Timestamp Warriors: May 16th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and congrats.

We made it.

We made it to the set.

It's Thursday, right?

Oh my god, don't look at me like I'm crazy.

Oh my god, I thought for sure I just like imagined it was Thursday.

I wasn't thinking you're crazy.

I was thinking, what day is it?

I had no idea.

Now, I know this is like a personal feeling and maybe I'm not speaking for the whole world, but I feel like the pace in which this week moved was so fair.

You know, like it was doable and it was manageable.

It wasn't super like crazy stretched stretched out.

It wasn't one of those weeks where it's like, oh my God.

It felt like every day came.

I did what I had to do and nothing major, you know, ruined my week or made my week.

It was a very normal week.

And I think normalcy is grossly underrated.

I agree.

What's crazy to think about is some weeks fly by, some weeks drag on, and objectively, they're all the exact same amount of time.

No time.

That's crazy.

I think what's crazy is like the way that I'm describing my week, somebody listening to this podcast has seriously had like the worst week of their life and it has not, like, they can't believe it's not Sunday.

Like the way we experience the same periods of time so differently, that's crazy.

Well, ain't that the truth?

I have a couple of things to say.

The first is like, I'm going to be that bitch.

Jax and I have like kind of a major announcement tomorrow.

And the fact that we haven't like been annoying people about it is like major.

So tomorrow, tune into the show because there's big news, sort of historic news and sort of girly swirly news, you know?

I'll say that.

I agree with those points.

And we could have been so annoying up until this point and we weren't

and we're just going to be annoying for 24 hours.

And I feel like that's so.

Did you say it sound off in the comments?

Like, what do you think the surprise is?

So fair, soffer.

That's one.

Ben Sofair.

That's one.

Speaking of Ben Sofair, I'm sorry I got to this, you know, I couldn't answer your call at first.

I was on the phone with my lawyers.

I don't know if you saw the good guys today did a merch launch.

I see.

And they are using a photo of me using my name and likeness to sell merchandise.

Excuse me.

And I just think that's funny.

Okay, goodguys.com.

Let's see.

No, no, on their Instagram.

Oh, they're not selling a piece of merch with you?

No, no, no.

I guess maybe I did make it sound like that.

No, no, no.

They're just like using a promotional photo of me for promotional use.

Okay, now I have to go.

I have to see what's going on.

Featuring my name and likeness.

Good guys.

Okay.

Guys of good ones.

Okay, I don't know why you're having such a hard time.

What are you doing?

They're just, they use a photo of me in the hat, like, to sell merch.

Like, I don't know why.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Don't wear their, don't wear their hat.

They'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Sorry.

They will be hearing.

Once again.

Once again, screw sisterhood.

You're wrong.

Okay, you know what?

I'm kind of sick.

I seriously.

By the way, by the way, if you wore their hat, if you wore their hat and they didn't like post a picture of you while they're trying to sell merch, you'd be like, why not me?

Why not include me?

Honestly, we might have our second walk off in Toast History.

You have been so toxic lately.

And seriously, I need to put some time on Zach Widenab's calendar.

Like, he and I need to chat about all the annoying things you do.

It's just, yeah.

I really, they can't post your photo.

And you know how anti-GGs I am.

Are you?

Yeah.

Judith.

Number one.

Judy O.

Judy.

Oh.

No, you're just looking for a fight.

Okay.

First of all, listen.

For a fight.

She's pushing everyone away.

Just you.

Just me.

I'm doing you good guys.

Seriously, I'm leaving you high and dry here.

You are so toxic.

It's insane.

First of all, this is a show where like we have a shtick about the good guys.

So I was like, just doing the shtick.

And now

we're ready.

Now we're being serious.

Like, now we're being serious.

Claudia, I was so ready to call the lawyers.

At first, I thought they were selling a picture with your face on it.

That's why you made it.

By the way, it's just about the case.

Sorry that you don't understand the shtick we have going with us and the good guys.

Like, sorry, sorry that you don't get it.

I invented it.

And so the fact that you don't get it.

And you just kind of like swapped and turned the tables on me.

Noted.

Noted.

Also to say, don't buy good guys.

Exactly.

And then the third thing I wanted to say is, oh, just a reminder that my comedy special, Lean In, is now available to watch for free on YouTube.

So that's very exciting.

You can search it on YouTube.

It's called Claudia Ashre, Lean In.

Lean In, if you will.

Perfect weekend plans.

You've got big weekend plans.

I do have big weekend plans.

I do.

I do.

Also, speaking of premium content, yesterday I dropped kind of a major feature film.

And it is my journey with sourdough.

I have been vlogging for the last eight days

this sourdough endeavor and I left it all in the vlog.

What can I say?

It was so funny.

It was a wild ride.

It's so funny.

I think it's pretty informative for anyone who is interested in sourdough.

And I think if, and so many, so many toasters are sourdough.

I was like, I was shocked at like the fervor in the comment section being like, you have to zero out your scale.

You don't have to use that much starter.

Like, okay.

No, so much fervor, which I was so glad to see.

So, I got so many helpful tips, and I'm really excited to be a part of the community.

The community said that for a first loaf, I did pretty darn good.

Like, your first is always going to be the worst, and you're just figuring out the basics.

So much so that this morning I saw that my starter was

looking alive and well.

And I started another dough this morning.

Love that.

So, we shall be having perhaps fresh bread tonight or yeah, probably tonight.

I'm going to have fresh bread for dinner.

I mean all I've been eating for the last two days is my freshman.

That sounds amazing.

Yeah, I don't know if that's like a good thing or a bad thing.

I haven't been eating like a crazy amount, but like I had a sandwich, I had a slice of toast with a little healthy egg salad, and

I don't know if like I'm eating too much of getting too high on my that's sort of just like life, never knowing if you're eating too much or too little.

I know for a fact that I ate too much at book club last night because we went out to dinner, even though we usually cook, you know, the Bala Busta Book

no one was really in the mood so we went out to a kosher spot not knowing usually we always go to the same place la morae fabulous steakhouse and it's usually like busy but never we always make a reservation but never to the point where like we're waiting last night i think was both nyu and columbia graduation so all the jewish students you know fleeing their institutions came to La Mara.

Oh, we have to wait 30 minutes.

I was like so annoyed.

So by the time like it was time to order, I was feeling feral, you know?

That's like never a good place to be, like grocery shopping or ordering when you're like rock-bottom hunger.

I got a hamburger and a steak.

Yummy.

It was so good.

Licked the plate clean.

Regrets?

Ask me how many I have because I have zero.

None.

Not one.

Zero, zero.

Oh my God.

Speaking of the hot size of Beverly Hills, did you see that viral video of Kyle Richards?

And the mouse?

Okay.

The mouse is

cackled.

First of all, Mousker, hey, Mousker, hi, mousker, ho.

Her card literally became Miska, Muska, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Mousker ready, mouse girset.

Here we go.

Can you explain to me like how the mouse was sort of like suspending,

suspended in air, like up on her window?

That mouse looked straight out of a cartoon.

He was like.

By the way, not only did it look, he was kind of adorable.

But you guys know how I feel.

Give him a...

I guess it's those LA mice.

Like they're on set.

They're working.

They're literally

living in the gutters, which is just filled with green juice.

Doing just like everything else.

Like the best-looking mice go to LA.

The best-looking people.

Like, they're just a class above.

And he literally looked like

a

stock image mouse.

No, by the way, I'm so like, he had a gorgeous smile and like perfect ears.

I completely agree.

And when I saw it, it wasn't the way I would normally react to like seeing a mouse.

I was like, oh my God, I thought maybe it was a chipmunk.

Yeah, it took me a while to understand like what was going to be happening in the video because I just like saw it rogue and she's filming her dashboard like what am I missing?

What why is she screaming?

I'm like freaking out, but I don't know.

She's screaming.

I'm freaking out.

I don't know why.

And then she pan and then something happens on her windshield, but it's like what was happening before that that she was.

I feel like maybe she saw the mouse run across her windshield and then whipped out her phone and started filming the windshield and the dashboard.

But then the mouse was on her left on the passenger, I mean on the driver's side window.

And I don't know.

And seriously, like Kyle Richards, I love, but she's not like a particularly funny person.

It was the funniest thing I've probably probably seen all year long, especially when I went, if you go into the video not knowing what you're looking at and like, you're like, why is this woman screaming?

And then all of a sudden you see the mouse, peak comedy.

Truly.

Yeah.

That mouse, though, it was giving something I wasn't expecting.

The mouse had the Marco sparkle.

He really did.

Charisma.

And I do feel bad for her if that were me or if that were you.

I wouldn't even be able to stop shaking long enough to film.

It would just have to be a story I told you guys and you wouldn't believe like that.

You would think I'm crazy.

Like

the fact that she was able to compose herself enough to even film.

Well, she couldn't drive.

Her leg was frozen.

Was it?

Yeah.

She was frozen, she said.

Like she couldn't even, her, her window, her passenger window was down and she was like too frozen to even put it.

Oh my god, no, no, no.

You like, I would be frozen, but I would protect myself.

Like you have to roll up your window.

No, really?

With the passenger window or the driver window?

Passenger.

Okay, but he was on the driver.

No, yeah, he wasn't.

There was a window in between them, but like he could have brought a friend who comes around passenger side shops.

I want to know gravity-wise, can mice crawl up a car?

I thought they just like chilled on the floor.

No, it was giving ratatouille.

Remy the rat.

Ratatouille, the rat of a mickey.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That mouse is giving Mickey a run for his money.

You know, legend has it, Mickey was actually created and like inspired by rat tattoo from Kyle Richards' car.

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't a rat.

No, it was a mouse.

It was, he was so mousey.

He looked like the mouse emoji.

Yes.

He looked like the emoji of a mouse.

He looked like those little mice

from looks like he was about to go like do mouse girls.

Cinderella, like the mice that help her get dressed.

Yeah, like a seriously out of a fairy tale.

Storybook ending for Kyle Richards.

Is Kyle Richards a princess?

A princess.

Maybe that mouse was there to be her fairy godmother and she missed it.

I love that.

Like she missed the signs right in front of her.

Oh my God, that was so funny.

I'm so glad we brought that up.

We also have, I feel, like, great stories.

I think like a lot happened this morning, you know, that it ends with us trailer dropped.

Are we talking about that?

What else are you thinking?

Yes.

I don't know.

I just like, you know.

The stories are good.

They're really good.

And it's been a great week for.

Yeah, that was going to be in like a trailer set.

So we have a subset A and B for trailers.

We do have subset A and B.

So it's giving, you know, it's a good day when there's a subset.

It's giving embarrassment of riches.

It is.

And I do want to acknowledge the space that I'm in and be thankful for this bounty of stories this week.

I feel like we've been in a really good place.

I love that.

I also do want to say something I'm personally trying to do.

I would like to stop saying it's giving.

It's giving illiteracy, honestly.

It's giving like you don't have words.

I think I'm smarter and more well-educated than to be using that phrase.

It was fun for a minute on like TikTok talk, but to be using it in my everyday life, like seriously, I'm better than that.

And I think, seriously, join me.

Join me up here.

Like, let's all stop saying it.

It's really dumb.

We had this conversation about a dick tock, different TikTok phrase.

Maybe

it was a go.

It was.

No, no, it was, it was this, right?

Oh, it was this, colon.

Okay.

It's the blank for me.

Right.

And now we need to, I'm down to let go of its it's giving.

My issue is that it's very illustrative and it paints a picture literally of what something

is giving.

And I have to get back to a place of, what did we say before it?

How did I connote that feeling?

I think instead of, well, how did I just use it?

It's giving illiterate.

It reminds me of illiteracy.

I don't know.

Like, but yawn.

No, it reminds me.

I know, but the good older.

Now I just feel seriously.

like

an idiot when I say it's giving.

Seriously, use different words.

Sound off in the comments.

Okay, we're going to stop saying it's giving.

What are we replacing it with?

We're going to attempt to stop saying it, but until a worthy replacement presents itself,

it's giving resting on our laurels.

But see, I just don't feel like we could be the type of people who say illustrious.

You just use that word and resting on our laurels while also saying it's giving.

I think that personifies, embodies, and is emblematic of our show.

It's emblematic.

And like, why can't we sometimes like not have the right word?

I know it's like,

I think people just expect

ourselves to this impossible standard.

I think it's cool to incorporate like young fung trends when appropriate.

However, this is a perfect, I'm so glad we're having a conversation about modern jargon because I saw something this morning that bothered me.

It was a girl making her breakfast.

It was like a cute breakfast.

It looked like a hash brown with avocado and then egg and then cottage cheese on top.

Like

is what I ate for breakfast pertinent to the story.

I just want you to know what she ate and that it looked good and it was a little different from like, you know, cereal and milk.

It was like she was trying something new and then she captioned it, P-O-V.

This is my new hyperfixation breakfast.

What part bothered you?

Why you gotta call me?

Hyperfixation.

Like, why you gotta call it a hyperfixation?

Like, this is my new favorite breakfast.

Okay, so I actually like the word hyperfixation because I hadn't heard of it.

And then when somebody posted it, I was like, oh my God, I actually do that.

I become obsessed with the meal.

I'll eat it every day for six months and then I'll never eat it again.

Like the concept of hyperfixation is, I like that there was a word to this habit that I had done.

So I actually don't agree with you on that.

I thought you were going to say POV.

Oh, POV, I get it because it's like, sometimes it's hard to start off your caption.

It's like, when you, like, it's a necessary.

Super bat girl, I think she could have gotten the point across just by saying my current hyperfixation breakfast.

I think hyperfixation is just like such an extreme word when it's like my fave breakfast right now.

Well, yeah.

Like I like to eat.

Here's the thing.

Are you actually hyperfixating?

Like I know as a person, you guys know I'm very into patterns and like I like four things.

Like I actually am the definition of someone who hyperfixates on something, especially food.

And I just want to say someone who's having like hash browns, avocado, eggs, and an amalgamation of seasonings.

Like she's obviously

exploratory.

Hyperfixation is a clinical term, Claudia, that describes when someone becomes so focused on a specific topic, activity, or person that they ignore other things.

People who hyperfixate may forget to take breaks, lose track of time, not respond to others.

Like it's just

an extremely strong.

That's how I feel.

And this is going to ruffle quite a few feathers, but I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine.

That's how I feel about like certain words, or in this case, like certain clinical diseases being overused.

Like not everyone has ADD.

Not everyone has ADHD.

And seriously, I keep getting targeted for this ad on TikTok.

Like literally, it's like this telehealth company that wants to prescribe you, that wants to diagnose you with ADHD and send you medication for ADHD.

And it's giving like

pill farm.

Like it's,

Claude, what's it called?

The website?

I don't know why.

You need drugs?

Right.

So he's going to have a class.

Honestly, I'll send you.

You know, it's just giving, like, honestly, back, and now I'm so conscious because I just read Demon Copperhead, but like these doctors, what do they call them?

Like, pill.

Where they, you just come to get a prescription filled.

Like, pill fillers.

Pill farm, something like that.

like that and i just feel like not everyone has adhd like like it's just not possible not everyone has it and i think there are people who like really really have it and then there are other people who are like i also have adhd like no you don't you're just annoying

yeah that's a big one of course ocd like i'm so ocd about my

meet someone who actually has like clinically diagnosed ocd and they're not like the girl who like organizes her pantry okay like wanting a clean life isn't a mental illness

yeah no everyone's getting too comfortable like diagnosing themselves.

Well, that's two different things.

That's two different things.

One, it's like, you know, using a clinical term to describe yourself and that's not the case.

And another is like the over-diagnoses of the population.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I agree.

There are two different things.

But you just remind me.

We've got lots of issues.

We've got lots of issues and I'm hyper-fixating on them today.

But what I'm hyper-fixating on is that we actually have one less issue today because we have amazing stories and we have deer toaster.

So it's going to be like a long, juicy sort of episode where our job is easy.

It's not like we have to just, you know, dig deep to have funny conversations, you know?

Yeah.

Do we ever have to dig so deep?

It just.

Everything comes naturally.

It comes naturally.

I was just talking to that.

I was talking to someone about, they were like asking about what we do.

They were like, how do you guys not run out of things to talk about?

And I was like, we have never run out of things to talk about, but I think it's really because we're siblings.

Who was I having this conversation?

Maybe it was Nikki Glazer.

It was someone when I was in L.A.

Talking about me?

No.

With your friends, your fancy Los Angeles friends?

No, I wouldn't say I was talking about you.

I just, I wouldn't say that.

So, who are you talking about?

I was talking about like our business.

You were talking about

our business.

Oh my gosh, Trey, you were just talking about me.

It's fine.

No, it's fine.

Maybe if you hadn't, like,

maybe if you hadn't turned against me at the beginning of the episode, yeah, I would have been talking about you.

But I'm not.

I wasn't.

Okay, well, yeah, we don't run out of things to talk about.

We finish each other's sandwiches made on my homemade bread.

My.

Not anybody else's, hers.

Is anyone else making bread?

I would love to have a fresh piece of bread that I didn't slave over.

A lot of people are making bread.

No, no, in my, like, sure, a lot of people are making bread, but like no one around me is making bread.

And that's a problem.

Olivia does do like that sourdough, like wild grain.

It's like they ship it to you, frozen.

You can freeze it and then you warm it up.

And it's pretty close to fresh sales.

But it's not, you just heated it up.

Yeah, but there's definitely something like Kumza Fresh about it,

but it's not what I'm doing.

And the thing is, if I had people around me who were making starter dough, like I wouldn't have needed to, and that would have been amazing.

Like, because soon I'll be making a bounty and I'm going to drop one off here.

Oh, I love that.

I would have loved to be on the receiving end of that.

I would love if you could figure out a way to ship your bread.

Sounds like we're starting a business.

Well, we'll be together soon.

We will.

And maybe I'll bring my starter with me.

Well, you can't just make a new starter.

No, you have to.

Well, you can.

Becca Martinez says that like anyone can make starter, but there is like my starter that I'm working with now like seriously came straight from the Oregon Trail thanks to Ballerina Farm.

And thanks to Kevin O'Leary.

And thanks to Kevin O'Leary.

When we had Kevin O'Leary on the toast, which is really an iconic episode in Toast Hurster, feel free to go watch it.

It's on YouTube.

Did we ask him about the Oregon Trail?

And people have so many issues.

They have so many issues with how we say Oregon.

Apparently it's Oregon.

And seriously, it's not.

They said to say it like, you know, your liver, Oregon.

O-R-G-A-N.

That's just never going to be me.

No, it's not.

But them spelling it like that, definitely.

Now I do know how to say it.

We would have like sat here.

I wouldn't have even known what it is if it's not for Oregon.

I knew that it was like, I knew we were saying it wrong.

But if saying it wrong is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Also, if it was meant to be pronounced like Oregon, wouldn't it be spelled that way?

Right, like, why is there the E there?

O-R-G-U-N.

Oregon.

O-R-E-G-O-N, right?

Yeah, that's how it's spelled.

I'm saying if they wanted Oregon.

So Oregon.

Oregon.

Sorry, that's on you.

That's like the people who named Maj Dijon.

Like, yeah, it's a mustard.

Well, by the way, the thing is, bonapatitine.

They didn't name it the Maj Dijon.

It's abbreviated.

I don't know.

If you had seen the sign for the Major Degan Expressway, instead of it being M-A-J-Deegan, but Major Deegan, would you have said Major Dijon or Major Deegan?

I think I would have said Major Degan because I would have been in like hard ghost.

Yeah, yeah, hard guy.

But I saw that soft J

and I hit him with a soft G.

Maj Dijon.

Maj Dijon.

There's nothing like it.

Take a trip down the Maj Di Dean.

So we did talk to Kevin O'Leary about the work on trail.

What did he say?

Of course we did.

He said fabulous things.

Like it was a dream to work on.

You know, everything you want to hear about your favorite childhood girl.

I love that.

It's like when they say don't meet your heroes, they're obviously not talking about Kevin O'Leary.

No, they're not talking about him, not talking about Frank Catanya, even though he's like shit-starting.

Even though he's shit-starting.

Frank Catanya is like low-key spineless.

I said it.

I know.

And he low-key always has been.

Like, people will tell him secrets, and like, to him, they're just facts.

Like, he just shares it.

No, nothing is sacred to Frank Catanya, but we should have known that.

Really?

I don't think I should have known that because I met that man and that man looked like somebody I could tell a secret to.

No, but like he has so many redeeming amazing qualities, but like he's not.

No, it's true.

He cheated on Dolores.

Like he cheated on Dolores like that and he can't even like promise like get back together with her because he can't stop cheating on her.

Right.

He said, I love you so much, but I will never get back together with you because I'll cheat on you again.

Like, are you fucking okay?

He literally can't help himself.

So it's no secret that he would spill your secrets.

Like I think he's a great person for a million other things.

But at this point, any friend of his who tells him something in confidence, like, you're the fool.

Don't trust Frank Katania.

He literally told you not to trust him.

No, and also, like, how does that feel as, you know, Britney, his new girlfriend, hearing he's still in love with his ex-wife, but he won't get back together with her because he can't stop cheating on her.

So now she's dating him.

He obviously loves his ex-wife still, but he's also a serial cheater.

So the guy you're, the guy you're seeing probably cheats on you and doesn't even love you.

Like, they were just saying on the show that they'll probably get engaged soon.

And I have to hope that at some point, like, he will be too old and tired to cheat.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

When like do you age out of it?

60?

Like, no, not 60.

Men are just.

There definitely has to be an age where, like, you don't have the bandwidth to cheat at.

Well, there is an age where you can no longer get erect.

Is that what you're referring to?

No, but like, do the erections wane and you only have so many to give?

So, like, why not give it to your loving partner and not the woman down the street?

I mean, that's like a rationale.

You can't even get down the street because you don't have your license anymore because it was taken away because your eyesight is bad.

You know what I mean?

I do, I do.

Like, at some point, your body won't physically, like, you're limited in your ability to cheat due to your bodily functions just slowing down.

Yeah.

Well, that's good.

So just give it to the one you've got.

Love the one you're with is all I'm saying.

How did we get to Frank Catania?

Oh, he's your hero.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kevin O'Leary always comes back to the Oregon Trail because it always comes back to my bread, especially today, because I'm so hashtag proud.

And now that the vlog is out there, I can talk about it because yesterday I didn't want to like spoil the kind of the narrative within the vlog as hysterical.

Like the parts where you're just silently suffering.

Also, not you making sourbread in a crop top and booty shorts.

Can we talk about that?

I was shocked.

You looked fire flames.

Oh, thank you.

Well, no, because the day I cooked, it was Tuesday.

I wore

a blazer and high-waisted shorts on the show, which called for a little crop top, which isn't like so crazy to wear a crop top when you're wearing high-waisted shorts.

And I was going through my day.

At first, I was wearing my shorts when I was doing my dough's, but then I switched into a pair of sweatpants.

And I like, I thought maybe the counter would protect me, but there's a lot of like reaching and moving around.

So like, yeah, there's a lot of crop.

You looked good.

Thank you.

I should have put on an apron in hindsight

for the vibe.

Yes.

And I have like really cute aprons.

And it would have, and I also have a stain on my shirt like by the end because it was like dinner time and stuff.

Apron.

Would have protected you.

Apron.

Would have protected me because I can't protect myself.

I think unfortunately we do have to wrap up this pre-fast five banter because we have a lot to get to today.

Is that okay with you?

I'm sorry.

I know.

It's not cool of me.

I could do a whole hour with you.

It's unfortunate.

As you stated, it's unfortunate.

As you stated, it's unfortunate.

But you seem committed.

Ready?

Yeah, I am.

Eager.

Yeah, I'm committed to doing my job.

Sue me.

No, but I think pre-fast five banter is actually like the best of our work.

Not saying we should be able to do it.

I think it is.

I just say, I don't know if everyone agrees.

I think sometimes people are like, oh, when do the stories start?

Like, some people listen to this just for pop culture.

I know, it's sick.

Why?

Sick.

No, that's seriously crazy.

I don't think that's true.

But sound off in the comments.

No, actually, please, I don't need to know how many people like skip our personal lives.

That's rude.

Claudia, I literally don't think there's one.

I truly believe in my heart.

There are like, yes.

Well, there's always one of anyone.

Let me tell you why, because yesterday, um,

we were a little delayed in putting up the timestamps in the YouTube description.

And there was like a bunch of comments being like, oh, so we stopped.

I like how people are like, oh, we're done with time stamps.

Okay, give me five fucking minutes, first of all.

And second of all, people who are desperately seeking timestamps are looking to skip over.

It's true.

I saw those comments comments too.

I thought that was beer.

Yeah, no, I didn't because I knew that, like, there's some assholes who just listened for our pop culture takes.

But you know what?

Those people are listeners too, and they deserve the Fast Five stories.

And I mean, if you like the takes, cool.

If you like the takes, I just want to say, like, I think you would like the pre-Fast Five stakes.

I do.

The takes are kind of like a gateway drug to the Past Fast Five banter, but so many people skip it.

Just trust and believe.

Like, let this be your sign, but you're not even listening to this.

Wait.

Should we put the timestamp for today like a couple of minutes earlier so people can hear this here message?

Yeah, just yeah, for those timestamp warriors.

Yeah, timestamp warriors.

Okay, now without further ado for you timestamp warriors, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Welcome.

Our first story.

Victoria's Secret is bringing back its controversial fashion show to the runway.

So the Angels are back.

While Victoria's Secret tried a revamp version of its iconic fashion show in 2023, the brand announced on Wednesday that it was bringing the Catwalk Spectacular back to its original format with a splashy runway show this year.

The new show will deliver precisely what our customers have been asking for: the glamour, runway, fashion, fun, wings, entertainment, all through a powerful modern lens, reflecting who we are today.

A spokesperson for the brand says, I am so curious to see what this is going to be because there really has been like a lot of demand for the Victoria's Secret fashion show of yore.

You know, like people, it was toxic for sure, but like people loved it.

And even me, like I remember being like

super fat and still loving it.

Like I, I didn't feel like, yes, technically I was excluded.

I didn't see myself represented, but like I'm not a model.

So like I was fine with it.

There has been like a lot of demand for that energy to return, but I think Victoria's Secret has learned their lesson in the sense that they're going to bring it back and really be much more inclusive.

So I don't know if.

if that's what people want.

But I'm having Nija vu because they like brought it back last year, right?

What was it?

And why didn't it work?

Why is it so forgotten?

I actually don't remember what happened.

This isn't the first time they've like revamped it.

I also think that brands really need to walk a line between like making choices and staying true to who they are while also listening to people and

hearing them out, but not making every single decision based on what people tell you to do.

I feel like that's a fast way to go nowhere and to stand for nothing.

Yeah.

I also think at the end of the day, like you probably just need to lean into your data, right?

Like who are your customers?

Which data?

I know, like, who are your customers?

Data, like, sales.

Like, what sizes are selling well?

What sizes are not selling well?

Who is your target customer?

What does your customer look like?

Like, if your customer looks like, you know, nothing like your models, like, then that's pointless.

I don't know that I agree wholeheartedly.

Like, I think I don't look like a Victoria's Secret Angel, but I think there's something aspirational about the way that they look.

They make the lingerie look really gorgeous and exciting.

And it's like this hope that maybe if I put it on, like it'll help me look like that.

I agree with you.

Do you buy Victoria's Secret?

I used to, yeah.

Like bras?

Bra.

Well, not bras because like I've always had a certain set of needs, but I love their underwear.

If I ever was buying like something like exciting for the boudoir, I always went to Victoria's Secret.

Interesting.

Okay.

And that, I think, changed one.

When I got older, but also like their brand just turned to mush.

It meant nothing.

Like I you would walk past a mannequin and there's nothing worth looking at.

Yeah, like crap

crap.

So I think they need to be a little more scrupled while also being a little more inclusive, but not losing the magic of the original Victoria Secret and the Angels.

That was the most iconic like modeling underwear job in the world.

And just to like give that up completely because people were mad.

Like there's a way to do it right.

Right.

It's like, but it doesn't mean you have to do an about face and become something that you're not, something that so many other brands are.

Yeah.

Like, we don't want you.

No, it's true.

Like, honestly, probably in response to Victoria's Secrets, so many other brands popped up in the category of like undies and lingerie, but also in all sorts of categories with the message of being real, you know, like none of the airy, you know, nothing's retouched.

It's real women with real bodies.

And there's a

demand for that.

But there's also a demand demand for the opposite.

Like, let's like.

There's a demand for fantasy.

And I feel like I can name at this point, sitting right here, it's not always been like this, but I can name so many real brands that showcase reality.

Sports Illustration.

Shot it down power.

Dove.

I cannot name so many brands that like do fantasy anymore.

But maybe it's not good for business.

Like maybe it's not.

And that's why people don't do it.

You have to imagine these big, big companies, the bottom line is the priority.

Yes, of course.

But like they were doing fantasy for decades and business was moving.

And by the way, the culture shifted.

Yeah, but people are the same.

People, everyday people and like what they're looking for in their life.

Like, yes, the now, like what we're,

what's getting a lot of attention might change, but like people still shop what they're looking for.

Yeah, well, I think also the conversation about like the products being shit is of huge importance too.

Is that what people say?

I feel like back in the day, like when we all got older, we were like, we can't wear these bras.

Like it wasn't built for real women.

No, not, yeah.

I think maybe an older woman, it's not made for them, period.

Like maybe it is a certain age, demographic, time in your life.

Yeah, time in your life.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

I feel like maybe I said this the last time.

Like I'm looking forward to the show, but then last time I didn't even watch it.

Yeah.

Whatever they chose to do, can't remember what it was.

It was forgettable and likely the wrong choice.

So I hope that they do something different this time.

It seems like it will be different.

I think they're bringing back like some of the iconic angels.

No, okay.

Well, that's great, but also, and I feel like coming on the heels of this Sports Illustrated conversation yesterday, how like there used to be a time where like if you became a Victoria Secret angel, like you were seriously the biggest model in the world, like it made every model who we know, Giselle, Adriana Lima, Miranda Kerr, Heidi Klim, everyone, Kendall, Gigi, everyone.

Then obviously Victoria's Secret stopped, but then really Sports Illustrated stepped in and it was like, whoever's on our cover is the girl of the moment.

And after yesterday's conversation, it's like, that's actually not really the case anymore.

Sports Illustrated doesn't make models anymore in the sense that like once you're on the cover, you have a career for life.

It would be cool if Victoria Secret got back into that.

Like, okay, who's the new hot thing?

Yeah, who makes models now anyway?

I feel like a lot of models, that job has also been usurped by celebrities.

Like, it's going to be the face of our perfume.

It's going to be a celebrity.

Same with hosting.

There's like, they're putting people out of work.

No, it's a good call.

Like, who does, I mean, I guess, like, we look now at like Skims campaigns, but those are still celebrities.

It's not models.

Those are still, yeah, she's not like finding new faces at Mall of america and being like i'm gonna make you a big star

the modeling like

ecosystem really was eclipsed a lot by instagram yeah and you're right like there aren't those like scouts who go to a mcdonald's looking for emily denonato you know right i bring that back yeah

but also like that like modeling structure was like super toxic for the girls.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, but no, but I feel like that moment of like you're in a mall and you get discovered.

Like I don't think that moment's toxic.

And I think that moment should remain.

However, like once they get into the industry and these are young people, like there definitely needs to be a lot of change, a lot of parental guidance, a lot of like age restrictions, things of that nature.

I do feel like the era of super modeling is like a little bit over.

Like when you think about America's next top model and how like modeling was like such a Victoria's secret, like models were just like, and they're still like super successful models now, but it's really not the same.

Honestly, I think it's because of social media.

Yeah.

It's weird to think about it.

I feel like the last model, the last great models are like Kendall.

Oh, no, the last great model, seriously, because she's the youngest, is Kaya Gerber.

Kaya Gerber.

No, but she's grandfathered in, if it wasn't for being Cindy Crawford's daughter, like she didn't come up with a crop of girls.

No, no, she didn't.

She's like the last generation.

But even she, by the way, like she's the biggest supervisor.

She's not like that like.

famous like she is no and i feel like where where does she even model like fashion week and like campaigns and stuff but like she doesn't do that much modeling for a big model.

When I think about like how famous at the peak like Miranda Kerr was, like, I don't think that's similar.

But yeah, Giselle.

Yeah, well, of course.

I don't think it's.

Like, no, no, you could go name after name.

Like, that's just not happening.

Naomi.

But I do.

Kate Moss, like, insane.

Yeah.

And those girls were like regular people who became models.

I feel like then we had the Nepo models who really held it down.

Kendall, Gigi, Kaya.

Yeah, but

where are the other models?

No, and I think this is like actually a real frustration of contemporary models who wanted to be the next Naomi, but didn't have a chance because of the Nepo kids.

Like it's actually, I think nepotism is actually a huge issue within modeling.

For sure, but like those girls are in their late 20s.

Where are the 18-year-old models right now?

The 20-year-old models.

I don't know.

Who are the models?

Us.

And maybe it's because we're not 18 and 20.

Like we don't see them.

No, no, it's because we aren't 18 or 20.

There aren't any models because it would be us.

Right.

No, because since we grew up, they just like stopped marketing, period.

They're like, we can't get them.

We're done.

Give up.

We're done.

Anyways, so TBD, stay tuned.

I'm open.

As always, I'm open.

Yeah.

I find that I'm very open as a person.

Yeah.

Our next story is some trailer news.

First up, It Ends With Us trailer dropped today, and Blake Lively stars as Lily.

Bloom.

Bloom.

Lily Rosedep in It Ends With Us, an adaptation of Colleen Hoover novel.

It's been clowned on for months because the pictures from the set looked really awful.

And I just want to say the trailer looks so good to me.

Yeah, of course.

It's like they put a Taylor Swift song on it and everybody suddenly changed their tune.

First of all, the single-like, I just want to say, the trailer didn't have those outfits that we saw on the street.

Well, the trailer was, I saw vertical.

on Instagram.

You too?

No, I saw it.

I watched it on YouTube on my iPod.

Oh, I watched it vertical on Instagram, so everything was really zoomed in.

And I was like, oh, we're not seeing anyone's alpha, it's just their faces, and that's why it looks good.

Oh, that's funny.

No, I saw, like, what I saw of her look, like, really wasn't offensive.

I don't know if she's wearing a wig.

She is.

It looked a little...

The wig is wacky.

It's giving Mierita.

What's her name?

Merida.

It's also like.

To have like a wig for the whole movie, you know, like Kristen Stewart and Twilight, it's distracting.

I agree.

And I guess Blake Lively was not willing to dye her hair red because

the girl.

She was pregnant, I think.

Wasn't she pregnant?

No, I think she was postpartum.

And people were like applauding her for going back to work so quickly.

Oh.

That makes sense.

But

and I like, I feel like that's just part of acting where you have to like commit to dyeing your hair and like changing your body for roles.

Like,

yeah.

Also, you couldn't dye your hair when you're pregnant.

Some people don't, but like some people do.

It's not.

But it wasn't like the girl had crazy different hair length or texture.

Like it was literally just the color.

Yeah.

Also, I would rather her have just been a blonde in the movie than wear an ugly wig.

Same.

And like then the erasure of redheads.

I don't love it, but we're still being erased because the redhead didn't get the part.

Or yeah, I was going to say, or they could have just cast someone with red hair.

Oh, God forbid.

Or they could have cast someone who was down to dye their hair red, like Julianne Huff.

Right.

However, I'm going to focus on the positives because we've already said those things.

We've already said she's not a redhead.

She didn't become a redhead and I don't like a wig.

I've said it.

I'm going to focus on the positives because I thought that the trailer looked really good.

I thought her acting looked really strong.

And the only note I had is that I would have, just based on what they look like and what I thought of their characters from the book, I would have swapped the male actor.

So I thought prior to this that Justin Baldoni like sunk his teeth into this project and made himself the star.

And I was like, okay, I would do the same thing.

But is he the Ryle?

He's Ryle.

And he's also like the producer.

And I think he was very involved in purchasing the rights.

Like he

got his teeth into the book and then cast himself as the main man.

Like, okay.

And I thought he was so poorly poorly cast.

Seeing him, it was better.

But I don't agree.

I think Atlas is perfectly cast.

I fucking love that guy.

I don't even know his name, but he's from 1923, right?

I love him.

What's his name?

I don't know.

I didn't watch 1923.

Oh my God, you didn't.

He was the best part of it.

1923 was so good.

Better than 1883.

Brendan Sklenner.

Oh my God.

Dream Boat.

Brandon.

Dream Boat.

And he's so Atlas.

Like, he can play homeless.

Like, I see it.

I know.

I thought to me like in the older scenes, like he looks more kind of like buttoned up.

Like I thought Ryle looks more like rugged.

By the way, he is buttoned up in the book.

He's like super successful.

Atlas?

Yeah.

But he's like a creative.

He's a chef, but he owns like multiple restaurants.

That's a creative industry.

He owns his own.

He's also a businessman.

He owns like multiple successful restaurants in Boston.

Oh, that's so not how I saw him in the business.

I'm like, yeah, I saw him as a businessman, but he's also a fucking nut who's like crazy.

Yeah, but I thought he would be like the more

like straight-cut looking guy with like a darkness.

And then the other guy would be just like more free-spirited and

creative.

And yes, Ryle has a darkness, but no, you're wrong about Atlas.

Like, he is like this sort of soft-spoken, sweet.

Are you saying he's a businessman, Bob?

Yes, he's extremely successful.

That's so funny.

That's not like how I saw him.

Yeah.

But

I like what I saw in the trailer.

It was just a note.

That's how I read the book.

But, you know, that's the thing about books.

Like, we all imagine it differently.

Also, like, did the trailer not show any of the young scenes?

It did.

Oh, I feel like maybe.

And Claudia, I don't know who the actress is who plays young

Lily Bloom.

Yeah.

I think, like, I need to find her because otherwise I'm going to think she's AI generated because she looks like young Blake Lively.

Hold on.

I watched

Taylor Nation TikTok, and I feel like maybe it wasn't the whole thing.

I just want to see some young.

In the movie for a second, I was like, is that Blake Lively again as a teenager?

But it's not.

This girl really looks like her.

Not on her Google images, but in the trailer, really look like Blake Lively young.

The wig is really bad.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

Oh man, the trailer that I saw was like definitely wrong.

And then, of course, it was on my Taylor Nation.

Wait, I kind of see what you're saying about Ryle.

He is supposed to be a little bit more suave.

Like him wearing a hoodie in this scene.

like, no, he was wearing a tie and a suit.

Yeah.

He does.

Because I feel like it's always that, it's always a push and pull in like a movie like this where it's like the guy who's like good on paper versus like the guy that your heart wants.

Yeah, no.

Ryle is a little too unkempt.

Like

he's supposed to be like, you know, he's he is wealthy.

Like he has this like

big job, big apartment.

He like is the guy who's like good on paper, but he looks like a hot, like they're usually not so hot.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's like not he's more hot than handsome yeah and atlas is more handsome than hot and just the way i read it i would have thought the opposite

okay wait i'm like kind of like watching the trailer now as a hater

no claude because i made my boyfriend

oh wait blake lively

yeah young

no i'm sorry i'm back to being a hater Because I'm watching this on mute now without my tears ricochet.

And it's a completely different experience.

Like,

I have a hot take.

Okay, they made my boyfriend ugly.

Like, he, which one's your boyfriend?

Brendan Sklar.

Yeah,

he looks different.

Yeah,

he's

a prosthetic face.

He looks like a nerd when it's like that's supposed to be the panty dropper guy, right?

Right, right, right, right, right.

That's what I'm trying to say.

That's what I'm trying to say.

They made him ugly.

What in the world?

Where's my boyfriend?

I'm positive.

I'm shocked by how good this movie looks.

It looks like we're bringing back, not, it's not a rom-com because I think it's very dramatic, but it's like a ramedy.

I don't know.

A rama?

Okay.

A rom drama.

Watch the trailer.

Guys, here's an exercise in mental health or whatever.

Watch the trailer on mute.

Okay, I'm going to do a little bit of that.

Okay,

if you're focusing more on what's wrong,

skip to the middle.

Like, it's a completely different experience, you guys.

I'm in shock.

Because I was.

I don't care.

I disagree.

You just like, maybe we're so excited about that song.

I liked the song, and that I was like, cool that it was included, but it didn't like move the needle for me.

Any song would have made a trailer.

I feel like also any trailer needs music and hype.

Otherwise, it's just a bunch of shit cut together.

You guys watch it on mute and then drop a comment.

I will be watching this movie.

I think this looks like it could be bringing back

the great romance movies.

Not the great, okay, let's not get carried away.

Really good romance movies, held by Blake Lively, her bread and butter.

I think we could be going somewhere really great with this.

I agree.

I'm cautiously optimistic.

And as always, I remain open for Victoria's Secret.

I remain open now for It Ends With Us.

And I shall be remaining open for our next story, which is the Wicked Trailer.

Now, the Wicked Trailer has a Wicked trailer.

Yeah, I have they have been like they've had trailers for the trailer.

I don't give a fuck.

Seriously, that trailer was insane.

It looks incredible.

It looks like it's going to be seriously like the movie, like whatever Wizard of Oz was to the people in the 50s or whenever the fuck that came out, that is what the wicked movie is going to be to us.

That's a really great comparison because I feel like the Wizard of Oz kind of shifted the way people, like, you know, movies in color.

Like it just, it was a new class of movies and this movie looks like that like because we see big movies can what's the last really big movie like the greatest showman musical sorry I thought you meant

no big movie could be movie or musical to me Avatar was the greatest showman but cinematically the greatest showman didn't break the mold avatar and it was because it was all done it was like 100% CGI movie Yeah.

This to me is giving elevated, of course, like the story of Wicked is a great story, but in terms of the music, in terms of the production value, in terms of like the CGI, the sets, it looked so,

the costumes, like, I seriously, it looked like Harry Potter.

By the way, Harry Potter's another good example.

When they were like in the school and they were sharing the dorm in the trailer, I was like, oh man, it's Harry Potter.

And I kind of love how the movie feels.

The show itself is like the star is Alphaba.

But it kind of felt like in the trailer, it's a movie with two stars.

Ensemble.

No,

like partial Ariana, partial Cynthia.

That might just be for the trailer to get the Ari stands excited.

Otherwise, they might complain like not enough Ari.

Yeah, she's definitely the biggest name and a really big draw for the movie, and she's a big part.

So, why not include her a lot?

I had chills.

Like, we got a couple of different sneak peeks at Defying Gravity at Popular and a couple of the songs.

I seriously, like, okay, so I don't know if we have plans for Thanksgiving.

It comes out at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Thanksgiving.

Exciting.

We need to get together.

We need to go to the theater.

Like,

it's giving things.

No, I'm like, I'm

thrilled.

Yeah.

This is exciting for cinema, for musical fans.

I like movie musical.

I love movie musicals.

It's my favorite genre.

And it's crazy.

I don't like Broadway shows.

No, I don't like Broadway shows, but like I've seen Wicked multiple times.

It is so far superior.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Love Wicked.

I'm just saying, like, I love a movie musical.

Yeah.

No, I'm so fucking excited.

How about that?

How about that for positivity?

We're so positive.

It's sick.

I'm positive that we're positive.

Yeah.

So exciting content on the horizon.

Truly.

All's to say.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Sophie Turner has graced the cover of Vogue and given a wide-ranging interview with some very quotable moments.

So she got candid about the public narrative in the weeks after announcing her split from Joe Jonas, which she called the worst few days of her life, and receiving private support from her hero, Taylor Swift.

She said, Taylor was an absolute hero to me this year.

I've never been more grateful to anyone than I am for her because she took my children and me and provided us with a home and a safe space.

She really has a heart of gold.

No, okay.

So I like totally forgot about like that one week where there was all that Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas like back and forth drama.

Their camps like leaking stories about each other.

And I really forgot how like the first couple of days, like clearly the Jonas camp was like putting out all this shit that like Sophie was like an alcoholic and a deadbeat mom, like really sort of heinous accusations.

Yeah.

and i imagine at the time like as a mom she was like freaking out and then also like her marriage is falling apart just like dramatic for everyone and then of course the added element of you know her going out to dinner with taylor swift and then ending up moving into that tribeca like investment apartment that taylor swift had like i literally forgot about that how long ago was that

that was in like september like august september of last year so yeah nine months um i'm glad it's like quieted down and it seems like things are like moving on for them and they're they're like amicably whatevering because there haven't been like stories planted about each other.

But their divorce is not final, correct?

No, not that we know about, but they had reached like that custody agreement and it things like de-escalated for a second.

Yeah.

So not a custody agreement, but like temporary where they had a plan in place.

Um, she also talked about being a Jonas wife and being called the wives along with Danielle and Priyanka and how she didn't like that at the time, just being like the wives.

Yeah, I saw that.

I found that interesting because it wasn't like, you know, all three of them were like nobodies.

I would argue that like Priyanka and Sophie were at points in their career more famous than their spouses.

Yeah, for sure.

It felt like,

yeah, I could see it being derogatory.

And that's what people have, you know, an issue with the word wag is that, you know, most more often than not, the wife of a sports player is sort of unknown and they do like the house and the kids and the family, very traditional.

And so to be just sort of delegated to like your husband's wife is rude.

But I almost think it was like ironic that they were all like more successful in some rights than their spouses.

Yeah.

I also, I never really remember calling them the wives, just the J sisters.

Jay sisters, yeah.

Which was like cute and factual as they are like the sister-in-laws of the J's.

And I

don't know.

I can't imagine like being on her end of it, but I feel like there's no,

like, there's no cause for her to, like, she is so big and mighty that like to be someone's wife for like one second just doesn't seem like the biggest deal.

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

She's sort of like especially

it was in the name of something like really cute, which was like the three.

And also, it's not like the other girls are just wives either.

So it was kind of like ironic to call them the wives.

Yes.

And never meant to be denigrating in any way.

Um,

I don't know.

I just think that's like funny.

Yeah, but I guess she didn't find it funny.

No, she didn't.

She did not like that.

And the cover is like starting to like hate your husband.

Everything is going to start pissing you off, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's true.

The pictures are beautiful.

She looks amazing.

And I think like, you know, it's been, as we said, nine months, like it's high time to hear from her.

Joe goes on tour and guys and sings like, we know how Joe feels because he's an artist and they share how they feel.

And he shared.

as much as he can.

And so this was like her time to speak.

I'm sure she's been holding a lot of this in.

And doing it with what was the magazine?

British Vogue?

Vogue.

Like, does it get classier?

No.

British Vogue?

No, it doesn't get classier.

Like, seriously, this is so...

It's honestly a sly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like it.

I like it too.

I don't like it.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Oh, good.

It happens so fast.

Yeah.

I know.

Breezed by.

Sad.

I guess, no, I'm not.

I didn't think you were.

I don't think you are.

Okay, yeah, no, no, no.

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Thank you, Turdy.

I just decided to switch.

I switched out the fifth story.

Oh, wow.

Someone got the boot?

Not in a boot way, like I just didn't feel like wasn't right.

You didn't feel comfortable sharing.

I didn't feel, yeah, that sounds dramatic.

I'll explain later.

You'll understand.

And a different story that I meant to talk about earlier this week, so it's just going to seem like a little late and random, but I wanted to get your thoughts.

Okay.

Chris Pratt has divided fans after leaving his ex, Anna Farris, out of his Mother's Day tribute again.

Yeah.

So Chris Pratt once again left his ex-wife and mother of his 11-year-old son, Anna Farris, out of his Mother's Day tribute.

He shared on Instagram.

He instead praised his mother, Kathy, and his wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger, with whom he shares two children.

He said, Witnessing you being a mom to Lila and Eloise and a stepmom to Jack makes me fall more and more in love with you every day.

So it was a really nice thing that he posted for his wife and his mother.

And of course, like Chris Pat can't do anything nice for his wife without people bringing up his ass.

Okay, I want to talk about the wife, but really quickly, I just want to say, I saw a video.

Remember a couple of weeks ago, there was another story, people giving Chris Pratt shit for

buying a home and tearing it down because they said it was.

Like we talked about this.

Yeah.

I I saw a video of the actual house.

Piece of shit.

I guess you stand by what you said.

Piece of shit.

Like just because a house is from a certain time period doesn't make it valuable.

If it was valuable, like sorry, it would have been landmarked or something.

Like it was this random architect and I saw it and seriously was like one of the ugliest houses I've ever seen.

Like I would have knocked it down.

Yeah.

No, I'm sorry.

We can't be protecting everything.

Right.

That I saw the video too and I felt good about our take on it, which was that one, it's his property, even if it was a Frank Lloyd Wright house, like, and it's not landmark, it's well within his rights to do what he wants with it.

And if it meant so much more to someone else, they would have afford it, they would have bought it.

Um, and I don't expect Chris Pratt and Kevin Schwarzenegger to live in that home.

Like, he literally wouldn't be able to walk through the door, though.

Ceilings were so low.

No, but also, like, it's a no-name architect, and it was an ugly house.

Like, that's just really all that needs to be.

He was probably like an architect who's like a name in, if you know a lot of architects, yeah.

But he wasn't like first-string architect.

Now, to Anna Farris, there has long been speculation that these two like ended poorly.

I think the

big thing that started everyone theorizing like what the hell happened between Chris Pratt and Ana Farris is

when Chris Pratt posted, I think it was a Mother's Day.

And it was like a picture of his child with Catherine Schwarzenegger saying like our beautiful healthy child.

Are you saying Jack is ugly and unhealthy?

Because like he wears glasses.

Anna Farris and his child had had some like small health issues at, you know, early, like he wears glasses, basically.

I didn't think that that compliment to Catherine Schwarzenegger was an attack on Anna Farris.

I thought people were being hella dramatic.

He can't call Catherine Schwarzenegger pretty without it meaning that Anna Farris is ugly.

He can't call her smart without it meaning that Anna Farris is stupid.

Yes, everyone just compares everything that he posts about.

But, you know, to do a roundup of mothers

and not include the mother of one of your children, like, is a little crazy.

Like, even Tom Brady always posts Giselle and Bridget Moynihan and his own mother, of course.

And even when him and Giselle were good, he, and I actually thought it was always like, you know, given how fucked up what he did to her was, it was always like a Menshe thing that he always included Bridget Moynihan.

I think he always like wished her a happy birthday too.

Like, I thought it was, but for sure, but it's like, okay, so Tom Brady like left his pregnant wife, but posts about her on Mother's Day.

So he's good.

Chris Pratt like respectively ended ended his marriage started a new relationship and only posts about his new relationship on mother's day and he's bad like i just i have no horse in this race i just see it from like an outside perspective i've never watched guardians of the galaxy nor parks and rec though i do like chris pratt and the things i've seen him in like ride wars a plus anna farris like best probably one of the greatest actresses of our generation what Anna Farris, one of the greatest actresses of our generation, at one point, like one of the greatest podcasters.

So like

mad respect.

I'm coming at this from a complete outsider.

Like you guys have to let up on Chris Pratt and Catherine Schwarzenegger.

Like, let them be.

They remind me sort of of Justin, Haley, and Selena.

Yeah.

Where it's like, Justin can't do anything for Haley without it being a slight towards Selena.

Honestly, it's Jelena for millennials.

It's Jelena for elder millennials.

Like Chris and Catherine trying to move forward in their faith, just like a Christian couple trying to do something.

By the way, that's an amazing comparison.

Trying to do Christian tings, and it's always about the ex.

By the way, that's brilliant.

Like, seriously, brilliant.

That's, it's the exact same thing.

And like, oh my God, yeah.

No, Justin, Haley, Chris, and Catherine need to go out to dinner.

I bet you they do.

I bet you they belong to the same church.

I bet you they do.

Yeah.

The only difference I feel is like Anna Farris doesn't engage.

Like she just lets people like speculate.

Selena often like pokes the bear knowing there's this like big standem of people and she like kind of victimizes herself.

Whereas like Anna Farris doesn't she even post on Instagram?

Her podcast like ended.

She doesn't

her podcast just posts reruns.

No, she like doesn't put.

I don't know where Anna Farris is, like, if

all is well, and she's just like taking time off.

But by the way, it's abundantly clear.

Let's see, the last thing she posted was October 2023.

And that was the last episode of her podcast.

And it was an episode card, so it's not even like real-time picture.

July 2023, she posted at the Great Wolf Lodge Slay.

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

She doesn't post.

The last time she had a guest on her podcast, and the last thing they promoted was Minka Kelly, May 2023.

So the podcast is over.

That's really crazy.

And also, like, it's just abundantly clear that, you know, Chris Pratt and Anna Farris, their

marriage ended poorly.

Like, they

are not on good terms, clearly.

So he wouldn't be, like, posting her.

And, like, a lot of people aren't friends with their exes.

Like, it doesn't make them bad people.

So I think that's like, it's as simple and as complicated as that.

And on the one hand, I'm like, Chris Pratt knows if he does like a roundup.

Even if he just posted for Catherine, that would have been like different than like also posting his mom and then just leaving out this one.

And so it's like, Chris, why do you walk into these things?

I know.

I know, but he should be allowed to celebrate his wife and his mother.

But then it also makes me realize like Chris Pratt doesn't give a fuck because if he did, he wouldn't do this because why

you don't, they're poking the

hornet's nest, but it's like he's so indignant and he doesn't care.

And it's like he's, he's not doing it intentionally, but like if these sort of thick conversations bothered him, he could just limit his social exposure.

He could skirt around it, but he chooses not to.

So all is to say, they're doing fine.

Next up is Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment where you guys write into us.

And Jackie and I select three submissions to chat through every week.

If you want to write into us, you can send us an email, deartoasters at gmail.com, or you can head over to our website, the toastpodcast.com.

There's a submission box.

Both are totally anonymous.

Share what you need to share.

Try not to make it too long and we'll try to get to all of you.

Are you ready for today's?

I am.

Hey, Jackson Turdy.

I'm a longtime toaster, and this is the first time I'm seeking advice for my girlies.

My husband fucking smells.

To put some context behind it, we've been together for over 10 years.

We got married in 2019, but recently he's been smelling like rotten sausages.

I am 14 weeks pregnant, so I think I'm super smelling and it's hindering my senses.

I cannot take it.

I've told him a couple of times before we left the house that something on him smells.

So he'll go change his clothes, put on some cologne.

But this morning he just woke up smelly.

My bedroom reeks of the sausage smell.

Every time I walk by him, I want a gag.

How do I tell him my PJOM husband that his natural scent is making me barf without being rude?

How do you change your natural scent?

The thing is, I don't know if he's changed his natural scent.

I think his natural scent is.

I'm saying like, if you tell him your natural scent grosses me out, like, what can you do about that?

Just

because it's clear that he might not be smelly, that it's a pregnancy thing, right?

You're just, you're more sensitive to smells when you're pregnant.

You smell more.

I feel like freaking Bruno.

Yeah.

And those smells like have a guttural reaction for you.

So you're definitely smelling it now because you are pregnant, but like, what can he do other than stay away from your shower every five minutes?

So here's what we have to do.

Like, you need to tell him, by the way, like, it's not that you're smelly.

Your smell is not vibing with my pregnancy.

It's not compatible.

And we need to get to work.

So you need to buy really, really fragrant shampoos and conditioners because, like, okay, let's say like a bad flower smell is better than rotten sausages.

Like, and he needs to stay on top of his hygiene when it comes to, he just, like, needs to wear cologne, needs to use like a fragrant body wash.

Like, get ahead of it.

Yeah, you should go out and find a smell that you like.

Maybe it's even old spice, just like something powerful.

Yeah.

Get the body wash, the shampoo, conditioner, hand soap, everything so that, like, oh, and make sure it's just like one cohesive smell so it kind of takes over from every orifice of his.

Don't send him out to do it.

Like, you go sniffing and find what you like, and then come home and be like, listen, your natural pheromones are not compatible with my pregnancy senses.

Can you don't tell him he's like smelly like sausages?

Cause they don't want to help you.

No, but like when I'm pregnant and I open the fridge, yeah.

But then when I'm not pregnant, I don't even notice that my fridge doesn't smell in general.

Like you are literally like a hound.

That's so, that sounds horrible.

Yeah.

So I think you go out, find the new products, whatever, your, whatever doesn't make you want to vomit, and tell him and give them to him.

Like, I think he'll be totally fine with that.

And am I wrong in saying like this should go away by month like four?

Oh, it definitely gets better.

Yeah.

So that's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely it eases up.

You'll still have like

nose like brew, but.

Now the crazy thing is like being in Jackie's house when she's pregnant opening the fridge and hearing this.

Every time I open the fridge when I'm pregnant.

No, I can't.

And did it occur to you to like plug your nose?

Or that doesn't help?

I would like hold my breath sometimes.

It doesn't really help.

And it's so crazy because that never, ever happens when I'm like, not even, I never, I honestly

hadn't even thought about it until this

segment.

Like that's how much, it's not like I have a smelly fridge.

I just like, you smell the smell of fridge.

But then sometimes a fridge can be smelly.

Let's just say that.

Oh, yeah.

Well, if you got a problem.

Yeah, you got a problem.

Like I was literally cleaning out my fridge all the time to make it smell better.

And it's just, it is what it is.

Okay, this next one is so funny and and topical.

Hey girly swirlies, my fiancé and I got into a fight about the Tom Brady roast.

I was appalled by the joke that Tony Hinchcliffe made about Kim Kardashian and I'm not even like a Kim Stan.

He related her vagina to that of whales.

To me, that's just misogynistic and gross.

She's a mother, for God's sakes.

My fiancé says all fair is in is all's fair in comedy, that it's just a roast and I need to lighten up.

I understand it was a roast and I'm not one to get upset by comedy, but I thought his comments were just so unfunny and just gross.

Am I overreacting or is my fiancé a secret woman hating troll?

Help.

We've been together for four years and we're getting married this fall.

P.S.

Love you dearly.

I just want to say

what was the joke?

That like her vagina was like big and worn out from like all the dick and it was like a whale's vagina.

Okay.

And I just want to say like

I think like it's a roast.

It's true.

Like anyone can say what they want.

And like it is a gross joke, but like I support Tony Hinchcliffe's, you know, right to make it.

But if Ben laughed at it, like I definitely would have been like, what's the problem?

No, that's always like, that's always weird when you're watching a movie with someone and you're like, this is so unfunny.

And then like, you see the person next to you laughing.

It's like, do you have no taste?

That's literally my marriage.

Like, Ben, but Ben laughs at like, you know, duty.

He thinks Judy humor is so funny.

And sometimes I'm like, this is like really gross.

I watched something recently with Zach that was like bad and I saw him laughing.

I was in shock.

It wasn't anything offensive.

I was just like, wow, we're so different.

It was offensively unfunny.

It was offensively unfunny.

For this, I didn't watch The Roast, but I can place myself if, like, you heard your partner laughing about jokes like derogatory towards women that like just made you, that just went beyond the pale.

Cause of course, like, any joke towards a woman is derogatory towards a woman.

But I agree with you.

It's like bottom of the bar.

Like, that's just like.

And especially Tony Hinschliffe was like probably one of him and Nikki Lazar were like the top two roasters.

And his jokes were so creative and original.

And like, honestly, I just feel like he could have done better.

Yeah.

Like, I don't think you need to not marry him.

Just men have like dumb, unelevated, unsophisticated senses of humor.

It's actually good that you like know this prior to getting married.

Like, just like, it's true.

It's just, it's emblematic, if you will.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, what it reminds me of.

Remember when we watched the Andrew Schultz special?

Yes.

With our husbands.

Yeah.

And it was so, so funny.

We were all laughing so hard.

The end of it got, I forget, I don't even know what he was talking about, but it got like graphic.

Like Peter's graph.

Yeah, like sex jokes.

It was not for us not for us but like our husbands were still laughing

I did I find that

unattractive yes but like then we just moved like I haven't thought about it again until right now like men just have like lower senses of humor than us and honestly that's why like no I was gonna say something really mean but that's why like there's so many successful male comedians like because men are like

the men will laugh at anything and like women are so critical and women are like you know they have higher standards that's why it's hard to be that's why that's what I'm telling myself that's why it's hard to be a female comic.

I think you're on to something.

Not to say all male comics are unfunny.

No, and I love the actual Schultz special, but like they will, like, men will laugh at a certain like

bathroom humor, even.

Not even take out the sex stuff, just like duty jokes and stuff.

That's just like

it takes women, it takes a lot more creativity and wit to make a woman laugh.

Make a woman laugh.

I feel like.

And honestly, it's a compliment to us because we make women laugh daily.

It's so true.

Hourly.

No, and that's why people say like women aren't funny.

It's like, that's not the case.

Women are just.

Meet us up here.

Join us.

Join us.

Yeah, because a woman didn't laugh at your dumb fucking joke.

Yeah.

Cry cry about it.

Anyway, I'll also say, move on.

It's not a big deal.

Yeah.

I'll also say, but if we did want to like dig into this in a subconscious level, like you could perhaps be looking for things, you know.

Because you are getting married.

Like you're either maybe freaking out, looking for issues.

So maybe look into that instead.

Yeah.

If this is part of a larger thing of disrespect towards women, blah, blah, blah.

Yes.

If this is an isolated incident where he laughed at a joke that you felt, I think we can let it go.

Agreed.

Is there a pattern?

Establish a pattern.

Yeah.

Okay.

Our third and final one, like kind of applies to you.

And I think maybe you're the best person to give because it's about a girl who doesn't have her license.

Okay.

Hey, swirly.

Hey, swirlies.

I have a conundrum.

My husband and his coworker who lives close by has been, he's been driving her to the office occasionally for the past year.

She's foreign and she only has her learner's permit.

This week, the company is back in office full-time as opposed to once a month visits for meetings.

I was a little hesitant when he first started driving her and I asked to see a picture.

She's our age and definitely not ugly.

I thought it was the right thing to help her out though.

We live 30 minutes away from downtown.

There are not great public transportation options.

She seems like a nice person and even sent us a gift when we recently had our first baby.

However, she's apparently no longer pursuing her license and is expecting my husband to drive her every day.

They are literally on the same team, so it would be very awkward if he told her to Uber instead.

He is a total PJOM, and I don't think he's purposely acting in a nefarious manner, but I just feel weird about him spending so much time with her.

Am I being crazy, S-O-S?

Well, let's take a look back to a previous steer toasters where there was a woman who was, you know, just feeling a little icky about her husband, who's a landlord, going over so frequently to this young hot thing's apartment to like, you know, clean her pipes and stuff.

And he did end up, in fact, cheating on her.

That woman is now filing for divorce.

So, no, of course, that's not always the case.

And people are gonna be like you guys need to trust women no women women can be harlots and men can we just i just want to say we just sang the praises of women being smart and funny and elevated and so now i can say like get her out of the car with your husband there's some universal truths 30 minutes young not ugly

goodbye and you're like she's so sweet she sent us a gift when our baby was born yes she spends every day with your husband that'd be fucking weird if she didn't send a gift like that's the sweetness and the fact that she stopped pursuing her license.

Like, no, this girl needs to get her license.

You live 30 minutes.

Like, I moved to the suburbs for one second.

I got my license.

You live 30 minutes from downtown and you have to go into work every day.

Like, get your license.

And of course, she's not going to get it because, like, this nice strapping fella with a job stream is driving her to work every day.

If I had that situation, yeah, I wouldn't get my license either.

But she needs to get it.

And your husband, he can either be like, straight up, I can't drive you anymore.

Or like, you know, I have to take my wife here in the morning, make some shit up.

You have a kid, by the way.

You have a kid.

And that's why you have a kid because it gives you a million excuses.

You say, I gotta drop my kid off at daycare.

Hey, whatever.

My morning routines, now that we're back in the office, are shifting with the baby.

So, um, let me know the best.

I can't take you.

Yeah, I can't take you anymore, but here is an amazing driving school.

Um, I just want to say you're completely valid, and like

in your not wanting these people spending an hour, by the way, they're on back, an hour a day together before they work together because they work on the same team, by the way.

I'm unequivocal about this.

There's no, but she need

she needs nothing.

You've done enough, by the way.

She's got a job.

She's got a permit.

She can get her license and she can get a car.

She can.

People do it every day.

Look at me.

Look at you.

It can be done.

I agree.

And so I think best in terms of actually tangible advice, blame it on the baby.

Yeah, I don't care what he has to say to get out of it.

He has to get out of it.

And then if you want to come up with something, if you want to be honest with him, like you can even like change your day if you don't want to be honest with him, because yeah, nothing's gone wrong yet.

And, but women, we have to know these things.

Men, like, they don't see.

They don't see.

She lives here and needs a ride.

Yeah.

It's very like logic-based, not considering any sort of emotion.

Yeah.

Like, it's five minutes.

What's the big deal?

You know, so if you're not.

Honestly, I'm sure he's not really interested in like spending 30 minutes with your drive to work.

People's commute, when you work like a full workday in a corporate office, your 20-minute train ride is your piece.

And

on the way there, you're prepping, you're trying, like, seriously, not to cry.

And on the way home, you're like so relieved.

It's actually a special time in a working person's life.

You might want to listen to a podcast.

Who the fuck wants to spend it with someone from work?

No.

Get her out of the car.

Seriously.

Tuck and roll.

Tuck and roll.

Tuck and fuck and roll.

Good luck.

That was Tear Toasters again.

If you ever want to write in, send us an email, dear toasters at gmail.com or head over to the toastpodcast.com.

Make sure to tune into tomorrow's episode for a major toast announcement.

We're so excited.

Like the biggest thing we've ever done.

No, I'm kidding.

It's like really not, but it's really exciting.

And it's

exciting.

It's huge.

I'm excited.

I'm excited.

Excitement excites me.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast on Monday morning show where we delivered the past I saw as you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Mysterious so to listen to listen, if fast art view about how beautiful, about how stunning, about how wickedly talented we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow for Friday.

Love ya.

Bye.