Resuming Swirly Affairs: Monday, May 13th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Monday that feels like a real Monday.

Hey, Jacks, how you doing?

During well, Turt, thank you for asking.

Yes, indeed, it does feel like a real Monday for me, especially.

I'm sure for you as well, but for me, especially.

It's not a competition, but it's fine.

Oh, because I've been off.

Hey, guys, how you doing?

How is everyone's week?

My week was fantabulous.

My week of leisure was not as leisurely as I was hoping for, but I got so much out of it.

I got to be a toaster for the week, which was really such a joy.

And I'm so glad I had that experience to say to you all, you're welcome.

How being a toaster and the toast is such a gift to your everyday in all mundane daily activities, driving, cleaning, cooking, mothering, working out.

Mother, no, not while I'm mothering because you just never know when a curse word is going to slip.

So let's start from the very beginning.

The last time we saw you all was a Friday.

Jackson and I headed to Austin.

We had a fabulous time in Austin.

We sort of had this sort of renaissance with the city.

And I would say, is it crazy to say we fell in love with the city?

We did.

I feel like more often than not these days, you go to a city and you're like, yikes, spikes, what's happening here?

No, Austin was so fabulous.

Mostly like the people there were so amazing.

It's such a toasty town.

Like we had one of our biggest events ever.

We did an amazing meet and greet at Spritz.

The girlies showed up and showed out.

Then we spoke at a panel and the girlies were there as well.

Then we went to a concert.

We had back to back to back.

We were kind of giving meetings, meetings, meetings energy.

But to complete my thought, we had such an amazing experience in Austin, the town.

What a gorgeous city.

Pretty well taken care of as far as cities go.

I had been there a few years ago and I always thought it was like such a cool place, you know, keep Austin weird, the main drag, South Congress.

You guys have a lot going on.

Shops, restaurants, the like.

And everything has just built up since then.

There's so much new construction.

It's really a blossoming city.

And if you're a young person thinking about where to live like after you graduate, might I suggest Austin?

I don't think you need to suggest it.

It's like one of the most popular places for young people to move.

No, but might I, if like if this, if you're looking for a sign, should I move to Austin or Chicago or,

you know, Minneapolis.

I wasn't going to vote Austin.

Yeah, no, the weather was great.

They've got lakes, breaks, traks.

They've got it all, really.

It was so fabulous.

I agree with you that the crop of people were of a special elk.

Well, it's a really interesting city in the sense that most people who live there aren't from there.

And it's people from other, you know, big urban cities and other places in Texas.

So it was a real melting pot.

Everyone was getting normal energy, which you absolutely love to see.

I just felt like the normalcy radiating from the people there.

That's why I liked it.

Yeah.

Normalcy, toastiness.

Oh, yeah.

It was kind of like, I want to say the toastiest city I've ever been.

We really had such a great time.

We had a jam-packed 24 hours.

We did our Spritz meet and greet, which was so much fun.

So many sweet toasters, sweet babies, sweet toasty mamas and like toasters, mamas, like grown.

You know what I mean?

Books to sign, Camber and Counselor, Girl with No Job.

We just had a really great, fun, swirly time.

And then we did Dear Media IRL.

Another fun, great, swirly time.

And then just, you know, almost like the stars were aligned for us.

It happened to be a country music festival in Austin that night.

So obviously we went.

We had the best time.

What a lineup.

I mean, Lady A, Lady A.

Lady A all day.

Thank you to iHeartCountry and whoever pulled strings to treat us like artists cousins.

Keith Urban.

Keith Urban.

Lady A.

Lady A.

Riley Green.

Riley Green.

So much has happened to me like since that.

I can't even remember who else.

Well, Jason Aldean also performed and jelly roll.

Your girls did split

just because we had had a long day as aforementioned.

Yeah.

But we had had such a ball in Lady A, like, that was all I needed.

I filled up my concert cup.

No, Lady A was, I haven't seen them perform in like seriously 15 years.

And I turned to Jackie as a joke when they were walking on stage.

I'm like, you think they'll play American Honey?

Which is seriously like not even a song they ever released.

Like it's so random.

There's literally like, I don't even know if it's on iTunes.

It's like a deep cut on YouTube.

And I swear to God, like the third song they played, we were screaming, losing our minds.

Yeah.

No, it's a, I think it was a single.

We just associate it with another song from Lady A that was a deep cut on iTunes that that is, they don't claim or play or anything.

But American Honey was a major song for them.

Was it?

Yeah.

It feels like nobody knew it around me.

It feels like our song though.

It feels.

It's like, we grew up

on the side of the road.

We literally did.

Where the church bells ring

and strong love.

That's literally us.

Literally.

We grew up good.

We grew up slow, like American honey.

Like American honey.

Pirige, power g.

It was really amazing.

It was like, like Jackie said, a jam-packed 24 hours.

And then Jackie headed home and I went to LA straight off the plane into.

Hopped off the plane at LAX into Sebastian Maniscalco's arms.

Laugh.

Yeah.

Obsessed.

I will say I knew everyone that I was going to be interviewing and I was not nervous for any of them except Sebastian Maniscalco.

He was the only one I didn't know, like, hadn't spoken to.

It was like very publicist-y.

It wasn't like DMA.

Hey, want to come on like brooch snowfields i had never met but he and i she and i were texting like right and he's the least swirly of the hosts everyone else was pretty swirly yeah everyone else was like familiar with the swirly vibes and i just know like someone on sebastian's team was like you know this will be good for you with the millennial girls like just do it and he was like okay and i could tell like when he walked in he's like okay like what is this what's going on who's this little girl little girl little girl and i was like dead set on winning him over and like showing him the swirly vibes and the swirly way of life the swirly way of life And I feel like mission accomplished.

I seriously, I don't know if I've ever prepped so much.

Like I watched Unfrosted on the Plane, which he was in for all of 10 seconds, but still like I wanted to talk about it.

I like did so much research on him.

I stalked him and his wife on Instagram to death.

Like seriously.

And I walked in feeling good, feeling prepared.

And

the second he sat down and he laughed at something I said, I just felt like, oh, he's obsessed.

Obsessed with last swirl.

How could he not be?

I feel like he saw the swirly vibes, liked what he saw, and perhaps is thinking about adapting the swirly lifestyle into his everyday.

I think for about an hour there, he was a swirly.

1,000%.

And I'm just telling you, like the vibes, like we need to get him back on.

And like, I think seriously, I think he had a great time.

Yeah.

And we had a great time, us listeners.

By the way, I never watch like our own episodes, whether it's a guest or just us, but like I did watch it two times.

Also, what was crazy for me was this was the first time I exclusively exclusively listened to this podcast.

I usually like I can't listen to a podcast unless it has a video component and I watch the video.

But I guess because I just had, I wasn't going to sit down and watch video.

So I was just going about my life listening to the podcast.

Fabulous experience.

I understand why people love it.

Yeah, when you did guest co-hosts, I also just listened as a podcast.

Like that's, cause I was a gal on the go.

Because otherwise I'm never going to listen because I don't, I'm not sitting down to watch this.

So I understand now why our podcast numbers are so much higher than our video numbers.

So then the next day I podcasted with Justin Sylvester, which was the perfect, perfect episode.

There was a lot going on in the world.

Met Gala, things of that nature.

It had been a while because it was the weekend and then Monday's episode with Sebastian.

It had been a while since I had like a proper pop culture sit down and I feel like we needed that, sort of like a palate cleanser for everyone to just sort of return to their truest selves.

Return to normalcy.

And Justin Sylvester is seriously like the king of my heart, body and soul.

Like I, there actually.

Probably are four people on this planet I actually couldn't muster up a bad thing to say about, even if I tried my absolute hardest.

And Justin Sylvester is one of those people.

No, like if Justin Sylvester has no fans, I'm dead.

I'm dead.

I'm serious.

We've been killed.

No, but like you're his friend.

I'm his fan.

Yeah.

I love everything that he does.

If Daily Pop has no fans, I am dead.

I was the last person watching Daily Pop.

They had to claw it from my hands.

So that was a real treat for me as just like a fan.

And he's just such a professional and such a star and so funny.

It's very rare that somebody can make it their job to talk about other people, but they themselves are of extreme interest still.

Like it's not like I don't want to hear about you.

I'm like, tell me what's going on tell me everything they themselves they themselves

then

the next day was the day in which

the day in which you know the day in which the tick tock came home to roost

the tick no the 5k

oh i thought you were talking i thought we were going about a show sorry no i'm going in order of like what i actually did in which

we witched now there's so much to talk about when it comes to the 5k and you and i actually haven't even really like talked about it awful.

No, and you haven't talked about it on the podcast, have you?

No, I briefly talked about it with tinks, but like not on a real emotional level.

Right, like you haven't told us everything.

I know some things, but like La Terd, how was the 5k?

I'm not going to lie to you.

It was hard.

So it was at the Rose Bowl, which is like just like six miles of concrete.

It's there's not a tree in sight.

A breeze?

No.

I don't know her.

And it was at like 11 o'clock, which is pretty like peak heat of the day.

It's not 8 a.m.

It's not 9 a.m.

It's 11.

And honestly, it felt like the first day I'd ever run.

Like it felt like I had made no progress.

I was dying, like seriously, dying, heaving, almost at one point threw up.

Well, I just want to say, imagine how you would have been if you hadn't trained.

So

this is where things get interesting.

And I thought about maybe not even sharing this.

But you're going to be brave and open.

But, you know, I've been so transparent this whole, and I like sometimes I wish I wasn't this authentic, you know?

Okay.

What else?

And I have to say, like, I ran, I did the 5K with Ben and Josh.

Josh Peck is like, you know, just, I don't think he trained, but he's a person who's in good shape.

So he ran with me the whole time.

And I actually felt bad.

I felt like I was really slowing him down.

And I was like, just please go.

Like, you're making me feel worse.

And he was like, no, I'm not leaving you.

Like, he was so loyal to the point where, like, I actually wanted to slap him.

Ben did the weirdest thing where the second we started, everyone's like starting slow, he sprints like seriously, like an Olympic runner for like 30 seconds just to get really ahead of us so that he could walk and we would catch up to him.

Now, suffice to say that did not work.

He seriously almost went into cardiac arrest after those 30 seconds and he was behind us the entire time.

So much so to the point where we lapped him because you basically go a mile and a half and then run back a mile and a half.

And we caught him on the way back and he hopped over and cheated.

So, yeah.

And he said that on his own story.

That's not me blowing up his spot.

Yeah, Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So all's that to say, I ran with my, like how I always run with my phone in the tracker.

I'm literally going to pull up the screenshot because I'm dying.

And at two and a half miles, I hadn't taken a break yet.

And I seriously thought I was going to throw up.

So I started walking and I was like, I actually don't think I can finish it.

And then after like heavy breathing and just, you know, I was able to finish it.

And when I finished it, my phone was in my hand and I screenshotted the time

and I was shocked.

I was like, okay, maybe this wasn't as hard as I thought because I did it in 35 minutes.

Yeah.

And up until this point, like my best time was 38.

And that was like when I was feeling really good and doing really good.

Like I knew it was a good thing.

And that was like in air conditioning or a breezy day.

Exactly.

So I'm like, hmm, wow.

It must have all been in my head.

But then I also saw.

that my distance distance was 2.97.

And I was like trying not to blow up the two bearish spot being like, this wasn't an accurate 5K.

Like like it wasn't 3.1 It was 2.97.

Oh my God.

And I'm like, oh man, this is a farce.

No wonder why my time was so low.

It's 2.97.

That's why.

It's a scheme.

And so I just sort of held this information to myself for the last few days.

Is this an expose?

No, just wait.

Okay, because I'm like, this is major stuff.

No.

So I'm like, okay, the five bears are a fraud and I'm skinny 35 minutes.

And I was just sort of like, just living with that, you know, and like, yes, yes, I had this big secret about 2.97.

I was probably the only person really tracking it.

But I also had this other like thing where I could tell people I did it in 35 minutes.

So I was like, you know what?

We're all winners here.

Yeah.

I get home

and yesterday or Saturday, I go for a run and I'm using my same app.

And I had such a good run.

I did the three miles and I did it in 36 minutes.

I'm like, oh my God, I am really getting good.

Yes.

Your app is crap.

No.

So then I'm like playing with the app, you know, it stores all your runs.

So I'm like, oh, let me just go look at my big fancy progress.

I see

the 5K run.

I'm looking at it right now.

39.26.

That feels right.

And I say, excuse me, 39.26?

I had the screenshot and I go look at the screenshot, but my phone was locked.

So I'm like, my phone hadn't updated like,

the phone hadn't woken up yet.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

So the distance and the time hadn't updated.

Okay, so it was a true 5k.

This is not an expose.

It was a true 5K and I did it in 3926.

Like I can't believe I was telling everyone like I did it in 35 minutes.

I just feel like you didn't have to correct yourself here today.

I know.

Because I was really impressed because I ran a 5k in solidarity with you on

Tuesday or Wednesday, whenever it was.

And I pushed myself so hard to get the lowest possible time.

I think I was, I got 38 minutes.

And that's in a gym on a treadmill, air conditioning.

You, I think the treadmill even has a fan vent.

It's fanning me.

Like, this is with all modern conveniences, 38 minutes.

And then I saw you were 35 minutes.

I said, wow, damn turdy.

Yeah.

So now I'm taking a look at my run.

Mile one, crushed it, 1124.

Mile two, 1217.

Mile three, this is where I seriously thought I was going to throw up.

1545.

That's really not bad.

No.

And then like two days later, I come home, I go for a run on Saturday, and I did it in 36 minutes.

Like, why couldn't I have brought that?

It was just a gorgeous day, breezy and perfect.

Yeah, no breeze, concrete.

Everything was working against me, and I was very flustered because we almost missed the 5k.

Why?

Because of Ben?

Because of Ben.

Shocker.

Like, and I apologize if you're hearing this story already because I made a TikTok about it that went so viral.

We're going to bed the night before.

I want to get good sleep.

I'm drinking a lot of water.

I'm prepping so hard.

Electrolytes, bananas, like really.

I'm literally asleep.

Like my eyes are, I'm seriously about to drift in bed.

It's like, oh my God.

I'm like, what?

He's like, I don't have my hocas.

Sneakers.

He didn't bring sneakers.

Well, he had like Air Force Ones, but those aren't like, you can't run in those.

Those are like girly sneakers.

Like

girly sneakers?

I seriously, like, normally I would hop into action.

Like, let me fix this for you because that's what I do.

At this point, I was like, seriously, eat my fucking ass.

Yeah.

Grow the fuck up.

And no stores in LA opened before 10 a.m.

And we had to be there at 10 a.m.

And it was an hour away.

If that's not emblematic of the situation, we found a dick sporting goods nearby that was open earlier.

We went, but it was just like such un and then like we had gotten off the highway to go to dicks and then we're gonna get back on the highway and we missed the exit for the actual 5k because we were just like flustered.

Like yeah.

And I seriously like I was cursing his fucking name in the back of this car.

And I was like, not me literally preparing for something for six months.

Like I decided in January I wanted to do something and now I hear I am five months later doing it.

And I might miss it because of you.

And I was literally like you had one job.

I was including you on this.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

I was so fucking mad.

Now we ended up not having to get there.

Like we didn't end up starting running till 1045.

But like the email I got from the Two Bears 5K team said be there at 10 a.m.

I follow the rules.

Like I'm not a disgusting person.

I'm.

And I'm sure then Ben was like, look, we didn't even have to be here.

Just like when you get to the airport as the doors are closing.

And he's like, look, we made it.

I was right.

1000%.

I was so mad.

And then he was just like, he was also like goofing around on the 5K.

And like, I was definitely taking it like a little too seriously.

But like his, like, our energies were just off.

And maybe that's why I did it in 39 minutes, like for real.

Oh, for sure.

Cause you had this weight holding you down, like this anger.

Thousand percent.

Thousand percent.

Well, I just wasn't in the best possible headspace I could have possibly been in, you know?

Yeah, well, sometimes that's motivating, like that, when you have something like you're running against.

No, I just wanted to like run away and get further.

Run away.

But the thing is, like, Josh was being such a good friend.

Josh would not leave my side.

Like the entire time, he was right behind me.

And Ben was like with Josh.

So I couldn't, I couldn't shake Ben.

Do you meet anyone else?

Any networking?

It was like a little networking, but like seriously, I was taking it so seriously, like to the point that it was actually embarrassing.

But I didn't meet anyone new per se.

No.

But I, you know, rubbed elbows with old friends.

Oh, you know, okay, so probably the most famous person there was Travis Barker.

I was shocked when I saw him.

First of all, it was 10,000 degrees and he was, you know, he always covers up like his arms, legs, because of the burns from his plane crash.

I seriously, I thought he, like, I'm like, how are you not going to faint?

It's so hot.

He must like be a runner.

When I tell you, he was doing laps around everyone.

He must have done the 5K, seriously,

in 18 minutes.

When I was like a mile in, he had already lapped me and was headed back.

So he had like a mile left.

I had two miles left.

It was really crazy.

I didn't even see him at the finish line.

He must have, seriously, he must have been home by then.

Like, that was crazy.

Was there first, second, third place?

Well, so that's what's so funny is there was like this whole party afterwards.

I stayed for like 15 minutes, but then I had to go record with Brooks, so I left.

I think there was

a medal.

Medal, sound.

I didn't win, so I wasn't interested.

And like, seriously, the morning of us feeling so confident.

I was like, I feel like, you know, I have a chance of placing.

Like, for real.

I was like, I could place.

And then I got there and I realized, like, first of all, there were two heats is what they call them.

The 5k was open to the public for like their listeners and stuff.

And Burton Tom ran with them at nine.

And then there was like a VIP heat at 1045.

So it it was just like, you know, skinny, wealthy LA people.

Like, who, like, I seriously, I had, I have a shot in hell.

The fact that I didn't come in last is a miracle, like, for all.

And did they do it like top three men, top three women?

I didn't stay for the medal ceremony.

So honestly, I don't know.

But you're wearing a medal on the show today in case you're listening as a podcast, which you know.

Well, you probably wouldn't know this because you've never ran a 5K, but they basically have like people waiting for you at the end, like to give everyone a medal.

It's giving like we're all winners here energy.

Yeah.

That's like the marathon 2.

That's the marathon 2, turtleoo.

Screenshot.

Yeah, we got it.

You got it?

So yeah, they just like, they had like a million medals at the end, which like, honestly, that was the best part.

Yeah, no, you deserve a medal.

And you got one.

No, I literally deserve a medal.

Yeah.

I want a bigger one.

You never won.

I know.

I didn't see it like posted anywhere.

So I don't know.

So it wasn't worth winning.

So it wasn't me.

So if not, everyone's going to know.

A thousand percent.

I think the big narrative was Jelly Roll did the 5K, you know?

Yeah.

And this has really, I think, sparked some sort of health journey for him, which we love.

And I think that was the whole message.

Obviously, I made the 5K about myself.

And I didn't even listen to the episode where the bears themselves discussed why they wanted to run a 5K.

Like, I just sort of centralized myself to the conversation.

But apparently, it was a part of this greater movement, you know, to get people out, get them healthy, get them moving, which we love.

I mean, it works.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, literally, you did the 5K because of Jelly Roll, because of that story from People Magazine.

Yep.

Jellyroll's running a 5K.

Yeah.

Ergo, Turdy's running a 5K.

And, you know, a lot of people are wondering, like, turdy, do you have the bug?

Are you going to keep running?

And I've ran twice like in my personal life since the 5K.

I happen to really enjoy it as a means of exercise.

I don't know if I'm going to continue like racing,

but I definitely like to run.

I've said it, okay?

Yeah, I like to run.

That's good.

Something, I don't know if you went on my Instagram or something, but something happened where my Instagram algorithm now thinks I'm a runner.

I want to like put my phone away before I say this because I don't want more of this content.

It's all like memes and funny videos about like people like spending all their money registering for marathons and like how people

do have register for a marathon.

I think so.

Yeah.

They how like they think, oh, my husband thinks running, it's a free hobby.

Ha ha.

Shoes, tickets, flights, this.

Oh my God.

I literally need to get off of this.

Like I just want my sourdough and my chickens back.

Maybe, oh my gosh, maybe because I finally did my sourdough, I've leveled up on Instagram and now it's running.

I'm telling you, I don't relate to this content.

I run in my personal life.

I'm never going to do a marathon.

It's all marathon content.

I don't know what happened.

Maybe because we've been talking about the 5k like on FaceTime, I need to, I don't like running.

I don't want to run a marathon.

Oh my God, it's so annoying.

And then after the 5K, that's when I had to run home and get my hair blown out to record with Brooke Schofield, which was just sort of like, you know, for the youth.

You love to see two young women out here being young.

You love to see that.

You do.

And she was amazing.

And she really was very open and honest, which we'd love to see.

And then the next day, you know, sort of as a rebuttal to like, you thought you were playing chess and I was, you were playing checkers with Mary Orton and I was playing chess with Tinks, you know, like you thought you had a friend.

Oh, I'll level up.

I have a sister.

Well, I listened to Tinks's episode and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

There was much enjoyment.

Oh my God, but it was just like, and this is what I'm sure it's like to be a toaster.

The great plight of toastiness is like, I just wanted to jump in.

Screaming.

I had so much to say.

Screaming.

So much to say, but I had to just listen.

And that episode is probably like the episode I recorded that week where I enjoyed myself most.

Like I was enjoying the conversation.

Like I think with Sebastian, I was very nervous and I had a great time, but like I felt like I had something to prove.

So I was like a little on edge, if you will.

Justin, that was the most comfortable I'd been.

Brooke, I was kind of intimidated, you know, like she's so young, hot thing.

And I'm just like, you know, big slob magab, old lady.

Tinks, I felt like I was enjoying myself so much.

And then Nikki Glazer, which was the final episode, was like the most anticipation.

Cause I, I had booked her.

I love her and I know her.

And like, I would have had her on regardless.

I thought she would be a great podcast host.

But then, you know.

Time in is everything.

Like how great her coming off the heels of this major successful moment.

And I was like, oh, she's obviously going to cancel, which I would understand.

She was on Howard Stern.

She was on Jimmy Kimmel.

Like, she was everywhere.

But she came and like, I literally, up until I saw her in the studio, did I think she was going to cancel?

And I was like, honestly, I wouldn't have been mad if you canceled.

Like, I totally get it.

And she totally like respects the toast.

She was like, hell no.

Like, this is huge.

I wanted to cancel other things, not this.

And I was like, okay, Queen.

I'm going to say, like, Howard Stern, Jimmy Kimmel toast spot the difference.

I can't.

I literally, well, I can.

It's called talent.

Talent, comedy, verve, enjoyment, energy, watching for life.

Gorgeousness.

Yeah, I could, but I won't.

And then right off that, right off after that, I headed to the plane and came home.

And seriously, like, never have I missed my bed so much.

Like, LA, it's just, it's so far away.

And it's a tough town, man.

It's different.

It's shooting you up and spit you out.

Do you feel like it spat you out?

No.

Like, seriously, after, since I've run a 5K, like, you actually can't tell me fucking shit.

Like, for real.

Yeah.

Like, try.

Tell me shit.

I mean, like, I would never.

I never would.

You never would.

Could I?

If you wanted to, you couldn't.

That's the difference.

That is the difference.

I agree.

And so, yeah, I'm just like, I'm a runner.

I'm a track checkstair star.

well congratulations turdy bon voyage on we hope and we're glad that you had a bon voyage i just can't believe like i said i was going to do something and i went on tinks's podcast after the 5k and like we were talking about this like I've never been a person who like says she's going to do something and does it.

Like I always flake like, and that's definitely something I've been working on.

I feel like the 5K is emblematic, if you will, of like me, like this new me, like I said I was going to do something, something challenging, something out of my comfort zone, and I did it.

And that's what I'm most proud of.

Like whatever, my time wasn't great, whatever.

And like seriously, I felt like the elements were working against me.

Like I could do it right now.

I could do it right now in 35, you know?

However, regardless, I'm most proud of the fact that like I said I was going to do something and I did it.

And there were many times I didn't want to, especially when I found out I was in LA.

Thing she did

that.

Those things.

Like there's actually nothing I can't do now.

Like it's the way the 5k has given me this like insane sense of self and like a little bit of a in a delusional way, but I think that's good.

No, that's the best feeling when you learn a new skill or do something new.

Like that's how I felt learning how to drive.

I know that's like so dumb

people, but like when you take on something new that's always kind of evaded you and you conquer it, you're like, oh, well, I could do this with anything that's always evaded me.

I could conquer it.

Cooking.

That's how I felt initially about reading.

Right.

That's how I will soon feel about gardening one day.

I finished Demon Copperhead yesterday.

I saw, finally.

I felt like it was 50 pages too long.

Okay, but like after having read 700, what's another 50?

Well, so I felt like the book gets to a real lull.

And I get it.

He has to hit rock bottom before, like, whatever.

But the rock bottom was a little too long.

Like when he was seriously going on that hike.

Imagine how he felt.

Imagine how Demon felt.

When he's going on that hike, like talking to the bugs, thinking like, should I go to Knoxville for treatment?

I was seriously like, I need this book to end.

Like, so I say seriously, like 4.75 because that point, like that one part of the book, I was seriously like, this is dreadful.

Okay, fair.

fair and now I'm reading like a muronic you need in the moose boosh a palette cleanser and then I'm gonna do tattoos of auschritz but I couldn't go demon copperhead tattooist of Australitz like I seriously needed a break oh for sure speaking of Holocaust books I'm reading the garden of the finsy continies

is that supposed to mean something I don't know what that is oh yeah it's um

It's a book about Italy, World War II, a Jewish family.

And it's actually like, it's from the 50s, and it's not even available on Kindle.

So I had to buy it because I wanted to get it.

It was written in the 50s?

In the 50s, yeah.

Because it's like a true story, and this is like the man's story.

I believe like he, like, the Fincy Continis were a Jewish family in Italy during World War II.

The Fincy Contini.

It's like very Tennessee.

It's giving carry soto.

Not at all.

Anyways, it's very Tennessee.

No, tennis.

E.

Yeah, no, because you're the only 10 I see.

Oh, thank you, Lost Wirl.

And I'm having a really hard time getting through it, but it's a really short book, so I have no excuse.

No, you have no excuse

and beyond that my sourdough starter is ready for bacon today.

You guys, I've been Patreoning the whole thing.

Let me just tell you, I'm a chemist.

It is so crazy, this sourdough life.

No, because I haven't had my red yet, but every day I get like a little more excited because it looks a little more real and it looks like something that I've seen on reels.

But the beginning, like honestly, it's kind of a dark journey.

You'll see in the Patreon, like it's very much an emotional roller coaster.

Can can't you buy like pre-made starter or is that like fraudulent so the starter that i got was from ballerina farm but it's dehydrated so like it's just powder so you then it takes like four days to like rehydrate it and grow it and then and right now i have active starter but i only have enough for one loaf of bread and i want to like make more loaves of bread down the line so i've split my starter and i'm going to keep building and feeding my other starter while i guys it's over she's gone you guys you guys it's she's gone craziest thing she is gone come on Right.

That's why they're like, okay, maybe you should try running a marathon now.

But I'm telling you, Mark Yuckerberg, I don't want to.

No, honestly, I think running a marathon would be easier than making sourdough.

Like, the fact that you've been talking about this.

I was feeding my starter this morning.

I'm shoved him on time.

I'm shocked I'm on time.

I was feeding my starter this morning.

Flour everywhere.

Just my scale.

Like, it's just

this like living organism in your fridge.

It's a living.

It's not in my fridge.

It's in my cupboard.

Oh, and I think my cupboard's too cold because it's not rising like it should.

You remember learning about the word organism like in science class and everybody being like, oh, yes.

Like, no, but I'm sure that's exactly what happened.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I wasn't paying attention in science class.

What were you doing?

Like, I don't know.

How did you get through class?

I don't even know how I got through class because I certainly wasn't learning shit.

Yeah.

I wasn't paying attention.

Even if I started in earnest trying to pay attention, like,

oh my God.

Yeah.

They lost me so fast.

Like I was just not for that world.

And I seriously don't know how, I don't know how I'm sitting here today and how I'm still not stuck in the classroom, like how it ever ended.

No, by the way, this is a dream and you're going to wake up in like sixth grade history class.

I completely agree with you.

I also often reflect on the fact that like we used to, because we went to a dual curriculum school, like our whole lives, Jewish and secular.

So like we were in school from eight to 445 most days.

And like, that's insane.

And then it was like homework, extracurriculars, sports, family.

Like, how did we get it all done?

No, it's seriously so crazy.

When I was in middle school and I started getting like seasonal allergies, I would have to take like a Benadryl in the afternoon.

And so sometimes I would like pass out in the middle of class because it makes you sleepy.

And like they wouldn't say anything.

And I just feel like.

One day I'm going to wake up and I'd like, I'm coming out of that nap.

Yep.

Yep.

No, and also like when I'm back in middle school and like my allergies, my eyes are red.

And I'm like, hey, we should start a podcast.

Jackie, I have never had like allergies as a kid ever.

And like, I never took Medadryl.

And the sheer fact that like, I didn't fall asleep in every single class is amazing to me.

Like, I can actually count on one hand.

I remember, I literally remember like the few times I fell asleep in class being like, wow, I should do that more often.

The class went by so quickly.

Like, and also like as an adult now, I feel like when kids sleep, like they really need it.

Of course.

Obviously, like babies and toddlers, but even like kids, like it's a long day.

You know, other countries, they take a siesta in the afternoon.

Like, we're just like working these kids to the bone.

If I was a teacher and I saw a child sleeping, I'd be like, good, I'm happy for them.

Like that's what's best for them.

Like their brain is resting.

Like so many good things happen for you while you sleep.

I feel like there should be organized nap time throughout every day.

No, and when I reflect on the few times where I did fall asleep in class and a teacher didn't wake me up and I didn't go to a big school, there's like 30 kids max in every class.

Like she saw me sleeping.

The fact that she didn't wake me up, if she didn't is so kind.

And anybody who did wake me up is like seriously a dick.

No what, my monster even this extends all the way like any human being adults whatever like I will never wake a sleeping person even yesterday I was looking for Zach like screaming his name around Zach Zach like seriously like ready to kill him and then I saw he had fallen asleep he needed it precious gift he needed to walk away he needed it like no one has ever sleep like if you need sleep take sleep if I were a teacher I would never wake up a sleeping student and like you don't know what's going on at home right maybe they didn't get a good night's sleep for a reason like let the children sleep I completely agree

so my thoughts for the day are that

no no I love that we just sort of ended up there because I completely like I agree and I'm thinking of like one moment in particular

where I fell asleep in dr.

Hoenig's class and like she didn't wake me up and I remember she was kind of like a stickler and I remember waking up and being like oh my god she didn't wake me up like queen like I never saw her the same ever again and you know what's also the best a rarity if you can sleep through all this.

But like when the class ends and you're still sleeping and they let you stay there and then you wake up and like class is over.

Well, you never took a Benadryl in the middle of the day as a 12-year-old.

The room's empty.

Yeah.

Class is over.

But what if there was a class coming in and there's like this sleeping?

Then I think they would wake you up.

But like if the class were to be empty, it's just like let the child sleep.

That's.

That's whack.

And that's on taking Benadryl in the middle of the day as a 12-year-old.

That's so fucking funny.

Oh my God.

34 minutes.

I know.

And I actually haven't even gotten to the crux of what I want to talk about today.

That's not in the fast side stories.

What?

That encapsulated my weekend.

That isn't my sinus infection and isn't the fact that I threw my back out.

That's what I'm dealing with today.

It's not sourdough.

And it's not sourdough.

What is it?

It's Eurovision.

It's Eurovision.

It's Euro fucking vision.

Honestly, maybe I should rejigger the stories for story one to be Eurovision recap and something else we we can talk about tomorrow.

Because I have so much to say and it's already 30 minutes.

Let's do that.

But I actually wanted to give one major life update.

Something happened to me on Saturday that I actually forgot to tell you about.

Okay.

And I just want to restate: like, I have a sinus infection and my back is out.

So, like, if you have anything mean to say about me today, like today's not the day.

Tomorrow.

Hold your thoughts.

Except the back thing is kind of going on a while.

Plus, I'm on a mock Sicilian, so I'm just a little crazed.

She's nuts.

She is nuts.

Okay.

Let me tell you: like,

I, as of Saturday, May 11th, 2024,

I personally, I have officially given up 40 carrots.

Quality control.

I gave them so many passes.

Like, for literally people.

You gave them your best years.

My best years.

And literally, like, I would sit there and act like I wasn't eating at the worst restaurant in the world.

And like, Ben was always trying to get me to see the light.

And I was like, seriously, like, you couldn't take off my rose-colored glasses.

Like, everything in the restaurant was bad.

The service was bad.

The food was bad.

The The only good thing was really the yogurt, which you don't even need to sit in the restaurant for.

And I had a bad thing.

And like, let's get real, everywhere has good Froyo.

I hit a wall on Saturday where I seriously, like,

it took forever.

My meal came out completely wrong.

And usually, if something's wrong, like, I usually don't like croutons in my salad.

If they come, like, sure, I'll pick it out.

It was fully dressed.

And you guys know how I feel about dressing.

And I always say no dressing.

And then it came like, and it had been like thrown together because they wanted to get it out to me.

But it was just, I I didn't eat it.

I said, Ben,

it pains me to say this.

You are right.

And I will not eat here again.

And seriously, like, and I hate to, you know, use my platform to like disparage a local business.

But I think we, we've used the platform so much, like send so many people there.

So now it's just sending them like with some caution tape.

But I just want to say in defense of 40 carrots.

Just to say, one, yes, they have a quality control issue.

And sometimes it's like seriously a worse meal.

I once ordered a veggie burger and it was still frozen.

It's like literally literally Dr.

Prager's.

Why are we eating here?

If it was anywhere else and that happened to you?

Because every once in a while, like it's the perfect healthy lunch.

That's why.

I know.

And two.

And two, the reason why we eat there, and it's not only because of the food, but the vibes, because you, it's the perfect swirly day.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

You go shopping at Bloomingdales.

You can literally get anything that you need.

You can get a new pair of shorts.

You could probably get a refrigerator.

Like you could get a new mattress if you need it.

You could get a teacup.

And seriously, like, I feel like I've come on this podcast so many times and of course like lifted them up.

People, if you're looking looking for me and you're coming to Newark, like go to 40 characters, you'll find me there.

Like that's people know that's where I am.

And seriously, like I have offered my help so many times.

I seriously, I would work for free as creative director.

Like I know, there's five things they need to do, seriously.

Everybody, like, they need to go under like full rest training of everyone who works there because it's just the most poorly run restaurant.

They need to get a fucking fryer because they need to start serving French fries, like girl lunch, salads and fries, wraps and fries, tuna sandwich and fries.

Like the fact that they don't serve french fries and, oh, but they do serve that soggy carrot salad on everything.

Do they even serve chips?

No, they don't have sides.

Like it's so they have the pretzel stick that sometimes could clap you over the head, give you a concussion, and other times is the tastiest thing around.

No, no, no.

And so like 10 years ago when the restaurant was popular, they were known for their breadsticks.

They have completely like lost.

all sort of energy when it comes to the breadsticks.

Like I have told you a million times how to fix the restaurant.

It's not even like this is a restaurant that's like has the same problems as other restaurants.

Like this is owned by a billion dollar company, Bloomingdales.

Get it fucking together.

This is a flagship

fucking restaurant.

Like seriously, I've had enough.

I will not go.

I am on strike.

Seriously.

I'm seriously, I'm starting an encampment.

I am starting, and here are my demands.

Ready?

Oh, and you know what you need to get?

I bought one on Amazon.

You can get it too.

A salad chopper.

Everybody orders their salads.

They're chopped and they come like huge.

You need to specialize in big salads that are really, really chopped with amazing breadsticks and French fries.

That's literally, I have solved your problem.

You would be the best restaurant in the entire fucking city.

I'm seriously.

I'm going on strike.

Okay.

You heard her demands.

No, seriously, Bloomingdale's reach out.

I'm serious.

You have lost an extremely valuable customer.

When I say no less than four times a week, I ate there.

I will not go back.

Yeah.

And nothing was even particularly crazy on this Saturday.

Like, I just broke.

It was just its usual bad crap.

Everyone has their breaking point.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, thank you for that PSA.

Stay strong, turdy.

Thank you.

Like, I don't know where I'm going to eat now.

Especially eat healthy.

I guess I'll have to have McDonald's.

Thanks, Bloomingdales.

You need a shaker salad.

I do need a shaker salad.

So without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know.

Sorry, I got all worked up there, but it needed to be said.

The fast five stories that you need to know are brought to you by State Farm.

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With a State Farm agent, you know someone is there to help you choose the coverage that you need.

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No, Claudia, today when I was doing my sourdough, I was filming myself so I couldn't use the calculator on my phone and I had to do subtraction using pen and paper.

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I feel like you could have done better, but I'll do that.

I'll put my whole state farm ussy into this one.

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Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

I just didn't want to take away from your shine.

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Our first story, Eurovision 2024, had me in a chokehold this year.

So as Americans, Eurovision is not really something that we participate in, but recently it's been streaming on Peacock.

I remember a few years ago we watched for the first time on Peacock and it's a very exciting.

It's pretty much like American Idol for all of Europe.

It's like a global talent show.

It's a global talent show.

Each country has like one entrant.

They have one song that they perform over and over again and then they whittle down to the finals.

How many countries were in the finals this year?

25.

25.

And they all perform their song.

And then the whole world votes.

And you can vote even if you're not a participating country.

It's very exciting.

First of all, I feel like a lot of people like know and follow Eurovision now because of that Will Ferrell movie on Netflix, which I thought was incredibly stupid.

But the original song from that movie was so fucking good.

Yeah.

And that's like everything about me, but I really started following Eurovision in 2019 because I went to Eurovision.

Do you know this?

Yes.

In 2018, and the way that it works is like whatever country wins, the next year is the hosting country.

So it happens at their big arena.

So in 2018, Israel won.

And then in 2019, it took place in Tel Aviv.

So I went with Brian.

And we had like, we didn't know what it was, but of course, Brian got like the best tickets.

And it was actually really sick.

And ever since then, I've just like slowly followed it.

And first of all, I think a lot of people don't realize how many famous people come out of Eurovision.

Celine Dion won Eurovision.

I think probably the biggest deal this year because they were representing Sweden was ABBA.

Yeah, I think ABBA is like the most successful Eurovision winner because I think Celine Dionne would have been successful with or without Eurovision.

Like I, it's actually shocking.

I just found out she won Eurovision.

Like that seems irrelevant to her story.

It's probably not, but like ABBA is literally so Eurovision.

And what's so crazy is the song that they chose to sing.

Waterloo?

Yeah, like that's not even their, you would think like their Eurovision song would be their biggest song, like Dancing Queen or some shit.

Well, I feel like they had success at Eurovision and then they went on to write those other songs.

Yeah, but I just would have thought like their biggest song would have been on like the big global stage that like launched them, you know?

Yeah, I'm shocked that like Waterloo did it for everyone, but I'm glad that it did because it brought us ABBA.

Waterloo.

And they sang it at Eurovision.

Is it wanna wanna move?

Yeah.

And then there's also like not even artists, but I think a lot of songs that we all like know came from Eurovision.

And most recently, it's that song Arcade.

Loving you is a losing game.

We were, that was the one I was at.

And he won.

And it was like so obvious the whole time.

Like, everybody knew he was going to win.

Well, there are a couple like big names who've won Eurovision.

I was just looking.

There's not as many as you would think, at least of people that we know.

But like Sam Ryder, who's a UK artist, won Eurovision.

He performed at the Queen's Platinum Jubilee Soleil.

Some of us have been following him on TikTok for years with the long blonde hair, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because he won Eurovision years ago.

And now he's just like.

When did he win?

A couple years ago.

Oh, I feel like he was just

because i followed him on tick tock before i feel like he like won like last year no well no when did the uk host it sam right or but it gets like political that's and that's what happens they try global affairs they try so hard for it to not be political and i think they do a pretty decent job like eurovision org does a pretty decent job of like keeping it apolitical because there's always like geopolitical conflicts you know territorial disputes and such but this year was on another level which was why this year I was very interested in what was going on.

And the Israeli entrant, Eden Golan, her song was called Hurricane.

I had seen it like coming up here and there and I hadn't really like paid attention.

And then I like saw a clip like and I watched the whole thing listening to the song and the song is unbelievable.

And then I realized that this weekend was the finals and she was in Malmo, Sweden, which is where the contest was taking place.

And what was happening around Eurovision this year was not to be believed.

It was so insane.

I wasn't seeing much of it elsewhere and I could not take my eyes off it.

Yeah, I, um,

the song I had seen a lot on TikTok.

It kind of became this like anthem of, you know, bring the hostages home.

So a lot of people had been using it to like amplify that message.

So I had seen it.

Well, because I wrote it.

When she first wrote the song, it was called October Rain and it was about like October 7th in Israel.

And Eurovision said it was like too political and they wouldn't let her enter with it.

And so she changed it to Hurricane.

And then it just became, you can interpret it a bunch of different ways.

It could be about a relationship.

It could be, it feels to be, to me, like emblematic of what's going on with Jews in the world right now.

She's 20 years old.

She's so gorgeous.

She's so young.

And what she experienced in Sweden, like, is so much for anyone to handle, but like, let alone such a young woman.

And she handled it with such grace.

Like, so many of the contestants who are like mentally ill were like

boycotting.

They were, they were bullying her.

There was like thousands of people standing outside her hotel room just protesting her being there she went to a press conference and a polish dick reporter was like do you feel like you're putting other people at risk by being here and she's like it's literally not my problem like other people are anti-semitic like she actually she actually didn't even say that she handled she handles every question

grace like oh my god i i can't imagine experiencing that at 20.

No, at 20, there were thousands of people protesting.

Just her being in a contest singing a song.

So, so crazy.

Greta Thunberg, Major Moron, was there protesting.

Seven people were out there.

Seven people were arrested at the protest.

One of them had a knife.

Like, what's your plan?

No, no, insane.

And I will tell you that.

She needed 100.

She needed an escort of 100 vehicles to go from her hotel to the competition.

She couldn't participate in any other of the things that were going on for contestants because everything was so unsafe for her.

It was absolutely insane.

While she would be singing her song, the entire arena would be bullying her, booing her, chanting free Palestine.

And I saw a video, I was following like on X, like what was going on.

I saw a video where the people who were booing were then complaining of being censored because Eurovision has like anti-bullying booing technology.

So you don't hear the booing so much when you're watching at home.

You hear like more cheers and they try and cover it up.

And like they are pretending to be victims that their bullying didn't get through to a wider stage, that their bullying was censored.

It was the craziest thing.

And in the end, I've actually net net.

I found the whole thing really interesting and sort of to, I felt to be like some sort of like state on the union, state of the union.

Like the, like, I thought it was really interesting to take the world's temperature.

So the way that scoring works, she made it to the top 25.

And that's what this weekend was, the top 25.

And she ended up coming in fifth place, which for like such a small country is insane.

Because the way that

scoring works is 50% of the points are voted on by the public, like everybody you can call, text, whatever, like American Idol Energy.

And 50% of the votes come from the countries themselves.

So every country's delegation gives their points to another country.

You can't give it to yourself, obviously.

So they go through all 37 participating countries and every single one of them says, we give our 12 points to Switzerland.

Nobody gave their points to Israel.

So by the time

the delegation, the jury is what it's called, all those points were given out.

The number one spot, she was in second to last.

The number one spot had like over 200 points and she had 30.

And then they give you points based on how many votes you got worldwide from different countries on the app, on the website, calling in, et cetera.

And, you know, they were going through 30 points here, 40 points here, 50 points here, 80 points here.

And they go to Eden and she got over 300 points, which is like, people were screaming.

Like it was seriously like a mic drop energy.

And she went to first place.

And then she ended up not winning because she started with 30 points before the popular vote.

And so the guy from Switzerland got like 200.

But he had had more to start with because of the delegation.

And I just thought it was really interesting.

Like these elite morons and their delegations.

Okay, they didn't give Israel any points, but people around around the world like watched what was going on and wanted to support this beautiful young girl who was singing about her fellow Israeli sit her like being held hostage like it was so moronic and I think that sometimes when you just like watch the media and watch things going on it's it's hard to feel supported and it feels so overwhelming like there's like what all we do is talk about the encampment and and all these different things and

they are a small vocal radical minority and the silent majority, which you always like hear about, but most normal people are are going about their normal lives.

They're not sitting and shitting in the streets and peeing and throwing bricks at people.

They're just, you know, enjoying their lives.

So you hear about those crazies more often, but this, this whole Eurovision this year was an exact microcosm of what is going on in the world.

Like this one Jewish girl, like bearing the brunt of the world's anti-Semitism, like you couldn't, I saw a tweet, like even pro wrestling couldn't write a better story than this where like this girl looks and sounds and sings like an angel, angelic, an angel, and the grace and poise that she had, and the pride that she had.

Because you know, any Israeli contestant who got up there was going to be booed.

And a lot of people would be scared, and you would sense that, and they would be apologetic and sorry.

And this girl was unapologetic, they would make themselves small.

She was so proud to be there doing and knew that what she was doing was big things.

And for the disgusting, evil masses to just be booing her, and she just stood there.

It was

literally like a diorama of world affairs right now.

And then again, to see how the public mostly voted for her,

supports her, even though it feels like it's the opposite.

They're just louder.

Yeah, the contestant from Ireland, which

just Google a photo.

No, no, and it's it's germane to the story.

Like we couldn't describe her if we wanted to, but she was literally looked like a demonic troll.

She identifies as a witch.

And that actually wouldn't even be insulting to her.

Like, what I'm saying is, like, she would be like, yeah, I'm a demon troll.

That's what I am.

Yeah, she identifies as a witch.

And her whole performance was like

crowded.

Celt and Jebia.

Like

energy.

Yeah.

So you have like Eden versus.

And she said, I started crying when I saw Eden.

I started crying when I saw you.

You're the scariest looking motherfucker I've ever seen in my fucking life.

Yeah.

And the fact that like this one girl.

Can't she's just singing a song.

Look at you.

You're having a breakdown over a 10-year-old.

This is a girl singing a song.

Like this whole competition is not political.

Like, that's the point.

They even made her change the lyrics to her song.

Right.

She's just singing a song and you can't handle it.

But you're mentally ill and you should look inward.

Cry babies, misinformed morons.

And that's putting it nicely.

That's just assuming that you're dumb as fuck, not that you're evil.

Yeah.

Anyways, captivated my weekend.

I loved it.

And I loved, thank you, Peacock.

Like, how do we get America?

I know it's Europe, whatever.

But Australia is there.

Australia is in it.

I want in.

And I want to prove, by the way, and I was thinking, I was thinking, who in the current like pop music scene, who would we send

as our Eurovision rep?

I feel like it would seriously be like Tate McRae.

Oh, cute.

I support that.

I feel like we should have our, I don't think we can join Eurovision because also then we would just like make it.

About us.

Yeah.

I feel like it's nice that they have it for them and like we're out of it.

It's fine.

We need like America vision where every 50 states sends a representative.

Okay, I actually am having deja vu.

I feel like you've said that idea before on the show and I thought it was amazing and I think it's amazing now.

It's like a convergence of American Idol and Catching Kelsey.

Wait, I love it.

Should we do it?

Yeah.

And then the state wins and they host it.

Yeah, so cute.

Wait, like why not?

Why don't they do that?

I don't see the downside.

AmeriVision?

Yeah.

I love it.

It's so cute.

Can somebody, like, Ryan Seacrest, like, get to work?

Yeah.

Tanya Red listens to the show.

Tanya, please pitch it to Ryan.

Like, seriously.

It just seems like a no-brainer.

Yeah, it does.

So that was Eurovision this year.

I think you could still watch it on Peacock.

It was really fascinating.

Also fascinating to see like

what the countries are singing and doing, what they're about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like,

it reminded me a lot of that Will Fellow movie because I will say they really did nail like the type of music.

It's very like Euro.

I can't describe it.

It's like beats.

No, it's very Euro.

The whole thing.

It's Euro.

Yeah, there was some seriously crazy performances.

No, seriously.

And they did come in second to last and they absolutely deserved it.

Like Finland, like that was deadass disgraceful.

Like, what the hell was that?

With like these sparklers, like, seriously, it looked like a Chuck E.

Cheese birthday party.

It was really crazy.

No, but the whole thing.

I think like some countries really use it as an opportunity to like show their culture.

And I feel like it was maybe Armenian.

Yeah, that I thought this.

Oh my God, she was so fucking cute.

Yeah.

And like, it was like this, you know, current contemporary song, but clearly had some like Armenian instruments or something.

It was so sweet.

Like, seriously, I liked that.

And I think that, like, she should be, like, she should win something for that.

Cause like everybody else was just doing like pop music.

And she was really trying to embrace her heritage.

And I love that.

Yeah.

There's a lot to see at Eurovision.

Yeah.

I would like to get involved in some of the things.

And I just want to tell you there are a lot of really frightful performances.

Like, they were seriously frightening.

And, like, what the fuck is that?

What's that about?

No, I can't believe seriously, like, and I don't think that it represents the entirety of Ireland, but like that girl.

Oh, that was just that was peak frightful.

Yeah.

It was so crazy.

Like, she stood on this pentagon.

What's it called?

The pentagram.

Pentagram and like lit herself on fire and was like screaming demonically.

Like, I don't feel like that really captivates the

Irish

music scene, you know?

It does.

And I I think the way that it works, and I imagine, I think this is how it is in Israel, is like there's a smaller competition like within the country to pick up.

It's like Miss USA.

Oh,

are you following?

I've seen it, and I didn't think we would have the bandwidth for it today.

So tomorrow I was going to talk about the Miss USA.

Okay, we need to talk about it tomorrow.

Okay, we'll talk about it tomorrow.

But just what I was going to say is every country probably has their own talent competition to pick the number one.

How fun is that?

And then that's just like more content, like more shows for the country.

So I'm shocked that some of these acts were what won in their country yeah and maybe if you're not from if you're from one of these countries like maybe you know more or maybe just like metallica frightfulness is really big in some countries no but like were the people of ireland like proud of their delegate like seriously it's a really good question she was so crazy like yeah inside and were they rooting for her inside and out yeah

so i love eurovision can't wait for next year seriously i'm gonna move to europe Europe just so I can like become someone, some country's delegate.

Well, it was fun voting from here.

We got to participate.

We were certainly a part of something.

We were a part of something, which we love.

Yeah, I just like could not believe the treatment of this girl.

I know.

And that ugly bitch from Greece, like being so mean, falling asleep while Eden was talking at the press conference.

Like, seriously, you're 40.

And the guy from the Netherlands who like had to cover his face with the flag because he couldn't even look at her.

Meanwhile, he got kicked out of the competition because he punched a photographer.

So again, like, it's just like, which side do you want to be on?

I just want to say, and I don't like to paint with broad strokes, but like when I went to Eurovision in Israel, probably like the most anti-Semitic thing that's ever happened to me happened in Israel at Eurovision by this guy from the Netherlands.

And he, I googled him after because someone there told me he's like a big radio host.

And he was, I forget his name, but I could Google it.

He like said something about my nose and then threw a penny on the floor.

Like it was really crazy.

Yeah.

So I did think the Netherlands might have a problem, like for real.

I think Europe might have a problem.

Yeah.

It was emblematic.

The understatement of the year.

Yeah.

I think Europe might have a problem with anti-Semitism.

I don't know.

Just a vibe I'm getting.

Just, yeah.

Just vibes.

Just vibes.

Are you ready for our next story, which is major news and on any other day would have been the number one story?

But Edin is number one in my heart.

What'd you say?

No.

But competing for what could have been the number one story.

What?

Dorit and Piquet.

Okay, you need to calm down.

Like, that's so not even the same level as Haley and Justin.

Really?

Yeah.

At this show, it's equal.

It's not.

It's really not.

Like, okay.

We, we die for Haley.

You die for when people get pregnant.

Like, it's true.

It's huge.

It's huge.

Okay.

So you want to start with that?

Yeah, I feel like it's disrespectful to their unborn child, seriously, to put Dorit and PK before them.

Fine.

Also, good news before bad.

Yes.

Always true.

Haley being so happy for them.

They are pregnant.

They announced their pregnancy with some gorgeous artistry, photos and videos.

I loved it.

You know, people had been whispering about this for a while and Brooke Schofield on her podcast, like, had been hinting that she knew this big secret about a pregnant young starlet.

And everybody pretty much guessed that it was Haley Bieber.

Turns out she was right.

I

don't get moved by people's pregnancy announcements.

It's like, oh, nice.

You know, I love that.

You like always, when you find out someone's pregnant, like it means so much to you.

And I always say, like, sometimes I'll hear someone's pregnant and like, it'll definitely move the needle for me on my own journey.

Yeah.

Consider the needle moved.

Like she's so influential.

She's so trendy.

And honestly, I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed.

I'm so happy for them.

I'm excited for her.

I've been using Rhodeskin so much, just unrelated.

So she's just been like omnipresent for me.

Yeah, of course.

I use like the three-step barrier glaze and milk in my routine every day.

And I'm really

like nothing but good things to say.

And I'm so excited to see like pregnancy and mama content from her on a selfish level, you know, but I'm just really happy for her like as a woman, woman to woman.

Literally same.

I

thought the, you know, creative direction was like, I'm just so looking forward to everything

that's to come content wise.

And then of course, like, what do you name

a child like that?

I think it's not going to be so out of the box.

So, you know, that girl on TikTok that I love who who does baby names, did she give them some suggestions?

She did.

And like, not suggestions, but like predictions.

Like, I feel like, you know, if they hadn't, if she hadn't named her company this and she had a boy, like she could have named him Rode, like that, Rhodes.

Oh, by the way, for sure.

I love that.

So it'll be something like that.

Like meaningful, not

the most common, but not so wacky.

Okay, I can never remember this girl's name who does the names.

Colleen, I think her name is.

And And she thought that they might go biblical because they're very religious, which is nice.

But she did have a list that I will read to you right now, ready.

They were like kind of nutty:

Peace,

Oasis,

Cub,

Zurich,

Toronto, because you know he's from Canada,

Saks,

Chapel, S-A-X,

Chapel,

Revy.

Cross.

Darwin.

Smokey.

I don't see it in there.

I don't see it in there either.

So,

yeah, I don't know.

Like, she gives very, they give oddly traditional energy, you know, getting married, young, things like that.

And, like, of course, being in the church, like, I don't know.

I could see them naming their kid, like, seriously, Joseph.

Yeah, I don't think it's going to be so

LA.

Yeah, like Samson.

But it's not going to be Sarah.

Wait, by the way, do we know if it's a boy or a girl?

We don't.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Boy.

I think so, too.

They sound like a lot of people.

I'm really happy for them.

Like, that's really nice.

Yeah, me too.

Really happy for them.

And, like, I don't want to say it.

Like, I don't want to bring it up.

so I won't, you know.

Yeah, but I think everyone's thinking it.

I'm seriously, I'm just wishing her well.

Like, for real.

I'm wishing her well.

That's all I'll say.

Like, it's got to be tough.

Like, for real.

I mean, in like an honest way.

Like, I seriously.

And the Jelena stands.

I'm sending her a lot of love this time.

What about the Jelena stance?

Like, what has their stance been on this?

I actually think they have.

I saw a thread about this on Twitter.

Like, I do, I think it ends here.

Like, it's over for the Jelena stance.

You would hope.

I think.

You would hope.

Yeah.

Now for our next story.

What goes up must come down.

Yes.

Durit and PK have separated after nine years of marriage.

They posted a joint statement on Instagram saying, We, as a couple, have been subject to a lot of speculation about our marriage.

We have had our struggles over the last few years and continue to work through them as two people who love each other and share two amazing children together.

To safeguard our deep friendship and maintain a harmonious environment for our children, we have made the mutual and difficult decision to take some time apart and re-evaluate our relationship while we prioritize our children.

Now, this was low-key shocking.

And I know people are going to be like, how is it shocking?

Like, it is.

It is, because I feel like there were so many times where they could have split up and they didn't.

And now things like seem to be quiet.

And it seems like they

have been very stalwart and steady

throughout all of the ups and downs.

And you know, PK travels a lot.

And we see this play out on the show all the time, yet they always worked through it.

So like either something happened where it's like, okay, we're no longer trying to work on that anymore or it's like i'm tired of working at it and i don't know i feel like their like issues on the show like felt so scripted and fake to me it was just like storyline energy i felt like they actually had a really strong marriage i feel like they do have a strong marriage but the issues on the show it's like nothing's going to change like her issue really is that like pk is never home therefore he's not able to be there for her

so now he's just like

what gonna double down like is he gonna be in london all the time now is that why they can't make it work i also feel like to announce a separation like this it's like it it could go either way still yeah announcing a separation is like actually kind of like presumptuous yeah but i also think maybe it's a way to like ease people into the idea because for me this allows me to be like oh well maybe they'll work it out but it also feels like such a major thing to do to let us into like the problems in your relationship if you are going to work it out so right i don't know i think it it's just a

a gateway And Mauricio and PK like cruising around town yesterday on Instagram, like taking pictures and stuff.

Do you think like Kyle at all like was a factor in the sense that like it gave Dorit the confidence?

No.

Okay.

I mean that's really illusory.

Like your friends getting divorced, so you get divorced.

I don't think that Dorit has looked at Kyle's situation and been like, I want that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's been hard.

I think it's been hard and it's been sad.

And I think it's just a coincidence that it's happening at the same time.

But I don't, sometimes like, I think you, sometimes you see a friend who's single and you're like, girl power yeah i want what she's having i don't think that that happened here

sad yeah

sad and as a dream pk stand it's sad for me but you know i don't put too much stock in other people's relationships that's great as like a grown mature woman right like a like yeah i've had like just my dreams crushed too many times and now it's like there's really no couple that could break up that would actually make me like

Feel some sort of way in my in my actual life not on this show, you know what I mean?

Like I'm honest I have a reaction for like the toes but like Who's the couple that could break up that would actually like, you know shake me to my core Taylor and Travis like for real like that that would actually really for you.

Yeah,

what would it make you feel

Grief

like like a death.

I would say Shiva like for real.

I feel like the worst couple breakups have already happened to me.

Yeah, well, at the time, you were really shaken up by Kim and Kanye.

Kim and Kanye, Lala and Randall.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Sasha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher.

Like, I've been through the ringer.

PK and Dorit's nothing to me.

I'm used to this.

It's true.

You're hardened.

You're jaded.

I've been hardened.

I feel like we have a list of celebrity couples that, like, you know, if they broke up, it would be destructive for the realm.

For a lot of people, they say like, Blake and Ryan.

Blake and Ryan, John, Emily, Leslie, and Judd, Dax, and Kristen.

Not for me.

I'd be fine.

None of those, like, seriously, would like make me think twice.

I would be fine.

Yeah.

So

I'm wishing the best for Doreen PK and their young children.

Me as well at this time.

And seriously, like

figure it out.

And get back together.

Yeah.

Like, oh, also, there is like the possibility.

And I'm not saying this, but people on social media are that like this is a very strategic move.

You know, something like this definitely extends your

lifetime.

Yeah, because she, there's been a lot of talk about her in like the last couple of years.

Every year, it's like, is Doreen coming back?

It wouldn't be like the biggest loss for the plot if Doreen, she kind of like gives nothing, but every now and then she'll do something.

And so, is it entirely because people said that like her fucking robbery was strategic?

Like, that is a lie.

But, you know, announcing a separation, but then getting back together, like, it's costly.

I swore to do what you got to do to stay on the show.

Speaking of, I did something crazy last night.

Meth?

Crazier.

Crack.

I watched The Real House Eyes of New Jersey.

Wait, it was on.

First two episodes are out.

It was on last night.

Yeah, there's two episodes out.

I feel like they didn't do a good job of marketing that towards me.

How did you know that?

Because I was...

Oh, just because it was in my Ti-Vo and I was looking for something to watch with my

back out.

I had to be like sedentary in the heating pad and I caught up on the annual Pump Rules.

So I was like, Rahonge, here I come.

Also, there are some shows, as much as I don't watch a lot of TV, there are some shows that I will always watch.

Southern Charm.

Yep.

Rahonge.

New Jersey Housewives for me is always, it's like a can't-miss show.

Even Beverly Hills, I've not missed an episode.

It might take me six months, but I've watched everything now.

And Van der Pump Rules.

Vanderpump Rules, yeah.

So, yeah, I watched it for this season, is going to be crazy.

Crazy?

Crazy, crazy season.

Before we continue on to the fourth and fifth stories, might I let you know that the rest of the episode is brought to you by Maybelline?

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Our next story, Eras Paris.

Couple things to note.

Taylor Swift took her show to Paris this weekend.

Travis was there.

It was the 87th

stop on the Eros tour.

Not stops, 87th show in the Eros tour.

So he was there for the 87th show, which she noted surprise song was the alchemy, confirming that it's about him, which most people suspected.

And then she also changed one of her outfits to be Kansas City cheap colors.

Yeah, well, this, she

has been off tour for two months.

And so it came back post to her new album.

So the show had been changed a lot.

She added, obviously, there's another era in her catalog.

So she added another era.

And that also means she had to cut down in other places.

We lost the archer.

We lost Long Live.

And a lot of people feel, and I thought this was really interesting.

Somebody pointed out like...

She took out Long Live, which is sort of this like celebration and love letter to her fans, and put in But Daddy, I love him, which is sort of like this scorching like hate letter to her fans and it's like her like she made it very clear like not only did she add that but she also took out long live which was kind of crazy and i'm i kind of love that message i just want to say like i don't think that's I don't think that's what her mentality was.

I don't think that she has that level of disdain for her fans or wants to bridge.

Not disdain.

And of course, it's always like a small but mighty percentage.

I don't think that she would let that overshadow the love of her fans.

Those are the people who she is singing for who she's going around the world 87 shows for i don't think she would make such a strong message like that i think that maybe

what i was i just want to say if she did make that message i'd support it for sure like toxic toxic fanhood and stand culture like has gotten so out of control like seriously i'm like i like it yeah but i don't think that's her first feeling towards her fans nor her second third fourth or fifth like i think it's more so gratitude but when i think of long live and maybe i'm reading it wrong but differently i feel like it

was like the perfect all-encompassing song about like what she would have been in that relationship.

Kind of like it would be the last song in the movie.

Like the movie ends, like all good.

And I just feel like that's not where, like, she needs to write a Long Live that encompasses her and Travis because they're even like bigger than that.

Do you know what I mean?

But Long Live has nothing to do with her relationship.

It had to do with Joe.

Tell your kids.

Joe?

Jackie, she wrote the song when she was 17.

What are you talking about?

Long Live is from Speak Now.

Speak Now.

She wasn't with.

Oh, you're saying Joe Jonas?

Joe Jonas, yeah.

When they point up in my picture, please tell them my name.

No, no, no, no.

It has nothing to do with the relationship.

I think she's talking to her fans.

Like, let's say this moment that I'm having, like, doesn't exist anymore, and you have children someday, and they see a picture, like, just tell them my name.

Like, tell them how the crowds went wild.

Like, it's, it has nothing to do with a romantic relationship.

I thought this was about Joe

Jonas.

Like, that they were the kings and the queens.

No, no, no, like, the fans, like, they were on top of the world.

Like, look what we had.

And by the way, correct me if I'm wrong, Swifties, but I'm like 99% sure I'm right.

I feel like now it's become that, but I feel like, and I'm not saying I'm right.

I'm just telling you, this is how I've always thought of Long Lived.

Like, it was about her and Joe being the kings and the queens on.

Like, I think they performed together like back in the day, and she felt like we're on top of the world.

And even if it doesn't work out, like when you, when your kids point at my picture, tell them my name.

Okay, I never have interpreted it as that ever, but.

Maybe.

I thought it was Joe Jonas song about like they were the kings and queens of of the teeny boppers and things will never be that great.

And it's morphed into being like a song about like that the fans can relate to.

But I got like a Joe Jonas vibe.

Please sound off in the comments.

This would kind of like shake the bedrock for me.

It would, it would.

Back to Paris eras.

So she added a TPD segment.

She sang all the hits.

I think that everybody would have wanted her to.

New outfits.

All the outfits have been sort of updated.

Like they're the same vibe, but just like new silhouette, except for reputation which obviously people are reading into because that's the one album she hasn't re-recorded yet and so it's like same old same old um but i don't know paris eras like seriously fomo it's like and people are like i can't so mad like i paid for a show and i didn't see ttpd like i think this is just gonna be like how taylor swift like evolves like moves on from now also

paris paid for a show and they didn't see archer or long live like a what it's a give and take it's not like they're getting more show calm down also this is how she's gonna get people to go to more shows like nikki Nikki Glaser is going to six more.

She already went to 12.

It's going to be a different show.

Yeah.

No.

And by the way, when we go at the end of the year, like, it'll be totally different.

And that's so fabulous.

Like, she keeps evolving.

And it must be more creatively stimulating for her to like keep doing different things every night because it can get a little.

Oh, she, oh, you already said she sang the alchemy.

Yeah.

So that is Travis.

Confirmed.

She also sang

Begin Again, which the movie, the

music video, like is shot in Paris.

And it's, you know.

No, that was really, that was like serious Easter egg microscope, like on another level.

Yeah.

Um, also alchemy is a word that I will never know what it means.

Do you feel the same?

And, and please don't look it up.

Like, I'm completely disinterested in actually knowing what it means.

And there's also a book called The Alchemist, and I feel like I can't read it because I don't understand what it means.

And like, as long as like alchemy and alchemists, like you're not in the lab with bleakers.

No, you are.

It's the medieval forerunner of chemistry based on the supposed transformation of matter.

It was concerned particularly with attempts to convert base metals into gold or to find a universal elixir.

It's a seemingly magical process of transformation creation or combination.

Okay, elixir is a word that always makes me laugh now because

Ben, like in an attempt like a couple of weeks ago to make his own tea, like he literally boiled water with like all these different fruits and rinds and peppercorn.

Like,

and

he tried to make his own like herbal tea, but he ended up making some sort of concoction that like makes you shit.

An elixir?

And he calls it his elixir.

And if I'm ever constipated, he's like, Do you want me to make you my elixir?

And honestly, I had it the other day and it actually worked.

I'll ask him for the recipe if anybody's interested.

Thanks.

Yeah.

I feel like anytime you make something wrong, it's going to make you shit.

No, but like

it's just water at the end of the day.

He steamed all these things in it and then just like drank the broth.

It was disgusting.

Yeah.

All's to say, the alchemy.

All's to say, bon nui.

Bon nui.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

I actually like genuinely.

Yeah, otherwise the curds are going to run out.

So, and it will take like three hours to upload.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are reuniting for a new reality

series 17 years after the simple life ended.

Paris and Nicole are returning to their roots, sort of.

The duo who became household names for The Simple Life in the early 2000s are joining forces once again.

They'll be reuniting for an all-new reality tv series more than 16 years after the conclusion of their original show

one thing to say we don't know what it is we don't know what it is sana sana sana sana it's peacock right it's peacock yes

um i loved loved loved the simple life like when it was on i loved it i've rewatched it many times like i'm the perfect you know i'm the target demo for this and the thing about the simple life was that it was truly lightning in a bottle like

never have two people give given so little fucks.

Like in this new day and age, like you couldn't get away with half the shit that they did like or said.

And honestly, like,

I don't know, like, it's not doing it for me.

Like, the old, the OG is perfect.

Like, I've had, it's enough for me.

Agreed, but I'm open to what this could be.

Like, I think there's something here.

And I don't know if it's going to be like a simple life rebuild.

I don't think it would be exactly the same anyway.

Like,

I think everyone would agree with what you're saying.

Like, it was perfection.

Don't mess with it.

But I do think that there's like great content to be had from Paris and Nicole together again.

So I'm open.

But like, are they even friends?

Yeah.

She was at her wedding.

I know they're on fine terms.

They're not, I don't think they're like best friends like how they were back then, but I think they're like very, very good.

They were, she was at Paris's wedding.

Paris was at Sophia's wedding.

I think they're very good.

Okay, good.

Like that's what I want.

I just, I don't know.

I'll have to see.

I need to be pitched.

But I'm open.

I remain open.

Mitcha, this isn't just like an automatic yes for me, though.

Okay, well, since that was really short, I do have a little more content news that I'm going to put a subset B, if I may.

Downton Abbey third movie officially announced.

Is Maggie Smith in it?

Unclear, but Paul Giamatti is.

Okay.

I don't love when like a normie actor.

No, but he was in the show.

He's Cora's brother.

Paul Giamatti was in Downton Abbey.

Yeah, he's the American uncle.

Oh, right.

She's American.

Okay, because normally, like, with Dominic West, too, and even though I think he did a good job, I don't love seeing actors whose names I already know in Downtown Abbey.

It's its own universe.

It's like Game of Thrones.

Like, that'd be seriously, like, if Brad Pitt was in Game of Thrones.

Like, no.

Yeah.

No, I agree with you, but he's from the show and he'll be back.

I wonder.

Are they going to America?

I feel like they might have a Newport summer.

A Newport swirly summer.

Oh, wait.

Obsessed.

Well, then the Dowager wouldn't be in it.

She couldn't make the travel.

I think she might not be in it anyway.

And also, it doesn't even make sense for her to be in it because she said her goodbyes in the last movie.

And

I think that's good.

Yeah.

I would love a Newport swirly summer for Downtown Abbey 3.

Maybe Julian Fellows can finally get his like Gilded Age fix without being part of that like stupid show.

Yeah, I know.

I'm glad we all sort of have gotten to a place where we can talk about openly that the Gilded Age is bad.

I think when it first came out,

give it time.

And it did get like a little bit better.

Second season, like genuinely unwatchable.

I have everyone was afraid.

I started.

I seriously, I couldn't.

Everyone was afraid to say it.

And they like didn't want to doubt Julian Fellows and like disrespect his.

And now I think we're all mature enough and like open enough with one another to say like the show is actually abysmal.

I'm going to have to venture into season two to really call it, but I call it like

so.

I called it after like two episodes of season two.

And I seriously, I couldn't even tell you one thing that happened.

It was so dreadful.

And I don't want to put all of the blame on Cynthia Nixon, but I definitely put like 85% of the blame on her.

She never should have been cast in that show.

No, but also

a lot of the blame, oh,

everyone, the acting is so bad, but also like the set.

I don't know if he didn't have enough money.

I don't know if he hired the wrong set director, but like he did not convincingly make a New York City street in the 1900s.

He did not do it.

No, honestly, you know who I think is the worst actress?

The mother of the rich new family.

She's really bad, but no.

Across the street, Cynthia Nixon's sister, Aggie, I think her name is.

I mean, she's the linchpin of the show.

She's horrible.

The show, like, she's the crux of the show.

She's the main character.

She probably, like, she probably is a big child.

Are you talking about the old blonde lady?

Cynthia Nixon's the aunties?

The aunties, yeah.

Yeah, she's like the biggest

character.

No, and the nef, the niece, Mary Ann, she's so.

Oh my god, she's really, really bad.

She's really bad.

And not only is her acting bad, but like her character is bad too.

Dread.

Dread is her character.

Oh my, everyone.

I'm so glad we can all speak openly about it now.

Like, I feel seriously, like, a weight has been lifted.

Like, when I was watching it last season, I was like pretending and lying to myself and lying to others around me.

I'm like, I love it.

It's bad.

Yeah.

I want to watch the season.

The thing is,

where do we lay blame?

I don't know because there's, it should be so good, Julian Fellows, Gilded Age.

Like, done.

If I were a studio head, I would sign blank checks.

I don't even blame Julian Fellows.

It's like a a collective effort to make the show bad.

Like everyone, whether it's cast and crew.

You don't think Julian Fellows kind of resting on his laurels, being like, I can do no wrong?

No, no, because he's done great things since, you know, like the downtown movies.

Well, because like the established goodness was there.

I feel like maybe he's just gotten a little like, oh, it's Julian Fellows.

Great.

It's good.

Yeah.

Send it off.

Maybe that's it.

Julian Fellows just like resting on his laurels.

It's giving giving Julian Fellows resting on his laurels.

1,000%.

I wanted to say it.

So that's our show.

Nice long.

I feel like we still have so much more to catch up on.

I don't even, I feel like we missed stuff, but we have all week to do that, which is so fabulous.

We do.

We do.

I've got to go feed my sourdough starter.

I've got to take more Advil.

I've got to feed myself.

I've got to take more Advil for my back.

We're wishing you a speedy recovery.

Thank you.

I'm wishing myself a speedy recovery because

I actually physically can't deal with not

no, it's annoying.

No, like, this doesn't work for me.

It's not going to work.

Yeah.

It's not going to work.

Yeah.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast and Monday morning show where you deal with the fastest guys.

You need to know everybody through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

We're also available on this podcast.

And we're podcasting me found out, Spotify, Tisjo, Public Radio, Radiac, Park, Soul, Plus, Visit, Podcast, Visualization, Bats, Arbor, Beauty, Beautiful Setting, and wickedly talented.

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Love ya.

Bye.

Love ya.

Bye.