S5 Ep52: You've Been Served with Taylor Strecker: Thursday, April 28th, 2022

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Thursday.

Hope everyone's having an amazing day.

I'm feeling amazing.

I'm feeling refreshed, which I know is pretty much the opposite of how my co-host was feeling.

Welcome, Taylor Strucker, back to the morning toast.

Hi, girl.

Hey.

How do you you feel him?

Horrible.

You're a little hung.

You know, I'm just too old to be this hungover.

No, it's not that.

You can be hungover at any age, but the older you are, the worse it is.

Exactly.

Like, it's not that I was like wild.

I was home at like 10.30.

Right.

And then I actually had to like do more work, which sucked.

Sucks.

But I just was like, I didn't go to bed till 12.

I'm just like, I'm just old.

That's it.

Yeah, no.

It's less about being an alcoholic and more about being old.

I hear ye, hear ye.

Tell me about your night.

You've been a busy girl.

Girl, right?

I'm thriving.

You are thriving.

But, like, you know the thing?

Like, months go by where I feel like overlooked, ignored, irrelevant.

And then when all the good stuff happens, it's like all at once.

Like, space it out, universe.

No, I know.

By the way, that is literally being a content creator.

Like, going through months of being like, is my career over?

Like, does anyone care about me?

Is anyone even listening to my show anymore?

Yes.

And then it's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and you feel on top of the world.

It's very full of highs and lows.

Very.

So I'm on a high right now.

That's good.

Hannah's bachelorette party was a vibe.

Oh my God.

So you went on Hannah Berner's Bachelorette Party.

The content was unique.

There was Spritz everywhere, which we love to see.

Unofficial, official spokeswoman for spritz.

I had in my hand in every, so we had a photographer, videographer this the whole time.

And I was like, you know what?

I know what I'm doing.

And every picture, I made sure spritz was like, and it was like labels out.

Do you know that your wife texts me a picture every time she has a spritz?

She was at the nail salon having a spritz.

She was working late night.

She had a spritz.

She sends me a picture.

It's like on 0.5.

It's like a really gorgeous, because she's very like artistic.

Very.

She sends, she sends me photos every time she has a spritz, which is a lot because she always is drinking.

Like when we're in a car, she's drinking spritz.

It's a great roadie drink, I have to say.

It is.

And really, I just like, and it was in my hand, not just because I love you guys, because it's fucking delicious.

So good.

Also, I smashed a champagne glass the second I got on the yacht.

Oh, you can't be trusted.

And the crew was like, you're not allowed glassware.

Right.

So I was like, fuck you.

I have spritz.

Glassware.

on a boat seems highly unnecessary.

What are they thinking?

They should do like that plastic that looks like glass, you know?

I agree.

I agree.

But look, I mean, Spritz was the,

it was my booth thing the entire trip.

And did you have a good time on the Battle Read?

I really did.

I went in with like very grumpy vibes and bad attitude.

Right.

My little sister, her due date was that weekend.

So I'd always said there's a chance I won't be able to go.

And I was like, Paige, go into labor, go into labor.

Give me an excuse.

And then she calls me.

I'm like, on the way to the airport.

She's like, I'm in labor.

And I was like, you're ready on your way.

Yeah.

But then I got like Gilt Burgers.

Yeah.

I was like, I should like fly to Boston instead.

So then I get on my spirit airline flight.

The flights were a thousand dollars from New York to Miami, which is unheard of.

Insane.

So I flew Spirit because it was 800.

And I, um, I flew, I mean, like, nothing is worse than spending so much money to fly like a peasant.

No, like in a not premium experience.

Uh, I was like cursing the day Hannah was born.

I was so mad.

And then I got there and I was like, you're a girly girl.

Yeah.

Get it together.

Like, you're here.

So have fun.

And honestly, after the weekend was over, all of those grumpies went away.

Right.

And it was just like, I would have been so sad if I didn't go.

I was

thrilled I went.

Good, good, good.

It was very abundant.

That always happens.

I know.

And you got to hang out with the summer house girlies.

I did.

So I really like got to know Paige on a deeper level.

And I'm obsessed.

Me too.

Obsessed.

Me too.

Can we like all hang on all the time?

I mean, I literally like text her.

I abuse the privilege of having her phone number.

Yes.

And I'm just like working on getting like a double date in the works.

I can make it a triple date.

Let's just do that.

We could use a couple lesbians.

And then Sierra.

Oh, everything.

I can't even begin.

She was, I was acting like a weirdo around her.

That's on me.

Yeah.

But I got it together after like 24 hours.

Good.

I'm glad you got it together.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Like, it's our job to know how to hang.

I know.

But we're still people.

Of course.

And sometimes you fangirl out.

And what happens is, if I've met somebody on a reality TV show like beforehand, I can like keep it together.

But I've watched Sierra now for two years without meeting her.

And like the Austin of it all, there was just like so much.

And it's such a good season.

She's also so stunning oh my god it's like not fair i was like looking at her like such a lesbian perfection i i literally one night she was dancing and i was like i couldn't help myself and i was like your body is insane she's gorgeous and i was like but i'm not like hating on you i just want to be you right you know it's different it is different um and you're like on a book tour as well correct well so stasi she's on her book tour yeah and we you know the thing that we do together like i moderate like the lives and so it's really just like a podcast with book signing involved right right so we did that yesterday at Salmon Schuster.

It was, I mean, it was unhinged.

You got drunk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that for you.

I mean, I'm always drunk.

It's like nothing less from Taylor Stretcher.

I'm always drunk or hungover.

That's my bronze.

No, that's literally just life.

I had a friend one time that was like, I look at your, like, she was actually, I think she brought up you.

She was like, Claudia's brand is so like fresh and fun and like thriving.

And she's like, and all I ever see on your Instagram, it's drunk or hungover.

And I was like, that really hurt my feelings.

First of all, I hope you're not friends with that person anymore.

I am.

That is like such a mean thing to say, but do send them my way because they said my brand was what?

Fresh and fun.

Thank you so much, unnamed person.

Do I know this person?

No, for sure, you do not.

Damn, gotta get to know them.

They sound highly complimentary.

Very, very intelligent.

And you look gorgeous and tan.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think it's like my leftover spray tan from the batch.

And then these are actually my PJs.

You look amazed.

Thanks.

Chic PJs.

Zara?

Always.

Yeah, I know.

Zara, Zara.

Shoes.

Zara, Zara, Zara, Zara.

Everything.

Head to toe.

Really?

Yeah.

What do you think your yearly spend at Zara is?

That is such a good question.

Because, like, in your mind, you're like, it's cheap.

Right, but not when you buy your whole wardrobe from there.

And they're getting like increasingly more expensive.

I know.

I would say every time I like get a shipment in, it's like $1,000, but I return half of it.

Okay, so $500, how frequently?

Like maybe once or twice a month.

So it's $1,000 a month.

It's $12,000 a year.

It's ridiculous.

That's insane.

I could be buying couture.

You could buy like half a Chanel bag.

Their prices keep going up.

I'm really, I can't even talk about it.

It's crazy.

It's so funny because people like, okay, so on the bachelorette, Paige was like, you're very like rich vibes.

And I was like, thank you.

Really?

Just the way you dress is very elegant.

You would never know that everything you have is from Zara.

Like, because you always have a really nice designer purse and then everything else is like Zara, but it's really elevated.

Well, everything that's rich is from Wesbund.

And that's, and those are facts.

Like, on the bacherette, one of Hannah's friends, Haley was like, oh my God, that watch.

Yes, treat yourself, girl.

And I was like, I don't think you get it.

Anything rich is from him.

So like, that's the thing is like, eventually my Chanels will die.

No, they go, they increase in value.

Not the way I'm treating my

black one I carry everywhere is like she's same.

She's on death's doorstep.

Well, the cost of a Chanel bag is now like a classic.

clap Chanel is similar to that of an Hermes Berkin.

Like the prices are insane.

Well, I had a friend that worked at Chanel like a while ago and she said that they were like heavily competing with Hermes because they want to be like the French brand.

No matter how many Chanel bags you increase your price on, you will never be Hermes.

Ever.

Ever.

So you should treat your bag better because it truly is like an investment, timeless piece.

I know, but like, wear your pretties, you know?

Yeah, of course.

Like, what's the point in having a nice bag if you're not going to take it out of the house?

I know, but I like it gives me anxiety.

And I'm also like, oh my God.

Like, if somebody tried to rob me, I would be like, absolutely not over my dead body.

You know, like, let them kill me.

Yes.

Because if, because if you take my Chanel, I have no reason to live.

100%.

And I can't afford a new one.

Ever.

How are things at the Taylor Striker Show?

For those who don't know, Taylor hosts a similar show to The Morning Toast.

It's all on Patreon.

It's $6.95 a month.

Yes.

For a daily two-hour episode, right?

Yep.

Two hours Monday through Friday.

You would do so much recording.

It's insane.

You know, it's funny.

So yesterday we had lunch with Amanda Hirsch and we were talking about her Kim Kardashian interview.

Of course.

Of course.

And she said something and I was like, huh?

And she looked at me and she went like this.

You didn't listen, did you?

Of course, I did not.

And so she was like riding me.

And Sasha was like, listen, I have to say, Taylor, because she's like, you're the busiest woman in the world.

No one's busier than you.

And I was like, I know I don't have children.

So, like, how dare I?

But you can be busy and not have kids.

I am busy.

And you never answer my fucking text.

It's so annoying.

I'm going to say it is the Taylor Shreker show.

Like, it is a, in my mind, I'm like, I work two hours a day, but in reality, no.

How many hours a day do you spend actually recording?

Well, the thing is, when I record people, I have to like talk before and after because I'm a person, not a robot.

So it's like each one hour ends up being about one and a half to two, plus scheduling.

So like I would say, plus then I also have to do podcasts and stuff.

So I would say probably minimum three hours a day.

That's a lot of talking.

Of just, of just talking.

I like don't even look at my email for like a week.

That's really bad.

I know.

You obviously don't look at your phone either.

In my mind, I think I'm still at Sirius.

And I just, my life is to just like do the show and that's it.

Right, right, right.

And that's why I am the world's worst influencer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're getting better.

Thank you.

Every time you come on here, I tell you and it's true.

Like you definitely are getting better.

Thank you.

You had some funny Instagram stories last night.

Right?

Yeah.

Thanks, girl.

I guess that's why that person said your whole brand is drunk or hungover.

Cause like when you're drunk, like you want to talk about it on Instagram.

And when you're hungover, like you have to talk about it on Instagram.

Exactly.

So maybe it feels that way, but you're so much more than that.

Thank you.

And today you're going to be my co-host.

We're going to talk about the fast five, some, some mindless news, put some good stuff in there.

And then I save deer toasters for you because I was talking about this yesterday with Jackie.

I'm like, nobody does deer toasters better than Taylor.

For real?

I just think you've had

a lot of different and unique life experiences that really can assist you in giving good advice, whether it's about friendships, relationships, marriages.

Like, I just think you're really good at it.

I actually feel like now where I am in life, like, I can relate to so many people.

Yeah.

Like, I used to think my dad was so annoying, but like,

but now I'm like, I get dad.

I am dad.

Oh, a hundred percent.

Yeah.

So, I mean, I'm like, I already hate my children for stealing my money.

So I get it.

And I get a body in your life.

Exactly.

Are you on the children train?

No.

You neither.

It's okay.

Did that answer?

Perfect.

Perfection.

Did the noise answer it alone?

Yeah.

No, I'm on the same page.

But I feel like next two years, we should really sync up.

I would love that.

And I've been saying the next two years for the last five years.

Me too.

So, yeah, the next two years.

That sounds good for me.

See you in 15.

Okay, you guys Taylor's gonna join me for the fast five and then dear toasters and we're just gonna kiki and have a good time.

So here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, you ready?

Yes.

This first piece of news is like kind of crazy.

Olivia Wilde was served with custody papers about her kids with Jason Sudekis during her panel at Cinemacon.

That's.

so she's on stage talking about the movie Don't Worry Darling, which is the movie where her and Harry Styles met.

It's like her directorial, not debut, but it's like everyone's talking about it.

And this man literally like gave her a manila envelope.

So here's the thing, and I know this from my divorce.

Oh, yeah.

When you control, the server controls the servee.

You know, you can say, I want it done at their workplace.

Precisely.

So for me.

Were you served?

No, I served.

Where'd you serve?

So, I, but I warned him.

Yeah.

So there was a whole plan with my lawyer.

My lawyer said this, you're going to get, because I was away with my mom on the phone with the lawyer.

So, I got back.

He picked me at the airport.

And he was like, My lawyer was like, Go home.

You got to pack a bag of all your pretty shenel bags.

All the shit.

All the valuables.

He said, Cause I can't recover things like that.

And honestly, you don't make a lot of money at your job.

So you might need to sell that shit to like pay for your rent.

Okay.

Lawyer was really looking out for you.

I loved him.

When I met him, he was like, we were talking, talking, talking.

He was like, oh my God, my wife loves you.

And I was like dying crying because I was like, don't tell anyone.

So

then he was like, okay, so then you have Thursday, you have therapy Thursday.

So he got picked up on Tuesday.

He's like, Wednesday, bring it back to a friend that you trust.

Thursday, you have therapy.

You're going to tell him in therapy that

it's done.

And then you're going to warn him of serving and ask him where he wants us to serve and let me know after Thursday.

So I said, do you want me to serve you at the apartment or do you want me to serve you at work?

And he was like, I guess at work.

And I was like, okay, fine.

I know.

I don't really know why.

Why didn't you?

I think he was embarrassed for like our doormen to.

I'm not embarrassed in front of his coworkers?

I don't know.

But I I don't know how it actually went down.

See everything.

Like my doorman has actually seen me naked.

So like there was actually, it was a total, it was a total accident.

Well, I would assume.

I was getting a spray tan, like in my living room, fully naked, arms out, legs out.

And one of my doormen, who I'm really close with and who's just like always helping me out.

And like, I don't mind, he comes in and out.

Like, he'll drop off packages.

And instead of leaving them in the hallway, if they're heavy, he'll drop them in

my apartment.

And so, I guess he was knocking and I didn't hear it.

And I heard the door open and I'm in the living room naked, like,

Jonathan, no!

And my, shout out to Adam, my spray tanner.

She like flung her body in front of mine.

But he totally saw absolutely everything.

Which you were the little like paper thong, the skims, but that's it.

But that's literally it.

Oh my God.

And I'm not going to lie, it was awkward for a couple days afterwards, but we got past it.

So like doormen are literally, it's in the job description to like see people at their worst.

Like, I know, but I don't know.

But the point is, I definitely, it wasn't like,

it was like an accident that they showed up to his office.

Like we, we were like planning it together, which means that Jason made an embarrassing point to embarrass her.

Exactly.

Or, okay, there's two things that could happen here.

Yeah.

One is that Jason Sudekis intentionally ruined a big career moment for Olivia.

Yeah.

What's her name?

Munn?

No, I was

Olivia Wilde.

Or maybe they planned this together because now everyone's talking about the Cinemacon panel about Olivia's new movie.

It's like her dur,

it's not a directorial debut, but it's like a really big deal for her.

Interesting.

So now we're all talking about the movie.

Like it's kind of possible that they could have planned this together, like for PR.

Or sometimes if the server can't find the person, then they have to like do shut them down.

Exactly.

So maybe she's been evading the server.

Now, the person who serves, do they have like a police badge or anything?

Because I imagine it's not easy to get into Cinemacon without a ticket and just

storm the stage.

I don't know.

I mean, I feel like the servers are just like, like, lawyers that work at the office.

Are they?

Maybe they're like interns.

I always felt like it was like a job, like how people are like a notary.

Like, you can be a server.

Or maybe it's like a bounty hunter.

I don't know.

With papers.

And like this Cinemacon is in Vegas in these big conference centers.

I just don't think it's easy for like one man to get to Olivia Wilde.

It's a move for sure.

Okay, sources tell page six that Jason Sudekis had no knowledge of the plans and would never condone Olivia being served in such an inappropriate manner.

Huh.

She was handed a manila envelope from a woman who slid it on stage in the middle of the presentation asking her,

and then Olivia was like, is this for me?

That's so embarrassing.

After opening the document, there's literally pictures of her opening the documents.

And she's like, well, why would she open?

Like, that's the thing.

They just have to serve you.

They're not like, now open the envelope and show me what it is.

They're going to see them holding it.

Exactly.

And that's it.

So she could have like taken and been like, thank you, and put it down.

So after opening the documents, Olivia Wilde carried on without blinking and showed the trailer for her film that she directed that stars her boyfriend Harry Stiles and Florence Pugh.

Is that how do you pronounce her name?

Yeah.

Okay.

So this is just like so crazy.

I'm still not over her being with Harry Styles.

I'll never be over it.

And like not being with Jason and like not like, I mean, she's still with her kids, but I like,

I'm going to sound so like 1975 right now, but like.

Harry's delicious.

Delicious.

Like really forever.

Like you're going to break up your family for now.

I just, I don't like the coupling and I don't really have an explanation.

I'm just not into it and I will provide no further reasoning i just don't like it like period and i'm sure she's a lovely woman

someone who feels really close to harry um he does follow me on instagram no yeah i just when

for years and really has never unfollowed like literally since 2018 any interaction not once but in real life yes oh my god i ran into him at soho house and ben was like you have to go say hi and like i'm actually like not good at that i'm not i am shocked i know so i chugged a picture of like Eastern Standard the barita so good

and I walked over I was like a little burpee because I like chugged so much and he like he could feel like a I mean I have a large presence so he could feel my presence and I remember he like turned around and looked at me and was like and then looked back being like oh a fan right but then he turned back around and was like Claudia and I was like what

And I couldn't even speak.

I've told the story a hundred times.

I couldn't even speak.

I was like, I wanted to say to him, like,

first of all, I had just seen Dunkirk his movie and I really didn't like it but I was like I was like Harry this movie is so good even though I didn't understand I'm like what war is this I literally had no idea and we had like a nice little conversation and as I was leaving like I didn't want to bother him so he was like with I think his mom and like family so I was like I don't want to bother you but like it was so good to see you and I just like I was trying to say like have a good night nice to see you see you around and what came out was just like a flu le poult

and he was like yeah you too I'm like cool cool cool and then i never saw him again wait that makes me really mad because i ran into kate bosworth do you know my with kate bosworth you have told me the story she went to your high school right we went to high school together you've told the story on the show but i don't remember to give a really abridged version okay i'll try but thank you for knowing that's also my brand long-winded me too um

so High school together, like we didn't keep in touch, touch, but like we kept in touch enough.

And I ran into her.

I knew it was a matter of time before I'd like run into her properly, like having my job.

It's serious.

It was like, she'll come in, we'll do an interview.

She'll be like, oh my God, I love you.

And I'm like, I love you too.

So I'm at Soho House with my co-host from my regular show.

And they're like, don't look now, but Kate Bosworth is here.

And I was like, I'm dead.

So I'm like, they're like, you have to go over and say hi.

And I was like, of course, we went to high school together.

So I walk over and I like tap her on the shoulder, which is actually, I hate when people tap me, but whatever.

And she like turned around like this.

And it was like, So, it was almost like we live in the same town.

Our kids go to the same school and like we see each other at the grocery store every day.

It was so casual.

She was like, oh, hi.

I swear to God, I think she fucking forgot who I was.

She totally faked it because, can I tell you, one time I randomly met Kate Bosworth and she was like, hi, Sweetie, so good to see you.

I'm like, we've never met.

Unbelievable.

So that's her thing.

That's like a celebrity thing.

They're always like, nice to see you.

They're not going to pretend they don't know you because they meet so many people.

But I have to be somewhere in the recesses of her brain from high school.

Right.

So did you tell her?

I was like, I kind of like it.

It's Taylor.

And she's like, I know.

It was very weird.

She didn't remember.

She didn't fucking remember me.

No.

Oh,

that's all over again.

Well, Harry remembered me, not to rub it in.

So, yes, Harry and Olivia Wilde, there are like Dumois rumors that they're fully engaged.

They're getting married.

Like, they're really serious.

Wow.

I mean, well, actually, I kind of hope that's the case.

I mean, I'm just like so jealous.

Like, I can't even lie.

I'm not going to, I couldn't, like, even give you a good reason why I don't think they should be together other than the fact that like, I'm seething with jealousy.

Yep, I get it.

That should be me.

Literally.

He is the most beautiful human being on the face of the planet.

No, like the way I would take a bullet.

Yes, for him.

The way you would take a bullet.

For everything.

For everyone.

It's lost all of its, that phrase has lost all of its meaning because, like, I literally am like this donut.

I would take a bullet for it.

Wait, but who would be good enough for him?

And you can't say yourself.

Probably me.

Okay, no, who would be, like, honestly, like, I'm sure Olivia Wilde's amazing.

Like, I'm sure she's funny.

I mean, she landed Jason Stacy at and Harry Styles.

She's got to be something, you know?

She's gorgeous.

Like, I'm sure she's great.

Whatever.

Whatever.

But, like, if I had to choose, I would probably have it be, um,

I would probably have him date, like, one of my friends who I don't really care about.

So, like, Harry and I can start sleeping together and I wouldn't feel bad.

But then I would be close.

Like, I would be close enough to Harry, like, start the affair.

But then I wouldn't feel bad about my friend.

Cause like.

I would have it, I have to find a friend in my mind who's betrayed me.

Yes.

And who I've forgiven, but like I'll always remember.

Yes.

Because then I'll set her up with Harry Styles just so I can betray her and feel good about it oh my god I would pick Zendaya 100% that's also a really good option if if you want to go that route that's what you have

um so yeah uh getting served papers is Have you ever been served like Period?

No, but I almost like feel like I'm jixing myself right now.

I'm like so scared.

It's kind of like a crazy thing.

Have you?

No, no, no, no.

Oh my God.

Do you think we will in our lifetime?

I mean, I could definitely see me saying something on this show that gets me served for like a defamation lawsuit, so I should probably shut the fuck up and move on to the next story.

Next up, Travis Scott is making his comeback attempt with his first public performance.

So Embattled Rapper Travis Scott is attempting to come back after we all know his Astro World concert in November, which led to 10 deaths.

He plans his first public performance following this tragedy.

So Travis Scott, who has played some private VIP sets since the disaster, is scheduled to take the stage in Miami on May 7th during the city's much-hyped Formula One Grand Prix at 11, which I know you were just at.

I was just at.

The high-profile race is set to bring the jet set to town.

Hotel rooms in Miami are going up for $120,000 a night.

According to Bloomberg,

tables at popular clubs are ranging from $5,000 to $100,000, meaning organizers are betting that Travis Scott is going to bring in a big draw.

That's so crazy.

Who the fuck would pay $120,000

for a hotel room?

For a room.

Just to go see a horse race, you could get better viewage on TV.

Horse race or car race?

Oh, cars.

yeah good call good call good call horse no cars um like I get it it's cool but like I don't really understand I am really upset about where Miami is right now like it's my favorite place and I'm like quickly being able unable to afford Chanel bags yeah because you want to know why like during the pandemic so many people moved to Florida is that what it is and like just the overall cost of living in Florida is going up because it was always like a there's no income tax it's a lower cost of living than like these big cities so so many people flock to Florida but now there's so many fucking people there.

You can't get a house.

Yeah.

You can't get a hotel room.

But like, but like the house market, I get, but like, why hotels?

I don't know.

I just think like people are really craving like a good time.

Yep.

And places like Vegas, Miami, like there aren't that many that'll like really show up and show out.

And so I think like we're just running out of options as Americans in a post-COVID world.

It's scary.

Also, Miami's super international.

So you add that extra element of like that influx of people with their money.

Is the Euro stronger than the dollar?

You're so asking the wrong girl.

I do not know.

In my mind, it's always like all I know about the Euro and the dollar is that when I went to Europe a couple years ago, I landed and there was like some sort of financial crisis and the dollar was equal to the Euro, but the prices hadn't changed in like the market yet.

So like that day, I went to Chanel and bought three purses, flew back to America and sold them on the rail rail.

Because I'm a businesswoman.

Yeah.

I made a lot of money.

I was just like buying them up.

How much profit?

Like a good amount.

Because like with the way that it was where I don't really understand how it worked, but like the Euro like crashed or something, but it takes a few days for like the malls to like change their prices with like inflation and shit, right?

So, I literally went the debut landed me and all my friends.

We like scooped up all these Chanel bags, and then I got the VAT back at the airport, which was nice.

And then I went back to America.

I think I got like a Chanel, like, small evening bag for like two grand, and I think I sold it for four.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it was crazy.

Oh, I'll buy those off of you.

They're gone.

They're all around.

They're all gone.

Literally gone.

Wow.

You are a businesswoman.

No, like, the thing about me is like, I will find find a way to make money.

Like that's just my thing.

Like I'm so, I'm a money-hungry whore.

I mean, so am I, but I'm so bad at it.

What's the lowest thing you ever did for money?

Lowest?

Yeah.

Got married?

Oh, my God.

I was not expecting you to say that.

I meant like work-wise.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Love that for you.

I panicked.

I have no taste for the joke.

It's a good answer.

But like, do you ever think about like, it's been, you've had a long career, so have I.

Do you ever think about like gigs you did?

Like I have one gig in mind that like wasn't worth the money.

And it was like one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life.

What was it?

Okay.

And like there were a few toasters there.

So like if you were there, like you know what went down.

So right when I was starting off doing comedy like a couple of years ago,

I got booked for like a private gig, which is so crazy because private stand-up, it's like not really a thing.

I don't know.

It was like really weird.

And it was iHeartRadio and they like were paying me a lot.

Private gigs pay so much money.

So I was like, fuck yeah.

And it was in like some city in upstate New York or something.

So it was like an hour car ride.

I would make a ton of money and then go home that night.

Like it was, and I had to do like a 30-minute set.

It's like, oh my God, amazing.

And I was already on tour.

So I just took 30 minutes for my tour and I did it.

And I had no idea what the evening was, but it

was unique.

It was like this.

yearly event that their local radio station puts on for like these twisted alcoholic women in like this random suburb of New York.

And like they

didn't want to see me.

Like they're used to having like a DJ come and they all like, so they had to be quiet for 30 minutes.

People were like literally, I've never, I've never felt like such a low-level piece of shit in my life.

People were literally like blowing their nose.

They were walking around right in front of me, like ordering drinks.

I'm like, bitch, I'm literally sitting right here.

Like, no.

It was the 30 minutes never ended.

I was like trying to play games.

I just, I like threw my whole set out the window and I was like, let's play a studio game.

And I had said in my Instagram that I was going to be there.

So it was like 10 toasters in the front row who like came to see a show.

Right.

They got nothing.

Oh my God.

It was horrible.

But I got paid.

So the lowest thing I did was, it was actually the thing that got me fired essentially from Sirius.

It was like, I was like, so Sirius paid diddly dick.

Yeah, no, no.

And I'm very 11 years.

For 11 years.

And so I'll, this is how, what I'll say.

I got a $7,000 raise.

Woo.

And they literally tried to take it back.

What?

They were like, oh, that was a mistake.

I was like, it's $7,000.

Oh, my God.

It was bad.

So I had to like do side hustles, but it was very limiting with your like non-contract.

Exactly.

So I started doing these like retreats with this like happiness guru that was a guest of my show.

And they actually were a vibe and like they were incredibly lucrative.

And so we stopped working together.

And I was like, why don't I just do like she was very like no drinking and I'm obviously that's my brand.

So I was like, we should just like do different things.

You should have like a wellness retreat and I'll have like a let's get fucked up retreat.

I'll like spring break retreat.

Exactly.

So I planned it.

So you went out on your own from the guru.

And that's when it all fell to shit.

So why was that considered like a violation of your contract and not the other retreats?

That's the thing.

So I think my head was on the chopping block for a number of reasons.

They wanted your time slot.

And whatever they wanted.

And I think, I think there was a,

I think there was somebody on the platform, just in general, I'll say that, who was not pleased with me standing up for myself with something which,

oh my God, I hate you so much.

No, absolutely not.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

No, I don't even know.

Anyway, I just feel like maybe I burned some bridges.

Yeah, for sure.

And who knows, probably more than one, if I'm being totally honest.

And they were like, oh, well, or maybe I was just like been there too long.

And they were like, get rid of her.

Right, fresh.

So, and we had like a new boss, and that's like a new boss thing is like, you know, fire everybody.

Yeah.

So I think that they were like

looking for a reason to fire me.

And they were like, oh, fine, print your contract.

You're kind of like edging against it.

Figure it out.

It wasn't like a outright violation, but it was like blurry.

But when they did call me, the lawyer on the phone, like you'd never meet the lawyers, they're always in the meetings.

And they call me on a Saturday and she was like, well, a little advice.

advice taylor in the future read your contract oh god i was like ugh nobody reads the contract she's insane

oh my god okay so travis scott is making me come back honestly i don't know how and if travis scott comes back from astral world like there's this is just like a level of of scandal that like is far beyond anything we've ever really gotten used to.

Like 10 deaths, like it was so avoidable.

Like I really don't know if this is something you come back from.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like it was in the news and then it just went away.

Because he went away.

And, but also, the Kim and Pete of it all helped.

Not to besmirch their love, but like, I do think that was, that, that felt very like clever Chris Jenner moves.

And people kind of stopped talking about it.

I hate the thing is, like, there's so many Kardashians.

A lot of them are single.

Like, they're always going to have things going on in their lives.

So to assume that, like, Kim shared her, like, her relationship only to help save Travis, what does fucking Kim owe Travis?

I guess that's true.

It is unrealistic to think that like everything they do is for him.

It's calculated.

And don't get me wrong.

There's definitely a level of calculation.

Right.

Kim yesterday was on Instagram admitting that she like photoshopped a picture of the kids at Disney World because Kylie didn't want Stormy in the picture, but Kim needed to save the aesthetic flow of her Instagram.

So she flew True in there and she photoshopped True.

So I think there's a level of calculation, but with all celebrities,

I don't think that's a bad thing, but I don't think it's like, I think it's annoying when people assume everything the Kardashians do is like to cover up something else.

That's fair.

Somebody did bring that to my attention, though, about the Travis Scott thing.

And I was like, oh, damn, I never even thought about that.

Cause it really did kind of just like go away.

But I don't think you can like blame Kim for that.

No, not at all.

I'm just saying, I thought it was.

Because he, he went away.

He didn't, he didn't leave his house.

But that's what I'm saying.

It's like it kind of, it happened.

It was terrible, but then it kind of just like.

Fizzled out.

Exactly.

That's the world we live in.

Like things are like terrible things happen so frequently that like we and we're so inundated with so much news like we don't even like lament on things like we move past things so quickly no matter how terrible the tragedy and that's really sad so with that being said he might actually be fine given yeah the way that we have like you know flea brains no that's really true and really sad um have you been keeping up with the amber heard and johnny depp trial Not like to the amount that I wish I did, but enough that I can like get through the conversation.

Yeah, like I've been hesitant to talk about it because there's so much information out there.

And like what I get served with on TikTok and like articles I read, it's very pro-Johnny.

Yeah, same.

And then yesterday, I was like accused of like not supporting the Me Too movement and like being a woman hater.

So like, I just can't.

Even though I've, after the limited amount of research I've done, I've come to the conclusion that it was an extremely mutually abusive relationship.

I was just going to say, I think they both were monsters to each other.

I don't think there's one person to blame, but I really don't even want to talk about it because like you can't say anything right.

But I did, there's an interesting Elon Musk element.

Okay.

Oh.

So Elon Musk was like,

his name was being floated around as possibly testifying, but now he's not testifying in the Amber Heard case.

And apparently there's like this rumor going around that it's so dumb.

People are so dumb.

I'm sorry.

There's a rumor going around that Elon Musk bought Twitter so that he could change the narrative on there to be more positive for Amber Heard.

That is insane.

Which is insane.

Literally, first of all, the dumbest thing ever.

No one would do that.

Like Elon Musk has his own reasons for buying Twitter.

Two, Elon Musk hates Amber Heard, actually.

And I think he sued her for defamation as well.

Wow.

And there's also a lot of rumors because

Amber Heard has a child.

Uh-huh.

And a lot of people think that it's Elon is a baby, which would make that, I think, like his ninth child.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

I don't know.

I heard a rumor about like Amber with Cara De Lavigne.

Well, that was in one of the

depositions.

She apparently cheated on Elon with Cara.

And the guy doing the deposition was like, Did you have an extramarital affair with Cara De Lavigne?

I'm like, girl, get it together.

It's De La Vine.

Actually, that reminds me.

When I was in college, I was a, I was interning a lot through college to get credits because I just like fucking hated school.

Right.

And I interned at Hearst magazines for Esquire Magazines.

Uh-huh.

The literally one of the worst experiences of my life.

Magazine world is horrible.

And I was in the closet.

So it was basically just like packing shit up for messengers.

Oh, when you said you were in the closet, I was like, wait, you're gay too.

I'm so confused.

It's like the day I thought that you were in Dumois.

I felt so betrayed.

No, like the PR closet.

Yeah, literally.

So like we would pack things up for messengers and then the messengers would bring back and we would would unpack.

It was pack and pack all day.

And there was like a head intern there who was like, he was so happy to be there.

Like his fucking annoying like energy was so toxic.

Like this was just like, he was so excited all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he was the head intern.

So like he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he was such a fucking know-it-all.

Like everything he was like, and I was always fucking up.

Like I remember I sent an Etro like men's bathing suit to like another brand that started with an E.

And it was like, I cost the company millions.

Like it was like the biggest deal.

He was always yelling at me.

He was so like like moral high ground for being head intern.

And one time we were just like sitting and gossiping and like making labels and stuff.

And we were talking about celebrities.

And he was like, I said, Cara Delavine.

And he was like, it's Cara Devlegine.

No.

And I was like, finally, I can correct this motherfucker.

I'm like, actually, Michael, it's Cara Delavine.

And that was the best moment of my life.

And actually, I don't know why, like, I find myself, maybe it's because I'm insecure, but when I was in college, I had a roommate who was so smart, like literally so smart.

She had a full scholarship and she had gotten into like Harvard, but she got a full scholarship to NYU.

And she was like, I was in all these dumb classes and she was in all these like smart classes.

And she was always like listening into my phone calls and like correcting me.

Yeah, no, and like if I, you would think having a smart roommate would be going to, I'm like, hey, can you help me with my math homework?

No.

She was like, you know, she had moral superiority.

And then one time I'm on the phone, I remember we're like making plans.

I'm like, let's go to this bar.

It's on Houston Street.

And I'm not even talking to her.

I'm on the phone.

And she goes, Houston?

It's Houston.

I'm like,

actually?

It's Houston.

So those are my two kind of trauma moments from growing up.

Yeah.

Where'd you go to college?

Ithaca.

What?

Yeah.

Is that a good one or a bad one?

I just feel like there's not much I don't know about you, but I guess I've never asked you that question.

I know, but but wait, what do you think about Ithaca?

I tell the people.

Is it like for smart people?

I don't believe so.

Or no, that's Cornell.

That's in Ithaca.

Correcto.

Yeah, that's the good school.

We were the dumb school.

What was your college experience?

Were you in a sorority?

No, they didn't have sororities and fraternities, which is why I picked it actually.

Yeah, that's a lie.

That's it's the only school that accepts me.

But that picked me.

Yes, exactly.

But I was thrilled because I am too weak to not be in a sorority, but I knew I would feel tortured and hate it.

Poor same.

So I got to go over to Cornell and go to all the frat parties.

So it was like the best of both worlds.

That's nice.

Yeah, which are friends from college still?

Not really, actually.

Like one.

I'm that bitch.

I really, the thing with college, I mean, yeah.

I have some friends from childhood that like I've re-established relationships with, but college,

isn't that, that makes me feel bad.

No, it does.

And I actually don't have a ton of friends from college either.

I guess if I had to say, like, I made one friend in college, that's because all my friends from high school went to NYU because I grew up in the city.

So we all went to NYU together.

And so we just like stayed in the same group.

Right.

But then we let one girl, Margo, in, and she's cool.

She actually spoke to her last night.

She's like one of my best friends.

So we let her into the crew because she didn't go to our high school.

But other than that, like, I had a a built-in friend group so like i really didn't have to work hard to make friends which margo right margo you're not margo yeah no no

not that margo oh still margo there's so many margos in my life there's margo ostre of course a duh there's margo lewin who are you talking about love and then my friend from college margo fish who i do believe you've met but i don't know if you remember her I can only remember so many Margos at one time.

I know, and she listens to the toast, so like she's probably so excited.

Hey, girl, hey.

Every time I talk to her, she is wearing her merch.

We love a supportive queen.

Also, new merch launches tomorrow.

So Elon Musk not testifying, which is sad because I, even though this is like a terrible case, I have been enjoying some of the content coming out of like Johnny and Amber's like reactions to stuff.

It's obvious they fucking hate each other.

Hates.

I love that picture of him with the talenti spilled on his lap.

Me too.

I wasn't participating in the festival of ice cream.

He's like, I just think it's like, it's, it's, I know it's terrible because it's like a, a, a very hot button trial, but like, it's been entertaining.

Absolutely.

It's a shit show.

I couldn't lie.

I would like to see Elon get in on there too.

But he's like, I have enough problems with all these people.

I'm not getting involved.

i think we live in a world too where like we think it's like if someone's bad then the other person is good and it's like right no they can be pieces of two things can be true at once exactly and i think it was a really toxic but then i don't really understand why johnny would sue her like he's opening up his entire life for public consumption and if he was

toxic and abusive like right then he's opening up like his chamber of secrets so that's why i kind of err on the side of johnny because it's like why would he go through with this defamation because i feel like he's like i'm johnny Depp.

I have built this crazy great career.

Yeah, like I do drugs.

I get fucked up, whatever, but like,

I am not an abusive person and I will not have that be my namesake.

Yeah.

Smirch my name.

Yeah.

And, you know, did you see the video of their like doorman slash house manager?

No.

He testified via Zoom and he's literally sitting in his car driving without a seatbelt on and vaping.

It's so funny.

It's like this trial is just insane.

It's insane.

All these clips, it's for, I've been, I guess, interacting with a lot of the content on TikTok.

So I keep getting served more in my algorithm.

Yeah.

And so I really didn't even want to, like, I don't really care about these two people.

So I didn't even want to, like, know what was going on in the trial.

But now, because it's everywhere, like, I'm an expert.

But Elon is not testifying, which is disappointing.

It is disappointing.

I would like that, like, one more like animal being brought to the circus.

Yeah, no.

But Elon's already, like, he has his own circus.

He's always starting drama.

Yesterday, he said he's going to buy Coca-Cola next to put the cocaine back into it.

I saw that on.

And I just feel like, you know, I would try it.

I saw that on Ben's Instagram.

And now people are like taking that tweet.

Actually, this was really funny.

People are taking Elon's tweet and like making jokes about what he should buy next.

So one of my favorite

Bravo Instagramers, Christian Gray Snow.

He did a whole slideshow.

Next, I'm buying and rebranding True Faith Jewelry.

Ramona Singer's jewelry.

Next, I'm buying Buka de Beppo and enlisting Dariet Kemsley to incorporate Capri rooms in all future and current locations.

Next, I'm buying out LVPs restaurants in West Hollywood and replacing them with the actual gay bars that the area needs.

Next, I'm buying and rebranding Fabellini in stores this summer.

Shut the fuck up.

Next, I'm buying Jackie out of her Bravo contract and sparing us all.

Next, I'm buying Ancestry.com to expedite the process of finding Melissa Gorga's long-lost sister.

Next, I'm hiring Giselle Brian, a stylist on my dial.

Oh my God.

Next, I'm buying Kim Richards a goddamn house.

Next, I'm donating money to Gina Kirschenheider just because.

I love it.

It's so good.

So, like, I was living for everyone coming out of the woodwork.

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All right, next up, what do we got next?

I can't lie, the stories go downhill as longer.

Oh, Haley Bieber is opening up about her like big medical scare.

She

told us that she had a procedure to close a hole in her heart following a stroke.

She said it was the scariest moment of her life.

So she made a YouTube video.

I remember she posted a couple weeks ago.

She put like a notes app just letting everyone know like, she went through like something really scary.

She was eating breakfast, and like, she thinks she had a stroke.

So, now, after everything, she made a YouTube video.

She said she was sitting at breakfast with Justin.

She started to feel a tingle like in her shoulder all the way down to her arm, and like her fingers were tingly and numb.

And the left side of her face was like dropping.

No.

And Justin was like, Are you okay?

And she went to talk and she couldn't speak.

And so she knew she was having like a mini stroke.

And now she's done like extensive, extensive tests.

I guess she had

like a blood clot, like a momentary, a momentary blood clot that like stopped blood flow to her brain or her heart that made the mini stroke happen.

And she said like she didn't know that because she gets migraines, that can affect her being on birth control.

So she had not spoken to her doctor about the migraines and was on this birth control that she thinks was the cause of all of this.

It was just like crazy.

And she was just encouraging people, like, if you have migraines to talk to your doctor about which type of birth control you go on because it can cause complications.

Mini strokes are side effects of sudden birth control.

So it was just so crazy.

What birth control she had?

I don't know.

I don't think she wanted to slander, you know, big pharma.

Damn, that's scary.

And how old is she?

Late 20.

She's really young.

And she said it was like so quick by the time she actually got to the emergency room, she was totally back to normal.

She wasn't having any issues with her face or her arm.

But her scams showed that she experienced a lack of oxygen to her brain for a period of time, which is a stroke.

And it was caused by the blood clot.

Her doctors said that a set of three recent events contributed to the stroke.

She just started taking birth control without speaking to her doctor, and as a frequent sufferer of migraines, the birth control causes issues.

She had also recently had COVID and had been traveling from Paris and back in a really short amount of time.

Oh, if you travel a lot, you can get blood clots.

Oh, right.

And she was discharged the following morning after her doctors believed the three recent events coalesced into the perfect storm.

She didn't know how the blood clot had traveled to her brain, but she believed she was suffering from a small opening in the heart that usually closes after birth.

Which, isn't that what Stasi

was reminding me?

So when Stasi did her sonogram.

Yeah, they were pregnant.

So when, I don't even know how many months pregnant Stasi was, maybe like six months, they kind of detected potentially a hole in Hartford's heart.

And so they kind of determined that it was all good once they got the results back.

Right.

But I recently saw them, you know, getting, I guess, a sonogram of her heart.

Yeah, I saw that too on Instagram.

Probably just to double check everything.

That didn't close.

Right, exactly.

Is that why they named her Hartford?

It wasn't why, but like it became like kind of a significant reason why the name was so special.

Right, right, right.

She was her speed.

Exactly.

So, you know what's so crazy is like Haley Baldwin Bieber.

Yes.

Is like literally perfection.

Like perfection.

Young, rich, gorgeous.

She seems like, I've actually met her.

She's incredibly nice.

And I think that's how she actually is in real life.

And it's just like, you know, health is the great equalizer.

Like no matter how many Chanel bags you borrow,

everyone can succumb to it.

And like, this is just like a crazy thing.

You know, it makes me so nervous because I'm like so bad.

I don't know if it's because I'm the daughter of a doctor or if I just like hate the fucking doctor, but like I never go.

Never.

And it makes me because they have to weigh me.

That's why I won't go.

Same.

It's so, it's a personal attack.

And then they ask, like, how many drinks do you have?

And you have to lie, like, four.

And they're like, that's a lot.

I'm like, it is, because that's how many I have in one dinner.

Yeah.

They're like, a week.

I'm like, a week?

I was talking in a day.

Yeah.

So that's why I don't go.

Judgmental.

So judgmental.

But like, I, as a woman of a certain age, little things here and there happen.

And I'm like, ooh, should I be worried about this?

And I'm like, oh, it's fine.

And like in my mind, I still think I'm like in my mid-20s.

I know.

And I'm like, bitch, you're not.

Have you ever gotten a mammogram?

No, but I think, um, I think I'm probably gonna get one like in the next year.

Yeah.

Um, but it sounds so painful.

It sounds like a nightmare.

It sounds horrible.

I actually think about it all the time because, of course, that's something we all have to do.

Um, I can't.

Like, I literally can't.

I know.

But it's so important.

It's so important.

So this, like, hearing this gives me anxiety.

Right.

Cause like she looks like someone who's like the picture of health.

Right.

Does Pilates all the time.

I mean, I started to get these like tingles in my leg at night.

Oh, I actually have had that my whole life.

It's from weight gain.

Oh, it's called restless leg syndrome.

It's actually not from weight gain.

Oh, well, the one that I googled was.

Oh.

We're both doctors on the internet.

No, ever since I was a kid, and I was really skinny as a kid, so that's how I know it's not from weight gain.

I would wake up in the middle of the night with just, they weren't like pains and they weren't cramps.

They were just like sensations.

Like I felt my legs were alive while I was asleep.

Yes.

I think it's restless leg syndrome.

It also could be a potassium deficiency.

I've had it my whole life.

I've never went to to the doctor, but to Advil usually fixes it.

Okay, awesome.

Great.

Thanks, Dr.

Claudia.

Yeah, that's why I always keep Advil around, like, when I'm traveling.

Yeah.

And how I knew Ben was the one for me, like very early in our relationship, we went on a trip and

I woke up in the middle of the night and I was having my leg thing.

And he was like, what's wrong?

I'm like, I can't explain.

I just get like this weird thing in my legs, but I need to Advil.

It's like three in the morning.

We were like sober.

We just went to sleep that night.

And Ben literally got up and like left the room, walked around the city we were in and like got me Advil.

And I was like, this man, marriage.

That will do it.

That'll do it.

Now I don't travel with Advil, without Advil.

Oh my God.

I remember I knew I'd marry Wusband when I was barfing and shitting simultaneously, and he held my hand.

Oh, that's really sweet.

And the money.

And the money, of course, of course, of course.

So we're wishing our best to Haley Bieber.

Yes.

And always, as always, talk to a doctor.

Always.

All right.

Fifth and final story, Amanda Bynes is like making waves on social media.

So she posted a series of Instagram stories yesterday accusing her fiancé, Paul Michael, of using crack cocaine.

Oh, oops.

So she went on camera and was just like talking to her phone and basically said, Paul stopped taking his medication.

He told me, stop taking it.

I looked at his phone and he was looking at mom and son porn.

He then vandalized his mother's home.

He broke all of the pictures and put salmon under her bed.

Wait, wait.

His behavior is alarming and I'm afraid of what to do.

She then she said, oh, I forgot to mention I found Paul's stash of crack cocaine.

He's been using for the past six months.

He needs serious help.

I kicked him out of the house.

Bynes, Amanda Binds' attorney didn't return any request for comment.

And Michael is her fiancé who they met in AA, then took to his Instagram account soon after to say, I don't know what the fuck she's talking about.

Y'all got to stop taking your shit.

You guys don't fucking know anything.

Yelling at us, like we asked to be involved in this.

Right.

And then just hours prior, Amanda Bynes had shared Page 6's story about the second song she and Michael released together and then posted a photo of him on the couch.

So it appeared that like shit was fine.

I hate reporting on Amanda Bynes because

I have a very special place in my heart for Amanda Bynes.

Yeah.

And, you know, she's free of her conservatorship now.

She was in like a similar situation to Brittany.

It didn't get nearly as much press.

But I do think she still is definitely like suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Definitely.

And I don't know.

like who she can turn to and so when she's in a state of duress like finding out her husband's using drugs again whether or not that's true she like tells us on social media because I don't think she has a lot of people in her life that she trusts which is just so sad so sad I am a little confused about her journey like where it is, because I feel like the last time she got like big, big, big press, it was for she was like looking amazing and fresh and like she had her shit together.

Yeah.

Cover of a paper magazine.

Oh, it was a while ago, though.

It was a while ago.

So much has happened since then.

She has a face tattoo.

It's like a heart under her left arm.

Okay, so that was after that.

Yeah.

And she says she wants to release like a fragrance.

I don't really know what's going on.

And like, I, I just hate it because it makes me so sad because like I grew up on Amanda Bines.

I think, and like, she's the man.

She's the man.

Oscar worthy.

Freaky fr.

No, that's Lindsay Lohan.

Oh my God, sorry.

She's the man.

The Amanda show.

Yeah.

It's like such good work.

What a girl wants.

What a girl needs.

So good.

So it just, it really like breaks my heart to even talk about it.

And I don't really even fully understand this story.

Like I don't really understand what's going on.

It sounds like she is maybe.

Maybe it has less to do with her fiancé and more to do with her mental state.

Right.

Or both of them.

Right.

So like I don't really feel like I can comment on it other than just like saying I wish Amanda Bynes the best always and forever like she is my girl It's that's concerning.

It's sad, but those are the fast five stories that I feel as though you needed to know before you woke up and take a bite of every morning towels

Okay, we're not done yet because I'm gonna make Taylor to Deer Toasters with me because you're so good at it.

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All right, Dear Toasters is our advice segment.

If you guys ever want to write in, here's a little PSA.

We get so many submissions, but so many of y'all are writing us like actual essays.

We have a time limit.

So like just please try when you write in to like make it more concise, more short.

So like we got so many good ones, like, but we can't use them because they're so long.

So dear toasters at gmail.com if you want to write in.

And if you have have written in and it hasn't gotten on the show, it's probably because it's too long.

So maybe consider rewriting us with just like a smaller, more brief, only need to know details.

All right.

Hi, Claudia and Taylor.

I'm in a tough spot with my friend who's a bridesmaid.

And I know that you guys can help.

Last weekend was my bachelorette party.

And one of my bridesmaids decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to get some dick.

On one of the days we rented a yacht and went boating.

We had a super hot captain.

He was totally into her and we were all living for it.

Long story short, that night, he invited her back to the boat again and they spent the night hooking up.

The next day, we were all so curious and had to know every detail about her night.

Soon after, he would not stop blowing up her phone and after a certain point, it was time to move on since we had the ick.

Fast forward to dinner that night, which was also the last night of the trip, she is silent and texting him the entire time.

She told us he was having a party on the boat that night, which was also the last night of the trip.

Oh, sorry, no, I'm reading wrong.

She told us that he was having a party on the boat.

And she felt like this was her once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her.

I told her it clearly wasn't since she spent the previous night with him on the boat and told her I didn't think she should go.

Once I said that, she looked so crestfallen and just sat there quietly all dinner.

A few other girls asked her about it, and it was obvious she had a decision to make.

Go on this boat and enjoy herself or come and spend the last night with the girls.

She ended up leaving before dinner was over to go meet him on the boat and all the other bridesmaids were pissed that she put me in an awkward situation of having her go get dick or spend the last night with us.

As a bride, I'm livid, but I also don't want drama before the wedding with the bridesmaid.

How would I suggest you handle this?

I handle this.

Sincerely, a burned toaster.

I have a hot take here.

I might too.

I'm kind of on the the side of the bridesmaid.

Me too.

Like, that's what bachelorette parties are for.

Like, get lit, get dick.

And like, I get it because you know what?

On my bachelorette party, I got married so young.

Like, literally, maybe one or two of the people on my bachelorette party had a boyfriend.

Right.

So everyone was like hooking up.

And part of me, I was like, this fucking sucks.

Like, everyone's like out and like, I'm alone.

But you know what?

Like, that's what you do on a bachelorette party.

That's like the vibe you want to cultivate.

I do think you're just being like a little, a little bit of a bridezilla.

So here's the thing too.

Like, bachelorette parties are really, they can be triggering for people.

So i don't know like your your friend's vibe but like if she is a relationship person or she's single and she's just like enough is enough i want to be with somebody like she felt like this captain was her soulmate no and so i feel like she like it sounds like she genuinely was like so sad to not get to spend time with him like who knows they could get married yeah and also when you're on a bachelor party you're thinking about wedding her sulking in the corner at dinner at your bachelorette party is fucking annoying yeah it's totally annoying toxic energy and her also like not making it about you it is annoying and when you are getting married you are allowed to make it all about you.

You are.

No, but it's like, but it's the last name of the trip.

She's into the sky.

Like, why don't you all go?

There's a party.

Well, that's what I thought.

I was like, yay, we get to go on a yacht again for free.

Yeah, right.

And I don't think you're really entitled to be that mad, honestly.

And I would drop it because she could also be mad at you for like being like a killjoy.

So like maybe you should both just drop it.

Exactly.

I think it's, I think it's, and you don't want to be fighting about this crap because it's so not important.

And also, if you're going to die in a a hill, you need to know that you are right.

Yeah, and I'm not sure.

And that's the thing.

I'm not quite sure.

And so you don't necessarily, because then

you could have the other bridesmaids turn on you.

Right.

And you'll feel that bad energy on the day of your wedding.

Exactly.

And you don't want it.

What is a hill you are 100% willing to die on?

Here's mine.

Okay, go.

This is Us is a terrible show.

Like we all need to stop pretending that it's a good show.

It's bad and it's stupid.

Okay, you're not going to like what I'm about to say.

Is it about the Kardashians?

No.

Okay.

Intentionally, no.

Is it about Bethany Frankel?

No.

Okay.

Selling Sunset is an incredible show.

Wrong.

That's a hill I am willing

to die on.

Because a hill I'm also willing to die on.

Is that Selling Sunset is literally a piece of shit.

I know.

That's why I used to hit it.

It used to be good.

It used to be good.

Why?

Okay.

If you think it used to be good, I don't understand how it is now not good.

Because there's so many girls and now the girls know exactly what to do because you got so famous from the show.

Like no one's at, like, it's just fraudulence everywhere.

I really can't get into it, honestly.

I can't um okay so i think our advice to you would just be like let it go let it go yeah let it go next up good morning claudia and taylor how you doing

i have a friend who's been driving me absolutely insane for a few months now but she just put the final nail in the friendship coffin i am moving so she suggested that she come over for dinner and help me pack i have to burp sorry

Okay, God.

Oh my god, so silent and ladylike.

No, I know, because I had a LaCroix.

It's like muffle it.

I don't like burping on the air.

She wanted to come over and help me pack and have dinner.

We decided on ordering in because it was the easiest with all the kitchen stuff being packed up.

She places the DoorDash order and pays for it.

I ordered one salad for $12.

That night, we were still together.

I Venmo'd her $15.

Also, that night, I gave her a bottle of Casamingo's tequila, cascade dishwasher pods, cleaning supplies, and a huge four-length mirror because I figured, oh, I'm not going to move these items.

Don't let me just let me just be generous and give them to a friend.

Very nice.

Yeah.

I didn't expect anything in return.

The next day, I got Venmo'd back the $15 and a request for $17.25, making this an additional $2.25 to what I originally paid her.

She sent me some bullshit text

about how I owe her more money, $2.25 to be exact.

Needless to say, I was shocked.

I never answered the text and I just sent her the $17.25 that she requested.

Now it's clear I don't want to be friends with someone who will heckle me for $2 and disregard my generosity.

The question is, how do I end this friendship?

Do I confront her and tell her she's absolutely nuts for coming after me for $2?

Or do I just fade her out and hope she never calls me again?

P.S., our boyfriends are really good friends and we're in the same big friend group.

So I'll have to see her again, hopefully rarely.

Thanks so much.

A ripped off toaster i will send an update especially if a confrontation occurs definitely don't confront her because you'll look crazy like for ending a friendship over two dollars but just know like that this is the type of person she showed who she was you're no longer interested in being friends with that type of person and definitely like back out to have given her all this crap and then she's literally nickel and dime at you for two dollars embarrassing for her soul it's disgusting i hate people like this

like it's because the thing is me and jackie always say it's not about being rich or poor it's about being cheap Cheap.

And to completely overlook you giving her a full-length mirror, a bottle.

That cost me this bottle of kills like $60, depending on where you live.

I mean, it's insane.

That's so disrespectful.

Like, I can't.

I thought she was going to send you back the $15 and be like, bitch, don't worry.

You gave me all this free shit.

Here, I'll pay for your salad.

Literally same.

But no.

Okay.

Nickel and diamond is the most disgusting trade.

I actually disagree.

I think that you should, because because you're in the same friend group, I think that like the ghosting thing or whatever.

It's going to escape her.

It's not going to work.

So like you have to deal with it head on.

Here's the thing this is why i have no friends from college because i fight with all of them because they pull shit like this yeah totally and it's like when i haven't been direct like they can create their own narrative around like taylor's a bitch tayer's bad right taylor stopped answering me that's so true actually because then you're gonna get a bad rap from this girl for being a bad friend maybe just like be like but you have to be really intentional with your wording if you want to say something yeah be like can i ask you a question and she'll be like yeah sure what's up like

How did you think it was like normal to request me for $2 when you left my house with like over $100 worth of free things that like I was very nice and gave to you.

$2.

That got to focus on that.

$2.25.

Like that is in fucking sanity.

I feel like you should just be like, I was honestly taken aback.

Yeah.

When you rejected my Vemo and then sent me one for an extra $2.25.

Like if that's how you roll, that's fine.

But like I'm not about it.

No, and you should also make me uncomfortable.

You should also say, even if I didn't let you walk out of my house with over $100 worth of things, even if for you to nickel and tag me for $2, like what's that about?

Yeah.

Like, no question mark.

I know.

Be like, are you mad at me?

And this is like passive-aggressive.

Oh, that's good.

Flip it on her because, like, I love that's so manipulative.

I love that.

Right?

That's what I do.

But either, but either she is a cheap fuck and she needs to know how cheap she is, or she's actually mad about something else and she's like using this as like a weird way to tell you she's mad.

Call it back on her.

I love that idea.

Thank you.

That is the answer.

Always give people enough rope to hang themselves with.

Love that.

And when you put it back on someone else, it takes it completely off of you.

You are so manipulative.

I never want to get into a fight with you.

No, you do not.

Have we ever gotten into a fight?

I'm like Margaret Josephs.

We're like the same.

Yeah, literally.

You don't want to get in a fight with us.

I don't think we've ever gotten into a fight.

No.

Let's keep it that way.

You sound also.

You sound scary as fuck.

We never get into fights because we're fucking, we're real ones with each other.

Right.

Like when you're mad at me that I don't reply to your text for three hours, you're mad and I'm like three hours.

And then I'm like, bitch, know me.

Yeah, know me.

Literally.

All right, we've got one more deer toasters.

Hello, Claudia and Taylor.

I desperately need your advice on a very unexpected situation.

I've made a new friend recently who I really love.

She's so fun.

We have so much in common and I literally adore spending time with her.

Every time we've hung out in the past, she's been drinking or

waiting.

She's

wait, hold on.

Every time we've hung out in the past, we have been a drinking or walk situation.

So when we got dinner last night, I witnessed her eating for the first time, and what I observed was truly shocking.

Oh, so I guess they've only hung out going on walks and going for drinks.

They've never eaten together.

Yes.

So she finally ate with this girl.

What's a drinking or walk?

Okay, sorry.

I want to go on a walk where we drink.

I witnessed her eating eating for the first time and what I saw was truly shocking.

She ordered a Cobb salad and started eating it aggressively, just like shoveling the lettuce in her mouth.

There was dressing all over her face.

She hadn't put her napkin in her lap and she really wasn't even using it on the table.

She was chewing with her mouth open and talking while eating.

Pieces of lettuce were flying everywhere on the table.

It was very upsetting.

This was weird, but I could overlook it.

But then she started picking.

No, picking up the cob salad with her hands.

And I was just like,

and she was shoveling it in her mouth again again getting dressing everywhere it was so so weird she wiped her mouth once she was done eating thankfully but all this occurred so quickly and it was just so unpleasant and so odd how do i handle this do i tell her do i just not make meal plans with her moving forward do i continue to make meal plans but model not disgusting eating behavior for reference the restaurant we were eating at is a pretty standard model not

it's a pretty standard nice-ish american restaurant she is in her mid-20s has a master's degree and is very social and fun so this behavior simply does not make sense to me thanks in advance okay so i'm super triggered triggered because i'm like wait am i this girl no i know i'm like even though like sometimes when i'm around food i lose all sense of you too rationale and just social decorum and like i will just fucking like chicken tenders to the face but i don't think i've ever gotten to this level to pick up a salad with your hands like insane that is insane yeah but i'm like i really thought you were being dramatic and then when you said you picked up the salad with her hands i just i'm just i just really am like wait do i do this do i not do i do this did not realize like yesterday i had roast fries at lunch and i was like unwell around them, and they were for the table.

And it was, I like, I kept reaching over Stasi, and like, I could see my sleeve, like, hitting her wine glass, but I didn't care.

No, fries for the table, like, are a nice idea in theory, but poor in execution.

I know, I just um, I don't know what to tell you because I feel like I want to stand up for this girl because I feel like I could be this girl.

I know, I think we at one point in time, we've all been

this girl, maybe she was really hungry.

Like, maybe you should go out with her again and see, like, if it's a pattern or if, like, it was just like real hunger.

She said so earnestly.

No, because like I've really

I've been there like you know when like you literally see food and like you will die if you don't get it in your mouth in the next three seconds.

Like I've been there.

So like I want to give her maybe she had a really long day and like

she just she didn't get you know breakfast in time.

Like I don't know.

Maybe she's intermittent fasting.

Right.

So I'm doing those bitches who intermittent fast.

That first meal is like death.

You're like a dog.

So I would give her one more chance, but honestly, this is inappropriate behavior.

But like maybe it was just a one-time thing.

Yeah, one more chance.

If she does it again, just ghost her.

You don't need

to be seen with that.

You can't be seen with that.

Or just continue to go to drinks and walks.

Drinks and walks.

Keep with the drinks and walks.

Oh my God.

No, this is illegal behavior.

I really am setting.

Chill for the girl who eats a salad with her hands.

Sorry.

Chill.

Wishing you the best, though.

Give her one more chance and then go back to drinks and walks.

Exactly.

That's our show.

Oh, it was fun.

I'm like crying.

I love you so much, always.

Thank you for doing this.

Oh, my God.

You know how I feel.

I am honored and I'm always available.

And Taylor actually might be coming back tomorrow.

Jackie's schedule is very up in there.

She's really got her hands full this week.

Yep.

Sleep schedule.

It's all over the place.

So she's going to try and make it remotely.

But if she can't, me and Taylor are going to be back here probably wearing the same outfits.

Literally.

Thank you so much for listening to The Morning Toast.

Oh, also follow Taylor on Instagram at Taylor Strecker.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast Millennial Morning Show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Have an amazing day, everyone.

We'll see you tomorrow for Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Bye.