Sparky Polastri Syndrome: Monday, June 17th, 2024
- Kate Middleton wears white for grand return at Trooping the Colour 2024 (Page Six) (25:14)
- Armie Hammer breaks silence on cannibalism accusations (Page Six) (29:28)
- Sabrina Carpenter Tells Off Jack Antonoff's Haters Who Claim His Production Style Has Ruined Taylor and More (Variety) (35:23)
- Scooter Braun Officially Retires From Management (Variety) (40:49)
- Pop star turned swimmer Cody Simpson has Olympic dream dashed after missing out on Paris 2024 spot (Daily Mail) (54:49)
- House of The Dragon Recap (01:01:58)
- The Valley Recap (1:11:30)
The Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob)
The Camper and The Counselor by Jackie Oshry
Girl With No Job by Claudia Oshry
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Transcript
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good morning millennials welcome back to the toast and happy monday
yeah
claudia today is a blessed day Why?
Because this is our last full week of not being together.
Okay, I like it.
So to put a positive spin on it, it's actually our last full week of doing remote podcasting for a while.
And I know you love remote podcasting.
So cherish every day.
Climb every mountain.
You're right.
Okay, love the perspective, the shift, as Tinks would call it.
We have so much to discuss today.
It's insane.
It's insane how much we have to discuss.
So much TV.
By the way, like, remind me what we have to discuss because I didn't think that we had that much to talk about.
Okay, I'm going to go from back to front because if I start with the first topic, we're just going to start talking about it.
House of the Dragon.
House of the Dragon.
So much TV.
I caught up on, I'm finished with the Valley.
Are you finished with Rahonge?
No, of course not.
Okay, I'll find somewhere to put my Valley thoughts.
Then, of course, Faft's five stories.
I would say they're top tier.
Oh.
Then catch up from the weekend.
I actually have like so many fun
thoughts to share from the weekend, but first and foremost, our merch collection is dropping on Tuesday and we are each wearing merch from the collection.
I am wearing the lavender low-key classic set.
The collection drops tomorrow, 10 a.m.
Eastern Time at ShopToastmerch.com.
Calamity over there.
Yes, sorry.
Calamity.
Dropping everything.
Yes, as Jackie was so eloquently promoting, our new merch, Jackie and I wear size medium and everything.
If you want to go for like a more oversized look, for us, we wear mediums and that like fits well.
It's not like crazy baggy.
I wish.
Size medium.
If you do want that more oversized look, especially for the crew necks, I would go one up.
Yeah.
We've got t-shirts.
We've got a hat.
We've got tons of crew necks and sweatshirt sets.
You can buy them separately.
You can buy them together, mix and match sizes.
It's so fabulous.
Oh, a tote.
The totes are so cute.
I think that's an advertisement.
It's my favorite item.
The designs are so cute.
You can see everything on our Instagrams.
We'll keep posting.
You could see all the details from all of the little outfits because every outfit kind of has their own thing going on.
Little personality.
Everyone has their own personality.
And so it's all dropping tomorrow, our summer collection.
We're We're so excited.
It's going to be fabulous.
That's 10 a.m.
Eastern time at shop toastmerch.com.
Not to be confused with burntdorfgoodman.com.
That happens to us a lot when people see some of the lukes we are churning out.
So just stay off burntdorfgoodman.com and on shop toastmerch.com.
And as always, we have a lot of quantity of everything, but per usual things sell quickly.
So I would just say make haste.
I would say make haste, especially I think as it pertains to the t-shirt.
It's kind of a, and it's the same exact like t-shirt we used to make the last girly one which was like probably our best-selling item ever this i think is even cuter i work out in the those shirts the girly shirts every single day it is the best shirt i do everything in that shirt like when i'm done with the show and like wearing whatever i'm wearing for the day like whether i need to cook whether i need to parent whether i need to go to the park go for a walk, work out, I put, like, that shirt I put on every single day.
Yeah.
So we have another version of it dropping with such a sick design.
Check it out.
I meant to ask you actually prior to the Fast Five, let's have an offline conversation online.
Do we have a story of Charlie XCX versus Taylor Swift?
No.
Okay, do you know what's going on?
Because I want to get your opinion on it.
Oh, okay, but you, I can't give my opinion if I don't know what's going on.
I know you're going to brief me.
Yes.
And you give me every detail.
Yes, okay.
So Charlie XCX has a new album that's kind of like having like a moment for her.
You know, she's kind of a small artist.
I saw a Brat.
It's called Brat.
And in the UK, where she's from, like, it was almost going going to be number one,
except Taylor blocked her.
Now, Taylor, what's the album?
TTPD has been number one in the UK for X amount of weeks.
And Taylor's trying to break this record.
It's actually her own record for most consecutive weeks in the UK, number one album.
And the way she does that is very strategically.
She keeps releasing new versions with, you know, live songs on it.
And a lot of people are like coming for Taylor.
being like, you know, because she blocked a couple of weeks ago Billie Eilish from going number one in the UK.
And this week, you know, Charlie XDX almost had her first number one.
She didn't.
Taylor's album stayed number one again.
And what happened in the US?
Oh, because Charlie's from the UK.
Yeah, I don't think she was like even had a chance to make it number one in the U.S.
This all happened in the UK.
And like people are arguing both sides.
A lot of people saying like, you know, Taylor is, you know, all about women empowerment, but she blocked Billy, she blocked Charlie.
I, of course, feel completely differently about it.
And yes, you could say I'm blinded by my loyalty to Taylor, but I also think if it was anyone, I would feel this way.
Like if somebody's 20-week-old album beats yours, like yours was never going to be number one.
Like
it might have been, but there was a better album.
Right.
And like if it was, if it was the number one album, it would have been the number one album, not an album that's literally been out for five months.
Yeah.
And if it wasn't the number one album, TTPD, then people wouldn't keep streaming it when she releases.
Like the cream rises.
And Brat rose pretty high, but like there was something creamier.
But then a lot of people are now like just dissecting the relationship between the two of them.
And I remember literally talking about on this show Charlie XTX opened up for Taylor on the reputation tour with Camilla Cabello and I remember like the first interview she did afterwards I feel like it was with pitchfork, but I don't know that to be exact.
She like kind of clowned on the whole experience like kind of making fun of Taylor's fans.
It was just very much giving like biting the hand that fed you energy.
That was like a stadium tour Charlie XTX.
She's not huge and even back then she was much smaller.
And it was just sort of like kind of a rude thing to do.
And I'm sure Taylor like clocked it and was like, okay.
And then there's a song on this new album that Charlie XCX released that people think is about Taylor.
Now, it's not like a crazy diss track, but there's layers to this relationship.
So I'm sure Taylor wanting to stay number one had nothing to do with Charlie XCX.
It's about this record she's trying to beat.
But when she found out, like, I'm sure she wasn't mad.
Same with Billie Eilish, you know, like,
I'm not going to, you know, stop doing what I'm doing for you.
You've just, you know, said four mean things about me in the press.
Yeah.
So a lot of people are like, how can you be for women, Taylor, when you're stopping other women's successes?
I don't think she's stopping other women's successes.
And also, if she stops what she's doing so that they can succeed, like, isn't that kind of charitable?
I think, like, women can't succeed on their own.
And if a woman stays at number one, which is Taylor, then women are at number one.
And maybe if Taylor slowed it down, like, someone else would hit and maybe a man would be that number one.
Wow.
Maybe all the people, because the people who spent their time streaming TTPD, they wouldn't have done that.
What would they have been listening to?
Maybe propping up something that wasn't Charlie XCX.
And then there's also another element.
Charlie XCX dates someone from the 1975.
Okay.
So it's just all interconnected.
Matty Healy.
Yeah.
Okay.
Just briefing you on what the kids are talking about.
Okay, yeah.
I, DC.
We have House of the Dragon recap, which I'm assuming we'll do after the fast five because it deserves its own moment.
We are so back.
Oh, you're not going to like what I have to say.
What?
But I mean, we are so back.
Like, with our recaps.
Oh, yeah.
You're not going to like what I have to say.
Yeah.
Well, I know.
I think I know what you're going to say.
There was a time where I think the culture was sort of waiting with bated breath to see what Jackson Jerdy were going to say about the Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon.
Like, we are so back.
It's my favorite show to recap.
We don't even really recap any scripted shows except House of the Dragon.
And it's just so fun to have something to live for again, you know?
Yeah, you're not going to like what I have to say.
Okay.
And I don't want to say it now because then we'll get into a recap when we have to put it at the end for brevity's sake.
Zip it.
But it's going to be, it's it's gonna be sad to watch what you just said you don't want to recap it anymore no no no well i'm not saying
so people on tick tock were coming for me saying that your aura ring really should be on your index finger if you want accurate results did you know that no it's like the best option would be your index finger the second best option would be your middle finger and the fourth third best option would be your
okay well for the size i got my option i i'm gonna keep it on my middle finger and my ring finger and then sometimes like when i'm sleeping i put it on my ring finger so it's a little looser i I go back and forth between my middle and ring just keep that in mind I didn't know that like this was a thing my index isn't really in the cards it would be too tight my index is not an option either my index finger is too fat if that were the case aura would have told us when we were sizing like it would say this is to be worn on your ring finger size for on your index finger size it for your index finger i'm just sharing the knowledge with you that i have come across and you can do with it what you will i maybe it's even a little more precise but like i think it's fine we get the gist we got the gist gist equals gotten tell me about your weekend how was father's Day?
It was so great.
We had such a jam-packed weekend.
On Saturday, we went to the Science Museum.
A learned crew, you are.
Yeah, no, and it was a really great museum.
I like kind of was freaking out because it will sound silly to say now, but at the time, like, I really thought that DJ James Kennedy was DJing at the science museum.
You guys, Jack is texting us all these amazing pictures of her and her family at this fabulous museum.
They're learning, they're loving.
And then she goes, you guys, I'm pretty sure DJ James Kennedy is DJing the museum.
And I said, well, what on earth would make you think that?
So I'll tell you what made me think that.
So the music was amazing, by the way.
And it was like club music, sort of on the ground floor, like where the cafe was.
And one, then two, the MC comes on, and I'm pretty sure they said, like, it's DJ James Kennedy.
Like, that's what I heard.
So I was like, did they just say James Kennedy?
And then I'm like, did anybody else hear that?
Like, does that corroborate that story?
I don't know if he heard the announcement at all.
So I'm like, I think they just said DJ James Kennedy.
And the music sounds like a DJ.
And it's like a fabulous museum.
Like, maybe they have resident DJs.
So I go to his stories and I see that he is at Live.
Just he's at Live.
Live Beach.
Live Beach, which I just saw Live.
So I'm like, okay, great, Miami.
Like, he's here.
And the music was still really good.
I heard the announcement again.
And we're like walking through the museum.
And I'm like, I need to go find out.
Like, I cannot rest.
I'm literally looking at the museum's Instagram account seeing that they were like promoting DJ James Kennedy, but I was like, let me just walk past the booth and see if it's him.
It's like a local radio station that was doing the music for the day.
I went to their Instagram account.
I didn't see them promoting James Kennedy.
So I'm like, I have to see with my own two eyes.
So I went to see.
And it was certainly not him.
No, and I was on this journey sort of with you.
And I went to James's Instagram as well.
And yes, he was at Live Beach, which the Fountain Blue Miami Hotel opened up a location in Vegas.
They have a Vegas beach beach club called Live Beach.
So he wasn't even in the state.
And that would have been, and I do think there was a time where, yes, James Kennedy would be booking gigs like that.
But I actually think like post-Scandal, he's doing, you know, beach clubs in Vegas, not, you know, local museums in Florida.
I know.
Well, I wish you had saw, like.
You didn't see, no, no, you didn't see the Vegas thing.
Like, you didn't tell me Live Beach is in Vegas until after I saw it with my own two eyes.
Like, then I wouldn't have had to walk all the way over.
But like, literally, I'm pretty sure they said James Kennedy.
And then I, what I saw on his Instagram, it looked like Miami.
So I'm like, it's him.
No, that's so funny.
It was so, so funny.
But no, you guys, he did not DJ the Science Museum this weekend, unfortunately.
That's so, such a shame.
Such, so classic.
And what else?
Yesterday, we went to the beach.
We actually had an amazing day thanks to one of our new sponsors.
Yeah, they're not a sponsor today.
They're not a sponsor today.
I don't want you to spoil it.
So I'll save like talking about my experience with the sponsor for another day, but it was just a great Father's Day, Day, um,
Father's Day weekend in general.
And
what can I say?
Fun was had.
That's amazing.
I had a different sort of week.
I played golf on Saturday.
I made Margo come with me, and she was like just as bad as me, but we had good times, you know?
And actually, after lunch, I said we can keep playing.
Usually, I'm like lunch and done, but I was having a good time.
I had a couple of spritzes.
Of course, our club now sells spritz because we've been a member for three weeks, and that was far too long for Ben.
He got that shit sold in almost immediately.
It was honestly quite impressive.
And it's it's really a perfect golf drink.
So I was having fun.
I had a good time.
I played like terribly, but it was all in good fun.
I got tan, got my steps in, things of that nature.
And then Father's Day was yesterday, which was, you know, Father's Day, kind of boring for me.
I did have breakfast with Ben's dad, which was nice.
But
then I just kind of like did, you know, Lonely Girl Tings, got a manicure, made some returns, went for a run, kosher grocery.
Crazy, at least for me.
And I wonder how other girls feel who are like in our position.
But like Father's Day, like used to just be like, oh sad for me
just like sad for me like
I'm sad yeah um but then like once you have kids and it becomes about your husband like I literally forgot that I used to be like a victim of this holiday like my friends were texting me and they're so sweet and they're like thinking of you love you and I'm like why no your friends texted me too it was so sweet yeah they're such sweethearts so just know like it's not permanent and one day like you'll find the joy in the day once again I literally like forgot that I was supposed to be sad you should be sad
Yeah,
I um
and I wonder if other girls who have like lost their dads who have kids like feel that way now.
Yes, Laura Elizabeth actually posted something really sweet.
She was like, you know, this used to be a day like I would kind of dread and definitely stay off social media.
And today she was like, so excited to like wake up and like share a post all these pictures of her partner.
Like, so cute.
Yeah.
So cute.
It's healing.
It is.
It's kind of the circle.
The circle of life.
Speaking of the valley, there's an episode where they're fishing.
Speaking of the valley.
There's an episode.
Speaking of the circle of life, there's an episode where they're fishing and they catch a fish and they throw it back in, but they killed it before they didn't realize, but it was dead when they threw it back in.
And they watch as a seagull comes and swipes.
The circle of life.
So Danny starts singing, but Jax is like, you can't use that song.
We're on a television show.
So it's the triangle of life.
I love when they break the fourth wall and like share things like that.
That's like when people don't realize.
And I think we only discovered this a few years ago.
Like if you ever are at a party that's being filmed for a reality show, there's no music playing.
It's like kind of an awkward party.
Sad.
There's no music because it's an issue with the copyright.
Maybe you could have royalty, loyalty, royalty-free beats.
Perhaps.
RFP.
I feel like recently, and maybe I'm wrong, maybe they've just done a better job of it, but I feel like recently they do play music on reality shows but they have better technology to take it out oh I had felt that it was um like designated music playing time
DMT like it's kind of just carved out in the schedule that's what what I what I assume now when I watch reality shows where there's like a party dmpt interesting because I feel like AI could cut out the background music no problem that's what AI like should be doing AI I has anyone asked AI for sure there's for sure a software Like, AI is crazy.
AI is really the closest thing we have to magic.
That's beautiful.
Yeah.
What if you just called AI up?
Yeah.
Wrote in your chat box.
So, sorry, H-O-T-D.
Anything else before you want to dive in?
Anything else you want to share?
Hopes, dreams, wishes for the future?
Oh, hopes, dreams, wishes for the future.
I just wish, you know, for toasts like this forever, Law.
A thousand percent.
What about you?
i'm also wishing for her haircut which i you know you don't have to wish for you just have to schedule oh that's so unfortunate because you know what
If only you lived here, I actually have a haircut scheduled with our girly Mahogany on Wednesday.
I make them really far in advance because I'm always like needing a haircut more than I realize.
So I checked my schedule for this week and I texted Mahogany.
I'm like, do I have a haircut?
I just got one.
I'm like, do I have a haircut Wednesday?
She was like, yeah, do you want to like move it back?
I'm like, honestly, yeah, I don't need it this week, but you could have taken my appointment if you just didn't move and abandon your family.
Well, no, I could just like go next week when I'm in New York.
Uh, I'm excited.
That's when I get my haircut.
But remember, I had like such a transformative haircut in Dallas a few months ago, and like kind of all that's gone.
No, and we're gonna
be outside this summer.
I think you need to do like a significant chop because I loved your Dallas haircut.
I didn't think it was choppy enough.
Well, you know, I'm always ready to go back to short hair.
Is it time?
Oh, I loved your short hair.
I don't, I don't remember it, but, but no, I think like a
like a
no, I don't know.
No, I don't think it's time.
I think like I used to have a bob and I would style it like very bob-like, like very sleek and bouncy.
Um, I did that for a few years and I loved it.
And I always just thought like deeper into motherhood, I would bring it back.
But I feel like right now I still need my hair.
I also think when you were kind of in your bob era, your style was very reflective of that bob, you know?
And I feel like you're sort of branching out, being a little bit more, you know, like less Brie Vandecamp in your wares that maybe the Bob doesn't go with your style anymore.
You think I'm being less?
Yeah, you didn't used to wear like a lot of like collared shirts dresses.
Like, I guess you still do.
Yeah, I feel like it's only been more going towards like...
No, you're a little bit more relaxed now in your motherhood style.
In what
in what sense?
Like you, I feel like your bob style was...
Way more buttoned up.
Now you're just like a little bit more relaxed.
Like you wear a lot of like sets.
What kind of sets?
Like matching tops and bottoms.
You wear a lot of sweatsets.
You wear a lot of like collared shirt and those linen short sets.
Like whereas before I feel like you were just like a little bit more like culotte trouser energy.
Okay.
I just feel like it would limit you.
You think it would limit me.
Okay.
Well, I wasn't planning on doing it.
I, but you just said like summer, I have to cut my hair off.
No, no, I just meant like more than a trim.
You need to cut like four or five inches, I think.
I don't know.
I don't love a mid-cut.
I know you don't.
Make a choice.
I cut my hair a couple of weeks ago, and I feel like today it's at the length I want it to be at.
I went like a little short so I could reach this sort of mid-length.
And this is what I love.
You and Margo, like, love to do a mid-cut and like act like you're changed.
We are.
And I just think, keep it long or go short.
We are.
Those are my words of wisdom.
Yeah, it's kind of like decision paralysis.
It's like this half up, half down, half short, half long.
Yeah, I like that.
Decision paralysis.
That's a nice term.
Okay.
That's
it.
I'll ask you so much about like literally the dumbest decisions.
Like, should I make the tuna with light mayo or regular mayo?
Like, he's like, I'm having decision paralysis.
Please just like make the choice for me because it doesn't matter.
I just like for some reason.
He's been podcasting too much when he starts talking like that.
Like an internet user.
Yeah.
Decision paralysis.
Where did he get it from?
I'll have to ask him where he learned this new phrase.
It's always interesting when your husband learns a new word or phrase.
It's like, where'd you learn that?
Your girlfriend?
But I think in his case, it's like, where'd you learn that?
Your podcast?
No, also, he has to talk to a lot of new people.
He probably starts to talk like Josh.
I could see Josh knowing that phrase.
Yeah.
And then he probably got it from Josh.
And then we have to find out where Josh got it from.
You've been using the phrase decision paralysis a lot, period.
Where did you pick that up, question mark?
Is it paining you not to add your girlfriend?
Yeah, of course, but I want him to answer me seriously.
I love just saying your girlfriend.
But, anyways, that's a good phrase.
And I feel like actually you do suffer from decision paralysis sometimes.
That's sometimes, daily.
That's why I need you, like in a biblical sense.
Like you can never leave me.
Like I cannot like seriously wipe my ass at being like Jaggy.
Quilted or regular, you know?
So true.
Also, is that, is decision paralysis an ableist term?
I'm sure it is.
Why?
Because paralysis is what?
Like when you're paralyzed?
When you're paralyzed, yeah.
But I think it's temporary paralysis.
No.
Well, it could be.
What the fuck do I know?
It could be either.
You could be paralyzed temporarily or permanently.
I'm excited to dive into the stories.
You said they're top tier, and honestly, nothing's coming to mind except like J-Lo and her weird Father's Day tribute.
She's not even in the stories.
Like, she literally was like, our hero, thank you.
And it's Ben Affleck, whom she shares no children with.
Right.
Listen, she's got a lot going on, okay?
I know.
I'm seriously sending her love and light.
She's running PR like through every pore of her body.
Like, just
accept whatever she puts out, okay?
She's doing some stuff.
We'll do.
Now, without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.
And the fast five stories that you need to know are brought to you with our new favorite show on Prime Video.
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Prime Video kills it with the shows.
I love, I feel like every time they take a book and turn it into a movie or a series, it's always good when it's on Prime.
And they're like kind of known for their soundtracking too.
So this is the trapings of everything we're going to love.
June 27th on Prime Video, it's called My Lady Jane.
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Thank you, La.
What can I say except you're welcome?
Our first story, Kate Middleton was seen publicly, first royal public appearance for the first time since announcing her cancer diagnosis and treatment.
She returned to the Trooping of the Color 2024.
She wore a white dress.
Her children were matching in navy and it was really, really jolly good to see her.
She looked gorgeous.
I loved the outfit.
She looked strong and healthy and she had color in her face.
I am sure going to these events, like, you know, as a person without cancer is a lot of work.
As someone who's like actively recovering from something like cancer, I imagine it just like took her out, you know?
And I hope she's recovering, but she brings so much joy to the people globally.
And I love to see her out and about, you know, I'd rather see her up there shaking that thing.
And we, and we did get to, and that was great.
And we got some really sweet family moments from her and the family.
And I'm just wishing them all the best.
I think people will still find like, you know, things, crazy things to say about the display from this weekend.
But to me, this just looks like a woman who's doing her best and going through a lot.
And she's still a queen.
Yeah.
And the fact that, you know, the event that we got is one of the royal events where they all stand on the balcony.
So we get like a, it's not just like a photo and then she walks into a church or something.
We get like minutes of footage.
And of course, so many viral moments.
The kids are so cute.
They're really well behaved.
But this photo is going viral of, what was the actual event called?
The trooping of the color.
The the trooping the color.
So it was a photo, just like, you know, a collage of the last trooping of the color and this trooping of the color.
Charles has really pared down like the royal family's active working members.
And when you look at the Queen Elizabeth one, it might be 20 people, maybe more, 15.
No, no, it's probably 30.
I don't know.
I can't like count crowds.
Is that?
Can anyone?
Like, can you look at a group of people and be like, this is 100 people?
Literally, I can't.
We were somewhere recently and Zach and I were trying to figure out how many people were there.
Could have been 30.
Could have have been 100.
I don't, I couldn't tell you.
I would have to go around.
I would have to like count on my fingers.
I'm trying to see.
Well, well, that could be two things.
I want to see the picture that you're talking about, but like
when Queen Elizabeth was the monarch
and it's her immediate family, so it's her children,
grandchildren,
her line.
But aren't they the same line?
Like, wouldn't it be the same?
No, because I feel like isn't Charles.
Charles's sisters and brothers wouldn't be next to him.
You know, it's just his direct line, but he had two kids.
Now there's just William working.
Oh, it was 2022, the photo that's going viral.
Where like all the people can't even fit in the balcony, you know?
Yeah, I have to see who's on the balcony last year and this year.
Isn't that also Charles's thing?
He like is decreasing the size of like the core working members of the royal family to like decrease, you know, spending or whatever?
Yeah, that was his thing even when Elizabeth was alive to like keep it focused on the the nuclear family but also given Charles's age compared to Elizabeth's like Prince George doesn't have children yet he's a child himself so yeah and Elizabeth had four children Charles has two and now just one working so that's true it's not like something has happened it's it's both like
logistics
age etc
okay that's true that's true I don't think it speaks to anything.
And I think if he wanted to have Rando's on there, you know, that rugby player who podcasts is always down for a good time.
A hundred percent.
And he's down for a good appearance.
He's supportive.
Yeah, he's loyal.
Yeah.
I'm so glad that like this whole Kate saga like has come to an end.
Like she said she would do an appearance after Easter.
It is after Easter.
And she just looked, she looked gorgeous.
No, but she had to announce her cancer.
She announced it before Easter.
They couldn't even give her till Easter.
Yeah, right.
So then it was like the Easter marker was off.
Oh, oh,
go fuck yourselves.
You'll see.
Whenever Whenever I'll get there, I'll get there when I get there.
Yeah, but we couldn't even, not me, you guys, couldn't even give her till Easter.
Yeah.
Well, she looks great.
I love
sending her well wishes.
Me as well.
Are you ready for our next story?
Army Hammer is breaking his silence on his cancellation and cannibalism accusations.
Just like, you know how you always say, like, Amanda Knox is a blind spot for me in the culture.
Like a story I didn't like keep up with.
I feel that way about Army Hammer, too.
Like, that was just a cancellation that kind of like went just right by me yeah i wonder what we were doing must have been a busy time for us but yeah we didn't dig into this it was just like oh wow all these people said this bye-bye and i don't even know fully like the extent of his allegations besides like the cannibalism so that one was you don't forget that the the accusations were from a series of girlfriends but it started with um Effie, and I think she was like an influencer at the time saying that he violently raped her and abused her mentally, emotionally, and physically in 2017 when she was just 20 years old.
Then another one of his exes, Courtney, came forward and said that he said that he wanted to break my rib and barbecue and eat it.
So that became like Army Hammer eats people.
He is a cow.
Right.
Though I don't know if anyone actually ever thought like he ate people, like he successfully ate someone, but he definitely like had a thirst.
Yeah, and like people are already so suspicious of like what goes on in Hollywood, you know?
You can't say stuff like this.
You can't because it just gives credence to like a lot of crazy theories that people think already because Hollywood is like so fucking weird.
Yeah.
So he's broken his silence over the shock cannibalism allegations that had imploded his career.
Despite claims that he had cannibalism fantasies, Hammer denied the claim, saying there was no criminal wrongdoing in his four-year relationship with Effie and then also with his other exes.
He appeared on the Painful Lessons podcast on Sunday and he addressed the shock and cannibalism allegations that have plagued his reputation.
Quote, people called me a cannibal and everyone believed them.
They're like, yep, that guy ate people.
Like, what?
What are you talking about?
Do you know what you have to do to be a cannibal?
You have to eat people.
How am I going to be a cannibal?
It was bizarre.
He said that there was.
I like how he's just sort of like skirting around the big rape, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I don't, even though we call him a cannibal, like colloquially, like, I don't think he ever like successfully ate a person.
I don't think he sat down with like a bib, fork, and a knife and a leg.
Yeah.
But to want to eat a rib of a human,
cannibalist fantasies.
Yeah, I can't, and the thing is, I would do anything for this podcast, you know?
Like, I seriously, there's nothing I wouldn't do for, you know, views.
For the toast.
For the toast.
But I honestly, if somebody came to me and were like, Army Hammer is going to break his silence on your podcast, I'd be like, no, thank you.
Like, who the fuck?
Like, and I guess, you know, there's always going to be someone who's going to have him on their podcast.
Like, if Army Hammer wants to speak, he's going to speak.
But, like,
I feel like it just should have been harder for him to break a silence, you know?
I, yeah.
Well, he also said he's now in a place in his life where he's grateful for every single bit of it, meaning the cancellation.
Quote, I'm actually now at a place where I'm really grateful for it because where I was in my life before all of that stuff happened to me, I didn't feel good.
I never felt satisfied.
I never had enough.
I never was in a place where I was happy with myself, where I had self-esteem.
I never knew how to give myself love.
I never had, knew how to give myself self-validation, but I had this job where I was able to get it from so many people that I never had to learn how to give it to myself.
I just want to say, like, a lot of times people go through hard stuff, cancellations, et cetera, and they're like, you know what?
Like, I'm better off for it.
They learn a lot.
Like,
and I believe them because I think a lot of the times it's true.
Like, I don't, I don't believe him here.
No, me neither.
And also, I don't care like about how he feels.
No, and to go with, like, I, you know, I was in a, I was a bad person because I was in a bad place because I didn't know how to give myself love.
Like, I feel like you gave yourself too much love to think that you you can like treat people like that.
No, and he's like, I was in a bad place and I did bad things because I was just like so famous and successful and everybody was giving me so much love.
Like, is that supposed to make me feel bad for you?
Yeah.
No, like, I have a deep hatred.
Um,
and like a genuine, like, I seriously don't fucking care what happens to Armie Hammer like in this life.
Like, if I never heard from him again, like, my life would be amazing.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, I, it's not even a hate, actually.
It's such an indifference.
Like, literally, that's because we weren't, like, you have to be a fan to like then care about the demise but like we're I don't I guess he was in the social network social network um but really people love him from call me by your name and the people who love that movie like Dana like I think this was really hard for them I understand yeah I never saw that movie and it's always like on my list of movies to see um except for that like what do I need to be putting money in army hammer's pocket well now probably not and also why fall in love with him now just to know when you already know
but i feel i would have like a similar experience if i take army hammer out of it that i had with like Broke Back Mountain.
It was like this kind of cultural moment and I never saw it and I never saw it.
And then I saw it and I was like, oh, I totally get it.
Yeah.
Then I think, but I'm not interested in having any sort of moment with Army Hammer.
And I don't even really like Timothy Shaloman.
Think about someone who you have moments with, like who you love, like a random person from a piece of content that you love.
I'm going to give you an example.
Peter Facinelli.
Like for some people, who's that?
For us, he's everything.
And I guess like if there ever was an expose on Peter Facciinelli, which we all know there never would be.
Oh, not me jinxing, next thing you know, like rolling stone into the dark, twisted world of Peter Foch.
I would be devastated.
Oh my gosh.
So that's how this was for some people.
Okay.
You need to hear you.
Thank you.
Thank you for putting me, you know, in
their shoes.
And Peter Foch is also a little niche.
So imagine someone like.
Okay, Peter Foch is not a niche.
Joe Manginello.
Honestly, I think I would take Peter Foch harder, like for real.
You chose a really good one.
Okay, I'll leave it at that.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's leave it at that.
So,
so now you know how it feels.
But you don't.
Are you ready for our next story?
Sabrina Carpenter.
I mean, if this ain't the summer of Sabrina.
And I say this every time.
I'm so happy for her.
So happy for her.
She is giving an interview to Rolling Stone, talking about a lot of things.
She was talking about her love for Taylor.
She was talking about doing her Skims campaign, even though the beef with the Taylor.
And she's.
Oh my God, I didn't even see this.
Oh, yeah.
She mentioned it and she said like she spoke to Taylor.
We're all good.
I know people want to make it about that, but like everything is good.
Okay.
And so I so appreciate her like talking about this because now I think I can apply that to like everyone else whom we've had question marks over.
Sabrina was definitely the biggest question mark, but Lana Del Ray, Brittany Mahomes, like
good to know.
Yeah.
Good to know.
And then also she's talking about working with Jack Antonoff, who I guess is like people are hating him recently, saying like all the artists that he works with, like their music sounds the same when he works with them.
I think that's a valid criticism because I remember my first thought off of TTPD was that some of the songs sounded a lot like Lana Del Rey, who's like a classic Jack Antonoff girly.
But I also think, oh, the way I read it, which maybe you're right, though, but the way I read it, it's like, if a one artist works with Jack for too long, all of that one artist's songs sound the same.
Well,
I think it's that too.
And and i also feel like it's super healthy to bop around producer wise because every album has its own sound now of course there's like iconic collaborators that work together forever sunny and share vibes um but i would say one of my criticisms of ttpd was like i personally am over the jack antonoff like pop synth energy um and i
would love for taylor to work with like a chris martin ryan tedder again like to you know ryan tedder i like but i think the current state of music is very influenced by jack antonoff and that's why everybody works with him And I just like, I'm not into that sound per se.
Yeah.
Well, she has something to say to the haters.
Hello, Jack.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
To Jack's haters.
She says, fuck them all.
I think he's one of the most talented people I've ever met.
When he's in a room, he's able to literally touch every instrument in the room and make it sound magical.
Maybe that's AI.
He also works very fast, which I appreciate because I work very fast.
By the way, I just want to say, I don't disagree with her.
Like, he's probably one of the most talented producers of our time.
I just think like too much of a good thing.
It just feels feels oversaturated.
And I'm not saying any of the music's bad.
It's just a lot.
Like all music kind of sounds the same these days.
Yeah.
And Taylor definitely like sets herself apart with her songwriting, like everything, the whole universe she's created.
But I think that a lot of the criticism just about like him is valid in the sense that it's a lot.
Yeah.
But whenever I talk about Jack Antrop, people actually really always disagree with me.
So I didn't know that the hate had become mainstream enough to be asked in an interview with Sabrina.
Yeah, but people disagree with you in the sense like they love him.
Yeah, and they think like him and Taylor's working relationship is perfect and she should never work with anyone ever again.
Got it.
I think it's really split, but I think people would never question a Taylor decision, period.
This would be.
See, for me, I think her collaboration with Jack Antrift was perfection in folklore and Evermore because that was the vibes of those albums.
But I really feel like for Midnights and TTD, oh, actually, TTPD is still very like Evermore coded, honestly.
But like Midnights was a real pop album.
And I do wish she had done it with like Ryan Tedder.
Yeah.
Just to change, like, I don't need Synth everywhere.
And where does Aaron Dessner fit into this?
He fits in
in the same way.
Like, he collaborates with her on a lot of her sort of slower.
And is it like she'll do one song with Aaron, one song with Jack, or it's like the three of them do everything together?
So the three of them did everything together on folklore and Evermore.
With Midnights and TTPD, there are certain songs that Jack is on, certain, I think Jack is on pretty much every single one of them.
Aaron's on some of them.
He's just like a collaborator who shows up, you know, when he feels like it.
Hey, how y'all doing?
Yeah, but Aaron Dessner is like probably some of my favorites, you know, would have, could have, should have.
Peace.
Those are like Aaron Dessner works of art.
Got it.
So I guess Jack
Antonoff worked on Espresso and Please, Please, Please.
Did he work on Espresso?
I feel like if he's working with Sabrina.
Let me just double check.
I didn't know that.
I knew he worked on Please, Please, Please.
Producer of Espresso.
No, produced by Julian Bonetta.
And that's the song of the summer.
So wouldn't Julian Bonetta be like the producer di jour?
Right, right.
And then Please, Please, Please was, I guess, yes, produced by Jack Anstoff.
Or maybe it's the album that's coming out soon, short and sweet.
Yeah.
Well, Summer of Sabrina 2024 continues.
I hope everyone's having fun.
Da sami espresso.
I'm having fun.
It's crazy how, like, that song is just the song now.
Yeah, please, please, please was produced by Jack Antonoff.
And then the album, Short and Sweet, shall be
Julian and Jack.
That's who's on the Wikipedia so far.
Julian.
Okay.
It's Julian's song.
I sorted that out.
Me.
That's what Julian said today.
Are you ready for our fourth story?
A little more music news.
Yeah.
Scooter Braun officially retires from management.
He already did.
I feel like he had like stepped back in like some of the bigger artist, like he's always like, you know, shuffling around artists, but now he's stepping back from management completely.
He made it official on Monday.
He is stepping back from being a manager to focus on being CEO of High B America, the company to which he sold his own Itha Holdings Company in 2021 and to focus on his his family.
He made the announcement in nearly a 1400-word statement on his Instagram.
And he posted like a carousel of photos from The Good Times,
Ari, Justin, Miley, Demi.
Yeah, there's been an interesting sort of arc here.
He sold his company, and I think it was really huge news because he sold it for a billion dollars.
And to like an even bigger, more influential company.
So he really sort of killed it.
And then there was that time where every, like all the artists that had made his company, his company, you know, Justin Bieber, notably Ariana Gandhi, left and sought new management.
Now, Demi had left and like started it, but she wasn't like an OG there.
So at first that didn't raise any flags.
Yeah.
But then Justin and Ari, that's like, that's crazy.
Yeah, but I think he was just always like shifting away from management.
And now he's the CEO of the big company that bought his big company.
So like, how do you have time to manage people?
And these are big artists.
They can't just be some side project.
Right, right.
And so I think at the time it felt nefarious when everyone was leaving.
Now that I feel like they were saying it's not nefarious, but you just assume that it is because it looks that way.
But they were like, no, like this is just extension, a natural progression of the business.
And now knowing what we know, I can see him sitting down and being like, listen, I'm going to be leaving this company in this capacity and working like at a, you know, more at a glance.
And so let's work now on finding you the best management.
Like, yeah.
I could see that because like those were his OGs.
Yeah.
So I want to assume that there was no bad blood.
Now, as a Swifty, of course I find myself in such a unique position But let me just say this because I don't think I've stated it recently like you will not catch me saying any ill ill things about Scooter brand anymore like what an ally for the Jewish people like Pro-Israel king called out Mark Ruffalo
Seriously
when it comes to like Taylor Swift you will not like sorry, that's my queen, but you know what?
That's my king.
That is my king calling out Mark Ruffalo.
I don't want to hear it.
I'm blind.
Suddenly, I can't say.
Yeah, no, he's one of the few celebrities, Jewish celebrities, who puts their money where their mouth is, who says the truth, who's not afraid.
Everyone like feels this way, but doesn't say anything because they're afraid of backlash and this and that.
But he is unabashed in his support.
And now I am.
He's actually like making things happen.
He's was a key player in making bringing the Nova exhibit here, which I think has been really important for people to see.
So, yeah, king doing king shit.
I support this.
You're not going to hear me.
Yeah, you're not going to hear me.
Great.
Yeah.
And now that he sold Ithaca, which owned old Taylored,
oh, well, he's still the CEO of the company that owns Ithaca now, but that's just a job for him now.
I wonder if Taylor at all has made peace
with that time, because I know she's our queen who loves to like remember things but this sort of
historic level of success there's like a couple of things that happened in the last couple of years to Taylor Swift that made this moment possible and one of them is the re-recordings because how rare is it that an artist has an album like folklore where they're introduced to like the world like of course she was popular but now she's sort of universal and then she gets the opportunity to release her biggest hits all over again.
Usually if that happened, it's on the consumer to go back and do the work.
She did the work for us.
Like you get to reintroduce your life's work
to the biggest audience ever.
Like there are, it's almost like four dominoes that fell.
And I think the re-recording was probably one of the biggest ones that made the, and the Error's tour is obviously the final and also one of the biggest, but it made this moment she's having possible.
So I wonder if, kind of how we were saying with Armie Hammer, you know, everything happens for a reason.
Like, I wonder if she looks back on it at all.
I think she definitely harbors a lot of hate still for Scott Borschetta.
I think she harbors hate for Scooter.
And I think she looks back on it and it's like
all of this happened and it brought me to where I am but I'm where I am because of me not because those things happened because of what I did with it and it's still like and she's right for that like yeah if if it hadn't happened that way and she still in some way owned her music like that would have been good for her too and she would still be tailored so she still make big things happen No, I think there are like one, two, three things in people that she will never just squash.
Like it's it's not like Katie Perry and the backup dancers.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like her life's work, her name, her reputation.
It's Kim, Scooter, and Scott.
And Kanye.
Goodbye.
Kim slash Kanye.
Yeah.
Scooter Scott is Scooter Scott.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even though
to me, I don't see it the same.
Like, Scott was her mentor.
And
I see Scott as like the true villain in that scenario.
Yeah.
Scooter is just like a bit to betray.
To betray the woman who like literally gave you a career.
Like, yes, you took a chance on her, but then she repaid you 10x.
Yeah.
So I think
I knew her family.
Her top-tier feuds.
And then she's got like, you know, oh, Billie Eilish said this.
She's got her ear to the ground.
Like, what do people say about me?
I'll make them pay one day.
But it's not going to be like a forever sort of thing.
No, it's true.
And I don't think Olivia Radri goes on level one.
Me neither.
I think she's a lower level feud.
Yeah, but like.
You know how, like, if I couldn't know the answer to anything in this world, like, seriously, that would be it.
Like, what is like, what's really going on?
Taylor and Olivia.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what's also weird is that song, get you back.
I'm going to get you back.
I completely agree.
Because I haven't listened to it that much, but it came up while I was cooking.
So I'm listening to it.
And I didn't know the Olivia Rodrigo song, but you're saying that it sounds like her song and the message is the same of like, I'm going to get you back.
It doesn't sound.
It doesn't sound.
It doesn't sound.
They're just two songs with like literally the exact same chorus lyrically.
It's like, I want to get get him back, and it has dual meaning.
Like, I want to get him back revenge-wise, or I want to get him back into my bed.
And apparently, it's neither one of their original concepts.
They're both sort of paying homage to, I forget who did it first, like a Regina Spector, Fiona Apple, someone like that.
So it's like a, it's a trope that's already been done, but it is strange that, yeah.
Especially because the original fight was about songs being similar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
It's giving sparky pilastery.
Like, we all learn the same routine.
It's giving sparky pilastery.
It's giving, these aren't spirit fingers.
These are spirit fingers.
And these are golden.
Yeah.
What a nut.
That's, like, seriously, one of, like, a not spoken about enough character like in cinematic history, Sparky Pilastery.
He was in the movie for all of 10 seconds, but he's the star.
That's become one of my...
favorite things to reference when like two people are doing the same thing just because they learned it from the same person who didn't tell them that they taught it to another person.
Like it's sparky pilastery.
Prepare for world domination, domination.
We were FaceTiming the other day and I said like something was a sparky pilastery.
I don't remember what it was and if it was on FaceTime, it was for the private, but
like it sums up that concept.
If we're not copying each other, like someone from on pie gave us the same thing.
It's seriously the perfect analogy.
We need to start using it more often.
Especially here with get him back right so fiona apple is the sparky pilastry of the get-in back concept don't quote me on fiona apple it's like somebody in that genre like maybe like ingred michaelson nora jones i don't know
so yeah they're all on like the same spotify playlist for sure
oh my god my butt my butt is killing what is going on okay but yeah i have this
Our butts have been hurting so much.
Like when we're...
Jackie, somebody told me it's like when you're skinny, it happens.
I've never had this problem in my life.
And post-Ozempic, it happens to me on a daily basis.
And I know you've recently like reached a fitness goal of you, I mean, a health goal of yours.
Seriously, I can't sit on my tailbone without actually needing to readjust every 10 minutes.
And if I don't, I'm blinded.
You guys probably watch the show.
You'll see me doing this.
I did.
My arm is on your arm three minutes ago.
And I also want to say, like, thank you for calling me skinny.
It means the world to me that you would think that this is because I was skinny.
But the last time I suffered from this was at the tail end of my pregnancy and the beginning of postpartum.
And I was not like super small.
So it's not that, and I feel like it might be like seasonally, like something in the wind, because that was last summer and now it's summer again.
And my butt cracked.
But explain how it's been happening to me now.
Like I've been living with this problem for a full- I couldn't even sit in the car yesterday.
So it's like, yeah, yeah, the car, the car is huge.
So your pain is like right above your butt crack, right?
Tailbone, I think that's what it's called.
It's um, it's not my tailbone.
It's more on the cheeks, but hot high cheeks.
Oh, no, mine's like right above my crack.
No, mine is high cheeks.
Mm, I don't know what your problem sounds fucking weird.
It's like, yeah, I don't know.
I think it has to do with the seasons.
That's the common denominator.
No, I think the common denominator is like, we have like very Jewish, flat asses.
Like, I think we're going to be.
I would sit in this chair every day for years.
But it's, by the way, it's also not the chair because I get it everywhere.
I get it in my house.
I have a car too.
The car, it's really bad.
I have to sit on my side.
Yep.
Oh, that feels like it.
I sit like this.
It's like all the pressure.
It's like all my body weight is sort of resting on my tailbone.
I feel like it has to do with the bones and the bones.
It's bony.
It feels so good.
The chair don't matter.
It's bony.
Should we start taking calcium?
Maybe.
Sound off in the middle.
By the way, and the way that...
The way, wait, wait.
The way that our episodes on YouTube are stitched together, we're going to be like bumping asses the way we're sitting right now.
Hey, turdy.
Tushie Bumpers.
Tushie Bumpers.
Tushie Bumpers is a game Jackie and our sisters invented when we were kids to play in the pool.
It's honestly an amazing game, and we still play it.
It's not even a game.
It's just like a little trick we can do.
It is a little trick.
Speaking of the pool, are you ready for our fifth and final story?
What does it have to do with the pool?
It does have to do with the pool.
And I don't want a great segue to get in the way of
the show and our business, but I do need to let you know that the rest of the show is brought to you by Byheart.
Couldn't
not do that.
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Thank you, By Heart, and thank you for never skimming.
Wait, Jacket, I'm just feeling a little curious about Byheart.
So then you would redeem your welcome offer at byheart.com slash podcast with code toast20 for a limited time.
Thank you.
Today's episode is also brought to you by Cozy Earth.
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Thank thank you turdy earth
agreed our fifth and final story has kind of been one of my favorite stories to follow every four years and i really wish it had a different outcome
the olympics the olympics and cody simpson's attempt to become an olympian
pop star and swimmer cody simpson has his olympic dream dashed after
Pop star, swimmer, and country music artist, according to Jackie O.
According to the toast.
His Olympic dreams dreams are dashed after missing out on the Paris 2024 swimming spot.
So Cody Simpson has put his singing career on hold to try and make it to the Olympics, but has had his dreams squashed by less than half of a second.
The former pop star will not make it to Paris 2024 after failing to secure his spot in the Australian teams qualifying rounds in Brisbane on Saturday.
He came fifth in the men's 100-meter butterfly final behind Matt Temple, who won in 51.15 seconds, Ben Armbresters 51.23 seconds, Sean Champions 51.40 seconds, and Jesse Coleman, who finished in 51.51 seconds.
Despite his agonizing loss falling short of Mr.
Coleman by just 0.28 seconds, Simpson said the experience was absolutely unbelievable.
He said, 28 seconds is a lot.
0.28.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Rude.
He said, I'm proud of myself and I knew it was going to be a tight one tonight.
He added that he would not dwell on the loss since he gave it his all.
He said, I knew I was going to have to pull something out of myself, but I was very close to my best swim.
All you can do is all you can do, which is a saying I quite like because what else can you do?
So he was point 28 off from the fourth place person or the first place?
From the fourth place person and then point,
but maybe fourth place goes as an alternate.
Right, right.
Let me say,
the Australians are
amazing swimmers, like stereotypically, like they're a big competitor for America.
So like he wasn't in this like, for lack of a better word, like loser pool.
He was with like really, like, he honestly, he could have, he probably would have qualified in most other countries.
It's just a shame.
Like there, Australia is known for their swimmers.
Yeah.
He, so he was 0.40 off of being number three.
So less than a half a second.
And he also
attempted to go to the Olympics in 2020 as a swimmer and didn't make it.
And I just really wish he had made it.
I know in 2020, he like wasn't even close.
So this is particularly devastating to have spent the last four years, like clearly wanting this so badly and to have gotten so close.
Like, I almost wish he lost by five seconds because then it was like, you were never going to make it.
Right.
No, this is a really hard loss.
And to make matters worse, he later swam a personal best that would have placed him among the qualifying six.
So like, it was just like, not even a hair's breadth.
So if somebody gets sick or whatever, or you know, Nancy Kerrigan, Tanya, somebody came, come.
Does he, he's not an alternate, but does he become the alternate for the alternate?
I don't know if they fly you out.
Like, I think you only get a certain number of alternates and say you really go through all your alternates.
Well, then that's that.
I do love that the Olympic trials are making news.
There was some swimming news here in America.
Somebody said a world record, one of the girlies.
So I got to get into that.
Like I need to start putting on the chat.
Like I need to, I need to start having it play in my house.
And I just, we're already excited about the Olympics, but like had Cody Simpson been going to the Olympics, and we really, I think we care about Cody Simpson more than most here at the toast.
Don't say that.
More than most.
Not more than anyone, but more than most.
Yeah.
And I think it would have.
Remember when his mom was almost on the Real House Wife of Beverly Hills?
No.
She was friends of the Olanda.
Yeah.
Well, I think
it just would have added like a layer of intrigue to the events this summer that I would really appreciate it.
And also, like, then he'd be in Olympic Village.
Like, who's going to woo Cody Simpson?
Yeah, it would have been a nice narrative for sure.
And I think for us.
You know, maybe Australia as a government like should have done more to
rig it for for him.
But that's what you why you have to love the Olympics.
Like it is a true meritocracy.
Like the cream rises.
Yeah.
It's about being the best.
Also, both his mother and father both swam for Australia.
Oh, so it like really meant a lot to him, probably.
Sorry, not at the Olympics, but at the Pan-Pacific Games and Commonwealth Games.
So that's legit.
That's probably the level that he's at too.
He's been like swimming all year in races and stuff.
Yeah.
I'm devastated for him.
I'm sending him love.
As As an athlete myself, I obviously know how hard it can be to commit your life and your body to the sport.
And I just want to let you know I see you from one athlete to another.
Yeah.
Couldn't you like move to another country and swim for them?
How does that work?
I don't know what the rules are for like Olympics.
Is it like the president?
You have to be like a natural born citizen or your parents or some shit.
It's something to do with like, cause all the hockey players who play here like go back to Canada.
Canada.
And play for Canada.
So I don't know.
I guess it's like wherever you identify as where you live.
Do you have to be a citizen to be an Olympian?
I love talking to people.
Not like a great way to phrase the question.
I know.
And I wonder if it's the rule of the Olympics or of each country.
Do you have to be born in the U.S.
to be in the Olympics?
Athletes must be nationals or citizens of the country they represent.
So either born here or like you have a passport.
No, everyone.
Does that make you a citizen?
Yeah.
A passport does make you a citizen.
Yeah, it does.
Like you get your citizens.
It's your U.S.
passport.
I'm sorry.
I thought you just meant a passport, like ready to travel.
No, no, because I'm saying, I know Brian has like
Portuguese citizenships.
Like, could he be an athlete for Portugal?
Apparently.
Hmm.
Maybe Cody could be a private sector.
It's the Olympic charter.
So it's a global rule.
It's not, you know, country by country.
Okay, cool.
Cool.
Yeah, the Olympics kind of, they're not really willy-nilly in their rules.
Okay, I'm on the International Olympic Committee frequently asked questions page.
Can I compete for another team than my nationality?
According to Olympic Charter Rule 4041, any competitor in the Olympic Games must be a national of the country of the NOC, which is entering as a competitor.
A competitor who is a national of two or more countries at the same time may represent either one of them as he may elect.
However, after having represented one country in the Olympic Games in continental or regional games or in the World of Regional Championships recognized by the irrelevant IF, he may not represent another country under certain circumstances.
So you have to commit.
Now he can't go to another country.
But no, he's never, but he knows he's never made it.
He's regional.
They said regional.
Oh, you're right.
They did say that.
And like, not to be dumb, but like, what's a national compared to a citizen?
I think it's like born here or like transferred from another high school.
You transferred from Los Angeles.
Okay.
This is a last resort.
I transferred from Los Angeles.
Your country has no gymnastics team.
This is a last resort.
Wait.
If you're not watching on YouTube, you're still missing out on my hilarious gesture.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm sad.
Like, I have to move on because that makes me sad for him.
If we don't, we'll just cry.
No, seriously.
Okay, let's move on to our TV recap, which is going to be a new installment here for the next 10 weeks.
Every Monday, Jax and I watching House of the Dragon.
Now, you look like you're itching to share whatever take you have.
So let's see what happens.
Yeah, I don't want to watch the show anymore.
That's my take.
So here's what, let me just say, I'm watching the episode last night and the first episode is really, really slow.
And like, we're just kind of like catching up with everyone, where they are, what they're up to.
And I expect that the first episode, and this Game of Thrones has always been a very slow show, and that's something that you have to accept.
But the slowness of this episode was really more boring.
And I'm thinking to myself, like, the only reason why I'm watching this show is because of Game of Thrones and how amazing that is.
And I'm, otherwise, this is just like a random medieval show that I would never watch in my life.
Like, just like random medieval medieval shit.
But it's a slow episode and usually something at the end happens that's going to like change the board and here we go.
Let's go, as Turdy would say.
So I'm, I'm holding space and, you know, I'm grateful again that we have this cultural moment.
And this is one of the shows that my husband and I watch together.
We typically like don't watch.
a lot of the same stuff and he's watching Chernobyl like now thanks where were you four years ago but okay um so like I'm just you know grateful to be a part of something and I'm waiting for the end um to sort of get me rolling into the season.
And what they did at the end, I thought was so terrible and so unnecessary and just like grotesque for grotesque's sake.
And I don't want to watch it anymore.
I don't want to watch TV that makes me feel that way.
At first bored and then upset.
So it's funny that you say that because Ben had never watched the finale from last season.
So right before last night's episode, we watched the finale, which I was actually glad for to give myself like a real refresher.
And I had forgotten about the scene.
And so to watch it back to back was actually really jarring, where Rainira gives birth to a stillborn and they actually have like a
dead
fake baby.
And it's really graphic.
And I remember like watching last night being like, oh, and then for the second episode, the first episode, the last thing to also have like, you know, dead, murderous.
children energy.
I don't disagree with you.
It feels
like a lot of that for one.
And the show isn't good enough at present to be like, oh, well, this is just a necessary evil for the greatness of the show because last night's episode seriously stunk otherwise.
And that's the big moment.
And it's just so cheap to do like the most awful thing possible.
And I don't want to watch content that makes me feel like a pit, a fucking pit.
Yeah.
No, like stabbing a sleeping child.
It's it's horrible.
Yeah.
No, not sad.
Like they walked.
They're gawing gnawing his head off because they're bringing the head back.
Oh.
They said they want his head.
And oh, yikes.
It also wasn't what Damon asked.
No.
That's what happened.
Like, you hire these two morons, these village idiots, and they're just going to do.
Right.
And so now, yeah, now you have war.
I'm sure this is Aegon's evil origin story.
And now he's going to, like, in this episode, he seemed to be just like kind of a bubbling idiot, but not like the most evil person ever.
No, and he kind of seemed sweet at times when
people in the village were like,
why not make everyone happy?
Like now if Aegon, like if his name winds up being like Aegon the evil, like now we know why.
And now I'm like, am I team green?
I don't know.
I'm not team green.
But I'm not team.
They're not slaying in the way that I need them to.
No.
And I know Rainira is like currently just dealing with a lot and she has my utmost sympathy.
And I also like can't get a read.
I had also forgotten in the final episode from last season, like Damon chokes Rainira.
They're like kind of like not doing well.
And I do feel like Damon could end up, like, I don't know if he's her OTP.
Like,
I think he could turn on her.
And I also forgot, what was the relationship between Rainira and
Christophe?
Who's Christophe?
The one that was going down on Alice.
Did they have a relationship?
I feel like they had a thing.
Yeah, no, by the way, for sure.
I was also, who was Rainiera's kid's dad?
Her old security guard.
Body guard.
Yeah.
And then he...
But who was their
fake...
Like, who would everyone think was their dad?
Who did she marry?
Valerian, you know, the C couple.
Valerian.
The C couple had a daughter and a son.
So the son.
And then obviously those weren't the real children.
But the way that they made it whole was that Rhaeniera's, you know, illegitimate children would marry the actual legitimate grandchildren.
And then those children would be Valerian and Targaryen so it all eatens out in the end.
Yeah, but and her
ex-husband was a queer, yes, and she puts him on a boat and says, go live your best life.
Yeah.
Is that him?
Yes, but did he go live his best life?
I thought he was killed.
I thought the family thought he died, but he actually ran away with his lover and was like, I'm giving all this up.
I'm going to go live in some random place and just like be myself.
Oh, I don't remember.
And I feel like the only person that knows that is Rainira.
She's letting everyone think that he died because like it's the only way for him to live a happy life.
Got it.
I don't remember that.
Maybe I actually could be making that.
No, no, no, there's something to do with that, but maybe he was still killed.
Somebody escapes like and gives up everything to go live like a peaceful life.
Yeah, maybe it was.
I feel like it was her ex-man.
Yeah.
Okay.
So then back to the episode.
Yes.
Like nothing really happened.
Except for that last scene.
And I also like wasn't understanding the rats and Aegon's wife.
Is she, are we supposed to think she's mad?
She is mad, but also a bit of a fortune teller.
Like, she has said stuff in the first season that came to fruition.
So then, when she said, I'm not scared of war, I'm scared of the rats.
She was like foreseeing that something nefarious would happen due to the rats.
Then why did she give up her son?
Like when the, when they were like, which is the son, which is the son?
I don't know.
She's definitely like also mad, but I feel like when she was saying earlier in the episode, like he's not, what if he doesn't want to be king?
Like, I feel like maybe she thought she was sparing him.
Oh.
But she's also like, yeah, not a little nutty.
Not the most sound of mind.
The fact that she would just walk into Allison,
you know.
Right, right, right, right.
Also, none of these movies have guards outside of them.
Like, you're at
the royal family.
You're at war.
You just killed your enemy's child and there's not guards outside of any room.
Okay, sure, sure.
When they went to the wall, like, ask me how long it took me to figure out, like, who was who, because the last time we saw that son of Rainiera's leaving to go talk to the Stark people he was 11 and so much time has passed because of the strike and then whatever he's like 17 now so handsome I said I'm living better like who is that and there was a narrator that was that Jon Snow no the narrator was the guy on the elevator with him oh it sounded like Jon Snow so I'm like is this a flashback front front I actually thought they might have changed the actor of um
No, so I watched
the finale last night.
I don't know if I mentioned that 10 times already.
And it's totally him.
He just grew up.
Cute.
I think they needed him.
Because he was a very handsome man.
And they need need a more mature person anyway if he's going to be like, you know, doing big
things.
He's a father.
No, I think that was his little brother.
Oh.
I thought that too.
But have those girls,
has he got married?
I don't know.
I think they're just betrothed.
And I think that was the little brother because I'm pretty sure she had three kids.
Yeah.
Then she also has kids with Damon.
No, that's where she was.
So that was her first pregnancy with Damon.
Yeah.
Which is like a bad, now we think about it, like it's a bad omen, like her and Damon are not Simpachiko.
You think?
I feel like they are end game.
I mean, I dream of it, but I don't know.
He gives like bad, toxic energy vibes now.
Especially choking her, like while she was pregnant last season.
I forgot about that.
No, and like being an idiot.
Like she sent you to go do a task.
You hire these two village idiots who do the wrong thing.
Yeah.
Like, oh, and I was so ready for them to kill Amond, but I knew that they they weren't going to.
He's a really instrumental character right now, and they can't just keep killing everyone.
You need core characters.
That character, I don't know how much more of him I can take, like with his pursed lips, like the way he talks.
Joffrey.
No, Joffrey, there's something about the way he talks.
It's like,
like, like misophonia is how I feel, honestly.
Like, stop it.
Stop.
I need to put my TV on mute and just do subtales because he's like,
he's an incredible actor.
Like, really, because I fucking hate him.
Yeah.
Me too.
But what else happened?
Like, not a lot happened.
I agree with you there.
I'm not, I'm not throwing in the towel.
Neither are you, by the way.
I don't know.
No, I'll be together this summer.
Like, we can watch it together.
Ben and Zach watch it.
We're watching it.
You would never be watching the show if it wasn't for Game of Thrones.
Like, and now they're in season two.
Like, stand on your own two feet.
And I don't think that it does.
And they're really.
Okay, you're making a lot of like assumptions after one episode.
That's just like not how I want to feel after watching TV on a Sunday night, excited about a big show.
I don't disagree.
And I'm not like a sick person, you know?
No, you're not.
So then I was like, okay, I need a palate cleanser after this.
I watched the season finale of the Valley.
That's what I was up to.
And that also made me so sad.
Yeah.
So Jackson and Brittany are done.
Michelle and Jason are done.
They're actually going through with the divorce.
And yeah, there's no turning back for them.
And it's just like, I understand why the women are done, the men are not meeting the bar, but it just made me really sad, especially Michelle and Jason.
They're having this like final conversation and their daughter's just like in the kitchen and they're talking about like all this stuff.
And it was just really, it was like upsetting.
And then Jax and Brittany are kind of like a little bit behind where Michelle and Jason, where I feel like, I feel like before the show, Michelle and Jason, a year before, they were like separated and she was moving out.
And he like begged her, I'll change, please, please come back.
I'll do do whatever.
And so she comes back.
And she's still mad at him though.
And so he's trying to change.
And so what we see of him is he seems like a decent guy, but I'm sure he was like a torturer before.
And she's just done with him.
And she can't, it's like an ice cream.
She's like, I want to feel the way about you that I used to, but I just can't.
And so she like tried, like, she's been trying to, but she can't.
So I feel like Jackson, Brittany are at that place where he would have to be like, I will change.
I'll do an ayahuasca trip.
I'll go to therapy.
I'll do this.
And I'm like, please don't leave.
And then if Brittany went back, we would get the sort of Britney that Michelle was this season where it's like, I already kind of checked out from you.
I don't know how to check back in.
But Jax isn't even doing that.
Like, honestly, Brittany read him to filth in the finale.
Like she, he was saying, I need to go to therapy.
Like, I'm going to go to therapy.
Like, I really need to work on myself.
Like, he's so aggressive, like, just yelling at her and so rude and like testy.
And he's talking to someone else, Jason.
Are there two Jasons on the show?
I don't know.
He's talking to Janet's husband.
And he's like, I'm going to therapy.
Like, I really need to change, man.
And we're like, yeah, come on, Jax, change.
So he's talking to Brittany.
And he's like, I'm going to go to therapy, but they didn't have an appointment until next month.
So I'm going next month.
And she was like, when did you call to make the appointment?
He's like, yesterday.
And so she's like, for six months, I've been telling you, today's the day we start filming just for this like recap.
Cause they did like a six months later.
We start filming.
So you call the day before so you can go on TV and be like, I'm trying, man.
I'm going to therapy, but you're not going to do it.
And then in his confessional, he goes, yeah, I didn't go.
It was too far.
so i just think like they are
too far apart and what britney said is like she's woken up i feel like for years people would be like how can brittany be with jax and i feel like we all sort of thought you know maybe she sees something in him or maybe they just like work and there's stuff that we don't know but what she's saying is like
one she's just someone who puts up with a lot and two like she's kind of just been
asleep to it all and just accepted it.
But then she like had this awakening and she can't go back.
And also she just feels so much more powerful because because she makes her own money she's like i when we went off of van derpunt rules like jack sort of like fell into a hole i stepped up i started making more money i was the breadwinner like i can do all of these things i make a lot of money like i don't need him yeah that's actually really interesting because
When you think about how she came onto the show and into his life, there was definitely like a huge imbalance in like power dynamics, money playing a huge part of it.
So yes, I can see her just sort of ignoring everything because of that.
Yeah.
But now
it's like unignorable.
That's not the case.
He speaks so disrespectfully towards her.
He's just like, which he's just Jax and he's always been that way.
But like once you're, I guess once you see it the way we all see it, it's like, how can you live like that?
And there was also this common theme in the show.
And I actually, so Brittany like doesn't feel well a lot of the time.
Like sometimes she's hungover.
She gets really bad hangovers.
Like she throws up a lot when she's drinking.
And then sometimes like she just like she's car sick or something.
And then Jax will be like, well, you were drinking.
And she's like, well, I had two shots.
Like you had two bottles of alcohol.
And like, I feel like I'm a Britney in that sense where like, I don't feel well.
It doesn't agree with me.
It doesn't agree with me.
But like, I, I literally don't drink anymore because it's like, I can't have one day like that.
And so
even though like it was reminding me of Nashville, remember we went out on a boat when we had our girls trip.
Yeah.
And like everyone was drinking to have a great time.
I literally had one and a half white claws.
And then we went to dinner that night and I had to go home because I didn't feel well because we were on a boat and I had one and a half drinks.
And like, like if you know if that was the reality every single time we did something and they go out they're really social so it's multiple times a week and like if I'm always going home because I don't feel well like that's really frustrating for Jax like a person like me shouldn't drink if that's the case right and I really I don't and I feel like she like doesn't feel well a lot of the time because even like one shot she shouldn't have one shot then but the way that like Jax is like so not compassionate towards her and he's like I drank two bottles of tequila you don't see me being sick like but she like she's just like she was car sick and big bear and like I that's literally me so like i and the way she's like in the room she can't leave the room like it's a worse feeling but then not to sound like jacks but then you shouldn't drink right but people need to get to that conclusion like on their own time yeah but like how can you feel like that every other day
it's it's so horrible so but that was just like a micro cause and that's what they were fighting about like but that's not why they didn't they're breaking up and
at this point like now that the band-aid's ripped off i guess it's all, like, it's all the way off.
I think they'll get divorced.
I don't think they're coming back from this, especially he was with that girl at Ariana's brother's party.
Like, it's over.
And he won't change.
Like, the fake therapy, that was enough for me.
Like, yeah, no, and good for her for calling him out, like, timeline-wise.
Yeah.
Oh, she, she's, like, activate, like, she's
a different person.
And, like, you know, this show is actually, like, benefiting, sadly, like, from their divorce.
And I know that that's like important to both of them.
Yeah, but but I more to Jack's.
I also feel like, and when we first heard that they were getting divorced, I was like, this is totally PR for the Valley.
Like, what are the odds that you've been fine?
But no, being on a show, and it's not even the national TV or the public or anything, it's the fact that you have all of these events with cast members that, like, they, it forces you to talk about your relationship.
It forces you to like see your relationship and
see things that you might have just like brushed under the rug.
But like, if a friend sees something Jack said to you, and then we're on a show, so they need to talk about it more, more.
Like it, it really speeds things you would swallow.
Yeah, it just like accelerates things.
And so, I could see how being on a show would be bad for their relationship, not even just because of producers or television, but just because, like, you have to like stay in the weeds.
Whereas I think without it, you just sort of
don't harp on things like you would, but it's everyone's job to now harp on it.
Yeah, it's like not healthy, especially if the relationship is a little
bit
just an accelerant
Yeah,
well, I love that journey for you.
Well, that's that there was no reunion, which I feel like Why?
I feel like a lot of times like the first season of a show They don't and if they do it's like a fake watch rap and live It didn't feel like a reunion a first season because it felt like really these are seasoned programs and it's a spin-off and also what was so interesting is Kristen pretty much shits like excommunicated from the group midway into the season for just like saying untrue stuff and like hearing something one way and
saying it another way.
Like it's it's so crazy, the game of telephone that goes on in just her head alone.
And the first half of the season when crazy, when Kristen's like doing all the drama, I couldn't follow it.
I'm like, I don't care what he said, she said, me said, she said.
And then when she stops getting invited to stuff, the drama becomes about the people's relationships.
And that was like the meat of the season.
But I feel like all this like superficial reality TV stuff that Kristen was doing was sort of clouding it.
And actually to a point where she was uniting Michelle and Jason because they were like saying these
things about her.
And Michelle was like, weirdly, it's brought us closer together when like these two people don't even like each other anymore.
Right, right.
That's funny.
Yeah.
So, yeah, the valley.
That's the valley, guys.
And that's the toast, you guys.
That's the toast, you guys.
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