The Beautification Committee Was Pillaged: Wednesday, February 14th, 2024

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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday.

That's really putting the hump in hump day.

That's right.

Today is for lovers.

Today is Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day, Turdy.

I know it, like, like, it's awesome that we're married and like we have built-in Valentine's and like, that's great.

Cause like, remember in high school when you didn't have one, it was like the most embarrassing thing on the planet.

Um, but like, I do kind of like, you know, hate the,

it's so, you know,

simple.

It's so easy.

Like, you miss the excitement, the anticipation, the stress.

The thing is, it's like, I don't miss any of that.

And I don't want any other Valentine, you know, in, in a literal sense.

But I don't know, Jax, like, would you be mine?

I'm always yours.

I know.

Forever and always.

You know what?

I feel like Valentine's Day, like, yes, it's about like the person you like sleep with at night.

But like, I feel like we could use it as an opportunity of, you know, gratitude.

A celebration of love, period.

We have so much love in our lives.

We are so blessed between like the dogs, the humans, the babies.

Like, it's really,

we're so blessed, Jax.

It's Lover Fest.

It's giving Lover Fest.

I want to try and do the heart that the kids do.

Oh, yeah.

So we grew up doing this.

Yes.

There's also this, you know, it's very Selena Gomez.

I don't like to remember that album.

The kids do.

Oh, hey, Bruno.

He heard you talking about us.

Come here.

How did you get in here?

Is this door open?

Come here.

Come here.

Bruno has a short haircut and he wants to show it off.

Oh, yeah.

Bruno got chopped last yesterday.

Like he's giving, you know, for spring, short hair.

He looks very different.

He's giving Lord Farquad in a super handsome way.

He is a lord.

Lord Farquad was not an unattractive man.

He was just short.

I'm glad you brought that that up.

And insane.

I recently watched Shrek on the plane.

Let me tell you, first of all, the movie Age is like a fine one.

And second of all, no, he was pretty fugly.

Like he had this sort of square face and like kind of hard features.

Strong features.

No, no, he wasn't striking in a positive way.

I'm sorry, but if that man were tall, if he were Shrek-sized, you would find him handsome.

We'd definitely be acting different.

Yeah, you would be acting different.

So back to the hard hands that the kids kids do.

I can never do it.

It's like...

Well, you were just doing something.

It's like this.

It's like, but it's like the kids have the same hands as us.

So why can't we do it?

It's something, no, they don't have the same hands because they grew up with a cell phone.

We didn't.

So their fingers move differently.

I don't want those hands.

Can I say something?

So Bruno came in here.

Yeah, he opened the door.

And don't you feel like really weird?

Like what we do in here is private.

We're exposed.

Can you close it?

Like, just push it.

It's weird, you guys.

Like, everyone can hear us.

Oh, I'll finish it.

Yeah.

You got it.

I feel so much better.

I can't believe Bruno came up.

By the way, Bruno even never comes up with me.

Sometimes he comes and leaves.

He never is on the show.

Certainly never sits on mommy's lap, but he chooses Valentine's Day.

Bruno is a lover.

No, and Bruno's kind of one of those men who I guess just like, you know, does big gestures, not like small gestures every day.

It's like big gestures once a year.

And it means so much to his mommy.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Did you get your husband a present?

No.

Okay, like same.

And then Ben comes in this morning with a box from Louis Vuitton.

I'm like, I felt like embarrassed.

Like it didn't, Jackie?

Never crossed my mind once to get him a present.

Okay, also, I forgot a card.

We'll get cards today.

We have a lot of errands to run today.

We're going to be vlogging today because I

have been dying to go to the mall.

This has just been a big week and things such as that slip through the cracks.

Even though I was prepared for the V-Day in general, I have, we're both dressed to impress.

I feel like we're going to get some questions about our Luke.

So why don't you do a little tell-all about your fit and I'll do mine.

So my fit is from Loft.

They sent a little Valentine's care package, pajamas, and a cozy set.

And I wore my pajamas to sleep last night because they were top of the pile.

And I was like, why not be celebratory?

Why not be a lover?

And then I wore my Valentine's set today, a little hearts on the chest, a little hearts on the legs.

So cute.

I picked up some Valentine's chocolates.

The hearts.

You did?

I think Ben ate them all because I went through my chocolate bag last night and now I'm realizing they weren't there.

That is

factual.

I wanted to put like a little one on everyone's pillow.

That's so cute.

Like Sauvie Day.

The beautification committee committee strikes again.

The beautification committee kind of like was attacked.

There was a coup.

Ben overtook the beautification committee with his vacuum-like tendencies.

The beautification committee was pillaged.

The beautification title.

It's a little long, but it's so good.

I'll allow it.

TBCWP.

TBCWP, the beautification committee was pillaged.

I'm wearing an item from Jackie O's closet because not only did I bring literally nothing to wear here.

That's why we're going to the mall today.

I certainly didn't bring like a thematic look for Valentine's Day.

I didn't even realize it was Valentine's Day.

I forgot to give my husband a present slash card, but I'm wearing this Alison Olivia Curtigan.

Let me move my microphone so everyone can see it from the Jack from the closet of Jackie-O.

It's so cute.

It's an oldie, but a goodie.

I love a cardigan.

Turdy looks so classy.

Turdy's looking straight fire.

Turdy's looking straight fire today.

Yes.

You're so jet.

No, you're literally pookie and I'm jet.

You think?

Totally.

I think we both have pookie and jet-like tendencies.

No.

Because I'm like a hype man, like jet.

You are a hype man.

Pookie is the star.

No, but the thing is like, no, I'm so Jet because like the thing is like with the video starts and like you think it's gonna be about Pookie like this glad, like she's gonna be the one talking this glamorous girl.

But Jet just like steamrolls the video with his fire looks, you know?

So like that's me.

Both arguments could be made.

Both arguments could be made, but like you're also like fashionist.

I'm by the way, happy to be Pookie.

By the way, you are Halloween 2024.

Pookie.

We'll see if they're still like topical.

They're not siblings.

Oh, right.

We're really pigeonholing ourselves i know one day we run out of ideas we have one day we will break free one day we will break free but we haven't like run out of ideas yet and if one year like something so genius comes across our desks but we'll do it but until then yeah siblings and i like i kind of like that we've pigeonholed ourselves yeah also it's never too early to start thinking about it so drop a comment who at this very moment would you say jackie and i should be for halloween who are the siblings of the moment of the moment

what are lana del ray and her sister and her twin or

we could could be Courtney Olson and another irrelevant sibling, Courtney and Trent.

Courtney and Trent.

We could.

That's who I would be right now.

I think those are the siblings of the moment.

I think so, too.

We could be like Mary Kate and Ashley in Passport to Paris, you know?

Oh, like kind of Charpe and Evan vibes.

Like those two people are not biological siblings.

But they're siblings.

In real life and on the show.

Oh, but like, well, same with like Damien and Targaryen.

Yeah, but they're siblings, not in real life.

So it would be double sibling.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yes, yes.

I think if we were to be any Olsen siblings, I would want to be the ones in New York Mana.

Like they were so edgy and cool, and that would be fulfilling a life, like a childhood dream of mine.

Which one would you be?

Like the free-spirited?

Oh, oh, would I be the one who was like scheduled to do the speech or the one who ended up doing the speech?

Totally the one who ended up doing the speech.

100%.

I'm the scheduler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With like the color-coded index cards.

That movie was so good.

Yeah.

So today's going to to be an amazing show.

It's Valentine's Day, so there's just like love in the air.

Love in the air.

Brew in the stew.

Like I said yesterday, the days of the week while I'm here, like don't, like, they mean nothing to me.

So I did not watch Vanderprim Brolls.

It didn't even occur to me that it was on television last night.

Like, no, no.

We also had a big day.

Yesterday after the toast, we took like a little road trip down to the Boca Raton Hotel and we had the best time.

So like I was just busy.

Like I was not.

And it's a great time to let you know that Spritz is at the Boca Raton Resort.

It's all over the place.

We're like a little workouting.

We went on a work off-site.

An off-site with the team.

With the team.

The team being our husbands

because it's like a new vendor for us and it was very exciting and we also just like wanted to go and like enjoy the facilities.

And enjoyed, we did.

We did.

We had drinks.

We had the pool.

It was really gorgeous.

And perfect day because today it's literally freezing in Florida, like not a beach day.

Not a beach day today, but a beautiful day.

Like a beautiful day for just relaxation and leisure and errands.

So all sad to say, by the time we got back, we had dinner there.

Like we were not watching Vanderprim Brols.

So back to our OG schedule.

Today we will be doing Deer Toasters and it's going to be themed because today is Valentine's Day.

We have chosen some submissions that are lover themed.

You know, a lover's quarrel, if you will.

So stay tuned for that at the end of the show, a regular hump day we are having.

And then we're also just going to, you know, pillage through the stories.

I feel like pillage is going to be my next word.

It's a good one.

I know.

But it can't be over.

Like I don't want it.

I want it to be like violent, though.

Yeah.

So I don't want it to like lose its meaning.

Right.

Because it means something right now.

I agree.

Actually, I don't like it.

But Ben did pillage through it through my stories

violently.

Because it was in a violent.

It was a violent affair.

Yeah.

So let's keep the meaning intact, but still use it.

Yeah.

I think our new like tripod and equipment that we purchased the day before yesterday went over extremely well with the YouTube girlies yesterday.

They were kind of freaking out, like gawking over my new equipment.

So it's just like another day of you, did we say this already that you're like the beautification committee, but I'm the studio beautification committee?

No.

Like look at these flowers.

Like maybe I'm a subcommittee of the beautification committee just pertaining to this

100 square feet.

Yeah.

Studio beautification.

How square feet is this?

Like not 100.

Like 50?

It's inevitable.

I don't know.

I don't know, but what I do know is we have such bright lights on us that I feel like one day in our old age, like our vision will be the cataracts to go because we sat in front of these big lights for all these years.

And that's the thing, like artists die for their craft.

And so if we go blind because of it, then it was worth it.

we need workers comp

um that's not my department that's you're gonna have to talk to someone else about that true even though like if we were to get workers comp that actually like would be something i would do

yeah we would outsource it no for sure but like you wouldn't be the one like in terms of where our responsibilities fall like i would be the one who would go find out like where to get workers comp no because i feel like that kind of falls under insurance yeah which like which i know i feel like i would seek out before you well like the insurance that we currently have like i saw it so we don't have insurance yes we do toast yes carl this is a business

yes we do we have a lot of insurance no sorry like health insurance oh oh oh personal yeah employee yeah no we don't got business insurance yeah we have a lot of insurance yeah yeah no and like i was the one who procured that right right right so workers come so we're each talking about the thing that we did yeah yeah because we're both like obsessed with credit like

Like we almost just like fought.

Like, you're like, no, I think I did it.

I'm like, no, I think I did it.

I think, you know, we're both right.

We actually both were right in what we were talking about.

It's Valentine's Day.

Like, let's.

I don't want to fight about insurance.

Neither.

Me neither.

And we're not supposed to because we have State Farm.

So true.

State Farm makes it so you don't fight about insurance.

Wow.

I wish State Farm was a sponsor today.

Actually, Loki, State Farm hasn't sponsored in quite a bit.

Don't staff State Farm.

Don't Esta State Farm.

Noted.

Noted with the free shout outs.

They deserve it.

The thing is,

I love State Farm.

No, No, but that's the thing.

When the ads that you do are so authentic to your everyday life, of course you're going to give free shoutouts because you're talking about your life.

That's like me and Loft today.

It's only natural.

Loft also hasn't been seen in a while.

Shut your mouth.

Don't dissect Loft.

But the thing is, I still wear and enjoy Loft products because I'm so authentic is what I'm saying.

No, it's beyond true.

Like, I'm trying to think if I'm wearing any sponsors right now.

No, I wore some of our sponsors yesterday.

Thrive Cosmetics.

Thrive Cosmetics.

I'm actually not wearing mascara today.

No, they're lipstick.

I'm actually also not wearing their lipstick today, but that's not an endorsement.

I do like that.

Who makes your leggings?

Reebok.

Oh, wow.

Not Lululemon.

No, I actually left my Lululemon leggings at home because they're such prized possessions to me that I know if I brought them here, like they might get lost and I might leave them here.

Like I couldn't afford it.

Got it.

There might be some sugar in your coffee from Thrive Market.

That's possible, yes.

That's what we're saying.

We're authentic.

Yeah.

You have now been promoted.

I'm wearing some balm from Primal Leaply Pure.

You look so cute today.

If you can't notice, I have a bow in my hair.

Let me just show you.

She has a pink bow in her hair.

Jackie's so cute and themed.

Like I came down in a sweater and leggings.

I didn't even like think about it.

But what happened was I came out in my outfit from Loft and then Claudia was like, oh my gosh, we should Valentine's UA up too.

So I gave her this cardigan and then she looked better than me.

So then I had to set my pussy up too.

And now we're just like in constant conversation.

And that's why you put the bow in?

Yes.

Oh my God, my pearls on.

So you were threatened by my beauty.

Yes.

And therefore, therefore, pearls.

Like, I looked like a slob compared to you.

But you could never look like a slob.

Like there, tell me if you feel this call.

Okay.

There are two different types of girls.

Like girls who do everything they can to not look like a slob and still end up looking messy.

Me.

Girls who don't even try and like, oh, hang on, lingering a slob.

Like you're literally, you're incapable of looking slobbish.

Do you guys feel that call?

That's really nice if true.

Like I worked so hard to like look well today.

Like I had got this new hair thing that I'm kind of obsessed with like a hot brush.

And it looks great.

I feel like I got a blowout.

Okay.

I got a blowout like a week ago and I'm still working with it.

so i just want credit for that for sure but the base was there yes um like i worked super hard today to like look gorgeous and i feel like i still look so chaotic i wouldn't say so chaotic hair like all over the place i put pomade in my hair would you ever know no it looks good the cardigan helps for that polished look so do the pearls so do the pearls you want to wear them and then you really take it over the top i could never even though like the pearls like do kind of go with my outfit more just like the contrast yeah but i also you know i love the contrast of like a slob like outfit with some jewelry the only time i wear jewelry is when when i'm dressed like a slob

classic me let's dive into that why is that overcompensating but you the thing is you couldn't look like a slob is what i'm trying to say that was really a nice thing for you to say on valentine's day well it is the season of love And because we love you guys so much, we will do our jobs.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll like stop talking about ourselves and just like do the do the damn thing.

Even though we know this is your favorite part of the episode.

Add to the list of like phrases I hate.

She did the damn thing.

Let's do the damn thing.

Let's.

Without further ado to do to do about whether or not we're going to do the do the damn thing.

No, without further ado, the damn thing is brought to you.

That too.

I actually really didn't even want to, I almost said no to this first sponsor because I'm like, I want to gatekeep this brand.

Oh, I thought it was because you were too authentic for words.

No, no, no, no.

I am, have been a CLEAR member for years before you, like, you guys could never be a CLEAR member as early as I was.

Would you rather you and your partner stay together in airport security if one of you has Clear Plus and the other doesn't?

That's a great question.

What has been your policy?

Bye.

Yeah.

I wait for nobody.

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So I know what you're going to say, like, Turdy, why would we listen to you?

Like you could mess up hard-boiled eggs, which I actually did.

She did.

She used all of my eggs.

She's like, I'm going to make hard-boiled eggs for the whole house.

I'm like, great.

We all need them.

Jackie's stove is broken, but I don't want to talk about that because I don't want to fight.

It's not an untrue statement, but it's not the whole story.

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Thank you so much, Latour de l'U who screw.

Period.

Period.

Our first story, it's Wednesday.

You know what that means.

What?

New heights is out.

Oh my God.

I didn't even know.

I've been so busy this morning just like playing with my lights, you know?

We've been, we've had a very busy morning.

No, I I know like you had a big delivery at your house.

I had breakfast.

Like I was Valentine's Day dropping.

Yeah, no, it's kind of just been all about us this morning.

It's nice to give up give it to others and support smaller shows.

Like what was this called?

New Heights?

Yeah, New Heights dropped this morning and it's the Super Bowl special.

They're talking about everything like box, the game, the this, the that.

But one thing, one headline that jumped out at me was Travis talking about the elder abuse.

So Travis Kelsey admits his emotions got away from him.

Still kidding, by the way, that's like really strong language to use.

Yeah, that's like, he then, he didn't pillage.

No, he didn't pillage.

It was a little violent.

He admits that his emotions got away from him during his heated exchange with Andy Reid.

He said it's unacceptable.

So he said, I can't get that fired up to the point where I'm bumping coach and it's getting him off balance and stuff.

Off balance.

That's a nice way to put it.

Yeah, no, you're not.

Bumping off balance versus rocking back and forth, push, pushed.

He said, when he stumbled, I was like, oh shit, in my head.

Jason chastises his younger brother behaving in the over-the-top manner, even though the team was in a high-pressure situation.

However, Travis explained that Andy knows how much he loves and respects him.

He said, I'm not playing for anybody else but Big Red, and I got a certain relationship with him.

He's checked me a few times, and I just wanted to let him know that I wanted this thing and that he can put it on me.

I've got him.

He said his outburst came at a time when neither he nor his team were playing very well.

We had to get some shit going.

Sometimes those emotions just get away from me, man.

That's been the battle of my career.

He also said that he and Andy chuckled about the incident the day he recorded the podcast.

He said, I couldn't be more proud of being his product on the field and I couldn't be more proud of where we've come as the team since I got here in 2013.

I just love playing for the guy, man.

Unfortunately, sometimes my passion comes out where it looks like it's negativity.

I'm grateful he knows it's all because I want to win this thing with him more than anything.

Yeah.

So like Andy Reid has.

Talked about it too.

Like, I don't think there's any beef, like whatever.

And I do really chalk it up to like, you know, football, locker room, whatever, passion.

So I'm not like mad or anything, but I do think like Travis like saw like a little bit of the backlash.

Like the Swifties, like we're not fucking around.

They're like a little, you know, they're like a little weenie in that sense.

And I think this is like him getting ahead of it.

Like I don't think it required this level of, you know, analyses.

Yeah, but one, he doesn't get a lot of negativity, especially not these days.

This is like a big sort of elephant in the room that everyone.

was talking about and him nipping in the bun i think not that he put spin on this but the lens through which narrative he described it, really takes the sting out of it.

It's not that deep.

And I do believe that's exactly what happened.

Watching the video is just like, it was a little jarring.

Jarring.

Jarring for the people who aren't on the field who aren't feeling those emotions.

We're like, hey, you just shoved an old man.

Right, right.

Instead, you know, he stumbled, lost his footing.

Yeah.

And

to me, like, I really can't get over the fact that for the entirety of this football season, but.

especially given this week, like that they have put out an episode like two days after their games.

Like, I don't know why I think it's the craziest thing.

I know, but Taylor just went to to melbourne so it's like if she well i guess she didn't play no did she leave yet for melbourne yeah oh wow yeah everyone's back to work literally like oh my god the fun is over the fun is over that sucks yeah and she's like gonna be gone a lot for the next year till march you said she has a break yeah she but she has scheduled breaks but like for the next year like she is in different parts of the world that's a lot it is a lot especially for like a budding romance i know i feel like it was fun when she was booking it and now it's like oh why did i overbook myself no no and if she had known like where she would be in this very moment i don't think she would have booked as many shows.

Yeah, but that's what happens when you're like

hustling.

Hustling, but also maybe if you're going through heartbreak or something, you throw yourself into works and you kind of avoid

your reality in a good way.

And that's a good way to channel your sadness.

But then when you're so happy, it's like, oh, I just want to stay home and be like

nesting.

Nesting.

Damn, that's factual.

It's kind of like when you go to the grocery store and you're really, really hungry.

So you buy like a lot of fat food and then you get home and like you eat something.

So you're back to normal.

And you're like, damn, I have all this fattening food in my house.

Why?

Or if you go to the grocery store full and nothing like that.

And you're like good.

You're like, oh, I'm too healthy for this place.

I come home and I'm like, I didn't buy anything.

There's the grocery store.

What's worse?

The second one.

The second one.

Factual.

I'd rather have an abundance.

Of course.

Like we can always like work it off later.

Oh, speaking of working it off, today's the day.

Today's the day that Turdi's going to see how much of a 5K she can do and how long it takes her.

So after our big mall trip, which like I feel like we need to carbo load at because we have this like big sprint coming up.

We should look at the restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, the last time we went to to the mall, we had a really bad experience.

It was a restaurant.

I wouldn't go back.

I wouldn't go back to that one.

Let's not disgrace, you know, a local business, but it's dumb.

No, it wasn't like nothing wrong happened other than it like.

The food was bad.

The food was not good.

And like the vibes were off too.

The vibes were off.

Yeah, we haven't needed bad table.

We needed like chairs.

Or like a ladies who lunchy vibe.

Oh, I was thinking more like a Cheesecake Factory vibe.

Like we need like a big booth.

Also good.

Also good.

CBK?

Would love.

Is there a CBK at the mall?

Yeah.

Oh, done.

And we really do need to carbo load.

Like we need energy for this sprint.

So after, hopefully, you know, the mall doesn't take so long that it like pushes the fucking.

What are you shopping for today?

I really want to go to Abercrombie because,

first of all, I like Abercrombie.

And two, I have tried to buy jeans like five times in the last year and I keep ordering them online just because I think trying on jeans is like a sacred thing.

But at the end of the day, like I need sizes.

I need styles.

Like I need to be in a store.

And I've heard amazing things about the Abercrombie jeans.

And I also think it'll be good fodder for the vlog because I've talked so much about jeans.

Yeah.

So, and you have to help me.

Will do.

I'm going to get more shoes.

Okay.

I like shoes.

I like shoes too, even though, like, I mean, you don't wear them.

I've been getting some shit for our, you know, Florida episodes the last couple of days.

I don't know slippers right there.

People, well, those slippers are really like from hunger.

Like they're falling apart.

I would never wear those.

People would eat me alive again.

I just want to say Authentic Queen, their skims, and I wore them to death.

To death.

But people are like coming for me for not wearing shoes on the podcast any day this week, but I'm not like just, I don't want my dogs out.

I'm wearing socks.

Like, who cares?

Yeah.

Like, I don't work from home really.

No, how perfect are we?

That, like, that's the complaint.

How amazing is this show?

Narya complaint except for the footwear.

How perfect are we?

Jealous bitches.

You're so jealous of my sockless life.

You are wearing socks, though.

You're so jealous of my shoeless life, you jealous cunts.

I'm like loving that word recently.

Ooh, the C word.

In a not serious sense, I would never use it like, you're a...

You.

Yeah, like I would never.

But, you know, in like a funny sort of like,

like homosexual type of way, you know, like, I feel like the gays always use the word cunt, but like they don't mean it like that.

They're like, cunty, you know?

Yeah.

I kind of like it.

I'm not there.

No, I didn't expect you to be there.

And I know every time.

I'm slinging it.

I know every time I say it, like, you clench your butt cheeks.

I didn't in this instance.

I need to listen to the new episode of New Heights.

Like, that's.

Yeah.

Maybe we'll listen to it in the car.

So they were talking about maybe, but like driving with music.

That's so much.

That's why I got my license.

Driving with music, greater than driving with New Heights.

But driving with the toast, greater than all.

Greater than like anything in the world.

Yeah.

Except like a Krispy Kreme donut.

No, that lasts like two seconds.

We gave you a nice hour.

So true.

New Heights.

There were some other headlines.

Jason talked about the sweet, you know, being with all those celebrities.

What do you say?

He said it was like a little overwhelming, but not in a negative way, just saying like Taylor's like used to all that.

And that was just a lot.

And then he also said that Kylie would not wear Chiefs garb.

I think she was wearing a red shirt, but it didn't say Chiefs because she's like an Eagles fan to her core.

Right.

Like she's like born and bred Philly girl.

And if I were Jason, like as much as I'd be like, hey, support my brother, I'd be like, deep down, you're the best.

Yeah, no, I don't think he...

Like, that's a scrupled woman.

I don't think he cares.

All the other, like, the biggest stars in the world are surrounding with you.

We're all wearing Chiefs.

But she's too scrupled.

Yeah, I don't think she was scrupled in the sense that she, like, is riding for her husband.

Like, I think whether or not her husband was on the Eagles, like, she was not going to be wearing.

Do you think that if he were playing for another team if he like went to another team that she would divorce him no i thought you were going to say if he played for another team like would she go to the games and wear the garb and i think she would no but i think she would have to divorce him like the fact that he plays for the eagles and only played for the eagles and if he retires it will be as an eagle that's just good for the home life no it's so true so convenient so funny that is funny i really do want to listen to this episode what did travis say about taylor um like you know the videos and you belong with me i didn't get there okay we'll listen to the episode and more stories to come yeah this is a developing story this is a developing story as the video drops we'll be more inclined to watch it yeah no they only release their audio like super early and then they do like a youtube premiere and it's always when we're doing the toast it's almost like they know like they're trying to like edge us out of it cut our episode by us not having the edge it's so because it's not like we can listen to the podcast right right

who would do that

bruno would What kind of guests does Bruno listens to?

I feel like he listens to like anything.

He kind of loves Huberman.

Bruno's so, especially ever since like moving down here.

Like he's so clean.

He's been working on his health.

He just loves a good tip.

You know, take it or leave it.

Yeah.

He doesn't implement all of them.

He's not a saint.

Bruno's so funny.

Bruno's different.

You know, like every time I come down here, I feel like his personality, and he's becoming a lot more like Theo's disposition, like very wise old man.

He's not like rowdy.

He's not like, you know, he's put that behind him, that sort of like youthful.

Those antics.

Well, he said to grow up at a young age.

One, being a big brother so early in life and two the elder statesman has crossed the rainbow bridge and bruno has big shoes to fill you know and i definitely feel like since coming down here last this is my first trip down here that theo's no longer with us i definitely feel like the spirit of theo has sort of taken over bruno's body he gives a lot of theo vibes you think theo is channeling through bruno i think in some you know maybe in a dream like he sort of passed on the baton to Bruno and was like, you know, you have to take care of these people now and like stop acting like a child.

And Theo said, you know, you wouldn't have been my first choice.

Right.

You wouldn't have been my second or third, but you are what I have.

Like, I don't want to, I don't want this comparison to like offend you in any way, but Theo was definitely Queen Elizabeth.

And that would make Bruno Charles, but Bruno's not Charles.

And that would also make like Magnolia.

Actually, I think it would make Magnolia just older.

It would make Magnolia Charles and Bruno William.

Magnolia is Prince Harry.

Magnolia is Prince Harry.

And who is Bruno?

I think Bruno would be Charles then.

Crown Charles.

Where like everybody underestimated him.

Everybody underestimated him.

Yeah.

But he's rising to the occasion.

I don't know.

Or is Theo Elizabeth's father?

Elder statesman, king through and through, passes prematurely, passes the baton to a young Queen Elizabeth.

Well, that would mean that Bruno's going to live to like 15.

God willing, God willing.

It's not about that, but I do think like Elizabeth had to mature at a very young age, didn't really get the full childhood, and that's kind of brew.

You know what?

I thought at first you were like doing a cartwheel to make sure that Bruno wasn't Charlie, Charles.

No, and I'm...

As of today, I like Charles.

Yeah, no, but, but I do see.

Bruno hasn't been waiting his whole life to take up the mantle.

It's the opposite.

He's almost like kind of been resigned to the fact that he won't ever be.

Before he even reached the age of three, he was the man of the house.

You know what?

Yeah, he is Lilabette.

And Theo's got us through the war.

Right.

Right.

Theo is the monarch.

Yeah, no, I love that.

Me too.

Okay.

I'm glad we sorted that out.

How's am I?

Are you ready for our next story, which is actually like some funny, crazy Super Bowl drama?

And I want to get your take.

Okay.

Did you see the story that the celebpac suite that the Kardashians were in is like getting the wrap of being the boring because some of the pictures that have emerged, they are like looking bored.

Someone's asleep.

So I want to say two things.

Okay.

Actually, I only want to say one thing.

Not that like to make everything about me, but I did see Chloe's videos on her story of them like vibing during Usher.

And it was so low energy.

And Kim was like so clearly like on her phone the whole time.

And then like when she saw she was on camera, I remember thinking, I'm like, these don't look like girls who are huge Usher fans because they love us.

Kim is a huge Usher fan.

No, I know.

I'm like, their disposition felt off.

Okay.

So I just want to say like I saw this before other people.

So you're saying that you thought this before?

I thought it in the moment when they were like posting from Usher's performance.

Okay.

So TMZ like kind of billed them as the boring suite, especially like compared to Taylor's suite where they're doing the chug and they're celebrating.

My Do Ray is wearing a sling.

Oh, yeah, because she fell.

But that was also after they, in the moment that they won.

So of course they're high energy there.

But throughout the whole game, they would cut to them and they're smiling.

Chugging beer.

Chugging and having a jolly good time compared to the suite that Kim was in, which is also the one that Haley Bieber, Kendall, Lala.

I believe it was the Fanatics one, correct?

That's Michael Rubin.

Yeah.

And Robert Kraft's suite, too.

That's what I saw.

It was one suite or they shared it.

They shared it.

Wow, low budget.

No, I'm kidding.

I did see that too, that the Chloe's story, she took a picture that she was sitting in Haley Bieber's seat.

Everybody's seat had a name on it and it said Patriots.

Oh, yeah, it did say Patriots.

Okay, so I was excited.

I'm like, why does it say Patriots?

That makes sense.

So the pictures of their suite, you know, it looks a little low energy phones.

But I also think you can, it's a very long game so true it was five six hours and that was a football are long games and that one specifically was extra long with you could take a picture of them looking bored and them having fun and then say this is a boring suite this is a fun suite so i don't think pictures are fair so fair but then kim posted some pictures from the suite and you know very high energy looking pictures.

And I do feel like she's trying to combat this narrative that they had a Ms.

Super Bowl.

Also, I saw that they had a Ms.

Super Bowl.

I think it's like different types of people.

Like they're very much there for like the content.

They're there.

This is like a work thing for them.

And they don't like die for football.

This isn't like the most fun thing.

That's true.

But you never want to be called like the boring, non-fun on your phone person.

No, by the way, this is like literally like the most humiliating story because I do think it's, it's rooted in a little bit of truth.

Yeah.

Like I think they're like, they're there for the pictures and they're even when we're watching Kardashians, they're on their phone.

And like for me to even notice, because I'm so bad with it, they're on their phones.

Like they really, they can't even talk without like not scrolling and like, yeah.

Like they really, there are those types of girls.

So to be called out for it, like, that's really embarrassing.

It is embarrassing.

Also, apparently at Legion Stadium, they did like a lot of celeb cams and they never once showed the Kardashians.

Perhaps they said they didn't want to be on.

Maybe they thought they would get booed.

Like, football fans would boo the Kardashians.

You don't think it was like a top-down initiative?

Meaning, like, oh, don't put the Kardashians on the Jumbotron?

No, I think if they weren't on it, they asked not to be on it.

Very good.

And you know, they're like awkward.

Kim, especially, she's awkward.

Yeah.

Okay.

And Kendall has anxiety.

That's a good take.

They definitely asked to not be on.

Yeah.

Definitely.

Okay.

I could see the stadium literally booing Kim.

And the thing is, it's like compared to Taylor.

You have to understand, like, Kim probably went into this being like, this is Kim on Taylor's turf.

Sorry.

Like, Taylor owned that stadium.

It was the night was about Taylor.

It was Taylor's team.

She probably just wanted, she wanted to go just so that she could say like that, you know, they didn't run scared from Taylor, but she didn't want to make it like about her for sure.

They said, don't put me on.

Okay.

I think that's a good take.

Anyways, she posted a bunch of pictures from the suite that look fun.

I'm sure there are moments, and you know, there's when there's a camera in your face, you're not going to not smile.

Like, that's what Kim went for, to take pictures looking fun.

Yeah, because that's the job.

Yes, but there also is, you know, to be fair, it's a long game.

It's a lot of time.

You're not going to be like smiling from cheek to cheek like for six hours straight.

Like, yeah, the guy who was sleeping in the suite, he spoke to page six.

He gave a quote of just to why, what happened to him.

They sure were hung over this.

He said it was like a long five days.

Sunday was the end of the night.

In the third quarter, the game lulled and he just wanted to close his eyes.

1000% agree, Will Makris.

Like, I would have fallen asleep too.

I bet they were so hungover.

Also, this is the Fanatic Suite.

They went to the Fanatics party the night before.

Tire some.

I have no problems with the naps.

The game never ended.

I said,

that chair looked, you know, like

a cushy chair.

Yeah.

It wasn't like a hard stadium.

It had some plush to it.

Yeah.

I'm all about, I take naps.

I'm a big fan of taking naps where you can get them.

Yeah.

So that's the sweet drums.

That's funny.

That's like a, I like that story.

I know.

It's too real.

Too real.

Are you ready for our next story?

Also, like really real.

What?

I should say it like that.

Because it's like, it's really so awkward.

Oh, God.

What?

I'm sure you saw it.

So J-Lo is on the cover of Variety.

Okay.

You know what?

I'm glad we're talking about this because I meant to bring it up last week when she hosted SNL.

Oh, wait, what are you talking about?

About SNL.

Not the love letters.

She's trying to make this.

Okay, J-Lo's like pushing this narrative because she's doing press for for this album.

Yeah.

And they're like, this is this whole thing about the love letters.

I'm so glad.

I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to get into it because it's giving like loser.

It's giving eating in the shower.

Yeah.

She just gave like a quote about something else, but she in this article talks about a lot of things, including when she hosted SNL at the beginning of the month and how one of the cast members actually apologized to her before.

Not a cast member.

The host.

Oh, she was the host of the house.

J-Lo sung.

Yes.

So

that's even more awkward.

So they announced that it was going to be A.O.

and J-Lo.

And J-Lo Sung.

Sorry.

And J-Lo was a a performer.

And the day or maybe the day before that, like Friday night or Saturday morning, this thing resurfaced on the internet of a really old podcast that A.O.

did, just kind of going off about how, like, there's this conspiracy theory.

Yes.

So here is from 2020.

It was on a podcast called The Scam Goddess.

And this is what she said.

She responded to the host's claim that J-Lo's whole career is one long scam.

Ao said, Well, that's the thing.

She thinks she's on multiple tracks, but it's not her.

I think she thinks that she's still good, even though she's not singing for most of these songs.

A lot of the write-ups of the songs will be like J-Lo didn't have time to make it to the studio.

Like J-Lo was busy doing what?

Not singing, obviously.

Stop.

So that was three, four years ago on the podcast.

And then the two of them are doing the same SNL night.

I thought she was a cast member.

Okay.

And then the SNL, I mean, and then the clip resurfaced obviously that day.

That week.

And then J-Lo said.

And by the way, They, I think, they did a skit and kind of addressed it.

She acknowledged it.

Addressed like old comments on the internet.

Right.

But I definitely am curious what it was like in person.

So J-Lo told Variety that Ayo broke down in tears and apologized to her in the SNL dressing room.

J-Lo said she was mortified and very sweet.

She came to my dressing room and apologized with tears in her eyes, saying how terrible it was that she had said those things.

She felt really badly and loved my performance because we had just done my sound check and she actually got to hear me perform.

She was just like, I'm so fucking sorry.

It was so awful of me.

J-Lo said, it's funny.

I've heard similar things said about me throughout my career.

So it really didn't affect me.

Okay, by the way, I have like actually a lot of respect for J-Lo's like talking about it because there is this widespread conspiracy theory that J-Lo does not sing.

She does not have a good voice.

They say like Megan Trainer, like a lot of like really famous women.

There actually is a recent song that J-Lo released that actually was written by Megan Trainer.

And if you listen to it, it could be Megan Trainer.

It sounds like Megan Trainer.

Yes.

This is giving me deja vu.

I feel like we're like, and then in three years, you're going to host SNL J-Lo's performance.

I'm not saying that I believe any of these to be true.

I'm just saying there is this widespread theory.

And so the fact that J-Lo, I think for the first time is acknowledging like this major conspiracy theory that she, her entire music career has been like a scam.

That's funny.

I had heard this theory years ago.

I didn't know that other people.

thought like knew i didn't know it was such a big widespread theory conspiracy theory about it is especially with like the advent of tick tock like all these videos especially with this new megan trainer song yes the theory has had gets like new life every couple of years.

But I feel like when J-Lo sings, you hear her voice.

I know, it sounds like her talking voice.

Yeah.

And I think I saw her perform once when we went to Robin Hood one year and she was the performer.

We saw her perform also at the Super Bowl in Minnesota at that AT ⁇ T party.

And both things that I saw, like she was talking and singing.

I was like, so she's singing and I moved on with my life.

So you have put to bed?

I put it to bed.

Okay.

Because I feel like it was proven wrong to me.

Because you experienced it.

Because I saw her live and just other other things.

I was like, there's no way she could do

she could do it.

Like she can't like talk and sing, you know, and

no, I mean, she's a person who performs a lot in real life.

Like if she was this sort of like, if her career musically like was this sort of scam, she would be very protected.

She wouldn't do things like SNL.

Like she wouldn't be at the Super Bowl when we were there doing like literally this huge concert.

Like you would avoid things like that and just like release music and do like pre-recorded televised events like Dick Clark's time show or Dick Clark's Rock and Eve.

She should do the half show.

Oh.

am I okay?

It's okay.

By the way, exactly.

Yeah.

That's if you had something to hide.

If you had something to hide, you wouldn't do the Super Bowl.

No, you would.

It's a lip-syncing event.

Is it?

It can be.

Yeah.

It can be.

Actually, it's not Alicia Keys crack and they changed it on YouTube.

But there's too many eyes for someone who has a big secret to hide to do the Super Bowl.

You would avoid it.

And yes, I'm glad you brought that up.

A lot of people were quick to point out because we talked about earlier in the week when Alicia Keys joined us on stage.

Something obviously was like wrong with her in-ear monitors because she can sing.

I'm not saying she can't, but she gave such a crack in her first note.

It was like kind of funny.

They uploaded the performance to YouTube and they've auto-tuned her first line, which like, I guess, like for, you know, for it to live in posterity, you want it to be right.

But you know what?

It's just got to be historical, historically accurate.

Yeah.

It's wrong.

And now it makes me think of all the other performances like I've watched a thousand times on YouTube, the Super Bowl performances.

Like.

What else did they change?

You know, gloss over?

Well, nothing that you would have noticed in the moment or else you would have noticed it.

Like, I don't remember any glaring issues from other people's.

But now that I just know that that's a thing people do, like when they upload all the SNL performances, like they fix it.

I don't know.

It's a thing big companies do now.

They could.

Yeah.

I want to go back and watch.

I remember watching Olivia Rodrigo on SNL most recently live and her voice cracked and me and Ben were like, yikes, I wonder if I go back and watch it, if it's, if it cracks.

I'll let you guys know.

I'll do the work.

Thank you.

Well, first of all, I think j-lo addressing this and forgiving her and not holding like she's an absolute queen and a very big person and her talking about it in like a press thing i think for me dispels the conspiracy theory once and for all i if because if it were true you would avoid it like the plague but then people think it's true no if it if it's not true then you just need to sit down and start singing does she ever just bust down into song so i have seen like a few videos where she's like starts singing like she sings really poorly like

i don't know i don't know i don't i don't believe it but but so obviously like j-lo handled this wonderfully with grace with grace now for eo like this is just the most awkward thing oh my god that could happen worst nightmare no but that's why like it's my worst nightmare like and that's why we can't ever have guests on this show we can't have guests we can't like be we just have to stay where we are we do we can't be able to celebrate unless it's someone we talk about everyone all the time and and even the people who we say the nicest things about like i'm sure you could find a sound bite of us being like shady shady yeah no the thing is is like it's actually and i'm not to be like woe is me it's actually like a really annoying weird part of this job is like you're required to be and i'm sorry in order to be like funny you have to be critical to do a podcast where it's like that performance was amazing like how boring is that like there there are things that require critique and that's us honesty as long as you do it in a nice way and

In order for us to like really perform well at our jobs, like it does require us to be honest.

You're right.

And sometimes that honesty can be awkward.

Like I saw a million years ago, like a podcast have a guest on and then like the fans of that guest were resurfacing old clips that the podcasters had spoken about.

And like it was me.

And oh man, I died for them.

Like that's my worst nightmare.

Worst nightmare.

We've had some people like reach out to be guests and we're like, it's too awkward.

We've said, even though we're fine with them, I love to talk to them.

Like we've just said too many.

honest things, shady things.

Yeah.

What was the podcast you're talking about?

You're not going to say no i i like them i don't want to disgrace them but i saw it happen to them and i was like oh my god that's my worst nightmare yeah i feel like actually i can say it like yeah because actually i thought what they had said so chicks in the office had katy perry on oh and they had done like a really funny segment when she was being sued by those nuns and it was just like it wasn't the most nice flattering but it was funny and oh my god like the katy perry stands for like why would she go on this podcast like and they resurface these old clips i'm like that's how that's how i saw that clip for the first time i was like oh that's actually funny but it's awkward it's awkward And it's impossible when you talk about pop culture as much as we do and they do.

And you also want to have guests, like

the wires are going to get crossed.

No, I'm sorry.

Like, I felt, I fell for them so hard.

Like, I would, I'm sorry.

I would never like really.

I saw the whole thing happen on TikTok.

I was like, oh my God, this is my worst nightmare coming true.

Yeah.

So that's why one of the many reasons we don't have guests.

And why we don't have a lot of like celebrity friends.

Yeah, that's why.

Because we just like need to be able to be honest with you guys.

Yeah.

So we're staying away from them.

They're not staying away from us.

They're banging down our door.

boom boom and we're like guys stop it's embarrassing yeah

yeah well that's all you wanted the truth you got it

are you ready for our next story yeah i'm gonna switch them up go for it i think it will go better for the flow of the show our next story is some podcasting news that we've been waiting for oh god what joe rogan died

totally kidding oh my god no megan markle even though who's megan i guess a word transition variety actually says megan Duchess of Sussex.

They're going with the new branding.

Okay.

Megan, Markle, Duchess of Sussex, finds a new podcast partner in Lemonada after the end of her Spotify deal.

Okay, Lemonada.

Lemonada.

So Megan inked a partnership with podcast network Lemonada Media.

That comes after Spotify's exclusive podcast deal with them, Archwell Productions, ended in mid-2023, with the couple having delivered just one show, Archetypes, under the agreement.

Under the new deal with Lemonada, Lemonado will distribute the first season of Markle's Archetype series for all audio platforms starting in the spring of 2020.

Oh, so they're just redistributing the same old content?

The company will also develop a new as yet untitled original podcast series hosted by Megan.

Why wouldn't it be archetypes?

Right.

Maybe she didn't like that sort of vibe.

She didn't like that archetype.

She didn't like that archetype.

It's also just like kind of an unoriginal, like I'm so overt like interview podcasts hosted by celebrities.

Like it's, there are too many.

And I was just having this conversation with someone.

You're really like, you're it's so competitive.

And any big celebrity, if they're going to, they want to go do a podcast, they're going to go to like the person person they know.

It's like, or they want to go to the biggest, which is like already established.

Or they go to all of them because they're on a press tour.

And then you're going to be.

And then you're just a cog.

Yeah.

So I feel like I'm so over that format.

And maybe she is too.

For Lemonada is like a lesser known, but it is a big company.

They produce their big project that put them on the scene was Julia Louis Dreyfus.

Yeah.

So, and all of their podcasts are like women hosted.

Cute.

And so she put out a statement saying, I'm proud to share that I'll now be joining Lemonada to continue my love of podcasting.

I didn't know you loved it.

I didn't get the vibe that she loved it.

No, but I I love it.

So I hope that you do too.

Yeah.

She said being able to support a female-founded company with a roster of thought-provoking and highly entertaining podcasts is a fantastic way to kick off 2024.

Our plan to re-release Archetype so that more people can now have access to it because it was only on Spotify, as well as launching a dynamic new podcast are well in the works.

I'm so eager to be able to get shocking that Spotify doesn't own that content.

Yeah, and they got like really nothing out of that deal.

Also, it's really hard in the podcasting sphere, like Spotify is really like so elite that when you have a deal with them and then you go somewhere else it's just like no matter what it is it's a step down yeah like the fact that like spotify didn't want to like stay with you it's like well why you know yeah yeah so it's like lemonada is great there's nothing wrong with it but it's just like to go from like being a spotify original and like being like special like to lemonada right

yeah it's giving lemonada you know

So

people are going to find this clip when we sign with Lemonada.

Oh my God.

Next deal, like, we're going to Lemonada.

Wait until this deal falls through because of this clip.

By the way, we are literally like Lemonada's ideal talent.

We're like a female mountain.

You're probably drawing up the papers until this episode.

Oh my God.

Just, I want to say, like, I think Lemonada is an amazing company.

And

yeah, I'm just jealous.

No, no, I love Lemonada.

And Future Me is sorry for what I said.

Lemonada is just as big as Spotify.

Lemonada is just as beautiful as Spotify.

Lemonada is just as cool as spotify like why shouldn't people like laminata just as much as they like spotify and what's it be okay for one network to be the boss of everybody because that's not what podcasting is about we should totally just stab limonata oh no spotify

i love limonata they're doing amazing things for women in podcasting no they're kind of like shifting the landscape of media.

I just want to say, as much as we think we're saving our butts with this conversation, now it's...

Our media is going to drop you.

Our media is watching this saying, oh, they like Lamonata so much go

go

you think they're so great for women in podcasts right right so you can't say anything you can't say anything that's what we're saying why even bother having a podcast in this day and age no so that's why we try not to people please take us or leave us no and the thing is i do

like love laminata of course of course i mean that goes without saying

but i do often think that like our podcast like really should not be available like any of our episodes be available longer than a year like i do think everything past

February of 2023, like should be archived.

But like part of your value as a business is your archive of episodes.

And we have thousands of episodes and like it is, you know, a huge value add for us.

So like I would never, but I do think like you shouldn't be able to access things I said more than a year ago.

Like it's just, that's the nature of the society.

People listen.

I feel like a year is kind of short for us.

Like people will go back and listen even further than that.

So I could say like two to three years.

No, I know, but like then we're getting rid of like iconic moments like closed on Sunday.

Like we can't.

Rubber flats.

Rubber flats.

But I do struggle, dachshund.

I do struggle with that because it's just no, you just have to like let it be.

And if you say something that like doesn't age well, well, so

such is life.

In the moment, there was nothing wrong with it or else you would have had backlash then.

Oh my God, fat.

And I also feel like people...

Cut this clip next time we get canceled in a year from resurface like old like offensive stuff.

Like they should be apologizing for putting it for back out there, reoffending people.

No, no, you're talking about the bad faith actors the bad faith actors it's like well you just offended a lot of people by showing this thing that nobody saw but if it's so hurtful why are you bringing it back up and hurt again and it didn't hurt in the moment if it wasn't you know what i mean no it's so true the bad faith actors should be redistricted

redistributing the hurt the hurt yeah but it's like nobody was hurting zero we all were just like laying dormant yeah That's another phrase I've been saying a lot that I really like, laying dormant.

It's a good phrase.

I'm so hungry.

Ooh, what's what are we gonna do for lunch?

We were just

TBK.

I don't know what I'm gonna eat, but I'm definitely gonna have a Lemonada for my drink.

So the podcasting news, Megan Markle is taking her talents to Lemonada.

You'll be able to listen to her.

She's an amazing female-founded network.

Amazing.

Yeah.

Doing amazing things, thought-provoking conversations, really like kind of shifting the landscape of podcasting.

And media in general.

As you should.

Right.

Love that.

Classic Lemonada.

Titles?

Our fifth and final story.

Yeah.

It's just some sweet Valentine's Day news that I want to share as just like to share.

As a lover.

As a lover.

Because Courtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are reminiscing on their 2023 Valentine's trip wherein they got pregnant.

So I saw she posted this like throwback from Amangiri and I figured she was posting it.

Like I figured that's where they were fucking, you know?

Well, I think they're kind of like

winging everywhere, but she was effing.

in Utah effing on Valentine's Day and she got pregnant.

So if you want to get pregnant today, it only is $3,000 a night, depending on the time of day.

Oh, I was just gonna, no, I was talking about like just dates because then Rocky was born November 1st.

You know, there's I you probably don't get these reels where it's like, if you get pregnant right now, you'll have a baby at Christmas.

Oh, I couldn't tell you that.

It's just like really sweet.

So, if you get pregnant tonight, which I feel like in the Toasters, like someone's getting pregnant tonight, there's definitely a toaster getting bucked.

Like, well, it's Valentine's Day.

Yeah, that's why.

But, like, in a, in a, um,

what's the word?

Come on.

I don't know.

Sorry to the C

conception?

No.

Consummate.

Consummate.

It's a consummatory, in a consummatory way.

Got it.

No, the word is...

Consummate the marriage, yeah.

Oh, the marriage.

You know, but like someone, I, someone's getting pregnant tonight, you guys.

Someone's consummating.

Someone listening right now.

Yeah.

So let us.

Someone have a baby by Christmas.

Oh, I mean, a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But no, but like a Valentine's conception.

I can't say the phrase, like, God willing without like talking like I live in a shuttle.

God willing, God willing, willing, Blanhara.

Yeah, yeah.

Like a rabbi's wife in Poland.

God willing that we should be so lucky.

Your mouth to God's ears.

Yeah.

No, but with the little jingle in there.

Oh my God, we should be so lucky.

Anyway,

I hope for one of you

in November.

Yeah.

November, early November babies.

Okay, let's make a deal.

If you get pregnant tonight, it has to be tonight.

You have to name your baby Claudia or Jackie.

Or beautiful names.

Oh, what if it's a boy?

Jack.

Claude.

Okay.

Like Claude is an ugly name.

No, but Jack is like one of the top 10.

I love the name Jack.

Jackson.

Okay, but what?

Okay, fine.

Jack, Jackson, Claude, Claudia.

I think let's find a boy name with a C.

Chris.

For a Jewess.

Clay.

Clarence.

Clarence.

Clarence.

I love.

That's a nice name.

Yeah.

Clarence.

I feel like that's a name that could just like one day become a really popular name.

That's what happens.

Come over here.

I want to tell you a secret.

Oh, cool.

You love me?

That's what she said.

I said, will you be mine?

Of course, Turdy.

Now, what's amazing about like being a toaster is that you're getting pregnant.

Well, that, and the toast is far from over because as promised, we're going to do our Dear Toasters segment, which we do every week, but today we've themed for you guys.

It's going to be love themed, Valentine's Day themed.

So we have a couple submissions for you guys.

And let me tell you that Dear Toasters is brought to you

by Liquid IV.

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Having a liquid IV on hand is just so great the flavors are so good stick it in your water you got to drink the water anyway unfortunately so you might as well like make it work harder and smarter for you and that's liquid iv so you just put the stick in rip it open it's powder shake it up lots of good flavors i really like the lemon lime they have flavors for everyone so like flavor is so personal whatever your flavor is like go for it

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Dear toasters, it's also brought to you by the farmer's dog, right, Bruno?

Right.

That's why he came to the show today.

He knew he had a job to do.

He has to do personal endorsement.

So the farmer's dog, the easiest healthy habit to start for your dog.

The farmer's dog makes feeding real healthy dog food easy and convenient, and your dog will absolutely love it.

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It's developed by vets, it's nutritionally balanced, and it's made from real meat and vegetables to safety food standards of human food.

It's the best option for dogs at all life stages because it's not kibble, it's not canned goo, it's just real healthy food.

There's so many benefits from switching to like process from processed to fresh, healthy dog food.

Your dog's digestion will be a lot better.

Their poops will be like smaller.

Their coat will be a lot shinier.

For Theo, when he was eating it, his breath was so much better.

He had the worst breath, even though I'd give anything to smell it one last time.

But it really did make like a huge difference in his breath.

And that was something I was really concerned about.

And also, it's just a great way to maintain their weight, which is the number one sign of a healthy dog.

So a fresh diet has been found to have all sorts of benefits.

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That's thefarmersdog.com slash toast.

All righty, you ready for deer toasters?

I do, but did you even notice who came out for that?

I did.

That pillow like actually makes me really sad.

Like it's, I find it really triggering.

If you could just, yeah, like not, that would be great.

Thanks.

What?

Pillow?

Deer toasters, our weekly advice segment.

If you want to write in and get advice from us, just know it's completely anonymous and you can submit two ways.

One is the toastpodcast.com.

There's a little submission box there.

Or shoot us an email, dear toasters at gmail.com.

Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, turdy.

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, turdy.

Get your ears checked.

Okay, ready?

Oh, we have an update.

Do you remember the girl who wrote in her husband's family owns like rental properties and there was like this young hot thing who kept like texting her husband and we said, listen, it's a part of his job.

You might might be looking too much into it.

Do you want me to read that?

Is that what we said?

Yes.

Do you want me to read her original submission?

No.

No, I remember the submission.

I just feel like our advice was a little more like, keep your eyes and ears open.

She said, hey, Jackson Turtia.

Boy, do I have an update for you?

I was the wife getting bad vibes from a renter and my husband.

I felt a little silly when you read my submission.

I thought I was being a little crazy, but my gut kept telling me to keep my eyes open.

I just got back from a weekend Galentine's trip and while unpacking and doing laundry, I found an opened condom wrapper in the pocket of my husband's husband's jeans.

I was fuming, but remained calm and waited until he went to sleep to snoop through his phone.

I found messages between this young woman and my husband the night before I came home.

They started innocently with her saying her toilet wasn't flushing and him saying he'd come and fix it.

Then hours later, her messaging saying, I've been dreaming of you for months and you exceeded all my expectations.

He didn't respond and she'd sent him a few more messages that were left undelivered.

I don't know what to do.

We've only been married for a little over a year and I have conflicting opinions from my two best friends.

One, hear his side and potentially work on our marriage.

Two, ruin the Valentine's vacation my husband has planned by handing him divorce papers.

How should I adjust this situation with my husband?

Well, all's that to say is your gut is your gut.

Yeah.

And a woman's intuition is bulletproof.

No, and it's like, this was the first time something happened between them clearly because she said like, you know, I've been dreaming of this and it happened.

And it's like, you don't miss a thing.

No, you should work for the FBI.

And it's like, he hasn't even had time to process that his affair.

He's like, I had an affair.

And how does he feel about it?

And like, does he feel horrible?

Or he obviously like is feeling weird about it because he didn't respond to her.

Yeah.

And you already know.

And he has no time to even be like, oh, I never want to do that again.

So I think that you need to like tell him what you know.

I just love sitting on information for a little bit.

Yeah.

I think, especially something so big, like I love it.

You see what he does next.

I mean, there's a chance that he comes like that.

Clean.

He made a mistake.

And this woman is obviously the whore of babylon because you knew she was acting in this way and maybe like men are dumb and maybe he really just like

fell victim fell victim and no i'm sorry there's personal accountability there is of course but he's the married one he could come to

he could still like it's still it just happened he could like feel guilty about it and come clean still like it's still so early i would sit for a little bit i do think how it's always about the crime but it's also about the cover-up i would be really interested to see if he lets this valentine's day trip happen and pretends like everything's good because then he's even more, it's both.

It's what you do, but it's also how you recover.

Yeah.

And how he acts in the next couple of days slash weeks makes a huge difference.

Does he have men here?

Does he say, I need to go over, you know, her toilet?

That's the new code.

Her toilet's not working.

And he keeps going over.

Cause then, of course, run.

You've been married less than a year.

Run for the hills.

You have nothing to lose anymore.

You've been spared.

Like I always say, like, it sounds like you don't have children.

So you can really get out clean.

And there's honestly nothing more chic than having an ex-husband.

Like, I really stand by that.

Like, I think it's really fabulous.

not i don't want to have one but for other people i really think it's fabulous so i agree sit on it for a second like see how he reacts give him time to process what he just did and see how he what kind of man he wants to be yeah

and there's nothing wrong with like working through you know she has to sleep with him don't sleep with him on the valentine's trip he could have an s td oh by the way listen to jackie oh right this very moment

I'm assuming the Valentine's Day trip is this weekend.

I'm so glad we chose this right now.

Don't sleep with him.

Jackie's 100% right.

Even though it sounds like he did wear a condom.

Like, who keeps the wrapper?

How fucking damn are you?

For his scrapbook?

Yeah.

No, but also like, don't have sex with his man.

Like, ew.

Ew.

But I kind of love the fact that, like, you've only been married for a year and like, you, you can get out clean.

And it'll be hard.

It'll be hard, but you've kind of been given a gift because this man is capable of cheating on you, which you've just found out.

It's not like you found out years later when you've had kids and there's so much at stake.

Like, and he's cheating on you like within a year of your marriage.

Like, these are the good times.

Jackie's so right.

Not that there's ever an excuse for cheating no but like sometimes you know you grow apart and you miss it like and things happen and and

it just you know and there's but there's also like more history and there's more to save you know because sometimes they feel the way about cheating like oh goodbye

but then also like you look at david beckham and victoria and that's the sort of cheating that you should work through right but that was like years into it

yeah there's things worth saving things in which to save yeah so

yeah

let's see what he does this weekend i feel sad that you have have to spend alone time with him.

And maybe, maybe you'll bring it up this weekend if the time is right.

You'll know.

Trust, by the way, your gut.

Again, yeah, just keep your gut hair skin.

Like we, I, I remember being like, I think you're being a little nuts.

I was so wrong.

Your gut is foolproof.

Trust your gut.

Like, I really, you were right.

This should really sort of solidify that, like, you are a smart person and you know how to handle this.

Like, I feel like I can't even give you advice.

Like, you are best equipped.

Just don't have sex with him.

Jackie's 100% right.

Yeah, just say you're in your period and cramps and, you know, all that.

All that checks.

All that.

I have a headache.

Are they ready for our next one?

That was like so crazy.

That is crazy.

I'm also like sad.

I know.

When I climb into bed, I start feeling sad.

I suddenly miss my mom and my husband who didn't cheat on.

When we're good.

I miss when my husband didn't cheat on us.

This is also like, I didn't,

not me.

I feel like someone could clip that.

That between that and Laminata.

Clips are haunting us.

Should we stop?

Never.

What was I going to say?

The next one?

Well, yes, but I had something one last thing I want to say, but I forgot.

That you climb into bed, you start feeling sad.

No.

Um, hello, Jackson Claude.

I need your take.

My P.

John boyfriend and I've been together for five years.

My boyfriend's mom, who I adore, is a very typical Jewish mom to her only son, my boyfriend.

She sends him gifts constantly, Lululemon, new shoes, which makes it hard for me to keep up.

And I don't know how to deal with her sending him things for Valentine's Day.

I was planning on baking for him, but then a big cake and other nice gifts arrive at his door before I even get the chance.

That's kind of crazy.

It's like this for every holiday.

And I know it's sweet, but can't Valentine's Day like just be for us?

That's how I feel.

Do I say something to him or do I just let it go sincerely a toaster who wants her boyfriend to be like her, his, she wants to be her boyfriend's only Valentine?

Yeah.

No, I love, you know, mama spoiling him and silly gifts here, gifts there.

But for Valentine's Day that she sent him a cake, like let's take a step back.

Yeah.

So I actually, my husband's mother is always sending gifts and Valentine's Day too.

But the difference is, is they're never like crazy.

They're always just like really like sweet little gift bags.

And it's for both of us.

Like we just saw them for dinner and she gave us like a little Valentine's Day bag, which had like candies, like little things.

And it's it to Ben and Claudia.

So he didn't have enough chocolate hearts?

Right.

Yes, take mine.

It was for Ben and Claudia.

And like, I never, I don't feel like it threatens my position in any way.

It's like always really sweet.

It's also like a gift for me.

Yeah.

So the fact that this woman is only sending it to the boyfriend, like it's, it's intentional what she's doing.

For sure.

She's like marking her territory.

And on Valentine's Day, like it's inappropriate.

Yeah.

But I'll say there's one thing that she can't can't do, and that's getting some lingerie and shake her booty.

So factual, you're going to have to get creative.

So, yeah, no, step it up in that department.

Yeah.

Clips.

Cake.

What?

Oh, yeah.

We're using that cake, you know, in the.

Oh, right.

That cake.

In the bedroom.

Eat it out of my.

You're right.

You're right.

Right.

You want to send a cake?

I'll put it up my ass.

Okay.

I like that, Jackie.

I like that.

You know, you're giving me advice today.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Head over, you know, get some, get some lingerie.

Get creative.

Yeah.

And do the things that she can't do.

Do the things that she can't do.

You'll eclipse her in mere moments.

I love that.

Our third and final deer toasters is, um,

and by the way, I, did you do what you needed to do?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You did?

Okay.

Um, our third and final deer toasters is a little money.

awkwardness, which I love.

Hey, ladies.

Tonight on our early Valentine's Day date, my boyfriend of four years revealed to me that he thinks we should sign a prenup before we get married.

He told me on New Year's that this new year, this is the year we get married, and I've been so excited for it.

It's about damn time.

But now he's brought up an idea of a prenup.

For context, we live in the Midwest and I just had a career change.

So I don't have a ton now, but I have a potential of making a lot of money.

He has a steady paycheck, which we still...

which he still will not reveal to me how much he does make.

He recently said, are we at that stage yet?

When I asked, I know he doesn't make more than maybe 40K more than me currently, which is less than $80,000 a year.

But for real, I pay this man rent every month.

We split everything 50, 50.

Now he's asking me for a prenup.

Am I getting mad and upset for no reason?

P.S.

He told me it was a red flag that I was mad.

Or do I have a reason to be bothered?

Thank you.

I just want to say, like, this guy, like, making like a normal amount of money, like nothing crazy.

And also, she didn't say he comes for money or anything.

So that's not an issue.

And like.

preemptively being like i want a prenup it's like chill

like calm down like you are not prince harry like calm the fuck down.

Yeah.

Um, it just sounds like he's getting like a little ahead of himself, especially when you're the one who just actually recently took the career change and you are the one who has more potential

to be making.

Honestly, it might behoove you to sign it.

I know.

It feels like he's being short-sighted because right now he makes like $40,000 more than you.

Whereas in the future, it sounds like, honestly, sign it.

Like, I kind of love that.

Cause I just, and I do want to say, I don't want you to throw away like your four-year relationship.

Like, he sounds like a dick.

Like

saying like, you being a little kerfuffled.

He just brought up this conversation you've never.

And now he's like gaslighting.

Like, you're allowed.

And he says, like, that's a red flag you're allowed to be taken aback by having a conversation that you've never had in four years i kind of hate him like yeah it's not the way to go about it but i i also can imagine i hate when sometimes like the the message is bad and people blame it on the delivery in general you know what i mean it's like there was no right way to tell me that it's true like it was just i was never gonna be happy to hear it was gonna be blown up regardless like you now gaslighting me saying like me having a reaction is a red flag like okay seriously like calm down yeah also like i just think it's kind of crazy like this isn't like a super rich person being like i need a prenup it's it's giving like small dick energy.

Like, it is.

I'm sorry.

And I, and also the fact that he's not even transparent about what he makes, but it's like, so we're either going to be transparent or we're not.

I'm going to touch your hand when I say this.

Yeah.

We don't even know what we're dealing with.

No, I hate this man.

I'm sorry.

Like, I hate your boyfriend.

Sorry to this man.

Because, like, it's been four years, but like, it's never too late to start over.

It's true.

No, I don't like him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Monitor this behavior.

Monitor.

And you know what?

You need to find out how how much money he makes because that changes the whole situation.

Like if he makes hundreds of thousands of dollars, like oh, maybe he does like day trading or whatever.

Right.

Like people have dude.

He's a side hustle.

So then this behavior is like understandable.

He's just protecting what he's built.

And I really do respect that.

But if he just like has a regular job and like isn't like a super wealthy person personally, like there was no reason for him to be acting this day.

And like, honestly, it's kind of like.

I just feel like him.

It's kind of giving me the ick.

Him and his small dig energy versus like you being a fabulous toaster.

Like who had the courage to like start.

You have more earning potential and you should sign it.

And you had the courage to like make a career change later in life.

I think a lot of people would be afraid of doing that.

Like there's so much.

You sound like an amazing person.

Like don't sell yourself short of it.

That's all I'm saying.

I think you should sign it.

I think you should sign it too.

Cause I think like congratulations, sir.

You played yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Years from now, like you're getting divorced and like you're so rich.

Yeah.

And he's a pauper.

He had his 40,000 that he didn't want to share with you.

Right, right.

And it's like in 10 years from now, 40,000 to you, Millionaire Queen will be nothing.

Yeah.

Love.

Well, that's our show.

That is our show.

And that was such a great one.

That Lemonada thing was hysterical.

Yeah, no.

Lots of jolly good laughs and jolly good times on this Lover's Day.

And you just really never know what a toast episode is going to hit.

And that one truly hit.

Yeah.

And the title that we came up with, I already forgot it.

Yeah, me too.

No, it was, it was an acronym.

Yeah, we'll get back to it.

Oh, my God.

Hello.

Where's Ben?

Oh, he's right here.

Oh, my God.

Valentine's Day, lover.

Our Valentines came to give us a kiss.

He did.

Okay, Ben, wait, you're blocking the whole camera.

I'm sorry.

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all.

Okay, wait.

Come on, why don't you sit right here?

Oh.

You could sit here, too.

Good morning, friends.

Is your leg broken?

It is.

I'm also, am I in frame?

Oh, I can see myself.

I also wanted to give all of you.

Wait, wait, you're not talking into the microphone.

I also wanted to give all of you a Valentine's Day treat.

Oh, my God.

Are you going to give a Spritz creature?

I know how much you all love my feet.

Oh.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I thought you were going to give a Spritz code.

We could.

Fuck.

There's still time.

Yeah, just make it.

up.

Make one up now.

Oh, true, true, true.

Lover.

Lover.

Use code lover, L-O-V-E-R for 20% off.

No, give him 25.

Give him 25.

25% off.

Sight-wide.

Site-wide.

Sight-wover-wide.

Lover 25.

Okay.

Lover25, site-wide for the next 48 hours.

That's it.

Okay, quick smooth.

I can't feel my legs.

I love you.

Guys, thank you so much for listening to the Toast of the Monday Morning Show where we deliver the fast five stories you need to know every week, Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts and wearing podcasts can be found on Spotify, Chinese, Public Radio, IR Radiocats, Box, all the places why we listen to podcasts.

Find not so totally leave a five star view about a beautiful setting and wickedly talented we are.

Do you have a fever?

No.

Without further ado, we bid you adieu.

Love ya.

Bye.

Don't forget to listen to good guys.

Shut up.

Forget the fuck up.

You should forget.

Don't forget.

Never listen to good guys.

Don't forget.

They're bad, bad guys.

The episode of Terry Dubreu is so good.

They'll really like it.

Ben is going to leave me for.

He actually already said that on the show yesterday.

Like, we do hype you up.

Right.

You're just a victim.

You don't, but you're a victim.

My comments would say otherwise.

You're a victim.

What are we fighting about?

I don't even know.

Jackie's in a one-way feud with me and herself, and I don't even know what the feud's about.

Victim energy over at the good guys.

Bye, Snowflake.

Get up.

I can't feel my legs.