Crackie O. Productions: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the Toast and Happy Wednesday.

It is Hump Day.

Don't forget to hump someone you love.

And speaking of humping people that I love, it's a girl that I love.

It's Shaki Aw.

Hey, La Ter, De Lu, Screw, Lou, De La Tur, La Ter, De Lu.

Hello, Turdy Loo Hoo.

Turdy Lou Hoo, Fahu, Forest, Daho, Doris, Welcome, Toasters, to this show.

Hopefully, the people who wrote this jingle are in litigious no-so.

Yeah, we'll get into it on Friday.

I just want to say about that song that is pervasive in the Grinch movies.

It's always what the Who's are caroling, and we know the Whos are always caroling.

And it's not on the soundtrack.

Disgusting.

I kind of feel like it's ripe for recording.

Nobody really owns it.

Oh, it's PR girls.

It's kind of like a legal gray area.

Is that what you're saying?

It's a legal, it's a murky, it's a jingle.

It's something that's in the Zeitgeist that nobody owns.

I absolutely love that.

I feel like there are songs like that.

Like, who owns old McDonald?

Somebody for sure.

Probably Fisher Price on it, if I had to guess.

No, they own that new song that everyone's talking about, you know?

What's the song?

The animals play, the animals play, the animals play all day.

There's this mat, the monkey play.

There's this mat that, like, everybody, it's viral.

If you have a...

Baby right now.

I didn't have it for Harry, but then I saw that girly's posting it.

So I got it.

And Charlie loves it.

And it can keep transitioning as babies get older.

And it has original music on it.

It's about 25 minutes of music, songs you've never heard before, but they will get inside your head and they will not leave your head.

Well, let me say that I do love my job more than anything, but if I had to be doing something else, I would want to be in the music department of like a big children's company, whether that's like Hasbro, Fisher, Price, I'm not particular.

I feel like.

The collaborative process is amazing in those companies.

And I think we, you know, we would be doing really important work together.

No, you would be very good at that.

I do feel as though that's your calling that you've missed.

And instead you're sitting here with your girl.

Yeah.

Or I would be one of those, you know, music class for kids where they have like a guitar player, a singer, and then like somebody handing out scarves.

I would be one of those people.

Oh, yeah.

If you didn't quite make it at Hasbro.

Yeah, yeah, that would be said.

The fallback.

I feel like that's like the most fun, but also torturous job.

Yeah, it's a lot of work.

I feel like for me, my missed calling was being a bot mitzvah dance motivator.

I completely agree.

When we were watching your bot mitzvah video on family vacation, now I'm not, you know, my joints are old and creaky.

But

at a point in my life, like that was my calling.

I can get the crowd moving and going.

Let me ask you a question, because I haven't been to a bat mitzvah in many, many years, but I know in the day and age we grew up in, when you did the bot mitzvah circuits in seventh and eighth grade, every bot mitzvah worth its salt had a DJ with a bunch of motivators.

They were like these young, kind of 20-something, very fit boys and girls wearing all black whose job it was to like hype up the crowd, get the, you know, the conga line started.

It was kind of a thankless job.

Is that still part of Basmisfa trend culture?

I don't know why it wouldn't be, but please let us know in the comments: are the motivators still motivated or have they been taken over by AI?

Yeah, I don't know why.

I just feel like it's a thing of the past.

I hope it's not.

But also, I would love a documentary on

that.

Because Cause I know now, like those 20-somethings were like drunk and they were like fucking uncles and cousins and stuff at Bot Mitzvah.

It's like, I know that now, but back then I didn't know.

Like, I think there was an underbelly, like a subculture of the Bas Mitva motivational dancers and what was going, what was really, what was a real party?

Do you think they were doing drugs?

No, no, no, no.

That's the sort of thing that will get you fired.

We won't tolerate that here.

I actually think even sneaking alcohol like would be, a you know demerit.

But it's the kind of job that literally requires drugs and alcohol.

For sure, but not if you're natural at it.

Like for me, I wouldn't need drugs and alcohol, which is why it's my calling.

For me, like the only way I would survive even one bot mitzvah is with like a massive amounts of drugs and alcohol.

Like I would need Adderall, cocaine.

Like it's hours and hours of dancing.

Bot mitzvah's already five hours.

That's insane.

That's insane.

I feel like maybe there are different levels of DJ companies and maybe the most elite have those who are most naturally gifted and they don't need performance-enhancing substances.

Maybe, like, the lesser tiers, it's like cracked-out motivators.

Cracked out.

DJ cracked out.

DJ Crack.

Cracky O.

DJ Cracky Out.

That would be the name of your company that employs like a bunch of, you know, like Adderall Riddle teens.

It would be called Crackio Productions.

Fine.

Only because, not that that's the same type of environment you would harbor, but only because it's a great name.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I would have to live up to the name.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

Like,

are you excited for like that part of your life?

Like, when your kids are grown and like they're doing the bar mitzvahs, like you obviously go as an adult and the kids go for like the kids, but you go because you're friends with the parents.

Like, it's kind of, like, it's the two journeys in life.

You know, you're either a guest of the bar mitzvoy or the bar mitzvah boy's parents.

Yeah, because otherwise you don't go to bar mitzvah.

It's just like I haven't been to a bar mitzvah in since Margo's.

No, you're either 12 or 40.

Like, that's it.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it seems like a ball, like, getting to be at a party all dressed up, and then your kids are there too.

But it's definitely like a next chapter.

Yeah.

You know, so it's like, oh, I guess I'll be older.

Wiser.

Crackier.

Like, 40s, yeah.

Crackier.

40s.

So we've got a great show today.

Let's do a little housekeeping.

You know, it's Wednesday, which is a huge day here at the toast.

Normally we would do our dear toast here, is our advice segment that we literally got over like 700 submissions last week.

Like people are desperate for our notes.

For real.

Dead serious.

I did kind of say we don't get it.

I did hound people last week being like, Where the hell are you?

And they showed up.

So we'll do that, but we're going to do it tomorrow because last night was the premiere of Vanderpump Rules.

We're going to do a little TV recap, even though there's literally nothing to say.

We will talk about it at the end of today's episode.

We'll do we'll bring back the TV recaps because Vanderpump Rules is on.

So housekeeping will go as such.

Wednesday, Vanderpump Rules.

Thursday, Dear Toasters.

Friday, Weenie of the Week.

And Queenie.

And Queenie.

Can only be negative, turdy.

I can.

But we have to try at least.

And, you know, another week has gone by where I have a million candidates for Weenie of the Week, and I can't scrounge up one measly person for Queenie of the Week.

Well, maybe today your Queenie will come through.

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

We have great stories.

I don't know for sure because I did not choose them, but I know that there was a new episode of New Heights.

Yes.

I actually don't know if anything they said made it to Fast Five.

So they'll have to.

They really like didn't say anything.

I watched.

Yeah, like, oh, here's, you know, Mr.

Kelsey Father's nickname for Taylor.

Yeah, like there really wasn't anything.

And it turns out to be like, Tay.

No, I just want to say we got so much on Sunday.

It's like, we can't complain, but I was kind of, for me, like the new episode of New Heights, like what would come from it was a life raft to get through the week.

And now that I'm here, like I'm drowning.

There was nothing.

There was nothing.

And I think their strategy is to talk about it on the show, but not in a way where they're actually saying anything because they don't want to actually divulge too much.

So people are picking up scraps.

Jason calls Taylor a part of the family as engagement looms.

Right.

And he literally didn't.

He just said the family, mom, dad, today.

Like, yeah, or he probably said like Chiefs, family.

Yes, friends and family.

So.

So that was tough.

But, and I sent you this story.

But I respect that they still get on the pod.

They still do their job.

They don't ignore it.

They address it.

But I also respect that they give us nothing.

It's an art.

It really is an art to talk about something without saying anything.

Word salad energy.

Word salad.

Yummy, yummy.

But the key to a word salad is to not let people know that it is a word salad.

So you only realize after when you've eaten it, like, hey, oh, I had a salad.

And I do think people watched the episode and like felt like they got stuff and they felt fulfilled, even though it's, you know, they're literally being gaslit because there was nothing in the episode.

So you're right.

It was a successful word salad.

Because sometimes when you're, there's nothing more painful than listening to an obvious word salad that's a jumble of words that don't lead anywhere.

Agreed.

That's a failed word salad.

We all know who we're talking about.

I literally don't know.

Were your headphones not plugged in again?

No, they were.

I just plugged my computer into charge.

Oh my God, getting yelled at.

I don't know who you were just like subtly referring to.

She's the queen of word salads.

Olivia.

No, no, that's, that's rude.

Is it?

I feel like Olivia would agree.

She's quite verbose.

Yeah, she's verbose.

She's salad-like, but her salad has protein and cheese and things.

Yes, but there's a lot of lettuce.

There is, there is.

Okay, who's the queen of word salad?

That's so funny that you don't have the same association of a word salad.

Are you going to say Taylor?

Taylor, who?

Swift?

No?

Yeah, no.

I literally don't know who you're talking about.

Really?

Is it me?

No.

Oh my God, you're not thinking broadly enough.

Think in like a more global context on a very big stage.

Kamala Harris?

Like I literally,

I was literally like, I don't, but it's not really like a global stage, but I guess, yeah, yeah, she does give word salad energy.

But, you know, at some point, like.

She's the master chef of a word salad, except it's not, she's the Gordon.

Tasty.

She's the Gordon Ramsey for sure.

Yeah, but like she's butching.

But Jackie, she also has like a team of people who wrote, who created, who chopped the salads for her.

That's even scarier because her word salads are not successful word salads in the sense that you didn't, you know you're eating a salad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But wait, all I was trying to say was about the, how we got on this word salad trade.

The stories, while New Heights word salad, there is kind of

a story today

that at least for me

might be the most important thing we'll ever discuss here on the toast.

Okay, is it one of the one that you sent me?

Yes.

Oh, actually, you sent me like three, sort of.

So.

Well, at first I was sending you like things that I thought you would enjoy.

I wasn't suggesting, but then I sent you a story from People Magazine regarding Tarek El Musa.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And do you want that to be the first one?

I actually think it is that important, like dead seriously.

And for those who might be new here, this is a part of toast lore.

This is like a

it is a running like joke, but it's not a joke to me.

Like to me, it's very serious.

It is something I haven't stopped thinking about since 2016 and I haven't stopped talking about since 2016.

And for the first time ever, we have an update.

That's why you stay committed to the things that you care about.

You need answers for.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's get into the stories.

Without further ado, but we're already talking about them, so I don't want to like double dip.

Okay, wait, let me think.

Like, what did I want to share?

I had steak for dinner.

I saw Zachapiro.

Like, let me think, let me think.

I had so many choices.

I guess I could share that.

I'm still sick, but my voice has changed.

And I think it's like a nice voice.

And I'm in the process of like weaning weaning from breastfeeding.

So I'm just like in pain.

And it's like, it's such a slow process.

And I think I might have like skipped a step.

So I'm suffering.

I didn't know that.

That's kind of like a big deal.

Why didn't you share that?

I thought I did.

You were like, have been saying that you're going to do it, but not that you're starting it.

It takes weeks if you want to do it right.

So I'm probably like two weeks away from being done, but this is kind of a

step backwards.

Oh, another.

Because I feel like I should have pumped midday yesterday and I skipped it, but I literally didn't have the time.

When was I supposed to pump?

Do you need me to fly down and suck out?

You have a little, you have a little, what's it called, block?

What's it called?

No, uh,

clog.

Clog.

And I think I've said this on the toast before, but the thing about clogs is in the years since I've had Harry and Charlie, like the science on clogs has completely changed.

Like it used to be, you know, put heat on it

because they thought it was an actual clog.

And now they're like, no, it's a swelling.

So put cold on it.

Like the actual exact opposite.

And now they say like, take Advil and put cold.

Whereas before it was like, by the the way do you do cabbage

so I never did cabbage before but I've heard that it really works and I'm going to be getting some cabbage today all my girly friends like who they were talking about the other day like everybody does cabbage it's like the thing you just do it like it works instantly yeah for your friends did they breastfeed at all yes but they wanted to be done yes Because some people who don't want to breastfeed at all, like the week that they give birth, they do cabbage so that their milk doesn't come in.

Or they do mix packs.

There might have been someone in the group who did that too.

But I know it was like a mixed bag of girlies when it came to their breasts

aren't we all a mixed bag of girlies when it comes to our breasts and

ain't not the truth so i'm going to do cabbage and also i what's working out for me is when you're sick your supply lessons oh then i usually when i'm sick and breastfeeding i don't take medication because those medications are drying to dry out your nostrils but they also dry out your breasts but now i can take that medication intentionally

to dry out.

That's miraculous.

Before we dive in, there was something I wanted to do.

I wanted to use my platform for good.

Ooh.

So Jackie and I have started like this little campaign, just, you know, in our community.

We really think that our older sister Olivia should get a dog.

And not just any dog.

Like, her and her husband have spoken about getting like a Bernese mountain dog.

And we're like, yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Like, there's only one breed that we really would consider.

And

I think that we should use our platform for good.

And I think we should start, you know, an initiative to anyone who's like a dog parent.

And also, like, Olivia has two kids.

Like, she's a lot going on.

It's not like, you know, she doesn't want a dog for no reason.

Like, she's a lot going on.

But I think like everybody should really kind of like share their stories about how the dog enhanced their life and how their kids love the dog so much.

And maybe like drop a comment on YouTube or send Olivia a message.

Like, I just think the power of the toast can convince her.

I don't think so.

She's so stubborn.

We're all so stubborn.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm not stubborn.

You're stubborn.

The satchel is stubborn.

What do you think is the most stubborn in the family?

I don't think you're stubborn, by the way.

You don't?

No, you're a lot of things, but you're not stubborn.

No, I'm kidding.

You're a lot of things, you know, beautiful, kind, caring, generous, charitable.

Yeah, I don't think I'm super stubborn, but sometimes I can be.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Anyways, who's the most stubborn?

Satchel.

But you're pretty bad, too.

Really?

I feel like I'm so open to, like, I acknowledge my stubbornness.

But you know,

I know that, like, I'll show you.

No matter how I get something, but in a year from now, like, I know I'll say.

Right.

But, like, why can't you just do it not in a year like what like what I feel like I've gotten so good like if I told you something that you would love right now

you don't go and do it tell me trust tell me

maybe I have a reason trying to get you to do maybe I have a reason like

like you were

what

like you were stubborn against beef stew

okay fine I'll give you that I'm stubborn against food I have like a food thing I have issues with like certain foods that's to me like the biological fine I'll accept that.

But when I say turdy, you're going to love this.

Like, can't you just trust your girl?

I feel like I do trust you.

I tried your beef stew.

Like, what more do you want from me?

You guzzled it.

What more do you want from me?

I ate the beef stew and I loved it.

And I said I was wrong.

Like, my God, is that, is that what a stubborn person would do?

No, no, I'm not asking that.

I'm asking for the next recommendation I give you that you try it at once, not at last.

I feel like the first opportunity I had to try beef stew, I did.

Well, you want to make my own.

I'm not pooing it after.

And I just want to say, I didn't poo-poo beef stew.

I poo-pooed just like the frequency in which we were talking about beef stew.

But the thing is, we're doing important work.

Like, I get tagged in beef stews all the time.

People are using beef stew to up their supply.

People are using beef stew to get pregnant.

It's a very nourishing food, and it's important that we do that sort of work here, Turdy.

Should I make beef stew for my book club?

Yes.

I'll send you the reel.

No, I.

You have to follow the reel.

I've pretty much like dead set on like catering.

Actually, I met a DM with a toaster yesterday who's like a kosher chef.

And she's like, let me just like cook it and like drop it off of your house.

That sounds amazing.

Or Ben could make the beef stew because he helped me and he knows stew.

I helped you too.

And I could just watch our Patreon vlog at patreon.com/slash the toast.

You could.

If I wanted to, I could.

It's a good vlog.

You should all watch it.

I also wanted to update everyone on something that like I feel for so many months I was talking about endlessly and then I just kind of stopped talking talking about it my eye twitch

and I do want everyone to know like it is still omnipresent like extremely when we went away on vacation it it went away a little bit but not so much and it's definitely lessened but I still have an eye twitch same eye same area same everything

and like that's what I'm living with yes sad

sad sad

when I climb into bed I start feeling sad suddenly I miss my mom and my dad without Nintendo

right

Right.

And this is just a great reminder that this podcast is hosted by not one, but two female authors.

Jackie wrote an absolutely just truly like chilling, groundbreaking, and borderline heartbreaking children's book called The Camper and the Counselor.

You can get it on Amazon or wherever you get your books.

It's called The Camper and the Counselor by Jacqueline Oshray.

Actually, Jackie, kind of weird you didn't use your government name on the cover.

Well, I used my known name.

So much smarter, but like, it's just kind of crazy, you know?

I know, but it was.

But you used your stage name.

Yeah, it's my stage name.

I didn't use my married name either.

I went with the name that like the people know me by.

And my book is also by my stage name.

Um, both my stage names, Girl with No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster.

It's a memoir.

It's an autobiography.

It's 240 pages.

It's really a light read.

People are saying it's kind of their, you know, favorite book of the past 10 years.

That's just what people are saying.

And you can also get it on Amazon.

Again, it's called Girl with No Job by Claudia Ashray.

I think you'd enjoy both of those.

You know, something for everyone in your life.

I feel like not enough people know that we're authors.

No, I agree.

And you know, not to, I just feel like I'm always bringing up tanks, like wherever I am, but she's kind of like, like, I'm inspired by her.

And I was watching her stories and I realized like she's always talking about her book.

And I'm like, I need to talk about my book more.

Like, I always, I forget that I'm a published author.

And she helped me see that in myself, you know?

I think the same thing.

Like, I'll see the book on the shelf and I'm like, I need to talk about this book more.

No, I'll see the book on the shelf and I'll be like, things I did, that

things I did, that I actually in my time hop like I see all the stuff for pictures of like getting the book ready like a year ago I was putting out the size I had like pictures of like a bunch of different books so it's all very exciting how yeah the difference a year can make we're women in comedy we're women in podcasting we're women in publishing we've been women in publishing though on both sides this podcast is like an episode of younger As readers and as authors.

Yeah.

I also think like

going back to a conversation from 30 minutes ago, jobs like we could do.

I actually, people ask me all the time, like, if you weren't doing this, what would you do?

And I always have like jokey answers.

But I actually do think I would really enjoy working at like a Reese's book club or like a publisher

and being like something, like maybe a tastemaker in the, in the literary arts.

Yeah, I think I could be a good reader, like read books and recommend them or decide if we want to publish them or decide if they're going to be the book of the month.

You would be like the junk pile coordinator at a publishing house.

What is that?

Didn't you watch Younger?

They have a junk pile where like all these manuscripts end up, either people send them in or they came from someone else.

And every now and then like you'll find like a diamond in the junk stack, but nobody wants to touch the junk stack.

So it's literally just like this big pile in the corner of the office.

Yeah.

No, that's what Dana's calling is that she missed because she reads really quickly.

She has really great taste.

And that's her calling.

I love that.

I'm glad that she has a book club podcast where she can at least

channel some of that.

but it's sad when people miss their calling just like you and i bringing it back to the top of the show i do feel like i miss my calling dead seriously like when it comes to having a career in music it is my dream i really need to release some more music even though like you know did you see kate hudson released a song I did, and I'm so glad you brought that up because like a fun fact about Kate Hudson, she reminds me a lot of Gwyneth Paltrow in the sense that like they're both known for being actors.

However, they both have amazing singing voices and I believe they were both unglue.

So that's how I discovered that they both sang.

And I think that was like the one opportunity they got to like do both things that they love.

And I've always known that she sang, there's actually a viral video of her singing, I think, the national anthem or something.

People are always shocked to find out she has an amazing voice.

And I think she finally was just like, fuck it.

What if I just released a song?

Yeah.

And it's like a bop.

Yeah.

I love it.

I love that first.

She didn't like do like major promo for it.

I think it's actually just truly a passion project.

And I think her man's is like a music producer.

So they probably just like made it in the house.

Classic stuff.

That's a dream.

Yeah.

Being married to a music producer who has like a studio in the house that you can use like to make music, but also record your podcast.

Also, another, like Jackie Schimmel.

Like, but

that is probably, like, I'm not a jealous person.

Actually, I am.

But there are a few things like in life that make me really, really jealous.

And Jackie Schimmel being married to like a very successful music producer who has a studio in his own house that then like he helps her like soundproof her studio.

Like that's a dream.

And then he's also responsible.

I think he wrote, like,

I forget which one direction song it was, but like a really good one.

I live for you, I long for you, Olivia.

One of those.

Wait, shouldn't it be called Jackie then?

Wow.

Then maybe it wasn't that.

I think it was, um,

she been back queen since we were 16.

We want the same thing.

I feel like I should just look it up.

Dreams, all right.

This is more fun.

I would say it's just more fun to like kind of scroll through the category.

Cause I remember I was like,

like singing that song once on on instagram she's like by the way did you know my husband did this song i'm like no it was like the craziest thing i ever learned like that to me like that's something to be jealous of and i think being jealous is okay as long as it's something worthy you know yeah and as long as you don't act in an affair no i'm not gonna steal her husband you know like yeah

yeah as long as he doesn't drive you to do bad things yeah no i would never i would never what's it

jealous of I was just saying yesterday, and like, I'm jealous of Shannon's productivity.

Oh, I'm jealous of Shannon's house.

i'm jealous of yeah just shannon's get up i'm jealous that shannon wakes up at the time she wakes up naturally and starts her day and has a coffee like if i could get up at that time i could get so much more done i guess it just depends like i'm actually jealous of like a lot of things in shannon's life in particular like i'm jealous of her body i'm jealous of her house i'm jealous of her clothes i'm jealous of her sense of style like it's one thing to be able to buy nice things but it's another thing to like style them and put them together yeah i'm yeah but but shannon's also like when you meet her i actually understand why people maybe like would meet shannon before they meet her and like dislike her because she's there's so much in her life that's to be envious of but then you meet her and like you can't help but be truly happy for her and like realize she has all these things because she deserves them you know and she like earned them totally

hate hate her yeah

great anything else jealous of oh my god today i don't know but in general yes like i'm a i'm a very i'm constantly i need that's something i need to work on actually not to keep bringing up tanks but when we were together she was like we were having a really deep conversation and she was like what's like your least favorite part of yourself and i was like my thighs and she was like no no no like

personality.

Skimmy legs.

Yeah, by the way, I was, I was making a joke.

She was, she was like, personality-wise.

And I was like, I really am like a jealous person.

And it's like a really poor quality.

And she was like, yeah, you should fix that.

I feel like, yes, you could fix that.

Or I think if you're honest about it,

it becomes like a funny thing.

And it's not so dark.

So true.

And I feel like people who harbor jealousy and like just act, like don't vocalize it, don't make make a joke about it and just like act out it's so true out of jealousy.

That's like that

with envy.

But being like you could turn your jealousy into like complimentary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so true.

And there's no there are a few things that like if you're jealous of someone having why not go and get them for yourself?

So true.

Of course not a music producer husband.

No, not that specific one.

I guess I could turn my alarm on at 6 a.m.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Clean my closet.

Right.

There are certain things like within your grasp.

right

my part feels off it's like bothering me it looks good thanks girly

okay i do feel do you now i feel it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know and the fast five stories that you need to know are brought to you by drizzly picture this nightmare scenario you're hosting friends for the big game it's neck and neck in the fourth quarter and suddenly you realize you're out of drinks boo

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Today's episode is also brought to you by the new Lionsgate movie Scrambled.

So Scrambled is a heartfelt yet hilarious journey of self-discovery and self-love.

It's written, directed, and stars Leah McKendrick, who is quote, among IndieWire's top female filmmakers to watch this year.

Super excited about this new Lionsgate movie.

It's called Scrambled, and I feel like it's really for the toasters.

I think it's kind of a really relatable journey that the character's going through.

Perhaps one that

you've gone through or you're currently going through, that journey of like being single, not minding so much, but knowing your biological clock is ticking and like wanting, you know, maybe wanting kids one day, not being so sure, feeling like you have to grow up overnight.

That's exactly what happens in this movie.

So the quintessential eternal bridesmaid Nellie Robinson, who's played by Leah McKendrick, is constantly finding herself between weddings, baby showers, and bad dates.

So when she begins to feel like the clock is ticking, she is faced with bleak romantic prospects, Nellie decides to freeze her eggs, setting her on an empowering journey to a brave new world where she ultimately discovers the one she's looking for might just be herself.

Film Threat

says it's brilliant storytelling.

You can learn more, watch the trailer at lionsgate.com slash movie slash scrambled.

The trailer will give you chills.

Also, it has my favorite song in it, Love Myself by Haley Seinfeld, which is like such a good song.

And I feel like it's emblematic of the theme of the movie.

That's a song that you should have recorded.

Okay, I'm so glad you brought that up.

I want to talk about that in one second.

Great.

The movie Scrambled is in theaters February 2nd.

It is rated R.

Grab your gal pals.

Excuse me.

Go by yourself.

February 2nd, Lionsgate movie Scrambled is in theaters February 2nd, rated R.

It's so funny that you said that that's the song I should have recorded.

Both times when I,

for those who maybe don't know, I released two Grammy Award-winning songs.

And at the very beginning of the creative process of both of those songs with the producers and the songwriters, the song that I cited, like that I wanted it to be like message-wise, sound-wise, melody-wise, was Love Myself by Haley Seinfeld.

Totally.

And then the other song that you should have written is Brave by Jesse J.

Actually, you should have written that song because I don't even know that song.

No, no, if you listen to it, will you listen to it quickly?

Have we learned nothing from Friday?

Frick frack.

We can't be playing songs on this podcast anymore.

Frick frack.

But anyways, the song is like one of my favorite songs.

It's called Brave by Jesse J.

By the way.

Shout out to Jesse J.

She's one of my favorite people on the planet.

She's so like criminally underrated.

She's so criminally talented.

Like she's the best singer ever.

She's such a great songwriter for herself and for other people.

And now she's literally from what I see on Instagram, the most amazing mom.

Like nobody is happier to be a mom.

I just love watching people who like love motherhood.

And

I love her.

It's also fun to watch someone who like motherhood didn't come easy to and who wanted it for so long.

And I I think I heard her say in an interview, and she kind of came to terms with like the fact that that was not going to be her future.

Um, so somebody who wanted it so bad and then got it, like, it's it's beautiful to watch.

It really is.

She's a fun follow, and I want new music from Jesse J.

Agreed, but also, like, enjoy your life.

True, not me putting pressure on a new mama.

So true, mamas, get her.

No,

get her.

Our first story.

Okay, the Tariq.

Tariq El Musa finally tells his version of the gun incident that ended his marriage to Christina Hall.

So Tarek El Musa has his memoirs coming out called Memoirs of a Tarek.

What is it called, actually?

Flip Your Life.

How to Find Opportunity.

Enough with Flip.

How to Find Opportunity in Distress in Real Estate, Business, and Life.

Of course, it had to be Flip Your Life, but I just feel like it could have been Memoirs of a Flipper.

No, it really should have been Memoirs of a Tarek.

Memoirs of a Tarek.

He's telling his side of the story of the 2016 incident involving a gun that led to their divorce.

So when the pair split became public in December, it was revealed that they'd actually secretly separated seven months earlier during an altercation in which Tarek fled into a nature area with a pistol after what he called a blow-up fight with Christina.

This was in 2016.

Let me say, like, why this has such historical significance to me.

I obviously, like, during 2016, like, I was really involved in HGTV culture.

Like, obviously, I stayed, I came for Chip and Joe, stayed for Chip and Joe, and then I found, you know, some other couples.

And Christina and Tarek were like this low-budget West Coast version.

They had the worst style.

Their show was horrible, but like, they were so basic.

Like, and it was just, it was interesting to watch them try to be Chip and Joe when, like, they never were going to be Chip and Joe ever in their lives.

Like, they didn't have one creative bone in their body.

All of their houses look the same white subway tile.

And they were just like this weird couple.

And I just started to like follow them and stuff.

And then, like,

this story comes out that there's this crazy altercation at their house.

Tarek has fled the home.

They live in the mountains or like there's a mountain range behind their house.

He flees to the mountain with a gun.

The kids and the wife are in the house.

There's like a helicopter looking for him.

It was the craziest story.

And then nobody ever talked about it ever again.

And I was like, wait.

They ended up getting divorced a few months later.

But then the show went on as like, you know, co-parenting, flipping and flapping.

And it was just like, are we never going to talk about the gun and the mountains?

And it has been years of waiting for an answer.

And now we have one.

And honestly,

there's two sides to every story and there always are.

So Christina called 911 and police flooded the park as quickly as it devolved.

It was over, the incident and their marriage.

In the book, he writes that after a heated argument, he quote, went out to our backyard in Yorba Linda and hopped over the fence.

On that much, the exes agree.

But his explanation as to why differs.

He says, rather than fleeing, he was craving exercise and wanted to scout the trails near the house after having recently purchased some new mountain bikes.

The neighboring Chino Hills State Park is a habitat for wildlife, including mountain lions and bobcats, so he brought along what he calls an insurance policy, a.38 caliber pistol.

He says he'd received his California concealed carry license a few weeks prior.

When a helicopter appeared overhead, he recalls he thought there was an emergency, possibly a wildfire, but he quickly realized it was for him.

He said a police officer leaned out of the helicopter pointing a rifle at me.

Dust swirled around me from the spin of the blades and a loudspeaker crackled, get your hands in the air.

More police in off-road vehicles swarmed.

The officer in the helicopter miraculously recognized him.

I heard an officer shout, Tarek.

I screamed back, yes, I'm the guy from TV.

What are you guys doing?

They lowered their weapons.

I feel like the police officer probably got his name.

From the wife who called the police.

Yeah, not because he was a big HGTV fan.

Yeah.

They recognized you because you were the person they were looking for.

They recognized you because you had a gun.

They recognized you from the wanted poster.

They recognized you from the pictures your wife sent of you.

Literally, Tarek is me if I ever stormed into the mountains with a gun.

No, Tarek is you if you're ever under arrest.

They recognized me.

Oh, but they take a mug shot.

Paparazzi.

Wait, I just want to say.

I don't believe a word of Tarek's, like out of Tarek's mouth.

So convenient.

First of all, you hop the fence.

Like you only hop a fence when you're in the heat of a moment.

Obviously, something happened at the house.

It was like a, something escalated.

And he probably wanted to blow off some team.

Maybe he did bring the gun for wildlife.

That's possible.

But him acting like he was going to get exercise to, you know, look for some trails for his new mountain bike, but he also just happened to get into a fight with his wife.

Like, it just makes no sense.

Like, sorry.

Well, maybe he was like planning on looking for trails and he was like, had in the back of his mind, okay, I'll do that later.

But then he got into a fight with his wife and he was like, it's a good time to look for trails.

I just want to say, I like to believe people.

And I don't.

And whether or not this is true, it's an amazing explanation because it's so funny.

I completely disagree.

It looks so stupid.

Maybe, I feel like the word exercise is a little

juvenile.

Vague.

No, it's like, okay, maybe that word, it can mean a lot of things.

If he had said, like, just to blow off some steam, but like to use the word blow off some steam and then have a gun on you is a little scary.

So, I'm sure the editor said, we'll say exercise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if that's the case, he wanted to just like get out, get into nature, blow off steam, really.

And he brought his gun for the wildlife.

Like, so I do want to say, I believe that he brought his gun for the wildlife.

Like, I actually do believe that California has like coyotes and shit.

Like, I believe that part of the story.

I do think there are nuggets of truth.

But him saying that he left the house for any other reason than the fact that he was angry, he got into a fight with his wife wife, and he just wanted to blow off scene like is a lie.

Who hops a fence?

Well, so he's saying he got into a fight with his wife and he was craving exercise due to maybe the fight with his wife.

Like it's just a milder way of saying what you're saying.

It's a very convenient, it's a manipulation of language.

Yeah.

But it's a good one.

I like I have respect for this.

Where's memoirs of a Christina?

I need to hear her side of the story.

She's never spoken out.

All she did was call the police because her husband stormed off angry with a gun.

I feel like if this is wildly untrue, she'll find a way to tell the other side of the story.

But it's the father of her children.

They've moved past.

She's married twice over now.

Like maybe she'll be like, oh, Tarek also like really went through it after this.

Like everybody was Team Christina because Tarek's in the mountains with a gun.

And he like drank himself silly.

He was saying he was living.

Yeah.

He.

He talks about the aftermath of the split as physical and emotional hell and writes of hiding out on his boat, drinking himself unconscious and going through extreme withdrawal from the testosterone he'd been taking until friends stepped in to get him to a rehab facility.

He said in the wake of this.

His world testosterone withdrawal?

Yeah, that comes up again.

When he talks about it, he said, I hold nothing against Christina.

I understand why she did what she did.

We had a lot of hard years through my sicknesses and my mental health struggles from the testosterone.

So testosterone

abuse is maybe

abuse testosterone.

Or maybe he has

like I know a lot of of people.

Clearly, you have to read the book to understand his struggles with testosterone.

Like this is just one, he probably references it throughout the book.

And I know men take testosterone to like jack up.

It's like a really good thing for their health.

And as far as I know, it's not addictive.

So I don't know how you can.

No, I mean, I have no idea.

Or maybe he has like naturally low levels of testosterone.

So he has to take more.

And then, I don't know.

I have no idea.

I'm not even going to start to think about like or speculate on how you can potentially like deal with testosterone but if you're having withdrawals

excuse me what he had testosterone withdrawals leave me alone withdrawals

i'm a phonetic squirrely it also is an extremely hard word to say like withdrawals is how

i think on redheads i said the word drawers no we had this conversation on the toast yaga about drawers like about how it's like undies a cabinet for sure so i just want to let you know like withdrawal falls under the category of drawers so you make like, it's redundant to make fun of me.

Okay.

It's redundant.

I can't lie.

I don't feel like an overwhelming sense of peace like I thought I might after, you know, finally getting a follow-up after 18 years.

Tara could never give you peace, Turdy.

No.

I do feel more confused than ever.

I feel like...

Honestly, now I feel less at peace.

I want to hear from Christina.

But you're right.

Christina and him are co-parenting.

There are some lines you don't cross.

Let him tell his like silly little story and his silly little memoir that no one's going to read.

And I think Christina probably holds on to the fact that people won't believe it.

And I also feel like for you, Turdy, this story is such a core part of the makeup of Turdy.

It's so, it's so turkey.

That no matter what he says, like you can't let it go.

Who would you be without this story?

No, I have so much writing on this particular story.

So all is that to say, I stand with Christina.

Yeah.

And everyone did.

But it's Tarek's turn to tell his story.

Tarek's basically saying, me.

They should have called the book Tarek's turn.

No, we could have come up with such a better name than what was it?

Flip or flop?

Flip Your Life.

Yeah, I guess he's trying to be like, you know, macho, investor, man.

Like, it's trying to be like a business book.

So it's not, it's not really memoir.

It's more like, it'll probably fall under the advice, how to miscellaneous column.

How to flip your life.

Right.

So I think it shouldn't be called

Miska.

Muska.

Tarek El Musa.

Oh my God.

I love perfection.

I was thinking Tarik in care of business.

What do you think?

I think that's really strong.

I think so too.

Drop a comment.

What would you have named Tarik El Musa's how-to memoir?

And also.

Maybe you should have called it Musa vibes only.

Also, just like another important fact that I think we absolutely have to bring up here, Jackie and I have met Tarek El Musa at the LAX airport.

We did.

He was in security.

It was right after, it was 2018 because we were traveling the globe.

Yeah, and I think we saw him with the duffel and we said, do you think he has a gun in there?

Actually, it was 2017.

It was the year of the breath.

So it was right after.

T-Y-O-T-B.

So it was right after Gungate.

Yeah.

That's why we were extra excited.

Yeah.

Extra titillated.

I have a picture with him.

I have to find it.

I probably could.

You found it in the past.

Have I?

I know I took it on Snapchat and I think like my caption was Tarik.

Search Tarek on your phone.

Oh, that's an amazing idea.

The phone search feature is getting incredibly smart.

Oh my God.

So funny.

No, except as a horse.

I was looking for my meatball recipe last night.

I searched ground chicken and it didn't come up.

I have a million screenshots of like various news stories about Tarek El Musa.

I have an Uber where my driver's name was Tarek.

Obviously, I thought that was funny.

It is funny.

Oh, I have a COVID test result that I screenshotted, and the physician's name was Dr.

Tarek.

No, okay.

I mean, it would take me a while.

I have to go, you know, what year were you said it was?

2017.

Oh, my phone only goes back to 2018.

Damn.

No, it doesn't.

Sorry.

I will find it.

And I, oh, wait, here.

Wait, we're nowhere in Nashville?

I'll find it and I'll post it on my Instagram.

Oh, by the way, there's another article talking about his steroid addiction, which

he started taking steroids after facing testicular and thyroid cancer.

And the steroid that he was taking was testosterone.

On top of that, he was taking HCG injections every day because he was told to.

so yeah the addiction was to

testosterone steroids damn yeah this is why you got to read people's book it's so true people are layered some would say are you ready for our next story you mean am i ready to move on from a story i've waited six years eight years for excuse me no i'm not but i'll find a way yeah we can always come back dirty to your show don't worry i will yeah

are you ready for our next story then yeah i don't know how to start the next story without asking you profusely.

Okay.

No, just like a next segue in general.

Oh my God, just say this.

It's not about this particular story because this is a cause to celebrate.

Kristen Yuszchek lands an NFL deal after creating the viral jackets for Taylor Swift and Brittany Mahomes.

Kristen Yuszczek has landed a licensing deal with the NFL.

The representatives from the NFL confirmed to page six style that the organization has penned a licensing deal with the designer, as first reported by Sportico.

Kristen, who's married to Kyle Yuszczek, signed a contract with the Football League for an undisclosed amount that will allow her to use NFL logos on her designs.

Okay, so I think a lot of people were hoping that this would happen.

We spoke at length about how it would really be in the NFL's best interest to really capitalize on the moment they're currently having with like young women

and give young women an option for like sports clothing that aren't ugly.

Sorry, there's nothing out there for women that isn't like truly embarrassing and heinous.

And if there's one person who could do it, it's Kristen Yuszchek.

But in order to legally sell and distribute official merch with NFL logos, team logos, team colors, you have to obtain a license.

And the NFL is like notoriously stingy.

I think there's like five companies in the world that have the license.

And her getting one is huge.

I wonder what she's going to do with it.

I wonder if she's going to continue to make like bespoke high-end one-off pieces, if she's going to start like a direct-to-consumer retail company.

I don't know, but this is huge.

This is huge.

And a huge step, one small step for Kristen Uschek, one

large step for womankind yeah but i would also like to see her have a line with nfl shop yeah i mean that i think would have been like the more obvious route for kristen specifically like long term this is a better deal for kristen that's true that's true also zach told me because i was talking to zach about this last week how kristen like needs or the license whatever he said that aaron andrews has a women's collection with the nfl shop and like that is their women's line women's thing like oh women you want clothes like wear by erin Andrews.

And I hadn't looked at this stuff until now because he was like, you should look at it.

It's cute stuff.

Is it?

Some of it.

Some stuff is cute.

And like, you can tell they're inspired by like the reworked

type of

apparel.

Official women's gear at the NFL shop.

They have like denim jackets with the logos on the back.

Like it's, it's...

It covers.

What I'm seeing, I don't know if this is Aaron Andrews.

I'm just looking at women's.

It's fucking heinous.

But do you see the ones with like the lace cop?

No, I must be looking at the wrong thing.

Oh, here, by Aaron Andrews.

Oh, it's better.

Yeah, it's better.

And I'm sure maybe there's a stylish clause where they actually couldn't do the same thing with Kristen because they do it with Aaron Andrews.

It's not amazing.

I can't lie.

It's better, but it's not great.

It's not amazing, but Erin Andrews isn't a clothing designer.

Right, and Kristen Yuschek is.

So I don't know if she's going to like start raising money, if she's going to start a whole ass company, but I think

by next NFL season, she could be up and running and giving the momentum.

Like this is huge.

Like she could really like be at the beginning of starting like a billion dollar company for real.

Yeah.

It's like kind of the most amazing thing ever.

I wonder if her and Taylor have chatted.

Because as far as I know, Taylor didn't order.

Brittany did.

And, you know, Kristen, being the savvy businesswoman that she is, threw in a jacket for Taylor.

Oh, you think?

Now, I, the the way I, I mean, you might actually.

And actually, I don't even know how I know that.

I might have just made that up.

What I think happened is Brittany's worn the things a few times.

I'm sure Taylor was like, I like your coat.

And Brittany was like, I'll get you one.

My friend Kristen makes them.

She would love to make you one.

I don't know why I just assumed that like Britney ordered and she threw an extra one in the box.

Oh, that it was Kristen's entrepreneurial spirit that was like, here's one for Taylor.

Yeah, I really don't know why, why, where I saw that or if I just actually made that up.

I feel like Taylor complimented Brittany and Brittany was like, oh, I'll get you one.

That's classic friend stuff.

Yeah, I think all the time.

Like, I handle it.

I do that for you all the time.

If you like something, I'm like, Turdy, I got you.

Oh, by the way, have I gotten like a bunch of boxes?

Not a bunch.

I have like so much stuff arriving at your home.

Just the one stuff of like the

outfits.

But then have you opened any of it?

Yeah, it's in your room.

Okay, but like I have something coming.

Don't open it.

Who is it addressed to?

Me.

So don't open any of my boxes.

Okay, just like tell Zach because he just opens boxes willy-nilly around here.

I have to tell Zach you live with him.

Can you tell him?

And why would he listen to me, not you?

I'll forget is the problem.

That's the problem here.

But come to think of it, like a toaster DM me.

She was like, you have to get this for Jackie.

And I did.

Oh, and it's addressed to you?

Yeah, but I can't.

Okay, I'm not.

Actually, I could just text him right now since we're like doing admin.

Because I want the show.

I want you to open it on air.

Oh, wow.

Please.

It was like from an Instagram ad.

I know it's never showing up.

Check order status.

Sign in.

Oh, my God.

I totally got scammed.

What is this website?

Oh, my God.

So exciting.

I ordered some kids' clothes from a website that looked fake, but it wasn't.

And they came and they're super cute.

Okay.

They're making me log in, but like, I don't have.

Oh, I totally got scammed.

I had to call the bank.

And the toaster who scammed you.

Maybe it was her company.

Her heart was in the right place.

You don't think she set up a fake website to trap you?

I don't.

That's good.

You want to hear something so funny?

Always.

So I need to check the dates.

I got an, I guess I had totally forgotten, but in October of 2022, let me get you the exact date.

What are you going to wear for the Super Bowl?

Like pajamas.

I kind of need Kristen Yuschev to make me something.

Oh my God.

I mean, it is a dream, but I feel like she's kind of busy.

Oh, yeah.

She's probably making outfits for all the wags for the big game.

At least she has two weeks this time.

Usually she only has one week.

So

October 6th, 2023, I placed an order at the Taylor Swift merch shop for 1989 merch.

One One week ago, I got an email that my order had shipped.

Well, that's good.

And it still hasn't arrived.

But people know when, like, that's her thing.

Like, she.

I had completely forgotten.

She doesn't produce until after the orders are in.

It will be three months.

Yeah.

Well, that's good.

I mean, that's good.

It makes me feel good about if our merch ever takes a little bit.

Me too.

Our merch takes like two to three weeks.

Which it says on the site.

And sometimes I'm like, oh, I wish we could do it faster.

Obviously, like Taylor's over here making me wait three months for like a $300 order.

I'll survive.

It makes me feel better.

It makes me feel better too.

Are you ready for our next story?

Can I alert you some drama?

I'm not ready.

Always.

Okay.

So it's so funny because we were just talking about this a few days ago about how TikTok and like the nature of TikTok celebrity is so interesting because you really, every now and then somebody blows up.

And what you do, we were saying last week, with those five minutes will set the tone for, and we said Alex Earl did it very well.

And Emily Marico really felt like she

didn't really capitalize on on that.

She kind of just wants to live a quiet life and be like a major content creator, which is great.

She did her first like businessy thing this week.

Farmer's Bag totes.

Farmer's Bag Totes, Jackie.

Oh my god.

People are rioting.

So it's an extra large canvas tote.

Okay.

It's $120.

And it comes in two colorways.

It doesn't really have any like, you know, special features, you know, storage, cup holder, whatever.

A lot of people are comparing it to the LL bean bag that everybody uses for their farmer's market, which I think costs $19.99.

So people are rioting against Emily Rodrigo.

Emily Rodrigo, what's her name?

Emily Marico.

Saying, you know, not only is this out of touch, she doesn't care about her fans because she's not like the type of creator.

She doesn't like respond back to people.

They're like, you ignore your fans and now you're making us pay $120.

Like no one's making you do anything.

Calm the fuck down.

And this conversation that's being had now, people are like, well, why would people support Emily Marico when she doesn't interact with her followers ever?

Like she ignores her followers.

That's what people are saying now.

And this is like all because she released a bag.

And I just think it's like the craziest conversation being had.

Like she really doesn't owe anyone like a response.

She's just putting out her content.

And again, like she released a bag.

Would I literally ever spend $120 on a bag that looks like that?

No.

But if you're a really big Emily Marico fan, like that's what it's worth to you, I guess.

And no one's forcing you to buy it.

Just don't buy it.

Just don't buy it.

It's nice nice looking and by the way both colors are sold out well yeah but then people are like well it was sold out so obviously you know we don't care that people are like well she could have just said it was sold out like everyone's being really trolly to emily marico it's because they can't get to her and they're mad it's by the way they can't get to her and i i pray to god she doesn't respond like just keep being your unbothered queen yeah and it's like if you're not going to respond to like everything up until this point all the positive whatever don't respond now to the negative because then it will just breed more negativity because they're like oh that's how we get your attention yeah just keep doing you Emily Marico.

Yeah.

Also, like, Emily Marico is not LLB.

You know, she doesn't have access to the type of, it's made in the USA.

And like, yes, $120 is a lot, but I imagine they're not costing, you know, five cents to make.

Like in this economy, like, that's what things cost.

Now, 120, yes, she's probably making a nice little profit, but it's not like the way it used to be where like a canvas bag costs 10 cents.

Like, she's trying, I know she's making in the USA.

She's making, you know, ethically sourced queen.

So that plus the economy.

Plus, canvas.

Plus, you got to think about the economy.

That's what, you know, the economy.

Stonewash, 10-ounce brush canvas, 12-ounce duck canvas basin handles, 100% cotton.

Made in California.

By the way, that's also like with our merch prices have went up in like the last couple of years.

And it's not because we're like greedy, we want to make more money.

That's literally like everything's gone up.

Things cost more now.

Things cost more now.

So like that sucks.

Inflation.

Mm-hmm.

I do miss the days when when we could sell a sweatshirt for like $50.

Two plus two equals sock around here.

Two plus two equals crew neck.

And the cost of a sod, it's staggering what it costs to make a boot these days.

It is.

And you know what?

War is hard.

War is hard.

Life is war.

The lemon is a machamum.

The life is a war.

Ain't that the truth?

Now I'm ready.

What number, story?

Three.

And

you better get ready.

Oh, my God.

I actually think if you have something to say, maybe you should say it now.

And you should say it well, because there are $100 million podcast deals up on the table.

Oh, go.

Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Sean Hayes' Smartless Podcast is going to Sirius XM for $100 million.

Now, let me tell you why this is so interesting.

And I chose this story.

One, I love to, you know, monitor the podcasting landscape.

I really, really do, especially as it pertains to Smartless.

But two is that, you know, these once-in-a-lifetime podcast deals, we hear about them all the time, obviously.

Joe Rogan, $100 million, Spotify, $60 million, Caller Daddy, they're once in a lifetime.

You know, you get them and like you're set.

This is Smartless's second big deal.

They sold to Amazon three years ago for 80 million.

Between 60 and 80.

It was a three-year deal.

The three years are up.

So now they got another deal for 100.

Like when we were speaking of jealousy, jealous.

Yeah, this is...

Wild.

It's also good to know the deals are still happening because I think there's a lot of discourse around will Spotify keep paying for Spotify is done with those deals yeah so what they have released

they've released armchair expert they've released Emma Chamberlain and it's not a um

performance it's not because those podcasts are failures it's because those deals accomplished what they needed to accomplish they spent like a billion dollars over the course of a few years to get people listening to podcasts on spotify they accomplished that like people are listening now they don't need these all these spotify exclusive podcasts like they accomplished their goals oh i don't do you know that for a fact that that's no, that's what I think.

I just feel like companies don't operate like that, where they're like, this is enough for us.

I feel like they're not done until they have 100% market share.

So I feel like the investment versus the return on investment, the numbers didn't math.

Oh, so you feel like it was a performance thing.

Yeah, not that the shows didn't do well enough.

I'm sure they did really well, but just that not well enough to justify these numbers.

Interesting.

Also, Spotify had major layoffs last year.

Like, I don't don't think it's because they're doing so we hit our goals.

Oh, that's actually a fire point.

And I feel like they had big layoffs in the podcast department.

I do feel like it's easy to look at certain shows and see if there was a payoff.

Like, I feel like Joe Rogan, that was their biggest investment, 100, rumored to be $100 million.

I think that probably is paying off in spades.

Yeah, and you can, it's pretty visible on the charts.

Like, he's, sure, he's, if he's the biggest show in the world, he's going to be the biggest show on Spotify when he's only on Spotify, but it's like one, two, three, four, five, six, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

No, but also like you're still hearing about the show in the zeitgeist.

I do feel like when Armchair Expert went exclusively Spotify, I stopped hearing about the show, which isn't good.

Yeah.

But I think that podcast is just so big.

I don't know.

I don't know enough about it or its listeners.

Now, let me say back to Smartlists.

Am I jealous of the 100 million?

You guys have no idea.

However, am I jealous that we started a podcast with two people and not three?

So that if one day we got a major payday, we had to split it 30 ways.

Because let's say now they're all getting 33 million.

They all live in California, very high tax.

They're getting 15.

That's insane.

And that's over three years.

This is a three-year deal.

So $5 million a year.

Okay.

I'm not making no money.

I'm not jealous.

Take it back.

No, I'm cracking up.

Yeah, okay.

Poor.

It's scary.

This is poor party.

It's giving poverty line.

That's how you can make yourself feel better.

But it says to me, Turdy, we're in the right industry.

Keep working hard.

Yes, of course, of course.

But now I just, okay, now I'm like comparing.

There's money in podcasting.

By the way, that's like, look.

Joe Rogan got the same deal, $100 million.

He keeps it all for himself.

Like, that's insane.

No, and I think there's elements to Joe Rogan's deal that people don't know because we don't know how long his deal is for he does still have ads on his show he's making it's way more than a hundred million I agree I agree but it's just interesting also Joe Rogan doesn't seem like the sort of girly who's like oh here variety here are all the deal points of my deal I think no you know they just worked with information they could get but they don't have all the information That's actually a really good point.

I always find it really interesting when people do big deals when you don't find out how much the money is.

I think that's A, so much smarter.

Like who's trying to get robbed?

And B, it's nobody's business.

And C,

it's usually because it's a lot more than people are speculating.

Like it's, cause it's kind of gauche to share.

Yeah.

It's I agree.

The deals, the deals where you don't know or it's like rumored, even that old Amazon smartless deal between 60 and 80, like when there's a vagueness to it, fascinating.

Yeah.

And when it's, when the number is outright 100 million, like the Sirius XM deal, that's because everybody approved it.

Like, yeah, we want everyone to know it's 100.

Yeah.

yeah yeah like you have to you can it's your choice to keep that number private or not right so it's public it's because the the talent the smartless guys wanted you to know yeah i guess they could it's almost like they were talking to us directly oh yeah it's like oh you said smartless is over party we'll show you smartlist is not over party yeah 100 mil you say 100 mil i hear five totally and that you assume that they split it third third third yes i was gonna i was gonna ask you okay i was gonna ask you that question too but it's equal work like every they each pick guests, they each interview.

Jason is definitely more like the captain of the ship, but that's no.

That's just like a personality thing.

Yep.

I think it would be insane if they weren't.

It would be insane.

And maybe like trouble at Smartless.

Yeah.

And I think like their proof is in the pudding.

They've been this trio for many, many years and they're still having that success.

And you really could not have stable success like that if there was an imbalance in the dynamics.

Totally.

I'm so happy for them.

So the deal keeps the podcast widely available, but brings perks to SiriusXM subscribers and could possibly encourage more to join SiriusXM.

Like, you know, you got special shit over there.

Sirius is now like entering the podcasting game a little late, but as like the biggest radio company on the planet, they should have been doing this a lot sooner, but now they have like a full-ass podcast like team department, et cetera.

Yeah, they also have other podcasts such as Just Jack and Will, Bad Dates, and Owned.

I think they're part of the Smartless World.

Oh, Smartless has other podcasts or SiriusXM does?

Oh, SiriusXM has a million podcasts.

Yeah,

it's me, Tinks.

Let me see what this is.

Just Jack and Will.

Who's Jack?

Me?

Jack.

Just Jack and Claude?

Just Jack and Will with Sean Hayes and Eric McCormick.

Oh, I guess that's their characters.

Spinoff.

Spin-off.

Yeah.

So the Smartless World, it's SNN.

It's giving good guys probably podcasts.

Yeah,

Smartless News Network.

SNN.

Anyways, congrats, grads.

It's always

nice to see people doing big things in the world of podcasting.

And that's just titillating news.

It is titillating news.

And we need to work smarter, turdy.

We need to work smartlesser.

Yeah.

So,

feeling motivated.

Hashtag motivated.

Hashtag hustle.

Hashtag the grind never sleeps.

Ever.

Hashtag smartlist is not over party.

We spoke to you.

The grind may never sleep, but I do.

Yeah, maybe we'd be more successful if we could get up earlier.

Actually, maybe we would if we like got this podcast out at 8 a.m.

Should we?

Should we try it one day and see if our numbers are like?

I like that idea.

Or try it.

We'd have to try for like at least a week, I think.

Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it.

I hate waking up early.

Like, what time do we record then?

6 a.m.

That's ungodly.

Maybe.

Actually, 6 is better for me.

Well, let's discuss offline.

We're working smarter, not harder.

Actually, we're working harder.

We're also, like, we're still people.

We could, by the way, by the way, by the way.

Night before?

Yeah.

If I had a studio in my house like you did, it would be much easier, but I could come here at night.

Okay, let me see what time all these stories went live.

So, Tariq El Musa was 7 a.m.

today.

We would have missed it.

That's the thing.

like news comes out at like five in the morning today show gma christian ushek we would have had smartless came out yesterday or monday late old news

uh this next story came out this morning

and then okay but think about nights like sunday night

we were up what till 11 watching football what we record at midnight maybe not on sundays right

we'll talk about it offline Yeah.

Okay.

Let's get into the rest of the stories that are brought to you by Taylor Farms.

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I love their flavors.

Of course, I love the Caesar.

I also love the citrus.

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It was the most gorgeous thing.

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If you want like perfect salads at home all the time, like this has changed my life.

They are pre-washed, pre-cut, and they're ready to enjoy.

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I had my Travis Farm salad.

Tailored Farms.

Okay, speaking of tailored, you guys, things are, there's drama.

Is there?

Like, sort of.

Universal Music looks set to take all of its songs off of TikTok after a breakdown in talks over the social media sites licensing agreement.

In an open letter, the group accused TikTok of bullying, adding that they only wanted to pay a fraction of the rate offered by other platforms for the catalog of millions of songs.

However, the Chinese-owned social media platform called this a false narrative.

So, while Universal claims a social media platform with more than 1 billion users accounts for just 1% of their revenue, the move will result in many of TikTok's users' favorite artists and sounds being removed.

So, seven out of the 10 top 10 artists of the year are with Universal, and their musics would be coming off of TikTok, including Tailored Swift, Beyonce, Drake, The Weekend, Bad Bunny, Scizy,

everyone, Lana Del Rey.

Now,

TikTok, as of this morning, I believe all of Universal Music Group's music is off TikTok.

Like, it's it's fully started.

TikTok released like a shady little statement being like, We've managed to come to deals with every other record label.

I don't know why UMG is being difficult.

UMG is the biggest.

If I had to take a side, I'd probably probably side with the artist.

I do understand TikTok saying like the value of the, TikTok is a promotional tool.

So the value of that is worth something in addition to like us paying you like a streaming licensing fee.

But at the end of the day, like you're using, this is a billion dollar company, TikTok, using

copyrighted music.

And like, you have to pay.

That's the law.

And also, if TikTok didn't have access to all of this music, the app would be crap.

It's true, actually.

They need the music, too.

And what makes TikTok so awesome is that you can use any sound.

And like it started with like dancing and lip-syncing.

So true.

Without music, what is TikTok?

I know.

And without TikTok, like,

how are people going to promote music?

Like, for real?

Reels.

Reels.

Come on over.

Shorts.

Like, this is, I feel, an avoidable thing.

They really need to figure this out.

Like, this is bad for everyone.

It's bad for TikTok and it's bad for the artists at UMG.

Yeah, but the artist, I think UMG and the artists will be okay.

And I think TikTok will be okay.

And maybe TikTok changes now and maybe we do get more unknowns.

Maybe it winds up being good for smaller artists who aren't within the label.

This story, if I was an independent artist, like I'm jumping for joy, like it obviously creates more opportunity for somebody who's not locked into a deal like this.

But like the way the app exists now, it's like they both need each other.

Universal Music Group, they need TikTok.

The artists and even the big ones, like you need TikTok.

It's a part of like the ecosystem now.

And TikTok needs that music.

Who needs who more

i think umg needs tick tock more i think tick tock needs um g more oh okay because there are like other promotional way they could go back to the old ways of you know of doing it there are other social media platforms who are willing to play ball yeah and if it's all the music

i do want to say though and i would be very curious if there was like some data released.

TikTok in the last like month or two has really kind of changed their MO.

They're becoming like a shopping platform.

And all of the content, there's a new tab.

They're really boosting videos that are selling products because you can have a shop on TikTok.

You can sell other people's.

It's like almost like an affiliate.

You make commission.

And it's really fucking annoying.

Like it's insanely annoying.

All the content I get served.

Now I had to block the hashtag, hashtag TikTok shop because every video was trying to sell me ramen noodles.

Like insane annoying.

And people are really annoyed about it because that's not what people come to TikTok for.

And it's like a big change that hasn't ended up being good.

It's like annoying.

And between that and now losing like a huge music provider, like the app, I feel like, is really changing in a bad way.

I think that's good.

I think it's good too.

Like TikTok had too much of a, you know, chokehold on the culture for a while.

And they're, and it's

to our detriment.

To the detriment of society.

Of course, like people are glued to their phones and stuff, but just the things that have come out about like the things that

platforms, no one, the anti-Semitism and horrible.

The Osama bin Laden, like, okay, yeah, maybe we should take a step back from TikTok if that's where it's led us.

It's very

self-destructing.

Love that for them.

I kind of agree.

Like, I love the app more than anything, but I agree.

Come on to Reels, Turtle Loop.

If you love something, set it free.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story that's going to lead into our TV recap, which is really just a TV recap?

Yeah.

Lala Kent thought Rachel Levis, aka Raquel, was going to go bag groceries and wouldn't have reached out if she had a crystal ball.

So we saw last night on Real Housewives of Vanderbunk Rules.

That's pretty much what the show has turned into.

Yeah.

Lala reaches out to Raquel because she feels bad after what she saw on the season.

But then Lala went and watched What Has Happens Live last night looking unbelievable.

Yeah.

I couldn't get enough of her face and her hair.

I agree.

Her face looked amazing.

And her hair.

The style.

She basically said like she reached out to Raquel because she felt bad, but then Raquel ended up going on Bethany's podcast and like saying all these things and then launching her own podcast.

Where Raquel, I mean, Lala thought like this was going to be the end of Raquel's public life.

And so she wanted to wish her well and just like make sure she was okay.

But it turned out like that that wasn't the case.

So she kind of regretted that whole thing anyway.

Yeah.

And I think we all thought that after she went to the mental health facility, that she would go back to her hometown and be Rachel and lead a life outside of the public eye because clearly the limelight and this

lifestyle was not good for her and it led her to make really poor choices.

So yeah.

I I have a lot of thoughts on the Vanderprump Rolls episode.

I do feel like

beginning filming before Sandoval returns from his

reality TV show competition filming was an enormous mistake because, like, say what you want about him.

The show is beyond uninteresting without him.

I

didn't need an episode without him, to be honest.

Like, there really wasn't much to even recap.

But I do wonder, because this thought did cross my mind, and I'm curious what your thoughts are.

Did you feel like Lala reaching out to Raquel?

Like Raquel was, you know, she said Raquel was on her heart and she just wants to reach out and check in.

Do you feel like that was genuine or that was, you know, Lala kind of seeing after the Vanderpump Brules reunion, a lot of like the conversation and the public opinions kind of turned being like, damn, like, have we taken this too far?

Sounds like Raquel maybe like could do something dangerous.

Like

do you feel like that was Lala trying to mitigate any sort of criticism or she genuinely felt that way?

Because I really was not seeing the comparison between Lala's situation and Raquel's situation.

I understood the comparison, but even if it was Lala being swayed by the public opinion, like maybe it took the public being like, whoa, for her to be like, whoa.

And it's not necessary.

She doesn't seem like the type of person who does things so that she could be America's sweetheart and the fan favorite because she doesn't do those things.

She doesn't do anything or say anything that she doesn't believe.

So even if that's what influenced her coming to this decision, I don't think it was in any like inauthentic way.

And maybe it was just in a positive way.

Sometimes it takes seeing something from the outside.

But I do think that in that moment where she was like, I only have Tom and if I turn against Tom, I have no one.

I think that there was something that she related to in Raquel that she hadn't experienced up until that point.

And when she described it, I could understand when she's like, I know that feeling.

Okay.

Let me ask you another question.

Who's your least favorite person on this show?

Well, it's Tom Sandoval.

Well, honestly, he's not even my least favorite.

Like, he's at least entertaining.

No, I can't listen to him speak.

It's upsetting to me.

Even before Scandival, like, when he's like doing the most and the most extra.

Oh, by the way, before Scandival, like, I could not.

Now it's like fun to watch someone self-destruct and be so delusional and narcissistic.

For me, it's Tom Schwartz.

I can't stand this man.

I don't think he's funny.

I don't think he's cute.

I don't think anything he does is kitschy him being like, hey, Ariana, welcome to Tam Tam.

Like, I hate this man.

And I just like,

I want him off the show.

Like, that's how much I hate him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's like he never

took accountability for himself and just never like came out of Sandoval's shadow.

And now he's like, no, I'm not Sandoval.

Don't put me in the shadow.

It's like, you're the one who stayed there.

You're the one who tied yourself to him and made every decision and let your marriage go to shit because of him.

And now you don't want to be associated with him.

No, and I think a lot of people are like, damn, Katie's so mean to Schwartz.

But like, I understand her on a deep level.

Like, imagine being married to that and then finally being free and getting to like say everything you've ever felt.

Yeah.

And now he sees what you've been trying to say for years and it's like, go away, loser.

Completely agree.

And it's only because things turned out so bad for you.

It's not like you came to this realization on your own.

On your own.

And it's like even when Tom was doing the things that have gotten him, Tom Sandoval, when he was doing the things that have gotten him canceled, for lack of a better word, Tom Schwartz knew about them.

And he ate it and abetted.

It's not like the wool was pulled over his eyes and the friend that he thought he was wasn't who he was.

He knew.

I also do find the dynamics of the female relationship so interesting.

Because it's like they're all close, yet they all have underlying tension.

No, and like for those four, I feel like for so long, Ariana and Sheena were best friends.

And also, Lala and Ariana were so close.

They literally had an affair.

So when they sat at the table and Lala was like, I feel like, you know, so weird.

I feel like you don't like me.

And then when they were basically saying, like, it's, it's Katie and Ariana, and then Sheena and Lala, like, I was shocked.

No, and then it's also Sheena and Katie and Ariana.

And

no, I'm sorry.

It's also Lala and Katie have a best friendship and Sheena and Ariana.

Those are the closer ties.

And then secondary.

No, I feel like they were saying primary was Katie and Ariana.

No, they're not primary.

Primary and Lawa like live together and like are such close mom friends.

I feel like the tightest in that group right now is actually Sheena and Lala.

Right now, yes, but they've also had issues, remember, with the

yeah Lala's very close with Sheena and Katie and Brock and Sheena's very close with Ariana therefore they're all close but there are these

two strains of Katie and Sheena who kind of beef and Lala and Ariana who kind of beef which I didn't know yeah but it's all there like last season even

if they've had they they there are like high highs and low lows with them yeah

it was like kind of a boring episode like I don't even know what to recap.

Yeah, it was just sort of like setting the table for the season.

It was nice to see everyone, but I really feel like

the way Scandinaval, like we were so caught up in it, like I have completely come down from it.

And it's kind of

weird to watch some of the stuff.

And what I found most fascinating is Ariana said that Tom wanted to buy her out of the house, but she doesn't feel like she should have to move.

What?

I didn't know that either.

Oh, and I wanted to say, like, I have sympathy for like their living situation being not ideal, but their bedrooms were unacceptable.

I'm sorry.

What grown people can't live like that?

Their bedrooms were unacceptable.

The texting through the assistant, but Tom saying that he wants to buy her out kind of changes

everything.

I thought the problem was that he was refusing to buy her out and refusing to sell the house, leaving her no option.

Her only option would be to sell half of the house, a new roommate for Tom.

Right, which is like, not a real thing.

Yeah.

If he wants to buy out of the house, why wouldn't she leave?

Why would she want to stay there?

I mean, i guess it's like it is a good investment that's the thing they bought it like a while ago and the valley's so popping and they're actually really responsible for like a lot of like like the valley village becoming the cool young area it's honestly actually i kind of feel her like why should i be

rid of this decent investment that i worked hard for many years ago i actually kind of feel so he should buy her out at the price that it's worth now

oh i guess and to have

she doesn't want it and the babies

and instead to be living with the person you hate most on the planet.

Yeah.

And I guess like

you don't really want to stay there because it's filled with such bad memories.

Filled with bad memories.

You were staying there where you were in a couple and you were settling down and now that's not even your life anymore.

Like,

why would you want to be there?

I don't know.

You couldn't, like, as long as he would pay minimum what she put into it.

What was it worth?

Minimum.

No.

And what it's worth now, yes, we could argue over that.

They could probably reach an agreement on a price.

You couldn't put a price on the freedom.

Yeah.

Get me out of here.

I am looking forward to him coming back.

Like, I'm sorry.

He is the most interesting person in the show right now.

And I did think this was going to lead to Raquel coming back, that Lala sending the text.

That was my, my only suspicion was like, Lala was sending this text because she's like, oh, this show's boring.

We need Raquel back.

They need something.

Yeah, but Raquel's not coming back.

She didn't answer the message.

Yeah, and I don't think that she should, honestly.

Well, if she's going to live a life in the public and do a podcast, she should be on the accompanying reality show.

That's fair.

But I'm not even, I'm not really desperate to hear or see from her.

Like to me, Tom is more interesting.

He's so delusional.

He's insane.

He's got, it's almost like, we've always said he's like this horrible narcissist, but what has happened to him in like the last year is jaw-dropping, honestly.

And to me, he's the most...

interesting person in the world right now.

Like everything he says is insanely stupid, insanely wrong.

He's He's the biggest narcissist on the planet.

Like, it's fascinating to watch.

Yeah, let's see what, how he's going to play it.

Right.

Oh, my God.

Long episode today.

Yeah, it's late.

Oh, my God.

We got to get this episode up.

If only we woke up at 6 a.m.

You guys, thank you so much for listening to the Toastmillena Morning Show, where we deliver the Fast Five Stories.

You need to know everybody through Friday and YouTube.

Sever watching us on YouTube, please leave a video, subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

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Find us at the Toastleafi Star View about how beautiful, standing, and and wickily talented we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you.

Chiwara.

Love you.

Bye.