know her that she was never really like the persona.

She's a fucking broad.

So don't get it twisted.

Right.

And that, by the way, that was something they said in the documentary.

Like they were not ashamed of, like, she is tough.

And this thing went viral on TikTok.

Somebody went up to Martha like out of red carpet and asked her, like, Martha, what is your biggest pet peeve?

And she said.

incompetence.

And it's such a good, and that you could see that even when she was like yelling at that bitch about the knife, like someone not doing something like right or correctly as Martha sees it like being her biggest pet peeve completely makes sense and that doesn't always translate as to like the nicest person and I like that they didn't shy away from that in the documentary like yeah I was tough you don't become a billionaire by being soft right and that also it's like that's the level that it takes like to operate at the level that of what she was doing even in her own home like to get up every day and like to garden to cook to clean she was remodeling her home and painting the rooms like you have to have that sort of drive and like exacting standards yeah and competence.

Bethany also told a story that before all of Bethany's success, she alleges that she had another petty interaction at Nobu.

Bethany noticed Martha sitting across the restaurant and she slid into the booth next to Martha, who made a snide comment about a movie Bethany had done in which she was topless.

Bethany said.

Oh my God, yeah, that thing went viral.

Remember when she was on Housewives, they brought it up and then it got like, because it was before Bethany was ever famous, she like did a movie and there's like a sex scene in it.

Bethany said, she can't stand stand me.

I'm a pest to her.

She said to me, oh, I just watched your movie.

Swear on my life.

That's like such a mean thing to say.

Yeah, this is what Bethany said back.

She said, oh,

she said, oh, I just cut an insider stock tip.

That's a good rebuttal.

I feel like Martha would appreciate somebody who can like go back and forth.

She said, no exaggeration.

Her words, she said, cuntiest of countiest interactions of all time.

That is so funny.

Honestly, I do commend Bethany Frankel for her her ability to make everything about herself.

Like, she, she will, she like, and it's something that I do every single day.

And sometimes I struggle.

I'm like, how can I make this about myself?

And I couldn't really figure out a way to make the Martha Stewart documentary about myself, but

actually, I said a series in her party.

Bethany's ability to like always bring the conversation back to herself is something I really, really admire, honestly.

And this is just a perfect example of that.

Yeah.

And I also feel like she has so many experiences.

She's been in the business for so long.

Like, okay, I'll listen, even though I'm not on TikTok, so I'm not listening.

But

I support this.

You know, if I was on your content team, I'd say posted.

I'd maybe say two-part series.

I don't know part series.

Bethany has a

content team, and I think that's why she's as successful as she is.

Like, there's nobody else fucking around on her page.

Like, it's literally just her.

Yeah.

Remember her show?

Which?

Bethany.

Oh, the competition, like, to be her content person, literally.

Like, it was like the apprentice.

Oh, the big B.

Big Shot with B.

Oh, my God.

Me and Brian Kelly were obsessed with that show.

Big Shot with B or something.

It was on HBO Max.

It was like like one of the first Max original shows

back in the day.

Oh my God, I totally forgot about it.

It was like three years ago.

I'm saying when Max first launched and they were just putting up like old episodes of Sex in the City and you could watch the new episodes of Game of Thrones.

Then they started creating their own original shows.

This was like the third one.

It was like that dating show.

It was like F-Boy Island or whatever.

Yeah.

And Bethany's show.

Oh my God.

The Big Shot with B, whatever.

It was so good and so dumb.

I loved it.

Yeah.

Good time.

So are we ready for our fifth and final story?

Just to sort of wrap it up.

Yeah, I am.

Just to sort of wrap it up.

It's a story for me and I chose it selfishly.

And there are probably going to be a couple people out there who care, but not many.

And I'm doing it.

Am I one of them?

You might care in service of your sister.

Okay, let's hear it.

Queen Elizabeth.

II, right?

I don't care.

Will be appearing in the new Paddington movie posthumously.

Oh, that's sweet.

That is sweet.

So the late Queen Elizabeth II will briefly appear in Paddington in Peru after the beloved bear joined the monarch to promote her platinum jubilee in 2022.

So everyone remembers that sketch.

I feel like it meant a lot to everyone.

That will always be like one of my favorite things that I think of when I think of Elizabeth.

Especially you were the one who told me about the deep history of Paddington.

That Paddington is a Jewish bear.

Right, and he was conceived during the Holocaust or right after the Holocaust to like, you know, those kids on the Kinder Express where they were shuffling kids out of...

Paddington is inspired by them.

Yeah.

And he's like influenced by them.

That's why he wears like the name around his dragon bagpack.

So yeah, it's very

Jewish coded.

Jewish coded plus Queen Elizabeth.

So yeah, I have a soft spot in my heart for Paddington.

I'm not afraid to show it.

I love that.

Have you ever seen it?

No, but maybe that's something I get into with my kids.

Like, what about you watching Paddington?

It's giving mapping.

You should watch Paddington.

Like Mappy's with the boys.

Very Mappy.

Yes, with the boys when it happens, you know?

Yeah.

But anyway, her cameo is small.

It's a photo from the pair's tea time at Buckingham Palace shown on the screen.

So they're actually referencing like that.

The Jubilee.

That sketch in the new Paddington movie.

And they requested from the royal family if they could do that.

The royal family were so excited about it and of course said yes.

It was really cute.

Yeah, they were very happy for it to happen, but we don't like to make a big deal of it because Paddington's obviously a very modest fellow.

No, of course, and Paddington's a star.

You know, we're not infringing on Paddington's moment.

We're just happy to be included.

Paddington has like big connects and he's got big celeb friends and he's a mover and shaker, but he's a humble little guy.

He's a hustler for sure.

He's a hustler.

So sweet.

That was just a little sweetness to round out the week.

I hope that's okay with everyone.

To round out the week, it's Tuesday.

If that ain't the truth.

To round out the day.

Today will be a week, everyone.

I just want you to know.

Today will be a week.

And we'll see you next week, tomorrow.

Listen, here's the thing.

We are all going to, we are going to be okay.

We love each other.

We are so divided.

Like, seriously, every, oh my God, wait, I have to tell a story.

I don't know if you saw this because I sent it to you, but you didn't respond.

There are so many videos going around.

Like, actually, Don Lemon's new job is like making a TikTok series where he walks around asking people who they're voting for.

And there's like a million kids who just like take a microphone, like, who are you voting for?

Trump or Comma, Trump or Kamala.

And I saw one today, and someone was wearing Toastmarch, the girl.

She's crying.

And I needed, and you know what she said?

They were like Trump or Kamala and she was like, I actually did a write-in for a third party, which is like the actual worst thing you could say.

Like, you might as well not vote.

Like, right.

And I was actually like, horrified.

Who do you think she wrote it in?

Turdy Lou?

I actually think, just based on vibes, like, I think that she just didn't want to say who she voted for because she was like kind of caught off guard.

Like, you know, they just come up and like, I say, did you send it to me?

Yeah.

Hold on, I'm on my way.

That's why.

And I don't want to put this girl on the spot.

Like, no, no, like, I don't want to talk about it like that much, please.

You tell me tell that.

I was

like, I DNSed it.

You DNSed it

in our chat.

Oh, okay.

Ugh.

There's so much in not one-to-one, right?

In the group chat?

Not one-to-one, yeah.

How did I miss this?

Let's see.

I'm not going to find it in time.

I was just like so excited.

And then I was like, wait, I wonder who she's voting for.

I was just like being nosy.

That's so funny.

What if she's voting for you?

Then is it okay?

I probably should say this and I should have said it.

Like, please don't vote vote for me.

Like, one only,

first of all, I do not want to be president.

Like, fucking thankless job.

And they're all, and they're always counting how many days off you take.

They're like, Biden, please.

I'm like, bitch, leave me alone.

I'm going on vacation.

Like, that's none of your fucking business.

One, two, um, yeah, thankless job, like four years with no time off.

Like, I just, I don't want it.

So you get time off.

Stop writing in my name.

Please, I do not want it.

Stop writing your name.

Do not vote for me.

No, but for real, people are voting for me.

Like, stop.

I think the girl who she wrote in.

Hopefully she'll see this if she's a toaster.

Was it new merch or old merch?

It was the girly tea, like pretty new.

Oh, she's listening.

Shout out.

And then like let us know, like, I guess, no, you don't have to tell us your vote.

No, no, no.

But I just wanted to like share like some toast election related news.

That is really fun.

Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah.

So that's our show.

Everyone, good luck today.

Like, and I had saw Steve Wozniake had actually said

it might not be like last year.

Like, we actually might find out tonight, which would be nice, like, not to drag this out.

So, like, hopefully, tomorrow morning, we could just start fresh.

Yeah.

I mean, we should find out tonight.

Like, we found out tonight for like my whole life.

My most years.

Last year, last time, I keep saying last year, like, there was more mail-in ballots because of COVID, but like, now it should be like, and so many people voted early.

Like, why, like, shouldn't that make case?

But I saw this thing about like an important county saying we need 14 days or some shit like that.

Mariposa County, Jonah.

Maricopa, get it together.

Why is it always Maricopa?

It is always.

Is that in Arizona?

Georgia.

Oh, well.

I think so.

It's annoying.

No, and it's like, hopefully, hopefully, like this, hopefully it ends tonight.

It ends tonight.

Like, that would be nice.

Cause

last election, it was till Saturday.

Oh, no, it's Arizona, turtle.

Oh, my God.

Not me literally knowing everything about this election.

Not me rage bait.

Right in for turdy.

Not me rage baiting.

Unless it's a tie.

That's like the only, like, then it would not end.

Well, yeah, because I was watching the Today show today and their like final poll results were 49% to 49%.

And I never understand polls like that because what about the other 2%?

Did those people not vote?

No, they wrote in.

Or they did a third, or they did green party.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Also.

I wonder what happens if there's a tie.

Tie goes to the runner.

I think it goes to Ty Frazier.

That's just what I think.

So if you, if you're not going to write in for me, which you shouldn't, you should write in for Ty Frazier.

Yeah, but don't go for turdy, you guys.

No, go vote for one of the two candidates.

Best of luck.

We'll see you on the other side.

Make a chili, watch TV, and just.

And also, what I was going to say, I think they make it really close, like on the news, like 49 to 49, so that you tune in tonight to watch.

Because if it's like this person's just winning, then blow out.

You know, also, they want good for ratings.

They want people to go vote.

And if you think this person's just winning, whether it's your candidate or not, you might think that your vote doesn't matter because it's like so far.

So I think it's like good for everyone when they're like, it's so close.

Yeah, well, this is a good reminder.

If you haven't yet, make sure to pack a snack, grab an elderly neighbor, and head out to the voting polls.

In New York, you will not need an umbrella.

It's actually a gorgeous day.

Perhaps like a portable fan because it's quite, it's quite warm.

It's supposed to be 71 degrees today.

So go do that.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toastal Monday morning show.

We're dealing with the fast-time stories.

You need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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So Spotify, Tunes, Titch, our Public Radio, Radio, IRD Castbox, all places we love you listen to podcasts and not so totally five-star review.

Matter beautiful, stunning, and wickily talented we are.

We love you all.

Happy Tuesday to all who celebrate, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Happy Ultimate Tuesday.

Love ya.

Bye.