S4 Ep8: The Insecure Cannibal: Wednesday, January 13th, 2021

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning shows.

Happy Wednesday.

It's hump day here at the morning shows.

So make sure to hump someone you love today.

I sure have already.

Looking at Theo.

Hey, sweetie pie.

He's looking so sexy.

Yeah, really.

So provocative, honestly.

Like, he's just dancing.

Like, the way he has that sway in his walk, he's like, come here, mom.

Hey, let's get it.

If you're watching on YouTube today, hi, how are you?

Apologies for yesterday.

yesterday's episode was so fucked but i think we fixed the glitching problem for once and for all yeah we have this glitch that appears every now and then and we believe we fixed it i don't want to jinx it but of course let us know we tried something completely new today so hopefully that is the cure and that won't happen again but if you were wondering what happened to yesterday's episode the second half of the episode is available via podcast if you missed it honestly it was really good we recapped the bachelor and like we were just talking about great stuff yeah and it was just like great energy always great energy honestly we have a lot lot to talk about today we do some really interesting stories the tv recap segment has real house size of dallas which was honestly

such a good episode of television like there was just there was everything like it had all the appetizers entrees and desserts yeah it was so good i ruined it for myself because i kept pausing like i probably it probably took me three hours to watch it because i was pausing to get on the phone with margo to convince her to cut her hair which is um which was a worthy cause i agree so i still loved it i think this season is shaping out to be really good like a great group of women i'm really excited to talk about it.

And I'm happy to have them back on my screen.

Yeah.

Though my plate is full.

Though my plate is full, but not on Tuesdays.

But not on Tuesdays.

No, it was nice.

The only other thing we have to talk about is it's Wednesday, Dear Toasters, our advice segment.

We have some great submissions today.

And

we have an update from the girl who farted on Thanksgiving and where that led her in her life.

So stay tuned for that at the end of the show.

And what was our advice?

Run for the Hills?

I don't remember what we said.

I think it was run, if I know myself.

Yeah.

yeah, the tracks.

The trip to Fan Man.

Oh, it'll get you.

It'll get you.

I finished High School Musical, the Musical of the Series, yesterday.

And I just have to say, it was so superb.

Like, five stars all around.

I literally like cried a little bit at the end.

Like, it was just a beautiful ending, and I loved all the characters.

And I'm going to miss Miss Darbis so much.

And it was.

Young Miss Starbucks.

Young Miss Darbis.

She's a queen.

And I've been listening to the soundtrack and that song that she wrote.

And don't you think this is the only thing that I remembered from the show?

Like, it was fucked that they didn't show us her ballad during the musical 100%.

And she started singing it during the musical.

So I'm like, yes, we're getting a

Miss Darbit spotlight.

And then Ricky's like crying outside and we have to skip.

The only thing that I thought was funny,

and I felt like the show kind of avoided these like classic

Disney channel tropes where like there's literally like no way any of this stuff could happen.

Like I thought it was pretty realistic for the most part, except that the play was terrible.

Like there were so many mishaps.

Like literally Ricky came and then EJ, like it was just so messy.

Ricky kept like switching in the middle.

Yeah, but then like the dean of the conservatory of the actors of Denver thought she was great and wanted to, spoiler alert, offer her a position.

Like that's really not how those things work, especially with the play that I saw was really subpar.

Yeah.

And just like the first thing you do when you're casting a play is cast it.

And so by the, when it's playtime, like have your casts ready.

I know I agree.

And like Ricky thinking he's like doing something for Nini, but but not like it was so lame and so disney but i looked past it because there was so much more that the show had to offer like so much heart like if i

was one of the attendees in the audience of that play and like you know the students so you know what role they got and then like someone comes out like and they're acting different i would just be like what the i wouldn't be like oh now he's playing troy yeah what the fuck is going on no also like there was just so much there was only so much i could believe you know like so ricky is in the first act playing Troy Bolton and he's killing it and he sees his mom and dad are having such a good time and then he gets in his harness to do his little dancy thing in the air, and he sees his mom brought her new boyfriend.

Now, I just have to say, like,

that, like, the mom would never do that.

Like, she was like a smart woman.

Like, she knows this is an important night for her son.

Like, she never would have surprised her son on his big night with her new boyfriend while he's flying through the air.

Literally, while he found out that his parents were getting separated, like, two weeks ago, like, that would just never happen.

So, there were some things that, like, I took umbrage with and had, like, a hard time suspending disbelief, but I tried to look at the positives.

Miss Jen was such a positive.

The iconic gay love story in the drama department was a huge high.

I really liked, obviously, Miss Starbuck, the young Miss Darbis, and that song that she wrote on the piano, which was Stellar.

And a lot of the other music, of course, the one that went viral on TikTok is so good, but that song that Ricky wrote for her as like the opening night present was so good.

Like, there was a lot of really good songs.

The song that I like is Out of the Old.

The one that I like is Wonderful.

Out of the Old.

Wondering.

Yes.

But the songs are just so great.

I even knew what songs.

Because I thought it sounded like

that

one Republic song.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

I just thought all the songs were like, they didn't have,

they didn't owe us that.

Like, they didn't have to slap so fucking hard on the album, but the music is like iconic.

Yeah, it's really good.

I'm glad that you watched it, and it just

gives context to everything that's been going on this week with Olivia.

Rodrigo, yeah.

Queen Olivia.

Queen Olivia.

We stam.

We do.

Other than that, I don't think there's much to discuss.

Just a little smoothie update.

I'm on day seven.

I'm feeling really good.

Today I sat down to do my makeup, and I really could see a difference in my skin.

I was like, this is the first time in a while where I'm like looking at my face and I'm not like, what's that?

What's that?

Oh, I need to drink more water because I'm like so beyond hydrated because

you like pretending to care.

What should I do?

You know what?

I'm damned if I do.

Give me a close-up.

I'm going like this.

Okay, so you don't want me to nod?

You don't want me to nod.

Are you fucking serious?

I was literally trying because I watched a show yesterday.

You could see that you're trying that.

It's so hard.

It is.

Like, I'm just.

I don't think I did anything wrong.

You had no business calling me out.

No, no, no.

Yesterday you had business calling me out.

Like, I was being snarky.

Today, like, I'm literally just listening and I'm not going to be able to do it.

Like, waiting for it to be over.

Yeah,

by the way, that's just me.

You're not interested in how it's going.

Listen, listen.

That's what I do.

Like, when other people talk, no matter what it's about, like, I'm always just waiting for my turn to talk again.

I don't know.

It's just, a lot of people have been asking about my cleanse.

And so it's going really well.

Sorry, I won't I'm really excited like to hit the finish line but it every day is better and easier I'm making hard-boiled eggs and they're delicious you're trembling but it's a journey tremend what does that mean have you ever seen that tick tock no oh my god this girl is so funny she does like really like interesting comedy and she's like you know the feeling like when you have work to do but you're just sleeping instead she's like you're trembling but it's an adventure like it's so funny and I've been using that in everyday life and that's the the smoothie journey oh well I haven't become familiar with that reference yet, but yes, that is the smoothie journey.

So, all's well on the smoothie front.

And I'm just, I feel like I'm really starting to see the, see the benefits.

That's great.

I'm so excited.

Thank you, Claudia.

You, the whites of your eyes actually do look quite bright.

How does my skin look like the same?

You don't have problem skin.

Also, because once I put on makeup, like you don't see the things that I see, but when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, hey.

Yeah.

Wednesdays are always hard for me because during the week, I wash my hair Sundays and Wednesdays.

And so like by Wednesday, it's like crusty and like literally like I can't even run my fingers through it.

I'm sure it looks good, but it is so crispy right now.

Like you could literally make a grilled cheese on my hair.

It looks really good.

It doesn't feel good.

Oh, well, it looks good.

That's all that counts.

But I know the feeling when it's like...

I honestly just cannot wait for the day to be over so I could take a shower.

I'm like, I don't really even like showering that much.

I took a lovely bath yesterday.

So peaceful.

Oh, nice.

I haven't taken a bath in a few days.

I think maybe that's on deck for today.

I love baths becoming a part of your journey in 2021.

I know.

so stellar.

I think you tracked in some duty on your boots.

No, it's like grease.

From your boots?

Yeah, I guess so.

I haven't worn these in a while.

Oh, you know, I see, look, on the bottom of your foot, there's some duty.

Like, not duty, like schmutz.

Grease.

It's looking grease.

Are you working in an auto shop that I don't know about?

I just, you know, I have all these secret projects.

Smoothies, grease.

It is what it is.

Okay, ready to get into the stories because we have a lot to talk about.

Let's do it.

Without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

and to avoid any rdh complications it is my duty to let you know that today's episode is brought to you duty

is brought to you by our patreon channel patreon.com slash morning toast what is patreon you ask it is our subscription service so this show five days a week on youtube and all the podcast apps is totally free but we have a subscription service where you can pay seven dollars and ninety nine cents a month for five extra episodes from jackie and i their vlogs they're youtubes they're uh podcast episodes they're sometimes radio episodes that can be quite controversial.

So yes, five extra episodes for $7.99.

And it is a great way to get more content and then support your local podcast.

So head over to patreon.com/slash the morning toast.

Once you become a member, you get access to our exclusive Facebook group, The Toast After Dark, which is our last remaining Facebook group.

And it's really a wonderful corner of the internet, very peaceful over there.

Yes, lovely.

Head over there, check it out.

Home tour coming soon.

Yes.

Okay, first story, big story.

A lot of people are talking about it, and I'm very curious to get your thoughts.

Army Hammer.

Oh, you know what?

I was was literally meant to text you last night saying we must talk about army hammer we must talk about army hammer army hammer is a person that i truly just don't care about like whether he's doing something positive or negative like i just don't care about him hear ye hear ye i totally agree like literally who like he who you know but like people feel really strongly about him because he's very handsome yeah and they love um call me by your name and they loved his marriage to elizabeth chambers i think her name was they were like really cute like dallas queens yes and so he's in the news now and you know what like the level that this story is at of like craziness defies my indifference for army hammer of course you know what i mean no now we have to talk about it no it's like no now i'm interested like it's like hilaria baldwin like i don't if she did something positive or negative before i wouldn't have cared much but like what she did yeah defied my level of indifference well speaking of hilaria baldwin like i am just sure she has sent army hammer flowers thanking him for taking her name out of the news for washing her out of the news cycle cycle.

Yeah.

Okay, Army Hammer wanted to quote cut off a girlfriend's toe and keep it in his pocket and make her his quote property until she died according to leaked Instagram messages that talk about rape and cannibalism.

Army Hammer said he wanted to cut off his girlfriend's toe and keep it in his pocket according to new disturbing screenshots leaked by a woman who says the actor sent her vile Instagram messages about rape and cannibalism.

He began trending on Twitter Sunday night after a series of screenshots showing graphic messages he'd allegedly penned to a woman were leaked by the

anonymous now private Instagram account House of Effie.

The actor is yet to speak publicly on the matter and multiple requests for comment have so far gone unanswered.

The alleged messages said to be sent between October 2016 and February 2020 include conversations about BDSM in addition to numerous sexual references to cannibalistic acts and blood sucking.

That's

such a freak like saying he wanted to chop someone up and like eat them in pieces like I can't

if I wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket, so I always had a piece of you in my possession.

He also later says that, like, he is a cannibal and that he's never told anyone.

Right.

He writes, like, I think I'm a cannibal.

I've never really said that to anyone before.

He wrote, You just live to obey and be my slave.

I will own you.

That's my soul, my brain, my body, my spirit.

That reminded me of Taylor Sotha.

My brain, my brain.

Oh my god.

I mean, honestly, like, this story is crazy, but it's it's also like not funny.

Like, cause they always say, like, when terrible things happen, like, where were the signs?

You know, like, this is a sign.

Like, Army Hammer's crazy.

Like, he needs to be put away for life.

Like, he's insane.

Yeah.

And then also, the Instagram account shared screenshots of other things that Army had sent, like his hand on a script with the same tattoo that we know that he has and a selfie.

So, really verifying as much as she can that these messages are authentic.

And I had heard that a bunch of like Army Hammer stands, like, who even knew those people existed,

made a fake screenshot of this girl's Instagram story saying, like, sorry, I lied, like, these are all fake.

And that really got a lot of traction.

So, I think a lot of people were doubting the validity of these screenshots, but like, they're 100% true.

Like, I believe them to be 100% true.

Yeah.

And so, at the end of the day, I guess Army Hammer is into cannibalism.

And that's just something you should know.

No, I know.

And, like, honestly, in his text messages, like, you can really see like how delusional he is because he's like, I think I'm a cannibal.

Like, wow, I've never told anybody.

But he's like the innocent.

He's the insecure cannibal.

Oh, but I began like, I was going to say something more along the lines of it's like, you know,

that's like not something like you open up about.

Like,

you know, because he's like one-on-one.

Like, I think I might be bisexual.

Like, that's the first time I've ever said that.

Like, that's a legitimate thing to admit to yourself, to admit to people around you.

A cannibal?

Like, no.

Yeah, no.

You go on the bachelor and you have your one-on-one with Matt.

I think I'm a cannibal.

I've never said this out loud, Matt, Matt, but I'm a cannonball.

Cannibal or cannonball?

Cannonball.

Cannibal.

Cannonball.

It's confusing.

I guess.

Now you've confused me.

Also, today's episode needs to be named the Insecure Cannibal.

Just remember that.

Oh, for sure.

For sure.

Let's shot that down.

Anyway, so that's just like...

What's new with Army Hammer?

He hasn't responded.

I don't know what he will say.

It is weird.

It's just extremely alarming.

But I'm just like, so like glad that I have no part in his fandom.

Yeah, like I don't feel really any type of way, except I feel bad for like the person who had to receive these messages because they're honestly traumatizing.

Yeah,

and I just didn't see for 2021 like the first cancellation being Army Hammer.

No, yeah, that's the first one because Ilaria was 2021.

It slides into 2020.

We really need to start keeping a list.

No, I think that's okay.

Army Hammer, number one.

Honestly, he's so weird.

And justice for his wife.

Yeah.

She, I read in a Daily Mail article, like, spoke out and said she, like, 100% believes like everything

that

I thought that when they broke up, it was very weird.

Because for a while, like, to me, who is Army Hammer to you?

Social network.

Yeah, he's Winkle Boss.

Yeah.

And I don't even think of him as like a relevant celebrity, even though a lot of people do, but I never saw Call Me by Your Name.

Maybe that's why.

So to me, he's just like the guy who's married to the girl with the bakery, you know?

And there's just so much more to him now.

Yeah.

No, people like absolutely love him.

And he's a really acclaimed serious actor like a list not anymore no no no not anymore now he's c-list for welcome to the club

anyways so that's that's what's new with army hammer and um now you know army okay next up some big programming news that everyone's talking about netflix is going to be dropping a movie a week in 2021.

wow yesterday netflix put out a teaser um in national commercial spots uh showing a lot of the slate that is coming in 2021.

It's largely consisting of original productions as well as some splashy acquisitions.

The slate has 71 titles across genres, from musicals to action, romantic comedies to family animation.

Dwayne Johnson, Melissa McCarthy, Hallie Berry, Jason Momoa, Amy Adams, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Hemsworth, and Lynn Manuel Miranda are among those featured in the sizzle reel, which was released yesterday.

I watched the sizzle.

Like, it's so exciting, hyped up.

I mean, if they were going to do a movie a year, a movie a week, I feel like 2020 was the year to do it, but it's fine.

Better late than never.

It just, Netflix has a lot of action movies, and The Sizzle had a lot of action movies, and so I just feel like at least half of these are not my genre.

But there's one movie that's starring Leo and Jennifer Lawrence.

Oh, it's a Netflix movie?

It's going to be on Netflix.

Oh, my God.

I don't know.

I feel like they might have acquired it because if they had them, like, under contract, we wouldn't have thought about it.

So I think that movie, like, that's a really great pairing.

That sounds really good.

Yeah, that's so interesting.

Of course, you you also, I saw this morning the trailer for To All the Boys I Love Before 3.

And I just love those movies.

They're so lighthearted.

And I feel like they're really always very, very well done.

And the fact that Noah Centeneo and

Lara Jean never dated is like the best thing to happen to the franchise because they're such good friends and there's like no toxic energy, a la kissing booth.

And I'm just excited for like a feel-good movie.

And it comes out literally in like three weeks.

Yeah.

And then I was just going to ask you your thoughts on Kissing Booth 3 coming out.

Oh, it is?

Yeah.

Oh, it was part of the trailer too, but yeah.

I only saw it to all the boys I love before because my eyes are automatically just drawn to premium content.

And my eyes are naturally diverted away from shitty movies.

Oh my God.

Wow.

Honestly, the fact that they have the nerve, the gall, the audacity to put out a Kissing Booth 3 after the absolute train wreck that was Kissing Booth 2, they should know better.

I don't know.

And they should scrap it.

Like,

the pure hatred that is

radiating between the two main characters is so toxic and is so not necessary for a movie that they should really just scrap the whole thing and just like let it die.

I don't even think I watched Kissing Booth 2.

I never finished it.

And if I did, I don't remember it.

It was such a piece of shit.

They hate each other.

I feel like they filmed two and three at the same time.

So the energy just is in two actions.

It carries over.

I mean, the first movie

was good.

But mostly you were like obsessed with the fact that these two were dating in real life.

Then I watched To All the Boys I Love Before Before one, and I know I've spoken about this before, but To All the Boys I Loved Before was like so much better.

When I went back and watched Kissing Booth again, which I had loved Kissing Booth, I'm like, this is the trash movie that I liked.

It's like To All the Boys I Loved Before showed me like what true love is, you know?

Yeah, and I couldn't go back.

And ever since they broke up, and they must have had a really bad breakup because, like, the

hate is so tangible, like on screen.

Damn.

I'm definitely not going to be watching Kissing Booth 3, and I might even lead a movement against it.

Okay.

Sounds good.

I mean, if people like it, if it brings them happiness, like, let them be.

No.

No.

Okay.

Are you ready for our next story?

What other movies are coming out?

Oh, I know.

Do they say like

names of movies?

That we know?

There's a heist film called Red Notice starring Gal Godot, Dwayne Johnson, and Ryan Reynolds.

There's a Western called The Harder They Fall with Regina King, Idris Elba, and Idris Elba.

And then Lovecraft County

starring Jonathan Myers.

Amy Adams is in the woman in the window, which I think is based off a book book.

So I think I'm going to read the book because that's just a fun thing to do.

I would like,

is there like a young adult film coming out, like another franchise?

There's also a movie called Don't Look Up starring Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ariana Grande, Timothy Chalamet, Kid Cuddy, and Meryl Street.

What?

So that sounds starry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And honestly, it sounds too starry.

Sometimes when there's too many famous people in a movie, it's like bound to be bad.

Cats?

Oh, you know what?

They did break it out by genre.

Are there any young adult like love rom-coms like more to all the boys I loved before or kissing booths?

Oh, those are my favorite.

Romance.

The Castle for Christmas.

That sounds like a Christmas Vanessa Hudgens type of movie.

Yeah.

Fuemos Canciones.

Okay.

Kissing Booth 3.

Love Hard.

The Last Letter from Your Love.

What's Love Hard?

I don't know.

There's no description.

Like, they just broke it out.

Okay, so they just broke it out.

The last letter from your lover, The Princess Switch 3.

Wow, I guess those movies do well.

Okay.

To all the boys I love, Always and Forever.

And an untitled Alicia Keys rom-com.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

But there's no like young adult section?

No, but musical section.

Oh.

A week away.

Never heard of it.

Tick-tick boom.

Never heard of it.

Is that a TikTok musical?

And then there's movies for the whole family: A Boy Called Christmas, A Winter's Tale from Sean the Sheep, Back to the Outback, Finding Ohana, Loud Noise, Night Books, Robin Robin, Skater Girl.

I think these are probably animated.

Yeah,

Ninja Turtles.

TMNT.

Troll Hunters.

That's us.

Wish dragon and yes day.

Okay.

Very exciting year for Netflix.

I mean, the streaming wars are so real.

Like,

I can't even say with certainty where I'm spending my most time these days.

Honestly, I'm spending most of my time on Hulu just because that's where Lost is.

But if not for that, like, I'm watching originals all over the place.

Like, Netflix obviously had Bridgerton, but I've heard so many things about the wilds on Amazon.

I think I'm going to start it this weekend.

People are like obsessed with it.

So the streaming wars, look at us.

We're just a bunch of consumers benefiting from the streaming wars.

We really are.

Since I love Bridge Racing so much, I think I'm going to watch Downton Abbey at some point because I think I would love it.

And I don't know why I haven't watched it yet.

It's like

fantastic.

Remember, we were having the conversation about the tun?

Yeah.

Downton.

It's not downtown Abbey.

It's downtown.

Oh my God.

Maybe that's the tun.

Yeah.

I'll find out.

Yeah, I'll let you know.

Let me know if that's a really good call.

So, anyways, that's exciting.

A movie a week.

Woohoo.

Next story is really crazy.

Rebbe Wilson says she was once kidnapped at gunpoint in Africa.

What?

She said the petrifying night occurred in rural Mozambique and left her and her group fearing for their lives.

She was on a Sky One series, straight talking.

She said, We were on this cattle truck and these men came on another truck with a lot of guns.

They pulled up beside us with the big guns and they were like, Yeah, you've got to get off your truck.

She didn't specify when the incident occurred.

She said her group obeyed orders and were taken to a house in the middle of nowhere.

Despite her fear, Wilson said she was able to remain calm.

She said, I felt like I was very good in the crisis.

I was like a team leader.

They sat us down and I said, everybody link arms because I was petrified that they might want to take one of the girls or something.

She said that the kidnappers released the group in the morning and then they made a getaway to the South African border.

They were never given an explanation for why they were taken, but Wilson believed it had to do with smuggling.

Oh my God, that's fucking crazy.

You know what?

I was just going to say, I mean, I guess that could really happen to anyone, but I feel like celebrities, of course, there's so many perks of being celebrities, but I feel like a lot of celebrities go through like traumatic things because they're so high profile and so wealthy.

Like Harry Styles was robbed at gunpoint.

Kim, obviously.

Like, there's so many things you can point to.

It's so scary.

It's so scary.

And it's crazy that this happened and we had no idea.

That's truly traumatizing.

But I don't think this happened because she was famous because I don't think these men knew who she was.

Yeah, no, but still, just very, very scary and a very crazy headline to read today.

Yeah, very crazy headline to read today.

Yeah.

I also read another headline that just had me in my thoughts.

And I think it's going to take us on a really fun journey.

Okay.

John Hamm and Harry Hamlin both auditioned for the OC for the role of Sandy Cohen.

Oh my God.

I mean, neither one of them could have done it.

Sandy Cohen just said never, but John Hamm was on a podcast.

He's given the news to a podcast called Too Long Didn't Watch.

And he said that he auditioned alongside Harry Hamlin and Peter Gallagher, who were around 15 to 20 years older than him.

He said, I remember walking in and being like, is that Peter Gallagher?

Why am I here?

I love Peter Gallagher, but I was just like, dang.

He obviously, we know that Peter Gallagher landed the role.

Ham said he was often called in to audition for roles alongside older actors because he never looked young enough to be in high school.

He was about 32 years old at the time when he read for the part.

He said, I missed out on all the Dawson's Creek and the early, early WB shows.

So then they were like, come in and play one of the dads, but I don't look like

that old enough to be that either.

Yeah, that's true.

I could never see Harry Hamlin.

I mean, Peter Gallagher isn't Jewish, but Sandy Cohen was like the quintessential, like, old Jewish man, and he really got that character like nailed down perfectly.

Like, I couldn't see Harry Hamlin ever playing like a Jewish dad obsessed with bagels.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I, you know what?

I feel like, obviously, we can't see it any differently because that's how it was.

And I guess Harry Hamlin like could have, but they made the total right choice.

100%.

I mean, Sandy Cohen, I mean, honestly, I can't keep saying Sandy Cohen without saying Sandy Kenyon with the eyewitness news movie Minute.

But Sandy Cohen was literally like a...

an integral part in the success of the OC, like undoubtedly.

100%.

Like his energy that he radiated.

And I don't think that Harry Hamlin

radiates that.

What did Sandy Cohen do for a living in the film?

He was a public defender.

And then eventually he goes into the private sector.

Eventually, like he works for Caleb, and you know, he's a lawyer.

So, but they were living in the OC off of Julie's money.

Off of Kirsten's money.

That's what I meant.

Not Julie's money.

No, they weren't living off their neighbor's money.

No, Kiki.

Yeah.

Got it.

I haven't watched that show in so long.

It's so good.

It's so good.

I, a few years ago, re-watched the whole thing, and it was a prize up until Marissa dying.

That's the thing.

Don't bother yourself with the last season.

But you just like literally spoiled it.

Everything.

Everyone knows.

Yeah, but like if someone didn't watch it, like you just spoiled it.

Okay, if someone, if you don't know, like, even vaguely, you know, ever what happened.

That's the conversation we had at the beginning of the week.

Then you're not interested in ever going to watch the OC.

Yeah, and like we literally had this conversation at the beginning of the week.

Like if a show premiered over 10 years ago, like there's no such thing as spoiling it.

Yeah, and also I don't think that that's necessarily a spoiler because it's not like the whole time you're like it's not like an action series that's like is she or isn't she right you know it's like she just left the show yeah i mean she was low-key towards like the end of her time they're like the worst character like with her just putting everyone in danger and her bad decision making um

But the show is not the same after.

The best is like the first two seasons when like Summer and Marissa and Ryan and Seth are like this for some and like they hang out at Summer's house and Summer of Sir convertible and Summer's house is so nice and her dad is never home.

Like that's the best part of the series.

Yeah.

You should re-watch it if you're looking for something.

Yeah.

I also just like need to buy that house that Summer lives in.

I just remember like being obsessed with it, like the white columns and the big stairs.

Yeah, sickening.

Sickening.

So that's what could have been.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

I can't believe John Hamm did a podcast.

I know.

And I also can't believe that like Peter.

I guess.

I don't know who the big stars were at the time, but I feel like now like Harry Hamlin and John Hamm are really big stars compared to Peter Gallagher.

100%.

Because he got that part.

Yeah, but I think at the time, Peter

Gallagher was as famous as John Hamm and Harry Hamlin are now.

Yes.

It's just funny how fame works, you guys.

Yeah.

Fickle and fleeting.

Our fifth and final story is a little Jeopardy news because there's a new guest host on the scene.

Do you know who it is?

Ken Jennings.

Katie Couric.

No, no, no.

Like a new name of someone who's going to host an episode.

Oh, no, who?

An exciting name.

Aaron Rodgers

will

guest host an episode of Jeopardy.

He says he's excited.

An episode, okay.

The Green Bay Packers appeared on the Pat McAfee show and shared that he always looked up to the longtime host, Alex Trebek.

He said, one of my idols growing up was Alex Trebek.

They're doing some guest hosting spots, and it's going to be released pretty soon, but I have the opportunity to do one of those.

I'm excited about that opportunity with Jeopardy.

That's cool.

I mean, I don't think he's being like groomed to be the next Alex Trebek or anything, but this is like a fun promotional thing.

Yeah, and I think they're going to do like a lot of like fun celeb guest hosts, and I wouldn't expect that from Aaron Rodgers.

And hopefully, he lets us know, like, what's going on with his family?

Yeah, like, hopefully, he just like a sidebar and like does he talk to JoJo, right?

That family drama was like so crazy.

Um, Yeah.

And that is like blue going.

I think people who air their family drama like in the public sphere, no matter like what the case is, like, I think those people are disgusting.

But I don't think that they've aired their family drama.

Like they just don't speak.

No, there was like tweets and comments.

No, no, because we still don't know why they're beefing.

So they didn't air it.

Jordan said, no, not on The Bachelor.

I'm saying like afterwards on social media.

Like Jordan like tweeted Aaron like.

When he was doing charity during the holidays, he was like, you could do charity, like not even call your mom.

Remember?

No, that's.

It's just like, it's it's gross like handle it privately like some things even as like someone who loves gossip and celebrity like to see families fighting in the public sphere like it makes me like sad for sure and also it's crazy that they're both celebrities like and they don't speak to each other well they're not like even

nearly on the same level but yes they are in the celebrity sphere and the celebrity sports sphere like they're definitely i feel like they both could end up at the esps like obviously jordan and gijo would be sitting in like the 13th row while aaron rodgers would be like in the first or like he might even be hosting it but still they could end up at the same events for sure.

Yeah.

So I think that'll be pretty cool.

You have that to look forward to.

Yeah.

And I feel like you get a glimpse of people's personalities when they do stuff like that.

Yeah.

And he also participated in Celebrity Jeopardy in the past.

So he's just like a big Jeopardy fan.

I just love Aaron Rodgers.

I think he's like so cute.

And I love seeing celebrities doing things out of their ordinary things that they do, like out of their element.

Like Tina Faye said, it's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.

Totally.

Yeah, especially athletes too.

I feel like celebrities are always trying to like do as many things as possible.

Yes, host, comedy, like a million things for sure.

But athletes have like very one-track minds because they're working all the time.

So to see them in a different space is fun.

Yeah, so exciting.

Let's dive into TV recap because the Real House Wise of Dallas episode was on last night and it was so good.

Because first of all, I think that it is now the second most wealthy franchise after Beverly Hills.

Okay.

Just the butt, like Tiffany really brought up the group average in terms of style, money, home, cars, wine cellar, closet, fingerprint.

You know, like I...

Fingerprint.

I loved that.

I did agree with Stephanie that like inviting people into your home and like literally going through your personal items, like, look, I got the Scoochie bag.

Like, that's really tacky.

But I'm sure the producers like asked her to do that.

And as a consumer, like, I was not upset.

But as a friend, I would be like, this is weird.

Yeah.

Cameron was on Watch What Happens Live, and Cameron and Tiffany are like seriously beefing.

Hardcore on Twitter.

Like in real life, I guess in the show, it hasn't gotten there yet.

But she was saying that she was like, I love seeing ladies' closets in general.

So like I liked it.

But like when you have people in your home, like, I guess it's tacky to like take them on a grand tour.

But I feel like it was asked of that, of her.

Yeah, I mean, I did think it was weird.

I wanted them to show, I wanted her to show her house around, but then I saw her in her master bathroom, which is like a really private place, and her like shoes were off.

And I'm like, this is a really intimate tour.

Like, yeah, and also, I feel like maybe they could have done that tour like with just the cameras and

panning.

Because if I were Stephanie or Deandra, I would have been like, oh, yay, like,

like, you know, it's weird.

And Stephanie,

I don't know when, you know, Travis's, Stephanie's very new money, but I think a lot of the way that she acts about money is very old money.

So like, I think she, like, and then I thought it was just so interesting how, like, when they're getting ready for the dim sum party, you see Stephanie's closet, and it's literally so sickening.

Sickening.

I was thinking the same thing, but it's like, we still don't see the whole thing.

We just are getting glimpses and it's sickening.

Yeah.

So, as it pertains to Tiffany, like, and Cameron not getting along, like, I kind of see that they would butt heads.

And I think that Tiffany, I don't really feel like I know her yet, but I did think it was like so glaringly obvious that like she was like almost going to start stuff with Carrie Breedingham, but the women were like, that's just how she is.

Like it has nothing to do with you.

But she was like claiming she was being bullied into drinking tequila when like it came to the food.

Like she was bullying Cameron.

She knew exactly what Carrie was doing.

Right.

And I feel like.

I think that the women in general, like we're being a little disrespectful, like about the food, like

two-year-olds, especially when it's like someone's culture.

Like it's food is deep, is like very connected to people's culture and like especially in front of the people in the restaurant like i thought they were being rude yeah but i i fell for cameron because like when they were describing how cameron eats i'm like that's me like i have the palate of a four-year-old like i eat chicken fingers french fries and rice for every meal so like if that i was in that situation like i wouldn't know how to handle it and i thought that cameron was being very gracious and just like Being like, I'm good, like, don't worry.

Not saying I'm not eating it, but just like.

And playing around with it.

Yeah.

And like trying not to be obviously disrespectful.

But Tiffany was just like really studying her.

Yeah.

And I thought that was unfair, and like she was definitely

doing exactly what she was mad at Carrie Brittingham for doing.

For sure.

And I think it pissed Cameron off because like Cameron tried to go about it in like a very de-escalated sort of way.

And then now Cameron just was saying on Watch What Happens Live, she finds Tiffany to be very bossy.

And I'm sure like in that instance,

that sort of might have been like the first thing that sets them off in terms of not being friends because they seem so similar to me.

I feel like if I close my eyes, they sound the same too, like the pitch of their voice yeah and i would think that they would get along but we'll see something um has happened to the west scott to cameron westcott this season because she first of all is like so clearly the star of the show like her confessionals are just iconic and like her home life is like so interesting even though like who cares about like selling and you know what i mean like it's not particularly interesting stuff but they're just such an interesting family and like i don't know something like happened to her she like blossomed over the last season she's she's so funny like when she said that thing about the centerpiece like I cackled I cackled I literally texted it to you I didn't know where she was going because she was just like talking about the party she's like by the way when you have a party girl get a centerpiece yeah

zoom in on the table and it really was like empty it was hysterical I agree that she's really becoming like sort of a narrator of the show and I am enjoying it there were a few moments and I wish I could remember them where I like truly cackled I actually love love love Deandra and I think that scene when she was sitting with Jeremy first of all, when they were talking about their love languages and how hers is acts of service, which is mine too.

And like when he was like cleaning the vent, like she was so happy.

Like that was so relatable.

And I just think they have such a good marriage.

Like he is such a nice guy and he's so handsome.

And I just like love when like they're in their house.

And I just think they have like a really good like foundation.

And I think that they're like

really perfectly paired.

Yeah.

I would like to know more.

I usually find people's

reconnecting with my family so boring, but I want to know more, like the money, like how much.

And that's not the same money that Deandra's mom has, right?

That's her stepdad's.

I don't know.

I think it's the same.

I don't.

I think it's the same Simmons money.

I don't think so.

I think, because they're saying,

she said that,

what's her mom's name?

D.

D's husband wasn't her father, but like basically raised her and she was in the will.

But then she had another will from her biological father who like had another family, but they were kind of close.

And she wasn't, like, I think that there were two like huge wills.

I think DeAndre's like rolling in the dough.

Interesting.

I didn't get that, but it's very unclear.

Yeah.

What else happened in the episode?

Oh, the episode opened with a conversation

with Brandy.

With Brandy and Tiffany, which I thought was like...

So great.

Yeah.

Like for both of them.

Like, I'm sure that Tiffany felt like this responsibility, like coming on as the first Asian housewife housewife of Dallas

amid this scandal, like she felt the responsibility to like address it, but also not

like start a fight over it.

And I think she just handled it like really maturely.

And I think that Brandy probably really appreciated that conversation.

I agree.

I think it was a good way to

move forward between the two of them.

Brandy, I mean, I wish she could have been at the party, but like with all this COVID filming, like it's really, I just caught up on OC and it's like unbearable.

So she has to quarantine and she can't go, but I look forward to her.

Like, I feel like she's so upset with herself.

Broken, like, shameful.

Yeah.

And it's, it's a very sad feeling.

Yeah.

And so I just, I'm excited for her to get back in the mix.

Yeah.

Um, the other thing is I forgot because so much happened like last season with Leanne firing, but like I forgot how annoying Carrie Brittingham is.

Um, and her fighting with Deandra reminded me of like, oh, oh, she just like loves to poke and prod.

And Deandre really said it perfectly.

And then I was remembering like all the stuff she did last season before like the huge blow-up.

So like nobody really ever addressed it.

But she is like an annoying friend like that.

Like just always fucking like looking for to like make you the butt of the joke.

Yeah.

I don't really remember her

from last season.

I thought that I liked her, but I agree.

Like her energy, I was just not feeling it.

That's not someone I could ever be friends with like who's just like always poking at me.

Exactly.

And it just reminded me I totally forgot about that side of her.

It seems like all the girls are really close with her, but it also feels like she is kind of like getting a backseat this season.

Like in the first episode, she didn't have any

solo moments, but then we see her family in the second episode.

Which I think that her daughter, I think her name is Olivia, saw herself on TV last season and literally like it changed her life.

Like seeing how she spoke to her mom, which was so disrespectful.

Like I remember growing up, like kids who spoke to their moms that way, like it was just so crazy rude.

Like, and I think she was probably mortified because her behavior is much, and I actually think she made a really good point about like going to college and expanding your horizons and then coming home and like feeling like the people that you grew up with like are just on different levels than you, like emotionally and intellectually.

Yeah.

Um, but she's an entirely different person.

New hair, new hair attitude.

I literally didn't even know it was her, and I agree.

Her behavior last season was disgraceful.

Atrocious.

Yeah.

Um, so it's actually turning out to be like a really good season.

I just love the women of Dallas so much.

They're so funny in their confessionals.

Like they don't hold back.

I know that their like ratings aren't great.

And that makes me really sad.

And I really want, like, everyone to get on board.

I just don't know how any franchise's ratings could possibly be worse than OC.

Like, if you're able to watch OC, you should be able to watch everything else.

I know, but OC just like has this built-in following because it's been on for so long.

And Dallas just doesn't have that.

OC's on season 13.

Dallas is on like season five.

Yeah.

And I just don't want it to get canceled.

Like it's really, really good.

And I feel like it's like on the brink.

Like I just, that's just a feeling that I have.

Yeah, I think this is going to be a really great season.

I think Tiffany is an amazing addition

to the cast.

I just, if you are looking to start Housewives, like start Dallas, it's really, really good.

And they just like need to be saved.

I'm like so worried about them.

Yeah.

Okay, let's dive into Deer Toasters, our advice segment, where you can write into deer toasters at gmail.com about anything that's going on in your life anonymously.

And we will read it out and do our best to give you some advice.

First up.

Hi, Claudia and Jackie.

Hi.

Okay, I can't even believe I'm saying this.

I feel crazy.

I've been with my fiancé for seven years.

We were on, on again, off again in the beginning, but we worked everything out, moved past our mistakes, and he's a PHM.

however we both suffer from horrible anxiety i'm always anxious that he's cheating on me i literally ask him up front like once a month because i'm that crazy for background he has never cheated on me before and has never cheated in any relationship in fact he has been cheated on i have such vivid i had such a vivid dream that he was cheating so vivid that in my dream i told myself to check his phone i did and i found nothing i still have such a pit about it though what has been making me suspicious is the face that we are getting married and is the fact that we are getting married in June, but he hasn't been wanting to do anything in the bedroom.

He keeps blaming his anxiety.

The lack of physical needs is fueling my cheating theory.

He stays up way later than me, even when he's tired.

He's super weird when I touch his phone or his watch.

I truly don't know if I'm overthinking it.

Am I being a crazy person, or is this really a women's intuition?

Sincerely, a crazy stan that needs help.

Wow, this sounds exhausting.

Okay, I think there's two things here.

First of all, the fact that you are so worried that he is cheating on you, and even though he has never done anything to give you any inkling that he is, I think that maybe you should like talk to someone or see someone to sort of unpack like why you have those feelings.

Right, because I think at the end of the day, it's like you can trace that back to like an insecurity either in yourself, in your relationship, and that's just not how you want to live.

Right.

I think you need to work that out.

And I think a therapy would actually be a great place to do that and sort of trace back like why you are so sort of paranoid.

And then the second part about now his behavior has changed and he doesn't go to sleep with you and he's super anxious too.

Maybe you go to couples counselors.

I was going to suggest that as well.

This just sounds

like you guys just need to like work some things out, but it sounds like you otherwise a healthy marriage.

Yeah, and sometimes

relationship, yeah.

Sometimes I feel like maybe the relationship is like, and I think that a lot of girls do this, like the relationship is so fine, but like you look for problems.

Yeah, and you like sort of sabotage it.

And a lot of times that's something that starts within you and your relationship could be absolutely perfect, but you would still treat it that way.

And so I just think that's something that you should talk to someone about.

Right.

Because nothing in here makes me think he's cheating.

Like staying up late is not a crime.

And you went through his phone.

You've gone through his things.

And like there's no, there's nothing to make you think that there's nothing.

So I just think this is a lot like in your head.

Mental.

And sometimes you just got to go unpack your head.

Yeah.

No, it's the suitcase gets really heavy and sometimes you just got to unzip.

I know.

But also like I feel like Matt James now when I say unpack, like it's his favorite word.

Is it?

Yeah.

He's always like, he's said it like that's his thing this season.

Like Claire wanted people to show up.

Matt wants to like unpack.

unpack people.

Oh, I did not pick up on that, but it is a good saying so I agree I don't want it to be oversaturated and then it's like loses its flavor 100% all right next up dear Claudia and Jackie It's every girl's favorite kind of drama wedding drama First off, I want to say that you two set the bar high for toaster weddings.

Oh, you were both beautiful and stunning and your venues were everything of the sort.

That's so nice.

Thank you so much.

Here's my issue.

My friend and her husband got married last summer, COVID style.

20 people went.

Sadly, her bachelorette party was canceled because we didn't feel comfortable traveling at the time it was scheduled.

So fast forward to this spring.

She's wanting us to do her bachelorette, even though she's already married.

Here is my problem.

I just flat out don't want to go.

One, she's married already.

Two, I'm not ready to travel to the state we're going to.

Three, I have a serious quarantine body that I'm rocking, and I don't feel like being around a bunch of skinny bitches in thong bikinis.

Please help.

Do I convince her?

We should not do it.

Do I tap out or do I just go?

Sincerely, a toaster who dreams of being a bride one day so she can show her friends how to be a nice one.

That's so funny.

That's tough.

Honestly, this girl.

I mean, this is an easy one.

You just say like you won't go because of COVID.

Whatever you need to say, blame it on COVID.

Like COVID is just like.

COVID has been so treacherous, but it has given us people who love to cancel plans.

It has given us all the time.

It's an excuse.

100%.

And so whatever you need to, like, maybe if you saying to her, I don't feel comfortable traveling to this state, even though I think that that would completely suffice.

Like, I think I have friends and people have said that, and we all are like fine with it and vice versa.

Or if you need to, like, plan something a week after her thing where you're like oh I can't be

quarantined.

I would have to quarantine but I had this a week later and I need to be there for that I think that this should be so easy for you to get out of like use COVID as an excuse like while you still can yeah I think tapping out of plans that you don't feel comfortable in for whatever reason they are is like the most healthy thing you can do in your adult life is like just say no to things like you don't have to be everywhere and like FOMO can be so toxic, but so can keeping up with it, like going places you don't want to go.

So I think you're fine.

Like you don't have to go.

I like, I can't tell if this girl's being annoying by having a bachelorette party after a wedding or like i should feel bad for her because she had like a 20 person covet wedding and like she's just trying to make the best of it um i'm kind of annoyed with her you know it's like the moment's over like you had the covet wedding you didn't wait like

yeah

but i think if she framed it as like maybe in not in the spring, but even a year on her wedding anniversary is like, let's do a girl's trip, not a bachelorette party, but like, let's just go on a trip to celebrate.

Like, we don't need to all get the sashes and play the games and all that.

But like you want to go on the trip that we didn't get to take, like, that sounds really fun to me.

Yeah, that's funny.

But don't do it at a time when it's like your friend, other people are getting married and having these conflicts.

Like I would do it post-COVID completely.

Like just wait.

I agree.

All right.

Now I'm really excited to do an update from the girl who farted at her Thanksgiving dinner with her boyfriend's family and it was really loud.

Dear Jackie and Claudia, here we go.

The time has come.

An update from my Thanksgiving acerole, if you will.

An update on the Thanksgiving fart heard around the world.

Quick recap.

I farted during the moment of silence at my boyfriend's Thanksgiving dinner, or should I say, ex-boyfriend.

Now, Claudia and and Jackie, please find peace in knowing the actual fart.

Sorry, please find peace in knowing that the actual fart itself played little to no role in our breakup and was actually never spoken about.

However, the absolute terrorism that despicable moment caused on my brain started to take its toll.

I found myself constantly squeezing my cheeks in fear.

I couldn't go on.

I came up with a reason that was technically true.

It's not you, it's me.

I would like to take this moment to thank you.

After submitting my story, your concern with my babbles hit deep.

Sorry, I forgot.

I'm not remembering what we said.

The more you talked about how

the more you talked about how concerning it was that I farted before dinner, the more I began to realize this could be a legitimate medical issue.

So I did, in fact, had to go to the doctor to find out that not only did I have asymptomatic COVID,

but that I had irritable bowel syndrome as well.

You cannot make this shit up.

Your concern and diagnosis saved my toilet and my family.

Thank you for doing God's work.

I am forever grateful for the doctors and the toast.

Oh my God.

That's crazy.

Well, the fact that she had IBS is not shocking.

No.

But the fact that she was COVID positive and she didn't even know and she only went to the doctor because of us and she could have infected her grandmother.

Like, we are literally saving lives.

Saving lives.

Wow, that's what you can get when you take our advice.

I'm shook.

I'm shook.

That's the craziest update I've gotten.

Sounds like she's doing well too.

And so even though she's funny, like she's a comedy writer, like the way that she writes is very funny.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for updating us.

If we've ever written it, if you've ever written in and we've spoken your request on air, please write us in on an update.

I love hearing back from it.

And I'm so happy that you're doing okay taking care of your body.

Yes.

Love to hear it.

Wow, we'd love to update.

I so didn't see that coming.

So like happy for you and these answers.

Hilarious.

That's our show.

Anything else you want to talk about?

Oh, I mean, I am writing a book.

I don't know if I've mentioned that.

Girlwithnojob.com/slash book.

Oh, and you want to do something cool.

So if you've gotten my book, or if you haven't gotten my book and you're trying to get a copy, Goodreads is doing a giveaway.

They have 100 books.

Oh my god, that's so cool.

And now I'm like on the page with all like the real authors like on Goodreads giveaways.

And like, we're just like, you know, giving away books.

So they're giving away 100 books and 100 people can win.

I put the link on my story, but I think if you also just Google like Goodreads Girl with No Job giveaway,

you can get it.

And I'm really excited, and that's all I have to say.

So exciting.

We shall see you tomorrow.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Morning Toast.

I'm lying on Morning Trow, where you deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Bye.