S4 Ep160: Chessie-Gate: Friday, September 10th, 2021

Good morning millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toasts and happy Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend, Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Oh my god, feels so good.

It's such a beautiful, stunning and smart Friday, especially here in New York.

Like the weather is that gorgeous.

Perfect fall weather, and it's a Friday, and

what more could you ask for?

No, and I just want everyone to acknowledge the space that they're in.

Congratulations to you.

You did this.

You raised the bar.

You made it to Friday.

No one else did it for you.

Absolutely not.

And we're just honored, really humbled and

humbled to be here.

And to be ushering you into this Friday.

Just call us Usher.

We're just so positive, you know?

We are radiating positivity, even though, like, I'm doing my absolute best not to give into my hangover.

Like, good.

I'm just a girl at work who happens to have drank last night, you know?

You can do both.

Plenty of people do it every day.

Millions of Americans.

Yeah, like, I'm just going to be giving my all to this show.

And when I'm done with, like, with being the ball of charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent that I am, I'm going to crumble.

Okay.

But.

I'm giving it everything I have.

That sounds like a great plan.

Did you have fun last night?

Tell us about the U.S.

Open.

It looks like it was covered.

You know, the U.S.

Open is

such an event, you know, it's glamorous.

It is an event.

That is true.

Yes, it's true.

But, you know, every year I go, I'm like, oh man, this is so fun.

I should go more.

And then I remember it only happens once a year for like two weeks.

Yeah.

But it was just really elegant and fun and the celebrity packed.

Like me and Brian were eating dinner.

Oh man, they had such good food in the Emirates Lounge.

Me and Brian could not stop going back up to the buffet.

And there were so many, it was Celeb Central.

wanda sykes i saw

liza koshi nice jesse palmer whom i literally could not put my finger on who this motherfucker was like it was bothering me so much because i was sitting next to him i was like can you say my seat and then he was like can you say my seat it's like we had this cute interaction and i'm like you're a seas girl

literally

I was like, you're either from a Hallmark movie or I could not.

He's actually from A Little Bit of Everything.

He's a former NFL player.

He was The Bachelor, and now he hosts Daily Mail TV.

So he does it all.

No, it was...

And then I literally like snuck a picture of him and sent it to you guys.

And I was like, guys, who the fuck is this?

Jackie nailed it, Jesse Motherfucking Palmer.

And it just like, my night was better after that.

Once I figured it out.

I once ran into Jesse Palmer on an evening out, and my night was made better for it.

He's so charming.

He was so cute.

And I like said, I'm a big fan.

He's charming as hell.

He's with a girl, though.

I think that's his leading lady.

And she's

gorgeous.

Same with the time that I was out and I saw him.

He was with his leading lady.

I love someone who just like has a leading lady.

Yeah.

So it was so fun.

And then like we went down to the seats and like, oh my God, I was living for the match because I could see the sweat.

Like Brian's seats were amazing.

And who was playing?

Fernandez.

I don't know who the other person was because she lost, but she's this unranked 18-year-old who's just like made it the whole way.

And that was the quarterfinals, I think, and she won.

Like, it's an amazing story.

A true

historic moment.

Cool.

And it was so fun.

But, like, you know,

it took like an hour and a half to get there.

And then, like,

just by the time I got there, like, I was really wasted.

Like, just because like we were drinking in the car and then, like, the car makes you drunk.

And it was just like, it all got like, it all got away from me so quickly.

And I was drinking rose, so it was like, uh, I was like silly, you know?

And did you have one of those U.S.

Open drinks?

Oh, my God.

Okay.

So suddenly everyone knows what the honeydew is or whatever it's called.

Deuce.

Yes.

Everywhere.

Last night, because I went out afterwards, people were like, did you have the honey juice?

I'm like, why does everyone know what that is?

Brian got one.

He's like, you want one?

I'm like, what is it?

He said, it's vodka.

I'm like, no, I'm okay.

And everyone's like, you went to the U.S.

Open and didn't have a honey juice?

Okay, well, now I'm annoyed that I asked because I don't want to sound like

a classic thing.

I'm going to the Kentucky Derby and not having a mint julep, you know?

Exactly.

I didn't know that that was a thing.

Okay, next time.

Everyone was drinking these like pinkish purple drinks and now I know what they are.

Hopefully you get invited again and you'll write this wrong.

It was so fun, like really just a great way to spend a summer evening.

I'm so happy for you and it looks like you found something to wear because you were clothed.

I did and it wasn't even that hard, which was just like a delight.

Like put an extra pep in my step.

Amazing.

And Brian just got his new apartment in the city so I went over to see it and like honestly I wanted to kill myself.

You were feeling inspired.

It's hard to see other people living your dream.

He literally, he said it unprompted.

He was like, think of like, you know, winter here.

Like we'll see the snow.

And I'm like, what did you just say?

Maybe you should move in with Brian.

You guys could be roommates.

My dream.

His tub was amazing.

It's just gorgeous.

And now I'm like obsessed with his building.

So like if I, it's like kind of stalkerish of me, but like, what if I lived in the same building as Brian?

So fun.

So that would be really fun.

That's the dream I've been trying to get you to move into my building.

I know, but your building doesn't have outdoor space.

Actually, this one doesn't either.

I think I might have to give up on that part of my dream.

Yeah.

You don't get the whole dream.

No, I don't.

And honestly, through this process, I'm learning, I don't even get like half the dream.

You get the dream minus two to three.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Did you watch Addison Rand watch Ravens Live?

No, I didn't because you know what I was watching last night?

Only Murders in the Building.

Did you like it?

I liked it so much.

There's four episodes.

Did you watch?

Oh, no, one more came out.

I can't.

I guess I'm like one ahead of you.

You were right about everything.

Selena Gomez is just like such a star.

She's not distracting.

So convincing, not distracting, but like every time I see her, I'm like, what's she wearing?

What's she doing?

Right.

And she really is giving me like a little Alex Russo.

I'm not going to lie.

Like like the whole attitude you know

so it's nice she's got that so it's so crazy like we always say this but like no matter how many how much people change you know they metamorphosize like she's still the alex russo at the end of the day totally so i really enjoyed that and then i i didn't watch watch it happens live because i completely forgot but i did watch addison ray's uh pizza review that's why i brought it up because i wanted to talk about what I watched this morning, which was her pizza review with Dave Portnaite.

And I have to say, like, I have never in my life seen someone as smitten with anyone as Dave Portnoy was by Addison Wright.

And I don't mean in like a romantic way.

I just think he was like very taken aback by her grace and her beauty and her maturity because he was like smiling the whole time.

He was like visibly smoked.

Yeah, but what's also so crazy is like he gets such big stars on pizza review.

Like he had Machine Gun Kelly.

And he's always like cool as a cucumber.

And we were saying this about Addison, but like she is like so A ⁇

list.

Like she might be the biggest star that he's had, but he has so many big stars, you know?

No, and I could get the vibe that like he was nervous and like she was just being effortlessly like cool and it just made me and honestly like I know I'm a hypocrite because like the age difference but like I shipped so fucking hard and like of course when it's like a million scott we're like we cannot talk about this this is illegal but now with Addison and Dave Porter like I think that would be the cutest motherfucking couple of all time sorry like I said it um I don't disagree you know she has a boyfriend yeah and he's not it but she seems really happy it's not efferve she's so giggly smiley she was just radiating

i don't even know like what the word is she was like effervescent yeah on the pizza review and she didn't even like do anything special she was just like being her star quality star quality and i really like

that that dave asked like how she's been handling the fame because that was like that was the lingering question from the d'Amilio show it's like what happened to Addison how's Addison doing

and she shared that you know like it definitely has been hard but it's gotten better in recent months and I actually like I there was I felt like there was more to that story and I you know we said on the show that we felt like Addison was having an easier go of it but perhaps she's not well I saw yesterday that Addison was on the not skinny but not fat podcast you sent that to me and I actually feel like Amanda who's obsessed with Addison who hosts that podcast will do like a really good like I will be listening to that I hope they recorded it I want to watch it yeah because Addison's just gorgeous yeah It looks like they were in the studio that we were just in for TV media, and they do have cameras in there.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

So hopefully we get a video.

Not to like totally change like the vibe of the show right now, but I've been thinking a lot and like seeing so much content about tomorrow being the 20th anniversary of 9-11.

Yes.

And I just like, I cannot, I don't know why I'm like struggling with it like 20 years.

I'm struggling with it too.

I'm glad that you brought it up because obviously we don't have a show tomorrow, but that's something that we would have spoken about.

I don't have the words for all of the different feelings.

that I'm feeling, that I feel like everyone's feeling.

There's been a lot of like tributes

and shows and articles, like, you know, on Netflix,

like specials.

And I don't know that I have the stomach

to watch.

9-11 stuff makes me so emotional.

Like, I'm literally going to cry right now.

It's just a really heavy day, always, the 20th anniversary.

And then also, just like right now, it's just heavy times.

And then just like hearing people, like, we always like share like where we were.

I think I was in the third grade, and like, everyone was going home, and we didn't know what was up.

And the teacher, I remember my teacher was like, there's been an accident.

And I'm like, oh, okay, accident.

And just hearing other people's version of like how

they

experienced it is really weird.

It's just like, it's so, it's so crazy.

And you're right.

There have been like a lot of specials.

I actually really want to watch.

Robin Roberts interviewed like the kids of 9-11, like people who lost parents, like when they were like

in middle school.

But there was also a special that was like from the babies of 9-11, like they were in utero and their dads passed away.

Oh my God.

So like they never met their dads and now they're 20.

Oh my God.

Also, I did see another special.

It was like

the, I think maybe it was nine people.

Maybe I'm getting confused because last night they did like the first nine women in the U.S.

Open, but like nine female firefighters.

I saw that there.

So like the women of 9-11.

The women of 9-11.

Yeah.

I definitely want to watch that.

It's just heavy and I just feel like...

I don't know.

I wanted to talk about it.

Yeah, no, I'm glad that you did because I was going to bring it up.

But there's never really a good time to bring it up.

So

I don't know.

But on a lighter note, I'm drinking out of my Love Island water bottle, and I think, I got a text!

I always feel like Shannon when I do that.

Oh, that's funny.

So you like the water bottle?

In the words of Addison Rae, obsessed.

Addison.

Love her.

She in the city, like, she did not come on the toast.

I know, but we didn't even, we don't even try.

Yeah, I know.

we were always like oh this person didn't come on the toast we're like did we reach out?

No, totally

make it any indication that that was something that we wanted can I tell you something just between us and the viewers Yeah, yeah, I like sometimes hate having guests like Honestly, not the interviewing part, but like the before

the social battery of it all like hi How are you?

Like honestly like I'm too like I'm like kind of like an introvert.

I'm like not like other girls.

You're the least introverted person I've ever met.

No, but when it comes to those types of the lead up anxiety for every interview that we have even if it's on Zoom, like it just like ruins my day.

It ruins like my week until it happens and then it's great.

Yeah.

And that's always good.

But like it definitely, you've been loving the term social battery because you know what?

Somebody who's

heard somewhere.

And it's so accurate.

Like I do not have a lot of social battery.

Yeah, I like the term.

Social battery.

Pretty good.

Yeah, like your bat, like my battery is like constantly at a low.

Yeah, my battery is really low these days.

I got to head to my recharging station, Ben's Neck.

Do you get my reference?

I do.

Oh, so I started.

Oh, I told you that the other book that I thought was the sequel, so it's its own series, I just found out.

And people were DMing me that it's amazing, and like each series is better than the next.

So I'm keeping with it.

Good, because if I hadn't told you it happens one summer is an amazing book, you would have read the beginning and been like, this is moronic, cheesy, like hallmark vibe.

And that's how I'm feeling about this book.

But the more I read yesterday, I was like, oh my God, like so obsessed with Travis and Georgie, like need need them to be together forever.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

I'm glad to hear it.

We love some positive reading news.

I'll let you know when I've kind of

finished the series.

That'll be my next update.

Great.

That's a great journey for you.

Thank you.

What are you reading?

I'm still reading The Social Races.

The Social Battery.

I'm like 65% of the way through.

I really like it, honestly.

It's good.

But like, then I don't know what I'm going to read next.

I need just a series or something, or I need a new radical.

I need a new radical.

Read Twilight, bitch.

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

I sent Jackie the funniest TikTok yesterday about this guy who lost his fantasy football league and his punishment from his friends was he had to read Twilight and then do a book report, like video testimonial, and he fell in love with Twilight.

He actually said he cried at the end of the book and he gave the funniest book report for his like friends.

It was the best thing I'd ever seen and made me wish I had a dad.

Oh, that's really sad and sweet.

TikTok's always making me do that.

Like wishing I had a dad.

Well, I just want to like,

you send me TikToks like I asked you to do, like the funny ones, the good ones.

And you're just not sending me premium TikToks.

And then I think you would TikTok that.

You are such a fucking pain in the ass.

I think you would TikTok that was funny and you're like, saw that.

So why didn't you send it to me?

Cause you knew I would have thought it was funny.

It was about a silent disco.

Okay, honestly, because the effort that it takes to have to send it in a text is so fucking annoying.

Like with Margo, because we send them via TikTok message, you literally hold down the screen, press Margo.

Like it couldn't be fucking easier.

Then I have to leave the apps, copy, link, like torture.

Oh my god, please.

Torture.

Please.

Because you're a fucking grandma who won't get with the program.

No, I feel so, every time you send me a TikTok and it's not funny, I feel really good about my decision to not have to say, because it feels as though your guys' like bar for things that are funny is getting lower and lower.

Did you like my

The Twilight one though?

I didn't watch it.

You are such a bitch.

You sent it at a bad time.

You sent it at a bad time.

On time?

It was five o'clock.

Yeah, that's the worst time of day for me because that's when I'm taking my nap.

So, and then when I come out of my nap, I'm worse off and I need like an hour.

Honestly, if I can be honest with you, these days, it doesn't ever really seem like a good time for you.

You're either getting ready for your nap, you're either napping, or you're just waking from your nap.

Like, I know you have a a child, but I'm still important to you, Jackie.

I give you an hour and a half of my

work.

That doesn't count.

Unbridled, and I call you like 10 times a day.

And every time I call you, I say, Hello, beautiful.

She does.

How are you doing?

She does.

And I'm like, What do you want?

She's looking so beautiful today.

She does.

I swear, you guys, she's not lying.

She does do that.

It's actually shocking.

She's like, Hello, beautiful.

You could be looking so gorgeous or literally like a rat in your butt.

And she's like, Oh my God, you look stunning.

A rat.

I mean, thanks, Jax.

You have such good taste.

A rat in your butt.

Shut up.

Why can't you?

You're just letting me know.

No, I wasn't trying to call you out.

I was like, that was funny.

No, I was like more so trying to say like you're looking like a rat who like permanently resides inside your own butthole.

Like that's, I just didn't have time to come up with like the good joke.

No, I was saying that it's funny.

Like you're just taking everything that I'm saying as adversarial and that's on you.

By the way, we agree.

Like that is 100% on me.

Like I'm just, I don't know, like maybe struggling with some self-esteem issues that I'm like currently working through.

Or, or less seriously, it's just, you know, the effects of alcohol.

I know I say this all the time, but the effects of alcohol, like I had so much fun last night.

Like, I was just out and about, like, living my best life, hobnobbing with celebs, like, you know, shit I live for.

And then this.

And I would have traded.

I wouldn't.

I mean, I got into a fight at a gay bar with Margo.

Oh, I met Snatcher last night.

She was looking gorgeous.

She was looking gorgeous.

I hate to be that person, but like it was my dress that she was borrowing.

Be that person.

No, no, no, but I feel like so, I feel so good about it because I gave her all of my like little tiny dresses that I will never fucking wear again.

By the way, you know who you look like today?

Who?

Chessie.

That's such a chess.

That's so fucking mean.

I'm not doing this show anymore.

I quit.

That's so mean.

Why?

That's so funny.

I thought you were going to be like Julia Roberts.

Like,

for those listening to the podcast, Jackie's wearing like an over...

Is that Zach shirt?

No, it's from, okay, it's just like a journey.

I love, but I think you look amazing.

I did not mean that as a fancy.

It's from Starrett's, and you know that, like, they have these big fucking shoulders that are too big for my shoulders.

But here's the thing.

Either you need to leave or I'm leaving.

Because this couch is too big.

Too small for the both of us.

The offense was too grave.

I'm sorry.

But by the way, I feel like it was so offensive to you because it's hella accurate.

You're just digging, digging, digging.

Sorry, no.

You don't want me to do that.

I don't think it takes away from the fact that you look absolutely gorgeous today.

And I really do love.

When you walked in today, didn't I say, hello, fabulous?

I said, you look fabulous.

Okay, okay.

I really don't want this to take anything away from your outfit.

I just think you do look like Jessie.

Say it again, I dare you.

Say it again, and you'll finally know how it feels to do the show on your own.

You look like Jetsie.

No, we have our first walk-off.

I feel like we say that every time someone walks off.

Yeah, no, you know what?

I'm a mature adult, and I can compartmentalize this offense,

and I can forgive.

That's okay.

If you want to tell me what I look like, because I know I look like a rat who permanently resides inside my own butthole.

I can forgive, but I will not forget.

Even though you didn't even say sorry, but it's fine.

By the way, I don't really feel like, okay, I'm sorry that the words hurt you.

I really am.

But I just, I think it's important to know the intention behind them was so pure.

Okay.

Does that help?

I'm sorry.

You know what?

Yes.

And I'm going to bookmark this incident because there's times that I've said something to to you, you take such offense to it, and I'm like, but that's not how I meant it.

And I'm just going to say, Chessie.

Wow, okay.

I really dug myself in the deep.

Jackie doesn't forget shit, you guys.

Like, I'm fucked.

Like, I'll never win an argument ever again.

It's possible that I meant, like, nothing nefarious.

You just, like, took it as a personal offense, just, like, the time you call me Chessie.

You love the word nefarious.

I do.

What does it mean?

It just means evil.

Malintended.

Yeah.

Malintended, okay.

Yeah.

Cool.

Well, I feel like I'm ready to dive in.

Yeah, I feel like we should dive in that.

We were talking about something before we got so sidetracked.

By Chessie.

Oh, we were talking about alcohol.

Oh, yeah.

So, like,

today, I'm like, because honestly, I was reading like, oh, this is what I was going to say, because, and it's the only reason why I brought it back up.

Have you ever seen the episode of Watch What Happens Live with John Mayer, where he talks about, like, why he stopped drinking and he's like the lone shark.

It's just too high a price.

Yeah.

But also, like, I feel like John Mayer has, like, no real friends or family.

And, like, that can be a lonely place waking up hungover.

But like, I wake up in my home with my dog and my husband, and I come to work with my amazing, gorgeous sister who looks nothing like Jessie.

And I never said she looked like Jessie, I just said her outfit was heavily inspired by her.

Um, I just feel like,

yeah, it's different.

Okay, but what he was saying was, like, you have like a few good hours on alcohol, and then you have, you know, 24 to 48 really bad ones, and that's just like an unfair price.

He doesn't want to pay it anymore.

No, when he said that, but I love that episode, by the way.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

Who was he with?

Dan Rather?

Solo.

Gorgeous.

I loved that episode.

And the logic is 100% right.

But I'm feeling right now.

And that's why he said, like, he switched to marijuana or whatever.

Right.

So, even though I'm not feeling my best right now, like, I wouldn't trade it.

I had such a good time.

I was out and about.

I left my house at five o'clock and I got home at 3 a.m.

So it wasn't a few hours of fun.

It was 10.

Okay.

So I stand by my decision.

I really do.

Okay.

Good.

Because it's the one you got.

I knew you were going to fucking say that.

Okay.

Without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's out

episode.

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First story, you guys.

Ruthie, close your ears.

Jonah Hill confirms a new romance with Sarah Brady in a must-see photo.

It's disgusting.

It's yeah.

Before summer officially comes to an end, the actor decided to make summer worse by sharing his romance with Sarah Brady and making it Instagram official.

On Thursday, he took to social media and shared a couple's photo from inside an undisclosed restaurant.

He captioned the picture saying, Grateful for you at Sarah Brady, not at Ruthie.

Okay.

So I feel like it's been a while since we gave like a whole down low on who Ruthie is and I don't even know if Ruthie's a toaster and every time we talk about her, definitely not.

She like she doesn't fuck with us at all.

I think she entered Whitney's protection after

witness protection.

I'm like, who's Whitney?

I just didn't know what it came out sounding like.

I think she entered witness protection after everything that happened.

Now, we will give the briefing on Ruthie because it's germane to this story.

And every time Jonah Hill has a new lady love, we must share, you know, the injustice that happened to Ruthie.

But I feel like we did talk about it recently because he was with Gianna and they bought a house.

Yeah.

And we were like, should have been Ruffie on that roof.

Ruthie.

Okay, so here's the backstory.

So back in the day, we used to run this really hella toxic Facebook group.

And here's the perfect example of why it was so fucking toxic.

Perfect example.

So this girl, Ruthie, was like,

wrote in, she's like, oh man, you guys, I'm freaking out.

Like, I am DMing with Jonah Hill.

Like, how do I be cool?

She was just like asking for advice.

I guess like she saw him on the street or something and then like she DM'd him being like, hi, I just saw you.

And like he remembered because he was like oh he was very taken by Ruthie's beauty how could he not be this is like an like an old wives tale now like honestly we never heard from Ruthie again and I feel like it was literally she was never even here like it's an urban legend Ruthie is living like in Australia with her twin sister and Alex Bacord so she writes in the group she's like oh my god can you girls help me like I want to be cool and like I really want to go out with him like she's like what should I say I'm talking to Jonah Hill and like he was they were vibing and it was all in real time and she was really just came to the group like looking for solid

a lot of the ladies in the group were like giving good you know okay great advice like we were all dming we all dm'd jonah hill all dm'd jonah hill and honestly like she came to the group looking for

you know

sisterhood yeah and what she got she was a knife in the back she no she got some sisterhood and a knife and then some actual i don't even bridge troll thought they saw the post this toaster definitely definitely not a toaster anymore saw the the DMs and all the whole thing happening in the Facebook group and she took it upon herself to go message Jonah Hill and be like this girl you're talking to is blowing up your spot like in a Facebook group sending screenshots from the Facebook group and honestly we should have known back then that the Facebook group was not going in a good direction and we should have just saved ourselves all the heartache and just closed it down then Ruthie was a cautionary tale but then obviously like Jonah never spoke to Ruthie again she was so devastated and she really did not she was doing nothing nefarious Nothing nefarious.

She was really, she wasn't bragging, she was coming to the group for help.

Technically, what the bridge troll said was true.

Like she was screenshotting your DMs and putting them in a Facebook group, but in a non-nefarious way and like Ruthie.

Non-nefarious way at all.

Ruthie loved Jonah for who he was.

No, literally.

And all she wanted was for it to work out and she wanted her best possible shot.

So I don't

know what the lesson here is.

I think it's don't spend too much time in Facebook groups.

And that was like

a lesson we needed to learn the hard way.

Yeah.

So he's moved on again.

Ruthie lost her shot, and now he's, you know, in relationship after relationship, trying to find that connection that he had with Ruthie.

And that's why it's not working out because Gianna was not Ruthie.

Sarah is not Ruthie, but let's watch him try.

Yeah.

And I don't even.

I love Jonah Hill, by the way.

Like, I feel like he's like one of my celebrity crushes.

Like, not in a physical way.

Well, his.

I just love his work and like his vibe.

Yeah, I agree.

He's cutie.

Yeah, like how he's like so like jokey, but also like was in a movie in order to capitalize.

Yeah, yeah, like I just feel like he actually would be a great boyfriend.

I'm sure.

And Ruthie will never know what that is.

She'll never know.

And she'll never be on the roofie

with Ruthie.

It's disgusting.

It's really, it makes me upset to even think about.

It does.

So anyways, now whenever there's Jonah Hill News, like we're all just like, okay, Justice, this is nice, but Justice for Ruthie.

And so if you go to the e-news Instagram,

I was literally liking every single comment.

All of the comments on this picture where they talk about this news are Justice for Ruthie.

And you know, I'm just gonna put out one more.

I've tried this before and we never heard from Ruthie, but I just wanna try one more time.

Like Ruthie, can I, I wanna know what your life is like.

Like, I miss you.

Like,

did you,

what, like, what do you do for a living?

Where do you live?

Did you ever meet Jonah?

Like, I just want a follow-up, like, on this deer toaster.

It's like, I just want to know, like, are you still a toaster?

If anybody knows the Ruthie from Justice for Ruthie, by the way, I love the name Ruthie.

Like, I'm obsessed.

Please, like, reach out.

I just want to know if she's doing well.

Yeah, and I just want like a, I just want to close this chapter.

I do.

I feel like I haven't really been able to move on in my life since this story was just like ripped out from underneath me.

That was the worst day.

Like, it was atrocious.

It was atrocious.

Oh, my God.

And Jonah just keeps reminding us of it every time he enters into a new relationship.

Every time he shows his face.

Of course, we wish him the best.

Of course, but we just know it's not going to work out.

Because it's not Ruthie.

We're not psychic.

We just know.

Anyways, we'll keep you posted on if Joan and Ruthie ever meet.

And we'll keep you posted on if we ever hear from Ruthie again.

But if somebody knows Ruthie, then Ruthie's not going to reach out.

She's been burned once.

That's so true, Ruthie.

I will not tell anyone.

Ruthie, your secret is safe with us.

Secret safe with us.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Kim Kardashian says her son's Saint broke his arm in a few places.

Oh my gosh.

And she says he is not okay.

You know, it's so funny.

I was actually recently thinking about how weird it was that, like, as kids, none of us ever broke a bone.

Yeah.

It's like very rare, right?

Kids do it all the time.

All the time.

Kids.

Same.

That's what kids do.

That's what kids do.

Kids do.

That's what kids do.

They keep you guessing the whole day through.

Play your emotions, push all your buttons.

It's true.

Do, do.

That's what girls do.

Oh, sorry, I forgot we were doing a parody.

Honestly, I'm feeling really stifled by this triangle these days.

It's not doing.

Do you want to graduate to a new engine?

It's not doing anything for me.

I'm thinking like a a tamarine.

Okay.

Or a set of bongos.

Okay.

I think, you know, we do one level at a time.

Yeah, I'm just like so over it.

It's definitely mastered the triangle.

And maybe because, like, we never assembled it properly, like, the piece that's supposed to, you're supposed to hold it at the top.

Because we don't have that, I just feel like this is moronic.

Like, no, it's not.

It's added so much value to our show.

What other podcasts can say they have triangles?

None.

And also, and it reminds me of Only Murders in the Building because he has his harmonica.

And that was like, I mean, the director was way too hard on Steve Martin.

I agree.

Like, his voice is fine, and the music added a lot.

Wait, also,

who's your favorite character in Only Murders?

I think mine's Martin Short.

Mine's not Martin Short.

He's like a little too chaotic and he's like frazzled and like.

By the way, aren't those apartments gorgeous?

Well, not Selena Gomez's, but gorgeous, yes, truly.

And I like the building.

I like the courtyard.

Me too.

My favorite character is probably Selena right now.

Wow.

Got to keep an an eye out for Selena.

And you know what happens when you don't?

Murder's in the building.

Only murder.

But I gotta keep an eye out for Selena.

Kim revealed that her little boy suffered the unfortunate injury in a slew of posts shared on her Instagram story on Thursday.

She first uploaded a picture of Saint sitting in a wheelchair while icing his arm.

Later, the distressed mom shared a photo of her son cradling his arm after his cast had been set.

Who do you think cried more today?

My baby broke his arm in a few places today.

I'm not okay.

So sad.

So sad.

Poor Saint.

Poor Saint T.

Sainty.

Her kids are really making a lot of news these days.

Did you see like North went viral for like making fun of her influencer voice?

No.

Oh, because like Kim was recording like her videos.

And you know, when she like shoots product and stuff.

Yeah.

And so North was like, why are you talking like this?

And then she's like, you're talking like, hi.

North is a savage.

And then I guess Penelope was there too.

And Kim was like, do I talk different?

And they were like, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Calling her out.

Calling her out.

But I mean, everybody has their influencer voice.

Okay, guys.

So.

Yeah, I saw you did an ad yesterday.

You were putting on a major influencer voice.

I feel like I was very true to myself.

So authentic.

I don't feel like there was an influencer voice in the room.

Okay, I feel like my influencer voice is.

No,

your influencer voice, I know it.

It's like a more high-pitched.

Yeah, like, hold on.

And you sometimes throw a scream in there.

What?

Like, ah!

I've literally never done that.

Ever.

I think that you have.

No.

I don't even know how to conjure up that sound.

Like,

you know, when influencers do that, they're like, ah, I can't believe I got this.

Oh, yeah, no, they'd be like, oh, you guys.

No, I always say you guys, but I think my voice is like, let me just, hold on.

Hi, guys.

No.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Hey, guys.

Welcome back to my channel.

I'm so excited that you're here.

I hope you all have an amazing day and you're all fat and ugly.

Just felt like being savage.

That is it.

Yeah.

Hi, guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's really funny.

Honestly, honestly like witnessing other people like put on their influencer persona like in real life is so cringy like yeah you could die yeah i agree so that's how north feels all the time i guess every single day of her life that's really really funny the life of north are you ready for our next story only if it's a story that's brought to you by brooch oh it is the best electric toothbrush on the market you guys we've been telling you and you've been listening but i feel like a lot of you still don't have your brooch and you gotta get it because electric toothbrushes can cost over 200 which is moronic but they work work really well.

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Thank you for that, Claudia.

Now I feel ready.

It's a pleasure.

I feel ready for the next story.

Good.

Hold on.

Just a

little burp.

Oh, some acid reflux?

Yeah.

Are you getting heartburn yet?

Yeah, I do get heartburn, especially at night.

Like, you know what I read?

It's really annoying.

What?

I read that tums

actually give you more heartburn.

Explain.

They have like calcium or something in them that contributes to heartburn, but it does also temporarily relieve.

And And it's honestly, a tum can save your motherfucking life.

Like, I think tums are the most magical creation.

I want to, you know,

pray at the altar of tums.

Like, I think they're amazing.

But when I learned that, it really devastated me.

Damn.

I mean, I haven't taken tums yet.

I believe that I can take tums, but I also think that, you know, heartburn gets worse later on in the pregnancy.

So, like, I kind of don't want to...

spoil it yet.

Yes.

But by the way, I've heard from like millions of pregnant women that like tums saves you.

Yeah, I just just like, I just am always waiting for things to get worse before.

Like, I just, that's really probably what I miss most in pregnancy is just like medication.

Right, like something hurts, let me take something.

Honestly, feeling stressed, Xanax.

I don't think I'll be able to do that.

No, it's, it's probably, like, I miss more than alcohol.

Yeah, for sure.

Just like a pill for every problem.

I literally, I don't think a day goes by where I don't take Advil or something for like my.

Advil, I mean, obviously my magical migraine pills.

Just like you.

I just feel like you could take it.

Like, I feel like, you know, if one of these days I'm blessed with a child, I'm just really not going to be able to, like, do all these rules.

Like, I'm just going to eat whatever.

Well, everyone has to do what's best for them.

So I wouldn't say you have to do exactly what I'm doing, but.

Okay, what?

So I take Advil and the baby's headache goes away?

Like, you're welcome, baby.

Like, what could be bad about Advil?

I just, oh, but you can take Tylenol, right?

Waste of time.

I know, but at least it's something.

No, no, no, it's nothing.

No, if you're in a dire situation, like, I have had a Tylenol save my life on

maybe one occasion.

Then you were fine to begin with.

stop

okay next story rebel wilson reunites with her pitch perfect co-stars for her 41st birthday she said bellasby ballin that's funny rebels have turned 40 rebels rebel may have turned 41 in march but she still managed to celebrate the occasion with a special group of friends for her half birthday the actress reunited with a number of her pitch perfect co-stars including anna kendrick and britney snow on a tropical getaway in tahiti in honor of her latest trip around the sun so fucking fun it really does she said bellas be balanced have loved these ladies more 10 years since we met and instantly harmonized.

She wrote alongside a photo of the group in the 80s theme swimwear.

I love Anna Camp.

Like, I'm obsessed.

And I just don't know why her and Skylar Aston didn't work out.

And I just read the other day that, like, he broke up with his, his other relationship just ended.

I feel like it's him.

It's definitely him.

You know?

This is really cute that they're all friends still.

Yeah, and you know, like, there have been many things said about Anna Kendrick.

Like, she's a nasty bitch.

Really?

But I don't know.

I feel like if you're a a nasty bitch, like, you don't become friends with your co-stars, especially less famous ones, like Anna Camp.

Like, yeah, Anna Kendrick is the one that I just said who was.

Yeah.

And Anna Camp, no?

She's there, too.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm saying, like, you don't like rendezvous with your co-stars from 10 years ago if you're like a mean person.

No, and like your co-stars don't invite you to rendezvous with them if you're a mean person.

I don't recall hearing that about her.

Oh, I have, and it's all over Dumas.

She's like known in the industry as like the worst person ever.

What?

Yeah.

That's so the antithesis of like the vibe that she puts out.

I just like it probably makes it true.

Right.

It's important lest we not forget.

She really got her career started in Twilight.

And also that movie Camp.

Is she in that movie?

I believe so.

No.

I believe she is.

Camp Movie.

That movie is so underrated.

It's about like a theater camp.

Yep, anachronic.

All these kids are dealing with their own issues.

Oh, who is she?

Fritzie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh man, that movie's so good.

And that singing at the end.

What's the song?

You know what I'm talking about.

Olivia would know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I think I do know what you're talking about.

Is it um.

What songs did she sing at the end?

And like that talent show?

Where her jaw was wired shut?

That was fucking crazy.

That was crazy.

You should just watch it and give us a recap.

Yeah, that's a really...

You know, sometimes...

I haven't seen it in a while, so sometimes movies don't age.

Like, when I recommend people movies that I haven't seen in, like, 20 years.

No, don't recommend them to others.

Like, watch them.

Does Camp age well?

I don't...

Probably not.

But if you've seen it when you were young, it will still mean something to you when you're older that's true if you only watch it for the first time like us with first wives club it means nothing so true the worst movie ever yeah but like i or like heartbreakers is one of those movies where for me it's the best movie ever i don't know jackie i'm telling you even if you don't have a connection to it heartbreakers is an unbelievable movie really because when we recommended for toast movie of the week like

The reviews were mixed.

Can I just say like how grateful I am to not be doing Toast Movie of the Week?

I was putting so much of my heart.

We were doing Toast Movie of the Day.

Literally.

And I put so much of my heart into the selections and just for people to hate movies that I felt so connected to was really fucking upsetting.

I'm sure that's how people felt when we hated First Wives Club.

I think it was actually a really toxic time and I don't want to do it ever again.

I agree.

And we were just trying to help.

Because we thought it was two weeks to flatten the curves.

Yeah.

We were going to watch a movie every day for two weeks and it would be over.

But

I did see some movies I never would have seen.

I was actually just thinking, I forget what it was, of that scene in the, was it the Butler

when

I don't remember what I was thinking, but there were a couple movies I was glad I saw.

But for the most part, I really did not enjoy people hating my movies.

Agreed.

And we have watched some great movies.

Shutter Island.

Oh my God, that started it all.

Toast movie.

But no, that dark period of like the

two weeks to flatten the curve where we were just picking movies every day, like sleepover.

And like, fun.

That was a fun.

If we didn't do sleepover, we never would have gotten

Julie corky.

Yeah, but

the invention of lying.

I don't want to trigger.

I don't want to go out.

to the line.

Actually, I'm being heavily triggered.

I don't want to hurt you.

This is meant to be a safe space.

I just want to say, I stand by the choice for the invention of lying.

Like, okay, was it a great film?

No.

Have every time I've seen it, like, I never actually finish it?

Yes.

I don't even know how it ends.

But I stand by that, like, this utopic, utopian

world

was like, it was a good idea for a movie.

Like, I stand by all of it.

I agree.

I agree.

But then, like, people coming

for our necks just because of that movie.

Like we didn't make the movie.

We just made you watch it.

Like it was just toxic.

But also little children.

Please, now you're triggering me.

That movie is unbelievable and I stand by that.

No.

Patrick Wilson said it and he's hot.

You're hurting me.

Okay.

You're taking me to a place I don't want to go to.

Next story.

The Real House Eyes of Salt Lake City's season two taglines are here.

Oh.

Yes, they came out a few days ago and I keep meaning to make it a story, and I've forgotten until today.

Oh, I'm so glad this is a good one.

Okay, Jen Shaw, first up.

The only thing I'm guilty of is being shamazing

and defrauding millions of Americans.

Millions of vulnerable, elderly, gullible Americans.

Stop.

I cannot believe.

I'm sorry if everyone listening to this podcast, like, I've been drinking this LaCroix and I cannot stop burping into the microphone.

Like, if you're here, if you think you're hearing phantom burps, you're not.

It's me, and I've been gaslighting you this whole episode.

I can't believe she referenced like her being a fraudulent criminal.

Guilty queen.

Guilty queen, yes.

And like made a joke of it.

Like, I'm not taking this Jen Shaw case lightly.

Similar with Erica Jane, like think of the victims.

Jen Shaw's, what Jen Shaw is being accused of is so horrendous.

Not only is she defrauding people, you know, taking, convincing them to take car loans out when they don't even have a car, but she's also then selling their information to other fraudulent fraudsters who know that they are like susceptible marks.

Yeah, not dumb.

Sorry, I take that back.

That was rude.

They're

trustworthy and vulnerable and gullible.

I'm sorry.

I did not mean dumb.

That was actually really mean.

I take it back.

And I'm not letting her get away with this.

No, me neither.

And neither is the FBI.

No, and neither is Meredith Marks.

I'm obsessed with Meredith Marks.

I'm so like having her on the show.

I just want to let you know, when we were talking about not liking having guests, we were not talking about Meredith Marks.

No, we're not talking about anyone in particular.

It's just like, you know, the lead up to, like, are we going to do a good job?

It's just like nervousness.

Stage fright.

Yeah, stage fright.

Next up, Mary Cosby.

If you come for me, I will send Jesus after you.

Stunning.

I guess they are coming for her this season.

They're bringing up the cult.

Stage rumors.

You know what?

There is a lot of weirdness that goes on in Mary's world, and I think it's time we address it.

I mean, it's only season two, but it's time we address it.

Okay.

Just like get some clarity.

Like, there are rumors that you're leading a cult.

Do you?

It's a fair question.

Yeah.

Meredith Marks.

I may be known for my ice, but I always bring the heat.

Perfect.

Really?

Perfect because she's icy.

Like, that's her thing.

But she will bring the feet.

She's going to hold Jen's feet to the fire.

I guess.

I'm not crazy.

I feel like Meredith Lee.

And it's like because it's Salt Lake City, it's like,

I think I like the use of the elements.

Is Meredith Jewish?

Yes.

Yeah.

Such an interesting group of women they got, like culturally.

Yeah.

It really is a great show.

I'm sorry, I'm not obsessed with Meredith's.

I think it's like on point.

You know, it's not like

the the best, most creative, but it like sends a strong message.

Yes.

I like the use of the elements in Salt Lake Space.

I thought she was going to be like, I may not be engaging.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something like that.

Whitney Rose.

In a town of beauties and beasts, there's only one wild rose.

Like, I appreciate the Beauty and the Beast reference, but I don't see how it's applicable.

Because her last name is Rose.

Rose, yeah, but what does it have to do with the show?

Her.

She's the Rose.

No, but like, what does Beauty and the Beast have to do with the show?

And who's she calling the beast rose who are you calling beast by the way did you see that there's a new um

soap opera on peacock that eileen davidson is in and lisa reta got a role and like they're two you know women fighting in a cafe and they reenact the beast scene like she like she slams the glass she says who are you calling beast it's actually so creative and funny that's it's on danny pallorino's instagram that's where i saw it i didn't see it um windy rose i mean i understand where she's going with it.

Seems random.

But it's not my favorite.

Yeah.

Heather Gay.

Obsessed.

I was raised a Mormon, but now I'm raising a glass of champagne.

Okay, like a transitional period in her life.

It's okay.

It's not like slicing me.

Like, it's not like, uh, it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I mean, raise and raise, but they're two different like tenses of using raised.

No, I hate that.

No, but I like raise and raise,

but I just...

I was raised a Mormon and now I'm raising.

It's not working for me.

Okay.

And you know what?

Hers last year wasn't good either.

Like my pioneer ancestors, I'm blazing a trail or whatever.

Yeah, but we didn't, we weren't expecting much from a season one.

Yeah, but like she ended up being like a queen of queens.

And I just thought like she deserved a more royal tagline.

This one in particular is not working for me.

Yeah.

Next, we have our new housewife, Jenny.

There's a new housewife?

Did anyone leave?

No.

No, I'm just curious like.

Yeah.

No, but she in the trailer, she seems great.

And then her tagline is, I have plenty of everything, including opinions.

Cute.

I mean,

that statement in itself is exactly what I'm looking for in a housewife.

I want someone who has a lot of things and a lot of opinions.

That's actually so true.

So I'm good with that.

The sun is raining on you right now, like gorgeous.

Do you see?

Chessie could never.

Chessie could never.

She's a cloud of darkness.

Met last one, Lisa Barlow.

I feel like Lisa Barlow might

be our girl girl this season.

Well, let's see, because like she was so thirsty last year at the end of the reunion to be friends with Jen Shaw.

Like her and Jen had buried a body somewhere and they couldn't turn on each other.

It was so weird because they hadn't ever even spoken.

And now like I'm assuming she's going to be taking a few steps back from the friendship.

So we'll see.

She said, you don't have to like me.

I love myself enough for the both of us.

That's atrocious.

And that's good.

Because nobody likes Lisa after the end of winter heather, storm weather, bad weather.

What was that?

I don't know, but here's what I'll say.

I didn't agree with anything Lisa Barlow said or did last season at all, but I do respect that she doubled down and made no apologies

to who she was.

Yes.

Like, didn't just like, I would have expected from her to just be like thirsty and want to be a fan favorite and just like try and like backpedal on everything she did at the reunion.

But I have to respect someone who just like stands up for what they did and said.

I guess that's fair.

Like, still don't like her, but you're right.

But that's just like, you know,

silver lining.

What Lisa does.

Keeps you guessing the whole day through.

This is a great episode.

I'm having so much fun.

Okay, I'm about to ruin it because our fifth and final story is some losery tech news.

Okay, but hold on.

Oh, yeah.

Hold on.

What is it?

It's the final story.

You know what that sounds like?

Oh my god, I have PTSD.

Tell me what this sounds like.

The school bell?

Yeah.

You know, the bell was the best.

Like, it was freedom, you know, the bell or

it was prison.

Or it was the end of lunch.

It was either the key that unlocked your cell or locked your cell right up.

So it's the fifth and final story.

That's true.

But what you failed to mention, and you owe everyone an apology, apology, is that it's the fifth and final story brought to you by Noom.

Interesting.

I guess I will apologize for that because I do not ever want to take away from you guys the opportunity to hear about Noom.

So let them know, Claude.

Are you sure?

Are you ready?

I'm ready if you are.

Noom has built their entire platform on two things, research and wanting to help people lead healthier lives through behavioral change.

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And you don't have to share them to me.

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That's n-o-om.com slash toast.

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I know, Jackie, you've had a lot of success with Noom.

I have.

I love Noom.

It's just the best way to keep track of everything that you're doing.

And, you know, if you log enough information, you can see where you're going wrong, where you're going right, what you should increase, what you should work on, decrease, cut out.

I think it's the best way to hold yourself accountable.

But also, I just like

visually seeing

what I'm doing in a day, what I'm doing in a week, what I did last month that I felt really good last month.

Maybe I should, you know,

sort of try and replicate it.

They have so many great resources for people who are starting out on their weight loss or health or wellness journey that I recommend it to everyone I know who's like wanting to start, you know, a wedding regime or regimen, sorry.

A love a wedding regime

or anything, you know, everyone has their goals.

Again, you don't need to explain yourself to us.

But noon, I would recommend.

Dot com slash chose.

And I do recommend to everyone.

Clearly.

Our fifth and final story, illusory tech news, and sorry to even bring this into our fabulous show.

What is it?

Facebook and Ray-Ban.

It's okay.

We can make it great.

We can make anything great.

We're so funny.

Facebook and Ray-Ban have paired up for

a pair of smart glasses.

Starting on Thursday, the first pair of smart glasses made by Facebook and Ray-Ban are going on sale for $2.99.

When are we going to learn?

Like, nobody wants computer glasses.

Like, Snapchat tried, and then Google, Google tried, and like, they were cool.

Nobody fucking cared.

The only person who bought the Snapchat goggles was your husband.

Yeah, and you know what?

We did it.

We tried it, and it was useless.

No, but he used to like come around to the parties with his glasses on and like like film us.

Like, it was cool for him.

But it's like, even he didn't like it because where are those glasses?

Nobody knows.

Literally.

They're called Ray-Ban Stories, and you'll be able to find them pretty much anywhere.

Ray-Bans are sold, including lens crafters and sunglasses hut stores.

The frames feature two front-facing cameras for capturing videos and photos.

They sync with a companion camera roll app called Facebook View, where clips can be edited and shared to other apps.

There's a physical button on the glasses for recording, or you can say, Hey, Facebook, take a video to control them hands-free.

And most importantly, they do look like regular Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses.

Heinous.

I'm sorry.

They have like the free ones that you get at Bot Mitzfuzz.

Yeah, and then they have like

the colored handles, you know?

Yeah, that was like Katy Perry, like hot and cold.

Like, I'm personally so good.

I actually really don't like that style of sunglasses.

Me too.

On my Fotch.

Me too.

Or everybody's Foch is different.

No, I'm not into the style.

Like,

at a glance.

Some people are Wayfarer people.

Like, it's very much a vibe.

Not for this big Foch.

No, definitely not for this enormous Fotch.

So

when will we learn?

When will we learn?

I mean, if I see anyone who I know around me, like, and you know, I give a pass to Snapchat lenses because, like, we thought that was a good idea at the time.

Like, how fun, handsome.

And everyone was excited about it.

Everyone was excited.

They were cute style, like, rounded.

And people bought them.

I just don't think they really integrated well into people's lives.

In practice, like, nobody had a use for it.

So, like, I don't, but I don't blame like anyone, including my husband.

Like, I definitely don't, like, hold it over his head that he like fell for that.

Because it seemed like a good idea.

But now that we know we're good, and also the tech on these cameras is nothing near the smartphone.

Like, we, right.

So if I see someone in my life coming at me recording, out of control, I'm going to snatch those glasses right off their face.

Do you ever think, like, I wish I invented that?

All the time.

What, like, I really wish I invented the GoPro, like, for a million reasons.

One, I think it's literally the best piece of technology.

Like, it does it all.

Like, literally,

the reality television industry is built off the back of GoPros like everyone uses GoPros now I think people capture like such cool content like surfing and shit and I just feel like it makes the world a better place like I can't explain it and I really and also the guy's so rich that's really why I wish I invented it yeah what about you

I mean

I don't know I'll take anything really that's like successful

you know what I mean like GoPro but the thing about GoPro it's like he didn't invent like a new idea like he didn't invent cameras and he he didn't

just did it really well.

No, and like he, I think they, what did they sell for like $8 billion or something?

Like, that should have been me.

That's crazy.

I could have made a mini camera.

Yeah, that's like Legacy Box.

You know, it's just like a great idea that you wish that you had started.

I always think that I should have invented Legacy Box because, like, we, and this is not an ad, but like, we used to be those people like buying VHS converters to try to watch our old home cassettes.

Yeah.

My God, we're getting so old.

Like, I was thinking about that the other day.

And how does that make you feel?

Not great, I'm not going to lie.

But I'm also looking forward to putting all this youth behind me.

I mean, that sounds like

really dark, but I'm just looking forward to like relaxing, you know?

Yeah.

Even though, I don't know, do you like relax as you get older?

I feel like life gets harder.

I don't know.

Well, you definitely comes with its fair share of challenges, but I do, like, I feel like, you know, before you take out the pregnancy part, like, I feel like I'm more relaxed than you.

Yeah, I really want to be like in this place in my life where like,

you know, I'm like, I just turned like 45, like my kids are finally out of the house and like i'm taking care of me again like in a book or something you know like i want to be that girl like so i just do something crazy like i buy a beach house like i don't know like yeah i just or like eat pray love travel but i just hope i i i really hope i can afford a beach house like yeah the only thing is it's like if so if you were to be 40 your kids are gonna leave the house stop i know what you're gonna say and i should need it to have kids like five years ago if i wanted that plan to work shut the fuck up okay i you think i don't know that you think i can't do math i just don't okay fine tell me how you know what i need to have this conversation with myself how old will i be when my kids leave okay here's how

You want to be 45 when your kids leave.

And that's my youngest kid.

Your youngest kid you have to have when you're 27.

It's because then they're 18.

My youngest kid.

So you're too late for that.

Maybe you could be 50.

And then your youngest kid, you need to have at 32.

Yeah, but like, that would mean I need to start now.

It takes a long time.

You have to wait a year to have a kid, which, by the way, is such bullshit.

Like, I should just be able to order the child online.

And like, he should just show up or she.

Like, it's bullshit.

Yeah, but I mean, the nine months, I think we were talking about this on the Patreon.

Like, when people are like, How do you know that you're ready to have a kid?

Like, I feel like, even if, say, you're not, you're most ready when you like find out that you're pregnant, like, you have nine months to get ready to get it together.

It's a really long time of just sitting and thinking about child, right?

And you can't, like, you know, drink to forget, to forget, yeah.

No, like, you're doing it, yeah.

I guess you could eat to forget, so you could be 50 when,

but you want to know something nice for you, 50, yeah.

I'll always be older than you.

That's so true.

Oh my God.

I feel better.

That just made me feel better.

No, I just feel like for as long like you're 50.

I'm 52.

It's so true.

For as long as I can remember, like I've always been the youngest person in the room.

And that's because like I really do gravitate towards older people.

Like I'm always hanging out with like you and Olivia and your guys' friends.

And like, I don't know, just everyone I'm friends with like is always older than me.

And you also started your career very young.

Yeah.

But now it's just like, oh, you're just a girl with a career.

You're not like crazy young for your career.

Like you're just a girl.

And like the youngsters are coming up like behind us and doing better like you know and they're like super young yeah super young and super successful like i mean i've just i've become so aware of my age recently and i know like it sounds moronic because yes i understand i'm 27 but like things are just changing like life is so fucking short but it's also hella long and like sometimes

like things happen so quickly and sometimes they happen so slowly and like i just feel like i became 27 and like i didn't really like do anything no like i just blinked and like i was 27 and i was 24 like literally and i loved being 24 like I love telling everyone I'm 24.

And when were what were you doing at 24?

What year was that?

Same shit as I'm doing now, just I was like uglier and fatter.

Right.

So look at that.

Ugly something changed.

I don't have that mole on my face anymore.

Yeah.

And like that's probably like

I saw a commercial yesterday for the New York Bariatric Center.

Like and it was all these people being like,

oh, my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

And like I was like, yeah, I feel that.

That's how I literally feel about my mole.

The fact that I got married with my mole is actually one of my biggest regrets.

I need to start a list because I said my biggest regret was not getting into the police car.

That's nothing.

And then what was the other one that we were referencing last

episode?

Like,

whatever.

Adding to the list,

moly wedding.

That's one of my biggest regrets.

I can't even look my time opposite.

But, like, doesn't that just show you how much Ben loved you?

Like, no, it's now it's clear that I married someone dumb and blind because he married me with that mole on my face.

And I'll honestly, I honestly, like, sometimes when he's sleeping, I look over and I'm like what kind of monster are you

being dead serious

dead fucking serious can I just complain really quickly about this water bottle sure

like the straw is angled in a way so like if I'm trying to drink the last remnants you can't get remnants moronic Okay,

I'll send a complaint to the manufacturer.

And like it's a little cheap.

Like

this could come off off at any minute.

I know.

That's why I took so quickly to come, I guess.

But I'm going to be complaining because it's actually like one of the best gifts I've ever gotten.

But you know what?

If you like love it so much and use it all the time, maybe I'll take the time to go to like a.

An Etsy store?

Oh, no.

I was going to say

to find you a bottle where it's not a sticker.

It's a sticker.

No, no.

Like, I love this one.

Like, I don't want, I'm just like, I have to go get ready for my date.

You do have to go get ready for your date with your, with Ben the Monster.

With Ben the Monster.

So that is our show, and I just feel like it was amazing.

Like, I just feel so good going into the weekend leaving you guys with this.

And I'm going to like going to promote this one extra hard because I just feel like if you've been trying to get your friend to become a toaster, like center this episode, it was so good.

And there's a lot of explanation just as for Brazil.

Like I don't feel like we're talking about stuff that you know only we all know.

Yeah, even though those were my favorite episodes too.

Oh, of course.

So I'm just like feeling really proud.

And we did it, Joe.

We did it.

We did it.

We did it, Jack.

We did it.

So that's our show.

And I'm going to wrap this up if you don't have anything else to say.

No, just have a great weekend.

You know, take the time to

commemorate the 20th anniversary tomorrow.

And just, I don't know what, I don't know what the right words are.

I do.

Thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fastest stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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Beautiful.

Sunday.

And tomorrow we are.

If you've made it to the end of the episode, congratulations.

You are now part of the Society Season 2.

And to let us know that you have made it here, please go drop an emoji on our most recent Instagram account.

Perhaps the emoji for

monster.

Okay, how you interpret that.

Monster.

I think there's like a big red one.

Have a great day, everyone.

Great weekend, actually, and we'll see you on Monday.

Bye.

Bye.