An Insufferable Diet Podcast: Wednesday, February 7th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Wednesday.

Oh my God, you're live.

Slowly but surely, folks.

Slowly but surely.

It's Wednesday, hump day, an extremely important, dare I say, integral part of our ethos here at Toast HQ.

If you believe, you will receive the hump.

Oh my God, wait, you just reminded me of the craziest thing I saw yesterday.

It better be crazy.

Because you said believe, receive, which always reminds me of ask, believe, receive, which always reminds me of Kim Zolsiak Beerman.

Okay.

And, you know, the financials and the, you know,

businesses of the Zolsiak Beerman family are of extreme interest to me.

And, you know, they have all these different companies, one of them being Cashmere Collections with a K.

And it's like their skincare company.

And they put out a statement yesterday that they like sold the company.

Slay.

To 310 Nutrition, which is like another like fake Instagram brand that like Kim, that's like Express Mile Atlanta.

Like, Jackie, the tangled web that the Zelsiac Beerman finances weave never ceases to amaze me.

I just love to see women in business merging and acquiring, merging, acquiring, making deals, or obfuscating

reality.

Yeah.

Or, you know, being on the phone with their attorneys juggling seven business deals, which is so us these days.

We're so hot.

We're in such high demand.

Especially with the attorneys.

Classic us.

Okay.

so much to talk about today.

Yes.

The first is that, in no particular order of importance, my book club meets tonight and I'm hosting, which means it's the first time I'm having people in my new apartment.

What did you read?

Did you hear about Kitty Carr?

Right, right, right, right.

And let me tell you, I didn't really start reading it.

I was so like...

like in a reading funk this month and then I got sick and I was certainly not reading.

I didn't really start reading it until yesterday and I'm so rushed and I'm so annoyed because it's amazing.

Oh, really?

It's so interesting interesting because whenever I read books that are like historical fiction and they go back and forth, there's like a modern element and then they go back to like the war or whatever.

I like can't get away from the chapters in history.

Like I'm like, oh, that's so funny.

I can't get away from the modern chapters.

I'm like, shut up, loose.

So in this particular book, I would say like 90% of the book is the old stuff.

It's amazing.

So actually, don't say anything more.

I'm going to read it.

I just need.

No, I just want to say like the future, the modern chapters might be one of the worst books I've ever read.

Got it.

I needed a strong endorsement to take it off my want to read list to my reading list, but now I'm going to.

So leave it at that.

Say no more, La Ter de lou.

Say no more.

So I've just been like, I'm like, I wish I could be enjoying it more, but because I'm so rushed, it's like kind of ruining it for me, which is annoying.

And that's on me.

That's on me.

You know what that is?

Classic.

Low-key it is.

Like,

um, so that's just what's been going on with me.

And after today, I have to like run home, finish the book and start, you know, prepping my home because I have company for the first time, which is also just like a big deal, you know?

Yeah.

So that's the first thing i wanted to talk about the second thing i wanted to talk about is kind of a major update from a developing story actually it was kind of a stagnant story because we were talking about stuff and no one was getting back to it the trail went cold we a few weeks ago just kind of put our necks out on the line like two big back we put ourselves out there

We put ourselves out there because we heard that like a lot of the men in podcasting and the men in comedy were putting together a 5k for like their health.

And I want to assume for charity, but even though no one's like, said there's a charity involved, like I just feel like people don't run 5Ks like if it's not for charity, you know?

Yeah.

Um,

and we heard they were like all getting together and like calling each other up.

And they were like trying to get fellow comedians and podcasters involved to raise awareness.

And like, nobody reached out to us, which just baseline was like kind of rude because we are like women of pride.

I feel like it's because we're kind of inaccessible, you know, and we're hard to

think we're not approachable.

I think we're not approachable to the bears.

Yeah, I think the bears are scared.

They're running scared.

Oh, because you know what?

We're giving, we're giving like mama bear energy.

Two mama bears.

One cave.

One cave.

So we put ourselves out there.

We said, listen, you know, not that you asked or anything, but like you need some women and we'd love to be involved.

Dead silence.

Radio silence from the men in comedy.

They wanted nothing to do with us.

We're like, okay, we could take the hint.

But you're really making this a gender issue when I didn't find it to be gendered.

Oh, yeah, I guess because like Michelle Wolf was involved and like she's a woman.

No, but even if there were no women, I would have maybe said that was more of a coincidence.

Like I just feel like they're all friends.

Yeah, they are.

We're like not a part of like the inner circle of comedy.

And that's not because we're women.

It's because we're us.

Yeah, we're like so unfriendly and unapproachable.

And like we don't try at all or like follow anyone on Instagram.

No, but that's not us.

And we're not, we don't run in those circles.

Like we don't perform at the comedy cellar.

We don't live in Austin.

We don't live in Austin.

That's,

I don't think it's gendered, unfortunately.

Jackie, for our careers, should we move to Austin?

Like, you know, I'm down.

Yeah.

For our careers.

But then would we just be like another comedy?

Podcast based out of Austin.

So true.

We like

such a big pond for two fish such as us.

So all's that to say is Bert Christ here finally heard our cries, our desperate pathetic cries.

And he has responded being like,

he claims he hadn't heard of it till yesterday.

Sure, Bert.

We're like the number two podcast under Smartlist, but sure.

He seems authentic.

He seems like an authentic creator.

No, and Bert is a lot of things.

Like, and I, and I don't know him.

I've never met him, but I don't think I would call him a liar.

I wouldn't call him inauthentic.

Oh, I would.

And he reached out to us on Instagram saying, like, I'm just now hearing this.

They would love to have us.

Like, they're kind of like over there.

Now

they're kind of desperate, like, for us to be involved.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

And they want us there.

They won't tell us where it is, but it's in May.

Apparently, like, the locale is very secretive.

I'm not understanding that.

Maybe I need to listen to their fucking episode more.

Okay, I'm sure if we listen to their podcast, it would clear things up.

But the vibe I'm getting, just based on vibes, is that they don't have a location yet.

And that's like so Jackson Claude, like coded.

Totally.

We should do the 5K on the icon of the C's.

I mean, it's so big, we would have to walk it like half of it.

Yeah.

Just a lap.

Love that.

So I guess like we talked such a big fucking game and now here we are like committed to a 5k which I've personally never done.

Well a fun fact about me is that I married into a turkey trot family.

Yikes.

And when Zach and I were dating and we were in Dallas for Thanksgiving we did a 5k turkey trot.

So I have done 5k.

That is so crazy to me.

So when I see those memes, I always show it to him.

There's like this running joke of like people who marry into families.

Yeah, turkey trot families.

Turkey trot on Thursday morning.

And usually go out Wednesday night when you're a young thing.

I was so hungover.

It was the longest day.

It was really a difficult time.

So I'm hoping that this 5k like brings better 5k memories.

No, I did complete it and you would have never known.

What was your time?

Oh, I don't know.

So I just need to fully figure out how many miles are in a 5k.

3.1.

Okay, that's like not really like the worst thing on the planet.

I think it would take us about 30, 35 minutes.

If we run and walk.

Are we running?

Combo.

Yeah, I'm going to run till we get tired.

Then we walk till we get bored.

Then we run again.

The thing I do love, and this is not a slight at all.

It's actually one of my favorite parts about like that sort of Austin comedy podcaster scene is everyone's overweight and out of shape.

Everyone's out of shape.

It's just like kind of like a bunch of like big dudes.

And I feel like, you know, I'm kind of coming in, even though I'm like one of the most out of shape people on the planet and I'm really working on it.

I do think I'm coming in with like an upper hand in that sense.

Yeah, but I feel like they also, they were out of shape becoming in shape people.

And that was actually the motivation for their 5k.

Shit, you're right.

We're kind of all in the same boat.

No, you all like are just, yeah, you're all in the same boat.

Me too.

We're all just like, we're all just like coming off of Ozempic, you know?

We're all coming off of Ozempic, coming off of pregnancies, and we're getting in shape and we're doing it together.

What is that thing?

What was that thing called?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

If you would describe it, maybe.

I'm going gonna give you nothing and i just want to know if you know what i'm talking about like that weight loss competition

the big loser no biggest loser no no no it was like not a tv show it was like just like a thing like people do at their office yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and like it was all based on like body percentage yeah whoever like lost the most weight won a couple grand yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like a big pot i feel like it was the biggest loser No, like it was like this game.

I feel like our teachers did it at school.

Yeah, they did.

What the hell was that little like thing called?

It was like a trend people used to do.

It was like kind of like no shave November.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like please help.

It was like weight loss September.

Yeah.

What the hell was it?

Someone will sound off in the comments.

Well, I feel like they all did that.

Another thing they didn't include us in.

Yeah, well, they knew that we were already snatched to the gods.

They knew like there was no hope for me.

Like.

You can't even make jokes like that anymore.

Why?

For a really long time, like there was no hope for me.

No, I know.

If you from two years ago watched the reel that you posted last night.

Let's talk about it.

It would have been a fast five story about this influencer who posted this reel.

No lie.

No lie.

No cap,

no shade,

calling a lid.

Yeah, putting a lid on it, essentially, is what you're saying.

Lidded.

I want to talk about my viral moment last night.

Oh, did you go viral?

Yeah, I did.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

And I swear that's not why I did it.

I really was sharing like what I thought was like a good meal.

And I knew people would be like, oh, this is weird.

But then I didn't think it was like going to be the craziest thing, like peanut butter on a pickle.

Was it the craziest thing?

Jackie, people are acting like I put peanut butter on a pickle.

Like for real.

Where is this happening?

Because I read TikTok Instagram comments.

Specifically.

The most popular Instagram comments were people being like, I don't want this, but I don't hate it.

Oh, no.

People on.

TikTok are like, jail.

Tourney, I've been defending you since the breath.

I can't do this.

She can't.

This is their last strike.

Like, people are, like, this really broke some people for me.

Basically, I shared on TikTok last night, like, a meal that I was having.

As you guys know, I am on my health grind.

And I'm really, like, it's very hard for me because I'm so picky that it really does make it difficult for me to make good choices.

And I think a lot of how I ended up so unhealthy was just like a lack of options.

So I'm really trying to broaden my horizons.

And I felt really excited that I had something that was shareable.

Like, and I thought, I actually thought like the keto girls would love it.

They didn't.

And so you're like, not in the slightest.

I just feel like after years of you not having theirs, they didn't come to your defense.

No,

this is my bed.

I will take a nap in it.

You've kind of alienated yourself from everyone.

Not me.

You'll always have me.

And the icon of the seas.

And what more do you need?

Literally, well, I need my dinner from last night.

It was so good.

So everyone knows I love taco meat.

It's like my favorite thing on the planet to eat.

And I usually obviously eat it with like rice, like a million tostitos, but I'm trying to, you know, pare down.

So I'm like, what can I eat this taco meat with that's like not like just nothing?

And I put

some eggs in boiled water, you know, boiled some eggs.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Olivia had to walk me through the whole thing on FaceTime.

Crushed it, by the way.

Made some hard-boiled eggs.

You inspired me to make some last night, too.

And mine came out perfect.

Thanks for asking.

I scooped out the yellow.

Oh my God.

Everyone was also coming at me for calling them yellow.

What are they called?

Yolk.

Sorry.

I call them the yellows.

I don't like the middle.

Like, I just like the boat.

The vessel.

The icon of the seas.

I just like the icon of the seas.

And I filled it up with taco meat.

And I made like my own little like keto taco, you know?

I'm not keto, by the way.

I don't know why I keep saying that.

They came for my neck.

Well, here's what.

Like to me, it's not that radical, but I guess something about us is one, we love in our family to eat egg whites as like vessels for anything.

We sometimes have laughing cow cheese.

Don't put me in that boat.

I don't do that shit.

No, but it's a great vessel.

It is.

And we've always seen it as a vessel.

Maybe not everyone sees it as a vessel.

Oh, and by the way, way, let me tell you why it's a perfect vessel.

And people were shocked that I eat hard-boiled eggs.

But the thing about hard-boiled egg is they taste like nothing.

Yeah.

So like, well, I don't know why it was shocking people that I eat that.

Like, yes, me eating cottage cheese, that's shocking.

I agree with you.

But me eating a hard-boiled egg is like me literally eating like a saltine.

Like it tastes like nothing.

Yeah, it tastes, and it's packed with protein.

No, and it was so good.

I have so, like, do you know how excited I am to go home?

I have leftovers.

Like, that's what I'm having for lunch.

That is exciting.

But I got roasted.

And the thing is, everyone was yucking my yums.

And after years of doing it to other people, like, i truly deserve nothing but that no nothing but that and back to my original point of

if old you could see you now she would hate you but i guess that's that's called growth wait i do want to say i do think it's gonna take us like way more time than 30 minutes to run a 5k because like just based on my like treadmill vibes i do run walk run walk like And by the time I'm done with like a 30, 40 minute thing, I've literally went like a mile and a half.

So I think it's literally going to take me like two hours.

No, it won't.

One, you're going to train.

And we'll get it to like, I think 45 minutes is a good goal then.

Am I kind of dreading this?

No, Claudia, it's going to be fun.

It'd be great for our careers.

You know, by the, like, the only thing carrying me through the motivation here for me is like the thirst, the attention, the followers, hoping maybe we'll, you know, be able to sit down with Tom and Burt and record like a Toast X Bear collab podcast, you know?

Like rubbing elbows with some

greats.

And I just want to say, like, if we do like two toasters, one cave episode, like we will be bringing couples together like the couples are are literally like heterocouples are the man who listens to two bears and the wife who listens to a toaster like and if they could like we would be bringing families together like true like it would be good Christian values, you know?

Totally.

Date night.

Yeah.

Sweet life on deck of icon of the seas.

And honestly, I think they have a Patreon too.

Like we should monetize that shit.

Like we could retire.

Yeah.

They do big tings on Patreon.

So it's worth it.

And I'll do it.

And I will start training.

So feel free to send me.

I know there's like apps and stuff.

It's actually apparently quite easy to train for a 5k, like allegedly.

If you're not me, but send them our way because we were like, we're getting started.

Maybe we'll start when we're together.

Great.

Oh, yeah.

Let's see.

Let's see how long it takes us on the treadmill to do three and three miles.

How long can you run?

Like, how many like minutes?

I mean, it's hard to say like right now, but in my, like, once I'm just like in an like average myself,

at least a whole like maybe two songs straight wow two songs that's a lot it depends what speed i'm going and yeah and it's like when we say running are we jogging are we like sprinting both fall under but no we're at jogging nobody sprints in a marathon or a 5k

yeah well no it's just not all very exciting slow and steady wins the race Right.

The tortoise and the hare.

It's just crazy.

Like some people run a marathon in like three hours.

Like I could technically do the 5K in, like, two hours.

We're all running our own race, turdy, literally.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

So what's it with you?

We've got a great show, by the way.

Today's Wednesday.

Sorry, in keeping with our scheduling update from last week.

Deer Toasters has been moved to tomorrow.

Jackie and I both watched Vanderpump Rolls.

So what's to do with you, Jax?

Thank you for asking again.

Very exciting developments here.

I'm making baby food this morning.

We are in the baby food stage of life, which is just so exciting.

Nothing sweeter than some homemade baby food from a homesteading trad wife.

I made some homemade applesauce this morning to start my day.

And that is our first foray, which is very exciting and sweet.

Just, you know, they grow up so fast.

They really, really do.

And I enjoy making baby food.

I feel like people with like subsequent kids, like they're just like, you have the Gerber jar.

You know, it's like the first kid gets, you know, the best and the fourth kid's eating off the floor.

The first kid, like, I'm picking my own apples.

Yeah, right.

You're growing them in your bushel.

Yeah, but no, I'm doing it again.

I really, I enjoy it.

I find it soothing and it gives me peace of mind, especially as I

finish weaning.

I don't feel like I'm no longer making Chinese food because now we're just moving to a different medium.

So it's nice.

I can't wait to try some of your homesteading fresh baby food when I come see you this weekend, which I'm literally so excited about.

Any requests?

I actually feel like you you would like my baby food because it's totally clean and you're

an almond mom now.

No, not only that, like when I see Harry's plate, I'm like, fuck me up.

Like that, there's nothing on Harry's plate I wouldn't eat.

It's just good old-fashioned turdies choice.

Like it's always like a breaded chicken.

Not breaded.

Sometimes it's breaded.

Sometimes it's bread on it.

It depends.

Like bread and red.

Except one thing about Harry that's so weird.

He doesn't like pasta.

He doesn't like pasta.

He doesn't like potatoes.

And there's a woman.

Maybe Harry and I are kind of like growing apart.

Harry doesn't like it.

The thing is, he didn't like them, so I like stopped offering them.

Right.

I'm sure if I kept offering it, he would eventually eat it.

But like, why?

If you don't want to eat it, don't eat it.

It sounds like me and Harry are kind of like growing apart.

That's growth, man.

Like I said, they grow so fast.

So yeah, if you need me to make you any baby food, let me know.

I'm just so excited to spend the weekend with you.

We're going to have the best time.

Oh, and I am vlogging today for book club.

Oh, fun.

So people will see, like, I'm not going to to do a home tour ever because we already went into why I think we've evolved as a brand.

But society.

As a society, I do think you'll get some nice sneak peeks in my apartment and all my new furniture and my home.

The bits and pieces.

I like that.

And

we'll all feel like we're there.

Yeah.

And I'm really excited about that.

And it's just another great day of, you know, being alive and having our health.

100%.

Yesterday I did something so exciting, which was I did

a two-hour driving lesson.

How many people did you kill?

Zero.

Wow.

Very exciting.

We like, I was literally just in the parking lot.

We were like going about my normal day and I was like showing him my areas of struggle.

And you're smart.

Yeah, we drove to the mall because I've just.

Did you go back to the scene of the crime?

No, no.

I was just like, I kept telling him, like, I kept alluding to like right on red trauma.

Yeah, but you didn't, you didn't cite the actual incident.

No, I kept wanting to, but he wasn't really interested.

I think he was just trying to tell me to let it go.

Yeah, which is probably the best thing for you in this moment.

Yeah, but I really got my parking down.

What I didn't realize, it's so much easier to park turning left into a spot versus turning right because you could see so much better.

It's on your side.

And it's shorter.

You also need to like to see the other side.

No, but like, it's just.

Are you talking about parallel park or like pulling into a parking?

Pulling into a spot.

It's just naturally easier to pull into a spot that's on your left.

I didn't realize this, but I was doing that.

That's funny.

I feel the opposite.

Really?

Why do you do it as such?

I don't know.

I feel like if I'm in a parking lot and there's a space on both sides of me, I'm just more inclined to do like a wide right turn.

I don't know why.

Because you like a challenge?

No, because

the hard one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.

Loki, I'm so glad you brought that up.

One of the weirdest and worst lines in cinematic history is that moment in Legally Blonde.

But like, it's a sleigh.

No, it's, but the thing is, it's not.

It's a, it's a cringe.

But it's Elle.

Like, nothing she does is actually cringe.

No, no, no.

But that's like the one thing she does.

That's the thing.

Elle Woods is this woman who's just like, she's unstoppable.

Anything she does is cool.

She's so self-assured.

She's so capable.

She's so everything.

And it's not only the line itself, but it's also the delivery of that line.

The whole moment in that lecture where she like changes, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.

Like,

dumb.

I guess maybe the writers weren't feeling well that day, but it was a miss.

And I like to cite it.

I'm glad you brought it up because I've been meaning to talk about it for a minute.

Okay, well,

another thing I've been meaning to talk about?

So I learned that when in doubt, I can park on the left side if I'm feeling not confident.

But I was trying to practice all the hard ones.

I worked on my right turn into the parking spot, wide turn.

Crushed it.

Crushed.

And then when we came home, we had me backing into my driveway.

Like the way that my car is parked right now, it's like literally, I could never do that again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you need a professional's help.

Yeah, but no, lessons were learned.

And I'm really glad that I did it.

I'm feeling more comfortable.

And I'm going to really try and get out there.

And every day.

The teacher like thought he was, I think he was a little confused why I was doing this.

Like I'm a perfectly fine driver, but it's more so it's the mental.

It's the mental anguish.

The thing is, the mental anguish like won't go away until you just practice, practice, experience, experience.

Right.

So I'm glad I did did it.

Okay, good.

I'm glad that you're here.

Well, thank you.

Did you watch Vanderprim Prols yet?

I didn't.

I didn't.

I didn't enjoy myself.

Neither did I.

I watched it.

It took me maybe two hours to get through the episode.

I just kept pausing it to do anything else.

No, I completely agree.

We'll talk about it in the TV recap.

So that is postponing Deer Toasters till tomorrow.

So the DT, the DT stands, and there are many.

We'll have to wait.

Also, I'm sure it's not a story, but you know, Taylor did her Tokyo show.

I saw that.

This is like such a strange time difference because, like, I woke up and the show had just ended, you know?

Yeah.

And we, like, I got the surprise songs first thing in the morning.

Okay.

And so the first surprise song she's sing was Dear Reader.

Love.

Which is very symbolic because it's the final song on Midnight.

So it's kind of like the closing of this most recent chapter of Midnights because now we're about to enter the Dead Poets Society.

For sure.

But I do feel like it's actually not great symbolism because it's like the first show of a new chapter.

And we don't get get the music like she's doing another show tonight but you just played the last song

no it's symbolic and i like it and also she's never played it before and that's literally my favorite i feel like it was kind of like balabusta book club coded and she knew you were hosting tonight and just wanted to give you a bit of encouragement dear reader i mean i would love that yeah maybe taylor knew my book club was meeting honestly that makes more sense to me i mean i could see it like

we all know like Taylor's number one confidant in this moment is Kelly Teller.

Kelly Teller loves the toast.

She probably knows my book loves me.

Like, I wouldn't be surprised if seriously she told Taylor that my book loves me.

It just like came up and that inspired her to sing Dear Reader.

It's such an insanely delicious song.

I love that song.

And then she also sang Holy Ground, which is like one of her favorites.

Like she's always singing it.

Okay, those are two of my, like, those would be on my top

top 15 toys.

I'll find videos and send it to you.

Thank you.

Reels preferred.

Reels preferred, of course.

Let's get into the stories.

I think so, too.

We've dilly-dallied long.

Oh, my God.

We really have.

It's late.

Okay.

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Thank you.

La.

Well, um.

Our first story is actually.

Oh, wait.

I remember what I wanted to tell you.

I called Jackie yesterday, and I had to yell at her about something, and then I couldn't remember what it was.

Oh, and I just remembered.

Would you hold up your iPad for the class?

Oh, you want to shame me?

Jackie, we're running a business here, and we have these absolutely gorgeous custom iPad cases made with our logos so we could, I don't know, have branding.

Not only did you take yours off, which seems beyond unnecessary, you didn't put it back on, and now we're giving Apple logo.

Like, they need more, like, like he needs more money.

Like, Jackie.

I'm sorry, Laturdia.

I took it off for my son so that he could enjoy my iPad when he needed to and that he wouldn't disturb the beautiful case that you made me that I wanted to protect.

So I took it off and put it on a kid-friendly case for him.

You can take it up with him.

I will.

Actually, I think it's a good thing.

First the rice and now the iPad case.

Seems like me, Harry and I have a lot to discuss when I get down there.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It feels like we have, you know, not enough time and so much to discuss that maybe we don't don't know which he should like sleep in my bed or something, like just at the same time.

He's welcome to.

Yeah, just like put it back on.

You know, this is a place of business.

I'll think about it.

Jackie, Jackie.

Jackie's right over there.

Jackie, this is Jackie.

This is a place of business, not a daycare.

No, I think it's both, actually.

I think it is too.

And maybe, I don't know, maybe you should put it back on like now.

Jackie,

by the way, I don't know if you know, like our clips have gone so viral this last week.

I mean, we've been like our best videos.

On TikTok?

Yes.

Like multiple videos with hundreds of thousands.

Like, and you're just out here slinging Apple logos.

Like, go get your case.

You know what?

Actually, the universal music non-cooperation with TikTok is good for us because we don't use music and they need like fresh audio sounds.

And that's what we provide.

I'm glad you're so right.

Now that's capitalizing on the moment.

As we should.

As we will.

And you haven't gotten up to go get your iPad case.

No, I haven't because

I don't feel like it.

I don't.

I'm.

Jagging.

I don't like it.

HR will be hearing about this.

I think that they should.

And you'll be getting a call from Olivia Ashre.

I think that you will be getting a call too.

Are you ready for our first story?

Yes.

It's some book news.

Ina Garten quietly releases, quietly announces a 2024 memoir release date.

So Ina just celebrated her 76th birthday and eagle-eyed fans noticed that in the bio of her Instagram, it says memoir coming out October 1st, 2024.

Let me tell you something about Aina.

She's a little weird.

Like,

I feel like there's all this fanfare for her in the culture.

She's like such an integral part of really like millennial life.

And she kind of hates it, I feel.

Why do you feel she hates it?

And why does this make you feel that way?

I don't know.

I just feel like there's something weird about Ina.

Like, I really mean that.

Okay, do you remember that account?

How many?

That was like an Aina fan page.

Yeah, and they just put Aina in pop culture moments.

And like a couple of years ago, it was like the biggest Instagram account.

What the hell was that page called?

Not the biggest Instagram account.

No, but like everyone.

I knew it.

Let me see.

It was called like Inalicious.

No, what was it called?

Like

Aina.

I feel like for a while, like all we were talking about was that Instagram account.

I don't know.

I don't, I can't find it.

And like there's so many like professional Ina impersonators on social media.

I'm always seeing.

I mean, like, and everybody dresses up as her.

Like, I feel like there's so much fanfare for her.

And like, she never sort of like engages with it or like, even like likes anything on Instagram.

I feel like, and I remember with that Instagram account that blew up about Aina, she blocked them.

Like, she didn't like it.

Okay, but I also think she's 76 years old and she's not like.

desperate for the Instagram fanfare.

She just wants to make her meals and enjoy her life.

And that's okay with me.

I don't get the vibe that she like hates it,

but she doesn't like do the most and like, you know,

really get in there because she's not thirsty.

She doesn't need it.

Yeah, no, no, and this is like a really not thirsty way to announce your memoirs.

Yeah, but I think that's exactly what we need.

She's the exact sort of person who should be writing her memoirs.

I actually think her story is really interesting.

Me too.

She must have a lot to say.

She's probably learned so much along the way.

Like, yes, please, I will read your memoirs.

Thank you.

Yeah, I feel like a lot of people don't realize.

Like, she was like a, she had like a catering company and then it got like really popular in like fancy circles in the Hamptons.

And like, how you catapult that to like really what she did is super impressive.

I would be like, it's definitely giving like Bob Iger energy.

No, and she used to live in DC.

She was like, worked in politics

or in Jeffrey.

Yeah.

Congresswoman Ina?

Yeah.

And she only fell into like being a chef like this, a professional chef, like just out of hobby.

Skill.

Yeah.

That's interesting.

I wonder what, you know, DC Ina was like.

Yeah.

DC Aina.

So low-key announcement.

I mean, October 1st is really far away.

So.

Is there a title?

No, let's theorize Memoirs of an Ina.

How easy is that?

But it wasn't easy, probably, to get where she is.

Okay.

How easy is that, colon?

Not easy.

You're not going to find out.

Not easy at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I love a colon in a memoir.

It's like my favorite thing.

I mean, you have to have a colon.

I think it's like in the contracts.

It's in MLA.

It's a subtitle.

It's in Chicago, MLA.

except for memoirs of a geisha speaks for itself well that's true when you have a title as strong as that like no other sort of punctuation is required um and my next memoir is of course going to be called searching for victimhood the claudia

story not memoirs of a gwunji

maybe my third

you guys have to buy the second just so i can do that yeah oh my god if you ever write other memoirs we're gonna have so much fun with the title i know like the first one had to be like you know brand safe girl with no job.

You know, I made the bestseller list.

Like, I'm good.

I don't care about the future.

I can always say now, like, I'm a best-selling author.

So the next book's like, we're fucking around.

Like,

we're going to do something wild.

Totally.

I feel like barefoots could be something like

walking through life with the barefoot contessa.

Dancing through life.

She's not dancing.

She's cooking through life.

What about this?

Talk turdy to me.

You like that?

I guess it would kind of of be more so the title of like my sex tape.

Yeah, yeah.

Than my memoirs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so for barefoot contessa, like

barefoot confessa.

Ooh.

I love

confessions of a barefoot.

Of a teenage barefoot.

Confessions of an aina.

Aina.

I need to say say something.

I know.

This is tough.

Yeah, it's hard.

It's hard.

You would think it would be easy.

There's so much fodder with her.

Right.

And like, I mean, obviously.

But she's also not like silly, goofy, so it has to be serious.

That's what I'm saying.

She gives us nothing.

But like, if it were me, it would be like the vagina monologues.

The Aina monologues.

That's it.

And it could be short stories.

Short stories.

You know what?

Short, Jaggy.

Jaggy, Jaggie.

Short.

The Aina monologues, colon.

Short stories from a short woman.

Because she's like four feet.

That's rude.

No, she's not.

You know what?

She's not.

This is one of my favorite jokes.

Do share.

Like

how when you go to get a recipe online, they give you like the longest synopsis.

Yeah, about what the recipe means to them and their heritage and their family and like a million things.

Jump to recipes.

Ingredients.

Like nobody reads it.

Why do they keep doing it?

Oh, I don't know.

And by the way, Ina's 5'3.

So she is like literally our height.

And I find that the jump to recipe button is harder and harder to find.

Like they keep making it smaller and more hidden.

What is harder to find?

The jump to recipe button or the unsubscribe button in the bottom of an email?

Because they started to get really creative where like it used to be underlined because it's hyperlinked.

Yeah.

So at the bottom would be like copyright, the address, and then there would be like one blue hyperlinked and you would know that.

Now they don't hyperlink it.

So you literally just need to search.

You need a pair of like a monocle to find the unsubscribe button at the bottom of emails.

Yeah.

I just, I need to find a chef who

doesn't want to share her story

and just wants to share recipes.

Yeah, you need to find like a shy chef.

Who's like, someone to tell me about growing up on the farm and making this their favorite spaghetti meatballs for their little brother?

You need to find like a really, really private chef, not in like a private chef sense, and like a chef who has like a big sense of privacy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you seen the joke that it's like, I want to read a thriller about a blogging chef who is admitting to a crime of murder in every recipe, like in the beginning, but nobody ever puts it together because nobody reads it.

You're so long-winded.

Oh, and nobody reads it.

Because everyone just jumps to a recipe.

So then if you look back on all the recipes, like all the clues were there.

I do also have an issue with recipe culture in terms of like the SEO of it all.

Because like when I, if I just were to Google like, you know, corn Muffet, like the first one they would give me like would be the worst one, like factually.

Yeah.

It's hard you have to look at the reviews how many reviews it has some of them have like thousands and it's five stars you could trust it that's why it's also to build up a rapport it's good to build up a rapport with a

what is it called like a food blogger because you know if you like their taste like i can trust right if half-baked harvest had a vegetarian meatball which is what i was looking for the other day

that i would go with it I'm sorry, a vegetarian meatball?

How does that make any sense?

Isn't that just a ball?

Like a veggie meatball.

Yeah, like almost like a veggie patty.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, like a beyond ball.

No, not beyond, like made with veggies as the substitute.

Okay, like, isn't that just a salad, though?

Like, for me.

No, like, it would be like eggplant, maybe zucchini.

Like, I was looking for a way to put it all together to be a meatball.

I didn't get very far.

And what do you have against meat?

Like, in this scenario?

Oh, no, I mean, I make meatballs multiple times a week.

And Jackie's meatballs.

Oh, thanks, Turdy.

I'll make you sad.

Talk to you.

We're always having meatballs.

And so I just wanted, I was like curious.

And I had like two eggplants and two zucchinis in my fridge.

So I was like, I wonder if I could make a meatball with this.

You make me a meatball and I'll make you Turdi's famous egg tacos.

Oh, I would love that.

How was your taco meat?

So good.

I used ground turkey.

Oh, the best.

Just ground turkey and old El Paso.

I'm done with ground beef.

A ground beef is over party.

By the way, I agree because also when you're cooking ground beef, like all that oil, like are you so, I can never know if you're supposed to keep the oil in the pan.

Everyone says, like, use it, but then everyone's like, get it out.

And honestly, when I take it out, it's gross.

And when I leave it, it's gross.

Like, I don't know what to do.

Turkey doesn't have that problem.

Like, turkey.

And also, I know you're not going to agree with me, but ground chicken fucks too.

Love ground chicken.

I like ground chicken chili.

I love ground chicken everything.

Like, just like turkey, they're to me so similar.

And I'm just done with ground beef.

Like, I'm so glad we're putting it out there.

Yeah, I do still like ground beef chili.

Like, that's the only thing I'll really accept.

But ground beef just really needs to be cooked for a really long time.

And it needs to be really small.

Yeah, we're just like, we're such almond ladies.

It's just, it's too fatty.

I'm such an almond lady.

This podcast is becoming like an insufferable diet podcast.

It's giving like Huberman energy.

I love that.

Me too.

And it's just like so important to constantly be changing.

Yeah.

I was just having this conversation with someone.

We were talking about like the landscape of podcasting and all these different shows and like shows that used to be big and that aren't anymore.

What a fun combo.

It really was.

And I'm like lightening it up.

Like it was really mean.

And we were just like citing this up, like this podcast that used to be really popular.

And like, what went wrong?

Like, we couldn't really figure out what it was.

And we really boiled it down to like a lack of evolution in terms of content, in terms of format, in terms of everything.

You can't be afraid of change.

That's something I've learned very late in life.

Because don't get me wrong, like change is the worst.

But now that I've changed so much about my life and I'm so happy, like I'm probably one and the happiest, aside from Theo dying in the war in Israel, I'm probably one of the happiest places I've really ever been.

And that's due to that change, you know?

Yeah.

Claudia, I've been trying to tell you for years, sometimes self-care looks like hard work.

No, and sometimes I'll like, like literally yesterday in the top, I like sat back and I was like, in the last year, like I did the two things I never, ever, ever thought I could possibly be physically capable of.

I lost the weight and I stopped vaping.

Like two things that were just like a fabric of my life.

Like it was just a fact.

It wasn't anything I was even trying to change because I knew I literally it was futile to even try.

And then once I did the weight thing, I totally had help with the Ozembic.

I never would have been able to do it without.

I realized I was capable of doing big things.

And that's what really kind of gave me the courage to quit the date.

And number three, skiing.

Skiing, reading.

Reading.

That's like an old one now.

Yeah, we're just used to you reading.

Yeah.

And it's like, oh, we didn't think I could do something that required me to like lay down.

I mean, you know, like everything else is really physical.

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah.

Oh, by the way, I'm wearing the sneakers.

Oh, can you get me a pair?

I was going to say,

I think like you could treat me to a pair.

By the way, I'll make you a deal.

Put the case on.

Go get your iPad case.

I'll buy you the shoes right now.

Will you have them like delivered ASCP?

And by the way, I bought them on Shop Op through Amazon.

They came the next day.

You have yourself a deal.

Okay.

What size are you?

Shop up.

Seven.

What size did you get?

How do they run?

I got a 7-2, and they looked like a little small when I put them on.

I was like shook, but they fit completely fine.

So.

Okay, send me the confirmation that goes on.

Women's seven add to bag.

And it's going to be so easy because I have your address in my Amazon account.

Oh, yeah.

You've been sending some tings.

Yes.

I'm so excited.

They would look so cute with my outfit today, don't you think?

I do think, I think it would look great with your outfit today.

Thank you, Claudia.

Oh, wait, I have to log in with Amazon.

And you know why I need them?

Because I need nice-looking shoes that i can drive in

oh these are nice looking shoes that you can drive in they're also like very old lady very florida you know what i mean like i love it okay i'm addressing it to you oh i'm so excited let me put in your address you got yourself a teal is the ipad case on look at that we need to

be bought We love, love, love.

Do you think this could be like a business?

I guess since we're like putting it on the show.

And since it's like we're making content with it.

Right, right, right.

Delivered by Friday.

Should I pay the extra $3.99 for you to have them tomorrow?

Would you have an outing on Friday?

I'll wear them on Friday if, yeah, because I have somewhere I need to be and they would look cute for that.

I'll tell you what I have to do and you'll agree.

It's a perfect shoe.

Order place.

They're also linked on my like to know it if anybody wants.

Done.

Oh my God.

Thanks, Turdy.

That's exciting.

I got a new pair of shoes.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so excited.

What was I saying?

Aren't they cool?

And to finish my thought from earlier, these are the shoes I was talking about on Friday when I saw Ariel Charnis' story.

And I was like, should I get the jacket?

I didn't get the jacket, but I got the shoes.

And so far I'm loving it.

So maybe it'll inspire me to get, you know, complete the look.

Complete the look.

Yeah.

Great.

Well, are you ready for our next story?

Is this only number two?

It's only number two.

Yeah.

Charlie D'Amilio and Landon Barker have broken up after more than a year of dating.

So if you guys have kids, this is something that you can talk to them about.

Yeah.

It's probably a tough time for them.

But, Landon posted on his Instagram saying, Hey, everyone, I would like to let you guys know that Charlie and I are no longer together.

We broke up to focus on ourselves.

We are still friends and have so much love for each other.

I am incredibly grateful for the time we shared and hope you can respect our decisions.

Thank you.

Love you all so much.

So, there was a time when, like, I really cared about the kids of TikTok,

and that time has passed.

Of course, I don't care about them as TikTok kids, I care about them as part of the Kardashian darker

ecosystem, exactly.

And even though they're really young, I felt like they were a really solid couple that I didn't.

This was shocking.

But I didn't foresee breaking up.

Yeah, no, they seemed like oddly stable.

Yeah, given just the circumstances.

A serious long-term relationship, even though they're so young and obviously it's not.

You know, and I never questioned like whether or not they were going to stay together.

They just kind of like were.

They were always together.

They were always like at serious family functions together like that's where you bring your serious partner so i just like always kind of assumed she would be in the fold and i know that they just came out with season two of the demilio show and like i do kind of look at the demilios ever since i watched that first season with like an a hypercritical eye

And I like the, when I watch like Dixie and I watch their content, like I see them as like such fragile, sort of broken young women.

And the show really highlighted how broken they were.

And I feel like immense sadness for them.

And like I, whenever like, they give me a really big pit.

I feel like they hate their life.

They hate being famous.

And I feel like everyone around them, like their parents included, like voiced it on them.

Like they give me the biggest pit.

I don't know if that's the actual reality, but that's really the vibe I got from that show.

I was surprised they like put it out because it was so honest.

Yeah, I don't think.

But having a mental breakdown every single day and you're 16, like and your parents keep putting you to work and there's like more projects.

Let's start a shoe company.

We're starting a venture capital confirm.

Like it gave me such a pit.

Yeah.

And when I first saw it, I was like, I think this is really emblematic of like the mental health crisis in this country.

They're like the perfect example of like 16-year-old girls who are spend all their time on social media.

Of course, they're literally having mental breakdowns every single day.

Like, won't leave their room.

And it's like, then I was also like,

even though it's, they're having a hard time with it, like, things are on the surface good for them.

You know, of course, everybody likes them.

They're not the villains.

They're not getting canceled.

It's all good.

And it's still bad.

They can't even enjoy it.

Right, because it's so unnatural.

They're so young.

They started so young.

So much was foisted on them like so quickly.

Like, I don't know.

I really,

I have a terrible pit when it comes to those girls.

Like, watching that first season of that show was like really, it was a tough watch.

I was surprised they put it out.

Like, the thing is, it kind of made the parents look like bad.

They're too close to it.

I don't think they can see it the way an outsider can.

And I think they, in putting it out, one, it's another.

job and business and we have a reality show that's like everyone's goal these days.

Yeah.

But I think also it might have been like a

cry for sympathy.

Like, you know, we're people too.

And

but I think that all the negatives, as you stated, outweigh whatever positives.

Like, cause definitely when I saw it, I'm like, if I ever have anything to say about the D'Amelios, like, I wouldn't say it.

Like, they can't handle it.

Like, it definitely makes you want to go just like easy.

Yeah.

Not that I'm going to go hard on the D'Amelios, but I do feel like they were getting a lot of hate.

And now.

If you've seen that show, like, you wouldn't send any their way.

They're also just like nice girls.

And why would you hate on them?

No, for sure.

And also like, I think we talk so much about the mental health crisis in this country, like the amount of kids who are depressed and suicidal.

Like it's at a higher rate than ever.

It's not normal.

And like this is, you know, this is a role model for so many young women.

Yeah.

And it's like, look how depressed they are.

And they have amazing lives.

And it's like the majority of kids these days want to grow up to be an influencer.

And here are

Charlie.

They are the most successful ones.

It doesn't get bigger than this or quicker.

You can't be like, she's the highest in her field.

And

so unhappy.

So like, what does that say for the kids?

Right, right.

No, the whole thing like really gives me a terrible pit.

And I feel like it's so, such a small difference.

Like Addison Rae being like three years older than Charlie when the whole thing happened.

I think like, and she, and I think Addison Ray really struggled, especially if she went through like public stuff with her family.

Like, but I think the difference, and maybe it's just that Addison hasn't shared as much as Charlie has on the, on the show, but just the vibe that I get is like her being a little bit older, like the tiniest bit tougher, like saved her a little bit.

yeah but what about dixie she's a little bit older and she's still having so it's also just like

your makeup

yeah but also how that had since taken like several steps back whereas like dixie is constantly doing more right and they're like just always doing new things like they have a new shoe company and then dixie does music and then charlie wanted to do music like on top of being social media stars they have a ring light line at target a clothing line at hollister like it's like never the 25 million dollar venture capital firm they started.

Like, it's like a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that makes me even sadder that they broke up because now she's probably dealing with heartbreak, too.

Right.

Oh, and then that was the other thing from the show.

I felt like one of the really only, it seemed like the only bright spot in Dixie's life was her relationship with Noah Beck, who was, they said on the show, like, so neurotypical.

Like, he didn't have the same like mental health issues or like anxiety.

Social media was just like a fun job for him.

Like, he was so like oddly like simple about the whole thing.

And I felt like that he was so good for her.

And then they broke up.

And it's like, I feel like probably Landon was similar.

Like, Landon's very used to this.

He grew up like this.

It's not that big of a deal for him.

And he probably stabilized a lot of the insecurities that Charlie had.

And so, yeah, it is sad.

Yeah.

And Noah and Dixie is sad too.

There

wasn't ever

one day announced.

I feel like it was like people pulling back the layers.

So I was in denial.

Yeah.

And then I forgot about it.

But they were a really cute couple.

Yeah.

So I hope, I hope everyone's okay.

Wishing everyone the best.

Wishing everyone the best, as always.

As we always do for every person, except for Annie Lennox.

Except for Annie Lennox.

We're well-wishers.

We are well-wishers.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Taylor Swift is demanding this college student stop tracking her private jet.

So when it comes to dealing with a Florida college student who uses public data and social media to track the private jets of billionaires, politicians, and other celebrities, Taylor Swift apparently can't just shake it off.

In late December, Taylor's camp hit Jack Sweeney, a junior studying information technology at the University of Central Florida, with a seasoned assist letter that blamed his automated tracking of her private jet for tipping off stalkers as to her location.

In the letter, attorneys from the law firm Venable accused Sweeney of effectively providing individuals intent on harming her or with nefarious or violent intentions a roadmap to carry out their plans.

Sweeney provided that letter in an email to the AP.

In that message, he emphasized that while he has never intended to cause harm, he also strongly believes in the

importance of transparency and public information.

He said one should reasonably expect that their jet will be tracked, whether or not I'm the one doing it, as it is public information after all.

A spokesperson for Tailored echoed the legal complaint, saying that the timing of stalkers suggests a connection to his flight tracking sites.

The spokesperson did not respond to questions seeking elaboration of that charge, such as whether stalkers have been seen waiting for Swift at the airport when her plane arrived, or alternatively, if there's evidence that stalkers have somehow interfered, inferred her location from the arrival time of her flight.

So by the way, this is the same person who ran Elon Musk's account jet.

And Elon Musk had actually offered him $5,000 to turn the account off.

And he was like, you know, 50 would be better.

I don't know what ended up happening.

At first, he just pleaded with him, like on a human level, being like, can you please stop doing this?

Like, I have such crazy stalkers.

Like, I have kids.

And the guy was like, no.

And then he was like, okay, what about $5,000?

I don't know how it ended, but this is the same person who did it to you.

It was in Elon's book.

And at first, he was like, you know, he's a free speech warrior.

So he was like, the account must stay.

And then he just about faced and was like, fuck principal, you're off.

And he kicked him off.

He banned Elon's shit.

So Taylor's having the same issue that Elon was having where, yes, it is public information through the FAA website, but I think it requires a lot of legwork to figure out.

And this person's just making it like so easy for people to see.

Yeah, this person is not breaking the law.

No.

And I think it's interesting.

Like Taylor obviously wants his account taken down, which she's totally entitled to.

I'm like her level of stalker is like she has millions.

Like they're insane.

They go and sleep in her bed.

Like they're freaks.

So, and I am sure that there is some sort of connection between this account and her stalkers.

Like I'm sure of it.

I do think it's interesting that the route she chose to take was like cease and desist and kind of like legal strong-arming, as opposed to just being like, what if I gave you, you know, $50,000 to shut up?

Because it's clear that this person like would take money.

Is it?

Yeah, because when Elon offered him $5,000, he said it wasn't enough money.

Okay.

But then, you know,

and also this is like a college student, like with $50,000.

But I think it's the principle of like, you're going to pay someone a lot of money.

I know, but for your safety, like, fuck principal.

Yeah.

I mean, Elon said fuck principal.

Honestly, Taylor should be reaching out to Elon and be like, hey, can you fuck principal on mine too?

Yeah, no, by the way, for sure.

I'm sure like if this doesn't go her way, like she's on her way to Palo Alto.

Yeah, because he also made her unsearchable on X when those AI images were circulating.

So he can just kind of like do stuff.

You might want to be nice to Elon.

Yeah, I know a lot of people like think those accounts are important because they like highlight, you know, her carbon emissions.

Yeah.

But we know.

She's like not an environmental queen.

Like we know.

So the point was made.

And I saw the funniest tweet because like two weeks ago.

Taylor Swift's one of her like classic New York New York New York.

Oh my God.

New York stalkers.

One of her New York stalkers was arrested like three days in a row.

Each day he came to like lay in her bed, got arrested, and then came back the next day to do it.

And

the Swifties were freaking out.

They were like, why isn't this guy in jail?

And the tweet was like, oh, Swifties are about to learn about bail reform.

Because like in New York, like you, like, if you get arrested, like.

bar it like they just like let you out like it's like kind of crazy so it's like how is this person doing the same thing three days in a row if he was just arrested it's like the swifties are finally

about to meet alvin bragg yeah like it's it was such a funny tweet, but it's true.

Like, this is a violent person who, like, trespassed three days in a row, and every day he was able to get out and do it again.

Wait until they hear about the two cops that were beat up by the illegal migrants.

They're going to be big mad.

So I think the account should be taken down.

I do think this is like an interesting route for her to take

to do that, but I'm sure she thought it was like the best way.

I wonder if she's like even involved.

She definitely is.

She definitely is.

Yeah.

I think she should talk to Elon.

And by the way, a lot of celebrities have these accounts, and at different moments in time, like there's a lot of attention on them.

Like there were those weeks where everyone was obsessed with the account that tracks Kylie because she was taking like 30-minute plane rides to Palm Springs, and that's so wasteful.

So they come in and out of trend.

Yeah.

But still, for the stalkers, they remain on alert.

Yeah.

You know, they're still checking it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They stay woke, you know, they stay dressed and alert.

Yeah.

No, it's definitely

there should be some sort of

line

yeah

i don't know what it is but it's not it's not right right no and it's like yeah legally whatever she might not have a case but like what about human decency what about like what about taylor's reaching reaching out and saying i feel very unsafe by something you're doing would you mind not doing it and that person just being like okay like what about

hello Yeah, what if you just called Taylor up and said, I think I'm safe.

Right.

Are you ready for our next story?

Which isn't so much of a story as it should be a story.

Yeah.

What number is this?

Number four.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carrie Underwood has literally become a homesteading trad wife on her Instagram and nobody's talking about it.

We are.

We shall be talking about it.

It's so funny.

Carrie Underwood has obviously got the homesteading bug because she is making her own soap now, making her food from scratch.

She's been sharing.

Making her own skincare.

Oh, yeah, skincare.

She's been sharing it a bit to her Instagram.

Not enough.

And I don't think people are asking enough questions about what's Carrie up to.

But let me tell you, it's the least shocking thing ever.

Like she would.

Like she definitely lives on some sort of farm.

She has like tons of land.

She probably has animals.

She's a lot of money.

Like it's easy to homestead, you know.

By choice.

Like it's fun, you know?

I love this journey for her.

Her content about it is so funny.

She like knows it's funny too.

Yeah, it's just so crazy how we're all.

I wonder what like big tech has invested in us becoming homesteaders.

It kind of seems counterintuitive, but like I am only invested in this because I'm getting served it.

I would have never known if I wasn't getting these videos in my algorithm.

You think big tech has a vested interest in women becoming homesteaders?

Like, no, I actually think the opposite.

So why is this happening?

Right.

And it's really, it's viral.

I feel like it's kind of a glitch in the matrix.

Yeah.

Or it's like too powerful a trend.

It's too powerful to stop us from surfacing.

Right.

Anyways, I love this journey for her.

It also like then made me check out her Instagram, which was a really fun place to be.

She's got a lot going on.

Like of course the music, the career, the glitz, the glam, denim, and diamonds we know.

But she also has like a really, really popular athleisure line.

Amazing.

What's that?

It's called like Kalia or something.

It's like really popular.

No, and people, myself included, just like forget about her sometimes.

Yeah.

She's not to be forgotten.

Like her hits, they don't stop.

They don't stop coming.

And she's doing like a Las Vegas residency.

I would love to see.

I need to take myself to Vegas for a weekend just to hit up the residencies.

But I would actually need a whole week because I want to see Carrie Underwood.

I want to see Kelly.

I want to see Christina Aguilera.

Who else is there?

I want to see Adele, of course.

Adele.

Donnie and Marie.

Donnie and Marie.

I don't think I can name one song that Donnie and Marie Osman sing.

Also, are they brother and sister or husband and wife?

Husband and wife, I'm saying.

That's my guess.

Curry.

Donnie and Marie.

They are

brother and sister.

They had a TV show.

What brother and sister?

That's cute.

That is cute.

We love sister and songs.

When you Google Donnie and Marie, the first thing that comes up is Donnie and Marie Sleep Together.

Oh my gosh.

I don't know these songs.

Morning Side of the Mountain.

No, this is like so beyond my

Miranda Lambert will be doing.

Oh, yeah, she's doing residency.

A residency.

I could see her.

Yeah.

Okay, that's pretty much it.

I didn't miss anything, I don't think.

Cool.

You know, it's a great time for music in Vegas.

Maybe we should go.

Oh, I don't know, this weekend.

Oh,

that would be something.

Oh,

Sunday night.

But the tickets are wild for Vegas.

Oh, and the private jets, you can't get a parking spot.

Oh, like at the hangar?

Yeah.

Have you seen that?

It's all

like, it's going to be hard to get your plane in there.

Damn.

Good thing I don't have a plane.

Good thing.

That would be really hard.

No, like

that's like such a rich people problem.

Like I never even thought about that.

Like

their planes.

The plane, the private airport is going to be overflowing.

But I feel like.

I mean, they should all consolidate now you would think i feel like that happens at every super bowl especially when it's in a place that doesn't really have a lot of private plane volume which i feel like vegas does right i feel like actually of all the cities equipped to handle like inbound celebrities jets people tourism vegas is probably one of the best to handle it if not the best yeah

i think so

And they have so many hotels because usually like when it's in a city like

a normal city, like you don't have every hotel, like there's a ton of rooms.

There's plenty of rooms.

I'm glad that they won't have like a room shortage.

Me too.

Um, before we dive into the next story, might might I have the floor?

Oh, Claudia, of course you can.

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But my new aesthetic, my apartment's very kind of natural.

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I've got, you know, hints of olive.

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I ordered the signature sheets in, what was the color?

Natural.

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I will.

Jackie, it has

changed my entire home.

Like, you don't even know.

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I know you're, you're, you love your white, but just.

No, I know.

You told us that.

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And I just got new tings from them.

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So did I.

Are we ready for our fifth and final story?

A little bit.

Oh, and just to say, I had ordered something and like ordered the wrong color, like a moron.

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I actually, I was shopping.

I saw a Bowling Branch store.

Do you know they have physical stores?

I didn't.

And I was wondering, could you walk up and check out with Code Toast?

We'll have to ask them.

Yeah, that should be like a fun perk.

Our last story, a little royal update.

Prince Harry has left the UK 24 hours after seeing his dad, King Charles, and not seeing his brother, Prince William.

Prince Harry is already leaving London.

He'll be on the last train to London.

After a quick?

After a quick trip to see his father, King Charles, shortly after Buckingham Palace announced that the monarch was diagnosed with cancer, he was spotted at London's Heathrow airport on Wednesday after spending about 24 hours in the UK.

I just don't feel like, I don't know anything.

I just feel like that wasn't the plan.

You think he was like turned away at the door?

No, or it was a bad conversation.

I'm leaving, Papa.

Yeah, I mean, that's like, it's a, by the way, from LA to London, that's like not a short journey.

For 24 hours to say hi and bye.

I think he probably didn't book a return flight at first, just wanted to feel out the vibes.

This is just my speculation based on, you know, human behavior.

And I think the vibes were negative.

And he turned around and went home.

That's what I think.

Interesting.

I mean, it's a really short amount of time for such a long flight.

So I don't know what the hell happened.

I doubt he was going there with the intention of seeing William.

That part doesn't shock me, but I would imagine he would have spent more time with his father.

Right.

And also, if it was that sort of thing of like, you know, time heals all.

This is bigger than us.

Then Charles would have been like, stay, see your brother.

Let's be a family.

Yeah.

24-hour trip is just not giving that.

No, it's giving bad news, Sparrows.

It's giving drama continues.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Like this saga, like with a picture we sort of painted yesterday that like hopefully this would be the thing that brings them all back together, him and Megan are working royals again, like seems further away than ever.

It's also giving like things just got worse.

Oh, like what was said.

Yeah.

Like we,

they sunk down deeper.

Yeah, I mean, there was like that recent drama with the translation of their book.

Well, not their book, like the biography that they

Obi Scobie.

Right.

And the translation accidentally putting the name of the person who made the comment about Archie's skin tone.

So I feel like tensions are probably higher than ever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yikes.

Yikes, bikes, but you know, bon voyage.

Yeah, safe travels.

Do you think Megan and Harry will be at the Super Bowl?

No.

And that's the problem because like why if that's where they should be.

That's where you should be.

Like former royals, living high on the hog, go to the damn Super Bowl.

Right.

But that's like such an American sport, you know?

And she's American.

She is, she is, but it just would be crazy.

Like they'd be better off at like, you know, the World Cup or whatever.

Of course.

But she's in New Jersey.

If you're not using your clout to go to the Super Bowl in Las Vegas, then you're just not doing it right.

I mean, I couldn't agree more.

Like, if I was Megan and Harry, like, I would have had a suite, a jet, and a like a hotel room months ago.

No, I would be getting on someone else's.

I don't even care who's paying.

I'm going.

Oh, sure.

I'm sure anyone would give them a ride.

Oprah.

Jeff Bezos.

Ellen.

Does Ellen have a plane?

For sure.

Yeah.

And it's like a quick trip.

It's not a trip.

Nobody's from LA.

It's a big ask.

It's so true.

It's literally nothing.

And everybody's going to have extra seats.

Like, they're just, they should be there.

Today's episode is not over because we have our TV recap, which is our Vanderpump Rules recap, which was on last night, the second episode of the season.

First episode, you know, wasn't great.

Second episode was better because like at least someone somewhat polarizing, Tom Sandoval.

I know you're like obsessed with seeing the Sandy.

It's the only,

everything else, I'm sorry, is so beyond uninteresting to me.

Like the restaurants, like it's just not

remotely interesting.

And seeing somebody so unhinged, like that's entertaining to me.

Yeah, I guess.

He wasn't really even like that crazy or bad.

Like the episode was not good.

No, no, no, it wasn't good.

But when I look back on the episode and like look at my, you know, heart rate monitor and think about the things that excited me and made me feel something, I would say seeing the way that Ariana and Tom live within the one house with the assistant

was appalling.

We spoke about the

state of their cleanliness, which is not acceptable, but the way that they communicate through that poor woman who is so ill-equipped.

Like she's not a alpha type of personality.

She's obviously like soft-spoken, maybe even a little shy.

How did she end up in this situation?

How did she get here?

How did she get out?

Like she's not the right woman for the job.

No, and I feel badly for her.

You know, she probably was applying for a personal assistant job and she became like a divorce mediator.

You know, but she stays in the job.

So I did relate to like her sending off that text message really quickly and then Tom changing his mind.

Like, that's so me.

I'm so quick.

That's so you.

That's so not me.

Yeah.

Like, that would, that would happen to me.

Like, you said you told me to do something, so I did it.

Sorry.

And I appreciated that she did that because, Tom, it's like your words, like, you said something, you can't undo it.

Yeah.

And actually, I didn't really agree with

Lala sort of taking Tom's side.

You did agree.

No.

Oh, I agreed with Lala.

I felt like she was being

rational.

I think like him saying, I'll send you at a hotel is like beyond unreasonable and insane.

And I get Ariana being like indignant in this birthday party, but the more I learn about like their financial situation when it comes to the house, like Ariana is being a little too prideful.

Like I understand what she's saying.

She's like, you ruined my life.

Like I shouldn't be uprooted and have to find a new place to live.

But if he is willing willing to buy her out, and her only reason for saying no is because, like, on principle, she's really only doing herself a disservice.

Like, look how she's living like a slob.

Like a slob.

She can't even stay at her residence with her new man.

She's

shooting herself in the foot, like, to prove this.

She's making so much money.

She can get a better house.

To prove this point to someone who a point is, he's going to miss it.

And as Lala said, like, he's getting off on making you uncomfortable.

Like, she thinks that leaving is like going to be too easy for him and that she's sticking it to him by being there.

Like he doesn't care either way.

And why wouldn't you want a clean state?

Why would you do this to yourself?

The way the state of limbo that she's living in, like I don't relate to it at all.

And I, and I, she's lost me on this.

I, I don't understand it.

Don't understand how Tom can

buy her out when he was saying he literally had to move like $500, $1,000 just to pay his band.

And that's the only reason he was going on the tour, even though it felt, you know, like in such an inopportune time and he needed the money, which I do believe.

But like, and he did put, put, he put more than Tom Schwartz into Schwartz and Sandy, so that over $500,000.

Like, I do believe he has no money, so how can he even buy her out?

I don't know.

Not my problem.

Not my problem, but like maybe he, like, I don't think that's even like an actual reality.

I think he might still have savings, even if he put close to a million in the restaurant.

He's been on the show for a very long time.

I, if he, and he doesn't seem like he spends outlandishly aside from his ban.

That's like his fashion project.

He could have more savings.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I think that's like a mistake on Ariana's part.

Like she's just so

like being stubborn about it.

And she's wrong.

She's only doing herself a disservice.

Yeah, because you can't move on if you're still like, if you're still caring about like punishing the other person.

Right.

And living, I mean, it's just, it's on, it's obscene.

I cannot believe that that's how they were living.

And I think how they're still living.

I also

oddly found, and I've been finding like one of my favorite characters to be Sheena.

She went from being just like so fake and like

insufferable to being so real.

And honestly, like I just love her in Brock and I just love her.

Like she's really a sweetie.

She's really a sweetie.

I agree.

Like I stand.

I do too.

And I really like her and Brock and they have a very nice family life.

And I like watching the family stuff from everyone.

Yeah, I could live without, without, you know, the birth charts and the zodiac readings from Allie.

Well, yeah, that's not even, I don't even know what that is.

So dumb.

Sad to see pump go, you know, a local institution, but I thought Lisa's reasoning for it was like very reasonable.

Yeah.

And like I wouldn't consider Lisa's, you know, restaurant discography to be a flop.

She's like opening a million more restaurants in Vegas.

Like those are the real moneymakers.

She doesn't need four restaurants on the same street in West Hollywood.

Yeah.

And I'm with her.

Like it's, you have to know when it's time to say goodbye to something.

Like, yeah.

All good things must come to an end.

Rather to end it with dignity.

Right, right.

And like, the fact that people like showed up for it, like, it was cute.

And the rent's going up.

Like, it's dollars and cents.

It's dollars and cents.

Like, this is a business, not a charity.

Yeah.

And it's also like, you don't keep your business going just to preserve your reputation if it's like losing you money.

Right, right.

And it's really not an integral part of like the Vanderpump universe.

Not at all.

I couldn't believe that.

I think they tried in the beginning.

I couldn't believe all those scenes that were filmed there.

I'm like, oh, why were they filmed there?

Because when it was opening, like, it was a big part of the storyline.

And then, like, Tom worked at the bar and they were like, they're right.

They tried.

They were on Vanderpump rules.

They tried to make it a part of like the show's ecosystem, but it wasn't natural and it didn't work.

And I think the restaurant probably suffered because of that because it wasn't like a place you would go to see Vanderpump people.

You would go to Sir.

Right.

And then that wasn't changing.

Right.

And Tom Tom is what Pump would have been, but there wasn't enough of a tie-in.

Makes sense to me.

Yeah, so it was time.

Yeah.

It was time.

But like, other than that, I I don't have any thoughts on the recap.

Like, it wasn't interesting.

No,

I found it more pleasant to watch.

I'll keep up with it because I'm sure there's going to be meat at some point.

But

it was just like start, stop, start, stop.

Yeah.

So that's our show, correct?

Which is like disappointing because we finally got like back into something and we're both watching it.

And it's like, nah.

Yeah, no, like we will continue to do Deer Toasters on Thursdays, like until the show becomes, you know, untenable.

Yeah, but I'm going to give it a beat.

They're finding their new footing.

It's hard.

You have to bring Sando Ball back into the fold, but like what he did was so horrible and people are so mad.

I had forgotten about China's other song and that music video.

That was insane.

Oh my God.

That music video.

That was insane.

Oh my God.

Claudia.

I was shocked.

I literally had forgotten about that.

It's a sex tape.

Yeah.

Literally, it's Skinamax.

It's insane.

And what was crazier about at the time was like that guy, Brett, was hooking up with, was it Dana?

Dana.

Who is Sheena's friend?

So it's like, oh, I'm going to tap this guy.

You're hooking up with to me in my music video.

And it's this.

Like, the thing is, Sheena is a complex gal.

And we have just, you know, witnessed her growth.

And this, honestly, I feel like this episode, that really honest conversation she had about like OCD with her motherhood and like.

With the flashback to like the girl she used to be like, I just feel like it's emblematic, for lack of a better word, of the journey she's been on.

Like it really highlights like how much she's changed.

Honestly, she should be very proud.

Yeah.

And the theme of this episode, it's growth.

Change is positive, but it was shocking to look back on that.

I had completely forgotten that that was something that happened.

And it was such a low production value.

Like it really was giving pornhub.com.

It was a porno.

Yeah.

With your friends, man, which was what?

Beyond.

So that is our show, you guys.

Hope you have a great hump day.

Don't forget to hump someone you love.

And thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennium Morning Show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, IHARA Radio, Castbox, all the places where I've been listening to podcasts.

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goodly talented we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Love ya.

Bye.