Crack is Back, But Still Whack: Friday, February 28th, 2025

good morning girlies it's the toast it's jackson claude and we're your hosts it's your favorite

show the fast five things you need to know we'll start your day off swirly it's the toast

i sound amazing yes you do sound amazing i am so excuse me not my ipad like not behaving

Thank you. off swirly it's the toast i sound amazing yes you do sound amazing i am so excuse me not my ipad like not behaving of course we play the intro song every time the show begins but today it is especially by g because i'm so excited that after talking about it all week we were able to finally get finally honestly we turned it around really fucking quick our song on spotify as like a regular song it will be on all the streaming services um in due time yes like they're all being processed spotify went up first and thank god because like i think that's the most important one so your kids can stream it in the car yeah that's what we're gonna do we've been needing this and glad to have it by the end of the week it's new music friday stream your new favorite song toast theme song correct happy friday's you'll be able to say like alexa play toast theme song because it's gonna be on amazon music it's gonna be i think on like google whatever so whatever she might play our podcast episode that's called the toast theme song oh that's actually really confusing we'll have to we might have to change that episode title okay wow like yeah yeah yeah no at the time you should be able to be cooking and be like alexa like we we can't we can't interfere with that yeah especially because that episode like i think 10 seconds in i cursed which i'm seriously regretting because if it does come around by accident because you are with your kids and you want to play it like that's just not the vibe we vibe.
We're going to take care of it. Like, one thing about us, we are doers, movers, and shakers.
And we have moved, we have done, and we have shook. What a week.
I can't believe it's Friday. I feel like I really earned it.
Every day was just sort of, like, working hard for the man. Yeah, it was a long one.
It was a good one. It's the last day of February's.
Oh, my God. It is the last day of.
So it's very much a Fry Dairies because it's the end of the week, the end of the month. And then it's March.
Like, hello, March. It's giving, in conclusion, March.
Oh my God, March. I didn't really put together that March was beginning tomorrow.
It changes everything for me. We're marching into March.
I love that. Yeah, that kind of changes things changes things like march is a new vibe i mean i guess we should have known because yesterday we dropped our final episode of the month on patreon which was a real kind of hot button radio active everybody's talking about our episode we do this series and we've started to do it less and less because it's Honestly, hurtful.
We've probably done it. I think this is our third time ever.
Maybe second time.

It's inspired by the famous YouTube series Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Where Jackie and I sit down and like read our mean podcast reviews.
Now podcast reviews are interesting because people come to compliment but they also come to like troll. And we're hearing some hard truths about ourselves.
We're pretty much disagreeing with all of them. Well, that would make them not truths.
You can't call that truth. Oh, yeah.
No, we're hearing some fucking mean ass shit about ourselves. We're hearing some neurotic opinions about ourselves.
Some lies. And we're responding to them quite directly.
I feel like I didn't really respond to them. That was like, that's kind of like, I didn't know if like, if this isn't a debate.
Like, we're just like reading the reviews, chuckling, being like, no, thanks. There was like a couple of things.
So it's like, oh, that's kind of like i didn't know if like if this isn't a debate like we're just like reading their views chuckling being like no thanks there was like a couple things that's like oh that's an interesting note but really most of them weren't interesting notes they were just like hate filled and i don't feel like we were i didn't respond to them because like i don't waste my time well you know you'll just have to tune into the episode to find out what we did. Because we can't even really figure out exactly what we did do.

But if you listen to it, you'll figure it out.

You'll know what we did and what we did not do.

And what we did not do is what we're doing, you know?

No.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

You and I haven't even spoken about this.

And it's so internet.

Like, I'm embarrassed to even, like, share that I know about it.

Mason?

Yes. Oh, my God.
How did you know I was going to say that? Because it's so internet and I'm embarrassed to even like share that i know about it um but there yes oh my god how did you know i was gonna say that so internet and i'm embarrassed to even know about it there is a conspiracy theory that's like really taken off um mostly on tiktok but it's that mason disick you know the 15 year old firstborn son of kourtney kardashian and scott disick has fathered a child um they're saying that he got a girl pregnant in his high school school and they have a daughter named class. They have a daughter named Piper.
She's one year old. Now, I don't think he would have a daughter.
I just want to say I don't think he would have a daughter named Piper when his sister's name is Penelope. I just want to say.
So that's how I know that the the rumors aren't true. Oh, that doesn't convince me.
The thing is, so everyone's like, there's these rumors. I'm like, what is the source of these rumors? Where do they come from? And apparently they come from Mason self.
Like he posted to his Finsta. He did a Q&A and you know, he just kind of like lets it rip.
He's always starting stuff. He lets it rip.
And in his Q&A, like he seriously said that he has a one-year-old daughter. He posted a picture of her and said that she was a failed protection now there have been a lot of mason disick finsta like moments are we sure is this a verified account i that i don't know but like i saw screenshots of a alleged finsta from mason and that's where this is coming from because he like kind of goes on instagram finstagram andills the beans.
Like he told us all that's like about Travis and Kylie if they were still together. Yeah, every now and then he figures out the Wi-Fi password in his house and like uses it to spill his family secrets.
Well, now he's big. You know, he's a grown ass man because when people were saying this, I'm like, ew, don't talk about a child like that.
But he's like literally a teenager. Like this could happen.
This is where the rumors stem from, but because I didn't see it with my own two eyes from the primary source like anyone can make up a screenshot and make up a thing so you can also make up a finsta yeah so i'm like not going to report on it as veracity we're not reporting we are not reporting i'm just remarking yeah it's definitely weird like it's a it's weird to talk about the 50 year old kid and the one year old child and the girl in the art class and Piper. Like I it's weird to talk about.
I kind of love the name Piper. Just want to say if that is the name that they went with.
It's cute. And that may call me a grandma.
And then Piper and Rocky are the same age. Well, that's always like a weird part in Hollywood when you have like children later in life.
And then like your kids already have so like your grand baby is also your niece you know but I feel like that happens more so on not unnaturally but because like men can have kids until a certain age so for a woman to have a child and then another child but the first child has a baby when she's like that's it's kind beautiful. Courtney having children like 16 years apart is biblical.
Yeah. And that's how they did it back in the day, right? Like you're with 16 years apart from your parent and then your grandparent.
And so they could have four generations like living under one. Maybe not 16, but like 22.
19. 20.
No. So you're 20, 40, 60, 80.
So that's not a story by any means. I just felt like I had to speak on it.
And then Piper would be having a living great, great grandmother in MJ. Yes.
Yes, she would. Honestly, have him young.
It's a beautiful, if true, it's a beautiful story. There's beauty in it, if true.
I had kind of like an experience last night. Kind of a frustrating one.
Okay. Share your truth.
You know, Jackie and I are very proud Jewesses. And just like a fun part of our religion is like a deep sense of superstition, right? And I kind of like that about us.
Like we don't really plan for the future. It's not something I take umbrage with in my religion, you know? There's some things.
It's a little inconvenient sometimes. Well, when you're trying to plan for your future as a pregnant lady, it's definitely inconvenient inconvenient.
And last night for the first time I was like, oh, my God, I don't even have like a napkin.

Like I don't have anything in my house.

And when you go on TikTok and there are girls who are like the same stage of pregnancy as you doing doing nursery reveals and that you seriously don't even own a crib.

It's it's it's jarring.

And so I don't need a crib, obviously. But I was just like last night night like maybe i should just like make a plan you know not buy anything right like grab a neighbor grab a snack make a plan not buy anything then you know once i started i got like really crazy and i ended up designing on canva my whole nursery and i haven't bought anything and i will not buy anything and I will not do anything.
But let me tell you, it's so pargy. It's so aesthetic.

It's so... Dining on Canva my whole nursery.
And I haven't bought anything and I will not buy anything and I will not do anything.

But let me tell you, it's so pargy.

It's so aesthetic.

It's so aesthetic.

I'm so proud of myself repurposing a lot of the furniture that's already in my home because I'm really not in the mood to like spend money.

You know, this is already going to be an expensive venture of my life. Like I don't need before the kid even gets here to like be spending money.

So I like was on these like room renovator design AI websites like trying to come up. But I came up with this.
I'm not going to share it because that's like giving Kanai Nahara like superstition vibes. And I'm not buying anything.
But I feel good knowing like when the time comes to buy, I know exactly what I'm buying. Like I don't have to spend time planning.
It's just a click of a button. Yeah, and you can like just design nurseries on Canva as a hobby in your spare time.
Like that's just fun. I would love to if anybody needs one designed.
I'm kind of good at it. It doesn't mean anything.
Like it's not canine. Like it's just a fun thing to do.
Now it goes without saying like I think designing a girl nursery is so much more fun. Although I love where I ended up.
And there are less obvious themes when it comes to boys. You can't have like a monster truck themed nursery.
But I was like looking at inspo pics on social media. And like the girly ones with like the cute pink wallpaper.
Like it's so cute. You got to put a couple frames in.
We do have extras by the way. I could spray paint them blue.
Claudia, you you should do you see the balloons popping up around us yeah it's the internet of grease oh I think that's a parchee idea I like that I do need to have a nod to the toast in there I didn't throw that in my canvas design yet I'll get on it yeah there's so many things you could put and then I a private Amazon cart. Cart? Because I wanted to put all these things in my cart.
I'm obviously not buying them. Yeah.
But like when the time comes, I'd like to be able to just buy my cart, but I don't want them sitting in my cart for the next couple of weeks, you know? Yeah, then you always have to like take them out and put them back in. So I made like a private cart.
I need to run it by you, obviously. Like it's just so crazy because when I need something as an adult, like I need a towel.

I get it on Amazon, right?

You know, like whenever you need anything.

Okay, you really love getting towels on Amazon.

Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Not towels.

So I need like a nail file.

I get one on Amazon, okay?

Yeah, yeah.

And like, I understand why people get so crazy.

Am I like the mama industry?

Because I think I'm so chill.

I'm like, the top seller on Amazon works for me.

And then I'm like, does it?

I don't know.

Where has this elephant towel been?

Like it was so cute on the kid, but I'm like, I don't know.

It wasn't, and like some of the brand names

were giving like AI generated mom cozy, you know?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'm feeling like I understand why people get so crazy

with just like every little product

because I'm so chill, right?

I was like putting shit in my car.

I'm feeling like I understand why people get so crazy with just like every little product because I'm so chill right I was like putting shit in my car I'm like this is totally like filled with chemicals you know yeah it's it's a slippery slope I don't I'm trying I don't get crazy about like everything like towels I wouldn't get so crazy because you wash them before you use them anyway and hopefully that takes away the chemicals um but like what about the thread count do you know what i mean oh that they're not cozy enough not they're not like warm enough it's gonna be harsh on baby's skin harsh on baby's skin i don't know sometimes like i found myself thinking really critically if you have a towel that's too soft it doesn't absorb the moisture and then the bib is wet and cold. I found myself thinking really critically about like random things.

And you know what else I found out?

But then also it's like if you have a parchy towel that you like,

that's the right amount of roughness and softness.

You could just use that.

Yeah, but it doesn't have the little ears. It doesn't have the ears.

Like where is the ears?

Yeah, if you don't have the ears.

Well, you could also get like a little cap.

No, no. I remember bathing your children in that like gray elephant and it was the highlight of my life it's too cute i'm not giving up on that except can we talk about like a newborn baby towel like even the shit on amazon like the crap from mom cozy china um for one towel 26 like a hello it's a washcloth.
It's literally a washcloth.

When I see that, I'm like, oh, maybe it's good.

No, they're taking advantage of like mamas who are unwell.

Well, that's true.

But you do need a towel for your baby, so.

Correct.

But you also don't.

You also don't.

Like, if you have a towel in your house.

You could just use your pardy towel.

But something like that, it's kind of nice to go to the store

and like feel stuff.

Yeah, I know. But that's so not happening.
I can barely make it to work. Like, let's be real.
I feel like you live at Bloomingdale's. Like, that's where you sleep there on the seventh floor in the beds.
I feel like up until this point, I'm like so chill. Like, no, I don't need things.
And it's like, why? This is my first. Like, I can be crazy with my first child.
No, like, I just, I want stuff. Okay.
Literally 180 from you saying four minutes ago I'm not spending any more money on this no no furniture I'm not spending money on like that's the prices for some of these things like it's actually disgraceful well if I could share some lessons I heard you say now I'm remembering I heard you said on FaceTime yesterday like you don't need a changing table because you have the dresser you can use a dresser as a changing table I didn't say that okay because i because get it because i i picked because i picked out my changing table yesterday get a changing table yeah no i picked it out it's from pottery barn it's it's part two okay great get a change so you'll buy that you'll obviously buy the rocking chair which you will use you can start using today yeah i honestly um i got a great tip because you know they make gliders i was talking this the legs going up is super important and they make the manual, they make gliders. I was talking this.

The legs going up is super important, right?

And they make the manual and they make the electric.

Fly back.

Yeah.

But I'm like, why would anybody not get the electric?

And then I was talking to my friend Margo and she didn't get the electric.

She's super religious.

I'm like, is it because you don't want to use electricity on Shabbat?

She was like, not really.

Like it hinders where you can put the chair in the room because you need an outlet. And I realized the room that i'm using for a nursery has seriously one outlet i have to get the manual okay there you go also the electric gives off a light that if your chair is like facing the crib there's a light in their face i used to like put a tape over it oh silly yeah that's problems okay so you're gonna fly back i like how they make baby yes i like how they make baby gliders with like Bluetooth speakers and chargers like Lazy Boy.
You don't need that. No, I think mine had charging ports.
Like, are you joking me? No, but you know what I did find out? Like, fun fact, and I feel like people probably know this, but I'm obviously like new here. But if you don't, your breast pump is covered by insurance.
Mine was $4. Yes, you do know that.
$4.95. Did you already order one? No, no, I just checked what my insurance covered on the website and you got to go blue spectra not pink spectra of course blue spectra and do you know that the pink spectra doesn't work unless it's plugged in and the blue spectra you can charge and take on charge I only got blue because I had a boy so I'm like I guess I should get blue and then I regretted it I was like I could have pink I'm a girl and then I learned that pink has to stay in the wall do you know that there's a blue spectra in this very room that I sit in you must have left it at one of the studios like you bought an extra one to pump with yeah can you share breast pumps yes like I take there's nothing like so this could be my work my work pump yeah there's something wrong with the screen like it still works but you can't really see all the numbers I want to see oh you left a broken one here i still used it but that's why i brought it to the office and then i got myself a new one that i used at home got it but if you're in a pinch well i love that because it was 300 on amazon i'm like well obviously i'm not gonna forego a breast pump but i'm like damn that's just funny it's funny what costs a lot and what doesn't cost a lot i feel like breast pump is premium technology that like and does an amazing service and they can seriously charge what they want and the fact that it's covered by insurance like they could charge more no and you know what else was covered by my insurance that comes with my spectra 400 bags god willing i should make so much milk that i use the bags okay that's you don't want 400 bags in your house oh i don't but it's free i couldn't choose a different amount you couldn't that's gonna like it was automatically added when you put in the blue spectrum.
I think I got a hundred bags and I never went through all of them. Okay, but maybe I'll be a super supplier.
Maybe you will be a super producer. I mean, with jugs like mine.
You would think it has nothing to do with breast size, shockingly. No, I don't mean more about the size.
I mean the personality and girth of my breasts. They give super producer energy.
Do you not agree? I understand you, but it's crazy how it doesn't work that way. But I'm not talking about size.
I'm talking about real grit and personality. You're talking about energy.
Yes. I know.
Because I don't know if I would say that your breasts have the energy of super producers. Well, they're not super.
They were never a super producer. Right.
I would say you were a little below average. Well, for the first, a little below.
For the second, partially adequate. So, I don't know.
No supplements. Yeah.
I didn't supplement. Yeah.
I feel like I could feed the whole block, honestly. That's kind of the vibe my breasts give off.
Claudia, I really don't want you to do this yourself. No, I've heard being a super producer is like

just as bad as being an under producer.

Like it's, it's not a blessing.

Like when you get to a certain point.

Okay.

At a certain point when you're filling up like actual milk jars.

Mason jars.

Yeah.

So you're not going to, hopefully, that would be crazy,

but good for content.

You're not a super producer, but like you might be Parchi.

I just want to let you know, if I am a super producer,

like I am becoming one of those girls on TikTok who says like,

they give you a breakdown.

Here's what and they literally fill up like you know when you go to costco and you get that big gallon of milk like they fill up three of those a day yeah that is like one in a billion person it's burdensome i don't know anyone who's had that experience but i'm actually pregnant at the same time as a lot of my friends like i I could share and they would know it's coming from like a good clean source. You could.
You could sell. Yeah.
You could donate. I just keep finding out like even more of my friends are pregnant.
And I can't tell you how fabulous it is. That's very exciting.
It really is. Like just kind of crushed it honestly.
Yeah. You're like so.
You must love that. Like you're a part of something.
Being a part of like every time you're not early you're not late i'm just with the rest of them and for for a lot of my friends it's their second but a lot of it's a lot of them it's their first like not me like being like living life on a good timeline like sorry i know you're not supposed you're not supposed to like compare like everybody's on their own timeline and like that was me too because i was like literally not wanting to have kids like when i'm 26 27 i'm like oh no still known 28 no 29 not really like 30 okay fine um so for somebody who cares a lot about timelines like sorry that's my toxic trait i am absolutely crushing it yeah for someone who cares like what everyone else is up to but literally for somebody who's always looking over her shoulder Yeah. Crushed.
I'm happy for you. And your aforementioned friends who are pregnant.
Yes. Of course.
I'm not going to blow up their spots. But it's a really parchy crew coming together.
Oh, it is. Yeah.
Of like NYC moms. Will you be like sad and happy? But like when you leave them.
Because like you will like graduate from the program soon. Why am I leaving? Oh, yeah, because some of them are like further behind.
Some of them are ahead. Okay.
And I feel like I kind of crushed that too. Like there's a couple ahead.
I'm right in the middle, honestly. You're not going to be the first one leaving.
You're not going to be the last one there. No, no, Rachel totally goes next.
Like it's kind of hard of hardy um no I won't feel sad I I can kind of be like a guiding light for others it's so beautiful yeah yeah it's been nice and now it's just my phone knows like I'm my phone knows that I'm debating between the upper baby vista and the bugaboo fox five and they're torturing me with it they're torturing me with it to the point where like I actually don't care anymore just like give me a stroller I shared my thoughts because I have both I know yes like but let me tell you I actually have um the Bugaboo is in New York like if you wanted to just take it oh it's my stroller oh you know I'm being free free there's a stroller in this studio there should be be. Or it's in New York.
It's not here. It's in my storage unit.
Yeah, you are so up a baby vista, up a baby vista, up a baby vista. I love the up a baby vista.
I recommend it to everyone. I saw a girl on TikTok this morning.
They know she was so chic. She had her up a baby vista.
But a lot of my friends in New York City who live similar lives to me, they like they're working moms, but they like, you know, spend half the days with their kids, like very similar structures. They swear by the Bugaboo Fox 5.
So, so I don't know. I don't know.
The Bugaboo is like definitely like the cooler chic or stroller a little bit. But like, oh, it is like everyone really has the upper baby.
But like Bugaboo is is very nice. And I know some people do the Bugaboo Donkey because it will easily convert into a two-kid stroller if you're thinking ahead.
I can't think that far ahead. But then it's really wide.
But then there's like a little, you can make it like a little smaller and then there's a little compartment you can put Romeo in there. Just think about that.
No, I need you to tell me honestly, like, because all I care about is like being a cool mom. Like when I walk in the streets and when I finally start looking like myself again and I have the sick stroller, like what is the Rolls Royce? Oh, well, the Rolls Royce, like Dior makes a stroller.
No, no. But of baby brands.
Like, yeah, I know Dior is cool. But like who has better branding? Well, then there's also Silver Cross we're like it's not just I took a look at Silvercross but really like the Uppababy you will see if you start to like go to the parks and start everyone has the Uppababy like for a reason I love the Uppababy Vista but Bugaboo has like something cooler about it because maybe it's like yeah we don't care how easy it is to break down we like right we're too cool for that and you know i'm just now remembering because um our sister olivia when she gave birth to her first like we were all so excited and i remember my gift to her like was her stroller i just feel like i should remind her of that yeah you should i feel like she just doesn't remember i bought her like the silver cross i remember i was like oh wow strollers are expensive but of course it was our first baby like we were all between olivia and i we have every stroller out there right right i've literally teased this so many times i could do a whole vlog on sure i have so many strollers they are my passion that's so crazy i just i'm like like nothing i'm more exciting than getting a new and in the beginning i was like i'm getting the doona because i knew we're gonna move in a few months and i was like i don't want a million strollers like in my hallway and i didn't have a love of stroller yet i was like we can walk around in the doon like that's fine and then i like just started to see other people's strollers and they had like bassinet attachments so then i got like the yo-yo because it's collapsible and had a bassinet and it was like just this little bassinet stroller but then i had an itch and then i remember i was like fuck it i'm getting kind getting a little baby.
It's kind of like purses. Kind of like purses.
Like, yeah. So.
So that's like the journey I went on last night. Like now I know about the products and the names and I'm like one of those girls.
But you know what? Sorry, it had to be done. Just wait until you get your first.
Yeah, I'm excited. It's exciting.
Now in terms of show, how are the stories? The Epstein files were not released not released no like 200 pages were released of like things we already knew like and just like his contacts in his phone so there's like new names but it's like that doesn't i don't even want to say those names because it's not a smoky gun not at all he had mick jagger's phone number like like sorry that i said mick jagger sorry useless Waiting for the Epstein files is like waiting for rain in this drought. Apparently, like, thousands of pages, like, were withheld.
No, and, like, good on that lady, Pam, who's, like, all about it. Yeah.
You know, she's figuring it out. Like, thank God we've been, like, waiting for somebody to take on the job.
And so take your time, but, like, figure it out. And stop, like, teasing us, you know? Yeah, the tease was kind of hard.
And then, and then like the binders and it's like okay they're here and then it wasn't it was a nothing burger but then apparently a whistleblower told pam that there's thousands of pages that like the fbi or the southern district of new york withheld from her so pam so it's a developing story not the big breakthrough news we thought we were getting today. No new news.

But we have Queenie and Weenie of the Week.

We have Southern Charm Recap.

And the new episodes of Love is Blind dropped today, which we will be enjoying all weekend long.

I don't know.

I have to read this weekend for Redheads.

So my Love is Blind watching will take a backseat.

But do what you have to do. I'll be there for you guys.

Do what you have to do, Turdy.

Yeah, I will.

Do what you got to do.

Are the Oscars this weekend? Are they? It feels like they are. People are talking about them a lot.
Like I'm seeing. They're just talking about Carla Sophia Gascon.
Oh, no, that's like separate. What I'm seeing is like People Magazine, like remembering Oscars 1993.
Oh, tributes. No, not like tributes, but just like going down Oscars memory lane, like in preparation.

The fabulous thing about this is that we could Google it.

Oscars 2025.

But I'm liking using context clues.

So that would make them March 2nd.

Do you want to put a final guess as to when the Oscars are airing?

I think they're airing on Sunday.

March 2nd, 7 p.m.

Yes, you are correct.

Wow.

That feels right.

You know what else feels right? Diving into the fast, fast stories you need to know. You do, do, do, do, do.
It's a Gargi Parchi Marning with Jackie O and Turdy Lou. And the Gargi Parchi Marning is brought to you by Netflix and their new comedy series, Running Point.
It comes from hit maker and, you know, potential ideal guest. Dream guest.
Dream guest for the toast, Mindy Kaling. And its stars are rom-com queen Kate Hudson.
So it's a really edgy, bold, and funny twist on the underdog comedy. It features main character Isla Gordon, played by Kate Hudson, and her rise to one of the most iconic professional basketball franchises and her dysfunctional yet lovable family trying to block her shot.
So basically, Kate Hudson's family owns this big basketball team, and a scandal forces her brother to resign. She is then appointed president of the LA Waves, which is one of the most storied and professional basketball franchises, and it's her family business.
So she's ambitious, often overlooked. Isla is going to have to prove to her skeptical brothers, the board, and the larger sports community that she was the right person for the job, especially in the unpredictable male-dominated world of sports.
She may have not been a part of the original playbook, but as skeptics will soon learn, she's calling the shots now, like it or not. It's an easy and fun bitch with a sharp and edgy laugh out loud moments.
This is everything I need to enjoy my life this weekend. Made by Mindy Kaling, check.
Starring Kate Hudson, check.

Women in sports, I mean, this is a sports podcast.

It makes sense why Netflix wanted to sponsor this episode.

I'm so down.

And it launched yesterday,

so you can now watch it on Netflix.

It's really pargy from the creators of Never Have I Ever, The Mindy Project.

You can stream it now.

Running Point isn't streaming now, only on Netflix.

Thank you, Turdflix. You're welcome, flicks.
Our first story. Fans are blasting Justin Timberlake after he cancels his final concert of the U.S.
tour minutes before showtime. Wait, Justin Timberlake is getting hate and I don't know about it.
That's so crazy because I'm kind of the creator of a lot of it. I think you were like busy on canva and miss sort of oh my god some of this on house.com like trying to make also why is it so fucking hard to make a 3d rendering i don't know like why do you have to be an architect like i i know the room is a square i know the dimensions i could put a picture like why do they make it so fucking hard no it's so crazy.
I had this experience when I was doing the guest room for you.

Your guest room is like unique shaped room.

Like, this is literally a square room.

Why can't they just let me play around?

They won't let you.

They don't play around.

And like, I was on fucking Reddit.

Like, people being like, what do you use?

And I was like, just making free accounts at all.

Like, it was seriously so annoying. I ended up just doing it on preview on my computer but i slayed it i wish i could share it but i won't no no that's like you know evil i i know i know i know justin timberlake posted to his ig story you guys i'm heartbroken i have to cancel the show tonight i went into soundtrack battling the flu and now it's gotten the best me.
It kills me to disappoint you and my team who worked so hard to make the show happen. I want to reassure you, you'll be getting refunds for your tickets.
I love you all. So this was the final show in the US tour.
Don't forget though, it's a world tour. Of course, who could? So like there will still be global shows, I think, but this was the last show of the US and he had to cancel due to the flu,

which I understand.

Now, of course,

nobody understands better than us falling ill,

but there is a way to cancel a show

and you're gonna get backlash no matter what, right?

Like people are gonna be mad, sad, angry.

And this is probably the worst way to do it,

like very Morgan Wallen

when people are already like in the facility.

What's the better way to do it? The better way to do it? Like very Morgan Wallen when people are already like in the facility. What's the better way to do it? The better way to do it is like I think you have until the morning of to make a decision and if you're not canceling it like you have to do the show.
Got it. I mean the best way the only person who's ever canceled a show and gotten no backlash is our King Luke Combs where he was very sick and halfway through the show he said, you're all getting a refund.
I'm still finishing, but it's not gonna be my best work. So sing along with me.
If I like take a break, you sing the words, you'll get a refund. We're rescheduling the show, but I'm still gonna spend the next hour here.
Like that's our Pardgy King. That's so crazy.
And so when people like that exist, it's hard to like say to Justin Timberlake, why couldn't you do that, you know? Yeah. And then remember like Kelsey Ballerini played through the flu a couple of weeks ago and she had to leave in the middle of the show also.
So yeah, leaving in the middle is different than canceling right before. Like at least she tried and she, people got like half a show and then are getting another one.
So you get one and a half shows for the price of one ticket. Like they're getting rescheduled or she yes refunded no your tickets will be honored for a rescheduled date like she she's re she will be doing the show yeah so that's not so terrible uh the worst is obviously like morgan wallen like while people are like the openers already have played yeah so there's a bad way to do it there's really only there's not even a good way to do it but the luke holmes way was like obviously the one people say now.
Did you have your refund? Have you seen the clip?

People are. way to do it there's really oh there's not even a good way to do it but the luke combs way was like obviously the one people say now did you have your refund have you seen the clip people are like he's like listen i'm really got a whole show and a refund i can't sing so i'm gonna refund your tickets and everybody's like but and then everybody starts like cheering when they realize they're getting a free show that's and i i've seen clips from that show he sounded i'm sure it was amazing yeah but it's a tough spot to be in especially when you feel really sick like you really feel like shit you can't do much and i think justin just expected too much from himself like pushing himself thinking like i'm justin timmer like i've got this and he didn't have it he definitely has like a toxic sense of self he didn't listen to his body he tried to push through and if he had listened earlier in the day he could have canceled like with reasonable time before the babysitter showed up yeah i mean i obviously choose to see the worst in justin timberlake if this were someone that i loved i would say oh my god feel better you're such a queen like take the time you need that's really sweet that like 10 minutes before doors open like that's amazing who's even there at that time no one so funny yeah you can really like paint this in whatever way you want to like if this was kelly clarkson this oh my god i would say kelly works so hard she loves her fans so much she must be so so sick i feel horrible for her i wouldn't even want to go i wouldn't even want this keep my money i wouldn't want to participate for your iv drip okay yeah so we're obviously like haters so that's what you're seeing reflected here this is such a neutral way of handling it like nothing really wrong happened is unfortunate no it's too it's a little too soon minutes before but you need to give people time what if it was kelly she she was pushing through to the end and then the doctor came in and said kelly you can't well the thing is i could speak hypothetically because it wasn't kelly so if it was was Kelly I would also say like girl give people a little bit more time but I know like if we were actually recording an episode and it was Kelly I would be like the thing is you

know what it comes like my Karen Huger blind spot it comes down to trusting your faves no because

if Kelly did this I would say like she must have been so sick she must have wanted to go on so

badly and they literally were they were holding her back from her back because I know that's

Kelly's work ethic now Justin Timberlake is not my fave i don't trust him i don't know that he's always trying to like do the best thing that's why i can't say the same yeah no and we actually have recent proof that he's not always trying to do the best thing where he literally drove under the influence after having a couple of martinis in sag harbor um so i know that decision making isn't his strong suit.

Let's be real.

That's what I learned from the great Justin Timberlake DUI.

Okay, what if Karen Huger canceled a performance 10 minutes before?

Well, you know I would have been in the front row and I would have been really upset.

We'd say take all the time you need.

Yes, I heard Karen Huger is thriving in jail.

She's there already.

She's been booked, yeah.

Okay.

I think she'll do okay. I hope.
Yeah. I hope they're filming like at some point, part of it.
Somewhere. But yeah, like there's a camera somewhere.
Although she didn't show up for the last reunion. And I thought it was like implied that she wasn't returning, but I can't imagine she would have turned down whatever paycheck they were offering her to cover this part of her life.
You know what? It's time to throw that rule out the window for Karen. Like sometimes- I'm throwing a lot of rules out the window.
Like sometimes it's a hard and fast rule. Like you don't answer for your sins at the reunion.
You're not on the next season. Sometimes you're Karen Huger.
And like, seriously, what- Sometimes you're Mary Cosby. I'll wipe my ass with this rule.
Right. And sometimes you're Adrian Maloof.
Blacklisted forever. And the rule wiped its ass with you.
Right. So I just think different strokes for different folks.
How about that? Yeah. How about inconsistencies? Yeah.
Normalize being inconsistent because people are always like, especially I got like a lot of backlash for my Karen Huger take. And people were like, so annoying to see Claudia.
I know I feel like, but I just want to say, do not come to me looking for like consistency

in all my thoughts and opinions

when it comes to celebrities

or just like random things.

Like I have my faves.

I have people I hate.

Like I'm really mean to people I hate

and I'm really lenient with people that I like.

Kelly Clarkson could seriously like drunk drive and kill me

and I wouldn't care.

Like I just, I'm sorry.

I have my faves and I, yes,

I am an inconsistent hypocrite.

Ah, okay.

I don't fucking care.

No, it's important to have rules

and then also like anything else,

Thank you. Like, I just, I'm sorry.
I have my faves. And I, yes, I am an inconsistent hypocrite.

Ah, okay. I don't fucking care.
No, it's important to have rules. And then also, like anything else, there are exceptions to the rule.
Like, there just are. Rules for thee and not for me.
Rules for thee and not for Karen Huger and Kelly Clarkson. Correct.
Yeah, well, we need to make a list of people who the rules, like the regular rules don't apply to. The notebook is out.
It's for iDaries. Okay.
this will be called those who to whom the rules don't apply to the notebook is out it's for i-dairies okay this will be called those who to whom the rules don't apply you find your pen i'm scared i can't find my pen oh my gosh hopefully you didn't take the cap off and it's leaking all over your chair it's not that's not what's happening do you want me to write it down on my phone and we can transcribe it later you could start while i just i'm scrambling um i need to find my pen because it is mightier than the sword and what did you it's not what did you want the pen to whom rules to whom those to whom the rules don't apply the rules don't apply karen huger kelly clarkson who else and this isn't just like a list of our favorite people it's just different like it's we're not gonna to start going. No, it's just different.
It's all like dream guests. Because Taylor's my favorite.
But like if Taylor can drive, like I actually might have some harsh words for her. I completely agree.
Because she's so influential. She shouldn't be knowing better than that.
And like a younger person like really knows how to call an Uber more than an older person. Agreed.
There are so many things. Okay, leave it.
No, no, no. i think we just leave it at that and we let it build yeah we'll kind of let the chips fall where they were so we're foolishly meant to justin timberlake i actually i don't know if you guys can hear i'm coming down with a little something not again i know but i do think because i had like the big bad flu it shouldn't be as bad it's giving antibodies it.
It is, hopefully. Hopefully they kick in.
Are you ready for our next story? A little sports news. Sports? Travis Kelsey confirms that he is not retiring.
He said he can't go out like that. He has confirmed he will not retire after 12 years in the league.
He told Pat McAfee, I'm coming back for sure. Going to try and get to the best shape i've been in this off season and get back to the mountaintop got a real bad taste in my mouth with how i played in the last game and how i got the guys ready for battle i can't go out like dat so he will be back for his 13th season no i think this is the right choice like he could have retired like he's at a place where he's done enough age-wise like he could have but I understand a not wanting to out like that be him and his team are at a point where like they still can win another Super Bowl they should have almost won this one like it wasn't like you know impossible so I think that he can go out with another Super Bowl win and if he is like spending the next year committing himself to like peak physical mental toughness like no one's more prepared like like down and has you know experience doing that than tailored like that's her thing right that's true he can't go out this is his era's tour he needs one more season where he's gonna play worse well that's the thing you always run the risk of course of of Aaron Rodgersing it the good news though is that even if he plays bad again like he's on such a good team that his mistakes are kind of hidden.
They won't have a horrible season, even if they don't win the Super Bowl. He's not one of the players, like Tom Brady, where if he sucks, the whole team sucks.
Right. The team will have a respectable season.
So even if it's not his best, like, it'll be a fine way to go out. Although, I do want to say, it's not a terrible way to go out if you made it to the Super Bowl.
Now, the way they lost was really bad, but you still made it to the Super Bowl. So I don't think it's like the most embarrassing way to go out.
Like what happened to Aaron Rodgers and the Jets? Like that's embarrassing. But he didn't retire, did he, Aaron Rodgers? Well, I don't know what he's going to do, but I assume retirement is in his future, like sometime soon.
And you went to another team to like revive it very much like Brady and the Buccaneers.

And not only did you get injured on day one, you never won a game and then you got dropped.

Like that's embarrassing.

You know what I think about a lot?

What?

Like how much does Aaron Rodgers hate that guy who broke his ankle?

Oh, that's so funny.

I don't feel like he would because he came back, like he got another chance.

No, but it like ruined his season.

Like ruined the most.

Like,

Thank you. oh that's so funny i don't feel like he would because he came back like he got another chance no but it like ruined his season like ruined the most like he had big things planned for this stage of his life and like that guy in one fell swoop like and and i'm sure aaron sees the bright side now is all meant to happen but like if i were aaron i would fucking hate that person that's so funny when you get injured as an athlete do you blame the person who was it not i don't know But like if it's not clean, I would fucking hate that person.
That's so funny. When you get injured as an athlete, you do blame the person who was it not.
I don't know. But like, if it's not clean, I would say, I wonder if they have men don't like hold as much like grudges.
No, like Jason street from Friday night lights. Like, yeah, he ended up with a lot of resentment towards the person who injured him because he became paralyzed.
Like, but when you're in the sport and getting injured, it's just sort of like a rite of passage. It happens a lot.
You're out for a couple of games. You're out for a season.
I don't know if you take umbrage with like every person who injures you. I think that's like a toxic mentality.
The big one? I don't know. I don't know.
I feel like I would be mad. Would you be mad? Well, like it's circumstantial.
Like if I'm to Mar Hamlin, like, yeah, I'm mad at the guy who like tackled me and me and put me into cardiac arrest. Like, it's different varying degrees.
I feel like a torn Achilles is kind of, like, expected when you're 40 and in the NFL. So, of course, cardiac arrest would be, like, the highest.
Up there with Jason Street being paralyzed. Yes.
However, I think, like, Achilles tear. So, say that's 10 out of 10.
Jason DeMar. I would say Achilles is like a 7.
Yeah, that's pretty high. Yeah, but it's not out of the ordinary.
It is out of the ordinary to go into cardiac arrest on the field and to end up paralyzed. No, it's not out of the ordinary, but it's like, it's one of the worst things.
It's a sports injury. It's what you're signing up for.
I don't know. I feel like it's like worse than ACL.
No, I think it's ACL. You think it's ACL? Like it's up there.
Yeah. And so I think if Aaron like walks around with this chip on his shoulder mad at the guy who injured him like that's a toxic trait of Aaron's because I don't think it's warranted I think when you get into sports like you understand you're gonna get injured and you can't be mad at every person who injures you unless you go into cardiac arrest or are paralyzed I would include Achilles and ACL in that as well oh I wouldn't anything that requires like yeah serious surgery and like out for the season no surgery is like so classic like everybody gets surgery when they're athletes i disagree wow that's big of you turdy if anybody knows any football players like please sound off in the comments do they hold grudges by the way i know football players okay do they hold grudges should i ask kyle use check like yeah say hypothetically and i feel like it would have to be like a non-clean non-clean kyle comma as a football player i have a question for you period i'm doing research for a podcast episode period when you get injured comma do you hold any resentment or anger towards the person who is responsible for your your injury? Like the person on the other team who tackled you and ended up breaking your ankle? Is this a dumb question? No, it's just like if he hasn't experienced that, maybe he doesn't know.
Has he had like almost a career ending injury? Can you Google it? I don't want to be stupid. And ask him a question that is a big part of his career and I don't know it.
Right, right, right. Okay, Kyle used check injuries.
A finger, knee. Do you hate them, question mark? Or you just understand it's par for the course in this line of work? He suffered knee injuries.
He missed time in 20. He had like standard.

You know?

Yeah, like I feel like he probably has a healthy outlook.

Okay.

I'm asking, but let me read it one more time

because I'm actually embarrassed of this question.

Kyle, as a football player, I have a question for you.

Does that make it sound like I'm a football player?

I'm just going to say, Kyle, I have a question for you. Obviously, he's a football player.
He knows that. I don't need to tell him.
I'm doing research for a podcast episode. Not me acting like I'm like humor.
I'm like doing research. For a podcast episode that's happening live.
That I'm actively recording. When you get injured, do you hold any resentment or anger towards a person who is responsible for your injury? Can you say when you get player gets injured when a player because he has like when a player gets seriously injured yeah do you hold any resentment or anger towards the person who is responsible for your injury like the person on the other team who tackled you and ended up breaking your ankle question mark do you hate them or you just understand that it's par for the course in this line of work i think that's a good text add like and what if it wasn't a clean hit does that

change things i feel like there's not really room for nuance in this already long text message like

i kind of just want to send it but he's on the west coast fire well it's off season i don't

think he's on the west coast oh fire it off or delete the whole thing claudia fire it off like

if you can't like use your friendship with him to learn critical information. Then what am I doing here? Yeah.
And plus you want to know more about your friend. Yeah, that's a good question.
I think so. And people like people in the comics be like, my husband plays in an intramural flag football league.
And he said, we're not talking about that. No, the pros this is your career and like it could be career ending you have you can't play for the season like I want to know um so Travi is back in the big game next season we'll see you rocking the stage at Arrowhead precisely are you ready for our next story Christina Hall is expressing some regret over not signing a prenup with her third husband, Josh.
So Christina Hall, so this is a confluence of our favorite things. Christina, Tarek.
El Moussa Hack. Heather.
H-E-T-E-S. And also, is she going by Christina Hall? Right now she's Christina Hall, yeah.
Because I didn't know who you were talking about. She is, to me now she's Christina Hack.
El Moussa and Sted. Hall.
Hall. Christina Hall regrets not signing a prenup with her estranged husband, Josh Hall.
The HGTV star spoke candidly about her third divorce during a conversation with her friend Cassie in Wednesday's episode of The Flip-Off. Like, of course, The Flip-Off making news always.
Making news again. She said, oh, my God, it's crazy.
He wants to retire off of me. Honestly, if i would have really understood the request repercussions of all of this i would have gotten a prenup or i never would have married him i feel like one of the benefits of being married so many times is that you do understand the repercussions so i'm shocked i'm shocked to learn that a she didn't sign a prenup and b she's like regretting and wishing she did yeah she said that he's tried to steal some of her assets including atvs and quad bikes from her home in tennessee she said it's so so confusing for me why someone would want to do that to me especially someone that didn't have to work for a few years she alleged that he's taking advantage of her by making asinine settlement settlement offers that would result in her paying him more money she said it's exhausting i just can't wait for it to be done but i don't think that's going to happen anytime soon so so and then also like I hate to kick someone when they're down but Christine Christina should know better oh true but also but you don't feel strongly about man me leeching off of woman oh I do I do I'm holding space for two truths like he gives Kelly Clarkson's ex-husband energy like was looking for a wealthy woman to leech off of.
And even in divorce is still trying to milk her dry.

At least that man had kids with Kelly.

So he had like a little bit of a leg to stand on.

This guy has like seriously no grounds.

And he's like a grifter.

So I'm holding space for that.

And there's also just something icky about like a man who wants to like

take money from a woman,

get a job.

But also like,

I'm kind of tisk tisking at Christina hack. Like the whole joke of the seven husbands of Christina Hall is like she's had a million marriages and she's going to have a million more.
And we love that for her. She's a hopeless romantic.
But you are supposed to learn something from every marriage. Yeah, you should have a stack of boilerplate prenups in your desk.
First marriage was Tarek.

And obviously they split things 50-50.

But that was like the most.

That was where they built their business together.

They had kids together.

So them splitting everything in half was completely fair.

Yeah.

Then was she ever married to Aunt Anstead or they were like engaged?

And married from 2018 to 2021.

So I feel like he has his own career.

She had her own career.

And they were like happy to like come in and leave with what they came in with. Like it would have been too messy to start poking at each other's businesses.
Yeah. So perhaps this is the first time she's been with a man who's not as wealthy or wealthier than her.
And she hadn't learned this lesson yet that this can happen. Yeah.
Right. Because she kind of got lucky in the last two.
Yeah. So when you think about it like that, it makes sense.
Like this is almost like it's not like it's happened twice to her. Like it's her first time.
And now going forward with Christopher LaRocca. Oh, right.
She's engaged again or just dating. They are dating.
But he's a businessman. So maybe she doesn't want a prenup.
Maybe she wants some of that LaRocca fortune. Right.
She's going from dating somebody with less money than her to now dating somebody with

much more money than her. Hopefully, if his business is as booming as we thought, I think it might be.
I think it will be big. Huge.
Christina's got her finger on the pulse of that stuff. Except for Josh.
I'm just checking to see if Kyle texts me. I'm like feeling embarrassed.
Oh, I have a text. No, I think it's a great text.
Like wanting to. He said.
Hey, Claudia. That's a great question.
There's no resentment unless there's like a cheap shot outside of the rules, like a helmet to helmet hit or a hit after the whistle. So you're right.
That's speaking for me. But I think the vast majority would agree.
Extremely helpful. Could you ask him, like on the record, do you think, let him know it's on the record that you're going to share his answer okay helpful and kristen said because i put in a group chat with kristen she said that's actually an amazing question okay helpful thank you could you say another question do you think aaron rogers holds a grudge against the guy who broke his heel do you think aaron rogers holds a grudge against the guy who broke his heel?

The guy who broke his Achilles heel.

You could say we're recording live.

Like we're currently recording.

You don't have to answer, period.

We are currently recording.

Period.

We are currently recording.

I'm excited.

You got to give people like a heads up yeah yeah not everyone's ben and knows that everything that you text him is fodder for the show so true how is ben why what'd you hear no nothing i just like you haven't talked about him in like a day it's because it's been a hard week for us it's been 50 degrees in new york and ben has been like golfing in the middle of february um it's been hard i'm sorry to hear that did you see the reel that i did you didn't watch it i watched the entire thing you are sending me reels propaganda at first jackie sent me this reel and I almost turned it off because it was this girl being like, my husband golfs.

He loves to golf. It makes him so happy.

We have three kids under four.

And I let him do it every single weekend, and here's why.

And I was like, oh, this is a joke, obviously.

But then she was saying, no, on the days that he golfs, he has to wake up early, take the kids to breakfast, spend the entire day with them, put them down for a nap, do all the work, and then go, once they're napping, then go golf for like four, five hours while they nap for two, and then I have to do the rest three hours. But he did, you know, everything up until that point.
And I had all that time to myself, and then he'll pick up dinner on the way home from golf. Right.
So basically, like, it was her life hack being like, I don't take care of my kids all Saturday, but my husband gets to golf. I got it.
I thought it was propaganda because she is in a unique situation, the woman in the reel, because her husband golfs for four hours. My husband has never golfed for four hours in his life.
He makes it a whole day. They go to the spa, the locker room.
They have lunch. They go to the range.
They have cocktails. Like, it's a whole, like, he loves golf, but he loves the whole environment.
Going in and out for a couple of holes, that doesn't do it for him. You couldn't compromise with him and say, like, you can golf today, but, like, just 18 holes, period.
Like, no spa, no goodies. Like, I can.
But then that's not, like, what the lady in the reels was saying. It makes him so happy.

I just know she had a fucking gun to her head

and like he was standing behind the camera with a gun.

Like, I didn't like it.

Don't send me that propaganda.

I didn't like it at all.

Maybe it's because you guys also live far

from the golf course.

So all the driving.

I thought she figured it out.

Kyle Juszczyk said he would guess

that Aaron Rodgers doesn't have any resentment. It was a pretty routine tackle.
Okay. There we go.
Thank you. Extraordinarily helpful, can't thank you guys enough, period.
I just feel like these are the questions Pat McAfee should be asking to Aaron directly. Maybe he does and I missed it.
Yeah. I mean, it's amazing what you can miss when you don't watch someone's show ever.
I just feel like if Aaron said, like, I fucking hate that guy, it'd be headline news. Well, yeah, Aaron, if he did that, we should have known because if Aaron did hate the guy who tackled him, he would have given him a nickname and started hating him going on Pat McAfee, like dragging him and his family.
So we should have known because we didn't hear any of that,

that he was probably cool with it.

I just want to know who it was.

I'm so glad Kyle and Kristen thought that was like not a dumb question.

I was like actually feeling major regret and embarrassment.

No, I actually feel like it's a very insightful question. Like you want to know the emotions.

Yeah.

Of your friends.

Fun fact, Kyle Yushek went to Harvard. Isn't that crazy? I knew that.
From you. Fun fact.
From my fun fact, from the fact queen. You call me fat? I heard fat.
I said fact. I posted a picture today on my Instagram story of like you and I looking cute to promote the fact that our new theme song is available to stream on music streaming platforms.
And I got like a lot of responses from people like, oh my God, Slay, Jawline, oh my God, you were so thin. Actually, I've seen people like make TikToks and social media posts about things you should never say to a pregnant woman.
And I'm like, nobody says that. They fucking do.
That's crazy. It was multiple.
And maybe people thought it was like a recent photo and they're congratulating me on looking good at recently but it was clearly an old photo yeah well or maybe like that's what they think that you're that you look like and like you do look like that you don't look so dissimilar I really do it's fine you don't have to like I'm on camera every day like I know no I'm trying to hold space for like your toxic mentality with this. Because I'm sure I was the same.
Like when I was first pregnant. I don't remember you talking about it a lot.
But you like you did feel this way. But you weren't always talking about it.
But were you thinking about it all the time? Because I think about it pretty much every minute of every day. Maybe.
Maybe. Yeah.
But over time, like it's just you'll change your point of view about it. So I'm just trying to listen and learn and not judge.
I love that. We listen and we don't judge.
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Big Peppa news yesterday. Big Spidey news today.
Spongebob is pregnant. Okay.
Spongebob is pregnant. No, Spidey and his Amazing Friends has been renewed for season five at Disney Junior after a big ratings win.
Don't you feel like Spidey and his Amazing Friends is like taking over? I feel like a kid show hasn't been as popular in so long. No, literally, I never hear of it outside of you and your family.
I leave your house and I leave the Spideyverse. Really? I'm just curious.
And I'm not complaining at all because you do an amazing job. But are we like now a kid's programming update? Is this like a new category we're covering? I'm into it.
Like I understood the Peppa Pig. We literally spoke about nurseries for 30 minutes 30 minutes.
We popped off with Peppa Pig yesterday like one of our most popular clips like maybe we just need to go where the wind takes us turdy. I'm not complaining at all and I understood Peppa.
I understood this one like a little bit less. But again it maybe just is not my sphere.
I mean did you want to hear like details about Jean Hackman's wife being mummified because that was the other option. Got it.
Okay, so all you had to say was that this is what we were left with on a Friday.

I had two stories up.

I was going to ask you which one you prefer,

but then I'm like,

I don't want to gamify the mummification.

I'm never going to tell you how to do your job.

I was just asking

because we haven't had an offline conversation

about the shift.

Yeah, I think the people like it.

Listen, I happen to think Spider-Verse

is a piece of shit.

I hate Spidey.

I hate his amazing friends. I hate Go Spider spider the only one i don't hate is tracy um i hate the music associated with this show i hate the books associated with the show because when i'm at your house like i you know well actually do you want to know why yeah i just asked i associate it with my uh first trimester like being nauseous you're like when i was at your house.
You're like laying in bed with some repeat on my Sonos. And your kids are like, let's read the Sandman.
Let's read the Sandman. And I just think, I automatically feel nauseous.
That's why. I'm glad I got down to the bottom of it.
It reminds me of a time where I felt like crap and I was taking naps and feeling averse. And then we went to the Aero store and I felt so sick.
Like, I'm associating that negative time

with that one book in particular

and the Spidey universe in total.

Yeah, go webs go.

Oh, please.

Like, I actually just felt a chunk of food rise in my throat.

Like, go webs go.

That's such a shame because I feel like Spidey

could be something that's like big in your house one day,

especially because of the soundtrack

and like Ben will love, as much as you can love a kid's soundtrack, like Ben will love Spidey could be something that's like big in your house one day, especially because of the soundtrack and like Ben will love. As much as you can love a kid's soundtrack, like Ben will love Spidey.
Maybe I'll get over it by then. I don't know.
Okay. Well, if I had known that then at end, like I'd known your distaste for Spidey and his amazing friends, I maybe wouldn't.
They're not amazing either. That's the thing.
And Aunt May, who's like charge of these three kids, she's never around. She's definitely, somebody needs to call CPS.
She's always leaving these really young kids out on their own in really dangerous cities with dangerous criminals like the Goblin. The criminals constantly want to exterminate Spidey and his friends and the entire town.
And then they always thwart them and then just let them off the hook.

Like there's no real justice.

That's what bothers me.

Where's crime and punishment?

Why are you giving them another chance to rob the bank in the hot dog stand?

To get away.

Put them behind bars.

Call it a day and live in peace.

And it's an important like lesson for kids to learn.

Like there are repercussions for your actions.

But not for the Sandman.

Not for the green goblin they

just get away and they get to do bad things again doc ock like she's a bitch i'm not familiar with doc ock and i'm so glad please don't tell me anything more about her you wouldn't like her but anyways what's actually really remarkable about spidey and his amazing friends like i feel like it's like a rebooted version of spider-man like for the children and i have not seen like a reboot have this much success like it's crushing it it's really crushing it five seasons a walk to remember is being rebooted that could top Spidey it could although I don't know how you reboot like a movie you're just you're just making it again we're gonna run it back and Mandy Moore is still an actress and could still be Jamie. And I feel like they're going to make it like very modern.
Like instead of having cancer, she's going to have like Lyme disease or something, you know? No. No, I don't know.
No? Okay. Like, I wouldn't like that change.
I often think about that line from, I mean, I think a lot about A Walk to Remember, but he was like the wind.

I couldn't see him.

Her.

Actually, he's talking about her after she died.

Her love is like the wind.

I can't see it, but I can feel it.

I hope that when they do reimagine it, it's to a T.

I feel like I could see them changing some of the themes because it's obviously very pro-religion. Oh, is it because her dad's a pastor? I know.

And like.

Oh.

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No. Like it's to a T.
Like I feel like I could see them changing some of the themes because it's obviously like very pro religion. Oh, is it because their dad's a pastor? And then he ends up finding Jesus.
Like he's with his Bible and he's been found. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, they need to leave it.
Yeah, you're right. You're right.
But I could see them like doing away with that. And instead he's like manifesting his dream.
Like stop it. They're replacing Jesus with manifestation for sure sure keep the bible in a walk to remember now who's the heart like the young heartthrob who's the shane that's his name right i feel like i know three young actors of course noah centennial comes to mind jacob alordi wait wait jackie it's actually a good call noah centennial like the bad boy turned priest.
Jacob Elordi and Austin Butler. He's not right for it.
No, they're not right for it. You need someone who's, because they're high schoolers.
Yeah. Wait, I really like Noah Centennial.
For the role. And then who's the Mandy Moore? She has to sing and she has to be like this young ingenue.
Okay, by the way, that like i could see it she obviously has acting history um she sings partially she would be and then she's like a nice voice for like a girl who just like gets on stage and is like no i'm afraid yeah it's giving her character in high school musical yeah and then who is like the really strict dad priest dennis Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid's not old to be a little bit of Rodrigo's dad.
I was going to say he's too old to have a daughter in high school. Should it be Mason Disick? Should it be? Who, how old are you when you have a daughter in high school? You're like 40.
Yeah. Kind of like, kind of like the dad a little bit from White Lotus.
Jason Street. Oh, Scott Porter.
Yeah. Scott Porter.
Parchee. Parchee.
Wait, we just absolutely crushed this. And that's like the only other character, right? Like she has the friends, like the mean group of friends, but I don't need to.
Yeah, that mean girl who she stole Shane from. Yeah, yeah.
That could be like a regular mean girl. Okay.
wait joshua bassett has to be he could be he could be i'm so down this movie sounds amazing she would kill it the late afternoon yeah like that soundtrack that movie only hope Only hope like actually changed our dna cells yeah i don't i i know the movie was really popular i know the song was really popular too but i don't think that particular song had as much of an impact on our generation as it did on us specifically like we loved that fucking song i think it what i've learned you know we've a lot of us have had the same experiences. Like, I think a lot of people had that experience with that song, like, in a good way.
Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, that's good.
I think it was hard to hear that song and, like, not be changed. So I lay my head back down.
The first time I saw that movie, I was choking on my own sobs. It's a lot.
I was so upset.

Yeah, and that opening scene with that kid.

At the water tower.

Yeah, where he hits a pipe.

Oh my God, just devastating.

There's a lot of big themes.

A lot of big reboot news, essentially.

A lot of big reboot news.

So that's a twofer.

Yeah, I love that.

We'll add it to the story.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

It's a little fashion news. A new trend has emerged at milan fashion week and we actually called this one we did models are bearing their butt cracks at milan fashion week and style gurus are outraged saying i do not want to live in that world low-rise jeans are back and there's no butts about it at milan fashion week diesel debuted its fall winter 2025 collection featuring a gregiously low denim cut in which models bared their butt crack so there's a stream of models walking down the runway in low-rise jeans plus crack and this just proves to you that butt cracks are ugly because models are supposed to have like the most beautiful of everything and even their butt cracks are ugly sometimes it's like yeah it's kind of a crazy look but it looks good on a model you know it's not gonna look good on a regular person who has like a hairy butt crack yeah and so it doesn't even look good on models this doesn't bode well the only time i've ever enjoyed seeing crack and i didn't even see crack is when hayley bieber wore like that really low dress but it was like a fake and they put like a diamond thong in it that was really pardy but we didn't see her butt crack so my stand my point stands butt cracks are not attractive even of the elite fashion european your butt cracks are just as ugly as mine it makes me feel good that i don't have like a particularly ugly butt crack i kind of have like a big crack in what sense tall long deep, well, that is not visible to the eye.

Yeah, no, it's something you need to feel to believe.

Right.

Which obviously I have.

Okay, show it off.

Pop off, crack.

Pop off, crack-tia.

And I feel like the fashion community,

they're always trying to push boundaries,

and they do radical things, and it's always applauded as art or whatever. And I kind of love that this happened and the fashion editors and the people at large are not down for it.
Like I really feel like they're running out of bits to show, you know, like because pretty much people walk around naked, but they do wear on these. Not anymore.
Here's crack. What next labia la vaginaplasty yeah but then not everyone has that so what's next dong is that is that penis yeah what's next dong like you seriously live on a different planet dong and I think you're getting confused because I think you're thinking of schlong.

I think I'm thinking of dong.

You're thinking of like dick and schlong.

Dong.

Dong meaning.

Is it there?

No.

The deep resonant sound of a large bell.

No, dong definition from Merriam-Webster.

No, I guess it would be on Urban Dictionary. Wait, but Merriam said dick.
Penis dong. Usually vulgar.
Penis dong. Penis is here.
Okay. I think you meant schlong because I think you're just getting lucky.
No, no, no. Schlong is like a different energy.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I actually like the energy that schlong emits. It's very like schlong.
Yeah, it's like schlongy. But I actually like the energy of dong.
Yeah, right. I'm thinking of, of course, like a bell.
Right. I want, now I just, I need to know if there are other people who think this is it.
I think you should just like take the, I think you should take the W and just run with it. Etymology online says penis.
Oh, okay. They didn't mince words over there.
Penis, 1891 slang of unknown origin, perhaps suggested by dingus and other names for unnameable things. Parch.
Shall we dive into the Southern Charm recap where you just pretty much tell me everything that happens? I thought you'd never ask. I also can't believe last week you did not bring up the scene because it came up for me all over social media and now I'm obsessed with the scene where Shep has the actual balls to recite to Austin the text message he wrote to Sienna.
Is that her name? Yeah. And like the pure cringe of that moment, like the verbal diarrhea and then like Austin's reaction.
It was so funny. Claudia, he recites it to everyone.
Last night he recited it to Molly, like the girl that he likes him, everyone knows likes him and he knows that she likes him uh that text your if i hear freckled lips one more time if i hear freckled lips one more time i'm gonna have to turn this off but last night was like really bad for shep and sienna's relationship we're still in the bahamas what's going on with shep and sienna is that like he sent the text he's spiraling they went out that night after the dinner she went home early early with a stomachache, like the night before or something. And the boys went gambling.
Shep got kicked out of the casino for being too drunk. There were no cameras on at this point.
Then when the boys go back to the room, Shep's not there. They're looking for Shep for two hours.
They can't find Shep. Shep fell asleep on a pool lounge and then made his way to the room and realized that he had hit rock bottom, that he's literally sleeping on the beach because of this girl um that's not good the next morning he wakes up they're all going on a boat sienna's coming on the boat and craig's like why is she coming on the boat like what like she doesn't like a good question um craig even facetimes page so page can be on the phone and say she doesn't like you like girl talk she doesn't like like literally everyone's yelling at chip she doesn't like you and like but he won't hear a word word of it no it's like he will and he knows that but he's being a little like i guess it's like sweet but he's in his 40s so it's not where it's like i well i don't care like i this is how i feel like i love her like i'm gonna fight i'm not just gonna like you know pretend like i don't care anymore because i do care like and he so he really just wants her around and on the boat even if she doesn't want to be there which is like it's very naive and would be sweet in someone else but not but this is his first experience with something like this even though he's 40 like it is his first you know we all remember our first we're all no and we're all just like doing life for the first time meanwhile they walk down to the boat and she texts i'm running late go i'm not coming and he was like well wait she said i don't know how long i'm gonna be um i'll meet up with you guys at dinner.
So he was like. So she cancels.
Yeah. But not even well enough to cancel, be like, I'm not coming.
I'm going to be too late. Like leading him on, like, oh, if we wait, then you can come.
Right. Just be a little bit more definitive.
Right. And then he's going to stay back.
They all go on the boat. And thankfully, he decides he walks down the plank as they're about to leave.
And he gets the boat thankfully because they had a really nice day like at rose beach with shep rose they were all joking it's shep's beach like so sad how they have to cheer him up they try so hard madison actually had like a nice conversation with her because she's a queen and she's benevolent even though like shep was so fucking nasty to her for so many years when she dated awesome like she's gonna put it aside for a moment it's easy it's easy to be a queen when you're so happy and like in your own life while also still holding important grudges however like Shep is not her enemy you know yeah he's not a problem right now like I don't know who her is but not him she like was giving him like good advice like that he deserves to be loved like this is not it and then like she was like do you really because he said last time I was here with Sienna we drove past that house and she said she wants me to buy it for her and it's like a 10 million dollar house and and Madison was like I think maybe like you're just not rich enough for her like that might just be it and he was like yeah I think so which is so crazy because he like does have to admit yeah no and like he comes from like generational wealth um so that was sad then JT JT is spiraling I think this might be JT's last episode on the show because he finally makes it after like missing all of his flights he comes to a dinner him and Craig are fighting they're actually having like a fight that started out like strong and now it's like Craig is misremembering some of like there's this big issue where he told the whole group that JT called Miss Patricia a bitch. During a conversation that the entire conversation was filmed.
And there was no footage of that. Oh, shit.
Yeah. And then also Craig told Madison that JT was like insinuating some weird things about JT and Madison, which he was.
But now it's like, well, did you use the word affair? He didn't use the word affair. And it's like, who cares about the word affair? He was insinuating that, like, the husband called him to make sure nothing was going on.

It's also just annoying in a situation like this.

Like, why don't we all sit around, watch the tape, and then we can talk about it again. Because, like, spending time remembering is so annoying.

Yeah, and JT's just, like, not a worthy adversary.

Meanwhile, like, so I think that he, then Vanita goes to his room and, like, tries to make out with him.

Even though he, like, told her he had a girlfriend.

So that was, like, really weird. She keeps doing that um yikes yeah yeah um but i think jt is gonna leave the trip and i think that's it for him on the show because at some point he quits the show in the middle of the show right i think this might be it the dinner wasn't even that bad for him shep actually had his back being like i don't remember jt saying that mostly because he's just like completely in his own head so people can't cut it yeah like if you couldn't handle that dinner that was really like nothing this shows this isn't the life for you yeah beyond that next week Shep and Sienna will finally talk it's like that night after the boat and like he's gonna be like we were in love three weeks ago and she was like no, we weren't.
Yeah. It's time to end it.
And that's what you missed on Southern Chirm. Thanks so much for keeping me up.
I literally like, I watched the show. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I also wanted to mention some rumors because people are saying, I saw, I don't know if there's any truth to this, that like Craig and Sally have been spotted together.
And she was on Watch What Happens Live, asked about it because Because they were spotted out at Nobu. And she was like, yeah, we went to Nobu.
But his friend was there. His assistant was there.
Like it wasn't the two of us. She didn't say it wasn't a date though.
She just said we weren't alone. Okay.
Like I feel like there's something to note about that. Something noteworthy for sure.
And I just want to say like my initial reaction, I'm not like, oh my God, shit, they have to be together. But I feel like I could maybe get there I just like don't know Sally well enough but like also maybe it's just like one of the things you need to do to like get over your ex like I just want to say like my initial reaction is not ship it's not a anti but it's not like if Craig was stepping out with Rachel Kirkconnell right even though Sally seems fab and she changed her hair color in the off season and it really suits her.
She's totally a winter. And we're totally due for Queenie and Weenie of the Week.
Our final segment of the week where Jackie and I like to just sort of take a look at the week at a glance. Give out two awards.
Queenie of the Week and Weenie of the Week. They're pretty self-explanatory.
Did you act like a Queenie this week and did you act like a Weenie this week? If you did, you might find yourself here on the Toast at the end of Friday's episode as a Queenie of the Week. So for Queenie, I think it's pretty obvious.
I think we could say on the count of three who our Queenie is. One, two, three.
Three. Becca.
Becca, yeah. The Toaster who wrote and won our theme song competition series.
I feel like her work was finally put on display this week. Our vocal abilities, obviously, were kind of like sub-queenies.
But she really did exactly what we were looking for. People are loving it.
And we wouldn't have had this amazing week without Becca. It's so true.
Like, the theme song is very queenie, like, is a nominee. But then when you really boil it down, like, it's Becca who wrote the theme song.
Who's responsible. So Becca is the queenie.
I'm glad we agree. I think we might agree on Weenie, too.
too my weenie of the week and i think that people are going to be shocked but listen i am a like i i am woman enough to admit like having four duys is definitely a not we'll get you nominated for weenie of the week karen huger i'm glad she's paying the price but i also don't think i knew that she had four like i didn't even know that this wasn't her first so if she had just like gotten DUI, would she have been my weenie of the week? Maybe not, but that's because she's on that list. But with her fourth, that's really uncool.
Like I'm woman enough to say that. I thought about Karen Huger and just the last minute one came to me as I'm looking through former weenies.
And actually my weenie of the week is going to be Sutton Strack for like the really lowest form of insult on real houses of beverly hills like it's giving i like that weenie behavior i like that a lot so real housewives two for two on the weenies i need to find my pen and write this down or else like we're gonna forget you're kind of lost without it we will be lost in the anals of history yeah we will oh i've been looking for this we'll be lost in the cracks of history what else is lost in the cracks of of history. Yeah, we will.
Oh, I've been looking for this. We'll be lost in the butt cracks of history.
I wonder what else is lost in the cracks of these chairs. This chair is very deep.
I do wonder what is inside of them. Correct.
And on that note, thank you so much for a pargy week. And thank you so much for listening to the Toast the Melody Morning Show, where we deliver the Fast Five Stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.
So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We are also available as a podcast and where podcasts can be found.
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find us at Toastly, a five-star review about how beautiful, about how stunning, and of course,

about how wickedly talented we are. Have an amazing weekend and we will see you on Monday.

Love ya. Bye.