A Return To Internet Friendship: Tuesday, March 5th, 2024

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Tuesday.

That feels like a Monday.

For us.

Only for us.

Only for us.

Yeah, we took it upon ourselves to shorten the week because you know what?

If God won't give you a four-day work week, you just make it happen for yourself.

You do.

We are back to being pen pals, internet friends, remote buddies.

I love it.

I'm sorry.

Like, sad.

When I climb into bed, I start feeling sad.

I definitely miss you like in a deep and profound way.

But I love being back in my little box.

I love remote podcasting.

I feel like I can really just be myself in a way that I could never be.

Like, you're not here to judge like anything I say.

Do you know what I mean?

Not that you're a judgmental person.

I'm not a judgmental person, but it's literally my job is to judge the things that you say.

Yeah, and you just can't touch me over here in my box, you know?

I'll find a way.

I found a way.

I found a way.

No, it's it's definitely sad.

My studio, which was, you know, beautified and harmonious, and you could tell there were two, three souls working in here at a given time, is now back to being like a person talking to themselves on the internet.

Yeah, it's giving sad.

It's giving, you know,

loneliness.

But let me tell you how excited I was for today's episode.

Like, I literally put on jeans.

Actually, I see.

And you put on a belt.

I put on jeans.

I got this belt.

And like, you know, when you order something online and you're like, this one piece of clothing, whether it's an accessory or a piece of clothing, is going to change my wardrobe.

And like, you just, your life doesn't start till that package arrives.

Yeah.

That happened to me with this belt.

And of course, it came and I I got it in the wrong size.

So like I had to wait for the new size to come before my life could really start.

So now you're like a Western swirly.

Yeah.

I saw Morgan Stewart wearing this belt.

And I asked her where it was from.

And she said it was from Celine.

So I'm not going to lie, like I went into the Celine store.

I was like, all right, maybe I'll be that bitch who like dropped $600 on a belt.

And I just went in and I was like, this is the belt.

It just looked different when it was on Morgan than it did in the sad store.

And I was like, I'm not spending money on this belt.

Like this belt and I were not meant for each other, you know?

Was it even $600 or more?

Yeah.

it was $600.

Maybe, yeah, it was six.

And I was like, okay, no.

And then I saw Danielle Carolyn wearing a belt that like looked similar, but like more in my vibe.

And it was from Below the Belt and it was $130 and they sold it on Revolve.

I was like, oh, yeah.

I, I, I'm a dupe.

Like, I love to think I'm a Morgan Stewart girl, but like, I'm not.

And Danielle Carolyn was out here doing the work for people who didn't want to spend $600 on a belt.

So I got the belt and I was like, today's the day I'm going to wear it.

I have such an exciting day, mostly just because the toast is back.

We haven't done an episode since Wednesday, and like, we just have so much to talk about.

I feel like every time we go on break, the episode that follows is like always widely distributed.

So, I need to look my best.

It's bussing.

So, I needed to look my best.

That means I'm wearing my belt.

I'm wearing my jeans.

I also just have like a busy day.

I had like all the things I postponed from last week to this week.

No, I have a week's worth of work today.

Right, right.

Today.

So, I'm excited to be back.

I

everyone was like posting on Instagram this weekend.

People in New York being like, oh my God, it's spring.

Spring has sprung.

Alfresco, Sanchez.

And it's literally hurricaning here today.

It's so depressing.

It's disgusting.

I wish I never came home.

Well, you're always welcome to come back to my house, even though I feel like when you stay so long at my house, which you know I love, I feel like it makes your next stay even further away because you feel like you get sucked into this hole when you come here and

that you can't come for just a weekend or a week because it's going to be three weeks to a month of your life.

And I understand why you're not like, oh, I'm going to go away for a month today.

Yeah, no, I'm never coming back to your house.

Because you get sucked into the vortex.

It is a vortex because I'm just like, I could live here.

Why not?

I work here.

There's a mall nearby if I need anything.

Like, I just, I can't come back.

I'm sorry.

You'll never see me.

You'll never see me again.

But the times were so good, La Terre de Lou.

They were so good.

I feel like I was really on my fitness game at your home.

Yeah.

We were sisters in fitness.

Yes.

I just, like, I have a home.

like I have a life too, you know?

No, I know, but but this is your life too.

You know, it's not like you're just living my life.

Like we were in it together.

I felt like I was also living your life too.

I feel like so many of my things that I do in a day, like I was shirking a lot of responsibilities.

Oh, well, I was literally living your life.

Like, stop it.

What are you talking about?

No, but like we were doing everything together.

Like I'm just letting you know I was putting my things on the back burner too.

Yeah.

To do things with you.

So you don't want me to come back.

That's what you're saying.

No, I would love for you to come back.

You're welcome to move in anytime and stay as long as you want.

It'll be a minute before you see my ass in Florida again.

Let's just leave it at that.

Rats.

Unless, you know, I do, I absolutely need to go back to St.

Barth and maybe I'll stop over in Florida.

It makes the trip much easier coming from Florida.

Rats.

Speaking of rats, how's your apartment?

Don't be rude.

Do not be rude.

So I left for a month.

I laid six traps and I sealed all the holes in my apartment.

And before I returned, all the traps were cleared out.

No mouse to be found.

Now, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Like, as much as I wanted to catch the mouse, they were fairly certain he had already left before they laid the traps.

But I would have just gotten real peace of mind had we snatched his up, you know, snapped his neck.

But we didn't.

What would PETA say?

Um, I don't know, but here's what I would say: PETA can eat my fucking ass.

I love animals, but I don't, I don't live with them.

Unless, you know, they're domesticated pets, but.

Or Ben.

Or Ben.

Yeah.

Slay.

Slay.

Okay, so speaking of.

Yo, how's your relationship doing since the events of Wednesday?

Relationship is doing well.

We recovered.

It was actually the trip couldn't have come at a better time, you know?

Oh, really?

Yeah, for just like, you know.

us time to work on our relationship.

And I don't want to spoil everything and I'm going to talk about St.

Bart's, but today I am going to record a podcast episode for the Patreon.

That's like a full trip breakdown.

It's going to be part solo.

You know, I'd love to do a solo podcast to really just refine my skills for when I leave you in the dust.

Yep.

That's exactly what it is.

But I am going to have Ben join me.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I am going to have Ben join me for the second half of it to talk about, you know, our marriage and also like his his POV on the trip.

Okay.

So we're platforming Ben again.

So not only am I preparing, you know, myself to leave you, I'm also working on my next co-host.

Yeah.

Good luck with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Wishing you well.

Thank you.

So I don't want to like spoil everything, but let me just say this.

I'm sick to my stomach that I'm not in Saint Barth anymore.

Like, Jackie, we have to go.

Even though, like, I don't really feel like it's a place you would love.

Why?

Because

it's very, it's a party town.

Okay.

Like some could say, I am returning from a bender.

Look, do you hear my voice?

I'm a little hoarse.

No, but I think, I understand why you would think that.

But I also feel like based on what I've seen, is that it's the type of place where the party is fun.

So it's not like you have to be like black out.

No, like a little buzz, a little rose, never hurt anybody.

But like, it's good music.

It's good people.

It's a genuinely good time.

I love a genuinely good time, not a false good time.

Yeah, no, things, it was very genuine.

And it also felt weirdly like,

it felt weirdly like a

destination wedding.

Okay.

Because for the time, it's a very small island.

So like you see the same people, you don't know these people, but you see them at every restaurant.

It's kind of like you meet these, like, you know, it's your friends, cousins.

Or like, you're on a cruise.

Yeah, yeah.

A cruise is a better vibe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um.

And you're, you just like know each other, you know?

That's really funny.

It is funny.

And it's like, there was this bachelorette party that was like literally following me around.

Like I saw them everywhere.

I thought they were French because like not everyone is from America, which is like kind of nice.

I thought they were French because they were so fucking chic.

Like you never saw girls like cooler.

The bride was stunning, but like everybody else was also like to the nines.

And I feel like if you're going on your bachelor party, bachelor's to same bars.

Like you're not a slab.

You're not a slab and you're not from America.

Like you're just not.

Like it was different.

I saw these bitches everywhere.

I was like, Eventually, by the end of the trip, I'm like, we're sisters.

Like, and then of course I met half of them.

They were all toasters.

Like, it was great.

And I was like, really?

You guys are toasters?

I don't know why.

They just, they gave me, I heard one of them, I overheard one of them saying, let's take a picture.

So I made up this narrative in my mind.

I'm like, you guys, they're from Paris.

Like, they're French.

Like, they're, we're not going to know them.

They're not going to be toasters or anything.

Turned out, like, one girl was from Paris and the rest were from New York.

Don't judge a book, Turdy.

I didn't.

I literally heard her say it, but whatever.

I had the best time.

And honestly, I feel like so much of my good time came from me feeling so good in my outfits.

Like, it's really good.

You feel yourself.

No, it has nothing to do with that.

Like, it's like low-key competitive.

Everybody is dressed.

And that's something else I liked.

I feel like in America, like, we're just used to like, everyone dresses like slobs all the time.

And it's like swept out.

Even at like nice places, it's so crazy.

Yeah, we're just, we don't, we don't get to strip anymore.

We drive to the nines.

Yeah.

Jackie.

They dress to the nine.

I felt competitive.

And I actually felt like I was holding my weight, like carrying my own with my outfits because I had spent so much time and energy like curating.

Curating looks.

And we were a well-dressed group, you know, the tailors brought it, like everybody brought it.

I'm glad it was not for not.

It was not for not.

Like I felt A, like I looked good and it made me feel really good, but B, that I was on the same level as everybody else.

Like everybody was, I, I can't imagine how many times I literally stopped people in the street and I was like, where's your dress from?

Like, everybody just looked so cute.

And it was so nice to be a part of that and not just like an outsider, which I feel like for so, for so long, I was always like just looking in, you know?

Oh, I love that.

Yeah, I couldn't have done it without you.

And I also could not have done it with the store, every, without the store, everything but water.

Like, what is that store?

Half of my outfits were from there.

There are so many.

of those stores down here.

I recently went to one and bought like a whole outfit head to toe and wore it the next day, like right off the mannequin.

And then you went.

And then also I was just in Dallas and I, there was one right there.

And I'm like, we just shopped the whole store.

But also, what I like is every location has something different.

No, and they sent me a DM.

like they were like oh we'd love to send you i'm like oh please like this is i'm like please please get that suit in every color you know the one with the red one that oh no the one that i wore in brown that day we went to the beach yeah okay so this actually happens to me a lot and i was having this conversation with taylor strecker and i don't mean this in in any sort of negative way in any way that's ageist

But it happens to me all the time.

Like, it literally happened to me at a wedding recently where I was wearing the same dress as like the grandmother of the bride.

And I was wearing this bathing suit.

And I literally saw this like 90-year-old woman on the beach wearing the same exact bathing suit.

I think I have a very maternal like taste.

Mature

mature taste, but also I think it's also because you're more modest.

Yes.

As am I.

Yes, we don't wear like slutty like right.

And the thoughts like are shopping the thought section and the mature women are shopping the mature section.

We're shopping like mother of the bride section.

But just it's not because you're mother of the body, it's just because like you're mature and modest.

Yeah.

And there are only so many like amazing, gorgeous, modest gowns.

Yeah.

So the bathing suit that you're talking about that we we both have in the same color.

Like, I did see this like actual grandmother wearing on the beach, and I was like, hmm, Slay.

She's Slay.

She's Slayed, and she was not just any grandmother.

She was like from Positano, you know?

Yeah.

I think you're good.

I just something like, and I remarked on it to Taylor Strecher.

I'm like, this is not the first time that like a woman three times my age is wearing the same thing as me.

I don't see it as a bad thing.

Okay, thank you.

Not at all.

So I'm going to do like a full podcast, like trip advisor energy recap on the Patreon talking about flights.

And I learned so much.

Like if you are going,

I will help you.

What restaurants we loved, what restaurants we didn't love.

I was the victim of a con that I actually haven't even told you about.

I need to tell you about.

No, I don't know what it is.

And I can't imagine how my girl got got.

I got got by, I really can't, I can't even say it like because there's so many people involved.

And like, just know, like, as much as it is a small island and like you become sisters and friends with everyone you meet, every now and then, like, you will meet a con man.

And I did.

Yeah, I'm la.

You'll tell me offline or you'll study in the Patreon?

No, no, no.

I literally can never, the story, one, because it makes me look so stupid.

Do you lose money?

No, thank God.

What'd you lose?

Like, dignity.

Hmm.

Okay.

Priceless, but.

Priceless.

And actually.

Priceless, but no biggie.

The bachelorette party that I spoke about previously, they actually helped me uncover the con because they were like, we we almost got got, but we were too smart.

And then we saw that you got, like, I can't, I can't tell the story.

It's giving Mary Kate and Ashley movie.

Yeah.

No, I need to write a novel.

Yeah.

So in terms of like real breakdown, I'm going to do that on the Patreon by myself and also with Ben.

But here's what I'll say.

10 out of 10, you absolutely have to go.

Greatest place on earth.

Do I like tan?

You're wearing black, so it's hard.

It doesn't bring out your tan, but certainly tan.

The sun was gorgeous.

I literally didn't, I wore so little makeup.

I never, I brought a flat iron.

I used it once and and I was like, fuck this.

I just was so feeling myself.

It was such a gorgeous place.

Amazing shopping, amazing people.

I made like lifelong friends with the toaster.

I hope she feels the same way.

She's probably going to be listening to this episode because like, and I'll tell the story on the podcast, but there's this place that like everybody goes to on Sundays and the reservations book out like years in advance.

I called and they were like laughing in my face.

I'm like, oh, okay, sorry.

Like, I'll just go kill myself.

And I met this toaster and I was like lamenting about not being able to get a table at Nikki Beach.

And she was like, oh, we have a table.

Come.

And I was like, really?

She was like, yeah, like we had two extra spots anyway.

So I'll just change it to, you know, four more spots.

And she's a sister and friend for life.

I actually think you know her like vaguely, disconnectedly.

Like through friends of friends?

Through like her sister is friends with Olivia.

Okay.

Now I want to know.

Oh, so you know Olivia is always talking about Tata?

Yes.

This is Tata's sister.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

So like I was like, okay, I'm not going to go like with a serial killer.

I did my research.

Sisters for life.

Like when I come back to Florida, she lives in Florida.

We have to have dinner.

Like obsessed.

I love this.

And she's a toaster.

Making new friends in adulthood.

It was giving cruise.

It's so cruise, Claudia.

Like friends on vacation.

No, and I just want to say, I just want to say, like, I'm not one of those people who makes friends on vacation.

Like, kill me.

It was different.

You have to go to St.

Bart's to understand the energy.

Like, we're really a family.

I understand.

So I'm thrilled to be back.

Thank you to everyone for giving me the opportunity to explore a place I really wanted to go to and giving me the time off to do that.

You're welcome.

We have a show trip.

You got a haircut.

I got a haircut.

Yes, you already saw it.

And I posted about it on my Instagram, but I was in Dallas this weekend.

And as everyone knows, I desperately needed a haircut.

If you watch like the last YouTube episode to now this one, there is major change in your girl.

And I wanted to do like my day trip to New York to do all my services, but solely but surely I've been getting them done.

Like I got my eyebrows done when I was with you.

And then one of my favorite influencers who has the greatest hair on the planet, she lives in Dallas and she just posted a reel of her hair cut in Dallas.

And I was like, I'm going to Dallas.

What if I just went to her hairstylist?

Obviously, this is a skilled person.

So I called, I tried to get an appointment, couldn't get one.

Then Kate, she's the influencer, she pulled some strings and got me an appointment.

Cause I've got friends in high places.

And like right during nap time which was just so perfect so i snuck out got my hair did and i'm a brand new person i'm brand new you feel different

yeah it's just like every morning i do my hair and i put in a lot of effort and i it's staying oh it's staying and it's staying and like i know you like to call me a mole woman and you're not wrong for that i don't feel like i really for as much as i like thought it i didn't say it no you all you have to do is say it once and i got it and you said it maybe once or twice and but that was just the truth you know No, and I would really never like make fun.

Like, you're obviously a busy person.

You're a mom of two.

Like, I would never say that.

But you did say it.

Can I do one thing really quickly?

Because I don't really wear jeans on this here podcast.

I have the biggest Camel toe.

I'm just going to quickly step off and rip it, rip these jeans from my clitoris, if that's okay.

Can you even see it on the show?

Or maybe it's just a pain.

It was a pain, not a visual thing.

Got it.

Oi.

Yeah.

Oi.

So, um,

and so you got a haircut.

Sorry, I cut you off.

And, and what else?

And like now that you have that haircut, do you feel how I feel like with my belt?

Oh, for sure.

It might even be more of that.

For sure.

Because I can take my belt off.

I can, like, the hair stays.

And what's exciting is I haven't washed my hair since the blowout because it's the best.

And I'm excited to actually wash it, like run my fingers through my hair when it's wet, like see how different

lively it is.

Yeah, I mean, you look healthy.

You look good.

Thank you.

I'm continuing on my health journey.

And I haven't seen all the results that I want to see yet, but I'm not going to let that slow me down.

Oh, yeah.

My health journey came to an abrupt halt.

Came to an abrupt halt.

Let me say this.

I was technically like in France, you know.

I think St.

Bart's is the French West Indies.

I think it's a part of France, right?

You were there.

Like, they use Euros.

Not necessarily French, but if it's

French, wouldn't you know?

Weren't there flags?

I literally didn't see one flag.

Wait.

Just let me look this up really, really quick.

St.

Bart's country.

Passport stamp?

What'd it say?

When you arrived, was there a picture of the queen?

It's a French-speaking Caribbean island.

Is St.

Bart's a country?

An overseas collectivity of France since 2007.

whatever the hell that means giving uh colonialism

actually um

yes it is

and i was there colonializing colonizer oh colonizer colonizer

colonializing

classic wait why did i bring this up i was in france

Oh, and so, you know, they don't have like the problems in their food that Americans have.

You know, people say like they're gluten-free and then they go to Italy and they can eat pasta because it's not made of shit.

Or Or yeah, people say they go to Italy, they eat pasta for every meal and they lose weight.

Right.

And like maybe that happened to me because I did eat a lot of pasta, but I was in France, you know?

And you didn't feel larger?

No, I mean, your dresses were so tight on me, but they were tight in the vlog too.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

So you're saying like it was that effective like you can eat quote unquote unhealthy food, but because it doesn't have all the chemicals and processed things that we have here in America, like it's healthy.

Yeah, it was getting healthy.

I don't know.

I don't feel like I like, even though I ate whatever I want and was like drinking a lot.

I don't really feel, it was just like the French way.

I was like drinking wine and having pasta.

I just feel like, I just feel like it was fine.

Yeah.

No, I hear what you're saying.

Yeah.

So before we dive in, I wanted to thank some people, if that's okay.

Okay.

Who are you, Jason Kelsey?

Yes, actually.

First and foremost, I want to thank you.

Because like, like I said, so much of my trip was made better by the fact that I felt so good in my, in my clothing and like in my skin.

And that was really you you like you gassed me up we went on our health journey together for a week and then I got to wear all your clothes like it was just a dream so I want to thank you you're welcome second and really most importantly the who helped facilitate was a woman named Ashton I believe you know her I believe you introduced me to her she's a toaster who works for like a villa service called rental escapes and she literally like I wouldn't have been able to go without her like she hooked it up with the house like it was a perfect house it was just everything and I loved the service and I'm gonna do a whole like you know part in the podcast about why you should use the service three I want to thank the Taylors.

I didn't really realize until I got on to like meet them that they had been on their honeymoon.

Oh, classic turdy.

Yeah.

So I just thought I was like, you know, crashing a trip, like, haha.

Not crashing a honeymoon.

Ha ha.

But you know that there's this trend now where people, like after their weddings, before their honeymoon, they go on, I don't know what it's called, like a buddy moon or something, where they take a vacation like with friends from their wedding party.

Not exactly what the Taylors did, because it's like if you have a destination wedding, then like people stay, you have like a trip with your friends, and then you go on your honeymoon.

I think it's called like a buddy moon.

And also, as we've discussed, like having people around on your honeymoon is important for the health of your marriage.

I agree, but like the Taylors are weird in the sense that like they really like being alone together.

Psychotic.

Psychotic.

They're not like looking for a distraction.

But I feel like they had their honeymoon.

And by the way, their home.

Their trip was over.

They were going to go home and they had a trip with friends.

Yes, no, and they were like so like down, yada yada.

But like once they like said they were on their honeymoon, I was like, wait, you were?

And if I had known that, maybe I wouldn't have gone.

So maybe

you didn't know.

It's best.

So I believe those are all the.

Oh, and I want to thank me for making it happen.

Making your dreams come true.

And I do want to thank the toasters for giving me the grace and the time off.

Yeah.

And we made it work.

We had lots of Patreon content.

We had, we missed two episodes.

30.

Like, it's okay.

Three.

No, we had an episode Thursday.

We do double on Wednesday.

We did double on Tuesday.

Oh, okay.

We missed three.

We missed three, which we hate to do, but it was so important for my health that I get the fuck out.

And, you know, I did just get my blood work done, and I was vitamin D deficient.

Yeah.

So you had to get that D.

I got D down.

And you took a trip with your husband, like I suggested.

Right.

For my health.

For her health.

And she's looking great.

And I love taking a few days off the toast because then there's so much to talk about.

Yeah, and there is so much to talk about.

These are like the fast five stories from the last few days that everyone has been talking about.

And we're going to give you our thoughts, even though I have been so unplugged from what's going on.

Oh, me too.

I've just been like, I don't know, enjoying life.

Beautiful.

Did you get any other beauty services done while you were in Dallas?

No, I was super busy.

And that was like my one, my one moment for me.

It's a big one.

It's a big one.

Yeah.

So now on my list of things is Botox, and I am going to come to New York for that and also see my swirl.

You better.

It probably won't be like a one.

I'll probably plan like a little trip soon to come and see you for like a few, well, the family see for a few days or something.

Fabulous.

We can't wait.

We can't wait to welcome you.

I was going to text you and ask when would like, is there a good week?

Is there anything going on?

Anything I need to be at?

Oh, like anything fabulous?

Oh, shit.

Toast diversary.

Wait, I was just going to say we have not started planning Toast Diversity.

Literally, the last time we spoke about Toast Diversity was on that page.

It was a a Patreon.

Oh, yeah.

Jackie and I are coming up on our

seven

six

six year anniversary.

Our sixth year anniversary of the toast.

After our first year anniversary of the toast, we threw this soire because we were so proud of ourselves for like rebuilding our business, making it one year, having success.

And it was so fun and it was so fabulous.

And we never did it again.

I think that was the last time that I got so drunk.

Yeah, and you were kind of like a liability.

No, I was so drunk I couldn't stand.

We literally had to end the night.

Yeah, well, you guys went off to a club.

Oh, I went too.

Yeah, girl, you came as well and fell asleep on the couch.

Yeah.

No, I think that was literally the last time I ever got that drunk.

And I think that was probably for the best.

Yeah.

No, I was like, I have, I run a business.

Like, I can't just be non-functioning like this.

No, and we like made it all the way down.

The party was over, but like, you know, us, we had to go even further.

We got a table at a club.

We were like, woohoo, we made a dollar.

Let's spend it.

And we literally got to the club, paid the bill, and you fell asleep.

Like we didn't even get to spend the money.

Yeah.

No, had to go home.

So maybe like now it's my six-year anniversary of getting so drunk.

Let's do it again.

I'm like, so doubt.

I can't.

The next day, I had like an IV, which is nothing for me.

But I was just like, not well.

No.

Nobody can do.

We are planning a toast anniversary.

So I guess that's probably the next time you'll come to New York.

Yeah, maybe.

That would be a good time to sync up.

We also need to get on that.

So let's talk offline.

Let's set a time for a Zoom call with the party planning committee, which consists of both you and I.

Okay.

I hope you can make time for it.

Actually, I can't.

Like, I'm busy.

I know.

Me too.

Maybe tomorrow.

Yeah, we'll put it off till next week.

Sounds good.

So I feel pretty good about the fact, like pretty good moving forward.

Yeah, I feel caught up with you, caught up with the team.

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Now, Jackie, before we dive dive in, I just had like this sort of premonition.

I wanted to make sure because I have like trauma now.

We're recording.

Like I keep checking mine.

You check yours?

Yes.

Okay.

It's just so important that we're recording, you know?

It is important.

But speaking of outages, and this isn't a story, but I feel like it's going to be the theme of the day.

So I just want to, you know, speak to Instagram people's lives.

Instagram's down, Facebook is down, and parts of YouTube are down too.

Well, Instagram and Facebook being down, that makes sense.

They're, you know, part of the same family.

Yeah, but I'm now now seeing that YouTube is having an issue also.

Well, they better get their shit together before the toast comes out.

Oh, well, yeah.

But I wonder how long Instagram's going to be down.

Like, imagine if it's the whole day.

You know, those days where like Instagram's down and everyone's in a tizzy?

No, and it's so annoying.

Like, because today's the day I'm back from vacation, I have to be like super productive.

And Instagram is a part of my work.

And it's like, it's like Mark Zuckerberg doesn't want me to be productive.

No, I agree.

I already have like three stories in my Instagram that weren't loading all morning.

And I was like, thought it was my Wi-Fi.

I was blaming myself, you know, because I'm so self-critical.

Yeah, I'm so self-critical too.

I thought our Wi-Fi was down too.

I'm like, this bitch, I'm like, I totally forgot to pay the bill.

I totally forgot to pay the bill.

But turns out not my fault.

No, Jackie, it's not you.

It's them.

I wonder how long it'll be.

What do you think?

Over-under.

I feel like by the time the toes, the thing is with Instagram, like when they're down, they don't move with speed and brevity.

Like they don't give a fuck.

No, sometimes it's an hour, but sometimes it's a whole day.

What do you think it's like working at Instagram when there's a outage?

Like, do you have to go to the bathroom?

Oh oh my god, it's like that Jonah Hill meme.

Or, or,

or,

like, the thing that they work for is down.

Like, is everybody just in the cafeteria?

Yeah.

Oh, true.

I, I do think that they care when their thing is down.

Like, I don't think it's that they don't give a fuck.

No, you just said they don't give a rip.

No, no, that's not what I said.

I said the thing that they're working, like, that they work for is down.

So, like, like, back up, like, two minutes before.

No, I don't think I said that.

Did I?

Good thing we're recording.

Hopefully.

Speaking of, like, I'm so sick, hopefully.

I'm so sick of like recording, you know, being held so accountable to everything I said.

Like, enough.

I understand that when it's like, we're going through like episodes from five years ago, but it was literally two, two minutes ago.

It's like really annoying.

Oh, and by the way, now my WhatsApp is down because I was just checking a message because it's a part of the meta for Instagram meta.

Guess we can't work today.

I wish you were here.

I would go to lunch with you.

You know what's usually not down?

Twitter, podcast app.

Never.

Well, don't spoil it, but yeah.

I mean, spoil jinx.

It's never down.

It's ever been down.

And I guess, like, if the podcast app was down, you could listen on Spotify, Stitcher, Public Radio, Why Heart Radio, wherever you listen to podcasts.

Actually, I don't know if you can listen on some of those platforms still, but hopefully.

Yeah, but that's why podcasting is a great medium.

So true.

So accessible.

We're always there for you.

But now we can get into the stories.

Not a story.

Just

let people know.

Just what's going on today.

And if you're struggling, if it's still going on by the time this comes out, you know, we're here for you.

Listen to old episodes.

I'm sure it's not a story, but I read this article over the weekend.

I actually sent it to you this morning, but I know you were busy and you probably didn't read it.

Did you see there's like a takedown of Jay Shetty?

I saw loosely that there is, but I don't know what the points are.

So Jay Shetty is.

But I know you're fiercely defensive of him.

I am, and I'm about to be.

So Jay Shetty's like Holstick is that he was a monk for three years and then ended up leaving the monastery, if that's what it's called.

I just made that up.

And taking like what he learned as a monk and building a self-help empire.

And he like, you know.

writes books and podcasts and everything.

And the Guardian did like a big in-depth analysis.

Apparently this journalist was writing a piece on him for Esquire.

And like the more she dug, the more like questions she had.

And Esquire was like not down to turn this interview into like an investigative piece so they

canceled the article and so she went to the Guardian and like wrote this in-depth and apparently like he never lived in India as a monk you know but like

I don't know he did like monk like things in London but he was like making YouTube videos she said I don't give a fuck you know like I feel like I met Jay Shetty and he was the real deal do you know what I mean yeah but he said the details are of like not of importance to me she has basically stitched together like everything he said about his time before being famous on Ellen he was on in his book.

He also had a blog during the time of his like, you know, North London monitor.

And like it's really conflicts with like a lot of the stuff that he's said on like Ellen and in his books.

I don't give a fuck.

Like I just don't.

Why let the truth get in the way of a good story?

I know.

And honestly, it just felt like the journalist was a bad faith actor, honestly.

Really?

Even though, did she start out like wanting to write something?

Positive or that's what she said.

She got like a job for Esquire writing and then she was like doing research.

And like the more she researched the more like things weren't adding up and she was gonna turn it into like some sort of like hit piece but Esquire was like no that's not what we agreed to so they just canceled the whole thing but she you know was like a dog with a bone she got a good story she was she took it to the guardian okay I'll read it

yeah no and I just like

I don't know maybe it's because I met him and I was so taken by him he was just so sweet and like I don't know I'm just not really interested you stand with Jay

I do I stand with Jay Shetty okay I'm gonna I'm gonna read it

And he's not hurting anyone.

No, and it's like he's, he's overall a good faith actor.

Yeah.

So the details are a little murky.

Murky.

I mean,

we're all just like actors of our own lives, you know?

Like, we're just storytellers, you know?

Yeah.

And that's why, that's what I learned, you know, at my time at the Tisch School of the Arts.

But I also feel like there are sometimes people get caught in lies like this and they're bad lies.

Like there was that comedian who said he was like uh you know survivor of 9-11 and he wasn't you know that story his name is like not to i'm sure he's listening to this being like why you have to bring me up like i just i just came through that why you have to bring me up i thought i thought you were gonna say like hassan minaj which is what we were just talking about but his was more serious like his was lying about being like a victim of racism when racism is a real issue why you gotta lie about it right that's like with being a victim of 9-11 like a lot of people are victims like don't take their trauma and make it your own but with jay shetty I don't know.

I just feel like he's helping people.

It's giving victimless.

It's giving victimless crime.

Yeah.

But I do need, I'm going to, I'm going to make up my mind for myself, but yeah, he was nice to my sorrel.

Jackie, and he like, he like so loved coming on the toast.

He said such nice things.

He sent me such a sweet note afterwards.

Like he just like he respected the toast.

He like, I'm sorry.

Like, no, I don't give a fuck.

That's your boy.

I, I am going to, I'm always, you know, as a person in public life,

I'm always gonna judge people like based on my interactions with them.

And my interaction was overwhelmingly positive.

And I'm not gonna lie, like, I went into it being like low-key skeptical.

You know me, I'm like not into self-help.

And I'm like, I don't, I was like, how can you like make money off of self-help?

Like, I didn't get it.

I get it now.

Okay, Latour DeLou, not to hold you accountable for everything that you've ever said.

What?

What did I say?

No, I'm going to cite another example

that you were up in arms about, and you need to tell me how it's different.

Okay.

Hilaria.

i've never met hilaria oh no but like so oh you're saying like the jay shetty crime it regardless of the crime say you never met jay shetty would you think this was a big deal yeah probably like okay okay but i have met him and i have like i feel like i know him you know oh okay i never met fucking hilaria and honestly like hilarious okay great you know i'm so glad you brought this up jay let's say jay shetty lied like about all of this he lied so that he could help people hilaria lied so she could what?

Like be Spanish?

Like it's fucking weird.

Okay.

Okay.

But like, okay, who's another person whom I've met?

Like, that wasn't a good example.

Jay Shetty and Hilaria are not.

There's someone who you've met that you then like changed how you felt about them.

Like there was a scandal and I was like, you know.

You dropped them.

I don't do that because I'm not disgusting.

You don't do that.

You don't.

You're a loyal friend.

I am.

I'm joking on my my coffee.

Okay, let's maybe get into the actual stories.

I mean, it's only been 40 minutes.

First story: some big news is that Jason Kelsey announced his retirement in front of his family and his teammates.

It was a very emotional speech that he made.

His brother Travis in the front row, wiping away tears.

His wife and Kylie and his parents were there.

And it was a very touching moment.

Yes, not me, like watching it live on the plane.

I just like was bored.

Oh, I read Strange Sally Diamond.

I finished it.

I wanted to tell you that.

Oh, let's circle back to that because Redheads is recording today and I have a lot of things to say about the Redheads.

Okay, but back to Jason Kelsey.

I watched it on the plane.

I was like literally getting choked up, mostly when he was talking about Travis.

And then when he was like, you know,

I guess the thing in Philly is like, it's called the City of Brotherly Love.

Yeah.

And he was like, you know, it's no coincidence that I played for the city of brotherly love.

And then that's how we like wrapped up his Travis segment.

Like I was fully blown crying.

It was so sweet.

But I had to like zoom out a couple times and be like, oh my God, like, cause it was so serious.

And he was like literally taking like deep breaths.

He could not speak.

He was so emotional.

I had to zoom out and be like, okay, wait, just hold on.

Like, this is football.

Like, it really, because it felt like an actual tragedy.

Yeah.

I'm glad that you said that because I was watching it and I had that thought too.

Like.

It's so beautiful.

And, you know, there's so,

so much greatness, you know, so many good themes of like hard work and sportsmanship and teammates and camaraderie and tenacity, working together and belie, like so many great themes.

Totally.

But if you zoom out.

It's so important when you're watching the videos to zoom the fuck out.

It's a game.

It's a sport.

It's fun.

You know, there are a lot of people who work, who do really...

hard, important, heroic work,

who never get their flowers, who never have awards about press conference.

Press, you know what I mean?

So I was,

yeah, I had that thought too.

But most of the, for the most of it, I was just wrapped up in it.

And he had a lot of nice things to say.

Jackie, I was like watching the video so entranced being like, yes, and like crying too.

And I would literally be like, oh my God, this is like the most horrible thing that ever happened.

And I was like, wait, he's literally just retiring.

And also, like, it's a choice.

Yeah, voluntarily.

Yeah.

But I think also like because of Travis and him and the lore around them and Taylor now, like it became so much of a bigger announcement than maybe it it would have been three years ago.

Oh, yeah, no, no, there's a man retiring, which people do all the time.

It's like people have made it so much bigger than

maybe that it is.

No, and there's like literally like fan edits of his career to Long Live on TikTok right now.

And like, I watch him and I'm like getting choked up.

I need to calm down.

Yeah.

I also, I don't know if he has any political aspirations, but I feel like he could run for mayor of Philadelphia and assuming, you know, has some good platforms to run on, could win handily.

I love that idea.

Although, like, I feel like that's a great way to go from being universally beloved to being like hated, no matter how good of a job you do at like a political, like either half the, half the city is going to hate you.

I don't think so.

I don't think it's that way with mayor.

Like you can make a city better and everybody will be happy about, like, look at Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yeah, yeah, no, that's a good example because like I look at it from the POV of New York City mayors who are just all hated like all the time.

But like Giuliani was never hated while he was mayor.

No, that's true.

But that's like the only example people cite.

Even though like when he was mayor, everybody was like, fuck Bloomberg.

But now I think we've like had so much worse de Blasio Adams that we're all just like yearning for the Bloomberg years.

Yeah.

But he took away our sodas.

Like who gives a fuck?

No, he did a lot of crazy stuff, but it's small, but it's also

remember when he took salt off the tables like for the health.

He was obsessed with health.

It's like, leave us alone.

Yeah, no, and he like closed down so many streets to make like sitting areas where he couldn't even do dick.

Yeah, and then like causes so much traffic.

But like it's small potatoes compared to what we're dealing with now.

Yeah, yeah.

I miss those times, like small petty squabbles.

Yeah, the sodas.

The sodas was really like probably what ended his career in politics.

Like people were so mad.

He just like, he had made it illegal to sell a soda bigger than like, I don't know, 75 ounces, which is like, really, who needs a soda that big?

Me.

Remember when those were our problems?

Right.

We didn't know how good we had it.

And honestly, I feel like we all owe Mayor Bloomberg an apology, myself included.

I was like one of his biggest critics.

I was in the back of those yellow taxis, just like rambling on with the drivers, like cursing Mayor Bloomberg's name.

We were so mad at him.

Yeah.

How did we get here?

Oh, Jason Kelsey being mayor of Philly.

Anyways, I think he could do it, you know, if he did it in a way where his common sense changes, the city's booming.

Yeah.

Beloved.

I just feel like being like any sort of, like holding any sort of office, no matter how like good your intentions are, like it's a thankless job.

Most of the time, yeah.

Yeah.

And it's not a particularly high-paying job.

No.

And I don't think you can have a podcast.

But he loves me.

I don't think you can have a podcast and be mayor.

Yet.

Yet.

I think it would be great for a mayor to have a podcast.

Talk about what you're doing.

Talk about what you're seeing.

Explain yourself.

But see, they wouldn't want to do it because it would be a form of accountability for them.

Of course.

But if you had a a righteous a righteous good faith mayor a gfa a gfm

which i hard to come by extremely hard to come by but i do think that jason gelsey would be a gfm because he loves his city that's all i was saying that he loves his city the city loves him okay be mayor like duh yeah what if he just ran for office

um I also love that he just wore like a tank top and flip-flops.

Like millions of people are tuning in, crying, screaming, throwing up, and like you're wearing your pajamas.

Love that.

Like, I feel like he literally went for a workout and didn't even shower, you know?

Yeah.

And what do you think about the Swifties sort of decoding the things that he was saying, saying that there was maybe some Taylor-inspired statements?

Okay, I do want to say, because when he was talking about Travis, he did use the phrase all too well, which of course is a phrase outside of Taylor Swift.

It's existed for centuries, but it's been popularized, of course, by Taylor Dia.

No, I honestly feel like of all, like, I feel like Jason and particularly Kylie, like, they don't give a fuck about Swifty lore.

Like, they aren't gonna you know give us easter eggs like travis loves it and i feel like travis leans into it um and he was wearing like friendship bracelets last night that said jason kelsey's name on it and had his number on it i feel like kylie and jason like don't give a fuck you know yeah and then also what do you think about the order in which he hugged his family members after

oh i didn't say it went it did go in order of how they were sitting

but that would be i think it was travis parents and then Kylie.

Ooh.

On its face,

I think wife and mother of your children is utmost priority, but I don't think he has any, like, I think he has the absolute most respect and admiration for her.

Like, I do think it was an order of seeding.

And there's really no bad position to be in.

But what would the right order have been?

I do think

Travis first.

Yeah, Travis first.

And I do kind of like that he saved his wife for last.

Yeah, there's really no bad spot to be in is what I'm saying.

Like you're in the front row at the press conference.

Like you've made it.

You are, you're part of the inner circle.

Yeah.

You're part of my elite employees.

Okay, Jackie, thank you so much for bringing that up.

You have now been promoted.

You are now one of my elite employees.

That's my favorite.

It just went viral on TikTok.

It's, I can't even explain it.

Like, but I showed it to Jackie and I think she liked it.

Yeah, I just cited it in the proper fashion.

Do you know what that means to me?

I do it for you, Turdy.

I so appreciate that.

You know what I'm really thinking about in this moment?

Lunch.

Yes.

I just know your intonation when you're hungry.

I'm so hungry right now.

What are you thinking for lunch?

I don't know.

That's what I wanted to talk about.

Like, it could be a wrap kind of day.

I'm thinking Taylor Farms for me.

Even though I had that for dinner last night, Zach and I eat the Taylor Farms Mediterranean crunch bag salad every night and we just switch it up with the protein.

You guys are crazy.

Yeah, we're just, you know,

healthy living.

Right, right, right.

Yeah, I got to make some chicken today for our dinner salad.

I love chicken.

I made really good baked chicken the other day.

Have you ever brined a breast of grilled chicken?

It's not as crazy as it sounds.

It sounds like a, you know, you just like put it in salt water for a period of time.

And then when you're ready to cook it, go and cook it.

It makes it super juicy.

Really?

Yeah.

And it was.

And you didn't think to do your little science experiment when I was there and knowing that my favorite food on the planet is chicken?

I literally must have done it the day that you left or something because I did it last week.

So sweet.

Where were you?

You must have just gone.

And I was so upset.

I needed to eat my feelings.

With some chicken.

Some brined chicken.

So I know the people in Philly, like, to them, this is so much more.

And I'm sure our recap isn't doing it justice.

So you, you have my thoughts and prayers during this time, but don't forget to zoom out.

What's also funny is that he announces, he like said, made a speech in the locker room and people were like, oh, he's retiring.

And it's like, no, no, no.

He had big things planned for this speech.

Like some, like even Tom Brady did an Instagram post, I think.

Jason Kelsey

made a meal.

I love that.

Yeah.

Make a moment.

Like no one's going to give it to you.

No one's going to give it to you.

You You have to make your own moments in the world.

Yeah.

Create your own special moment.

Destiny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I feel we do here every day on the show.

Of course.

Do you have anything you'd like to say in your personal press conference?

That you're hungry?

So hungry.

Breaking news.

I'm always hungry.

Yeah.

Well, we have four more stories.

So if you...

Yeah, we so have to move on.

And yeah, we do have to move on.

Our next story, like really so many

big news from the weekend, though not news more so like conspiracy theorizing, is that Kate Middleton has been seen for the first time since her hospitalization for abdominal surgery.

And this is following like days and weeks of speculation about what's really going on with her.

The girl stepped out to sh to, I don't know, dispel some rumors.

Yeah, but then like last week, there was a bunch of royal news stories that really made it all more

fun to conspiracy theorize about.

Like Camilla stepped down, Queen Charles is chilling, William didn't go to that thing it's like there's four working royals and they're all out of business and also like Pippa's ex-boyfriend who's a high-ranking royal and maybe cousin of someone was murdered Pippa was in Saint Barth she was but you know that royal well I don't know if he was there was he died via gunshot wound it's giving murder

It's no, there's people aren't.

Sometimes I feel like people like fall into conspiracies and the internet like, you know, gets their panties in a twist for no reason.

There were quite a few things that's happened over the last few weeks to make people question.

And the most popular theory that I've seen that I also believe is that the amount of time she said she's going to be out of commission is the exact amount of time it takes to recover from a BBL.

Yeah.

And that's what the internet has, you know, pretty much come to the conclusion of is that Kate Middleton got a BBL.

And I love that for her.

Well, if you get a BBL, can you then sit in the car before the end of recovery?

I think you need a special pillow.

But you then

you could put it in the car.

Yeah, I know.

But that would be a little dicey to like go, what if they saw your pillow?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, paps saw the pillow.

Yeah.

People also think she's growing out bangs, got a bad haircut.

Yeah, which I understand.

Also, I didn't see this going around, but like, could she have just gotten a mommy makeover, you know?

Oobs and belly.

Perhaps.

I think what's most confusing for people is like, it was kind of, she had had engagements up until that she had to cancel to recover.

So it's giving like emergency unplanned.

Yeah, for sure.

Also, like, what is abdominal surgery?

I think it could be a number of things ranging from small to large.

Right.

I guess if you got a tummy tuck, like that's abdominal surgery.

Yeah.

But, you know, or if you got your appendix out.

Yeah, you would plan a tummy tuck.

You wouldn't have to cancel engagements.

But if you had an abdominal, like appendicitis or something.

Yeah, then.

But why wouldn't they just say that?

Because it's probably not that either.

Right.

And the reason, like, so she stepped out because all of this, you know, conspiracy theories about her.

But then they also released a statement that was like very curt and very, um, didn't give us more information.

They were like, we said what we said.

She'll be back soon.

I like that for them.

Yeah, it does seem like kind of,

so everyone starts conspiracies, so they like weekend that Bernie, her in the car.

Like, I don't know.

I feel like her being spotted makes me question even more.

I feel like they did it.

They did it to put people to rest, and now I'm even more unrest.

She's spotted in direct response to the conspiracy.

Right, which is never a good reason to be spotted.

Yeah, but there's no right way.

The conspiracy theorizers are going to theorize whether they don't then show her, they're like, what are they hiding?

Or they show her, they're like, oh, yeah, there was something that we were hiding.

You know what I mean?

Can't win.

Yeah.

You can't win.

I think whatever it is, if it is something like more serious in due time, we'll know.

But what is the real like theory that people have?

Because they think it's like connected to Charles and this murder.

There is just like a weird, and I don't know how or why,

but at all the same time, like all the working royals

stopped working.

Of which there are four.

Right.

Sounds like they could use a spare.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But also like Camilla, get to work, but she's also an old woman.

Like, I don't know.

William too.

Yeah, but like Williams is like, yeah, I guess they're both like looking after their spouses who are going through tough things.

Yeah.

Like you agree this is weird.

I agree that it could be, but I also hold space for the idea that it's as they say and it's not nefarious and there's not that much more below the surface.

So you're saying that two things can be true at once.

once so you're holding space for only one of these things is going to be true but i'm holding space for both options

got it it can't be like a serious conspiracy while also being like non-nefarious as you know like do you think it's just a coincidence

like i'm inclined to say yes but i'm a very trusting person

and i believe like when people tell like say you believe women i believe women but also like when someone i really don't think everything is like oh a cover-up for this or that like i give people the benefit of the doubt you say something but i could i also leave space for like okay maybe you know it's private and more serious but not like this big conspiracy they're divorcing and charles is dying it's really hard not to like let like yourself believe everything's a conspiracy because once you go down that rabbit hole it's like a really dark way to live like you're right sometimes you just have to believe what people say but sometimes

but no but sometimes but i also read a funny bit of text meme the other day

A bit of scripture?

A bit of text on a meme that was like the way that like everyone just believes everything that they see on TikTok or reels, like every video is like the way that like, you know, you make fun of your auntie for believing everything she sees on Facebook.

Wait, it's so funny that you said that because I also saw like a bit of scripture that spoke to me that are like, it's, they're completely unrelated.

But you were just having scripture.

Yeah.

Oh, Instagram's down.

I can't even find it.

Rad.

In my Instagram.

Fuck.

Can you give us a general gist?

Yeah, I posted it on my Instagram stories yesterday.

You might have seen it.

It was just like, oh, ow.

Oh, I saw it.

I saw it.

And it felt like it was written

by me, for me.

By me for you.

Yeah.

It was just basically like, yeah, I love that story for you.

Let me tell you about the time it happened to me.

And it's much more interesting because I'm in it.

That's this show.

Yeah.

You're wrong for that, Turdy.

If I could stop, I would.

That's why I don't

want to change you.

Checkie, I don't want to be that person.

I don't.

And I find myself doing it, like, especially when I was in St.

Bart's and I was like having wine and people were telling me stories.

I was like, no, no, no.

Same, but better.

I can't change you.

I know I'm the worst type of person in the world.

The thing is, though, not to indulge you.

My stories are great.

My stories are great.

Not always, but like you are are like an interesting, funny person.

So it's like, at least it's not the most dreadful person in the room doing it.

Yeah, with like not interesting life experience.

And like with just stories that never end.

And it's like, was that the story?

Is it over yet?

Right.

What was the point?

How did we get here?

How do we get out?

So what I'm saying is there are worse people that could do it than you.

Like if someone's going to do it, you are a good candidate.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's just like, it's giving Luanda Lecepsis in one of the households of New York.

It was a whole storyline was like how nobody could talk about anything without her being like, I went to Paris once.

Yeah.

Like, I am her.

But Luanne De Le Seps was a countess.

Like, sorry, she had an interesting life.

Yeah, yeah.

I think two things can be true.

I'm holding space for both truths.

That's the new agree to disagree.

Two things can be true.

Let's hold space for both.

Let's.

Show me how you could do that.

Like this.

Are you ready for our next story?

The other bit of news that sort of captured the world this weekend.

What?

The Willy Wonka experience in Glasgow.

Oh my God.

Okay.

And you know what's so funny?

On the plane yesterday, Ben and I sat separately because I had miles and I sat in first class and he sat like, you know, in coach.

He texted me.

He goes, Wonka is amazing.

I literally heard it was the worst movie of all time.

Oh, Zach watched it a few weeks ago and I popped in and the parts I watched, I enjoyed.

I thought it was, it was doing well.

Ben loved it.

I thought it was cute.

Timothy was Timothying,

shalomaying.

He was shalomaying the house down boots.

He was shalomaying in Wonka.

And I enjoyed the things that I watched.

I thought it was cute.

I didn't see the whole thing, but I liked where it was going.

So that just reminded me of like a funny thing Ben said.

Continuing.

Okay, it just reminded you of, you know, how you could center yourself.

Something I wanted to say on my podcast, Sume.

Willy Wonka experience in Glasgow was not as advertised, to say the least.

It's giving, you know, the fire festival of children's immersive experiences.

And if you lived in Glasgow, like you would have been there.

A thousand percent.

You see these, so they had like promotional images of what the Wonka experience would be.

It's giving, you know, Disneyland ex-Wonka.

The pictures were generated by AI.

And then parents took their children to this wonderful immersive experience.

And it was not even close to what it was

billed as.

It was billed as like this like experimental sort of like pop-up thing that's going to be amazing.

Bring your kids by a a ticket.

And there are so many things like that, like Museum of Ice Cream vibes.

That okay, I was going to say, like, comparatively, it was supposed to be like Museum of Ice View.

Yeah, but there was also recently in New York, uh, like an Alice in Wonderland type experience that's like this, but for Alice in Wonderland, and it was, you know, amazing, yeah.

So, I don't know why people would think that this wouldn't look like what they said it was gonna look like.

Instead, it was compared to a meth lab.

Um, the actors were reading scripts that were also generated by AI that made no sense.

The people who were working as like characters within just looked incredibly like depressed no forlorn forlorn is the word to use

it was like held in an abandoned warehouse children were crying the costume and makeup departments were non-existent and people who were hired by this experience to be you know oompa loompas or you know different characters are now speaking out about their experience there's just like out-of-work actors who like booked the gig and didn't think much of it until you know they arrived on set the morning of yeah

and I have to say like the internet has its issues and it's really one of the worst places to be but every now and then like something happens that renews my faith and my love for the interwebs and the content coming out of it the fact that this thing went viral and then like all the memes and stuff it has renewed my faith and my interest in the web.

Yeah.

And I also feel like things such as this like happen, not so often, but like they happen where things aren't as advertised.

And I'm glad that we're shining a spotlight on it it has because people need to be shamed and like who are the owners who put this affair together

i don't know oh oh it was called sorry it's um illumina house of illuminati and it's like a production company facility i don't know if you could call it that right right right

so i just i feel i feel as though it's all fun and games but like think of the children yeah It's not right.

But you know what?

It's an important lesson to learn.

No, I just think of the parents who were like looking for fun things for their kids to do for the weekend and saw this immersive experience and were probably so excited and planned their whole weekend around it.

Where is the, you know,

civil suit?

There could be one.

It really is Fire Festival, though they're not stranded on an island.

But the Fire Festival didn't involve children.

So

right, right.

Got away both.

No, so funny.

Kudos to everyone who was involved in making the story go viral.

I enjoyed myself immensely.

Me.

And I don't know.

It just being held in Glasgow just made it funnier.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Which actually the next two are semi-related.

So if you have something to say, now would be the time.

I do.

The next two semi-related stories.

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Our next story is that Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright have separated after nearly five years of marriage.

So Brittany announced on her podcast with Jax,

they have a podcast together called When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany.

She announced their separation saying, yes, marriages in general are very hard and I have a particular, I've had a particularly rough year this past year.

Jax and I are taking time apart and I made the decision to move into another home to take some space for the sake of my mental health.

So this was like really shocking.

This is really shocking.

They've been together for five, they've been married for five years.

Also, they announced a few weeks ago this new show, The Valley, that Brittany and Jax are anchoring really with a bunch of other cast members that we know and also some new cast members.

And it's all about like married life with kids in the suburbs.

So,

yeah, so they've both been like spotted out by TMZ.

They're like really milking the podcast promotion, the TV show promotion.

And a lot of people think that this is like a fake because then Jax was like, we are living together.

He told TMZ that.

So it's been like conflicting reports.

I she took his name out of her Instagram bio.

Yeah.

A lot of people just like think this is a PR stunt for the show.

And I just want to say like based on my limited knowledge and research of like people that I know, I have been told that this actually is true.

I just want to say.

Because this is going to conflict with what I said earlier about believing people and statements for the most part.

But I really felt like, oh, not this could be PR.

It would actually be good PR for the show, even if it's just like marital troubles and not necessarily a divorce.

Like they're saying that they're separating, they need time apart.

They could still be getting back together.

Maybe they had a big fight.

But I feel like there's two things that I'm thinking: one, like, maybe this is

PR in some way for the show.

The show was just announced, and like, this is the first time they're having an announcement like this in their marriage.

It doesn't hurt.

It doesn't hurt.

But then also, I'm thinking, like, maybe, oh, maybe going back on reality TV was bad for their marriage.

Oh,

what came first?

The chicken or the egg.

I see that you're eating.

I'm sorry, if you want me to continue doing the show, Jackie, during that ad for Quinn's, I swear to God, I almost fainted.

Okay, so what do you think?

And I know you, obviously, like, we're with the Taylors who know them.

Like, I'm just going to ask you, like, do you know anything that's not in here?

No.

And based on what you know, do you think that this is real?

Yes.

But they're

using it.

Two things can be true.

So you think that there is, you know, marital discord, but also it doesn't hurt to air that out for the forthcoming show.

Exactly.

And then maybe if there weren't a forthcoming show, we wouldn't be hearing about this marital discord.

That is genuine.

I like that theory that you just...

The second one?

Theorized.

I like that.

But I don't know, if they made it through, like that toxic ass Vanderpump Rules, like this new show, maybe it'll get there, but the first season is not going to be like, you know.

trying on a marriage.

No, I disagree.

One, I think Jax like goes back to being like reality TV Jax, which he, you know, he's a villain.

And I think he does things that it is a reality TV show.

So it is his personal life.

Like I think things are taxing because he's doing his job well.

Okay.

And this is really their show.

They want it to be good.

I think he's going to put everything that he has into the show.

And I think regardless of

what the show is, like that's hard on a marriage.

And now with a child, like that's not what they were dealing with on the interpump rules.

Oh, by the way, you see Lawless Bargain?

That was our next next story.

Oh, sorry.

Continue.

I think that this new show would come with its own sets of challenges for their marriage that would be very different from the Vanderpump Rules toxicity, but not easy.

Now let me ask you something.

Bruno just walked into the studio.

Bruno had you open the door.

Bruno has thumbs.

Bruno has a pose.

Bruno got groomed.

He was getting groomed and now he smells like a sweet angel.

And then he wanted to show you, mom, look, I got a haircut too.

He wanted to come on the camera and show everyone Mr.

Handsome.

You and Bruno literally have the same color hair.

You didn't know that.

I gave birth to him.

I don't think I've like ever really put that together.

Oh, yeah.

Fun facts about me and Brew.

We're twins.

Do you love when I eat on the podcast because I couldn't talk into my microphone?

You just got to talk more than you ever have in the seven years that we've done the show.

It's so true.

And I really got to work through my thoughts.

I feel like I shared a lot of interesting thoughts in that time.

And by the way, I'm going to take another bite.

So feel free to theorize further.

Two more things I want to say, not about the subject.

One, I like when you eat on the podcast because you're going to get in trouble with the listeners and not me they can't hear me they can't hear me and not me i won't be getting in trouble they might get in trouble with me now because bruno just opened the door so hopefully there's no noise and the second thing that i was going to say was about bruno that he wants to be part of the show even though you're not here and that he wants to work and he is a businessman and he's on the phone with his lawyers working on seven business deals I'm glad Bruno's sabbatical has come to an end.

Bruno, we missed you.

The show is nothing without you.

Should we start this episode over?

No.

What are you eating?

A bare bell.

You're going to get in trouble.

They can't hear me.

Let's hope.

Let's hope.

I have one more bite left.

Okay, enjoy your bite.

You know what?

While you're doing that, I'll read the headline for the next story.

And Re Jackson, Brittany, what I like about these sorts of things is we'll know soon enough.

Do they get back together after the show?

You know, like, these things sort themselves out.

Right, it'll explain itself.

Yeah, maybe there's something that we we have to watch on the season of the valley in order to understand what's going on.

Our fifth and vital story, some more Vanderpump Rules News.

Also, big news is that Lala Kent is pregnant with baby number two.

She revealed that she's pregnant with her second baby and shared a photo of herself bearing her baby bump while standing with her daughter, Ocean Kent Emmett, who will turn three next week.

She captioned the photo, I'm expanding my pod.

And also, it was an ad for Mary Ruth's Organics.

She said, cheers to new edition in my little family.

We love a sponsored pregnancy announcement.

Clear Blue is vomiting that they didn't get it.

I know I love a sponsored pregnancy announcement.

It's like get your money.

And I also love that it wasn't necessarily clear blue.

It was a little out of the box thinking.

Right.

Because the thing is, as far as I know, she's not in a relationship.

So she probably went like a sperm donor route.

She said she was going to for her next, she said that on Vanderpump Royals that she was going to do a sperm donor because she wants another child.

And I think she has so much trauma from this custody issues with Randall that she doesn't want anyone anyone having any say in how her children are brought up going forward.

So I feel like when you get a sperm donor, you do like IUI or whatever.

Yeah.

So like they tell you you're pregnant at the doctor's office.

I don't think you do a clear blue, so you can't do the ad.

Really?

Why can't you take a pregnancy test?

Like you do IUI, but then you have to go home and see if it takes.

And you take a pregnancy.

Don't they like tell you at the doctor's office if it takes?

It's not instantaneous.

Like don't you?

I think you still take a pregnancy test unless like you you want to wait to go back to the doctor, but you take a test.

I mean, like, that's why you have kids.

Like, when my time comes, and I don't know when that is, I'm not going to lie to you guys.

Prepare to be sick of me.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to milk it.

Oh, yeah.

I'm having that clear blue.

Clear blue.

Reach out.

Okay.

I'm not pregnant.

I don't know when I'm going to be, but when I am.

You better believe.

Bugaboo, Carters, everyone.

Everyone reach out to turdy.

Well, you have to do the one.

You have to advertise the one that says pregnant or not pregnant, not the two lines.

And that's the best.

That's the advice I give to everyone who is trying to conceive.

Like, get the ones that say pregnant or not pregnant.

Do not bother with the lines, even though the ones that are digital and say it like are probably more expensive.

You will spend more money buying so many tests because you're not sure if you see the line.

A faint, yeah.

It's, it's like, it's a lot.

I actually, I don't even know if I ever did a line test, but just like taking one, knowing, moving on, done.

No, and it's like a pregnancy is a celebration.

It's a joy.

I don't want to look down at the stick and think of COVID, being like, is that a line?

Thanksgiving.

COVID.

Yeah, no, it's giving like PCR in your bathroom.

No.

It's giving COVID aladine.

Right, right.

So let's just move on from that.

Yeah.

And we're doing digital tests.

It's going digital.

So now that's what Lala was saying too.

Like now that this, the secret's out.

She's going to be talk sharing all about pregnancy, talking about it on her podcast.

She's so excited to finally share more.

And I'm excited to consume.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting this news.

I was like genuinely surprised and really happy for her.

I feel like she's a really good mom, and she likes-that's such a funny thing about the Vanderpump girls.

It's like all at once, they all became moms, but I wasn't thinking that was their journey.

And they all, I feel like, are such good moms and they love being moms, and they're just like obsessed with their kids.

It's like really sweet.

It is really sweet.

And I personally enjoy watching that sort of content.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

good and semi-sad Vanderpump news for Jackson Brittany though.

I think they'll, I think they'll make it work.

What's your prediction?

I think they'll make it work too.

Honestly, I feel like they've been through so much.

And of course, marriages are hard, but I don't think anything they could go through in the future would be as toxic as like that whole time.

Yeah.

Faith.

Unless Jax cheated on her again.

Well, then I don't think it would be so murky.

Like we're working on things.

I think it would be like, goodbye, good day, sir.

Yes, yes, good day, sir.

So those were the past five stories.

You absolutely needed to know them.

You absolutely needed to watch the toast today.

We could daily dial.

You said you,

oh, you want to talk about your book?

Well, I don't, you said you had something to say to Redheads, and I just said I wanted to promote the redheads that I just finished Strange Sally Diamond, and I'm so looking forward to listening to the podcast episode because it was a fabulous book.

I'm so glad.

Last night I finished our this month Redheads book, Frozen River by Arielle Laughin, and I was reading, oh my God, so fast yesterday.

At one point, I was cooking dinner and I couldn't read, but I needed to be reading.

So I bought the audiobook.

I'm listening for two seconds and Zach comes in.

He's like, cheater.

I was like,

audiobooks have always counted to me.

They do.

And he was like, it's not called the listen heads.

Oh, oh, he needs to be slapped.

Yeah.

The thing is, I listened to maybe like 20 seconds and then, you know, everything, like things just went off the rails.

And I probably in total listened to one minute of the audiobook audiobook and then went back to reading at eight o'clock last night and i finished the book in time we're recording the episode today so if you have questions about the book email us at the redheads bookclaw gmail.com it was historical fiction we haven't done that in a while and i'm really excited to record with my swirlies except i feel like in all of my busyness like what's really taking a hit in terms of my attention is the redheads

Like the Instagram page.

The Instagram page.

Like I feel like I'm always rushed reading the book.

Like I just,

it's the thing that's slipping through the cracks and that hurts me, but I will never stop.

So I know that you are so passionate and it's hard to delegate.

I am going.

Why do you hire like a social media manager?

I'm going to hire a social media manager for the Redheads.

I just have not even had time to like, and I have emails, like, because once I said

I haven't had time to like look through or like interview people or even start the process.

When I said it a few weeks ago, so many people emailed the Redheads like applying.

So I have candidates.

I just haven't even gotten to looking through them.

So yes, that is on my

list of things to do is to delegate and prioritize the redheads and i i apologize to the community if i haven't been you know doing enough i do

are you gonna do better i'm gonna hire someone to do better

love why do better when you can outsource i'm gonna outsource doing better on this one the good news is is like i'll apologize to like you know the fellow redheads and they're like we don't give a rip we just like reading the books and doing the episodes what happens beyond that yeah is up to you yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean god forbid any of them did the Instagram.

Oh, my God.

Literally.

Well, I'm excited for the new episode of The Red Hats.

Oh, and I think you're doing great.

Thank you.

Let me know what you think of.

What did you think of the book, Strange Sally Diamond?

I loved it, although by the end, I was just like a little fatigued and a little confused.

Yeah, it got, it went off the rails a little at the end.

Yeah, and I didn't realize because like time,

the book spans like 40 years.

And I just forget that like by the time we get to 2020, like it's COVID.

And I'm like, not this book talking about COVID.

Even though it wasn't really a big deal, but like it was just...

It did kind of affect the outcome of the book though.

And it makes you wonder

how

if I'm sure that happened in real life.

Actually, yes.

Yes, you're right.

Which is sad.

Yeah, actually.

Yeah.

Wait, what happened in real life?

The trail went cold.

Like he just like flew out, wears a mask for the rest of it.

Like, and, you know,

all these cases, like, were deprioritized, and so many things like just didn't get the attention that they deserve during covid much much like the redheads instagram yeah

much like the redheads instagram i like when i like i think about the redheads instagram and like gives me a bit

knowing like how behind i'll do it knowing how behind i am

just outsource i will i will anyways so if you're a redhead oh speaking of I know you don't know this because you don't have a TikTok, but this girl like made a TikTok that made made its way across my desk.

Like it kind of went viral.

And she was like, I went to St.

Bart's for a day, like when I was in the Caribbean a couple of months ago, and I left my Kindle at this restaurant.

And they offered to ship it to me, but it's like literally just as much as the Kindle to ship it from out of the country.

She said, if anyone I know is going to St.

Bart's, like she'll give it to them, the hostess.

And she was like, this is my plea for Claudia to get my Kindle.

So of course I got it.

I'm going to ship it out today.

Hero.

You know what it's giving?

Queenie of the Week.

That's what people are saying online that because I got it.

I'm Queenie of the Week.

No, she just got it to go viral.

Duh.

But of course, the good naturedness is an added bonus.

No, like I literally want to keep that girl's Kindle.

I just lost mine.

Like, it's mine now, bitch.

No, like, keep it until you go viral.

You know, I posted it, and I did go viral.

Like, I got what I wanted.

She can never Kindle.

Oh, good, good, good.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

And by the way, Jackie, she left the Kindle at the restaurant months ago.

I picked it up.

It still had battery.

Classic Kindle.

And she was like, literally reading, like, like, the cover was on it.

And it was like.

like smutty ass.

There was like literally it was like so it was giving to nail students.

Like a bare-chested man.

Yep.

From the back or from the front?

Front.

Face or no face?

Face.

That's when it's like when they put face on the cover.

It's like, please stop.

No, I feel like when there's no face, it's like vague.

What's this?

When it's face, it's like,

okay.

This is

what it is.

Yeah.

There's no mistaking it.

So that is our show.

If you're looking for a full in-depth recap of my trip to St.

Bart's, I'm actually going to record that today, both solo and with Ben.

So head to patreon.com/slash the toast for that.

Also, I hate to do this, but like big week for turdy.

That's all I'll say.

Oh, God.

What is it?

Do I know?

I'll give you a clue.

That's like subliminal messaging that no one's going to understand.

Tro.

Tro.

Tro.

Tro.

Spell it.

T-R-O.

It's one half of the word.

It's like I'm like abbreviating it.

Tro.

Tro.

Tro.

Tro.

Tro,

it's giving Tro.

Tro.

You guys will find out in a few days, like kind of big week for turning.

That's what I'll say.

I'll say it to you.

I'll back that shit up.

I'll back it up.

Any secret projects you want to?

No, actually, though, we have a secret project that we're working on, aren't we?

We do.

And actually, I meant to set a call.

That requires an actual call.

Yeah.

So, yeah, lots of big things in the work.

Furry or big tings, big tings.

Let's wrap this up so we can get this episode up.

I have officially like lost circulation in my vagina.

How do people cross their legs and wear jeans?

Sound off in the comments.

Maybe it's just because they're really high-waisted.

Like, I pull them up so high.

Two things that cannot be true at once

wearing jeans and crossing your legs.

Totally.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Justin Line.

I'm going to show you the fastest stories on YouTube every May, Friday.

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Very better, Sunday.

Get a little talented.

Love ya.

Bye.

I'm so glad you dropped dropped off like that thing you were doing.

I don't like it.

I like it.

I just, it didn't come to me today, but stay pressed, Turdy.

Ooh.

Bye.