S4 Ep184: Euphegenia on The Ones and Twos with Ben Soffer: Friday, October 22nd, 2021

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Friday, you guys.

We made it.

It's so beautiful to be at the tail end of the week.

We have alarm-free living right ahead of us.

We've got Ben on the toast today.

Hey, Ben, how you doing?

I'm doing great Jackie.

How are you?

I'm doing good.

I mean you know we're on day two out of three of the Blunge takeover.

I think it's going really well.

I think people are really enjoying it.

I'm enjoying it.

Are you enjoying yourself?

Yes.

This is it's wonderful.

I do have a comment though on you said it's Friday, yay, like days of no alarms.

I've started to think, you know, we're celebrating Fridays only to have another week yet again next week.

Doesn't it kind of seem like we're caught in a bit of a rat race?

It's true.

We're

kind of seem like we're celebrating to sad to celebrate to sad to celebrate.

We're on this hamster wheel but it is what it is and so we have to celebrate the small wins.

Or we celebrate the small wins every day so that Mondays don't seem so dark.

I'm not gonna, I don't know where you've been, but the subway.

No, I'm kidding.

No, I mean I don't so I here on the show we really do try and just help people get through the week.

Obviously Monday can be so Monday-y,

but every day has its own personality and we're always looking for the lead up to Friday.

And when Friday is here, we have to acknowledge that and we have to just look forward.

I mean, after this, you're going golfing.

Yes.

How fabulous for you.

Yes.

It is fabulous for me.

I'm going to snuggle up with Brew and get ready to celebrate our brew anniversary.

What is that?

One year anniversary of Brew.

Today?

No, it's like in a few days.

I need to get the exact date, but it's end of October.

It's close.

It's close.

So I've just been like, you know, ruminating on life with Brew the the last year with Brew.

And it's just been something so special.

I mean, I know you don't really know him.

I know him as much as I'm allowed to.

You have to.

You keep him like,

what is her name?

Rapunzel up in a tower.

He's calling for help.

He's screaming, Ben, pick me up.

Jackie won't let me leave the bedroom.

We've watched Shrek 90 times.

Brew loves Shrek.

He loves Donkey.

He thinks he's hilarious.

By the way, you love Shrek.

I mean, Shrek is so good.

Yeah, Shrek's good.

It's so fucking good.

I just watched all four recently.

The music.

It's just, it's so fucking good.

So good.

Can't be understated.

No, I just, I don't know why you're kind of like an absent uncle and you haven't spent that much time with Brew.

Does that even mean?

No, I'm kidding.

Like when you, I guess you know Brew.

Like when you come over for Monopoly, he's always there being good boy.

I see Brew as much as I'm invited to see Brew.

Am I supposed to come over and pick up Brew and take him to the park?

I have, I have crew.

I just want, you know, like, I would do that for Theo.

I did do that for Theo.

When you didn't have Brew.

I would still do that for Theo.

You would randomly walk over to my apartment, leave Bruno at home, pick up Theo and take him to the park without me asking you.

If I could sense, that's what Theo.

Without me asking you.

If I could sense it, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Cool.

Well, Theo right now, because Claudia's away, is home alone.

Why don't you bring him in?

Because he's actually out with our walker.

Oh, and yeah, because we're recording a little early, and also you're going golfing.

So

but after this, though, if you want, he's there alone.

You could go pick him up, take him to the park, walk him around, and then drop him back to the apartment before you go and hang out with Brew.

Interesting.

I'll definitely think about that.

I'll definitely consider it.

You could actually take him to your house if you want to.

Yeah, but I'm not sure.

Or I can have the walker drop him at a playday for the boys.

That sounds so cute.

Oh, they're so cute.

They're so cute, these boys.

Anyways, we have a great show for you today.

We actually have so much to discuss, like, so much newsy news, and I need to get your take on all of it.

There was no TV on last night.

I personally spent the evening reading.

I'm almost finished with my book.

I'm reading Apples Never Fall by Leanne Moriarty.

Now I'm at like 75%, so it's like all downhill from here.

We're about to get answers, we're about to slide into home.

Like, the majority of the beginning of the book was just like set up, and now it's payoff time.

Do you ever consider watching sports?

It's just interesting to hear there's nothing on last night.

There was so much on last night.

Oh, yeah, Zach was watching a game, I believe it was the Browns versus the

logo that looked like the Bills, but wasn't it?

Football's, I mean, last night's football was very boring, but there was a Warriors game last night.

Stephen Curry.

Okay.

He had 25 points in the first quarter.

Wow.

He only finished with like 45.

But I'm just saying,

there was some good stuff on TV.

Okay.

And I would highly recommend on Thursday nights, tuning into TNT.

There's an NBA doubleheader, Riveting, in case there's a lack of television on Thursdays.

Okay, yeah, well think about it.

I'm more of a TMT over TNT girly.

That's fair.

But that's just me.

That's fair.

You need a news network, like a TV news network.

We got to bring it onto TV.

TNN.

We got to bring it onto TV.

Yeah.

Wow.

We're already on TV.

It depends how you choose to stream our show, but you can, you know, get the YouTube app and watch us.

And I've actually seen,

like, my favorite thing is getting tagged in stories when I see people watching the toast on TV.

Yeah, no, same.

It's amazing.

It's a premium experience.

Premium, yeah.

And like the quality of the set, the camera.

Lights, camera action.

It's like they don't even know that this couch is busted.

Yeah, but you know, we suffer through the couch.

No, it's good.

It's good.

Yeah, you look extra uncomfortable today.

No, it's because I'm choosing to hike my big tree trunk leg up.

Yeah, that's,

yeah, that's a lot of leg.

I'm looking in the monitor.

Hiked up.

We're seeing a lot of leg today.

Yeah, wow.

How fortunate for all of you.

Yeah, you guys, you're welcome.

You're welcome.

So I think we can get right into everything because there's a lot to discuss.

You have, you know, to go golfing, and we wouldn't want to hold you up, you know?

Sure.

And I think.

You're not holding me up, though.

We will take our time.

We will take our time.

We will go through the stories

in the way that God intended them to be told.

I agree.

You can't rush the toast.

No, especially not these juicy stories.

Yes.

So without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

Beat it.

You beat the crunch, and so you win a pair of transition lenses.

No!

But I'm telling you, beat the crunch.

Great app.

We'd get at least seven downloads.

And one from

one member of our family.

Okay, before we get into the stories, I need to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

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Okay, first story.

This was breaking news last night.

I think it's the big story of the day.

Alec Baldwin fired a prop gun that killed a cinematographer and injured a director on this movie on the set of his new movie, Rust.

Cinematographer Helena Hutchins was killed, and director Joel Souza was injured on Thursday after Alec Baldwin accidentally misfired a prop gun on the New Mexico set of his upcoming Western film.

Authorities responded to the incident at the Bonanza Creek Ranch set of Rust, that's the name of the movie, around 1:50 p.m.

local time following 911 calls indicating an individual had been shot on set.

The Santa Fe Sheriff's Department wrote in a press release obtained by people.

What was the name of the cinematographer?

The one who passed away.

Yes.

Helena.

Helena?

Mm-hmm.

First and foremost,

horrendous story.

Horrendous.

And

apologies and justice for the family of Helena, because that is like possibly the worst way to die that I've ever heard.

You're on set, a movie, and a prop gun is fired by somebody that shouldn't have had a real bullet in their gun.

Like, there's no, that's not a dangerous area.

Yeah.

It's terrible.

No, it's terrible.

I mean, there are so many

questions about this story.

Why there wasn't a gun, an active gun on the set.

Whether that, what was inside the gun, was it a bullet or a blank.

But regardless, there are people whose job it is to manage the props.

There's a prop master.

Why is someone walking around with a gun that could kill people?

What do you think?

I don't know.

I don't know enough about the movie industry or guns to understand how something like this could happen.

I definitely can't imagine.

One, I had no idea that prop guns could be filled.

That seems incredibly strange.

I'm saying like we don't have enough technology to make a prop gun that sounds like a gun and looks like a gun but doesn't actually load like a gun or just have a prop gun and then you add special effects like we have whole fucking movies that are made on the computer you can't just add the sound it has to be something that shoots out of a cannon by the way i'm positive that because of this like they won't let guns they won't let prop guns on sets anymore you think so yeah this is like a crazy fucking story where there's obviously foul play i don't know who did it But like, by the way, we're turning into, this is turning into like a murder mystery podcast, I'm just saying.

Like, there's a couple of between the the guy in the lake yesterday this one which that one we can get to

we will get to but either

either Alec Baldwin and this person had beef

okay that's like the far-fetched version okay I don't think that's what it is but I'm just saying all right so it would either be Alec Baldwin put the bullet in and killed that person I don't think that's what it is but because it's a murder mystery podcast we have to explore all routes okay

and then the one that makes the most sense would be that the prop master

had beef with the person, or it was some just horrendous accident that is unexplained.

That maybe somebody on set, they said it's in New Mexico.

Yeah.

Are there, what are the gun laws in New Mexico?

I'm unfamiliar.

Like, are you just able to bring a gun into a film set because maybe somebody accidentally put their gun down on the table?

It was mistook for the prop gun, handed to Baldwin, pow pow.

Perhaps.

I don't know.

I don't know about all that.

I think it was more so negligence,

but

the negligence on who if it's a prop.

Why was it loaded?

I don't know.

Can't be negligence.

You want to move your mic closer?

I'm just worried about that.

My mic is like in my mouth.

Can't be negligence.

I hope we get more details and clarity around this story because there needs to be answers here.

There needs to be responsibility and accountability and justice.

Yeah, and like, regardless of if it was Alec Baldwin's fault, he's super rich and should definitely take care of this person's family.

Yeah, but I mean, right now there's no charges that have been filed, but

it's just a human being

normal thing to do.

Yeah.

Accidentally murder someone.

Oh, no, of course, of course, but I'm just wondering if there's going to be any legal repercussions like

manslaughter.

There has to be.

I don't know if it's manslaughter.

Manslaughter is

would be the term because he did kill someone.

Such a strange story.

Yeah.

I really don't know what to make of it.

I read it last night.

I get all of my news from like these like weird Instagram accounts that just like show headlines and then I have to do my own research because it's like, is it really true?

How hard, yeah.

I think I got it from Hood Ratchet TV, I think was my news source.

Yeah.

And I was like, what the fuck?

Is that true?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, when I saw it, I was shocked.

It sounds like it's like a plot for a bad movie.

Yeah.

Or a good movie.

Like this movie.

It actually sounds like an Adam Sandler movie.

Did you see the terrible movie?

He made a, first of all, Adam Sandler, unbelievable.

Okay.

Until he signed this deal with Netflix.

What was that?

All of these movies.

Murder on the Boat or whatever.

I like that one.

It's getting a sequel.

Oh, my God.

Of course it's getting a sequel.

He has a minimum amount of movies he needs to make for his 300 million.

They're going to sequel all of these shitty movies.

Do you see Hoobie Halloween?

No, I'm not watching any of it.

I'm not watching them.

I think you should watch Hoobie Halloween.

Is it as good as Mr.

Deeds?

No, I wouldn't say that it is.

Is it as good as Big Daddy?

No, I wouldn't say it as this.

Is it as good as Billy Madison?

No.

Is it as good as Happy Gilmore?

No.

Good.

I never said it was good.

No.

Oh.

Oh, you were saying it was bad.

I was saying

it was like shocking.

Oh, shockingly bad.

But it wasn't that.

It wasn't good.

He's so bad.

It wasn't good, but it wasn't like Jack and Jill bad.

I also want to clarify: I would do the same thing if I was in 300 million for free.

No, and like the movies that he's even putting on Netflix are like so successful.

They're successful because it's Netflix.

Yeah, no, but Netflix can make anything it wants successful with the right name.

And Adam Sandler, you will watch his movie.

But even by Netflix's standards, it's successful.

Like, they do that with a lot of things and a lot of people, but still, people have to, you know, select to watch it.

Yeah, I guess.

But what I was saying was, it sounds like the beginning of a murder on a boat movie by Adam Sandler.

Yeah.

You know, it's like that, like, and then the whole movie is just like about what was with the gun.

Yeah, what was with the gun, though?

Do you want to make it?

No, I just want the, I just want answers.

I just want to be, you know,

a reader.

And I want, I hope that we get some sort of understanding to how something like this could happen.

Because it's

so upsetting.

By the way, in case listeners or watchers watchers see me go like this, it's just because I'm stretching my planters.

It's rather sore, so don't be alarmed if you see me doing this strange stretch

from time to time.

Oh, you can't even see it.

Okay, good.

Yeah, on your solo shot.

And what are your planters, if I may?

Plantar fasciitis is a bone that goes under the midsection of the bottom of the foot and the heel.

And it's just fucking sore.

I don't know.

I self-diagnosed myself, but that stretch really helps.

Yeah,

that is my medical

explanation of plantar fasciitis.

Okay, thank you for that.

You learn something new every day.

Calf stretches are good for it, too.

Okay.

You get a good, like, calf board.

But yeah.

Sweet.

Thank you.

Of course.

Are you ready for our next story?

Sure.

The human remains found in Florida Park do belong to Brian Laundrie, the FBI confirms.

The FBI has confirmed that the human remains found at a Northport, Florida park on Wednesday belonged to 23-year-old Brian Laundry.

Medical examiners used a comparison of dental records to positively identify the remains.

The FBI's Denver division wrote in a press release on Thursday.

So I guess that's that on that.

It actually makes the story a little bit sadder because now it seems like

actually, no, it's not sadder.

Well, it's.

I'm just saying, like, he clearly went there, like, probably killed himself in the same place where he either killed his girlfriend or no, these are totally different places.

Oh, they are.

Yeah.

See, I need the facts.

She was found in a whole other state.

Got it.

Okay.

And then he went home to Florida and then he was found in a park near Florida.

Got it.

So the guy just loves parks.

I guess so.

I guess parks, you know, that is a good point.

That's all.

I was just thinking, like, maybe he brought her to the park, something happened in the park, then he went back to the park.

No, no, no.

Different.

No.

Different park.

And also, I do feel like he was in a national park with her.

This, to me, is giving me like,

you know, playground vibes.

Even though it's not.

But, like, you know, like a smaller local park.

No, I understand.

Not on the national level.

No, no, local park.

Even though that's just a feeling.

North,

yeah.

Just it's park with a lowercase P.

I understand.

You understand?

Of course I do.

So I think it's a park.

Yeah, like a local park.

Yeah.

I have a great name if like the, if like CNBC wants to do, it wouldn't be CNBC.

Who would make like a documentary about this?

What network?

A Hulu?

Anyone.

Know what it's called?

Brian's Dirty Laundry.

That's pretty good, right?

That's real.

I can't.

I can't.

I don't know.

That's a great name.

Here's the thing.

Sometimes with these stories, like, you know,

the most obvious answer is the simplest answer is the answer.

And so

part of me just wants to be like, okay, so case closed, and he probably, you know, allegedly, probably did kill Gabby, and now he's dead, too.

So, I guess that's that on that.

But

there's still something that just like rings suspicious about all this, but maybe that's just like our nature to like want there to be, you know, a twist like in movies, but this isn't a movie.

I mean, when people are found dead in water in parks, it's weird.

Yeah.

It's not like a it's not normal life.

They write movies about weird ass things like this.

The

remains that were sampled were his dental remains.

Like,

Even though this is really far-fetched, he could have pulled out some teeth, left, you know, or nah, they probably got a whole thing, like a could have taken out his whole jaw.

No, I don't think he did that.

I don't know.

I just like, but I don't really, I don't want to, you know,

gravitate towards like making this like a movie, and you know, it's disrespectful to like the whole situation.

So I understand.

I hope,

you know,

I hope that justice will be served.

It can't be.

I know.

There's no justice.

No.

It's bizarre.

It is.

It's just a weird story.

It is.

Back-to-back, weird stories.

Yes.

But we're going to get into our next story a little bit of not news that's much better, but a little bit.

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Doesn't that sound like a great show?

I love a JTD.

A JTD.

A juicy teeton drama.

Oh, what's better?

I mean, Afterdale.

By the way, the show that just

never should have ended.

Afterdale.

Yes.

We need to bring back Afterdale because there are still three people out there who would love to watch.

Yeah, and I'm sure that those three are

incredibly important.

Yeah, no, and they feel alone, they feel deserted.

We need to bring back Afterdale for them.

Is Riverdale still running?

Yeah, it is.

The new season just came out.

He could have been stars by now with Afterdale.

I'm just saying.

Big stars.

Could have been picked up.

Hululu.

Hulu.

Our next story.

Queen Elizabeth spends the night in the hospital for tests after canceling her trip.

The queen spent the night in the hospital for tests after canceling official duties.

Royal doctors sent the 95-year-old sovereign to be seen by specialists in London on Wednesday afternoon.

Her Majesty was discharged with Buckingham Palace saying she was in good spirits after preliminary investigations during her visit to the hospital.

It was believed her medical team acted out of caution to have her admitted on Wednesday, and the overnight stay, her first in a hospital in eight years, was for practical reasons.

Yesterday, it was understood that Her Majesty was back at her desk at Windsor Castle.

So,

obviously, you'd never want to see a headline that the Queen is in the hospital.

No.

And for us queeny files, like,

this is just

it's worrisome.

It's also just like, how much does it suck to be the queen that you can't even go to the hospital without it being news?

Yeah.

Like, you know, like,

I get why it's news.

I'm just saying, like, you leave, like, imagine you go to the hospital, somebody writes it up.

That stinks.

Yeah, all, but the only thing is, the only difference between myself and the queen is that she has like so many resources at her disposal in her own home

that

it does sort of raise

alarms when she has to go to the hospital for something.

I totally understand and I agree.

I was just saying, like, even if it is very juicy, it's just like it's just

people are worried about her.

People are worried about her.

I was going to say exactly what you just said, which is that she obviously has an in-home doctor.

Yeah.

So you would only go to the hospital if you needed something checked that they couldn't check there.

Perhaps it's

like a machine that's just, you know, not something that you guessed.

Yeah, I'm trying to think like what that could be.

Neurology-related.

Perhaps.

Maybe something with, like, I don't know.

We don't have to guess her disease.

We don't have, no one, no, no, we don't need to guess her disease.

We don't need to guess what happened.

I just, I'm glad to hear that she's doing okay.

I hope she's doing well.

You know, prayers up for the queen.

Prayers up for the queen.

I love her.

Yeah, I mean,

she's great.

She's cool.

Yeah, she is.

So

thinking of you, Queenie, take some time, RR, just what the doctor ordered.

Yes.

Maybe a visit to Sandringham.

I think she needs some fresh air.

Yep.

That's the prescription.

Maybe she should watch a TJD.

She should watch a juicy teen drama.

How about JTD?

That'll help her in her hospital stay.

One of us is lying on peacock.

That's what the queen should be watching.

She should.

I do wonder what she binge-watches, the crown.

Probably.

By the way, if she watches the crown, she probably loves it.

It really doesn't rip her.

No, it doesn't.

It rips the people around her, and that is why, first of all, Gary Giannetti, love him genius.

The show, like, I get it, like, why are you making fun of a six-year-old?

But, like,

that's the prince.

What did I say?

We're talking about the crown.

Oh, I've never seen the crown.

No, the prince rips queen.

It does?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, the prince rips everyone, really.

Yeah, but it mostly rips the people around her.

I've never seen the crown.

No, but also.

I only watch satires.

I've never seen the crown.

No.

But I've seen Downton Abbey.

Isn't that the same thing?

It's similar,

but you should watch The Crown.

Is it good?

It's really good.

So I'll tell you, I've probably seen half an episode of The Crown.

Claudia likes to do this where we start a show together.

Yes, yes.

And then I have to go to work, and then she finishes it.

We know all about it.

We all agree with her that she should keep watching.

No, I get it, but I have zero opportunity to watch a full show because I'm never going to watch a show without her.

I don't like want to finish my day and then sit in the other room and watch TV alone.

Like I want to sit with her and watch TV.

So, we have to pick a show together.

That's why I miss the old days of weekly, nightly releases.

Weekly at-night releases.

We're having such a great time with impeachment because we binged it together on a Sunday, and now episodes air every Tuesday at eight.

So, we huddle together, light a candle, order a little grand sechwan,

watch impeachment.

That's beautiful.

It is.

I'm sorry that it hasn't happened more often for you.

That's okay.

Do you know that

when you guys, oh, I guess it's only Claudia.

I was going to say, when she orders Seamless, it comes up that Jackie and Claudia have ordered seamless and it texts my phone.

So no matter where I am, I know when you guys are ordering food, or I guess it's her only.

Yeah.

Your name's on My Seamless.

That's so funny.

That's like, but I'm not getting the food.

Were you using it and ordering?

No, not that I'm aware of.

That's really random.

Sounds like you've hacked my Seamless.

I have not.

Wow.

I have not.

Okay, ready for our next story?

Of course.

Some happy couple news.

Real housewives of New Jersey star, Teresa Judice, is engaged to her boyfriend, Luis Ruelas.

She shared photos with People magazine, and they're so cute and fabulous.

Oh.

Yes.

She said

he popped the question in Greece, incorporating sparklers, candles, roses, violinists, and fireworks into his proposal.

That's pretty, that's pretty lavish.

The pictures are really cute.

I'm really happy for Teresa.

Obviously, you know, the journey that she's been on.

Yes.

And she's been dating Luis for probably over a year now, but we still never even, we didn't see him on last season of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

We heard about him, and then he showed up at the reunion.

So I'm assuming he'll be much more involved in this upcoming season, and we can get a sense of like how their relationship is, you know, because we don't really know them together.

But she seems really happy, and I'm glad that she's, you know,

found love.

I like the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Yeah.

They're all very nice ladies.

They really are.

Actually, I met

Melissa Gorga for the first time at a Spritz party.

I know.

And she was incredibly lovely, incredibly nice.

I've met Margaret Josephs and her husband several times.

Lovely.

Amazing.

I've never met Teresa, but I'm sure she's lovely too.

It's just funny.

Like, they're so nice.

And like on the show, they're made to be like these crazy people.

And it's like, they're just nice people.

No, they are just nice people.

And I do think, you know, the cameras go up and it's a job.

Totally.

And I get why.

Yeah, me too.

Totally.

Like anything that's like in real life, you would just like brush off your shoulder, you need to address and rehash.

And then the next time we see each other, are we over it?

No, let's talk about it again.

And you have to just like bring the action.

By the way, that's like a, it just had Will I Am go through.

Bring the action.

As I said.

That was so weird.

It was like him in my head, bring the action.

But

yeah, like.

If people aren't drinking, you got to just like start ripping shots.

Like you got to, you got to bring the action.

Yeah, you do have to.

So, I get it, but yeah, they're super nice.

Yeah, so we're happy for Teresa.

Yeah, happy for Teresa.

I wonder if she'll get a spin-off of her wedding.

Bravo used to do that a lot, especially for like the OGs.

You know, Tamara had one, Kim Zolsiak, Bethany.

I feel like they'll definitely do it for anyone that will let them.

Well, Teresa would definitely let them.

That's it.

So then I think that they'll do it.

You know what I mean?

Like, I think that it's amazing content for them.

Just not everybody wants their wedding day completely kerfuffled with cameras.

Well, I don't know.

I mean,

I think Teresa definitely would.

She's been on TV for like 10 years.

I think that would be a no-brainer for her.

I just wonder if there's enough interest from the viewers.

Because I do think that's waning.

I don't know how those specials perform.

Interesting.

Because there's been a while since we've had one.

I have to imagine it's for a reason.

Well, maybe they don't have to draw it out

for like four episodes.

Like, just give us, like, a one-episode.

Teresa gets married.

Yeah, like, it's turning into, like, even when Cynthia Bailey got married, like, it was like five minutes in a Real House Eyes of Atlanta episode, but that's also because I don't think they could have cameras in because it was like a COVID wedding, but it was a big wedding.

So,

yeah.

We shall see.

We shall see.

And we're happy for Teresa, and that's just some exciting news.

I guess Real House Eyes of New Jersey will be premiering soon.

I mean, the Real House Eyes have really been in the news this week because of that book.

I don't know, you probably haven't heard about it.

There's a new book that just dropped.

It's called Not All Diamonds and Rose, and it's like an oral history of the real house I've said.

And it's by like Andy Cohen books.

So it's you know, bravo endorsed.

And all the women were out promoting it.

I think the premiere, the launch party was in the city the other night.

And so there's just like every day there's new headlines about like things that are coming out of the book.

And I'm not gonna lie, it is

it is pushing me towards reconsidering reading it.

I still haven't decided to read it, but I'm more interested than I once was.

So I'll Claudia loves every book written by Andy Cohen.

So if it's written by him, It's not.

It's just endorsed by him.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

And we both decided we weren't going to read it, but they're doing a good job on the press.

I'm

considering it.

I'm considering it.

Yeah.

So we shall see.

If the real housewives of New York asked you to be on the show as a real housewife, what would you say?

Probably

not.

Really?

Yeah.

I thought you were going to say that, but I'm fairly certain you would say yes.

I would consider it.

You know, I'd be a fool not to.

But when it came down to it, I just couldn't see, I don't see it happening, but I would consider it.

Yeah.

But it's.

You just got to put things out in the air if you want them to happen, so.

Yes.

Putting it out there.

But if you want it to happen.

I think you do.

I don't know.

I like this show.

I'm good with this.

And also, like, how would I do this show if...

Easily.

And then they would also promote the show on Bravo.

They'd literally be back there filming this.

Yeah.

The thing is,

I don't think this is going to be something I have to struggle with anytime soon.

I don't think they're asking.

We shall see.

And that's okay with me.

I understand.

Okay, let's get into our fifth and final story.

Before we do, I must let you know it is brought to you by Current.

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Exciting.

Okay, our fifth and final story, and you know, we absolutely must serenade because.

I can't do it again, though.

No, but could you give us a different version?

Maybe I had seen a request for a euphagenia version.

That's singing in euphagenia.

I don't know if I could.

If anyone could, we'll see.

Something will happen.

I don't know what's gonna happen, though.

Wait, no, first.

What?

It's the final story.

No, I couldn't possibly.

No, I can't.

I started too high.

Euphigenia has left the chat.

Yeah, she's left.

She's left.

Maybe Monday, but no, I can't today.

Okay.

You can think about for Monday what you want to do for your final, final story.

I think it's like, I'm even thinking how I could do that.

It's, oh, Euphigenia, dear.

Pretty good.

That was pretty decent.

You could eye on the ones and twos.

Request the voice for the next one on Monday.

Okay.

Whatever they pick.

That's what you'll do.

That's what I'll do.

It's hard to do.

What are their options?

I think it needs to be more of like, the first one was cantorial, which I can do.

I can also do opera.

Okay.

So

opera, rock, punk.

Like, pick a genre.

Okay.

We'll try and do that.

Okay, cool.

That's exciting.

So we have that to look forward to on Monday, even though, you know, it will be Monday.

We'll have that.

We'll have a great Monday.

Our fifth and final story is actually a really cute piece of news.

Zach Alvanakis says that his sons don't know he's an actor.

He said, my kids think I'm a librarian.

How old are they, by the way?

Four and seven.

Cute.

He may have two Emmy wins in plenty of hit films, but to his children, he's simply their dad and possibly a librarian.

The comedian told Entertainment Tonight at the premiere of his new movie, Ron's Gone Wrong, that his kids don't know he's a popular actor.

He said, my kids think I'm a librarian somewhere.

They don't even know.

They think I'm an assistant librarian somewhere.

He said his children aren't familiar with one of his most famous works, The Hangover.

When asked by Entertainment Tonight if his children have seen the movie, he said they shall never know of it.

He added, I'll just deny it.

I'll say, I don't know what you're talking about.

I had nothing to do with that movie.

While he'll eventually get to the point of showing his children the film, he's avoiding the tricky situation for the time being.

The actor explained, you want to protect their innocence as much as possible.

They're just children.

It's so crazy.

I guess, like, when you look at the hangover through the lens of a four-year-old, you're like, that's inappropriate.

But when I think of inappropriate movies, like

the hangover is just a movie to me.

Totally, but at four and at seven, you can't see that movie.

You also can't see your dad like doing drugs in that movie.

Like, that's the first of all, Zach Alfanakis.

love him.

So funny, so cute.

Between Two Ferns, have you seen it?

It's just like he is not only underappreciated, but I think he's underappreciated because he really, per that story, seems to really not want to be in the limelight unless he's doing something.

Yeah, he's all about the craft.

Yeah, all about the craft.

He is hysterical.

I love that his kids think that he's a librarian.

And

yeah, just that's a great story.

Yeah, and that's a great, like, fake job to share with your kids that you are, you know, and also that might encourage them to read more.

And, you know, I think that's that's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

It's beautiful.

Maybe I'll tell my kids I'm a librarian.

Yeah.

They'll never know about the toast.

Yeah, interesting.

I'm sure that they will know about the toast.

I'm sure that they will.

They could watch the toast from any age.

That's the best part about this show.

It is.

I mean, we do use a little bit of profanity, like curse words.

Profanity is not the problem.

I remember I was five years old.

I had a sleepover at some kid's house.

Okay.

Mom decided to show us the terminator i had nightmares for weeks is it a scary movie it wasn't even scary it's just like rated r and then it's just like it was a little scary it was a little scary for me i really was like a big just like free cat my mom never let me even see pg 13 movies yeah i just like was a big pg guy yeah i really stuck to what the like I was watching G, then I was watching PG, then I turned 13, you know, like, and then I me too.

Like, those rules rules are in place for a reason.

I think they're really good markers of age.

But did you ever?

I used to think that if I watched a rated R movie, I'd go to jail.

Like, I mean, like, that somebody would come to my house, find me watching a rated R movie, and throw me in prison.

No, the idea of watching a rated R movie, like, at home.

At home?

It was, like, not going to happen.

But I remember, like, you know, when I was in high school before I turned 17, because you have to be 17 to watch rated R, right?

So that's called NC 17.

That's before you can watch porn.

No, I know.

I know there's NC 17.

So at 16 before you started watching porn.

What's rated R?

Rated R, I think, is...

Rated R age.

18.

When I would go to the movie.

16.

No, 16?

Rated R age limit.

Because when I would go to the movies and to see a rated R movie.

Oh, I forgot you had to show your ID.

To show your student ID.

17.

Okay, thank you.

I'm not a fucking pervert.

Did you ever go to the Lowe's Orpheum

to watch a movie at 86th Street?

And what?

There's a lot of...

86th and 3rd.

Yeah, that's the big one.

Yeah, with the old man.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

And he was taking no prisoners.

No, he literally would put your ID through a scantron like you're at a club to go into the rated R movie.

And it is like, you're 17, so it's just your student ID?

Yeah.

What are you supposed to do?

He literally would,

he was not messing around.

He was not messing around.

He was not going to.

If you were not 17, like, you were not seeing that movie.

No, you were not.

Even if you were, sometimes you'd be turned away.

Yeah.

Because he thought it was fake.

How do you say that a student ID is fake?

I mean, it's probably extremely easy to fake.

It's full-blown plastic, though.

Like, how do you prove that it's fake or not fake?

Yeah, no.

There's no tech in the student ID.

I'm sure at that location, he was used to seeing the same schools, you know, whatever schools are in the neighborhood.

But you could also just say, you know, I'm coming.

I'm from out of town.

I'm from out of town.

Because I can't see this film.

Here's my Kansas student ID.

What's wrong with that?

Kid from Kansas can't come to the Orpheum?

Not if that guy's working there.

No.

I'm positive he's still there also.

I just feel like he's going to be there for like 200 years.

I actually just passed that movie theater the other day and I

was thinking about all those times.

Isn't it crazy to think how lit those two blocks were?

Like now it's just decrepit and like times have changed.

But what you know it was like from Pinkberry up.

From Pink Berry, well that's on second.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well Pinkberry Up was great, but 86th Street, 86th, 2nd and 3rd was one movie theater.

86, 87th and Lex was another movie theater.

There was the Best Spy, there was a GameStop.

Oh, I get, well, you're like a boy, so those things were interesting.

The area was just wonderful.

I was more there for the Pinkberry.

Interesting.

I mean, Pinkberry was still, I eat Pinkberry all the time.

Yeah, I haven't had it in a while, but it still hits.

It definitely had a bit of a fall from Grace.

I don't know why, though.

It's a great place.

Well, I don't think it should have ever been as hyped up as it was.

Fair.

And so, of course, nothing's that sustainable.

Like, remember, Crumbs?

Yeah, but big fucking.

Yeah, but I was never into it.

Cupcakes.

I can't get excited about.

Like, to me, crumbs is a better idea than Pinkberry.

I guess.

They're out of business.

Yeah.

Well, they went

too hard too fast.

Too hard.

Too hard in the paint.

Too hard too fast.

One place, though, that Pinkberry reminds me of that also went a little too hard too fast, but I think is creme de la creme, jamba juice.

Have you ever had jamba juice?

I've never had jamba juice.

Oh, amazing, amazing smoothies.

Really?

Yeah, and they just went a little, I think, too hard too fast.

You know, you see people are coming in, loving your stuff, start raising money, dumping stores.

The stores don't do well, all of a sudden, you're in one airport in San Francisco.

Yeah, interesting.

I would never really assume that.

A cautionary tale.

A cautionary tale, that's for sure.

Cool.

So that's just a little business lesson for you guys today.

What were we talking about before?

Movies.

I don't know.

Oh, Will Sack Alphanax and Hangover being inappropriate for children.

Yeah,

which it is.

Yeah.

Which it is.

but you know it's not the library.

True.

True.

Go to the library.

That's what you guys should do this weekend.

Pick out a book.

Become a redhead.

Have you been to the New York Public Library?

I don't think so.

Interesting.

Have you?

Well, you grew up.

I've been to the New York Public Library.

I haven't been recently, but I will say, I, first of all, love the idea of a library.

And I think the New York Public Library is a wonderful place.

I don't really know why people need to sit in Starbucks and do work.

Like, I'm trying to sit there and eat

an egg sandwich and drink a cup of coffee.

Are you talking about like Starbucks period all over?

I'm saying in general, stop taking tables to do work when you're there to drink coffee and eat food.

Okay, go to the library.

You want to do work.

There's a library.

That's a good point.

That's all I'm trying to say.

I guarantee you, if you go to the library right now, it's really not that packed.

Does the library have free Wi-Fi?

Of course.

Speed that up.

I don't work for the library.

Yeah.

But I have to assume that the library doesn't charge you for Wi-Fi.

Yeah.

You could also

stay competitive.

Take somebody's hotspot.

Yeah.

You ever do that?

No, I don't.

I've never taken somebody's hotspot.

Okay, cool.

That's, you know, there's only so much to go around.

No, it's weird.

Cool.

And plus, you usually need a password.

Yeah.

Right?

I don't know.

We're rambling.

Yeah, you're rambling.

Yeah.

This is who am I.

Yeah, cool.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so that is our show.

But before we let you guys go, Ben and I do want to do a toast content of the weekend.

Oh, yes.

So that that we have something to really pour over on Monday and you know we can get our take, see if we land on the same side of the coin or what.

The thing is, we don't know what it's going to be yet.

We've been thinking, I mean, we have two very different ideas of what this concept is going to look like.

For me, I'm thinking like a topical, you know, movie of the moment.

Let's discuss.

Ben wants to watch a classic.

I just want you to watch a movie that I don't think that you've seen that I think is funny.

Okay.

But you were suggesting Missed Outfire.

I didn't know if you'd seen it.

I have seen it 1,000 times.

Have you seen Hook?

Hook?

What's that?

Where Robin Williams.

Oh,

like Peter Pan.

We don't need to watch it now.

Probably not.

I don't think I've seen that.

At least not any time recently.

We could watch Hook, but it's not his best.

It's not his best.

Okay, so what else do you propose?

I don't know.

I'm looking on the streaming services now.

The Great British Baking Show you ever watch?

I started it and I didn't like the vibe.

The vibe is everything.

Yeah, I just, it just, I, I don't know.

The vibe is why we watch.

Man, I just, it just seemed weird.

It was weird.

Okay.

I didn't like it.

I mean, to each of you.

Have you ever watched any Marvel movies?

Like any superhero movies?

Have you seen any?

I've seen Aquaman.

Have you seen the Batman trilogy?

No,

and I'm not going to.

What is with you and Claudia Claudia being anti-superhero movies?

Should we watch the new season of Riverdale?

We can.

Should we watch the new James Bond?

Want to go to the theater?

Oh, we could do that.

I'm good, though.

Okay.

What about.

We could or we couldn't?

Like, we could.

We could.

We could.

I'm good.

We could, but I don't want to.

What about

shit?

What was I just going to say?

Oh, it was just on my thing.

Oh, what about One of Us is Lying on Peacock?

Oh, is that the show that we just talked about?

Yeah.

Yeah, but.

A Juicy Teen Drama?

No, I want to watch a Juicy Teen Drama, but what are we going to do?

Watch one episode?

I don't have 10 hours this weekend.

Oh, so.

I have two hours.

Okay, so you want like a documentary?

I want a movie, a documentary.

Yeah, a movie or something.

There's a new documentary about Britney Murphy that's out.

Oh, sure.

On HBL Max.

Is it getting good reviews?

Like, if I'm going to watch a documentary,

I think there's a lot to unpack.

Especially because I think that's the one.

I love Britney Murphy.

Okay.

I think that that's the one because it's topical, and I think there's a lot of information there that we don't don't know.

Okay.

And it's celebrity-oriented, which is what the show is.

So we are watching the Britney Murphy documentary on HBO Max.

Please watch along with us and we will all share our thoughts on Monday.

We all have a lot to say.

So I will now let you go to your golf expedition.

Thank you so much for

having me.

Day two of Buunge on the Toast.

And we will see you guys on Monday.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Stay safe out there.

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Have an amazing weekend, everyone.

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Have a great weekend.