Stability of the Realm: Wednesday, January 10th, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Wednesday.

Oh my God.

It's hump day.

Hope everybody's having a great day thus far, a great day of the week here.

And speaking of great,

speaking of humping, and speaking of here, it's Jackie O.

Hey, everyone.

Hey, how y'all doing?

Hey, how y'all doing?

How you doing?

What?

How you doing?

I'm good.

I'm exhausted.

You know, going on five months of not having a sleep period of longer than three to four hours is really starting to wear at me.

No, it's enough.

I know.

Yeah, I'm just tired.

And then the story stunk today.

Oh, no.

I've been searching fruitlessly for like so long.

I mean, I have five stories and they're fine.

It just

compounded what was already an exhausting morning.

Let me tell you the good news.

One, it's it's Wednesday.

We have dear toaster.

So if the story stinks, like we still have good shit.

We still have good shit.

True.

Two, two,

we can always

talk about ourselves.

And that's such a relief.

No, and it's like the stories are irrelevant, but still we need stories, you know?

You know what?

That's so

easy.

The stories that I choose are a reflection of me.

And when they're not giving anything worth giving, it reflects plurally on your girl.

So funny that you said that.

because last night I was actually thinking, like, what if just one day, not forever, but like just on a rogue episode, we just like fucked the fast five, you know?

Should we do it?

If there were to be a day, today would be the day, but it actually wouldn't.

Because sometimes like there's so much to talk about in our personal lives, like a Monday, maybe a long weekend.

And we just like have so much to say that we could fuck the fast five a little bit.

But I feel like today it's just Wednesday.

We caught up yesterday.

There's not that much new news.

I mean, I actually have like a major life update to share with the group.

Can you share with the class?

Yeah.

Do I, Jackie, do I look different to you at all?

Well, you rang an update.

Oh, well, yeah.

I'm wearing my hair in a bun because it's so dirty and I'm going to work out today, but that's not what I was talking about.

Well, that's, you do look different and that's why.

Yeah, I guess like that is low-key.

psychotic of me.

I can probably count on my hands the amount of times I've worn my hair up on the show in the last seven years.

Today is probably number four or five.

But no, I was talking about my face.

A lot of people are talking about like me looking really different.

And I, yes, okay, you caught me.

I got a lash lift.

Every like few years, I remember that lash lifts are a thing.

And I'm really blessed.

Like I have very, very long eyelashes, but like they dart straight out.

You would never know.

They don't hold a curl well.

I can't even really like mascara is like useless for me.

And I was like, oh my God, yeah, lash lifts.

Let me try that again.

And every time I get it, I'm like, I need to get on a routine where like I make an appointment every two months, like add it to my beauty routine, because I'm obsessed.

I feel different.

I'm not even wearing mascara.

You do look nice.

Right?

And I also like your hair up.

Thank you.

I, you know, actually, this is a good way for me to promote something I want to talk about.

I normally wouldn't wear my hair up.

But these days, you know, I'm feeling very confident.

I'm on this health journey, this fitness journey, and putting my hair up for, you know, an hour on the podcast doesn't scare me as much as it used to.

And speaking of health and fitness, I recorded a solo podcast.

I said I would, and I did.

And I had such a blast and 45 minutes just flew by.

I wasn't even, you know, sometimes when you record a solo episode, it's like, oh, how many minutes did I do?

11.

Oh, God.

Did you hone your solo podcasting skills?

I definitely brushed up on my solo podcasting skills.

People are kind of praising me as a solo podcaster of our generation.

Am I out of a job?

Nobody said like,

fuck Jackie, but nobody also said like missed jackson this one you know no none of you said that can't come to y'all girls defense

well it's up on patreon now it is a 45 minute question and answer for all the questions people have remaining about ozempic and i also give an update in me and ben's ozempic journey because the last time i talked about ozempic and did a whole podcast about it ben had gone off of it and i was still on it Now I don't want to spoil things, but things have kind of been shaken up in my home and, you know, things are different.

I don't want to, you know, I gave the Patreon exclusive.

I'm going to let you guys listen.

So patreon.com a toast.

Any remaining questions you have about Ozempic, the journey, side effects, going off, anything.

We talked a lot about like, you know, food stuff.

Enjoy that.

And if food and diet and exercise aren't for you, just don't listen to it.

Like, you don't have to, you know, make a federal case.

You just don't have to listen to it.

Just skip that one.

There's going to be great stuff coming up this month.

Yes.

I'm also headed to Mexico after this episode.

So housekeeping announcement is that tomorrow and Friday's episodes will be audio only.

I will be bringing my microphone with me.

So don't worry.

We're going to take the long weekend weekend because it's Martin Luther King weekend.

So we're not in studio.

There's no show on Monday.

So I hope everybody has some fabulous plans for the long weekend.

I can't believe it's like so early in the year.

We're already blessed with a long weekend.

I know.

I feel like MLK is usually like the third, like the following week in January and things just, or maybe not, but it kind of has just sprung upon us.

It's very exciting.

I look forward to maybe catching up on some of the aforementioned sleep that I've been missing.

It is exciting, but I have a hot take and I don't want to be ungrateful and I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me because I'm always excited and grateful for a three-day weekend.

But I just feel like the placement of MLK Day isn't ideal.

Now, I know it's like, you know, out of everyone's control, but like we're up to me.

I feel like there's like more dry times of year where we have like no vacation times, you know?

Yeah, I think no federal holidays.

So this is a generous one because we're easing back into the new year and it's like you just have to make it like three work weeks until you get a long weekend.

There is a dearth

of federal holidays in March that needs to be solved for.

And

we should add one day in March because there's no long weekends in March except for spring break.

But like, we're not spring breakers, sorry to say.

We're grown.

We are growing.

We're grown.

But depending on how the calendar falls, March slash April.

No, no, it's actually usually April.

It's like Passover and Easter.

Yeah, so there's a hole in March.

And maybe we could give some suggestions of days that could become federal holidays.

Yeah, what about International Turd Day?

I like International Laturd Day.

The feminine turd.

Love.

Through the feminine gaze of Laturd.

Not L-turd.

No, not L-turd.

You know what's so funny?

You know, we have a list of people like we would, in a dream world, love to have on the podcast.

I feel like there's five or six people.

Kelly Clarkson, of course, Taylor Swift.

For me, like Kiki Palmer has recently been added to that list.

And I was thinking over the last couple of days, somebody I want to add to my personal list.

Do you have that written down?

I do somewhere.

I have dream guests.

Yeah.

You know, I got a list for everything, turdy.

Right, right.

Okay, tell me who.

Well, read the list to me thus far.

Okay.

Dream guests.

Here we go.

Kiki Palmer.

RuPaul.

Kelly Clarkson.

Mindy Kaling.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Josh Grobin.

LOL.

Guy Fieri.

Lol.

Elon Musk.

Lol.

John Corbett.

John Corbett.

We are funny.

I'm sorry.

We are funny.

Okay, here's who I'm adding to.

And of course, like the obvious ones you should add, like Taylor Swift and anything.

Steam Kardashian, Kylie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean,

but no, because they're so obvious.

Like, I'm not sure if you can.

We don't have to remember that we want them.

Ready?

I got two words for you, Jackie.

Jack Black.

Is that a good one?

That's a good one.

Jack Black.

Do you think Jack Black's assistant's like a toaster and could help us out?

It's very possible.

I just feel like Jack Black is so...

Jack Black, like low-key.

I'm so glad I brought this up.

Jack Black low-key became so fucking famous.

Like it's insane.

He's like, we all know him and he could have just gone on to be like an actor who we thought was funny, but he's in like billion dollar franchises back to back like Kung Fu Panda, Super Mario.

He was just at the Golden Gloves because he was nominated for another one of those franchises.

One of those Pixar things.

Oh, wow.

He does a lot of voice acting.

He's so supremely talented.

He's so talented.

Honestly, you know what?

He would be the perfect guest for?

Good guys.

Good guys.

Yeah, you guys, I saw Ben post yesterday a picture of Theon to Good Boy.

I know.

Good boy, son of good guy.

I know.

It was very sweet.

Very sweet.

Quickly back to good guys.

The reason I thought of it is because me and Ben were in bed like two nights ago just talking.

And I realized, because I'm like, I'm obsessed with celebrities.

I feel like everybody knows who my favorite celebrities are.

I'm like, Ben's like not really in the celeb space.

And I think I was asking him, like, who's like your role model?

Like, who do you love?

And he used to think really, really hard and long about it.

And he said, Jack Black.

And I'm like, yes, yes.

No, Ben is Jack Black.

He's Jack Black coded.

Yep.

Coded.

You know?

Yeah.

That's a good one, though.

Yeah.

So anyone you want to add to the list?

I'd have to think on it.

Sometimes it just like pops up.

Yeah, where I'm like, I'm desperate to ask this, pepper this person with questions.

Right.

And, like, Jack Black has such a long and illustrious career.

Like, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

I mean, I would, of course, begin at School of Rock, and I would end at School of Rock, too.

Oh, you would?

What's your, like, oh, the holiday?

The holiday is major Jack Black for me.

Shallow how.

I'm so sorry.

Shallow.

It starts and ends with Shallow How.

Yeah.

Like, how many, that's another such a random movie we quote all the time.

Hey, now she's getting into my clams casino.

It's also, hey, look at me.

Yes.

Hey, look at me.

That's also from Shallow Howell.

We were also watching Shallow How at like literally six years old.

We like had it on VHS.

It's a like that movie raised me.

It's a movie with a great message, sort of.

Yeah, it kind of.

Like it would never get made today, but at the end of the day, the message was good.

It was like, you know, what's on the inside, what counts.

We're all beautiful on the inside.

Yeah, that's a good message.

And like low-key Tony Robbins being a full-blown character in in that movie as himself, like it was such a good movie.

Yeah.

Gwyneth.

That's the thing about Gwyneth.

She has never missed in her entire career, not once.

No.

Did anyone ever see that movie where she plays a flight attendant with Kelly Preston?

I think it's called Up in the Air.

Of course.

Literally, I think some people would consider that like maybe her miss.

I think it's one of the greatest cinematic achievements of our time.

She has never missed.

She will never miss.

And if Gwyneth Palcho has 100 fans, I'm one of them.

If she has one fan, I'm one of them.

And if she has zero fans, I am dead.

Speaking of that movie, someone who is like a Jack Black comes and goes supremely talented, don de esta, Mike Myers.

Mike Myers, I put in the same category, not as Jack Black, close, but as Jim Carrey.

Another great.

Like the greatest talents of our generation, really, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey.

Not thirsty.

Do it for the love of the craft.

Where are they?

Where are they?

That's a good call.

that's my what do you think is mike meyer's greatest cinematic achievement because it's cat in the hat

austin powers

shrek shrek

yeah it's like these guys and our husbands their favorite movie ever

is awesome powers love guru

is that him yeah

Are you sure?

I get that movie confused with Don't Mesh with the Zohan.

Oh.

I feel like they came out at the same time and they were both like dumb.

Yeah, but they're so different.

No, Love Guru is totally Mike Myers.

It's Mike Myers?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, my bad.

That's like not my genre of movie.

Our husbands love those movies.

Love.

Ben's favorite movie, like literally, is Love Guru, and I don't think I've ever seen it.

No, me neither.

But I have seen Don't Mess with the Zohan, and it's excellent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Different.

Different, yeah.

But I put them for for so.

You know, you just like associate two things as the same, even though they couldn't be more different.

Yeah.

You know what I kind of associate, even though they couldn't be more different?

I don't know why.

Love Guru and 51st Dates.

Okay.

Did you ever see that movie?

Oh, no.

It's

okay when you talk about irrelevant movies that you associate?

No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I wasn't making fun of you.

I was saying like...

Like those two movies couldn't be more different.

Yeah.

I think

I've seen them are similar looking.

That's right.

It's like two people looking at each other.

I don't know what the poster for Love Guru looks like.

I've never seen it.

I've got it.

I just looked at.

Yeah, there's like three people.

Okay, let me look at 51st Dates.

And who's the guy?

Oh, Adam Sandler.

Another one.

Yeah.

Okay.

The posters are the same.

It's like people sitting.

Oh, by the way, I know why.

I'm sorry.

I know why you like like conflate the two is because Adam Sandler is also sort of in that genre of Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Jack Black, like supremely talented, not conventionally handsome men.

Oh, yeah, not about the looks, just about the comedy, good flicks.

Adam Sandler's like a little oversaturated at this point, unlike the others.

He's very commercial.

He's very commercial.

The others are very scarce in their work.

We want more.

I wanted to update.

Everyone from a conversation we had yesterday when we were talking about like, you know, women being able to get away with saying and crazy, doing crazy things.

A lot of people sounded off in the comments who they thought was like

one resounding answer.

Well, there was two actually.

A lot of people were saying like, Sarah Silverman, Chelsea Handler.

No, I don't think they really do or say anything that crazy.

A lot of people said Jackie Schimmel.

Yes, that's

that was a great answer.

But people also said, which I thought was even more fitting, because Jackie Schimmel from the very get was like, fuck off.

I'm going to say what I want.

And I'm not going to put up with your bullshit.

So she's never really even like experienced any sort of backlash because she like wouldn't allow herself to.

But somebody who's like been through the ringer and who literally cannot be brought down cannot be canceled.

They have tried.

Trisha Payton.

I saw that one too.

And she's very YouTube-y, which like Theo Vaughan is too.

I think that was a good answer.

Yeah, I think that is a good answer.

There's not like an exact equivalent.

And I think the

comments from yesterday just highlight that there really aren't that many people.

But I,

the consensus was Jackie Schimmel.

Yeah.

Oh, also totally random.

Did you see Chase Marie Smith is pregnant?

Obsessed.

I've I've been watching a thousand videos on TikTok about it.

I'm so happy for her.

Oh, I'm not on TikTok, but I just followed her for a while.

And she's been like sharing her fertility journey.

And she had just started recently, like sharing that she was doing IVF and she was posting videos.

And who knew that as she was posting that, like she was pregnant?

It does make sense that she would only like start to share that once she had a,

you know, a result.

But I was so happy for her.

And Chelsea, who's her co-host, is also pregnant again.

And so they're pregnant at the same time, like podcasting duo, pregnant at the same time.

I don't know.

It's like my dream.

Yeah, no, for sure.

For sure.

Maybe, maybe in a few, like in a year.

In five years.

In five years.

By Rebecca Searle.

So that was just exciting, you know, women in podcasting.

No, when I saw that, I was so happy for JC.

She's also been like so open.

Like she did, I think this was their second round of IVF.

The first one didn't take.

And that was like obviously devastating.

So I love when people like share their journey.

Obviously, nobody has to share anything, especially something this personal, but she did.

And I'm really happy for her.

I'm really.

And she's been like wanting to be pregnant for a long time.

And I think like the whole internet is happy for JC.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love when things happen like that.

Yeah.

When I saw the pictures, I was like genuinely shocked and joyful.

Joyful, joyful.

What weird.

The way about JC is she's going to take a gorgeous photo.

She's going to reinvent photography.

Yeah.

She's a real trendsetter.

Yes.

Like a tastemaker in the culture.

If you guys

don't know who we're talking about, her name is JC Marie Smith, J-A-C-I.

I found her on TikTok, but apparently like everybody's been like following her forever for years.

She's a podcast onto your media, right?

And she is like an Instagram, she's a multi-platform, a multi-hyphin.

Multi-platform girly.

She's an aesthetic tastemaker.

She's a redhead.

Garly.

She is a redhead.

Represent.

And

that's just exciting.

She's pregnant.

That's just fabulous.

And she's pregnant.

Yes.

Speaking of redheads, I finished the book for the Redheads last night.

We are recording today.

This book was so good and like intense and just like pulls you in.

You should really read it.

It's called Strange Sally Diamond.

It's on my list.

And I'm really excited for this episode.

I still haven't chosen what book I'm going to choose for the next one.

And I'm running out of time.

The clock is running out.

Let me look really quickly through my most recent goodreads.

Two thrillers.

I don't really just want to choose an arbitrary thriller.

I don't.

No, I know.

I know.

So let me see what else I read besides thrillers.

I mean, you could always, always do Mike the Situation.

I just want to say, like, I know you already did a thriller.

I just wanted to add that one more time.

One more thriller.

Actually, if you are going to do a thriller, I think maybe a better thriller than Mike the Situation.

Yeah.

Oh, actually, you should do this book.

Even though I feel like probably the other girlies have read it

because it's so popular.

None of this is true

by

Lisa Jewell.

No, and I know what all the the girls read because we do a segment where we share what we've read.

So that's

it's about a podcast.

Oh, I saw in one of the groups that they think it was like toast coated.

And by the way, like, it's like, I love the Redheads.

I'm not saying anything negative about the Redheads, but you do kind of pick like outlier books sometimes.

Like this one's very on trend.

It's all over Goodreads.

And I read it and it's actually excellent.

I had no notes.

Five stars.

Okay.

I'll see if anyone has read it and then I'll choose it.

Yeah, I do like choosing.

It's always fun when we choose a buzzy book, but sometimes you can find like a jewel that no one's talking about.

Oh, yeah.

And that's also good.

And we can also like platform authors who might not, we have a really large audience.

A lot of people are going to buy this book.

It's like nice when it's someone who hasn't gotten a lot of shine yet, but deserves it.

And Jackie, you know how I feel about Buzzy Books.

Like it is a conspiracy.

It's industry plant.

Like you know how I feel.

But you know, every now and then it's good to be on trend.

Like you were on trend with the measure.

Right.

Also, some things are buzzy for a reason.

Nothing was buzzier for us than Fourth Wing.

And that's like our most listened to episode ever.

That's true, true.

We are also running, you know, a non-profitable business.

Right, right.

No, so you're, is this breaking news?

The Redheads are not a profitable business.

Actually, that's not true.

It's not true.

It depends on.

You guys sell a lot of merch.

It depends on the month, and it depends on if we do merch.

Yeah.

But, you know, some months, the Redheads is a non-profit.

It's a passion project.

Passions aren't meant to generate revenue.

I like calling it a non-profit.

Okay, because you're like doing a service.

Yeah, like I run a non-profit called the Redheads Book club.

You have to get your 501c3 tax classification.

Yeah, we give back to the community.

Well, while you were reading last night, I finally started The Crown.

Oh, I'm jealous.

I know.

So spoiler alert, Diana just

tied.

And it's good.

I have to say, like,

I actually prefer the seasons of the crown for parts of history I wasn't really conscious for.

I mean, I wasn't wasn't really alive with Diana, but like, I know about it.

It's a part of the culture.

It's Diana this, Diana, that.

There's been a thousand movies, documentaries.

It's like, I feel like all we ever talk about is Princess Diana.

So I really, I think I prefer the seasons where I learn about things that happened in history that I really had no idea about.

And I think you were the one who said this that really put things in perspective for me.

It's like when more time has passed from that moment, you know, we learn more about what actually happened.

People's letters are released.

It's like, you know, journals.

So I feel like a lot of the Diana stuff is so subjective

because there's been a thousand movies, documentaries, and they all say different things yeah

so i happen to think the crown i and i don't have no proof of this i find the crown to be like the most legitimate and reputable reference for for history when it comes to even though they're constantly telling us like this is

true i know um but if what they are saying is true and like how it went down like those last 24 hours in paris like

Seriously, Jodi Fayed like is the biggest loser of all time.

I need to watch it.

I don't want your opinions to like color my view of it.

And I want to see if like we wind up at the same thoughts and conclusions.

So maybe I'll try and watch it tonight, you know, if bedtime goes according to plan.

It's such a delightful show.

Yeah.

Also, like not to be so annoying, like Diana is the main character.

I'm just like not a Diana girl.

You know, I feel like there are some people, especially like the gays, they love Diana.

Like they could watch a thousand hours of Diana.

I'm like really not a Diana girl, but I'm also not an Imelda Staunton girl.

So like I don't even know where to look.

I'm kind of like finding myself liking Prince Charles only because like I like Dominic West.

Like I hate Dominic West.

No, now I like him.

Ever since he was in the Downtown Abbey 2 movie, like love.

Yeah, I've turned a corner on him too.

He did something recently that was like good.

I don't know what it was.

Oh, and also like his son.

His son is in the crown as well, right?

Didn't we do that?

You're lying.

I thought.

I thought that's like what we put together a couple months ago.

Let's find out.

Dominic West's son.

And I don't know.

the crown just like doesn't hit as hard when the people they are portraying are still alive.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Dominic.

Like William and Kate.

It's weird.

Makes his acting.

Oh, yeah.

In the season before, in season five, the person who plays William, Prince William, is Dominic.

He's like the toddler.

He's like an adolescent.

is Dominic West's son.

Oh, that's cool.

I like that.

Cute.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't down for them like casting Dominic West.

You know, like, I know Dominic West.

I like the crown to introduce me to people I've never met, Elizabeth DeBecky.

So when he was kind of like a name before the crown, I wasn't down.

But he actually

did good work.

Now I feel that way about Imelda Staunton.

You know, she's, I mean, a big Harry Potter girl.

I don't like her as the queen.

But also, we have to keep in mind the queen is in her flop era.

Who is your favorite queen in terms of Claire Foy?

Oh, I'm going to Olivia Coleman.

But I also just like loved that era of the crown because it was so, you know, the most historical, and there was so much that I didn't know.

And I was really getting to know Queen Elizabeth.

And so, like, to me, Claire Foy is the queen.

Right.

So, like, the season of the crown doesn't feel so much like a historical show.

It literally feels like a soap opera.

I can't explain it.

Like, it's just, it's too current.

I feel it.

I think that's why they eventually stop.

Yeah, I feel like not to be like such a hot take.

Like,

I feel like it should have ended before Diana died.

Because we all know how that goes, you know?

Yeah.

That story's been told.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I look forward to watching.

Yeah.

And now I think without further ado, let's breeze through these stories.

Just rip the band-aid off.

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Our first story, some legal news.

Todd and Julie Christley receive a $1 million settlement in a lawsuit alleging misconduct in the investigation against them.

Question mark?

Yeah, Todd and Julie Christley have scored a legal victory amid their ongoing prison sentences for their involvement in multi-million dollar bank fraud and tax evasion scheme.

On Tuesday, a lawyer for the couple announced that they are receiving a $1 million settlement from the state of Georgia to resolve their 2019 federal lawsuit against Joshua Waits, the former director of special investigations of the state's Department of Revenue.

We have been saying for months that the criminal case against the Christleys was highly unusual and had real problems, the family attorney said.

This settlement is an encouraging sign.

He said it's nearly unprecedented for one arm of the government to pay money to defendants when another arm is fighting to keep them in jail.

After being cleared of their state tax evasion charge in Georgia, Todd and Julie took legal action against Waits in October 2019 for specifically targeting the famous family in their state.

tax evasion charge.

According to the lawsuit, which was tamed by People, the Reality Star's former lawyer said that Waits' initial charges against Todd and Julie was a shocking example of how an out-of-control public servant can abuse his office and violate the rights of innocent citizens for reasons that have more to do with securing publicity and money for his office than with enforcing the law.

But the thing is, is no matter his motivations for bringing charges, like if they did that shit, they did that shit.

So the fact that the government paid them a million-dollar settlement, a settlement is really an admission of guilt.

Yeah.

So I feel like there's more here.

I've always been.

Especially when it comes from the government who can afford to keep this going forever.

No, sometimes people settle because they can't

afford the fees and the time and the energy.

And it's like, you know what, I just want to be done with this.

Like, I will settle.

But the government doesn't have those hang-ups.

No.

And I definitely have felt like the Christley case is bizarre because, you know, they got more jail time than a common criminal, like a rapist gets, like, a 12 years, which is really a lot for a financial crime, which is really a victimless crime because they were just, you know, taking some men's to the cleaners.

But I do believe that they did that shit though, you know?

But I do understand because I'm always seeing clips of like Savannah Christley.

Like, she has a podcast and she talks about this every single week.

Like, she is not letting this go.

She's really, really feels like I think her family has been wronged.

And honestly, this, you know, news story does help her case.

Yeah.

That this person like abused their power.

And even if they did something that, you know, it's not to the extent that it was prosecuted so heavily.

So.

And good on the Christleys for like continuing the fight.

But like, I don't know.

I wouldn't be spending my energy on on like trying to get a settlement from the government.

I'd be trying to get my sentence commuted, you know?

I guess, but this bodes well for their entire case, I think.

Yes, it's true.

And it shows that step one.

Perhaps there was some corruption, and I don't know the extent of what they did and the extent of, you know, what was nefarious in the Justice Department.

But now I'm like, hmm, maybe the Christleys aren't so bad.

Right.

Maybe the Christleys need to be vindicated.

Perhaps.

So I think it's good.

I mean, also a million dollars is great.

Always good, especially.

Especially, I'm sure they worry a lot about like being in prison and their kids, and they have grandkids.

And like,

they're, they're, I think all the kids except for Grayson are not minors.

And now Savannah is like the parental guardian for Grayson.

But still, you have to worry about your kids', you know, financial health and their ability to, you know, make ends meet.

So but they work and they'll be okay.

Right.

But no, I'm saying getting a million dollars is probably a huge, you know, sigh of relief for the Christley parents parents who are in prison, unable to provide for their children and grandchildren.

Because, you know, they took in custody of one of their grandkids, Chloe,

who's really young.

So, like, they have

dependence.

Always good to get a million dollars.

Never, ever, ever, ever hurts.

I mean, you say that, but I'm sure there could be a situation.

Let me ask you a question.

How much money would somebody have to pay you to spend an entire year in prison?

And let's say it's not like a maximum security scary place.

It's not, it's kind of like where Teresa Judice went.

A lot.

Because it's not just about like the time in prison.

It's time away from your family missing life.

So how much?

And I'm saying like tax-free.

50 million.

Oh my God, really?

I was going to say

1 billion.

1 billion.

Yeah.

And then I was thinking, well, if somebody offered me 500 million, I would obviously say yes.

But honestly, like, am I crazy?

Like, I don't think I would do it for $100 million.

Like, it's so, I'm so afraid of prison.

It's like, so my number one fear.

Um, no, I don't think that's crazy, but you have to, like, then also think, like, you know, 50 million dollars would be life-changing.

Yeah.

So for one year, yeah.

No, and like, I guess, like, you're thinking about your kids.

So, of course, like, yeah, I'm just thinking about me.

Yeah, like, we could get a plane, a house, a plane.

You could get a lot of things.

Not enough, though.

Not enough.

That's what I'm saying.

500.

Yeah, agreed.

Okay.

Are you ready for our next story?

Miss Drama Selena Gomez.

Oh, yeah.

Abruptly quits social media again after the drama of Kylie and Timothy and she.

So Selena posted that she is leaving social media saying focusing on what really matters.

I'm off social media for a while.

And it was a photo of her boyfriend spending quality time with some kids.

And she's just like that.

She's gone again.

Okay.

We'll see you in an hour, Selena.

She also posted, commented on an Instagram post about the drama.

Yep.

E-News had posted about like the lip reading saga.

Yeah, like, did Selena say that this and this?

And she wrote, no, I was telling him about two of my friends that had hooked up.

Okay, I am more

certain than ever that she's lying because that's like the worst lie ever.

And like we all know kelly said with timothy so like stop lying yeah no but also maybe she's talking about her two friends that hooked up with kylie and timothy oh oh yeah yeah yeah like maybe she thinks it's not a lie she was talking about two friends who have hooked up kylie and timothy yeah i will say like selena gomez's social media behavior is not the best

And this is just another example of, you know, of that, because she will be back and it'll be sooner than you think.

Yeah.

And that's, that's so, Selena.

cleaner.

It's this Instagram.

She can't quit.

She can't.

And that's relatable.

Sort of.

But I just want to say, like, that comment, I think, really didn't help her case.

They, they really just shouldn't have said anything because we could all just wonder.

We would never know.

But we would never have hard, cold proof.

But her now saying, not only were we not saying that, but I was talking about two of my friends who hooked up, like, no, you weren't.

No, you weren't.

You also like look like a liar.

No, you weren't.

Like, stop.

It's bad to lie.

Yeah.

And, like, for people to know that you told a lie.

Yeah, it's so clearly a lie.

It just, like, really hurts your credibility.

Yeah.

Because then it's like, what else is a lie?

Yeah, no, by the way, like, this was a bad move.

That comment was bad.

And maybe she got yelled at.

And that's why she said she's taking time off of her phone.

Yeah.

Maybe.

Maybe, yeah.

But

certainly, yeah.

That's like so basic.

Like, what were you guys talking about?

Oh, just like two of my friends who hooked up.

Like, tell me you're put on the spot and lying without telling me but like she wasn't even put on the spot because nobody expected her to respond

these are a-list celebrities they're entitled to have a conversation that stays in private right and we can all just speculate and wonder yeah that's our job and you like responding is beneath you Yeah, well, our next story is very related because another conversation that people think they know what was said that's going viral from the Golden Globes is between Emily Blunt and John Krasinski.

Have you seen this?

About the weather?

About the weather.

Yeah.

And now she last night attended the governor's awards alone after her conversation with john had gone viral a conversation that fans are speculating is either about divorce or the weather yes

So fans are speculating what Emily Blunt and John Krasinski were talking about while posing for photos on the 2024 Golden Globes red carpet Sunday.

It's insane that like two people, especially like two married people, like can't get a moment a modicum of privacy.

Like it's insane.

Okay, agree, but why would they get privacy on a red carpet?

No, I know, but like just in the digital age, the fact that they can't have like a 10-second exchange without it being

dissected, it's just like, it's really crazy.

Yeah.

Like, who would want to attend an event like this?

A few theories have come to the forefront of the guessing game with some people saying that he's looking to split from

Emily.

They said, I've watched this 500 times trying to convince myself he said something other than divorce.

They say, I swear he's saying divorce.

But I,

that he, um,

then other people are saying, I can't, he said, I can't wait to get indoors.

Yes.

So, yes, it does look like he's mouthing the word divorce, but then in the whole clip, when somebody transcribes their entire conversation, they are talking about the weather.

And I saw a lot of people commenting on the weather at the Golden Globes.

It was so windy, like it was cold.

So, I really do believe, I don't, and I don't think these two are getting divorced, like, period.

And I also don't think that's what they were saying.

And I think if they were getting divorced, they wouldn't like mention it on a red carpet.

They're not a bunch of amateurs.

Right.

And she would have just went by herself, by the way, because he wasn't nominated.

And like, it's not common for like a woman or an actor to go by themselves to an award show that only they're nominated for.

Yeah, but then she went without him last night.

So people are like, is there a divorce?

I don't think so.

Oh, because it's them.

Yeah, no, I actually was thinking about them while they were on TV.

I mean, John Krasinski, seriously, should go to jail for his outfit, but I love these two.

And I can't think of a couple, I think, more evenly matched

in terms of level of fame and success and like respective, like they're both so well respected.

Actually, I think maybe she's a little bit more.

No, no, the office.

People love him.

I know.

Jack Ryan, the office, like, but he's kind of TV and she's kind of like silver screen, you know?

No, they're really great.

And I think they also lift each other up.

And also like for the stability of the realm, like these two cannot.

get divorced.

Like people would not be okay.

For the stability of the realm.

Yes.

No, you're right.

People wouldn't be be okay.

And it's nice.

Like, my God, like, there's so, I can't even count on one hand, like, the amount of age-appropriate long-term relationships in Hollywood.

Like, this is good shit.

Yeah.

No, they are holding,

holding up the initiative.

They're holding up the realm.

They're holding up the realm.

There's like a couple couples that, like.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban.

No, that's really just us.

No, I'm telling you, people love them.

It's not just us.

Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds.

I don't feel that way.

Like,

not personally, but the realm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're the people's couple.

They are.

They are.

I personally don't ride or die or ship for them, but I understand why people do.

And again, it's like a well-matched, you know, age-appropriate couple.

We stand, we stand.

Yeah, lots of kids.

Right, right.

Very, you know, share a lot on social media.

Like, we know what's going on.

They leave like funny comments.

Oh, see, actually, Ryan Reynolds' social media behavior is part of the reason I don't stand him as a couple.

Yeah, but also because we don't watch that movie.

Which

you know, the one.

Ant-Man?

No.

Deadpool.

Deadpool.

Is he even in Ant-Man?

I'm not sure.

I think he plays Deadpool in someone else's movie of Ant-Man.

Okay, here are some like married long-term couples in Hollywood that I think people love.

They love Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.

Yes, for the stability of the realm, yeah.

For the stability of the realm.

David and Victoria Beckham.

Yeah, they should get more credit than they do.

I agree.

This is a good one.

Like everybody loves.

Goldie and Kurt.

Yep.

Everybody loves.

That, they keep the realm stable.

Yeah, they are one load-bearing wall.

And

people who aren't into like the idea of marriage love Goldie and Kurt because they've been together for like 50 years, but never legally married.

And they're like, see, Goldie and Kurt did it.

Oh, here's another one, the classic.

Dak Shepard and Kristen Bell.

Classic.

Classic.

Another one?

Kevin Bacon and Kira Sedgwick.

Very good.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are on this list.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw.

That's good.

I feel like they don't get enough credit either.

They don't.

Another one that I don't feel like is holding the realm together, but it's nice that they're still married.

SJP and Matthew Broderick.

Like if they got divorced,

no one would care.

The realm remains unharmed.

But we should still be more impressed than we are about how they fared.

Yeah.

Oh, Cindy Crawford and Randy Gerber.

Very good.

Oh my god.

Not

Jada Pinkett, Smith, and Will Smith being on this list.

No, they are not holding up the realm.

Also, this list needs to be updated because Hugh Jackman is still on here.

We know he's getting divorced.

And they were never holding up the realm.

Who?

Him and his wife, Deborah Lee Furness.

Oh, I forgot who we were talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I feel like I got them all.

Oh, Ellen and Porsche.

Oh, no, I don't feel that way about Ellen and Portia, but Beyonce and Jay-Z.

Yeah.

Oh, this is a good one.

Freddie Prince Jr.

and Sarah Michelle Geller.

I forget about them.

They do their part.

They do their part.

And I feel like

I love them.

And they're like legitimizing all the work of the 90s, you know, the fact that they're still together.

It was all for something.

Alicia Keys and Swiz.

I'm good.

I'm good too.

But wait, here is, this is, this would shake up the realm a lot.

Shake it up the realm.

Shake it up Chicago.

Leslie Mann and Judd Appetow.

Yeah.

Yep, yep, yep.

Yep.

That's exactly of the elk.

That's of the elk.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yep.

I got it.

List done.

That was fun.

List.

That was fun.

I love lists.

Wait, should we make a list?

Like celebrity couples that would shake up the realm if they got divorced?

That's good because they're probably more than that, what that list has to offer.

But we're talking about a very specific type of couple.

And you were right.

Like Blake and Ryan.

Celebrity

divorces that would shake up the realm.

But I feel like I won't know to search that.

But I'll put it in.

I need all my search words.

Okay.

John and Emily.

Blake and Ryan.

Leslie and Judd.

Judd.

Is that it?

There was one other couple in there that, oh, Dax and Kristen.

Yes, so classic.

I stand by Nicole Kidman and Keith Thurbin, but if you, it's up to your discretion if you want to put them on the list.

I just don't think people like feel enough taste

to feel as strongly about them as we do.

That's fair.

That's totally fair.

They're kind of like our little thing.

Yeah, like we kind of invented them.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Speaking of couples.

Yeah.

Simone Biles is on the cover of Vanity Fair, and her husband is giving a few quotes, including insisting again that he had no clue who she was before they met.

But how does he explain his tweets where he literally says her name?

He doesn't, but he said, a lot of people don't believe me when I say I had no clue.

He said, um, at the time he was at a training camp at his alma mater.

At what time?

She's been famous for like 15 years.

And in 2016, when of her Olympic success in Rio.

Okay, okay.

Um, and that he wasn't paying attention to the Rio games.

He said, quote, I never once was like, oh, let me check gymnastics out.

He noted that he only caught some basketball and a bit of track.

He quickly learned when he found her on Instagram.

I was like, man, she has a lot of followers.

She must be pretty good.

Okay.

I just want to say, like, it's really hard for any like living, breathing American to not know who Simone Biles is, let alone an athlete.

I'm sorry, I'm just not buying this.

He's doubling down.

Unless he said, like, I grew up on a ranch without electricity and no internet or television.

Okay, then those people, I could, I believe them when they say they don't know who Simone Biles is.

He said when she won the Olympics, I was in college and we didn't have NBC, we didn't have Olympics channels, so we were in training camp in late July, early August.

The amount of details,

the amount of details.

I know he's lying.

I'm sorry.

He's lying.

I don't think he's lying.

This is a crazy thing to lie about twice.

And now in Vanity Fair, not just like an off-the-cover mark on a podcast.

I think he said it.

People were so shook by it that he gets asked it now and he has to double down because if he admits he's lying, it's really weird.

Also, we didn't have NBC.

Isn't that like basic cable?

First of all, literally everyone has NBC.

Unless you didn't have a television, but in which case you say I didn't have a television, but also it's like streaming.

No, it's it's social media.

This day and age.

And I'm sorry, it's not like Simone Biles only exists on Channel 4.

Like, she's everywhere.

Weedies, you know?

No, and it's like if you follow ESPN on Instagram because you're an athlete and you care about those things, then like Simone comes up on your feet sometimes.

And I like how he was like, I mean, yeah, I watch like basketball, but how'd you watch basketball if you didn't have NBC?

Right.

No, but he's like, I watch basketball, like putting down gymnastics when you're like, who the fuck watches Olympic basketball?

Nobody, everybody watches gymnastics, bitch.

Yeah.

But Simone is unbothered by him and his comments and she loves him and she's standing by her man.

And that's great, but it's giving jealous.

Wouldn't you be?

Duh.

That's like me marrying Joe Rogan.

Like you think I wouldn't be mad every day?

You'd be like, I never heard of him until we met Sean Raya.

That's, by the way, it's the exact same thing.

Yeah.

I have spoken about Joe Rogan.

He has spoken about Simone Biles.

But then

10 years later, it would be like me saying, I have no idea who Joe Rogan is.

You guys pulling up this clip.

You would say, I don't have Spotify.

Right.

Right.

So, anyways, she's looking gorgeous on the cover of Vanity Fair.

I love her, by the way.

This, this is not a reflection of her.

But if you love her, you kind of have to love him because A because she does.

Equals B and B equals C.

No, but it's like she's on the cover of Vanity Fair.

Why the fuck is her husband getting a quote?

Like, can she have her cover?

Maybe she seems like she wants to bring him into things and

for him to have his

shine.

Yeah, no, it's good.

It's good.

It's sweet of her.

Yeah, and I guess like if I was on the cover of Vanity Fair and like Ben obviously came with me to the photo shoot and they asked him a question, I would be like, yeah, that's fine.

Yeah.

And they'd be like, no, don't talk to him.

You never know.

That is something I would do.

It's not like, you know, Simone gets a lot of press.

So maybe if it was like your first big thing, you'd say shut up, Ben.

But like to her, it's like, oh, sure, whatever.

Another cover.

It's true.

Another cover.

Yeah.

Another one.

Another one.

I'm so glad we're out of that DJ Khaled Snapchat era.

Like, that was a really annoying time.

It was, but we got some, like, really good quotes from it.

Like, I love another one.

I also love Major Key.

I love Major Key.

Yeah.

And I love Business is Boomin'.

Was that him?

Yeah, that little sneaker kid that he used to go and see.

And he'd say how business.

And he said, Business is booming.

Booming.

Yeah.

And by the way, I never even watched DJ Khaled Snapchats.

Like, this is what I got filtered down to me.

Regurgitated how pervasive it was.

Yeah, no, he really like like was the culture for an entire year another one

obsessed

obsessed

and also like major key

it was a major key

there's so many i say major key all the time yeah i you know what i say all the time tj calendar that's what i see you literally never not once in my life

are you ready for our fifth and final story i am

jennifer lawrence is

dishing.

Which one?

Dissing or dishing?

Dish.

On her stressful wedding day.

So Jennifer Lawrence opened up about her 2019 nuptials while walking the red carpet at Sunday Night's Golden Globes, admitting that she found being a bride to be, quote, awful.

Oh my God.

She said for someone saying it.

She said she mostly worried about the guests having a good time, which made the entire day so stressful.

So you're spending all this money for other people.

You're not having fun.

You're just like, is this person having fun?

The private ceremony was attended by celebs, including Robert De Niro, who had worked with Jennifer on Silver Lining's playbook, American Hustle, and Joy.

But at the rehearsal dinner, she admitted that she was so worried that De Niro wasn't having a good time that she even told him to go home.

LOL.

I looked over and I saw Bob, who doesn't know anybody, and he's kind of wandering around.

And I immediately was like, no, this isn't what he wants to be doing.

I don't want him here.

So I went over and whispered.

I was like, go home.

And he was nice.

He like talked to my parents and was polite, but I was just like, go.

That just genuinely made me feel better.

That's funny.

That's funny.

Yeah, no, I mean, everybody has their own Robert De Niro.

You know, obviously hers is on a bigger scale.

But I'm so glad someone's finally talking about it because I'm really sick of like the yasification of bridehood.

It sucks.

Yeah.

It does.

It shouldn't have to be that way.

And I hope that, but no, everyone's on their, unless it's like your second.

wedding.

You have to learn the hard way.

You have to learn by experience.

Nobody can tell you to just like stop and dial it back.

And I like, imagine people who have been married more than once say that their second weddings are so much better than their first.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Taylor Shreker.

Yeah, but also I feel like a lot of people have second weddings that are much smaller.

Yeah, because they realize it's not that important.

And like what's worth spending money on is like the people, the food.

Yeah.

Like, no, but I'm saying for the actual

budding of the wedget.

Wedding budget, the actual budget of the wedding, like you know what to spend money on, what not to spend money on, what's stupid, what's not stupid.

Like, I feel like a second wedding is such a vibe.

Yeah, but then it's always surprising to see people who have a really big second wedding.

Yeah, that I feel like you didn't learn.

No, but it's like, well, now that I found the right person, I know, I know.

I still want all the theatrics.

I know, but like the theatrics aren't worth it.

Yeah.

But when done well, like you really could, it's a great time for the guests.

Because I had a great time at my wedding.

I had a great time at your wedding, too.

Because I was I like I had a good like the all the stress was beforehand and I didn't let any stress like like

reach me on my wedding day.

I was like, we're throwing a party, and I'm going to have fun.

Right.

And you're going to wear this hat to the party tonight?

You know it.

You know it.

So they're remaking Wicked.

And if that line doesn't make it into the movie, like, I will boycott strike.

Did you know that the Bridgerton oldest son is in Wicked?

Jonathan.

Yes, yes, I did.

I learned that from the Golden Globe.

Yes, yes, yes.

I didn't know that.

He is is so hot and so gay, it's just not fair.

I wonder who he's playing.

Him and Matt Boomer.

Like, it ain't right.

I don't know who he's playing.

I feel like he's wearing his hat to the party tonight, no?

That guy.

Is he playing Fiero?

Fiero.

And then who's Spongebob playing?

I feel like SpongeBob is literally an extra.

Like, he's not even, he's a character actor.

Like, he's literally

a munchkin.

Yeah, Jonathan's playing Fiero.

And who is Spongebob?

Fiero.

Let me pull up the IMDb for Wicked.

No, I'm telling you, like,

SpongeBob plays, like, the janitor at the school that they meet at.

Like, it's really.

At Shiz University?

Like, he's literally the smallest character.

He's.

Okay.

So we know.

Oh, he plays Bach.

Who is Bach?

He's not ringing.

His name isn't ringing a bell.

Oh, is he the one who she sets up her sister with?

I'm not going to lie.

Like, I need to refresh my wicked.

He's the Munchkin Lander man.

What did I say?

Munchkin.

Who was Alphaba and Glinda's friend during their time at Shiz.

Like I said, he's a Munchkin.

Yeah.

I do think he gets together with the sister.

And then that's why she's like, you should wear this hat to the party night.

Something like that.

Those are the past five.

And we have dear children.

And Tom says love interest.

I think I saw Wicked once in the wicked.

I was going to say, like, how do you, I've seen Wicked like four times.

Like, the last time was like maybe two years ago.

Like, and I, I, I know Alphaba, Glinda, and the wizard.

You did see it recently.

Yeah, with Jessica Vosk.

She invited me backstage and painted my hand green.

And I got to go like on the stage and stuff.

I haven't seen it since childhood, but it really, so much of it stuck with me.

Yeah, settled.

And though I'd never show it, I'd be so happy I could melt.

And so it will be for the rest of my life.

And I'll want nothing else till I die.

Held in such high esteem.

When people see me, they will scream.

For half of Oz's favorite team.

The wizard.

And

no, that was so good.

Let me also say, since quitting my vape, I can sing so much better.

Well, there's a reason.

And I just want to say I'm nine days clean.

No fuck-ups.

Wow.

And I just want to say Kayala Settles in the Wicked movie.

Oh, fuck me up.

So now you know it's a part of it.

Fuck me up, Kayala.

Where the hell has she been?

She's been working on the Wicked movie.

She should have been in Bean Girls a musical.

Yes, she should be in every musical.

No, ever since that movie came out, Created Showman, if you're going to make a musical and Kayala Settles is not involved, like, pack your bags, pack your things.

Bag to the drawing board.

Avita Zane, motherfucker.

Also, Jeff Goldblum Goldblum is the wizard.

Love.

That's a good cast.

Love.

There's some good castings here.

Michelle Yeo is in it.

Oh, no.

I forgot to put on deodorant today.

Oh, good thing we're almost done.

We have Deer Toasters.

Great.

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All right, Dear Toaster is our weekly advice segment where you girlies can write in about anything and get advice from us.

So if you've always wondered, like, what would Jackson and Claude think?

Now is your opportunity.

There are two ways to submit.

Dear toasters at gmail.com.

That's an email account.

We will keep all of your information anonymous.

Also, if you go to the toastpodcast.com and scroll down, there's a little submission box.

It says dear toasters.

That is completely anonymous.

Write us in.

Let us know what's going on about anything in your life from work to relationships to sex to pregnancy, whatever it is, we keep your shit anonymous.

And if you've written us in and we haven't read it on air, here's what might be happening.

One, your submission might be too long.

We try and keep it like a paragraph at most, you know?

Two, your situation might just like be uninteresting and that's something I can't help you with.

Ready?

Yes.

Hello, Jackson Claude.

My husband's family has a few rental properties, all of which are in a

five-mile radius from our home.

A new renter who's a single mom around our age recently moved into one of their rentals.

When she first moved in, there was something wrong with the water heater.

So my husband's grandparents asked him to fix it and he did.

Since then, she has been texting my husband directly for any and every little convenience.

She texted about seeing a rat in the kitchen, taking out the trash, a few other things.

I'm not entirely sure how she ended up with his number, but I digress.

I'm not usually a jealous person, but I find this inappropriate and a little disrespectful.

I asked my husband, why doesn't she call your family who owns the house with the issues?

And he says, it's not a big deal because he would be the one to fix that stuff anyway.

She's just cutting out the middleman.

I think messaging another woman's husband is not okay.

Am I being insane?

A little bit.

Just a little.

It's not about the like messaging another woman's husband.

It's like right.

She's not thinking, let me text this girl's husband.

She's thinking, let me text the renter.

I mean,

the landlord.

The person from the family who comes and fixes things and like is just the most efficient person to text.

But I also understand why that is annoying for your life to have this like woman who's constantly like.

telling your husband to come and do this and that and this and that.

But isn't that like a part of your husband's job?

Is not?

It is.

She said like normally like a tenant would text the grandparents, and the grandparents would send her husband.

So he's going anyway.

But she, by the way, if somebody, if my landlord was like, all right, I'm sending over John to fix the stove and John comes over, I'm getting John's number.

Yeah, and like, it's always John coming.

Yeah,

I'm just texting John directly.

Yeah.

So I think you need to change your mindset of being like, she's not texting another woman's husband.

In her mind, she's texting her landlord/slash handyman.

Like, that's fine.

But, you know, you always, you always got to keep an eye out for a hot young thing.

I think that's very important.

You know, girls can be very

treacherous and fortuitous.

So always, you know, keep an ear out for like what's going on, especially if some hot young thing moves in and your husband's going over there all the time.

But I don't think you immediately need to be like, this is inappropriate.

It's really not inappropriate.

Yeah, it hasn't become inappropriate right now.

It's just business, but that is annoying.

No, but keep bothering your husband about it.

Push him right into her arms.

Keep bothering him.

Yeah.

So you're being a little crazy, like a little bit.

Like these are things you think to yourself and you're conscious of, but you never say out loud, you know?

Yeah, you you don't have cause.

You have literally no cause, so you do look crazy until you have cause.

So you keep an eye out to look for cause.

Are you ready for our next one?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, girly swirlies.

Love you both dearly.

So I live and die for smutty romance novels, but lately it's been making me unrightfully annoyed at my boyfriend.

I know it's psychotic to think that my boyfriend could be a man written by a woman, but like some effort never hurts, right?

I've brought up that I really want to be complimented, given flowers, flowers, taken on dates, et cetera, multiple times, and still nothing changes.

I know it's because of my smut books that are making it seem like all men are perfect, but it's starting to really upset me that mine isn't.

Do I put the books down or the man?

Please feel free to write me apart.

I have to say, I'm so glad that you wrote in about this because I think that this is a universal experience.

Two things can happen when you're a girl in a relationship with a smut book.

And I just want to say, it's not one or the other.

Both can happen at different times.

One, and I've heard that's very common, is like it reignites a flame in a relationship.

It gives you new ideas.

Like it's been actually very good.

Your husband buys you more smut novels.

That can happen.

Yeah.

But it can also, and for me, like I have had this where I'm like, Ben, you have literally never put your hand on the small of my back.

Like the tiniest things, because that's what the smut writers do.

They like really romanticize.

the most random, small, innocuous thing.

Not like, oh, let me buy you a house filled with roses.

Like obviously, that's like obvious.

It's the little things.

I'm like, Ben, how come you have literally never, ever once, like, put your hand on small my back?

Like, so it's either can happen.

Yeah.

Totally normal.

I do think it's normal.

And the men in these books are perfect and they're written by women.

Like they are not real.

And it's not fair.

It's never going to happen.

It's not fair to compare your relationship to the relationship from the book.

So I think you need to take it.

It's fiction.

You need to take the books out of it and look at your relationship on its own.

Now, if this person's your boyfriend and you're not going on dates, like that's not right.

You should go on a date sometime.

I don't think you need to put the boyfriend down, but I do think maybe a little work on your relationship couldn't hurt.

Yeah, yeah.

Just you need to take a step out of like the smut universe for one second and think like what like is what you're asking unreasonable?

What are you asking?

Are you asking for like a little bit more romance?

That's totally fine.

But are you asking for things that like are just not in the male, like the capability of a man?

Like you need to understand if you're being unrealistic in your expectations.

Yeah.

But just no, I just want to say, and I need people people to sound off in the comments.

Like, I have heard, like, I think this is extremely common.

Yeah, it's fair to want a little more.

Yeah, of course.

And like, a bookmaking, you see that isn't wrong.

Yeah, but it's he's not going to be, you know,

you can't compare a fake man to a real one.

You can't, especially a fake man written by a woman who like knows.

No, no, for the sole purpose of like romance.

I think we should start reading like romance novels written by men so we can

get some reality.

Yeah, it's just gonna be like blowjobs.

You think

romance romance from my ma'am?

You knew what I was saying.

I do, but can you repeat that?

I think everyone knew.

Are there romance novels written by men?

I'm sure that they are out there.

I have never heard of one.

I've never seen another human being reading or recommending popular, successful

romance novels of the kind.

No.

Just like, it's for the girls.

It's for for and by the girls.

Like please fuck off.

I feel like like

they're going to see

women like Colleen Hoover, Tessa Bailey, Lucy Score like making a lot of money and like now men are going to try.

Fuck off.

Like can we have one thing?

Yeah.

But I do think sometimes I feel that way and that's why sometimes I can't read these books.

It's like so unrealistic and like I know

it is unrealistic.

Yeah.

But that's why we love it.

Yeah, that's true.

But not if it's affecting your real life.

In a negative way.

Not if it's affecting your life.

In a negative way.

Right, because people read fantasy books like Iron Flame and no one's expecting like a dragon to take them to work the next day.

Like you understand, like this is fantasy.

Yeah.

You have to go into smut with that understanding as well.

Yeah, it's true.

I am obsessed with our third and final Deer Toasters.

Like you, you couldn't have written a Deer Toasters more perfect for me.

Okay.

Okay.

I consider myself a pretty traditional girly.

I've always envisioned taking my husband's last name when I get married.

Now I have fallen in love.

He is an absolute PJOM.

We're getting married next year.

Just one tiny problem.

His last name is Duty.

No.

How'd he spelled?

D-O-O-D-Y.

He said that it would mean a lot to him

for me to take his name, but come on, Duty?

Am I just being immature?

and should suck it up?

Or should I stand my ground and not be named after Feces for the rest of my life?

Help.

I mean,

no, I'm sorry.

Like, absolutely not.

You can't take this name.

It's so obvious.

And two, like, I'm not even a big fan of like name taking.

I never thought I'd become like one of those girls.

Like, I'm not a fan of it.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of it in practice because it's just like really inconvenient.

You know, you've established yourself your entire life.

And it's not even about like the

dynamics or the politics of it.

It's like the convenience.

Well, I feel both ways.

It's incredibly inconvenient, yes, to have to like reintroduce yourself to the world midway through your life well not midway like a quarter through your life depends on when you get married and

no i'm talking about like yeah i'm gonna be one of those like patriarchy queens like no i don't with like it's bullshit like i have to change my whole name identity everything i've accomplished my family history for you who are you yeah and especially

if your name is in an upgrade and it's a downgrade oh yeah i happen to love my last name i also actually really like software so if i had to take it i wouldn't mind um and i'm sure I'll feel differently.

Like when I have kids, like, I'll want to have like the same last name as my kids.

But do you really want your kids having the last name Duty?

Like, talk about bullied, kids are fucking cruel.

But what do you do about that?

You're just getting you're handing it over to the name.

But the kids' name is just gonna be duty, no?

Okay, let's talk about like a hyphen.

What do you do, dad?

Dudy about let's say her last name is like

Sterling.

I don't know, I'm just making this up.

I like that, I like it too.

Um, a Sterling Duty.

Let's hyphen it.

But some people hyphen and like cut the name in half.

I agree.

But let's...

Stirdo.

Let's take a step back and look to the newly wedded Kaylin Miller Keys and Dean Unglert, who now go by the last name Belle.

Yeah, they gave themselves a brand new name.

They're like, just because your husband's last name is Judy, you have to give up your own name?

Like, that's bullshit.

Why?

It could be Kumza, like, fresh, Tabula Rasa, something new for the both of us may and i think belle is either dean's mom's maiden name

i believe

i don't know if we've ever used the phrase kumza fresh on the toast before we have to explain what that means oh it means like it's yiddish right it's yiddish it means like kums fresh it fresh it's it kind of gives like tabula rasa energy like that's what we just said kumza fresh tabula rasa oh but i think of kumza fresh always like when i put on a fresh pair of underwear like after like a workout or like something really sweaty in a shower i'm kumza fresh

i mean all the time, I'm Kumza Fresh.

Yeah.

Change the sheets, Kumza Fresh.

Oh, Kumza Fresh, yeah.

Even though in my house, they're called Fresh Cakes.

Oh, yeah.

In my house, they're called

Crap.

Fuck!

What?

Oh, my God.

Oh, great.

What?

I

ordered

a dresser.

on Wayfair approximately, let me tell you.

What's it is it?

On November 2nd.

On November 30th,

it was attempted to be delivered.

And I have tried, ever since November 30th, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten times to get this fucking dresser delivered.

There has been an issue every single time.

One time, the certificate of insurance was wrong.

Second time, the dresser came and it was broken.

Third time, the delivery people were like, Sorry, the weather, we're skipping you.

Always an issue.

Today, it was the day.

And they said, Oh, between 10 and 12.

I'm like, Of course, like the two hours a day, I'm completely unavailable.

So I said, During the toast, I'm not going to put my phone on Do Not Disturb.

I'm going to wait for their call, and I'm going to get this dresser fucking delivered.

I missed the call.

The dresser was delivered.

Yay.

Do you have a picture?

I do.

I do.

I do.

Send to me.

Back to what we were saying.

Oh.

Take a note out of Kaylin and Dean's book.

That's my advice.

Oh, yeah.

Come up with a new name.

I'm sorry.

You shouldn't have to do that.

I think Belle is Dean's mom's maiden name.

Honestly, I think that moving forward, instead of just like automatically taking the husband's last name, I think we should sit down and like have a really honest conversation about A, whose name is better?

B, whose family history, sorry, is more impressive.

Agreed.

C, like who's accomplished more?

C, what letter of the alphabet do we want our kids to be stuck with?

Like a lot of things.

I'm sorry, like we just need to be more honest.

And duty is never going to win.

Sterling is going to win.

Yeah.

Duty's never going to win unless they're up against diarrhea.

I think I would almost prefer diarrhea.

Let me tell you why.

Because it's like, because you, because you could say it's diarrhea.

whereas like duty is duty, there's no alternate pronunciation.

It's like very phonetically, you know, singular.

Diaria, yeah.

And

the word, like, it could be in another language, like, something beautiful.

It kind of, it's like

the act that makes it gross.

It could be like French for

Rose.

It could be French for Rose.

And if you say it with an accent, like you're golden.

Diaria.

Diaria.

And that's something that, like, over time could be spelled differently.

I think that's what happens to last names over the years.

They like get changed.

That happened at Ellis Island.

100%.

And there are like cultural factors that change last names forever.

Families that have, you know, 100-year history, they come to Ellis Island.

It's chopped in half.

It's changed.

It's made to be like more Anglo.

And I think we're at that kind of time in history right now where it's like gender dynamics are changing.

Why should the woman always always take the man's name?

Let's make a change.

Love, love, love, love.

I love it.

Diaria, it is.

Diaria.

Thank you to everyone who wrote in.

Just a reminder: deartoasters at gmail.com is where you can submit.

We're running low on submissions because, like, honestly, not to be rude, like, some of them sting.

So send us some new submissions, either deartoas at gmail.com or our website, the toastpodcast.com.

Thank you to everybody who wrote in.

Also, if you've written in recently and we've read your submission on air and we gave you advice and you either took it or chose to ignore it, which is totally fine, send us an update.

What went on what happened right in the subject line update so we can find it um that's our show tomorrow and friday's episodes are both podcasts only so youtube girlies gird your loins thank you so much for listening to the toast

Thank you so much for listening to the toast on London Morning Show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday and YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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Hope you guys have an amazing, incredible, beautiful, studying, and smart day.

And we'll see you tomorrow.

Love ya.

Love ya.

Bye.