S5 Ep101: Lessons Learned: Monday, August 1st, 2022

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the Morning Toast.

Happy Monday.

Hope everyone had an in Creob amazing weekend.

We're so excited to be back here.

Hey, Jax.

How you doing?

I'm doing well.

I too hope your weekend was in Crayob.

We all hope you had an in-creab weekend.

Our last weekend of July.

Today we enter August.

August slipped away into a moment in time.

I wish she would.

It's so funny.

I wish she would.

August usually...

goes pretty quickly or slowly depending on who you are and where where you are.

I'm hoping for a brief August, but I have some fun things planned.

And obviously, I have so much going on right now that I think time will slip away from me.

You know, I mean, if you're like vacationing at the beach or spending August in Italy, like, of course, it's going to slip by.

But if you're getting your fucking ass up and working, it's going to take, you know, the same amount of time to pass as any ordinary month.

You're providing the entertainment for those vacationing in Italy.

If you're working this month,

yeah, it's going to go slowly.

But for us, we have so much exciting things happening, especially today.

And I hate to overpromise and under deliver, but

today's gonna be a transformative day.

Yeah.

And I'm actually vlogging the entire day because I figured people would want to see, like, Claudia, what the fuck are you doing down there?

I can't believe you're still there, Claudia.

I thought maybe on Monday you'd be back in your studio.

No, I'm doing an entire day in the life vlog because today happens to be extremely busy.

Not only is it Transformation Day here at the Morning Toast,

it's also August 1st, which means I announced the final tier dates of my n-log tour.

So all of this.

Yeah, I did.

It's on Instagram.

Thanks for following.

I was busy.

I can't get to the Graham till later in the day.

We have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11.

11 shows, 11 cities added.

With the final.

I'm so glad you asked, Jackie.

Thank you.

Already announced, West Hampton, Red Bank, and New Haven.

Those sound premium.

Portland and Seattle.

North Fork.

No, not North Fork.

Pacific Northwest.

Bella Swan moment.

Long Island, Huntington, New York.

You love Huntington.

I do.

And Huntington loves you.

Famed theater where I saw Casey Musgraves perform.

Pittsburgh, Divine Diversion, holds a special place in our hearts.

Yes.

Nashville, of course.

I'm so happy for the Nashville toaster.

Me too.

I'm sorry I neglected you, but you're the star of the second leg.

So would you rather be, you know, a small fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond?

It's a personal question.

It is more personal than comedy.

Big fish and small pond, obviously.

Obviously.

Charlotte and Durham, North Carolina, two separate North Carolina dates, because as previously discovered on the Dirty Jeans tour, North Carolina is one of the better states in this country.

I would say top five for sure.

And then Birmingham, Alabama.

I didn't even realize like how we're so big in Alabama, the toast.

They need to redo that study because we would come up for Alabama.

Oh, love that.

Yeah, we really would.

I have a question.

So every time you announce a tour date, there's always like people from a certain city who are like.

Ohio.

It's Ohio.

Yeah.

So

let me tell you why.

First of all, I was going to say, there's always people from a certain city who are like, come to blank.

And it's like really the majority and the left out city.

Last leg, it was Nashville.

Now Nashville is taken care of.

So I guess it's the Ohio.

No Ohio dates question mark.

And let me tell you why.

I did a couple Ohio dates previously and I did Cleveland and I did Columbus and I think I did Liberty something.

And they were all comedy clubs, which I love doing comedy clubs.

But for me to like miss the toast and travel, like it has to be worth my time in terms of ticket sales.

So I'm trying to do, like I'm trying to do less shows, more people, if that makes sense, aka bigger venues just to maximize my time.

So I can be here for the toast and also travel for tour.

So demographic wise, I just don't think there was like a big enough audience in one particular part of Ohio.

And I had such a negative experience in Cleveland last time.

I don't think I could go back.

I don't think that's possible.

And you know what?

I would feel bad for the Ohio toasters, except for how much shine we give to Cleveland.

You know,

we're constantly shining on Cleveland.

Actually, you are.

Ever since I actually went to Cleveland and had like an encounter with some, probably the worst crowd I've ever had in my life,

I won't be returning.

Sorry.

I am holding a grudge.

Here's my theory, if I may.

I feel like a lot of people seek out comedy, you know, as a bright spot in an otherwise dark.

life or a dark day and I just feel like people in Cleveland are like so bright and happy that they don't like need comedy as a relief.

That's funny, actually.

It's a good call.

Like people in New York, like, we need it.

Yeah, no, desperately.

I understand what you're saying.

I love that.

I'm just like so laid back.

I like how you still say people in New York, we need it.

Well, I've been here for a week, so I'm technically like still a New Yorker in my mindset, but I really look forward to that changing.

And like, I'm still a New Yorker in the way that I walk.

Like, I'm getting places fast.

I'm not walking for leisure.

And let me tell you something about the people here.

I'm still a New Yorker in the way that I talk.

Let me tell you something about the people here in Florida.

When I say that they're in absolutely no rush to do or get anywhere, it is shocking.

That's probably, for me, the biggest culture shock.

I've never really noticed it because every time I'm here, I'm on vacation.

So I don't mind everyone being slow.

But here I'm working.

I'm trying to go to FedEx, get something printed.

Everyone is just like molasses.

Yeah.

It's shocking.

So I do look forward to those changes in myself.

I'm sure I'll always have like a New York way about me, but I am so hurried in everything that I do and I do need to take a chill pill.

Yeah, mellow.

So for the tickets, Patreon members are going to get pre-sale.

Obviously, that starts on Wednesday.

All the details are on my Instagram.

And then if you're not a Patreon member, that's that's Friday, general on sale for everybody.

So I really hope to see you guys there.

This is the same show as the beginning of the year, just different cities.

So if you haven't gotten a chance to see it, this is your final chance.

And if you have gotten a chance to see it and you loved it so much, like come see it again and bring a friend.

Like spread the power of the toast.

And if she isn't coming to your city, I would recommend getting the girls together.

for a like a weekend of n-log because if she's not gonna do this show any further and she's saying i think you mean that when you say that like oh no no it's fully done at the end of the year i it's worth like getting your ass up and going and making a weekend of it because it's really great stuff um not to like switch gears so completely but i wanted to touch on something that we spoke on last week which was your mispronunciation of the material of these chairs um buccal right so allegedly somebody messaged me or maybe it was on tick tock they let me know that we did an ad recently for like a furniture company um and i was describing all of the gorgeous materials in which the company offers furniture.

And one of those was Buchle.

And I did say Bucal.

So maybe that's why it was in your head.

Maybe.

No, it's just we both read it.

We both pronounced it the way that it's read.

And you obviously like became classy in the time since, but I'm still, you know,

being an uncultured swine.

But I like how I like.

sat here and I was like, it's Bucle.

What about even more immediate when you corrected me for Candice Cameron Beret?

And I was wrong.

And then not only that, but then throughout the rest of the story, you called her Candice Cameron Beret, not even what you told me to call her.

And you were wrong.

You know what I think is important?

Like really genuinely, I think it's important that nobody like learns anything from this show.

Like, you know what I mean?

Oh, I so disagree.

Like we are not so disagree.

Like we are not, you know, English teachers.

We're not English majors.

Like we are not going to be teaching you other than life's important lessons.

I mean like actual like grammar or you know what I mean?

No, I feel like in every episode, you could find like one interesting factoid that we delivered I feel like in every episode like you can take away like an important life lesson like when we're chat two yeah but I don't think like you know um like you're gonna be taking away like facts you know no I think you could get some facts you could also get some non-facts fiction right but I don't think that's a fair to say overwhelmingly like sometimes I show up with a titanic fact that's true that like there's things like that yeah and or yesterday on the patreon like about the i-95 that it goes through the whole country.

Right, right, right.

Okay.

Okay.

And the I stands for interstate and you can go through states that way.

That is what interstate means.

And you think about it, but no one thinks about it.

Nobody thinks about it.

I got on the I-95.

I was, we did a podcast episode yesterday, catching up with Olivia, you know, life in Florida, Michaela.

It was a great episode.

And I told the story about how, you know, last week when I was like running around town trying to like do the most, I accidentally ended up on I-95, which was the scariest expressway, freeway, interstate that I'd ever been on in my life.

And I didn't understand why I was on the fucking freeway.

I was going literally 10 minutes away to FedEx.

Like I wasn't going that far.

It was horrifying.

I never saw a freeway that big.

And I drive on the highway a lot.

Like, but in New York, I guess we're limited to like four or five lanes.

This was deadass 20 lanes.

Like front, it was so crazy.

A lot of people traveling interstate.

And that's why I really kind of

sympathize with Dion

from Clueless.

Like, it's fucking freaky, especially in a convertible.

Yeah.

So tour wednesday patreon's pre-sale all the details are on my instagram friday for everyone else and i hope to see you guys there and we've got a great show we do have a great show the stories are really good i'm really excited plus we had a great weekend so we have that joie de viv that only a great weekend can bring yeah did you watch or consume a lot of content this weekend only read still haven't turned on a tv in my house in absolutely no rush to do so i finished the redheads book not sure if i finished it on friday but it's amazing A Flicker in the Dark by Stacey Willingham.

Like all the girls are amped up about it.

We are recording this week.

So if you have questions about the book or just like books in general, head over to the Redheads Book Club at gmail.com, send us an email, ask us your question.

Then we have Snitch's choice coming up.

She's between two books now because the book she was going to choose.

It's an obvious choice, but then she came to me and she was like, I think I'm going to choose this book.

And it's like kind of a departure for Snitch.

And like, we love that for her.

She never wants to depart.

And so I feel like I have to encourage that.

Yeah, I also saw she like on her Be Real, she was reading the book that I thought she was going to choose, which it would be a little early for her to.

Yeah, that's not allowed.

Yeah.

So she's not choosing it.

She was violating it.

So she's not choosing it is what I'm saying.

Oh, okay.

Well, it is up to her and it's her choice and we empower choices.

So we shall see.

But then I also started a celebrity memoir called Upper Cut by Carrie White, who was a celebrity hairstylist in like the 60s in Hollywood.

And at first, Lauren Bossick recommended it to me.

So I always take her recommendations from her seriously because she recommended Good Morning Monster, which really like changed how I think.

Yeah.

No big deal.

No big deal.

So, and she was like, you would love this.

And at first, I was like, it's weird to be reading a memoir from someone I don't know.

Like I not heard of.

But now in reading it, it's like everyone she's talking about, you do know.

Right.

And it's actually pretty cool and it's really well written and her story is crazy.

So I is it written recently?

2011.

But then she passed away a few months ago.

Oh, so it's timely.

Right, right.

And I'm immensely enjoying it, actually.

I just want to get through it because I want to like read more books because I'm jealous of you.

Yeah, I've read like seven books while I'm down here, which pretty much is like a book a day.

And I read a lot this weekend, obviously.

Book a day.

No big deal.

Nothing to really like quake over, but I did watch the Shania Twain documentary on Netflix.

And I really just wanted to recommend it to everyone because, of course, like, you know, we know Shania.

Of course, we grew up with Shania.

We just like.

We love her.

We saw her perform.

Nick Jonas brought, she brought out Nick Jonas at stage coach, which was weird.

But I guess I never really have sat down and like thought about her as a whole, if that makes sense.

And like really

her impact and her reach.

Like, and I guess it was because it was a little bit before our time, but

like when her, she had two albums or maybe three albums, go diamond, like in a row.

And like.

It was just like, actually, I never really sat back and thought about like how big she was or like how impressive her accolades are.

And the documentary basically did that for you.

I did, I loved it.

I did feel like they left out like the most important part, part, which was, and she talked about her divorce, how her husband left her for another woman, but like they didn't talk about how Shania actually ended up marrying that other woman's husband because they both were so, you know, upset over their spouses leaving them that they fell in love while grieving.

Like that was so interesting.

So there were like chunks missing from her personal life.

And then also me and Olivia, you know, Olivia, like sleuthio, she, we were reading her Wikipedia page and there was just like a lot of um

not that Wikipedia is 100% factual, but like on her upbringing, I don't know why it wouldn't be.

Um, There was a lot of, like, what's the word?

Not contradictions, but like when two things aren't adding up, like, they're not the same.

Like.

Hi.

Like,

what she said in the documentary.

What's that?

Yeah, what's the word?

Hypocrisy?

No, no, no, no.

Like.

Contradictions then.

No, but it's like.

Kind of.

Okay.

So like in the documentary, she said, like, this is how my upbringing was.

And then in Wikipedia, it was like kind of different.

I would trust her documentary over Wikipedia.

I don't know, but like Wikipedia was citing interviews she had done.

It was just like really actually confusing.

And I think she had a really- Did you go read those interviews or you just looked at the citation?

Yeah, the interview was basically about

how she, so her mom, her dad left her mom when they were really, really young.

And her mom got remarried and ended up like having more kids with him.

And he adopted Shania.

And so in her documentary, she, no, um, in the interview, she was like, I will always refer to him as my dad.

Like he was there for me, like basically defending her dad.

But then in the documentary, she was like, I grew up in a really violent household.

so it was contradictory contradictory okay but maybe when she said that interview like she wasn't ready to share the actual truth and that's what a documentary is for perhaps it was just um and then like she had brothers and she was talking about her brothers because both of her parents ended up dying in a car crash when she was like 18 and she became the sole provider.

She started singing at a casino and that's like how she kind of got in the, in the scene, but she was immediately responsible for her brothers.

And she kept saying her brothers are brothers, brothers.

But like, she also had sisters.

That's what I found out on Wikipedia.

So I just felt like there was a lot of confusion on my end about her upbringing because it was, it was really interesting, like the way she grew up.

Her mom would sneak her out of the house to like sing at bars, but she could only sing at like two in the morning when it was last call because she was literally 12 and she couldn't be in a place that was like serving alcohol.

Yeah.

It was really interesting.

And then once she hits it big, like you really forget how many iconic songs she like has that you know that you grew up on.

And it really, the documentary left me with like respect for Shania.

That's what what a good doc should do.

She really is that bitch.

Like, she's so, she's queen.

Like, and they had really interesting celebrities in it.

Obviously, like Kelsey Ballerini, which made sense, but like Diplo.

It was like weird.

Okay.

Now I want to watch it.

I will.

Add it to the plate.

I will say, though, that like

the editing on the documentary was giving iMovie Microsoft Word paint, like with font that was like, you know, switch.

It looked like one of our Patreon vlogs.

Like, love that.

It was just,

in my opinion, a low production value from the editing standpoint.

But,

and the whole time, you're like, her voice, when she talks like in her, you know, confessionals in the documentary, she sounds like she's on the verge of tears the entire time.

And you're like, why does she sound like that?

Then at the end, she talks about how she had Lyme's disease and it literally ripped her voice from her.

Her voice like never recovered.

It's better, obviously.

She thought she would never be able to like sing or speak and she can, but it like forever changed the way that the sound of her voice sounds.

It was weird.

It was crazy.

Really good.

And I just like, now I'm like obsessed.

I followed her on Instagram and I'm just like obsessed.

Great.

We should see her in Vegas.

I would love to.

I bet it's a real.

There are so many

people and places just added to the list.

That we got to see.

Yeah.

We got to see Keith Urban in Vegas.

Kelly Clarkson.

Should she choose to grace the town with her presence?

Carrie Underwood.

But me and Olivia, when we were watching the documentary, they had footage of her show in Vegas and it was wild.

Like she had horses.

It was like production value 50.

How can she do a Vegas show if she can't sing like she used to to do?

Well, so she can,

but it's, it's different.

But she, she worked, she did like, she took like years off.

Yeah.

And the first song she came back to sing was this duet with Lionel Ritchie.

And Lionel was in the documentary.

And he's like, P.

Jom Nation.

So it's, it's back, but it's never going to be the same.

Okay.

That's fine.

But there was like a period of time where she thought she would never sing again.

And it was like very debilitating for her emotionally.

But it made me think when I was watching those clips of her Vegas show, like, there's nothing Vegas can't put together because her show was wild.

Like the things me and Olivia, we were like, Adele could, like, Adele would never have a live horse because Shania is a pop star.

She does like big, flashy.

No, it was just, I was like, oh, it's now I can't think of literally a show in Vegas without thinking of Adele.

Yeah.

And the excuse.

And the excuse, yeah.

That isn't holding up.

Yeah.

I feel that.

So it was a highly recommended documentary if you're Shania girly.

And even if you're not, like, you will have respect.

And like, talk about someone who was more sickening in like, well, she still is, but like when she was the it girl of the moment, like she was everything like her outfits her glam she had that like classic 90s hair that was like bouncy and curly and it was just everything it was so good like you would love it and she looked so much like a young friend dressher i kept watching the documentary and like i'm like why is friend dressher on this and it's shanaya so good highly recommend you would love it Add it to the plate.

This is not my plate, but add it to the plate.

Yeah.

And if you're looking for someone to watch, I really, I liked it a lot.

She liked the beat.

I liked the beat.

I did.

Speaking of things I like, do you know what today is?

August 1st.

Monday.

The one year anniversary, the birthday, the one

first birthday of Spritz Society.

It's so exciting.

Isn't that crazy?

It's been a year.

It's crazy how much happens in a year, like where Spritz is

one year later.

I know.

And we have so much to celebrate.

We do.

And so we're going to do today's Monday, obviously.

So we're going to do Unburden Yourselves.

But we're going to do a little anxiety hangover themed

Unburden Yourselves in honor of Spritz's first birthday.

And obviously today's lead-in sponsor is Spritz Society because why wouldn't it be?

So should we lead in?

We should lead in because there's a special surprise on the Spritz Society website.

Okay.

So without further ado,

do where are the Streis Brothers?

They're right here being so perfect.

Sleeping.

What's the word for the way the grandparents slept?

Sufficient.

Sleeping sufficiently.

Here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

I feel like that's a fact you just learned on the morning toast today.

Sufficient.

That's what it means to sleep the way the grandparents slept.

Yeah.

I'm sure one person, like me, didn't know the word.

I don't know why I know that word.

It's a great word.

I think because when we were kids, we would all like get into bed together and we would sleep sufficiently.

Yeah.

I don't know if that's like the right adverb.

No, no, no.

You're killing it.

Who said I wasn't an English major?

All right, so today's episode is brought to you by Spritz Society.

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And actually those tumblers were in Jackie's house not two days ago.

We signed all of them.

Jackie signed a bunch.

I signed a bunch.

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No, and those are the best tumblers for drinking wine out of.

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I don't know if you knew that.

Yeah.

Another thing you learned here at the morning toast.

Also, I would be remiss.

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Tell me about that experience.

Okay, it's actually been an amazing experience.

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go to thuma.co slash toast that's th uma dot co slash toast for a 25 credit great thank you for that our first story is like some drama florence pug pugue I don't know.

I don't know.

I think it's Pugh.

Pew, but I don't know where I got that.

But that's, yeah, Pugh.

Okay.

Florence Pugh is unhappy over Olivia Wilde and and Harry Styles' affair, a source said.

Have you seen this?

I have seen like people speculating that she's like not on good terms with them because she's barely promoted the movie.

And she's like a, she's an actress who promotes her own movies, you know?

Yeah.

And so they're actually all going to be on the Venice Film Festival carpet in a few weeks promoting the movie.

So we'll see then.

But sources are saying that Florence is not happy with Olivia.

This is what the source said.

Quote, I can tell you for a fact that Flo seeing Olivia and Harry all over each other on set, Olivia and Harry all over each other.

Is literally auntie and nephew love.

It's Jon Snow and Snow.

It's not incest, disgusting.

It's love.

Jon Snow and Daenerys.

Yeah.

I can tell you for a fact that Flo seeing Olivia and Harry all over each other on set did not go down well as Olivia was still with Jason when she first hooked up with Harry, One Insider told page six.

At the time of...

Jason Sudakis and Olivia Wilde's split, sources cited Olivia Wilde's relationship with Harry Styles as the main reason for the split, with One Insider telling page six that the affair with Harry had been ongoing for a month, leaving Jason Sudekis distraught.

And so I guess Florence Pugh is upset over what she saw on set and the adultery.

Okay, can I just say that I'm really not the biggest fan of Olivia Wilde and Harry, mostly because I'm jealous.

But like.

No, it's giving me.

Florence, yeah, Florence is giving like Karen energy.

Okay, do I endorse adultery?

No, but like, calm the fuck down.

She's giving like moral superiority.

Yeah, well, I feel like it's a few things.

First of all, does she know Jason Sudegas like personally, right?

Her uncle or something like that.

That uncle.

Why does she care so much?

Agreed.

But I also feel like, and I can't speak for Florence.

I don't know her.

If it were me, though, all I can say, like, I'm starring in the movie with Harry Styles, we're about the same age.

Yeah, of course.

We're single.

Of course.

Or is she, she's dating the Zach Brad doctor from Scrubs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And.

Anyways, I'm staring in the movie with Harry Styles.

I'm hoping.

If there's going to be an on-set romance, I'm hoping it's me.

Of course.

If he starts dating the married director, I'm gonna take Umrage with that.

And they were engaged, not married.

So I do believe the rumors that like Florence Pugh is like butthurt about something.

And I honestly did not think it was as simple as this because this is like really kind of weird.

Like it just, it's not your business, like to be completely frank and to stop talking to everyone and not promote the movie because like you, even if you've been personally affected by infidelity, like it's not your fucking business.

So I was hoping for more there.

And maybe the source is like not 100% informed.

Maybe they're not, but the fact, and I know you you can't like trust sources, especially like anonymous sources that talk to media outlets, but like her, I'm assuming this source is a woman.

I don't know why.

Saying, I can tell you for a fact that Flo, seeing Olivia, like close enough to call her Flow.

I didn't know her friends.

But that does, but that is something that like a fake source would think about, you know, like, well, she didn't say live.

Because if I was selling, you know, a fact about you to the media, which

don't put, don't put it past me, I would do that in a desperate time.

I would say, I could tell you for a fact, Jax is not Harry's mom.

That's what I'd say.

Okay.

I'd say there's more there.

Look into it.

But would you say for, I could tell you for a fact?

I mean, that is like a weird way of phrasing something.

It's like very conversational.

I don't know.

Like, I definitely agree that there's, Florence is mad about something, but I don't know if I would take everything this source says like 100% face value.

It's, it's giving,

it's giving lies.

Who could the source be?

Someone who worked on the movie.

Okay, if someone who worked on the movie wouldn't, maybe they wouldn't know the truth.

So it's either someone from Florence's camp, in which case, why would they say something not true like this?

And it wouldn't be someone from Olivia and Harry's camp, like shining light on the infidelity.

Well, so that's the other thing about this that I wanted to talk about.

I guess I don't really think about, you know, their relationship that much, but it wasn't my understanding that this relationship is what broke her and Jason Sadegis up.

I thought they had been like separated for a while.

So did I, but apparently not.

Like, it's possible that like this was the straw that made Olivia leave, but I don't think she was never thinking about leaving, met Harry and bounced.

Like I think things were bad and then she started to fall for someone else.

But that's typically what happens.

So that's not infidelity, by the way.

Yeah, well, there was a quote from, you can't break up a happy marriage.

100%.

That's from like housewives.

That's Margaret Joseph.

By the way, it's so true.

You can't break up a happy marriage, Jason.

But I feel like Jason Sadegas like did come out.

on top afterwards, like with Ted Lasso and then he kind of became like a victim and everyone felt bad for him.

And isn't he dating someone now?

Like a young girl, yeah.

And I don't think like the people like in the public like particularly like Olivia Wilde as it pertains to her relationship with Harry Styles.

You think so?

I mean, I know Harry fans

do not like her.

They're jealous.

Yeah.

But I feel like

overall people are obsessed with them.

I feel like people are obsessed with them.

Oh, I don't feel that.

That's funny.

Maybe they are.

I don't feel that way.

Maybe it's like an obsession, not necessarily meaning we love them, but we just like can't look away.

I think perhaps a lot of women with kids

are inspired by her.

because isn't that just the dream you know yeah and you get to raise your kids with like the stable guy and then and who's also like your kids' idol yeah and who's also like handsome yeah but then like when things start to get rocky you fall into the arms of a pop star right i'm sorry i and that's where i said who's your kids' idol right who's your kids' idol yeah but like you had a great partner for like the hard part and then like things you know when the kids get older things start to get easier and then like you fall into the arms of literally the biggest rock star in the world that's like kim and pete a little bit right?

But I don't think people find Kim relatable, but I think people might find Olivia Wilde relatable.

Why?

Um, there's just like an aura of Kim.

I find Kim more relatable just because she shares more.

I couldn't find Olivia Wilde.

I mean, I don't follow her, so I can't critique how much she shares, but I just feel like I don't have a peek inside her life, so how could I relate to it?

No, totally.

But I think we're like a little bit more in pop culture than others.

Like,

we're a little too in the weeds.

Like, I think for the most part, people love Kim, but I don't think they would say she's relatable.

But, like, we consume everything she puts out, so we we know that she is.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, and I think on the surface, she doesn't seem relatable.

Right, the point

is this and that.

But once you get to know her, like she is, like the way she talks about her struggles with her weight, like I find it completely, I completely agree with you.

Yeah, but I just don't think most people, like, who are outside of our obsession with pop culture, would say, Kim, like, who's the celebrity you relate to?

Kim Kardashian, you know what I mean?

Who's the celebrity that you relate to?

Probably, um,

Marilyn Monroe.

No, probably, uh,

let me think.

Let me think about this.

Yeah, it's a good question.

And so give me a real answer.

I'm going to think too.

It does depend on where I'm at in my life.

Just what you say.

But that's like what influencers are for.

Right.

They're meant to be.

Actually relatable.

Yeah.

I don't know what celebrity I relate to because like who is hilarious, gorgeous, stunning?

Honestly, nobody.

Oh, you know what celebrity I relate to?

Myself.

Because I'm famous in my own mind.

I'm not going to take the time to answer.

No, at first I was trying to think of a joke, like a supermodel, but then I'm like, okay, like, that's not funny.

Like, then I was actually thinking like a real answer.

But honestly, I don't scroll through social media and be like, wow, this celebrity is relatable.

I don't think I've actually ever had that thought in my life.

Really?

Yeah.

I feel like there's no one celebrity that I think is the relatable celebrity.

And when there is, I think then it's like a false.

It's PR, Busy Phillips.

Like it's giving Chrissy Teigen.

Yeah, it's giving press.

But there are celebrities who have moments that I find relatable.

Of course, of course.

Like when they actually share something that's like...

Like Kylie on the treadmill.

Like, she's having a hard time.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Cool.

Glad we unpacked that.

But I'm, I do feel like there's more to this Florence Flow story.

And I actually am curious like what the deal is.

I think that it's this.

Like if there was going to be someone who was going to romance Harry Styles on the set of this movie, it was going to be me.

It was going to be like the hot new actress in town.

You cheated.

Yeah.

On me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

And you cheated me.

Yeah, 100%.

That's how I'm not saying that's how Flo feels.

I'm saying that's how I would feel.

Right.

This was supposed to be like my press relationship, my moment.

Yeah, like we fell in love on said.

That made the movie amazing.

Right.

Not like he's looking behind the camera at the director the whole time.

It's just what about me?

Right.

What about me?

What about my needs?

What about Flo?

100%.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Exciting news.

Dwayne Johnson is tweezing Bad Blood Taylor's version on TikTok.

Have you seen this?

He's tweezing.

That's not what I said.

I said teasing.

You said tweezing.

I'm pretty sure I said teasing.

You said tweezing.

It's fine.

Okay, I'll remember this.

I'll remember.

he's teasing that Bad Blood Taylor's version is going to be on his new movie DC League of Super Pets with Kevin Hart, who then Kevin tees that Message in a Bottle Taylor's version is also going to be on the movie.

Okay.

I fucking love Message in a Bottle.

And this is so Taylor.

Like I feel like now that her songs are being re-released and she is trying to like own them more, she's putting her

new ethically sourced music in so many other

projects.

Projects.

Like she's actually, it's a lot of like kids' cartoon movies.

That's where the money is.

That's where the money is.

And you know what?

I love that for her.

Like love, love, love.

Message in a bottle is such a good song.

And anything involving The Rock, me and Ben were actually having like a conversation with The Rock about The Rock yesterday because Ben said he thinks that like The Rock is going to run for office and like he's such a good business person.

Like he would be great and everyone loves him, yada, yada, yada.

And I'm like, okay, for sure, for sure.

But like when I think of the rock, and by the way, I like the rock.

This is not like a negative thing about The Rock.

But when I think about The Rock, like I don't think like genius business person, do you?

No,

maybe he is a genius business person, but I would say that he's like the top of his field in the acting business realm in terms of like, obviously he's a good actor, but also choosing the right projects.

Right.

And he, and Ben was telling me that.

And being like the guy and having a great image.

Ben was telling me like all these company he's a part of because he has a tequila company that Ben says kills it.

I have never heard of it.

And all these different, like a power drink or something.

And I'm like, no, for sure.

Like he's a really like smart celebrity when it comes to like his money and things to invest in.

But like, I wouldn't think of him as like an amazing businessman.

No, that's, I just

think it's like a household name, family-friendly, great brand, great image.

Great actor.

Nice guy, probably.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I'm glad you agree with me.

Yeah, but that has nothing to do with whether or not he would be a good candidate for office.

For office.

Yeah.

No, I think that was like, but what people are saying is like, great businessman.

I'm like, really?

That's just not what comes to mind for me.

Yeah.

Just like a thought.

But it's nice to know about his business ventures.

Yeah, no, Ben is always talking about his tequila company, like because they sell like crazy amounts of cases per year.

Yeah.

Like, I feel like Ashton Kutcher is like actor, but great businessman.

Yeah.

I think when I, you know, funny enough, when Dwayne Johnson, I think that about Kevin Hart, especially after watching his documentary, like you realize how every project he does, like he owns the production company that does it.

He owns the car service company that drives him to the, like he owns everything.

That's like funny.

That's like, that's like Reese.

Exactly.

Love that.

Yeah.

But back to this story.

So Taylor's putting her music in.

Taylor's also been in the news quite a bit.

Is that story?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Okay.

This jets.

Yeah.

That's not a story.

So this twisted, like, and I'm, and by the way, I am like Taylor Swift denier till I die.

So take that with a grain of salt, but like this is actually how I feel.

This like completely unreliable, like piece of shit, like student UK tabloid released some data that they concocted themselves in a cauldron that a list of the celebrities in the world who, you know, pollute the climate the most with their jets.

And because everyone's been talking about Kylie recently taking 10 minute flights instead of driving 30 minutes.

But the truth is those 10 minute flights are to park her jet at the hangar.

There's no way to know that for sure, but like I thought that that's what it was.

That's what everyone was saying.

And I'm pretty sure like something with Drake and he confirmed that.

Yeah, by the way, for sure, but there's also no like full confirmation that Kylie didn't take a 10 minute flight instead of just driving 45 minutes to downtown, you know?

Okay.

So it's been in the conversational, in the news a lot, like just celebrities like, you know, not caring about the environment with their jets, which is true.

Personally, like I don't really care.

Like if you're a celebrity who's going to tell me not to use plastic straws and then you're getting on your jet, like that I take umbrage.

Like I never want to see Adrian Roy on a jet in his life.

If he ever flies private, like he will he be hearing from me because I am, I am doing my part without the plastic straws.

I am, but you're not.

Yeah.

I agree with you.

So if you're going to be like a climate girly, this is like where it applies to like Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan and Harry, like big climate girlies who are.

But these are full of contradiction.

Right.

Who are like really like

taking planes the most.

Like, remember when Leonardo DiCaprio flew JetBlue Mint as like press because he was getting so, he was at like UNICEF at the UN being like climate, climate, climate.

And then literally the way he got home from that climate, UNICEF event was on his plane.

Like that, that shit really bothers me.

But whatever, I digress.

So this, I don't even know what the website's called, but like it's a wholly unreliable website that released this article.

Here are the celebrities who are, you know, contributing the worst, the most bad amount to the environment with their planes.

And obviously everyone's like Kylie, Kylie, Kylie.

But then number one turned out out to be Taylor Swift.

And Kylie didn't even crack the top 10, correct?

There was definitely a Kardashian on there.

I don't know, actually.

I guess if you put the whole family together, the only piece of information that really made its way out was the fact that Taylor Swift was number one.

And so her family's flooding in.

The memes are flooding.

And like, it's very possible Taylor Swift is the number one, you know, climate abuser.

But

why are we all just believing this random, unverified, janky website?

Like, like it's fact.

yeah since when like i never heard of this it says that marketing firm yard compiled the list using data from a twitter account called celebrity jets oh which imports from the adsb exchange which is the largest public source of unfiltered credits a research study with information from twitter oh then it has to be true

i want to see the list Taylor's rep did respond basically saying like Taylor by the way, I think Taylor has multiple planes

and that Taylor charters like she doesn't fly half of those flights.

She gets, she makes money on her plane by chartering it out to other rich people.

So she's not responsible for every single mile.

That's a good thing.

Every single omission.

Even if she's given like one flight away, then she could say that.

No, and I'm sure she does.

And by the way, I know she has like one major big plane that has like 13 written everywhere.

It's like sewn into the seats.

I don't think a lot of people charter that plane, but I know she has, she owns a bunch of hangers in Nashville.

She makes a lot of money from her planes because they're really expensive to keep up she's another celebrity who i would say is like incredibly um business savvy yes like she owns the production companies that produce her music videos like she's one of those celebrities yeah celebrity

um

so yeah this this story just like bothered me because

and you know what i will say like at least taylor is not like patronizing all of us with like instagram posts about how we all need to stop living wasteful lives like look at the movie shorter showers colder showers use that water for coffee and eat bugs Right.

Like that shit bothers me.

Like look in the mirror.

Look in the mirror.

Like every celebrity who's posting about climate change, like you literally have to fly commercial.

Like that should be a rule.

No, you have to take a sailboat.

Yeah.

Like it's so hypocritical.

So it's possible Taylor is actually the number one contributor, even though I just like have a hard time believing it because she doesn't even do, she doesn't even work ever.

Like she's always just chilling, you know?

So how much can she actually be flying if most of the time she's chilling at home?

Like, especially recently, she's only been working like a couple of times a year.

So, I don't know if I really believe that, but even if that's true, I'm grateful she's not like one of the celebrities.

He's like always yelling at us to do more.

Yes.

Okay, so here's the list.

Okay.

Taylor's number one, allegedly.

Number two is Floyd Mayweather.

Okay.

Okay.

Number three is Jay-Z.

Number four is A-Rod.

Number five is Blake Shelton.

Number six, Steven Spielberg.

Seven, Kim, even though she just got her place.

Right.

She must be doing that.

Actually, that makes sense.

She's always on the move.

Yeah.

uh next is mark wahlberg then oprah and then travis scott top 10.

i'm just trying to think if like any of these celebrities are real environment activists like i but none of them really come to mind when i think of all celebrities are but yes but some are more passionate than others

when i think i really think of leonardo diaprio megan and harry yeah

and adrian gournier obviously

So um, it does make me feel better.

Like,

I can't stand that shit.

Like, it's hypocrisy.

It's like, everyone, let's turn off our light bulbs for 35 minutes.

Like, some of us have to go to work, okay?

We can't turn off our light bulbs.

Yeah, some of us have to film a show.

We need more lighting.

Some of us are just ugly.

Are you ready for our next story?

No.

Okay.

Theo, I love you more than life itself, but I'm going to let you go.

Oh, sure, Sam.

I'm just like getting uncomfortable, but I love you dearly.

Okay, so where was I today's episode?

Who is it brought to you by?

I just...

Oh, actually,

did I already do?

I'm sorry.

I'm like the worst.

You don't have your curds.

That's why.

I don't have my curds because you and Olivia don't have

printers.

I have an excuse.

You just moved.

Yeah.

Olivia being a businesswoman, working mom, not having a printer is disgraceful.

And once Kayla like starts to get homework, she's going to need to get it printed.

For sure, but she's just like saving trees.

I got you.

Oh my God.

Sorry.

Theo just scared me.

I don't know what he's doing.

I got you there.

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I'm like, literally, their sponsor of the show, we have had it in the studio.

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Are you ready for our next story?

Some drama already.

Beyonce dropped a new album on Friday called Renaissance.

Have you seen the drama?

And she's being slammed.

No, she's being slammed by fans and disability charity scope for including the ableist slur that Lizzo just dropped from her song.

Beyonce, like, have you learned nothing?

So, Beyonce has been called out by Disability Equality Charity Scope for using an ableist slur on her new song, Heated.

This comes just weeks after Lizzo apologized for using the same word on her song, Girls, and had her track re-recorded.

So Beyonce has the lyrics in her song.

I'm not going to say them because I value my career, my job.

I love this show.

So

I thought you were going to say, because people are like citing this one lyric from one of the Beyonce songs, it must be the cash because it ain't your face.

And people think that's her like calling Jay-Z ugly and rich.

And everyone's using the song like for like jokey meme types and and it's really funny.

I didn't know that she used that this S word.

And I have to imagine, of course, Beyonce doesn't like keep up with the news and know that like this happened to Lizzo, but I'm sure one of the people who works with her, like either a producer, helped songwriter, someone on her team, like they know about it.

I think

they know.

And I think Beyonce definitely, before she put this out, like knew.

that it was like a trigger, not a trigger, like a controversial word and decided to stick with it.

So I don't think we'll be seeing a re-release like Lizzo did.

Like Beyonce made a decision and she's telling everyone they could fuck off.

Yeah, no, I think the choice was made.

I don't think that she, I'm sure, I'm sure she keeps up enough.

Even if Beyonce like didn't necessarily know the story, like the people on her team did, like PR people.

Do you know how many people

chosen?

I'm sure they said to Beyonce, like, just so you know, here's a hack story about the word.

And she said, leave the word.

So obviously don't say the word, but like, what's the context?

What's the lyric?

Um.

Okay, so the word is S star star.

Everyone knows.

No, they don't.

Last time we were talking about it, they were, there was a post post like, what word are you guys talking about?

Okay, okay.

S star star Z.

And the middle letters are P A.

And the word can mean to freak out or go crazy in the U.S., but it's very widely known that it comes from the word spastic.

So it says, bleep on that ass.

Bleep on that ass.

Got it.

So she wants you to go wild on that ass.

Yeah.

That's some good advice, by the way.

You should go wild on that ass.

Okay, like, I don't know.

I feel like Beyonce really can do no wrong for a lot of people.

So I don't really feel like this is going to have legs.

Like, the thing with Beyonce is like,

like, nobody cares.

Like, we're just grateful for the music.

We're grateful for the.

No, and like, she puts out an album.

Like, it's a mat, it's a work of art.

It's a masterpiece.

There's no editing the art.

What is she going to take the track off of iTunes and Spotify?

No.

That's also not Beyonce's like.

vibe.

Like she puts out work and then she goes back into under her shell.

Like she doesn't interact publicly.

She doesn't really do social media.

So

I don't think she really gives a shit.

And like these things happen and they pass so quickly.

And I think people's overall sentiment is like they're just excited about the album.

Yeah, but

it's an interesting precedent for the word because now it's like we can't use it every day.

Because Lizzo set the precedent and changed it.

So we were all like, okay, this word is officially out.

But then Beyonce, who is, you know, obviously more influential than Lizzo, only in the sense that she's, you know, more famous and been around for longer.

Beyonce said it was okay.

So I don't know.

I personally am just like staying away from it because it's not a word I really ever use.

It's not going to be one that I have to like stop saying.

It's kind of like, we said this the last time.

It's like kind of like a losery word like to use.

Like when you're using it in that context, like there's just better words you can use.

Like,

oh, apeshit.

I don't know.

You know what I mean?

So my life remains unaffected, which is really all I care about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I just care about the precedent.

And now precedent me is confused.

Yeah.

No, you're precedented for sure.

Like you're always looking to precedent for, you know, guidance.

Yeah.

The precedent has been contradicted.

So I guess it's just do what you think is best.

I like that precedent.

Right.

I like lie for precedent.

I think it's more clear in countries that aren't America, like whether the word is good or bad.

And here it's just like extremely confusing.

Yeah.

Anyways, oh, you should know.

I didn't know that.

That's so interesting.

Our next story, the CMA awards are on November 9th and we have our hosts.

I'm looking at your iPad.

Is that Peyton Manning?

Luke Bryan and Peyton Manning are hosting the Country Music Awards in November.

Will we be on the red carpet?

Who knows?

We'll have to see if it conflicts with any of my tour dates and if you're able to get away from Roldie.

Yeah.

I would love to.

Yeah, that's, well, that's like good.

Every time we do this story every year,

the hosts come up in like August, September, and it reminds us like we need to get on our stuff.

I actually really like Peyton Manning being selected as a host

because...

And I think a lot of people would be like, what the fuck?

This random like football player.

But he's actually extremely entertaining.

Like I think one of his

SNL episodes is like widely regarded as one of the better, like maybe even the best hosting jobs ever, definitely by any professional athlete.

He's like super funny and entertaining, like good at reading teleprompters.

I think he will be good.

I think he'll be good too.

And Luke Bryan is like a TV darling these days.

Yeah.

Don't slander him.

No, I'm not.

I love him.

I think you've recently like come to love him.

No, I love him.

I think he's great on American Idol.

I like his music enough.

I just feel like and this is my personal problem with country music is like the

like the biggest male stars in country music they're just like statues like they don't move it's like blake shelton jason aldeen and luke bryan like every year it's the same three people um there's more but yeah but now it's like i don't when i think of the biggest male country stars like those three people don't even come to my blake shelton like it's luke homes it's morgan wallen like it's these younger more like not like outliers but these are they're just like so conventional these original three and I just don't feel like they really represent country music anymore okay sure we could have that argument about like the entertainer of the year award but when it comes to hosting like I don't think Luke Holmes wants to host the CMAs no no and he's far too famous to do that yeah but like Luke Bryan has pivoted in his career to be like a singer but also a TV personality yeah but don't you feel like this is like a step down I just feel like it's a lot of really hard work for someone who has reached a level where he doesn't need to work that hard right anymore.

Right.

You know, and like it's a lot of hosting is like a thankless job.

But I also think like in country music and in the CMAs, it's like a room of your friends.

And it's not as like high stakes.

It's not a room of people sitting around with pitchforks like it is in Hollywood.

Right.

It's just a fun, good time.

Yeah.

It's like a family evening.

And he works with ABC on American Idol.

Like there's a country music award on ABC.

Like it's going to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess that's true.

I'm just like, I don't know.

I'm just like not like other country fans, you know?

Yeah.

That's just a little bit about me.

No, I like this.

And then I also think adding Peyton Manning like gives it the little flair.

And it's so American.

Like, yeah.

I like, I think Peyton Manning is a great choice.

And I think he's really funny and personable and he'll do a good job.

And I agree.

Like, I think the environment at the CMA Wards is very much like a friendly environment.

It's like welcoming.

So it shouldn't be like too high stakes for anyone.

Yeah.

So that's why I don't think, I think it's a pleasure probably to host.

And what happened to just like every year it being Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley?

I mean,

I don't know.

I feel like for Carrie, like, why would Carrie Underwood want to work that hard?

Except that like every year she just like did the most and was the best and the most gorgeous in every outfit.

And that must be fun too.

Yeah, but country music is interesting because like, let's say it was the Grammys and they had Taylor Swift host.

Like the Grammy, like the hosting job at traditional award shows is like.

It's like a step down from the people who actually win the awards.

Like if you're hosting, that's because you're not a contender.

Or I mean, as what it should be, what it used to be is like a host is a different job from being a performer, which I think is better.

And it's usually comedians.

Yeah.

But in country, it's always like Kelsey Ballarini does it.

It's like, it's always like huge stars who are also up for awards.

Yes.

But we say this, we've been saying this more and more with like new hosting announcements coming out.

It's like, it used to be a job like you were a host or you were an actor or you were a singer.

And now like the singers and actors are the hosts, pushing out the hosts.

But then also we complain at the same time that the people who are hosting these things are doing a terrible job.

So like bring back the hosts.

Yeah, no, I don't think having people host who are also eligible for awards that night or who are on the same level as people who are nominated, I don't think that that is the right choice.

Like I think hosts should be hosts.

Right.

But also it's like what we said about Laverne Cox doing the e-red carpet.

Yeah.

And I'll give everyone a chance.

And now having seen like, I think maybe it's two award seasons of her work, like it's not the right job for her.

She's not particularly good at it.

It's just not.

And that's not me being critical.

That's That's just facts.

Like yeah, I don't think the audience loved it either.

No, and I would be surprised if she, if she returns whenever her contract is up.

Also, so random, but speaking of like

pop culture, are you following this Netflix lawsuit against the TikTokers?

No.

So I think I've spoken about these girlies before.

I actually really like them.

I follow them on TikTok.

They're two separate girls, Barlow and Bear, but when...

Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear, but when they work together, they're like a duo, Barlow and Bear.

I've never even heard of them.

And they wrote, yes, you have.

they wrote the unofficial Bridgerton musical like via TikTok.

Like they literally just started writing and one of them is a composer, one of them is a songwriter.

So they put out like all these, it went so viral, Bridgerton, the musical.

I don't know if you remember.

They did song after song, and they actually ended up with like a completely, fully composed album.

Went viral.

People loved it.

They got nominated for a Grammy and they won.

And now they've kind of been on like this recent press tour, just like performing the Bridgerton songs.

They did, I think, at the Kennedy Center.

So the Bridgerton songs, it's like songs about Bridgerton.

Yeah, it's like if Bridgerton was a musical.

So it's like, if this is what you call a honeymoon, pacing around our separate rooms, running from our elaborate rooms, we're doomed.

Like, it's like, like,

Regé, Jean-Paul, and Phoebe Denever, like, if they were in the hotel room, like, what would they have sung?

You know?

Yeah, cool.

And it was really good songs, whatever.

They won the Grammy.

It was like such a big deal.

And now Netflix is suing them.

For.

So it was our understanding as, you know, followers that Netflix had approved or like they had gotten a license.

Like the album was not made nefariously.

Like it was fine.

But now they're doing performances of the musical using the Bridgerton like name and likeness.

And Netflix had sent them like a cease and desist about it.

And they ignored it.

And now Netflix is like fully suing them.

It's cozy.

Like two regular girls are being sued by Netflix.

Yeah, that's crazy, but you can't use the Bridgerton name and likeness and monetize it and and go on a tour, especially after they sang the cease and desist.

Yeah, they should have listened to the cease and desist, but I thought they, I think they thought like Netflix, this billion dollar corporation, it's never going to go after two little girls.

That's really crazy.

But the thing about Netflix that I've learned is like they're extremely petty.

Like they will go after two little girls.

And I guess Netflix owns the rights to the name Bridgerton, not that author.

Good question.

Good question.

I don't know.

It's just an interesting like legal story unfolding on TV.

It's like if someone was running around doing morning toast, the musical, and like at first it's like Cuten's promoting the show, so sure, but then they start like selling and trading.

Yeah, no, cease and desist.

100%.

They're wrong for the, for the live performance part, but I also think like Netflix should have

like leaned into it a little bit more, especially because by the time they were filming second season, the album was out.

Like this has been going on for a while.

And they should have like used one of the songs, at least like instrumentally in one.

Like I thought they should have leaned into it more.

They have their own thing going on.

Like, there's a lot going on in Bridgerton.

No, for sure.

But like.

They could have done like a separate show, but someone should actually put it on Broadway.

Totally.

Bridgerton the Musical.

Totally, totally.

In collaboration with Netflix.

And it's like really good.

Like the music is actually like stellar.

It sounds really good.

What a Grammy.

It sounds really good what you just sang to me.

Yeah, no, it is.

That's like obviously the only part that I know because that's the part that went like super viral on TikTok.

And then the album did too.

Sing to me, Paolo.

All you have to do is ask.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Just one subject that we can't quit, and it is our human interest story.

So we're going to be talking about the lottery because

a single man in Illinois won the lottery last week the over billion dollars and I was a little confused because they keep saying a single man so I'm like is he not married or he wasn't part of a group

um but we came to the conclusion that it probably means that it just means that like one one singular ticket as opposed to multiple tickets winning right and then it was definitely heartbreaking for millions of people, including myself around the country.

I think it's a disgrace, honestly.

I definitely think it's rigged.

I'm

super happy for the guy who won, but obviously, like

Alexa played that should be me by Justin Bieber.

Like, that should be me.

It really should.

Yeah.

So, people have magazine has put together like a list of do's and don'ts of lottery winners based on prior winners' experiences.

But also, have they actually told us like who the man is?

Have you seen a picture?

No.

And also, in eight states, there is lottery anonymity laws.

That you're allowed to stay anonymous.

So, I think he must be in one of those eight states, and we might never know.

So, if you won the lottery and they said like you can remain anonymous or not.

Well, I would do it for the content.

Like, and I would share.

I would too.

But then I think like everyone knowing that I have a billion dollars in the bank would make me a target.

I actually think I would stay anonymous.

So it's very possible that actually I did win.

How could you say that?

It's possible that I did win and I'll never tell anyone.

Yeah, it's possible.

But like if I win the lottery, honestly, like I'd never tell anyone.

Except for you, obviously, like

my friends.

And I wouldn't like sit here, do the show every day with like the secret brewing.

You can't even like keep together a secret project.

No, I know, but like this is about my safety.

Like if everyone knew I had a billion dollars, like people would just start like tracking me.

People are going to be able to do it.

It would be like 460 million, by the way, when you do the lump sum in taxes.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

You wouldn't be a billionaire.

No, but then I would

400.

Why wouldn't they go track an actual billionaire?

Because an actual billionaire has been so wealthy for so long that like they have security measures in place.

But I'm vulnerable because I am a new billionaire and I don't know exactly like where to put the security cameras you know yeah that's the things that that keep me up at night you're still not a billionaire though i just want you to know just in a few years i would be because i would be smart unlike some of the people you're about to list market is tanking no for sure but like i would i would be investing wisely i would be um

like i would i would not spend most of the money that i won and i would put it in like in a high interest yielding so like every year i'd be making like

tens of millions of dollars just like by doing nothing.

Okay.

So don't worry about me.

Okay.

That's good.

Well, here are some do's and don'ts in case you are the single man in Illinois who won the billion dollars.

That's actually not a billion dollars.

Sorry to tell you.

Do follow your dreams.

Whoever said you can't buy happiness must have had some inexpensive hobbies.

For down on his luck, cowboy Neil Wenless, a $232 million Powerball winner in 2009, had allowed him to live comfortably while pursuing his passions.

At 23 years old, he bought a nearly 50,000 acre ranch in South Dakota.

And in 2020, he told Wall Street Journal that he stayed grounded thanks to the rewarding challenges of life on the range.

Oh my God, I love that.

Cause you always hear like the worst stories.

Here's one of the worst.

When 19-year-old Jonathan Vargas, and so this is don't related to Elizabeth Lynn Vargas?

Perhaps this is don't dream recklessly.

Okay.

He won $35 million Powerball Prize in 2008 and he listened to his heart and invested in his dreams.

In 2010, he created Restlicious Takedown, an all-female wrestling TV show in which he appeared under the persona JV Rich.

It ceased production following one season and he withdrew from the public eye and expressed some regret for spending his endeavors.

Okay, see, the thing is, is like you can dream big when you win 1.3 billion, but like 35 million, it would be surprising to you how easy it is to run through 35 million dollars.

You know what I mean?

Especially on a TV show of like female wrestlers.

Like I'm embarrassed for that man.

Like I really am.

Like he should be ashamed.

Do hire guidance.

You can't win money management skills in the lottery.

So Forbes suggests that finding a team of advisors is a key move in holding holding on to the jackpot agree but there are also money managers who will steal your money right and i imagine that when you win the lottery like you are inundated and you're a target for a money manager with like attorneys and money and business managers who might have good intentions and might not Yeah, so I would do your due diligence or have like two people managing your money so they can keep an eye on each other.

Yeah.

Don't be too generous.

Expect everyone you've ever met to reach out if your lotto ticket lucks out, but with a price tag attached to each.

congratulations.

Irish winner Peter Lavery, who won around 12.8 US dollar million US dollars, proves that indeed the road to wealth is not paved with good intentions.

Over 20 years after his big win,

he is still rich and said that he has received thousands of letters asking for financial support.

He said, burn them.

Ignore them.

Ignore them.

Don't open anything if you don't know who it's from.

Right, because of course it's going to pull at your heartstrings.

And that's why if he had remained anonymous, he wouldn't have had that problem.

Wow.

Do give wisely.

Do dado.

True.

Dado.

The best way to give is to give back pledging money to charities, puts you in control of the amount, your anonymity, and for the most part, where that donation will end up.

Do stay anonymous if possible.

Such a large sum of money is.

bound to grab public attention.

And in some states, you are legally obligated to disclose your name.

Like I said.

And don't be conspicuous.

If you can't can't stay anonymous then it's best to keep your lifestyle low-key that's a double on time not don't be conspicuous don't colon be conspicuous oh oh

don't

don't be conspicuous conspicuous is low-key right

inconspicuous is low-key okay now i'm like my brain brains are tumbled basically like Stay out of public life.

Yeah.

So Billy Bob Harrell Jr.

won $20 million in 1997, two decades before his home state of Texas passed a bill permitting lottery anonymity.

And the 47-year-old was incessantly hounded for money.

He changed his phone number several times during the 20 months that it took to lose his fortune.

How much was a fortune?

20 million.

A million dollars a month?

That's terrible.

And it was in 1997, so a million dollars was a lot more.

Yeah.

And I just feel like there's always been this stigma of like people from the lottery, like obviously running through their money.

And whenever anyone wins, they're like, I'm going to be different.

No, and it's like, that could never be me.

Right.

Cut to 20 minutes later.

More often than not.

Oh, Claudia is like yelling at me every time I put something on the middle.

Like we have this gorgeous table in front of us.

It's the centerpiece of our entire studio.

And Jackie keeps wanting to take dumps and like put her coffee and her iPad and her lip gloss and her phone.

I know.

I've been living at Olivia's house for too long.

I'm starting to exaggerate like her.

I think more often than not, people do squander their good fortune.

It would, but I mean, and I know everyone says it, but it will not be me when I win.

I actually, it wouldn't be you because you are extremely physically conservative.

I am.

Not cheap,

conservative.

What sound is that?

Oh, my God.

I thought that was like the door creaking open.

Do it again.

Oh, my God.

I can't even make that sound.

Is that you?

Those are the past five stories, and you 100,000% needed to know.

I needed to know.

I think I felt really good about them.

I've been picking the stories while I've been pumping, which gives me a hard 30 minutes of uninterrupted story picking time.

I love that.

And I actually had seven that I whittled down to five.

Ooh, an embarrassment of riches.

Yeah.

Much like the lottery winners.

Well, the show's not over because it's Monday and we have Unburden Yourselves, which is our Monday segment where you can write in and just basically tell us what you're embarrassed about.

Like hand over your burden.

I have a funny idea for a show.

I just want to throw in there.

Oh, sure.

So it's like.

someone finds that they know the town that the illinois single man and they're like oh my gosh single man hosted by patty stanger So they go to the show or it could be like a Schitt's Creek like comedy style show.

They go to the town and they're like, I'm going to woo this single man.

And like they said, they think they know who it is and they spend all their time and efforts on the wrong person.

Right.

Meanwhile, like they're, you know, they become best friends with the actual winner who won't tell anyone.

But even though that is Schitt's Creek, because at the end of Schitt's Creek, you find out that Twila won $90 million in the lottery.

Oh, true.

I forgot about that part.

I didn't steal the plot from Schitt's Creek.

I like my version.

Me too, me too.

And I like the little twist I added too.

Yeah, like that's a really good sitcom idea.

Free idea.

I'm not going to make it.

Toast Studios can't take it on right now.

Free idea.

We're putting it out in the ether and it's all yours.

Yeah.

Just don't, don't fuck it up.

Oh, also,

spoiler alert.

RuPaul's drag race.

Spoiler about Rupa's Drag Race.

Rupa's Drag Race winner announced.

I did accidentally spoil it for myself, but I don't care because I was so thrilled with the winner.

Jing's monsoon, I wanted her to win.

I believed in her from the very moment.

Okay, that's a lie.

Like at first, I was like, why was she cast?

But then once I really saw the power of the monsoon, i was so happy and i just want to say like i was right and i am overjoyed and you were wrong more importantly i that's totally fine by me yeah no and i was right so i just think that's important you know

that i was right that you were right about the show that you watch right that i don't like yeah yeah you should be no i'm gonna take the w however i can you know yeah yeah a win is a win no matter how you slice i like that we like put our

votes in you know because then we had something we had skin and game steak yeah um okay, so I was actually saying something before you interrupted.

Sorry, I just had to get my show idea out there.

Unburden yourselves, our Monday segment.

You can email unburdenyourselves at gmail.com with something that's burdening you, like something you feel really embarrassed of, something you did over the weekend or in past weekends.

It's just been plaguing you.

And once you write it to us, you're officially letting it go.

We will make you feel better about it.

And once it's done, like it's done.

You know what it reminds me of?

Like Plead the Fifth.

It's like just this arbitrary idea, yet it carries so much weight.

100%.

It's like, yeah, you might be worried about this for so long, but like if you write it in and we read it, like you have to let it go.

You just have to.

That's the rules.

100%.

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I love it.

Are you you ready to unburden yourself?

I'm ready.

Do you want to read them today?

I'm having like poor eyesight.

I can't explain.

Okay, as long as you won't call me out.

By the way, an unwritten slash unspoken rule of the toast is like we can make fun of each other for pronouncing things differently unless it's in an ad or a deer toasters or like which is an unfair rule because you read those and what I read is not part of the rule.

I didn't say it was a fair rule.

I just said it was a rule.

I think it should apply to Fast Five Stories.

Those are sacred too.

By the way, do they not apply to Fast Five Stories?

No, you just call me out for saying Dwayne Johnson tweezers.

Okay, we'll officially include that under the umbrella.

So many times I read the story and you sit there like,

wait for me to finish.

I never thought about that.

You're 100% right.

Like Fast Five reading is also, it is sacred.

It's, it should be.

I think all reading is off limits.

100%.

Oh my God.

She's trying our best.

Imagine if you're in class and you're reading out loud in the class and you mispronounce something.

It's disgusting.

And one of the kids was like, tweezes?

Cosmetics.

Yeah.

Okay.

First up.

Hi, Jackson, Claude.

Oh, Claude with an E, like Claude Monet.

Claude.

Claude.

I absolutely love the toast, and your Florida vibes are immaculate.

Thank you so much, girly.

Okay, so I'm a PTA mom, and we had a school auction that was themed Neon Nights.

Everyone wore neon colors and glow sticks and anything glow in the dark.

I was new to the school and super excited to be at this event.

Needless to say, I went a little overboard with group shots and stayed out way too late.

I vaguely remember dancing with other people's husbands, but not much after that.

Fast forward to the morning, I wake up and only my glow sticks.

My PJOM husband brought me home.

Of course, I threw up, so he undressed me and put me in the bed.

Had the absolute worst anxiety on Sunday.

Going to school drop off that Monday carried a little more stress than normal.

Our school community is awesome though and so fun.

So no one said anything.

I'll never forget the naked glow stick shame.

Well, thanks for unburdening me.

Keep Plargatose going.

Love you too.

Okay, I just want to say, like, I was a little worried until you said your husband was there and your husband like

wasn't as drunk as you.

Like he will protect you.

you so honestly i don't think you could have done anything that bad also you said like that's the vibe of like the school community so you probably weren't like the worst one there and some lessons like truly do need to be learned the hard way like you'll just remember the way you feel the next time you want to get blacked out at pta night you know right but a few things like first of all any pta that's seam as neon nights is trying to get rowdy it's true no they're trying to get rowdy yeah and

every party needs a good party animal like so that was you it's just crazy that you would think that like once you're a pta mom like your crazy days are behind you.

Your crazy days are behind you, like, moral hangovers, anxiety is behind you.

And no, like, you could always still be that girl.

And that's actually a promising message.

And I feel like a lot of people worry, like, when I become a mom, like, I won't be fun anymore.

Like, where am I going to go to the best party?

And it's like, no, join the PTA.

We have neon nights.

You'll wake up naked with glow sticks.

I need to know where you live.

It's a good time.

It's reminding me of the movie Bad Moms.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, also,

you know, I don't think other moms like would really judge you because sometimes like you just need, as a mom, like you just need to let go and like go wild.

So I don't think it's really a big deal at all.

I don't think it's a big deal, but I also think that you've done like the community a service in sharing your story because it lets other people know that like you can still be doing these things as a mom.

Like opportunities will present themselves.

Yeah.

Like don't be afraid to have kids.

Like you can still get blacked out.

Yeah.

And you're not going to be at One Oak.

You're going to be at the PTA meeting, which is in the gymnasium with glow sticks.

Fun.

Fun.

If you drink enough, the gymnasium can turn into one oak.

Yeah.

I mean, I would rather be in the gymnasium than at one oak honestly a hundred percent a hundred percent right like

you're probably wearing comfortable clothes

I really don't think this is a big deal at all I think you can like release your anxiety um

and just

maybe take it like a little easier next time at PTNA but not even like sounds like everyone was getting that wasted so you're just like doing what everyone else was doing you're just a follower yeah no

you're fine You're fine.

Number two.

Okay, Jackson Claude, this one's the doozy.

So I went out with a group of friends to bring in the new year, and in order to save money, we decided to pregame at a friend's house before heading out.

Well, pregaming turned into me drinking a majority of a bottle of Patron to myself.

Once we got to the club, I was completely drunk off my ass, but I was walking, talking, and dancing, so I didn't think I was that far gone.

Slow down.

I can't even keep up with you.

Oh, wow.

Keep going.

By the way, it's hard to follow the stories when you're the not reader is what I've experienced in my not-reading position.

Okay, I'll let you know if that is the case, but you were just going so motherfucking fast.

She drank a whole bottle of Patron.

Our group decided that they wanted to go to a different club for the countdown, so we rallied the troops and went to leave.

This was where disaster struck.

On the way out, there's a set of six-ish stairs you have to go down, and I made it about halfway before I tripped and took the entire velvet rope down with me.

All three bouncers ran to help me.

I swore I was fine, but my thumb hurt a little bit.

My friends told me I looked fine, and that was that, or so I thought.

Flash over to the next morning, I'm on FaceTime with my cousin, complaining about how hungover I am when I go to toss my hair, a habit I do all the time, and find my curls have been dried up in my vomit from last night.

It was crunchy to the touch and took three weeks,

three washes just to get the stench off.

And to top it all off, I did in fact sprain my thumb and had to wear a brace for two weeks while it healed.

I've never been so embarrassed and disgusted with myself all at once.

Needless to say, I will be staying away from Patron for the rest of eternity and staying my ass home for New Year's.

Okay, I just want to say, like, that is vile.

Like, that is so disgusting to have slept with vomit in your hair.

But, like, at least you weren't like sleeping with a guy or like you were the only one who saw it.

So it's not embarrassing.

What makes this totally fine is that it was new year's yes new year's like everything is absolved it's a new year what you did last year is none of your business 100 and if there's ever like a universal night to go balls to the walls and wake up with vomiting your hair it is new year's and so for that

you're absolved you're unburdened and like nobody saw it like yes you could sit and like have anxiety over the fact like you did something and like you can't believe it got that far but like literally nobody saw so just pretend it never happened yeah and you got the stench out of your hair so you're good you're good you're totally fine but that's a lot but you're good i hope your thumb's okay the thumb is what's tough like you need your thumb otherwise you'll be a stripes brother useless no opposable thumbs useless stripe brothers

sitting sleeping through the workday truly Number three, hi Jackson Claude.

I love y'all.

I didn't realize so many people write Claude as with an E at the end.

Honestly, in my couple years of doing all the readings, I've really never seen anyone do an E.

That's weird, though, that two today.

Two-thirds.

Hi, Jackson Claude.

I love y'all so much and congrats on one year of spritz.

I'm a big pineapple and peach girly.

So thank you for making such a premium product.

You're so welcome and I love peach as well.

You're welcome.

What can I say except you're welcome?

My anxiety story is four years old and I still have nightmares about it.

Oh girl, we've all been there.

Okay, it's time to unload.

We're going to help you.

I was getting over a heartbreak and was really feeling down on myself.

I was out of town for work in a state literally literally across the country.

So did you take the I-95?

Me and some work friends went out to a bar one night and the alcohol was flowing.

I decided to get on bumble and to my excitement, I matched with someone in the city.

I tipsily invited him to the bar.

What's that?

Who speaks like that?

Wait, hold on.

No.

I tipsily.

No, hold on.

Moira.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I tipsily.

But what is the word that she says when she says that?

Herb-Herblinger.

I think it's from that little.

In the leaf of a picturesque ridge lies a small, unpretentious one, right?

Whatever.

Whatever.

It's annoying me now.

I dipsily invited him to the bar and by the time he showed up, I was full-on drunk.

We went back to my hotel room and started to hook up.

Obviously, your boss, right?

Oh, I don't know.

I didn't even think about that.

And I literally fell asleep during it.

I know this because when I woke up alone, might I add, he had written me a note letting me know what happened.

I was mortified.

What's worse is the door to my hotel room was left partially open and I couldn't remember the details of what we did before I fell asleep.

I couldn't find remnants of a condom.

So I called my friend and we went to the hotel CBS and I bought Plan B.

At least my coworker had a CBS coupon, so it was $20 off.

I learned my lesson and have not put myself in a situation like that ever since.

Thanks for letting me unburden myself, even though I think I will feel ashamed for how dumb I was forever.

Not dumb.

Like literally, people take Plan B all the time.

Yeah, no, but like sleeping with the hotel door open.

Like, right, she has nightmares about like what could happen.

What could have happened, happened, of course, but it sounds like the door was left open because he left.

Yeah.

And maybe it was just like one of those doors that like just doesn't slam shut behind you and needs to be like pulled.

And I don't know if I would have like necessarily the biggest pit because it sounds like he left a note.

He was somewhat respectful.

Like everything.

I think what she has anxiety about is like everything was fine, but it could have not been.

Like she happened to go home with a guy who was extremely respectful, slept with the door open, and nobody came in and robbed her.

Like everything went right.

And that never happens.

Yeah.

So she always, she's thinking about like the potential.

I think about that all the time when I get in situations where like

it could have been so much worse.

And then I have a pit about like, how could I be so dumb?

How could I put myself in that situation?

A hundred years.

So like, and having, you know, nightmares about it four years later, but it's also a lesson, an important lesson.

Yeah.

And probably learning that lesson then in what turned out to be like a positive, an okay environment

stopped you from learning it in a worse environment.

That's so true, actually.

And it's just sad.

Like those are one of those, like some lessons just have to be learned like that.

Like, and you should just feel, but I know exactly what you're saying.

Like, sometimes I feel that way.

Remember when I capsized?

I know this is like a very random

analogy, but like remember when I capsized in the Delaware and it was literally freezing and I was like freaking out.

And I was never really in any actual danger because I was close to the shore.

And also Ben and Brian were in two different kayaks next to me.

But I always think like, because it was, it wasn't summer.

It was like.

between winter and spring.

It was really cold.

You can get really caught in a rapid.

Like so many terrible things have happened in like rivers and stuff.

And I always think like how dumb I fucking am, like and how much worse it could have been.

And like honestly, I haven't been on the river since then.

It like frequently.

That was the lesson for you.

Like the river?

The river.

It's like, or did you do something on the kayak that caused you to capsize?

I was being reckless.

I was drinking.

I was wearing a life vest, but like it just, it highlighted the importance of like, things can go wrong really quickly.

And like, you can't be a dumb bitch.

Yeah.

That's the lesson.

We've all been there.

Right.

So I would feel grateful for the experience and for the lesson.

Yeah.

And that it happened and everything was okay.

And that now you know better.

Yeah.

And those were the unburden yourselves that were brought to you by Spritz Society.

Again, this is the one-year anniversary of Spritz Society and we are celebrating on our website with birthday bundles.

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