Our 1,000th Episode!: Thursday, February 9th, 2023

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Hey, Zach!

Are you smiling at my gorgeous canyon view?

No, Donald.

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Well, do it.

Shout it out.

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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Thursday, but most importantly, happy 1,000th

episode of the toast.

Formerly known as the morning toast.

Nevertheless, here we are hey jax how you dern i'm dern good ready to celebrate 1000

we keeping it we keeping it 1000 you best believe it you best believe it literally i can't believe it me neither i hope you guys enjoyed you know that special performance we put together for you it took a lot of work yeah but it was so worth it we needed something really special to commemorate This milestone.

I feel like if you're not, I feel like if most people who are listening are like, that's insane, a thousand episodes.

But I could see some people being like, well, you do it every day.

Do you think?

Right.

It's a great, I went to my job a thousand days.

Like, good for you.

I feel like we just need to really

acknowledge the importance.

Cause it's not, of course, you go to your job a thousand days, but to put out 1,000 podcast episodes is an insane level of podcasting.

And that's not, it doesn't even include Patreon or the Red Hat.

Apparently, like we've really, if you think about it, nice and deep, we've reached a thousand a long time ago after, you know, Patreon going on other people's podcasts.

But the toast here, a thousand episodes.

I feel so proud of us.

I love the toast.

Love.

I am curious.

I think I was having, oh, we were having this conversation.

Do you think there's a person out there who has listened to every single episode of the toast?

I feel like, yeah.

I feel like yes in theory, but maybe no.

You know, because think about all the people who have been with us, like really since day one.

It's not like that many people who have been here from the beginning, but even those people like who have been here from day one, like something came up.

They have a list of people.

They missed an episode.

There was a guest co-hosting I didn't give a shit about.

Right, right, right.

And even you and I were saying, like, I don't think either of us have listened to every single episode because while we've been here for 95% of them, you know, when I was on the road and you were on maternity leave, like I wasn't watching every single one.

I wasn't.

No, neither were you.

When I was on maternity leave, I definitely like missed a couple of yours.

And when I used to host without you and you would go on tour, I know you weren't watching most.

I was busy.

You were busy.

So I don't know if there's anyone out there who's watched All 1000.

If you have,

show

who you're saying.

There's no way to prove it, but just like, if you really believe that you have, show yourself.

Yeah, let us know.

It's nice to know, like, we're not speaking in to avoid.

No, well, we're not speaking them to avoid, even if someone didn't tune in every 1,000 days.

Right.

Because people are tuning in.

So let's take a look back

in order to look ahead.

Right.

What are you feeling in this moment, Jax?

I'm feeling proud.

I'm feeling like we've reached a level of podcasting that's like

elite.

You know, because not only do we have a top podcast, which a lot of people do, especially when you launch your podcast, you're probably in the top if you're an existing influence or celebrity or notable person.

But it's like we are tops and we've been doing it for so long and we're tops even after a thousand episodes.

Like call me when you're tops after a thousand episodes.

When people get to know you a thousand times, do they still like you?

I would agree.

I'm feeling an enormous sense of pride.

Also, you know, a little condescension, like we're better than all the other people.

Oh, yeah.

Like, how many episodes have you done of your?

300.

Oh, that's cute.

I remember when we hit 300.

We were so young.

It was like 12 years ago.

It does also make you feel like a little old, you know, just a little.

But more, not old, but more established.

The older you get in this industry and you're still having success, like.

That to me is so impressive.

I agree.

More impressive than a young person or a novice having success.

Right.

It's hard to stay with you.

Everything is exciting at first.

And everyone can turn out a couple podcasts.

Everyone has something to say.

Yeah.

But you have something to say 1,000 times every day.

And to unburden yourself 1,000 times.

So it's pride.

It's definitely a little holier than now.

It's also a little anxiousness about, you know, the tape holding together these balloons.

I'm not going to lie.

These balloons are not, you know, welded to the wall.

No.

They are being held together by, you know, duct tape and a prayer.

It was a DIY moment for Tardy and I.

It was a DIY moment for Tardy and I, yes.

And that's pretty much a summation of what I'm feeling.

Yeah.

And I say that these balloons represent this show.

Hanging on by a thread.

Not only in the one thousandth of their nature, but they're so beautiful and they add so much color.

But you know, at any moment, you never know what they're going to do.

They could twist and turn.

It's so true.

Like this set of balloons is kind of a personification of our brand.

Yeah.

Not that they would like snap and disappear and like we're not going anywhere, but like we could just twist.

No, it's like they look good, but if only you knew what was going on behind the scenes.

Amazing things Amazing things Why are we talking like we're running like a no, no, but like I think we put together actually we're actually really transparent about like you know our trials and tribulations like you know everyone who was here with us putting together the Florida studio members the days we forgot to put our microphones on we're pretty transparent about how like it's low-key difficult to have a web show yeah also and I feel like a reason why we wanted to perform a song this morning I was saying this yesterday to Claudia is like so much of the beginning of this show was really like us embarrassing ourselves for the greater good.

I think our first show of the toast was extremely embarrassing.

Oh, I don't even think embarrassing is a strong enough word.

If you managed to watch a whole episode because of the outages that occurred.

You know what it was?

It wasn't embarrassing.

It was humiliating.

It was humiliating.

And then, of course, we performed when your first song came out, Toast.

Which is one of the most iconic moments in Toast history.

Right.

But we were embarrassed again.

The speaker fucking died.

Like, we're here we are, like putting ourselves out there, making up a dance, and the speaker died.

And it was the best moment ever, but like, we're a little embarrassing.

no there's something about us that is embarrassing it's i think it's because we're sisters and like you know we just like have weird ideas close down sunday very very embarrassing very but like i would do it all again and like that's what we're gonna change a thing and i said to claude i feel like we've gotten like a little too cool and we need to go back to our embarrassing roots i completely agree of doing weird sister shit i agree and that's what you just saw earlier today thanks to ben for you know getting involved yeah um i completely agree i completely agree we are like

constantly just putting ourselves out there and being embarrassing.

But I think that's why people relate to us, you know?

I hate seeing people who's like, everything is so perfect, you know?

Yeah, because it's not.

No, we know it's not.

Like, so stop lying on us.

Yeah.

So we just needed to go back to our roots.

And like, obviously we're performers.

Yeah, we are.

We're extremely musical.

We love to dance.

Extremely.

And this show is, encompasses everything that we love.

And those are all the things that we love.

You said it best.

I couldn't.

say better if I wanted to.

So it was really important that we did that.

Yeah.

I felt good.

I felt really good.

And that's how we're going to commemorate this special day aside from balloons.

I know.

I like kind of love the balloons.

They're adding like a cute accent to our studio.

I know.

We need to just like change out every day.

I get a new balloon every day.

1,001.

1,002.

1,000.

And then we'll never lose count.

It's hard to keep count.

It is.

Especially with our new interface.

Right.

On the back end, like, they don't help you keep count.

We've been doing it manually.

Yeah.

At our old one, we used to, but that's just more like podcasts.

Like, let us know if you want a separate Patreon.

It's kind of like an us problem.

Yeah, that we're just like inflicting onto you.

But don't worry about it because we'll like we'll keep track and we have to keep keeping track because hopefully for hoshem one day 2000 i only have to get one new balloon so 2000 will be what in like three years how many years have we been doing the show oh six five six it'll be in six years it's like not that many not that many like that's because there's 365 days in the year we do about but there's like two

220 episodes a year yeah depending on you know you having children times five and change yeah

there you go that's us five and change that's how long we've been doing the show.

It's been a pleasure.

I'd like to thank everyone who got us here, which is, you know, me, Jackie, Rice, Strice.

Rice.

The unwavering support of our friends and family.

We are so blessed.

Yes.

And most importantly, the unwilling, well, sometimes wavering, we understand.

Those who didn't waver.

Yeah.

The, you know, scrupled girlies who listen and boys, excuse me, who listen to the show every day.

We are so appreciative.

We love that you guys just like get us.

You get our language.

You get in on the fun.

You know, like life isn't that serious.

You tune into the toast, you're gonna have a good time, you're gonna laugh, you're gonna giggle, and everything's gonna be okay.

So thank you to everyone who's ever tuned into an episode.

We are so grateful for you.

And honestly, the toast wouldn't be the same without the toasters.

And I think that's an understatement.

Yeah.

We're so grateful to you, those who tune in.

and keep tuning in.

Yeah, we love it.

We really enjoy it.

Even if you are like hate watching, you're a fan to spend an hour a day with us every day.

You really love us.

No, and I just, I feel good knowing like a thousand times we have made someone laugh.

Because at least once an episode, we're going to make someone laugh.

So

that's millions of laughs if my math is correct.

If we counted the laughs, Claude, countless, it would be off the charts.

So we wouldn't have enough balloons.

We wouldn't have enough balloons.

Party City would be quaking.

Yeah.

These are from Party City.

Yeah.

We're like kind of a big budget production.

Yeah, it was a really premium experience going there.

I love all the candy they have out.

I got some mic and ikes.

Do you have anything?

I tried to like how they've like individually wrapped.

You know what?

So I went for the individually wrapped.

I grabbed a bag to make myself a bag to unburden myself.

Right, of course.

It was actually all crap.

Crap.

It was crap.

I think the last time we went to Party City is when we like were on, we were coming from fat camp, like and we had like a break in the day and we got to go to Party City to get like some supplies for the campers.

Do you think that's the last time we've ever been to a party setting?

Yeah, for me in person, I believe.

That's the last time I've been where, so I was so excited.

Oh my God, I can get like piece by piece candy.

Like I'm coming.

You're like Kelly Clark's.

I haven't met Candy in months.

Piece by piece.

But today, like as a a grown discerning woman, when I went, it was crap.

Like,

the kind of stuff that's like

nerds type.

But you think the selection was crap or the quality?

Like, was it stale?

I was like, because the selection was crap.

I feel like those pieces actually sit out for many months.

No, and there were a lot of pieces that they weren't, they were like.

individually wrapped, but not in a way that felt safe to me.

Yeah.

Individually wrapped does open you up to some pieces of pain.

And like other people could be like touching it.

Yeah.

And it just, I had to go go for my own box of Mike and Nike and a bag of combos.

Of course a bag of combos.

If I see, if I see a combo, I got to get a combo.

That's so funny that I don't have the same feeling towards combos, but I have the same feeling towards other things in general.

You know what?

I can't see without immediately touching and eating while I'm waiting to pay.

The mini little tubes of M ⁇ Ms.

You know, you pop the lid open.

Something about those, they taste better than regular M ⁇ Ms.

Something about like sucking it out of that tube, it's delightful.

I didn't know that was your predilection.

I could have picked one up for for you.

That's my drug of choice.

I could have gotten one for you if I had known.

I had the hookup at Party City.

Now you know.

So put it on the biz.

I actually forgot to expense the balloon.

What?

Yeah.

Were these balloons expensive?

They actually kind of were.

Yeah.

But this is a gift from me to the show.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Well, I didn't get you anything.

You're always getting me something.

Your presence is a gift.

No, actually, I did get you.

The laughs you give me.

I did get you something.

I'm scared.

What?

My departure.

Just what you wanted.

I'm leaving right after this, headed to the airport.

Good, because it's the one you got.

Literally, you're a fucking liar.

That's what you wanted.

You're such a fucking liar.

I said, I've been begging to be out of here by Friday.

I've been begging you to stay, Wenchaholic.

You've said, Claudia, you have to be out of here by Friday.

Wenchy McWencherson, I've been begging you to stay, you fucking liar.

Did you not say I have to be out of here by Friday?

No.

Really?

No.

Someone isn't coming to sleep in my room?

So I could have made amends.

I could keep sleeping there.

The B and B could expand.

I could keep sleeping there.

You could keep sleeping there.

Hmm.

It's funny how her tune changes once I book my flight.

No, and once I'm on the the air like bitch come on right

you totally kiss me out and it's fine um my time here is up you know no i actually don't feel i sometimes i feel that way but i actually don't feel that way like i feel like you're leaving like in the middle of something beautiful i know and you know if i didn't have i kind of have like you have an event i want to tell the truth i have an event on monday which like okay claudia you could stay till sunday um

I have to get like a spray tan, nails.

I need like three days to decompress because I have like a big gig on Monday for fashion week that I cannot miss and I cannot be like looking puffy and like you know gross for.

So, I need to start my Monday prep tomorrow.

Yeah, I understand that.

Plus, it's like if we're not doing toast episodes, if it's just Saturday and Sunday, like you could take those at home, yeah.

Um, and I know you'll be back soon, and I will be up to New York, like I think within the month.

I'm gonna try it.

That's my plan.

This was an unplanned trip, but a very necessary one.

Yeah, because of 1,000.

1,000, and we didn't even plan it that way.

No, but like, that's just so us.

Kismet.

Kismet, but shared.

Kismet, but shared.

Great things happen when we're together.

Great things happen when we sing.

If we were remote, I would have like one zero on mine and you'd have zeros on the side.

I don't even know how we would have commemorated.

And I'm so glad we don't have to even think about that because.

We could have added cool graphics in post.

Yes.

Like the 1000s would be dancing, you know?

The 1000s.

We're keeping it.

We're keeping it.

1000.

You best believe it.

Okay.

Okay.

I feel we've acknowledged.

I feel we've commemorated.

And while this is a special episode, we are still here to do our job.

Like it's not, there's something about this that feels really final, but it's like, this is just one episode of thousands.

Because you know what the thing about us is?

The show must go on.

The show must go on.

The terrible stories must be dissected.

It wouldn't be like a quintessential episode if the stories weren't terrible.

And they are.

Today's stories are like particularly crappy.

And it's not even,

it's like not even.

Sometimes the stories, like, there's a lot of landmines out there.

So it's like, I'm not going to talk, We're not going to talk about that story or that story.

So we kind of, you know, have to get creative.

Yeah.

No, but today, like, I would have talked about anything.

It's crap.

It's crap.

So if you want to get into the crap and give, give the people what they want, which is crappy.

Oh.

You know what, but we always make the best to have the crap.

I said yesterday.

I'm like, hey, those stories weren't so bad.

I said yesterday, the crappier the stories, the better the episode.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, it's nice when we have a big scandal to dissect and we can really put our investigative hats on, but there's nothing better than just like endlessly mocking people.

And that's what we do when the stories are so crappy.

It's true.

So without further ado, today's 1,000th episode.

1,000th.

1,000th.

We're keeping it.

We're keeping it.

1,000.

You best believe me.

We're keeping it.

We keeping it.

1,000.

That was harmony.

Yes, it was.

But I harmonize.

You sang the melody.

She like won't like because Jackie, Yes, I am a harmonizing.

Have we had this conversation on the podcast where Jackie thinks she's harmonizing, but she's not?

I don't know if we've had it on the podcast.

Okay.

Jackie thinks she knows how to harmonize because she's like, I can only do it with Luke Combs.

Like, gee, I wonder why.

Because Luke Combs has a really low register.

So when girls, or Jackie in this case, sings a Luke Combs song, she's singing the same note in higher octave.

So she thinks she's harmonizing.

And she'll like do it in the car.

She's like, I just harmonize.

I'm like, no, sweetheart.

That's not a harmony.

It's not a harmony.

It is.

Do you want me to lie to you?

Margo said it was a harmony.

The fuck does Margo know?

About musical theater.

Margo knows music.

No, she doesn't.

She does.

Do you want to show people?

No, it's like, I love this bar.

I stumbled on.

Gorgeous.

Not a harmony.

If there's like a vocal teacher listening, like tell Jackie how to harmonize.

I don't know how to harmonize.

It's actually really hard.

Luke and I like always harmonize.

Out of harmony.

I also harmonize a little and buy dirt.

If you watch my story from yesterday, you'll hear it actually.

I'm like singing in my bathroom and it's like, it's crazy.

Again, not a harmony.

You know what is a harmony, though, this show?

It is so harmonious.

Most of the time.

You're sometimes a little acrimonious.

I love the acrimony when it's like, you know, I get to call you a wench.

Also, raise your hand if you only know the word acrimonious from friends.

There's like a whole storyline about it.

I didn't know that there was a word that was the opposite of harmonious.

It's beautiful.

Turns out, it's acrimonious.

It's an antonym.

And I'm so glad I know that word.

It's an antonym.

And we're such antiphiles that we love antonyms.

Trills.

Now, without further ado, it is time for the 1,000th time that you know the fast five stories that you need to know.

And I'd like to give an extra special thanks to those who sponsored our thousandth episode.

Your support, you know, keeps the lights on.

It means a lot to us.

Thank you for sponsoring today's episode, State Farm.

Thank you to those who have sponsored along the way to get us to 1,000.

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We are all about personalization, customization here at the Morning Toast, whether it's a playlist that we like, Jackie Ho Ho Ho, a personal favorite, whether it's comedy.

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Welks.

Our first story, a little literary news.

It's two for.

Literally news?

Literary news because one, Barbara Streisand is releasing her memoirs called Memoirs of a Streisand.

Called Shifting Streisand.

Mine's better.

We'll have to leave it to Barbara.

I really do think it should be called Shifting Streisands.

She can't really call it Memoirs of a Streisand because, like, that's just too much of a derivative of something else.

And it's like, I know she wants to be her own woman.

Original.

And I think it's like perfect for her career.

Like, the shifting streisands.

Has she released the title?

She has.

And it's neither of those.

Is it good?

Is it a competitor?

No.

It is definitely number three out of those three.

It is My Name is Barbara.

Coming in.

My name is Barbara.

And then underneath that, it'll have her name, right?

The author name, Barbara Streisand.

So it seems repetitive.

Yeah.

So not only that, but Leah Michelle has taken to TikTok to joke about the whole thing.

And she said, I have 265 days to learn to read.

Now,

I don't know who is responsible, but somebody got to Leah Michelle maybe a year ago, less.

You know, I can't really tell time.

Yeah.

I would say like around the same time of funny girl, like when she's on this like press kick.

Somebody gave her a stern talking to and said Leah.

Lean in.

Lean in.

Like you have to start getting in on the joke.

The more you're like defensive about it, the more people actually think you might not be able to read.

Also, this is like a great moment for you.

Like imagine the content.

And you know what?

She has over-delivered.

She is, it's getting like, it's almost getting a little old, but like the fact that she's now started to lean into it, like it's still acceptable to talk about it because other people are still talking about it.

Love this for her.

I do, though, have like questions about her relationship with Barbara Streisand.

Like there's no confirmation, but i think like the internet's general assumption is that like barbara hates leah

yeah it's always you know the the tale as old as time of the usurper really um the young hot thing who everyone's comparing you to and it's like she's the new you and that's just fucking rude to everyone i could and i also think like they're both bona fide divas yeah so it's not like babs is just

like uplifting everyone all the time.

Yeah, I don't think Babs though like reached out to Leah or even Beanie when they were cast in the in the Broadway I don't think Barbara honestly I don't think she's a woman who supports other women and that kind of makes me like her no especially I don't think she's a woman who supports other women in her vein yeah yeah yeah women created in her image so like I think she would support you know a tennis player

100 I think she supports Serena Williams 1000 1000

we keeping it we keeping it 1000

that was pretty good good.

Okay.

You sang the melody.

It's fine.

No, but together.

Yeah, no, it was gorgeous.

Because that's what we have here.

We have harmony.

We're together most of the time.

Most of the time.

Sometimes there's acrimony.

That is the opposite of harmony.

Another thing about Barbara and Lee Michelle is like, I do believe they've really only been in the same room once together.

And that was when they did like a Kennedy Center honors of Barbara Streisand and Lee Michelle.

And this picture was taken.

Oh, is that where it's at?

I don't know.

It looks like they're at a restaurant.

Sports bar.

Downtown Edgy Edgy Club.

Yeah.

There's a TV in the background that says Jodi.

I just like, well, maybe it was like a postoster party when like that Jodi Foster had won.

Oh, perhaps.

But there's not like a, you know, a big gallery of photos of them together.

Like, no, no, no.

There's this one where Leah looks like a true fan.

Yeah.

And so when Leah performed at that like Barbara Streisand honors thing, she did amazing and they cut the camera to Barbara and Barbara just looks like beyond annoyed, unimpressed.

I get it.

It's diva behavior.

Yeah.

I get it.

It's like if there was toast honors and they had, no, they had like a bunch of women trying to be funnier than us.

Yeah.

Get out of here.

Yeah.

Like doing our bits, like singing 1000.

Oh my God.

I would vomit.

I would literally

walk out of the room.

That's fucking rude.

It's so true.

So you have to think about it.

No, it's so true.

I have to put myself in Barbara's shoes.

Also a good title.

In my shoes.

I know, but like, she's got to change the name of this book.

It's really bad.

I will not be reading this.

You know, one thing about me, I think a lot of people assume, because like I love Funny Girl, I'm a Jewish queen and I love to sing.

People think like I would like take a bullet for Barbara Streisand.

Like I actually wouldn't.

I don't really like fuck with her.

Isn't that crazy?

No.

It's not like that crazy.

You're not predictable.

That's the thing about people.

Like if you liked her, you'd be predictable.

But you're so unpredictable.

I like to keep people on their toes, which is why I decided not to like Barbara Streisand.

And why you like some people that people probably would think that you wouldn't like, that you find really annoying.

Yeah.

Mindy Kalen.

Yeah, I was just going to say that.

And like country music in general.

I don't think people are going to be able to do it.

Oh, yeah, are curveball.

But now they expect it.

Yeah.

Cause we bought dirt.

Bad dirt.

It's going to be a really heavy singing episode.

It's exactly.

As it fucking should be.

Singing has gotten us to

1,000 episodes.

It's what sets us apart.

I wonder where we would be if we didn't sing.

Probably at like episode 390 because we'd have gone down to weekly episodes.

Because we just like ran out of things to talk about because we couldn't sing.

Because we couldn't sing and like be inspired by ourselves.

Right.

Ourselves.

Bad dirt.

Are you going to read Barbara's Brooke?

No, but I think it will be good.

Yeah.

I mean, she's 80 years old.

She's had this insane career.

Movies, songs, TV, bronze.

Brony.

Tony.

Bus, club, another bus.

So I think it will be amazing.

Amazing story about an amazing woman that I personally won't be reading.

Yeah.

But I think if like there's certainly an audience for this, and I think this is like huge for them.

There's a huge audience.

The gay community will be first in line.

Yeah.

And we need like a strong celeb memoir.

We get a few a year.

I think this is going to be great.

The publishing house said Barbara is a living legend, a woman who in a career spanning six decades has excelled in every area of entertainment.

And this engrossing and delightful book will be eagerly welcomed by her millions of fans.

Dozens of books have been written about Chaisand, but now in My Name is Barbara, she tells the story in her own words.

There are a few celebrity memoirs, like highly anticipated.

Paris's is coming out soon.

Yes.

Brittany's like, who knows?

They ran out of paper.

I feel like it's not coming out.

It's because there's a paper shortage.

Is there?

Yeah, that's what TMZ reported.

No, I think like we all know why the book is probably delayed.

And it's because like Britney doesn't care and Britney is living her life.

So there are a few good.

This will be a good year for celebrity memoirs.

It's exciting stuff.

I'm ready.

You too.

Ready?

Come and find me.

I'm not gonna hang out the sun on my side.

It's are you ready for our next story i am which is some rich people news my favorite category of news kylie jenner ad is covering the headline starts construction on a mega mansion three years after paying 15 million dollars for a vacant lot near chris and chloe's compounds oh i didn't realize she had a lot near them yeah because i knew that she put her house up on the market it's the one that she like that looks like a fortress the one yeah that she moved into it during covid and it's like very modern she's it's listed for 21.9 million I remember her doing that and I was like, oh, like where shall she go?

Didn't she pay way more than that?

I remember reporting like 40 or 50, but then I must be wrong.

No, because like real estate in Los Angeles is like doing well.

It's like a good investment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Los Angeles.

Yeah.

So new photos, aerial photos of her property in construction have been obtained exclusively by Daily Mail, showing what appeared to be the mansion being built on a hill.

She's literally living in a mansion on a hill.

Let me show you these pics.

So this is the property, but wait, there's more.

This is going to be the mansion, of course.

They love that sloping backyard, though.

I think that's the backyard behind it.

And then if you continue, this is the driveway.

Oh, it's really big.

And down here would be like a garage.

She's like, she's still going to have to drive to go to Chloe and Chris's house.

Yeah.

But I love this thing that they're doing.

They're like kind of creating their own community.

And this is all in Hidden Hills, I believe.

Oh, I love that they're all like going to be next to you.

See that driveway?

You see it.

Now you can envision it.

Do you think like, I feel like Kim's home is her forever home?

Yeah, she spent so much time on it.

I could see Kendall like moving over here.

I don't think Kendall's home is like her forever home and she's still young.

But what about Courtney and Travis?

Like, they are, I think they're fine right now, but they probably will move because they need a house together.

They don't have like a family home.

A blended family.

So I think like, I mean, that's the dream, like being able to buy like in like this most expensive part of the country.

five different lots all next to each other.

That's such a dream.

Such a dream.

Kylie's new Hidden Hills property is located in between properties owned by her mom and her sister Chloe.

And then Kim and Courtney live nearby.

Yeah, and they all live in like the same area, but not, it sounds like the three of them are on the same cul-de-sac.

Yeah.

That's like so, like, that's something I'm extremely jealous of.

Extremely jealous.

And I feel like Chloe and Chris have like loved now living next to each other once their homes were finally done and that architect who like stole their house.

I feel like it's like the best thing they ever did.

And now Kylie's, there's like another girly in the cul-de-sac.

Yeah.

And it's so fun for all the cousins.

Like this is, that is like real, true privilege.

Like that I'm jealous of.

Yeah.

They're living well.

They're living well.

You love to see people like doing like what with their money.

What I would do.

Yeah.

Like if we had unlimited resources, that is exactly what I would do.

I would find like the best neighborhood, purchase like five lots next to each other, spend time making them our dream homes forever.

And then like raising our kids there.

That's like such a dream.

I know what you would do.

You'd buy red dirt.

I would.

Yeah.

He found the one you can't live without.

He got a ring.

Ring, let his knee hit the ground.

ground.

You do what you love and call it worth.

A thousand percent.

A thousand episodes in the turf.

Be careful.

A thousand episodes with the turd.

Be careful.

Do not touch these balloons.

They are hanging on by a thread.

Okay.

So Kylie bought dirt.

And once again, she's showing she has country values.

Yeah, like this is so like a downhome country thing to do.

But I think now she will be like in LA.

So she needs someone from Nashville who's willing to relocate for her.

I feel like that's not hard.

Or she could, she still like always wants a farm.

Yeah.

She should get a farm.

Yeah.

I love this.

That house looks like sick.

I feel like their houses take so long to build.

No, I feel like they actually don't.

Like, I feel like one day we were reporting that the contractor like left Chris and Chloe.

And then like the next season, they were in their houses.

Yeah, but like they had bought the lots like years prior.

But she bought this lot three years ago.

So now we're just like, we're looking excited.

We love girls who plan.

I feel like she'll be in in a year.

That's so exciting for her and the kids.

Yeah.

Happy for her.

Happy for her.

A little jealous.

Always.

It's like 70% happy, 30% jealous.

I know.

No, it's probably like 30% happy, 70% jealous.

No, I'm mostly happy.

I just like, I hope that we get to see a little on the show.

And she just like shows us some.

She gives us nothing on the show, so I wouldn't, you know, hold out hope.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

I am.

It's about your boyfriend.

Actually, not your boyfriend.

You're a gymnastics teacher.

Paul Rudd?

Paul Rudd says his son used to think he worked at a movie theater.

And I never corrected him.

In an exclusive clip from this weekend's episode of Sunday Today, Paul Rudd sat down with Willie Geist to discuss whether his kids are aware of his successful career.

Paul said that his son, Jack, 17, and his daughter, Darby, 13, have finally put it all together, that their dad is an actor, but things were very different when they were little.

Quote, when my kids were young, I'm not going to sit my kids down when they're three and say, you know, I've got some DVDs to show you.

I didn't really explain what I did.

Then he recalls a story of when his son was about four or five and went to see a movie with his friends at the movie theater.

Quote, we were all going and there was a movie poster that I was on that was in the lobby.

So they all just thought that I worked at the movie theater, which I thought was very cute.

That's like so cute and innocent, like kid stuff.

Yeah.

And then a few years later, I think when he was 15, he finally put it all together.

I never corrected him, he says, teasing.

He'd say that he worked at the AMC Lowe's.

I do often wonder.

He does technically work at the AMC Lowe's.

I do often wonder though, like as a child of like an actual famous person, is there like a conversation you have?

Is it just like you, there's not a moment you just know it your whole life?

Like,

but like you watch movies, so like you know that there are celebrities out there, you know?

Yeah, I feel like eventually it's a conversation that you have when like they're old enough to have the awareness of what you're saying.

It's so weird.

Depends what level you're at though.

I feel like Paul Rartz because he doesn't need to be like you guys were going to be mobbed.

Right by the paparazzi.

The Kardashian kids.

There's definitely a course that they all have to take.

Yeah.

I wonder how to navigate that.

That seems difficult.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's definitely a problem I'm going to have.

Clips of like the north.

In the show being like, why do they follow us?

Like,

yeah, it's a conversation you're going to have to have.

Like, Like, mommy's a big star.

Right.

Don't be surprised.

Don't you want to go over and be like, we've never seen anything.

What is mom talking about?

I think mommy's not famous.

I think she's mentally ill.

Like, no one's following us, mom.

And I'm like, but they are.

Like, you can't see them.

You just can't see them.

They hide.

They have really long lenses.

Yeah.

They like stay far away, but like, they have like the 35 millimeter lens.

Like, so they can see everybody.

They're obsessed with me.

Yeah.

And they're like, sure, mommy.

Yeah.

And then daddy's like, just go along with it.

Sure, mommy.

We'll go get you a Diet Coke.

Yeah.

Sure, mommy.

There's paparazzi outside maybe you should put your sunglasses on sure mommy

to dream maybe maybe maybe

no you know what like i actually wouldn't want that like i want it now when i'm like young and thirsty but like when i have kids like obviously my parents

no like worry about their safety i think it wears off really quickly you know once you have kids no and just as a celebrity like i'm sure the first time you get paparazzi you're like oh my gosh no i still think like if you're a celebrity like a thirsty celebrity with like you know, without kids and like you're young and like you crave that for a long time.

Yeah.

If you're not getting it like

in droves, you know?

Yeah.

That's when it becomes a burden.

Yeah.

Anyways, Paul Rudd.

What do we know?

He worked at the movie theater and at the gymnasium.

Do you still think he was your gymnastic?

Yes.

Okay.

Do you believe me?

I believe that that's what you think.

You're such a gaslighting wench.

Like, it's one, like, I, I,

it's really tough because my memory often plays tricks on me.

But I have such a clear memory of being a young child, having just seen Clueless, telling my gymnastics teacher he looks like Josh from Clueless, and him giving me this, like, knowing wink and smile, you know.

And then he disappeared, like, a few weeks later.

Because obviously he got so famous, he didn't need to work at gymnastics anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, Paul Redd is a Chiefs fan.

The Super Bowl, this is our last episode together before the Super Bowl.

We have, you know, tomorrow's episode, but like...

I'll be back in New York.

And is there anything that we want to like say about it?

I'm getting pretty excited.

I'm just wanting to wish everyone luck.

I'm working on my menu.

Ooh, what's on the

menu?

So I have a really big like cheese board cover, which is going to be so delicious and tasty.

I'm going to make nachos from the Magnolia Table Cookbook.

And like, I'll be able to use kosher beef and that's going to be mighty tasty.

I think that's about it.

Let it still, by the way.

I've got crudeté, of course.

I've been like loving carrots and ranch.

Ranch.

I don't give a ranch.

And then I think I'm going to order pizza for the main course.

I love that.

Like, you know what?

Just phone it in.

Oh, Ben was saying I should make spinach artichoke dip, which I do have a really good recipe for Magnolia Table.

And he liked do you go to chime men do you remember i made it last thanksgiving doesn't seem like where were we last thanksgiving um i cooked all day while i was seven months pregnant in my kitchen while you guys sat on the couch and watched football at your house at my apartment i have no memory of being at your house we like

during the day and i was cooking i made mac and cheese

and i was like really pregnant and nobody helped me it wasn't a memorable effect that's what i remember it wasn't and i remember looking at me being like we'll do it together Like, it was just mac and cheese and

turkey.

No, and the spinach artichoke dip.

Because then, like, we went to mom's and there was a feast, but, like, I just wanted to contribute my spinach artichoke dip.

Oh, so we didn't eat at your house?

No, no, no.

But we, we watched some football.

You really don't remember?

None of this sounds even remotely familiar to me.

And Kayla was staying with me.

Well, and Olivia and Zach, too.

Oh, that sort of thing.

There was probably a lot of frozen.

Well, I didn't eat the spinach artichoke dip.

Okay.

And if I did, I certainly don't remember it.

That's, that's good.

You know, because if it was really bad, horrible, you would never stop talking about it.

You would never stop talking about it.

Right.

No, you're right.

So maybe I'll make that.

But like mashing all those artichokes.

It's a lot of work.

It's a lot of work.

So drop in the comments.

What are you making for the Super Bowl?

Claudia sent me some like TikTok bullshit.

Jaggie hated my idea.

TikTok bullshit.

Tick tick boom.

Yo, we bring in the noise.

Now you know that song, right?

No.

I still don't know that song.

I just played it for you the other day.

So that doesn't mean I know it.

You said you liked it.

Speaking of things I like,

today's episode, before we continue, Ad Break is brought to you by Honey Love.

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it's always hot girl season when you're turdy ain't that the truth ain't that the truth

Our next story, some royal news, because why not for the A Thousands episode?

100%.

It's only fair.

King charles wants prince harry back in the family and at the coronation says a source uh says a source who's dumb or lying says a source who must be practically deranged yeah there's no way i feel like of all of them charles hates what harry the most okay but i've been seeing this kind of theme like a couple times that like charles wants him back and then i was reading what the source says is the reason why and like it's not the worst reason um but the king of the coronation of king charles cavalier spatinho iii is less than 100 days away he'll be coronated on may 6th the birthday of the Snatchler.

So he'll be birthed as a king, and Snatcher will be rebirthed as a 26-virgin.

Five-year-old?

26-year-old?

26.

26.

Virgin.

Though the royal family has made no statement following the release of Harry's bombshell memoirs, spare, a source close to the royal household tells people in this week's cover story, so like...

salt

salt, sprinkling grains of salt everywhere, that the new British monarch wants his younger son to attend his ceremony at Westminster Abbey.

Quote, it is such a momentous occasion for Charles, and he would want his son to be at the coronation to witness it.

He would like to have Harry back in the family.

If they don't sort it out, it will always be part of the king's reign and how he has left his family disjointed.

That's true.

He has had a reputation as a distant parent and it would be awful for him for that to continue.

A royal historian told people that quite apart from Charles's paternal hope to reunite with his son, one of the jobs of the royal family is showing how to cope with the problems we all have in a human and thoughtful way.

What will be a success for the family in the future is not reconciliation necessarily, but mutual acceptance of different ideas and priorities.

So they're saying like it sets a good example for this country if he's able to bring his son back into the fold.

No, because think about Lizzie, even though

Megan and Harry like left during her reign, they still, they only really started acting crazy once she passed.

Like they still had that tie to her and they still had enormous respect for her.

And they don't have that for Charles.

If anything, they have like a bigger disdain than anyone else.

So

i do i i do understand this line of thinking that like it really reflects poorly on him and he's supposed to be like setting example for for people i understand this line of thinking um though if anyone's asking me like i just completely disagree i i feel like most people

most people who are watching and you know families who are feeling like related to this like would see what harry did and like would not relate to forgiving him and acting and like letting him into the big family moments again like well i by the way i think it it's whatever side you take if you take harry and megan's side you support them cutting cutting off their family, like cutting out toxic people.

Both sides.

Both sides.

Want them to have nothing to do with each other.

Right.

It's like, it's called like having boundaries and like eventually like realizing even if it's someone you love and it's your family, like sometimes the best thing is like to go no contact and like really not.

So I think that also sets a good example.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

And I just, I,

I don't know.

I don't think I agree with this line of thinking.

I don't think that that's what it would achieve to have them there.

And by the way, if they even had them there, because this person also said there have been some very grave disagreements between them, but the Platinum jubilee and the funerals of the queen and prince philip did demonstrate that they could put personal enmity aside for the sake of the bigger cause and that is what the coronation will be about yes but like what's happened in the last six months like is beyond the pale you know it's is that was all before the documentary the book bd and bb yeah a hundred percent and by the way when harry and megan did show up for the certain things i mean It became all about them.

I mean, how could it not?

It was so crazy.

And also, they were like, they left the Jubilee early because they like didn't like how they were treated.

It's never been smooth sailing.

And like to have to have like William and Kate like sit next to them or even like be like, it's just, who are you fooling?

Like, you're not a pack of liars.

It's true.

It's true.

I'd rather you guys be real than a pack of liars.

You're not fooling us.

I actually think it would be better if they just stay away.

Like better for them.

And everyone.

Better for Harry and Megan to protect their peace and better for the family to not like be doormats.

Yeah.

No, honestly, there's no way that one, the coronation of Charles wouldn't then just become about Harry and Megan, because that's just the situation we're in.

And I'm sure Charles doesn't want that.

And Charles like does not seem like this, like, I'll take the high row.

Highest.

Like, he seems like, like, kind of a thirsty king.

Not thirsty, but like, I feel like throughout his life, he's been very selfish.

No.

Tough, like as a dad, and especially towards Harry.

Harry talks about that in his book.

And this wouldn't be the time where he's going to like soften.

Yeah.

When they just took a big hot dump on him.

Yeah, they should not go to the coronation.

I don't know if People Magazine is like, you know, the most legitimate source.

So I don't know if they're thinking about it or like trying to get Harry and Megan to come.

I don't think that they should.

I don't think that they should.

But I had seen like a couple headlines that were like, the king wants him out at the coronation.

So I'm like,

I saw a headline that said, it's coronation day.

The window is open.

So is that door?

I didn't know they did that anymore.

Who knew we had 8,000 salad plates?

I didn't know that.

No.

Yeah, that's kind of crazy.

I know.

That's the headline I saw.

That's like excess.

Yeah.

Excess.

Well, it's giving privilege.

It's giving 1%.

It's giving, like, you know, share your privilege.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story of our 1,000th episode?

The final story.

It's the final story.

How are you, Megan?

Do yourself a favor and stay the fuck away.

It's for the better for everyone.

Gorgeous.

Thanks.

Nailed it.

Our fifth and final story is a little Super Bowl news, a little commercial dropping.

I love this.

Jennifer Coolidge continues her it girl era.

No, I literally sent you a story yesterday about Frida.

You did?

I texted you as I was sitting next to you on the couch

about their Kelsey, not Kelsey, Kelly Kelsey, Jason Kelsey's wife.

Oh, yes, you did.

Okay, wait, how about?

It's a two-pronged.

Okay.

So go with your first one.

We'll start with yours.

No, go with the first one.

It's already pulled up, and I'll pull up the second one.

Okay.

Airdrop it to me.

I will.

Jennifer Coolidge continues her It Girl era with the new Elf Cosmetics Super Bowl commercial.

Oh, Elf Cosmetics.

Elf Cosmetics have tapped Jennifer Coolidge for...

Their Super Bowl commercial and she's living out her dream of playing a dolphin.

This comes after a streak of wins for the White Lotus Star.

And now the actress can add Super Bowl commercial star to the pantheon of projects that she's worked on this year.

I could have guessed somebody would tap her.

That's just smart marketing.

She's very in the culture, very in the zeitgeist, and we love to see it.

Yeah.

I'm not all for this, like, releasing of commercials early.

Like, could we be surprised?

I know.

Yes, but like, I do feel like sometimes the commercials slip through the cracks.

And like, but then after there's like a roundup, like they exist online, like.

It's like a lot of people before I became like a big football fan, like, just tune in for the commercials.

Like, can we, can we leave something like to the imagination?

So true.

I mean, not all of them have dropped.

And it would have been cool to see this like live and not have the spoiler

spoiled.

But I love this for Jen.

And I love this era that we're in.

And Elf is like really kind of, I'm happy for them that they have that much money for a Super Bowl commercial because they're really, if you're like in the beauty, like TikTok, like things like viral trends, they really consistently kill it for like a dollar.

You need good makeup and you have a dollar, go to Elf.

You'll get a full face of makeup.

Yeah.

Islip's face.

And she is promoting their viral power grip primer.

I use it, which is fitting because she's in her prime.

Oh, cute.

I like that.

Yeah.

So part B of this story is that Jason Kelsey's pregnant wife, Kylie, has been featured in a full-page ad wishing her luck ahead of the Super Bowl.

Kylie Kelsey is being honored for her big contribution to the big game.

It's not every year that your husband's team ends up in the Super Bowl, especially when you are expecting a baby any day.

Soon-to-be Mom of Three began making headlines earlier this week when her husband revealed that she's 38 weeks pregnant, that she's bringing her OBGYN to the game.

As fans wonder whether the Kelsey Bowl will feature the birth of the third Kelsey girl, Frida decided to sponsor Kelsey as their MVP, quote, most valuable pusher.

They, the brand Frida Mom, which isn't, and they also have Frida Baby.

It's like the best brand.

Yeah, you use the no-sucker thing, right?

Oh, I use the everything, but like also for postpartum stuff, like all of the things that you don't know what they are until you need them.

Right.

Just get the Frida Mom stuff.

It comes in a bundle and it's like everything that you know.

Oh, interesting.

And I got it like before I gave birth.

I was like, what are these things?

Yeah.

You did every single one of them.

Every single one.

And I re-upped.

They have the best disposable underwear for afterwards.

I feel like that's actually a really good gift to get someone like who you know, who is about to give birth.

Like that's a very thoughtful gift.

Yeah.

And then for baby stuff, like our thermometer, nail, filer, like everything is Frita.

So it's totally on brand.

They published an ad saying this Sunday will generate over $500 million of ads and sponsorships around football players, but the real MVP isn't going to be on the field.

Today, we announced in Philadelphia Inquirer our official sponsorship of Kylie Kelsey in the spot of motherhood, in the sport of motherhood.

So cute.

While Jason is sweating it out with the Eagles on the field, she'll be 38 weeks pregnant in the stands with her OBGYN as her plus one.

So as he pushes that football through his legs, she could be pushing something twice as big through hers.

No, like, love this.

Straight facts.

No, love this.

Love this.

Like, and they said, and that's what deserves a sponsorship.

I agree.

Like, we're just out here giving birth for free.

Well, I don't really.

With no awards.

No awards.

No sponsorships.

I love this.

I also feel like they could have included Mama Kelsey.

Yeah.

Like this is, but no, they're like the go-to

for like pregnancy, perinatal brand.

So like this is absolutely perfect.

But I also feel like someone should have given her a commercial.

She was on their podcast because they asked, because there's a petition going around to have Mama Kelsey do the coin toss.

She's really the only one who could be impartial.

100%.

And so they said, like, mom, like, would you do the coin toss?

And she was like, no, there are so many more accomplished people who should do it.

And they were like, what?

Like, you're knocking moms.

Like, don't take away from like what.

And I feel like she, like, we need to be lifting up.

She thinks she didn't, she hasn't contributed to like football.

Please.

Like, you raised two

big football stars.

Right.

You fed them, which was not easy.

You drove them to practice.

No, it's so true.

You smelled their farts.

So true.

You watched their smelly like jackets.

John shots.

Yeah.

so true i feel like she needs a commercial i will be surprised if there's not one like maybe we don't know about it yet because someone wants to keep something under wraps yeah but i would be very surprised if there's not a single commercial that doesn't like reference her or have her i will be surprised

they would only have had two weeks to come up with it but i feel like a lot of super bowl commercials are tight turnaround because they always want to be like really relevant yeah and also like the jennifer coolage one references the joke she made about not a joke about wanting to play a dolphin in her next role which was like somewhat recently which was at the golden globes uh so it's possible and even if a brand won't do something like the nfl like needs to do something i know if someone doesn't like we ride it dawn yeah

yeah and then if someone doesn't like i can't say i'll be watching the super bowl again if you guys miss this opportunity i agree unless it's like the 49ers versus the 49ers

um or the cowboys so that is our thousandth episode It felt very thousandy, you know?

There were a lot of elements about it that were so thousanded.

I think pretty much what I would say is that the whole time we kind of kept it, we kept it 1,000th.

You best believe it.

We kept in it.

We kept in it.

1,000.

That was harmony.

That was harmony.

And I love that we ended our 1,000th episode with harmony.

In a harmonious, not acrimonious episode.

We have moments of acrimony.

Moments.

Which is always so fun, you know, because you did bring up mixing yesterday for no fucking reason.

Oh my God, E-Myass.

Yeah.

Overall, this show is 99% harmony.

1% acrimony.

And the acrimony makes for great clips on social media.

100%.

So that is our show.

Again, thank you to everyone who made it possible for us to get to 1,000 episodes.

Thank you guys so much for tuning in day in and day out.

We love being a part of your day.

We love doing the toast.

The toast will literally be going on till the day we die.

Love you.

Thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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Fantastic, toast, leave a five-star review about our beautiful, stunning, and

fucking challenged.

We are

love ya.

Bye.

We're keeping it, we're keeping it.

1,000.