Not For The Easily Offended with Jackie Schimmel: Tuesday, October 17th, 2023

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

I am thrilled.

I am excited.

I'm a little scared.

Really?

You, like, to me are a, like an anomaly.

Like, you really, you're very intimidating.

That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I really appreciate it.

That's so funny.

That's really sweet.

It's Jackie Schimmel.

I've replaced Jackie Ashre with Jackie Schimmel.

I'm feeling very comfortable, very excited.

A toast virgin.

I am.

And let me tell you, my girlfriends are very excited about this.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I've got some toasty, toasty girls.

I love that.

Yeah, they're very excited.

You're kind of like the reigning LA queen of podcasting.

So I think I'm the self-titled New York queen of podcasting.

1000%.

So it's nice to kind of have a bicoastal moment.

And you know what's really fun about us is that I feel like people in those sad, toxic Facebook groups have pitted us against each other for years

and always thought that we had beef.

Oh, like I've heard that before.

Oh, I was talking, I was on Taylor Strucker's show, and she was talking about how people thought you had beef with Taylor Strucker, right?

Yeah, I loved that so much.

I fucking love Taylor Strecker.

Me too.

I love her.

Well, we don't have beef.

We've only met one time.

Oh, my God.

When we spent that weekend together, which was fabulous.

It was, I mean, maybe fabulous for you.

It's very triggering for me.

Why?

Okay, that influencer retreat, my one and only influencer retreat, I was really only invited because I think that I was like a conduit for other more influential people to come.

That's interesting.

I was only invited literally the day before.

Someone must have dropped out.

Someone dropped out.

They were like, do you want to go go to LA tomorrow?

I'm like, no.

They're like, well, you're being paid.

I'm like, I'll be there.

Let me know when.

100%.

Let's go.

So I got like Heather there.

I got Heather McMahon there.

And then I got Morgan Stewart there.

So you were very much like the communications person.

Yes.

And I had the worst room in the whole spa.

That's funny.

It's true.

It was like by the custodial closet.

And, you know, part of the thing when you go there is you're supposed to, you know, tag the brand and all the things.

I had never done this before.

I was kicked off Instagram three hours into that weekend.

Oh, I do remember that.

So calling you and Morgan and Heather McMahon whores.

Whores.

Yes.

You know what?

It's a freaking horse.

They're coming back to me now.

I will say, I know there are a lot of influencer trips.

That happened to be a particularly fabulous one.

That was to die for.

It was at the Nobu Hotel in Malibu, which is like this gorgeous, like 12-room hotel.

Yeah.

Invite only.

I stayed in a closet.

But yes.

The toilets were Toto.

I was really hungover and I threw up in the Toto.

Did you?

We had like a private dinner at Nobu.

It was really fabulous.

So fun.

And a fabulous group.

Like you said, Morgan Stewart, Heather, me and you, Lauren Elizabeth.

Like it was a gorgeous crew.

It was a gorgeous crew.

So it was the first time we met.

Yeah.

And then we like became Instagram friends.

Yes.

But we haven't met or hung out since then.

So when I was coming to LA, I was like, I got to get that bitch on the podcast.

I'm so glad you did.

We have so much in common.

I think so too.

Let me tell you why.

We both, like not ironically, released music.

Totally.

I mean, mom was like semi-ironically, but that's okay.

Mine was completely serious, which is incredibly incredibly sad.

That is to die for.

Do you love to sing?

No.

I mean, I'm a terrible singer, but I just thought it would be funny, you know, peak coronavirus lockdown, living for nothing.

Why don't I drop a pop song?

Like, to me, I look at your life and I would do anything to be married to someone who's like a professional music producer, right?

That's his job title.

Yes.

And he like has a full-blown like music studio.

You would never get me out of that studio.

I I would make my husband make me songs.

Like it would be 24-7 non-stop.

But like the problem with my husband is that he won't.

Oh.

Like he is so intimidated by my musical prowess.

That's understandable.

That, I mean, I have begged.

Really?

Begged.

I think I'm dropping a Hanukkah bop this year.

I love that idea.

Let me know if you need a feature.

I will literally come to your house.

Perfect.

Fly to LA.

I will do it 100%.

Like a rap feature or like a.

I don't give a shit.

Like I just, I, whenever I do like shows, I do comedy shows, and I'm about to go on stage, every single time I think to myself, I would so much rather be on the stage for singing.

Like, I love to sing.

Oh, my God.

See, I don't love to sing, but I love the idea of being a pop star.

And I feel like I would fucking sell the shit out of it.

You would.

Am I allowed to cuss on here?

It is encouraged.

Thank God.

I mean.

Do you curse on your podcast?

No, never.

Yes.

Every other word is fuck.

It's terrible.

You are so funny.

So I feel like we have a lot in common.

Our love of music.

Yes.

Your name being Jackie.

Like, I just feel like a kindred spirit.

Sisterly.

Yeah.

And you just had a baby, and I obviously don't have any children, but I like.

Do you want mine?

No.

No.

He's kind of cute.

He's very,

but I like appropriate mom culture because I literally think I know everything about motherhood because of Jackie and my sister Olivia.

I probably do.

No, I know.

I know more than the average.

Woman who doesn't have children.

Okay.

And so you're fresh out of motherhood childbirth.

How are you doing?

I'm okay.

I'm doing good.

Yesterday we had a beautiful day together.

The day before,

we did do a drive-by of the local orphanage in Calamas.

I know exactly where it is.

And I'm thinking about getting like the Google maps from our house to the orphanage framed gallery wall

in his nursery because there are days where I'm like, I severely regret this decision.

Yeah.

If I'm being honest.

I know that's, I have like a very complicated thought process in relationship.

I definitely want to have children.

It's just a matter of when, not if.

And I have a lot of anxiety about it, especially about the pregnancy.

So I know you had like a similar journey.

So hearing you being refreshingly honest is really, it's comforting.

It is.

I will tell you, I was so petrified of being pregnant, like more so than anything in the entire world I could think of.

Yeah.

And I don't know, but mine was really lovely.

Like I almost, I regret saying this,

enjoyed it.

No, that like to me makes me sick.

Because to me, you're like similar to me and our extreme thoughts on it yeah so to hear you say that brings enormous comfort to someone like me for real and i think maybe a lot of people listening who are at the same age where it's like they're married and you know they know they want to have kids but like right now i don't know i know i felt that way i'm like what's the rush like my life is fucking awesome and then i was just prolonging it prolonging it and finally one month i decided to placate that bastard and then boom here we are here we are mother of the year and your son's name is clyde which is so cute and different i love jackie's obsessed with like baby names especially for boys it's very hard so hard What's the meaning?

Well, we didn't have one at the beginning.

We just like kind of thought it was cute.

And then we found out that it was a family name and a famous lion tamer's name, which is like feels very Leo.

Leo adjacent.

And his middle name is Lion.

Clyde Lion.

Oh, that's so nice.

Kind of rock starry.

Motherhood really does suit you.

You think?

I do.

You should see me out in the wild with the kids.

Oh, you wouldn't say that.

I'm like, can you please?

And I'm like burping him and his like limbs are flailing everywhere and he can't lift his head up.

Not a big tummy time gal.

But working on it.

A tummy time is warfare.

I like when I see it, I'm like, this is brutal.

It's awful.

Neglect.

Like it's so sad.

Feels so wrong and I just

avoid it at all costs.

So he's kind of like wobbly in the neck, but we're getting there.

He'll figure it out.

Yeah, I think so.

You're a working mom.

You are so busy and you were still gracious enough to bring me a gift here today.

Yes.

And I mean, it's a gift, but it's also a threat.

Kind of.

Here's the thing.

I want to be very clear on your platform that I am not an erwon girly like i am not someone it's not part of my like genetic makeup it's not a personality trait for me it's just convenient i'm a suburban erwon girl that's very different than the west hollywood airwan girls you know uh i get in i like the buffalo cauliflower Sue me.

So I watch your Instagram stories and you're always eating in your car.

I love it.

And that's what you're eating?

Sometimes.

I would say once to twice a week, you will find me at the Calabasas Erewan sitting in the parking lot eating by myself.

I saw Beverly Mitchell there this morning.

Wow, 7th Heaven Queen.

You don't understand.

I started like my eyes started twitching and I started full body sweats and I was just patrolling the aisles with our smoothies trying to make eye contact.

She could have a restraining order against me.

I have a deep fixation

with Beverly Mitchell.

I have a deep fixation on Seventh Heaven.

Like that show

was not okay in any way.

And one of my favorite TikTokers, his name is Rob.

He watches old episodes and then does like a two-minute recap of how insane.

There's an episode where Jessica Beal gets hooked up.

God bless her.

She gets like addicted to like natural health supplements that give her energy.

And she's on the basketball team and she's like up at 6 a.m.

like basketballing till 6 p.m.

Just like sweating out on the court on her drugs.

They're acting like she's literally doing blow and all the pastor dad has to like sit her down and take her to rehab.

It's so stupid.

I think I need to start Seventh Heaven over again.

I think you do.

Because I missed it.

I think you do.

But I watched it as a kid.

Here and there.

I was more of a Melrose Place girl.

Oh, interesting.

I was definitely more of a Seventh Heaven, even though, like, I grew up in a deeply proud Jewish family.

Like, we were all watching Seventh Heaven.

You probably only reinforced the Judaism, to be totally fine.

It was, it was honestly a show that showcased allyship, but it's truest form.

No, I just, I love Beverly Mitchell.

I don't know why.

I'm happy for you.

She has like this beautifully jovial, broken energy on Instagram.

There's an innocence there, but also a darkness.

100%.

I mean, she was on Seventh Heaven, I know.

It's only right.

She just counts down those days till Jessica Beale's birthday.

As someone who lives in L.A.

in like a cool neighborhood, do you see a lot of celebrities?

I do.

You do?

Yeah.

I mean, I live in Kardashian land, essentially.

So there is a lot of Kardashian run-ins.

I mean, Beverly Mitchell, for me, tops the tier celebrity run-ins.

But I wouldn't say that I'm, yeah, I'm not like a mover and a shaker like that.

Right.

But you're definitely not the type of person

to like go up and ask someone for a photo.

I'm not.

Claudia.

I would never.

Although I would stalk Beverly Mitchell at Erwan.

And you did.

If I had more time, traffic was building, I would have followed her.

I know you would.

Through every fucking aisle.

And I did wait outside on the curb just to see because I knew that white Yukon was hers.

I could feel it.

Did you take a photo, like a stalker photo lurking in the back or no photos?

No, I did for sure.

Okay, you'll show me later.

Yeah, I'll show you later.

I was like, oh my God, Beverly Mitchell's here.

Beverly Mitchell's here.

Like foaming up there.

That's That's huge.

It's a really big deal for me.

I could cry.

No, you could do a whole podcast episode about it.

I will.

So you went to Erewhon for yourself, and you were gracious enough to be like, hey, dirty, I'm going to Erewhon.

Do you want anything?

Not knowing I had never been.

It's so not me.

Like everything I stand for is the antithesis of Erewhon, you know?

My favorite thing about you thus far is that when we were at said vital proteins, oh, I don't do free plugs, but there you go.

When we were at the influencer retreat, they were really hawk in wellness supplements, green juice.

And we were not there for that.

No, we ordered McDonald's from across the street.

Fun fact, there is a McDonald's across the street from this like number one hotel in the entire world.

Yeah.

A beachfront McDonald's.

We ordered it.

And the staff at the Nobu Hotel was kind enough to plate it for us.

But you spearheaded the movement.

I mean, of course, I'm a human being.

I was like,

how the fuck did we get chicken nuggets on a plate?

On a plate and a Diet Coke.

In a glass.

In a fucking glass at this Nobu hotel.

Listen, I was a woman with a dream.

And you sought it through, and I just, I can't thank you enough.

So you've brought me here a smoothie.

So Erewhon is like a grocery store here in LA, for those who don't know, and they're known for like their juice bar kind of.

All of the things.

The smoothies are probably the main focus.

The main event.

You know, the $300 stupid ass smoothie.

No, how much was this?

I'll Venmo you.

Never.

I believe it was $19.

I don't believe you.

Which is probably on the that's like the medium level price of an airwan smoothie.

I ordered one one time.

I started doing substitutes.

They're like, it's $32.

I'm like, you can go fuck yourself.

And is this considered like a meal replacement?

I don't think so.

People in LA really need to get a grip.

Like a $20.

So, and what's it?

You told me this is...

So they do like celebrity collabs.

All the crazy.

Haley Bieber has one.

This is the Haley Bieber one.

That is the Haley Bieber smoothie.

I have not personally tried this one.

So you're kind of

strawberries.

Strawberries.

There's like a coconut cloud thing, collagen.

I have no idea.

Breast milk.

No, literally.

Probably.

All right, I'm gonna try it.

And this is absolutely not a statement on Haley Bieber herself.

No, no.

It's just, we all know I don't really like eat stuff like this.

So let's go.

Okay.

Tasting notes.

No.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be.

Okay.

But in no universe is this good.

Okay.

In no universe, is this worth $19, let alone $1.

Wait, why?

Is it too sweet?

Is it not sweet enough?

It's so, like, milky.

I feel like I'm like sucking on an udder.

I don't like that.

It's really,

it's fucking weird.

Is it like milkshake adjacent?

If it was milkshake adjacent, it'd be finished.

Okay.

It's gross.

Like, I really can't describe it.

Let me take one more.

But also, let me say it does taste like strawberries.

Oh, well, I would fucking hope so.

You know, like, it is growing on me.

I don't know if it's the taste that's growing on me or just just like the label.

Like, I'm just an Erewhon girly, I'm skinny.

I mean, you look cute, you know, with like my nude ensemble, my Chanel shoes, my Erewhon.

You can't tell me shit right now.

No, you can't.

So, while I'm not loving the taste, I am loving the sense of superiority it brings upon.

Yeah, do you feel like a veil has just been like lifted and you're just lighter?

It's giving like holier than thou energy.

Like, I'm better than everyone because I eat Erewhon.

I'm intimidated by you.

Now, hold on.

Hold on, you're fucking Erewhon Smoothie.

Without the Erewhon Smoothie, there's nothing even remotely intimidating about it.

Disagree, Claudia.

Disagree.

I think that when I was fat,

there's no other way to put it.

I think that people were more intimidated by me.

I think that's like a thing people feel that like you're like aggressive.

I am so non-confrontational.

I'm lovely.

Lovely.

I think I am.

I really am.

But I do, people do tell me I'm like scary, but I'm really not.

No, I mean, I feel that way about myself.

I say all the time I'm low-key lovely and nobody believes it.

But if I keep saying it, I hope it's true.

But do you really believe it?

Yes.

You are lovely, but you are scary.

That's so nice.

I think it's a good thing.

That means like you're accomplished

or just like an evil bitch.

Well, potentially.

Potentially, but we'll see.

I don't think so.

So, you're going to join me today for the past five stories.

Can't wait.

What are you currently like fixating on in pop culture?

I know you love Bravo.

Are you watching new Housewives of New York?

I am.

I am as well.

Now, I'm disgruntled as a viewer.

So I live for vintage rony.

Like there is nothing better in the universe

than vintage roni.

And I think that like in the past few years, we all decided that these women need to be our role models and like beacons of the community.

Yeah.

And that's not why we watch the real housewives.

Very true.

We want them broken, damaged, tonking, drinking.

No, that's so fair.

And it's not lovely, but it is true.

Yeah, no, I was definitely critical of like the final seasons of the OG because it was just everyone drinking so much, having these blowout fights and not remembering it the next morning.

So it was hard to follow.

That's true.

Yeah, I live for like the golden years of Roni, like the early seasons.

I like...

Is that a buffalo coming down the stairs?

Oh, Alex McCord.

I think about her and her Rosatia flare-ups every single day of my life.

I think about her and her newfound happiness and life in Australia as a psychologist.

I think about, to me, that is proof that like you can come out of anything.

Totally.

And if Alex McCord was on Real House Does of New York right now and all of of this was happening, she would have been the cool, like, they wouldn't have been able to get away with what they got away with.

They literally just disliked her immediately because she lived in Brooklyn.

And had like unrenovated baseboards.

Well, I think it was a little bit more than unrenovated.

Her and her family were like, we're living in a war zone.

It was insane.

During COVID,

I remembered that.

And then during COVID, I went back and re-watched Real House Does New York.

And the townhouse was worse than I remembered.

Like, it was.

Oh my God.

And when Jill goes to visit and she sees how they're living for the first time, like, she's horrified.

Horrified.

And there's like bunk beds.

Yes.

With like the plastic storage bins under the bunk beds with all their clothing.

And then the grand reveal of the like Moulin Rouge, like red, crushed velvet, like black.

I'm like, what the fuck happened?

And we actually do have a lot in common with Simon Van Campen because he, too, released a song.

I know.

I am real.

He is real.

He was real for that.

Fucking red pants.

Think about him every single day.

So in the terms of the new Roni, like what's your general take?

I'm two episodes behind, but I'm pretty, I'm in the know.

I've done a full 180 on Jessell.

You and everybody else.

I know.

I love that I'm like on the face of that movement.

She just, Rolling Stone just did a huge feature on her.

She looked fabulous.

I mean, justice for Jessell.

I agree.

Because I went into that season and I was like, this bitch and her husband and this.

She was trying so hard.

With everything.

Too hard.

But then, I mean, I think it speaks to human nature and just like kind goodness.

100%.

That we all ended up rallying together and rooting for her.

Because she's not a bad person.

She, her biggest crime was just like wanting to be liked too much, and that made her come off unlikable, ironically.

But she really, she's a nice girl, and she doesn't like comfort people and she doesn't really start stuff.

She just had a hard time, you know, showing us who she really is.

Yeah.

And now we see her and we love and we celebrate her.

Yes.

And what's his face?

Povett?

Povet.

The mileage run thing to me is so funny because my sister Margo did a mileage run like last December, like a year ago to Boston.

She needed like a hundred more miles, like something so small.

Sure.

You couldn't buy it.

You had to be on a flight.

So she's texting us, like, hey, guys, I'm literally head to the airport.

I'm going to Boston.

I'm like, excuse me.

We made fun of her.

And listen, we still talk about it.

My sister, every time Jackie sees my sister Margo, she goes, I think I'll go to Boston.

It was the weirdest fucking thing, but I understand it.

Like, I'm a big Miles girl myself.

Like, I totally get it, but like, it was weird.

Totally weird.

To Vietnam.

It's weird.

It's weird, but it's not a crime.

No, it's not a crime.

And they, I appreciate them, okay?

So the new season, it's not giving me what I expect from Roni.

It's fine.

It's different.

It's different.

I partake.

I'm very into Jenna Lions.

You are.

That was going to be my next question.

I'm really not.

I don't know why.

She gives it nothing, like no energy.

I think I just like the outfits.

Yes, the house.

And the house.

Yes.

That's it.

I do like

certain elements of her, but like as a housewife, she's not cutting it.

Like we wouldn't wouldn't expect this from any, she gets special treatment.

She 100% does.

And maybe I like that dynamic too.

For sure, it's fucked up.

It is fucked up.

It's totally fucked up.

I think season two will be more interesting.

Do you think they're going to keep everyone?

Because Jenna Lions was just on Watch Robins Live and her tone and Andy's tone as well was very much like conclusive.

Like this was a fun thing that we did.

Really?

It didn't feel like there was a lot of potential for a future.

And she's very publicly like alienated herself from the Bravo world.

She hates to be like referred to as a housewife because I get she's she's accomplished other things, but understandable, but like current era, you're on Roni.

So just lean in, sweetheart.

Embrace.

Embrace it.

That would be, I would be upset if they didn't bring it back for a season two.

I think everybody deserves a season two.

I'm sorry.

They were talking about like just Jenna not coming back, not the entire show.

Okay, okay.

It sounded like Jenna's journey was over.

It might be, but I would like to see her come back.

Yeah, it's a good group.

There's potential.

I'll say that.

There's potential.

And I think season one, they're being nice.

They're doing the thing.

They're integrating.

And then I think season two will really see like maybe

some more deeper relationships, then shit will pop off.

We have five stories, they're actually all really good stories.

Sometimes when we wake up, it's just like we're talking about the dumbest shit.

And we just, we have to try.

Today we don't have to try because, you know, things are popping off.

Yes.

And I think it's because I'm in LA.

So technically I'm like three hours behind.

I would be recording 9 a.m.

New York time.

So I have more time to find stories.

And there's a lot of things going on.

So I think I'm going to dive in if that's okay with you, Jackie Shambo.

Please.

So Jackie Shimmel, before we start, I just have one question.

Are you ready for the past five stories that you need to know?

Yes.

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All right, first up, Brittany's memoir is

out.

Okay.

It's out?

I don't know.

I spoke to you soon.

Okay, whatever.

It's fine.

Well, there are all these stories coming out.

So either it's out or the excerpts are out.

You know, they pitch the PR things.

Gotcha.

And she's talking about the infamous head shaving moment, and she's revealing why she shaved her head in 2007.

So after 16 years, Britney Spears has finally revealed why she infamously cut off all of her hair

ahead of her conservatorship.

She had said in her book, I'd been eyeballed so much growing up, I'd been looked up and down and had people telling me that they thought, what they thought of my body since I was a teenager.

Shaving my head and acting out were my ways of pushing back.

However, Brittany notes that once her father, Jamie Spears, took control of her personal, medical, and financial affairs in 2008, she no longer had a say in her day-to-day life.

She said, I was made to understand that those days were over now.

I had to grow up my hair, get back into shape.

I had to go to bed early and take whatever medication they told me to take.

So this isn't necessarily a bombshell.

I think we all, if we had to, you know, think about it hard enough, we would have predicted like this was her taking control of her body when so many things were out of her control.

Sure, sure.

Kind of like that episode of Lizzie McGuire where Miranda stops eating and she says, you know, my parents are getting divorced.

So much is out of control, but like the food and my weight is what I can control.

1,000%.

So

that resonated as a child of divorce with me.

I will say that I have had many moments where I felt like shaving my own head.

Of course.

It's so understandable.

Like here and there, I'm like, if I just had a buzzer, I'd pull a fucking Britney.

I do often think about, more so for convenience.

Like

if I was a man, man,

oh my god, I would be the happiest man alive.

Totally.

Oh, my God, just free-flowing in the wind.

And I just, I could never be a woman who doesn't care about her hair because that's why do I have to be so extreme?

I don't have to become a man.

I just don't have to do my hair.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

My hair is my everything.

It's the most important thing in my life.

It is my trouble area.

You have, oh, you know what?

I love your saga on your Instagram about your hair.

It's not great.

You would never know that your natural hair is so different from this.

You would die.

So you would die.

Is that your Jewish ancestry?

Oh, yeah.

And it's popping up hard.

It's very curly.

It is coarse.

It is curly.

It is similar to a Brillo pad mixed with like a pipe cleaner.

Like if it was natural and I just like went like this, it would just stay.

It would just stay up on its own.

It would just fully stay.

So do you do some sort of treatment for that?

Just a lot of blow dries.

Yeah.

Just a lot of, you know, grit.

Yeah.

A lot of friction.

A lot of friction.

My question about Britney Spears.

I understand the shaving of the head.

You know, she's taken back her control.

What's going on now with the hair?

That's an amazing question.

I do have to assume it's some sort of aftermath of being forced to be on drugs you didn't need for so many years.

But the extensions.

I'm well versed in the extension world.

Do you wear extensions?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, she does.

Pounds of them.

Just pulling up my skin.

She's taking or taping.

I've done them all.

Currently, a sew-in

weft?

Weft.

I like that.

Slot tracks.

Got it.

Yes, Britney's tracks are always showing.

Always showing.

And I'm confused if there's like a bead, if there's a keratin bond.

Who is doing this?

That's the thing.

I don't think anyone's doing it.

You know?

Okay.

If I had to guess.

Another big bombshell from the book that just came out is that she opened up that she and Justin Timberlake when they were together.

She had gotten an abortion.

She said,

he wasn't ready to be a dad.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay, this is news to me.

I did not hear this.

So I think they're really limited in how they can promote Britney's book because she's not in any sort of condition to do a sit-down interview or go on the podcast rounds.

She's not going to do smartless.

No.

So did you see that they're releasing Crossroads in theaters?

They're re-releasing it.

No.

Isn't that like as a promotional thing for her book?

That is genius.

And so I guess they're now releasing excerpts because they have to build hype for it, but they really can't.

They can't send her on the road.

And Michelle Williams from

Everything, I think of her from The Greatest Showman.

She Dawson's Creek.

Yeah, sure.

She is

reading the audio.

I'm not afraid of Dawson's Creek.

I have no fucking Dawson's Creek is another show that, like, similar to Gilmore Girls, like, is so my demographic in my era, went completely over my head.

I never got into it.

Too woodsy for me.

I do think I would like Gilmore Girls.

And me and Ben started to watch it like a year ago.

We watched the first episode and it cut to the theme song and Ben started singing it.

I'm like, how the do you know this song he's like i used to watch a show a lot with my sister i'm like oh okay free like you he knew everything already i've never seen an episode i had seen the first episode and i'm sure it's good but i just it's no seventh heaven it's no seventh heaven and i didn't stick with it yeah it didn't pull you in it didn't but um so they're michelle williams is doing the audiobook for it because i guess britney also can't like you know sit down i recorded an audiobook it's actually like a lot of work and it's horrible like every time you mispronounce one word you have to start from the beginning it's horrible why does michelle williams need that cake Why do Michelle Williams need that cake?

How do Michelle Williams and Britney Spears know one another?

Is that just like an LA thing?

Maybe.

It makes no sense.

Maybe they came up at the same time.

Maybe.

Another thing about the book that I just saw is that Christina Aguilera was on Jimmy Kimmel.

And Jimmy Kimmel asked if she thinks she's going to be in the book.

And she was like really weird about it, making it seem like she hopes she's not.

Because if it's in there, like whatever's going to be in there wouldn't be good.

Oh, I love that.

She was like really feeling awkward and Jimmy like wasn't letting it go.

Even though, I mean, this is unpopular to say, Britney Spears makes me a little nervous.

For sure.

Like, we're not supposed to say that.

No, I think you can.

People get really upset about the Britney Spears of it all.

It's definitely a very delicate corner of the internet.

And I have never been a part of the free Britney movement.

Like, I believed in her freedom.

I thought it was bad.

You know, sure, but like a little supervision is okay.

Right.

No, so now I think what we're seeing is like when she had, was put into a conservatorship,

maybe she wasn't a good candidate for it.

Yeah.

But the person we're seeing now, like, is actually the perfect candidate for a conservatorship, but she has so many bad actors around her.

Who could you possibly trust with that sort of power?

If you couldn't even trust her own father, I will say that it gives me solace that she still has her Travertine floors and not marble.

Yes.

It's a little slick.

Well, and she's like always dancing around and sweating.

She could slip and

fracture her skull.

But Travertine has a grip.

I know you're remodeling your house, so you know what Travertine is.

What the fuck is Travertine?

Travertine is like.

I'm really fixated fixated on this.

Your house is beautiful, by the way.

Thank you.

I love all the content.

Thank you so much.

Travertine is that like beige-y, bread-colored

porous tile.

Got it.

Natural stone.

So it's not slippery.

It's not.

It has some grit to it.

Got it.

Okay.

It's good if you have like children running around.

Yeah.

Got it.

So it's not like that shiny

marble or tile.

Yes.

I understand.

Okay.

Very safe.

That's good.

That's very safe.

Maybe that's why she's always dancing in that particular room.

I think so.

It's a good landing pad for her.

I would prefer a carpet.

That makes me feel a little bit better.

I see that her living room.

Has a sunken in living room because there's two steps.

That's dangerous, too.

Very dangerous.

There's actually been like a lot of Britney news.

Her oldest son also just turned 18.

So Kevin Federline is not qualified for...

child support anymore for that first kid.

Wow.

Yeah, they still have the other one, but you're a real fucking journalist over there.

Jesus Christ.

Really not?

Actually, and I'm not even heavily like invested in the Britney movement.

Yeah.

My younger sister, Margaret, was like obsessed with Britney.

I wasn't like a big Britney girl.

I just know because like I do the podcast.

Right.

And it's like really sad, but it also was very confusing.

It's super confusing.

Because we all were like, free Britney, free Britney, free Brittany.

And then we freed her and we were like, oh my God,

yikes.

Yeah.

And so now, seriously, like as from a human perspective, what do we do now?

Kind of nothing.

Right.

I guess we just buy the book and support.

Totally.

Because I think she also, I'm, when it comes to Britney, my, the most interesting part for me is her finances.

I'm.

Because I don't think she has a lot.

I don't think so either.

And like, where did that money go?

And so many people had their pockets in her hands.

I mean, in her hands in their pockets.

Oh my God, I can't fucking speak.

Had their hands in her pockets

for so many years that when she got out, I think there was a lot less money.

And now she, it's been like a year, two years.

I don't even know.

She doesn't work.

Right.

She takes a lot of trips on private jets.

She has a big house.

Like, those things add up.

100%.

Security.

Hopefully, that Crossroads reboot brings something.

Money in.

Hopefully.

I'll be there.

100%.

That movie movie left an indelible mark on me.

I've started crimping my hair recently.

Getting back to your roots.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm regressing.

And I feel like maybe that is unintentionally inspired by Crossroads Brittany.

Didn't she have somewhat of a crimp towards the end?

When she got more like edgy and started performing in those clubs,

she did sort of embrace like the inner edgy queen.

Right.

And she just kind of let it.

And then she started dating that murderer.

Right.

And Cattrell turned her away from her house in Arizona.

That movie is amazing.

My entire first comedy special is about that movie.

I absolutely love that movie.

And there's so many interesting references, pop culture references from that movie, of course, Kim Cottrell, Taryn Manning, Zoe Saldana.

I mean.

I mean, of course, Brittany Spears.

It should be studied.

It's the best movie.

I have not seen it in so long, and I'm going to rewatch it.

I would totally, we should go to the theaters and see it.

I would love to.

All right, are you ready for our next story?

Some Housewives news?

Like, these are two people who aren't a part of the Housewives universe anymore, whom I would literally lay my life out on the line line for like i am obsessed with the beermans did you watch don't be tardy of course i did transfixed for the beermans that was in my opinion up there with the greatest of greats in terms of family like i think of it as just as good as keeping up with the kardashians like family reality tv shows they were grossly undermarketed yep they were railroaded and hoodwinked yep but the fact that we got eight seasons of that show i never missed a minute it's and the final season when they were kind of like scrambling for viewership and they took an rv and like went obsessed.

With the Red Cups, love it.

The Red Cups.

And now in hindsight, so much of what we saw in that show, which we thought was funny, like Kim drinking a lot and gambling a lot and like pulling over the RV to go to this like tern reservation where they could go gambling and she was at the slots.

All of that was funny, but now it's evidence.

Right.

They are, I think, getting divorced.

What is going on?

They were and then they weren't.

And I forgot where we left off.

I think we left off that they weren't.

Right.

I thought maybe they were reconciling or they called off the divorce.

Right.

She needed to go to a facility of some sort.

And then there was like a body cam footage when the police came into their home to break up like a domestic dispute.

Yeah.

And now they are selling their iconic Georgia mansion for $6 million on the heels of their financial woes.

So similar to Brittany, these were two people whose financial situation I was constantly thinking about.

Every day.

The net aparte deliveries.

The bangles.

The bangles.

The Christmas tree decorations.

That was like Kardashian level.

Oh, yeah.

And I

the cars for the kids, too.

It wasn't adding up.

The math wasn't mathing.

No.

So now they're selling their home.

The estranged couple, according to page six.

So I guess they aren't together.

They have been living together amid their divorce.

Listed the two-story, seven-bedroom, 11-bathroom, brick-and-stone estate on Monday and almost double what it was listed for earlier this month.

So the property was built.

You know, you're into real estate now.

Tell me if you think this is like a fair situation.

Let me.

The property was built in 2008.

Okay.

Features a heated pool, five fireplaces, a six-car garage, a full-back in-law suite, a separated au pair suite, a circular driveway, a chef's kitchen, and an oversized island, a full bar.

An oversized island?

Get out.

A full-size bar, a wine cellar, multiple walk-in closets, an elevator, a finished basement, an in-ground trampoline, a billiards room, an arcade room, a movie theater, and a gym with private massage room.

How many square feet?

It actually did not say.

Because, you know, that's important.

You know what?

It looks like a big mansion, but when you look at it, a lot of it is garage.

I think it's important to note.

So they bought it in 2012 for $880,000.

I know this.

That's insane.

Okay, I know this because I've been crunching numbers.

Okay.

So if they bought it in, when did you say 2007?

2008.

2008.

Okay.

So that's like roughly, what, 16 almost years ago, 15 years ago?

For $880,000.

And he was working, he was playing football at the time.

She was very much so employed.

Yes, no, they were financially well back then.

So if they put the down payment, let's call it 25%, they needed to come up with, let's be generous, generous, 250.

Yeah, okay.

That means they only would owe $600 and something thousand dollars on the house.

Over the last 15 years.

15 years.

You don't need 18 matte black G-Wagons and 84 Cartier love bracelets.

It's true.

You need to pay your mortgage.

No, it's true.

And you know what?

There

was that likelihood that they could have bought the house for cash.

Right.

If he was in the NFL, she was probably liquid from like Instagram and Real Housewives.

Yeah.

800.

They could have together come up with under a million dollars.

For sure.

And I wouldn't be surprised.

So now, I mean,

how did they get the house so cheap?

And wasn't there a whole storyline on Real House of Atlanta that she rented her house?

Yes.

But

they called the cops

on the landlord.

Yes.

Yes.

But then they were buying the house.

They were leasing to buy.

I don't really know.

That feels slippery.

To me, this whole situation is Housewives at its finest.

100%.

Like a mansion that nobody knows where it came from.

She buyed a chateau charae.

The cops are showing up.

I will say that also was one of my absolute favorite moments in Real Housewives of Atlanta when everyone's homes were like up for criticism and everyone's house, the Moore Manor, Chateau by Charae, when everyone's house had a name.

The doormat.

People were giving the doormase boards.

Baseboards.

Not finished basins.

To me, that was peak comedy.

Like, it really was.

It's so niche and it's so petty.

And it makes me so happy.

Like the real estate shaming.

But I just want to say, so they're selling this house for $6 million.

They bought it for $880.

They won't get $6 million.

No.

And two months ago, they were listing it for $3 million.

That, no.

No.

I'm not familiar with like the housing market in Georgia.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't double in a month.

No, it doesn't double in a month.

But this was a good investment for them.

Like, they should make money on this house unless they owe so much on it they're not going to make anything right and it's just going to be collected by the collective i don't own a house so i'm like very critical of people's you know finances and mortgages when i myself am a renter um but i'm just like the beauty of physical situation i'm just like young young thin fruitful young young girls like don't buy houses you drink airwan smoothies exactly i love these two like i will be mourning the loss of this marriage for years to come i was shocked

i was devastated yeah no do you remember express Mile Atlanta?

Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

No, I don't.

It was that teeth whitening company that like the Biermans were always hawking.

Yep.

I,

to me, the mystery behind that whole company haunts me to this day.

Yeah.

Like, where did they go?

What happened?

And, like, how many people's teeth fell out?

Like, I just.

I know.

What were they just like.

It was a light.

It was like an LED light that you would like shove in your mouth.

With some bleach.

And they were, with bleach.

They were always hawking that shit on Instagram.

And what happened to like the skincare and the beauty boxes?

And the robes.

And the robes.

Yeah,

they had kids' clothing.

They had kids' clothing.

It wasn't for lack of trying.

They had an entrepreneurial spirit.

Yeah, but something's got to stick.

Yeah, no.

And honestly, I think things like for the family really went downhill when Croy left the NFL.

Yeah.

Like he was let go from, he played in Atlanta forever and he was like loved there and he wasn't amazing, but he was like a good, steady player.

Sure.

And then he got transferred, whatever it's called, traded to the Bills in Buffalo.

Look at us talking sports.

The family didn't go with him.

They let him go to Buffalo by himself, and they're like, well, let's see if this works out.

And they dropped him.

So he just came back to Atlanta.

So it was a good thing they didn't move.

Yeah, that was a dark time for the family.

And I do think it was the beginning of the end.

Yeah, I think so.

I think you're right.

Okay, our next story are two people.

I'm just forced to keep talking about.

Every piece of information I receive about...

Jada and Will Smith is against my will.

Like, I don't go searching for this.

I know.

But I will say, I chose this as a story.

And then on my way here, I was scrolling TikTok and I saw that she was on a podcast.

And I think a lot of the news stories that have come out this last week are headlines from that podcast.

And she was crying, crying, crying.

No days off for Jada.

I want to say, like, I actually felt bad for her.

Oh, really?

Even though I'm so fatigued by this story.

Like, it didn't feel, I know she's like an actress by trade.

It didn't feel like she was acting.

But apparently, they've been separated for seven years.

So she's a book coming out.

So she's on a press tour.

And that's why we're still, every day, it's, you know, more Jada, more Will.

So on paper, Jada Pinken and Will Smith have been a Hollywood power couple for nearly 25 years, but in real life, they apparently haven't been an actual couple since 2016.

Jada told this to Hoda Kotby.

They did like a Today Show segment.

Yeah.

Excuse me, dateline.

So, in a preview for that, the actress confirmed that she and Smith have been living completely separate lives for seven years.

They are still married, but not romantically involved.

Here's the exchange with Hoda.

Hoda says it was not a divorce on paper, right?

But it was a divorce.

Jada, divorce.

Oh,

whoa.

So, asked what caused the marriage to fracture.

She didn't answer explicitly, but she does say that when Chris Rock stormed the stage and Will said, Leave my wife's name out your fucking mouth, she was shocked, quote, really shocked to hear Smith refer to her as his wife, considering they hadn't called each other husband and wife in a very long time.

But they're there as a couple,

keeping up appearances.

Why are you there with him if you're not affiliated, if you're not identifying as his wife, even just for the sake of

seven years?

She had that show,

where she talked about marriage and family.

She had the entanglement with that other guy, August.

So was all that a lie?

Like, I'm so confused.

It is a foundation built on bullshit.

Now we don't trust Jade on.

Now we don't trust the red table.

No, no.

The red table was a place for people to come together.

Oh, I watched.

When Jordan Woods was on, I watched.

I watched when Olivia Jade was on.

Same.

There was a lot of iconic pop culture moments.

And then they franchised the show.

Gloria Estefan and her family, her mother and her daughter, got their own red table talk.

Is it still going?

No, because Facebook Watch as a network has been canceled.

Okay, got it.

But they tried.

And I felt like I feel we've all been duped by the red table.

Because every time there was a problem with the Smith family, they took it to the table.

Right.

And it was like a place of honesty and transparency.

But you didn't want to say that you're not together for seven years?

That's kind of a big one to hide, Jada.

And I'm just fatigued.

I'm exhausted by these people.

Like, it's so not a story.

It's a story that never ends.

Never.

And I hate, me and Jackie say this a lot.

Like, when celebrities have multiple documentaries and they say, like, you know, the last documentary, that wasn't the real me.

Like, I wasn't.

I hate when people like do something.

And it's like, this is the truth.

This is who I am.

And then years later, they're like, actually, no.

This is my truth.

Now we don't trust you.

You're abusing consumerism.

You are.

You are abusing consumerism.

And that's how I feel here.

Same.

Couldn't agree more.

And her book

is out.

And everyone go get a copy.

I think this is just the beginning

of stuff we're going to hear.

But this was probably the biggest.

That's pretty wild.

It's also really wild that they cannot be spoken about without people bringing up the slap.

Can I tell you something?

Please.

Andrew, my husband's studio,

shares a property line with the Smith home.

Wow.

Yeah.

And when all this shit was going down, there was helicopters

circling, and he couldn't even like record because of the sounds, blah, blah, blah.

A producer's nightmare.

Oh, truly.

Meanwhile, Popstar at home couldn't, you know, finagle a song for me, but that's okay.

And they live so close.

And I have never, ever seen Jada or Will.

Like, they don't leave their little compound.

Is it huge?

Yes.

I wouldn't leave it either.

They never leave.

I wouldn't.

You never see them coming.

You never see them leaving.

What's so funny is that

whenever the family family is in the press which is a lot there's a new wave of people who are just now putting together that their children's being their children being named willow and and jaden uh-huh is like a extrapolated version of will jada willow and jaden yeah people don't know that that's very dumb how do people not know that i can't lie like i didn't know i didn't know that either

Like people are so dumb.

I appreciate your honesty.

Yeah, it's true.

Honestly, these are two people I wish, well, I just really wish I didn't have to hear about it.

Like, there's a certain point with celebrity and where you get to overexposure.

And I feel like we got there a really long time ago.

Yeah.

Oh, we're done.

With the entanglement thing and the red table.

To me, that was like, this is far too much.

Feel free to keep this to yourself.

Like, we, we respect your privacy.

Please keep it private.

Yeah, keep it private.

They refuse.

It's so interesting when people reach that level of success.

Wouldn't the ultimate form of luxury be dimming the lights, closing the curtains?

Like, they don't need,

they don't need money.

Like, she's good.

Her memoir will do well.

Sure.

She doesn't need to bleed out for it.

They're good.

Take the day off.

Take the year off.

So, when people are out here doing the most and they like need the money to pay their rent, I respect it.

Yeah, tap dance, honey.

I mean, if you're overexposing yourself with millions and millions and millions in the bank, hundreds of millions.

Yeah.

There's no excuse for that.

Broken energy.

Broken energy.

Because this is a business.

I get that.

Sure.

I respect it.

You don't need this.

No, you don't need the relevance.

You don't need the cashish.

And honestly, I feel like it works against her because every time people are like, people get so fatigued by it.

They're like, enough.

Are they still Scientologists?

Were they?

I believe so.

I believe so.

Oh.

Unconfirmed, allegedly.

What do I know?

I believe so.

I have a lot of thoughts on Scientology.

So do I.

What are your thoughts?

Not a fan.

No, of course not.

I'm following this saga.

So it's so dumb, but this is like my corner of the internet.

Okay.

So there was a girl on TikTok who like ate weird foods and like she blew up because everybody was like, what the fuck are you eating?

Okay.

And then of course, likeability is a prison.

they found out she's a scientologist there you go and now it's like all the the love she had received is being you know sent in equal amounts of hate right i actually feel bad for her but she is a scientologist

i mean it's kind of warranted it's just crazy when people are for course when people who aren't celebrities are scientologists I can't believe it.

How do you get involved?

Maybe you're like trying to meet.

So I don't understand.

You have to be in a very dark place.

Who are like the most...

Obviously, we know Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise.

We know formerly Leah Remini what's a moss Elizabeth Moss from Handmaid's Tale.

That's a shocker.

And in theory,

it's hard for me because I love her in theory as an actress.

Yes.

But now I don't trust her.

I can't support it.

I can't support her.

It's so terrible and toxic when you love someone and then you find out they're a Scientologist.

I'm out.

I just found out someone was a Scientologist, but you know what?

I need to start Googling things before I say them.

So let me just.

I just.

Well, John Chavolta, of course.

He's also like a classic one.

i feel like a lot of the the backlash against scientology falls on the hands of tom cruise and john travolta yes yeah there were rumors okay that chloe feyneman from snl was in scientology that would ruin my life but but that would ruin it would not be confirmed and this article from msn

says maybe she's not i hope not if she is she needs to be suspected it's crazy how it's like an investigation a suspected she's suspected to be a second generation Scientologist, meaning she was born into the church.

I thought she was Jewish.

I did too.

I would hope so.

I would hope so.

Oh, that's crazy.

That's crazy.

Scientology is something I'll like never, I'll never not watch a documentary about.

Me too.

And I still don't get it.

Me neither.

Like the levels, the clear.

Clear.

What do you mean, clear?

The clear.

What does that mean?

When I go on the last few times I've gone on tour, I go to the Tampa area.

Okay.

And there's a

fabulous theater there in Clearwater

that I've played at twice.

That's literally around the corner from the Scientology headquarters.

Scientology is headquartered in Clearwater, Florida.

The first time I went, which was in 2018, there was like a couple of people on the street walking around in like flight attendant uniforms.

And I was like, what's that?

And people were like, oh, Scientology is based here.

It's really weird.

I came back a few years later.

The town is completely, completely.

desolate.

There are no people in town except the people who walk around in those uniforms.

Oh my gosh.

It's insane.

Both times I went, I left that night.

It's so freaky.

And what's with the cruise ship?

I what goes like what's with the cruise ship?

I don't know.

There's like a carnival cruise with Scientology.

I don't get it.

The levels, the clear, the L.

Ron Hubbard of it all.

So weird.

It's fascinating.

I know.

I'm just like completely confused and transfixed.

Like I could understand because I'm like a person who's deeply, like I'm easily influenced.

And if I was, you know, becoming famous and living in LA and all the other famous, cool, skinny people were doing this thing, like I could totally see myself getting swept up and becoming like the number one Scientologist.

Listen, I bought 18 different merit eyeshadows yesterday because I saw them on TikTok.

I love merit.

Really good.

Yeah.

Really nice.

Very blendable.

Okay.

So I understand being easily influenced and like taken in and you don't have friends and come here and your life will be better.

You'll be, you know, dating Tom Cruise.

Right.

Sure.

Sure.

But little, something's not right.

No, and that was such an interesting part of Stasi Schroeder's first book is that her and Jax like almost joined Scientology when they first were living in LA and they were really young.

So funny.

Imagine Stasi a Scientologist.

I truly could see it.

I can see it.

All right, Ernest.

She'll love that.

She would love that.

Our next story is Lance Bass-related.

Were you an in-sync or a Backstreet Boys financially?

You know what?

I was a Spice Girls person.

Who supported women in the industry?

Women supporting women.

What are your thoughts on the...

the ideology of women supporting women?

I feel like women that feel the need to, like, I feel like that whole notion and making that your brand in public means you probably don't support women.

And are you a woman who unequivocally supports other women?

Me neither.

No.

Like, are you a bitch?

Are you a Scientologist?

Yeah, like, there are levels, okay?

I don't care if you got a vagina or a penis.

100%.

If you're an asshole, I don't fuck with you.

This blanket requirement to support people because they're women, like, that's never going to be me.

Because I've met some women and.

I always say, I ain't marching for you, bitches.

No, like, I need to know you before I support you.

I don't just give away support.

Yeah, that's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous.

I just want to make sure we're on saying that.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

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That's D-R-I-Z-L-Y dot com and use code toast to receive $5 off or a $0 delivery free off your next order must be 21 or older not valid in all states codes cannot be combined with any other offers not valid at all retailers code expires november 10th 2023 1159 p.m eastern standard time thank you drizzly for sponsoring today's episode that's a really exciting new sponsor i use drizzly all the time big fan of it in a lot of cities you can get spritz on drizzly which we love so thank you drizzly excited to be partnering with drizzly today's episode is also brought to you by the farmer's dog you know one thing about as jackson and i is the the love and care that we put into our Strice brothers is is of utmost importance and I know a lot of you guys feel the same so when it comes to giving them food we want the best right we want fresh healthy dog food and that's what the farmer's dog is they make and deliver fresh healthy dog food it's developed by vets it's nutritionally balanced and it's made from real healthy ingredients to human food safety standards it's the best option for dogs at all life stages because it's not kibble it's not canned goo it's just real healthy food traditional dry and wet dog food options are highly processed and can use much lower quality ingredients than they claim to.

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So Lance Bass is making news because he was at a football game.

They put him on the Jumbotron, whatever the fuck it's called.

And he had a sign.

He made a sign.

I guess he made it at home with a piece of paper.

A little marker.

A little marker.

And it wrote, not Taylor Swift.

So when they put him on the screen, I don't think anybody thought it was going to be Taylor Swift.

He held up his homemade sign that said, not Taylor Swift.

He workshop that so hard.

Yeah, it's a little like...

Try hard.

It's just, it's so sad on so many levels.

And I would like to deep dive it.

Yeah, and the preparation.

The preparation is really where you lose it.

Okay, so he likes to went to a CVS or a Michaels, got a little cardboard thing,

got a Sharpie, maybe some glitter glue.

I'm not trying to stereotype, I'm just saying there's probably some glitter glue.

And then thought, what would be funny if they happened to put me on the screen because I'm Lance Bass?

Right.

And then he workshopped the joke, workshopped the bit, probably asked a friend, asked his husband.

They co-signed on the sentiment.

Then he packed the fucking poster

in like a merse.

The level of prep is disarming.

And then just waited, looking at the screen, foaming at the mouth to hold up that poster and like really land the plane.

Terrible.

Yeah, it requires too much prep.

Had he been on the screen and been like, where's Taylor Swift?

Or like mouse?

Or something?

Sure.

Should be funny.

The level of prep is concerning here.

Dismal.

And it's just like, this is what he wanted, this page six article.

And he got it.

So I guess that's good.

And we're talking about it.

I did want to bring it up because I'm dying to know what your thoughts on Taylor Swift in general are.

And then, as a, you know, current woman in music.

Yeah, right.

But with Travis and everything.

But just at a glance, what are your thoughts on Taylor Swift?

Okay, so I will say that I'm a newfound Swifty.

Love.

Probably in the past like couple years.

I've really found a deep appreciation for her songwriting skills.

As a songwriter yourself.

As a songwriter myself, exactly.

And I do think that she is probably the greatest pop star of all time.

Love, agree.

It's just the the truth.

It's the truth.

And you don't have to love the music or you don't have to love her whole environment, community, whatever.

You don't have to co-sign on that, but facts are facts.

You have to respect it.

You have to respect it.

And she is the greatest to ever do it.

Agree.

Did you go to the Aristotle?

I did not.

Oh, you missed out.

I was like in diapers.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Duh.

Sorry.

Way more.

I was like hemorrhaging, so I couldn't go.

Did you have a Beyonce or say you go to a concert?

I went to the 1975.

Yes, you did.

I did.

And what were your thoughts when he was dating Taylor, very briefly?

I liked it.

You did?

Yes, I understand that

maybe to the naked eye, he's problematic in nature, but I think that that's intentional and it's actually not straightforward problematic.

It's art.

I think it's like performance art.

It's performance art.

But he's on the right side of history.

I think so.

Most of the time.

Yeah.

And I just think he's very hot.

Okay, so like I'm lost.

In like a gerbily little way?

So that's her aesthetic, like skinny gerbily Brits.

And so now it's so exciting for me.

He's kind of jacked.

No, he's not.

I know, but like Travis, okay.

Now, yeah, what are your thoughts?

No.

No.

He looks like someone that puts chips on a sandwich.

He definitely does.

And like eats like Cheetos and always has residential fingers.

I do not think he's hot.

That might be the hottest take you've ever had.

I do not think he's hot.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, but like Travis Kelsey being hot is like a guarantee.

First of all, let me just like build my case.

Yep, we had a reality dating show on the e-network.

I just recently re-watched it.

Okay.

Sahara Vagina.

It was amazing.

Number two.

He did, by the way, in his defense, recently speak on it.

He said he was a rookie in the NFL.

He got paid a lot of money.

He was so excited.

He ran through all of his money and he had no money.

Okay, do porn.

I don't care.

Okay, that would be better.

Do only fans.

I don't care.

Yep, get baby.

So I don't love that.

Strike one.

Strike two, the facial hair and designer track suits.

To me, I actually, I hear you.

I like it.

I think it's like a part of his like goofball vibe.

He's like this rich, talented goofball.

Okay, he was wearing a red Celine track suit like Jane Lynch from Glee.

Very, it's giving Sue Sylvester.

It was giving Sue Sylvester.

And I'm just not into like that white jock guy.

I understand.

It's re, it's like, I can just tell he loves a sub sandwich with like, and he puts barbecue chips on it.

No, I do want to say, like, you bringing up sandwiches, like I see I get it and I love sandwiches no I know what you mean he definitely like I'll go to a local Italian deli and get fucking weird with sandwich he definitely celebrates like five dollar foot long season Jimmy John's yeah no I get it I get it but I'm shocked that you don't find him attractive I do not find him attractive at all but you find Maddie Healy attractive I do you're fucking weird I'm disgusting disgusting like that makes no fucking sense that's completely backwards I know but there's something about I don't know I can't describe it okay it's like a raw feral energy No, I understand.

I understand.

I just, I don't know why I just expected you to like hate Taylor Swift.

Well, I wasn't in love with Taylor Swift probably a few years ago.

I was just like, I don't get it.

It's overhyped.

And then it clicked for me.

What particular piece of music was it that did that for you?

You know, I really love Lover.

I love that song.

I feel like not a lot of people became Swifties because of Lover.

I think in the grand scheme of her discography, it wasn't a flop by any means.

By the way, 1989 is ridiculously incredible.

It's the greatest work of pop.

It's the greatest modern pop work of art.

I totally agree.

And people didn't like Reputation.

I fucked with Reputation pretty hard.

I liked Reputation.

I like everything she does.

So when I like something more, Reputation was not my favorite, but by no means did I dislike it.

It just wasn't at the top of my list.

And then when I was pregnant, I never listened to the 10-minute version of All Too Well.

Oh, yeah.

And I was going to the Camarillo outlets, to a restoration hardware outlet to look for a discount crib.

Did you find one?

No.

Didn't.

And I put it on and I remember going down the incline and I was crying, just headed to restoration.

I mean, what a beautiful moment in time.

It's beautiful.

Were you pregnant?

You were pregnant at the time?

Oh, yeah.

So.

And like regretting it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's a tough place to be in.

Yeah.

I mean, just thinking about it gets me misty.

And then I was like, why am I trying to be cool and be a contrarian?

I think that was what was happening with me.

I love that you can own that.

I think I've definitely,

I've definitely been there with things before where like everybody likes something, so I just immediately dislike it.

Yeah.

And then I'm only denying myself that pleasure.

Right.

There's a reason.

It's popular for a reason.

Yeah.

Exactly.

That happens to me all the time, like with reading.

Really?

Yeah.

You read, that's adorable.

I read so much.

Will you send me some books?

Cause I need to start reading because it's getting a little bit.

Okay.

I'm going to tell you something that like people who don't read don't realize and it's going to blow your mind.

Okay.

A lot of the books that like women our age read and that books that go viral and books that everyone are talking about are literally pornography.

Yeah, no, I'm down.

So I'll send, if you want some, it's called Smut.

Okay, what does that stand for?

I can never remember.

It's like sexually manipulating undertext or something.

I don't know.

Great.

Smut just means like a book is, you know, a romance novel where people be fucking, you know?

Skanky hose.

And there are, there are smut books that are like some of the most incredible books you've ever read and they also happen to be pornographic.

Send them.

I have a list.

It's kind of, I've gotten a few girls into it and like they come to me for recommendations.

And so we start easy.

The gateway drug to smut is this book called It Happened One Summer.

Okay.

I do believe it's being made into a movie.

Start with that.

Okay.

And then come to me.

And tell me you're not a changed woman after you read that book.

I like psychological thriller porny.

Okay.

So you would love an author called Frida McFadden.

Okay.

She herself is a psychologist and she writes short stories for her patients.

And she started publishing them on Amazon Kindle.

And she became, I don't even know if she's a psychologist anymore.

She's the like one of the biggest authors in the world now.

Perfect.

And there's women snapping.

Yeah.

Oh, oh my God.

Yeah.

I feel like a lot of your interests would line up with different book genres.

I think so.

You should get into reading.

I'm going to start.

Start it happen once.

Someone of the world over here.

You're seriously.

And I think Jackie really like always read, but I think with like breastfeeding and like motherhood things, like you have pockets of time where you just like lay and you don't want to be on your phone because the baby's sleeping.

Sure.

Reading is perfect for that.

I feel like that's like my new frontier is being someone that reads.

No, and then you, similar with the Erewhon Smoothie, you become morally superior.

Right.

Can you imagine?

Like, you saw me outside with my child reading a book.

Reading.

And then the next time, like, you have someone on your podcast and they don't read, like, you can feel better than that person.

Like, I was reading this book last night.

No, and I was.

I was reading this book last night.

Oh, my God.

This could be good for me.

No, and honestly, it's really, it's actually very good for like your mental health, like just to not be on your phone all the time.

Yeah.

I still am on my phone all the time.

Sure.

Just take little breaks.

I love that.

That's good.

So, speaking of

the unwell, our fifth and final story is about Tom Sandoval.

jackie where were you during the scandival i know exactly where i was okay i was at health nut in calabasa that's where the kardashians get their salad that's where they get their salads that they shake yes so i got an iced tea there and then i went to the east coast bagel next door because i was dying for a bagel with locks schmear i'm starving also pregnant and like you're not supposed to eat locks while you're pregnant i could try and even not giving a fuck about any of those roles didn't give a fuck i got a lock schmear i was eating my bagel outside i got a text message panic text message i believe it was from heather mcmahon actually okay

And it was like a 911, just page six screenshot.

I was so the clempt that I went to throw away my bagel.

I threw away my purse

in a disgusting trash can filled with cream cheese.

A batayga.

Oh, did you fish it out?

Of course I did.

I was like, God damn it.

Is the batag okay?

It's okay.

It's a little rough, but it's okay.

That's funny.

I was just, I was like, I got it.

I got to get to my car.

I got to get on my phone.

I got to call.

I got to make calls.

Like, I was sweating, panicking.

Out Out of sorts.

Out of sorts.

Picked up the purse, get in the car, start phoning everybody I know with a pulse.

I was,

I was shaken.

Yeah.

I was traumatized.

That wormy little fuck.

It was insane.

Ugh.

So to the point, you know, when you're reading something, I feel like we all experience when you're reading something.

I saw it because James posted a screenshot of the page six thing the second it came out.

Okay.

And being like, what the fuck?

He posted it in his feed.

And I follow him on Instagram.

And I was with Jackie.

And I was like, you know, when you read words and they don't process?

Yes.

Like you know what the word says, but you don't know what the word means.

Yes.

I was like, wait, Tom Sandoval

affair with Raquel for nine months or how I was like, it was just not adding, it wasn't making sense.

It wasn't computing for me.

No.

So

now in all this has happened, I'm sure you know.

Tom Sandoval is on this FX show that actually a lot of people really like.

It's called Special Forces.

Yes.

Where they take like, it's kind of like I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here.

Beverly Mitchell was on it.

She was on Special Forces or I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

I don't know.

Okay.

I think Special Forces.

I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here was like the original version where they like took a bunch of reality stars, Heidi and Spencer, were on it, and they threw them in the woods and gave them like nothing to survive.

So funny.

And so it's this show where reality stars and different people, Jojo Siwa was on it, they go through like army training, like the like SEAL Team 6.

Like how far could you make it?

Yeah.

Going through like the worst of the worst army training.

And Tom Sandoval is on it.

And obviously everyone's talking about that, but they're talking about a particular moment from this week's episode where he's crying while taking a dump.

I mean, nothing makes makes more sense.

The Vanderpoop Rule star recovers from an emotional challenge in Monday's episode by crying while pooping.

He said, dude, that was so intense, man.

He says in page six exclusive preview while seated in an outhouse, knowing that his castmate Bode Miller is standing nearby to listen.

He said, I'm laughing and crying at the same time while trying to shit.

I feel so defeated out there.

While the nature of the challenge is unknown, the Alpine ski racer consoles the Bravo levity by saying that such a reaction was the whole point of it.

So he lets the camera in.

Here, I'll give you a visual.

He's quite literally screaming, crying, sweating, throwing up on the toilet.

Disgusting.

So he lets the camera into the outhouse and has this kind of breakdown on camera while shitting.

And I'd love to get your take on that, Jackie.

Is your full name Jacqueline?

Yes.

Okay, it is.

How is it spelled?

J-A-C-L-Y-N.

Okay.

I would just like to go on record and say that I think Tom Sandoval is the biggest pussy roaming the Western Hemisphere.

And I want to be very clear that pussy is not derogatory towards women.

It's not.

I don't know.

It is derived from pussanamalis, which means cowardly.

The more you know.

She reads.

I don't know.

Did you just make that up?

I might have, but I don't think so.

I feel like I researched this drunk one night when someone was like, don't call men pussies because that's rude to our gender.

And I'm like, I will tear your ass up.

Yeah.

No.

I will tear your pussy up, okay?

Mine's been torn up.

Yours is about to get torn up.

How are you feeling?

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, For real.

I was like out of diapers in a week and a half.

Look at you.

I put a thong on.

Okay.

Week two.

I've never had a child, and I still refuse to put a thong.

It was a bad decision.

That's brave.

It was a bad decision.

That's as brave as Tom Sandoval.

So brave.

Shitting on the toilet.

So I feel like

we've definitely hit a point

because I think Tom Sandoval has and always will be like a very thirsty person and do anything for fame.

But there was probably a point in his life where he wouldn't have considered, you know, being filmed while taking a shit.

But I think these are so dire

for him he needs you know the world's back on his side that he agreed to do this it's it's a sign he's just he's such an interesting character because on one hand he's so vulnerable and open and altruistic and you know giving and loving and artsy but he's also the dumbest person on television yeah like he's we could spin it and repackage it in any way that you know we see fit that we see fit but he's a dumb fuck.

Yeah, he's a wormy dumb fuck, and I do not like him.

No, I don't think that's a crazy thing to say.

I do not like him either, and I actually feel like now that we're out of it, the heightened emotions were so heightened when we were all going through scandal and watching the show and everything on social media.

And now that we're out of it, I do feel still like this deep hatred for Tom Sandoval, but I feel this immense sadness for Raquel.

Me too.

I think of her as like a victim in all of this.

I do too, I think.

Even though she was like the perpetrator, Absolutely.

But the beating that she took,

it was unfair.

From everyone.

From everybody.

They should all be

minorly ashamed of themselves.

I agree.

Like, they took it too far towards the end.

It was way too far.

It was uncomfortable to watch.

They were basically telling her at the reunion, like, to kill herself.

Exactly.

You're a worthless human being.

Nobody here likes you.

Ugly.

Yeah.

Like, just the worst things you can say to someone.

Disgusting.

So, and she's not, was not able to benefit from this major scandal whatsoever.

Like, Tom Sandoval is on this show.

He is a podcast, and he's doing a lot of things.

I believe he was just also on the mask singer.

Oh, God.

Ariana, of course, is the media darling of the universe.

She has every brand, Duracell, Bloomingdale, everything.

And Raquel is just at this facility and trying to keep her mental sanity in check.

Obviously, what she did is wrong.

Wrong and, you know, morally not in line.

However, the punishment that she had to to endure did not finish

the crime I completely agree yeah it was hard to watch yeah so now I look back on the scandal all the time with like just kind of this like eerie sadness I know it feels like dark and haunting yeah it's not fun it's not fun it was like kind of fun when we were in it and now it's like damn no because there was it was at someone's expense exactly and

not the person who deserved it in my opinion no totally agree Jackie Schiml you absolutely crushed the fast five stories I did I absolutely loved podcasting with you I can't wait to do it Me too.

And if anybody liked what they heard here, check out the bitch Bible.

Also, can you please bring back Mind, Body, No Soul?

Oh my God, the little engine that couldn't.

It was, it's my best work.

So that was like a meditative podcast, of course, in an ironic, just a shimmel way.

Yeah, satirical guided meditations.

The title was incredible.

Mind, body, no soul.

I just burnt out too quickly.

I bit off more than I could chew.

I like that it exists, that we can always go back to it and reference it.

And it's kind of funny that it was a flop.

Was it?

Kind of.

It's so important.

Viola Davis said, like, you have to flop.

Oh, I'm in my flop era right now.

You have to flop because you can't thrive unless you've flopped.

And you'll never know when you're doing well if you don't know when, when you've done bad.

Yeah, I'm flipping and flopping all over the place.

I like it.

It feels good.

It's refreshing.

So weekly podcast, did you take any time off from your podcast after birth?

No.

A woman in business.

I didn't.

I pre-recorded, so I wasn't putting out live episodes, but I think I only pre-recorded for two weeks and I was back on it.

That's insane.

Yeah, it's like therapy, you know,

of course.

So check out the bitch Bible.

Follow Jackie on Instagram for all her motherhood things.

It's not your regular motherhood content.

No, it is not.

There's a lot of crying.

Not for the easily offended.

Not for the easily offended.

I think that should be today's episode title.

Disclaimer.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you.

And thank you, everyone, for listening to the Toast and London Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast and we're podcasts can be found out at Spotify, Tunes, Ditch, or Public Radio, IR Radio Cast Box.

All the places why we've listened to podcasts, find us the Toastlevis review about how beautiful, standing, and wickily talented we are.

Hope you have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.

That was very impressive.

Thank you.