Maeby Funke Maybe Wearing Maebe: Tuesday, March 11th, 2025

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It's the toast it's jackson claude and we're your hosts it's your favorite show the fast five things you need to know we'll start your day off swirly it's the toast they sound amazing welcome back to the toast and happy Tuesday. Hope everybody's having a pargy-licious day.
Hope some of you have made a pargy loaf thus far, this morning. I thought about it.
I was actually going to start my day with the PL, but time got away from me. You know, I was trying on dresses.
All of a sudden, I'm like, oh my God, get to work. What a horrible way to start the morning.
I'm so sorry that you were trying on dresses I know but it's my own fault they came yesterday I didn't do it yesterday it was actually nice because I had done my makeup and my hair so they looked as good as they were gonna look I gave them a fair shot I also actually tried on dresses we have a wedding coming up um my sorry sister-in-law not Ben's sister sister-in-law um she's getting married and I have really put off getting dresses and I got two yesterday and they both worked they both fit and like I like them both I don't even know which one to wear and I want to shout out to a woman I don't know if it's a woman named Taller Marmo which is a new brand that I found that um makes like they're all like one size fits all caftans and I know what you're thinking like one size fits all but like they're huge don't know what they look like on a thin person, but I wore it to the wedding that I went to in Miami and I just was like, oh, this brand is fab. Let me get one for Maddie's wedding.
Now she's pricey. So I bought one for final sale on, I think maybe like Farfetch'd.
Like you really got to, you got to pillage the interwebs for something reasonably priced, but a life hack if you're pregnant and you have to go to a wedding, Taller Mar pargy thank you also maybe you'll do like a wardrobe change in the middle when maddie changes her wedding dress like sister-in-law swapping that's like that's like one of the girls who like gets engaged at your wedding like hands they hand the bouquet over to you i actually think this might be crazier of course it is doing a wedding doing an outfit change at a wedding that's not yours is so unacceptable. It's unheard of.
It's unheard of. The only acceptable thing is like to change your shoes.
Everybody changes their shoes like that's fine. Yeah.
And I know at like actually a bunch of like really orthodox religious weddings they do actually change because they, like a part of like an orthodox Jewish wedding is doing like little skits for the bride and groom and like sometimes that requires a costume change. But other other than that, no, no, no.
Having a second party dress, a shorter version of your regular dress, that's really crazy. I love that.
That's hysterical. So I tried on dresses yesterday and I live to tell the tale.
It can happen. No, same.
And I don't open packages after 5 o'clock. So I could have done it last night, put it to bed.
Oh, that's an interesting boundary you've put up. Why up why is that no like it's just when I start to wind down for the day and like anything that's coming in once I've started like cooking dinner because then it's like dinner bath bed it's just a hectic time and then after that time like don't ask me for anything like yeah I love that don't even if it's a tiny I'm not opening anything till tomorrow the only I'll do like email work but I will not do anything physical I'm well I know you were putting in the tv recap work because I woke up with a text message from Jackie about running point so that means you started it I started running point I watched the new episode of Kardashians because I was one behind and it just brought me so much joy to see Kim Kardashian and Andrew Huberman in the same room and I heard they had quite a lot of chemistry I have to put put it out into the universe.
Not only do they need to get together, but I also, if anybody knows either of them and knows if they have gone even on one date, like, please let me know because also the vibe I was getting from the scene is that they might have already been dating and that's why this meeting was even happening because they were looking at each other like so smiley. I don't think because they were just into each other on the first meet.

I think maybe they're dating because Kim does have a boyfriend.

Okay.

I like where your head is at.

I just don't know.

I don't know if I can see these two like truly being compatible,

especially when you think about like his sordid relationship history.

Seems like a really toxic boyfriend.

Well, I don't think he's a great boyfriend,

but I do think the right woman could get him on the straight and narrow. You know, I think there might be a woman out there that would be worth changing for for him.
And he loves women, obviously. Loves women.
Kim's a whole lot of woman. I feel like he would be so into her.
And I feel like for her, he's perfect because she really shouldn't date like a businessman because she's going to be more successful than any businessman. Obviously, she shouldn't date.
There's only room for one star. She shouldn't date anyone in Hollywood.
She shouldn't date any athlete. No.
But a scientist who has like an interest in fame and is a lab up at Stanford and she goes to like law school and they could like pack their lunches together in the morning. I'm obsessed they're like two students yeah wait it's kind of like lessons in chemistry wait can you tell me what you thought about running point i'm so curious um i thought it was really cute i didn't like the vibe of the show it's like a sitcom almost where it's like a comfort show it's not like high stakes like no it's not it's about a family business like a family um basketball team and it more like, you know, succession where it's like drama and who's.
No. It's like dopey and hysterical.
And also it reminds me a little bit of Ted Lasso, but again, like a little less serious. It's a swirly Ted Lasso.
And it's a comfort show. Like it's something that would have aired on ABC at eight o'clock back in the day.
I watched a lot of it last night too and did you feel first of all what did you think of Chet Hanks he's the star. He's so great he's so funny I feel like he's a little short to be playing a basketball player but they work the angles you know they're like yeah he's also jacked he's jacked he must have like gone on roids for this because he's always been like a big guy but he's never been like meathead he's huge I don't know how he fits through the door he's huge he's definitely like the best parts of the show because he's so funny yes for sure and I posted this on my Instagram and I got a lot of feedback people agreeing with me because when I first saw the show I don't know what about it maybe it was like looks because it so much personality, but maybe the way they talk.
He reminds me like a little bit like his character might have been loosely based off Travis Kelsey. I saw that and I do agree.
But then I think if that were the case, they wouldn't have called him Travis because that's like too obvious. Oh, is his name Travis? I don't know anybody's name in the show.
Oh, OK. That's interesting.
Also, I saw an interview Chet did, and he was, like, talking so glowingly about this project because they, like, totally let him be himself. They say the character is literally him.
Yeah. Which I could also see.
Yeah. No, it's really fun.
It's a nice thing to watch at the end of the day. I don't feel, like, pressure to finish it quickly.
Also, Maria Sofia Estrada is in it. I clocked her in two.
How did you realize it was her? When in her first scene, she plays Anna Moreno, the lawyer for Jackie. And she was just like being extra.
And I'm like, I know this person. I'm like, is that Maria Sofia Estrada? And I literally Googled it and confirmed.
I very, very recently watched again the Maria Sofia Estrada episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which are some of the funniest. And so I knew, it's like, I didn't even need to look it up.
Like, I'm like, oh, it's Maria Sofia. Oh, okay.
I had to look it up to confirm because I was like, is that Maria Sofia? Like, it's crazy that she can be someone other than Maria Sofia Estrada, but she's doing a great job as Anna. No, and I love that she has been tapped for, like, she was so funny in Curb.
She's really a very talented actress and she's relatively unknown. So like the fact that Mindy tapped her, like Mindy saw something in Maria Sophia.
Yeah. Yeah.
Good times. Let me ask you a question because there was a couple of things I wanted to talk about before, but I don't want to step on the toes of any stories.
Okay. Is Kyle Juszczyk a story? He is.
We have a sports, our first story, because we're in like a very much a sports mode between running point there's been like trade news i guess this is like trade time and it's affecting the girlies on a serious level it's train time trade time oh trade duh trade because there are trades happening so we have a trades story so then i won't talk about my kyle use check feelings because I have a lot that I want to share. But the last thing I want to share before we dive in is I watched last night Andrew Schultz's comedy special.
Okay. And something happened to me that's never happened to me before in my life.
I might even cry talking about it now. I'm so emotional.
Jackie, I was hysterically crying. Wow.
So, oh my God, I'm literally- And the part that's never happened is like you never cried from a comedy special. A comedy special? Like, I've cried from laughing so hard, but like, it was very emotional.
So, it's all about fertility. So, he just had a baby and he talks all about like IUI, IVF, and fertility issues, which for him and his wife, he was the one who had like some issues.
And so, what that was like for him, and it was obviously funny, you know, like she isn't in a cup, like, but he talks about the whole journey, like kind of the way we talk about it, but hearing it from a man was like very funny. And I liked that he was really, he talked about his wife.
I don't know anything about her, but like so much respect. Like he literally loves his wife so much.
So he was like being funny, like my dick, my dick, but like still with so much respect for his wife. And it was just like really well done.
And then by the end of it, it's their journey to getting pregnant. So they do IUI.
It doesn't work. They do IVF.
It takes, but like they're really like unsure. And then she wakes up and she's like, oh my God, I had the worst dream that I had a miscarriage.
And she goes to the bathroom and there's blood everywhere. So they go to the doctor immediately, like rush to the hospital the hospital and then he's like and then my wife said that I could share this with you guys and there's a big screen behind him and they play this montage first of all he's filming when they do the ultrasound and they hear the heartbeat and they like both start crying and then it goes into this like really beautiful montage of her c-section and then like the baby's first gear Jackie I was hysterically crying it was so beautiful spoiler alert because I'm sorry it's my content list he got so serious at the end because he was like, I felt so bad that my wife was going through all of this.
And it was like my issue. It wasn't like her ovaries.
It was like my thing. And he was like apologizing to her so profusely.
And he was like, she said something to me that I'll never forget. And it was like, it's not like your problem.
It's our problem. And like, that's what we're going to do.
And it was like, he loves his wife so much. much he loves being a dad to hear that from a man who's like all like joke podcast hot penis jizzing in a cup the nurse was hot like it was so refreshing it was so lovely like the whole mantra of the special was like he loves being a dad oh he fucking loves his wife he worships the ground she walks on like you could still be funny and do that.
It was such a good special. I was cracking up and then I really was hysterically crying.
Obviously, I'm a little... I'm susceptible.
You're a little emotional. I did.
I cried about the Wi-Fi this morning. Just a little.
A little bit hormonal. It was so good.
Nobody's done anything like that before. it was a different take everybody does the same specials how funny story my penis but he really did something new i was hysterically crying well now it's on the content list did ben watch it with you yes and he was cracking up because it's really relatable like the whole journey of trying to conceive yeah um obviously like their journey was different than than ours and other people's but like the whole thing about how like you know you think it's so easy to get pregnant and he's been on the hair pill like his whole life and when he had low sperm count they were like it's probably because you're on the hair pill he's like you mean to tell me my whole life like i could have just like not been getting girls pregnant and had amazing hair like that's all i had to do it was really relatable it was very funny hair pill i I assumed it I assumed it was like minoxidil Propecia I think it's Propecia oh Propecia for sure I think Propecia is like no low sperm count so watch out for that one so he's like that's a life hack you want to have great hair and get nobody pregnant like when you're 20s take Propecia it was really funny so Ben loved it I loved it it was a great watch okay great thanks for the rec yeah sorry for spoiling the whole thing but like i thought it was so inspired yeah and i think i'll still be able to enjoy it without the cliffhanger yeah it also it kind of came out of nowhere yeah like this deep sincerity and i thought he was like about to make a joke and he didn't which i liked like it was just and to hear like one of those like you know like stereotypical like broey podcasters talk so glowingly about fatherhood and family it was so lovely a lot of them like are fathers and family men yes but like they don't talk about it like yeah even when he was talking about like his wife's body he was still it was funny like he was like You watch your wife get fingered like it's fucking weird I'm sitting right here it wasn't Disrespectful like and it wasn't gross Do you know what I mean yeah Like it was all positive like all in All in very Like you know with lots Of reverence With lots of love.
With love, Schultzy. Everything I do, like I'm cooking dinner last night, with love, Jax.
By the way, it's so good to constantly be sending things out into the world with love. You know? It's so true.
I made salmon bowls last night with love, Jax. I saw that you were making salmon bowls.

It kind of looked like you were making them with hate, like that it was a lot of work.

So I was making them with a bit of love and hate.

Like I, they make it, they act like it's an easy thing to make.

Like, oh, because it's like just a bunch of ingredients.

Who's they?

Just like even the recipe maker.

And you would think like assembling a bowl, it's not making a roast chicken, but it's just like a lot of chopping, a lot of dishes. It was so worth it, though.
So worth it. Such a good meal.
It looked bargy. But next time what I'm going to do is I'm going to bake the whole salmon.
Like, because that's so easy. Just put it in a baking dish.
Cut it up. Put it on the bowl.
And I still have some fixing, so I think I'll make it again tomorrow. And I still have extra marinade, so it's going to be a breeze the second time around you just reminded me I took your advice today this morning actually started by the way just just know like nothing like scratches my brain than someone saying that that's so fair it's giving like you were right yeah which advice of all did you take you told me um that I should do a What I Eat in the Day Patreon.

And I started it this morning.

People are genuinely so, they're curious about what other people eat.

But for me, because of the Ozempic of it all, I've always been asked to do a What I Eat in the Day.

But honestly, it's so toxic.

People are like, you should be, shut up.

But now, being pregnant, I feel like it's even more interesting.

And honestly, the vlog's going to be three hours long because all I do is eat.

So I started it this morning. Spoiler alert, I won't tell you what I had for breakfast.
But I'm doing a What I Eat in the Day. It is going to be three hours long because all I do is eat um so I started it this morning spoiler alert I won't tell you what I had for breakfast but I'm doing a what I eat in the day it's going to be for our patreon I'm really excited to watch that especially like yeah I remember I saw one of my first forays into Matt and Abby was like I got targeted for like Abby's what I eat in a day as a pregnant and breastfeeding mama so she is so and she works right too so that's like triple the appetite because you're so hungry when you're breastfeeding you're so hungry when you're pregnant and when you work out oh my goodness I was sat well it's interesting because now that you know someone's like going to be watching you eat like you you're you're not yeah like you're putting your best foot forward and I'm really trying like not to lie I'm just trying're like not using the paper plates.
No, I did use a paper plate. But like I sat down and like I usually sit at my countertop.
Like I sat at the dining room table and like laid out all my things. I tried.
But I'm really trying to be like super authentic. I know people like lie or embellish.
You know, they just make it a little bit healthier or a little bit more well-rounded. Like I'm going to honest as I can be but the inclination to just like spruce it up is so real yeah you want to put your best foot forward I don't think that's such a bad thing but like yeah you do need to film like every handful that you grab from the cupboard but then it's like because you're filming you're like let's make a snack so Ben was in the vlog I think it actually inspires better behavior it's It's aspirational.
Well, yeah, but then you have to do it every day. Because I'm in the vlog and I'm like, oh, I'm eating an orange.
And Ben's like, do you want a slice? He's like, no, I don't eat before noon. Oh, okay.
I'm like, wait, not you lying. Like, yeah, you do.
We go to breakfast at the diner. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Oh, wow.
And he's like, no, I'm not lying. And then then he was like you lied when you said you have fruit every day with your breakfast i'm like no i do have like a piece of fruit every day like and like we are already like now i feel like people are gonna think i'm lying i swear i'm not i have fruit every morning the thing is you have earned our trust over the years you are a trustworthy person you are authentic.
So I'm going to believe what you say that you eat.

He's like, I don't eat before noon, sometimes even one.

What the hell are you talking about?

Okay.

Okay, P.T. Barnum, the greatest showman.
Meanwhile, he had already had like a coffee, his athletic green.

So it's like he's like doing stuff.

Yeah.

No, he's like full of liquid.

He like blends a cereal.

It was just, he was lying.

That's really funny. I guess we'll get Ben's what he eats in a day too.
What are you going to have for dinner? Well, I don't want to spoil it. We talked about it in the vlog.
Oh, okay, cool. Don't spoil it because I'm actually like enjoying this vlog from afar.
And I look forward to watching it. So those were my, I had three things written down.
Andrew Schultz you know what i want to make tonight what a taquito no a crunch wrap you would confuse those two things and you should it's really hard though like i went to the tortilla aisle yesterday to start getting ingredients and like what is the crunchy piece you know what it's actually called on the recipe a tostada yeah the tostada so where do i find that you make it what it's like a mini tortilla that you fry oh okay i bought mini tortillas yeah and then you just fry it and that becomes like your cracker i fry it like in a vatat of oil. Yeah.
I'm sure they sell like pre-made tostadas.

I'm pretty sure.

Yeah.

But here's the thing.

Are you going to put cheese in it?

Sure.

Okay.

So I didn't put cheese in it, which makes it really hard because cheese is like the glue that keeps the whole thing together.

And I don't like cheese.

So Ben like has the hardest time assembling mine.

But yours should be good.

Follow Ben's recipe.

He has a reel on his story.

Okay.

I mean his Instagram.

Maybe I'll FaceTime him for a consultation.

Wow.

I wasn't expecting to take a stray bullet today.

I opened up my iPad.

You know they give you like a photo of the day.

My photo of.

Theo.

Rip.

When I said a stray bullet I meant it.

That's so funny.

I have an iPad.

Actually not this one.

It's an old iPad that we use downstairs.

And I don't have a lot of pictures there. And so a picture comes up, it's like of Dan Schneider.
Like something that you used for the toast. Like for the first week of the toast.
It's like circles around his face. Okay, wait.
Ready? Yeah, ready? Similarly, I have the Applewhite family from Desperate Housewives. Let me see what's on this iPad.
Oh, Theo getting a bath. This is like such random photos.
Me and Ben dressed as Donna Kelsey. And then there's a shit ton of pictures of your kids, which I obviously won't show, but will enjoy myself.
Yeah. Oh, like a bunch of, oh my God, like so many accidental photos.
Like. Yes, of course.
Like this. I love this.
That's beautiful. i think i should bring it i love this one i love this one oh my god how cute am i coaches you are beautiful you are beautiful yeah coaches you are beautiful yeah yeah that's My nephew said I was beautiful.
Here's a picture of my sisters and my brother. I can't see what I'm looking at.
I'm going to crop out Margo. Sorry, Sachi.
Can you see? I have all the Getty images from that Amazon party. Oh, pargy photos.
That is so funny. Real pargy.
I say say we dive in we also have dear toasters today at the end of the show which is our weekly advice segment that everybody looks forward to um so i'm ready if you are you just tell me when let's get into the fast five stories you need to know you do the fast five stories you need to know are brought to you by good ranchers so everyone has the power to spring into act spring into action and make a real difference in the lives of american farmers and ranchers but also of yourself and you can do that by subscribing to good ranchers if you are looking for a solve to a lot of the problems when it comes to consuming meat like the not not being American sourced, having hidden additives, no transparency, then Good Ranchers is an amazing place to shop for your meat and your seafood. Every cut of beef, chicken, pork is raised and harvested right here in local farms in the USA.
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Roback, R-H-O-B-A-C-K. Thank you, turdback.
I don't like that one. Makes me feel like big, like a linebacker, a turdbacker, you know? Okay.
You can cut that one from your vocab. I won't say say it again but i don't regret saying it today because it's the perfect segue to our first story which is some football news okay let's talk about it apparently i don't know if it's just you know things coming in threes or like if this is trade season if this is the moment for trades because who else got traded braxton oh right right two major trades in the sports ex-girlies world I'm actually sure other people probably got traded but like we know about these two because they're for the girlies so yeah no and also like I don't think actually Braxton's is like that big of a trade I think someone in his position and his agent gets traded but like for us yeah no this doesn't like shake up the sports world but they're not talking about it on espn it definitely it shakes up the earl world because of course like her and braxton got together both living in miami they live down they've been like a miami it couple yeah they've never like had to be long distance or anything so like if he's now going to the texans like what does this mean for braxton and alex now i personally think that like alex really loves him so much and me too this is a one-year contract worth $2 million.
So I think it's nothing they can't handle and nothing that they won't get through. But I feel like people are like, is Alex moving to Houston? Probably not.
I feel like other people might think they would break up over this. I really don't think so.
I think she really loves him. Also, football is kind of the best sport to be in a relationship with because it's the shortest season.
So he only needs to physically be in Houston for a certain amount of time. But I think people also really underestimate how busy Alex Earl is.
She makes it look fun and she's like, you know, a swirly. But she's like an extremely successful, booked and busy business person.
I don't think she can be going to Houston, you know, every week if she doesn't live there. And I don't think she's going to live there.
But I do think this actually will be really challenging for them. I do think so too, but I think it's just a year.
We'll see what happens after a year. I don't think this is great news for Braxton's career.
Me neither, but it is because his time, like the last season of his in Miami, he was out due to an injury, and it was a really serious injury. It could have been a career-ending one.
So I think he rehabilitated himself really well. So the fact that he got a contract after such a big injury is like very promising.
Yeah. But he's also again, he's like- The Dolphins also stunk.
They didn't even make it to the playoffs. So it's like, that's not practice's fault.
No, I agree that it doesn't like bode super well for his career, but he's also that type of player. Like some players, you know, your job is to be a professional football player and you go to different teams all the time.
Sometimes like up until recently for Kyle Juszczyk, like you're sort of a franchise. The quarter is sort of a franchise.
He's like a team captain. He's kind of like a leader within his community.
Sometimes you get that and that's so great for you and your family because you don't have to move. But most football players like are more like Braxton.
They get a year here. They're lucky if they get two.
Their wife and kids just like move with them. So it's not uncommon.
But like the big ones were like yeah well you know Tom Brady was there for 50 years well he's Tom Brady yeah a lot of them do beep boop bop he had a nice sit in the dolphins where he was able to meet his lady love and hopefully they'll get through these tough times and maybe they'll even have some fun that could be fun yeah but let's talk about Kyle Juszczyk because that of directly affects us more yes so kyle use check was also traded from the 49ers well he wasn't traded he was released yeah so hopefully with a trade coming yeah so i had like done some research and i remember hearing about this last year kyle use check took a paycheck uh pay cut last year like they had met with him to like rest. He took a pay cut.
I think he makes a lot of money and I was also being such a curious kitten last night, looking at all of his different contracts. He makes a lot of money.
He can take a pay cut. So he took a pay cut.
I think he loves his team. Especially for quality of life.
Right, not having to move his family. Yeah.
And then this year, six days ago, had a restructuring meeting with him again. I think they were wanting him to take another pay cut.
And they had said if they can't reach an agreement that he's going to be released. So I guess he wasn't willing to take another cut or whatever they were asking him to concede.
And so he is gone. And that's kind of a big deal for us because obviously he's a close personal friend and just like a trusted resource here at the Toast.
Two, it's why we're 49ers fans. Like I guess we're not anymore.
No, I mean he brought us to the team and now obviously like we have roots there. I have love for the Niners but like Kyle Yushek not being there like wherever he goes just know and this definitely like ups his value like my fandom goes with him it's true but the thing about me is like I have so much love inside me for so many teams like I'm a fan of multiple teams and I could I could take on one more I'll take on all of them when I have like when something happens where I like have a reason to like a team like I of course love the Niners are a Cowboys family.
I love all the Florida teams because I'm Florida strong. I love all the New York teams.
I love all the New York teams, like hometown teams. Josh Allen.
I love Josh Allen. I love the Chiefs because I'm a pop culture girl.
I watched Quarterback on Netflix. So I like Kurt Cousins.
Classic. I like them all.
So wherever he wants to I'll support him and I have yeah makes it nice for me because I can buy all those shirts on Abercrombie for all the different teams that I love. Do you think that Christian used Chex brand because when she launched her brand they only launched with like four or five teams and it was like the big teams and the Niners were obviously one of them because they're a big team but also because that's obviously her husband's team.
Do you think that they're going to drop the Niners from like their offerings? They only have like five teams. No, I think she has love in her heart for the Niners but I think this will be an exciting moment if she goes to a new team that they don't carry their jersey yet.
It will be like an exciting launch to do it with her brand. So I think she can make the most of it for sure.
I also think, I mean, he's 34, which isn't old, but it's not young. And I think that a lot of people were saying if he was going to retire, I don't think that he will, because if he was, when they released him, I'm sure they could have come to an agreement where he was just allowed to retire.
Yeah. Yeah, and instead of being released.
So I think he will play. He has plenty of years to play.
He's super young. Yeah, I feel like Braxton's closer to retirement.
He's 29. Yeah, he's also been plagued by injury.
Like, that counts, too. And maybe there's more longevity in certain positions, and others have a shorter shelf life.
So Ben was explaining to me, Kyle's position is a fullback, and he's been on the Niner since 2017, which is, like, such an honor to be able to be on the same team for, like, eight years. And he's, like, the captain.
Everybody loves him. Like, it's, like, a real family over there.
But they are, I don't know if they're, like, in a rebuild year, but Debo Samuel is gone. I think there's talk about Brock.
I was reading, like, some Adam Scheffler things yesterday. Like, I think they got to a place, like, two years ago where it was as good as it was going to get, and if they didn't win that Super Bowl two years ago with like Brock and everyone, like everyone's getting older now, like injuries, like it wasn't going to happen.
So now it's time to like rejigger a little bit. And I think that's what this is.
But Kyle's in a unique position because he's a fullback. And Ben was explaining that like that particular position, football is like sort of trending in a different direction now.
I didn't really understand exactly what he was saying. But like fullbacks, like not every team even has a fullback now.

But he plays all different positions.

He does.

He was actually like a backup quarterback for the –

he also went to Harvard and graduated with a 4.2 GPA.

I did a lot of research on him last night.

I was curious just honestly how much money he made because I'm so obnoxious.

The 49ers also contracted someone called Luke Farrell. He's a tight end.
Three years, $20 million. I think he might be the future.
Well, that's interesting because they have a very good tight end, George Kittle. Does that mean he's also on the chopping block? I think you could have more than one tight end.
Look how many Travis has. Yeah, it's true.
It's true. And then they also have Christian, of course.
Yeah, of course. But Christian's kind of been a blessing and a curse because he's so amazing, But he was injured this last season and the 49ers went nowhere.
He's like too good compared to the other players. Yeah, but that happens with any team.
That would be like if Tom Brady got injured. Like they probably treated him not nowhere.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So where do you think Kyle's going to go? I would love for him to come to New York.
He's from New York. I feel like he could.
And Lord knows the Jets could use like something. I don't think he should go to the Jets.
I think he should go to the Chiefs and that way Taylor and Kristen could just be friends. Yeah.
I think maybe he will go to the Texans. Maybe they're acquiring.
Oh, they're like an acquisitional year. Yeah.
Yeah, this is so rising point. What's it called? Running point.
This is so draft day. The best day of the year.
I do really wonder where he's going to go. I don't know anything about like the landscape of teams.
So I don't know who needs a fallback, but send off in the comments. I'll eavesdrop on Zach's show tonight.
I'll let you know what they say. You're going to listen to Colin Cowherd? I will eavesdrop.
I will not actively listen, but hopefully I don't know why he watches like colin cowherd more than mike and molly mike and mike mike and mike is the show pti pardon maybe he watches pti like earlier in the day and i'm not around for it because that's like his number one and i will never understand is now his number one i will never understand how there's like a successful sports show called Pardon the Interruption and then also Pardon My Take. Also, Mike and Mike are different than PTI.
I just because it's Tony. Tony and Mike.
And then I think there's another show called Mike and Mike that we don't watch. And then there's Big Cat.
I know Big Cat. And then there's Jackson Claude.
There's never not been. There always will be.
You know we are Tony and Mike. Maybe that's why I like when he watches that one.
I'm totally Tony, right? No, no, I'm so Tony. Oh, you're so Tony? I don't even know who.
I literally don't even know what these people look like. Tony won't even get on an airplane.
So the other one goes to the Super Bowl and stuff and does everything, and Tony will not get on not get on oh you're tony tony's like the agoraphobic host and he's like older and he's just like sat giving his opinions and the other ones are kind of like the correspondent liaison yeah like the you would probably recognize him he's like you would not recognize tony because tony got it got it well they better watch watch their backs because Jackson Clodder definitely like emerging

as leading voices in the sports world.

It's true.

I wonder though,

I'm just going to like head over to ESPN quickly.

Like if other trades happened yesterday

and we only know about these two

because they affect us.

No, I don't think yesterday was like a trade day,

but you're right.

We're definitely like in the season.

Headline of ESPN,

2025 NFL free agency winners and losers.

49ers, Jaguars, Patriots.

Okay, so this was happening all over. Okay.
So now you know that. Look out.
Cool. Look out.
That's the thing about sports. Like, I don't know how people have shows that are completely dedicated to sports because, like, it does get boring.
Like, the fun part's over. Like, Kyle was traded.
Like, literally what else is there to say say how do people do an hour-long show they do like predictions too you know when like and i guess they cover multiple leagues yeah but like you know red carpet like at the at the pre-show when they're really desperate they're like i think jennifer aniston's gonna wear this we'll be wearing the dior couture on the runway it's like this is a complete waste of time you realize that yeah i spoke to jenniferiss and she wouldn't tell me what she was wearing. Okay, so why the fuck are you sharing? She said, look out.
That's so Zanna Roberts Rossi. But that's also what they do on these sports shows.
Like a game's coming up and they talk about what they think will happen. Like what a fucking And they analyze previous games too.
Waste of time. Truly.
Are you ready for our next story? Yeah. One that you're really passionate about because you sent it to me on multiple channels.
I did. I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it because I have a special place in my heart for Neo.
If you've ever seen him sing the national anthem, you know that nobody else should ever sing it again. People are always like, Whitney Houston's, Whitney Houston's is the best.
And it is, but Neo's is a very, very close second. And he doesn't make news a lot.
No. And when he does, you better sit down and listen.
He made news yesterday because he has a special place in his heart for his four girlfriends. Multiple, yeah.
He introduced his four girlfriends from his polyamorous relationship yesterday. Neo is not ashamed of his polyamorous lifestyle.
Taking to Instagram over the weekend, he introduced fans to the four women he's currently in a relationship,

urging critics to say something nice or move on with their lives.

Since the world is so intrigued,

he said, I guess I should introduce

my loves properly.

Ladies and gents,

I present my pyramid.

And he tagged them all on Instagram.

It was a collab.

Being a really supportive boyfriend,

if that's the right word, I don't know. Let me tell you I didn't expect this from Neo does it change like how you feel about his

national anthem no no does it change just like how I think of him in general yes does it change

like the place in your heart that he was holding a little honestly like this is really crazy and it sounds like he was gonna be exposed because he was like since everybody wants to be knowing like here it is like he releases information begrudgingly like with a gun to his head yeah or like people were like i saw him with her and i saw him with her so they thought like they had something and he was, you don't. He was getting a reputation as like a philanderer.
Meanwhile, he said, jokes on you. Yeah.
Now, I don't know anyone polyamorous. I've never met anyone polyamorous.
So I don't know how it works. But I've obviously come across.
But you watch Sister Wives. And you love Sister Wives.
I wouldn't say I love Sister Wives. but yes, I know the Sister Wives and I did watch.
And honestly, I think that they are a testament to why polygamy should never be a thing. They were the most toxic group of people.
I believe half the marriages are now over. Once that Robin entered, oh, it was over.
Like Robin was the beginning of the end, you know? don't know who the robin is of this particular group i'm sure maybe we'll get a reality show we need tlc to you know pick up cameras yeah we do if this is going to happen and you know we're not allowed to say something unkind or else we have to move on and well i think we could say unkind things he said say something nice or move on. Oh, you're saying because Neo told us.
Because Neo said that. And I'm trying.
I haven't said anything not nice. But anyways, just saying.
If this is going to happen and it's out there, we should get a show. Start rolling.
Yeah, it would be a great show. I don't know how this works.
Now, I'm obviously thinking about it like if I had four husbands. Hmm, that's an interesting way to think about it.
It sounds like a lot of cleaning and a lot of just chores. But what if you had a husband who was the designated cleaner? Kind of awesome.
Oh, that's nice to kind of enter a polyamorous relationship where everybody serves a purpose. Like one is the maid, one is the chef, one is the butler.
Oh, you know what? I mean, I guess it and I mean I guess it's just a staff really love and you just want to hang out with and so like everyone else is like making that happen but that's the robin effect like that's really and that's when it becomes so toxic and then when you start having children with multiple partners it really gets complicated so polyamory is all fun and games until we're reproducing honestly yeah i don't judge but like i do a little it's complicated you know and yeah i don't envy but you don't hear about sister husbands like you only hear about sister wives it's it's true and i need to start seeing more women in male-dominated fields like polyamory and polygamy. But I feel like you sometimes hear of women who like, they wouldn't call it sister husbands, brother husbands, but like they're spinning a web.
Yeah, but you're saying like a throuple, but it's always multiple women. Yeah.
Because I'm thinking about like, I sometimes end up on like strange TikToks of like, my husband's girlfriend it's always my husband's girlfriend like there's no my husband it's not my wife's boyfriend yeah or like it's like my wife's girlfriend like from Ruby Frankie correct that happens so I mean it's not for me. Different strokes for different folks.

I have never been with multiple partners in my life.

And this is really crazy.

But I did like how he really got up on his platform and supported all of his women,

tagging their Instagrams and like where to follow them.

Like rising tides raise all sides.

It could start like a little bit of like a kind of a business empire.

Yeah. If they've got that entrepreneurial spirit.
That's one reason to do it. Yeah.
We'll see what happens. You know? I do know.
What more can you say? Are you ready for our next story? Yeah. A little lurd and vis traving.
Nope. Lurd and Vis spotting.
Or Lurd and traversing. I think they're all bad.
Yeah, me too. I think we should get to the story.
Yeah. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey were spotted in Park City, Utah, keeping a low profile on a dinner date after reconnecting on their romantic getaway so Lur and Vis have not been spotted in a while we knew they were on a vacation but really weren't spotted at all but they have just been seen in Utah getting into a car after a dinner date in Park City yeah I don't know where I think we like all just sort of assumed they were on vacation.
I don't know where I thought they were, but it wasn't Utah.

Although it does make sense because when you think about like this time of year.

And then they went to Utah.

I think they did the sand and then the snow.

Oh, well, when you think about this time of year, like where do cool people go?

Like they go to like Aspen, but it's so sceny and it's so small.

Like they wouldn't be able to really hide away there.

And Utah is kind of famous for its like ability. You could really go and hide there.
Like it's so's so bass it's not really sceny but it's the same pargy vibes like aspen cold coco yeah i don't think that i don't think that they do like taylor first of all is like her body's insured for like 11 million dollars you know it's not yeah it's not a smart business move and travis cannot be getting injured in the off season that's like the dumbest thing you could do as an athlete I don't feel like professional athletes ski for a number of reasons I actually feel like they're not built for it and yes it's a liability I actually cannot imagine him on skis a tennis player could ski like that agility hand-eye coordination but big that's like not what I meant when I said professional athlete. No, I know.
But we're talking about basketball players, football players, hockey. They definitely do not ski.
No. Tennis players do.
Because it's like girly. No, it's not really girly.
Like you need to be really coordinated. And actually, when you're that big, you're not really capable of extreme coordination.
No, and you have to be very nimble. Light on your feet.
Meanwhile, his job is to be heavy on his feet. Yeah, no.
So I don't know what the hell they do in Utah. They definitely go snowmobiling.
Cute. They probably just like cuddle up and like cook.
Cozy vibes. Yeah.
Yeah. So that's really cute.
And this is like the first time, I feel like every time they leave a restaurant, no matter where they are, it's like thousands outside but the video of them leaving like it's literally the worst video ever they're just like running into a white Range Rover so like it can be done if they want to live like a low profile kind of life but I think that's also just Park City I don't know they have Sundance there like it's it can be fabulous no no I didn't I didn't say it wasn't fabulous whatsoever I just think it it's like low key and not everyone's up your butt and you could just, it's more private. Yeah.
So happy to see them back in the States. Yeah, we vacation in Park City too.
Where do you think they were before? Like someone's island. Yeah, because all the places that like people, like everybody goes to St.
Barts this time of year. They were not in St.
Barts. It's the same as Aspen.
Like it's so small.

It's so sceny.

You would know if they were there.

It's like teaming with people.

Yeah, they definitely go to someone's island like a Richard Branson type of thing.

Yeah.

Well, welcome back.

Hopefully you don't get traded.

It's trade season.

Bon voyage.

Are you ready for our next story?

Does that mean it's number three?

No, it's number four.

Oh, I really thought it was.

Oh, it was number four. Yeah, I'm ready.
it's actually a really crazy story if my ipad will reload um it's like people that i ordinarily wouldn't care about but they did something really crazy because who ron graham from um yeah got lore like gilmore from gilmore girls from gilmore girls did you just have a stroke no no i was just trying to think of gilmore girls and also my fucking ad on page six will let me see the story bitches she is from gilmore girls but like to me she's from the pacifier she let it slip the father of may whitman's baby may whitman is her parenthood co-star and she had a baby and she hasn't said who the baby daddy is and Lauren Gilmore was on Armchair Expert and is prattling on about May and her baby daddy who who is a famous person and their plans oh yikes so Lauren Graham identified Carlos Valdez as the father of May's six-month-old son on Armchair Expert she played May's mom mom on Parenthood for six seasons, and she was attempting to recall the last time that they saw each other. So she said, they're in New York now.
Carlos, her baby daddy, is on Broadway in Hadestown, which I feel happy to plug because he's fantastic in it. Oh, not her thingy.
She's doing them a favor. Carlos Valdez.
Say it again. So they're in New York for the next while.
And then she got this job in Ireland. So she's in Ireland with the baby.
Why is she talking about somebody else's family schedule? Are you crazy? Now, this is obviously not done with bad intent. No.
Because she loves this person. But seriously, Mae Whitman is definitely so mad.
That's crazy. For some people, I guess if you're following Parenthood or if you have followed Mae Whitman, which I haven't, but people do.
They really like her. This is kind of like a Mindy Kaling.
Who's the baby? And I guess, I don't know if we were meant to never know or just not know for a little while. But this is really bad.
How do you apologize to somebody for this? I don't know. But this is really crazy.
I feel obviously terrible for May because this is not what she wanted. I feel bad for the pit that Lauren Graham is going to have when she realizes.
Actually, in this situation, I know she's the villain, but I actually feel worse for her. Because as you said, it wasn't done with bad intent, but it's just like it's mindlessness.
know I mean what do you think you go on the podcast you just start like rambling on about someone else's life so random and it's like she's an older woman so like older people just like slip things out you know yeah unless it was like you can't like yell at her unless like everyone knew who may was with and she just hadn't shared it yet but it wasn't like top secret like because they are together so you can't like yell at her. Unless like everyone knew who May was with and she just hadn't shared it yet,

but it wasn't like top secret.

Like, because they are together,

so you could spot them together or something.

You know, maybe it's like not the biggest deal.

It's just something that we didn't know yet.

But again, I'm not following it closely,

but this is not how you ever want it to come out.

Somebody who watched like two seasons of Gilmore Girls

and my biggest takeaway was that Lorelai was the fucking worst.

This is such Lorelai behavior. Like, oh, sorry, like what know like I'm a single mom like I don't know like she's just like so like rattled and like just always like fucking shit up yeah and I feel like I felt even bad like repeating the name when I was reading the story I know I know it's not our responsibility now and Barnchair Expert is a podcast than this one.
So like more people correct there. But like Carlos Valdez could go on to win an Oscar now.
And like I'll never feel comfortable saying his name because like I know I'm not supposed to. And Carlos Valdez could actually come up and like kiss me on the street.
And I still wouldn't know who he is. Well he was May's co-star in Up Here in 2023.
Again I know very little about May Whitman. I just like know her face.
And May Whitman is from? Duff. Okay.
Yeah. And then who's the girl? I know it's not her, but like they have a similar.
Yeah. Bailey Madison.
What'd you say? Oh, Bailey Madison. Oh no, I know Bali.
Yeah, she's like the kid from Grown Ups. They have the same face.
No, to me, the girl from Arrested Development, maybe Fumke. Oh, that's her name in the show.
That's her name in the show. She's Tobias' and Lindsay's daughter, maybe, which is why I confuse her with Mae Whitman.
Understood. And then do you also confuse her with Molly, maybe? Never.
There's only one. My sweater today is maybe, just so everyone knows.
She's so cute. Maybe Fionke.
That is like the most niche reference. I literally had no idea what you're talking about up until you said that.
I do feel really justified for why I confused them. Because May and Maybee are similar.

And Maybee Funke is played by Aaliyah Shauken.

Just so you know.

Maybee Funke.

Like I can't.

But then also May Whitman.

Who's that?

She's in this show.

She plays Anne.

Chaggy, May Whitman is who we're talking about. That's who this story is about.

Are you okay?

So I was right.

She is from a festival.

She plays Anne.

Oh, she doesn't play Mae B?

She doesn't play Mae B.

Okay, I'm telling you, this is very confusing.

Remember George Michael's little girlfriend, Anne, who everyone hates?

Yes, of course.

That's Mae Whitman.

She's kind of had an illustrious career.

She has. Oh my God, that's really all very confusing.
I'm glad we parsed that out. I feel better.
So important to parse, my friends. Before we parse the rest of the show, let me let you know that today's episode is brought to you by ASPCA Pet Health Insurance and their pet health insurance program.
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This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited.
The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Today's episode is also brought to you by Fatty15.
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That's F-A-T-T-1-5.com slash toast. Our is toast again that's fatty15.com slash toast our code is t-o-a-s-t and that'll get you 15 off their 90-day subscription starter kit to start living healthier and longer thank you you're welcome our fifth and final story is potentially the loser-iest news we've ever reported on oh my god i knew like literally category of news that i live for losers do you know what the story is no I mean you know the story but I don't know if you know that this is the one James Kennedy is apologizing for posting a photo with the Tate brothers he says I condemn their beliefs so in the last few days but do you James Kennedy posted a photo with Andrew interest in Tate.
I think. Who are like, I honestly don't know a lot about them, but they're like highly controversial.
Like awful people. They're like toxic man, like rape is cool.
Like they're really fucking crazy. They're like Romanian.
It's just absurd. Like you could look into them, but I'm sure most people have heard of them.
They're not, you know, non-controversial people. And let's be real.
The Tate brothers, nobody knows the other brother. It's Andrew Tate and his brother.
Yeah, but Tristan is the one clapping back at James. This saga is seriously.
So, I don't know. What event were they at? I don't know where they were.
Something in Vegas. James posted a photo of him and both brothers and said, like, this is a Bitcoin.
Something like that. Okay? It must their losery ass online persona that i don't know and he got his ass eaten to him like people were like are you fucking kidding me of course he did so much backlash so he immediately put out an apology saying i regret posting a photo with the tate brothers at an event last night i was unfamiliar with their content and the allegations against them i only knew them as podcasters who had posted a viral clip about vanderpump he said i have since educated myself and condemned their beliefs i am sorry to all that i offended okay so when that was the end of it i was like listen you need to do better but like you're seriously like james i don't know what we're looking for when it comes to like james kennedy like these aren't like the people.
I was like, okay, you know what? Like I could see that being the reality. Sure.
Go off King. But then, but then Tristan, the brother responded, the loser brother, sounded to James claiming that James quote begged and kissed my ass for 30 minutes straight and call me a hero.
He knew exactly who I was and what content he made. Then he said that James is just a pussy who can't handle handle dms from woke r words fuck this guy he said okay I just want to say like this is so funny it is the definition of loser on loser crime and if that is the case like I bet James Kennedy like never thought like his little internet drama was going to make it back to the Tate brothers and they would be able to like directly refute his, you know, sequence of events.
And this is so embarrassing for everyone, but like really for James. This is so embarrassing for James.
A part of me feels like maybe what Tristan said like isn't true. And he's just saying that to like really embarrass James because like we don't we won't know.
And maybe I'm not to give James the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't love the Tate brothers but I just feel like that's such a funny like mean like thing to do to someone who's now like wanted to take a picture with you and even if he had just seen podcast clips of Vanderpump whatever like oh now you're gonna diss me oh I'll fucking drag you and say this about you even we have no way to know if that's true or not so it's just like he made James look seriously so stupid whether it's true or not true like James is a loser is taking the L and the funny thing is like I don't know who to believe right I also don't care like right no I don't think so this is so low stakes like losers gonna lose and you just love to watch them like slinging mud at one another like I bet in no universe did James Kennedy think that like this Bravo corner because it wasn't like widespread backlash like Ariana Maddox unfollowed him it was very contained within the Bravo universe um and I bet he never thought like it would make its way even I'm in the Bravo universe I didn't see it until Tristan responded and then then it became a story of like the whole story, the photo, the apology and the response. Hysterical.
Hysterical stuff. If James was holding out hope to get on the Valley or Vanderpump reboot, it's not going to happen.
Yeah. I think he's pissed off.
Absolutely. Everyone with this entire trajectory.
Yeah. From start to finish.
Pissed off people who dislike the Tate Brothers and now also pissed off people who like the Tate Brothers. So that includes everyone.
And the Tate Brothers themselves. So loser-y.
All right, let's dive into Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment, where Jax and I try to help out the swirlies in need.

And they are in need.

So if you're ever thinking like, oh, I'm in a pickle.

I need to get advice for my two favorite swirlies.

You actually can.

Every Tuesday, we take three submissions.

And if you want to write us in, go to deartosters at gmail.com.

That is the email that you can write to.

Or head over to our website, thetoastpodcast.com.

There's a little submission box.

They're both totally anonymous.

Okay, are you ready, thetoastpodcast.com. There's a little submission box.
They're both totally anonymous. Okay.

Are you ready, kids?

I'm ready.

Oh, wait.

I lost my talk.

Are you ready, kids?

Ready?

Yeah.

Which one was this?

Okay.

Ready?

Ready.

Hey, are you ready?

Ready.

Hey, Jackson Turney.

My P-Jump husband has decided to get braces. He had the initial consultation and the orthodontist gave him two options, real braces or Invisalign.
Real braces are slightly more expensive. They will get his teeth almost 100% straight and they will be on for 18 months.
Invisalign or cheaper, they will get his teeth about 80% straight and they'll be on for 12 months. Much to my dismay, he wants to go with the more effective option and get a full metal mouth.
Obviously, I'm leaning towards Invisalign. His justification is that he's married, he has no one to impress, and he doesn't really care what people say or think.
My justification is that he's married to me. He has me to impress and all I care about is what people say and think.
To add to all of this, we are very social people. His sister's getting married next year.
We both have jobs that require a lot of face time with clients outside the office. Now, if I really take a step back, I do admire how confident he is.
But like, can't we show the world our secure sense of self in a different way? Am I being vain, naggy bitch? Or am I totally justified in pushing him towards Invisalign? Help. P.S.
I'm an OG listener. Like first ever episode with the block desks.
I love you guys so much. Okay.
So many conflicting things here. Like actual hypocrisy.
I just want to say. Because on the one hand, I'm like, oh, go off King.
I'm married. I have no one to impress.
Like I love that for you. That you want to look dopey and you don't care.
But then why does it matter so much too if you fix them 90% versus 80%? What's wrong with 80%? It's 80 or 100. I just want to say I'm so with this girl I'm sorry I'm so with this girl too first of all this line is cheaper it's shorter and we'll fix your teeth 80% what man needs perfectly straight teeth who needs perfect anything 80% teeth is good like what's do you see it's so true it's good enough like what's with the perfection so for him to be like brazen enough to walk around with braces on calls and it's socializing for 18 months, but not brazen enough to walk around with 80% teeth as opposed to 90%.
It's actually an amazing point. Contradictory.
Of course he needs to do in this line. How could you look at your husband with the braces? No, I'm sorry.
And I thought that people did the metal braces because they were cheaper.

I thought they were cheaper and quicker.

And it's a shorter amount of time,

but like,

which I kind of get like,

oh, let's just get it over with.

Yes, of course.

It'll be six hard months.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought that's,

whenever I saw like an adult

with full metal braces,

I thought it was like

the more economical

and the more effective option.

This is giving like a braces fetish. Okay.
It's. His teeth are probably also fine and he just wants braces.
But I do want to say to this girl. He's actually like a middle schooler who's like wants their teeth to be bad because they want braces because they go to school.
Before I push you towards Invisalign even though you're already there, I also need you to know Invisalign is not a perfect experience. Like watching your partner slip them out of their mouth like between meals is one of the most disgusting things on the planet.
Like having seen like a grown ass adult take out their Invisalign, it's actually one of the most traumatizing things on the planet. So just be ready for that.
It's obviously not nearly as bad as metal mouth full brace face, but just know it's not perfect either. No, but like you guys can come up with solves.
Like maybe he knows that when he's doing that, like you'll go wash your. Like, you don't have to see it.
Maybe you're setting the table.

Maybe he does it in the bathroom.

Like, there are ways around it.

But it sounds like he wants braces.

And it's becoming less of a dental issue and more of a mental issue.

I love that.

Less dental, more mental.

Maybe he needs to see a therapist, not a dentist.

Okay, this one's actually serious. so we need to change our vibes.

Oh, hold on.

Hello, ladies.

This is a long one, so buckle up.

Ten years ago, I had a sibling go to prison for sleeping with someone underage.

He was a teacher.

I was still in high school at the time.

For about two years after that, I still supported him, and I attempted to maintain a relationship. Well, some more family drama went down about eight years ago and I officially cut ties with him.
Since then, I've graduated college. I've gotten engaged and married.
My parents, who have been divorced for 20 years, keep pushing me to forgive him and try to have a relationship again with him. He recently had a baby and for the last year, I've considered not forgetting, but willing to try and have a relationship with him for the sake of everyone.
My problem is I'm really going back on my morals if i form a relationship with him and honestly is it even worth it the strain of my family is really starting to take a toll on me and frankly i feel like an outsider because my family is all happy-go-lucky around him and i always get the you should give him another chance comment i'm not willing to cut out my parents so any advice would be great p.s my husband's family knows that i have a sibling that i don't talk to but they do not know why. So go back.
He had a relationship with an underage person. He was a teacher.
And he went to jail for it. Yeah.
But did she say jail? Yeah prison. Yeah.
So even two years after that like she maintained a relationship with him. She was like a young girl in high school.

But then other family drama,

she went down, she said,

and now she can't. And then she stopped talking to him.

But even right after,

I mean, he went to prison,

like she was able to talk to him.

So something else happened that we don't know.

I'm sorry, I can't weigh in on this.

I don't know.

But you know what?

I know what I recommend.

Kathy Griffin went on the Skinny Confidential podcast a million years ago and I saw a clip from it. She was talking about she had a brother who was a pedophile and like how hard that was for her.
Like he was like a full blown pedophile. It was like a big family secret.
And, you know, her parents like were very like not forgiving, but like open and wanting to help. And she was like very against it.
And and then he ended up taking his own life it's a really crazy story and i think there's probably a lesson there like how she dealt with it because she had this she's coming from like a moral standpoint too she's like yeah well he's my brother but i don't care like you're a pedophile yeah and he was like married at the time i would listen to that podcast episode that's my piece of advice it's not even apples to apples no of course not But like if you have someone in your family who is a criminal, right? And there are different crimes. Like if I had someone in my family who was like a financial criminal, I wouldn't be upset.
I would say help me. But like there are different crimes, right? Want to do my taxes? Please, sir.
So I think that you're not the only person who's ever had a family member who's done something bad.

Sometimes you can forgive.

Sometimes you can't.

Or not even forgive, but just move forward in a cordial way while never being as close as you could potentially be.

I don't know.

I just want to say if you never want to talk to your brother again, that's fine too.

It's nice that your family's all rehabilitating him and stuff, but that's not your job.

And if you don't want to talk to him ever again, I support you too.

But the thing is, the reason that she doesn't want to talk to him again is not even because of what he did. Because she spoke to him after.
So it's about someone else that happened. No, she said, no.
I'm going back on my morals if I form a relationship with him. No, go back to the beginning.
I visited him and spoke to him for two years. But then family drama happened and now we don't speak.
What's that? Yes yes but I think what she was saying was like she was in high school and so she had a brother who did something wrong and she still like was his friend and then maybe two years later she had some sort of reckoning with this drama and now she has like takes a moral stance against it. Okay well you gotta trust your gut and go with your scruples but i to be honest i don't i don't know him i i couldn't yeah i recommend the kathy griffin like he's bad don't talk you know but like family it's it's very complicated i would listen to kathy griffin but this girl doesn't even have an inkling like she's decided she doesn't want to have a relationship with it, but it's like, how does she navigate her family? She now feels like an outsider, which is wrong because the pedophiles should feel like an outsider.
Yeah. Not you.
That sucks. Our third and final is such a departure.
I should have done that last, that one last because like we just need to rejigger. This one's so different.
Okay. I'm ready.
Jackson Claudeude help i married into a family that thinks farts are funny my mother-in-law farts around me somewhat regularly and it makes everyone in my husband's family laugh not me it makes me sad and i literally can't find what they think is funny what do i do i don't want to seem like a giant bitch not laugh at her farts but i wasn't raised in a How do you think I should handle this situation? I'm writing to you as I'm sitting next to my husband, who's farting hot fire gas, cracking himself up. Please help.
P.S. I just showed him this plea for help, and he laughed, got up to go to bed, loudly farted, and then laughed himself back to the bedroom.
Chivalry is dead. Oh my God.
I just want to say I am you in this situation. So I can really empathize because if.
No, but you're, but like your in-laws don't like fart in front of you. In the sense that like, if I was in your situation, I would feel the way you do.
Like I'm not like fart friendly. I just want to say I'm fart friendly and I would feel if my mother-in-law farted in front of me.
I'm sorry. I don't care who you are.
Cultural reset. I'm actually very comfortable.
Like Ben farts in front of me. I fart in front of Ben.
Like I don't care. But like that's a marriage.
That's a sacred space. So like that story you told at the end is actually quite funny.
The in-laws? No. If I may say, I am coming at this from someone who is not fart friendly.
So I empathize with and if i were in your situation i feel the way you do but looking at the big picture like they're having fun you know yeah and like you're not they're sitting there laughing it's like so harmless the only issue i see potentially arising is that like your children will inherit this and you know do this with their half of their family and like they'll be these people and like good luck getting married yeah that's unfortunate well he got married to her so yeah but their spouses won't ever hear their mother-in-law far because you won't do it so that's better yeah like do you really want to be like a wet blanket because if you wanted be, you could tell your husband like in a really serious way like this needs to stop. No, but you can't.
This is their family tradition. Like, you can't.
You literally, if you say anything, you will look stupid. It's so juvenile.
Like, it's insane. You can't say anything.
So like, at least find the joy in it. Like, they're having fun.
And also now it's like, you don't have to be scared of your mother-in-law. Like, you heard her fart.
Like, that takes the pressure off. I mean, that's just like a really crazy thing to do.
No, it's so crazy, but it's like you don't have to be scared of your mother-in-law like you heard her fart. Like that takes the pressure off.
I mean that's just like a really crazy thing to do.

No, it's so crazy but it's like not in a nefarious.

It's not crazy nefarious.

It's crazy joyful.

Joyful, joyful, Lord, we enjoy.

Crazy smelly.

At least they're like fun loving people.

It's crazy smelly and it's crazy immature. It's wild.
But it's not crazy bad. Yeah.
I mean of all the things like your mother-in-law could do and say in front of you, it's really not a big deal. It's better than the in-laws who massage each other.
Correct. Crazy creepy.
Crazy creepy. You know those like grids that it's like lawful good, lawful neutral, lawful bad.
I have no idea what you're talking about. I'll show you because this is how I'm measuring these in-law behaviors.
Lawful good grid, if I may. Like never heard of this.
Yeah. Like I have to find an example.
This one is of characters from Marvel, so that wouldn't be good for you.

But you might be able to understand it if I send you this.

It's a Harry Potter one, but I think you'll get it.

Oh, don't send me anything.

I don't have any devices today.

My phone's in the other room.

Wait, should I bring it up to the screen?

We can't communicate.

If you really care that much, then yes.

May I present it to the class?

Okay.

Can you understand this? God, this is so stupid. I've never seen this before.
We'll talk about it offline. But I do think that now we should categorize your toasters as these things.
So, yeah. This is.
Life isn't perfect. You're going to have to put up with random things.
So if this is something you're putting up with, like you're fine. This is chaotic neutral.
Oh, I like that. Right? It's chaotic neutral.
Yeah. Yeah.
Chaotic neutral. Farts go away.
They don't leave like lasting damage. Well, it could get a little smelly.
That's a little. That's the chaos in the neutrality.
Right. But the neutrality is that the smell goes away.
And they're having fun and they're good, joyful people. If everything else is fine, which I assume, like, if you didn't write in that your mother-in-law wasn't also, like, a huge bitch, like, you're fine.
Also, how can your husband fart on command? Also, what are these people eating? Like, obviously, farting is super healthy and natural, but, like, you shouldn't be able to, A, do on command and B, like, you can't get together for dinner without farting. Yeah.
I'm worried about their gastrointestinals. Maybe when there's a meal where, like, everyone has a fart.
Like, we had chili for dinner. Then they just, like, sit around and fart and laugh.
But it's not every meal, right? Like, if I really were looking for, like, major concerns here, my concern would be, like be the diets and gastrointestinal issues of your in-laws. My concern was how did your husband perfectly comedically time that fart on his way out the door? Maybe it was just like God was with him in that moment, you know? Or he has real issues.
He might have like IBS. I'm laughing at him laughing.
When I read this email for the first time, I was cracking up. Oh, see, like you're missing out on the fun.
Yeah, no, and like I'm having fun. And I'm not even a part of his family.
Yeah. Thank you to everyone who wrote into Dear Toasters.
As always, just like a fad journey to be on. A joy.
Except for the brother. Oh, yeah.
And what makes you think we would be an expert in that? I think when you're in that type of situation, you literally have nowhere else to turn. Sometimes it says take an outsider.
Yeah. And I did check for an update from our swirlies.
Excuse me. With the husbands who were sending nude photos of them.
And nothing. Okay.
So we figured that. Because I know that when there is an update, like you will share.
So you just brought that up. So you're saying I don't have to keep bringing it up.
You don't have to keep bringing it up and like ruining the day and the end of the show. I just want to let you guys know, I am checking.
We know. Okay, I feel like the audience and I also feel like if you got an update, you wouldn't even wait till Tuesday to share it.
You would share it when you got it. I would, but I really only check on Monday nights that's our show you guys I have to blow my nose so I'm not doing this whole long rigmarole love ya love ya bye