From Roast to Toast with Nikki Glaser: Friday, May 10th, 2024

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Friday.

An amazing day, always.

Not that we needed a reason, but today especially is so sick.

It's so twisted.

You guys are going to choke when you see who's joining me in studio today.

Yeah, that's right.

Kind of the it girl of the moment.

And I didn't even know when I, I was, I'm before everyone.

I knew I wanted you on the pod even before everyone is like obsessed with you now.

It's Nikki Glazer, everyone.

Whoa, yeah, you booked me before everyone got on board.

Before the game, you were, you were in on it.

You got it.

So I showed up.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so, I'm so glad to see you again.

It was so fun to hang last time.

I have loved you always.

Like really?

Always.

I don't even know if you remember this, but like our first ever interaction was you sent me a DM when all that stuff with Cuba Gunning Jr.

was going down and you just were like, oh my god.

That stuff was going down.

Please remember me.

When I was 16, and like, by the way, it's the craziest thing ever, and I'm completely healed.

So feel free to say whatever you want.

When I was 16, I grew up in New York City.

When I was 16, I used to like go to clubs in high school and stuff.

And literally one time, I'm like sitting up on this thing and somebody sticks their finger up my ass.

And I turn around and it's Cuba Gunning Jr.

That was me.

And so this was a million years ago when it was like all in the news and stuff because I was talking about it on my podcast.

And you just reached out to me and you sent me such a sweet note like out of nowhere.

Oh my god.

It was so nice and so unnecessary.

Like I didn't know you.

And honestly, it hadn't affected me.

Like I was really okay with it.

I was like making jokes about it.

It was really fucking crazy.

Yeah.

And I have, I have loved you since that moment.

And now everyone like sees what I've been seeing and I'm obsessed.

That's so nice.

I like, that's my favorite thing in my life is when I'm told a story about myself I don't remember of a kindness where I'm like, she sounds so nice.

I'm like, oh, that was me.

Okay, good.

Cause like, you never know what you're going to hear about yourself and you hope you behave in a way that comes back to you in that way.

That's so nice.

God, I'm so nice.

You are.

Holy shit.

No, I love you.

Why would I just go out of my way?

No, I probably like was just wanting to be friends with you.

And I've obviously had compassion for whatever you were going through at the time.

I don't remember the details of which I found out about it, but I definitely like, yeah, like, well, that's, we were just talking about, like, you're brave.

Like, you say things that maybe it maybe takes you a while to get to a place where you can be funny.

and like open about it, but you eventually do.

We were talking offline about the thing I exclusively talk about, ozempic yeah and how i've really had like the most amazing experience and i know you because i actually just watched you on howard's turn yeah and you spoke a lot about your eating disorder when you were younger and have you ever really spoken as deep as you did with howard i think probably i'm really open about it people just don't really ask because it's awkward and he was willing to go there he sensed that i was comfortable with it so it wasn't like he it just flew out of me but yeah i'm so like i'm not detached from it i'm very i'm actually more connected to it than ever and i understand it in a way that i can talk about it without feeling like guilty about it or like

shame about it anyway.

But I think someone, a lot of people who have like experience like you did, like you had a really bad, severe case of anorexia feel very triggered by the Ozempic conversation.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely was.

And that's why I like, I

figure out the feeling.

Like, what's my initial feeling is like, no.

Stop doing this.

You guys stay fat

because that's how I, if I'm thin, that's how I have value is that there are fat people that I'm better than.

Like parents, that's literally the sick thought.

And that is that is, that is the shaming that happens with women who work out or just naturally thin or have genetics that don't lead them to have an eating disorder that could give them, make them overweight, a thyroid issue.

Loads of issues why someone is overweight that have nothing to do with the fact that they're lazy or want to.

Of course, of course.

And so you're just, bitch, you're just lucky that you got your genetics and that you like.

Listen, if you work out and you're like, no, I work out for my body.

You're lucky you got a brain that likes to work out.

My brain doesn't do that or whatever it is.

Like you, you're not better than anyone because you're thin.

And I think thin people have that.

There is a privilege to being thin that is without question.

And I think when thin people started seeing a way for everyone who's fat to kind of not everyone to join them, but a lot of fat people to suddenly be thin.

Oh, how threatening is that?

Especially if you've prided yourself on part of your identity is being thin and that's how you value yourself.

You don't have to work on other things.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

No, and if you're fat, you got to work on, especially in the show business, you better be talented, bitch.

If you're fat.

And so now that girls, that talented girl who was fat, who only got through because she's talented, because show business doesn't like fat people.

Uh-huh.

Now she's gonna be thin.

Uh-oh.

It's over for you, bitches.

What do you got, bitch?

I think that's what it is.

Like, I do a joke about it on stage, but I'm like, you're not upset that these people are stealing medicine from diabetics who need it.

You're upset that Mindy Kaling's gonna have a thigh gap.

A hundred.

And

you want Mindy to stay.

She's a writer.

She's talented and we love her, but we like her fat.

Stay fat because that's the way I feel better than you.

Even though that's I'm saying this is like of it's a cultural feeling you feel that thin equals good, which is a myth.

I, as someone who was like,

so fat for so long, I used to look at someone like Mindy Kaling and I, whenever like there was a fat, like a notorious, not notorious, like someone who was always fat and they were famous and then they go and lose the weight, it does, it feels like a betrayal.

I used to get like so sad when someone would leave us and of course

come back because they were just proof that it could be done.

And now that you're a failure.

You're not doing what they're doing.

You don't work hard enough.

And now being on the other side of it, i realize like that's such an immature way of looking at things like what what what the fuck are my feelings relevant in someone's journey to like bettering themselves but you get jealous you want them to don't do that but there is an acceptance in you know thin people can't get mad at fat people who work out to lose weight now if you're working out and you're starving yourself all day which that's somehow admirable that's really yes exactly we want to see you on tick tock hold your fat and go i want to change and go in the gym and do this with ropes and sweat and look all we want you to look and but we want you to and then we're like you've lost the weight and that's the real way to do it but just don't keep doing like just stay cut just you can be like a

former fat person but you'll never but azempic is maybe people look very thin and it's um and and why this is the other angle i don't like it's like it's cheating how is it cheating to get a shot in the wherever you have to take like shots are not pleasant and you have to do it if you don't do it i i hear it comes back so it's something you have to do forever and also you lose your hair there's side effects to azempic that aren't easy easy.

It doesn't sound like a cheat to me.

I hate when people say it's a cheat, but because it definitely helps.

But like, I don't think we would say someone, you know, taking antidepressants is cheating depression.

Crazy.

Like, it's medicine.

Obesity is a disease and Ozempic is a medicine.

And when people refuse to see it from that angle, it bothers me so much.

Like, I get so much.

You're so right.

It's like people think they're thin because

it's a virtue to be thin and that you can't buy virtue.

You have to work for virtue.

And it's like, it's not that.

It's genetics.

And it's less.

Well, for sure.

But you know, that also makes me think because one of the questions I wanted to ask you about the roast, which we're obviously going to get into, is, you know,

it was amazing.

You were incredible.

You're such a star.

And I wonder so much because I'm like a sensitive person.

I love to make jokes.

I'm the type of person, like, I can dish it, but I really can't.

I can't take it.

Oh, no.

And

there was a joke made about your eating disorder.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't care.

You didn't.

I was like, I was like, thanks.

Like, I still am part of the fucking, it's still in me to like value thin.

When people are worried about me It's like when I know that I'm doing okay when people are worried about me and I'm not doing well embarrassing when they're worried about me and I'm like eating normally and like have a good relationship with food I'm like okay I look like I have like okay and I still value being thin I'm like not gonna like lie like I feel better about myself when I am on the thinner side of things and so those jokes I was there it's so funny because at first I was like oh they think like

they're just making the jokes because I've talked about my eating disorder so much they're not like just like assuming they're not like making that's the signal.

And then I also was like, they were making jokes about bulimia, which is what I've dabbled in, but not is not my like.

Not your thing.

I do overeating and like exercise bulimia and then I do anorexia, but I've not really bulimic.

I did for a minute, but they were making jokes about that.

And I go, well, maybe they're saying that I like fluctuate too much.

Like that, that they, then I start going like, maybe it's a, maybe it is a fat joke.

Like, I don't, that's how much I don't perceive myself as like, I literally could think, and I've never been a person who could call themselves fat, but I, I've, was questioning I was questioning if I was old they made a joke that I should be dating Bill Belichick who's in his approaching 80 they were like you're date you know the women you're dating are too young you should date someone your own age like Nikki okay that's absurd I have to say you looked so insane you still think sick and you have a new special coming out and I've been seeing clips all over you wearing this tiny tiny dress tiniest dress and even when you and I did that Cynthia Rowley event together you were wearing these sky-high heels yeah you I go on stage always in pajamas and shorts I mean and sneakers excuse me I am comfort is so important That's such a cool look.

You crush it, but then you're also wearing like the most painful looking outfit.

Yeah, I really like, I like dressing up for things.

I like feeling like a pop star.

Like, I think that's always what I wanted to be.

So I kind of like leaning into

dressing up and feeling like really girly and really like sexy, even though I don't really like, I like being looked at sexually by like people I like, but I don't, I don't want to be like a sex symbol.

Yeah.

I just am trying to look, I'm trying to make women go, wow, she's, you know, serving serving cunt or whatever the thing is.

Also, just like a woman in this industry trying to survive.

So like,

do you feel sex sells?

Like, I was talking about like, my pursuit is being fuckable, but I want you to know, like, being fuckable is, is what I want to be.

But the worst part about being fucked is the worst part about being fuckable.

All the other things are great.

Like,

no, every girl's trying to be fuckable, but none of us are doing it.

We don't, men, listen up.

Don't be threatened when your girlfriend's trying to be fuckable.

She's just trying to get a door held for her and get a better job or to get asked on that podcast.

Whatever it is, like whatever it is,

it's not about getting penetrated.

Ugh.

No, no, it's about attention.

Everything is about attention.

Yeah.

I love attention.

Attention.

And because that might be, that's such a vapid thing.

Fame is such a vapid thing to pursue attention and love from strangers.

No, it's not.

It makes complete sense.

We are, we used to live in tribes.

And if you were valuable to as many people in the tribe as possible, that's a good chance everyone's going to try to keep you alive.

It's a survival thing to want to be famous.

I thought it was a family.

And yes, it does not equal real love.

And we don't need, I don't need millions of people to know who I am to survive.

It doesn't make sense that I want it, but the instinct is not vapid, I don't think.

Or like a

soulless pursuit.

It actually has a lot of soul in it.

Like you want to survive.

Of course, but it's also at the end of the day a job.

And so you wouldn't think it's like very shallow of somebody who works in marketing to want to be successful, climb the corporate ladder, make new introductions, get new promotions.

And at the end of the day, like you going on podcasts, you doing a special, you doing all these things are in pursuit of success as as well.

And fame equals success.

Which is also success equals money equals survival.

Right.

I want to be able to get in a good bunker when the apocalypse comes.

I want to get my, I want my parents to be well taken care of and not be in a nursing home that's state run.

Like I work for,

if me showing my tits is going to make me more money so that my parents can

live better, I'm going to do it.

Yeah.

I don't care.

Did your parents like being reality stars?

They did.

They, at first, they were like, my mom panicked, like, I think a couple of days before and was like, they're hanging cameras.

This is way more invasive than I thought it was going to be, Nick.

I don't think I can do this.

I'm pulling out.

And I go, okay, that's okay.

I go, we'll, I think it'd be funny.

We'll just cast someone as my mom.

Love.

Like, I go, we'll address it.

We'll say that you don't want to be a part of it.

And we'll just, we'll have this actress playing you, but it'll be funny.

And it'll be totally, it won't make it look like you're a pussy or whatever.

Like, I was like trying to, and she was like, I'm not having some girl come in and be your dad's wife.

I'm not doing that.

And I go, well, we, we need the family aspect of the show.

So it's that or you have to be on it.

And she was like, I'll do it.

And then I talked to my producer and they go, every time we shoot with a family, whether it's the Kardashians when they started out, the fucking still.

Living Lohan.

Any of them, they always, this always happens right before taping, is the peripheral family that's not the star who wants to be a camera freak out.

And then she said, don't worry, they'll be begging to do a second season.

And everyone that resisted and my family, my boyfriend, were all, they all changed their tune because they were like, now we get what it is.

Now we know how what it looks like.

And I, I had had that experience.

So it was baffling to me that when I told my family I was pitched to a reality show without their permission that they were like, we don't want to do that.

I was like, how could anyone not?

You do not want to be on TV.

You don't want to be on TV.

And they're like,

star?

It just, it did not occur to me.

But now I realize a lot of people don't crave that.

Right.

And so I relate to you on that level in such a deep, profound way.

And I would love to get into the mind of someone who's like currently having a moment.

And of course, the timing, you know, for my own podcast couldn't be better.

But like

you are five days out of this like major, major global moment where you were the star.

And my question for you is, first of all, while you were doing it, did you know like you were killing?

I didn't, you know, it's like, um, I'm really comparing it to a gymnastics beam routine.

Like, yeah, I've killed it, but I still have that dismount.

I still have, I still have to nail the dismount.

Like no point did I get relaxed.

I was having fun.

I was like, that went well.

That one hit.

That was a moment.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

But I still had that last line until the last line.

That could have just, if the last thing you know, you leave them on, that's what you'll be remembered for.

I literally need to be in line with the rest of it.

So I'm not comfortable to the last line.

I wrote it down that last line.

Obsessed.

Thank you.

Something he sets his mind to do, he's going to do.

And I bet he can't make me come.

So fucking funny.

Like, I was screaming.

My husband was like, are you okay?

It was so good.

And I also wonder, like, about the lineup.

Like, you knew you went on pretty early.

Yeah.

Is that ideal?

Or it is.

I requested, like, put me at first like right after kevin because i've done three roasts before and you think the first spot is like no no one's warmed up and they don't know but it's like

I used to fear it, but it's called the Giraldo spot because Greg Giraldo was like, is the best roaster in my opinion, is someone who I would aspire to be and is to be even mentioned as like one of the best roasters.

I know he's up there.

He's, he's the one I watch and I go, I want that kind of rapid fire, well-written jokes.

But he would always go, that was the spot he would take, always the first one.

And you, oh, you just break it open.

You bust it open.

Like the host sets sets the stage which kevin hart did perfectly but then jeff took that spot which i was so glad because it was even more of like setting the stage and and the audience kind of learning the cadence of the jokes and how the night and what the caliber of joke was happening then another football player came in who did a really good job but like took it down to a different like like lowered a little bit because he was an athlete and but killed it like a plus plus for what he was capable of knocked it out of the fucking park and then um so it was perfect it was perfect timing i would have thought like if if that would have been like a bad spot.

And then watching it after you were so killer, I almost felt toward, I was getting like fatigued by the end because nobody, of course, nobody met you where you were.

Like there were good people, but nobody was as cutthroat as you are, except Tony.

Tony was right behind you.

Tony was amazing.

Transcendent.

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And the thing is, everyone's like so surprised.

They're like, oh my God, Nikki Gleaser.

But the thing is, is like, we remember the roast of Alec Baldwin.

Like you, Selane, I think, did you do Rob Lowe also?

I did Rob Lowe.

That was like the first thing I ever did.

I was in the audience.

You were killer.

And that one was so like, you know, full of suspense and tension because and culture was there.

Yes, it was like a weird vibe.

It was like a it was and that was um

pre-recorded.

So they cut out like so much crap.

That's the thing is like these roasts edit down so beautifully.

And so you kind of look at it and you're like, everyone kind of kills.

And this roast, you kind of saw what it actually tapes like.

Because I left all the roasts feeling like, I did like, I had one of the best sets and it was like extraordinary.

But in the edit, everyone kind of raises like the curve of the class.

Yep.

Everybody's best jokes make it.

Yeah.

And the laughter gets pumped up.

So like you are influenced by that as even if a joke isn't as funny.

And, you know, it just, it, so everyone comes off looking great, which is, is, is something I wanted.

I wanted an edit.

I did not want to do this live, but I ended because I like an edit.

Like, I look better in one.

Of course.

But I just wrote to this of like, okay, I have to do my own edit.

Like, I just have to make this so tight that there's no, there's no room for, because when you do the other roast, you're like, let's put this joke in.

If it bombs, they take it out.

Exactly.

It's like, I don't have to worry about it.

Bombs in the room.

Who cares?

Like,

no one, literally, no one would ever notice.

But this, there was no chance of like,

this might not work.

Or there was that chance and it was like, it was just because the payoff would be so high.

And you're like, I guess I just got to risk it and see what happens.

So only your best jokes made the cut.

Like you said, well, no, there was some there were

there were tons of jokes that were I thought were the greatest but couldn't make it because we decided either not to talk about as kids right or um it just that

to set up that feeling I have about that person,

I have to, I have to get the audience to understand my perspective on this person.

So like there was one joke about, and I don't believe it now, but it was about Tom Brady's diet and how he doesn't eat anything.

His, his fridge is as empty as, or his fridge is like Kevin Hart, empty inside.

And it's a funny joke, but you have to like think Kevin Hart's kind of soulless.

Like, so I was like, we have to build this narrative.

We have to get people to where we are, which is like, Kevin Hart says yes to everything.

Yes.

He would sell his soul if he had one.

So there have to be three jokes to get to that joke.

So like, even though that's a joke that I really liked, I couldn't use it because that would have taken up another 30 seconds to 40 seconds of jokes to explain it.

And I, or I didn't have time to write those jokes because those have to be fucking nines or tens as well.

Is there a level of approval?

Like, is there, like, from Netflix, like saying, oh, you can't say that?

No.

No, there was, like, a soft agreement between everyone that we wouldn't do jokes about his kids, especially like the kissing incident.

But not, of course, I wrote so many fucking jokes about the kissing thing because I had a lot of fun.

I was

like, yeah, I had one that was like, maybe we can make it out of the after part.

You can pretend I'm your son.

It was like, that was one.

That was one that was like,

you know, you let, like, do you remember the kissing scene that he had?

Oh, my God.

Of course.

It's my personal Roman Empire.

He's laying down on his back.

I'm kidding you.

Like, I've watched, that's the most thing I knew about Tom Brady.

So when I got booked on the roast, I was like, oh, great.

I have a perspective on this.

And let me just say, for the record, I think he is an amazing father.

I made jokes about him losing his family.

I know from watching and studying about him, he is such a present, great dad, especially because he made it clear, like.

My family, it matters to me.

And like the jokes, like he didn't say explicitly, don't do jokes, but we caught the vibe.

Like he was protecting his family.

He's a good dad.

And so for us to say that he lost his family like he didn't he lost giselle like that it was just a joke but the kissing thing like my dad kissed me on the lips my whole childhood not in that way but i can see how that is and the kid did not seem victimized by it like it was just a weird scene if you're not a kid of a kiss on the lip family like i am even to me it was a little longer than usual but that's like there are people that probably go longer than him and they're in italy or whatever you know like it was completely cultural it's cultural and it was it was his culture i don't know what that is but in their bubble with giselle Brazilian, like they're kissing on the lips, and he does it with his dad on the field, too.

That's just, there's nothing, I literally have no judgment of it.

It did fascinate me, though, when I first saw it, and I think I judged it a lot more back then because I didn't have perspective, and I was a little younger, but I remember being obsessed with it.

So there was one joke that was like,

you know, you retired and then you came back and then you retired again.

Wait, no, you retired and then you went away and then you came back and

played for three more years.

That's like, let me get the wording right.

Tear time.

That's like you gave us a kiss good night and then you tried to leave and then you came back and gave us an even longer kiss goodnight.

It was something like that.

That was just like, it made me laugh.

So one of my friends like kind of came up with it and I thought it was just so funny.

But that even in that joke that I think is the way I butchered it because it's been a long time since I cut it.

But the way that that joke made me laugh in a way that was like, oh, even if I have permission to talk about the kissing thing, I have to make sure someone's brought it up before me because that joke doesn't work if it's just, if you aren't familiar, if you're not immediately familiar with it.

So, there's a lot of like considering that about where you place jokes and which jokes you choose.

And also, like in the Zeitgeist, so much has happened with Tom Brady since the, I think for a while, the kiss was a big thing, but then like Giselle and then leaving and retiring, it's not that most top of mind thing.

That's a good way of thinking of it.

You have to really, you have to remind them of things constantly.

Like, that's the, that's the part about joker writing that I like when you are, when I'm working with writers on this and they'll suggest a thing and I go, like, okay, this is, I'm in a more advanced stage of like how to do this.

We can't tell this joke because what this joke says is that Kevin Hart is empty inside.

No one knows like having breaking that and people are still teaching me about those things, but there's all those like little tricks and you can make an A plus set by considering all those factors, but that's really scientific, actually.

No, no, the way you're describing it, it's like giving mathematician energy.

Yeah, it's, that's what I like about it.

I've never been really like great at math, but I do like looking at

jokes as math problems.

Like, okay, I see there's a Giselle in a jiu-jitsu world.

Okay, how do I relate jiu-jitsu to him retiring okay then I think of retirement things and then like you whatever you do like you you yeah it's all about like lists of things and can just connecting things like Tetris

yes it's it's similar you were the only girl up there well Sam J oh correct excuse me I'm so shy yes she identifies as a girl so two out of what were there 15 people up there with all the football players behind you yeah I mean there were so many men on stage it was insane that is really really insane did you feel what how did that make you feel, period?

Um, I literally didn't think about okay.

I, it didn't occur to me.

It our, this is, this is so true.

Sam J and I shared a green room or dressing room, and everyone else had dressing rooms as well, and we're sharing them, but all of their names are in the rooms.

Ours just said female.

Oh, that's funny.

It literally was a sign that they made that said female.

And so

I didn't feel it though.

Like, I just,

I just don't think of myself as like a female stand-up.

Like, I just do.

I like pride pride myself on it, but I've never been like, I'm different than others.

Or like they're somehow,

I do look at male comics sometimes and I feel like I'm, that's a club I'm not a part of and that I kind of want to be, but not really.

Like I feel, especially now I feel a lot of acceptance from the male comic club.

I'll just say there's lots of clubs that are accepting me now in a way that I never have felt

after this roast.

Like there's a level of just like respect, like from like Chappelle, even though I did meet Chappelle the day before the roast and he said he was a fan so it was like I met him I would have thought Chappelle might just be not a bandwagoner but like oh I finally noticed you but Chappelle was already on my phone I met him so I was like good on you but I saw him after it as well and he was really nice and um but there's just like yeah there's um it's a uh yeah there's a new level of something going on that's going to last for like a while well it's so interesting to me that and this might like render my question useless if you say like you really don't identify so much because to me you feel so accessible like, sitting here in your Taylor Swift shirt.

You seem very normal, and like, the way you talk on your specials and your podcasts, like, about sex, I think a lot of people find so relatable.

And like, you would be sort of like a go-to.

I hate to say, like, female comic because comics are comics, but it's really like a male-dominated space.

Yeah.

And so, and I think you're at the top of the game when it comes to women in comedy.

So, to hear you say that, I find so interesting.

Yeah, I don't know why.

I just never considered it.

And, and I love being a female comic.

I think in my favorite comedians, most of my favorites are females.

So, I feel like you're number one.

Right now, it's Rachel Feinstein.

She has a new special coming out on Netflix May 21st.

She's a great friend of mine.

I went to dinner with her last night, but I am like, I'm like, get, don't open it, don't put out a special the same month I am, bitch.

She's so amazing.

I like, she's truly one of my favorites, but like Ellen was one of my first favorites.

Sarah Silverman,

Allie Wong, I think is fucking killing it.

Schumer, Taylor Tomlinson,

Catherine Blanford is a new one coming up.

Like, there's like countless ones.

They're just, they're, they're coming up too fast.

Seriously, I would I want less women to do comedy because it's threatening to me.

I think you told me something that I thought about, like that I always remember that I thought was so funny about how you

were in the bathroom.

I might be if I get this wrong, you were in the bathroom at a comedy club, right?

Where like the green room for the performer doesn't have its own bathroom.

So you go to the bathroom like that everyone's using and you hate doing that because you hear like what people are just saying about the night.

They're like ranking the show.

I liked her, but I didn't like him and like, you know, and you just hear their thoughts because that's what you do in a bathroom after a movie or or after culture.

Yeah.

And that's sort of just like what it's like on social media.

Yeah.

And I just plug my ears and I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I learned the hard way in that bathroom that a girl was, I remember them being like, the last girl, no, this girl on stage now, and my friend Lisa Traeger was on stage.

And I was like, I'm in here, I'm in here, I'm in here.

Like, I didn't even, I was just, and they go, and you could tell they were just both like, they're at the sink talking, and I'm in the stall, and they're just looking at each other like, oh, shit.

So I go, it's okay, it's okay, but we walk among you.

Yeah.

And I came out and they were like, I'm so sorry.

And I was like, it's okay.

That was not a good set.

Like, I did not try.

So I can tell myself that that's why it didn't go well.

So that sort of feedback, like, okay, that's obviously an extreme situation.

But like on social media, it's tenfold.

People feel like.

I don't get any of it.

I don't read a single comment.

You don't?

I don't read literally.

It's like, honestly, I'm as proud of it as quitting booze.

Are you sober?

I smoke weed, but I don't drink.

And I haven't for like 12 years.

And

the decision behind that is...

Well, it's just like it runs in my family.

I see what it, I was getting blackout drunk and like hangovers.

I can't work when i'm hungover and i'm work is my drug yeah i was like i can't do both my drugs do you feel like your life has improved so dramatically i mean there's just no question yeah like there's no question but you're in your relationships are more difficult because you have to like make intimacy and be more vulnerable.

So it's harder to get like physically intimate with people or even emotionally intimate.

But then

you then when you do find it, it's actually real.

It just takes longer.

Like I, to wanna have sex with someone, I, I have to like like them a lot because I don't have alcohol to make me like them sooner as like a lie to my body.

Yeah, right, right, right.

So that's, that sucks.

And yeah, and like it took me a while to learn how to dance without booze, but now I can dance.

Like I don't care.

I don't need those things to like be myself or feel comfortable or like feel I get socially anxious sometimes, but then I just leave if I don't like booze when you stopped drinking.

I love, like, I don't know if I came up with it or I read it somewhere, but like it's so, it rings so true.

The people, you hang out with people that you used to drink with and then you start to go like oh this isn't fun like you just see it clearly and you realize like you were never having fun it was just alcohol making you stupid so you didn't know that you weren't having fun and do you think like you know, in the comedy space, it's really easy to slip into like unhealthy drinking habits like if you perform all the time.

Every night and then you get paid in booths, like you get drink tickets when you first start out.

And it's like, and it's a very social thing in the beginning.

Like you need to make friends and network.

So drinking is a huge part of it.

And thank God it was, I had so much fun.

If you still drink and you relate to anything I'm saying, keep drinking until you can't.

can't like it is fun

there's no question i miss that feeling of like that first sip and like just feeling like loose and like

and like music sounds better and you're like girls over here like i will never once in the rest of my life go the girls are here the girls are here i'll never like walk up to a table like yeah like ever and i that's a fun thing to do so like embrace drinking don't shame yourself for it like you'll quit when you're ready um but yeah i not looking at comments quit that shit fucking now yeah don't wait on that one.

It is reading anything about yourself.

And this isn't to most people because most people aren't getting comments, but like any celebrities watching or people that have a social media following, like if you can divorce yourself from that and post freely, what could you do if you didn't care about the feedback?

The productivity.

I mean, I still care about it, even though I don't look at it and worry what people are going to say, but like to not read any of it, because it's just, there's nothing good there.

The good isn't good enough, or there's not enough of it.

And the bad is, it can be the smallest amount and it can wreck wreck you so it's like what's what's what's there for me literally nothing but pain but you did just have like a major review of your special in the la times correct i didn't read it okay i did it was major oh well it does say well done nikki as the headline on the front page of the la times like creative arts section and i've never

i've never have been like of all i want to do is be a good girl like i just want people to be like we like her and she's likable and like she's we just want the best best for her and like it feels like it's happening like i think people can get famous and uh culturally significant for myriad reasons but so few of them are this kind of like adoration and love that i'm getting right now that just feels like um the way dolly people like dolly parton or even taylor swift gets more back like as much backlash as like i'm not saying as much but she gets a so much love the most but there's also no one's really hating me right now it's not it's ever it's all love it's like it and it's could be fleeting and it could be, um,

I'm just embracing it.

I'm just like, this is so crazy because I did not even know I was in line for this roller coaster.

This is not something that I thought was possible with my career as a stand-up comedian.

But I think it's also rare that like to experience such a high high and be present.

Like you seem so self-aware.

Like usually I feel like you can look back on things and be like, wow, that was so big.

But you are experiencing a high and you are aware of it.

And I feel like that must be so fun.

Oh, it's so fun to be married.

Like this is, it's kind of crazy to know it's like the best time of your life.

Like I could not be more beloved by culturally.

Like, I don't want it to get bigger than this.

I wouldn't want anything more than this.

It's the best.

It's like the idea of getting married or like having a baby or like having anything else.

Like, well, I want, I'm looking for a feeling of a lot of attention.

I got it.

Like, I was saying today, like, there's a tiny part of me that's like, oh, there might be some part of me that's like, I want to be a mom just for the like identity shift and like the attention of like, I'm a mom now.

Like, I can see that being like a reason you do it and not a vapid reason, not a dumb reason, like an actual reason.

But I've tasted this and it's like i don't think i will ever this drug is the best thing and it might go away but i just know that this um

like i don't i don't i i'll that that feeling that i might have wanted sooner or later is not going to be for a while and in that case kids will be out of the picture for me anyway i don't think i'm going to miss the same thing i would be saying the same exact thing if travis was talking about me on his podcast like he was you Like, are you okay?

Travis Kelsey.

Nikki Glazer is, I've memorized it.

Nikki Glazer is fucking hilarious.

He like quoted one of the other.

I ever did a roast, we got to have her on it.

I'm just like, Netflix, did you hear that?

And you can tell he wants to do a roast.

He's saying that.

Like, he's so down.

He's so funny.

I worked with him on a show that he hosted.

And so I met him weeks prior, like a month ago, I think I did the show.

And he's so cool, doesn't think he's hot shit,

very hardworking, funny, good host, like just fucking professional.

And like, obviously, as a traditional fan, I'm just like, this is my best friend's boyfriend.

And he's awesome.

And I'm so happy for her.

And like, this is the coolest.

And so the whole time, I'm just like, he doesn't know it, but I'm like, it literally felt like you were seeing your like friend's boyfriend kill it.

And you were like,

like, we wanted to tell her.

And I see you with your TTPD earring.

I see you with your Taylor Swift t-shirt.

And today is such a great day for you to be on the show because there's so much going on in the Eris universe that I want to talk to you about.

Hold on.

Okay.

I was just in a podcast before I left here.

I saw Paris getting posted and I did not see the TTPD.

Okay.

Let me tell you.

I actually took screenshots for you.

I can hear you.

I have been to Aera's tour 12 times.

I've been to 12 shows in one year.

Wow.

Is that not an exaggeration?

It's not an exaggeration.

I saw her 12 times and I'm seeing her again six times this year.

Already have the tickets booked, probably more because I'm going to do doubles in the cities once I get there.

I'm going to like find a fucking way.

And then I'm going to her final show in Vancouver.

Like I'm obsessed.

It's my favorite thing.

So the TTPD set list.

Okay, hold on.

Can I guess?

Yes.

Because I literally have no idea.

This is what.

Seven songs.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

And yeah, you got it.

This is so exciting.

Okay.

I literally, this might be the second best part of my week.

I know.

It is.

It is.

This is, I'm feeling such elation.

Okay.

But daddy, I love him.

Of course.

Definitely Fortnite.

Yep.

Who's afraid of little old me?

Yep.

Oh, God.

Okay, this is, this is the wild card.

I can do it with a broken heart.

Yeah.

Shut the fuck up.

Okay, so I'm four out of four.

Four for four, yeah.

I'm gonna say,

oh, God.

Oh, what is my, what's my second favorite song right now?

Oh, wait, no.

Okay, yeah.

Um, hold on.

Take your time.

Hold on.

I'm, I'm, I'm gonna get it.

I'm not gonna say, I, there's a part of me I just is thinking about, I'm just gonna talk through this like I'm on a game show.

It's Thinking Tortured Poets Department.

But I just don't feel like that's an ARA's performance, more of an acoustic set set number she would do

so

i'm gonna

what has been my what's number what's track two that's torture bro spread what's track three down bad no what's track three

hold on yeah

i'm sorry swifties that are like do it from memory bitch i can't no no i can't either it's such a long album it is

okay

oh

My boy only breaks his favorite toys.

No.

Do you want me to tell tell you the remaining three?

What?

Wait, wait, hold on.

I'll get the other ones.

They're not like crazy shocking, but they're not like the most obvious, I would say.

The smallest man who ever lived?

Yes.

Interesting.

So high school?

So high school.

Yes.

And I'm going to say

I want it to be the bolter.

No.

Not thank you, Amy.

No.

Down bat.

Down bat.

I was going to say down bad.

I know that one I'm not like upset.

I cannot believe my boy only breaks his favorite toys.

He's not on there.

And so to make space for this new era, she combined Fortnite.

I mean, that's what I heard.

And she's a little bit more.

She got rid of Archer.

She got rid of

Tis the Damn Season.

Okay, smart.

She got rid of a bunch of stuff.

She also moved stuff around.

Speak Now got moved.

She's wearing new outfits for every era except for reputation because that's like the one she hasn't re-recorded yet.

Oh my God, she's a mastermind.

So, I mean, and I want to, and we're going to get into TTBD and everything, but for those who may not know, something happened to you in regards to Taylor Swift that, like, I'm sure is your Roman Empire of your entire life can you tell the story from the beginning like where you were when the entire Miss Americana thing happened yeah okay so I was I um

I had been a swifty since I heard blank space in my bedroom like I had no been aware of red I went to see her at the red tour

um

and I met her backstage at red tour you did and I was you know just marveling at her, but I wasn't a swifty yet.

I was a fan, but it hadn't like sunk into my bones.

Yeah.

And then blank space just sunk into my bones like that song just and i was and i did made which i really do with like the artist that i've been obsessed with and she's the one that's lasted the longest and will be like my forever favorite um i just made a decision like this is my identity like i want to absorb everything this person's ever done and i shall and so that was you know uh whenever 1989 came out and then um Total Swifty, then Reputation just like helped me through a breakup.

And then Lover, I was fucking obsessed with.

And then Miss americana documentary is coming out and i am on the e it's like the trailer's coming out and so i am like watching it 12 o'clock at midnight when the when the trailer drops can't wait and i hear my own voice in the trailer as like you know i haven't watched it again you know like it's so traumatizing but it's just you know and then i had to go away for a year it was too much and then it was like showed all the cacophony of like talking heads talking about her and being just catty and shitty and i said something about her body and i said something about her friend group like she's hanging out with all these models models she's too thin skinny it wasn't funny it was just like a jealous

mean

like

thing I would say behind behind someone's back yeah because I literally thought of it that way you know and the kind of thing I'd say someone behind someone's back when I'm in a really ugly place of my mind yeah which I was at that point I was like dealing with my own eating disorder shit.

Like I was just like, and I was feeling so far away from ever looking like that and ever having a grasp on how to look like that again.

I once had it.

I could have been in her squad.

I was thin enough.

And now I'm literally, I can't get that eating disorder back.

Even if I try to have a new one that makes me fat, you know, it's just like feeling that.

And then I, and I did an interview one day.

Someone asked me about her.

And that's what I said.

I don't even remember the interview.

It was a blip in my life.

Yeah.

And then suddenly I hear my voice and I send it to my friends who are awake.

And they're like, that's not you.

And I'm like, yes, it is.

Was it just your voice or was your voice?

It was my voice in the trailer.

Okay.

And I was like, yes, it is me.

And they were like, you would never say that about her.

Like, we, we're like concerned about how much you love her like and i'm like yes i would and they're like you love her and i go bitch i'd say this about you too right right right i'm not in a good place it's not a love hate thing no it was just like i'm jealous and i want to be friends with her and she doesn't look like she'd be friends with me and i'm just you know whatever just me being an asshole and um

and then the doc and then i wrote my agents about it being like can we figure out like how much is this is gonna like where is this from and what did i say and are they gonna use my face like i can't handle like does she know this is me like is she gonna it just all felt so awful not Not about, like, the Swifties are gonna come after me.

It was more like, I'm gonna hurt Taylor Swift's feelings if she finds out this.

I just want it.

I know she's gonna see the trailer, so I hope I'm just a voice to her instead of like a face with a voice and a person.

And then the thing came out, and my face was in it.

Didn't say my name, but my face was in it.

It was just like, oh, fuck.

And I literally like couldn't listen to her music anymore because I just felt like.

Like ashamed almost?

Yes, exactly.

I just felt like I had hurt her and she doesn't like me.

Like, I wouldn't like me.

I know she's seen this documentary.

She wouldn't have seen that clip otherwise, but like, like, it's out there.

She said it.

And it made it, she definitely watched it.

She's, and it just felt like so bad.

And not being able to listen to Taylor Swift because of the shame I felt like hurts my life.

Yeah.

She's a big part of my life.

Like, especially walking around New York City

six months into Lover, I'm still, it's like a brand new album.

Yep.

I need Cornelia Street.

I need Death by a Thousand Guts.

I need, like, I was bopping around town, London Boy.

It was like my soundtrack.

And then suddenly I was just like, literally like tumbleweeds in my ears.

I was just having my headphones and I couldn't listen to anything.

Like, you know, I don't have other music I listen to really, like, especially when I'm really that into Taylor.

And so I felt so sad.

And I was like, at getting my hair done, I had a date that night.

And I was just like, I asked my agents if I could write a letter to her or something just to apologize.

And they were like, yeah, yeah, we'll get it to her.

And I'm like, they're not going to do fucking anything.

I know that.

They're scared of her camp.

Yeah.

And

as they shouldn't be because she, but it's hard to get something to her, even through the means I had.

So I just was like, I'll just, I had just done this photo shoot and I had a Taylor Swift shirt on it.

And I just posted that picture.

And I was like, I forget what I even said, but I was just like, pretty much said exactly.

Like, I was jealous.

I was projecting.

Projecting, yeah.

I dealt with an eating disorder.

I hate that I ever made someone with one feel bad about them.

So like I said it all and I said, you know, I don't know.

I forget what I said.

I probably said something like, if this could get to Taylor, I would love her to read it.

And it really was not for, I wasn't getting a lot of hate.

I wasn't getting like people abusing me.

It wasn't like me trying to like not get canceled.

Like no no one would have noticed it was me.

Yeah, because you were one of like a million.

Yeah, it was a blip on the thing, but I just needed her to know so I could like have her back in my life.

Like I missed my friend.

Did you ever have any sort of confirmation that she read it or did you ever hear from her?

So I was on a date that night.

And as soon as I sent it, I could listen to her music again because I was like, I feel free.

Yep.

It was a message in a bottle that I sent out.

And maybe she'll read it.

Maybe she won't, but at least my conscience is clean.

Like, I really felt the way.

I knew I was sorry.

And I knew that if she did read that, she would accept my apology.

Let's see if she does.

Who knows?

And I went on the state and I had my phone away all night because I was trying to pretend to be someone that's not addicted to their phone.

So this guy would like me more.

And then finally, he goes down to do a set.

I was at the comedy cellar.

He's a comedian.

He went down to go do a set.

And I was like, oh, I'll just read my phone.

And I had like.

The most messages I've had since, you know, the, the Tom Brady, like the same level, like 81.

And people are like, holy shit, she wrote back.

Holy shit.

Oh, she wrote back.

And so she commented underneath it.

Oh my God.

I just remember reading, oh my God, like exclamation marks.

I don't remember.

I read it once and I never read it it again.

A lot of emojis.

Thank you so much.

I'm thinking it's something like, thank you so much.

This means so much.

It's an example of how we can change or something like that.

It was like totally got where I was coming from.

Totally accepted my apology.

And for someone who never, who does forgive and doesn't forget, I hope she does forget.

Yeah.

You know, like we're talking about.

She started hacking Amy.

Yeah.

Like I, I, I know at this point, I have put in my, um, like, I feel like there have been Swifties that are like, she, she badmouthed Taylor and she'll never be a true swifty and I'm like you

Yet you don't know my love.

I I'm very secure in how I feel about her and and I've proven it like I've been front row at so many I spent so much money not that that's like I would do it a hundred times again and I am going to this I remember when that happened and I remember we spoke about it on the show because it was like a huge you know story in pop culture and I I remember saying and I feel the same way now like First of all, like such a mature way of responding, like to be able to identify your own feelings, like how you got to a place where where you would say that because we all say some of the shit that fucking comes out of my mouth and especially when i think nobody's listening like is absurd and if anybody were to ever like hold my feet to the fire i would be like um no that literally wasn't me i don't even know what you're talking about yeah and i thought your your way of addressing it head on and i felt like your your letter slash caption was so personal like i could envision you watching the trailer hearing your own voice and just like completely shutting down i really i my phone dropped out of my hand when i heard my voice like it was that moment of like but it was on my bed so it was only a couple inches but i literally did like I remember like kind of like going oh and you like did that like you just don't expect I'm watching it as a fan and I'm hearing my voice be that insane the nemesis.

Yeah.

The ant the anti-hero or no, she you know in in her story it was it was it was so ironic, but um I think we're good now.

I think so too.

I mean Travis is obsessed with you.

I mean that everyone's like you know that they both watched it together or they at least sent it to each other and like that he and And he knows who I am.

Like I worked with him for two days on set.

So he's like.

How did you work with him?

Like like how did you not combust?

Like, I would.

Everyone was like, Nikki, are you going to be okay?

And I was like, okay, I'll just like, I don't want him.

I had Taylor Swift as my faceplate or like, you know, my phone in front of my phone at the time.

I was like, but I was like, I'm not going to change it.

I'm not, I'm not going to try to adapt to make him feel like if he finds out I'm obsessed with her, it's, it's like, I'm okay with my obsession.

I still think I could be friends with her and have her not be like, I'm friends with a lot of people that started out as fans of mine.

Like one of my best friends is like, she always is like, you know, I started out as a fan.

Like when I met you, I was shaking.

And I was like, yeah, but you like got me.

And so instantly, and you you were, you calmed down almost immediately.

And then I've never felt that since from her of like a sycophantic thing.

And I feel like I, that's, I, but I did not tell him.

I was going to make a joke about it, but I was just like, did you wear your TTBD earring?

I, that would have been the best.

I didn't have him at the time.

It was before TTD.

Oh, if it would have been post-TTBD, I would have been like, had to quote, so high school to him in some kind of way.

I did say, he like, I had a, um, of like a lavender suit on one day.

And he just goes, dig the lavender.

Like, he's just nice.

He's trying to make everyone feel comfortable.

So he's like giving just compliments to people and just being so charming and nice.

And like, I've worked with a lot of hosts of things on game shows where I'm the celebrity on this game show.

And the host is like, I'm a bigger celebrity and kind of stays aside.

And he was like talking to all of us.

And we are like literal nobodies compared to him.

Like it was pretty fantastic that he was so cool.

But he goes, dig the suit.

And I, and I go, oh no, I think he just goes, dig the suit.

And I go, Lavender Hayes.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I was like, did a little nod.

Like, that doesn't make, that doesn't doesn't out me as a huge fan.

No, that's so normal of you.

So there are little things like that that I was like.

Also, Taylor, like, she obviously is like always having, you know, new friends, old friends.

And if she weren't to limit it to people who weren't fans of hers, like, she would have no option.

So I think it's 20 years ago.

I watched Gigi Hadid at her shows and I go, she's one of us.

A thousand persons.

Every lyric.

Who's a bigger swiftie than Kelly Teller?

Yeah, exactly.

Oh my God.

She is us.

She is us.

And that's the way my friends are about me.

Like, my friends come to my shows and are like so excited to be my friend and their fans.

Like it's like, that's what you want in a friend.

So I don't feel there are times where I feel like I don't, I don't want to, I don't want her to meet me until she wants to meet me and is like, I want to be friends with her because I'm already on board, but I don't want to convince her and I definitely don't want to bother her.

And I would probably cry in the first meeting.

Not necessarily now.

I think now I feel like

the way I've envisioned this meeting, I think I'll be cool enough, but I would eventually cry to tell her how she meant what she means to me.

And I just don't want to be that fan, even though I love the fans when they come up to me and do this.

that's like

because i am one of those fans every

you know

once a month at my show or not even once a month like probably once every show i do i meet a fan that's like cries and it's so sweet and that's enough i can do have have that but every person does that to her i know but like how do you not like i always say how do you not i would be so that's why i'm like i'll leave let keep her away from let her come she needs to write music she needs her brain for like relaxation like she works so hard for us like i don't want part of her day being like it's okay like I'm telling you, no, she doesn't mean that shit.

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So in your comedy, you talk a lot about dating, a lot about sex, a lot about relationships.

What are your, I mean, I know what they are, but like, give me your elevator pitch, like what your thoughts on Travis and Taylor are.

Like, I love them so much.

And I'm just like, you know, it's, it's really hard to be that successful of a woman and find a man who can handle it, even though it seems like such a glowy thing that every man wants.

Believe me, it ain't.

Men like a girl that is a trophy, but that isn't like out earning them or isn't out

shining or like just more successful.

I mean, being successful is a masculine trait that that men pride themselves on more than women do, just by nature of how we're made.

And so I think it's, although guys want to be close to it because it's going to elevate them or because she is glow and she is beautiful and she is talented and all these things, I think that he's just the first guy, and I'm not the first to say this, that is secure enough and in what he does to be totally on board with what she does and support her.

And he's so different than the other guys.

And I think that a lot of times, who knows, but it's my inkling.

I shouldn't even say this because it's speculating about her life so this is just my thought that and i'm probably projecting but i think that sometimes you will say something about your relationship that really the other person's choosing where you go i want to keep this private

we want to keep it private and it's really not you're i've done that before and i'm not saying that's what she did at all but i think that having a relationship that is so showy and so is so in your face and pda and stuff like that is really like that's what you want that's what i want i know that i'm proud and i like i like seeing pictures of myself canoodling with a guy.

My dream is for Paparazzi to see me on a street corner waiting for an Uber.

And the guy has his hands in my back pockets.

And we're just like this, like in a moment.

We're not posing.

It's not Spencer Heidi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like we, we truly don't know.

And we're looking so in love and like we don't even know.

We're just coming out of sushi park, holding hands, laughing.

I saw Bill Hayter and Allie Wong the other day like holding hands, laughing about something.

And I'm like, I know Allie.

So I was like, I know she's not posing.

She do not say this shot.

That's like, they're so in love.

Like, I love that shit.

And that's what Jackie and I say.

Like, thank God I'm not that famous.

Because literally, if they, if paparazzi ever followed me and my husband around, I have such a fucking mug on my face.

I'm so nasty.

I'm always on my phone.

We're always looking mad at it.

We always look like Miz.

We love each other so much.

We spend so much time together.

Like, we're not always walking around the city holding hands, smiling, and kissing.

Like, we have places to be.

No, it's hard to keep up.

And that's like, even I was walking into Kimmel the other day, and there's always paparazzi walking in the Kimmel.

Saw TMZ gotcha.

Oh, yeah, they did.

She had a good question for you.

And I thought your response was so, you're so quick.

Like, you're so thanks.

She was like, you know, do you feel bad about anything you said about Giselle?

And you were like, no, Giselle should feel bad for making me feel bad about myself my whole life.

Like, it was such a good question.

I didn't mean it.

It was hilarious.

But I do.

If of all the people I looked at growing up and thought, you're not good enough, Giselle tops them.

Like, I'm not good enough compared to her.

Aniston, Giselle, and Britney Spears, they owe me, man.

Yeah.

They, they, like, I've, I, they didn't know it, but they were bullying me my entire high school career.

But, um, so yeah, that was a just a funny response.

But, um, yeah, walking into Kimmel the other day, there's always paparazzi there.

And thank God my stylist reminded me because they were like, when you're walking in, don't have bags with you.

Have someone else

carry your bags and you know, know that you're being because they're far away.

Yeah.

But then the shots turn out great.

Usually I'm walking in.

I'm like frumpy.

Of course, a thousand chopping bags.

And yes, I look and I'm wearing like a hoodie over my cute dress, but this time I'm like back arched.

Like all my my friends are like, we need to do whatever Nikki's doing.

I need to do Pilates.

I'm like, literally, I

look at my spine after I sit down after the roast and there's like clips of it.

That is my natural spine.

It's a bad curvature.

I look like an armadillo who's threatened.

Like me and those camel shots, I was like, girls, my back hurts from doing what I was doing to look hot in that dress.

Like

I was aware, but most of the time, I am like, yeah, it would be the same way.

I would be horrified by what people would catch.

What were your thoughts on TTPD and ultimately like not really being that much about Joe more so being about Maddie Healy?

Kind of like the bait and switch of the century.

Wasn't surprised.

And by the way, we did get a Joe album.

Maddie is a response to Joe.

So if anyone's saying, like, we didn't get a Joe album,

she was so hurt by the Joe thing and so rattled by it, she jumped into something that was totally crazy.

It was a response to Joe.

Joe did mean a lot.

Joe's everything we wanted him to be for her.

He's not the villain.

It just didn't work out.

We really don't know why.

How did it end?

What do you think

on why it ended?

You think it's the success?

Yeah, total.

I think it's a bunch of different shit.

You know, I just think that two people grow apart after that long.

Yeah.

And the world, COVID was a nice time for couples like that to get cozy and feel like this is going to be it.

And then the world starts opening up and resentments are built.

And I think that that's, it's just, most things don't last.

That's a really fucking, that's a very successful relationship.

There was one part of me that was like, it failed.

Like, that's really, really long, especially for Taylor Swift, not because she dates so much or whatever, just her level of fame.

Yeah.

To have that long of a relationship is a fucking huge achievement.

and so i don't really i don't think anyone was like really to blame in that but the maddie thing

who wouldn't do that no i was in fact i i was there i'm trying to uh get clips made because all my podcast listeners are like girl you predicted this because i was like lay off of her with the maddie thing when people were like writing and open a letter i go you are just jealous she is getting laid and she's having fun and she's having you're jealous people are so lame that was such and that's why i love the song but daddy i love him i feel like it's it's my favorite song of all time.

It's a statement on toxic stanhood.

And like, somebody needed to make the song.

And the fact that she did it and she got the brain

filth, I'm obsessed.

Like, and

Samson Harris.

Sorry if that's your name because that sucks.

I would hate it if it was Nikki's.

I really would.

But

we've all been, I've been, I was being a Sarah and Hannah that day.

I mouthed off.

Like, shut the fuck up.

Clutch in my pearls.

Oh, my God.

We're worried about her.

So my boyfriend, we went to the Chicago show and he made a Taylor Swift shirt that, because I was like, because I explained to him, like, all the, lots of fans are like upset about this guy, Maddie, that she's dating right now I love it she just mouthed I love you the song's about you like I was filling him in on everything and a lot of swifties like I think he's bad news I think he's great he's just a cool like crunchy kind of a rock star that she admires who admires her like yes get it is it gonna last fuck no it's like a fun fling who gives a shit who gives this isn't meant to last this is a snack but also it's like literally not your life and that's my favorite line from but daddy i love him i'll tell you something about my good name it's mine alone to disgrace amazing i just the bullets i would take like like, seriously, I would lay my life out on the line for her.

I love her so much.

Same.

I feel, I know exactly that feeling that you have because I remember just saying,

she owes us literally nothing.

Nothing.

She doesn't owe us the kind of album that we think she's going to drop.

She doesn't owe us a cohesive album.

She doesn't owe us an album that sounds different enough.

By the way, Turch departments department, they all sound the same.

Well, last time she made an album that sounded different, Midnights, you said it wasn't cohesive.

So you can't, she can't fucking win.

That's so true.

Oh, Taylor Swift sounds like Taylor Swift.

Oh, really?

She's Taylor Swift.

She should sound like fucking Taylor Swift.

I'm so sick of it.

I'm so sick of it.

And even if it was an album that I didn't like, I still am so happy or that it doesn't appeal to me, which it did.

And I love it so deeply.

And by the way, I'm going to, I'm going to have like a Joe Light like romance with this.

This isn't a album that burns bright for me.

It's like it'll simmer for a really long time, as most Swifties have understood of like initial listens.

Like I went through and rate all the songs, what I think they're going to rank for me in terms of, and then I looked back at my rankings, like, whoa, other ones have emerged.

It's so interesting interesting the relationship that you have.

I have relationships with her songs.

And her music is so timeless.

Like, I feel now I'm at a place in my life where I have fully unpacked Evermore, but like it took me all this time.

Like, now, and now it's so funny.

Whenever she releases a new album, I end up hyper-fixating on the previous album.

Yeah.

So I'm spending so much time on Midnights.

Now, what are you going through with it?

I love Midnights.

I really do.

And I think when it came out, the place I was at in my life, I was like reading a lot.

I was in like a very sort of slow pace.

And it's like a pop, pop, pussy-popping album.

And I didn't find there was a lot of places for me to listen to that music in my day to day now I feel like in last year I made a you know a commitment I was like this is my year of yes and so I'm doing more I'm going more and so midnights is so there for me in that way so it's I'm the same way like I like listening to music when I'm running or walking briskly around town like I like having a bop yeah and so I want I want it to fit my mood or if I'm like going through you know Taylor Swift has

music for all phases

and um that's interesting yeah midnights is such a bopping around like active person like yes it's an active girls album So good.

I love it so much.

I mean, You're On Your Own Kid, like is one of the greatest songs ever written.

But But Daddy, I Love Him is, I think, one of my top top five favorite songs.

Give me your top three TTPD before I let you go.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys is number one, even though But Daddy I Love Him is like all too well levels of good to me, where it's just like it just is canon.

And like My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys is like more like a cruel summer to me of like it's the greatest pop song of all time.

Like I'm obsessed with oh, oh,

like I can't get enough.

I, but, so yeah, it's but daddy, I love him.

Um, uh, sorry, uh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys, but daddy, I love him.

I think, like, down bet, I don't, I'm not mad at.

I really love the bolter.

I love the bolter.

I, it's so good.

I feel black dog, too.

Black dog is, like, I haven't had a renaissance with it.

I love that song, but I haven't had that like a moment with it.

I haven't let it in my soul.

It's so easy.

It's like right now I'm having such a moment with Peter.

Oh, Peter is so good.

Love of my life.

I just had to do that.

And that was the secret song tonight, Paris, of course, and Love of My Life.

Oh, Paris, that's fun.

Yeah.

That's the one that's been in the middle of the day.

She really has.

And she's doing a couple nights in Paris, though, right?

Yeah, and it is her smallest venue.

Oh, my God.

I'm so excited to go to the next stage.

I can't wait for that bitch to get back to New York.

What's like the looks of the

wearing the dress?

Oh, we're talking about TTPD.

Yeah, sorry for the era.

She wears, okay, so she wears like a kind of how she wore whatever a ward show Grammys, how that was like kind of in the Fortnite music video.

Like the um, the Fortnite white dress.

So she's wearing that, and the skirt of the dress has like, you know, script on it.

It's really cool.

And then she literally takes the dress off.

Like, she does this little skit, and literally her dancers like pull her dress off.

And she's wearing like a sexy, like brawn undies.

She's being sexy.

Wait a second.

I just got chills.

I feel like Travis's like very words of affirmation.

You're so sexy.

You're so sexy.

I feel like she is really feeling herself.

She is so sexy.

And like, oh my, I've never, like, I think the sexiest she's ever looked, and there's, I could do like a top 10 list for you, but is her arch back sitting on that phone booth in the Fortnite video, posting alone.

Like, that's like, I'm like, I would take that to Pilates and going, how do we make this?

Yeah, I think a lot of people are.

The hottest thing I've ever seen feel that way about the Vigilante shit chair routine.

I like,

I'm excited to see Vigilante post-Travis, like, like, what that's actually.

Yeah.

Oh, I, like, I, I was even saying on my podcast back in, I guess, June,

after Maddie breakup, prior to Travis, I was like, I just have to say I think there's like a sadness going on with her.

Like, it wasn't like her performance did not change at all.

And I made that very clear.

She is a fucking pro.

But there, I, I perceive something sad is happening.

I can do it with a broken heart.

And I, then I, all, my, my besties, my listeners were like, girl, you predict, but I can do it with a broken heart, which I cannot believe.

How crazy is it that she's playing that?

It's such a good song.

Like, it's the most pussy popping song on the album.

And we get to see as the crowd was shitting, Mark.

Do we do it or not?

Like,

of course we do.

Not her making us feel guilty.

Like,

and the fact that she's playing it is telling us it's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I love you.

You have so much going on.

You have a new special coming out on HBO literally tomorrow, right?

Well, when this comes out, yeah, tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Yeah, Saturday.

So exciting.

Yeah.

It's called Someday You'll Die.

I'm in a Very Tiny Dress.

I look so good.

I look so pretty.

I mean, like, so much work went into it.

I, like, you know, I really am happy of the look.

Like, I was like, like, oh, she's a pretty girl.

Before something major, like filming a special, what are like the five things you have to do wellness-wise?

I started doing Pilates like months out because I was just like, you know, I'm, I'm approaching 40.

The dresses are going to start,

you know, moving up my neck and down my arms.

Like, let's just go big for this one.

Like, let's try to be as like hot as possible without killing myself.

Like, I'm, I'm not interested in that anymore.

And all my friends do Pilates.

I've resisted it for years because I'm just like tired of hearing about like, it literally transformed my body, Nikki.

Like, oh my God.

I can't even imagine not doing it like oh can you not look well look at me um but I decided to do it and then um and it was great you know like it is everything people say it is and I'm I've had a really healthy relationship with it but it actually prepared me um not to look hot which it did but like I end up like miming a gangbang at the end of it where I'm like laying on this stool pretending like I'm in a gangbang because I'm talking about how I admire gang bangs because it's this girl that's multitasking in a way that I like kind of admire she's a woman in business yes and she's like getting it all done she's jerking this guy off and then she's sucking this guy like it's just so much that I, and I acted out, which is not a normal thing for me.

I don't like really do act outs like that in my act, but for the special, I was like, oh, let's just go big.

I'm in a tiny dress.

This is like weird.

And I'm, I'm even talking about how like I could never do porn, but then I end up literally like acting, like you just AI easily.

And, um, but to hold that pose, because it ended up being this bit where like usually, this bit started out me just on the stool being like, you're multitasking, you jerk this guy, and you're just like, and it's like was two seconds.

But then, you know, I was working with

comedians on the road, and they're like, What if you like made it like a really long thing where you like act out the whole thing and it's like a minute or two long?

And I was like, That's a great idea.

So, I wrote all these jokes for like all the dicks I'm sucking.

Like, oh, it's like you have to get your real ID and you gotta, you know, put your eyelashes on and like all the things you have to do.

So, I'm making for each dick, and it ended up me being balanced for like so long.

And thank God, because blottings, I would have never been able to do it, but it all kind of like worked out that way.

But it's

hilarious, it's weird.

I say some really dark shit that like I didn't get permission from people to say that I look back because I didn't think to even do it.

Yeah, I say some things that I'm like, oh, I wonder how this is going to be perceived.

So I look forward to people seeing it because I think it is,

if you liked what I did at the roast and was kind of like savage while also being like likable, I think that's what I did in this as well.

And you're still on tour, so people can come get tickets, right?

Alive and on wild.

And you can watch my special and come see me on tour, and you're not going to see the same stuff.

Because she's an original girl.

I'm just, I can do it.

I appreciate that.

And I like churn it out and I can do it tire.

Like, I have a lot.

I have a new, new, I was working towards being ready to, you know, put out a new, like have a new hour to tour with.

I taped this in December.

So since December, I've been working on new materials.

So I'm on tour.

Every city imaginable, NikkiGlazer.com.

You work so hard.

And you do the Nikki Glazer pod.

Yeah.

And I do a podcast two days a week.

That is essentially this.

I mean, yours are much more organized.

Mine's like literally like doesn't have an agenda and is just those are the best ones.

Yeah.

But

I need to be reined in a little bit.

But it's just, yeah.

If you liked me on this, you will love my podcast, Nikki Glazer Podcast.

And yeah, thank you so so much for having me.

Thank you for doing this, even though you're so much bigger than us now.

We appreciate you spending time with the little ones.

Thank you.

Everyone, follow Nikki on all social platforms.

Go see her live and her special comes out on HBO tomorrow.

Spend your Saturday nights watching Nikki Glazer's new special.

Thank you so much for being here with us.

So fun.

Thanks for your great week in LA.

I'm going home.

I cannot wait to go lay in my o bed.

I will see you on Monday.

Bye.