S5 Ep54: The First Monday in May: Monday, May 2nd, 2022

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Monday.

Hope everyone had an amazing weekend.

I am delighted, overjoyed, and ecstatic to be sitting here with my girl.

Original recipe, morning toast.

Happy Monday, Matthukas.

Original recipe.

Hey, Claude, it's so great to see you.

I feel like we're really getting back into a schedule.

And I actually have some programming news that I'd like to share with the class because.

Huge, even though, like, it's huge, but people, there will be a group of people who are utterly disappointed.

There will be.

But Claudia put out the schedule for this week of the toast.

We're only doing shows Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday because your girl is performing at MSG on Thursday.

We'll talk about that in a little bit.

We'll talk about that in a little bit.

And Ben was supposed to be here tomorrow, but I realized tonight is the Met Gala.

Your girl, me, needs to be here tomorrow to break down the fashion hogwash that we're about to see.

Obviously.

So Jackie is here Monday.

She's here Tuesday.

Wait, oh, she's here Wednesday.

So three episodes.

Jackie's here.

And yes, apologies for the Ben stands.

For the Ben stands, but also for the short week.

But for those who may not know, Thursday is my final show of this tour.

And it's in New York.

It's at Madison Square Garden Theater.

And it's going to be sickening.

So I'm not going to do a show the day of.

Obviously, I like really need to prepare.

And then the next day, like I will be hungover into oblivion.

So I just don't think it's wise to no, you need, you don't perform at MSG and then like go back to your podcast the next day.

No, I'm too good for this podcast.

I'm kidding.

You need to decompress.

It's also Snitch's birthday.

It's just like a big weekend.

There's no way that you would be performing.

Like, it's just not happening.

So also for me, that works.

Three days on, two days off.

And I'm just so excited to see the show.

It's going to be an MNO for me.

It's really my first like big night out.

We had a little girly dinner on Saturday night.

I got out of the house and we just went to dinner and it was so stunning.

So nice.

And you had a glass of wine.

I had a glass of wine, really nursed it.

I was really just like there to stuff my face, though.

Yeah.

Because I haven't, I went to a restaurant a few weeks ago, but before that, I haven't been to a restaurant since September.

And like, I miss restaurant food.

Like, I miss.

getting something right when it comes out of the kitchen, not when it was biked up for 40 minutes and delivered to me later as a piece of sloth.

No, and it's like a gorgeous choreography.

Like there's bread.

We were at a Mediterranean restaurant.

There was chumous.

Then there was the appetizers.

Then there was the entrees.

Then there was a complimentary dessert that was really fucking good.

So it was a cacophony,

a symphony.

Right.

So I really missed the food of dining out.

So I was just immensely enjoying.

And it was a great night, a great like dipping my toe back in.

Right, to the social scene of New York City.

To the social scene.

It felt really good to be out, but I was exhausted.

When you got home.

When I got home.

So who even knows what Thursday night has in store for me?

It's gonna be a marathon, unwell, unwell.

I just ordered the L V breast pump, um, which is

oh my god, no, I wish.

Oh, I was gonna slap you upside the head.

I'm like, you are out of control.

No, LVE.

It's LD.

It's a brand E-L-V-I-E.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

I'm dying.

No, this bitch, I wouldn't put it past you.

Like, no, if LV.

Yeah.

Who else but me would buy it?

No, the L V.

So remember how I had to bring like my whole machine in here the other day?

This one is just like two little things that you like stick in your body.

Like I could be pumping right now and you wouldn't even know.

So I think if it comes in time, like that's what I would bring to the show.

You could pump backstage.

I could pump backstage, but I also don't want to bring my briefcase with me.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't bring your briefcase with you.

But I did tell you you should leave a pump at the studio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I could do that too.

But let's, I'm going to see how this goes.

And that way I could have more longevity.

Okay.

Also, if you give me enough time, I can order a pump on Amazon Amazon and have it in the dressing room So you could just like have it there That's so nice and so permanent I could I'll figure it out.

Don't worry about me.

You have enough on your plate.

No, I'm so excited.

I'm also doing a show Wednesday night at like a smaller venue Chelsea music hall just because I've been off the road for like three weeks I got a you know you're a little rusty.

I'm a little rusty and there was a bunch of toasters who couldn't make it Thursday night.

So now we're doing Wednesday night small little show Chelsea music hall.

It's sold out.

I apologize for like bringing it up.

So I'm excited.

It's like a big week, you know?

It's a lot.

It's like a big week.

It's big week.

It's my show.

It's Snatcheler's birthday.

I just have like so many social events I was admitted to.

Then it's Mother's Day.

Like, is everyone else feeling like it's been so, oh my God, my eye does not stop twitching for the last

48 hours?

I feel like Kyle from Summerhouse.

But I'm really not stressed.

I'm actually feeling quite good, honestly.

Maybe it's subconscious.

It's your subconscious saying we're stressed.

It was happening to me in my sleep last night.

Speaking of things that happened to me in my sleep last night, I want to shout out to everyone in New York City who presumed we were under attack in the middle of the night last night because there was the most thunderous thunder that ever thundered.

It was so scary.

It didn't sound like traditional thunder.

It was not like other thunder.

So I was like, what is that sound?

It sounded like a cannon.

In the words of Luke Homes, rain was driving, thundered lightning.

Right, exactly.

Speaking of Luke Combs.

Speaking of Luke Hombre's, wait, no, the worst thing.

Thundering the transitions to the light.

I know, the thunder was really

thunder from down under.

Not as good as that show, waking up in the middle of the night from the weather elements.

But I do, am I so bizarre that like I like when it's rains on the weekends and it's nice during the week because I feel other people are the opposite but like I during the week like you have to leave your house to go to work and stuff so I would like pleasant weather for that yes but if it's raining on the weekends like you're kind of forced to stay inside and have a cozy vibe I completely agree when it was Monday morning and it was raining I was like darn darn darn no and like in in my sleep I heard the rain so I'm like oh it's Sunday night when we wake up it's like gonna be Monday and disgusting outside I'm like oh this sucks but if I heard the rain on a Saturday night I would be like this is so cute so cute gorgeous I agree with you even though like nice weather on the weekend is nice like for an alfresco for normal people dining for normal people but I agree completely okay great also allergy season is here so make sure to take your allergen and you know Ben Soffer is a really big advocate of walzer do you know what that is no so obviously ben loves a zyrtec or as he weirdly pronounces it zyrtec um but that shit is like low-key expensive and dwayne reed makes a brand it's called wall Wall-Zerp.

It's like Walgreens Zyrtec, but it's like generic and it's like so much cheaper.

And that's all Ben buys.

So if you're feeling like you don't want to keep spending money on Zyrtec, check out Walzer.

Oh, interesting.

I think Zyrtec is a good investment because it really does the job.

Walzer is the same chemical component.

Right.

I didn't know about that, but like I've never lamented spending the money on Zyrtec because it's the difference between being miserable and it's the difference between life and death.

100%.

Yeah.

But speaking of Luke Hombs,

stagecoach happened this weekend and we have to talk about it.

We need to just put it out there.

Let's just like get over it.

So we can move on from it.

Obviously, Snatcher was our correspondent on the ground and if you were watching her stories, like you got, you know, the gist of what you were missing out on.

And so, of course, I'm feeling deep FOMO about Luke Homes.

I was watching her stories this morning and as I've said for months, like that is what I miss most in this world of like being pregnant.

It's not that I miss not drinking.

It's not that I miss sushi.

It's not that I miss this or that.

I missed going to a concert, specifically Luke Hombs or Rascal Flats, and just like having my serotonin levels go through the roof.

Yeah, and even watching her stories, I was just like feeling that way.

And I will fly to South Carolina to go to a Luke Combs concert because he's not coming back to New York.

And I need to see Luke Combs in the next three to four months, or else I will spontaneously combust.

I am so here for you.

I will accompany you 100%.

It was really hard to watch Margo's content.

And while I was so happy for her, what you may not know is like Counselor went.

I'm at my eyes twitching again.

Because you're stressed.

I'm not stressed.

I'm really not very stressed.

It was hard to see Margo go because Margo took my tickets

that you thrust upon her.

That I literally, I organized these tickets like almost a year ago.

Like the second that they announced the lineup, I was all over getting myself good tickets.

I gave her my tickets.

I had searched for homes.

She used one of those homes.

She took my car and driver.

Like she took everything from me.

And just seeing all of my planning going into someone else, like having the most amazing time.

That was tough.

She took my parking pass.

Like it was tough.

Yeah, you gave her all those things.

She didn't ask for them.

No, I gave them.

I gave them.

You made the right decision, you know, for your career,

just as an adult woman and everything that you have going on.

Up until like a week and a half ago, I was going to go, even though a part of me knew that, like, I really shouldn't.

Right, because like you don't, you're performing at MSG, like you can't be.

No, and I would be hung over on a six-hour flight right now, getting in at like 10 p.m.

with dust in your lungs.

It's just not where you're supposed to be.

No.

There will be other stagecoaches.

I know, but like,

it doesn't feel that way.

I know.

And this one, not only was Luke Holmes everything that you could ever want him to be, but I didn't anticipate how I would feel feel about Carrie Girl.

Carrie Underwood.

Me too.

I mean, I'm such a Carrie girly.

I've always been a huge fan of her.

She has a new song, a new album.

I'm listening to it.

But I've, and I've seen her in concert, but I just didn't think about what a show-stopping performance she was going to put on.

You didn't realize the magnitude.

The magnitude, how I know every song of hers, backwards and forwards, how, like, so many songs, there's so many highs and so many, like, you know, good lows that have an anthem have you in your feelings.

Like, see you again.

Yeah.

She said that she was crying right now.

She's a new song.

Cry pretty, something in the water.

It's just like an experience, a roller coaster of emotions.

And I would have absolutely loved to have been there.

Yeah, me too.

Now I would like to go see Carrie on tour.

I don't know where she's going.

I don't know where she's coming.

I don't know where she's going.

Right.

But I would like to be there.

I know she was doing some time in Las Vegas because Rach Parcel took a girls' weekend

with her girls and they went to see Carrie Underwood because she knows how to live.

Yeah, Rach Parcel knows how to live 100%.

So maybe that's what's in store for us, a girls' weekend.

Or even, I was thinking with Haroldson, like everything's difficult.

Even if it was just like a 24-hour girls' night.

Yeah, I think that's what Rach did.

100%.

I mean, Rachel's in Utah, which is much closer.

Oh,

hmm.

Okay, we'll start saving up.

We'll start saving up.

Those are my two like big things that I want to do by the end of the year.

I want to see Luke Hombs and I want to see Carrie Underwood.

All right, I can make that happen for you.

And if the Rascal Flats want to bring back their legacy to the Rascal Flats.

Yeah, because remember, they were supposed to go on tour

one last farewell tour

before they split up, and COVID ruined it, and that's not right.

It's so unripe.

There's nothing like the serotonin levels at a Rascal Flats concert.

I agree.

It's a peaceful place.

It's like a really mixed bag of people, but at the end, it's just good-hearted people listening to good music.

Amazing music.

So I'm happy for the snitch.

It was tough to see.

It was tough to watch.

Every morning, I was like, all right, I had to prepare myself.

I'm like, let's get through Margo's stories from last night so I can just move on with my day.

Especially because, like, if we went, or if I went this year, like, I wouldn't have done it like she did, because she's, you know, running a marathon and and she's like, you know, very strong.

I would have just went for the evening.

Yeah, if you're not going to be able to do that, we would have had a day in Palm Springs, maybe hit the spa, like have lunch,

and then go to the concerts at night.

So to everyone who went, we're like super happy for you.

But other than that, Carrie Underwood brought out Axel Rose.

Take me down.

We're the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Oh, won't you please take home?

I thought it was a great choice because I imagine there were a lot of, you know, big, strong men there who were like, cry pretty, really?

No, and like with women in country, like people always are, that's not country, even though it like obviously is.

So it was like a good fuck you to those people.

No, it was like something for everyone.

Yeah.

Whereas, you know, if there had been like a really

masculine

targeted headliner, I would have hoped that they would bring out like Shania Twain or something.

Right, right.

And

oh my god, am I eyed?

And

he sang the stepbrother song.

Yes.

It's so funny how, like,

by the way, in the car scene, you are the little son.

Yeah.

And I'm Derek, obviously.

There's no one who's more Derek-y.

Than me.

It's actually funny how, like, that song is, like, one of, like, probably the biggest songs in music history.

And, like, now it's ruined.

No, and it's not even known as like a bop.

It's known as a song from stepbrothers.

No, and it's like, when you sing it now, you sing it badly.

Like, Derek.

So flat.

What am I paying $1,800 a week for voice lessons for?

So iconic.

I honestly feel like Derek was misunderstood.

You would feel that way because also $1,800 is a lot of money for your kid to be flat.

No, it was his wife.

And then you're writing $1,800 and like there's no improvement.

That's just a bad investment.

That's just a bad investment.

Yeah.

But we have an amazing show for you guys.

It's Monday, so of course we are going to be unburdening ourselves at the end of the episode.

And if you ever want to write in and unburden yourself with something really embarrassing that happened to you over the weekend, it's unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

Unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

Did anything embarrassing happen to you over the weekend?

Great question.

You were pounding down the martinis.

I was drinking like an animal

on Saturday night.

I was just happy to be out with my sister Jackie.

Of course.

No, nothing embarrassing now that I think about it.

Yeah.

I smoked pot.

At the end of the night, and I was like, kind of like, I don't really love smoking pot.

Like, I get like really like anxious.

No, there's a time and a place, and it's only at Coachella.

100%.

So, I was like in this bar, and I was like kind of freaking out.

I'm like, Ben, can we please leave?

Yeah, no.

And then he took me home and like we ate diner, and then I was enjoying being high when I was in a safe space.

Well, you can enjoy, but that's the thing about like people are like high and eating.

It's like eating is fun when you're sober, too.

No, but it's much more fun when you're high.

No, it's it's the peak of life when you're like, you don't need to be high to enjoy food.

No, no, I do not need to be high to enjoy food, but it's an added layer of fun.

Okay,

So yeah, that's really what I did this weekend.

Nothing else except just prepare, you know?

Very nice.

Also, today is Zach's birthday, so happy birthday to

my husband, even though you're not going to be watching this.

And is your Rose your husband?

My Rose is my husband.

That's what I thought.

Okay, just double checking.

Without further ado to do to do,

here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

Why did you laugh?

I was going to bother everyone and get...

Where are you?

No, I was going to ask how do is doing Yeah, but we have so much to do today that we have so much to do and I know do is great always I know that he's like feeling really well post-surgery that has come out the other side

and so that's that on that but one more housekeeping item that we do need to talk about is your vlog yes that you put out on Friday and we need to talk about it because the boys were in the background being so fucking cute I put I begrudgingly put together for the final episode of the month on Patreon a spring clothing haul because I did one last year and like I didn't know if it was going to be well received, and like, I think people regarded it as like their favorite episode of all time.

So, I had recently gotten like so much new clothing for spring, and I was like, ugh, like, I really should do it, even though I hate

it.

Trying on clothing, I was getting so sweaty, and like, my apartment was becoming a mess, and like, nothing was fitting right.

So, like, it just, it's like, it's a.

It's a stressful situation.

Maybe that's why I have an eye Twitch because of the stress.

But I put it together and, you know, the reviews, again, are beyond rave.

So that's patreon.com slash a morning toast.

We had five amazing episodes this month.

We had the Spritz Taste Test with Jackie.

We had that Spring Clothing Haul, a bunch of podcasts.

Dear Toasters, Meet the Redheads.

Oh, yeah.

So patreon.com slash a morning toast.

If you sign up now, you can get access to all those episodes from this month and then every episode we've ever done in the last like three years.

So it's a lot.

It's a lot.

Speaking of the Redheads, we're recording the new episode tomorrow.

Drops on Thursday.

The book is trash.

I think we need to talk about something.

The Redheads choices.

Yeah.

I know.

We're a zero for three.

Yeah.

And that's like unacceptable.

I know, but that's it's the blessing and the curse of the redheads.

It's like when we all discover a new book together, it's so wonderful, but because no one reads it before, and that's like what's beautiful about it.

Right, it's fresh.

It could happen where, you know, we choose a couple dogs, and that's what's happened.

Now, I am the next choice, and I will be choosing a book that is a bestseller.

That has, I know Kenzie Elizabeth already read it, and she said that she really liked it.

And she was in a book like me because she's actually the only person who reads more than me.

So I trust her.

So I know what I'm choosing next.

It's as it, if it's bad, then I give up.

Yeah.

You know, but it's like, some people, I'm sure a lot of people have already read it.

That's how much fanfare there is around it.

Okay.

So I apologize, but also, as you know, the worse the book, the better the episode.

100%.

And speaking of 100%,

I don't know.

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Jackie, ow!

I'm actually like a Peloton influencer.

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You're like, weirdly, like, such a niche influencer on random platforms, Goodreads and Peloton.

Yeah, and I'm proud of that.

And you should be.

I think, like, you know, who's a really big Peloton influencer?

Who?

Teddy Mellencamp.

She's like, oh, I could see that.

She's like, you know, fitness queen.

Yeah.

And she like Peloton.

Last time I I like looked at her profile, she Peloton.

She's done like thousands of classes.

Wow.

I think I've done like 200 something.

That's a lot.

Yeah, considering I got it two years ago.

Right.

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Okay, let's get into the stories.

There's a lot to discuss.

And it starts with Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson making their red carpet debut at the White House correspondents dinner.

Before we dive in, I just want to say there is a lot of Kardashian news, but we have made it one story, and the other four are not Kardashian revolution.

And the other four just pale in comparison.

I'm sorry.

Basically, Kim and Pete, White House correspondents, din din.

Not only did they walk the red carpet, she posted the photos.

Not only did she post the photos, they look amazing together.

I'm obsessed with this dress.

Yeah, and it's very just like gorgeous, period.

It's like glamorous.

Gorgeous, glamorous.

Not like, I mean, it is high fashion, but it's not like, you know, avant-garde, we don't understand.

Right.

You need to like squint.

Her wearing black tie.

Okay, but I have some thoughts.

Okay.

I think like them making their red house.

Red house?

What?

Red carpet debut at the White House Correspondence Center is like kind of lame, only in the sense that like the Met Gala is literally today.

It was one day's difference.

And I just don't understand.

It almost felt like intentional, like she didn't want to have the debut at the Met Gala.

Right.

Because she went to this event that, like, no offense, like, who cares?

Right.

And also, it's like.

She didn't want to have the debut at the Hulu premiere, but why?

Right.

I feel like sometimes you just get these ideas into your head, like, oh, I don't want to make the Hulu premiere about my relationship.

It was about her relationship anyway.

At the Hulu premiere, like, where's Pete in the background of all these pictures?

Yeah, they should have done it at the Hulu.

And people were living for it.

So I don't think it would have taken away from the show.

I think maybe they don't want to do it at the Met because I'm sure her outfit, whatever.

Speaks for itself.

Yeah, and it's going to have to be standalone.

Yeah.

Maybe they won't even walk together because it's just like her outfit is so iconic.

We also need to talk about the rumors swirling about that.

That she's wearing the Marilyn Monroe's happy birthday, Mr.

President dress.

Right, because people have been tracking her jet.

Her jet has been in Orlando.

The dress is at Ripley's, believe it or not.

She's been to Orlando, I think, now twice.

Yeah.

Yesterday included.

Yes.

Perhaps to pick up the dress.

She also said in an interview that she would be going to the Met, depending on whether or not she fits into the dress, it cannot be altered.

This would make sense.

She cannot alter this relic.

And she definitely looks like she's lost like a lot of a good amount of weight.

She looks really small.

Yeah.

But I don't know how she's getting that ass into that dress.

I just want to say like she like that that ass, like Marilyn Monroe, like actually Marilyn Monroe was curvy.

and I imagine the dress is like a little bit of elasticity, but, like, that ass is interplanetary.

Like, I don't think it could just fit into that dress.

Right, which is why it's been up in the air until now, and she really can't do any alterations.

I'm imagining that she's gotten into it because they were there yesterday.

That would be really crazy if she can't go because she couldn't get into the dress.

And I'm sure she knew exactly, like, what goals she would have to hit to make it there.

And I agree.

She looks extremely slim and trim.

But, you know, how is that the theme?

Because the theme is Gilded Glamour, the American Lexicon.

Gilded Glamour is like 1800s.

Yes, well, it's American Lexica Con with American Scene Lexicon with a focus on Gilded Glamour.

So yes, she's not dressing like Alva Vanderbilt, but the dress is Gilded Glamour.

Like it is, you know, gargoyle and shy.

Right.

So she will be in theme.

And also like.

Do you think she's going to do her hair?

Well, that's what I was going to ask next.

And we are going to do a story about like met predictions later in the show.

But I was going to ask, do you think that she's going to go blonde for it or she's going to do classic Kim?

I think she's going to do classic Kim because I think the

message of this outfit is like Kim is the new age Marilyn Monroe.

Like she is, she is a sex symbol.

She's our it girl.

Yeah.

So I think she's going to have to make it her own.

Like what, I don't know what you would consider her signature hair.

I would love if she just did like long big volume waves.

I was thinking the same thing because that's so sickening.

Yeah.

And I don't think she's going to do like short blonde Marilyn because then she's just in cosplay.

No, and like Billie Eilish did that literally last year at the Met Gala.

Yeah, and it's just a costume at that point.

I think she needs to make it her own like, hello, I'm Kim Kardashian the modern male Herlin Monroe.

Do you get it?

Yeah.

But back to White House Correspondence Dinner.

I just don't know why this was the venue of choice because like it wasn't like a big, she made it news.

Otherwise, I don't think I even would have known that this event was going on.

Agreed.

She made it news.

And also like the footage of them like walking through this conference center in her sparkly gown.

It's just like bizarre.

That conference center was extremely low budget.

Agreed.

What is Kim doing there?

No, I was like, this is giving barbitza and it was like really not the vibe for her stunning dress it's not the vibe stop

so i was confused about that honestly but of course i was so happy to see them finally making their debut like him and his bands like i can't like i was

like he looked really good i mean it's hard to measure up to kim and it's hard to be you know her arm candy but she's obviously influencing him especially after kanye who was you know who is fashion and is always trendsetting and i thought he looked very sharp like him and he looked like himself.

He didn't look stupid.

He didn't look like he was trying to be someone he's not.

And I thought they looked like a very glamorous couple.

I agree.

And I loved this look for Kim because I think a lot of people like are waiting for Kim in terms of fashion to like fail in the sense that like, you know, she's nothing without Kanye and like she was the muse.

And this is just like so glamorous.

It's so effortless.

It's so fresh.

fashion delicious that it's like Kim on her own and Kim with Kanye like style icon both girls.

The red carpet looks from Kim have been really, really great ever since Kanye.

Those haven't suffered, but I will say some of the day-to-day looks have.

You saw that outfit with the fuzzy glasses and the flames?

No.

Hold on.

Where was she?

I think she was just like going to lunch with her sisters.

The fuzzy glasses.

No, if you, oh, here it is.

I don't know how you missed it.

Let me see.

One second, I need to.

Ooh,

it's giving diners, driven, and knives.

It's giving Guy Fieri.

It's not good.

That's really bad.

But every it girl is entitled to, you know, when you're that into fashion, like sometimes you just can't see.

Like, something isn't avant-garde.

It's just ugly.

So I feel like that was just a classic case of like, is it avant-garde or is it ugly?

I mean, that's literally horrible.

She'll be.

And I'm sorry, Kanye would never.

Never.

The glasses, she looks like a character on Sesame Street.

It's horrible.

Yeah.

So I saw that, and that was disheartening everyone's entitled to make mistakes normalize doing bad at work sometimes yeah um but i do think that there is a change without kanye some good some i think her red carpet looks have been like so so glamorous and her red carpet looks have been more just like mainstream ready to wear yeah you know less like okay i need to conceptualize and understand and have a degree in fashion history right to like this steeny american lexicon right which is why i'm excited to see what she wears to them at tonight if it is marilyn it's gonna be gorgeous no matter what but like last time she was, you know, the definition of I need a degree in fashion history.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Now, two more things we need to talk about the Kardashians before we go into the next story.

The first is Pete was spotted with a new tattoo.

And

it's weird.

And it's weird.

So the tattoo is the letters K-N-S-S-C-P, which everyone has surmised is Kim North Saint Chicago Psalm.

And I just want to say, I'm just, I'm not here for it.

I'm not not here for it.

I think it's inappropriate.

I think it's inappropriate.

I think it's bizarre.

It's not appropriate boyfriend behavior.

I might even still think it's weird if they got married, unless they were married for like 50 years.

But like, I don't know.

I mean, I've never dated someone with children.

So, you maybe, if someone in the comments has, let me know.

Like, I feel like this is crossing a line.

Agreed.

I think that once they're married for 20 years, like, at the 20-year mark, like, you could do this.

Yeah.

But to be dating for seven months and also having such beef with the Jason's father,

it is not right to me.

I just saw it and like up until this point, everything that I see from them, I'm like, oh my god, and yeah, this, I was like, hmm, no, interesting.

Not sitting right with me.

Yeah.

If I'm Kanye, I'm pissed.

It's inappropriate.

It's weird.

It's too much.

But again, there's not any like full confirmation that that's what it is, even though like it obviously is.

But what else is it?

I don't know.

It's not the vibe.

Stop.

I'm not into it.

I just want to say, even though, like, you know, I would like to blow smoke up these two's ass like so hard, it's fucking weird.

Yeah, agreed.

Too much, too soon, too far.

Dial it down.

Agreed.

Next up in our Kardashian subset, Kylie Jenner shared that she gained 60 pounds during her pregnancy with baby number two.

So Kylie posted to her story on Friday a video of herself working out and she said, gained 60 pounds again this pregnancy.

I'm down 40 pounds.

Just trying to be healthy and patient.

Walking/slash Pilates is my favorite combo.

So So when I saw this, I was so shook.

Shook in like such a positive way.

Like it really resonated with me because obviously, and I've spoken, I mean, I'm on my own journey postpartum.

And nobody really talks numbers.

100%.

And there's been a few times where like I've wanted to, but I don't, you know, I don't want to be toxic or anything.

You know, I'm just trying to be patient.

But like, it is helpful to see some other people's progress.

Other people's progress.

And like Kylie, like she, like, I mean, we've seen her doing press and stuff and she looks so amazing and so gorgeous so I've just been like feeling like oh you know my snapback is just a little bit slower but seeing her just like put some numbers some cold hard numbers to it just really made me feel very seen seen I it felt so relatable and I was like oh I'm okay I'm okay even if I was like more or less like it's like okay everybody is just doing their best and we just have to be patient yeah and it will come.

And like with Kylie, I think sometimes it feels like you know because she doesn't show up she's not on Instagram every single day she'll take like a month off and then show up looking snatched and we miss all the hard work right and so it's easy to feel like small by that in that sense but this time around she's been like very open about her struggle and I think it's actually um been so great for a lot of women yeah it really made me feel really um

Like I guess less alone maybe the

I don't know it just like it it resonated with me and I think it's like on Instagram It's become like taboo to talk about.

Yeah.

Because it's like,

I guess saying you want to bounce back is like toxic diet culture.

I don't know.

I can't really follow like all of the, all of the controversy, but like there's always like drama.

Everyone's always like coming for everyone when they're talking about their snapback journey.

Right.

But like if you want to snap back, like, it's a free country.

Right.

And it's not just about like the numbers or just wanting to lose weight.

It's just like about being.

feeling like yourself, you know, and like I have a closet full of clothes that I can't wear.

I'm wearing clothes that aren't, you know, the things that I would, like, want to be wearing.

Yeah.

And I don't feel like myself.

I'm looking forward to when I can feel like myself again.

100%.

So I just thought that was really cool of her to share.

And also, it does feel like, especially with like celebrities, models, you know, all these people, it feels like everyone like gets pregnant, has just like a belly, gives birth, and then like,

you know, and so when she's like, I gained 60 pounds, and I'm like, oh, okay.

So did I.

No, but also like, I'm a lot shorter than her, so it's like not comparable.

But you know, I didn't just gain a belly.

I gained legs.

I gained arms.

No, you didn't just well, how big was Harry?

Seven pounds, 14 ounces?

You didn't gain seven pounds.

No, exactly.

So I just, for all of our postpartum mamas out there, I just, you know, hope that we're all just like, okay, you know, totally.

She's really becoming like a postpartum.

Relatable queen.

I'm living for it.

And I'm just so glad.

To be postpartum.

I know that you're like so happy to be alive in the time of Uber.

Like I'm so happy to be postpartum in the time of kylie i i hear you especially when she's sharing like she is so deep yeah yeah so that was pretty cool it's it's pretty cool

are you ready for our next story is me

a little publishing news okay magazine ends their weekly publication becoming the first celeb title to tumble now this is like half the story okay magazine is stopping their print magazine after 17 years they will be going fully online they will continue to publish occasional special issues and their website which is owned by a different company from the print edition and will stay online you know it does feel that way now that they say that like i do feel like okay magazine.com is so different from what you see in the airport yeah i mean they're both like tabloid trash but

actually i'm not really seeing what you're seeing how how do you feel they're different like when you see the magazine in the airport it's like

Kim and Pete are married secretly right

and then when you go to their website it's like Stasi Stasi Schroeder opens up.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like a classic internet, just like a conglomerate.

Content

curator.

Curator, yeah.

You know, but in the, but they don't have, if you go to okaymagazine.com, it's not like Brad and Jen are getting back together.

That's true.

It's not like the typical tabloid that we know.

Yeah.

Their website is very wholesome.

Yeah.

You know, like Teresa Judah shares her favorite recipes.

Yeah, totally.

So it does feel like they were separate.

But it does feel like the end of an era.

Like for as long as I can remember, especially as a kid, like

I'm always purchasing like a million magazines before a flight because I like to do the crossbow puzzles and I just like to look at the pictures.

So this is truly the end of an era.

And I don't know, is In Touch Next, life and style?

Yeah, I don't know.

It will be weird not to see those girlies up on the shelf.

I know.

But times change.

Right.

And I think this is indicative of how like we're consuming differently.

I mean, of course, like we're all online, but I do also think less people are falling for like Brad and Jen are getting back together.

Right, right.

You know?

Yeah.

And I think it's high time like these out of control tabloids with like their actual fallacies have real consequences.

I'm surprised they even made it this far.

I'm actually starting to feel like these magazines are like a front business because

who the fuck is buying them?

I don't know, but someone has to be buying them because they're sold everywhere.

No, I know.

Like newsstands,

um

grocery stores, airports, like they're everywhere.

So there is a market for it.

No, you guys, who's buying these magazines?

Because not only like is everything a lie, but you can get it on your phone so i i do buy for free i do buy magazines when i'm in a

i buy magazines at the airport but i don't buy in touch stars i do no i buy people because they have the best crossword and because like you'll get some heartwarming stories you know i always buy people but i'll

i'll grab two or three other ones for another crossword puzzle and just for pictures i'm not reading it and being like oh my god brad and jen are getting back together i'm reading it like oh cute picture of jen i like her hair you know you didn't already see it like no scrolling scrolling maybe but it doesn't bother me like on a plane i'm desperate you know yeah

i'm desperate but i i do have a a bar

and it doesn't meet that bar well it's truly the end of an era yes though it's not really going to change the magazine landscape because there are so many other ones that will be on the shelves you won't even notice it's gone no 100

are you ready for our next story Yes.

Elizabeth Moss is calling Scientology, quote, misunderstood.

Scientologist Elizabeth Moss thinks that people have the wrong idea about the highly controversial religion.

She said, it's not really a closed-off religion.

It's a place that is very open to, like, welcoming in somebody who wants to learn more about it.

I think that's the thing that is probably the most misunderstood.

Right, no, no, I don't think we're all against Scientology because we feel they're closed off.

Yeah, no, she did an interview with The New Yorker, which was published on Friday.

She said that she can't control how the public perceive Scientology and that she can only share her own experience.

She said, people can obviously hold in their mind whatever they want to, and I can't control that.

If it's not that, it's going to be something else.

I mean, it's high time she is like addressing this because as much as Handmaid's Tale is like a great show, it's unbelievably weird the similarities between

the Gil, what's it called?

Like the

I don't want the Gilden, the Gilded Glado, whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like that's what the government is called in like this new America in Handmaid's Tale, the Gilden or something.

And

a lot of the practices are eerily similar to just like the vibe of Scientology.

Like, you can't really leave the Gilead.

Gilead, Gilead.

They're like, you know, it's so it's even though she's giving nothing in this interview, it's high time somebody asks these fucking questions because it's weird.

And as Kawi would say, it's high time.

It's high motherfucking time.

The time is high, but I'm whole Zen on.

I'm gonna be your numbo one

I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just

like that

I have a different song over here, which is why I couldn't join you because I needed to keep it in my head

It's high

time

I know what you're singing, but those notes I think it was good Casey must have signed time for cowgirls probably more like this It's high

time.

Do-do-do.

Sounds good.

That's a cute song.

It is a cute song, and it is high time.

It's high motherfucking time that Elizabeth Moss addresses this.

I had to stop watching Handmaid's Tale because it was so terrorizing.

And I'm thinking to myself, like, I'm in control of my own life.

I can stop watching this show.

And then I decided to do that.

Sometimes you also have to do that with books, but it's harder because then you don't get to check it off on Goodreads.

100%.

But no one's tracking what shows you didn't finish.

No.

And it's just, um.

Maybe I should read Handmaid's Tale.

But again, like, why tarot?

It's so upsetting.

Like, it's really, really upsetting.

Maybe not, then.

Especially about, like, babies.

It's like all about babies.

Maybe not.

Yeah.

Maybe not.

So, like I said, it's high time.

Even though she really said a lot of nothing.

And also she was asked like about the moment, I guess at like the SAG Awards a few years ago where Leah Remini won.

And she, for those who don't know, Leah Remini is like a very outspoken ex-Scientologist.

She has a TV show, a podcast, everything.

Elizabeth Moss was was seen like leaving the room, and she said, Oh, that was nothing.

I was just going to the bathroom.

Lies.

Drama.

Lies in an audience.

You can't like watch someone you don't like get an award.

Right.

Grow up.

I just like, not to be like, you know, against women, I kind of hate Elizabeth Moss.

I see that for you.

She's just not my favorite.

I wouldn't think that she would be.

No, not at all.

Especially like after Mad Men.

Peggy.

Just nothing of the sort.

No, she was like such a,

she was like a girl boss, but like in the most annoying way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was.

She girl bossed a little too close to the sun for sure.

For sure.

When she started stealing clients from Don, like, who do you think you are?

He like invented you.

Totally.

Are you ready for our next story?

A little food news that looks so delicious.

Is it the food news that's brought to you by a Relief Band?

Yes.

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One too many of these and you're going to need your relief band.

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Okay, next up, some food news that sounds quite delicious.

Krispy Kreme is partnering with Cinnamon Toast Crunch again for new cinnamon milk glazed donuts.

Look at these bad boys.

Love, love, love.

And you know what I love?

I love stories about Krispy Kreme because obviously someone who works for Krispy Kreme is a toaster.

And somehow, every time we talk about it, the next day, boom, right outside our door, donuts.

That's why we do what we do, you guys.

Yeah, that's why we're gonna start doing a weekly food news segment.

I mean, we already do a food news, but I do feel like if it's not for us, who's gonna tell you about these amazing collaborations that are out there?

It's true.

There's no other show that's dedicated to not letting you know who's syncing up and giving you delicious drinks.

Not even show, because when you were gone and I was like looking for stories, on one day it was like particularly bleak, and then I was remembering how we just did that Kit Kat blueberry muffin thing.

I'm like, oh, let me find some like food news.

And I literally googled food news and I got like delish.com and bon appetite like recipes.

I was like, no, give me like an e online for food.

Yeah.

It doesn't exist.

Yeah, who's tracking these industry breaking collaborations?

If I am not for myself, then who will be?

That's a great question.

Canva Pro, put it on.

Anyways, the new Krispy Kreme donuts are available for a limited time.

They feature a cereal milk glaze made with cinnamon toast crunch.

So there's two donuts.

One that's just like classic glazed, a CTC vibe, and the other that's like topped with real cinnamon toast crunch.

I think this is an amazing partnership.

What was the the last Krispy Kreme partnership that we tried?

Or we were just talking about Krispy Kreme.

No, they're always creamy.

Remember we did a mukbang?

Oh, was it Oreo?

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

That's like the big Oreo.

It seems obvious though.

Yeah.

This seems obvious.

And they had the big Oreo and it looked kind of disgusting.

Yeah, but they were really good.

We tried them.

And this sounds like an obvious collaboration as well, but cinnamon toast crunch is fucking fire.

Like, it's one of the best cereals.

And to make it into a dessert, I love.

Chef's kiss, compliments to the chef.

Compliments to Krispy Kreme for, like, every time they're in the news, like, remember when they were giving free donuts to everyone who got vaccinated, and then everyone was like, you really shouldn't be doing that?

Big yikes.

I think they're always in the news and like,

gotta meet the CEO.

Totally.

And just, you know, our address hasn't changed, so feel free to drop them over.

Tomorrow is good as we recap the Met Gala.

Wednesday, too.

Wednesday, too, but no, we're not here Thursday, so they'll go bad.

Right, right.

So only tomorrow or Wednesday if you want to deliver the donuts.

Just double checking.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

No.

Yes.

It's the final story.

Keith, that's a weird tattoo.

Okay, our fifth and final story is a little Met Gala pre-game.

What are we, E?

Like, lead up to the Red Carpet.

Oh, yeah, six-hour pre-show.

Well, who's going to be wearing what?

Who's going to be there?

Here's what we know.

No, but we need to debrief before, because it's a lot, it's overwhelming.

Yeah, so here's what we know so far about Met Gala 22, the theme, the guest list.

Chloe has already been spotted in New York, walking into the hotel.

Travis and Courtney are here.

I just want to say that doesn't mean anything because last year Travis and Courtney were there at the hotel in the mark also.

Yeah, they were in New York, but they didn't go.

But there was a big rumor that the whole family is invited this year.

Yes.

I mean, minus Rob.

Minus Rob, obviously, yeah.

Yeah.

And Caitlin.

Right.

Fashion's biggest night of the year is almost here.

After several postponements, we will be back on the first Monday in May.

And while the Uptown Ball always delivers spectacular style statements, Page 6 is guessing celebrities will go especially big this time around, seeing as last year's event was matters, not theirs, a horrible catastrophe.

I know.

And you know what?

Like, last year it was like nobody really understood the theme because it was American Lexicon.

And even this is also American Lexicon.

It's the same theme, but like with a different subset.

The official theme is In America, an anthology of fashion.

Last 2021 was In America, a lexicon of fashion.

So they just went to thesaurus.com and they changed it.

It's based on the two-part exhibition from the museum, the second installation of which will reflect the evolution of American style and also explore the work of individual tailors, dressmakers, and designers, as the Costume Institute's Institute's head curator, Andrew Bolton, told Vogue.

So, who is on the guest list?

While they do keep it top secret, Page Six Style exclusively revealed that Megan thee Stallion will attend this year's gala wearing mosquino.

Katie Perry, she said that she will be going and playing a whole different card this time around.

So, I imagine something understated since she's always like the mosquino, literal

burner of the lamp.

Yes.

Beyond that, the Met Gala, oh, this is just like Met propaganda about who usually goes, blah, blah, blah.

Anyways, this year, the dress code is all about gilded glamour, as the event will ask its attendees to embody the grandeur and perhaps the dichotomy of Gilded Age New York.

Well,

hosting Blake Lively, Ryall Reynolds, Raya Reynolds.

I love Rey Reynolds.

I love Ryell Reynolds.

My favorite dating app, Raya Reynolds.

Regita King and Lynn Manuel Miranda are serving as this year's celebrity co-host.

Tom Ford and Instagram's Adam Mosseri and Anna Wintour will continue their roles as honorary honorary Met Gala co-chairs.

Now, here's a question for you.

If Kim is wearing Marilyn,

who is she going with?

You know, what table is she at?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

Like, someone, like,

anyone will have her.

Maybe at Instagram.

Yeah, maybe.

Or maybe they should really just have a Kardashian table.

I agree.

Maybe it's a Skims table.

Love that.

Okay, so here's predictions.

The Mark Hotel is like already popping.

People have been standing outside all weekend.

Vanessa Hudgens was out taking pictures in front of Paparazzi.

She's in town staying at the mark.

Like, I have to assume that means she's going, which I just find unique.

That would be the first time for her.

I imagine.

I just feel like if you didn't invite her at her Gabriella Montez, then you don't deserve her

at her E-red carpet hosting gig.

Yeah.

No, that's a really good call.

So as far as the Kardashians, I think it's safe to assume that they all are going.

I don't know about Kylie, actually, was traveling yesterday.

Kylie's going for sure.

Kylie's going for sure.

Kendall and Kim always go, and Courtney and Chloe have never been.

Chris always goes, also.

I can really get a picture of the six of them on the carpet.

Yeah, of course.

That would be so iconic.

Nothing else would matter.

I'm really interested to see who from the digital space gets invited because the way that the Oscars embraced TikTokers was so interesting.

And I don't think that the Met will do that.

But last year, there was Addison.

I do think she'll be going again.

She's in New York.

There was Emma Chamberlain, who's definitely going again.

Yeah.

There was

who else?

YouTube.

Oh, Jackie, Ayena, Nikki, tutorials.

So they had a bunch of people, but I'm curious if any of the TikTokers are going to like break through.

Charlie D'Amelio, I don't think she's old enough to go.

She's 18 now.

She's in the Bahamas for her birthday, so she obviously chose not to go, but I don't know what that means for Dixie.

I feel like Dixie will go again because she went last year.

And she was like sickening.

Yeah, so I hope that she does go.

I do hope that they bring some fresh new talent.

Me too.

Like, who am I hoping to see from

TikTok?

Like, just like, obviously, Addison Charlie, like, it's so obvious.

Like, I would really like to see,

I don't know, just like a lot of people.

Yeah, I hope they bring some fresh faces.

Yeah, for sure.

And not everyone, just like who's a YouTube info.

Like, it's just those days are kind of over.

I agree, but also, I feel like it's just been the same people at the Met Gala for like the last five years.

I'm ready for a Taylor Swift moment, and I'm also ready for a Beyoncé moment who both haven't shown up in many years.

Do you think either of them will?

What's Taylor Chatter saying?

Taylor Chatter is saying that Blake and Ryan are hosting, and the theme is America, and you know, Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince.

Okay, so people are thinking like it's definitely a possibility, but I don't know if Taylor's at a place where she's just going to an event that Kim Kardashian is also going to.

Well, I feel like she's not gonna not, she shouldn't not go just because Kim's going there.

Like, why deny herself a good time?

Because, like, she doesn't need it.

And also, like, these events from like what the insiders say have really become just like the Kardashians are the prom queens.

Like, it's all about them, and they're like the toast of the town.

Yeah.

I'm trying to think, like, who's had an amazing year?

Well, the Euphoria girlies, we know Zendaya is not going, but hopefully Sidney Sweeney and Alexa Demi are going.

Barbie Ferreira was there last year, which is just like so weird that she's like the only new Euphoria girl who's been because she's like not the most famous.

But she looked great last year with Jumps and Sim Kai.

I'm just trying to think, like, who do you think is like an it girl of this year?

I definitely think Sidney Sweeney's like an it girl.

Oh, for sure.

Let me check who I follow on Instagram.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

And who are my new follows?

Like, oh, Nicola Ann Pelts is my new follow.

Oh, do you think they'll be going?

Yeah, they went last year.

Oh, I love that.

I hope, like, I do hope to see them.

Oh, that's a really good call.

I hope Olivia Culpo is going.

It's her turn.

Oh, my God.

Totally.

Let her in.

I hope Rach Parcel is going.

I hope we're going.

I hope we're going.

Okay, let's see.

I hope, honestly, like,

we get Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas.

They haven't really left their house in a while.

Yeah, but they always do go.

And I think she's pregnant.

So actually, I don't think she will be going.

But everyone's like loving pregnant fashion these days.

I know, but like, I think she's like,

pretty deep in her pregnancy.

Oh, I would love.

No, she's in Barbados to give birth.

Like, she's not traveling anymore.

But didn't she just go back to L.A.?

ASAP Rocky did because he got arrested.

I thought she was with him.

Oh, maybe.

But I know she wants to give birth in.

Right.

Right, right, right.

Oh, Olivia Rodrigo went last year.

She's definitely like an it girl.

I think she'll be going again.

Do you think any reality stars would go like any housewives?

I mean,

honestly.

Do you know who would like kill it at the Met Gala?

Three.

Yeah.

Yeah, she would.

But she's too, like, lowbrow.

Yeah.

Even on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Yeah.

Like, imagine if someone from like The Bachelor made it to the Met Gala.

It would have to be someone who's really like done a million other things since then.

Yeah.

Who would be the closest to?

Like

Tyler Cameron, honestly.

Tyler Cameron.

Honestly, I would love to see Paige and Craig.

I really would.

Yeah, she could invite a couple reality stars.

No, she's such a bitch.

You wouldn't kill her.

No, God forbid her event is like, I don't know, interesting.

Just like

one real housewife.

Oh, I wonder if we'll get Willow Pill, who's the most recent winner of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Simone from like the winner two years ago has become like a fashion it girl.

And I don't know, maybe we'll see that for Willow, but she did just win, so I don't know if that's like too soon.

And Lily James.

Oh, for sure.

She's like definitely having a moment.

I'm trying.

Oh, yeah, especially like with Pam and Tommy.

I'm trying to think of like shows that like Beth Dutton should be there.

Yeah, will she be?

Some of the Downton people should be there too because they're promoting a movie.

They might have gone in the past, but because we didn't watch, we didn't care.

We didn't care, yeah.

You know, and maybe like that girl from Gilded Age, Meryl Streep's daughter.

Who's Meryl Streep's daughter?

Mary Ann, Miss the One.

The blonde girl?

Yeah.

What?

Right?

I don't think so.

Yes, I'm telling you.

No, I know Meryl Streep has a daughter, but that.

Marianne Brooke.

Yeah, Marianne Brooke.

Hold on.

Wait, my mind is blown right now.

Hold on, maybe I made this.

Oh, also, I would love to see Bowen Yang

at the Metala.

Meryl Streep is her mom.

No.

What's her name?

Louisa Jacobson.

I'm shook.

Mm-hmm.

Bowen Yang.

I'd love to see Bowen Yang.

I would love to see.

I mean, I do feel like SNL is an easy.

They may be like, if people, a lot of people

know, like, they can easily invite cast members.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because they're in New York.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Honestly, Shannon Ford should be going.

100%.

100%.

Now that I'm looking through who I'm following, I'm just like, I'm following people left, right, and center.

Oh, you gotta go.

Goodbye.

That's really funny.

Like, Tanamojo should be there, you know?

No, actually.

Like, that I don't agree with.

She should be there.

So I'm actually really, really looking forward to it in the sense, like, last night I was like, I wish it was tonight.

Like I just want to keep refreshing my phone and like seeing people's.

And you know, I'm like really stressed because usually we're always breaking the news of like who's wearing what on the Morning Chess Instagram.

Yeah.

We can't do that anymore.

Yeah, no, we won't be posting any photos, but we will be doing a whole breakdown recap tomorrow.

And I'm really excited.

I'm really hopeful and I'm hoping that the fashion is fresh and they give us something.

Like, I think as a society, if you look around and like even stagecoach, Coachella, like fashion is in the toilet.

We are lost.

I agree and if Anna went to her like she is supposed to be our fashion steward arbiter and this is the time pull us out of this black hole of fashion that we are in yeah

and and lead us and show us the way because and that's what she's supposed to do as like the arbiter of fashion so this is

what is your favorite most recent um mechala theme

I loved Heavenly Bodies.

That was good.

I loved camp.

Like, it was so dumb.

It was, no, it was clown world.

It was clown world, and I loved every minute of it because Carly Kloss was looking camp right in the eye.

Did you ever see that meme?

No.

Before she left her hotel room, she put a picture on Twitter.

It's her looking into a compact mirror, and like the camera is getting the mirror, so it's her eye, and the caption is.

looking camp right in the eye.

And then she walks out of the hotel at the mark and like they show a picture.

She's literally wearing like a prom dress.

Like it's so ugly.

Yeah.

And it's the best meme of all time.

I do feel like camp was really a sign of the times.

It was like peak 2019.

Like everything was just like the more, more.

You know, and like everything was, people were moving so fast and quickly.

And like, it was just very clownish.

I enjoyed it.

And also like the looks that Kendall and Kylie gave us.

Like

obsessed.

But you're right.

Heavenly Bodies was great.

Kim's like...

gold.

It's crazy how like it's literally Kim's event and for years she was literally banned from it.

But now like if they don't go it's beyond uninteresting.

I guess they are the reality TV stars that oh duh.

No, but that just goes to show so she should invite some more.

Look how these these girls transformed your event.

It's true.

I'm like so over Anna Wintor and her closed-mindedness.

But this is an opportunity for her.

And not only on the fashion front, like I really do hope that we get something inspirational and inspirational, but I hope on the guestless front, like I hope we're seeing people that like she's, she could make anyone screw.

Like she's

the tastemaker.

The most recent one.

Show me someone I don't know.

The most recent one was like so lame.

So especially in terms of the guest list.

Like honestly, the Kardashians shouldn't have even went.

Like, that's how lame it was.

So, so lame.

So lame.

Only Kim and Kendall and Chris went.

Kylie didn't go.

Oh, yeah.

And Kendall actually saved the whole party with that dress.

What was she wearing?

Like the shanty.

She literally looked like a chandelier.

Oh, yeah.

All crystal.

Gorgeous, Audrey Harry.

Gorgeous.

Gorgeous.

That's what Kendall should do.

Audrey Hubbard.

Because that's also like Americana.

Because the theme is the same.

Right.

Because we're having a redo.

That's how terrible it was.

Yeah.

I'm not understanding the same theme, but like with one different word.

No, because it was terrible.

terrible.

Terrible.

So we will be recapping the entire Met Gala tomorrow.

I'm so excited to just like sit on my couch looking fat as fuck, eating chips, criticizing other people's looks that took months and months to prepare for.

Because that's just a little bit about me.

I'm a toxic girly.

And we are not done with the show yet, even though those were the fast five, right?

We're done.

Those were the fast five.

I do feel as though you needed to know them, especially that Krispy Kreme one.

And we are not done because it's Unburdened Yourself's Time, which is brought to you by Allbirds.

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Alrighty, Unburden Yourselves is our weekly segment on Mondays where you can unburden yourselves with embarrassing things you did over the weekend.

If you ever want to write in to unburden yourself, you can do so at unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

That's plural.

Unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

At twitch.com.

My eye does not stop twitching.

I think I need to take a nap or something.

No, you slept 12 hours.

No, I know.

I don't think it was enough.

My eye twitch is like if I'm really

stop.

stopping to go to the hospital.

Okay, first up.

Claudia and Jackie, thank you so much for taking the time to read this email.

I'm a huge fan and I need to unburden myself immediately.

Last weekend, I met this cute guy at a bar and we totally hit it off.

Fast forward a few hours, I'm at his apartment, and it's clear that I'm about to spend the night at his place.

But the huge lingering problem is that I really had to poop.

I decided just to hold it because the bathroom door was right next to his bed.

At 3 a.m., I literally jolted up from my sleep, sweaty and turtleheading, and it was now or never, do or die.

My manfriend was dead as.

I don't want to know you don't know turtleheading I mean I don't never heard that before but I can surmise I can and I don't want to keep yeah keep going my man friend was dead asleep so I went to his bathroom and took the most relieving and breathtaking poop of my life I went to flush the toilet and this motherfucker would not flush I panicked and took the plastic packaging of the toilet paper that was under the sink and put it on like a glove I dunked my hand into the toilet to grab the poop I went to throw it away but he had no trash in his bathroom I don't know why so I had no choice but to take the wrapped up poop and put it in the cabinet under his sink I climbed back into bed and was so happy when I saw I was still asleep, but I panicked that 10 minutes later, I decided to go back into the bathroom, shove the turd

in my purse.

I immediately called an Uber and left the scene of the crime.

I texted the guy the next morning and said, I had a great time, but wasn't feeling well, giving him some reason as to why I left.

Let's just say that even though this man is my soulmate, I will definitely not be seeing him ever again after this horrendous turd in the purse incident.

Sincerely, the most unhinged girl you know.

I just had so many thoughts.

Like, first of all, your first plan was to take it and put it in the trash can.

Why would you leave a dump in the trash can?

He's going to wake up and walk into his bathroom and be like, holy shit, that stink.

So then you're like, let me put it under the cabinet.

Again, not solving your problem.

You should have thrown out the window or something.

Yeah, my first question is, was there a window?

You could, like, throw it out and he could think like a bear came through.

Right.

And I also need to know, like, where's the purse?

It obviously you have to burn it, right?

What kind of purse?

But I do think that you taking it with you is the movement and not leaving it there.

But

I mean, does he have any idea that this happened?

Like, you could see him again.

And And then it'll be like a funny story to tell him, like, once you're married with children and, like, you know, locked in.

Right.

Now, I've heard a lot of stories about girls who, like, pick their poop out of the toilet.

You know what?

Actually, I don't really want to go down this road.

I'm going to take back what I said.

Thank you for unburdening yourself.

Yeah.

I don't think it's that bad because you didn't get caught.

You did what you had to do.

You did.

And you didn't get caught, which is so important.

Yeah.

I think it's fine.

And I think you can see him again, pending, like, you didn't leave any like duty stains all over the house.

Yeah.

And if he texts you, then like you're, he's fine with with it.

He's like, he texts you, like, hey, skin marks.

Yeah, but like, if he reaches out, definitely see him again.

You went all through all this for what?

Right, because if you were never going to see him again, then you could have just left the turd in the toilet.

He called a Uber.

Totally.

Dump and run.

Okay, I hope you feel better.

Next up.

Wow, someone is unburdening themselves for something they did 10 years ago.

It's never too late to unburden yourself.

I've been carrying this around for 10 years.

Then your new segment on TNN came along, so I'm unburdening myself.

Set it down, my friend.

My senior year of high school, I fell in love with my English teacher.

It's so cliche.

Why is it always the English teacher?

But I was a full-on virgin with no serious intentions of doing anything.

But at the same time, I was seriously obsessed with him.

I couldn't shake it.

He was 36

at the time, and I used to justify that.

For reference, I'm 28 now, and I would think that dating someone 36 is way too old for me.

Anyway, I would actually have sexual dreams about him, and he was like a weirdo, like a scruffy older version of Johnny Depp and Willianka, Willy Wonka, but less so in the look and more in the vibe.

Okay.

I'm here to reveal that we emailed back and forth my entire freshman year of college.

Like I would be out drunk and hook up with like a gross frat boy, but also email my teacher on the side.

He wanted to meet up once during my Thanksgiving break freshman year.

I was so nervous.

My hair was sweating.

We met up at a park around 10 a.m.

We got in his car and I realized I'm really not cut out for this.

I said I had to go to the dentist at about five minutes away.

I said I had to go to the dentist about five minutes in and I stopped answering him after that.

I was mortified.

Who did I think I was?

At least I'm not actually that weird.

Wow, felt good to say.

Honestly, I don't think you need to unburden yourself.

You did nothing wrong.

Your teacher's a fucking freak and you should deadass report him if he's still working at your school, just to be frank.

100%.

He's the one who's supposed to like know better and not.

And good on you for getting in the car and like getting the fuck out.

Yeah.

But I really do think you should like anonymously report him because if he's still working at your school, he's obviously like a freak and that's really like not good.

No, it's not good to have a freak.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Just can't stress that enough.

Like you literally did nothing wrong.

Yeah.

Please unburden.

Like says, there's no burden to un there's no burden to un here um but maybe think about you know possibly speaking to the authorities or someone i mean it's been 10 years oh right but maybe teachers stay at schools for a really long time yeah it's called 10 years

so maybe you should think about speaking to superiors yeah but again you did literally nothing wrong no all right next up dear jackie and claudia For the last two weeks, I've been texting this guy I met on a dating app.

He asked me to go out on a date with him, so he planned a day and time to meet up.

He had confirmed with me the night before that we were still going and I told him yes.

The next day, he didn't text me once, and honestly, I was relieved.

The thought of having to take a shower, do my hair and makeup, then have a conversation with someone I've never met before was absolutely exhausting.

Just when I think I'm in the clear, 15 minutes before we're supposed to meet up, he texts me making sure I know the place we're meeting at.

I ignore him, hoping that he'll just forget about the whole thing, so I don't respond.

Then five minutes after I was supposed to meet him, he texts me again saying that he's there and that I should text him once I arrive.

I feel absolutely awful.

I call my younger sister and she tells me at this point, I should just block his number and forget about it because men are stupid.

Then I tell my mom and a couple of my friends and they tell me I just should have been honest.

I felt so, so bad for leaving him at the restaurant.

I can just imagine him sitting alone at the restaurant waiting for me and it makes me want to vomit.

I went to bed feeling like a terrible person and praying that God will forgive me.

All my best, a toaster who stood up her date.

I just want to say,

Like, I don't want to make you feel bad.

I don't want to make you feel bad, but I'm really disappointed.

I'm like really upset for this man.

And I think you need to start seeking advice from someone other than your your little sister because she's dead fucking wrong.

Block him.

He did nothing wrong.

He did nothing wrong.

And it's just like, I don't want to make you feel bad.

I don't.

But it's not good.

It's not good.

And honestly, like, he's probably sitting there wondering, like, did she see me and leave?

Like, feeling so self-conscious.

And I honestly think, like, if you really do want to unburden yourself, like, you should just send him a text and be like, I got myself into this pickle where, like, I thought we weren't going out.

So I didn't shower.

And then you were texting me and I was so worried.

Like, I just think if you were honest, it would make him feel a lot better about potentially being stood up, which is just like no one wants to feel that way.

Potentially being stood up.

About, no, but like, potentially thinking, like, when you get stood up, your worst thought is like the person drove by saw you and left.

Oh, I don't even, I didn't even think about that.

Yeah, so I didn't.

I think that's what a lot of people assume.

So he's probably just like feeling insecure.

So I just think if you really wanted to like get rid of this burden, sending him a text with the truth would be nice.

And maybe seeing him again.

Yeah, but you just like, I don't know what kind of person you are and whatnot, but you can't complain about being single like ever again.

Like, that's your approach to dating.

That's actually true.

If that's a good idea, you're like a nice guy who makes a plan, who shows up, who follows up, and you don't, then like you just want to be single.

So don't go on dating out.

No, that's a fair, fair statement.

But like, we're not here to judge.

No, but that would be my advice to like, I think you would actually feel a lot better if you told him the truth and like got that off your chest.

Because I honestly don't think writing into us is going to fully un the burden.

No, like if it were were me, this is something for the rest of my life every time I thought about it, I would be like, cringe.

Yeah.

I would have like a physical.

I have a few of those.

Yeah, of course.

And they do get less over the years.

But, you know, you start, you go from being like, to like, to be like, yeah, it's like smaller.

Lesser, lesser, but it's still a grimace.

It's still a grimace.

Well, I hope we made you feel better.

Thank you to everyone who wrote in and unburdened themselves.

Again, if you ever want to write in, every Monday we are doing unburden yourselves at gmail.com.

And also Wednesdays are dear toasters, and that's dear toasters at gmail.com.

And I'm like, I told you guys yesterday, if you keep writing us long-ass emails, we're not going to be able to read them.

So if you haven't gotten your submission read, might have been because it was too long.

So maybe try reformatting it and sending it to us in like a more broken down, like just the need to know details.

We need a word count.

Yeah.

Like, how many words do you think this is?

Because that's the perfect length.

That looks long.

No, it's not.

200 words.

250 is your max.

That's our show.

Our show.

No one else's.

Tomorrow, Jackie O is back and we're doing a full mech hour recap.

The looks, the videos, the Instagrams, the selfies from the bathroom, everything

will be recapped.

I'm really excited.

I'm really hopeful, optimistic that we are going to get something that is going to just like something that we need and give us strength.

Inject some adrenaline to the veins of this culture because, like, as a society, we're not well.

Truer words.

You've honestly never been more profound than that.

Inject some adrenaline into the veins of this culture because as a society, we are not well.

No, we're just like desperate.

And like this, it's, it's actually sad, like, how much pressure I'm putting on the MECALA to make me feel something.

And how disappointed we're going to be when it is what it always is.

I have a low bar, honestly.

So like I feel like you'll be disappointed, but I'll be like, this is amazing.

Yeah, but also it's tough with the Metal because it's like either people are giving nothing or they're giving like too much and we don't understand it.

And it takes years before I'm like, oh, that was iconic and I missed it.

Yeah.

No, I feel that.

But that's our show.

Thank you so much for listening to the morning show.

It's the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the best five stories you need to know every Monday, Friday, and YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast and rare podcast can be found so that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, III Radiocats, Box, all the places we listen to podcasts by nights, the morning shows.

Leave a fucked car, you have to be the first sounding at Sparrow Are.

You sound like Jim Carrey.

What?

You sounded like Jim Carrey.

Oh, comedic genius.

Thanks for the amazing compliment.

The week of my biggest show.

Tickets available at girlwithnojob.com/slash tour.

See you guys at Madison Square Garden on Thursday.

Have a great weekend.

No, no, no.

Have a great day.

We'll see.

You had a great weekend.

You're not having one for a a while.

Yeah.

Acknowledge a space.

Acknowledge a space.

Have an amazing day, and we'll see you guys tomorrow.

Bye.