S5 Ep130: Fat Fingered F*ck: Tuesday, September 13th, 2022

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast and happy Tuesday.

Arguably the worst day of the week.

Hey, Jax, how you doing?

I'm doing okay.

I've caught whatever Rolled Had, so I'm now 16.

You hate to see it.

You hate to see it.

You know, doing my best.

I'm so glad that we recently bought full body heating pads.

They're like heating pads that you wear.

We'll post the link, like, not to be, like, so rubbing your face about our new heating pads.

Right, like not to brag.

Not to brag.

And I hadn't busted it out yet because the other Brews heating pads sufficed for the both of us.

But I've been wearing my new heating pad and it's definitely a small bright spot.

100%.

Heating pads like truly change and save lives.

So I'm so glad that we invested in ourselves.

Yeah, definitely.

I know I left both my heating pads like onto my bed and I just like, no, Brew is in the bed, cuddled up in multiple heating pads like

living the life I want to live.

I um

it's always been like obvious fairly clear like I'm the number one auntie to Rold

but I think you know during this time while he's been sick I have started to feel like sympathy pains as well like I have like a sore back I have a little tickle in my throat

I am really

and I need to take care of myself because I have tour this weekend.

Tickets available at girlwithnojob.com slash tour.

But honestly, I wouldn't have it any other other way because if Rold suffers, we all suffer.

We all suffer.

Of course, now he's semi-on-the-mend and the rest and the rest of us are down and out.

But I mean, I just need to know how long this is going to last for.

That's so classic, Rold, you know?

Is it the day?

Is it three days?

Like, I just, I need to know.

I need to plan.

That's the thing about being a mom that I've like learned from Olivia, especially with Kayler now, like being a social girly, going to like different camp and classes and things.

Kids are literally disgusting.

Like they are cesspools of germs, bacteria, and like illnesses.

And justice for the teachers.

Yeah, those teachers have immune systems.

Strong like that.

Steel.

Steel.

Yeah, because Kayla's every other day with her, you know?

Yeah, that's kids, man.

Kids.

That's kids for you.

Kids are a lot more.

And I just assumed I wasn't going to get whatever he had because I have a stronger immune system, like having 30 years of immunity.

but no it was just laying dormant waiting laying dormant waiting until like he started to feel better so that like we could double the length of the illness right like it never ends and then I'm sure in a few days Zach will be like

oh I'm sick for sure Zach babe I'm feeling like like a little like scratch in my throat Yeah, and I'll be like, that's not the symptom.

So

you're going to gaslight him.

I love that.

No, I mean, the scratch is the symptom, but like he'll be like, and and runny knows a little bit but he'll be like my stomach hurts like i think i got what you guys got i'm like no you didn't i think that's also it's just the time of year now like the seasons are changing there's been like a real palpable shift in weather here in new york like it's that gorgeous fall chill like really one of the best times to be in new york and that's when everyone gets sick so just get ready Yeah, I wouldn't know if the weather here has changed.

I haven't left my house in like five days.

Let me check the weather app.

Let me check the weather app.

Is it still in the 90s?

87.

Oh, no, it gets to 90 later today.

Oof.

You know, Ben is like a firm hater of the weather app.

Like, he refuses.

Ben has like so many weird things.

Like, if we're driving somewhere, I'm like, it's not like a complicated route.

It's like, obviously, like, the Long Island Expressway or the BQE.

And I put it in like Apple Maps, like the app, he will pull over to the side of the road and do it on Google Maps.

My husband, too.

What?

Like, okay, if we're going like

to Alarijas, like, for sure.

I don't know.

Plus, like, whichever one they're using stinks.

Agreed, we're always late.

They all stink, honestly.

Ever since Google bought Waze and corrupted it because Waze was taking over, they all stink.

You just have to, like, get out your map and your magnifying glass and find the back roads.

100%.

So, while it is Tuesday and that's not great, it is a huge day here at the Morning Toast because we announced a little while ago that Shannon Ford would be joining Toast News Network.

And season two of her show launches today.

A lot of you guys already know and love Shannon.

Her episode on the toast was so critically acclaimed.

I believe it's in the running for a Peabody Award.

You guys loved her so much and her podcast is so good.

She works so hard on it.

Like I feel like sometimes you'll see like people doing podcasts just because like It's what people do and not really like giving it the attention it requires.

Shannon does video and audio content.

Her video content is so stunning.

She's so stunning.

She looks so glamorous in every episode.

She lives this like fabulous, interesting life.

She's funny.

And it's really like an it girl podcast.

It's called probably a podcast, but it should be called the it girl.

That's so funny because that's also what we wanted to name Lauren Elizabeth's podcast.

We're just friends with so many it girls.

Or we're like beyond unoriginal, like come up with one good idea and like use it multiple times.

I didn't remember that.

No, I think we're consistent.

And it just like goes to show that we're friends with such it girls.

Like maybe it's because we are it girls and we attract that it energy.

Bellow it energy.

I didn't realize that that's what we we wanted to call Lauren Elizabeth's podcast.

Do you remember now that I'm reminding you?

Like it was just an idea that was floating amongst the others.

I felt really good about it, but I have no recollection.

I was brutally rebuffed.

Well, I'm just so excited for us.

Like, I'm so grateful to Shannon for joining our little fam.

And I think you guys are going to love it.

So you can watch it on YouTube, but she's also available, you know, anywhere podcasts can be found.

And she's a premium girly.

There's a lot going on in her life.

She is like an international man's.

I know.

I feel like there's always a lot going on in her life, just in general.

She's just like one of those people.

But right now, it's definitely an interesting time to be following her, to be listening to her podcast.

She like lives between New York and Nashville, which is like goals, goals, goals.

And then she's constantly going across the pond to see her new man,

who is a subject, a former subject of Her Majesty the Queen.

So true.

Maybe we should get him back toast and ask him what the temperature is like.

I wonder if he's like a monarchophile.

What's the word?

A

royalist?

Monarchist, yeah.

Or maybe he's a hater, you know, because anarchist.

I think a lot of young people in the UK, I mean, I don't know shit about fuck, but I think like a lot of people, like young people, are like rebelling against the monarchy in the UK.

I don't think so.

I really don't.

I really don't.

I really don't.

We'll have to ask Shan's man.

Shan's man?

Also, she has a ton of like previous episodes if you want to go catch up with Shan and like learn a little bit more about her and she does great guests.

I was on it.

So obviously she has a really low bar for guests.

She did a really good episode with Hannah Burner.

So there's just good shit on there and it's premium as fuck.

So why wouldn't you join it?

It has the TNN stamp of approval.

Big time.

Big, big time.

So, you know, just mogul things.

Moguls.

Mogul changes.

For the day, yesterday was like a major mogul day.

We were booked and busy.

Like the thing about being a mogul is like, sometimes I don't want to be one, you know?

Like, sometimes I just want to lay in my bed, especially.

I just want to be a regular girl.

Oh, thank you.

I'm so, wait, back to Shannon.

I believe now

we are the industry's leading podcast network for redheads.

We have two.

We have two, plus we have the Redheads Book Club, which is constantly elevating the voices of redheads and reed heads.

And Shannon is a natural redhead.

Yes.

Not that it makes a difference, but it does.

It does.

And I just, I thought that was interesting.

I think per capita, we have the most redheads.

Oh, for sure, because now we're at like 10% redheads.

Right, because we're two redheads plus the redheads show, and I think we have now 10 shows on TNN.

So like, just makes you think.

It does make you think.

I have to start comparing with other networks, but

I don't know how many other redheaded podcasts there are in the big leagues.

I know the only other redheaded girly is JC Marie of what we said.

But other than she,

I don't know what redheads are out here doing.

You know what's called a thing?

I'm sorry.

Conan.

Oh, wait.

Prince Harry.

He doesn't have a podcast.

No, his wife does.

Wait, also.

Now this makes me think, ready?

Except Conan kind of threw a wrench in what I was about to say next.

Like, do you think you're the biggest female redhead podcast host?

I mean, I do.

I don't know of any that are bigger.

I was going to say redhead, period, but Conan is definitely bigger than us.

So you'll have to be the female, Conan.

Let me look at the charts.

Yeah, I don't see a lot of redhead representation on the charts.

Yeah, but like maybe the person who hosts the daily anonymously like is a redhead.

They just like don't put their picture everywhere.

Well, that wouldn't count because like no one's tuning in to the daily for like the dynamic personalities.

Like they're tuning in just for the news.

and like if you're not a visible redhead then like you're not out here doing the work

you're not making it like an impact for the movement no and like for the redhead community right sorry no i completely agree i'm looking through the top podcasts okay there's conan

classic there we are i didn't see a redhead before i saw us so that would make you the biggest podcaster who's a female redhead.

Yes, I'm going to add that to my bio because I never know what the fuck to put in there.

100%.

Like Jackie's an Instagram influencer, podcaster, fan.

Yeah, lifestyle brand enthusiast.

She's a messed.

Like writing a bio is probably like the worst.

Top 10, one of the most painful experiences of someone's life.

And you have to constantly be updating it.

She is a mess, False.

Stop.

Not the amassed.

Jackie's so right.

Claudia can be seen on the Today Show, CB.

Harvey.

Yeah, like Bravos, watch what happens live.

Like, just just kill me.

Cause all the things like, that are, like, notable happened to me 10 years ago, you know?

Yeah, no, your book.

Yeah, your tour.

I had to recently update my bio.

I added my tour, my book, TNN.

But I just feel like the things that are most interesting about me, like, aren't the things you put in a bio.

No, like, like, literally, who cares?

Yeah, yeah.

People, they, like, the bios, they only care about the fake shit, not the real shit.

So true.

Like, if you have a good bio, you're a fake person.

Totally.

Like, I want to know how many books you read last year.

Oh, my God.

By the way, I officially reached over 100 books read.

Since you got your Kindle.

Since I started my Goodreads.

So when I started reading the December of 2019, was it?

Or December 2019?

2020.

That's amazing.

How many books have you read this year so far?

Let me check my.

43.

Wow.

And your goal is 50.

My goal was 35, but now it's 50, and I think I'll hit it no problem.

Let me see how many I've read so far this year.

26.

Good for you, by the way.

That's good.

Yeah, my goal for the year was 30.

So I'll deal with it.

Just from Redheads.

Hopefully, we'll take like a nice trip at the end of the year.

That's where we get all of our reading in.

Yeah.

I was talking to Ben about it because I saw in my Goodreads, it was at 101.

And I'm like, oh my God.

Like, I was like so excited and proud of myself.

And he's like, that's great.

Like being all patronizing and not supporting literate women.

Right.

But I was just trying to explain to him like why it's such a big deal.

And it's obviously like great to have read, but it's also great for me to have like done something I swore I would never do.

Cause like I'm so stubborn.

And there's so many things I would love to like in an ideal world.

Yeah, I would love to be a girl who goes for runs, but like we, oh no, that's never going to happen.

And reading used to be running.

Yeah.

So maybe I'll start running.

Or skiing.

I would love to ski, but I just am not.

I'm not physically capable.

Like I'm really not.

I think you are.

I think you should give it another chance.

By the way, when I was watching The Real House, I was at Beverly Hills and Aspen, and they were so fabulous in like their Fendi jumpsuits and just like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

It's, there's nothing more elegant and rich and cool than skiing.

Like, I would love to take like a weekend trip.

The one time I went, I swear to God, my legs were going to fall off.

I think, I think you could do it now.

Because I weigh less.

It was a lot of, for sure, it was a lot of weight.

Contest listeners, I did not.

Yeah,

the part of the reason I thought my legs were going to fall off was because my entire body weight was was like being heralded on my shins, which aren't in particularly great shape.

It's also really hard on your shins at first.

Even sometimes like once you're skilled, you just have to like lean onto your shins and it really hurts.

Yeah.

But I do think being a bit more

light.

Light will help you.

I think you should try it again at some point.

I know, but it's also, it's not something like that's just like, let's just try it.

To get to the mountain with all of your shit

and not faint is borderline impossible.

So just to try it, but also like all the work that I had to put in before that.

Yeah.

It's not like, oh, what if I just, you know, went to the mountain?

It's like a whole thing.

Yeah.

Well, I think the opportunity will present itself at some point.

I would love it.

Like, is there like a private mountain?

Yeah.

Like, if somebody would invite me to their home with like a private mountain where like I could just put my skis on in my bedroom and then walk outside, like ski out.

That I'll just try it because if it sucks, how do I get home?

Yeah, that I think you like take the chair lift up and then ski down to your house like if you live in the middle on a mountain you can ski out and then ski down the rest of the mountain got it but I don't know how to get to the I've never done it I've never skied out so that sounds like a luxury that I would definitely like to afford yes for sure okay bucket list bucket listings we've got a great show I did watch the Emmys last night and I actually have a lot of thoughts so I'm excited to talk about it and we've got unburdened yourselves so I feel like we should dive right in we're busy girls we don't have unburdened yourselves actually we have unburdening we have unburdened yourselves we don't have unburdening yourself i didn't say that yeah you didn't no i didn't roll the tapes we have unburdened yourselves achievement we do by the way i plan to unburden themselves

Okay, without further ado to do to do, here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Great.

Okay, our first story, Emmy Awards 2022.

All the winners, losers, fashion moments, etc.

So let's go through the winners, shall we?

Yes, because I just happened to have, like, at 7.59, I saw something on Instagram, like, oh, the Emmys, and I turned it on and I just started to watch it because there was like nothing else to watch.

And I have to say, I really enjoyed it.

I thought it was super well done.

They wasted no fucking time with dumb shenanigan shit.

Keenan was excellent.

And I thought it was a gorgeous affair, really.

Wow, I'm so happy for you.

They got their shit together.

It was much tighter.

You know, it was like awards, presenters.

Awards, presenters.

Like, no dumb, like, shit.

Packages.

No packages, no Keenan embarrassing himself.

Like, he was doing a good job.

He was being funny, and he was getting from point A to point B.

Great.

I did not watch, but here are the list of winners.

And look, we were familiar.

We watched so many of the shows.

Yeah, yeah.

So it was nice.

I mean, White Lotus swept completely.

It was Ned Schneebley's night and nobody else's.

That's the guy, Czahn.

No.

Ned Schneebly is the writer and director of the show.

It's like his baby.

And he won on like all the major categories.

And he was played by Ned Schneebly.

His name is Mike White.

Okay, and someone also messaged me that he directed the emoji movie, which won a Razzie.

So he is on his way to Rigot.

This is huge.

This is huge.

Adding another layer.

Right.

Okay, let's go through the winners.

We'll share our thoughts.

We'll share our thoughts.

Yeah.

First, Outstanding Drama Series, which is like the big award.

Yeah.

Succession.

Oh, I was so happy for them.

It was so crazy to see them all together.

But then the guy who was making the speech, like, took a dig at

the monarchy.

Like, why you got to make it about King Charles?

That was like kind of losery.

Like, you just want an Emmy and you're talking about the king.

Right.

And I think Brian Cox, who plays Logan, is British.

Yeah.

He didn't say anything, though.

I think he was offended by that.

No, it was just like hella fucking unnecessary.

And they left the queen out of In Memoriam.

She's not an actress.

Yeah, she is.

She's been in things.

She's inspired many a program.

The crown.

There's no show without her.

She literally just died.

There's an in memoriam.

Like, pay some fucking respect.

No, I don't think it was necessary.

And they left out Norm McDonald.

That's what I saw.

No way, because he was literally nominated last night for his.

Did you see him?

He was nominated posthumously.

But In Memoriam segment no i didn't watch it in memoriam no offense like it makes me sad like i don't like i don't have my eyes glued for who they snub you know yeah i heard they snubbed norm that's moronic and i i don't know if i i i can cannot imagine that's true he was literally nominated last night i'm just telling you what i heard i was having session one um they were all at the same table except kendal roy was at the white lotus table Maybe there was like not enough space, but like I just thought that was weird.

Well, they're both HBO tables.

Oh,

yeah.

And maybe he's seeing someone in the White Lotus cast.

And Tom won for lead actor or supporting actor.

Well, okay, outstanding lead actor in a drama series went to Lee Jung Jae from Squid Game.

Well deserved.

Then outstanding lead actress in a drama series went to Zendaya for Euphoria.

And that was historic, and everyone in the room was just like, It was literally like

Zendaya's bummers felt like it was like about her.

She looked unreal.

best dressed best dressed her hair like was this cute little baby doll style that really went with the dress she looked incredible like she is that bitch her speech was really beautiful and she's really beautiful and it was just like sad that Tom Holland wasn't there why wasn't he there because she was just like a solo night out for her I don't know like celebrities like like to do that like when like I think because when you show up with your mans especially if you're not often photographed with your mans, it becomes about that and not about your accomplishments.

Like that's why Taylor is like never at the Grammys with Joe Alwyn, you know?

Yeah, but like, how could anything really dwarf her accomplishments at this point, you know?

No, it's true, but I don't know if that was the reason why, or maybe scheduling, but like, make it work.

Scheduling.

Yeah.

It actually is a really busy week globally.

It is.

The Kelly Clarkson show has moved to New York.

We haven't even spoken about that.

So exciting.

And she did like a little promo video singing Welcome to New York by Taylor Swift.

And like, honestly, there's never been a greater piece of work.

So, does this mean Kelly's moving to New York?

Yes,

like as a human, as a mom?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Does that mean she's going to enroll her kids in the private school system here?

I got to find out where they go to school and that's be a freak.

That's really freaky.

Yeah, no, that's actually like really inappropriate.

I take it back.

Sorry.

I don't know if, like, if she would come and like for three or four days a week,

bang out like two shows a day.

That's what a lot of people do.

And then move to Montana or wherever she lives, LA.

Nashville.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay, back to the Emmys.

Outstanding supporting actor and in drama series, Matthew McVaden Succession, who plays Tom, also known as Mr.

Darcy.

When he gave a speech and it turned out he was British and like, I just didn't put that together, even though I knew he played Mr.

Darcy, it was quite jarring.

What did he say?

He was just like so like shook and like so happy and he obviously just loves his job and like loves being on succession and he's like definitely a funny guy in person.

What was so weird about last night was like and i don't remember in emmy's season where there was so much of this where like every category had like three people from the same show so he was up against uh kieran nicholas braun and gregan so like it was weird yeah that is weird and severance also i know every show dope stick had like three people per category there was really like four or five shows

that had like multiple candidates in every category.

And then there was like Sidney Sweeney being nominated twice, once for Zendaya, I I mean, Zendaya, once for Euphoria, and once for White Lotus.

And she didn't win for either.

No, she looks great though.

Um, actually, I was not a fan.

I think sometimes she looks like really just not fashionable.

And so, considering that, I thought she looked really good.

Yeah, who made her dress?

I don't know.

I want to say Tori Birch.

Can you just double-check before I make my point about that?

Sydney Sweeney

Emmy's dress,

Oscar DeLorento.

Okay.

Because she has this like big partnership with Tori Birch, and so she wears a lot of Tori Birch couture.

And the brand is just like a little matronly for her.

She's like the youngest, hottest thing in Hollywood right now.

And like she's wearing grandma dresses.

Yeah, I feel that.

Like, and that one last night, while it was better, it's still a grandma dress.

Yeah,

no lies were told.

Pete Davidson was also at the awards, and he was looking cute.

Did he seem sad?

Actually, yes.

What is that was my first thought?

I just like want to know what's going on.

It was also just like a big night for comedy because obviously SNL was nominated a bunch of times and then there's the comedy category for the specials.

Gerard Carmichael won.

It was just like a big night for like, I just felt like there was a lot of comedians.

Bowen Yang was nominated and he was there.

Lauren Michaels was there and Lauren Michaels, they won like the variety sketch comedy.

It's like, yeah, what else?

Yeah, true.

Okay, let me finish the winners.

Yeah.

Outstanding supporting actress in a a drama series, Julia Garner Ozark.

Outstanding comedy series, Ted Lasso.

We can now

that it is a really good show.

Outstanding actor in a comedy series, Jason Stakis, Ted Lasso.

Honestly, like, totally deserved.

I love Ted Lasso.

Every time they won, I wanted to cry.

Totally.

Outstanding actress in a comedy series, Jean Smart hacks.

Oh,

the way that the Emmys keep giving Jean Smart her rightfully deserved award when there's so many good women in that category.

Like, I'm grateful for.

Like, Hannah Einbender did not win.

Um, so I thought, like, maybe they were over, I don't think she deserved to win, but I thought maybe, like, you know, the Gene Smart thing was just like a fluke last year.

Yeah.

No, I looking at the category, I hadn't watched anything else, but she deserves it completely

handily.

Next, outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series, Brett Goldstein, Ted Lasso,

Roy Kent, right?

Yeah, Kendall Roy, Roy Kent.

It's definitely confusing.

Yes.

I was so happy that he won my Jewish king.

He's so hot, Brett Goldstein.

I think he was at my Bumitzva.

And I think he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for that one line he delivered that changed my life.

I think you might be dying when that girl has bad breath.

Like, I actually never laugh at TV, and I swear to God, I think I peed my pants.

It was so funny.

Me too.

Next outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series, Cheryl Lee Ralph, Abbott Elementary.

You watch watch that, yeah?

I do.

I haven't watched like all of it, but I watched a good chunk of the first season.

And like, Abbott Elementary is the cutest TV show.

And it's, you just are going to be rooting for them because, like, their P-JOMs and P-JOWs, like, they had all this money for to do press for the Emmys, like that the network gave them.

And they donated every single dollar to give school supplies to the public schools, like, which is so moronic that, like, we even have to do that.

But, like, they're like a show that like highlights like the trials and tribulations of being a public school teacher in an underfunded and like low-income neighborhood.

And they're like walking the walk and talking the talk.

Like I just love them.

And the show is fucking funny.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

And Chessie is in it.

I heard.

And Chessie's a redhead.

Did she have a podcast?

Hopefully not.

Next, Outstanding Limited Series, The White Lotus.

Then Outstanding Actor in a Limited Series or movie, Michael Heaton Dopesick, standing actress in a limited series or movie, Amanda Saifried, The Dropout.

That was shocking yeah she was up against julia garner inventing anna lily james pam and tommy margaret qually made sarah paulson impeachment tony collette the staircase i thought margaret qually could have or should have won same with sarah paulson she was amazing as that annoying bitch in impeachment Yeah, these are all shows that like I intended to watch like really truly like still on my content plate that I just never did.

I feel like I watched them.

I feel like I watched Pam and Tommy though.

I did.

It was good.

Okay, then outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series, Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus.

She gave, okay, the one thing I want to say about the Emmys is that like award shows are always like playing the music for people.

Every single person who got on stage had a clock in front of them and they kept saying, oh my God, I only have 30 seconds.

Like they gave people no time.

And this year, I guess they like asked all the nominees to submit like a list of people they would want to thank so that when the person ended up winning, they put like,

Gene Hack Smart would like to thank her brother, blank, and her agent, like, it was so disingenuous.

And like, if we're not going to listen to the people who are winning, like, that's what we're watching for.

No, like this more than ever, I felt like they were cutting people off.

And to their credit, they did end at 11 o'clock, not 11.30.

But like, cut something else for real.

Like, why?

It was actually like rude.

That is rude.

And it like trips people up and probably makes people go longer as opposed to like, if I knew I had this much time left as, and instead of being like, sorry, oh, you know, wasting time on being like, I know I need to wrap this up.

Yeah.

Like, shut up like just talk instead of talking about wrapping it up you're wasting time and i also feel like there needs to be someone in the back like editorializing the amount of time people have because it's like jennifer lotus should have more time than jennifer lotus someone who just like won again yeah no they definitely use discretion like jennifer lotus is out again yes i'm not feeling well They definitely choose, like they pick and choose who they get, you know, kicked off.

Like Amanda Seyfried, while she is like A-list, like she's not like super like you know she wasn't like inspiring anyone with her speech like she got kicked off but uh that's what i mean you know the woman from i'm so sorry i cannot remember her name from

abbot elementary like saying and was like literally giving a speech that was bringing people to tears about just like never give up on your dreams like look at me like It was just like, and nobody played the music, like, as they shouldn't have.

Right.

Liz only.

That's what I mean.

There needs to be someone in the back being like, do people want to hear from this person?

Are they really saying something impactful?

Or can can we like save some minutes here yeah they definitely use judgment but that's also not fair like everyone worked equally as hard like give them a minute they give a minute yeah they get like 30 to 45 seconds okay then we have outstanding variety talk series last week tonight with john oliver like that category being like jimmy kimmel jimmy fallon stephen colbert like I'm sorry.

Like, I'm like, I have such a hatred of late night talk show, late night TV, because because it's literally like, I'm sorry, it's talentless hacks.

Like, it's all like,

it's like how I feel about David Letterman.

Like, I've just started to recently, like, really hate that group of people because I feel like they got famous in a time where like they were the only people getting famous.

Like, they weren't giving out shows to like.

Asian women, you know, like it was, like, straight white men.

And, like, they're not funny.

Like, literally, it's a fact that like Jimmy Kimmel is not fucking funny.

They're not funny.

The shows aren't funny.

How many writers do they have on these shows?

How many people do they have working on them to put out this piece of garbage every single night?

Oh, and there's like six of them.

Yeah.

It's just

not

interesting.

No, and so the fact that like they're still getting these prestigious nominations, like you know who deserves that award?

Like Cody Co's podcast.

Like people actually like that.

Yeah.

That's what I mean the potties.

The pod, like,

not to make it about us.

There should be one podcast award within the Emmys.

Like, sorry.

I agree.

Especially for people who do video.

Yeah, especially for one that's hosted by two sisters, one that's redheaded, one that's fat brunette.

Just think about it.

And I did feel like they were getting a little bit more creative, like nailed it with Nicole Bayer, which is like actually a genuinely hysterical show that got nominated in like the competition.

Yeah, outstanding competition program.

She was nominated, but Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Girls one.

And you know what was so crazy?

You didn't?

It's on Amazon Prime.

It's like a worldwide search for like really talented backup dancers who are not like the traditional like what you would come to expect from a dancer's body that's cool um yeah and now they're going on a world tour like it was actually really cool like dancers yeah like lizo was actually involved in it and she like loves the girls and all the girls were there oh that's so cool how have you never heard about it but um it was a crazy kind of upset because rupaul always wins yeah

And RuPaul was there.

Like he obviously thought he was going to win.

Damn, well, it's nice, like, it could go to someone else.

Someone else could have an Emmy on their shelf.

No, it's so true.

And now I feel like Liz O is definitely like in the e-got.

She has the E and the G.

But could she be regot?

The O is the hardest.

She could write a song for a movie.

Yeah.

She could get there.

Okay, well, that's your Emmy's recap.

There was one thing I wanted to say before we wrapped up, and that's just to kind of go off of how much I fucking hate Jimmy Kimmel.

Great.

So he presented with Will Arnett, and they did this incredibly unfunny

shocking where like Jimmy Kimmel was like dead on the floor the whole time.

Like Will Arnett dragged him out by his feet, dropped him at the microphone.

Will Arnett like did the presentation and

when they announced the winner, who was Quinta Brown from Abbott Elementary, which is just like this, if you've been following Abbott Elementary, it's just like this incredible story.

Like it's just this feel-good show and

it's written by a black woman.

Like, it's like a great triumph, and it's like, it was this moment for her.

And Jimmy Kimmel stayed on the floor, like, pretending to be dead for her speech.

Like, got in her way.

Like, she literally couldn't even get to the microphone.

That's so funny.

I can't stop it.

It's hilarious.

I can't stop laughing.

Ha.

No, that's.

I was like, you're kidding me.

Like, this is a huge moment.

Now, in every picture, your dumb, dopey body is, get the fuck up, bitch.

Get up.

It really fucking pissed me off.

Get up.

What the fuck was it?

Oh, and above all, it was not a funny bit.

So it's like, if you're going to like risk being rude, you got to be funny.

And unfortunately, Jimmy Kimmel, being funny is not something he really does all that often.

It sounds hysterical, Claude.

No, it was so dumb.

And then at the, at the, uh, afterwards, when they do press for all the winners, somebody asked, like, what did you think about that?

And it's very clear she's, you know, a political queen.

She's on ABC.

He's on ABC.

I do believe

they know each other.

Like, he

might have even been somewhat helpful in getting her on ABC.

So, like, she wasn't going to, you know,

be rude.

So she was like, well, I don't know what the internet thinks.

Like, I thought it was fine.

It was like, she was, she wasn't, she wasn't telling the truth, but she was being political.

She was like saying the right things, but like, not with the enthusiasm of someone who believes.

She had no like energy.

She was like, oh, I thought it was funny.

I think it's hysterical.

One of the funniest things I've ever heard.

It really fucking pissed me off.

Like,

and now there are people on the internet who are literally going around Photoshopping all of her images and getting his body out.

Like, how stupid?

I like the hate that I have for like the Jimmies.

Well, actually, I kind of like Jimmy Fallon for Jimmy Kimmel specifically and like all the like the late night hosts who I just feel like are really undeserving of all that they have accomplished.

Like, I'm sorry, I don't know if that's like mean to undermine their entire careers, but like, it's just how I feel.

Um, my hatred has grown grown stronger, especially when, like, there were so many shows last night that came from streaming and aren't like the typical, like, these aren't, you know, people who were just handed TV shows.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

So it just felt when they did that category, I'm like, you're kidding.

You're kidding.

Damn.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that's.

But overall, it was a good night.

Yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm shocked that you watched.

No, I know, and I did enjoy it.

It was really star-studded.

Like, Reese Witherspoon was there, Connie Britton was there.

Oh, yeah.

Amy Poehler.

It was just, it was premium.

Wonderful.

Are you ready for our next story?

Are you?

I'm just not feeling great today.

Oh, my God.

It's contagious.

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Okay, our next story, Ray J is on the warpath.

Oh, yeah.

He is slamming Chris Jenner, claiming that he filmed three sex tapes with Kim Kardashian to get the right one for Miss Chris.

Ray J is doing whatever it takes to clear his name.

The singer singer who infamously appeared in sex tape with ex-Kim Kardashian slammed Chris Jenner on Saturday after she took a lie detector test he claims was fake.

So we talked about this last week.

Chris Jenner went on James Corden.

And the lie detector man was the man from Lisa Vanner Pump.

He is the man that I believe like David Dobrik uses in his vlogs.

He is the one and only lie detector test configurer in Los Angeles.

There's only one lie detector guy in LA.

And it's him.

And it's him.

And

he administered Chris's lie detector test where James Corden asked her if she sold Kim's sex tape and she said no the lie detector determined that was true and this upset Ray J because he is back to square one insisting that Chris sold the tape made them film it three times because she didn't like how Kim looked and he's putting up some presentations on his Instagram um

trying to prove that this is the case.

So while I did see some of the proof, I didn't feel like any of it was like, you know,

bulletproof.

Like it could just be a piece of paper that he wrote, you know, take one, take two.

Yeah.

And I don't know, I just, and perhaps I'm just a Kardashian blind loyalist apologist and I own that.

But I just have a hard time believing.

Okay, because I feel like at first, you know, they were, before the Kardashians ever addressed it, people used to say, like, Chris sold it.

And I was probably like, yeah, she probably did, but like, it worked, so who cares?

Like, you know what?

We're past that.

Um, but then they started you know addressing the fact that people think it,

and that made me think, no, because if they did actually sell it, they would have just like continued to ignore.

Yeah, you don't have to address it.

So, the way that they handled it made me think that no.

And so, no one was even talking about it anymore when they did that James Corden thing.

And if the Kardashians didn't want to answer it, James Corden wouldn't have made it, like, they obviously had approval over it, right?

Right.

So, the fact that they're like not against talking about the fact

that people think it was Chris makes me think it wasn't Chris.

Yeah.

I don't know what I thought it was.

I feel like it was like gonna get out or something and then they got involved in order to

not like in order to make money with everyone else.

Get ahead of it.

Yeah.

Perhaps.

Also,

I remember watching season one of the Kardashians and like emotions were high.

Like the girls are not actresses.

No, and not season one.

No, like I've seen them act in some shit, and they stink, like, they're not actors, yeah, like, those were raw, real emotions, but when she was gonna go on Tyra, even if it wasn't Chris who sold it, I don't think it's Ray J who sold it.

Like, I feel like we can let Ray J know, like, we don't think it's you, isn't it, like, some

no, I think it's Ray J.

Like, literally a year ago, Ray J's manager, like right, someone in

the circle,

yeah, perhaps, but like, I don't think it was Ray J.

Especially after this.

Like,

he really is intense.

He wants to clear his name.

Yeah.

The thing is, like, I don't really care.

Like, I have moved on.

Yeah.

I, have you seen the sex tape?

No.

I have.

Somebody showed it to me when I was in high school.

Like, I'm not going to say his name because he's married now and actually just saw him.

He's a nice boy.

But he showed it to me.

And I was like, literally, like, what?

I'd never seen like, you know, like porn before.

I was like.

It was, like, really graphic.

I don't even know.

Yeah.

So I have moved on, you know,

fateful day in junior year.

Yeah, me too.

I don't know what I believe, but I'm not like mad at anyone.

I'm not, this isn't like stopping me from being a fan of Ray J.

No.

I like his earbuds, Raycon.

You do love his earbuds.

He has like a tech company.

Yeah, Raycon.

He puts the Ray in Raycon.

Yeah.

So I just.

Like, I don't care.

I don't care.

Question.

Do you think him and Ray J are going to get back together?

I do feel like she's, like, a little still hung up on Pete.

And once she kind of heals from that journey, maybe she's willing to explore things again with Ray J.

But I'm not sure.

There's really no telling the future.

You never know.

Honestly, that's like less crazy than Kim and Pete getting together in the first place.

100%.

I mean, I am still holding out hope for Kim and Reggie Bush.

Like that really was like OTP.

I'm holding out hope for Kim and Chris Humphries.

I'm not.

I don't think two people have ever hated each other more.

No.

And you know what?

Like

Chris Humphries has every right to hate Kim because as much as I love her, like, I can't admit that wasn't her finest moment.

I think she would admit that.

And you know whose moment it really wasn't finest either?

Chloe.

Why?

Like during that show, like that series, like she was kind of mean.

What do you mean?

Like when they did Kim and Chris getting married or yeah, Kim and Chris getting married.

What did she do?

She was like mean to like Chris and like his sister.

Do you remember her?

No.

It was just like so awkward.

Like everyone was so unhappy and they were trying not to be.

And it was hard.

Okay, I need to go back and watch.

But honestly, like,

it was not a good time to be a cardinal.

It was also weird that like Kim married someone with the same name as her mom.

Yeah, and it's like an alternate spelling, too.

No, they still spell it the same.

No, but both of them.

Yeah, they both spell it non-beaten.

Non-traditionally.

100%.

Weird.

Okay, are you ready for our next story?

Yes.

In today's news of fools who are disrespecting the queen, Howard Stern slams annoying U.S.

coverage of the queen's death.

He says enough.

Oh my God, this is tough for me because, you know, it's

a queen of us.

Yeah, we really look up to Howard Stern.

Howard Stern has had enough of Queen Elizabeth II, the outspoken radio personality, slammed the wall-to-all U.S.

media coverage of the monarch's

in a tirade during Monday's segment of the Howard Stern show.

He said, it's weird traditions and everything.

And I'm like, Jesus, enough with the queen, he told his co-host Robin Quivers when her death was brought up I mean it's America we don't have a queen

okay that's like not like that crazy I know but like he's not here for all the pomp and circumstance by the way that's like fine with me like I am okay with you know looking up to people who I don't share every opinion with like I'm okay with that.

At least he didn't say like, I'm glad that bitch is dead.

That's what I thought.

Like he was, because he could be a little crazy sometimes.

Yeah, no, he didn't say that.

He's just like not here for all of our obsession with it.

But that's why you you tune into the morning toast because it goes into Howard.

That's fine.

He's not here for it.

That's fine.

But here, we're going to keep you updated on one queen story a day in some way, Queen and Jason, until the end of September.

I can guarantee it.

Yeah.

And like, not everyone wants to tune in and listen to a curly-headed fuck, okay?

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

I just wanted to hurt Howard like he hurt me.

Yeah.

I'm lashing out.

I guess he didn't get invited to the funeral.

Right.

Oh, clearly someone's a little bit jealous.

Jealous what?

Do Do you see Prince Charles?

I'm sorry.

King Charles, Cavalier Spaniel, is going viral like for his fingers.

Like the way with the pen?

No, two things.

Everything he's doing, he's like getting roasted.

One is because they're calling his fingers.

It's really mean, honestly.

Like sausage fingers?

Because he's got like chunky fingers.

Are they body shaming him?

They're body shaming the king.

Okay, well, as the official spokesperson for fat-fingered fucks,

I think that this is disgusting.

You see, I'm with Charles.

I stand with Charles.

A lot of us are really insecure.

You don't think we'd all like long, lean fingers?

Some of us weren't born that way.

And some of us, no matter how much fucking weight we lose, still have big, fat, fucking hands.

Okay.

And some of us, no matter how much weight we gain, still have pretty slim fingers.

No, it's not right, like the way you prance around with those pointy little fucks.

It's crazy.

Like my fingers have expanded like a little bit since being like a big fat fuck.

It's crazy.

My ring sizes are so small.

Like my wedding ring, my engagement ring is pretty small, but it still fits.

But like my wedding band is literally a size three.

I don't even want to tell you what mine is, okay?

But my engagement ring is like a three and three quarters.

So big.

Huge.

What's yours?

I don't really feel like sharing.

I feel like you're a 6'7, which is like an average size.

I would prefer to share my pant size than my ring size.

Okay.

Okay.

What kind of pants do you wear?

Bitch, fuck off.

What were you saying the other day that we should all share our weights?

Yeah, but everyone else has to go first.

And then I'll decide.

That's funny.

Anyways,

I just would love like weight transparency.

Like, what does like...

Like, okay, there's a body that I like.

Like, what do you weigh?

You know, yeah.

I feel like Kim's always telling us what she weighs, which I love.

Okay.

That's for sure, but like, that's not what I'm referring to.

No, no, no, I know.

Regular people.

I know, but I like like knowing.

Also, I think we're like around the same height as Kim, so it's actually interesting.

That's like so sad because I'm so far from her.

When someone's like really, really tall, though, it's like I can't even relate.

No, I was just having this conversation.

I forget who, oh, with Heather McMahon, because she's so tall.

And she was talking about how she really carries her weight very well.

And she does because she's so fucking tall.

And actually, it's like not fair.

No, it's not fair.

Tall people can eat more.

And then I was saying Ben has the same thing.

Ben carries his weight extremely well.

It's not fair.

And I'm just like a roly polioli over here trying to get out the door.

Yeah.

Also, Prince King Charles is being made fun of.

Like the, he's like, was pushing around his pen things

to the servants.

Yeah.

Just being kind of a tyrant.

Yeah, no, he definitely gives like bad boss energy.

Like, is he going to be a tyrannical king?

I feel like those days are past because the kings and queens really don't have power.

So powerless.

Okay, you want to be crazy?

Like, ghost do in your room.

Right.

Go to your room.

But is he going to be like Charles the Terrible?

He's going to be Charles in charge.

Charles the Terrible.

Terrible.

Charles.

Terrible.

Are you ready for our next story?

We're not at the fifth and final yet.

No, but this next story I'm really excited to talk about.

What?

Because it's some Elvis news.

Oh.

Have you seen the news?

Jackie, I feel like this is the fifth.

No.

Did you choose six?

No, here.

One was Emmys.

Two was Ray J.

Three was Howard Stern.

Four is What I'm about to say.

Oh.

But we just like went on so many tangents.

Yeah, yeah.

Four was my ring size.

Right, right, right.

So Sophia Coppola is coming out with this Priscilla Presley biopic, and the cast is coming in.

Guess who's playing Elvis?

Which was another biopic?

Yeah, but it's about Priscilla.

But no, it's totally giving like sad, fraudulent energy.

It's giving like when there were two Snow White and the Huntsman's, you know?

Yeah, no, but it's like the Elvis, like Elvis is Austin Butler.

If anybody wants to make another Elvis movie, you're going to have to cast Austin Butler.

Okay, wait, so who is playing Elvis?

Jacob Alordi.

Isn't that like a little illusory?

Honestly, I'm like embarrassed for Jacob.

This is really weird.

So who's playing Priscilla?

Priscilla is being played by Kaylee Spawney.

But like to me, Olivia DeGonge is Priscilla.

So if you use Kaylee Spawney, I just need to learn.

She's from Mayor of East Town in bad times at the El Royale.

Like, good luck.

How do you spell Kaylee?

How do you spell Spawn?

C-A-I-L-E-S-P-Y.

Oh, C-A-I-Y-O-L-Y.

L-E-E Space.

S-P-A-E-N-Y.

I don't see it.

Yeah, no, I just, like, the.

I feel like this kind of is behavior is really beneath Sophia Coppola.

Like, I know the whole thing.

Her dad is Frances Ford Coppola.

The whole thing is odd to me, especially because like we got the Elvis movie and this is like Felvis.

No, I'm like, I'm literally ashamed.

No, this would be like if Harry Styles, like, he didn't get the big movie, so now he's going to play Elvis in this small movie.

No, because the way I'm like so shook up by this information.

They're all shook up.

I'm all shook up.

And to be honest, I feel like Jacob Lordy just got like a little less hot, honestly.

No, I know.

Like, if Sophia Copla wants to make a movie about Priscilla Presley, I absolutely love that.

You have to cast Austin Butler and Elevated Gonj.

Otherwise, what are you doing?

What's the point?

What are you doing?

Oh, that I love someone.

I miss Elvis.

I don't.

Why?

Honestly, the more that I sat back and like marinated with the film, the more I thought it was actually a horrendous movie, for real.

What about all the standing ovations that say otherwise

oh well that changes things for sure it was good

like it was entertaining but as a film it was bad like really

and that's not to take away from austin butler like i actually still think he deserves to be nominated for an oscar i think tom hanks deserves to be put in jail secluded island tom hanks deserves jail But I think the film was not good.

I don't think it was an accurate.

No, maybe not accurate.

I don't think it was a

effective retelling of Elvis's story.

I think if that's the story we're leaving to like a younger generation, like nobody's going to respect Elvis.

Would you respect a loser?

No.

No, I wouldn't.

Yeah.

So you're saying we do need another Elvis movie?

Kind of.

But like Austin Butler is Elvis.

Like that's what the movie was successful in.

Yeah.

So maybe that's what Sophia Coppola felt.

Like she saw the movie, she said, this isn't what we should be leaving the children.

I'm going to do it my own way.

Because maybe Sophia Coppola believes that the children are our future.

Maybe.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

I am.

In weird collab news.

Swedish House Mafia talk about their affordable Ikea collab.

Swedish House Mafia is tweeting.

I'm going to start that again.

Swedish House Mafia is teaming up with founded retailer ikea speaking to people magazine about the collaboration the house music supergroup shared their experience growing up with the brand in sweden and how the retailer played a very large role in their lives the two scandinavian powerhouses joined forces to produce obe

obe grandsad

a limited collect collection that will enable the many rising creatives in music and digital arts to produce their to build their home studios at an affordable price the products will will be sign me up where was this a month ago the products will be launched in the u.s and globally in october 2022 so it's like the the line is for like a furniture you need if you build like an at-home dj studio yeah it's very niche studio spaces vinyl collections dj tables

that's kind of cool This is very niche.

I do feel like, you know, obviously Swedish house mafia, Swedish Ikea, I get it.

But I do feel like them sitting down with People Magazine to talk about like a furniture collab is so beneath them.

It's giving a bachelor nation.

I know.

That's why it's bizarre, but it's unique New York.

But the collab itself is an interesting idea.

But also it's like Swedish House Mavi can barely get together again to do like a final show at Burning Man with millions of people.

And like

now they're like pulling Kelly Clarkson and designing furniture together.

It's unique New York.

I feel as though you needed to know that.

Yeah, it's nice to know that everyone is lowing the bar, not just us.

So that feels good.

Yeah.

I like your TMT sweatshirt.

Thank you.

It's like such a cute sweatshirt.

I've been wearing so much merch recently and it's just all so cute.

It's the only way to live, merch.

I'm sorry.

Like, shopmorning toast.com.

Also, shopchanel.com if the first one crashes.

Yeah, right.

We have a backup site, shopchanel.

And then there's also shopairmaze.com.

That's spelled H-E-R-M-E-S, Hermes.

Can we dive into Unburden Yourselves?

No, what's that?

Unburden Yourselves.

Yes.

It's like brought to you.

It's like that Drake meme, Unburden Yourselves.

No.

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All right, so unburden yourselves at the beginning of every week.

You write into us, tell us something mortifying that you did or that happened to you, and we are going to make you feel better about it.

We're going to unburden yourselves.

So, we've got two today, and the first one is perhaps my favorite one.

Hello, Jackson Clord.

How you doing?

McClord?

McClord.

The literal most awkward situation happened to me yesterday, and I simply must unburden myself.

I'm a high school teacher, and yesterday, after I decided to stay a little later to get some grading done, I needed to pay.

There's a student restroom literally three steps outside of my classroom, and my room is in the back in a kind of secluded hallway.

So I normally just use that restroom instead of having to walk all the way around to the teacher bathroom.

Well, that was a mistake because while I was in the stall yesterday, two students came in.

One started belting out, singing Justin Bieber's songs like she was literally on Broadway, and it was pretty funny at first because the girls obviously didn't realize I was in there.

But then they got really quiet, and I realized they had started making out.

I was literally frozen because I didn't want to come out of the stall and embarrass them, but I also didn't want to keep just sitting there listening to their kissing noises.

That's weird.

So I tried to like make noise by getting toilet paper, clearing my throat, but they just kept on.

Then they started giggling and whispering to each other, no, stop.

And I love you so much.

And no, I love you so much.

And then one of them said, no, don't start crying.

It's okay.

And then more kissing.

At this point, I could not come out of the stall because they would think I was either pooping or eavesdropping on them the entire time.

So I just had to sit there and listen to it all until they finally left.

It was so awkward and I wanted to die.

Sincerely, never using the student restroom ever again.

That is so awkward.

Hiding.

At least like, at least nothing happened.

Like, you made it out alive.

You just had to sit through an uncomfortable situation, but nobody knows.

I forgot.

Tasha, I don't know if I ever realized that teachers and students use different bathrooms.

Did they in our school?

I feel like

you don't see the teacher in the bathroom.

I don't actually know if that's true.

Because I'm thinking of like, think of the third floor in our school.

Like, where was the teacher's bathroom?

The student, the teacher lounge was there.

Yeah.

So where was there a bathroom in there?

I don't know

but like there should be separate bathrooms yeah it makes sense there should be separate bathrooms but this girl obviously is you know using convenience of course no no no i understand why she used the kids bathroom um that is just like so

crazy so they knew someone was in there the whole time because she started making she started making noise though or they just but they were kissing they didn't hear

They were lost in each other.

Like, I want to die for you because you had to listen to like some minors like making out and like you're their teacher and it's like definitely inappropriate.

But like nobody knows you're not gonna get in trouble.

You don't have to face them.

So like it's fine.

You can totally un this burden.

Yeah, you can un the burden.

But now I'm just like thinking about

bathroom configuration.

Bathroom logistics.

And especially in a men's room like urinals.

Like you can't be peeing like that next to your teacher.

You can't be peeing like that next to your student.

Right.

That's the same thing.

Yeah.

Makes you think.

Say I don't know from the comments.

Yeah, and I'm fairly certain our school did not have separate bathrooms.

Maybe they do now.

Why now?

Like, what's why would they have separate bathrooms?

Like, just like things change.

I don't know.

Like, it's been 10 years since we've been in school.

Maybe they got a new bathroom.

The teachers and the students are peeing in the same place where they're not.

I actually feel like maybe there was like a single stall, like family restroom vibe, like between, do you know the third?

Like, you know what I'm talking about.

This is the third floor.

Like across from the elevators, it was like the nurse's office and the teacher's lounge.

And then to the right was like the men and women's room.

Yeah.

I feel like there was a single stall in between the men and women's room, and there was a single stall in the nurse's office.

Maybe that was what the teachers used.

Yeah.

Makes you think.

Definitely.

Definitely.

I'm thinking.

Things are being thought.

All right.

Next up.

Hello, Jax, Claude, Raldini, Brass, and Strat.

Brass, he doesn't get to work with mom anymore.

It's so hurtful.

I ask him every day.

I say, Bryce, come with mommy.

Send, I'm good.

You say, I'm good.

I'm sliding you.

Okay.

Mega Toaster here with a major burden that must be unned.

This weekend, I went home with a guy who I know decently well.

He's a friend of a friend.

We've hooked up before.

We don't really chat or anything like that.

I'm a modern woman.

I'm in my mid-20s.

I have a sex-positive attitude, and there's no shame in my game.

But as we were getting into the act, I started hearing a familiar voice saying, hello.

Hello.

That's when I not so quickly realized that I had accidentally answered a phone call from my mother on my Apple Watch while twisting around in the sheets.

She was checking in and I got her off the phone pretty quickly.

Yes, she was on speakerphone through my Apple Watch like a fucking special agent.

But now I fear I can never speak to her again.

P.S.

I don't typically wear my Apple Watch out at night, but I had a busy evening right after work, so I mindlessly forgot to take it off.

Never again.

Love and kisses.

This is just further proof that nobody needs an Apple Watch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know you're very anti-Apple watches.

Yeah, I think, well, first of all, they're ugly.

So if you want to wear them to like work or like to work out, like I understand, but like get a speedometer.

get a pedometer.

Get aura ring.

Like, yeah, like, I think Apple watches are for honestly the great unwashed.

Wow.

And now you have another reason

to not get one or wear one.

The only time in my life I've ever seen a useful benefit of an Apple Watch was when I saw someone boarding a plane and they had the Apple Watch as their boarding pass.

Like, that was pretty sick.

I think there's also like some other interesting things, but I'd have never had one and I've never like wanted one.

I count my steps with my aura ring.

Deuces.

I don't think your mom probably knew what she was listening to in the first couple of seconds, unless you were like, oh, yeah, baby, fuck me, good.

But she didn't say that she said that.

So I feel like she didn't.

So if you're into dirty talk, like you might have an issue, but if not, your mom maybe thought you were working out.

Yeah.

And as you stated, like, you have a sex positive attitude.

There's no shame in your game.

So if your mom like figured out what she was hearing, then you'll just be like, yeah, mom, that's what I did.

Yeah.

And hopefully you inherited that, you know, fearless, confident woman energy from your mom.

So it's really, it's her to blame.

So ladies, you can unease burdens and unburden your weeks.

This week was mild.

I'm so glad nobody's really going through anything that like would put us in a pickle.

Yeah.

Not to make it about us.

Yeah, no, never.

I know that you are not feeling well, so I will let you go.

It's okay.

I think I sweat through my whole track suit, so it's good.

Thank you for showing up for the toasters when nobody else would.

So you're the best.

Love you guys.

And thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fastest five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Hope you have an amazing Tuesday and we'll see you tomorrow for Hump Day.

Goodbye.

Bye.