Tour de Lou: Friday, September 22nd, 2023

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and

happy

Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Hey, everybody, including me, is looking forward to the weekend, weekend, Friday, Friday, get Jack Friday.

Hey, Jacks, happy Friday, Friday.

Happy Friday, litter-de-loo.

No, Jackie, I said Friday.

That's a really cool thing that you said.

That's like a really cool thing we all used to say.

Why did we stop saying it?

Because it was too cool.

It was too cool for school.

Oh, turn it down.

Sorry, I almost fell out of my chair.

From

just like being alive, you know.

From the excitement of Friday.

I have so many things to say.

Okay.

I'm trying not to let like the excitement of Friday be marred by the fact that I know this is our last show.

Don't start the show on a negative, okay?

I mean, but I am going to be me, you know, and that's what me does.

This is Friday.

It is cause for celebration.

But lest we not forget, our next show for the toast will be on Tuesday because Monday is the dreaded holy day of Yom Kippur, the day we talk about all year long.

It's finally here.

Lest we not forget, Letour de Lou

is on performance enhancing drugs.

And why?

I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear it.

I'm not suffering like the rest of us.

Here's the thing.

I'm taking matters into my own hands.

You could do the same.

Like, you could find some rabbi to give you an exception like a machlokat about breastfeeding.

Like I'm sure there's a rabbi out there who would be like, you're fine.

I actually just saw an Instagram card yesterday that I did not seek out that like came across my desk through someone's stories.

It found you.

That was pretty much like

you have to fast on Yom Kippur even though you're breastfeeding.

Like how did that find you?

From my lactation consultant who I follow, Chantal.

It was like basically like...

It's so chantal.

It's so chantal.

It basically said, like, yom kippur, it said this and had attitude too.

It's like it's like you don't even think about it fatty.

Yeah, you fat fuck.

That's what it said.

It said yom kippur is 25 hours.

Your supply isn't going to change or be made or broke by those 25 hours.

Go fast.

That's a supply.

Go fast, you fat fuck.

Go fast, wench.

Wow.

Okay.

But, you know, I think a decree of a rabbi would supersede that of an Instagram card.

I don't know.

They're so powerful, Claudia.

By the way, they literally are.

Okay, so I'll try not to like dwell on it too much.

Just want everyone to know there's no show on Monday because we will be suffering and atoning for our sins.

I am looking forward to getting it over with.

Like, in the last couple of weeks, it's been just like this thing hanging over our heads, knowing that it's coming.

And the bad part about Yom Kippur is obviously the fasting, but the good part is like getting it over with and getting a whole year in between you and the next time.

Yes, and the good part is atoning, washing away your sins.

Tabula Rasa.

What are you atoning for?

Like, what will you be thinking about, you know, things you want to do better this year?

Honestly, I'm perfect.

Like, I know.

I know.

I feel the same.

What could she tweak?

Let me think.

Like, I'm a good person.

I'm a charitable person.

I'm kind.

I really am.

I'm generous.

Well, I'm not like that generous.

But I don't know where in the Bible it says you have to be generous.

It's just like.

It does.

It says like 10% of your

tithe.

The tithe, like 10% of your earnings should go towards charity.

but I think that was before there were 50% taxes.

Yeah, no, and I feel like if the Bible had been written in this economy, it wouldn't be 10%.

It would be maybe half a percent.

No, but it's like, does that,

what about taxes?

Is that not the tax?

No, I think that

in the Bible, like if I had to get into the mind of, you know, God and Moses, who wrote it, it would be like, you know, your net net.

10% of like what you bring home, which is kind of crazy.

Right, which is kind of crazy, like in this economy with these taxes.

No, they didn't have taxes in the land of Egypt and, you know, Canaan and Israel.

The 10% like was the tax.

Yeah, no, I don't feel bad about that.

Like, I don't.

I just don't think it's, it's applicable to modern times.

It's definitely not.

There's a lot in the Bible that's not applicable to modern times.

And we all, you know, adjust and adapt our

observant observation, no.

observancies accordingly accordingly so don't feel bad about that um

Let's move on because honestly, like it's, I already feel this, like, bringing me down, my energy.

And let's go back to like the excitement that I had.

I know what I did.

I mean, I do have things in which to reflect upon.

Can always improve, could always be better.

Like what?

Such a good question.

I feel like I could be more patient.

Really?

I don't know.

Like, what are we supposed to be?

Like, we're supposed to be kind,

but it's also like I'm supposed to to be like hardworking and productive like I only so you can't be patient end hardware I can't be patient to no end

yeah

no this is a good question I mean we talk a lot of crap you and I privately I feel like that's sacred like I

know family is like a

core tenant in Judaism like we're supposed to put family first spend time with family invest in our relationships with our family and like that's what we're doing every night on FaceTime like I don't feel bad about about that.

No, I don't feel bad, but I'm just saying like if I'm looking at my life as a whole, like I'm not giving that up.

I'm not giving that up because above all, I know God wants me to be happy and like talking shit makes me happy.

Yeah.

And it's not like I'm talking shit here and like making, you know, everyone making people sad.

Like we're not hurting anyone.

No, like in the comments, like we're bringing ourselves joy.

And I know that's what God would want.

Like, I know it's what God would want.

Yeah.

I just, I can't see the argument for really why it's bad.

Like it's not not hurting anyone and it brings us joy.

But you know what they say?

Lashanhara, Lam and Hey, go to hell the easy way.

I know.

Lashinhara is like gossip.

But I think that Lashinhara is misunderstood.

So, you know, we were always taught, like, don't speak Lashanhara.

And it's kind of like marketed as gossip.

But it's not really.

The translation of Lashon Hara is like speaking evil.

We don't say anything evil.

We're just like saying, like, like, did you see that outfit?

Like, you know?

Yeah.

Like, Lush and Hara is more extreme than gossip.

Gossip is merely an exchange of information.

Yeah.

And I think also like the spreading of gossip is.

Oh, yeah.

This, we keep it in the family.

I am evolved.

Like, sometimes my friends will tell me something like in confidence, but then eventually it's something that could be spread wider.

And like, they're kind of confused when nobody else knows.

So they're like, Jax, I thought you told.

I'm like, I would never.

Yeah.

And also for me, like, it depends on how much I care.

Like, somebody could give me like a really juicy piece of gossip, but like if I literally don't care about these people, it will fly out of my mind.

Like I don't just spread gossip for the sake of talking, you know?

No, juicy or dry, if it's a secret, it will stay with me and Claudia.

No, but I also know like the importance.

Like I actually recently found something out.

A celebrity told me, I'm not going to say who, but like, you know, a celebrity.

They told me something like major.

Do I know?

Yeah, but I'll remind you later.

Months before it happened.

Okay.

And then it happened.

And this celebrity texted me and she was like, I cannot believe you didn't tell anyone.

Like, I honestly regretted telling you because like you have a big mouth.

And you know what?

You're my sister now.

So like, I know when it's important.

Okay.

Trying to wrap my head around.

I think I know what it was.

I know what it was.

Yeah.

I know what it was.

Yeah.

I know.

So it's just like cool, like, you know.

Being a loyal person is also like a valuable thing.

People seek that out.

When you're like the thirst monster that I am, like wanting to be friends with as many cool people as possible, like people value trust.

So for me, like, I won't tell you this piece of gossip, not because like I'm an actually loyal person, but because it benefits me.

It's going to further Turdy's agenda.

Right.

Okay.

And like.

That's another thing that we should always be honest.

Isn't that?

And I'm a very honest person.

Isn't that a friends episode where it's like there's actually no altruistic deeds because even being altruistic in some way reflects positively on yourself?

Yeah.

And at the end of the day, like being altruistic makes you feel good.

therefore, it's not a selfless act.

Right.

And it's actually a fire point Phoebe's making.

Well, actually, Joey makes it.

Phoebe's trying to be like, no, you can just do something out of the goodness of your heart.

And every time she does a good deed,

they point out, well, look at the repercussions.

You feel good.

Or she like let a bee sting her because she's like, you know, it's my part as like a, you know, member of the ecosystem.

And then they're like, well, you know, the bee dies after he stings you.

Like there's always something.

Yeah, that's not as good of an example, but

why why does it have to be doing something good means you shouldn't get good in return like who said that right isn't that the whole premise of karma isn't that like god probably made it so that like good deeds would feel good so that you would fucking do them continue to do them so yeah do them so tadu them so you do ta-du them

duh

duh

are you dumb

So that's your lesson in spirituality for the day.

No, I wanted to talk about something I saw on my way to work that was really mind-blowing.

Sure.

I walked past an Apple store on my way to the studio, and I was shocked that they were holding a loser convention.

The new Apple iPhone, I guess, came out today.

Jackie, if you saw the number of people,

stanchions, police,

stanchions,

hundreds of people wait.

And like,

I'm a person, like, I want the new iPhone.

I'm not waiting in line for it.

Like, I'll wait till it dies down and then I'll just like order it online, you know, like a normal person.

Wow.

I was shocked.

I would, I'm sorry, nothing.

Oh, and not only to wait in a line that long, but to wait in a line to spend over $1,000

on a piece of technology that you already have in your pocket.

That's really just as good.

Like, I saw, you know, they do their quarterly conventions where Tim Cook gets on stage, tells you, and I feel like they always make waves like, oh, new feature on Apple.

And I always look for them when I'm choosing stories because it's always like mindless fodder to to talk about.

There was no news.

Like there was a few new updates.

It's not anything life-changing.

It's not like, you know, the unsending a text message that really broke the internet.

Like,

why are people waiting in line?

And it was early.

And I have to imagine they've been out there for hours.

Yeah, I can't relate to waiting in line, but I actually feel the opposite where I feel like this new iPhone is the first in a few years that is actually something new and special and better technology because it has that zoom that the Samsung Galaxy has.

Yeah, I love when they do like the Apple Apple conventions and they're like, we have this new feature.

And Samsung users like shout into a void because nobody cares.

They're like, we have to do this.

They text in green saying, you have this.

They're like, hey, we've had this for 10 years.

And we're like, cool.

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares.

Yeah, the Zoom.

I remember I sent you a video a few months ago that was like a hyper zoom on a Samsung Galaxy.

It was like a panoramic image of, you know, a guy getting into a truck.

And then the zoo, all the way zoom of a car on the street that was like the size of an amp, but it was perfect pixelation.

Yeah.

No, it's like, I've I've said this once, I'll say it again.

The Samsung could cure cancer.

The Samsung could literally be my Ozempic, and I still wouldn't get it.

Like, I'm sorry, I have a reputation to have.

Remember when Samsung was waterproof before Apple?

Remember when Samsung was everything before Apple?

Like, we don't care.

Speaking of Apple, I saw a commercial last night that had me thinking.

Because do you want to know who was in the Apple commercial that I saw?

Who?

Smartless.

Oh.

And it was only Jason and Sean, not Will.

Ooh.

Maybe he has like a non-compete that he works with another brand or something.

Maybe.

But I thought that was interesting.

I guess that's what happens when you're number one.

You get an Apple commercial.

Okay, so if you're number two, do you get a Samsung commercial?

Maybe if we shut our fucking mouths and stop talking shit about Samsung, we would be in a goddamn commercial.

Yeah, okay, so I love the Samsung Galaxy.

Like, I've been trying to get it, but it's just...

Actually, no, I'm sorry.

I don't have a positive word to say about Samsung.

Not only are their products losery, I worked with them one time and like some employee at the company like cried about it.

Like, I don't feel safe.

We're working with an influencer named Claudia who tweeted something once in 2009 and I'm upset.

And literally, they pulled my deal and it was in page ticks.

I'm like, oh.

Not only do you make phones for losers, you exclusively employ losers.

I can't be a part of this.

It's for the best that we part ways.

Yeah, and hire a PR firm full of losers.

Right.

Like, no, I, I, I'm too cool for this.

I'm out.

So I hate Samsung Galaxy.

Their phones are trash.

And yeah, even if they offered me a commercial, I wouldn't want it.

Exactly.

And that's on being scrupled.

Well, one thing about us, we're going to be scrupled.

Yeah, we are.

Though I was just willing to say that I love Samsung Galaxy.

And like, no matter how much we try, like, no matter how much people tell us, we won't stop talking shit.

So maybe we're not like that scrupled.

Why?

We're scrupled to the fact that we won't stop talking shit.

True.

We can't

be broken.

One thing about Jackie, she's gonna manipulate language.

Like she's gonna manipulate language to make it work in her favor.

One thing about me, I'm gonna see the whole 360 and I'm gonna make it work for me.

I love that about you.

And I'm gonna defend myself because I'm scrupled.

You're gonna defend yourself and your family.

Of course.

Le Tour de Lou.

Le Tour de Lou.

You know, so many people, like, really, I think one of their biggest dreams is to be in La Tour de France.

And I feel like not enough people talk about their dreams of being in La Tour de Lou.

No, it's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

It also sounds like the name of a French restaurant.

Le Tour de l'U.

Yeah, although I believe

the rough translation would be like a tour of the bathroom.

I love it.

I love it.

I'm actually going to see some apartments.

I'm going to see some apartments today.

Are you going to give us a tour de l'ou?

Right.

No, I'll let you know how the bathrooms are.

I'll do a tour de lou.

The operation See Snow by Christmas is still very much in session, having absolutely no luck.

We're fatigued.

Okay, I guess I'll just fuck off.

No, like, just make moves.

Jackie, you're fatigued.

Like, imagine literally going and seeing all these fucking apartments.

No, but you're, like, living for it.

You think you're on an episode of Selling Sunset?

No, if I was on an episode of Selling Sunset, like, I'd be touring nice apartments.

Like, I would have lots of options.

No, I'm in, if there was selling sunset in New York City rental market, it would just be like people forking over their life savings for an apartment that's subpar at best.

Yeah, million dollar listing.

No, because those people don't have like budgets.

Right.

No, but that's like selling sunset.

Million dollar listing is like what the right show.

for like New York.

No, but I need million dollar listing like average person looks in the rental market.

I'm not even an average person.

I have like a nice budget.

Yeah, there's a reason why they're not making that show.

Because it's too real.

Too real.

So I guess I'll just continue the Tour de Lou without a camera crew.

Okay.

Well, good luck.

I do hope you see the snow by Christmas.

If I'm hedging my bets, I'm not optimistic, but I'm still rooting for you.

Yeah.

And it's okay if you don't.

Who needs snow?

We're going to Utah.

You'll see the snow there.

I need snow.

Speaking of Utah, did you see what Rach Parcell tags us in on Instagram this morning?

I did.

Not only was Rach Parcell listening to the toast, shout out.

Which is just like a feat in and of itself.

In and of itself.

The queen of Utah chose us.

But she had a major emergency at her house whilst listening to the toast.

And she was so enrapped.

with our episode that she didn't even notice the small fire starting behind her in her living room.

Yeah, literally.

That's not a play on words.

No.

The fire broke out in Rach's house.

And I actually feel like the lesson of the fire and how it started is a good lesson for everyone because she had a little plastic pumpkin on her fireplace.

I mean, she is like the queen of fall decor.

Like, she has a lot of fire.

She has a little decor no matter the season.

Have you seen her summer backyard?

Have you seen her winter decor?

How do you even box her in like that?

And she has a reputation to uphold.

And, you know, I think the pressure really got to her because she obviously forgot about 101 fire safety.

Yeah.

The pressure got to her.

And her little plastic pumpkin went up in flames.

And she had three fire trucks outside her house.

And I think that's just kind of like the dangers of the toast.

Like we are too compelling.

You will listen or watch us like too intently.

You won't even notice a major hazard in your home.

You won't even notice an emergency happening right in front of your own eyes because you're so like caught up with your garlies.

With your garlies.

And it's scary to think how many people listen while driving.

That's distracted driving.

And you know me, I'm like all about safe driving and I would now use my platform as a PSA.

Like don't listen to us while you drive.

But that's like half our audience and therefore half my

income.

So I'm just going to shut the fuck up.

Yeah, no, until they make a rule, like you can't listen to podcasts and drive, who are we to say?

No, I mean, I think there are definitely some podcasts you could listen to and drive, like Smartless, like, you know, ones that aren't that compelling, but like us, we are so funny and so interesting and so scrupled that

We really are like a danger to society.

Yeah.

So if you're driving and you're zoned out, just like zone back in for a second, you know?

Yeah.

We'll, we'll keep reminding you throughout the episode, like when we feel ourselves getting too interesting, we'll be like, zone back in.

Yeah, you're on the road.

Right.

I'm so happy to have you back.

I love podcasting with all the other girlies, but there's really nothing like having you back, Jack.

There's really nothing like it.

So I've got a little scheduling update because we've made like a tentative plan for the rest of my maternity leave.

The end is in sight.

The end is in sight.

So the next two weeks, I'm going to be on like three days a week, like how we've been doing.

And then the following week, I'm going to be in New York.

So, Jackie's book is coming out because don't forget the camperandecounselor.com.

The Camper and the Counselor is coming out October 10th.

Pre-order it now, wherever you pre-order books.

You guys, the book is so good.

I'm getting so excited.

And when I really think about what I'm excited for, it's just to like see people reading this book to their kids.

Like, the book brings me so much joy.

I like it.

I probably read it a hundred times before I stopped getting chills every time I would finish it.

Would you say that the book gives you goosebumps and chills?

Yes, much like the Winding Camp Roads, the book gives me goosebumps and chills 100%.

That's beautiful.

So I'm really so, so excited.

And I just hope everyone places their order for anyone in your life, whether you have a child, a nephew, a niece.

And, you know, the book is obviously about a girl's first summer at camp, but it is not.

only for the girls.

Harry loves the book.

Oh, that's so true.

It's very gender inclusive.

Yeah, it's just fun.

And then like there's a, it's not super girly.

It's not super boy.

boy like it's kind of this universal experience yeah it's just telling the story of a universal feeling that we can all relate to through the eyes of a young girl and in our house we call her little mama you do yeah i'm like that's little why because it's me little oh duh oh my god am i okay i say that's little mama and that's auntie margo It's like so disgusting.

Honestly, I'm boycotting this book.

Yeah, no, I know.

I should have put like a camper that looks like you.

There is like a chubby little brunette like like who definitely could be me.

No, she doesn't look like you.

I should have just like put you.

You should have made like a brunette character who is just like, she doesn't have any lines or anything, but she wore a shirt that said turdy or something.

Yeah, no, or she fucking looked like you.

Just like

camper looks like me.

But like, would she be Ozempic camper?

No, I think like a chubby camper would go over better with focus groups.

Okay, but also when you were a camper, you were pin thin.

Real thin.

Real.

I'm really going back to my roots.

You are.

Roots.

They're so great.

Roots.

So, anyways, the Camper and the Counselor, October 10th, pre-order it now.

Anywhere that you pre-order books.

You could also get a signed copy at Talk Shop Live.

I'll be signing book plates for the next three days, like consecutively.

Hopefully, my hand doesn't fall off, but I actually love, I love calligraphy and writing, and that's actually a fun activity for me.

It is.

And it makes you feel famous.

Like, I loved doing it.

Oh, for sure.

And I'm just going to like sit at my desk signing things.

Like, that's actually a lovely afternoon for me.

It is.

Like, maybe, you know, some cooking show in the background.

Yes.

I need to talk about our cooking show update because there is a show that everyone is recommending so much.

So that my friend Rebecca like texted me to tell me about this show also.

Girl Meets Farm.

Oh, I've heard of it.

Is it Food Network?

Yes.

She said it's everything that we're looking for.

Oh, okay.

And everybody wrote in the comments, Girl Meets Farm.

All right.

And I think she's half Jewish.

Obsessed.

Yeah.

So that's what I'm going to do next because that's really my vibe is a cooking show right now.

And that's what I'm going to do.

Thank you for the update.

You're welcome.

Should we...

We could.

And we should probably dive into the fast five stories that you need to know.

But that's true.

Before we do, I have something to say.

Wow.

Yeah, me.

Today's episode.

Me.

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Thank you, Claudia.

What can I say except yada well?

Come.

The stories today are kind of like updates from a lot of stories throughout the week.

Gorgeous.

That's a perfect way to round out the week.

I fully inform it.

I find that it's a great way to round out the week.

Yeah, of course, like we recorded a little early yesterday, the second we wrap, lawsuit.

So Sophie Turner.

That's the first story today.

Sophie Turner sues Joe Jonas for the return of their two kids to England as the tumultuous divorce gets messier so sophie turner is suing her estrange husband joe jonas for the return of their two daughter daughters to her home country england uh sophie filed the lawsuit in a manhattan court on thursday requesting to secure quote the immediate return of children wrongfully removed or wrongfully retained turner claims in the filing that the wrongful retention began on september 20th turner also claims she and the jonas brothers band member agreed over Christmas 2022 that they would make the UK their forever home.

Yeah, wait, okay.

I I read the actual, I watched a video of a girl reading the actual lawsuit and it was very interesting.

This whole thing is very interesting.

I mean, it's horrible.

Like it's actually, when I saw the headline yesterday, it gave me such a pit.

Like this is about to get so nasty and

drawn out.

I mean, the fact that like now they're fighting over continents that the kids are going to live on, like it's adds a layer that most divorces probably don't have when it comes to a custody battle.

And, but the interesting thing was just that they planned to live in the UK.

That's where they wanted to like put down roots.

And they have been there.

So in last Christmas, they decided that like that was going to be their permanent residence.

In April, they moved there and bought a house.

The house is under renovation.

It should be done in December, but they've been living like in a rental there.

They enrolled the kids in like school, in the programs, after school, you know, the classes, whatever.

And

in the summer, he was going out on tour and she was going to film a TV show.

So while she was filming the TV show, the kids were to be with him in America on tour.

She was going to be done September 14th, and then she would go meet them in New York at the show, grab the kids, and go back to their house, and their house was going to be ready in a month or two.

And she did her TV show.

She went, that's remember, we saw her at the concert.

She came to America and he's like hiding the passports.

This is all what it says in the lawsuit and won't let the kids return to the UK, even though they had this plan, but the plan did not, you know, include him filing for divorce in August.

The lawsuit also stated that Sophie Turner found out about the divorce filing from the news like everybody else.

Well, but then Joe, you know, obviously his lawyers acted immediately, released a statement and said, that's not true.

They had a conversation.

They fought on his birthday in August.

They had a big fight on his birthday.

And she knew that he was filing for divorce.

Yeah, but I wonder if like TMZ and everyone like knew that they knew that there was a divorce coming.

Remember, there was like all that news right before he filed.

So it's like if they're waiting for the moment that he filed, maybe she did find out that that moment he filed from the media.

She didn't know that, you know, her marriage wasn't going well and that he was thinking about divorce and they

divorcing or separated.

But like the moment that he filed, probably TMZ found it out at the same time her lawyers did.

Yeah.

So that makes sense.

This is just the craziest saga in my opinion.

Like the way it was rolled out was so bizarre.

It's so messy and it's so sad because there's kids involved and like, like you said, it's about, you know, continents and custody and it's just, it's really, it's horrible.

Um, but I so just never in my life expected this.

Like, no, this is like as nasty as it could get.

And it's only going to get worse, especially as they both fight to keep the kids.

And in different countries, like they're going to have to bring out everything that they have against the other person in order to get their way.

Like, the way this gives me such a pit, this is horrible.

Because, I mean,

I think it takes, you know, two people to, I don't think one of them was like the bad actor in their relationship, but like both of them deserve to be with their kids.

But that's like kind of impossible when they're going to choose to live in different countries.

I saw an actually funny tweet

that I want to quote.

I don't want to paraphrase.

I'll ruin it.

But how this whole thing has just rolled out so bizarrely, where at first it really seemed like Joe was like in charge

of the narrative.

And somebody just put it so well.

Okay, I can't find it.

It was just like, Joe Jonas, like, severely overestimated how many people would be Team Joe Jonas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, the idea of like trying to get people on teams.

Yeah.

But that's like a, it plays a factor like in

the court of public opinion.

Yeah.

And I and I'm sure to some degree in a court.

Right, right.

I also, I have to imagine that wherever a judge decrees that the kids can live, the other will go.

Like, you know, if they're forced to stay in America, like I do believe Sophie will live here.

I believe she's lived here for quite some time.

And if they're allowed to go to the UK with their mother, I imagine he'll like take up permanent residence there.

Neither one of them appear to be like deadbeat parents.

Right.

They're fighting really hard.

Right, right.

And they're both like, like, we know Joe is like so family oriented.

And I feel like more often than not, like, the judge

will side with the the mother.

Yeah, especially because they had this plan.

This is where their roots are.

They have a lot of people.

They just bought a house.

There's a reference.

The kids in school.

You can't like really just uproot them.

But that's why if he wants to uproot them, he's going to throw everything at her.

Which is, I think, is what we've been seeing.

I don't think it started yet.

No, but I think like this scenario of her

out party late night, like she's never seen her kids.

Like this is all part of a plan.

Oh, it's so nasty.

It's so bad.

And I feel like the fact that, you know, divorce filings are public information.

And

it's honestly like it's too personal.

Like I would prefer to not know what's going on.

Yeah.

Agreed.

And last night, of course, you know, he started crying on stage when he sang the song Hesitate, which is about Sophie.

And Little Bird, he like dedicated to the parents.

This song Little Bird is like kind of becoming like

a triggering song.

Yeah.

You saw Nick was crying last week over like a couple of days ago.

Yeah.

Sad.

I did.

There's a lot going on in House to Jonas.

And to be honest, I am not enjoying being a spectator.

No.

But it's my job.

Yeah.

Well, our next story is some more Sophie news because she went out again with Taylored Swift.

They were spotted having dinner twice in one week in New York City.

They stepped out for their second girl's night at the city's Barrier Phouquet Hotel.

Fouquet's.

I've eaten there.

Yeah.

Not me eating there before Taylor.

Like, I'm so attracted.

She didn't say it was Taylor's first time, but it does feel like a new place.

I've only started seeing it recently.

Yeah, it's a hotel downtown, and they have like a delicious restaurant.

It's just like a really nice, cute, boutique, like French-looking hotel.

La Tour de Lou?

Letour de Lou.

They definitely have amazing loos.

Actually, I've used the loo there.

It was quite lovely.

And they dined with Heim.

Oh my God.

Like, enough.

Like, does anybody feel that?

Like enough.

Yeah, but like when Sophie, Taylor, and Heim, like they all kind of look the same.

Don't you find?

Like Heim ties them all together.

They look like they could be side sisters.

Honestly, it's not a bad call.

I think Sophie looks more like Heim than Taylor does.

Yeah.

But Sophie's like the bridge between Taylor and Heim looking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I love this for Sophie.

Like, I think it's probably really easy to like curl up in a ball and go missing.

But, like, we were just saying, like, how you're perceived by the media and by people like plays in very sadly, plays an important role in how this all could play out.

So, if she appears to be like, you know, out and about in good spirits with her gal pals, like, and people are eating this up, like, loving every moment of Taylor and Sophie together, it's good for her.

And I'm sure Taylor's, you know, a great friend to, you know, a shoulder to cry on.

You don't think it could, it could, people could take the opposite away from it.

Like, she's out.

She's a mother.

No, mothers have to eat.

I'm just saying.

I don't think

respectable restaurants at reasonable hours.

Like.

Plus with America's sweetheart.

Right.

And, oh, and a group of sisters.

Like, it's all good.

It's ham-ish.

It's ham-ish.

It's ham-ish.

Yeah.

I think it works in her favor.

Yeah.

Plus, like, I'm sure the kids are with Joe at the moment because he won't return them.

So no, no, I saw her.

She was with them yesterday.

Yeah, yeah, she was.

But like, they go to bed and she has to eat.

I'm not, I'm just saying, this is what people say.

No, I know.

People are like dumb and not able to like critically think.

Right.

No, I think it's good.

I also think it's interesting how like there was clearly a strategy to this whole thing from Team Joe.

And it does, it appeared like in the beginning that Sophie was kind of like ambushed into this narrative and very quickly she got her shit together.

Like she's on the bounce back.

She's on the offense now and I love her.

Lawyered up, suing.

Lawyered up, did the lawsuit, like, you know, is out and about being photographed with America's sweetheart.

Like she got her shit together.

But I also feel like it didn't get super real for her until the last few days when they were supposed to be returned to England.

Like everything was still like going according to plan, but then it was September 20th.

She didn't get the kids' passports.

So he filed for divorce in Miami.

And there is a, um, and I'm going to botch this like legal language, so just pardon me, but there was an order because he had filed and he filed in in Florida, in the U.S.

It was like the kids can't go anywhere.

So when she went to take the kids, it like violated that order, but him,

that order violated their pre-existing plan.

Right.

But so it's like, it's very suits, you know?

I don't know.

It's like everybody's manipulating the law

and like making you know their own case with it yeah

and that's the law it's reason free from passion if that's not the truth

i know are you ready for our next story yeah Some Taylor news.

Travis Kelsey admits he invited Taylor God

to a Chiefs game, and he's waiting to see what happens amid the dating rumors.

The more this man talks, the less respect I have for him, and the more I'm convinced these two people have never spoken in their lives, not even on text.

Yeah, during an appearance at the Pac McAfee show on Thursday, Travis Kelsey.

Wait, not Pat McAfee, like making so much news recently.

Like, here's my question.

Who is Pat McAfee?

He's a newsmaker.

But I feel like I've seen him on the podcast charts, but he has an ESPN show.

Like, I'm confused.

I don't know her, but...

He's a big name for sure.

I've heard of him, I think.

Yeah, I mean, Aaron Rodgers, you know, Riff Washley Matta him, did his first post-injury interview there.

I think he's been on Twitter.

He was cracking jokes.

Right.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Who's Pat McAvey?

It's like I never heard this person's name, and now I kick it out of my mouth.

Yeah, when it rains, it pours.

So true.

Anyways, Travis admitted he invited Taylor to one of his games amid rumors the pairs are spending time together.

He said, I told her, quote, I've seen you rock the stage in Arrowhead.

You might have to come see me rock a stage at Arrowhead and we can see which one's a little more lit.

Like the fact that he even thinks of a Chiefs game is going to be more lit than a Taylor Swift concert.

Like, first of all, get a grip.

Second of all, I'm in my hater era.

Like, the way he talks is so cringe because that's not how he said,

I've seen you light up like Arrowhead.

Why don't you see me come light up Arrowhead too?

We could see which one's more lit.

Like, shut up, shut up.

Like, he's giving cringe.

Stand there and look pretty.

Yeah.

No, seriously, like, shut up and throw.

I've seen you rock the stage stop it's cringe like why do you have to say it like that and his intonation too i've seen you rock the stage at ara his stadium

Like it's cringe.

He's like talking in cursive.

The way he's done such a 180 on himself.

If he has a publicist, his publicist needs to tell him to shut up for the foreseeable future.

And honestly, he's starting to like mar the great name of the Kelsey brethren.

Like Jason can do no wrong.

Jason keeps getting asked about this.

So now it's like Jason Kelsey's in the news.

And honestly, I'm like, shut up, Jason.

Like, seriously, Travis needs to shut up.

So I don't think Travis.

They're not dating.

They never dated.

Travis is just Travising.

This is who he's always been.

He's just being authentic.

As much as it's like cringe, you were cringing after the Super Bowl, like when he was,

but you know what?

You're right.

He has.

Always been this way.

It's not like he's putting on this personality.

Like, this is who he is.

But when we got it in doses, it was acceptable.

We're at the point of overexposure now.

And this is just the nature of celebrity, the cycle of likability.

You like, you're bothering me now.

I know, but all he has to do is throw well and he's fine.

No, by the way,

the reason catching Kelly

bad move because at the end of the day, there is literally no truth to these rumors.

And he has been like letting people think that.

And now he's taking it a little far.

And one thing about Taylor, she hates shit like this.

Oh, for sure.

Like, he's never going to get a date with her, but I think she would be flattered by this.

It's like, oh, the hunkiest man.

Like, I,

I'm Taylor.

And she doesn't like him.

Perhaps in the beginning, she would be flattered by it, but now it's real.

No, not flattened enough to, like, go out with him, but it's like, let the whole world see this, like, hunky dream boat.

Travis Kelsey, like, just wants a piece of me.

Like, that's flattering, period.

I know she would never, but I would absolutely love for, like, Taylor, via her representation, to be like, I,

like,

Travis and Taylor are not dating.

They've never even spoke.

Just so like, Travis can be like put put in his place for five seconds.

He's annoying me, like, for real.

Yeah.

I think it's cute.

Oh.

Of him.

Not, not totally, but, like, he's just having fun.

Like, have fun, like, by yourself.

Leave Taylor out of it.

Yeah.

But it's just, like, it's so funny.

No, it was fun at first when he was like...

When he said he, like, he made the friendship brace it with his phone number and she rejected.

Like, it was fun at first.

But for him to, like, really fuel these rumors to the point where it was being widely reported as true and like let people think that and like drop little hints and then now go on the show and be like, well, I told her she could rock the stage.

Like,

it's too much.

It is too much, in my opinion.

You need to know in what medium he told her.

Was it a two-way communication?

Was it an unopened DM?

Right, right, right, right.

Taylor's not checking her DM.

No, no.

But was it a text?

Does he, he have her number?

Right.

Like, how did he say that?

Yeah.

How did he say that?

Did she hear it?

Like,

I'm kind of, I'm, I'm gonna, like, I'm over Travis Kelsey.

Like, this has put a bad taste in my mouth.

I have to tell you, as someone who listens to you all the time, you've been over him.

No, I know, but, like, not completely.

I was just saying, like, I remember with SNL, I was like, I feel like we're getting to the point a little bit of like overexposure.

Like, he needs to take a break.

And he did take a break and he came back more annoying than ever.

That's just who he is.

If he drops my name, then I owe him nothing.

What Taylor said.

What Taylor said.

I hashtag I stand with Taylor.

Even though like Taylor Kelsey is an incredibly cute name, but I digress.

It's never happening.

Travis Swift.

That's so what Taylor's going to do.

Like her man's going to take her name.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

No.

Why?

I just feel like we're racing through the stories.

Like, what's the rush?

I don't know.

You have somewhere to be, like a child to tend to?

No.

Is there someone else in your life more important than me?

Are we really racing through the stories?

I don't know.

I feel like we're talking to them to death.

Are we?

I don't know.

It's so interesting how two people can be experiencing the same moment so differently.

Yeah, I don't feel like we're racing through them.

But I guess the clock would let me know.

Right.

And I think the clock would say, you're racing.

Oh, okay.

I'll slow down.

Good.

Now are you ready for our next story?

No.

Why not?

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Yeah, well.

Our next story, people who are in fact dating.

Kylie Jenner reveals her new boyfriend Timothy Shalamay is her phone background.

Yes.

Kylie and Timothy's new romance is on lock, literally.

That's funny.

The Kardashian star accidentally revealed her phone background while posing for a snap in Milan on Thursday, giving fans a glimpse of her lock screen, which features Timothy kissing her on the cheek.

The sweet selfie, which was visible on Kylie's phone, showed him softly planting his lips on the reality star while she smiled for the camera.

It's unclear whether she was aware her phone was switched on when the candid photo was taken or if it was an accident.

What do you think?

Now, raise your hand if you thought it was a picture of Kylie and Stormy.

Like he has such a baby face.

I literally thought, and it was like a really zoomed in picture.

So I mean like they're like cheek to cheek and it's like each one of their eyes are in the photo.

It literally looked like a child and their mother.

Which I thought was cute.

And then when I realized the truth, I thought it was even cuter.

I don't know if it was an accident or on purpose i just think she doesn't care like the secret's out now you know it's been a while that there have been like rumors whispers they went to the beyoncé concert they were all over new york fashion week the usop and like we know they're together and so she's not hiding anymore yeah i

i don't yeah i don't think it was like intentional like she doesn't have to be so subtle um but it's like a big like i think as a celebrity you know that whatever your phone background is people will see at some point i think that's something that you like keep in mind when you're choosing a phone background it wouldn't be ever be something like super personal to you that you wouldn't want want out so again it's just like another step like kylie is very much

into this relationship like proud of it happy to enjoy it and ready to share it with the public and like really not holding back

Yeah, no, I thought it was really cute.

And I'm loving this Milan moment for Kylie.

She went to the Prada show.

She looked fabulous.

She made a bunch of TikToks.

She's just like having fun.

I feel like this happens a lot with Kylie in like timed with her pregnancies where she's very low-key during and after her pregnancy until she really feels comfortable enough to come back and she's like at a place in her fame and her business where she doesn't have to immediately come back and like start promoting products and being on the show.

Right.

She takes her time and then there's like a moment, there's a switch and she's like back so fully going to all the events she wants to go to, dating people, being out and about, being photographed, being fabulous.

And so I think what we're seeing now is that switch where she's all over.

Yeah, but she's been, she's been doing that.

She did that last year in Milan Fashion Week, I think it was.

She's just kind of like a fashion girl.

she just like i feel like she goes so hard for like a week or so we'll see her everywhere she's out and about and then she goes home and hibernates and is just like mom kylie with her family and super pride yeah even in the last few months i feel like she's been private just getting to know timothy

Yeah, no, because if you think about when we first heard the reports and remember her car was outside his house and then a few weeks later, we got the Ariel photo with the cigarettes.

That was a really long time ago.

So this might feel fast for some people, but let's meet it forget, it's been months.

Yeah, by now, this is a serious relationship because even the car pictures, like I think they probably were getting to know each other weeks before that.

Like they could be together six months now.

Maybe longer, actually.

That's her man.

That's crazy.

I'm really coming around to it.

So am I.

I was so put off.

I like was so not able to visualize these two people together.

It actually made no sense to me.

And I think that came from like a general lack of understanding like of, you know, Timothy Chalamet for me.

I'm not a number one fan.

I don't really get him.

But Kylie's making me making me safe.

Yeah, and I just ship Kylie in love, like, and Kylie's happiness and

Kylie enjoying her life.

That's what I'm a fan of.

So whoever that lucky fella is,

I support it.

It's nice.

It is nice.

Happy for Kylie.

Me too.

And this is a cute picture, by the way.

Like, it was just very regular.

Yeah.

Like, candid.

Normal girl tings.

A girl in love.

You'd love to see it.

Now, slowly, slowly, we shall make our way to the fifth and final story.

It's the final story.

Because all week we've been talking about the advancement of female cooking shows.

And Cameron Diaz has heard our cries.

What?

She's ditching her salad and whipping up cheesy chicken nachos in a cooking video for her wine Instagram account.

Oh.

Yeah.

I was misleading.

Cameron Diaz is back in the kitchen.

She shared how she prepares.

Was she ever there?

Who knows?

But now, like most of us, she's going back.

Right.

Because you can only go so far as a woman before they drag you back to the kitchen.

Cameron Diaz shared how she prepares her favorite snack of rotisserie chicken nachos in a new cooking video.

Ew.

Chicken nachos.

Yeah, that doesn't.

We're not supposed to like eat meat and cheese together as Jews, and I don't do that, but because of Judaism like I think it's disgusting like cheese all over meat excuse me

yeah it just feels great about chicken parmesan

that's the only I knew you were gonna say that that is the only exception cheeseburger

I don't like

uh that Joe's lasagna we just watched

I actually like it looked good but I don't eat lasagna

okay

And even with chicken parm, which is my, like, in my opinion, the only acceptable like place to like smother cheese on meat, it has to be really good, like, really thin.

Like, I won't just eat any ordinary chicken parm.

What about your daily lunch of grilled chicken Caesar wrap?

Ooh, you got me there.

Different.

It's like a sprinkle of cheese.

Like, I don't like melted cheese all.

So, you don't like melted cheese all over anything, not just meat.

I like a grilled cheese.

I like a pizza.

Pizza.

P-I-Z-Z-A.

I want pizza.

That was was that era of Mary Kate and Ashley.

Nothing will ever be as good.

Brother for sale.

250 cents.

So good.

So good.

It's just no matter what advancements we have in music, entertainment, the arts, it'll never be what DualStar brought us.

And that's just something we have to live with.

That was their production company.

Was it?

I didn't know that.

Yeah, that's what made all their movies Dual Star.

Oh, my God.

Now that I think about it, it's because they were two stars.

I love a play on words.

Dual star.

Bring us back.

Bring us back.

It's so true.

Anyways, Cameron Diaz did a little cooking show on her Instagram.

She said, hi, it's Cameron.

It's moi.

Pardon me.

Welcome back to my kitchen.

Today she's making nachos with chicken.

Close your ears, Claudia.

Zucchini, corn, and a cilantro cream.

So she posted this on her wine Instagram account, Aveline.

So she's obviously trying to, you know, create buzz for the wine because otherwise.

No, one thing about Cameron, she only leaves her house for her wine company these days.

She's going on a podcast.

She's promoting Aveline.

She's doing Instagram content.

There's a swipe up link for Aveline.

Yeah.

So because she like doesn't really participate in the world of celebrities.

So like this is something that other celebrities do.

She's

she's fully retired.

She made $100 million from the Shrek franchise.

Like she's fine.

Yeah, no, I'm not concerned about her finances.

And I think she like really was able to get out of Hollywood realizing how toxic it was.

And I think she has a very normal life.

Yes, which is beautiful.

You know, as normal as it can be when you made $100 million.

Yeah, but you know what?

You could spend it quickly.

Maybe she

wants another home.

Get back in the kitchen.

Maybe five minutes.

Get back in the kitchen.

Get to work.

So I respect the hustle, how like anytime we're going to be talking about Cameron Diaz in,

you know, in perpetuity, it's because she did something to promote the wine.

Also, it's because she's doing something that she genuinely wants to do.

It's not like she has to.

That's refreshing.

It is.

And I also feel like she heard the toast this week that we were crying out for better female cooking shows and she took a stab at it.

We respect.

I honestly, anytime we're going to talk about Cameron Diaz, I'm overjoyed to do it.

And see, that's the opposite of the Travis Kelsey effect underexposure.

Like we, we get no Cameron Diaz now.

Like for the last maybe five years, we don't get Cameron Diaz content.

And anytime we do, whether she's making waves, I think she was at Sophia Ritchie's wedding.

Like anytime she's doing something, like it's so exciting because we get nothing.

Okay, but Travis doesn't have that luxury because his job requires him to be on TV once a week.

For sure, but like there are a lot of NFL players who are on TV and we don't talk about them.

Yeah.

Also, I was watching the end of the football game last night, Go Niners.

They won.

And I was watching these like post-game interviews with the players.

And it's like, do they have to do those interviews?

Because that just feels like the last thing I would want to do.

And I'm looking at them and I'm like, you don't want to.

And I feel bad for the reporter who's having to ask them.

No, it's hard.

It's bad for everyone.

Yeah, they have to go.

Remember, there was that Seattle Seahawks player who Larry would show up and be like, I'm only here, so I don't get it.

Right, no, but that was like a question he would get press conference, which I imagine is part of the job.

Like on the field, like you just won your game, you're thirsty and you're tired.

You have to stand there and answer questions about like what you just did that we just saw.

Yeah.

I just, I don't know how they're wrangling them to do that.

No, I believe it's a contractual obligation.

Yeah.

The reporter did a really good job, though.

She had a great energy, and there was no, yeah, they call that sideline report.

There was no bad moments.

It was really cute, actually.

But I was just like, damn, that's the last

thing I wanted to do.

She interviewed the MVPs

from the Niners?

From the game.

Yeah, Brock Purdy and the other guy.

I think his name was Debo.

Wait, I really, I've been like a bad 49ers fan, like keeping up with my team.

I'm sorry.

Who is the quarterback?

Brock Purdy.

So Purdy Lou.

Like, who?

Purdy Lou.

Who was the quarterback that got into it?

Jimmy Garoppolo.

Oh, so he's still out, Garoppolo.

According to the end of the game that I saw last night, he's like, literally, I know he's like super common, but she's one of the most handsome men I've ever seen in my life.

Like, I just think it can't be overstated.

But Brock was doing his thing.

The team looked really good.

Cool, cool, cool.

How was my boy Kyle?

He was so good.

And I came on towards the end of the game where the reporter on air was raving about him, how he's kind of like the fix-it man of the team like in the play like if a play is going wrong it's like because Kyle he's just like a very smart guy and has been on the team for so long and knows these plays inside and out like he can fix it on the ground and like Christian McCaffrey was just like raving about Kyle as a player and as a man like this was um

you know the reporter was saying what Christian had said

yeah it was like secondary source um

but that he just like loves playing with him and I was like it's Kyle

No, like, it's kind of like our Kyle.

Yeah, no, I felt really like proud.

Yeah.

Very proud.

Oh, man.

I got to get back in.

I forgot that like football.

I forgot that I like was a fan of football.

And the reporters were also saying that like they're really looking again at San Francisco and Philadelphia.

Like those are the teams to watch, which they were last year too.

And I guess Kansas City because they were in the Super Bowl.

Right.

Well, so San Francisco and the Eagles like can never be.

Oh, yeah, because they were talking about the NFC.

That's why.

They said they're the ones to watch right in the NFC.

They're not the same league.

Yeah.

It's only.

how exciting.

It's so exciting.

Like when you're from New York, like literally all your teams stink except for the Yankees.

Like the Mets are horrible.

The Jets are horrible.

The Knicks are horrible.

So it's like you just kind of come to expect your team to lose.

So taking stake in another team this, you know, like the 49ers, it's so exciting because like they're actually good.

Yeah.

And they played a New York team last night.

I forget if it was the Bills or the Giants.

Oh, I really should have been watching that.

Yeah, you know what?

I can't believe I'm going to say this.

I found it to be very

soothing just watching the football.

Interesting.

I don't know.

I'm just like not up for complex content, which is also why I'm like looking for cooking shows.

Just like.

Yep.

And I don't know.

I was watching the end of the game.

I was like, kind of sad it was over.

So are you saying you've been waiting all day for Sunday night?

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

I actually just watched a very long TikTok video breaking down like the song and the people who have sang it and asking people who they thought was the best.

I did not know.

I know that it was Carrie Underwood, and then I knew before that it was Faith Hill.

I didn't know before that it was Pink.

I didn't know that either.

Yeah.

And I'm not talking about, oh,

son.

I'm talking about waiting all.

It's like a

cover with new lyrics of a Joan Jett song.

Waiting all day for Sunday night.

And honestly, like, I'm going to have something crazy controversial to say because they played all three performances.

And you know who I thought was best?

No.

Faith Hill.

Huh.

And maybe it's just because, like, I can't visualize a time in which Faith Hill was like the it girl of music because really that was before my time.

So it just always feels kind of random for me, like Faith Hill.

Um, but like she was that bitch for many, many years.

That might be how some younger people feel about Carrie Underwood, though.

Right, right.

Not I.

Like, I totally get, I get Pink getting the gig.

Like, I totally get that.

Yeah.

But it's crazy that she got it before Faith Hill.

Pink really has staying power.

Like, say what you want about her she

she's that bitch

i love her we really by the way she's gonna be in new york on your birthday this year at msg yeah oh goodness me that's something to consider goodness you is right that's something to consider consider it consider it considered i was just gonna say that that's when you know it's time to end the show when it's time to go the toast week as we embark on a meaningful weekend

Yeah, me and Ben were talking about this morning.

It's kind of technically a long weekend, but like not because I'd rather go back to work on Monday than do what we have to do.

What are you going to have Sunday night for dinner?

Oh,

Sunday night.

I don't know.

That's like one of the bad things about Ozampic is like, I can't engorge myself on Sunday night because I'll make myself sick.

Yeah, it's so hard.

It is.

Thinking of you.

Thank you.

And thank you for listening to The Toast, the Monday morning show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Hope you guys have an amazing weekend.

Marchati Matovat to everyone who's fasting on Monday.

May it be a meaningful day and an easy fast.

We love you dearly.

Bye.

Bye.