Las Swirlies Chismosas: Monday, May 20th, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast, you dirty little whores.

Tattle.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Wrong foot.

Wrong foot.

And on Monday, we are starting with positivity, sanctity,

and appropriateness for children.

I'm sorry, I wasn't

sanctious.

You weren't sanctifying the toes, that's for sure.

And you certainly weren't sanctimonious.

No, that was not cool of me.

I just got overly excited because I'm back with the swirly.

Today's a huge,

huge day.

Happy Monday, first of all, to everyone.

Hoping everybody's having an amazing, like a truly amazing Monday.

I hope you had an amazing weekend.

Of course, of course, let's get the nice cities out of the way, okay?

Yes.

Today's episode is going to be incredible.

Do want to let everyone know it is audio only because Terni's studio is having some construction done to it.

So she's working from home.

And you know what?

She's not mad.

She's podcasting from bed and she just wants to say she's enjoying it.

So

PF.

Don't get too used to it, Las Worrel.

All I'm saying is I'm feeling comfortable, feeling comfortable.

You're getting comfortable being comfortable?

I am.

I kind of love that.

Like, why?

get comfortable being uncomfortable when you can get comfortable being comfortable.

We're like, as a society, we're like obsessed with like feeling uncomfortable

and being cool with that, you know?

For sure, but it's also weird because a society, as a society, like we're obsessed with like things being safe and sound and people feeling safe, yet they also have to feel uncomfortable.

Make it make sense.

I feel like you're not comfortable being uncomfortable, Jackie.

That's the vibe that I'm getting from you.

I feel like I'm not uncomfortable.

Oh my God, she slayed you once.

Don't make her slay you again.

Okay, wait, we got off track.

So today's an amazing day.

Obviously, we're podcasting from home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's also the day that the pre-sale starts for our show.

So by the time you're listening to this episode, you'll probably have a little bit of time.

The episodes, you know,

probably have, you probably have a few minutes, honestly.

Actually, what the hell do I know?

You could be listening to this in 2025.

Literally.

If you're listening in 2025, hey, hi, Adern.

I hope it's all good over there.

I hope this, I can't even think.

Like, I hope it's good with you.

I hope it's good with us.

If you're listening to this in 2020,

if you're listening to this in 2025, like that means that we're so bussing that people are like listening to old app episodes.

Maybe we're on vacation, you know?

So basically, Bleain Hara, you're listening to this in 2025.

Bleain Hara.

So

most likely you're listening to this on May 20th, 2024.

And if that's the case, if you are a Patreon member, our pre-sale for our live shows, that's right, Jackson Claude are hitting not really the road, more like a road.

We are doing live shows in New York City and the Hamptons this summer.

We have five shows, two at the Beacon Theater in New York City and three at the West Hampton Performing Arts Center.

So yeah, it's giving, you know where I go when we're dancing, handshakes in the Hamptons.

And presale begins at 10 a.m.

Eastern Time on May 20th.

That's Monday.

That is today.

for our Patreon members.

So head over to patreon.com slash the toast.

If you're a member, you will have all the information, the links, the codes, everything you could possibly need there.

And we cannot wait to see this whirlies on the road.

I actually ran into so many toasters this weekend, just like all over.

I went to the Morgan Wong concert.

You know, I did my thing in the streets.

I see toasters everywhere I go.

And usually, you know, it depends what era of, you know, toast we're in, but they say different things to me.

You know, in the 5K, they were like, good luck at the 5K.

And this week, congrats, grads.

No.

Well, actually, that's a new one.

When we did our Austin meet and greet, everyone who was coming up to us was saying, congrats, Grads, which is just like so funny to us.

And I love that's what's permeating the swirlies these days.

Yeah.

But this week when everyone was coming to me, they were saying, oh my God, like I need to get tickets.

Jackie, like, I kind of feel like seriously,

it's going to be like the talk of the town, like in the Hamptons for real.

It's the talk of the ton.

I mean, yeah, it's like such a swirly night out in the Hamptons.

Obviously for the swirlies, but I also feel like for Hamptonites, like, oh, maybe we should catch a show tonight.

Like, what's playing in town?

Girly swirly night out.

Let's go.

It's going to be so much fun.

Guys, make sure to get your tickets.

Jacks, how are you doing?

How was your weekend?

I feel like I didn't even catch up with you all weekend.

I know.

It was a really busy weekend.

I feel like in this moment, and I hope that I'm wrong.

Are you getting sick?

I feel like I am in the fatigue moment of about to have Neuro.

That's how I feel right now.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Okay, wait, let's take a moment.

I know.

And I'm just like, really want to get through this episode before it all comes up.

And like, if it's going to happen, I need, I need Neuro to get on with it because I don't want to be able to.

She's kind of being coy.

She's being coy, like taking her time.

Yeah.

No, I just don't want to like not know.

It's the not knowing, but I do, I feel unbelievably fatigued.

And I would say it's more than normal.

It's more than just like mom life, you know, et cetera.

I would say so.

And I'm also feeling like I have a little bit of anxiety too.

And I'm not an anxious swirly, but I'm having, I feel anxious probably because like, I don't know if that's what's coming.

You know what I mean?

Like I'm nervous.

Like even sitting here, I'm like, do I need a bucket?

But you know what?

It's, I do want to say, I don't want to freak you out, but like you do have like a rosy flush to your cheeks.

I do want to say that.

I'm, I feel it.

I know that I do.

Oh my God.

I mean, you know what?

Hashem, the Lord works in so many mysterious ways.

Thank God we're not doing a camera episode today.

Like, that's just what you need.

Well, actually, I was wearing makeup.

I could have, I could have done a camera episode today if I needed to.

I'm still sitting in my studio.

It definitely is nice having a cozy vibe with Les World.

I do have my new bins that I got for my studio.

Some of them are empty.

Maybe it'll be

an upchuck buck.

Oh, she got, you know, she was trying to be organized and she ended up throwing up in her bins.

That's so you.

Yeah.

So I just want to make it through this episode, at the very least, make it through the announcements, which are

tour, tour de Lou.

We are taking our talents on the road, just the Grand Central Parkway.

That's the only road.

That's the only road we'll be going down.

Essentially, not the GCP.

It's the LIE.

No, it's the LIE and it's also like Old Country Road.

What's that road in the Hamptons?

Route 27.

take your kicks to route 26 plus one

plus one get your kicks oh so yeah if i'm like saying everything incorrectly which i i feel feel like i can count on one hand like five times already that was another count on one hand like yep it's not yep that means a little

like you're about to say you can count a lot of times right

right okay plus like rerun 10 seconds ago i said like take take your kicks on Route 26.

Like, first of all, it's get your kicks on Route 66.

Yep, yep.

We thought you were just being like quirky jacks, honestly.

No, these are, I am misspeaking because I fear that I am on the cusp of illness, or I'm just like, really long weekend, mom, brain, fog.

I hope it's that.

Like, really.

Either way, let me tell you, I'm feeling particularly chatty.

And I know I always am, but like, I'm kind of like, and I also, I have like a little bit of a monologue to to deliver if you're ready to receive it I am ready to receive it to what I didn't even tell you this

okay so it's not that crazy I'm like being really dramatic also I am like I said podcasting for bed my heating pad is on but I turned off my air conditioning because I don't like the sound to be bothering the audio I'm sweating sweating from I think you should stay with your heating pad on your AC off like kind of in solidarity with me oh yeah so we're both feeling like that trickle of sweaty so we're both uncomfortable

so we're both

get comfortable being uncomfortable.

So the monologue, I was being a little too serious, but I did want to talk about the fact that I went to the Morgan Wallen concert on Saturday, which I'm super excited about.

My first time ever seeing Morgan Wallen.

And before I tell you what my thoughts were, I wanted to let you know, like my headspace going in, okay?

Okay.

And because this is a monologue, like am I allowed to ask questions or I'm just...

Of course, of course.

By the way, Jaggie, Jackie, this is a dialogue, not a lecture.

It's a monologue and a dialogue.

Oh, right.

I said monologue.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, of course, but I forgot monologue is mono.

Yeah, of course it's a lot of fun.

Yeah, like nobody's asking questions in the vagina monologues.

Open dialogue.

Open dialogue.

Okay.

Okay.

Great.

So I went in, never seen Morgan Wallen Live.

Big, big fan of his music.

I feel like I've said on the show, I'm not like a big fan of him as a person.

Like I am really able to separate the art from the artist.

He's not like my king, but I think his music is actually like incredible.

Like I know, I knew every song.

And I went into it with an open mind.

You know, I feel like I always go to concerts and whether I like the person, let's say I go in liking someone, I always end up leaving and loving them.

Like I always just end up becoming obsessed with the person.

Like even if I was obsessed, I end up leaving 10 times as obsessed.

So I went in with an open heart.

You know, Luke Holmes is my king.

And I hate when, you know, you can't talk about with Luke Holmes without talking about Morgan Wallen.

Same you can't talk about Taylor without talking about Beyonce.

Like, sorry, some things are just true and you have to bring up both.

So of course I was going into.

So you hold space for both.

No, I was more so like pitting man against man.

Like I was really thinking, you know, I wonder how this will compare to Luke.

I've seen Luke live many times, most recently, his recent arena tour.

So it was very similar.

They play similar venues.

And I was, of course, you know, just sizing them up.

You were like coming in kind of like as a Luke Mole.

No, but that's the thing.

Like I really mean it when I say like I came in with an open heart.

Like I was like, I'm ready to be dazzled.

Like I am ready.

Like I'm like, I know I'm going to leave being obsessed and having a hard time holding space for both, you know?

Okay.

I feel like this isn't going the way I thought it was going to go.

No, let me just tell you something about Morgan Wallen.

Like, it's really crazy how far like a good voice and no stage presence will get you.

Like, it's really crazy how like he doesn't even compare.

And it was so crazy because the last time i was in that venue was to see the era store and like it was just so different like and you know i always joke like i hate when people talk during concerts like seriously shut up and sing like i'm one of those toxic people i don't need to hear about like the inspo behind this song but like deadass morgan said nothing i was like who like it i guess those conversations are annoying but they create connection like i understand why he just really like his music was so good I think he was, you know, having some vocal trouble.

Like, it just wasn't, it wasn't bad by any means because the music, the songs are so good.

But I was just like shocked.

i was like okay like meh

did satchel say how it stacked up to stagecoach because she was really taken with him at stage coach amazing set life-changing and then she went to this concert like was it not the same vibe was maybe this an off-night when satchel had sent me a video of morgan wallen and post malone performing at stagecoach like i remember remarking like oh my god this boy can't sing like i remember thinking like damn vocals not on point but everyone is allowed it's a new song i was like okay whatever no and margo was like margo is not as critical let's say that margo's not you know as pitch perfect as I am.

And also Margot, when she rides for someone, she rides hard.

She cannot see fault.

I love that about her.

She blindly stands, but in a very healthy way, I find.

Yeah, I completely agree.

But I come into things like as a theater person, you know, from the arts.

And I'm very critical of, you know, stage performance.

But she did go to the College of Arts and Sciences.

I didn't actually.

I went to the Steinhardt School of Education, but still.

To listen and learn.

To listen and learn.

But there's a lot of the elements to a show of that size.

And like, I have to say, I was in the pit and I felt like he was really like doing like something to try and like connect with the people around him.

But I can only imagine what it was like, you know, in the back or up top, like really no connection with the audience.

I thought it was so interesting

and like flat.

Okay, well, I need to know from our audience, does that sound like an off night for Morgan Wallen or was that your experience when you saw him too?

and I'm not like a Morgan Wallen hater I just you know like I said I'm very critical of the arts as a thespian and a patron of the theater myself got it okay well I'm glad I didn't come in for it yeah Jackie was thinking about it but um no it wouldn't have worked out anyway because um my house was sick this weekend so I wouldn't have been able to come but I'm glad that it didn't work out yeah

well uh Did you have fun?

Yeah, of course.

I have fun wherever I go.

And like the music is so good.

Like no, it'sn't a a bad concert by any means, but I have a very high bar, especially when you're at some level.

You can't knock your socks off.

Playing MetLife Stadium, I'm going to compare you to Taylor and Luke, the people I have personally seen at those stadiums.

Yeah.

Your socks remained on.

Socks stayed firmly on my feet.

Got it.

Okay.

Well, thank you for sharing your truth, Turtleoo.

It's important that I remain honest, vulnerable, and authentic on this show at all times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's who we are.

It's what we do.

It's what we do-it, do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do-do.

Speaking of, how's Roe?

Oh, just

thank you so much for asking after my family.

I can't really put into words how much it means, but if I had to, I would say it means the world.

He's amazing.

We had such a fabulous weekend together.

When we went to the concert, he spent the weekend.

I mean, spent the evening with his grandparents, which you know he loved.

And it was just like a fabulous weekend of Tromeo and, you know,

mom's angel, you know?

Mom's angel.

yeah I know about that life you were kind enough to ask after my family how was your you and your family good all good quiet weekend here literally I feel like the entire world everyone I know has been touched by norovirus like everyone it is in their homes it like took everyone by storm in this few week period which is actually kind of good because we're all kind of out of commission at the same time but it's actually so crazy and to follow up from what you asked on Friday a lot of people did let us know it is more than possible to get nodovirus and exponential.

The number of limits does not exist.

And you're going to keep calling it Notovirus, even though it's Neuro.

Let me tell you, I don't even know what the real name is, but I like Notovirus.

I like no-no virus.

That's what I used to call it.

Because when you're on the toilet, it'll make you say no.

We're literally two years old, but it's so funny.

But it's no ro.

And yeah, everybody has been struck down by it.

And it's so, so crazy.

Like it just came in with a vengeance.

So I spoke to your husband.

Did he tell you?

No.

So I'm just trying to get back at me.

I initially made contact to hurt you, obviously.

Okay.

But we ended up having the funniest conversation.

So one of the new sponsors on this show is Splash Refreshers.

Do you know what that is?

Yes.

Of course.

Of course.

And my garage is fill of it.

Well, so I was like, I don't know if you were able to drink them because I was talking to your husband.

He said he drank all of them.

And we're like obsessed with these drinks, Jackie.

You know me, I can't drink water.

I swear, I've been having like three bottles of water a day.

I just ordered more on Instacart.

And we're convinced like it's too good to be true.

Like the label on the back, like zero sugar, zero, how?

I mean, that's like Dyed Snapple.

Wait, hold on.

What am I hearing?

Oh, sorry.

I'm crinkling something.

Oh, not.

I know.

But I'm anxious.

I'm anxious.

I'm fidgeting.

She's anxious.

So I was fidgeting.

I was like, fidget spinner?

So I was just like folding my, this little crinkle, but you're right.

Sorry, Ms.

Community.

Everybody heard it.

Oh, my God.

No, but you're on my computer audio.

They're on my microphone.

There's no way that they didn't hear it.

People are going to riot.

Guess what?

I don't give a rip.

So all is that to say was that I wasn't able to turn your husband against you quite yet because we got sidetracked beat.

Like we're literally launching an investigation because we think like these drinks are too good to be true.

But just know your time is like,

don't get, don't get comfortable, okay?

Get uncomfortable because we're coming for you.

I have nothing to hide.

That's what you think.

I've got nothing nothing to hide.

This weekend, I finally caught up on Summer House.

I heard people are so excited to hear your takes.

And I think everyone was like when they, because you posted on Instagram that you're caught up on Summer House, you're firmly Team Lindsay.

You can't wait to talk about it on Monday.

And I think people collectively, you know, breathed a sigh of relief because you do often come out of left field with some of your takes.

No, I feel like being Team Lindsay maybe is the dominant team, but it's not a landslide.

I saw people in the Facebook group being like, I can't believe Jackie's Team Lindsey.

She obviously hasn't watched the most recent recent episode.

No, I'm all caught up.

And more than that, I went and watched old Watch What Happens Live because I wanted to hear what people have to say about certain things.

I am so team Lindsay, like to the point that watching some of these conversations this season, like actually made me angry.

Like, I, like, I genuinely, I've had so many strong emotional reactions.

I think that Carl, he's.

such victim loser energy.

And more than that, so not only is he in the wrong, like when it it comes to their fights and like their core issues, I believe he's in the wrong.

But the way that he like has gone about everything this season, it's like he's trying to start fights, create fights, and have conversations with other people, not with Lindsay, to like plant seeds for the viewers.

So that when he finally ends it with Lindsay, it feels justified.

But I don't know if anybody else can sniff that out from a mile away.

Because also when he has this conversation, any conversation with Lindsay has a fight with her.

Her reactions, like she's so measured.

She's so patient.

The way she's-ray, because those aren't like words I think people would use to describe her in the past.

Yeah, but I watched her on Watch What Happens Live, and this is how I felt watching the season.

Like, I think their relationship, they obviously had a lot of issues, but I think she was committed to working through them.

Like, she knew that her marriage would be hard and it wouldn't be easy, but like Carl is her friend.

They've been friend for a really long time.

They could be married.

Like, she wants to be married.

She wants to have a family.

And, like, she was going to work hard at her marriage every day.

Like, she said on Watch What Happens Live, like, yeah, we had our issues, but like, I love Carl and I'm a hard worker.

And, like, I would have worked for it so like i don't even think a part of her like feels i'm sure now yeah feels like she dodged a bullet but i think she knew a bullet was coming the whole time yeah and she was ready to be like you know like deal with the bullet

and so i don't know if she's even like so

i'm sure like everything happens for reasons so i'm sure she's like fine with how things have turned out but like it's not like she thought her relationship was great she was just gonna like life gave her lemons and she was gonna make lemonade like come hell or high water and carl is just like such a vict like everything an excuse for everything and when he talks to lindsay like she's so measured she gives him like not the reaction he's expecting or the one i think he's looking for to make her look crazy crazy and then he just references fights that we haven't seen like the one in the uber where he's like you said this and i've seen him so many times exaggerate what she said that when he said like you accuse me of doing drugs like i know that she didn't do that i know that she asked him what are you on in a way of just asking like have you smoked weed because he does smoke weed so i think there's like and i feel like that's the thing that Lindsay is getting like.

I feel like saying, what are you on in a fight with someone also means like, doesn't accuse, that's not mean, it doesn't mean you're accusing someone of using drugs.

That sometimes is a paraphrase for like, you sound crazy.

What are you on?

No, but also it's like you could be on, I don't know, melatonin.

Like

it doesn't mean that like you've relapsed.

And I think she's really being like

crucified for that comment because we didn't get to see it.

But I think actually in context, it probably wasn't nearly what we think it was, especially considering I've seen, we've seen him exaggerate the things that she says throughout this season.

So I also feel like he picks fights with her when she's drunk so that she will have that sort of big reaction because everybody gets dramatic.

And that is so manipulative, by the way.

Yeah.

And then he also says, and people will be like, well, you know, he liked Lindsay when she was sober for six months.

I think that meant a lot to him.

But he also says, like, Lindsay doesn't have a drinking problem and she doesn't.

She drinks a lot on the show, but like, then sometimes she doesn't.

You know, not everyone who drinks a lot, like, has a drinking problem.

And the the way she like behaves when she's drunk doesn't signal.

She likes to drink.

She's, it's a summer house.

She's on a reality show.

Like, okay, if she doesn't have a drinking problem,

go off, queen.

And I feel like every time she's drunk, he's like, like, counting how many drinks that she's had.

And then also tries to have hard conversations with her.

And it's like, why would anybody want to do that?

Two drunk people, a sober person and a drunk person.

Like, why would anyone want to?

have conversations when emotions are heated and all of that.

Can I also a question question about this season?

Because obviously I know like the Carl and Lindsay stuff, but I'm so super curious because I've seen a lot of discourse around Danielle.

What is her role in all of this?

Because she was like Lindsay's best friend and then ex-friend and Carl and you thought when they would get, when her and Carl break up, her and Danielle are cool.

So actually I saw this thing about her being drunk and saying she's a CEO.

Oh, yeah.

So Danielle has kept her nose out of Carl and Lindsay's situation.

And I think it's been very hard for her.

And I think she even said, like, I have so much I want to say, I'm bursting, but I won't because of last summer.

So So like Danielle is kind of, you know, what's worse than that?

Somebody's saying, I'm not going to get involved, but then they're like, I have a lot to say, but I'm not getting involved.

But like her new circle of girly swirlies, remember last season, they like took her in and they were like, you're so mean to Danielle.

Paige, Sierra,

Amanda, they're like, you know, you're so mean to Danielle.

Like, this is so sad.

Oh, how they've turned on her.

Literally, Paige said in her conventional, Lindsay, you can have your friend back.

We don't want her.

And so much so.

And she has the worst vibes.

So much so that Amanda even said, and Paige said too, I actually, I think we were wrong last summer

about Danielle.

So like, I'm first of all,

I just want to say that's like unprecedented that this ever happened.

And we like unpopularly took Lindsay's side.

So I just want to say like chickens have gone home to roost.

Told you.

It took some time, but the wheels of justice turned nicely.

No, we were so firmly team Lindsay last summer and it was so unpopular.

Danielle was so.

Fucking insane and unhinged like at that engagement party screaming crying throwing up making everything about her truly like even if really just one of the most unwell and people like rode for her so hard and i think the fact that's so funny i need to catch up on the season because i had heard so many good things you do need to catch up on the season there are a lot of dynamics at play so danielle's kind of alienating herself from the girls like per usual but last season i guess was an anomaly and then also i thought you were going to ask me about kyle and amanda amanda i've seen a lot about that too he called her a fucking bitch yeah he did that to me it's like that's not even the issue like wait that's not funny i don't know why i'm laughing sorry it was just the way you said yeah yeah i don't know why like people are harping on that but like, my, their issues are what is the issue to me, but they're interesting to me because, like,

sometimes I'm like, why are these two people married?

These people

hate each other.

They do not like each other.

They can't stand each other.

Like, there's never like a nice moment.

No, that's the thing.

There are some nice moments that are surprising for two people who don't like each other.

So I'm like, oh, maybe they do like each other.

There's obviously something we're not seeing because like they're not divorced right now.

She doesn't watch what happens.

I'm like, she talks, like, like openly talks shit about him.

And it's just like the truth and it's funny.

And they're like funny.

Finally though, I feel like it kind of might be better than like having feelings and not saying them.

But also I think like so many people I've seen comparing it to Kyle, I mean to Ariana and Tom because they're like Kyle's so toxic and Ariana can't see it.

Like kind of how like Tom was.

But I feel like the difference is like Amanda will tell you to your face like, yeah, her husband's the worst.

Whereas like Ariana would have died on the they were like hiding.

They were hiding.

and so the fact that kyle and amanda aren't hiding like married people fight married people have issues married people disagree on big life things and i think that's what's happening like that's actually normal and healthy and the fact that they're not hiding it makes me feel like they don't have something to hide if they had this big like clearly tom and ariana's relationship was deteriorating for like a long period of time before the actual affair happened and they'll admit that now but on the show it was like never ever discussed yeah

I don't see it as the same, but I also feel like Amanda's friends, even though they're like, there was this huge conversation between Paige Sierra and Kyle where they like roasted him.

And as much as like they told him hard truths, like I feel like they actually, they like him and they support their relationship.

Like there's something.

good about their their relationship that I don't think we see on camera where they like make a lot of sense and they work because they're still together.

So the biggest issue was like Amanda literally going to him and being like, I want to do something for me.

And what she was saying was ever since I've been doing a summer house with you guys, I've always been Kyle's girlfriend or Kyle's fiancé or Kyle's now wife.

And I think what she really means is like, since being on the show, she's never done her own thing.

Like, think about her presence as an influencer.

Like, she's just like Kyle's wife and she does love her, and she does love her boy.

And she doesn't like have her own stuff going on.

And like, and now she said, like, I want that.

I want to have confidence.

I want to do my own thing.

And he was like, and he's like, no, I need you at Lover Boy.

And she's like, no, I'll still help you with stuff, but like, I want to do other stuff too.

She, he was, and he's like, no, I like literally no.

It was so crazy that he would even say no like that.

But you want to know why?

I actually think a lot of like the aesthetic and the design and

heroes.

He said, he said, all of it is her.

It's her.

I think she's like extremely talented and extremely creative.

And I think a lot of the brand, like the brand book is her vision come to life.

No, it is.

He says that.

She says that.

Everybody knows that.

And so she said, I'm not even going to stop helping, but like, I want to do something else.

And he's like, no, but like your wife is unhappy.

Everyone deserves to have something for themselves, not just like work for you and live in your shadow.

No, I think Kyle's like most toxic trait.

And I think what comes between like all of his relationships now including his wife is his obsession with his company like it supersedes everything

yeah it's true and also on a person like so professionally like he won't let her spread her wings and fly or like compromise and then personally like she wants to move to the suburbs and he says no and then the so that's just like okay bro like give her the suburbs and then maybe she'll help you more with lover boy if she's like happy in her backyard maybe she won't like want to be like going to meetings in the big city and that's you could both win but also my biggest no amongst the saying she can't do anything for herself, issue with him is he goes out till 4 a.m.

He's 41 years old.

So the thing is, it's so important when talking to people.

He's always like the drunkest girl at the party.

Yeah.

In the city,

even when they're not filming, he's out with people till 4 a.m.

When they're in the Hamptons, like she's home and he doesn't need to stay home with her, like she's with her friends and like he likes to go out and they're filming a show.

So that doesn't bother me as much.

But like, why, like she says, on a weeknight are you out until 4 a.m.

And also complaining about you're running your business.

You're so busy that you burn the candle at both ends no i think also last season that was like so obvious when like a lot of the girls the new girls who were really into partying were literally 22 like that girl samantha was so young kyle's 40 and he's up later than them or he's up alone with them also is why isn't sam on the show like why aren't

they no

they would have been great like yeah and then maybe

people are like

thinking that there's something going on between Amanda and Jesse Solomon.

Okay, so I saw that while I was before I caught up, I i saw that and i was like so excited because i love amanda i love jesse solomon like that's it's giving scandal

yeah you know i know she's a married woman but like it's highly entertaining claudia i didn't see one lick of it i didn't see a smile or a comment like jesse's nice i would say i would of course he admitted that he had a like he liked paige the first week out there and then everyone who does stop stop that yeah and he said the same thing he's like yeah she's a pretty girl I would think sooner he has a holds a candle for Sierra.

I would think sooner than that.

Yeah.

And do you, everyone's obsessed with Wes.

Do you like him?

I do like Wes as a character.

And finally, we have solid single guys in the house.

Like Wes and Jesse Solomon, like, please stay in the house.

Some interesting guys who don't just like work out the whole time in the Hamptons and have bad personalities.

Like they get along with each other.

They get along with everyone.

Like Wes and Sierra are really cute.

I love Sierra's approach to being in a relationship and dealing with this man who like is really into her, but like won't

won't give her like a little bit more.

You know what I mean?

Like he wants to like cuddle and make out and hook up like the whole summer but like she wants more than that and like she's asking for it and i just i just she's got her head on straight and it's so refreshing to see someone like that the thing about summer house when it comes to the girls is that they carry the show and they always have but it's really particularly fabulous to watch a show of such beautiful oh yeah stylish funny like they've got it all they're beautiful sounding and smart like it's really it's a treat it's a treat and then also what's so funny about the show is the whole show it's like literally everyone has conversations in private and then they have them again in public.

Right.

And then they break off and do them again in private.

And like every dinner is like a referendum on someone's relationship and they're all sitting around like it's group couples counseling, except the counselors are also in terrible relationships.

It's the craziest thing.

Everyone offering like unsolicited advice when they have a terrible track record in relationships, but it's just so wild how like you can't have a conversation with your husband or your boyfriend without it being like table fodder.

And that's like

and most of the time it's fine.

Also, this is a show, so we're going to talk about things, but like there was some, there was like a conversation between like Amanda and Kyle that's like a marital spat.

And it was so weird that it was happening in front of them.

That is really, really weird.

Like somebody else can be private.

It's like Danielle saying to Paige about her relationship, like saying like you give Craig nothing.

Well, she was also just being like a wench, but like.

Who are you?

And then also it's like other people like Kyle giving Carl relationship advice.

It's like, bro, like your wife is crying.

Stop.

The blind leading the blind.

It's It's the show is the blind leading the blind when it comes to relationships.

Or like people talking about like West and Sierra's blossoming relationship and like what they should do.

I'm like, you shouldn't listen to any of these people.

No, it's so true.

Like I really

like

P's and Q's.

Except for Paige because her advice is on point and her counsel is on point.

Obsessed with her and Craig.

Obsessed with her and Craig.

Just seriously, like obsessed.

I really do wonder though, who's going to move.

Not when.

I'm sure, like whatever.

I'm sure that's the most annoying question.

But I always thought Paige would move to charleston like that would be the plan and it hasn't happened because she doesn't want to yet but then on watch what happens live there was a poll and everyone voted that like craig was gonna move to new york first and paige was like yeah

well i think that's more like less about like their schedules and their lives and more just about the fact that like you know craig i think would seriously like lay his life hat on the line for page like we're obsessed like he's yeah like as a good husband should by the way i'm not moving Yeah, yeah, but when you think about like their schedules and their lives.

Yes, no, she can really, they can spend the summers in in the hamptons like she could still do summer house if she lived in charleston could he still do southern charm if he lived in new york no and like if she goes to charleston there's a job for her there on southern charm right she'd be on two shows and then they could both they could really snowbird they could they really could do half and half and paige is like a full-time content creator and there are you know, so many gigs and opportunities like being in New York, you just, you make more money and you get more opportunities.

So I think that they can spend like 60, 40, like New York, Charleston.

So I think they do that right now, but it's not based on the season.

It's just like based on the days of the week.

And it's not official.

Yeah.

So

yeah, I'm very happy.

Like I'm happy.

Oh, yeah.

They're very happy.

I'm very invested.

And like summer's coming up.

So what's going to happen?

And I feel like this summer, like everyone will be back.

Oh, and you know who I love?

And I'm sad that I didn't mention her sooner, Gabby.

Like I absolutely love her.

It took a while to get to know her, especially because she leads with like all that astrology stuff.

And it's seriously so hard not to roll your eyes and turn off the TV.

But you have like just an aside.

I had a lot of respect for her last season when she didn't like immediately join the cool girl crew and they were all turning against Lindsay and like bringing, she stood firmly on Team Lindsay like, and it wasn't popular.

And I think she just like had a like.

like went on what she thought was right and fair.

Not what the viewers would think.

She has a good friendship with Lindsay and she's actually like a pretty good bridge, but like Lindsay's getting along swimmingly with the girls.

And also Carl, this is classic Carl, victim energy.

He's like talking about how he doesn't talk to other people about his issues with Lindsay because like she would get mad if

he were talking about their issues with other people.

Like he's scared of her.

I think he literally said something to that effect.

Like I'm afraid.

He said like I'm afraid of her.

Like meanwhile, every weekend, Lindsay goes out and she's telling the girls.

everything not in a bad way like opening up to her friends sort of way like lindsay is being like so honest about their relationship not sugarconing it whatsoever, not demonizing Carl, just like airing her frustrations, not hiding anything from the cameras or from the house.

Like,

what, who, who are you talking about, Kyle?

Like, he's Carl.

He's literally talking about a person that is not his fiancé.

Right.

And he wishes that it, it was so that he could look like the good guy when he leaves.

And he does not look like the good guy.

And I guess there are some people who disagree and maybe are like, kind of, no offense, like naive and buying what Carl is selling.

Yeah.

yeah and i and they're gonna be like jackie how could you like i am so firm on this nothing's ever been clearer oh wow nothing's ever been clearer um i'm so glad that you're all cut up you're making me definitely want to watch

me call you and say that you have to watch okay by the way i'm on it and they just taped their reunion looking forward to that And I'm looking forward to the fast five.

You've got five fabulous stories for me.

Is that correct?

I do.

I do.

Yeah.

Actually, we have a lot of stories today.

I I would say the theme of today's story is our romance.

Oh my God.

Are you trying to wind and dine me, girly?

Um, always.

Without further ado, did it do?

Here are the fast five.

Sorry, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Our first story is actually the big news from the weekend.

Really, really crazy, frightening news.

A video came out

video on friday came out of diddy um footage from 2016 at a hotel that shows him shoving and kicking his ex-girlfriend cassie so the video shoving and kicking is like so not even abusing yelling there's no

uh sound in the video but i'm sure most of you have seen it by now and if you haven't he grabs her by the neck he slams her on the floor chases her out of the hotel room in his towel she's leaving like hooded she had said like they in the lawsuit, she had said that she left the room because like he gave her a black eye and then he fell asleep.

So she snuck out, but he woke up and he came and like chased her down and is abusing her.

And the video is graphic and it's, it's extremely clear what's going on.

And there's so much to unpack from it because you have to understand like to act that way in a public space.

Now it's a hotel room, but it's still the hallway.

That's public space, public domain.

I can only imagine what sort of atrocities were happening behind closed doors.

The hate I have in my heart for this man is so insane.

I think he's the most low-life piece of shit, disgusting animal on the planet.

Fuck him.

That video he put out, I'm taking responsibility.

Yeah, who the fuck else, bitchers?

And it's literally the definition of you're not sorry.

You're sorry you got caught.

Like, no,

I've heard from him.

He can eat my fucking ass.

I hate this man.

I didn't think this situation could like make me any angrier until he put out this video that had my blood boiling.

He said, it's so difficult to reflect on the darkest times in your life.

Sometimes you got to do that.

I was fucked up.

I mean, I hit rock bottom, but I make no excuses.

My behavior on that video was inexcusable.

Like, if you think for one second, anyone thinks that that was an isolated incident and that was the worst of it.

That was rock bottom.

That's how you behaved outside of the room.

Like, yep.

Like, he'd be better off not releasing a video.

What he should do is sell his assets,

hoard his money, sell his assets while they are worth something.

save his money and go live a quiet life and pray he doesn't end up in jail.

No, like

in a country with a non-extradition, whatever it's called, because

if this video exists, and you have sick to think about this video existed, what is it, 2016?

That's eight years.

I don't know what happened in the world of Diddy that caused this one particular video to get released.

And I'm sure it is a part of evidence that like Cassie probably spent years putting together.

I'm sure there's tons of other footage like this.

I don't know what the hell happened to make this one video.

And this probably isn't even the worst of it.

I'm not sure why we're seeing this video, but the fact that this hotel had the video,

gave it to like so many things had to happen.

And we, it took eight years for this video to see the light.

Like, how many people were involved in covering this up really makes me sick?

I only wish genuinely the most miserable life for this prick.

May seriously, you seriously, oh my, it was such a

such a fucking upsetting video.

And I feel like there have been a couple of videos.

And it's always like elevator footage or security footage from a hotel that have come out about public figures.

I feel like I remember one of, and like certain ones like stick with you.

I remember that NFL guy.

It was,

he was just so big and she was so small.

Like it was so, the difference in their sizes was so

like obvious in the video.

And it's something you like never forget.

I don't know.

I just watched this video.

I don't even know what I was watching at first.

I might not have even chosen to watch it, but it will stick with me.

It horrified me to my core.

I will never forget it.

Yeah.

Rotten hell.

Like, seriously, rotten hell, you low there's literally no path the thing about the reason why it's so i'm actually shocked that he put out a video apologizing taking accountability like there's no path you can't show your face there's no path back to polite society like none whatsoever the civilized we remain over here you are not a part of us you you actually cannot sit with us right

like i can't believe that he showed his face and like and for what there's no brave there's nothing that's going to even if like i don't know for shareholders or something like this moves no needle.

No needle has been moved.

In fact, it worked.

It made, it moved the needle backwards for me.

That, like, oh, you really think that, like, this is something that can be apologized for?

No, him saying I take full responsibility.

Like, who else?

It's, he was you who we saw.

No, it's not funny, but like, the fact that this, that, that,

that anybody, that he or the people around him, like, thought, like, okay, well, so we'll put out an apology video, like, that that would mean anything to anyone is

proves how really

nuts he is.

Like, and men like that,

even men who aren't like famous and wealthy and who are abusers, like they're sick in the head.

They think they're fucking like stars.

Yeah, and he probably has like a god complex for being like so successful so many years and getting away with that.

He's a sexual star.

Like, he is the worst of the worst who then became a successful, god-like figure in culture.

I can really only imagine how fucking evil to his core he is.

Like, seriously,

low life.

Oh, my God.

And you know what?

I hate to like bring this up,

but it does make so, like, and I think a lot of people have thought this for a while, but like, you know, the mysterious death of Kim Porter, his longtime wife or girlfriend, it just makes everything, you know, questionable now.

No, I don't know, actually.

You don't know Kim Porter?

No.

So after Cassie, I'm just googling so I have the exact right.

She passed away in 2018.

She was a model and she dated

P.

Diddy for, let me tell you how long.

I'm on Wikipedia.

They said that her, the Coroner's office said her death was the result of LOBAR pneumonia.

But friends of hers have insinuated that that's not the case.

She had an on-and-off relationship with rapper and record executive Sean Combs.

They had a son, Christian Combs, and twin daughters.

And they were like on and off

since like the early 2000s.

So a friend of hers also wrote, she was just about to turn in a book she wrote about her life, and then she suddenly just died.

Pneumonia can be faked so easily by a doctor at the morgue.

There are a lot of, and I think there have always been like

people just being like, oh, this is weird.

Like a young, beautiful, healthy mother doesn't just, you know, vanish, you know.

And I think for so long, there were so many rumors about Diddy.

And then in the last year, it's like come to light that, and even Cassie's lawsuit with him was all like under wraps because they settled out of court.

So there was like never really anything firm, but like weird vibes, no, like Kim Porter.

And

no, there's so much more here.

And it's sick.

It's really sick.

Plus all the federal stuff, the human trafficking.

Right.

The parties.

Yeah, but to like,

it's, this is so personal.

Yeah.

And just the sheer fact that it was done like in a public square, like seriously sends a chill down my spine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, we'll keep you.

I'm going out of my way to like not, if I'm in a restaurant and they're playing that music, I'm leaving.

Like, that's how mad I am.

No, like, if they're a Sirock at the bar, goodbye.

No, I want this man cut out of culture, like, for real.

Yeah, for real.

For real.

You will not catch me part.

And if somebody, if you guys see me listening to a song, you say, and oh, Claudia, did you know Sean Diddy produced that?

Because I might not know that.

Please let me know.

I will not, literally ever fuck with this man.

Well,

frightening, but are you ready for our next story?

Yes.

I'm going to just switch gears.

They said romance news.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Now we'll get to the romance news.

Okay.

Thank you.

Switching gears because the rest do follow a pattern.

Okay.

But this is shocking.

I know I said on the show literally a week ago, and then the universe was like, okay, we'll show you.

I know I said I couldn't be moved by any celebrity breakup news, that it wouldn't actually shock me,

you know, in my personal life.

Yeah.

Like, there's nobody out there currently that you're writing for.

It wasn't even about writing.

It was about like caring, enough to care.

Caring enough to care.

And this wasn't even a couple I cared that much about.

What are you talking about?

Rumor is that Ben Affleck and J-Lo are splitting.

And the way I was shocked, literally my reaction was, no.

Okay, by the way, yeah.

I'm so glad we're talking about this because it's unconfirmed, but there are rumors that like it's

a lot.

Separate lives.

There's a lot of rumors swirling amongst the swirlies.

And let me just tell you.

I'm tired of rumor swirlies.

You couldn't write something funnier than, like, we've been talking about JLo's flop era and so many of like the core moments of her flop era.

And I think like things we could look on are like those two movies she released.

And the first was like that self-funded thing.

And it was like a live studio album.

It was all about the heart factory.

It was like,

and it was like a metaphor of her relationship.

So it's like, she went out on a limb and like self-funded this project and like people ripped her to shreds for it, but it was all in the name of love.

But now her and this man are no longer.

And then her documentary, which went viral for all negative reasons you know when my hair is nice and wild like this i remember like i'm back in the bronx and i'm just free and like it really started this hate train for jla but there were so many things in the documentary that people pointed out about her relationship being really toxic and and ben affleck really not being able to talk to her on like a human level because she's so um she like you know

what's what's the phrase when like you think you're so great you like eat your own shit or you know drinks your own koolene yes thank you so much you would literally work in my brain you're a little woman and you sit in my brain and you just like know everything thank you yeah like she just drinks her own Kool-Aid and like you literally can't talk to her Oh, interesting because the only person that I know who watched that documentary was Olivia Ashre, who came away with it with such a love for Ben and Jen.

But let me tell you, Olivia Ashre is so special because the one thing about Olivia Ashre is to her core, she's a fucking hater.

She could find something to hate about like the most delightful thing.

And that's literally one of my favorite qualities about her because I'm the same way.

But she like hates on the most random things.

Like it's never the obvious thing for Olivia.

Like so you're saying like when something is hatable, actually Olivia is going to love it.

Because with Olivia, she's never going to, she's not a leader.

She's not a follower.

She's a leader.

She's a thought leader.

You can't tell Olivia Ashre who to hate.

For sure, but like I didn't feel like Olivia Ajre came to that conclusion by way of proving people wrong.

Like I feel like she genuinely watched it and her takeaway was like they are have an amazing relationship.

Like their love is so beautiful.

It's an amazing thing to see.

Let me also say that a lot of the hate comes from like snarky Gen Z TikTok.

And I do feel like Olivia Ostre perhaps is like the target demo for J-Lo.

Like Olivia grew up in an era where the J-Lo music seriously was a soundtrack to her childhood, age-wise.

I think that like Olivia is a real believer in love and like fairy tales.

And that's so J-Lo.

I actually think like I had never thought about it before, but I think Olivia stands J-Lo.

Perhaps she does, but let's get to the news at hand.

But I do want to say I do feel like a lot of my strength and belief in their relationship like came from just Olivia's, she didn't even know it, but she just like mentioned that, oh, like they're OTP.

And I took that as fact.

So then to come to find out.

Your older sister has like such an influence on you.

I love that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't, I don't know why I feel like.

That's how you must feel about me.

That's how you must feel about me, bitch.

No, no, like you feel that like it's so beautiful that my older sister has an older, has an influence on me.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel that way about you feeling that way about me.

Thank you.

Yeah, I said it in a confusing way.

Thank you for taking ownership of that and accepting accountability.

It's a pleasure.

Anyways, rumors at hand are that their marriage is on the rocks.

He left his wedding band behind on Friday in photos obtained by TMZ as he was pulling, as he was pulling up to his child's recital and cameras caught him when he lifted his left hand while driving, revealing that he was without his ring.

No, not wearing a ring literally means nothing I need as a society.

Even though I'm a man, actually, I take it back.

Ben, does your husband ever take off his wedding ring?

Like shower, pool, sleep?

I don't think so.

Ben Soffer has never taken off his wedding ring, except one time he was playing with it, um, waiting for the subway, and it fell into the tracks.

And then we had to get a new one, and that was the last time he ever took it off.

I actually don't even know if it would come off.

So, for a man, it actually feels a little bit more intentional.

They don't take off jewelry on and off like we do for workouts and stuff.

Okay, but I feel like for Ben Affleck, like wearing one piece of jewelry every day is hard for him.

Like, he doesn't seem like a jeweler.

He seems jewelry adverse.

And this is just me wearing

excuses.

One, me making excuses for sure and like being in denial, which is where I am.

So you're saying, like, Ben Affleck kind of feels like a slob, right?

Yeah.

Like, I feel like he doesn't, like, he would be like, I don't want this on me, you know?

Like, he just feels like angry.

Like, I'm wearing my aura ring.

Shout out Aura Ring for sending me this.

And like, I'm hating every, like, I'm so aware that I'm wearing it and I, and I want to take it off, but the point is, you have to sleep with it.

Um, and I love or this is amazing.

I think I hit my activity goal for the day.

I love aura ring, but I do feel and relate to Ben Affleck by way of saying like, I don't like wearing my ring.

I don't really like wearing jewelry.

I take my jewelry off the minute that I can.

And sometimes I run out the door.

I would say more often than not, I'm not wearing my ring.

All right.

So Jackie, call it for me.

Do you think that the rumors of them splitting up are real?

I also think that these two are a couple.

She's avoiding the question.

No, no, no, no.

I'm giving you all of the thought.

She's getting there.

She's getting there.

The thought processes that go behind my answer.

I also feel like this is a couple.

They remind me of like Jen and Brad, where they're always going to be headlines about them like they could literally be so happy married for 50 years picket fence grandkids and people are like they're on the rocks they're tabloid fodder that's a really good way of putting it so

and given what olivia said and what olivia said me being optimistic and in denial i'm saying they're not splitting up All right, we'll check back in.

Why don't you say, Jackie, if you're listening in the year 2025, I wonder if we were right okay not splitting up right now like maybe they'll split up in six months but

like i don't think that this is it and why don't you call that they are splitting up so either way like the toast was right

i don't i do think that they are splitting up but what do you actually think

like i could see it you know like the news it wasn't the craziest thing to me like i could definitely see it oh like to me it was the craziest thing i could read that day

and who would have thunk who'd have thunk who to thunk Our next story is a little more relationship news, as promised.

Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny are fueling some reconciliation rumors as rumors report that they're having fun together.

So she was spotted at his concert over the weekend.

And apparently they're spending time together when they can.

A source told entertainment tonight.

There's always a strong connection between them whenever they're together, and they have the same chemistry that they've always had.

This was like such big news.

And I was like, what's the big fucking deal?

They were together for like a little while and they were just spotted after the Met Gala.

So like they're obviously back together.

What's the big deal?

Why are people freaking out?

And let me be like, well, are they or aren't they?

They are.

Like, what, what was it?

You went to his concert.

You don't go to like your long-term ex's concert and

they were together after the Met Gala?

Yeah.

Do you think that's where they got back together?

No, I think that they had been like chatting.

Like, do you think they ever broke up?

Yeah.

Did they say they did?

They don't say shit.

They never even said they were together.

I'm so not invested in this.

Like if they're together, that's amazing.

Oh, they broke up.

I hope they're both finding happiness.

This isn't anything I like feel really any way about strongly, negatively or positively.

Like good, good, good, good.

Can I say something crazy?

I don't think it's that crazy.

I don't think it's that crazy, but I feel like Kendall, and I chip this.

I want this to be.

And I want Kendall to find love and be happy, actually, no matter with whom.

I don't know Mr.

Bunny.

So like, I just want her to be happy by herself with someone else, whatever.

Like, I'm coming at this from a place of like, oh my

you just have to cover all your bases before you say something like I'm about to say.

I feel like she's always in on-off relationships.

There's always on and offness.

And I feel like not every

like, not everyone's like that.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, like sometimes you just break up with the person and you never see them again or sometimes you don't and you get married.

Like yeah, but like on off, on off with like everyone.

It's not good.

Yeah, yeah.

I was thinking something differently.

Like, what do you think it's like to be Kendall Jenner?

just in the sense that like oh there's like a new tv show or like a new whatever and there's like this hot guy and like like any guy in the world you could have like like seriously any single one i think it's a lot of pressure okay do you think there's a man on earth who a straight man on earth who wouldn't like have a date with her

wouldn't want to go on a date yeah uh well there's always like one of anything people are seriously mentally ill these days no it's true it's true it's it's a good point but like i just i wonder like that power what that must be like.

I feel like I'm at a pressure.

I think it's a lot of pressure.

I think, and I imagine that's a part of like a lot of the anxiety she feels.

And, you know, she doesn't like always go for the obvious choice.

Like, obviously, she dated Harry Styles.

That's like the most obvious one.

But other than that, I feel like she gets creative.

Like, who in the world was Ben Simmons, you know?

Yeah.

Devin Booker's not a nobody.

He's not a nobody, but he's like a short king and he was on like kind of a random team.

Kind of, yeah.

He's on the Lakers like or the Knicks or the

Knicks.

It's not like

Danilo Gallinauri, no, right.

I mean, that's the thing.

If I was Kendall Jenner, I would be married to Danilo Gallinari.

Right, if you were Kendall Jenner, who would you like tell your publicist you want to date with?

Joe Manginello.

Oh, really?

Yeah, who would you tell your publicist?

Elon.

Okay, guys, she really is sick.

Oh, my God.

I literally knew Kendall and Elon.

Shit.

I could see it.

I could see it.

I could see it too.

Anyways, they're back together.

I'm happy about that.

I want them to stay together.

Is that too much to ask?

I can't deal with all this, like,

willy-nilly.

Not from her, like, and them, just in general, even Ben and Jen.

Yeah.

But that's more so like tabloid culture.

Like, maybe nothing's going on with either of them.

Maybe they

Kendall and Bad Bunny.

What's his real name?

Kendall and Bad never broke up.

And maybe Ben and Jen are fine.

What is his real name?

I know it.

I feel like it's like Chris.

No, but like when I say it, we're going to be like, oh yeah.

I mean, as a Tostada myself, I really should know that.

Benito.

Oh, I did know that.

Benito Antonio Martinez Ocasio.

We, I just learned a new word in Spanish that I feel like we should start adding into our everyday life.

I know.

Chisme.

Chisme.

But so chisme means gossip, which is obviously something we're proficient at.

But there's like a little nickname.

Hold on, I need to, I forgot it already.

Cheese me.

For like a little girl who gossips a lot, like gossip girl.

Cheese meeta?

Something like the cheese mito.

Hold on.

Cheese me nickname.

I just have to Google it because somebody sands me on.

Cheese.

Yeah, cheese me.

Why am I having such a hard time?

Cheese melita?

I think it's cheese mita.

Oh, cheese mosas.

Cheese mosas.

That's us.

Cheesemos.

Chismosas.

Okay, but what if you're a singular chizmosa?

Oh, chizmosa.

La chizmosa.

Las chismosas.

Las voralis chimosas.

Title.

La turd chizmosa.

Title.

Okay, title.

Are you ready for our next story, which is Smart Relationship News?

It's story number four.

Yes, I am.

Oh, no, I'm not.

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Cheese Mosa.

Okay, our next story, super cute relationship news.

news.

Finally, like some consistency and some steadfastness and loyalty around here.

Finally, Travis Kelsey reveals his favorite song off of Taylor Swift's new album, and he revealed his top three favorite Taylor songs at the moment, all of which are extremely telling.

So, he hosted his Kelsey Jam this weekend, the second year of his music festival, with his brother, the other Kelsey, in Kansas City, featuring performances by Lil Wayne, Diplo, Two Chains.

Speaking exclusively with people at the event, he revealed his not-so-surprising favorite song off of TTPD.

He said, I might be a little biased to Sew High School, but that's the one.

And then he said his top three Taylor songs are

Blank Space, The Alchemy,

and then Sew High School.

But if The Alchemy is number two, why isn't it his number one from the album?

I think maybe the second question was like in no particular order, you know?

No, but I do feel like Blank Space is his fave.

But maybe I agree.

But that two and three are interchangeable, but definitely blank space is his fave he like lights up when that one comes on at arrows right yeah yeah he does i love that he's like not growing tired of being asked about her because i think people who like have their own things are always like so like i'm so much more than like taylor's woman like you are but we don't give a fuck

No, it's so true.

It's such an attractive

quality.

Yes.

If you had ever asked Joe Alwin like a question about Taylor's, he'd be like, well, my films.

You wouldn't give a fuck about you and your fake films.

You literally wouldn't because you'd be like blackballed from his press tour for the future.

Like no one would actually do that.

That's like a lot of relationship.

And I do think it goes both ways.

Men not wanting to talk about women and women not wanting to talk about men.

But like, you love this person.

It's fun.

Like, let's just have some fun.

No.

And for me, as always, like, it's extremely gendered.

Like, yeah, don't ask the girl about her boyfriend.

Like, we literally don't care.

But.

like a guy being asked and like being so excited and proud of his girl, especially if his girlfriend's like more like famous and successful than him, like, and not being weird about it.

Like that, you're right, it's such an attractive quality.

I i feel like it represents like a real sense of security and like we're gonna stand always and forever but no like let's talk about your dumb movie joe wall and your period peaks again he made the same movie like six times yeah but i also think like when you're so secure in who you are

like i feel like with joe wall when it's like if they asked about taylor they wouldn't stop asking about taylor Right, because like at the end of the day,

he seriously wasn't famous for anything.

I know he had been in movies, conversations.

Yeah, but he's not, he wasn't not successful.

No, but he wasn't a person whose whose name we like he would have just been like a british actor who shows up in random things like nobody would know his actual name yeah i just think travis is like really secure in who he is so he doesn't mind if the conversation is not always about him and as stated that's an attractive quality yeah like at the end of the day i think the whole theme of travis and his relationship with taylor is like it's not that serious he doesn't have to like think about every question like you gotta ask a question and he'll answer at the end but like it is serious Patty Stanger said that he should be proposing by July.

So there are rumors that they're engaged, but like they're like, you know, the...

I mean, you know, where's a great place to get engaged?

Paris or Laco with Dacomo?

Or Sweden, you know, like.

Or Sweden.

No, but he wasn't in Sweden.

He went back for Kelsey Jam.

Kelsey Vallerini Jam?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They should have her perform.

1,000%.

I'd perform.

No, no, no, but you're not Kelsey Jam.

No, no, but I have two hit songs, so I would do it if they wanted me to, but I'm probably like busy.

Yeah.

Or is it not also like a a podcast festival no i think it's music but they're a podcast

with his or with his brother with his brother and they've been doing it since before the podcast got it well they should add a podcast component and then actually we'd be eligible and then maybe if they had a business that they would care about but they would know what it's like but they don't but they do and they still don't right they they have a business but they still don't care

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Yes.

It's something that I need to break down with you.

Okay.

It's food news.

It is food news, technically.

Okay.

McDonald's is adding a sad option to replace the happy meal smile.

No fucking way.

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Week, McDonald's is acknowledging that sometimes a happy meal is actually a sad meal.

TMZ reported on Wednesday that the UK division of the company is emphasizing mental health from May 13th to 19th with a major rebrand of their iconic happy meal, dropping the smile from the box and the happy from the menu item.

This is dead ass disrespectful to anyone who's ever struggled with their mental health.

Like, for real, like, is my mental health a joke to you?

No, and it's like, this isn't helping mental health.

Like, if anything, if you actually like think that this would have any sort of reaction on someone's mental health, which maybe it would, like, I do think it would, it would be negative for them.

Like, sometimes you need to see a smile.

Sometimes you need to see the word happy.

Like, courts, no, like, let's give in.

The erasure of smiles and happiness is not good for overall mental health.

No, dead deadass.

I need the world's health organization to get involved.

Like this is really bad.

Like this, I seriously, I think it could, I'm thinking about my own mental health right now, like how I feel since knowing this story before and after.

Like my mental health has deteriorated vastly in the last 15 seconds and it's all on McDonald's.

And during Mental Health Awareness Month, how dare they?

When I climb into bed, I start feeling sad, period.

Period.

No, and I do feel like sometimes when you're going through something, like seeing something could trigger you.

Like, sure.

But when it, what it applies to like being sad versus being happy, that this is not the case.

Like, we need a lot of people.

I don't think that they are seriously thinking that these boxes are going to, like, they're not thinking of it in the real world, like tangibly helping.

They're thinking like, we're spreading awareness.

Well, your awareness sucks.

You don't think it's meant to be like,

you know, we know not everything's happy?

So the boxes, which also, by the way, this is like an expensive dumb endeavor.

Like not only is it dumb, but it's expensive to change your boxes for six days.

The boxes have a range of emotion stickers for kids to replace the iconic smile with another emotion of their choosing.

So it's like, oh, wait, and by the way, that's the other thing: happy meals are geared towards children.

So, what are we, what are we telling people?

We want, like, not we want unhappy children, but like, we want to not be promoting happiness amongst children, even if it's just like, okay, no, we'll meet you where you're at meals.

No, I want aspirational meals.

I want happy meals.

Get the kids smiling.

Yeah, sure, maybe I'm having a frown day.

That happens.

That's normal, but like, I want

to want to smile, not to just accept this frown.

She

wants aspirational meals.

I do.

I want aspirational meals.

And I'm not going to add anything because you said it perfectly.

Eat for the mood you want, not the mood you have.

Right.

No, no, what?

We're all just giving into our bad moods now.

Yeah.

And I think that's a bad precedent to set for children.

I think so too.

Whatever happened to turn your frown upside down.

No, no, no.

Now it's turn your upside down frown.

And I'm sure it's also like, no, stay in your frown.

And I disagree with that.

Like, I feel like that is where like

the dialogue is going.

It's like, let's sit in our frown, you know?

Let's acknowledge our frown.

But like,

perhaps combating the frown at every level.

Only with the goal of turning my frown upside down.

Like, sure, I'll do whatever I need to do to turn my frown upside down, but that's still my goal.

You tell them.

We're just getting like really far.

And I just, I also feel like, I mean, the proof is in the pudding.

Mental health health has never been like a bigger topic of conversation in history

has never been worse.

It's in the shitter.

No, I was that's what I was gonna say like in history we have never spent as a society like more time energy resources talking about dealing with mental health and mental health has never been worse period.

Now you might say like because mental health is so bad we have to do all those things but no I think that they are working.

I think that they are related to each other.

I think the toast should be mandatory viewing and everyone will be fixed.

And have a happy meal too.

Well, that's for day.

I'm sure.

Like, I feel like a happy meal is exactly what this world needs.

Yeah, no, of course.

No, we're getting rid of the happy meal.

Oh my god, like the mental health crisis is about to get 10 times worse.

Yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Like, now that we've done the fast five stories, and at the very beginning, like, you thought you weren't going to make it through and you were going to crap your pants, how are you feeling?

Your cheeks look less red, just letting you know.

Maybe you were just like tired.

I do feel a lot better.

Thank God.

I was like, I, I mean, maybe I'll climb into bed and throw up up my cuts,

but no, I didn't deteriorate.

And my face is still really flush and warm, but that's like a regular day in the life of me.

You know, maybe

of a flush.

You know what?

I wonder if my aura ring has any news for me about like why I'm feeling this way.

Don't they like take your temperature and monitor your heart rate?

Do they take your temperature?

That would be so smart.

Yeah, they can.

I think they.

Yeah, they can.

They do, but you might have to connect it to an outside app.

I know it connects to like natural cycles Well, that way if you want to track like your period and stuff Oh, I reached my activity goal just now doing the toast talking with my hands the toast will get your heart rate up Yeah, let's see about my

Where would it be resilience celebrating my resilience?

My readiness

Everything is in the blue.

I think I'm good.

But Claude, you're getting an aura ring, right?

I can't wait to share.

I'm sharing one.

I'm really excited.

I can't wait to share notes and see how you're sleeping.

I hope that everyone listening was able to get their tickets.

Guys, thank you so much for listening to the Toast and Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories you need to do every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So, if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast and where podcasts can be found.

So, it's not a piece to sit your public video.

I radiate cast talks all the places we've listened to podcasts by not toast if I've starved you, but how beautiful, about how stunning, and about how wickedly talented we are.

Have an amazing day, and we'll see you on Tuesday, where we'll choose you.

Love ya.

Bye.