Sifting Through Misinformation: Monday April 1st, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Monday.

Oh, right.

We like reset.

You know, all the work we put in last week, chugging along, chug along, chug alog, chug alog.

And now we're back at where we started.

It's like, for what?

For what?

However, today's Monday has a bit of something

genesis quiet in the air.

Is there a little joie de viva sense?

There is because it's April Fools and I'm having a blast.

A blast.

So many jokes came my way this morning.

So many outbound jokes from me to others.

Inbound, outbound.

I was doing my makeup.

I was just cackling at all of the pranksters.

So was I.

So I woke up and before I could even grab my phone, like, of course, your friend Dana, Redheads Dana, this is her favorite day of the year.

She got to all of us at like 6 a.m.

What did she set an alarm?

Well, she, I think, is an early riser.

She actually got to the redheads.

I was already up, but when I first read her message, I was reading it like I thought I did, I wasn't on guard.

And then it is because April Fools, if you're not first, you're last.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I feel like you could get away with something later in the day when people have let their guards down.

They're like, okay, the day is winding down.

It's also just like, like, how did you find that person?

Like, super busy.

Like, when was the last time they thought about April Fools?

It's a cacophony of

factors.

So Dana sent out tailored messages to everyone in her life this morning.

I actually FaceTimed with her like an hour ago and went over all the pranks.

We were just laughing.

She was telling me what she did to everyone.

She reached out to you.

She reached out to Olivia.

She did the redheads.

And then our other friends, too, she was telling me what she did to them.

Now, let me tell you, I woke up with the text.

Dana and I are always like talking about TikTokers and like people on the platform.

We both like spend a lot of time on the app.

We talk about Elise Myers a lot.

And she texted me.

And Elise Myers is this creator who has been

MIA.

Like she wrote in her bio, like taking a break and like no one's heard from her.

Basically, what happened was like pro-Palestinian people like attacked her for not like speaking out about Palestine.

And she was like, Listen, she, the last video she posted was that her son was getting having heart surgery.

She just had a baby and he needs heart surgery.

And then people like attacked her and she was like, Fuck you all.

I'm out of here.

Like, it's actually, it's a very layered story if we wanted to get into it.

But essentially, she's been missing from the platform.

Dana texted me, oh my God,

Elise Meyers arrested for money laundering.

So funny.

And let me tell you, as I'm reading it, I'm believing it.

Elise Meyers arrested.

I'm like, oh,

for

money laundering.

I was like,

no.

I knew once I read money laundering that it was a prank.

It wasn't a perfect text, but it was a very good try.

Yeah.

No, she did really good considering we are all on her.

Yeah.

We all know.

We're also like chronically online.

Like we're prepared for this day.

We talk about it a lot.

But I texted like my friends from high school's chat because they like, they don't live in this dumb world that we do.

Like they're normal.

And I made like a fake tweet because we all, like, since we were literally in the eighth grade, like, are obsessed with housewives.

Um, I made a fake tweet.

Like, Luann Dillisepps

found dead in her apartment.

And they, the text instantly, oh my God, oh my God, Baruch Diana met, this is so sad.

Oh my God, her children.

I was like, wait, no, you guys, I'm kidding.

And they were like, they did not think it was funny.

No, that's like, that is not funny.

It's like, what's wrong with you?

I took it too far.

What's wrong with you?

But I'm having a lot of fun, you know?

I think notable brands and people who are having, you know, a good April Fools that really got people, a lot of people are talking about Soul Cycle.

What did they do?

They were like, they put out a statement also really, really early, being like, We've heard the feedback, like, we're going to be scaling back our Taylor Swift themed rides starting April 19th.

In the U.S.

and the U.K., we will no longer be doing April, Taylor Swift-themed rides.

And half the comments are like, oh my God, you got me.

The other half are like, well, actually, I would really appreciate if you did scale back the Taylor Swift rides.

Is that a lot of shoe that they're having?

I guess they do a lot of Taylor Swift rides because it's called demand.

You know, I'm sure people people do a lot of rides, special rides.

Yeah, but I think there's like a like a lot of Taylor Swift themed ones.

But it must be

supply and demand.

If people didn't want it, they wouldn't keep doing it.

So it was like a cute prank, but then all like the curmudgeons in the chat being like, I actually would really like you to scale down.

I saw on the Redheads account this morning, Barnes and Noble did a prank that they were changing their name to Barnes and Noble's because I guess that's like what everyone calls them.

Who the fuck calls it that?

It's Barnes and Noble.

I have never heard.

And if you're like illiterate, what are you doing at a Barnes and Noble?

You know,

trying to get literate.

I happen to like actually really like

April Fools as long as the jokes remain like funny and harmless.

Like I just saw one Lisa Van der Pump returning to Beverly Hills and it got me for a second.

That's so funny because when I did my Fast A Five shout out box on my Instagram this morning, someone put that in there, like Lisa Van der Pump returning is friend of.

And I was like, oh, that's interesting.

I passed on.

Not enough for a story, but it's interesting.

Yeah.

So like, they almost.

It's not a prank.

It was a prank.

I guess if I had gone to look for a story, I would have realized like that person didn't know.

I would have just thought they didn't know what they were talking about.

I didn't realize.

I could have been pranked in my suggestion box.

You have to stay on guard.

You have to stay on guard.

I let my guard down.

I'm so sorry.

Oh my gosh.

I'm glad I caught it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm having a lot of fun.

And of course,

Jackie and I did a podcast episode last night because it was just like a busy weekend for both of us.

And we hate to like spend like 45 minutes.

Well, actually, we love it, but it's nice to have like a dedicated podcast episode, weekend update.

So, we talked all about our weekends and on there, we talked about that deli chain in Jersey that said that they had been acquired by Jersey Mics.

It was a prank, but but then we were talking about like just sort of like the etiquette around April Fools and how starting it on March 31st isn't cool.

Unacceptable.

And we said you should be legally bound to do whatever you tried to prank us with.

Like, you only get the 24 hours of April 1st to make your prank.

Make it count.

Make it count.

We don't go before and we don't go after.

Those are the rules.

I didn't make them.

But I will enforce them.

Actually,

I will enforce them.

It's the enforcer.

That's you.

That's your superhero.

I'm the April Fool's enforcer because I think it's a very, it's a very precarious holiday and things could really go awry if we don't protect the sanctity of the holiday.

Especially in this age of disinformation.

And misinformation.

What is the difference?

The diss.

No, but like for all.

In the miss.

diss in the miss listen claudia i'm sure you could read a whole paper about the difference about why both are so important

especially in this day and age so stay on guard today ladies okay don't get don't get taken for a ride but if you do it's all in good fun you know yeah yeah i hope everything's okay but do sometimes someone will like send me a prank that's like such good news that it's when i have to like deprogram myself or i'm believing it when i get into bed i start feeling sad okay so that's an interesting point that you bring up.

Like, do you think in terms of like April Fool's etiquette, like it's better to be like, oh my God, like something amazing or like something really bad that turns out not to be true?

I think it's better to try and just go for something random and like

neutral in terms of emotion.

Like, oh, that's interesting.

Yeah.

You know, because I don't want to be happy and then sad and I don't want to be sad unnecessarily and then happy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's an emotional day.

So you got to go neutral.

There's a lot that goes into it.

I think Dana actually really goes the neutral route and it's a very good, like just random shit.

She texted one of our friends like, oh my God, Josh just got a job working at like her husband's company.

Like we have this, like, it's just like so fucking random.

It's so stupid.

I mean, no, not Dana, like, treating her husband into it.

She got someone so good today.

Who?

Margo Lewin.

Oh, what did she tell her?

Okay, so Dana's running a March Madness bracket forth place.

So apparently Margot Lewin has been like really following up and to see how she's doing in the bracket like she's very invested into it and literally just yesterday Dana they were talking and Dana was like girl like it's not good for you like there's no way you're out yeah and then today and mind you there hasn't been any new games from yesterday and today then Dana texted her like oh my god you're so close to winning March Madness bracket like no and by the way there's like 40 people in it and everybody paid $25 it's like a hefty pot yeah she was like I really think you could win like oh my gosh you're even though just yesterday she had said, like, you can't win.

I was like, oh, my God.

This is so amazing.

So sad.

Yeah, but she got it, man.

I'm in fourth place in the bracket.

Yeah.

That's right.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

And I wasn't like so.

I was in like 37th.

Like, I'm doing really well.

People want us to talk about March Madness.

What do you have to say?

Why?

Because it's a sports podcast.

Okay, let me tell you what I feel about March Madness.

Oh, but we should have clarified.

Not a college sports podcast.

It's so maddening.

I am just mad about March Madness.

You are.

Let me tell you, I had Iowa winning because they were like, you know, a top team.

I could see the headline.

Iowa wins college conference.

I really felt like Iowa was having a moment because of Claire.

No, what's her name?

Caitlin

Clark.

You know her?

Are you following Caitlin Clark?

I'm not following, but I know who she is.

She is like the biggest female college basketball player of all time.

Not that that's saying much, not to be mean.

But she just like beat a record.

She surpassed like career points.

I think of like anyone, any gender, any sport, like something major.

Any gender?

Yes.

It was like a really big deal.

Like all these celebrities came to the game.

So they were just like having a big moment.

And I follow Claire Kittle on Instagram and her and her husband met at Iowa.

And there's just been like a lot of Iowa in my picture.

Everything's coming up Iowa.

So I felt like maybe it was Iowa's time and I chose Iowa, but they're already out, those female losers.

Caitlin plays on the women's team this is a man's conference yeah i don't know i just felt like maybe she was boosting there i thought she was boosting morale of the entire iowa community i could see how that could how you could think that because everybody does like the obvious ones like auburn alabama you know duke like who gives a that's like

to me who do you think of as like the best college basketball team college basketball

Like for me, it's just Harvard.

I don't know why.

Oh, I don't know.

Harvard?

Like, I don't know.

You weren't even in the conference.

I didn't know like where you were going with that.

No, like, just for me, I just have this random association that, like, Duke basketball is the one to beat.

It, like, is.

It is like a big thing.

It was the last time they won anything.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I just, like, I don't give a fuck.

You know, it's so hard to do a segment on March Madness, but, like, I literally know Zilch.

And there's not even like anything cool going on.

Like, it's not like there's a moment that I could, like, I don't know anything.

Yeah, but people are enjoying it.

It's bringing people together.

It seems harmless.

I endorse that.

Yeah, and I'm loving the bracket.

I check it literally every day.

I think it might pick sin, or else I would have won.

So it's better for you guys.

Thank God.

That's just classic me.

Yeah, like she could win, but she's not going to.

It's giving Duke.

I don't want to ruin it for everyone.

Right.

Ring Dana with a test.

Like, she knows me.

Okay.

She knows me.

Dana knows.

Sure, Jen.

Sure.

That's also because she'd probably rig it for me.

She can't rig it.

It's done through Yahoo.

It's very legitimate.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, done through Yahoo.

It is.

Okay, okay.

It's done through Yahoo.

It's very legitimate, very secure.

You could never break it.

Like AT ⁇ T secure.

Did you see what happened there?

We talked about it on the toast.

No, it's a new one.

Oh, what now?

I'm so glad I have Verizon.

Major data breach.

Major.

But like, what on earth does that mean?

No, this one's bad.

This one's social security numbers included on the dark web.

Bad.

Millions and millions.

Because I've got to use these things on my phone.

Like when I'm

logging into my Zara app, they're like, this password was found in a breach.

Do you want to change it?

And I'm like, no.

Oh, should I?

I never do.

Okay.

I think it depends on what you use it for.

Like for Zara, like, okay.

Yeah, no, it wasn't like, you know, my bank app login.

Right, right.

So I get that too.

It depends what I'm using it for.

I don't like store any information even when I I shop at places because like I just don't.

I'd rather inconvenience myself by putting in this information over and over again.

Yeah.

So what you want to see my shopping history go off?

Yeah, yeah.

I guess that's true.

It depends on, it's app dependent.

It really is.

At least there's levels of security to this operation.

Well, we have a great show today.

It's Monday, which means there's just like a lot to catch up on from, you know, the comings and goings of celebrity culture over the weekend.

Jax, describe the stories for me in three words a lot of fun

I love it

I think we're gonna have a good time today oh I just wanted to give everyone an update on my finger because I know everyone's like freaking out turning like you hit bone it's healing really nicely turning you hip bone that's what you want to see something bad it will be only for the youtube viewers but guess what happened to me

I don't know.

I burned myself.

Oh,

cooking or hair.

Cooking.

Cooking.

Oh, did you lean it on the pan?

No, I was like putting something in the oven and my forearm hit the oven door.

No.

And it was at 450.

And you've got that, you know, Jewish milchadik skin.

It's very porcelain-like.

It's very.

I mean, this would have hurt anyone.

No, no, it wouldn't have hurt someone like Tan.

No, it literally would have.

No, I always, I always end up on like TikToks where people talk about like their African and Mexican parents who like don't get burned.

It's like a thing.

Interesting.

You have like the worst type of skin for any type of burn.

I needed oven mitts.

Well, the reason why it happens is

no, I was wearing oven mitts, but only like, you know, ankle, like wristlets.

Wait, I didn't know they made that.

They go all the way up.

Oh, mine go all the way up to my elbows.

I didn't even know they made short ones.

But it was because I was using both racks in the oven.

I usually only use one and I've got that slide in and out, you know, down pat.

muscle memory.

But this one I was at a different angle.

Your girl got hurt.

I'm so sorry.

Like, Like, that's just, it's devastating when food, you know, something you love the most hurts you.

Yeah, but you know what?

It's okay.

Cause I didn't realize until like just yesterday looking at it how bad it was.

Like I thought it was going to be like, you know, I always like, you know, lightly burn here or there, but no big deal.

Goes away.

Did you do anything to treat it?

I've been putting bacitration and active skin repair on it when I am around the bottle.

You know, a little hack that I don't know where I heard it, but I always do it.

Like when I really do burn myself, you have to take a crack an egg and like take some of the white and put it on the blister.

Then it won't blister.

Interesting.

I think about it.

Yeah, just like a little medicinal facts from Dr.

Turd.

Dr.

Turd, that's a name you can trust.

1,000%.

Come see us anytime, day or night.

Oh, I recently discovered a hack.

And I like don't want to share it, but I feel as though I should share it with my New York girlies because like something recent, like I've been really trying to up my water intake.

I've been so good with my Stanley and I literally pee 55 times a day.

So I've been going to the kosher grocer all the time and every time I like pull up there, I always have to pee and I don't want to be rushed through the kosher grocery.

Like I want to enjoy my time leisurely and there's a city MD next door and they let me pee and it's like the cleanest bathroom ever.

And like I feel like nobody knows to go into a city MD.

Everybody goes to a Starbucks or a Chipotle.

And then, you know, I was driving back from the soda method this week and I had to pee so bad and Ben pulled over and dropped me at a Chipotle.

And there was like a thousand people and I couldn't wait.

Then we drove to City MD.

Boom, they had three bathrooms all empty.

I usually had have kept that.

I know, I know.

But the girls need to know, if you listen to this podcast, like you're obviously not a piece of shit.

And I'm happy to share that with you.

That's really generous of you.

I think that's a good thing.

Any sort of urgent care, it's a hack.

Maybe I will.

Fuck.

But there's going to be lines.

It's going to be trash.

You should have kept that to yourself.

And I also feel like it's not like a public building, it's not like a government building, but like they have a duty.

Like they can't turn people away.

Do you know what I mean?

Like they have to let you in.

It's not like customers only.

So too.

It's like like a medical

ruin it.

Like if too many people start using it, they could be like, okay, we were doing you a solid, but you're, everyone's been taking advantage of us.

Oh my God, do you think I just earned it?

I think you might have.

We'll have to see.

Okay.

We'll have to see.

Well, I feel like I'm ready to dive in.

I'm dying to know what the stories are and just continue chit-chatting with my girl, you know?

Let's do it.

Without further ado, it did it do.

Here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Our first story is major couple spotting news.

Keenan Thompson was spotted with the new leading lady, Minka Kelly.

Wait.

Keenan from SNL was spotted with Minka Kelly.

Wait, that's kind of crazy.

Out and about.

And there was even confirmation from Keenan's Uber driver.

Oh, shut up.

I hate you.

I thought there really was confirmation.

Are there pictures?

Oh, man, are you okay?

She's silently laughing at you guys.

You can't hear her.

Yeah, there's pictures.

I mean, I absolutely have to go.

Look, I didn't even...

this is news like that would have come across my desk.

I wonder why it didn't.

Oh, my God, you got me.

Because I'm looking, Keenan Thompson, Minky Kelly, two results, and it's literally like not, oh, my God, you got me.

That is excellent.

How did you think of that?

Claudia, I've been scrambling while you were doing the ads, like going through all the lists to make of an ad to think of a good prank, going through the list of favorites.

Not of an ad, that's what I meant.

Of your favorite stories, like what I could do with that was really good.

Oh my God, thank you.

I was jacking.

10 out of 10.

I can't wait to watch that back.

I so believed it because like it's honestly like not that crazy.

I went to our list of eligibles.

I plucked two who like we would love to see together that we're always talking about that I don't think are attached at the moment, or at least not that is top of mind.

Well, I thought she was like with Trevor Noah, but it's murky.

And then I did want to tie it back to Keenan's Uber driver.

I did like want that to be.

Of course, because all roads literally lead to the Uber driver.

Right.

So that's your bit of April Fool's.

Well, I got caught today.

I got caught.

I've been ducking, diving, dipping, dodging, but you got me, Jax.

Came from the one closest to you.

I thought this was like a totally trusted prank speaker.

You thought you could trust me and you couldn't.

I can't.

I'm not trustworthy.

Good to know.

But I will lay down my arms and say, I will not prank you again in this episode.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

My word,

you have my word, which means something.

It does mean something.

Now I can relax.

Because I never said I wouldn't prank you.

You didn't.

You didn't.

It was you, a lie by omission.

Okay.

Anyways, our first story, something we talked about on the Patreon last night a little bit, but there's more developments in.

this nutty story, which is that Tori Spelling has called her husband, Dean McDermott, mid-podcast to tell him she filed for divorce.

I'm like, really, I'm personally like, I don't want to be the type of consumer that contributes to this story.

Cause like if this article gets clicks, like then they'll continue to write stuff up like this and Tori will continue to act in this way.

And I don't know how like the daughter of Aaron's spelling like became this way.

And why?

Like what?

Is this an April Fool's joke?

I

thought that.

But the episode came out on Sunday, the podcast episode.

That's yesterday.

Like, if it is an April Fool's joke, I don't care.

Like, you're getting divorced.

Well, Tori, like you could not convince me prior to you telling me the story that these two were still together.

There was like, there was a five-year period where every single day it was a story about them fighting something.

We were talking on Patreon yesterday.

There was pictures of them that came out last week of them like fighting at their storage unit.

Like serious, like it looks like a miserable like fight experience.

And the paparazzi don't just hang around the storage unit.

So like you called them up to take pictures of you fighting.

No, no.

And By the way, for many, many years, probably until she came on Real House of New York, like Candy Spelling and Kathy Kathy Hilton were the same person to me.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because they both have like iconic last names and their names start with K.

Now, we were talking about Tori Spelling last night because Tori Spelling fell into the trap that many, you know, women with platforms have fallen into over the years where they make their

April Fool's prank on people that...

they are pregnant.

They announce a pregnancy.

And it always turns into like, this isn't funny.

Women struggle to get pregnant, yada, yada.

And it's become like a thing you can't do.

And if you do, you're going to get canceled for it.

Tori Spelling Spelling is the last person of note to my recollection who did it.

And I am very much looking forward to finding out this year if anybody is dumb enough to do it.

They might be, or maybe like they know it's a great way to get attention, negative attention.

All press is good press.

Haley Bieber did it.

Remember that?

Yes, she did many, many years ago.

And my friend Mary Orton, actually, she was telling me that she announced her pregnancy on April Fool's.

Yikes.

By accident?

No, like, I think she, like, it was real.

Like, other things can go on on April Fool's.

Yeah, and I think, like, and, but then it was the same day that Haley Bieber did, and then everyone assumed Mary's mistake, and she was going down with her.

And she was like, no, no, no, I'm really pregnant.

Okay, I just want to say, I don't know your friend Mary Orton because not the best choice for my friend Mary Orton.

No, no, that's fine.

She's definitely a firsty-lassie Mary Orton.

What was I going to say?

Oh, I just feel like definitely like a little threatened by her.

And I need you to stop talking about her because I I feel like literally all we talk about is Mary Orton these days.

Like, and I know you have another friend and she's an influencer and that's great.

That's great.

I'm happy for you.

But if you could kindly shut the fuck up about it, that would make me feel better.

For sure.

And I would totally love to honor your feelings and it hold space for them.

But what's the difference between me talking about Mary Orton and you talking about tanks?

Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up.

Tinks is family, you know?

So would you not want to be talking about Satchel or Olivia?

Like, it's family.

To a degree.

Like, I feel like there's definitely a threshold for the amount that you could talk about.

Okay, by the way, in all seriousness, when it comes to tinks, I'm glad you brought that up.

Do you feel any sort of way?

Like, I've made it very clear.

Like, I am threatened by Mary Orton.

Stop talking about her.

Yet you continue to talk about her.

When I talk about tinks, I feel like you're like interested in what I have to say.

I am.

I would only be like threatened in a joking way for content, you know?

I'm actually threatened, so stop.

Interesting.

I was just talking about Mary Orton this morning, too.

You don't stop.

She She was texting me about Mary Orton.

And by the way, who is Mary Orton?

Like, how do you know?

I find out.

You're about to find out.

We met on the Graham, and I saw one of her videos, and I saw that she followed me, and I followed her back.

And then it turns out, like, she listens to the toast all the time.

She's going to hear this.

Do you have anything that you want to say to Mary Orton, my friend?

You know what?

I do.

Watch your fucking back, Mary Orton.

I'm coming for you, bitch.

Okay.

Hear that.

Anyway, so yeah, she announced her pregnancy on April Fools.

That's once upon a time.

But she was truly pregnant.

That's confusing.

So I will be keeping an eye out for anyone dumb enough to fall into that trope today.

I hope someone does.

Keep the day interesting, keep us on our feet.

It's my favorite part of April Fools, how, like, nobody learns.

Like,

if you're paying attention, like, you know.

But then you're right.

Some people might just be doing it for that attention.

Right, but also it's like, how come you can make a joke that someone died?

I'm glad you brought that up because the reality is so much more positive.

Like they're not dead.

Okay.

With pregnancy, it's like the reality is you're not pregnant and that's like triggering.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I just feel like these are like guardrails that were put in place that maybe are a little willy-nilly.

You can do this, but you can't do that, even though they're both kind of messed up.

Yeah, I like that.

Willy-nilly guardrails.

Willy-nilly guardrails.

So, Tori Spelling may or may not be getting divorced on her podcast.

Let me ask you something.

Like if you were ever going to get a divorce, which

God forbid,

like would you call him up live on the show to tell him?

Literally never.

Well, how could you even ask me that?

Literally never.

You wouldn't put the content first.

No,

I wouldn't.

That's surprising.

Yeah, no, it's shocking that somebody like me who's, you know, so desperate, like even I do, I have boundaries.

No, it's shocking that like we live for the podcast and we'll do anything for our podcast like it's a core tenant it's our life's work

and yet even we would never do such a thing whereas who even knew tori spelling had a podcast and that she would

you know use her relationship i i also like i don't even want to talk about the story seriously because i really feel like it's april fools that would be

if it's not it should be Because Tori Spelling has historically done insane things like claiming she's pregnant on April Fools.

She's kind of

on Sunday.

She's kind of Dana as a celebrity.

Yeah, but in a mentally ill capacity.

We'll never let it go without it.

Maybe she posted like an update on her.

Well, they're definitely

going through a hard time.

They always are.

Yeah.

By the way, I feel like...

She's probably shadowing.

She is.

Oh, by the way, not only am I not blocked, she follows me.

That's so funny.

Does that change what you have to say about her?

So 11 hours ago, she, I think, announced her podcast.

Misspelling.

Yeah, that's the name of it, misspelling.

Oh, I guess that's why I didn't know she had one.

I think it's real.

She looks great, I just want to say.

On the cover of misspelling?

Oh, all of a sudden.

Just like I'm looking up at her Instagram.

I'm looking at her Instagram.

I haven't seen it.

Like, she looks fab.

She looks like she's living the best life.

She does look great.

But, oh, let me watch her story.

Her story spelling.

That's it.

Her story spelling.

That would be a good name for her podcast, like story time.

I feel like she could have done a lot.

Marga, why are you ignoring me?

I'm not.

She also followed up hard with me today after like three minutes that I didn't answer.

It's giving me like victim energy.

Yeah.

Maybe because it's April Fools, everything's just out of whack.

It's the opposite.

Oh, for sure.

Huh, I'll enjoy it.

Are you ready for our next story?

So I'm just going to table that story spelling.

I don't know what to tell you guys.

Like, you're not going to come away from this podcast with an idea of what's going on in Tori Spelling's marriage.

And you're not going to come away from this podcast, like, post 4-1, knowing what's really going on in the world.

You know, like I'm not sure, I'm not, I'm still holding space for this being a prank.

Yeah, i guess you could listen to her podcast to find out for yourself and i just want to say it's kind of like a major sleigh to like announce your podcast with a prank on april fools like that'll it'll make a splash her podcast i swear to god would never make the fast five no no no the more i think about it the more this is april fool's prank

and

we're talking about her podcast which as he said didn't even know it was happening 10 i'm gonna give it a 10.

yeah no i'm gonna give it a sleigh and i feel like her relationship I feel like some people's relationship are personalized.

Like they've already sacrificed in the name of fame.

Fame.

And I feel like the two of them have an understanding.

Yeah.

Like, we're just gonna go out there.

We're gonna call the pop bretts.

We're gonna put on a show and we're gonna come home and I love you.

And we're gonna be in love.

Yeah.

But I will say like perhaps my least favorite type of internet behavior specifically podcast

is the Jana Kramer, you know, silhouette.

Like using your podcast to work through your marriage.

Like it's not our business.

It's not the place for it.

And I hope Tori Spelling's podcast does not become that.

Because look what happened to Jana Kramer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

I am.

Rebel Wilson's memoir continues to make headlines.

There's a couple today.

Yeah.

So Rebel Wilson claims that Adele hates her and didn't like being compared to the actress during their bigger years.

So in a new excerpt.

Oh my God, sweet.

I'm obsessed.

In a new excerpt from her forthcoming memoir, Rebel Rising, Memoirs of a Rebel,

Sweekly obtained an excerpt and it said this, quote, some actresses would get offended if I called them plus size in this book, so I have to be careful with what I say.

This is why I think Adele hates me.

There was a moment when she was bigger and some people would confuse us for one another.

To be fair, she

went on noting that she was making an assumption about Adele, saying, to be fair, I've never asked her.

She also claimed she crossed paths with Adele at several events.

However, when she attempted to approach her, Adele would allegedly always quickly turn away as if my fatness might rub off on her if I were near her for more than 30 seconds.

Well, I have to say, like saying this without any proof is like kind of crazy.

That's kind of a crazy thing to write in your memoir in perpetuity.

Like I have a feeling about this.

Yeah.

And it's like kind of a mean thing.

It's a, it's a, quite an accusation.

And I'm going to name names as opposed to being like, I feel like there, you could say there were a-list bigger women who I felt like didn't want to be associated with me but to say like i got a feeling

that adele doesn't want to be next to me like that's yes

like now she definitely doesn't like you

totally also i have a memory of a very early interview with adele when she was just starting out like chasing pavements where somebody asked her about the comparisons to someone i might have been rebel wilson but it might have been someone else and she basically was just like stop comparing me to just fat people.

Like, I know that is a thing that like Adele felt early on in her career that like people would, and I say that all the time, like that's a whole thing in my special about how like, if you're fat, they just compare you to like other fat people with the same hair color as you.

It's like, it's not like a nuanced doppelganger, you know, think, thought process.

And

I don't know if Adele would run away from her in person because she didn't want fat to rub off on her.

Like that's, that's going, that's a stretch.

But I do know that Adele did not like being compared to other people who were of the same size because they necessarily didn't look alike.

They just were similar sizes.

Yeah, that's a different thing to say than to say she didn't want to be next to me.

Adele's saying, I don't want to be compared to someone.

Also, if Adele had said that about Rebel Wilson, that would be in this book.

So it definitely wasn't.

If she had any proof, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

This is a kind of a crazy thing to say as fact when it might just be your feeling.

Yeah, I guess in your memoir, you write your feelings, but I think when you're talking about real people and at this level, you got to have more that you're working with yeah and there definitely was a time where um

rebel wilson and adele were on the same level like fame-wise and i would say now they're not and it's just like you know she's punching up yeah yeah yeah to like include adele in her book yeah it's like kind of giving like taggy desperate energy where yeah It's almost like she's like attacking like everyone in this book.

I'm like kind of obsessed.

No, I know.

She's really making a good case for wanting to read this.

By the way, it's not off the table.

By the way, I don't know if you've seen, but she admitted to using Ozempic to help lose the weight.

She did.

Oh, no, I didn't see that.

You interview with the Sunday Times, and she admitted she dabbled with the type 2 diabetes drug for maintenance after shedding 80 pounds.

So she said someone like me could have a bottomless appetite for sweets.

So I think those drugs could be good.

She added that she no longer uses it, though.

Well,

when she had lost a significant amount of weight, did she say what she did?

Or is she just like showed up one day skinny?

I forget.

I don't know.

Was she the one who was walking and hiking?

Or no, that was.

Yes.

No, that was Adele, I thought.

No, no, the hiking was by the way, not as confusing as Rebel Wilson.

No, but like Adele did her interview with Oprah, and I'm pretty sure she was doing like massive hikes.

I remember like Rebel Wilson took a break from social media and like came back skinny and on a hike.

Oh, do you know?

Do you remember that?

Okay, but by the way, like two people can go on a hike.

It's so true.

But what had she said?

She said that she, oh, I didn't even know this.

She said that she embarked on her year of health in 2020 after talking to a fertility doctor who told her she had a better chance of a successful IVF if she lost weight.

Who's that?

Adele or a Rebel?

Rebel.

Got it.

She decided to take on the challenge for herself, starting slowly with long walks and a low sugar, high protein diet.

Eventually, she worked her way up to two and a half hour workout sessions consisting of running up the steps of the Sydney Opera House in Australia and doing crazy cardio sessions.

Good for her.

Cool.

Like

maybe I'm unique in the sense like I don't need people to admit, you know, like do whatever you want.

For sure, but you found it interesting.

For sure.

It is.

Jackie, as kind of the curve.

You have to say the right things.

I have to say like, you know, Ozembic neutral.

However, like, good to know.

Good to know.

Yeah.

But you could just you could be honest, you know?

Yeah, if you want to.

No, no, I'm saying like you can be honest about the fact that like, yes, people don't owe it to us to tell us, but they don't.

I find it interesting.

I do.

Even though like I would have found it more interesting if she had lost all the weight with like using it for maintenance, like, okay, cool.

And like she was using it for maintenance then and not on it now maintaining like

yeah like you lost the 80 pounds legitimately but Now after you lost it, you're going to use the, you know, it's a shortcut.

It's a help.

It's a crutch.

It's giving kernel of truth.

It's giving kernel of truth.

But I'm not even.

Jackie, you're going to end up in Rebels Next Memor if you keep talking like that.

It's really true.

However, however, many kernels she wants to give us, it's fine by me.

Yeah.

I don't need more kernels.

Do you need more kernels?

I actually do because something I've been doing recently is

popping my own popcorn, like using kernels.

And it's so delicious.

I'm so glad.

What do you put on it?

I can't believe it's not butter spray and Molly McButter powder.

Yum.

Yeah, it's really good.

Are you ready for our next story?

Mm-hmm.

Because this weekend was Easter.

It was.

And we were waiting to see what the royal family might get up to.

Oh, we were?

Oh, we were.

King Charles.

It's Easter.

It was Easter, but she.

That means she's back, no?

No, she spoke out before Easter.

So she...

No, and voided the original statement by coming back.

She said she was going to be back to work after Easter, no?

Yeah, but I think when she came out, I think if people have left her alone, maybe, and she could have, you know, went through everything in private, she might have done a little bit after Easter just to keep people at bay.

But now that the cat's out of the bag, like, fuck you, I'm not going to work.

No, so true.

But King Charles was back to work.

He did a surprise walkabout after sitting at the Easter service amid his cancer treatment.

So he's back at him again.

King Charles, accompanied by Queen Camilla.

You know, she loves that.

Like,

dies for it.

She's earned it.

She's been through a lot, that's for sure.

And, you know, she's,

you know, say what you want about those two absolute fucking freaks.

They are in love.

Like, deeply, deeply.

True love.

They are.

They're soulmates.

They're in love.

True love.

They're in love.

You can't hear it in the silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

way home way home way home

um but you know speaking of the royals

in america i found the kardashian um easter to be incredibly interesting what's so funny is i read one two three four five six words of that article before we moved on Like, seriously, who gives a fuck?

No, no, the headline was the story.

Also, speaking of Taylor's vocals,

it's got to be her on bodyguard, even though they said it wasn't.

Yeah, I know, but you think?

I think, even though the statement that said that it wasn't, like, wasn't an ironclad statement, it was like someone told people, like, it leaves room for

non-verification.

Yeah, no, it's very interesting.

It really sounds like her.

What do you think?

So a lot of people had a lot to say about our conversation on Friday talking about Taylor and Beyonce like doing a potential collaboration.

And I think that somebody had made a good point.

Like, you know, if Taylor's on the album, like, the whole thing becomes about Taylor.

That's just like currently

how she rolls, you know?

Yes, everything becomes about Taylor.

Everything like smaller than Taylor becomes about Taylor, but like Beyonce, I don't think, like, this is a masterpiece.

If they did, like, I don't think it becomes about Taylor for me.

By the way, I listened to a lot more.

That's my opinion.

I listened to a lot more of the album.

That's on Yaya.

Oh, I don't know if I've registered that one yet.

I was listening to it again.

Shotgun, baby.

Driving me crazy.

That one's so good.

Yeah, that's good.

Down the 405.

It's really so good.

It really, it's something that needs time.

Like, people are already out here being like, I hate it.

I love it.

Like, how the fuck do you know?

You don't know.

You don't know.

Now, back to what I was just saying.

Oh, Kardashian Easter.

By the way, I just want to say, like, it's been a really long time since the Kardashians did something that got my attention.

Honestly, I feel like I just sort of like their Instagrams and just move on with my life.

But I found myself so intrigued.

They really worked out, you know, some good content.

Kendall was out here making TikToks.

I thought they all looked gorgine.

Chris went all out for, you know, the Easter decor.

And it appears as though Haley and Justin were there because they had eggs.

Did you see?

Oh, cute.

No, the only content I saw was Chloe's carousel.

Well, then Chloe's kids were looking so goddamn cute.

And I was trying to figure out because I haven't seen pictures of the girls in so long.

And honestly, they've grown up so much.

I don't know who was who.

Really?

And I couldn't tell.

Was that dream?

Yeah, Dream was in blue.

Chicago was in purple

and True was in pink.

Okay, okay.

I really wasn't sure if that was Dream and if they were like including her because I feel like she used to look very distinct and now I can't recognize her.

They're like triplets.

Yes, they are like Chicago, True, and Dream.

Stormy's our age too.

Yeah, but I would know Stormy like the back of my head.

Where was Stormy?

I'm sure she was there.

Stormalou.

I don't know.

She was totally there.

And were the Kardashian Barker crew there?

I haven't kept up with Kardashian Easter like you have.

Well, Kim North and Chris made a TikTok, so I know that they were there.

Of course, they were there.

Chloe was there.

They were definitely all there.

Because also they were in Palm Springs and Courtney and Travis have a house there.

They do.

Kylie has a house there.

Yeah.

They were definitely all there.

Maybe like the content is forthcoming.

Maybe some people got there early, made some content.

Okay.

You know, maybe the rest of the day.

It looked like beautiful.

They had this like egg dyeing station for the kids.

It was like so legit.

It was so cute.

And they were just went online.

And they were hard-boiled eggs.

Yes.

We've learned since yesterday, those are hard-boiled eggs.

Yums.

It was a fair question.

Do they have taco meat?

No.

And that's why I didn't go.

Are you ready for our next story?

What number?

Four.

No, I'm not.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

You're going to want to get rid of it.

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Our next story, major news.

Lizzo says she quits on Instagram.

So Lizzo put out a statement saying, I'm getting tired of putting up with being dragged by everyone in my life and on the internet.

All I want is to make music and make people happy and help the world be a little better than how I found it.

But I'm starting to feel like the world doesn't want me in it.

I'm constantly up against lies being told about me for clout and views, being the butt of the joke every single time because of how I look, my character being picked apart by people who don't know me and disrespecting my name.

I didn't sign up for this shit.

I quit.

Peace out, sign.

Emoji.

So this is so layered.

And I want to say, you know, when I read this statement, two words came to mind.

Victim mentality.

Like, it's, I feel like this is a strategy in her comeback.

Like, let's not forget, you know, and there was recently news about her case.

Like, she tried to get it thrown out.

And not only did it not get thrown out, it got taken to the next level.

Like, the person, the people suing her, like, have legitimate allegations of harassment.

Like, and I feel like everything she's been doing recently has been an attempt to rebuild.

And this is clearly, I think, like a...

an act to garner sympathy and it's not working.

But I will say, like, I do feel like there was one valid thing in what she said because she's like always the butt of the joke whenever anyone's like making a fat joke.

And like it is really mean and it's hard.

And like I actually have a lot of sympathy for that.

It's like not cool.

But as it pertains to the bigger picture here, like I'm not buying it.

Yeah, I can't imagine this is part of like a concrete strategy because this is like so cheap you know to be like cheap everyone's mean i quit like i quit it's bananas to say such a thing

it's bananas unless

is it an april fools no this was before well before this came out on friday okay okay no i and but the thing about i quit is like what do you quit you quit i quit caring i quit the music industry as a whole i think that's how people i don't think it is i think it's like i quit with trying to please you guys.

That's what I'm okay.

Okay.

Not a resignation from her job.

Well, I really saw this as a move, and I also saw like the feedback of people responding to it, not buying it.

You know, which I thought was.

I wasn't the usual suspects who'd go for something like this.

Like, no.

It's low.

Yeah, it's low-hanging fruit.

I think she was just fed up and she posted this.

I don't think it was part of a larger strategy.

I think it will backfire because she needs to get her legal stuff sorted out before people can resume their fandom, honestly, because the allegations are fucking wild.

And especially from her, because she's one of those people who Ellen.

Jonathan Ban Ness.

If kindness is your platform and you end up being a cunt,

it's going to be a big deal.

It's a big deal.

And it's going to be a big deal.

It's the Miranda Lambert.

It's the Miranda Lambert effect.

Like when Miranda Lambert was being a nasty bitch, nobody thought twice of it because that's her brand.

Nasty.

She's probably saying, I never said I was nice she's like that you know cowgirl renegade like she is but with ellen or jonathan vanessa it's always the people who have built this platform off of like inclusivity and kindness and if they end up being like the worst it it means more yeah it's it's just more surprising and more disappointing for their fans because they hold them to that standard because they've held their themselves and other people to that standard so she's got to sort that out seriously and maybe yeah i don't think she's quitting anything other than giving a shit for the moment yeah or maybe like instagram for the day

yeah which is always good always

are you ready for our fifth and final story oh my god it's coming to a close yes it's bittersweet but it's actually um a very upsetting story sorry to end on that note but um a little more child actor news because zoe 101 actor matthew underwood says he was assaulted by his former agent and defends fellow nickelodeon stars

staying silent about quiet on set.

I saw this.

I read his whole statement.

It was very well written and really poignant.

Yes, so he played Logan on Zoe 101, right?

Oh my God, Dream Boat.

Everybody loved him.

He was so hot.

So he put out a statement on Instagram on Friday saying, when I was 19, quote, I was sexually harassed and then assaulted by my agent at the time, who would spend a decent amount of time building trust with me as a friend and mentor.

Again, my trust was betrayed and my self-image was crushed.

I reported him to the agency and he has since been fired, although he is still active in the industry.

This experience provoked my move away from LA and ending my pursuit of acting.

He then explained why he was sharing his story of sexual harassment and assault, saying that, quote, many people have been blowing up his email and calling him a pedophile defender following the release of Quiet on Set.

He said, I imagine many of my friends in the business are being equally harassed if they aren't joining in the chorus.

So I'm sharing this with hope that some of you can recognize that just because a person doesn't shout from the rooftops that pedophiles are bad or that people can suck, that does not mean they don't have their own reasons for staying silent.

Good reasons, personal reasons.

Oh my God.

Like, so poignant.

Thank God somebody said it.

How the Quiet On Set documentary became like an internet referendum on which child actors are speaking out and which are not.

When I'm sure, even if some of them weren't, you know, sexually abused, I'm sure they all have their own trauma from that time.

Like, what we know is being a child actor is never

perfect.

It's never really a positive situation.

Good things come out of it, of course.

And how it just became like us keeping score and not, you know, demanding answers from Nickelodeon, demanding how Brian Peck got cast on Sweet Life of Zach and Cody after being in prison for being a child predator.

Like all of these things,

how it just became like a competition of keeping score, like really is, I think, so

indicative of how

emblematic.

It's emblematic of how like actual, you know, nuanced conversations and real change.

Like, people on the internet are just moronic.

They're brain dead.

And this is exactly proof of that.

And I'm so glad he said it.

He's like, everyone's been up my ass.

Okay, great.

Now let me relive my trauma.

Thank you so much.

You're helping.

You're helping.

You helped.

Right.

And anyone else who's not speaking out, even if they didn't go through something as serious as this, that has their own reasons and had their own experience.

And I doubt anyone there had an overall positive experience and wasn't like totally messed up from this.

Right.

So just like leave them alone.

Like, why is that everyone's takeaway post the documentary?

Like to attack the kids.

Because I think, not to like I think just on a really surface level like they want someone to blame and they know these people like who are the faceless executives at Viacom and Nickelodeon like who are they because that's who we who needs to be blamed but we don't know who they are so true actually so people just like reflex oh you I know you you're bad Yeah, that's true.

It's like this faceless, nameless.

It's a big they.

It's a group of people.

You can't really like lay blame with someone.

So you find a scapegoat so that you can, I don't know, feel justified and big and mighty and righteous.

No, I love that.

That's an excellent explanation for it.

But it's not an excuse whatsoever.

And be smarter than that.

Seriously.

It's like leave everyone alone.

Yeah.

So those are the fast five stories.

Definitely needed to needed to know them.

That new part of Quiet Unsaid hasn't come out yet.

Okay.

Next week.

I believe.

Next week.

Those are the fast five stories.

You know,

some of them might be real.

Some of them might be fake.

Take all them with a grain of salt then.

Take everything today with a grain of salt.

Stay prepared, but also, you know, it's okay if you got God, you know?

Yeah, it's part of the fun.

That means you were a part of something.

Someone cared about you enough to play a little joke on you.

Yeah.

Oh, honey, you made a little joke, you know?

Yeah.

So that's our show.

Great work.

You know, just excellent.

Good stuff.

Right back at you, partner.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast on Monday morning show where we deliver the fast five stories you need to do every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Bye.