S5 Ep34: Questioning Every Fart with Ben Soffer: Thursday, March 24th, 2022

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Good

morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Thursday.

Happy, what should be the fourth episode of the week, but it's only the second because, and I'm so glad this worked out perfectly.

I'm so glad that you were scheduled to be the co-host today because we have to come on and discuss what we've been through yes so Ben is here he was already scheduled to be here but before we dive in and do anything like we have something to say we've been hit no we've seen hell our the devil entered my body

our home was hit earlier this week with the noto virus, which apparently is a thing that everyone knows about.

We didn't know.

It's like the seasonal stomach flu, but apparently this year's is a real bitch.

We, okay, so over the weekend,

we went out on Saturday.

Saturday night we go to bed and Ben is up all night, both ends.

And we're like, what the fuck?

Honestly, I didn't really take it seriously.

I was going to say, we're not anything.

Claudia is asleep as I am hurling shitting.

Like, it's bad.

Like, again, I can't stress enough.

She said both ends, both ends.

And so I thought it was food poisoning, so I was more than happy to like, you know, help when I woke up.

I was very helpful.

Yes, you were.

When you woke up, you were helpful.

I wasn't worried about, you know, getting anything from you because I thought it was fucking food poisoning.

Yes, it was not.

And then Monday, after the show, I'm like sitting here typing, like putting an episode up, and I feel as though I've been hit by a bus.

I'm like, oh my God, I have to go home.

So I'm in the Uber with like my head hanging out the window because like I needed fresh air.

I'm like, I think I'm going to vomit.

And I get home and I literally collapse in my bed for four hours.

I just fell asleep, which is, I mean, I love to nap, but that's insane.

Like one o'clock.

And I woke up at five o'clock and it was over.

Like it had started.

The devil had entered me as well.

And my st like, I just can't, and it was literally 36 hours of nonstop torture.

I haven't had a, I mean, I must look, we must look so thin.

Like what we've been through, I haven't eaten a full meal, seriously, since Sunday.

I lost 12 pounds.

It's so crazy.

i actually if you look at my google search it's literally how to use a virus to start a diet jumpstart a diet like how to use it to jumpstart and leave the weight off and what i read is that you can't puke fat so like that that doesn't like it's not like really a thing like you get it back like we will bounce back to our original weights no but when i tell you again i've been i've been instructed not to get too graphic because what we witnessed in each other this weekend i will not get overly graphic but what i will say is that at one point, early Saturday morning, six in the morning, I'm hurled over the toilet, and all of a sudden.

Stop, stop.

I just take a stop, stop, stop, yay!

Stop.

Seriously, stop.

Stop, stop, stop.

Like, that's too much.

I told you not to get too graphic, and that's the most graphic part of it.

So what are you doing?

Dump.

Ben.

On what is that thing called?

No, just shut up.

Seriously, shut up.

Shut up.

The floor.

Ben, shut up.

It was just, we've seen things in each other that we can never unsee.

No, we can't.

I do feel as though our marriage is stronger than ever.

It is.

And just know that there were, you know, lots of clothing, lots of towels, lots of garbage bags,

lots of heating pads that we had to throw out.

Let's just stick with that.

Fine.

I think that's a good assessment of everyone needing to know what went down.

Yes.

Rest in peace to that heating pad.

Just know.

It didn't deserve what it got.

What you did.

And then, by the way, Ben ruined the heating pad.

I love that you're literally talking in circles around it.

Yeah, of course.

I shit on the heating pad.

She gave me a heating pad to help me.

I woke up.

I woke up.

Shut up.

And I shit on it.

So shut up.

Ben, by the way, I have like a $60 heating pad that's so big.

Ben ruined it.

And when I thought he had food poisoning, I was like, you know what?

I'll get myself another one and it'll be okay.

Then I had to go through the devil's disease without my fucking heating pad.

No, you had a heating pad.

You got me a shitty one from Walgreens that was literally, literally four inches by four inches.

My heating pad at home is literally like 36 by 36.

No, it's an unbelievable heating pad.

The one you have.

Yeah, it was ruined.

It's like as big as this couch.

It's huge.

It's huge and it was ruined.

So to go through the noto virus without my stupid heating pad, like that was crippling.

I'm just saying people are like COVID.

Noto.

Ben, I was thinking the same thing.

The way that the entire like economy world shut down for COVID, like this is worse.

This is worse.

And apparently this happens every year.

And literally just by being in the the same room as someone transferred.

Not six feet, 600 feet transferred.

It was, I was thinking the same thing.

I'm like, this is what we should be shutting down for as well.

Yeah, and this is crippling.

And literally,

the outboth ends of it all, I promise, could kill every, every senior citizen.

They're dead.

They get this?

They're dead.

You guys, like, okay, so here's the thing.

This is an informative podcast.

So the first thing I want to say is that if someone in your household is like starting to feel nauseous, like it's not food poisoning, it's highly contagious and hunker down.

First of all, I didn't even know this thing existed.

Like if I had known, I would have just like approached it differently.

I had no idea.

The second thing I want to tell you, like if it does, and I now know people who are getting it and everyone's DMing me.

So here is like my number one tip and it's such a good tip.

And unfortunately, I had to learn from you not having this tip.

If you catch this virus and you find yourself like having to puke, Please do yourself a favor and sit on the toilet while you puke.

Puke into a garbage bag, a garbage bin, puke on the floor, literally do anything else.

Do not remove your ass from the toilet because you will regret it.

Okay, that's all I have to say.

And just as for the girls out there who go through this virus while on their period, because the whole thing at the time I was thinking, like, if I had my period right now, like, I would just, I would, I would not be okay.

Yes.

And

dramamine.

Amodium.

Amodium.

Pedialite.

Yeah.

See, I have a problem with PD.

I know you do.

You were like watering down your pedialite.

Pedialite is so sugary.

It's like

disgusting.

No, but you can get electrolytes.

Electrolytes are like salt.

Electrolytes aren't sugar.

I don't think electrolytes are salt.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Okay.

Google it.

Google it.

I don't think so.

I'm pretty sure electrolytes are salt.

No, they're like neutrons, you know?

Protons.

Jimmies?

Are they?

Salt.

Is it salt?

No.

Why are you so smart?

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, I am.

They're definitely not fruit punch.

Well, it was strawberry-flavored pedialite.

It was for kids.

Yeah, it was way too much.

I thought thought it tasted disgusting.

And I need Pedialyte to make a watered-down version that has just as much electrolytes, but it's drinkable.

They do.

They have like Pedialyte Light.

They have like Pedialyte popsicles.

Oh, they do?

Yeah, they have like a ton of different.

I just got the only one that GoPuff had because like we were fucking desperate.

So you're welcome, by the way.

Also, shout out Go Puff.

Shout out GoPuff.

Literally, life-saving technology.

15 minutes, I got the emodium.

15 minutes, I got the dranamine.

15 minutes, I got the saltines.

15 minutes, you could get the spritz.

In California and Florida.

Only.

Okay.

For now.

For now.

Okay, so I feel as though we've grossed everyone out enough.

That is where we were at.

I apologize for missing both episodes of the toast.

Like, of course, Jackie leaves it up to me to do the toast, and I get the stomach flu.

But I'm back.

I'm not going to lie.

I'm not 100%, but I can now sit here for an hour and not crap my pants.

So that's why we're here.

Thank you to everyone.

I'm really sorry for missing both episodes, but we're back.

And we are going to do Dear Toasters today because we were supposed to do it on Wednesday's episode.

So Ben is going to join me.

We've got lots of news since it's been a few days.

We've got Deer Toasters and we've got Ben, and honestly, that's all we need.

Agreed.

And the fact that you're even apologizing, if you guys could see her, this woman was sick as a dog.

Did you feel bad for me?

Here's the deal.

I didn't feel.

No, no, I felt bad for you.

Sure.

You gave it to me.

I felt.

See, this is the narrative that I don't like.

You gave it to me.

But somebody gave it to me.

Yeah, of course, but you brought it into our house.

Like, what were you doing on Saturday?

That you, like, where were you hanging out that you picked up?

You were together.

Yeah, exactly.

What were you doing?

I don't know.

Being together.

No, you brought it home.

Maybe you picked it up, gave it to me,

and then I gave it back to you.

And the first time you got it, you didn't have symptoms.

Yeah,

that's what happened.

Okay.

That's what happened.

Okay.

You brought it home.

Thank you so much.

And

anything else you want to say about the disease before we go?

No, it's a terrible disease.

I'm telling you, I'm still like 80%.

It's just, it really takes your soul.

Oh, it crushes your spirit.

It's gone.

It's gone.

My spirit is gone.

My will to live.

Like, it was just awful.

No, it's bad.

It's bad.

And also, like,

there's a real joy in life when you feel like you're going to have, like, a nice fart.

Like,

it's really nice to fart.

Like, if you need to fart, fart.

Everybody.

Everybody's going to agree.

If you need a fart, it feels great.

Sometimes a fart can change your day around.

And sometimes, and not sometimes, now, this disease has taken the fart from me because now I'm afraid every single time I'm like, oh, that's a fart.

Nope, maybe you're shitting your pants.

No, you're questioning every fart now.

I'm questioning every fart.

I'm so sorry.

This disease made me question every fart.

You'll get your spirit back.

Don't worry.

I don't know.

I think you will.

I'll never fart the same.

We're different people, like 100%.

We are.

But we have enough of a spirit to do today's show.

Thank you, Ben, for joining us again.

The last time you were here, the reviews were rave.

And when Josh Peck was here on Friday, so many people, first of all, they loved the episode.

And they also said, like, they totally see how you and Josh Peck are best friends because you guys are, we got so many comments saying how similar you guys were.

Yeah, I mean, he's

the best.

The best.

Number one.

You can read his book?

Of course.

When?

I don't know.

Look, I don't read books.

I read Claudia's book.

That was the first book that I read since I read half of what's that book that turned into Curious Incident of the Dog in the Middle of the Night.

I read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night.

Great book.

You only read half?

No, I think I read the whole thing.

Who ended up killing the dog?

I don't remember.

The guy's dad.

Yeah, I remember.

And then there was a wonderful Broadway show that Claudia said she hated.

Ben said he saw this Broadway show.

He's like, remember that book, Curious Incident?

They turned it into a Broadway show.

You guys should see it.

So what do we do?

We buy tickets for the whole family.

We're sitting in this play and we're like, we have been hoodwinked.

This is trash.

So that's the last time we ever take a Broadway recommendation from you.

Interesting.

Okay, let's dive in because we've got a lot to cover.

In today's, no, how does it go?

Here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay.

Are you ready for the fast five stories, pups?

I'm ready.

All right.

I'm ready, Freddy.

First up, the big news is that Kylie Jenner has changed the name of her baby.

Did you know that?

Yeah.

Didn't that happen like a couple days ago?

Yeah, well, we haven't done the show since Monday.

So Kylie Jenner shares a new photo of her baby boy before announcing that his name is no longer Wolf.

So she posted this really, really sweet documentary that they put together.

They did it for Stormy 2 on her YouTube channel.

It was really sweet.

Like I did find myself tearing up when all the sisters were just like talking to the camera, giving Kylie advice.

And then she wrote, FYI, our son's name isn't Wolf anymore.

Emoji, emoji.

We just really didn't feel like it was him.

Just wanted to share because I keep seeing Wolf everywhere.

Yeah, you keep seeing Wolf everywhere because you told us that was his name and then you didn't tell us you changed changed it.

So, of course, that's what we're going to see.

Like, totally, you tell us it's the kid's name, we're going to go with that.

Correct.

So, I feel like this, like, we need to normalize changing your mind.

Yeah, it's not that crazy.

We did it, right?

We got our beautiful Theo.

I looked at him and I said, because again, and by the way, I think that this, it's a lovely origin story, his name.

We call each other Moof Mufie.

So,

it was a perfect name for our son,

Muffy.

But obviously, that's a horrific name for a dog.

So, after naming him Muffy, we switched to Theo because he is obviously a Theo.

Yeah, that was like a weird thing we did.

It was, it was.

But we formalized changing our mind.

And that was with a dog.

Like, imagine a real human.

Oh, my God.

I'll never look at you the same.

No, but you know what I mean.

That was with a dog.

No, but like a child's name follows them throughout their life.

It has so much meaning.

It's like how people perceive them.

Sometimes kids get bullied.

Ben Soccer, like, you know?

Yeah, do you know how much Theo would have been bullied if his his name was Muffy right he's a completely different dog

that dog that tried to hurt him at the park remember that one time no remember when theo was under siege yes that was not good that red rocket almost went right in his booty it was terrible um but with a kid like it's really important and so when we were like helping jackie pick out names for harry like it's such a huge undertaking like i don't know how you name a child it's also so stressful like every single time i said a name like i just know that it was bothering them yeah totally Like, like, they're very tense.

Like, parents don't really want your recommendations on names.

Like, it's a discussion, but like, it's like, it's their child.

It's their decision.

Like,

you know, so true.

No, it's so true.

Like, it's like, oh, we were talking about it, but, like, I don't think our opinions had any weight.

No, not that.

Honestly, the opposite.

If I recommended a name, they automatically hate it.

Gone.

Yeah, no, you're a hundred.

Oh, Ben Zrek.

Nope.

I also think like it is us overstepping to like suggest names.

For sure.

It's not our kid.

No.

No, we're not on our business.

Actually, I was going to ask you.

what

the coughing.

I forgot to take my Zyrtec this morning.

Oh, really?

Zyrtec, please send me more.

I don't want you to say what names you like, because people are always stealing names.

Like, what names do you like?

Are you like a queer girl?

Let's go.

Oh, no.

By the way, I can't.

People are going to steal it.

Yeah, but do you have names in your name?

I have some names that I like.

You do?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I have some names that I like.

Give me one.

No, we like the same names.

We do?

We've spoken about some names.

Okay.

We're on the same name length.

Yeah, totally, totally trademarked that name length name length um so happy for kylie normalize changing your mind these are really big decisions to make and sometimes you name your kid then the kid comes out and it's like you're not a wolf no but like by the way no one has ever birthed a child and they were a wolf yeah it's such like an intense name yeah like I'm sorry.

I agree.

You should be able to be renamed wolf at like the age of 16.

Yeah, no, it's like grow up.

Are you a wolf or are you not a wolf?

Because if you are, then

your name could be wolf.

You can't grow into a wolf.

No, yeah.

Like, you either are or you're not.

I completely agree.

Yeah.

It's really crazy names.

And there's only one wolf in the world.

Do we know what name Taylor's chosen?

No, that's the thing.

She hasn't told us yet.

Yeah, that is the only wolf.

Taylor Launer is the only wolf.

But she hasn't told us the new name, and I'm just like quaking.

Like, what is it?

Like, is she going to stick with the same like intense vibe?

Or maybe he's not an intense child.

You know, maybe he's like super peaceful.

So his name will be like, you know,

Solomon.

You know what's what's interesting?

They named their daughter Stormy.

And Stormy, when you think about it, is an intense word.

Storm.

But they put the I, softened it, and now it's like a sweet word.

So maybe they were planning on doing the same with Wolf, where it was like an intense word, but make it less intense.

That's an interesting analysis.

I never thought of it that way.

Well, like maybe like take

the stick.

Take with the silent K.

Yeah, take the fear out of Wolf.

Maybe it was W-O-L-P-H.

Ooh, even though she did say W-O-L-F.

Yeah, I mean, she should have listened to me.

But that's stunning.

I like that a lot.

You're right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's a good take.

I like it.

So we'll just be sitting here with, you know, our fingers up our ass waiting for her to tell us the new name.

I'm not doing that ever again.

Okay.

Let's go into some conservatorship news.

I know you're a really big fan of Amanda Bynes, and she has been flooded.

I'm not a big fan of Amanda Bynes, but I do often reference her.

You're not?

I was a fan.

This new Amanda.

Ben, don't be mean.

She's going through a hard time.

You really think so?

Yes, well, listen, I know you haven't been keeping up, but let me tell you.

She's been flooded with TV offers.

Now her conservatorship has ended.

So she's been in a conservatorship like Britney Spears.

Like, look at us always putting women in boxes.

Like, do you know what men in a conservatorship?

No, Wendy Williams is about to be put in one, always with the successful women.

So a different kind of Amanda show could be on the way.

Anyone and everyone in the TV industry has been trying to get a hold of Amanda Bynes after the termination of her conservatorship, her lawyer revealed on Wednesday.

He said, while Amanda's being flooded with interview offers, most of which came pouring in over the last few days, she's not ready to talk and is laying low for a while.

Her lawyer shared that several production companies have also reached out to Amanda's team about filming documentaries or a potential reality show on her life moving forward.

So according to her lawyer, the New York Times, LA Times, Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, L, CBS Nudes, Gail King, and Logan Paul

are among those who have pitched interviews with the former actress.

That's according to TMZ.

And she hasn't allegedly been offered any book deals, even though that will definitely be coming soon.

So the Superior Court judge agreed to end her conservatorship of her and her estate nearly nine years after it was established to protect the star from her struggles with mental health and substance abuse.

In the last several years, she said, I've been working hard to improve my health so that I can live and work independently and I will continue to prioritize my well-being in the next chapter.

I'm excited about my upcoming endeavors, including my fragrance line, and I look forward to sharing more when I can.

To me, Amanda Bynes is like, we always, we make an example out of like Britney Spears.

And I feel like not a lot of people talk about Amanda Bynes because she kind of like really went low-key under the radar.

I didn't even know she was in a conservatorship.

No, I just thought that she was batshit crazy.

But she's not.

Like, she, she went through a hard time and, like, literally her freedom was taken away.

But the good thing about this is, from what I understand, is that like her family's totally on her side and she's like on good terms.

Whereas with Britney, her family was like taking advantage of her and draining her money and they were the ones trying to keep her in the conservatorship.

So I'm really happy.

I hope she's in a good place.

Like, I I think like she, I was talking about this with Josh Peck on Friday.

She like we were robbed of one of the greatest comedic actresses of our generation.

I loved her.

Because I think like the media was so mean to her.

It got to her.

Her mental health was not a priority for her team.

And like I just think we were so robbed of an Amanda Bynes career.

Yeah.

Your favorite movie.

She's the man.

She's the man.

The best movie.

And like if you watch it, and it's like a funny, silly movie, but if you watch it, like keeping a keen eye on Amanda Bynes, like it's Oscar worthy.

Like what was that movie with uh where she she's a princess uh and her no her dad is a is the like king of England or whatever um what a girl wants what a girl wants also a great movie what a girl great movie like she had banger after banger after I mean she's the same as Hillary Duff like what's the except funnier no she's in my opinion like more of a star than Hillary Duff yeah she could have been

she could have been so honestly like as much as I would love to see her a return to the screen like I just want peace for Amanda Bynes like I just want her you know to have her money and I hope she can just like retire peacefully fall in love, take care of her mental health.

Like, I just, I'm really happy about this.

The most shocking part about what you read is that she's launching a fragrance line.

And it's like, what is wrong with people that are pitching celebrities' fragrance lines?

Like, who's going to buy the Amanda Bynes post-conservatorship fragrance?

Well, the thing is, why can't you make something that's actually unique to her?

The thing is, is that I think Amanda Bynes just might be

stunted a little in, like, when she came up, when she was like 16, 17 18 and she was a huge star fragrances

were making yeah billions of dollars kim kardash every celebrity had a fragrance like the first big thing kim ever did after like outside of her sisters was a fragrance like there was a time where fragrances were literally like gold mines.

So I think that because she hasn't worked in a while and she's been like in this conservatorship, I think she might be stunted a little in just like where she thinks like celebrity brands are.

And maybe she's like still stuck in like the 2000s.

That's what I think.

think that there's no shot that that was her idea.

Oh, I mean, I don't know.

I hope she's in charge of her own business now.

Like, there's no way that she said, in conservatorship, I'm launching a fragrance.

I actually, like, I could see that for Amanda.

She's not like other girls.

Interesting.

I love her.

Like, I will buy the fragrance.

I love her.

I love her too.

Well, that's nice of you.

Yeah.

I won't be buying the fragrance.

But if she launched,

I don't know, a soccer brand.

Yeah, totally.

Like a line of jerseys.

Line of jerseys.

And homage to she's the man.

Yeah, like bring back the old Amanda.

Welcome to Elyria.

Hold on.

Welcome to Elyria.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to Elyria.

It's a gorgeous instrument.

It's gorgeous.

Where'd you get it?

It was a gift, actually.

Thank you so much.

And it's from

Tree Works, made in Nashville, Tennessee, USA.

We love supporting USA companies.

Awesome.

So yes, Amanda Bynes is free.

We look forward to seeing what she does, supporting her, and giving her all of our love and support.

Yes.

You agree?

Love her.

Okay.

Rooting for her.

I don't know why I thought you were like the biggest Amanda Bynes fan.

Because you grew up on Amanda Show.

I loved Amanda Bynes.

Then Amanda Bynes seemingly fell off a cliff.

I feel terrible now understanding

what she went through.

But it certainly shook.

I haven't thought, like my Amanda Bines is stuck 12 years ago.

Right, right.

Like there's no, I haven't heard about her.

Like at least Brittany's struggles were very

public, which

made us constantly question.

Is she okay?

Is it her?

Is it her family?

What's going on?

And now we've led sort of to

this huge movement.

This huge movement.

It was a hashtag.

But Amanda Bines fell by the wayside.

She just fell off a cliff.

No, and no one spoke about her.

Nobody heard of her.

I randomly just saw a video of her with blue hair and like a bull nose ring.

Yeah, and she had like a heart tattoo on her face.

And she just like looked, again, like

do you, but looked completely different.

And

anybody can change their vibe, but

she just didn't feel like funny or right.

No, it was like, it's not funny anymore.

It's not funny anymore.

Yeah.

It felt very dark.

Okay, well.

Voting for her.

Always, always rooting for a man.

But like, come on, fragrances.

And also, like, if you're looking for an interview, like, we will have you at the morning test.

All right, next up, page six.

This is like huge news.

I don't know if you give a shit, but Bravo is rebooting Real Housewives of New York with a new cast.

Oh, I care.

And a second.

A completely new cast.

And a second show with ex-housewives.

So if you haven't been keeping up, like the Real Housewives of New York has just been slowly unraveling.

Like it went from...

A decent show.

No, it went from a great show to a decent show to like a bad show to an unwatchable show to a show that was so low in ratings that Bravo

didn't even film a reunion with them.

Like they didn't even think it was worth spending the money.

Like it was just so messy.

It was so bad.

And so they're looking, and so a lot of, with a lot of the OG shows, like the Real Housewives of Orange County, they've been on for so long that a lot of them are getting to this place where it's like trash, like it's unwatchable.

And they're doing different things.

With Orange County, they brought back someone who was beloved.

They cut a few people, added some new people, got rid of some OGs.

And like, It's not great, but it's better.

But I don't think they were going to take that approach with Newark because it wasn't a big enough turnaround in ratings and entertainment.

So now what they've decided to do is to get rid of everyone, start with a new cast.

They said they're looking for people

who are potentially related, people who are actually friends.

I don't know who that's going to be.

But then they're also going to keep, because there's so many gems on the show.

Ramona, people love, Sonia, Luann.

ex-housewives like Dorinda, Jill Zarin, people feel very connected to.

They're going to have a second show, like a spin-off for all the old spinsters.

Now, while this sounds like a good idea, I'm not really sure how the cure for a show with low ratings is to start two shows.

Like, you can barely get good ratings for one show.

Now, you're gonna do two?

Yeah, I'm not sure.

And the second show, like, sounds like they just don't want to fire all those ladies, so they're just gonna give them some show.

Maybe it'll be on Peacock.

Peacock has actually been really good for Bravo.

It's a very strange story.

Yeah, I don't think this is the answer, honestly.

It's strange because if you want high ratings, just bring on like one mega New York person, but I guess maybe they didn't want to, maybe like the real

popular people like don't want to do a show with like these crazies.

It's very hard to get women in New York.

Like the real houses of New York at the beginning, it really, they did a good job with some of the women getting

like legit rich people.

Like Luanne DeLesseps, we know her now as like cabaret star who gets kicked out of bars.

But when she was on the show, she was an actual count, count

countess excuse me her husband was a count they had a stunning townhouse on the upper east side like huge estate in the hamptons a driver things have changed and now like all the women on the show are essentially husbands like sonia morgan was married to jp morgan's grandson but is not anymore and she has a townhouse that's like being held together by a thread it's like not real rich new yorkers because the actual like old money people in new york they don't want to be on the show of course not it's trash yeah so it's impossible for them to cast they should really get some influencers.

Like they should get the Charnis girls, like something maybe on her sisters.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Like they're moms, they're married, they're very successful in their own right.

Their sisters, like they would be great.

Just, I don't know what they're going to do.

Jackie?

Jackie, yeah.

Jerry, yeah.

Jackie would never, but like, but like, by the way, she would never until she got an offer.

No, she would literally never.

You got to think about it.

Jackie would never.

She wouldn't even think about it.

No, like 100% not.

I would think about it, but she wouldn't.

She wouldn't even think about it.

No.

Interesting.

No, like 100%.

No.

But so, like, they just need fresh, they need new.

This is a problem that housewives as an industry is running into.

Like, they're kind of aging out.

Like, people, like, Olivia was the first person on the planet to watch Housewives.

She was obsessed, and she hasn't watched it in years.

Like, it's just, it's dry, it's kind of stale.

Even when it's good, it's not like great.

And I just don't think that this is the answer.

I do think what they did with Real Housewives in Miami was great.

Real Housewives in Miami was a show that was on Bravo for like two or three seasons.

No, three, maybe three or four.

It was good.

It didn't have like huge ratings, but it was really good.

It got canceled, obviously.

And then eight years later, they brought it back on Peacock.

Larsa Pippin's on it.

They got sick, like people, actual money.

And it's really good.

Yeah, but it's funny.

If you think about it in a sports analogy, athletes don't play forever.

Right.

They get replaced by young, talented athletes.

You retire.

I think the biggest problem is that these...

If these women are past their time.

No, you're being aegist.

It's not about age.

It's not being aegist.

Because it's not about age.

It's really not.

Like, some of the best housewives are in their 60s, and the women who are in their 30s are trash.

It's not about age.

It's really not.

It's about, first of all, it's about money.

Like, when you come onto the show and you have the biggest house, the nicest cars, like, it gives you status.

And for some reason, in the last couple of years, Bravo has not been able to cast women with real money.

It's all a facade.

And they get into legal trouble.

Jen Shaw, Teresa Judice, Erica Jane.

Like, they get into this legal trouble.

trouble.

So I think the first thing is money.

And it really doesn't have to do with age.

Like, hate her or love her.

her, Lisa Vanderpump was one of the biggest pot-stirring bitches in the country, and she's the oldest housewife.

She was in her 60s.

I wasn't implying age.

I was saying that everybody has a moment in time.

Oh, okay, and it's very difficult to keep a moment in time for more than 10 years.

Yeah, a grade.

Move on.

A grade.

Like, get a get a fresh face.

Again, that person can be 80 and cool.

But there's just so much like sentiment.

Like, we feel so connected.

Like, they don't want to let go of Ramona, even though people have problems with her and she's not great anymore.

You're connected.

No, I know.

No, I mean, you'll still keep up with her.

Yeah.

You can see her other places.

Yeah.

Maybe what they do is they start bringing OG housewives to reunions.

Like, there's a new

New York, New York housewives.

What is that?

New York housewives?

New York.

Yeah.

You know, when you say a word?

100%.

And you're like, is that it?

Like, is the a word?

You say a word too many times.

It's like garage, garage, garage.

That literally just happened to me.

Yeah.

But why can't they bring her

back on like a future reunion show?

Like you have like the OG housewife there.

Yeah, there's a way to keep the women.

Like maybe she's like hosting the reunion.

Well, no, but I know what you mean.

Yeah, they keep housewives who are no longer on the show.

They come on Watch Happens Live.

They do these big Watch Happens Live in LA City.

Keep it in the ecosystem.

Yeah, now they're doing Real Housewives Ultimate Girls trip with old

Real Housewives in the Berkshires.

Yeah, you're right.

They could keep them in the

keeping them in the main show.

Agreed.

You're right.

I just don't, I don't think this is the answer for Bravo.

I don't.

But I'm happy that they're trying out different things for all these franchises that are like starting to expire.

Yeah.

And we'll see what works.

OC didn't really work.

It worked fine, but not great.

I don't know if this is going to work, so we'll see what works.

I think what really worked was with Real Houses in Miami.

All right.

Are you ready for the next story?

Yeah.

Sorry, I have a bit of a creak in my neck.

Do you want to, I'm going to do an ad if you want to get up and like walk around?

Yeah, I also could really use a Zyrtec.

So I'm just going to, well, you do the ad.

I'm just going to get some Ad Bill and a Zyrtec.

Oh, yeah, go, go, go.

Okay, cool.

You really only have like 60 seconds, so make it quick.

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Okay, I think you'll like this next story from the Hollywood Reporter.

I'm not seeing a lot of people talk about this.

Kevin and Frankie Jonas are to host a celebrity relative reality show for ABC called Claim to Fame.

It will feature 12 non-celebrities looking to make their own names and win a cash prize.

So the network has greenlit Claim to Fame, a competition show in which 12 people related to celebrities, quote, step outside their famous family members' shadow and live together under one roof, concealing their identity and lineage in the quest for their own fame and fortune.

Brothers Kevin and Frankie Jonas will host the show, which come from the Love is Blind producers, Kinetic Content and Disney's television.

And Walt Disney.

So Claim to Fame will be a big brother-style competition in which 12 players are isolated from the outside world, compete in challenges, and form alliances to stay in the game.

Keeping the identities of their famous relatives a secret will also be a key part of the gameplay.

The show marks a return to Disney for Kevin Jonas, who, along with his brothers Nick and Joe, rose to fame in the 2000s with the help from Disney Channel.

I kind of think that this is like a really good idea.

It's definitely interesting.

Yeah, first of all, like, what is the game?

Like, what is that?

So, do you ever watch Big Brother?

Me neither, but they put people in a house, and there's all these like challenges, and it's like mental warfare used to get other people eliminated while also creating alliances.

And people really like it, and it's very interesting.

So, I think like having it be like Celebrity Offspring is really cool.

By the way, this like concept of people really liking shows, so we will like it.

People really like Love is Blind.

That show is trash.

No, but

I have a feeling if I watched like Celebrity Big Brother, I would really like it.

Okay.

It honestly sounds like Celebrity Big Brother because most of the people in Celebrity Big Brother are not like really famous.

It's like Frankie Grande, Ariana Grande's brother.

By the way, this is also Celebrity Big Brother, but without needing to pay celebrities, with still being able to use their names.

Totally.

They literally are just hoodwinking everyone.

It's like, I don't want to pay Nick and Jonas, so I'm going to pay

Kevin and Hoosie.

Nick and Jonas.

What did I say?

Who's Nick and Jonas and Kevin and Hoosie?

What did you just say?

I don't want to pay Nick and Joe, so I'm going to pay Kevin and Frankie and non-stop talk about Nick and Joe.

Right, no, no, you're right.

This is kind of like pulling the wool over everyone's eyes.

Yeah, they literally cut the budget.

in half less.

Yeah.

I also am really curious who they're going to cast.

Like, is it going to be people like, okay, we know who Frankie Grande is, or is it going to be like actual people who have never been seen?

Like, me, I heard, you know, Ashton Kutcher has a cousin, you know?

That's who it's going to be.

Yeah.

It would be really funny if, like, six months later, something comes out in the news, like, somebody lied about their relation to the celebrity.

Yeah, I'll go on the show.

I'm Sienna Miller's long-lost sister.

That's true.

That's actually really funny.

And I wonder if the celebrities are going to be involved at all.

Definitely.

I think not, actually.

Maybe for like the winner.

Yeah, maybe, maybe.

And I like that they have Frankie and Kevin hosting.

It's fun.

Because Frankie Grande has become like a major TikTok star in the recent couple of years.

I think he has like 3 million followers.

The Gen Zs love him.

Obviously.

What is our generation?

X.

Millennials love Kevin.

And I think that this is great.

I think it's actually like a really good idea.

And I actually might watch it.

Depending on who the people are.

Like, if I have no idea who they are, I might not.

But if it's like, you know, I don't know why I keep thinking of Frankie Jonas, but like a relatively kind of known person.

Like, who is a cousin of a celeb?

Yeah, I don't know.

Is it like total nobodies?

I need more

clarity.

I can't think of one.

Yeah, no, me neither.

And that makes sense, because they're a celebrity's cousin.

Why would you know?

Okay.

They have to be total nobodies.

Yeah, I think so too.

So like, who cares?

So it's not even celebrity big brother.

It's just Big Brother with random people.

Big Brother with random people.

Who happened to be like loosely related?

Loosely related.

To like influencers and celebrities.

It's like one of those my cousin's sister's boyfriend

was in the army.

Exactly.

Totally.

Well, best of luck.

And I'm happy that Frankie and Kevin are getting work outside of singing.

Best of luck.

Best of luck.

All right, our fifth and final story is some Jeffrey Epstein news.

His pedophile island has hit the market for $125 million.

So his two private islands, commonly referred to as pedophile island, due to allegations that he sexually abused girls as young as age 11, is set to list for a whopping $125 million, the New York Post can confirm.

It's located in the U.S.

Virgin Islands, and they're known geographically as Great St.

James and Little St.

James.

The islands have been fairly untouched since Epstein's death in 2019.

That wasn't a suicide.

According to Epstein's estate lawyer, the proceeds from the sale are expected to go toward resolving any outstanding lawsuits, regular costs of operating the island, and other fees, including taxes, creditors, liens placed on the properties by the U.S.

Virgin Islands Attorney General.

And

what's interesting is that Epstein purchased the Little St.

James Island, which is over 70 acres in 1998 for $7.9 million.

Wow.

And now it's worth $100 and what was it, $25?

$195?

$125.

Yeah.

Who the fuck would buy this?

Like, even if you really want a private island, like you're rich enough and you're shopping and it's, oh, there's a sale.

Let's go to this one.

And it's obviously a little discounted because all the shit that went down there.

I don't think I could ever, even though, like, it's, it's pretty sickening.

Like, so, one, the U.S.

Virgin Islands, it's dog shit in comparison to the British Virgin Islands.

So true.

You're going to spend your money, go British.

You're right.

Two,

it's not discounted.

It actually seems like it's a premium.

Well, what are 70-acre islands going for now that have estates and mansions already built on it?

It has a discount, you're right.

It has to be discounted.

It has to be very discounted.

No one would pay top dollar for this.

No.

The thing is, can you ever get the feeling or smell off the island?

It's kind of like buying a house that somebody was murdered in.

Yeah, it's worse.

Like, even if you bulldoze it, it's creepy.

Like, hearing the stories of the girls who would literally jump off the cliff to try and swim, and it was like sharks everywhere.

Like, it was horrible.

Yeah, but now that I am thinking about it, like a hotel chain, 125 million, you turn that into a sickening property.

I don't think any, like any

consumer would really feel comfortable spending money there.

Like it's so creepy.

Maybe enough time hasn't passed.

I was going to say, I wonder if, like, okay, so now it's Pito Island.

Once it's rebought, rebranded, most people don't know the coordinates of the island.

Like, they're just like, they see, like, oh, Marriott has a new property.

Right.

And they go.

They don't know what it was.

Yeah.

Like, we don't know what was anything.

You know, I'll be very interested to see, like, what happens here.

If you're right, like, a Marriott buys it.

I just don't think anyone wants a bad press.

Like, it's not worth having one good hotel to have, like, oh, yeah, we paid $125 to pay off the

taxes.

The problem is the press.

Yeah.

If the press wasn't involved and somebody could just buy it and...

But I don't think anyone would even want that.

Like, it's so creepy.

It's creepy now.

I'm saying it's just, it's land.

Like,

before it was pito island was probably like the most gorgeous beautiful little st.

james yeah it's just it's so weird yeah it's weird it's so creepy what a conundrum i know discounted island and he has all these homes like crazy estates like the one on the upper east side yeah i think it's like 78th and madison it's like this huge yeah that's where he was arrested like yeah where they found all this evidence all these tapes like that's a stunning piece of architecture.

It's literally like a landmark.

It's one of these old old townhouses.

Like who the fuck would want to buy that?

That that should just turn into like a government building.

Yeah, like there's just not I don't think there's a buyer for these places.

He has all these crazy estates one in like Cleveland.

Like it's crazy.

What if you turn it into like

and he didn't have kids, right?

What if you turn it into like a school?

Yeah, I mean

no?

A school?

Yeah,

I get what you're saying, but like for no.

No?

No, no, no, no.

No, I meant more of a shit.

Honestly, it should be like a prison.

Like doing something for good.

No, but you don't want to waste an island on a prison.

No, you're right.

It should be like a shelter.

Like something.

Yeah.

Yes, I know what you meant.

Something gorgeous and nice.

Yeah.

Like maybe you like, yeah, I understand.

Yeah, no, but I understand what you're trying to say.

Like trying to turn the bad fortune into good fortune.

Yeah, like people would love a beautiful island.

Yeah.

Or like make it like an island for like people that can't afford an island.

Yeah, no, I know what you're saying.

Like turn it around.

Yeah.

Turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, turn around, turn around, turn it around, turn it around,

turn the beat around.

Love to hear percussion.

Sorry, I'm just like obsessed with my little instrument.

So, Jeffrey Epstein's Island is being sold.

I will be watching this story with a very keen eye.

Like, what happens?

I wonder if anything we predicted here on the show, like, might happen.

We predicted nothing.

No, I know.

Well, those are the fast five stories.

I feel as though you needed to know them.

And today's episode is truly far from over

because it's deer toasters and that's just the best.

Usually on Wednesdays, used to be on Tuesdays.

I don't know.

I'm like feeling very all over the place but today i wanted to do it because i feel like you really do give good advice and it's brought to you by zoc doc a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed takes your insurance and are available whenever you need them you can read up on local doctors get verified patient reviews see what other real humans have to say about their visit so that when you walk into the doctor's office you're set up to see someone in your network who gets you go to zocdoc.com choose a time slot and whether you want to see the doctor in person do a video visit and then just like that you're booked every month millions of people are using zoc doc we're one of them it's my go-to whenever i need to find and book a doctor and since i travel so much for work it's stunning because you've never had strep throat in the middle of detroit and your phone is literally your best friend getting you amoxicillin like uh zoc doc is perfect for anyone It really is helpful in finding good doctors in your network so you can pay with insurance.

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Okay, ready for dear toasters?

Our advice segment where you can write in totally anonymously, and we will give you our best advice, help you to get through whatever you're going through.

If you ever want to write in, it's deartoasters at gmail.com.

Dear Claudia and Jackie, or the guest.

That's you.

Oh, ow.

Oh my God, I just poke myself in the eye.

Okay.

I'm a single girl in my 30s trying to find love on the apps again.

I matched with this guy a few weeks ago and we have plans to go on a date in two weeks.

If I'm being honest, he was a 6 out of 10 in looks from his Tinder profile, but he seemed like an overall great guy and that we might have some similar interests.

The problem is, I did some online stalking and I found his Facebook where I scanned through his photos and found him to be more like a 4 out of 10 looks-wise.

I know this sounds shallow, but now I'm second-guessing the date.

He took the initiative to pick the time and place, and he seems like a great guy who really wants to meet me.

But I have a gut feeling there will not be an attraction on my end when we meet.

What should I do?

Do I still go and give it a shot, or do I follow my shallow gut and not waste my time?

Sincerely, a 30-something girl who's not getting any younger.

Okay, I have a few things to say.

The first thing is that you should 100% go on this date because one, nothing bad really can come from a date.

Like, it's always good practice to go on a date.

You met them online, so just make sure you go somewhere public.

Make sure, you know, nothing scary can happen.

But if it's just like a standard date, there's nothing really bad that can happen.

It's always good to, you know, practice up on your dating skills.

And you really never know.

And the thing is with looks, I just don't believe in looks, you know?

Like, a person is as beautiful in your eyes.

It really is true.

Like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What did they say?

Beauty is in the eye.

The eye of the beholder.

Like when you meet someone and you have great vibes, like you will think that they're good looking.

Like I really firmly believe that.

And I just, I think that like the beauty standard, unless he's like a gremlin, but like the beauty standard is just like not real.

Like I just think you should 100% go on the state.

Yes.

And I've heard a million stories of girls like, oh man, I almost didn't go.

And then, you know, like they were saying that at the wedding.

Like, you almost didn't go.

And then you got in love.

So, like, you never know.

Yeah.

What were you going to say?

I was just going to say, one, if you agree to go on a date, go on the fucking date.

It's really, really fucked up to cancel dates.

And I know it usually happens on the, at least I hear it on the guy side.

The guy canceled the date on the girl.

It's not nice.

You agree to go on a date, go on a date.

Worst thing, it's dinner.

You were going to eat anyways.

Yeah, you were going to be a bad guy.

Or you were going to see a movie.

You might not have to pay.

Yeah.

Or if you do, you were going to pay for dinner anyways because you're single.

It's true.

You needed to pay.

You don't eat for free.

No, it's true.

so so go on the date um I would say don't go into it with a bad attitude like looking for your boyfriend go into it like looking to have a good time because I totally agree with you that you absolutely can fall in love with someone and end up finding them attractive that you didn't but not if you're going into it looking to date them It's more if you're going into it looking to be their friend and then all of a sudden it turns into something more.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I do, but like, sure.

Yeah, I do, I do, I do.

The only, look, if two people are trying to date, they need to be physically attracted to each other.

No, but you never know.

She hasn't even met the guy yet.

No, but the stories about how you have like one that's significantly better looking than the other is always, oh, they were best friends in high school and they grew together and now they're married.

Right, right.

Or, oh, they were best friends here, best friends there.

It's very rare that you have two people that are on opposite ends of the look spectrum falling madly head over heels in love the minute that they meet when they were intending to date.

So you think she should go into this looking for a friend?

I think that she should go into this looking for really good conversation and see if he's really funny and if she finds that physically attractive.

Also keep in mind that like boys don't care about photos.

They don't edit them.

They just like get taken.

Clearly this guy does.

No, his tender profile, she's saying, is much better than his.

Well, much better.

We went from a six out of 10 to a four out of 10.

That's a lot.

No, it's not.

I just think like just go.

Just go, okay?

Definitely go.

Go.

If you want to date and you want to end up in a relationship you got to leave your house definitely go also if you agreed to the date before you started stalking him why don't you stalk him what's the point really anyways yeah you're only setting your date you're only setting yourself up for failure a hundred bars happen leave it alone also do you find it on Facebook because if it's Facebook he probably hasn't updated them in nine years she said Facebook yeah yeah no I don't I just don't think guys social media is ever accurate of how they look Facebook certainly yeah Instagram they're always like just taking pictures of like like sunsets like it's not a thing.

I don't even know what that means.

Well, not you.

Okay.

Next up.

Hey, girlies.

Ben.

I live and die for this podcast, so it only makes sense to solicit advice from the two most beautiful, stunning, and smart girls around.

That's us.

That's beautiful.

Okay.

So my boyfriend of eight years and I recently moved in together.

He's a total PJOM.

But of course, moving in together sheds light on habits that each other has that we may not have been aware of before.

And I think I found his only major flaw.

Ooh.

He's a booger flicker.

Aren't we all?

They're everywhere.

Now, don't get me wrong, everyone's got to pick their nose.

I'll admit, even I do it sometimes, but I always make sure to use a tissue to keep everything hygienic.

But I'm finding this man's boogers everywhere.

On walls, dressers, blinds.

Literally, every day I find a booger.

In the least place, in the place I least expect it to.

The first one,

one or two times, I pointed it out to him and called him gross, and we both laughed about it.

But now it's reaching a disgusting level, and I'm not sure what I can do.

He's my future husband, and I love him to pieces, but this is going too far, and frankly, it's making me look at him in a different light.

Any advice on how I can bring it up more seriously to him and maybe help him develop more sanitary nose picking habits?

Thank you.

Number one.

Are you feeling shamed?

Buy a magic eraser.

They're great.

Are you feeling shame right now?

I'm not feeling shame because

it sounds like I wrote this in.

Yeah.

Well, you also are like the biggest nose picker on the planet.

And did you ever see my boogers anywhere?

No.

No, because I'm clean.

I understand.

You, I don't care if you pick your nose.

I'm actually a big fan of normalizing nose picking.

Like, it's what we got to do.

But you and your boogers on the shower wall and the bedroom,

on furniture, on luggage, on my mirror, everywhere.

I totally disagree with normalizing nose picking.

They create sinus infections and get dirt up in the sinus cavity.

It's actually a terrible disease.

So stop doing it.

You pick your nose all the time.

No, I sneeze without covering my mouth all the time.

That is why you'll often find my boogers, not often, occasionally find my boogers

on a shower wall because when I'm in the shower and I need to sneeze, I literally went in the middle of this podcast to go and take a Zyrtec I'm clearly an unwell man you need to

sneeze you need to see someone I sneezed and I guess a booger left my nose and hit the wall so how does it make you feel that your wife oh but by the way we're talking about we should be talking about her no I'm talking about me now okay how does it feel that your wife who works so hard to make this house a home who loves you, who works hard at her job and comes home and cleans and does the groceries, has to spend some time out of her week with her magic eraser scrubbing your bloody boogers off the wall.

Like, how does that make you feel as a man?

It makes me feel like we're even because when you get in bed, you don't leave for nine hours and I'm your personal slave.

So I'm sorry that I occasionally sneeze and a booger ends up rogue.

It's not occasionally, like it's a lot.

Okay.

Did you write this?

Shockingly, I didn't.

Okay.

Well, what's our advice to this girl?

We have to give her advice.

How to bring it.

Like honestly, you have to talk to them.

No, advice to her.

Yeah, by the way.

Just leave it.

Leave it.

I keep dropping this book.

Advice to her is it's, it's not like a,

so funny that there's boogers.

Like, say, look, man,

I don't like cleaning up your boogers.

Please do your best to not do that.

Like, have it be.

Okay, I'm going to take your advice.

Look, man, I don't like cleaning up your boogers.

Please do your best to not do that.

Look, man, I don't like getting up in the middle of the night to get you a fucking seltzer.

How about you get up and get your own fucking seltzer?

Again, if there's a good trade,

I don't know the circumstance in their relationship.

Yeah.

If this man is waiting on that woman hand and foot, two in the morning, I need Advil.

Two in the morning, I need Seltzer.

Two in the morning, I need a Ritzcracker, then I think the trade of the occasional using the magic eraser to peel a booger off the wall is not as egregious.

But if this man is not waiting on this woman hand and foot, she waits on him hand and foot and has the occasional booger to peel off with a magic eraser.

Yeah.

Then it's a problem.

Okay, I think that's a good analysis.

Fair.

Yeah, relationships are all about balance.

They are.

Yeah.

One booger equals two seltzers.

Okay, our third and final deer toasters is something we've never had here before.

We have had a boyfriend write in for his girlfriend.

Uh-oh.

Hey, girls.

Ben.

I'm a boyfriend and hopefully a PJOM.

And I'm a boyfriend.

I'm a huge listener, fan, toaster of your podcast.

And I wanted to write in on her behalf because she has vented about this issue to me for months.

Quick background.

My girlfriend moved to a new city, so we're long distance now, and we ended up moving in, and she ended up moving in with a friend.

In her previous city, she lived alone and enjoyed it, but rent was a lot more in the new city, so she decided to live with a friend who has a dog.

Fast forward to now, and her roommate has been traveling for work and/or pleasure, and it seems like she's doing it at least two weeks every month.

The issue is, instead of boarding her dog or finding a rotation of friends who may watch the dog, she always, quote, asks my girlfriend to take care of it, never asking if it's okay with her or schedule.

It's the assumption, you know,

like you'll watch my dog.

The roommate has given zero amounts of money to compensate, but there have also been damages the dogs has caused that have not been rectified as well.

This guy's definitely a lawyer.

My girlfriend loves this dog and is good enough friends with her roommate that she put up with it for a couple months, but now it's past the point of being inconsiderate.

being inconsiderate in our opinion.

I've suggested that she just talk to her head-on about it, but I know that probably, that's probably the guy in me and would probably make her living situation awkward.

I'm just the boyfriend, and I know my place to stay out of it, but I hate to see her getting taken advantage of.

Do you girls have any tips slash suggestions on how she should approach slash address the issue with her roommate?

Boarding, more payment that is agreed upon, or just pull a Nancy and be like, no.

P.S., you should make...

Wait, you should make a male translated map.

Oh, you should make a mail-translated map slash key of all your acronyms.

It took me way too long to figure out what PJAMA stands for.

Thanks in advance.

Okay, this is tough.

Like, this girl's definitely being taken advantage of and honestly like she just has to be like no

so what i would say is

if it's not your dog

you should not have to watch it for free multiple weeks weeks yeah a month yeah it's insane because no matter how much you love the dog it's a burden at the end of the day it's a burden responsibility 100

and we know you can't enjoy a day out necessarily or you can't go away for a weekend or you can't because

beautiful pooches have needs.

Yeah.

They rely on us to go to the bathroom, et cetera.

If the girlfriend's listening to this, I would tell you you're being totally taken advantage of and you're being taken for a ride, getting free

dog sitting.

Yeah.

So either talk to her about it and be like, honestly, like you don't even ask anymore.

And like, it's kind of a big responsibility.

And like, I have a life too.

Or you could just take the route of being like a bitch and being like, no, and you would be totally justified in doing that too.

What I would, that, that works.

What I would say is, just to the first question, boarding?

Fuck no.

Yeah, no.

Don't have the dog.

If you're gonna board the dog two weeks out of the year that's the thing like don't don't have a dog if you don't have like a good backup plan like i feel we feel we're very blessed that like when we travel either for work or for pleasure like theo has a safe place that he arguably likes better than our house and that's your parents yeah and if we didn't have that he would come with us right like if i would i wouldn't i would never ever ever board Theo.

Two weeks.

Well, I wouldn't board him at all.

Yeah, boarding, you never know what goes down at those places.

It's always better to leave with a family or a friend.

I'm not a fan.

But if you have to figure out a situation, which, I mean, figure out a solution because

clearly you have a situation on your hands, figure out how much it would have been to board the dog.

This is one option.

And then get compensated for it.

But maybe she shouldn't pat her pockets.

That would be weird.

No, I just don't think this girl who has a dog should be traveling two weeks out of the month when she doesn't have a real,

but maybe she asked you for work.

So what she should do is she should find a dog walker that can walk the dog you know like they should have a conversation about it yeah no like it's not this girl's problem honestly this girl did not doesn't have a dog and dogs are responsibilities and it's not her fucking responsibility since when she moved into apartment and got this big job that sucks it's not your fucking fault no so either start making up a lot of excuses like she's gonna be like oh i'm walking well i'm leaving can you watch molly no actually i'm going to a farm upstate with my boyfriend yeah oh no sorry i can't my boyfriend's coming to visit and we're staying at a hotel oh no i can't i'm going to visit my boyfriend like and by the way clearly this woman doesn't give a shit about her dog.

Yeah, like, you should offer.

I have another idea.

Take the dog.

Take the dog.

I'm taking the dog.

The dog's now yours.

Say, if you're going to leave it with me two weeks out of the year, it's my dog.

Yeah, no, that's got to be.

I'm so happy to take care of it.

Yeah.

But it's my dog.

It's irresponsible.

My dog.

Like, you have to be able to live your life and also have a dog, of course, but you also have to have like a safe place for the dog.

The dog is not an afterthought.

Like, it's my dog.

You need a family member, a friend who cares about the dog, someone you trust.

It's my dog now.

Yeah.

I think that's the most.

I think you should take the dog.

My dog now.

But you're definitely being taken advantage of, so do one of the things we said.

Yeah.

And you have a Pijon boyfriend, so like

that's all that matters.

Like he wrote into Deer Toasters.

And obviously he's a man of taste and style and values.

Yes.

That was Deer Toasters.

If you ever want to write in, it's deer toasters at gmail.com.

That was our show.

Ben, thank you for joining us.

Thank you, darling.

I love you very much.

I love you more.

We're back tomorrow for Friday's episode with Hannah Berner, first time gal on the podcast.

Then we have a whole other week.

I actually have the next couple weeks already scheduled with thickening guests.

So many of you that you guys have requested.

So if you all have requested specific people, like I most likely got them, so don't worry.

Um, tomorrow with Hannah Burner, I'm excited to talk to her, and that's all she wrote.

Cool, thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast, the millennial morning show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Bye.