S5 Ep131: The Redhead Swap with Shannon Ford: Wednesday, September 14th, 2022

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast and happy Wednesday.

It's hump day, which is so appropriate because there are, you know, few people in this world I'd like to hump more than I like to hump.

Today's co-host, as you guys probably know, if you follow us on Instagram, Jackie's very sick.

She made it work yesterday.

She cannot make it work today.

She has 101 fever.

So I have swapped one redhead for another redhead because we are a network that...

Believes in redheads.

I love that about you guys.

And I'm so happy you're here, Shannon.

Like, I'm devastated.

My sister is sick, obviously, obviously, but like.

I'm upset too.

I'm obsessed.

Hi.

Hi.

And the timing is perfect because we were talking about you yesterday on the podcast.

For those who don't know Shannon, like, are you okay?

Shannon is the best.

Shannon is reality star, influencer, queen, podcaster.

And as of yesterday, her podcast, probably a podcast, joined our Toast News network, which we're so excited about.

No, freaking out.

Freaking out, thus making us

the industry's leading podcast network for redheads.

Yeah, which I feel like people should talk about more.

I think they should talk about, I think, you know what else people should talk about more is the fact that you are a natural redhead.

Oh, yeah, I am.

Well, you know what?

I'm so ferociously passionate about my spray tans that I think that throws people off the scent.

Right.

And so they're always like, you're not, like, that's not your natural color though, right?

And I'm like, I've never dyed my hair ever.

That's so true.

Because, you know, I would have...

assumed like maybe even before I met you like is she a real redhead I would have said no yeah um what is your natural skin tone like what's the color of your butt cheek like um

I bet my armpit looks like I bet that tan always comes off my arm oh my god you're super like um porcelain yeah no it's like pale pale pale oh that's so interesting but you're never

but you're never oh wow but my dad is like a quarter native american and like it looks like a mahogany dresser right and so tan you're not um you didn't get any of that gorgeous i just don't i didn't get the tan i tan a little bit easier than most redheads although i try to say out of the sun because like skin cancer but i don't freckle as much as most redheads you have a shit ton of freckles like i don't i hate to break it to you i do but like you know, some redheads are, they're bigger.

They're bigger.

You have tiny little, cute, little, frail ones.

Cute little freckles.

Yeah.

I'm just making all this up.

I'm so honored that you could join me.

I know you're so busy because it's fashion week and you're literally like the most fashionable girl I know.

I mean, look at my outfit today.

I usually show up in dirty underwear and leggings, but I really pulled out all the stops for you because the last time you were here, I wore leggings and a hoodie and you wore like your prom dress and it wasn't right.

I did do that and I should have told you.

You should have.

I should have told you.

I was just telling Claudia, I was like, I don't think I'm like participating in fashion week as much as i'm just like in new york during fashion week which is also like fun and fun but yeah um i just like wearing pretty clothes i just really do and you wear them so well like if i wore the clothes like you wore them like i would wear stunning things too you know oh well if i could be so bold i might unbutton this in in a second take your time this is a totally free space safe space safe space that we're in the trust tree they're just they're so tight yeah so eventually i think i might just so the last time you were here things were different because now you have a man oh yeah yeah.

And I just want to know, like, what it, what's it like?

Like, he's an international man, so like, you really can't spend like every day with him, which has its benefits, but also, obviously.

Yeah, it's, you know what?

I think I do long distance well.

I've never done it before, but like, I'm, it's not that that bothers me as much because he's so busy.

I'm so busy.

Um, he lives in London, but it's, it's the fucking time difference that bugs me.

Like, so much happens.

So, like, let's say he goes to sleep at like 10, 30, 11, right?

And, like, that is around three o'clock here.

Oh, so you're done for the day at three o'clock?

Well, it's just like so much happens from the hours of like four to ten for me.

Like all the best.

Like I'm having a glass of wine, I'm unwinding, I'm relaxing, like I'm in a better mood, like my work's done.

Like, yeah, so much happens, and he's just like asleep.

Oh, you know what?

That fucking sucks.

Yeah, and so that is like my only qualm.

The time difference.

That's a pretty big one.

I'm not gonna lie.

It makes me sad.

The time difference makes me sad.

Sometimes that's when I like text him and he's like, you know, in room sleep.

No,

right.

He's hit the REM cycle.

Yeah.

But he's coming here, right?

To visit you for the first time?

Yes.

So I've gone to London twice.

I went on a family vacation with his family.

So it's like legit.

Legit.

Like, are you, do you have a label?

Like, he's your boyfriend.

Yeah, he's like, yeah, he asked me to be his boyfriend.

He has to be his boyfriend.

That's the same thing.

He has to be his girlfriend the second time I went to London.

Yeah.

After I met his parents and stuff.

But yeah, so I've gone to Europe three times this year, and then he's coming here in like a week and a half.

We're going to do New York and then I split time in Nashville.

Nashville So we'll do a little bit in Nashville and then we're I'm taking him to the deep south, maybe he's gonna meet your parents.

He's gonna meet my parents in South Carolina.

Yeah, so we're gonna do like a little bit in Charleston a little bit in Lake Murray where I'm from in South Carolina.

So how many boyfriends have you brought home to your parents?

I'm a relationship girly pop.

Yeah, I just am.

I was in these streets for a while, but like I would never introduce my parents to someone who wasn't like my boyfriend.

Like we've had the discussion, you're my boyfriend.

So I guess every boy like true boyfriend, which I've had maybe like five in my life, have met my parents.

That's nice.

That's appropriate.

Yeah, but I would never just like introduce him to someone that I was like, fucking.

No, of course not.

Especially like taking the trip to South Carolina.

It's a long journey.

Sick.

So what do you have planned for him in New York?

So here's the thing.

And like, I'm going to need maybe like New York toasters/slash Claudia because I keep annoying her to help me out with this.

Because like, I don't, I, I think he thinks I'm more of a New Yorker than I am.

Right.

Like, I'm, I li I moved here in January and I split time not well.

Like I'm always like doing a a million things.

You're never here.

I feel like I'm never fucking here.

So like he's like, well, I can't wait to see what we do.

And I'm like,

I can't wait to figure it the fuck out.

Like, I don't know.

During the day is what I'm struggling with.

Like, dinners at night are easy

during the day.

I don't want to be like.

Yeah, like, are you going to go to Empire State Building?

No.

So, like, when I went to London, he was like, so, do you, like, want to see Big Ben?

And I was like, no.

Yeah, right.

It's a clock.

So, like, I, we drove by it.

Like, he was, like, pointed to Buckingham Palace.

I was like, cool.

Well, I don't need to touch it.

Oh, that's cool.

I don't need to take a tour.

No, no.

You're not going to see the queen.

No, no, no.

So I was just like, well, we're not even going to.

But like when you wear rip.

So yeah,

I'm not going to like take him to that stuff.

Like I'm not going to take him on a ferry to go see the Statue of Liberty.

But I do think I want to take him on like maybe do a picnic in Central Park.

Just sounds like cute, cute.

Shopping, obviously.

Yeah, like shopping would be fun.

Little lunches.

Maybe if there's like a concert, that's like a fun thing.

Oh, taking him to a hockey game because

they don't do ice hockey

in Europe.

So

I like fucking spin a mortgage on glass seats to try to impress people.

I always, you know, I'm always doing the most trying to impress people.

It's really a burden.

No,

hello, have we met?

Like, same, same.

So

me getting front row seats to your show.

Literally, Shannon's like, I'm going to come to the show.

I'm like, great.

Just tell me how many tickets you need.

And she sends me a screenshot.

She bought first row tickets.

Loved it.

Felt so important.

And the other people you invited were like, why did she put you in the front row yeah i mean the thing is like when people at like who i'm like my friends and family they're like can we get tickets i'm like yeah the thing is i never know where their seats are yeah they're it's like a venue thing it's like venue comments obviously so when everyone saw shannon in the front row and like literally like my

family yeah my family's like in the 11th row they're like this is fucking bullshit

um she paid for them I did.

But okay, so yeah, so we're doing that and that'll be fun.

But I don't know if there's something that you can think of randomly or anyone listening can think of that they're like, yeah, send ideas.

It's really hard to plan things that like aren't touristy and like cliche.

Well, even in Nashville, and I've lived in Nashville for eight years, I'm like, oh, what do we fucking do again?

Like, I don't, because once you live somewhere, you get in your routine, you get in your habits, you're not like every day.

And now you're honky tonking.

I've definitely taken his ass honky-tonking.

Oh, my God.

Like, the way I've never been happier than I am when I go honky-tonking, it is euphoric.

It's euphoric.

Some of like the happiest moments of my life are like at legends and like dueling pianos.

Everyone is just boot scooting boogieing.

Everyone, no one feels silly.

No.

Everyone's just like loves

page.

Yeah, and here's the thing.

Here's like my biggest issue with James.

Like our relationship is really, really wonderful right now.

But something that I could see just like absolutely tearing it apart is his taste in music.

I knew you were going to say that he doesn't fuck with country.

He doesn't fuck with country, but what's worse, which I can deal with that, right?

Like it's fine.

Like not everyone.

Not everyone's a country.

person.

However, not everyone's a country pumpkin.

I call myself a country mouse, but you are.

Like I can't get behind someone that's obsessed with house music.

I don't know if it's like a Europe thing, but it's a Europe thing.

It's so, it's the worst music you could ever listen to in your whole life.

It's like, if it's like

and like the fact that he doesn't think it's the same thing over and over again, and the fact that there's no lyrics

to sing along.

Shadow, you're speaking my language.

I just don't get it.

And he keeps like really, truly being like, hey, baby blah, you'll see, listen to this one, then you'll, it'll make you fall in love with house music.

I'm like, I'm like, okay.

And then I listened to, I'm like, I'm honest with him.

I'm like, it's not good.

Shanani, you are literally reading my mind.

It's not good.

I, there's a special place in hell for people who like love music with no lyrics.

Just not a vibe.

And you're right.

I guess that compared to like disliking country music.

Like, you can teach someone to like country music, but it's definitely a European thing.

That's bad.

When I went to Abiza, I, uh, what?

Abiza?

Is that like?

Abitha.

Abitha.

When I went there, I was like bored at the clubs because like I was just like losing interest because I just like don't want to like just you need to latch onto a lyric.

Yeah, I just can't I

not a vibe.

That's really tough.

Yeah, that might be the end.

No, I'm telling you.

No,

it could be if you're listening to this at least so supportive.

You probably will listen to this.

Sorry, the music sucks, babe.

When you like do a podcast or something, like do you send it to him?

Like I was talking about young's podcast, minute 35.

Um, well, the podcast I just launched yesterday with the morning disk.

I, that one was like about my trip to Portugal and like my trips with him.

So he definitely listened to that one.

But

like, okay, so when we first met, there was a lot, like I said, I was in these streets.

So when we first met, I remember he was like, hey, I want to listen to your podcast.

I was like,

no.

Because it was like a story about this guy that I met, this like Dutch guy I met in a bar in New York.

Oh, you were there that night.

Oh, of course you were.

You were stories.

He's from the next morning.

Oh, we meant to Acme, right?

It was at Acme.

Like, who meets a guy at Acme?

I don't know.

That was, that was a feat in itself because it's a like black hole.

It's a dungeon.

It's a dark, dark place.

But it's literally dark.

It's literally dark.

Like, good luck finding the door.

But yeah, no, this this guy like, you know, stayed the night over at my apartment and like wouldn't leave.

And it was like really hilarious.

And it was like a funny story to just talk about like this one night stand.

And James was like, I've listened to your podcast.

And I was actually on a flight.

And so I didn't get it, the text message until I landed.

And I got it.

That was like, I'm listening to, it was called The Bedless Dutchman.

He wouldn't leave.

Because I had a theory that he might have been

homeless because he was like living at your apartment all morning, not wanting to leave.

And like most guys like don't even spend the night.

I know.

and i was like you don't have to stay and he's like no your bed is so comfortable your bed's so comfortable and like he literally wouldn't leave the next day it was like really uncomfortable that's hard that's literally horrible but however i i yeah he whenever i saw which one he listened to i was like oh no because like at that time the podcasts that were out were just like a lot of like you know single life escapades and like you know very like sex in the city vibes and now they're just different because i don't know you like my life is ever evolving you know and so yeah i was like oh you listened to that one and he did he was like yeah my not should have been the one I listened to.

And I was like, can I say, you just made me realize, because I forgot about that night with the bedless Dutchman,

how grateful I am to James because obviously I'm happy for you, whatever.

Now I stay.

Yes.

Okay.

So like when we were, when you were like on your single girl shit, like I would never get in the way of that, but like I'm a married bitch and like we just.

We can only go so far together.

So like when we got to Acme after we had been, oh, we were at Margo's birthday party.

Yep.

And it was so much fun.

There was like no one really for you to like, you know, meet or flirt with at Margo's birthday party so like I had your full attention and then we get to acme where there's just like these young hot guys and I'm like obviously Shannon's a young hot girl she has to go and prosper but what about me you know what about my feelings and that is something I should have taken into account yeah and like I didn't see you for the rest of the night like because you were like doing things that you should be doing but like it still hurt no and now like you have to behave just like I do and we can behave together.

I mean, it's so much fun the last time we went out.

The most fun is that we don't behave together.

Right.

We just go wild and crazy and we love it.

But like what's great is I do just want want to just like scream, sing lyrics to every song until Acme physically removes us from the building.

Right.

So like when James comes, like I don't think he's going to like Acme because they play songs that we know all the words to and he's going to be like, where are the beats, brav?

Where are the beats?

I'm forcing him.

Yeah, he told me what a brav is.

He's like, not a bruv.

A brav is like.

What is a bruv?

Like culturally?

Like someone who's just like, I'm trying to explain like what we would call it.

Like, it's someone that's like, yeah, like in America, they'd be like, sup, bro, like, yeah, dude, like, we're so cool.

Like, you're smashing this girl.

Yeah, like a fucking boy.

Got it.

Okay.

Brav.

And like a brav, a brav is someone that's like, um, yeah,

sick, brav.

Does he call it the tele?

Like the telephone?

Telephone.

Television.

Oh, uh.

I think I have heard him say that before.

Because while we are two English-speaking countries, there are vast cultural differences.

When I have him on my podcast, I am going to make a look.

He said he did not realize how many things there were.

So like I'm not like a, like, sorry if you guys are upset with me for this, but I'm not a Love Island girly pop.

So, I feel like that really, um, that really opened and broadened America's horizon to how many different words they have, like snogging and like all that stuff, crocky, yeah, like all that shit, right?

Like, blimey.

Like, his friend actually says blimey.

Blimey, like, blimey.

I'm like, what?

I mean, it literally sounds like a fucking like made up.

Yeah, but um, yeah, I'll say he'll say stuff like in past me.

I'll be like, what does that mean?

He's like, oh, um, and sometimes he doesn't know how to explain it because everyone just knows what it means.

And sometimes he'll use what he had, uh, a bot, this, this word word bosh for us it means like boom like mic drop and he's like bosh and so i asked him to explain what it meant and he used another english word to explain what it meant that i didn't know well that's helpful champs james you have got to like break this down better honestly i just feel like if i were to like immerse myself in british culture i'd be immersing myself in moira rose culture you know oh yeah but there's a stark difference because the accent i use for him him and his family laugh really hard because they're like that's not what we sound like because the accent i use i'm like oh darling like how are you from over here?

That's like the queen.

Yeah.

And he's like, he's like, no one talks like that that isn't like the most posh, like posh, posh, posh, like overly, he's like obnoxiously posh, but they're like, oh, Binky, oh darling.

Like he's like, and we don't talk like that.

And I'm like, okay, that's fair.

Well, you want to hear the craziest thing?

Yeah.

I've never been to London.

Oh, you haven't?

No, it's not.

It's a lot like New York, I think.

I know.

So it's like a place I really want to go when me and Margo were actually, and now I'm like going to invite you because it's going to be way more fun.

Me and Margo were talking about how, you know, Luke Holmes is is doing a world tour and he is doing a show in London next year.

He is?

And I think that we should go like have a girls' week in London.

We could podcast from London.

They have podcast studios in London, right?

Oh, yeah.

James can help us.

I think they're like nicer than they're.

No, for sure.

And like, I think we should go.

We should.

I'm so, so, so down.

Okay.

And then we'll make James go and like we'll make him a country music girly.

We're going to make him one.

We're going to make him one.

We're going to make him one.

So Shannon is here to talk about her boyfriend, but she's also here to do the show with me.

It's Wednesday, which means, of course, course, we have the fast five stories, you know, some mindless news about what's going on in social media and the celebrity world.

Love.

And now I'm just like doing the show, like imagining, like, James watching.

Like, what is James going to think about?

What are you thinking, babe?

I just unbuttoned my pants.

He's like, Blimey.

Brimy, Shannon, put your knickers on.

Yeah, yeah, they call them trousers.

Oh, what your knickers.

What are you calling?

Undies, knickers, right?

Oh, knickers.

I've never heard him say knickers.

Yeah, I think that's like an old school thing.

Yeah, yeah.

That's like.

Don't get your knickers in a twist.

Don't get yourself in a twist.

Every time I do like an English accent, it turns Russian.

And then we also have to your toasters.

And I feel like Shannon probably gives really good advice.

I actually do.

So let's dive in to the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's episode is brought to you by Visa.

Do you ever dream of starting something game-changing?

Then Visa can help make it happen.

Whether it's creating and selling your own customized sneakers for cats, transforming your dorm room into a plushie pop shop, or finally going mainstream with your streaming side hustle, or I don't know, maybe it's starting like the world's most famous podcast network for redheads.

Maybe that's the great idea.

That's it.

So whatever you're bold enough to try, Visa has the power to help bring your game-changing ideas to life.

Visa, anyone can change the game.

Today's episode is also brought to you by Bolin Branch.

Bolin Branch uses the best 100%

organic cotton threads on earth for a superior softness and a better night's sleep.

Their sheets aren't just buttery, breathable, and impossibly soft, but they get softer with every wash.

So as you guys know, this is a Bolin Branch house.

Jackie is a Bolin Branch house.

We both have the signature hemmed collection that comes in all different sizes for beds, different colors.

I have them in white for a king-size bed.

You will immediately feel the difference of their iconic signature sheets.

They're 100% free from toxins, which means no pesticides, no formaldehyde, or other harsh chemicals.

And their sheets feat the

deepest mattress and they are labeled with a top and bottom tag, which makes it really easy to change your sheets.

I am like constantly waking up before my Bolin Branch sheets with like my sheets off.

Like it's the most annoying thing.

I'm just like a really kind of chaotic sleeper.

And Bolin Branch is there for me because they know I'm a thick girly.

And they give you a 30-night risk-free trial with free shipping and returns on all orders.

You can get 15% off your first set of sheets when you use promo code toast at Bolenbranch.com.

That's B-O-L-L-A-N-D Branch.com.

Promo code toast.

Okay.

I changed my sheets last night.

It's hurting me.

Were you sweating?

It's just,

like a hog.

Yeah, it's really rough.

Like just, oh, and you know what I decided to do, which I posted this on my Instagram story.

Like I can not really disclose how often I change my duvet because I'm not willing for the backlash.

Right, right.

But I decided that enough was enough.

Like, it was time.

It was time to wash my duvet cover.

And that is something that I'm willing to admit that I just really think I should hire someone to do next time.

Right.

So I used to, like,

wash my own sheets and it was really a toss-up.

It could be once a month or once a year.

Like, it was beyond.

Sheets?

Yeah, all of it.

Like, the whole thing.

Not even just the duvet, the whole thing.

I wash my sheets pretty often.

No.

Oh, but I spray tan really often.

So that's a sweaty sweat.

When I was like in charge of my own life,

that's what I used to do.

And then about three years ago, I was like, you know what?

Housekeeper.

Enough's enough.

Yay.

And now I go once a week.

I can't justify having a housekeeper, my tiny little apartment in New York.

But my house in Nashville, I feel lucky enough that I can like.

That's actually like a really fair statement.

Yeah.

But mine is lovely.

I've never been.

Come.

I heard your bed is really comfortable from the bedless Dutchman.

The bed is very comfortable.

Oh, I just realized too I'm wearing cowboy boots.

You're also wearing Louboutins.

Like always one-upping me on my show.

Like my shoes are from Revolve.

I want to kill you.

Fun fact, Dolly Parton has these exact ones.

Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen.

We really should go to like a Dolly show.

I would like please.

No, yesterday, like we were texting a lot.

I was like, let me plan something fun for me and Shannon.

So are we all planning something fun?

I was like looking online for country concerts in New York, but like there really aren't any.

None?

I think this week?

No, not this week.

That's what I was looking for.

I know.

Except this week I'm kind of busy because I'm going to Portland and Seattle this weekend.

Tickets available at girlnowjob.com/slash tour.

My one and only leg in the Pacific Northwest.

I can't wait to see you there.

All right, first story of the day is that Leonardo DiCaprio and Gigi Hadid are dating.

They're moving to the next level, but still taking it slow, according to page six.

So Gigi and Leo have moved their romance into a more intimate phase, but sources close to the pair say they're, quote, taking it slow.

Sources have been telling us for months that the model 27 and the superstar actor 47 have been getting close while hanging in the same group of friends but now we hear that they've started going out on dates just as a two-sum.

They've quote mostly been hanging out in groups and a solo of handful

and solo a handful of times.

The source says that DiCaprio is not someone who is in and out of relationships.

He doesn't jump around hooking up, but they are taking it slow.

So these were like rumored.

Everyone heard it on Dumois.

And now it's like pretty much confirmed.

Like I think last night they both went to the same fashion week event, not together, but they were both photographed leaving and coming in.

I just, like, I was just telling you, I'm still finding myself laughing.

I get over stuff really quick.

Like, I'm like, ugh, enough.

Like, I remember the Will Smith's laugh.

I think we talked about it.

Yeah, we did talk about it.

And I was just like, I'm not laughing at it anymore.

It's the jokes are done.

It's over.

I'm over it.

I, every single time I see a new joke surface, a new meme surface about him only dating 25 or like people under 25, like they still make me giggle.

So this is good that she's 27.

By the way, I completely agree.

Like, when the internet becomes obsessed with one thing, it gets like annoying and it's not funny anymore and it's like fatigued.

Yeah.

This I find so crazy.

I don't know why I thought Gigi Hadid was so much older than 27.

Perhaps it's because she has a kid.

Oh, yeah.

And she's accomplished a lot.

And we've known her for like, she got famous on Housewives when she was like 18.

True.

So you would think she was older.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

I actually always think that the Kardashians, the Jenners are younger.

Are younger?

Yeah.

No, they're in their 40s.

No, no, no, no.

Oh, Kylie and Kylie and Kenny.

And Kendall.

Yeah.

Kendall is what, like 26.

But to be fair, I think the Kardashians, I always think the Kardashians are going to be.

I always forget Kim's almost 40, or is 40.

Is 40.

Courtney is in her 30, in her 40s, and I think Chloe's about to turn 40.

Yeah, yeah.

So I don't know.

I always, they don't, you're right.

The Hadids seem like older.

And like, there's a weird thing with celebrities, like when you find out that two celebrities are the same age.

Like, I think I read somewhere once that like Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age.

No.

Which just is really shocking.

And I think that Cardi B is also the same age as them as well.

I saw that Taylor Swift and Cardi B are the same age and I was like laughing.

Let me just Google that.

It's just a funny one.

Because your brain immediately compares the two people, not their ages, and you're like, how could that be?

Yeah, Adele is 34.

Adele is 34, and Taylor Swift is 32.

And Cardi B is

29.

Oh, Cardi B's young.

Well, Cardi B's younger than Taylor Swift and Adele.

That maybe is what's funny.

Yeah, no, it's just like, I guess with celebrities, maybe you remember them like

as like the person they were when they were like peak fame.

I don't know what it is.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's just weird.

It is weird.

I'm happy that obviously

Leo's dating someone who's over 25, but she's 27.

so it's like really not that big of a difference.

But you were saying she's a mom, so that's like a shift.

That's like an upgrade for him.

Yeah.

I kind of feel like, I know Leonardo DiCaprio is obviously like the biggest superstar movie, handsome, whatever.

But I kind of feel like

he's kind of getting like run down.

I think he looks road hard and hung up what?

Yeah.

I just, I'm not like, of course he's still good looking.

And of course he was a heart motherfucking throw.

But like, I'm just like not.

I think that the allure is there because he's fucking Leonardo's DiCrappio, obviously.

But like.

I know.

And it used to be that like he was dating these like not famous girls who were so beautiful.

But it like made sense because he was like kind of dating beneath his A-list star, but they were so much younger.

So it was, it leveled out.

Like, right.

Well, they're more attractive because they're younger.

And now it's like, I don't really feel like that's going to be able to apply much longer because he's like.

Like not to be so mean, but like he's getting ugly.

He's not getting, but you know who's also like just straight up aging, which we should not talk like so no, but you know what?

This is how people talk about women aging.

So you know what?

Yeah, Leo's getting ugly.

Leo is getting uglier.

And here's the thing.

I also think Brad Pitt is.

No, I don't.

One would be like, you don't.

He looks so greasy.

And his hair is getting wispy.

Maybe because like I have like actual love in my heart for him.

Like, you know, when you love someone, you think they're beautiful always?

Yeah.

Like you love your child, but like you don't realize like your baby's ugly, you know?

I'm totally kidding.

I mean, that's a thing for sure.

I

really,

I feel that way about Matthew McConaughey.

But he's just

aging well.

Yeah, Yeah, no, by the way, that's just like straight facts.

But that's just also just like a country man.

It's so true.

And so country men have grit.

And that's why they look sexy longer and older.

That's so true.

Rod Pitt, you're just giving greasy Hollywood old to me, and I don't like it.

Yeah, I mean, I guess like...

you know, if I took out, like from a total unbiased third-party perspective, like Brad Pitt like is looking worse for the wear.

Yeah.

But I still think he's like extremely handsome.

He is.

Like and so cute.

But not Leo.

No, I'm just like, I'm getting over him.

Yeah, Leo sometimes looks like he is jaundiced.

I just feel like it hasn't been the same between me and Leo ever since he saw me in a bathing suit.

You know what I mean?

I took a boat trip with Leo once.

Where?

In Mexico.

I can't tell if you're being dead.

I'm being dead serious.

You obviously didn't read my book because it was in there.

Damn it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And honestly, it just like it changed things between us.

Yeah.

And then like we jumped off the boat

and they were like, let's swim to the beach.

And like, you know, depth perception is off when you're on a boat.

Like you think the coast is like the beach is right there.

But it wasn't.

And so like we were all kind of like dying.

But like me specifically, because like Leo and like everyone there was like really in shape.

Swimming's hard.

No, it was horrible.

It's the only exercise that works every muscle in your body.

And one of the like staff members from the boat like got on a paddleboard and came and picked me up.

Don't tell me anymore.

I want to read the book.

Came and picked me up and left me on the beach.

Like and I literally parked there like a beached whale.

And like once we got to the beach, I was like, great, can we?

go back but they're like you guys want to like hike around i'm like what no

so i just like pretty much sat there while everyone like hiked and that's really kind of where like my relationships like ended with him that what's about like the worst part about me is i am such a follower sometimes that like i would have been like y'all

you know i would have just been like like i would have looked dumber no by the way so would i for anything like except for hiking like if he had said like let's do ashwagandha i would have been like okay i mean i'll probably die but like leo said so so yeah i'm a follower loser too but like my body is limited in some ways.

I would have just looked haggard walking up the hill and I've been like, what are you gonna do?

Yeah, no, we were like getting out of the ocean, like sopping wet like I looked like a raisin like it was just not I've been there where I thought the the swim was closer than it was and it's just it never is it never is it never is and the thing about me is like I actually love to swim like I'm a I'm kind of like a I'm not a water sign but like I'm I'm a swimmer I like to frolic in the water a lot I grew up on a lake so I just like really enjoy being in the water but I just like existing in the water I'm my sister was always the bitch that was like tanning no she'd be like let's race to the buoy and I was like no I just want to like jump off the boat and swim yeah no, I might have wanted to like, I might have been like a race to the buoy girl too.

But like when you go on vacation, like, are you the girl who like doesn't like get her hair wet?

No, no, no, no.

Everyone would assume that about me.

And everyone is always shocked that I'm like the first one to jump in, the first one to like get underwater.

I just, yeah.

Can we go on vacation together?

Yes.

Yeah, because like I.

I was going to ask you if I could come to Church and Caicos when you guys were out there.

Oh my God.

I wish you had asked.

I was going to be like, if I got a flight, is there like room for me to sleep?

Yes.

Oh my God, I wish you had asked.

I could kill you.

I just thought to myself, you just can't ask people that kind of thing.

Why not?

Literally, why not?

But I just saw that you guys are just like jumping in the water.

That's just how I like to enjoy vacation.

And I actually, almost all my friends,

obviously, if I go on like a revolve trip, usually the girly pops aren't like popping in the water immediately.

But like for me personally, I took a picture and then I got the fuck in the water.

Yeah, no, I'm the thing about me, like I'm gonna get in the water.

I love just

jump off stuff.

I want to

really like I'm planning a trip.

Okay.

Like Aesop.

I'll come to Portland.

Do they have water there?

Um, I don't know.

And I don't want to wait start trip on Portland on Portland.

Portland.

I can't talk today.

Like, I want to go to, like, the Caribbean with you.

Okay.

Okay.

Um, next up is some Britney Spears controversy because apparently she was on Instagram every day yesterday calling everybody fat.

Britney Spears responded to backlash after seemingly body shaming Christina Aguilera and her backup dancers.

Basically, she posted an Instagram like graphic that said, you know, I've always, you know, the best way to look skinny is by standing next to someone fat.

And then in the

caption, she was like, yeah, like if I ever stood next to Christina Aguilera's backup dancers, I would have looked, like, it was so weird.

And then she issued an apology.

She said, by no means was I being critical of Christina's beautiful body.

It is what it is.

I flew to see.

It is what it is.

Yeah, no, it's like not an apology.

I flew to see her show once, and the main thing I noticed was the difference of our people on stage.

By no means did I even mention Christina.

Look at my post.

I was inspired by her show, and she's a beautiful woman of power.

Thank you, At Extina, for inspiring me.

She went on to clarify that she didn't mean to be critical of anybody.

Rather, she saw her original post as a projection of the insecurities I deal with all the time as a result of how my parents and the media have treated me.

And I just want to say, like, this is something I noticed when Britney was free and then she was very active on social media.

She posted some Jeffree Star cosmetics and people were commenting.

So she deleted it and apologized for supporting Jeffree Star.

And I just really need people to stop expecting Britney Spears to like be like completely caught up on all things woke and political correctness because like

are you seeing what's going on?

Like she's free, but she's not like 100% well yet.

Her mind is still in a cage.

And who knows what she was allowed to access?

I mean, I didn't do as deep of a deep dive on the free Britney stuff as some people did.

So you might know.

Who knows what she was able to look at?

Like we have been growing with the times, evolving with times because we have a phone in front of our face with news, people saying what you shouldn't, shouldn't say anymore.

We're growing and learning as a society.

Right.

Who knows if she was able to do that?

She was on fucking lithium.

Like, leave her alone.

Like, her brain is definitely not fully bounced back to like what it was before she was put on drugs.

And like, the way that, like, we're now canceling Britney.

Like, don't get me wrong.

What she said, like, that was not great.

If anyone else said it, I'd be saying something different.

But, like, can we stop having like normal expectations for Britney?

Because she's not, this isn't a normal situation.

I just, you said it before, too.

You were like, you can't expect someone that's just not well to be well.

That, that in itself is us being highly critical of someone that, like, we can't, is not in the same situation as us.

No, it's so

people are like this whole like call out culture, like they've gotten a little ahead of themselves.

Like Britney Spears is not fair game yet.

I agree.

I agree.

Let her live.

When you were reading that, I was like appalled, but like you said, I'm like, but it's, it's Britney Spears.

Like she's she gets a pass.

She's not well.

She's not well.

And I'm sorry, she gets a pass.

Yes.

Like I'm not, you're not going to find me caring.

Like normally when people are saying fatphobic things, like, yeah, I'm out here being like a

spokesperson for my people.

This time I'm not coming for Britney.

Like she's been through enough.

Like she doesn't need to get dragged on Twitter now.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like let the woman live.

Speaking of women who are just living, Jennifer Lawrence is breaking down this season of Real House Eyes of Beverly Hills, including, quote, evil Erica Jane.

I fucking love this.

So we all know Jennifer Lawrence is a famous Housewives franchise Superm fan and the actor has proclaimed her love for the Bravo series several times and even appeared on Watch Fappins Live with Andy Cohen.

Well, she was at the Toronto International Film Festival for her film Causeway.

She was chatting with variety about her take on this most recent season of the Real House Size of Beverly Hills, and particularly the housewife, Erica Jane.

As we all know, Jane has been the center of several controversies, including her husband, Tom Dorardy, allegedly embezzling millions of dollars from victims of horrific accidents.

Yada, yada, yada, we all know.

So here's what Jay Law's take on the season is.

My biggest problem with this season is that it's just been boring.

And I think that Erica is evil.

I would go as far as to say she needs a publicist ASAP.

She also suggested that Erica Jane's fellow cast members had a duty to help the Chicago star realize how badly she is coming across.

It was like comparing the situation to the famous episode of Real House Eyes of New York, in which the cast allowed tipsy Dorinda Medley to film for hours with lipsticks smeared across her face.

That's actually a really good comparison.

I didn't remember that.

I do feel like the women of Beverly Hills are like doing their best to protect Erica, but she's just so fucking crazy and radioactive.

Like there's only so much you can help someone.

That is true.

And I

was just thinking to myself, if any celebrity, like massive superstar like said something horrible about me i would just be devastated but like let alone one that's just like so lovable and like like real and real and hilarious like when she comes for you like jayla like she like is so intelligent with her humor much like jackyo and it's just like it it almost cuts deeper because it's mean and funny and you're like fuck and like if she called me evil i would just be

so upset no and the thing is with being a bravo lebriti the cool thing is that there are so many mainstream A-list celebrities, Chrissy Tegan, Rihanna,

are vocal about their love of the shows.

They'll even call people out sometimes.

Yeah.

But they'll never call out negatively.

They'll always be like, I love Tom Schwartz.

That's what Rihanna posed.

Right.

And even if Rihanna was like hating Ariana Maddox, she never says it because it's like, what's the point?

It's like mean.

It's like, she's like, I'm too famous for that.

She's an imbalance of power.

Yes.

But this is like the first time that a celebrity, like a mega A-lister, has like said something negative about a franchise and about a castmate.

I just remember because you just said that when Rihanna was like obsessed with that trumpet, whatever, that scene of Tom.

Tom brushing his teeth, I thought it was.

He was brushing his teeth.

He was doing something.

It was like a mashup, and she was like, whoever the editors are of this show, like, I literally want to kiss you on the mouth.

This is the funniest shit ever.

And I was like, that must have been so cool for Tom Schwartz.

So cool.

And so, like, there are a few moments like that, but there's never been a moment like this where you're getting dragged.

You know, you're her Jane, though, just like, I don't give a fuck.

Who are you, Jaylaw?

I was, you were in diapers whenever I was doing it.

She's going to like name something she was doing, like, I don't know, blowing someone famous while when Jaylaw was still in diapers.

That's so true.

Cause she's like kind of off the deep end now.

Like, I don't think she can be saved.

No.

Which is so sad.

I did not expect Erica Jane to go from being like one of my favorite and just like

franchise favorite.

You did?

Was she good?

Yeah.

She's like talented.

She was beautiful.

She was in vogue.

Like, she had so much going for her.

And obviously a scandal can take you down, but I think she could have recovered if she handled it like even one iota better than she handled it.

I would go as far as to say she needs a publicist ASAP.

ASAP.

She needs a publicist.

Jennifer Lawrence was being so funny because she was looking for the right word.

She's like, and I just think Erica's like, and really the only word to describe how she's acting is like evil.

Yeah.

Because she's been so heartless to her castmates, to the victims of her husband.

Yes.

That's really the perfect word.

And when she said it, I was like, yeah.

Pop off queen, I agree.

Pop off queen.

I agree.

I have two more stories for you, Shanana.

Okay.

I mean, might I just say you're absolutely killing it.

And the two remaining stories are brought to you by Figs.

Everyone has something that they look forward to in the fall.

And if you're in healthcare, there's something extra exciting on the horizon, and that's the brand new colors and styles from Figs.

If you haven't heard, Figs makes the comfiest scrubs around.

They're engineered with the innovative technical comfort technology to be ridiculously soft and incredibly durable.

So you're always ready to take on the day in style.

Obviously, I do not work in healthcare, but I appreciate a comfortable set of clothing.

And I do own many pairs of Figs because they're extremely breathable, extremely soft, and come in stunning design.

So they're 100% awesome scrubs that are focused on design, function, and comfort.

They have a soft, proprietary four-way stretch.

The fabric is moisture-wicking, anti-wrinkle, and anti-odor.

They have up to 20 pockets on some of their styles, and they easily customize yours with text and icon embroidery.

And if you don't know where to start, check out their new fall colors for a look that's 100% awesome all season long.

Their super popular core scrubs never go out of style, and they are an easy way to mix and match.

Figs believes that the awesome humans in healthcare deserve awesome scrubs to match.

Head to wearfigs.com.

Use code Toast to get 15% off your first order.

That's W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S.com, promo code toast.

Alrighty.

Some like kind of crazy, emotional, amazing news.

Ryan Leonard, I'm literally having a stroke today.

Ryan Reynolds undergoes a life-saving colonoscopy and it was all caught on video.

Aren't all colonoscopies videoed?

Such a good point.

Are they sticking a camera in your colon?

And I'm super, super happy that it was like a positive test.

But like, I just feel like this is one of those situations where like celebrities are getting too comfortable with like Ryan Reynolds is like universally beloved not by me but like by most people

um yeah I find him like annoying and I feel like he's like a monster to be married to um but like for the most part everyone loves him like every time he like farts Enus is like oh my god you have to check out this fart it's amazing um

So now he's getting like a little too comfortable with that level of praise because I just don't really feel like we need to know about like your colonoscopy and like the video.

It's like a lot.

Some of these things can be private.

A video that he shared of like the video of this colon or was it him laying down getting a colonoscopy?

So he had a subtle polyp on his colon during his first colonoscopy, which he was broadcasting in order to destigmatize the procedure.

That I understand.

Cool.

The Deadpool actor and his Wrexham Soccer Club co-chairman.

Oh my God.

Rob.

Okay.

I didn't read the story.

So like now I feel like I was being mean.

Okay.

Sorry.

I'm taking everything back.

So the Deadpool actor and his co-star Rob

McKeleni decided to partner up with Lead from Behind, a colon cancer.

Oh my God, I feel like such a bitch.

Like, in my defense, Jackie picks the stories.

And right before we started, I realized like I was supposed to pick the story to say, so I picked them without reading, and that was not cool.

And I take back everything I said.

Like, now I'm dying to do that.

I do still find Ryan Reynolds annoying, but this is nice.

He partnered up with Lead from Behind, a colon cancer awareness organization to encourage people, especially men, to get the procedure when the time comes.

In a YouTube video uploaded to Reynolds's page on Tuesday, him and his co-star explained that they wanted to prove how the simple step can save lives.

He said, I would never normally have any medical procedure put on a camera and then shared.

Okay, I'm like, such a bitch.

I'm so sorry.

Listen.

This is really nice.

This is nice.

No, and look at me.

Like I'm out here continuing the stigma that they are trying to destigmatize.

I'm the problem.

I'm sorry.

I take it back.

I didn't mean to offend.

That's really nice.

That is, yeah, it's good.

I was curious, though.

I mean, if you just read the headline, this is the problem with clickbait.

Sometimes it's just...

Confusing and not everyone's going to read the whole story.

What Ryan Reynolds said was that it's not every day that you can raise awareness about something that will definitely save lives.

That's something motivation for me to let you in on a camera that's being shoved up my ass.

So I'm like a cunt and I'm really sorry.

Do you remember when the

not

a housewives franchise, but desperate housewives, the television show?

Oh my god, you don't even have to make the discrepancy.

Like I am a desperate housewives historian.

So am I.

Who do you identify with as?

Well, it's easy to say Brie with the red hair.

That's what I was going to say, but I don't identify with her.

Yeah.

You're very Gabby.

I really was going to say Gabby.

I just like didn't want to seem like a twat.

No, I know.

Gabby evolves a lot in this show.

Yes.

She gets severely humbled.

No, I would like to say that like I'm someone that has body dysmorphia.

I think she's hotter than she is and is humbled often.

And you are that hot.

Like that's a thing.

She seems.

But I just like, I really, I relate to her.

I think Susan is so fucking stupid.

She is so stupid.

I could literally write a 30-page dissertation on how I think Susan is a dumb fucking bitch.

She's so dumb.

And that's the thing with certain shows.

Jackie and I talk about this a lot.

It's like, you watch them and then maybe you re-watch that when you get older.

And I have recently re-watched Desperate Housewives.

I did too.

I watched it when it was coming on every week.

I watched me too.

With my mom, which she should not have let me watch it.

No, by the way, it was so inappropriate.

But like, we literally all used to get in Olivia's benefits on Sunday nights.

Same.

And then Brothers and Sisters is on afterwards.

I didn't watch that, but watched it either.

Watched Desperate Housewives and like decided to re-watch it a couple years ago as an adult.

And I was like, oh my, I re-fell in love with it.

Call my mom.

My mom re-watched it with me.

I just loved it.

But Brie, Miss Vandecamp, I'm pretty sure I could, I don't think I'm getting this wrong.

She had cancer.

Yes, she had analcomes.

Anal cancer.

Yes.

And I like really respected.

Marcia Cross is her name.

Yeah.

Marcia Cross.

She came out and she said like, um, what I'm not going to like, I'm going to be embarrassed that the cancer that I have decided to choose my anus.

Yeah.

No.

Like I forget the quote she used.

It was way more dignified.

It was very like Brie Vandicamp for her.

Yeah.

And it was like very like, like, I was like, damn, you're right.

Like, I could, God hope I don't.

But like, if I have ass cancer, I want just as much sympathy for ass cancer.

No, she would, I remember that too.

Um, she was super brave and open about it, and you're 100% right.

And, like, now I'm just like feeling worse and worse about what I said in the show.

No, it was clickbait.

You don't even know.

Um, also, just back to Desperate Housewives.

So, I feel like when we watch a show, like, Susan was kind of like the main character.

Like, even though all four of them were, like, she was really the star.

Totally.

And she fucking sucked.

And, like, I liked her when I was watching the show originally.

And then when I re-watched it, I was like, oh my God, she's literally the fucking worst.

That also, I had the same experience with Carrie Bradshaw.

like she's the worst okay and i want to say justice for lynette i think i'm a lynette lynette oh my god and she just like what a tortured soul what someone she had such a hard life i know remember like at the end when like tom like leaves her yes that was tough i've chilled

literally i okay i will never forget i was on a flight and like when i was re-watching desperate housewise i was talking about it on the toast and like a lot of the toasters then started to watch it along with me so good and when i got to the part where tom um like does i don't know if he has an affair yeah he has an affair and then he moves in with her yeah um Um, and like leaves Lynette.

Um, somebody started a thread in one of our Facebook groups just like talking about Tom Scavo, and literally, like, it was the funniest thing ever because he was like the hottest husband.

Oh, yeah, he was because he was with the kids.

Yeah, and like everyone loved him, but like as a husband, he was a moron.

Remember, like, he opened that pizzeria, like, he was always making bad business decisions.

He wouldn't let Lynette go back to work.

Like, he was the fucking worst misogynist.

But then, right after my renaissance with Desperate House Eyes, I had like the craziest, sexiest dream about Carlos.

Oh, okay.

Well, I feel like they were always giving dreams about him.

They were always like in the show making dreams about Carlos.

Yeah, and now like the dream just kind of like changed the way I saw Carlos and like now I'm obsessed with him.

I always thought Carlos was hot.

Yeah.

Because there's something about like a man that just like goes to jail for like fucking someone up.

Like, I don't know.

That's kind of hot.

100%.

And then, um, why can I?

I wish I've the whole time I've been trying to think of her name.

What the fuck?

Not, not Phoebe, the one that dies on fire.

Edie.

That bitch.

Her shit was always crazy.

Oh, and do you know why we're always talking about, you're going to love this?

Do you know why we're always talking about Desperate Housewives on the Toast?

Why?

Because there's an actor.

Do you remember the guy who played Dave?

He had like platinum white hair, piercing blue eyes.

He was so scary.

He was like a random character, and I think he was like a killer.

Yeah, he also says,

he married Edie.

In real life.

No, no, no.

Oh, in the show.

Okay, okay, yeah.

He is like an actor who...

refuses.

He will not kiss

another actress as a part of his job.

He won't like do intimacy scenes.

He will not kiss an actor.

Is he Mormon?

I don't know what his reasons are.

I think it's just because he loves his wife.

Which is sweet, but like really fucking stupid.

And we're always talking about him.

That's interesting.

You know what, though?

He gives off the vibe that he would be like, no, like he has all these rules and like lists and things.

Like he freaks me the fuck out personally.

I don't like him.

Yeah.

I agree.

I don't like him.

The show is perfection.

And did you ever watch?

So good.

The guy who created it is named Mark Cherry.

And and he just

started another show.

How women, it's something about murder.

Can you look it up?

It was like, Olivia's like, women who kill, something like that.

Mark Cherry, like, women kill.

Why women kill?

It really is nothing like Desperate Housewives, but it's incredibly good.

The first season is so good.

The second season was like fine.

The first season was really good.

Okay.

He's like, obviously, he's just like a genius.

He has like a magical touch.

Yes.

We need to bring back Desperate Housewives.

God, I'll rewatch it.

I know.

This is making me want to re-watch it.

It is so good.

our fifth and final story we have some parenting news from courtney kardashian because she reveals the response to her son mason asking for mcdonald's french fries after going a year without them okay so she's obviously doing a lot of press for lemmy she was doing the wall street journal magazine interview so she shared an example of a recent incident that took place when she was enjoying one-on-one time with mason

And she's been so mindful recently about clean eating.

So he said, Mom, I need McDonald's French fries today.

Please.

It's been a year since I've had it.

She was like, today's not the day.

Sorry.

Okay.

Yikes.

Okay, wait, that's the end of the story.

Yeah, that's literally what she's sharing, like setting boundaries.

And like, I totally believe in, like, you know, having your kids be clean eating and wanting them to eat healthy.

I grew up in an extremely healthy household.

And look at me now.

So maybe I should have just been able to eat McDonald's french fries when I wanted to.

Oh my God.

I grew up like eating the craziest shit in South Carolina.

Like, bad or good?

Bad.

See?

Oh, my God.

And look at us both.

Like, you would think, no, seriously, like, you would think Shannon grew up in the healthy house and I.

No, no, no, no.

I look back and like,

this is absolutely no shade towards my mother at all, but like, I look back and I'm like, I cannot believe that those were, like, we were just like yoking cosmic brownies as like a breakfast.

Yeah.

No, I was not.

Like, I was having like full-blown, like, scrambled eggs.

That's so nice.

I'm sure my parents made great food all the time, but like, I, yeah, I get where Courtney's coming from.

I actually had a friend growing up in middle school and high school who her parents did not let them eat that kind of stuff.

So in high school, she found that kind of stuff gross.

And I remember thinking, like, at first, she was weird, but then being like, that's kind of nice because obviously that shit is addicting.

Yeah, but everything's good in moderation.

Like, your kid who you love is like, please, can I have these French fries and

he's not asking for meth.

I mean, like,

I really, that's what, that's the point I was going to make.

I'm just like, I just don't see, I see if you grew up not giving it shims and then they grew up like my friend and she just didn't want it.

Sure.

Sure, but for you.

Begging.

But he's like, can I have him?

I've had us in school and his friends are like, oh my God, I had nuggets last night.

They were so good.

And he just wants to fit in.

And I think, you know, a little toxicity and moderation isn't bad.

I just think your kid's going to go buck wild one day when he's 18.

And when he can drive or whatever.

And what is

your kids start hiding fucking McDonald's french fries underneath the bed?

Don't worry, they won't actually rot because there's so much preservation.

That's been so true.

And by the way, that's literally how kids like develop eating disorders.

Like it is.

Because when they get to be 18 and they're like allowed to hoard and binge, it's so true.

Not that I'm saying that that's what's going to happen.

And obviously, I'm not a parent and everyone's parents' decision is right.

But like, my God, the kid is like, please, can I just have a French fry?

French fries, like of all the things you can eat at McDonald's, like french fries are not the worst.

No, no, no.

And they're just they're just so fucking good no like i know we're going to lunch after this and like we have like fancy reservations but like should we just go to mcdonald's i would i would in our gorgeous outfits should and vlog it and vlog it oh you know what should we make a vlog after this because i texted shannon yesterday like every time i see shannon like i want a new purse what purse are you wearing today you have fabulous style um thank you so much it's this little fendy girly pump like i said i love her like i said so we are gonna go shopping and buy matching purses wait we should definitely vlog it she sent me that and i go i don't know if you're kidding because like you know your your sense of humor is pretty elevated.

And sometimes I like,

I don't know if you're like being funny or not, but that is something that I personally, I'm an adult woman who does still enjoy a matching moment with one of my girls.

I just really like it.

And so.

Yeah.

And like maybe we'll get like maybe different color.

Or like if you find a bag that you love and I find a bag that I love, like we'll buy separate bags, but like from the same store.

Yeah, same brand.

Me and my best friend Taylor, oh, the sling bag.

I had a different sling bag.

She had a sling bag.

Like I just like, I really like to do that.

Yeah, so it's like

that's what we're going to do today.

And I feel really good about the decision.

I love it.

And also, we're going to get fries.

Okay.

Oh, I bought a disposable camera because I'm such a millennial snack.

Oh my God.

You've been hanging out with the snatcher too much.

Oh my gosh, she does that too.

Well, everyone does it.

Well, literally, like she, we, in Turks and Caicos, she was like, those pictures were so fucking cute though.

They were so disgusting.

Like, literally, she sent us, she finally got them developed.

And it was just like seven like fucking ugly beasts.

I was like, Margaret, you cannot post that.

Like, I thought film was supposed to be like really flattering.

It's gimme.

Yeah, it's not.

Well, mine's black and white.

Oh, that's cool.

I think so, too.

We'll see.

Okay, we'll take some pics.

There's a place in New York that you can get them developed the same day.

Yes.

Did Margaret tell you about it?

No, I texted one of my friends that's actually a photographer, and I was like, I bought this link thing, and she was like,

before we dive into our final segment, which is Dear Toasters, Shannon is going to be helping me give you guys advice.

Today, if you ever want to write in, it's deartoasters at gmail.com.

It is brought to you by Pear Eyewear.

Your style is constantly evolving, especially if you're friends with Shannon Ford.

And it's time that your glasses start keeping up.

With Pear Eyewear, changing up your frames is easier than ever.

Just snap on a new design to transform your look whenever the mood strikes.

One pair, endless possibilities, but who says that glasses have to be boring?

So whether your vibe is retro classic, like if you wear glasses, like it's kind of annoying, you have to wear the same glasses every day.

But pair eyewear is amazing because you get a pair of glasses, then you get these magnetic like add-ons that just add a different color, add a different pattern.

So if you're wearing like purple, like Shanon, you could wear purple glasses.

If you wanted an all-white coastal grandmother look like me, like you could go for white.

They have a huge range of iconic basic shapes that start at just $60, including your prescription.

So you then choose from the the hundreds of matching magnetic tops that make it easy to switch up your look.

And you could rock the same design all day long, change it up every hour.

There's no wrong way to pair.

Get glasses as ever-changing as you are with Pear.

Go to pear eyewear.com slash toast for 15% off your first purchase.

That's 15% off at P-A-I-R-I-Wear.com slash toast.

I have those and they actually come with a really cool case too, where your glasses go in the case and then they have this little like flap that holds the little snap-ons.

Oh, that is cool.

Really nice because you never lose them.

Look at you.

I know.

I like pear.

Are you ready to help save some lives?

Yes.

Okay.

First up.

Hey guys, love you.

Well, this was going to Jackie, but I'm sure she would say love you and love the show.

I love you, Jackie, too.

My husband and I dated all through college and we got married right after graduation.

We've been married for over a year and it's been going great until recently.

I haven't had any sex drive or attractiveness towards him.

Everything he does just annoys the fucking shit out of me.

And I just want to be left alone when I'm around him, which is horrible because he's a total PJOM and he does everything for me.

Recently, when going out with friends, I've noticed men talking to me a lot and I feel the urge to flirt and talk back because it actually gets me excited rather than when I'm with my husband.

I'm just annoyed with him.

It leads me to wonder if I got married too young and missed opportunities.

I know this is 100% a me problem, but how do I fix it?

Sincerely, a confused toaster who could never break someone's heart.

Oh.

Well, the thing is, I was going to say, like, you know, a lot of things can be going on in your life, like, or health-wise or stress that, like make your libido go down.

Yeah, birth control.

But if you're going out and like vibing with others, I don't think that's the case.

I agree.

Yeah, that's what changed my mind on the advice, too.

I do think you owe it to this man to like try and make it work, whether that's like go to like do like a Kama Sutra class.

Like when you've been with someone for a long time, like it's easy to get into a rut and then like you start seeing them more as like a brother than a husband.

Yeah.

So you have to like make a conscious effort to like keep it exciting.

You could literally, there are so many avenues.

You could literally go see a sex therapist.

You could say like I love, if this guy really is such a peach, like then you can say like, I love you so much.

I want to like make our lives a little bit more exciting.

I thought maybe we could go see a sex therapist.

No guy's going to hear the word sex and not want more of it.

So like it's like that scene in Sex in the City when Charlotte and Trey like can't really, you you know stay up and she goes to that Kama Sutra woman who shows you how to give the best fellatio of your life.

Yeah.

No, not Felicio.

Is Fallatio blowjob?

Yeah, Felicio and then that's cundling this.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

And then Miranda accidentally gets jizz in her hair.

Yes.

So you have to give it a shot before you can't just like, you know, throw your hands up because it's a marriage.

Yeah.

And listen, I'm just like, I just really so deeply and passionately, like, I know divorce happens, but like, I'm not married yet.

And I just really, really, really don't want to get divorced.

I know anyone that gets divorced doesn't want to.

But I say it's a really big step.

Getting divorced is like a big, big, big deal.

So two things can exist.

But your parents are still together, right?

My parents are still together.

So that's like a very, you know, like naive take.

It's like as a child of divorce, like, yeah, whatever.

People get divorced, let goes on.

Totally, totally.

And I, so, but what I'm saying is like two things can exist at one time.

You could be really fucking annoyed at your husband, but still love him.

So like, that's so tough.

Don't beat yourself up too much for like just going through something right now.

Like maybe try to dissect and like look inward a little bit.

What's going on in your life?

What are you taking any new?

Like medication.

Yeah.

All that kind of stuff like plays a part don't just like give up so easy though i think by the way that's like really good advice like two things can be true at once like you're not that's the thing with marriage it's like not every minute every night is going to be whirlwind romance multiple orgasms like yeah life It's hard and like that's what a marriage is.

It's more of a partnership than like a whirlwind.

Like romance novels and movies don't prepare us for what marriage really is.

Well and you just gotta like wake up and decide to like fight for it.

You know what I mean?

To try to work for it.

So true.

So you it that's not to say that this might not be working out, but you have to give it like a really fair shot.

Oh, and the last thing I'll say is it's not fair to him if you don't tell him this stuff because he has no idea.

So like he might be doing, he might, like, he might go take a class, what's it called?

Kama Sutra or.

Kama Sutra class if he knew you were feeling this way.

Like it's almost a little unfair to him that you're not letting on that anything's wrong.

And so he's not doing anything to fix it.

He might want to fix it.

Yeah.

Like maybe he is like reading books behind your back.

Like maybe he's trying to help.

Like help him help you.

Yeah.

All right, next up.

Hello, Jack.

Hello, Shannon and Claudia.

Am I being insecure?

No, sorry.

She she said.

Am I being an insecure wench?

I appreciate your candid advice, and I need you to both weigh in.

My boyfriend of three and a half years started to masturbate and watch porn literally every morning during work.

We work from home.

His office is upstairs, and I've walked in on him at least eight plus times.

At first, I felt awkward and said something like, do you need any help?

He just laughs it off and says, no.

When I first talked to him about it, he says it's due to his stressful job that it's a way for him to relieve stress throughout the day.

Well, I'm a Google girly, so I took to the internet, and sure enough, there's a ton of research about how masturbation is a good for stress relief.

i brought it up again yesterday recently sorry i brought it up again recently because i'm starting to feel insecure we definitely have not been having sex very often as he seems very disinterested yet he'll masturbate and watch porn is this something every boyfriend does i'm just if i'm just being insecure or am i feeling validated no sorry If I'm just being insecure or am I valid in feeling compared to these women he's watching online?

He does not have an Instagram.

I know he isn't on like on OnlyFans, but I still feel hurt.

Any thoughts and insight would be so appreciated.

A possible insecure wench no you're doing nothing wrong like nothing wrong i have such a take on this if he's masturbating a lot like that's fine because it is like a stress relief thing but if that's taking away from your sex then there's a problem and it seems like he might have a porn addiction problem and here's what i so i actually have such like you were just talking about this on your instagram instagram story yes okay so since meeting james james i don't know like what brought this up when we were we just had like really deep conversations really early on and he was i used to be the girl so i i so feel for you at the end of that where you're like, am I just being insecure?

Like, because I was the girl that wanted to be so cool.

Like, oh no, I would tell people, like, I don't care if my boyfriend watches porn.

I'll watch with him.

Like, no, I wouldn't.

He would be watching it behind my back closed doors.

Like, I was never doing that with him.

That would be sexy.

And we weren't doing that.

So he was like, I just always was like, no, no, no, it's fine.

I'm not insecure.

He can watch it.

I don't care.

Like, I did care.

Obviously, it's not weird to care that your boyfriend is enjoying watching other naked women have intercourse.

Like, that is obviously not a vibe.

It's like a boundary if you feel that way.

But there are some girls who truly truly don't care and that's good for you That is also fun.

That's what I'm saying I really for a while there and if I found out my boyfriend watched porn I wouldn't like be like oh he's cheating on me There's some people who take it that far and that's also their right to have that opinion but James has actually like plug in for a second.

He has a whole podcast where he talks about how your dopamine receptors are so affected by porn.

And here's the thing.

You took to Google and you saw that masturbating is a stress reliever.

And maybe sometimes he's like, I don't have time to like have sex in people.

You need to ice cream and masturbate.

But I would, I would say that he should close his eyes and use his imagination and masturbate because it is a healthy thing to do.

I don't think he should be watching other women.

Or like, I don't know, maybe you can be like fun and sexy and be like, it makes me a little upset that.

Well, no, like it makes me a little upset that you're watching other people have sex to get off.

If you just need to masturbate really quick, like can we record ours?

Like, can I

record me giving you good advice?

Can you record us?

And can you watch us?

But the thing is, is that I don't think this guy

is reality.

No, I think he's also like somewhat addicted to the porn more so than the masturbation.

Porn addiction is like totally a real thing.

I fell into like a rabbit hole on TikTok on it.

Yes.

A lot of people like accidentally, you know, stumble on porn when they're like 12 years old on the internet and spend like 10 years watching.

Yes.

And I feel like that's what it kind of sounds like.

It's so accessible.

It's so accessible.

And here's the thing too: like, he really is watching so much porn that his perception of real life sex is probably why y'all aren't having as much sex.

His perception of sex.

And I'm like, we're stealing all of this from James' podcast because literally it's- But that's such a good point.

It just distorts his reality and you're watching these like excuse my French but these like perfect pussies and all these things and by the way sex isn't like that because that's literally like perfect lighting makeup everything no one's actually coming like it's yeah, it's literally fraudulent.

Yeah, so I just think like it's definitely something I think you should bring up and to make you feel better I dated someone when I first moved to Nashville for a year and a half that was absolutely addicted to porn and he absolutely couldn't like get it up whenever we were having sex.

And he would apologize to me and say like I'm sorry like I like masturbated earlier and watched porn and I was just so trying to be the cool girl that I was like it's okay baby we'll just do another time.

Yeah.

Looking back now I wish I would have just had like a really calm don't conversation

don't be mean.

Don't be like you're addicted to porn.

I would just like have a conversation and maybe offer like can you record us having sex and like

that's like such a good idea.

You're giving such good advice.

Let's see if you can go three for three.

Okay.

This one is probably more in my wheelhouse though.

Okay.

Hi Claudia and Jackie.

Oh, sorry.

Hi Claudia and Shannon.

Making this short and sweet, but how do I tell my fiancé's brother's girlfriend, a dear friend of mine, that she is butchering her head, her already beautiful, perfect face with FaceTune?

Every picture she posts, she edits the absolute shit out of her face, hair, body, et cetera.

And it's getting out of control.

I mean, everyone uses a little FaceTune, but she's going over the top.

We just recently went to my bachelorette party and she edited every picture of us.

Not me, just her.

Okay, gosh.

She edits herself to the point where if you saw her in a photo and in real life, you wouldn't think it was the same person.

Do I say anything or just let her live?

She's much younger than me, so I'd like to give her some advice, but I also don't want to offend her since I really do love our friendship.

And she's not hurting anyone, so is it even worth saying anything?

Just curious to hear your thoughts.

Sincerely, a toaster that's FaceTune subscription just expired.

All right, I'm very pro-FaceTune.

You will pretty much like never see a photo of me on the internet that was taken on an iPhone that hasn't been

nipped, tucked the whole thing.

I love a tweak.

Professional photos, like a Getty image, I don't do because like that's like embarrassing.

However, I have honed this skill over the years.

Like you, you might not not know which pictures, but there was a time, like on my time hop, I will see a photo that was like, there's

there's literally like a person behind me whose leg got cut off because it was in my way.

So it's something you definitely learn over time.

And I imagine if somebody had told me back then, like Claudia, you literally, like, it's so obvious.

I would have been grateful for the tip.

But it's all about delivery.

It's all about the delivery.

And I, um, we had a friend in my friend group who was doing it a lot.

And we did end up telling her, this is your, here's the thing.

Here's why it's embarrassing that your

fiance's brother's girlfriend is doing it.

It's embarrassing because everyone knows what it looks like.

We are all evolved enough now that you can spot a face tune in two seconds.

Back then, when we were like botching, nobody knew.

Maybe not everyone realized it.

Like now, it's so obvious that it's almost like criminal if you don't tell her and help her out.

So

deliveries, everything.

I sometimes take the approach of like making it a joke, like hee-hee-ha-ha, like, a girl.

Like, make it like almost kind of like funny in a joke, but like, everyone knows behind behind every joke there's some seriousness behind it.

Right.

And she's younger than you, so she's like already like probably impressionable.

Like you need to be really soft.

Soft.

But I just, I do think you should say something.

And you were already so nice in your delivery with the question.

You were like, she's gorgeous.

You seem like a nice girl.

I think you should pull up a photo that you have of her that has not been edited and say, like, I was just looking at this photo.

I was thinking how gorgeous you looked.

Like, you're so pretty.

I know sometimes like you like tweak your photos with.

And be like, I'd be like, that's fine.

I do it too.

Like, sometimes, you know, pimples or.

Yeah.

And say, yeah, I do it too.

Cause like, I think we all like every course is going to be someone listening.

Yeah, I don't touch any of my shit.

Well, like I do.

Yes.

I do.

No shame.

I just make myself look like I looked when I walked out the door.

By the end of the night, when you're taking photos, sometimes you're going to look like when you walked out the door.

So you know, I'm when I'm editing, like I make myself look how I looked when I walked out the door five years ago, 20 pounds ago.

Like just know, like you've never seen a picture of me not editing.

But I also do this podcast, and I can't edit the podcast.

So if you really want to know what I look like, try it out.

Yeah, I'm like, whatever.

It's right fucking here.

But I don't care.

Like, that's how I live with a, with peace in my heart.

So if that bothers you, feel free to unfollow me.

But, like, I'm protecting my heart.

Yeah, and you're allowed to do that.

And I think she is allowed to do that too.

But if it's like, if it's embarrassing.

No, of course.

And you want to protect her.

She is going to regret it in five years when she's not.

Oh, huh, you know what?

That's also just a part of growing up.

Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes and learn the hard way.

And she will learn the hard way by having her boyfriend's, fiancé's, brothers, girlfriend.

I cannot keep up with the fiance, brothers, girlfriend.

Because my friend, when we told her, you could tell she was a little embarrassed.

But like, she literally stopped.

And then, then from this point forward, she would send us photos and be like, and ask for help.

Is this too much?

And we'd be like, no, you tweaked that one.

Good or someone would be like, your arms fucked in that one.

Yeah, yeah.

She would have to do it.

But that's helpful.

You have like a sounding board.

I do that with my sisters.

I'm like, is this too, I say, is this too tuned?

I send that all the time.

I say, did I edit this too much?

And they're like, no, it's good.

Yeah.

Are my eye whites too bright?

When you're looking at a photo for so long, adding filters, face tuning, you become

so blind to it.

Yeah.

Exactly.

And sometimes it takes a fresh set of eyes.

Yeah, 100%.

So just, this is totally a fine thing to say.

Come at it from like a really kind of maternal, nice way.

You already sound like you are, though.

So I'm not worried.

You're going to crush it.

And that was Dear Toasters.

If you guys want to write in for next Wednesday, it's deartoasters at gmail.com.

Shannon's new podcast is available anywhere you can get your podcast.

It's called Probably a Podcast.

It is on Toast News Network.

If you want to just go click the link in our bio or click the link in Shannon's bio.

New episodes are dropping every Tuesday.

You can also watch them.

A lot of our TNN shows don't have videos, but you do.

It's super premium.

We have an episode together.

If you guys never saw it, check it out.

You also have great interviews interviews with like Hannah Burner, all the girlies.

Yeah, all the girlies.

It's really good.

Probably

fucking great.

And you're probably Shannon Ford on Instagram.

Probably Shannon Ford on Instagram, TikTok, all the.

Thank you so much for doing this last minute.

Yay.

And I'm so excited for our lunch.

Let's get in our beds.

Yes.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Morning Test Millennium Morning Show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts and web podcasts.

We found out Spotify, Attention, Twitter, Public Radio, everybody's possible.

Please wait for those podcasts.

My name is Morning Toast.

If you found out everybody, I'm going to be able to Sundays five weeks.

Hope you guys have an amazing hump day.

There is no show tomorrow.

Um, I am taking a personal day, so and Jackie's still sick, so there's no show tomorrow.

But hopefully, Jackie will be back on Friday.

If not, I'll make Ben come or Margo.

There'll be a show Friday, not tomorrow.

Thank you, love you, bye.

Bye.