S4 Ep215: Trauma at The DMV: Tuesday, December 14th, 2021

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the Morning Toast.

Happy Tuesday.

Hope everyone's having a great day.

Hello, Jacks.

How are you?

It's only Tuesday.

It's like a slug to the end of the day.

I know, but we are like, this week is going to be a slug to the end because we're so excited for, you know, the weekend and the holidays.

So we're going to have to work extra hard for it.

But I'm just getting ready to celebrate.

I'm getting ready to feel like I deserve the holiday.

You know, That's the best.

No, this is really just the greatest time of year.

I can't even explain to you.

Allie and AJ really said it best.

They summed it up nicely.

It's the greatest time of year,

and it's here.

I'll get my triangle up.

It's the greatest time of year

and it's here.

Let me simply state it.

Joy to the world and everyone.

Lift up your hearts and fill with life.

That song is so good.

And I only recently rediscovered it, thanks to your Jackie Ho-Ho-Ho playlist, which, you know, I haven't listened to in a really long time, and it's really not what I thought it was.

What'd you think it was?

A blend of, like, classics mixed with classics done by new modern singers.

Like,

there was some very weird things in there, but in a good way.

Like, what?

There was this one song.

You know what?

I actually want to find it because

it was like a, it's like by a rock band.

It's like a cover.

Like, I really hope you know what I'm talking about.

If you say it, I'll probably know because that's an expertly curated playlist.

For those who don't know, Jackie, ho, ho, ho, on Spotify is my holiday playlist that I have been working on and contributing towards for probably 10 years now.

Every year, I add, like, the songs that I'm listening to, and then, so it's a really good amalgamation of all the best Christmas music.

And, like, oh, one of the weirdest.

Oh, okay, wait, sorry.

One of the weirdest, I Dreamed a Dream by Susan Boyle.

Beautiful fucking song.

Beautiful song gets me in the holiday spirit.

Okay, I just need to find this one song, Jackie, because it really shook me.

I haven't heard it probably.

Where the fuck is Susan Boyle?

Where the fuck is Susan Boyle?

We do need to have her on the toast.

All right, maybe I can't find it, but I will.

You know what?

I feel like if I look at it.

Oh, Alone This Holiday by the used.

So fucking good.

Simeon, how does it go?

Baby Light

a

candle don't say a prayer for me.

Yeah, really random, but good.

So fucking good.

I mean, that's for, you know, my seventh and eighth graders on the bus listening to their iPods.

And the youth came out with a holiday tune for them to listen to around that time of year.

And honestly, the song is so, so good.

If I hadn't been listening to Jackie Ho-Ho-Ho while reading a book two days ago and I heard that song, I probably never would have heard that song ever again in my life.

And that's just crazy to think about.

Like, we're living in a simulation.

Like, they wanted me to hear that song.

Yeah, no, it's the power of Jackie Ho-Ho-Ho.

Also, I finally indulged in the new Kelly Clarkson Christmas album.

I hadn't had the time or space, but I was writing all of my holiday cards on Sunday.

Bruno was Santa's helper.

I'm sure you guys saw my Instagram.

He was elfing around.

And I put on the album, and it's just just a kiss.

The problem is, though, that her original Christmas album is so fucking fantastic, bop after bop, like classics and like songs that she wrote.

And songs that she wrote, by the way, that are turning into classics.

Right, so it's like you don't want to listen to the new album because then you're not listening to those songs.

So I did find a playlist that was every Kelly Clarkson Christmas song ever, including like remixes and it's flames.

What do you think is the best Kelly Clarkson original Christmas song?

Underneath the tree.

Yeah.

Here, where you should be.

Snow is falling and the carols sing just wasn't the same.

It fucking pops off so hard.

It's going so hard on TikTok right now.

And they're actually this guy who does like a lot of music content who I actually really enjoy.

I'm just like always learning interesting things.

It's like

modern Christmas songs that will eventually end up being classics.

He just started the series and the first one was that song by Kelly Clarkson.

Because the fact that it hasn't been around forever is shocking.

It's really just an instant classic.

No, it's so good, but she has so many great songs on that album wrapped in red.

And that's the name of the album, actually, but it's also a song.

And she's just the queen, the queen of Christmas.

Sorry, Mariah.

Like, I know you have, I know that Mariah Carrie is technically the queen of Christmas because, like, the one song really trumps all the others.

But there's a lot of really good Mariah Carrie Christmas covers on your playlist.

She does amazing covers of classics, too.

Lang Sign.

That's probably one of her best songs, honestly.

Yeah, no, she really gets you in the mood for a New Year's turnout.

And it's like a fucking banger.

Yeah.

But wait, I had something else I wanted to tell you about music.

Just give me one second.

Okay, anyways, head over to Spotify for the playlist.

I need to update it for like the new songs this year.

I haven't had a chance to listen to like Carrie Underwood's new album, but

I will get to it.

I remembered what I was going to say.

Oh my God.

It was about Mariah.

Oh, Kelly.

Do you feel like Kelly Clarkson is having this moment right now?

Kelly Clarkson's been having a moment.

Yeah, but like we've been knowing.

No, no, no, no, no.

Like we've, yes, we've known since like 2001 Kelly Clarkson is having a moment.

But the world has been knowing for, I would say, a year now.

Like it's been a lot of different things.

I think it's really amped up because I think with like the Kelly Clarkson show, yes, like the world knew, but those were like already the Kelly fans.

I'm talking about like the Gen Zers, who's like, who's Kelly Clarkson?

I'm telling you, like Kelly being on the voice and becoming friends with Ariana Grande.

I'm on TikTok.

I have my.

She's been on the voice for a while, though.

But with Ari.

With Ari.

Every Ari moment is a moment within a moment.

But it's like everybody, I do feel like for the last year, six months to a year, Kelly's been having like her shine.

Okay, but can I tell you, like, Gen Z is now coming onto Kelly, and this is how I know.

It's partly in thanks to Ariana.

You know, she does Kelly Oakie on the Kelly Clarkson show like every day.

Well, so she does.

A cover of a popular song every day since her show has been on the show.

She's the crazy covers.

I don't know if you guys know that.

If you ever go to one of her concerts, she performs a different concert, a cover at every single concert.

But recently, all of her kellyoke covers from the kelly clarkson show have been coming up on my tiktok because she did billie eilish i don't relate to you whatever that's happier than ever and the the kids were fucking quaking on tick tock jackie they were like shook they said it was some some people said it was better than billy like that's what people say and now with the seven rings cover she just did she is like reaching an entirely new audience and i'm telling you like this is only the beginning of the moment for kelly kelly like you go girl i'm so happy for her i'm happy for honestly for the kids that they're getting this level of talent injected into their everyday life.

And I'm happy for you, honestly.

It's nice to see your hard work pay off.

You know why I'm happy for me?

It's that in all of these 20 years of Kelly Stanhood, like, I have never felt disappointed by her.

And you never wavered once.

No, not even about me.

Like, just about her.

Like, I just, I can't recall a moment where I was ever, like, unsure or, like, just felt

that I waned in my Kelly Stanhood.

Yeah, she's been like a...

a stable force in your life.

She, yeah, she really is like a stable role model.

Also, I think.

She's definitely a role model.

I do want to say, though,

we haven't gotten new music from her that wasn't Christmas music in like six years.

The last album was Meaning of Life, and it was really good because she does continue to get away from it.

Is that the Piece by Piece one?

No, that was before that.

But Meaning of Life was good, but it wasn't like my favorite ever.

What's the album called before that?

With Peace by Piece and All Those Jams.

Dance with Me.

What's that album called?

I'll find out.

And like Heartbreak Song.

That's the best album.

That's, I think, is one of the best pop albums like ever.

Every time, I agree.

And like no one fucking cared because Kelly was like ignored by a lot of people for a long time.

Yeah.

Anyways, I look forward to some, you know, exciting new secular music from her.

Piece by Piece is what the album's called.

Okay.

That makes sense.

So, but yeah, her entire discography page on Spotify is Christmas music.

I'm just going to put that out there for 2022.

That's what I'm going to manifest, a secular album from Kelly.

Yeah.

I feel like I put Piece by Piece in the category that I put like native by One Republic.

Just like underappreciated best pop album of all time.

Yeah.

Too great.

Yeah.

Why are you smiling?

No, nothing.

It's like.

Are you going to say that's one of the things I always bring up?

It's becoming.

Okay, you know what?

I'm proud of that.

Like, sorry, I have immaculate taste in boy bands.

I have no regrets.

Man-band.

No regrets.

I said what I said.

It's a man-band.

They'll always be a man.

One Republic.

One Republic is a man-band.

No, One Republic is just a band.

It's just a man.

and a band.

Yeah, it's a man and some unidentifiable men.

Speaking of Bring Back Songland.

Yes, what the fuck?

And actually, I saw someone, people were talking about it on like, maybe it was a Toast group, and they were saying Esther Dean is like involved in another show now.

She is Battle of the Cover Bands.

So does that mean she's out on Songland?

I don't think so because I'm sure she's just doing this in the in-between because I've not watched Battle of the Cover Bands, but I can imagine it's nothing of the sort.

And it's nothing compared to Songland.

Like, yeah, exactly.

It's literally the antithesis, like, of we're covering songs as opposed to writing them.

We like, we can't have anything good.

No.

Hopefully, I mean, I haven't heard anything, but, you know, because we do love the show, like, it will get canceled.

Yeah, of course, because we are toxic and we curse everything.

Yeah, everything that I've ever loved.

Canceled.

Since I was young.

Yeah, that's why you loved me so much.

I got canceled.

We've got a great show for you guys.

We've got the Fast Five, and it's Tuesday, which means it's Dear Toasters Day.

Our advice segment will be at the end of the show.

We've got a little TV recap.

Jackie finally caught up on succession.

We'll talk about that before Dear Toasters.

Yes, so much to discuss.

I'm really glad something happened.

Yeah, something big.

I guess, like, once a season in the finale, something happens, and then, like, that, then the next season is spent like everything plays out.

Not really.

It just sort of like pussyfoots around this big new change that, like, doesn't even signify change.

You would have thought, like, at the end of last season, when

Kendall did what he did in that press conference, that that would have upended everything in the next season, and it kind of like didn't.

They just had a lot of conversations.

Well, he just, like, spoiler alert, like, failed.

Yeah, but, like, he, it just sort of petered out.

Yes, towards the end of the season, it's like, are you still against your family?

I can't tell.

Yeah, he lost Steve.

Anyways, we'll recap it, and that's really exciting.

And I finished my horrible book.

Still horrible.

How many stars?

Tell the people how many stars you gave it.

One single star.

What was it called?

Drag it.

Okay, here's the thing.

I hate dragging a book because someone spent time and energy

writing this.

They put their heart into it.

They put their foot into it.

It was not for me on any level.

It was awful.

It was worse than I could have imagined when I thought I was reading a COVID book.

And in the beginning, I thought it was like COVID's in the background, which is like kind of interesting because that's where we are right now.

Where I just read Tessa Bailey's new book references the fact that we were in lockdown.

Right.

So, I was, but then it just, if you've read the book, you know, it takes the craziest turn.

I explained it to Claudia yesterday.

It sounds like it was written by the person, the person in the world who's the most, out of everyone in the world, the number one person who's most scared of COVID.

Yes, yes.

It was like the fear mongerer's guide to COVID.

Yes, in a lot of ways, yes.

And so I really didn't like it, but I needed to finish it just to see where it was going in order to give, have an opinion and to reach my Goodreads goal.

And so it's a one for me.

But then I was like reading all these reviews on Goodreads and like people really loved it.

Great.

Loved.

Like they said it was the best book they read this year, which is, which is so funny.

And you know what's actually also really funny?

So there's a threat in the Redheads right now, the Facebook group, people sharing the worst books they read this year.

Is my book in there?

I'll cry.

No, no, but it's like every single comment is someone's favorite book.

No, of course.

Do you know what?

Like, Luckiest Girl Alive is there a number of times.

Like, yeah, Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, like all of these books that, like, someone loves, but also someone hates.

And that's just books.

Yeah, that's true, actually.

You know?

As an author myself of a New York Times best-selling book, Girl with No Drop, The Crazy, Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster, available anywhere you buy books.

Amazon, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, indie bookstores.

No, I know that like my book either like you're going to love or you're going to hate and it's very personal.

It's so personal.

Some would say books are more personal than comedy and food.

Yeah.

And you know, I'm not in the right business for someone whose desire is to be 100% validated because I'm in the books business and the comedy business.

Yes.

I also finished a book yesterday.

I'm just plowing through to my 30 Goodreads.

The fact that I will have read 30 books when like up until last year, up until a year ago, I probably had read four books since I left high school.

I'm so proud of myself.

Like, and honestly, I was talking about it yesterday.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Like, you really, you gave me the Kindle, you gave me the resources, you gave me The Luckiest Girl Alive, which really changed my life.

And then you threw in Evelyn Hugo, which just really changed my life.

And I'm like, this is books?

Like, who knew?

Yeah.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Truly, like, 100% of the credit goes to you.

I'm so proud of you.

And I also just want to say, I'm in the exact same boat.

Like, in 2020, I read 65 books.

That's insane.

In 2019, I read five and they were all on vacation at the end of the year.

In 2018, I probably read zero books.

Oh, for sure.

Like

from the time I left high school, the books I probably read were the three Andy Cohen books.

Like that's it.

Yeah.

It.

So I'm just feeling really proud of myself.

And yesterday I read the new Tessa Bailey book, Window Shopping, which I started and put down after 7%.

I'm like, I can't read this.

And I don't know what compelled me to keep going, but it was adorable.

It's perfect for end of year reaching your goals.

Like I read it in literally three hours.

It was so fast.

There was, like, obviously, like, the fatal flaw of the book is like this girl gets her dream job, and like, her dream job is being a window designer, which is just really niche.

And she keeps talking about her dream, like, it's like, you know, being a ballerina.

Like, I just couldn't.

I don't know.

It's reminding me of Corella.

It was a little corny in a sense.

Were you getting Corella vibes?

No, actually, but now that you say it, maybe.

But I wasn't when I was reading the book.

But the only problem was that, like, I was picturing the main guy.

Are you going to read the book?

I don't know.

I might, this book is getting the wildest skew of reviews in the Redheads Facebook.

Okay, whatever.

This guy's really tall and goofy.

That's like his thing.

And I'm telling you, I could not close my eyes without thinking that he was Tom Wombscams.

Like the way he described his body and like his personality, I was like, oh my God, Tom Womp Scams from Succession is this man in the book, Aiden.

It was so weird.

That's really funny.

Tom Wombscams from Pride and Prejudice.

Literally.

That's crazy.

Maybe I'll read it.

I just started another book, The Family, which is a Dana's recommendation and also is a Read with Jenna choice.

And she always chooses really good books.

Who the fuck is Jenna?

Jenna Bush Hager from the Today Show.

JBH.

She has a book club.

And a few times our books have crossed.

I think the only book we actually both chosen is Nothing to See Here.

Whereas Girl With No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Third Sponsorship.

Exactly.

Nothing to See Here was great.

Anytime I've read a book that has been a Jenna's choice, it's actually been really good.

And I can't say that for all of the famous book clubs out there.

So when it has the Read with Jenna stamp, I do take it a bit seriously.

The Read by JBH.

Yeah, exactly.

Cool, very Very cool.

Now, I think with further ado.

No, without.

You never know without.

There might be more ado about nothing.

Much ado.

But now without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Great.

Our first story, Kim Kardashian says no counseling or reconciliation effort will repair her marriage to Kanye West.

Kim wants to terminate her marriage to her estranged husband, Kanye, sooner rather than later.

Kim filed documents to move forward with her divorce and requested to be legally single after she first filed for divorce from the rapper in February of 2021.

In her latest filing obtained by people on Monday, Kim asked to have child custody and property matters be separate from her marital status.

So she is foraging ahead.

You know, Kim, please come back to me.

Didn't stop her from filing.

More specifically, Kimberly.

These court documents, which to me,

this is

par for the course, I feel.

I'm not feeling.

No, I think you're being delusional.

No, why?

I think that they should get divorced.

And then officially get back together?

I don't know.

I don't know if they need to get like remarried ever, but I think they'll find their way back to each other.

I think that for Kim, like to be married, you know, in legally and also be doing her own thing, like, I don't think that's what she wants.

I think she wants a fresh start.

I think she should have that.

I just do think that this start will lead to an end that might involve Kanye.

But I think that they should continue with their divorce proceedings.

Oh, okay.

I didn't really see it that way, but I definitely see what you're saying.

Yeah.

I saw this as more like.

I just saw Elizabeth Taylor and she loves her.

Kim loves Elizabeth Taylor?

Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, it's for me, it's giving, you know, Greg and Nini, you know, like fully divorced and then had a whole other wedding.

That's my frame of reference.

But Elizabeth Taylor works too.

Yeah.

I mean,

I don't know.

Like, she's also dropping the West.

That's a shame, but I understand.

It's a shame because, like, by the way, what is going on with KKW Beauty?

Is it still in the rebrand?

Yeah.

But also, now it's going to have to be KK Beauty, which just doesn't sound great.

Yeah.

It's crazy that she made West such a part of her brand to begin with when she was already a household name.

And so now to have to to

change all the signage is a lot of legwork.

So, but I mean, it makes sense that she's dropping West and she doesn't need to have it there.

No.

But I.

But the businesses will be affected.

Yeah.

But so maybe this like KKW rebrand coming with her divorce filing will get a new name.

Just maybe Kim Kardashian Beauty.

I think that sounds better than KK Beauty.

Yeah.

Whatever.

As it pertains to the divorce,

I don't know if I'm really like,

I'm not 100% in on them getting back together.

I'm very open to the idea, but I also just love like Kim like having

the opportunity to look elsewhere.

Like, it's fun, you know, she's in her 40s, she looks the best she's ever looked, she's at the top of her game, like she should be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor.

Yeah, I agree.

I'm here with, and also, if they don't get back together, this has been so like tumultuous, dragged out almost that I'm very comfortable with the idea of them not being together.

It would just be like the greatest treat if they did, but I my I will be okay if they don't.

I agree.

Like we're we're past the initial shock.

Yeah, no, I feel like the way that they did this was best for the grieving process, you know, especially like there was rumors first, then there was, we got comfortable with the rumors, and then there was solidification.

It was a long drawn out thing that eventually we were just like, okay.

And tired of and used to.

Yeah.

Even like these news stories, like I'm just...

I'm just kind of over it.

Like let them live.

Yeah, I'm like, just I'm here for them getting divorced.

I'm also here for Kanye's, you know, big romantic gestures.

Romantic gestures.

And I'm also here for Kim and Pete.

I'm here for all of it.

I'm here for all of it.

Like, I'm

here for it.

And I'm just here for the happiness of everyone.

I don't know.

Kim just passed the baby bar.

Like, she's so much coming up down the pipeline.

She needs to focus, you know?

100%.

She might be joining a new law firm, could be other lawyers in the mix.

One of them catches her eye over a late night briefing.

The McKenzie file is sitting between them.

It's so like legally blind.

Steam is coming off the file.

Yeah, maybe he's like a first-year associate named Emmett, and they have to drive to a remote location to talk to a witness.

And then Kim gets the alibi from her sorority sister, but she can't say it because she swore to secrecy.

And Professor Callahan says, screw it.

Screw sisterhood,

and that's wrong.

Just an idea.

Just an idea.

Anything's possible now.

When you believe.

That's what you need to add to your Christmas playlist.

You know, my cold, icy heart,

as it pertains to pentatonics, was slowly melted when I heard the pentatonics cover of You Will When You Believe by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston.

It is probably one of the most beautiful arrangements of the song.

With Marin Morris, and it's on my playlist.

Oh, it is.

Okay.

I listened to the playlist almost in full yesterday and it didn't come on.

So

blame Spotify.

It must be a me thing.

Blame Spotify.

I just made myself.

I'll just go.

Yeah, I'll just go.

Because you're not going to call me out like that.

No, no, no.

I didn't really,

I wouldn't say call out.

I wouldn't say that.

Yeah, you did.

No, I probably wouldn't.

I would have phrased it like that.

Tried to embarrass the playlist.

I don't think I would try to.

I tried to poke holes in something I've worked so hard.

I don't think I would phrase it like that.

I just think that I was being constructive.

Right.

Right.

Thank you.

Because I just want you to be the best version of yourself while curating your playlist, you know?

Thank you so much.

It's a pleasure.

Our next story.

Travis Scott is out of Coachella 2022 lineup following the Astro World tragedy.

I think that's for the best.

Travis Scott has been effectively removed from the lineup of performances from the 2022 Coachella Valley Music Music and Arts Festival, Variety Has Learned.

The development follows a report in Palm Springs, which reported that the rapper was dropped from the bill following the tragedy, which occurred at his own Astro World Festival in November.

Was he a headliner?

He was one of the headliners, and sources say the festival informed his agent of its intent to pull Travis from the bill, which he was to headline, and that it would pay a kill fee for the cancellation, typically 25%.

An insider adds that his agent had been steadfast in trying to keep the slot, which would have marked Travis' return to the stage after Astro World.

I had heard that they offered to do it for free.

Travis

offered to do it for free, and they still said no.

Well, to be honest, I mean, I'm not going to go to the corner.

That's just something I heard.

I'm not going to Coachella, but if I was purchasing a ticket and I saw Travis, like, I would definitely think twice about it.

I have to imagine people aren't comfortable.

It's not been long at all.

I don't think I would feel comfortable at a Travis Scott concert for a while.

I would agree.

That was my same thought because, you know,

eventually he will perform again.

And if people want to buy a ticket to his concert and in that environment, then that's fine.

But Coachella being like a festival of so many different artists and people.

And it's just, I think it would also just, they don't, I'm sure they want nothing to do with that.

With that tragedy.

Yeah.

And I think that that event really cast a light on like maybe some security issues at other festivals.

And I'm sure now moving forward, other festivals are going to have like way more precautions in terms of like guardrails and just like a million things.

I think it was like a terrible thing that nobody else wants to experience at their festivals.

So

I can't imagine any festival even remotely wanting to be associated with this man.

Right, especially to be the first one back.

Right.

Okay, in 10 years, maybe, but like.

Yeah, but not like I'm sure they just want their festival to go off.

They've already been through like so much with all the post-postpones and cancellations.

And

I think this is the right decision.

Who's going to fill in?

I don't know.

We shall see.

Excuse me, you know what would be great, but like maybe a little early for her.

Olivia Rodrigo.

Like, because when this lineup was announced, like, she wasn't really at the place that she's at now.

Her entire tour sold out.

She played like Austin City Limit.

She played Rolling Loud.

I think that would be a great.

She did headline those?

No, it was like during the daytime.

But still, I think the Coachella crowd.

Like, the thing with Olivia Rodrigo is like, she's so new, but she's so much more famous than people who have been around for 10 years.

Like, I think she actually could.

Could headline.

I know that's crazy.

I think she, like, it would be, it would, it would be really crazy.

Yeah, I know it would be.

But, like, Billie Eilish, well, first, remember we, when we went, Billie Eilish was at a different stage.

She was super new.

In, like, the third row.

Yeah.

And now she's, like, headliner stats.

Oh, yeah.

But I think it might be like still a little bit.

That's true.

Billie Eilish is a good comparison.

Yeah.

Our next story, Little Justice News, Larry Nasser survivors to receive an additional $380 million settlement after years-long lawsuit battle.

Fabulous.

From who?

U.S.A Gymnastics.

USA Gymnastics and the U.S.

Olympic and Paralympic Committee have agreed to a settlement with the survivors of sexual assault of Larry Nasser, who filed lawsuits against the former osteopath.

No, it's really not enough money.

No.

According to the USAG's official site, a federal bankruptcy court in Indianapolis on Monday confirmed a $380 million settlement between and those who were assaulted by Nasser during his two-decade tenure, with USAG overseeing the medical treatment of gymnasts hoping to represent Team USA in the Olympics.

USAG and USOPC will also provide several other non-monetary provisions to the lawsuit complaints, including a dedicated seat on USAG's board of directors and an investigation into the organization's culture and practices.

Oh, great.

So if some of the survivors are like involved in USA Gymnastics now, I guess.

You can put them on the board.

Put them on the board.

Like that makes this much less likely to ever happen again.

Yeah, but if it's going to be survivors on the board, not just like, hey, we're going to have a board seat of someone who's like making sure this doesn't happen again.

Oh, sorry.

I interpreted it as someone, one of the survivors.

It just says a dedicated seat.

You know, it could be someone who's like.

Some asshole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, it's a start.

Love the 380 million for the girls.

I just literally load this man with every fiber of my being.

And I hope he's having a miserable life in front of him.

Yes, I agree.

In prison.

We do love to see a little justice.

We do love to see a little justice.

And those girls are so brave.

Like, after all they've been through, they're just heroes.

They're role models.

They really are.

They really, really are.

Before you continue, do you mind if I just say a a little something?

Please do.

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Doo-doo.

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Great.

Our next story, speaking of Olivia Rodrigo, she's belting out her hit song driver's license at the real life DMV.

Oh, I saw her

tiny desk.

Ooh.

Wow, really?

She disrespected the book and atrocious.

That's why.

I'm so sorry.

Yes, I saw she did her tiny desk concert at the DMV, which was very cute.

Yeah, most Americans dread a trip to the DMV, but Olivia Rodrigo was willing to hang out at one of the offices after hours.

The singing sensation spent time at the Glendale DMV in California earlier this month, recording a show of NPR's Tiny Desk concert series.

The unusual gig location was a reference to her big hit, Driver's License, which she performed at the DMV along with three of her other hits.

Her team reportedly paid $2,383 to use the DMV office after it closed to the public for the day.

Economical.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a little on the nose, but I mean I just like the DMV

will never be an aesthetic.

I know everybody hates the DMV, but I feel like I hate it more than the activity.

You don't even have a license.

I know, but that's, but I think it's because of like just the DMV trauma that I've experienced.

Okay, well, in my first trauma permit photo, they're just so mean and so vacation.

And they just like, they're, oh my God, especially in New York, because you get like New York attitude plus DMV attitude.

And it's just, it's, in my first permit photo, like, I literally have tears in my eyes because they're like yelling at me, like, to go do and this and that.

I'm just like, I'm just a kid.

Yeah, no, that's the thing.

When you, when you first experience the DMV, and I think why we're all so emotionally scarred by it, it's because you're like 15, 16, 17, getting your permit, and you're so young and impressionable, and they're so mean to you always.

That's why I think as a society, we all have like childhood trauma from the DMV.

And like, you're so excited to be doing this thing.

It's such a big deal.

And they just...

Rip you to shreds.

They just take a dump on it.

Yeah.

I'm actually dreading the day that that I have to go in for a new photo because I have the same photo.

I've had my license expire, I think, maybe once since I've gotten it, but they just send me a new one with the same photo.

But I do think eventually I'll have to take a new photo, right?

Yeah, probably.

I can't tell you how little I'm looking forward to it because my photo right now is hella cute.

Oh, look at you.

Yeah, like it's just like a random thing.

Like I actually looked like pretty that day.

Yeah, but it's always interesting.

Like those pictures, like whether it's license pictures, passport, whatever, like they really are a sign of who you are.

You can't face tune.

You can't do a little

turn of the head.

Like, that's your big face.

No ring light.

That's your face, and you're stuck with it.

Yeah.

And like, a lot of the times you have to put your hair behind your ears, something about like showing your ears in your picture.

And that's just like the most unflattering.

I don't mind it.

I actually did something crazy.

Last time I had a photo taken, I did an updo.

Like, I didn't do an updo.

I just had my hair like slightly different.

What photo was this for?

Like, passport?

Yeah, one of those.

And it just felt very brave.

Yeah, no, but it turned out like kind of cute.

Okay, well.

Just like pro tip.

I haven't had my photo taken.

Like my passport and my license are like on the verge of expiring so I haven't taken a photo in like eight years.

Get ready for it.

Like 40 pounds, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I actually have to practice.

No, and like do some, you know, ice rolling.

Yeah, yeah.

Guasha.

Yeah.

Really get the face as tight and trim as you can.

Right, and then you show up to the DMB looking and feeling your best.

Yeah, but like after all the shit they put you through, you're like sweating, you're crying.

After being to feel like you're worse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to bring the ice roller with you.

No wonder I never went back.

Yeah.

But Olivia Rodrigo is throwing herself into the lines.

It was a very good concept.

I guess she has good associations with the DMV because it's where she did get her driver's license, which like, you know, changed her life.

Opened up the whole world to her, literally, figuratively, musically.

So I would imagine like she looks at it fondly.

Yeah.

I wonder if she's going to continue doing HSM, SM, SM.

She is.

Yeah.

She said when they go back to filming, I saw that she said that, that she's in.

I have to imagine she's like, feels like brought down by it a little bit.

Like she's just on this trajectory and this thing that, yes, of course, did contribute to her.

But like she's outgrown it a little bit.

She definitely has.

Well, I think, I mean,

perhaps she has, but I think she has all these new fans now who are going to want to watch her on it.

And I think she's going to make it an even bigger show.

And now she has like this acting thing going on where she also gets to sing.

And this music that they write for her or that she writes for

really good.

And I think it just adds to her portfolio.

Yeah, but I do think like a lot of her new fans, like some of the older ones, like we can't watch it.

Like I watched her first season and it was like super cute, especially given like the whole story with joshua the second season like it's really for for children like it's it's like embarrassing to watch it because i was gonna say i liked the first season so did i but i just realized i never watched the second season it was like i felt embarrassed like to be watching it like ben came in he's like why are you watching i'm like i can't tell you

damn it's for kids okay but maybe the third season like they now they know they have this new audience i think that they could make it more of like a little bit of a mature show like a degrassi i think it could be good i think that they could and probably will do but i think they realize there's an opportunity here.

And it's also Disney Plus, like they have the right, it's not on Disney channel.

Like they can get a little, they could throw in a fuck, you know?

Yeah, no, but also they can hire the right people to make sure that it's like a good show.

Is this a Kenny Ortega production high school musical, the music of the series?

I think so.

It doesn't have the Kenny Ortega stamp on it.

No, it doesn't have the Kenny Ortega.

Like, there's not a Jazz Square in sight.

No, and that's how you know.

That's how you know.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

It's the final story.

I can't think of anything to say.

And that's a magic number.

Okay, what is it?

Hit me with it.

I'm going to hit you with it.

It's a little clarity around some of our conversation from yesterday about the Peloton commercial.

Oh, I have one thing I want to say.

Okay.

Before we dive in.

Before we dive in.

Something totally unrelated.

I have to issue a correction yesterday.

When I was talking about the sex lives of college girls, I said Renee Rapp was a lesbian because that's what I saw on TikTok.

She's not.

She's a boyfriend.

So sorry, I did not mean to like miss

identify anyone.

Got it.

Completely unrelated.

No, but just you reminded me of yesterday.

Yesterday's tings.

Well, we were also talking about when did this Peloton commercial come together?

Why is Ryan Reynolds always like doing Peloton stuff?

Here's the thing.

First of all, it did come together in the last 48 hours post-premiere of Just Like That.

I just want to say, like, yes, that's what everyone who's involved in the commercial, like Peloton social media, Ryan Reynolds, all the actors, that's what people are saying.

I did have someone in my DMs who works like high up at a production company say that like these contracts were going out to like Chris Noath and stuff in June.

That's all I want to say.

I saw that you got a DM.

I sent it to you.

You sent it to me.

And then I also got a DM from that person who's really adamant that this was happening back during the summer.

So I just want to say.

I also got a DM from someone who works at Peloton who said this happened in the last 48 hours.

So, and the, you know, the public line is that it did happen in the last 48 hours.

Ryan Reynolds's production company Maximum Effort was the driving force behind the commercial, which is why he did the voiceover.

Which is why he did the voiceover.

Now, I don't know if this has anything to do with his parody of the Christmas commercial from a few years ago or if that's just totally

a coincidence.

But it does feel like he's always, you know, injecting himself in the middle of Peloton tings.

So.

Pelotings.

48 hours.

Good for them.

If it's true, if true, big if true.

Well, what I said yesterday is like, it wasn't a very highly produced commercial.

Like it was one scene.

It wasn't like a

story.

Like there was literally just one camera, two people, a couch, one set.

It could have been sliced together and edited in 48 hours.

I do think that's still possible.

I stand by what I said yesterday.

Yes, but it's not that so much because that's a day's worth of work, but it's the getting, like, first of all, it's the

how much are we paying Chris Snow?

Just Seeing the episode, like, realizing that, oh my gosh, okay, we have like a bit of a PR opportunity on our hands.

It's coming up with the idea, which, you know, in these corporate bureaucracies take forever to get off the ground.

Then we have to talk to Chris Snowth's agent.

They probably have to get like Sex in the City or HBO Max, like, because they did reference it a little bit.

And so I...

It's the back end of that that is surprising that it got done.

Yeah.

I'm hella skeptical.

Like, it's possible, but I am skeptical.

It's funny, yesterday before they announced that it was, you know, a 48-hour turnaround, you were more believing that it was 48 hours.

No, but now they like want us to believe it so bad, I'm not believing it.

Wow.

They think that they know that I know, but I know that they know that I know.

Wow.

Yeah.

She turned it around.

I did.

I flipped the script.

She flipped the script.

Those are the past five.

I feel as though you needed to know them.

For sure.

Yeah.

But we're not even close to being done with today's episode because we've gotten so much good stuff.

We're going to dive into the the TV recap, which is brought to you by Hush Blankets.

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Wonderful.

Okay, succession, spoiler zone, fast forward if you haven't watched yet.

But season three finale popped off.

I mean, it was really like I was watching it very excited because you said a lot happens.

And I was like, still took me, you know, two hours to get through it because nothing was happening.

But then, of course, the last two minutes,

we got the answers.

It was also a gorgeous episode, like taking place all over

Alexander Skarsgaard house in, what is that, like Lake Homo?

I don't know.

I don't know where it's supposed to be, but it's so sickening.

Like, it's just upsetting to watch, like, when they go from the helicopter to the boat to the house.

Yeah.

Honestly, I was honestly thinking, like, I need a Zofran because that's a lot of travel.

A lot of like, and also, like, I've never been in a helicopter.

You have, though.

Never.

No.

I'll never go in a helicopter.

Yeah.

But I think that you like, if you feel everything, because it's like not that big.

Well, I think the ones that they're on are like the limousines of helicopters, like really fancy.

I don't think it's that bad, but no, it's not a mode of transportation I'm even remotely interesting in ever pursuing.

Yeah, and then to get into a boat, like I was just like, ooh, where is the C-band?

Yeah, like why did everyone want to go from the wedding?

Like, I would have rather stayed put at the wedding.

I just feel like this, this episode really highlighted, like, how fucking annoying all the kids are.

And I know that, like, I think that most people are like team kids, which is so crazy these kids are such ingrates first of all except from kendall who's a murderer so like it doesn't even matter neither of them have ever even properly worked at the company like for real like he had a stinted la roman and then he like quit because they didn't like his movie or whatever and he was doing a bad job shiv worked in politics up until a year ago like but you expect this fortune 500 billion dollar company just to be placed up your ass because you're logan's kids like they're such fucking ingrates and they just expect so much from logan and not only does logan give them nothing which like yes i guess is frustrating as like a kid, but like, you don't fucking deserve it.

No, but I don't feel like he gives them nothing, he gives them everything.

They have like billions of dollars to do that.

They don't care about that.

They want the power.

Like, they do not care about the money.

But what will they do with their power?

They're so ill-equipped.

And also, like, the entitlement, yes, of course, like, you would hope that, you know, you will succeed when the day comes, but like, Logan has said over and over again: the day is not here yet.

So, like, every time they don't get what they want, they're gonna like go and tell the world

crazy and like deranged and like old, senile senile man.

No, they're so out of control, so ungrateful, and so ill-equipped to take over this company.

Unworthy.

I completely agree.

I mean anyone who's team kids, I can't deliver

you whatsoever.

Like, and when Logan was like, make your own fucking pile.

I was like, that's it.

That's the whole thing.

And also, not only make your own fucking pile, but you have a whole pile to start with.

Right.

Like, you have literally every opportunity in the world, but the only thing you want is to take away the thing your dad built.

Fuck off.

No, and it's like they have no respect for the thing that he built.

They like talk so much trash about it.

Wait, they don't even like the company.

They don't even like the company.

They don't like their audience.

They don't like anything about it.

So why are they so desperate to get it?

I don't know.

They're so entitled.

No, that car ride where they're like talking on the way.

to the villa that Logan's at, like three, the blind leading the blind.

No, and they really thought that they were gonna storm the Bastille, stage this coup, and like I, to have their asses handed to them in such a way was so beautiful.

My only, if I'm a little RDH, it's like I do wish that Roman would have

turned because he's been like the most loyal up until this point.

But it's like, I understand why he didn't.

Like Logan once told Kendall, like this will be yours, just trust me.

And then he, you know, didn't give it to him.

He said the same thing to Shiv and then Shiv shot the bed and I'm sorry.

So why should Roman believe that?

So like when he's saying to Roman, no, Roman, like it's, you know, you'll beat tops, he's like, listen, fool me thrice, shame on me.

Who is your least favorite kid?

Say it on the count of three, okay?

So easy.

He changed recently.

Me too.

One, two, three.

Shiv.

Okay, wait.

Who's your favorite kid?

One, two, three.

Connor.

Oh, Connor.

I forgot about him.

I love Connor.

He's harmless, like, really.

Yeah.

And when he had that, like, that whole break, when Kendall was like, I'm the eldest son, I was like, ooh.

Well, because they had different moms, right?

Connor has a different mom than everyone else.

Got it, got it.

So that I felt like he had earned his right for a little bit of a breakdown, but like, it's funny how nobody cared.

I know, but he did earn his right.

They're so fucking mean to him.

They're so mean to him.

And he's the only one who's like grateful.

Like, I can have, I, my dad gave me everything in the world.

I'm going to buy a ranch, marry this girl, like, pretend to run for president.

Like, he's the only one who's without his hand so far up Logan's ass.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

There's value in his life.

You know, and it's like he asks for big favors.

He doesn't get them.

And then he doesn't go turn around and burn down the whole thing.

Right.

He doesn't like betray his whole family.

He just goes back to his million-dollar ranch.

He comes up with a new plan.

Totally.

But he's a bit of like a fool.

Like, he's really Job.

Yes.

From Arrested Development, but he's just the only one with any sense of like love, loyalty.

Love, exactly.

Which is just so crazy.

And then let's talk about the Tom of it all.

Tom has been my least favorite character for

two seasons and eight episodes.

Yeah.

When Shiv was like, who the fuck told him we were coming?

I wasn't expecting us to find out.

I just figured there's like, you know, snakes everywhere.

And then it didn't even hit me at first.

He put his arm on Tom, and then Shiv's Shiv's face is like, it was just really brilliantly done.

And I loved every second of it.

First of all, Shiv does not deserve Tom.

Tom is like, Tom wanted to be so loyal.

And like, she wouldn't let him.

And she's so mean to him.

Like, fuck Shiv.

I'm so team Tom.

I would have done the exact same thing.

Yeah.

No, I mean,

I don't know how they say married after this, but how were they saying married before?

Like, she literally treated him so poorly.

And

he was looking out for number one.

And number two, Cousin Greg.

Cousin Greg.

Who's so cute.

And I really hope he ends up with the princess.

And also, like, Cousin Greg is pretty loyal because even when the family was at odds, like, he stayed good with Kendall and with everyone else.

So he's a good one to have on your side.

Right.

And I just, I hope that, you know, this

L, this big fat L for the kids, like, continues on.

Me too.

Season.

After seasoning.

Because I don't know what the end goal of the show is, but if it's like the kids winning, like, I'm not interested.

Well, I think the end goal of the show is like succession.

Who will succeed?

How does, you know, when, when Logan, because eventually he will die.

Either die or retire, then like what comes next?

I'm here for the Gojo deal, by the way.

Like, we've got to evolve.

Yeah.

We've got to.

I agree.

And Alexander Skarsgård was spitting facts.

She was giving like Elon Musk vibes.

Yeah.

I hope.

When she was telling that story of like Mark Zuckerberg told him about like the Roman slaves and Logan was like, oh, Zuckerberg has some some kid reading history for him now.

So funny.

You have to watch a show with subtitles or you will miss out on like some really good shit.

Yes, but I watched a lot of the show when I was like binging it.

I watched so much with subtitles and you realize a lot of the script is, because I guess they want it to be like very realistic.

A lot of it is

and stuttering and like kind of repeating themselves because it's not like because it's like real conversation and it made me really hate the dialogue.

It doesn't bother me at all.

Oh, it really, having the subtitles on, I try really hard to do it without otherwise seeing all these uhs and like

small things that they say in between.

It just really bothers me.

Oh, I mean, I notice the errors, but it doesn't bother me.

And I feel like I would miss out on half the show.

Like, I would have no idea what's going on if I didn't watch with subtitles.

Yeah, if I hear something that sounds important and I didn't get it, maybe I'll go back, put on subtitles.

And it depends on who the character is.

Like, sometimes on Yellowstone, I have to put on subtitles for John Dutton because he just speaks so low.

What I thought was really great about the episode was like they had that conversation, Greg and Tom at the wedding, and I had no idea what the fuck they were talking about.

Like, I just thought it was like a weird Tom thing.

Like I didn't think anything of it.

And then when he ended up being the one who like ratted, it was just really like a full circle.

I'm like, oh, that's why he had the conversation with Greg.

It was just really kind of excellently done.

Yeah, it really,

it was.

I just, I feel so justified.

I've been Team Logan the whole time.

And I know most people have been like Team Kendall and or even like Team Shiv and whatever.

And just like, I feel seen.

No, I can't believe people out there are not Team Logan.

Like that's insane to me.

I feel like that's like if I meet someone, I have to ask them if they're Team Logan or Kendall because like if you're Kendall like we just have totally different values like I completely agree.

Like

respect your elders like don't be ungrateful.

Don't be entitled.

Like I just can't.

Yeah, no, be grateful for what you have and like stop trying to kill your father, put him in an early grave so that you can take over with your mediocre ideas.

No, and that's why I think a lot of people take Team Kendall because they think he's like this like progressive like hero and he's gonna like change the politics of ATN when it's like he's a bigger fraud than the rest of them he stands for nothing nothing yeah not a thing right fucked page rogue like such a loser such a loser such a loser

um

when he was like

yeah we've got Vanity Fair like doing this big interview and Combry's like it's mostly us reaching out to them like you know it got really sad for Kendall Kendall really quickly realized at the end of last episode when he was in the pool that he was attempting to kill himself well when I saw that I was like did he just uh I didn't think anything of it I thought it was just like an artistic thing?

No, I saw that and I was like, is Kendall dead?

And then the previews for next week had Kendall in them.

So I was like, oh, okay.

So he just took a nap.

Right.

No, but I guess it was in between the two.

Yeah.

So yeah, really good.

I'm surprised there's not one more episode.

I just find that extremely confusing.

But I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Yeah, but you know what?

If we never got another episode, I would be completely fine with it because I'm sure in the next season, like, you know, Logan will have to take some L's and they'll tussle back and forth.

And I don't want to see that.

Like, this is the ending.

If the show ended like this, beautiful.

Beautiful.

I actually couldn't agree more.

Okay.

Another TV you watch that you want to recap?

I started this show called 20 Somethings Austin, which is like a new reality show on Netflix.

And I have to say, it's so atrocious.

It sounds good.

No, it sounds good.

And I was watching it and I was like, this kind of sucks.

And I posted on my Instagram and everyone was like, literally, there's not one ounce of drama.

Like, nothing happens.

So I just gave up while, but I thought it was interesting that they cast like a really like normal looking group of people.

Like on reality shows, they're always just putting people like I've never seen a girl like that when I walk out on the street it was like normal people with like normal bodies and different like diverse sexualities and ethnicities and I liked that but it just wasn't good like that's well it sounds like a good premise maybe

get it together and I think they'll probably do 20 somethings like

New York not if no one's watching yeah but you know yeah not a bad idea for a franchise no um okay well the show is not done yet because it is Tuesday and that means we're doing Dear Toasters our advice segment so if you ever want to write into Dear Toasters, the email is deartoasters at gmail.com.

We will answer your submission anonymously.

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Okay, you ready for dear toasters?

I'm ready.

Good morning, Jackie and Claudia.

First things first, I've been a toaster for about eight months because my friend from college made me watch Claudia's stand-up show while I crashed at her house in Minneapolis for a work trip.

TMT has reinvigorated our friendship in the best way possible.

We're in different life stages right now, and between life and the geographical distance, we didn't chat that often.

But now we talk and joke daily about the toast, and it feels like we're in college again.

Oh.

That's very sweet.

I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with our first child, and my husband and I are so totally at a loss for boy names.

He desperately wants a little girl.

We don't know the gender, and for that reason, along with the fact that I come from a four-daughter family, I think we're probably having a boy.

We've had the girl name picked out since day one, and we are in love with it.

It's a classic name, and it relates to both of our families, but as for the boy names, none of them are speaking to either of us.

We obviously have time, so we agreed just not to think about it for a while.

My husband has this amazing friend/slash mentor who's an eccentric older man who has never been married, has no kids, nieces, or nephews.

He's a very normal name for a man, but it's also kind of blah.

He's always been so generous, trust, housewarming gifts that cost thousands of dollars, surprise airplane tickets, nice dinners.

We just recently found out that he is worth an obscene amount of money.

Do I suggest to my husband that we name the potential boy baby after him on the absolute off chance that our child gets set up for life?

I am so embarrassed even typing it out.

But like Claudia said, money talks.

I can't tell if he would be annoyed that I suggested using his friend or if he would vehemently agree.

And then we are stuck with a a boy with a blonde name, but a potential trust fund.

So here are the questions.

Do I keep this to myself or tell my husband, would you name the boy after him or hold out for one that speaks to you?

Sincerely, a toaster who wants a daddy Warbox.

Well, you should definitely talk to your husband about it.

If it's on your mind and it's an idea, like see what he says.

Maybe read the room.

Maybe he would say, no, I actually never even liked him.

I don't want like our kid to be named after him.

Maybe he would like be touched.

Maybe he would be like, yeah, oh my God, actually, I think that, you know, we might get the fortune.

And if you like the name and there's not another name that you love, like this is a real option so talk to him about it I'm not saying do it but also I just want to say there's a way for you to like get his

Fortune it feels weird to say there's a way for you to get his fortune without naming your child like but when you do have a child like make it clear that this man is a very important figure maybe make him the godfather like something random yeah like invite him like you can work on getting your fortune without naming the child so if you hate the name like that's you know a valid she doesn't hate the name though she said it's blah She said it's a classic male name, which sometimes is like...

No, that's what they said about the female name.

It's like a perfectly classic.

She literally said it's a bale.

The female name has family history for both of them.

His name is a classic male name.

That's what she said.

The girl's name we are in love with, it's a classic name and it relates to both of our families.

Okay, and his boy names, none of them are speaking to us.

He has a mentor who has a what name?

He has a very normal name for a man, but it's kind of blah.

That's what she said.

Okay.

So it's not...

I'm imagining like a Matthew.

Maybe John.

Biblical John.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is like fine.

I mean, but also, I mean, I, like, this is how I felt.

Before we found out the gender, I was like, I had a million girl names picked out and not one boy name.

And we needed to find out the gender because otherwise I would have never like spent my time on boy names.

So obviously you've already made this decision not to find out, but maybe you should just find out because

like you just, you need time to plan and think about these things.

That's true because if you find out the gender and it's a girl, you don't even have to think about this blah name.

Yeah, but they've clearly decided not to find out the gender.

But I think if you're really like at a loss for names on one gender.

You should find out.

Yeah, it might just take some of the stress off.

I can't imagine like going in kind of unprepared like that.

For half of the possibility.

So definitely talk about this idea with your husband.

You know, take his temperature.

But also, you know, get some baby name books.

Those are always like really fun to do.

It is.

You know, it's also a great way to

find good different names is by reading books.

That's what I was going to say.

I,

you know, last, the book I read last night, the girl's name was Stella, and I love that name, but my best friend Ana just named her kid Stella, so I would never, but it was like got me thinking like, that's a gorgeous name.

Yeah.

No,

reading, especially reading like historical books, historical fiction, like names, it's a great way to find names.

Yeah, and the man's name was Aiden.

I also thought that was a gorgeous name, too.

Gorgeous, gorgeous girls.

So I actually...

Everybody's saying that.

Oh, okay.

I'm so glad you asked.

Is it the soup one?

It's from TikTok.

Gorgeous, gorgeous girls love soup.

Soup girls are the most popular girls.

And the chicken soup that you once sent me.

And then every, now everyone.

And that sound went viral.

And then now people are making their own sounds.

Like, I made one.

Gorgeous, gorgeous girls love rice.

Rice girls are the nicest girls in high school.

Like, you just make up your own little thing.

Got it.

Okay.

Like, gorgeous, gorgeous girls are always running late.

So it's exactly what I thought it was.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

You're just like so smart.

And it started with soup.

Yes.

And the chicken coop.

Okay.

So, yes, I think we've given actually good advice.

Talk to your husband, maybe find out the gender, really invest in good books.

Those are three really good options, in my opinion.

But good luck with Daddy Warbucks.

Even beyond all this naming things, please keep this man close to you.

Like give him an important role at the christening or something.

There's money on the table here, okay?

Maybe you can name him after daddy Warbucks himself.

Yeah, you know what Daddy Warbucks's name is.

Carl.

Oliver.

I love the name Oliver.

A beautiful name.

I love that name.

But it's way too close to Olivia.

I know.

Okay, next up.

Hi, Jackie and Claudia.

How you darn?

Darn good.

Huge toaster.

Thank you for getting me through the pandemic.

So I'm getting married to my PJOM fiancé this coming summer.

We've been together for seven years and are from the same hometown.

I've been super close with his family and I love my future in-laws, especially his mom.

Unfortunately...

Last November, my fiancé's maternal grandmother passed away at the age of 99.

It was definitely coming and she's in a better place.

I loved loved his grandma and she even gave my fiancé her wedding ring to use as my wedding band.

Here's where it gets awkward.

Due to COVID, we have not had a funeral for grandma.

Some of the family lives in another state, so it's been difficult to coordinate a time that works for everyone.

My future mother-in-law asked my fiancé if we could have grandma's funeral the day after the wedding.

My fiancé is a people pleaser and didn't give her a yes or no.

We had planned on staying at our hotel an extra night since we are going on our honeymoon at a later date.

The funeral would be two hours away and I definitely didn't want to be hung over.

I feel like a bridezilla for saying this, but having this funeral during our wedding weekend will make the fact that the wedding is over so much sadder.

Am I the worst person in the world for not wanting to go to a funeral on my wedding weekend?

What should I do?

Love a toaster and the least favorite daughter-in-law.

That's fucking insane.

Yeah, I just want to say, I think you're like in this tunnel.

I'm so glad you wrote into us because you can't see out of like this, as normal people, your in-laws requesting that their grandmother's 99th funeral be the day after your wedding is so asinine.

She passed away a year ago.

Find another day, fuck off, you have to stand firm.

That will ruin your wedding vibe.

It's not like the funeral is next door.

So it's like everyone's in town.

So let's just go over next door and then we'll bury Gran, but it's like two hours away.

So we all have to travel anyway.

I think that's so crazy.

Also, Gran should be laid to rest before your wedding.

That, you know, it's like the bad news and then the good news.

You could literally have a funeral any day of the week.

It doesn't matter.

Like, you don't have to, it doesn't have to be like a set.

Like a wedding is like a Saturday night, a Friday night.

A funeral, you can have it on a Tuesday morning.

Like, there's literally no reason that it needs to be the day after your wedding.

This is hella disrespectful.

Stand your girl.

It's so crazy.

It's like a two-for-one wedding funeral special.

It's disrespectful.

And it's disrespectful to grand to and

put your foot down, tell your husband it's bonkers.

Yeah.

And have fun.

Say absolutely.

Like, do not move.

You're immovable on this issue.

No.

Have the funeral next month.

Have the funeral literally anytime.

No, but like have the funeral like ASAP.

What are we waiting for?

This is asinine.

Your mother-in-law is a piece of work.

I just want to say.

That's unreasonable to ask.

Perhaps the way that they see it is like, listen, everyone's coming to town.

We'll kill

one stone.

No.

But I don't know.

I just don't think a funeral is a bird that you can.

I'm assuming you're a COVID bride.

Like, after all you've been through, seriously, like, fuck off.

Also, if they do want to have it at the same weekend as yours, then at least the funeral should be first.

No, like, it should be the same.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, at the very fucking least.

I get it, but like, no.

No, to this whole thing.

I agree.

No, to the whole thing.

Good luck.

Let us know.

All right, finally.

Hello, Claudia.

Jennifer.

What does that mean to not have a funeral for that long?

Like, where's Gran?

I think, like, in a drawer, you know?

Oh, cremated?

No, in, like, a mortuary drawer.

For months?

Yeah, it's, like, cold in there.

No, no, I'm sure, like, but don't they have, like, you can't just take up a drawer forever.

Or, I guess you're cremated, but you don't have a funeral for cremate.

Yeah, you do.

No, you don't.

Because it's just a service, a celebration of life.

Well, that's not a funeral.

People who are cremated, like, then, like, they take their ashes and like do

like a funeral is a casket.

Okay.

That's really like a lot to think about.

No, I know.

I really don't like thinking about like physical bodies after death.

We've got to move on.

I can't think about it.

Oh no, now I'm going to sneeze.

I've been triggered.

Hold on.

That way, that way, that way.

To the left.

To the left, to the left.

Okay.

Final one.

Hello, Jackie and Claudia.

2021 has literally been the hardest year of my life, and it would take a hundred-page essay to explain all the the reasons why, but trust me when I say it's been a year.

I became a toaster this year, and

y'all have truly kept me sane and been a happy distraction for me through some of the tough times.

Thank you.

So the cherry on top of my very difficult year is that my husband and I, I'm 25, he's 26, decided to get a divorce.

We've been together for six years, eloped at the end of June, and we've been talking about marriage for a long time, and I've always known that he's the one.

The decision to divorce was not because of any crazy dramatic reasons like cheating or a big fight.

It was a lot of small things we've been dealing with for a a very long time that have been piling up and we've been sweeping under the rug.

We both love each other so much, but we reached a point where we needed, where we realize we may not be each other's endgame.

Needless to say, it's very fucking hard.

However, I'm not writing in for advice about my relationship or how to handle the end of it, although I do welcome any kind words.

I'm writing in because we were only married for about five months and I'm really embarrassed.

Even though everyone around me is telling me not to be ashamed or embarrassed, I can't help it.

This is the person I truly imagine spending the rest of my life with, having children with, etc.

And we've talked about that for the last six years with my friends friends and family.

Now suddenly I'm like a divorcee at 25 years old after a five-month marriage.

Like what the fuck?

Literally just typing that sentence made me cringe.

I feel like people think that I was impulsive when I married him and that we couldn't just handle the married life and called to quits after five months.

I know that it is so much more layered than that and I know the truth, but I feel like everyone around me is judging me.

I'm trying to survive the heartbreak of it all, but now I feel like I have to explain myself to people too.

What the fuck do I do and how the fuck do I handle this?

Love y'all so much and thanks for any advice.

Claudia, I'm in Austin and we'll be attending N-Log and I can't wait to see you.

P.S.

If this actually makes it on a YouTube episode, please tell the toasters watching on YouTube to comment their advice on how to get through a long-term relationship breakup.

I need all the advice I can get right now.

Thanks.

Okay, so you hear that.

If you're listening and you have advice on long-term relationship breakup, drop a comment on YouTube because the girl who wrote in will be reading them.

Yes.

Okay, so my advice is less so on long-term relationship breakup because that's just like, you know, the grieving process.

No, she wants our advice, like how to handle

stigma.

The stigma, the optics.

And first of all, like, you have, you're unwaver in your decision, and you know that it was the right thing to do.

And that's the most important thing.

Like, there's no regrets.

You know what you did was right.

And even though, and I feel like this is such a corny motto, but I was seeing it going around.

Like, in 2020, 2021, we stopped caring about what things look like and start caring about what things feel like.

So, yes,

like maybe it looked like a great relationship, and it was six years, and you guys were just like taking each next step.

But, like, who cares what it looks like when it feels like shit?

That's true.

And I think that

obviously it's easier to, like, you know, easier said than done, but like you have to put people's opinions out of your head.

Like they don't know what it was like.

You made the best decision for yourself.

And like you have saved yourself so much time, energy.

And if there are people around you who are like speaking negatively, they're doing you a favor by showing you their true colors.

Like those aren't people, friends or family that you should really be like hanging out with.

If they can't even just be by your side and like and and defend you when you're going through a tough time.

No, and like to get, to be together for six years, to get married and then get divorced months later, like really something isn't right.

And so yes, you could have like,

in their view, you could have trucked on and then like, but then the problems become bigger and then there's more time wasted.

And like, what, you're 25 years old?

Like, your whole life isn't ahead of you.

You, you've got to change your perspective because you just did the best thing for yourself.

You've liberated yourself.

And go like enjoy.

I mean, obviously it's a little soon, but like hit the town.

I just want to say alternative

idea.

I think there's something like incredibly cool and chic about being divorced at 25.

I just want to say like very Evelyn Hugo.

It's very just like, oh, you're so cosmopolitan.

You've been through so much.

You're so mature.

I don't really think like if I don't know anyone who's 25 and divorced, but if I did, I would be, oh, I'm sorry.

Like Taylor Strucker is one of the most interesting people I know.

And she got divorced at like 28, I think.

Like I would be,

she's so interesting.

Like I would love to.

I think it makes you an interesting person.

I just want to say, maybe not everyone thinks that, but if I met someone who was 25 and divorced, I would be like, tell me your whole life.

Right.

Far more interesting than someone who's staying in a marriage that's really not making either of them happy.

100%.

And you're far braver.

And you'll be so much better in the long run because you made this decision.

Like, I know you know you made the right decision, so we don't have to tell you that, but it will make you a better person just for like a million reasons.

Like you're just putting yourself first.

Yeah, I agree.

I think that you need to just like, you know, that you did the right thing, but just like hold true to that.

And there's really, aside from the fact that I guess like it sounds a little funny, like you wrote it, like 25-year-old divorce A.

I don't know.

I think it's very, very chic.

And if you look at it through that lens, like you might be empowered.

I just want to say it's giving like, I don't know, it's giving like chic energy.

And it's also giving, because it's giving very confident, like, I know myself energy.

And like, I know that this wasn't right for me.

And even though it was the most painful thing to do, and then like we have to undo years of legal stuff now and like a relationship and this and that, but like I know myself and most people don't, especially still at 25 even.

And so that's what it says to me.

I agree.

I think you sound like a fabulous gal.

And like lean into it.

Yeah, lean in.

Best of luck.

Again, if any of you guys have written into us in the last couple weeks and we have read it on air, please, we're desperate for updates.

Like what happened?

Write us an email, deartoasters at gmail.com.

Or if you're just someone in need of advice, again, deartoasters at gmail.com.

That's our show.

Our show.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Morning Toast, The Millennial Morning Show.

We're reaching over the fast-fact stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So, if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available on the podcast anywhere podcasts can be found.

So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, iHeartRadio, Cast Box, all the places.

So, wherever you listen to podcasts, find us the Morning Toast and leave a five-star view about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

And if you made it to the end of this episode, why don't you go drop an emoji on our most recent Instagram of some money in honor of Daddy Warbucks?

Hopefully, that girl gets every coin coming to her.

Yes.

Have an amazing day, you guys.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.