A Touch Grass Moment: Friday, October 25th, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Friday that for some feels like the end of the week, but for me, it feels like the first day of the rest of my life.

Because you're no longer with me and you don't have to sit next to me?

No, no, never.

Oh, okay.

I decided to take a little bit of your advice.

So I haven't done it yet.

I wanted to do it live on air with you, but right before we went

live to record, I posted a TikTok letting my three loyal followers know, like I will be taking a break from the app, trying not to miss me.

Let me see if the comments are flooding in.

You will be missed.

Oh, we will miss you.

No, and you said we, oh, no, no.

Those are my favorite words.

I decided to take a little bit of your advice.

So, Jackie, this is me deleting TikTok.

I thought maybe the weekend,

because my screen time is always like out of control on the weekend.

So let me just try and, and then I'll update it.

We have a good start.

Update, maybe I'll be back on Monday.

Maybe I'll try and make it a week.

We'll see.

So holding down.

I'm not asking for much.

A weekend without TikTok.

Remove app.

The thing is, I'm so worried I won't be able to log back in.

I mean, that's kind of what happened to me, not really, but kind of.

You can also like remove an app from your home screen, but not delete the app.

That's what I'm going to do.

Oh, that's a good stream.

Remove from home screen.

Bye.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

You were bigger than the whole sky.

Already I'm singing more now that we're apart.

I feel like when you're here, like, I'm more embarrassed to sing in front of you because you're the singer and you're so good.

And like, just, I'm one of those people who like gets brave behind the.

You're a keyboard warrior.

I'm a keyboard warrior, except I use my bravery to sing.

Wow, she's a keyboard warrior.

Yeah, I'm one of those people who acts differently on the internet than IRL.

You definitely are.

And I pod differently on the internet.

She pods differently.

So I hope you guys enjoyed a couple of song-free days.

It's over for you, bitches.

It's over for you, bitches.

And I'm going to enjoy a couple of TikTok-free days.

And I can't help but encourage my audience to join me on this journey.

Let's all collectively take a weekend off TikTok.

I love what you're doing here.

I'm using my influence for good.

What's so funny is like only you on the show between the two of us could do that.

Like if I said, hey, everyone, we're taking a weekend off TikTok, they'd say, shut up, grandma.

Yeah, we would say that but when claudia i'm coming from a mine is an earnest play yours is not mine couldn't be more there's not when claudia says it like it's a move for change

when i say it's go home grandma if like tick tock's big sister is taking a break like maybe you should too

You are TikTok's big sister, but I remain Gen Z's big sister.

And I love when people, you always say when people like meet you out and they're like, turty, turdy.

And like, that means so much to you.

A couple times.

Look at me.

It happened at the Arrows tour.

It happened at the Arrows tour.

You were there.

Yeah, I was.

It was rare.

You remember it all too well.

And she said, Jackie O

Gen Z's big sis.

That's true.

I said, that's me.

I can attest to that being a fact.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And then I go other places and meet other toasters, and they all, not all, I'm not going to lie, some of them say the same.

I can say every toaster I meet calls me turdy.

Every

single one.

For the tur de la.

I was wearing a necklace the other day, like the Allison Lou Bubba letter that has like your initial on it, and people were seriously like responding to my stories.

I was so confused why you were wearing a C for a second.

Should I get another one, a T?

And did you say C is for cogers?

That's good enough for me.

I said that's the way turdy sees it.

Well, that's a good enough reason.

I've been actually having sort of a Jane Lynch renaissance because she's in this new season of Only Murders in the Building.

I've officially watched too much Only Murders in the Building.

Like, I'm starting to dislike it.

No, not dislike it.

This season is just bad, but it's like a good show.

The writing's good.

Like the acting's good.

You can't dislike it, but I'm like, I'm kind of over it.

And Jane Lynch is the star.

I'm so happy for Jane Lynch, like getting work.

You know, she's such a talent.

She is, and she gets work.

Yeah, and like, I like that Hollywood, like, respects her.

I feel like we had a whole episode about this like two years ago, about how Jane Lynch is the hardest working woman in Hollywood.

And like, I think for a while, I think actually the best thing to happen to Jane Lynch, like, was the destruction of Ellen DeGeneres because I think it created a lot more opportunity for Jane Lynch.

Created space.

Like, they look so similar.

And, like, I think think that if they're if you're going to cast like a funny blonde lesbian, like you were going to go Ellen.

And now they're going Jane.

As they should have.

Yeah.

It's not always, because like there could have been room for Ellen too, but like

a piece for Jane Lynch, partial spring fling queen.

Agreed.

And she's excellent in Only Murders.

And like seriously, if I was an actor or I had aspirations to learn the art of acting, like I would study Sue Sylvester.

Like tell me a more dynamic, complex character who delivered lines seamlessly, who like seriously became her character.

It is a, you know, masterclass?

They need to get Jane Lynch on there.

Yeah.

They actually need to get Coach Sue.

Yeah, yeah, I take it back.

They need to get Coach Sue.

They need to get and maybe a cameo from Roz Washington.

Okay, that's another like glee like means obviously the world to me.

Oh my God, and I'm so mad at myself.

You know, I can't.

Why?

Okay, so like a couple of weeks ago, I was telling that story about how I was supposed to be on the glee podcast and I recorded that episode, but it happened to be the week that Naya Rivera died, died, so I never got to.

And then they're still doing the podcast.

So they reached out.

They're like, will you come on?

I was like, oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, they saw that you were, they heard your cry.

They heard my cry.

Your earnest place.

And so it was yesterday.

And the day before, I realized I scheduled my stupid fucking flight home.

The same, it's totally my fault.

So I had to reschedule, which I hate to do.

They were really, really understanding over at the Glee podcast.

So it's now like in a month.

And it was supposed to be yesterday.

Like, I was so excited about it.

And that means you would have still been here, like, if you had just waited till after.

Yeah, I should have just like flew home today and recorded it at your house yesterday.

Yeah, my bad.

I'm sorry to everyone at the Glee podcast.

Like I'll get there.

Well, that's what you missed on Glee.

That is, I feel like,

you know, you could feel it, like, you like taste it in the air.

I think it's that time of year where I start to watch Glee again.

I like that for you.

I'm in the time of year where I'm reading again.

I'm very grateful to be here.

I just started the Redheads book.

It is so good.

It's about a summer camp.

Oh.

It's giving Camber and the Counselor, like, maybe slasher version.

I don't know where it's going i'm only like 10 in just reminded me of something i don't know if i told you this because i saw it on tick tock but do you know what i'm about to say about like childhood books resurging

maybe i don't know if i know i don't i feel like the news i actually didn't make it off tick tock so um

The Clickbooks.

The Click.

Yes, I saw.

The author of it is working on a new book in collaboration with the actress who played Claire, who's actually been on our podcast, Ellen.

Who's been on the toast?

Once again, the toast light years ahead of everyone.

They have announced that they are writing a book, and it's really about the Click Girls being like, they're now, they would be like 27 now, now living in Manhattan, fabulous girlies, what they're up to.

It's giving, you know, like sequel.

But like, gossip.

I'm obsessed.

I think by baby.

Brilliant.

Vibes.

Brilliant.

That's what we need.

That's always the sort of book that we're looking for.

Jackie, I will be first in line.

It's like, at the end of the day, as much as we read, we still just like want to be reading Gossip Girl, the Click and the A-list.

And that's like, we're looking for adult versions of that.

And they're not making enough quickly enough.

Personally, I have not like really felt anything since the first time I opened the clickbooks.

Like,

it's all just been kind of like a blur since then.

Like, the color purple was never the same after the clickbooks.

Oh, my God.

I thought you were talking about the book, The Color Purple.

I'm like, that's kind of rude.

Like, it's actually like an amazing book.

The color purple, yes.

The shade of lowercase T, lowercase C, lowercase P.

The color known as colloquially purple.

The shade of

purple.

In the attempt to like really prop up the clickbooks you were saying that it's better than the color purple

i would never say that i was like that's like a wild like book why you got to bring that into it right why you got i would never like you could have said i just want you guys to know you could have said like the odyssey

i just want you guys to know i would never i cannot be the only one who thought that by the way

that was crazy that's so funny you you're not wrong to think that but once again you're not trusting your faves to not say something so fucking out of pocket

you're right once again there i go not trusting my faves and living to regret it right anyways i did you know we trust our faves and it's paid off i walked into the studio this morning a huge box of merch and a handwritten note arrived from sabrina carpenter now i don't know if she wrote it but it looked like she would have cutesy handwriting like that and it said xxo sab

I'm not a jealous swirly, and I feel like you do so many things and like meet so many people that people would think like, oh my gosh, you must be so jealous.

I mean, I'm really not.

And I steal a lot of like my interests from you.

You didn't say it.

I can say it.

It's true.

No, no, no.

That's not what I was about to say.

No, but it's not what I was about to say.

I didn't even say it's true.

But I feel like you, like, people would, like, and I feel like haters are like, Jackie's so jealous.

Like,

most of the time, like, I'm never

really a jealous person.

She's unimpressible, unimpressible.

Watching you get.

merch from Sabrina Carpenter and

maybe yours is coming.

But like nobody asked for my address.

By the way, me neither.

Oh, okay.

That bodes well.

But like, I just don't think that is.

Anyways, all to say, like, I can admit, I was jealous when I saw that.

Like, truly jealous.

Oh, by the way, you are, she sent, she's so generous.

She sent so much merch.

Next time you're here, like, pillage, take whatever you want.

You can have.

I won't even touch it until you get here.

No, it's yes, it's about the merch, but it's also about

being on Sab's radar.

Yes.

Of course it is.

I think

the logical part of me is like, you being on her radar is good for me.

It's better than neither of us being on her radar.

So like there is joy in this.

Of course, of course.

Coupled with jealousy.

I have to imagine that.

It kind of feels feels like Lala and Ariana.

Like she was jealous of her, but also joyful.

I have to imagine that this is a direct response to my glowing review of the concert.

And good to know, Sabrina wasn't mad that I accidentally called her, you know,

a map, a map, a minor attracted person.

I forgot about that.

That was funny.

Yeah.

I am, the more I see of Sab on tour, like the more I'm really upset that she's not coming to South Florida.

As of yet, I feel like maybe she'll add tour stops, but that means that she's going to be there in a year.

She might have another album and be playing other songs.

Like, do I have to get my ass to Tampa?

Maybe.

I actually think like it's worth it.

You know what?

It would be great if she was like in Orlando.

If she's in Orlando, I will go because we could make a Disney weekend.

A Disney weekend.

And you would have to force Olivia to go to the concert with you.

A lot of people were wondering why Olivia did not come to Aeros with us.

And just so you know, I literally begged her to go.

You begged her.

She like for her, first of all, it was her son's birthday that day, so like fine.

But she's also, she's like, not a Swifty.

Like, she'll say that she doesn't, I feel like she actually like knows and likes more music, but she doesn't like follow or anything.

So she's like, I'm, I'm not going.

I'm like, okay.

No, she literally did not want to go.

We begged her.

It was also Levi's birthday.

So she had like a really good reason not to go.

We begged.

But we did beg.

No, she's only going to Tampa and it's tonight.

Oh, never mind.

So you know what?

That actually makes me feel better because it's like not even possible.

Yeah.

Oh, that sucks.

Like you would love it.

I would love it.

Hopefully she'll do like a concert DVD type of thing.

Yeah, but I've been watching like I, that's something my whole explore page weirdly, is like the short and sweet tour.

Um, it's like probably you with eras, and so I've been consuming it.

I've seen the opener, like, it's perfection.

It's party-like.

It's perfection.

Except, did you see that clip of Barry Kyogen when she said, oh, I hear you knocking, Barry.

Come on up.

Come on up.

And like, Barry's just like being a weasel.

The thing is that I really need Sabrina to do for me.

And I was actually thinking this on the way to work this morning because I was listening to Gracie Abrams.

And I was like, oh, she, I was was like, I don't really know who these songs are about.

Like, who does Gracie date?

I know now she dates Paul Mezcow, but like, who are these like deep, deep songs about?

And then I was thinking like Paul Mezcal, who like makes his way through Taylor Swift's friends.

Like, I think next he should date Sabrina.

Although I think Sabrina is like too like perky and colorful for him.

I feel like he likes girls who wear just like exclusively dark jeans and denim shirts and like no bras.

And Sabrina's like the total opposite of that.

Like I think he wears Sabrina's high maintenance.

I could also see like

him falling in love with her because like he, it's like a book, like where he thinks that she's gonna be like one thing shallow and this and that and then like she turns out to be like not only like so feminine and gorgeous but like so deep so incredible and he falls in love with her and she like is not interested in him and it's like for and I'm happy that she's like clearly in a relationship that's like going well they've been together for a while but like it's just it's not the one

out of the picture I agree like I

like it's so funny because when Taylor if Taylor said like I'm gonna have to come on Travi

like and we saw a video of Travi like scurrying around the concert, like, we'd be like, oh my God.

And also, I would never use the word scurry about like Travis, but like, that's the word that comes to mind when I saw like Barry.

I know.

I feel as though he's like really undeserving of our queen.

Now, I don't know anything about him in like a personal sense.

It's just a feeling.

Yes.

Also, I have to utter some of your favorite words, which is, I must correct myself because there was something that you were very right about that I was very wrong about.

What?

Yeah.

What is it?

So I've been listening.

I've been listening to the album a lot.

And then like you planted in my head that like the album's really about Sean Mendez.

And I was like, what are you talking about, Claudia?

Like,

you also said that the VMAs was, this is what you said.

You said, was anybody else just like so focused on Sabrina, Sean, and Camilla?

And I was like, no, who's even thinking about that?

That was like not a thing.

It was such a thing.

Yeah.

Every song on the album is about Sean Mendez.

Thank you.

Literally every single song, except Ben.

Which makes which makes the album like even more culturally relevant because it's not just about like some dude we don't know.

It's so crazy when you listen, like knowing it's about Sean Mendez and how he's like seriously so stupid but okay yeah no she like really did not hold back on her true thoughts on this person so Sean was like a very much a big figure in her life I was wrong about that yes thank you I'm so glad you agree Claudia was right you just reminded me of a decree I also wanted to make like totally separate but you know I got a people magazine notification last night about P.

Diddy and I happened to read it and it was about this incident that's

like the incident everyone's now talking about where apparently, you know, P.

Diddy

and two other celebrities raped a 13 year old girl at the VMAs 20 years ago and I was just reading and it was like so disturbing and I really needed to remind myself and I think that like it was a TGM a touchgrass moment for me and I think I needed to say this on the podcast too because like I love celebrity culture right like it's literally my job and if you listen to this podcast you too love it and I feel like this P.

Diddy thing is like a really important reminder that like these people are literally disgusting like and we can stay on our faves and whatever but like it's so important to remember that like this P.

Diddy thing is like a huge reminder for me and how they're saying it's like so ingrained in Hollywood and so many people are involved and like probably some of your faves.

Like I just think it was a TGM.

Like we really need to just keep that in mind always because we're always up here just like gagging over everyone.

Like so important to remember like these people are literally not real and they are disgusting.

No, I think that's such an important point that you make.

And I think we should have a moment maybe once a week on the show so as not to really bore people where we remind ourselves that most of the people that we're talking about and gagging over on this show are disgusting, probably criminals and you would never want to be associated with them.

We need a weekly TGM.

Yeah, we do.

And I'm glad that you said that.

However, it just makes me feel like maybe some of the younger stars who are coming up like haven't had time to act really poorly yet and abuse their power.

So maybe like this should become like a young Hollywood podcast.

I mean, we are so young.

It would kind of make sense, right?

Yeah, like I feel okay talking about Sabrina.

So oh, by the way, yeah, I'm not talking about Sabrina.

I'm just talking about her.

I'm just saying like we were talking about her and then you went over to that.

No, you are, it had nothing to do with Sabrina.

It had to do with the fact that you were like made a whole announcement.

I was like, wait, I also had an announcement because it had nothing.

Literally, nothing to do with Sabrina.

Don't bring her into this.

No, no, no.

I would never.

I would never.

Oh, I hear you knocking, baby.

Come on.

Like, it's so good.

Everything she does is so good.

I love her.

Everything she does is so good.

And like, whenever I'm posting Instagram stories and I have to put like music over my story, like I did this morning, like I always, I'm like, what am I listening to right now?

Sabrina.

So like I go to pick a Sabrina song.

I'm like, everybody's posting Sabrina on their stories and I don't want to feel different.

It's just like everyone.

But it's like no, no, I truly love Sabrina.

Okay, I'm not someone who should I don't use birds of a feather.

Okay never caught me using birds of a feather so true by the way, but I can post Juno and you guys can know that I'm being authentic to my genuine self you want to kind of stunt on these other hoes who are posting Sabrina songs to their stories you should probably put skin on

to let them know you were here first and they would never

know they don't even know

They don't even know.

Yeah.

That's a good that's a good tip.

Thanks, Turdy.

You're welcome.

And they'll probably be like, oh, I missed this one on the album.

I'm like, yeah, you missed it.

Yeah.

You sure did.

You sure did.

Let's putting it mildly.

Now, we have a great show today.

Let's do Turney's run of show.

We have a great show.

We have stories and we also have Queenie and Weenie.

And I was really easily able to think of both of mine, which I was excited about.

So

we have that.

How are the stories?

The stories are good.

I also needed to update everyone.

I'm sorry, because we were about to dive in, but something like really major in my life happened yesterday, which you know about.

um and it has to do with my dear bruno who is you guys this is the craziest fucking thing i'm on the plane jack is texting me i'm like what

who my dear bruno who is bankrupting the family and it's not even a joke this time yeah by the way even like

was deadass dying of cancer i never got a bill like that you guys so yesterday bruno had his teeth cleaned which every every time we take him to the vet they're like this dog really needs his teeth cleaned like set it up but they have to go under anesthesia.

It's like a huge process.

It's also like very expensive, which is not a reason not to do it, but you're not running to make the appointment.

Right.

So just like a lot of different things, but Zach has really stayed on top of it.

And yes, I'm going to blame him

and made the appointment.

But he's also in charge of like of a lot of Bruno's care because he shuffles him to and from the vet.

So yesterday was the big teeth cleaning.

We were very excited for our dear Brewy.

You know, his breath stinks sometimes.

So great.

He had recently developed some sort of abscess on his lip that they said that he could remove i haven't even talked about that because like it's it's disgusting

it gives me such the willies but long story short bruno had hpv um but it's it's cpv because it's canine papillomavirus it literally the other week zach like opened his mouth and showed me like right on the bottom of his lip it looks like he had a tooth growing on his lip a big white wart

like a tooth so we googled it and it said it was likely like papilloma which is like canine papillomavirus it's totally fine but it's like can you get it from other dogs and nothing bad would happen, but just like, that's what it is.

So we're like, we'll do the teeth cleaning and they'll remove the papilloma because honestly, like, look at that snaggle tooth.

Like it was sending a shiver down my back.

Anytime Bruno would like smile at you, that like thing.

He's like, smile.

Don't smile.

So that also spawned the teeth cleaning because they would be able to take it out.

Yesterday in the afternoon, we got a call from the doctor saying teeth cleaning went great.

Like Brewie's doing great.

He's still under anesthesia.

And after the cleaning, like we realized that he has a lot of teeth that are very mobile, which means that like they're loose and then bacteria can get in there, which can cause infection.

So their prognosis is to take out the mobile teeth.

I was like, okay, how many teeth?

14.

I was like, how many teeth does he have?

Because don't we just have?

26?

Six, 28.

They have 50 teeth.

So she said he would net net with like 27 teeth.

That's insane.

I was like, uh, okay.

Like, can I think about it?

She's like, well, he's under anesthesia now.

So like, we don't want to take him out of anesthesia.

Then you're supposed to wait like six months to do it again.

So like now would be the time.

And I'm like, what the fuck?

And whenever I hear information that like doesn't compute for me, like I need a second opinion.

So I was texting Claudia, my doctor, and she gave me the number of someone who I just called up out of the blue and said, hi, I'm someone who I know and trust who helped a lot with Theo's care.

And I was just like, I'm on the phone with the doctor.

They said 14 mobile teeth.

They want to take them out.

Like, is this a normal thing?

What do we do?

And he was like, well, why are they mobile?

Can you ask her?

So I was like, yeah, why are they mobile?

She was like, well, when we took all the tartar off, you could see that they were mobile.

It's almost as if like the tartar

was holding the tooth to the gum.

So I told that to the other doctor and he was like, yeah, that's something that can happen when you do a teeth cleaning.

So like you should take them out.

So we took them out.

I can't even tell you guys how much it cost

because I'm like ashamed.

Yeah.

And by the way, I think that's also part of the reason why when she told you it, we were like, wait.

I'm hesitating.

Wait.

I'm like, what?

Because you know, you guys also know, like apart like i've been working on this conspiracy theory that like big pet is a racket like they are charging you up the wazoo for things that you don't need and now i'm like

did he ever need a teeth cleaning maybe that tartar is necessary for dogs or else their teeth become mobile and you have to pluck them out for a couple grand you guys They did before and after pictures of Bruno's mouth.

First of all, his mouth before was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in my life.

He's a dog.

And second of all, his mouth now is barren.

You guys, he has nicer teeth than me now.

They're sparkling white.

And to make matters worse, yesterday I had a toothache and I'm sitting there.

So I had to take Advil.

And, you know, I do let my dental, like, I don't always go to the dentist when I should.

I know I need a teeth cleaning.

Like, that's why they hurt.

But, like, the dental budget for the family is gone.

Yeah, for the next decade.

I'm in shock.

And so I have a lot of questions that I want to ask like the audience.

Has this ever happened to you?

They like didn't even let me do a payment plan.

They just like seriously raw dogs.

That's really crazy.

Like, what?

And then my other question is, is there anyone out there who's like digging in on big pet?

It's yeah, you.

No, no, no.

I don't want to do the work.

I just want to like listen to someone else's theories because like there's a lot to be said for all of this.

Like, did we create this issue?

I said to you, I texted you yesterday.

I know you thought I was joking, but I wasn't.

Like, think of dogs throughout history.

They didn't get their teeth fucking cleaned.

Think of dogs who lived in the wild.

Like, they don't get their teeth cleaned.

Yes.

And she was like, on my flight home, I went to the bathroom.

I came back and I had a text from Jackie that said, think of dogs throughout history.

That's what you have to do a lot of the time.

And it's me saying like context is key.

A thousand percent.

Sometimes we have to look to history to know our future.

And I'm just left with a lot of questions.

Now I did what the doctor said, but now I have questions, okay?

I think you're not.

I think you did the right thing.

I didn't have a choice.

I got 14 mobile teeth there.

Some of me's going to get infections going to spread to his body.

I'm just telling you, I think you did the right thing

in that so i but i am feeling like i shouldn't have gotten a cleaning in the first place

i don't i don't know i don't know i don't know theo had gotten a couple of teeth cleanings in his life and they were all and he had bad plaque too like we were always being told get this dog it's cleaning and

i don't have any memory of them ever pulling a single tooth And it's like, maybe in hindsight, if I could do everything over again, like I would be better about brushing Bruno's teeth.

But again, think of dogs throughout history.

Yeah, no, I don't.

People didn't even brush their teeth.

I don't know how to do it.

Let's

bring his teeth.

My takeaway would have been like maybe an annual cleaning.

But they go under anesthesia.

Yeah.

Dogs throughout history, we're not going under anesthesia.

Like,

I just, I need information.

This is like totally a,

what do we always say?

A blind spot.

Yeah.

In my knowledge, and I'm in shock.

There has to be a better way than what happened to me yesterday.

Well, I'm glad Bruno's home and recovering.

And that's all that matters.

When he got home last night, I never saw that dog in my life.

I thought they swapped him.

Oh, man.

He looked like he saw a ghost.

I was taking videos of him and he was just like, well, of course, he was also coming down from anesthesia.

No, I don't think that they swapped him.

And actually, he goes to a really good vet.

And like, if any of you guys are toasters, like, thank you for taking care of my boy.

Sorry for planting seeds of doubt.

It's not about my personal pet.

I think like big pet in general, like there needs to be a conversation and potentially some accountability.

A referendum.

And I just just want to know, like, is anyone out there asking these questions?

Cause I don't want to be the one to do it.

So like, I just want to watch someone else's content.

I feel I can say confidently that nobody's having these conversations.

Like you could only find conversation as stimulating as this at the toast.com slash podcast.

I want you all to start thinking about it.

And it makes a lot of sense because there's nothing you wouldn't do for your furry friend.

And like

when they're like,

you don't really think about like, I don't know.

Just think about it.

Just think about it.

Yeah.

We'll talk.

We'll circle back on Monday.

If it's all right with you, we do have some business to attend to this morning.

Yeah, we do have business because I do need to pay those bills.

So without further ado, did it do, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

And the Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by State Farm.

And I feel like,

you know, we can't really stress enough how grateful we are to State Farm for always sponsoring such fabulous episodes.

It's almost like if State Farm is a sponsor, you know the episode's going to be fire.

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Like a good neighbor, stay farm is there.

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Today's episode is also brought to you by Amazon Live.

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Thank you, Claudia.

You're welcome.

Our first story, a bit of an update from, not an update really, but some

more news from Zach Bryan Brianna Chicken Fry.

Breakup is Dave Portnoy is sharing his thoughts on Zach Bryan and they're very interesting.

They are very interesting.

And I wondered, I have to imagine that this is like sanctioned by Brianna.

Like he wouldn't share personal details if she wasn't okay with it.

And like, I'm so glad that like she's down to clown.

Like tell us.

Yeah.

I just feel like she's not protecting him in any way.

She's not like sending anyone out there to say anything, but like she's not going to stop anyone from saying their experience or their truth.

And he's so dumb because you want to know why.

I bet she loved him so much that even if they had broken up like in a respectful way, like she would have protected him.

She wouldn't have shared anything really.

dramatic or or bad that went down in their relationship.

But the fact that he really like hung her the fuck out to dry and like blindsided her with that random statement after breaking up with her, like I, he's so stupid because I'm sure he's a little nuts and I'm sure there are stories she could tell.

Right.

So Dave Fortnite, earlier in the week when the breakup was announced, he had like posted smallest man who ever lived and dedicated it to Zach Bryan.

But now he was on a podcast called the Unnamed podcast and he was talking about his impression of Zach Bryan.

He branded Zach Bryan an immature, insecure baby in a blistering takedown of the singer's behavior after he split with Brianna Chicken Fry.

He went on the unnamed show, has called Brian a fraud and the smallest man in the world since he left Brianna.

And

now he is talking about a couple of incidents that like really gave him the ick, as they say.

First, he discussed how when Brianna was at the Golden Globes, she did a red carpet interview and the question was something to the effect of like, who are you excited to see?

And her answer was like some guy who was there, like a big star who anyone would have been.

And I think she said that like he looked really handsome.

He was dressed really nice.

She like complimented his physical appearance.

Yeah, I'm sure someone could find the interview because it's public.

And it's literally not a big deal.

Right.

I don't know who it was.

And it's also, yeah, that's what he was saying.

saying like it's the golden globes nobody's trying to she's not trying to do anything shady like she's literally saying it to the entire world and she was just saying something nice because you're in a relationship you can't comment on like a hot celebrity it's like so stupid right

so apparently that he like freaked out about that um like blocked her on social media unfollowed her blocked the bff's podcast like yeah what are you 11 Right.

And then also he was saying that when they first met him, and this is where like Brianna and him had met at the concert, at his concert where they came out for revival, he was like,

he was like, thank you guys so much for being here.

Like this means a world to me.

And Teve's like, no, like, no, it doesn't.

You know, he just got kind of like a fake, he's like a very bona vibe from him.

Yeah.

He just like was saying that he's very like off.

There's something wrong.

Yeah.

And I think that's what like fans of him and especially those that follow his personal life have known for a while.

Like this is like a kind of disturbed, like rude person.

And I think when you add like such crazy levels of fame happening in such a short amount of time, it makes like someone like that even more of a nightmare.

Yeah.

And I kind of like this really endears me to Dave Portnoy, like riding for his girl.

And like, I'm sure that all of this is totally approved and sanctioned by Brianna.

I don't think he would like be speaking out of pocket if she didn't want him to.

Yeah.

Apparently also,

Zach Bryan banned Dave from going to his Super Bowl show earlier in the year.

Excuse me?

He said, Zach Bryan's performing.

We were going to the concert,

meet Bri and go.

I'm texting Bri.

She's not getting back to the.

And finally, she calls me.

She said, I don't know how to say this.

I have bad news.

Zach has banned you from going to the the concert oh man what a dick why

I don't know imagine like putting your girlfriend in such a bad spot with her boss even if you don't like him like you just kind of put up with that because like you don't want to put your girlfriend's job in jeopardy oh what a dick oh this was why okay so these two things are related because apparently he went back like six months ago on BFF's pod one time bffs was talking about um brianna she had a discussion where she had got a new boyfriend and we were like the hosts were like whoa that's like your third boyfriend in like a couple months you're a revolving door of boyfriends lately.

So he like found that old.

No, but what is

six months?

Of course, of course, of course.

And so he saw that clip from six months prior and banned them from going to the concert.

Brie was like, it's the first biggest fight we've been in.

I was like, this is what we do.

What are you, this, what is Zach mad about?

This is what we do.

Oh, my God.

No, that's so true.

Like, that's all they do on that podcast is like make fun of each other.

I just want to say I could fucking never.

Sometimes I see clips.

I'm like, seriously, you couldn't pay me to be on that podcast.

Like, no, I know.

It's just so interesting because, like,

he, and I, like, now I'm, it's so, the algorithms are so fucked up.

Like, when someone, now all I'm getting served on, like, TikTok and Instagram is like content he's posted about her.

And, like, so glowing.

Like, it's always those guys, like, who are seriously saying, like, the nicest, most profound shit about people who are seriously evil.

Like, so fucking rude.

Ugh, oh, my God.

I hate, I really hope she's okay.

I feel like she's gonna be.

I feel like in like a week, she won't care.

No, I feel like she's really gonna be okay.

This is gonna be the best thing that ever happened to her, especially now knowing that he was not like a good boyfriend or good partner.

Like, I'm sure maybe the last few months were really hard.

And like, this is where the good part starts, but it's hard to just make like such a change in your life and not one that you chose for yourself.

Yeah.

I also wonder like how quickly he'll get into a new relationship.

That's what they say is like his pattern.

Yeah, but also it's like if you want to date someone who's a podcaster, like you can't be like in the weeds listening to every single thing that they say and like torturing them about it because then you can't have a relationship.

Like that is the job.

And I just would have assumed that, like, oh, he thinks it's so cool, like, he supports what she does because they're together.

And I assumed that he did.

I feel like he was always like supporting her work.

And, like, it's just so funny how and that's how he met her.

That's it's just so funny how, like, that's how people publicly,

like, a guy like that, who's obviously like so insecure and so toxic, like, knows that he should front publicly facing and be like, My girlfriend's so great.

Look at her job.

I love her job.

Job, job, job.

Meanwhile, he tortures her and makes her sick at home.

Like, oh, yeah, hate.

Hate.

So, that's that's the latest.

Brianna's still on break.

So, maybe we'll hear from her every time week.

Take all the time you need.

But, like, I'm so ready for the tell-all.

Yeah.

And there will be one because that's what she does because he loves her job, right?

And this is like, you have to imagine the stuff that she had actually shared with Dave is definitely not even the worst of it, right?

That stuff like this.

That's just something she had to tell him because he couldn't go to the show.

Oh, that's so unfortunate.

I bet you had the biggest pit.

Like, her boss is calling her, hey, like, where Shami, where's Shami you?

And her mean ass boyfriend's like, he can't come.

I might have like a pit for her.

Me Me too.

But now I have the pit is undone because now she's not in those situations anymore.

Yeah.

And it really does endear me to Dave.

Like, he could have been so mad about that and like punished Brianna for it.

Like, it does, I have to say, make him look very good.

Yeah.

Like, that he protected her this whole time and like still was like on the podcast talking nicely about him.

Like up until honestly, Dave has had a really good week.

First, like the note and the validation from Parsley.

From Parsley Swift, yeah.

And now this.

Everything's coming up Bournoi.

Wait, can we talk about something?

I got tagged in this.

Fuck.

You know what?

I can't even reference it because it's on TikTok.

It's on T.

No, reference it.

I wanted to play for you guys.

Like, apparently this Parcel podcast was talking about us, like, in a positive way about sports.

You sent it to me.

You want me to play it?

I don't.

You DNS.

I DNS'd it for you.

That's what you get for a DNS.

Okay, you guys.

You guys, we are so confused.

Oh, Ben, do you mind if I play golf tomorrow?

Yeah, I do.

I'm so glad you asked.

Okay, I'm going to find you guys for it.

Tell me, you guys, I'm going to play this video for you, and you tell me if this is English, okay?

Oh, I also did want to update everyone that Jackie and I have decided what we're being for Halloween, and we absolutely crushed it.

Ready?

I have a question here.

This is also from that same podcast, The Toast.

Do you have your own question?

Yeah, yeah.

It's from the podcast, The Toast.

Okay.

It says, I didn't watch much college football this weekend because I was out apple picking.

Right.

I was really excited to see the Alabama, Tennessee game.

What happened during that game?

Thank you for asking the toast listener to the channel.

They do talk about sports on their podcast.

That would be a question.

Well, I'm glad someone finally asked an hour and 30 into the show.

Like, I love when people tag me and stuff.

Like, look, they're talking about you, and it's like, not me.

And I'm like, oh, I get so excited when I get spoken about.

Let me just say, these people by Developer has been speaking Chinese.

What the hell are they talking about?

I don't understand the format of what I just listened to.

So they're reading a question from us.

We didn't ask that.

But I didn't go apple picking.

We literally don't watch college football.

Jackie, it's literally

Chinese.

Like, what are they saying?

But it's so funny because when I wrote back to you, I'm so confused.

You said, is it not English?

I thought you were saying to me, like, do you speak English?

No, no, I'm saying it's literally not English.

It's not English.

I'm so confused at what the format is.

And then on top of that, that they clipped it.

Yeah, they like wanted us to see it.

They wanted us to see it.

I don't.

Chinese.

I literally don't.

Rub it in.

We don't have apple trees here, okay?

Rub it in.

No, we don't watch college football.

We didn't ask that question.

Of course we didn't.

Jakuse.

Like, I seriously don't get it.

I want to say it's like someone whose handle is the Toast Podcast writing in.

This is.

That's our handle.

But just say, like, say that's their pronoun, the Toast Podcast.

But then the girl saying, like, they do talk about sports sometimes.

They're talking about us.

Seriously, I was so confused.

The more I think about it, the more confused I am.

And then, like, why did they clip it?

Because they wanted us to see it.

Okay.

I saw it and I'm confused.

Like, I look forward to understanding.

Like, I love being involved.

Yeah, no,

we are being seen and respected as like a media outlet of sports.

Like, that's fabulous.

We're

keeping up with sports.

We're keeping it.

Like, we're being seen from like one media sports company to another.

Right.

Classic stuff.

We're just confused.

Translation, please.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story, which is an update in a story that we are excited about?

Are you Jackman?

No, that's next.

Oh, okay.

It ends with us actor Brandon Sklinar joins Sidney Sweeney and Amanda Sayfried in the housemade adaptation from Paul Feige and Lionsgate.

So we reported a few weeks ago, The Housemade by Frida McFadden, which is such an amazing book, is being turned into a movie.

So far, the casting was on point.

Sidney Sweeney, Amanda Sayfried, if you know what the book is about, that makes a lot of sense.

Paul Feig directing, who has directed a lot of stuff, including, by the way, a simple favor.

Yeah,

we watched it.

And now Brandon Sklinar is probably going to be the husband.

Now, I want to say that at first when we read this news, I had, you know, all positive things to say.

Since then, a couple like seeds of doubt have been planted.

The first is- No, this movie is going to be horrible.

Okay, because first of all, like Paul Feige, who directed A Simple Favor, like we just watched that movie, and it was like actually the worst, most biggest piece of shit I've ever seen in my life.

And A Simple Favor is based on a book that seems to be a thriller about like two women and different points of view.

It's the same thing.

He botched that.

Not only that, like upon further investigation, because it was just like a very small seed, I had thought.

Like, is Sidney Sweeney a bad actress?

And I had that, I had that thought after seeing the movie with Glenn Powell, what with anyone but you.

Then I just recently saw this series of commercials she did for like a soap company

that

that seed is now a tree.

I think I really do fear and doubt in her abilities to act.

Like, I don't want to be mean, but I'm worried.

Like, Brendan Slenar does help here.

I actually thought he was excellent in It Ends Ends With Us and he's my favorite actor from that show that I never watched a second season of 1900,000.

What's it called?

1923.

There's no two seasons, is there?

Oh, I thought the whole point is like one year.

I'm all caught up.

No, but they left you.

They left you on like a cliffhanger.

Did they?

I didn't watch it, but I can't remember.

Oh, there was totally a second season.

No way.

Like, if you watch, there was so much going on.

I'm googling it.

Then wouldn't it be like 1924?

1923, season two.

I told you, it's definitely not.

Trailer and first look.

So he was excellent in it.

That was my first introduction to him.

He's so handsome and really crushed it.

I thought he was great as Atlas and It Ends With Us.

So I'm not worried about him here.

But Paul and Sidney, they're on my list.

Yeah.

The watch list.

I'm keeping an eye out.

Paul and Blake ruined a simple favor.

Let's call it what it is.

Yeah, and I think that Sidney is the Blake.

And now it's, I think Sydney's the Blake.

I think Amanda Saifried is the Anna Kajrick.

Anna Kaedra, because she was great.

And like Henry Golding is the Breton Splinar.

Fine.

We're not really watching for the men.

Yeah, it's true.

So so all is that to say like we have concerns.

All is that to say, but I actually feel like it's really good that we're going into this eyes wide open because usually when our favorite book is being turned into something, we're like, it's going to be amazing.

The casting is perfect.

And we're always disappointed.

Perfect couples.

Luckiest girl alive.

Right.

So like maybe now if I even watch it.

If I even watch it, I'm definitely like it because I'm expecting it to be a piece of garbage.

You know, I don't know why it's so hard hard for people in Hollywood to accurately, not even accurately, because it doesn't have to be exact, just to do it well, to take books.

All the work is fucking done for you.

Like, I don't know why it's not.

It gave you a perfect routine.

Literally.

I don't know why more often than not, it's horrible and like offensive.

Yeah.

And another just PSA, you don't need to add more storylines to the book.

I know you guys like feel like it's a movie.

So like, maybe that means that there should be more storylines and more characters.

Like, no, let's just, let's maybe keep it as it is.

No, and not only that, like you don't have to change things.

Like the book was popular for a reason.

I think that like directors and screenwriters feel like they have to put their mark on it or else it's just like copying, but that's literally what you did.

You adapted a book.

Like you adapt, it's not a copy.

It's an adaptation.

Don't feel like you need to change anything.

I think that's a really good message.

And I don't know who told them they need to change stuff.

But somebody lied to you.

Cause they're all just like so, they're like these self-centered and self-important artists.

They're like, I see the vision.

So so shut up the vision exists already right

it's gonna be okay it is that's actually something that's kind of going on on the only murders in the building season four their podcast is being made into a movie and are they having like creative differences they like actually don't care which is funny but they and this is what i'm not really liking about the season the cool thing about only murders every time they introduce a new character it's played by like some major star like meryl straight right uh we were introduced to a steve martin's sister and it's melissa mccarthy but in this particular season, they have three actors playing Selena, Martin Short, and Steve Martin.

And they're like in the show as themselves a lot.

Like Yvolongoria, Zach Alifanakis, and Eugene Levy are like the actors who play themselves.

And like, seriously, I need them to leave.

Like, they're ruining the show.

Like, it's not about you.

So it's just like, it's getting complicated.

That's confusing.

They're getting like a little too big.

Like, they can get any actors they want.

So they're taking everyone who wants to be a part of it.

And like, now it's too much.

Yeah.

Too much of a good thing.

Correct.

Here's something that will never be too much.

Hugh Jackman and Sutton Strack.

Sutton Foster and Hugh Jackman,

according to page six, which is the four

most trusted source on this developing story, they're saying that they keep their relationship private but spend all of their free time together.

So that like the relationship.

Sounds like a dream.

Sounds like a dream.

Now that Broadway star Sutton Foster has filed for divorce,

could the two hit the red carpet together?

A source tells page six that they are in love but have been keeping their romance a secret.

Page six has heard, the pair have been careful to stay out of the public eye.

They're inseparable, according to sources.

They spend all of their free time together.

They are a regular couple.

They are just in private.

The source says that to stay under the radar, they sneak around.

And he did see her latest show Once Upon a Mattress in August.

It's a really weird name for a show.

It is.

I just want to say I will be absolutely crushed if this is not true.

So it's like, yes, sir, when we talked about it, it was if these two lovers were pining for one another and now they're finally accepting like destiny that they're meant to be together.

This is saying not only that, but they've been together, they are together, and they're very much in love.

I'm overjoyed at this update.

I,

and again, TGM, these are just people, but like the joy I feel like for these two, and these aren't even two people, like I've seen stuff that they're in.

I don't follow either one of them on Instagram.

I wouldn't say I'm like big fans of either one of them.

I'm a big, huge Ackman fan.

But them as a couple,

Sue, what are we calling them?

Hyutton?

Actually, his name makes it incredibly difficult.

Sue,

right?

Sue.

Don't forget the G.

Yeah, Suggah.

I.

Sugar.

If Sugar has zero fans, I'm dead.

Yeah.

Who was the other couple that we were talking about recently where it's like, separately, I don't care.

Together, it's gangbusters.

Oh, did we have that conversation?

It doesn't feel familiar to me at all.

Yeah, there's a couple couples like this.

Maybe Lucy and Stephen in real life?

Were we talking about them?

No, no, no, no, no.

You're like going down the wrong path.

I'm sure I could find it in like our notes from somebody.

Oh, and maybe it's Paul Mezcal and Gracie?

Maybe.

Maybe.

Okay, I don't want to like sit here all day, but you guys will remember.

Sound off in the comments.

You guys will know immediately.

Maybe it was John Mulaney and Olivia Munn?

No, because I love them both individually.

Amongst others.

Amongst others.

I don't think so.

Aaron and Chaitanya?

No.

Okay, well, we'll get it.

We'll remember.

We'll remember when it's no longer relevant.

Yeah, and when nobody cares.

Right.

So, Sutton and Hugh,

ship.

Let's try for a heart, Claudia.

Let's just try.

Okay, you know what?

I think you need to go.

You're usually too far away.

Yep, yep, yep.

If we got it, it means they'll be together forever.

Okay, wait, hold on.

Let me try a little bit harder.

Okay, there.

Do you like the edge of your chair?

No, no, I do the edge of this wall.

Okay, you leave wall in when you crop us?

Or you go down?

Just don't worry about me.

Okay.

Maybe we should like move around.

It'll be like.

No, if it's meant to be, our hands will find each other.

It's true.

I love that as like an omen for a couple.

Me too.

So really cute.

Are you ready for our next story?

Four.

Number four.

This is a story in two parts because it is two bits of intimacy scene news that came out this week

that are just really fucking weird.

Okay.

Once again, like a reminder that people in Hollywood are seriously like freaks who are not real.

Go.

First up, Tell Me Lie star Jackson White, who plays Steven, admits he was critiqued for not thrusting right in sex scenes.

Not only did this happen and he talked about it, but he talked about it on his mother's podcast that she hosts with her stepfather.

His stepfather, sorry.

Oh my.

Yeah, a lot of people don't know that he is a Nepo baby and his mom in the show is his mom in real life.

What's her name?

Katie Siegel.

Yeah, she's like, she's a cult following.

Katie Siegel.

Sorry, Segal.

I could just see the cult being like, it's Segal.

By the way, his mom, do you know who she is, right?

Pat.

Pat from Smart House.

Love it.

I hope she's getting Samsung deals as well.

Agreed.

Anyways, Jackson White admitted to his parents that he was critiqued for not thrusting right in sex scenes for the series.

He divulged the head-turning tidbit while discussing behind-the-scenes production insight on his mom and stepdad's podcast called Pie.

He recalled someone was like, he's not thrusting right.

I was like, how?

They're like, well, he's kind of, it doesn't look like he's inside.

So we have to make it so that it's more realistic.

Specifically, he said production members claimed he was doing a body roll thing and they wanted to see him more stationary.

He said, we worked on it and I nailed it.

Could you imagine anything more humiliating?

No, first of all, sharing it could never be me, first of all.

Second of all, sharing it to your parents also can never be me.

No, but like in the moment, them being like, stop doing a body roll.

Right, you look like, no, and not only that, like, you look like you don't know how to have sex.

Like,

what could be more emasculating than that?

I'm just.

Couldn't be me.

I'll just say that.

I think genuinely the most disturbing part of this story is that he chose to share this anecdote, one period, but two, on a podcast hosted by his parents.

And

I say this every time we have a story about like intimacy coordination and like having sex on and kissing other people.

Like

keep telling us it's not weird, the more we're going to believe it's weird.

And the fact that like it's so

casual to these people that they're talking about on a podcast with their parents like is even further proof that it's fucking weird.

To me, the weirdest part is like in the moment, like

being like coached and being told like you're doing it wrong.

Yeah, I never thought of it like I always knew it was like awkward or whatever, but I never thought about being told you're doing it incorrectly.

That's embarrassing.

And that's your girlfriend, unless it was Diana.

They don't have thrusting scenes.

They don't?

No, she's like low-key, like probably one of the least, there's like that scene where he eats her out, but other than that, like not really.

That couldn't be what they're talking about.

Correct.

Well, then the next part of this story is some other intimacy on set news, which is Nicole Kidman.

Okay.

Did you see this?

No.

So she's in a new movie called Baby Girl.

That's like everyone's highly shaded.

It's 50 shades, like erotica vibes.

But it's May, December or no?

Yes, because one of the people that she's sleeping with is her intern.

She's like a high-powered CEO.

So she sat down for a Q ⁇ A and revealed some intimate behind-the-scenes details she experienced with her co-stars.

In the movie, she plays a powerful corporate CEO who's married and embarks on an affair with her younger intern.

During the sex scenes, she said there was a lot of, quote, sharing and trust and then frustration, ordering the others not to touch her at times.

She also admitted she, quote, didn't want to orgasm anymore or have the two men come near her during periods of the shoot discussing the acting process.

She said like that she got, it was almost, during those scenes, she was so present all the time that it was almost like a burnout.

Like she was like.

I'm sorry, nothing about this conversation is even remotely relatable or understandable.

Like, I don't know what the hell she's talking about.

Basically, she's saying, like, she was orgasming too much.

But she was actually orgasming?

It's It's kind of like unqueer from these patchy quotes.

I'm queer.

No, no, no.

It's pretty queer.

No, it's unclear.

I did like try and find the original interview, but it was just like the sun breaking it down and

now TMZ, but like it's a lot.

You don't say.

Not only is it a lot, like I actually

nothing in my own life personal experience could help me like I can reflect on to like relate to what she's saying.

It was just a lot of of orgasming.

And then at times, like, she just

was burning on, like, was like, don't touch me.

Okay.

So maybe just, you know, have a nice day at your nine-to-five today and appreciate that.

No, I think May December movies, just like Sidebar, are really having a moment.

Did you see that Laura Dern Liam Hemsworth one?

She like Ypray loves in Morocco and falls in love with a younger man.

No, I didn't.

And then, of course, May December with Julianne Moore and Charles Melton.

What do you think of that?

And I feel like I just saw, it's really disgusting.

Like, and so far, all the films

you don't think it's like good for women because men do it all the time.

Well, so, but all the films that are coming out are all about older women having relationships with younger men, which like really isn't an epidemic.

Like, it happens, but I wouldn't say it's like a trend or a pattern.

I would like, let's make movies about what really goes on, you know?

Because that's not like, yeah, it happened to Mary Kay Laterna and nobody ever fucking forgot about it.

Laterna,

but like, no, like, that's really not what's going down in the streets.

Yeah.

It's not like older women preying on vulnerable young men.

So you don't find it empowering?

No.

Is it supposed to be?

I don't know.

Maybe.

I just want to say, like, a movie.

Well, is that Jesus?

A TV show.

Well, so this is like a little different because Mary, the Mary Kay Laterna, made December one, and also the series that seriously stuck with me.

My, like, I'll never forget it was The Teacher or whatever with

Kate Molly.

Okay, but like it's i'm not talking about like teacher yeah that's like illegal right so but so so was the mary kaya turnover one so like in the same way like a six year old man is like with a 30 year old woman woman like yeah if a six year old woman's with a 30 year old man

like it's fine honestly a 30 year old man like he's developed i got but the thing is like i don't care like why do i have to watch it yeah and like whatever happened to like fantasy like whatever happened to predictability

what whatever happened to hello how are you like people just are so, and movies are, and we talk about this.

And I think when we do, people are like, these girls are so lame.

And like, but I think the amount of like sex in movies is at a point now where it's so, um,

like, it's not for the plot.

It doesn't do anything.

It's just so, like, it's egregious.

It's egregious.

Audiences are not asking for it.

Like, you guys can do less, Nicole Kinman.

Like, don't worry about having all those orgasms.

Like, if you're feeling burnt out, like, we don't need it.

I feel that way about everything.

Unless you're making like a specific movie, like 50 Shades.

Like, okay, maybe

I would say, I feel like, because every time I was watching Tell Me Lies, Ben like always walked in during some sort of sex scene and he was like, you're actually watching porn.

I'm like, Ben, you have no idea.

The show is so dynamic.

And like, it is.

I don't know.

I felt like Tell Me Lies did it in a way where, yes, it was a show with excessive sex, but I didn't find it disruptive to the storyline.

Like, these aren't kids in college just like fucking around.

The show is otherwise like very good.

However, if they dialed down the sex a little bit and it was more like alluded to, where it's like two people jump into bed together, Right.

That wouldn't have made the show any less good.

Correct.

But instead, you can't watch it on an airplane.

Oh, you cannot watch it on an airplane.

That should be the bar.

I'm looking for television that I can watch on an airplane.

It's actually weird.

Not that an on an airplane.

Right.

She's not going anywhere.

But I feel like that's a good test.

The bectyl test.

It's the delta test.

The dectyl test.

I like that.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

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Today's episode.

Chewy, loved by Brewy.

Today's episode is also brought to you by a brand new sponsor that Jackie and I have been loving Avara.

I feel like our entire wardrobe

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Like, it's the time of year in New York where my pants and my shoes stay the same, right?

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I got the biggest order from Avara: cute sweaters, like really well made, really comfortable.

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I wore one of yours when I was in Florida.

You did.

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But it's time.

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Our fifth and final story, a little cute viral dancing with the stars news because we haven't talked about DWTS in a while, but Danny Amendola and Whitney Carson are

reacting.

to their dance going viral.

Have you seen this?

Yes, a lot of, I got a lot of requests from me and Ben to do the move.

Do not do it.

Seriously, it's not happening.

Come.

It's not happening.

Like, i see these girlies doing it making it look so easy they weigh one pound like it's not happening i've seen even one pounders fall on their hips and get severely bruised abby herbert

did she she got really hurt yeah Lorne Elizabeth was doing it like she wasn't able to do it like sorry I'm not doing it yeah I had seen it a lot on reels and I didn't even know that it came from dancing with the stars which I think is so cool and so great for Whitney and Danny who are a couple that now and seeing them do interviews together I love Whitney because she's also like a boy mama of two under two at one point So I really relate to her content.

And for that reason, I'm rooting for Whitney and Danny.

Also, you know who did do it?

Who?

Zandra.

She did the move?

Yeah, and Danny commented on it.

Like,

who did she do it with?

Not Danny?

No, like her friend.

Like, you just need someone to pick you up.

No, but like, you're supposed to do it with your loved one.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

It was her brother.

I think it was her brother.

Brother.

Should have been Danny.

He's the king of the move.

Yeah, but you know, they're like, so are they, aren't they?

It's like annoying.

That would be a great way way to announce their relationship, though.

So true.

Anyway, so they spoke to Page Six in the ballroom on Tuesday night, reacting to all of the fans who have been recreating their now viral leg lift called Operation Archer.

And she said, I didn't really know it was viral.

I had to go in rehearsals and be like, my algorithm must be messed up.

He said, Whitney, I don't know.

Everybody's doing our dance.

That's so funny that you like only see stuff because people tag you in it, but no, it's like actually viral.

It really is.

You know, it's viral if I've seen it.

Yep.

So he said, it's so amazing to get that support from the fans.

We put so much work into it and to get their positive feedback every week and then see it go viral was awesome.

Yeah, that must be like really validating to work on a move and like people actually noticed.

Not only that, it was like a big moment for Danny.

I think like up until that point, people were like, his dancing sucks.

And this was like the first week where he had such major progress that he's really being seen as like an actual contender.

And then the move going viral was just the cherry on top.

Yeah.

Oh, Abby is in this article for

Girl Ace Who Got Hurt.

Yeah, I think she joked that she broke her hip, but she didn't actually break her hip.

She just severely was not okay.

Girl at least who got hurt.

You have to mark yourself as safe from the archer.

I was really shocked to see like so many people like doing it like seamlessly and beautifully.

Like we all just can do that.

I can't.

No, I would love to know if I can, but I'm not willing to find out.

And I don't trust my husband to get like to do his part.

Yeah, it's just.

I don't trust your husband to do his part either.

It's just not for us.

No, but I'm enjoying watching people and now knowing where it came from, I think that's really sweet.

And I'm rooting for Danny and Whitney, Didney.

Didney.

And I like that they're like

a, they have a couple with a lot of chemistry, but there's no like, I think, nefarious.

Like she's happy.

She's very happy.

He, he is, like, I think they're, they're good.

Like, I think they're actually just friends.

Yeah, I think they're good partners in a good matchup.

I think so, too.

Speaking of good partners,

the queenie and the weenie.

Oh.

Every Friday, Jackie and I do our favorite segment to wrap up the week.

It is Queenie of the Week and Weenie of the Week, where we give out an award to somebody who behaved like a queenie this week and somebody who behaved like a weenie this week.

Now, it's not that serious, obviously, just like keep in mind it's a seven-day title.

You could be queenie one week and weenie the next, so don't get too comfortable.

No, I don't think it's happened, but

the possibility is there.

Shall we?

We shall.

What do you want to start with first?

We always start with queenie, by the way.

So you don't even need to ask because you always should start with the queenie.

She said, shut up.

You should always start with the good.

In general, it's just like a good policy.

I'll do my queenie first, if I may.

Someone who I'm really rooting for and sending love to this week is Breonna Chicken Fry.

She is my queenie of the week.

I also feel like through this breakup, I've just become like more invested in her as a person.

That happens a lot because she's in the news.

So I'm just like doing some digging and like seeing more things that she's posted over.

And I just, I really like what I see.

I think she's a queenie and I'm rooting for her.

I love that.

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

My queenie is somebody who also brought me a lot of joy this week.

It's actually a duo and it's two Jackman and Sutton's track.

I

Sutton Strachman.

No, I'm sorry.

It's Sutton's track.

You're really going to confuse people, by the way.

Think about how I feel.

I am confused.

Like, I'll try.

Okay, Sutton Foster and Hugh Jackman.

Like, I didn't even know that I needed this.

Like,

it so came out of left field.

I just was like randomly scrolling Twitter when I got the news.

And like, I think we should A.

A, I think we should be embracing like really age-appropriate Hollywood relationships.

They're so few and far between.

Martin Short and Meryl Streep, like obsessed.

We need to champion these more.

We need to give them attention.

And so that's what I'm doing.

But I also like love these two separately.

And like really, like I'm rooting for them so hard.

I love that.

That's really beautiful.

Thank you.

My weenie of the week, if I may, just, you know, step on a landmine are the unhinged Swifties.

Who came for you?

Who came for me, who came for Jason, who just like really lost their minds.

Bad week.

This is a V, Eras tour Miami.

It's a bad week.

And they came for Dave Portnoy.

Like they need, in the words of our fave, you need to calm down.

You're being too loud.

Sounds like they need a weekly TGM touch base.

It does sound that way.

It was a bad week for the Swifties, I think.

I actually agree.

Like, yes, of course, centering myself, like, because I experienced it, but then they also were acting up here and there.

Like, it clearly wasn't about you.

There was a pattern.

There was a pattern.

My weenie of the week is, I am going to center myself.

I am my own weenie of the week.

Like, seriously, the worst thing happened to me, and it was all my fault.

What?

I left my phone charger at your house.

Now, I know that sounds like nothing, right?

But it was like an Apple-branded Lightning Cable Newt.

Do you know how much those fucking things cost these days?

Like, you want to get the box and the charger from Apple?

Oh, okay.

You need to spend $50.

Right.

And I've been so good about it.

I've had it.

Like, I haven't lost it.

And I never move it from my nightstand.

But I was like, you know what?

I'm taking it with me to Jackie's.

Like, and I fucking left it there.

Weenie ass behavior, acting so reckless with such a prize.

Well, if it makes you feel better, of course I'm stealing it, which won't make you feel better.

But I have- have an extra long one, too.

So you can like flip over in bed and scroll.

I have very not even I have that in my bedroom.

I have very much needed another charger in the studio.

Why I haven't bought one, I couldn't tell you.

It's just like an endeavor.

And it's like, do you get Apple products from Amazon?

You were waiting.

No, you can't get Apple products from Amazon.

They're crap.

Order from, I've had like a lot of bad experiences ordering from Apple.com.

So like, I just don't do it.

So I just, I get nothing.

And then I'm like looking for old chargers.

Anyways, I really do need a charger in the studio because I share one for my computer and my iPad.

And some days they're both dead and it's a problem.

I mostly brought this up because like like it's about time for like a referendum on the chargers of this, like if you buy chargers like at a Dwayne Reid or on Apple, I mean on Amazon, like those are not technically Apple approved.

No, and it's like, okay, you might have saved $25, but you're going to break your phone.

Yeah, they're, first of all, the chargers don't, do not last.

They are not Apple approved and they are like just crap and they do eventually like wear at your phone.

Like in terms of like the charging.

It's bad for your battery.

And then all of a sudden you'll have a phone that can't keep a battery.

So like if you are trying to like preserve your phone, phone, like you really should use Apple chargers.

They're so fucking expensive.

It's insane.

And I remember like a year ago, I was like, you know what?

I'm buying one charger and I'm going to take care of it.

I bought the fucking cord and I bought the fucking block and I was so good.

Like seriously for a year.

Now I have to go buy another one.

Like it's not about the market.

Where did you get it?

For me, it's about the accessibility.

You went to the store?

No, like they do same day delivery in the city.

Oh, yeah, they do do that.

But then one time my AirPods, I did that and someone made off with my AirPods.

They do have a thievery problem too because you're you're shuttling like really expensive products like people are seriously like buying a two thousand dollar phone and having it delivered same day and they're going missing it's it's an epidemic it's really crazy so then i just said

never mind i'll share one charger between all of my rooms when i when i travel i have to take it out of the studio and then i have to remember it's been a honestly it's been hard No, I know.

And like, obviously, this is not like, I can afford a $50 charger.

Like, it's not woe is me.

Nobody needs to feel bad for me.

I think, though, as a principal, like, it's wrong what they've done to the charging like community.

Space.

And right when you get it right, they go and switch chargers on you.

Not only that, do you know how fucking crazy it is that you buy a brand new iPhone and it doesn't come with a charger?

It comes with a cord.

It no longer comes with a block.

That is fucking diabolical.

Like it's literally disgusting.

And why neither presidential candidate is talking about this is why I don't feel represented in this election.

And it's enough to make you go crazy.

And then you wonder why we have a mental mental health crisis in this country.

And it's like, I can't find a fucking charger for my phone

so that I can doom scroll and make myself more.

More sick.

No, no.

And it's like you save up, you buy a $2,000 iPhone.

It's absurd how much a phone costs these days.

It's staggering the price of a boot.

And you don't even get a full charger in the box.

You used to open up an iPhone and you would get the little box and the cord.

Didn't you also get a pair of headphones at one point?

You did get a pair of headphones.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

You do.

Yeah, not anymore.

You used to get like a wired pair.

Yeah.

Par Jelicious.

Wired pairs are coming back.

Let's talk about radiation.

Okay, let's talk about chargers first.

And then big pet.

I can't even tell you how inconvenienced I was last night charging my phone in my computer.

And then all your stuff comes up on your computer, all your personalized.

Do you want to trust this device?

I don't trust anyone.

I don't trust anyone.

How can you?

How can you?

Look at the charging industry.

As Northwest said, I only trust God.

Literally.

Literally.

Actually, I don't know that thing about radiation, but I did see someone going over to a pair of Bluetooth headphones.

With their radiation detection device.

Yeah.

I did.

I don't know what that.

Okay, so maybe radiation, like, but what does that mean?

I don't know.

Because you know what?

When I watched that documentary about Mother Earth, that like freak who turned herself blue, she was like kind of dead.

She was dead.

She had like taken like weeks to die because she had like been drinking metal.

But the people who were like thinking that she was going to ascend back to Earth, they kept her body like in this hotel room.

And they had their like radiation detection machine and they put it on her toe and they were like, oh, you think she's dead?

Look at how much radiation is coming from her toe.

It's like, girl, she's literally made of metal.

She's made of metal and she's got her AirPods in.

So that documentary made me seriously doubtful of radiation machines.

Interesting.

Radiation detection.

Like clearly this woman was dead.

Sorry, she wasn't radiating anything.

Yeah, I just want to say like I've seen some stuff, but nothing like compelling enough to get me to switch over.

And I'm also, like, I'm more interested in Big Pet.

Yeah, that's sort of the topic of, yeah.

Yeah, the topic du jour.

Well, that's our show.

That's Queenie and Weenie.

That's our week.

Hope everybody has a great weekend.

If you are embarking on this TikTok-free journey,

please do, you guys.

I really want to hear the results this weekend.

Like, I really, I want to have enough.

of a pool to really build a case study around this.

Great.

I'll let you know.

You'll hear from me on Monday.

So I'll send out a survey.

Don't expect like, you know, me to know everything about what's going on in the world.

That's not what I want.

That's not what I want.

I'm just saying like so much of what I provide here is from TikTok, just letting you know.

By way of news, however, a large portion of this show comes from just Turdy's Inner Turt.

And maybe Turney's Inner Turt will be more glowing without TikTok and you'll be able to contribute more in other areas.

I like that.

Turdy's Inner Turt.

Thank you.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Tills on Monday Morning Show.

We deliver the Fast Type See, as you need to do every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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So it's Spotify, Tune, Titch, or Public Radioi, Redcast Box, all the places.

Wherever you listen to podcasts, find us the Toast VII story of you, about how beautiful, about astounding, and about how wickedly talented we are.

Love ya.

Bye.