Sorry I’m Late, I Was Coming From Space

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah, and look at this now.

Like, we're all grown up.

We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown-up stuff, and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye, but for the most part, it's about you.

I mean, it's always been about you.

From Lemonada Media, a live with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

My favorite show ever is a show called

Seria!

My heart!

What did he say?

Remember that?

The Miracle Air commercial?

No.

What did he say?

This guy, he's having a hell of a time.

He He can't hear anybody.

No, so where comes he at a park?

He's many places.

Like a play?

Well, a movie.

A movie.

And what happens is first he's at some dinner or whatever.

What did he say?

And then later on, he's at the park.

I'm like, ah.

And then at the end, he's at a movie theater with some other people.

Movie ends.

Lights up.

People start standing up and leaving.

And then he's sitting there going, what did he say?

So the movie ends, no credits, apparently.

And he doesn't know what the ending is.

The ending's all wrapped up in this one sentence.

Right.

And he presumably heard the whole movie except for that part.

And he can't look up like

good point.

A Wikipedia plot summary?

This is pre-Wikipedia.

No, what did he say?

Now you don't need a hearing aid.

This is the guy who's a good person.

If you hear anything, you can just look it up.

Why would you need to hear stuff when you can read it on Wikipedia?

You go have dinner with your friends.

If you don't hear something, the next day it'll be on Wikipedia, whatever they said.

Yes.

Yes.

Welcome to Threedom.

I'm Paul.

I'm Lauren.

I'm Lauren.

No, you're not.

You never will.

Get it out of your thick skull.

I want a Freaky Friday you.

No.

Please.

No.

That would fucking suck so bad.

I know.

If you freaky Friday, I know we've talked about this.

We've gotten into this quite a bit.

It really is.

They have to start inventing this Freaky Friday technology so we can do it for once.

It really is horrific.

Just so we can know what it's like.

Yeah.

But you know, I feel like I can really imagine being in different bodies.

I can.

I can feel it right now.

I mean, I can imagine being in a better body.

Yeah.

I can feel it.

What it looked like.

If I do that all day.

I can imagine the POV, you know, of me looking down to pee and stuff in my OV.

In your vision.

What would you rather do?

Would you rather freaky Friday yourself or parent trap someone?

Freaky Friday yourself.

Yeah.

Or parent trap someone else?

Yeah.

What are these options?

Freaky Friday yourself.

Or parent trap someone else.

So like that means I have a twin that I don't know or they do.

Everything.

All the accoutrements.

Everything involved.

I have the accoutrement.

I have all the accoutrements.

A twin I don't know.

Parents who

started watching Parent Trap, the Lindsay Lohan version with Holly recently when we were in San Diego.

And she actually got way more excited about Sandlot.

So we watched that a couple times.

But this movie, my nephew, when you're trying to, when you're actually watching Sandlot, one of them.

You're killing me small.

It's so good.

It's such a classic.

It's so great.

But I didn't like it.

You didn't like it?

Are you weird?

I guess.

I'm also an adult.

Yeah.

You don't like that.

Are you weird?

Yeah, it's good.

But the

oh, well, so like the parents, like in free, in parent trap, they had, they got together.

She got pregnant with twins.

Twin.

They didn't want to stay together.

The decision was that they each take one twin and never speak again and don't tell the twins about each other.

Deranged.

Like it's actually like, well, it's a fun movie and whatever.

It's actually crazy.

And the way that the girls are so happy to meet their other parent, you have to go like, this is actually like so insane that they have to pretend to be someone else while they're meeting her.

And then like she has to have like a fake British accent meeting her mom for the first time.

And the mom doesn't know that she's meeting her daughter for the first time.

And then when the daughter is talking to Dennis Quaid about, oh, like

some people don't like, some people don't have a father and da-da-da-da-da.

Then he's just smiling all happily.

I'm like, you're not even thinking about the fact that you have a daughter who doesn't have a father because you chose not to know her.

And then they're trying to get these two demented lunatics together again.

They both suck.

So they can make terrible decisions.

I don't think they do.

I mean, they're demented, and that's what they did.

Yeah, yeah, that sucks.

Oh, you think they've learned since then?

No, but I just mean

uh, the mom seems chill.

I'll give up one of my children like they're a couple of dumb dogs.

No, she's crazy for that.

Fuck, you just crazy for that one.

Um, but anyway, it was pretty fun.

And then we're trying to learn the handshake that

does with her butler.

Oh, sure, hit the hips, hit the hips.

Who plays the butler?

Is it Jack Gilpin?

Let's find out.

Always a butler.

I did not realize.

I didn't put this together until someone responded to me on Blue Sky.

I talked on Blue Sky about how I watched Trap.

Simon Kunz.

Oh, sure.

And, you know, Haley Mills is in that movie.

The original.

Is in Trap, yes.

Oh, she plays the FBI profiler or whatever.

She's in Trap, but she's also in Parent Trap.

And this person responded with a picture of her in parent trap saying

she's my favorite part of the expanded trap universe.

Yeah.

And I really did not put it together while I was watching it, but I was thinking, why is she in this movie?

Is it because she's in every movie that has trap in the top?

It's because a parent is being trapped.

Yeah.

And that's why they cast her?

Hell yeah.

That's all I can think of.

That's crazy.

With all the people?

Does she even act anymore?

I guess I like it for how specific.

I do too.

If that's the reason, I fucking love it.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Of course.

And if the reason is that she auditioned and did a good job, then I'm pissed.

So this is a meritocracy, isn't it?

Listen, Haley Mills, I'm going to have to have.

I know you're 75 years old.

I need you to audition for me.

I just need to see you on tape.

Who's Haley Mills?

Let's see.

She probably has 75.

She might be.

That movie came out in like the 60s.

Would you be surprised to learn Haley Mills is 79 years old?

Well, she'll be flattered to hear I thought she was 75.

Yes.

Now, I thought you were going to ask me about my crackers.

Yeah, Lauren brought some crackers.

By the way, she was in a film called Arthur's Whiskey the same year as Trap.

And just three years earlier was in a film called Last Train to Christmas.

Okay, so she's been busy.

Last train to Christmas.

And she's in a couple of

TV shows, too, around Death in Paradise, the Wheel of Time.

So she's still actually.

And she has an an OnlyFans?

And she hasn't OnlyFans.

And it's only for fans, which is nice.

You will got to pay.

Pay up.

You have to answer a bunch of questions about her career.

Yeah, exactly.

You have to know.

Like those Rolling Stone, the world's hardest Billy Joel quiz.

They started doing these the world's hardest quizzes.

And I, you know, I don't know too much about Billy Joel, but I got 75%.

I bet I do pretty well.

Especially after seeing the documentary.

Yeah.

I haven't watched it yet, but I still would like to lauren brought a full sleeve of crackers these are classic keebler club crackers these are the best these are probably the best delicacy the best cracker available a cracker one of the few crackers you can eat by itself yeah and feel like you're getting your fine there's like a buttery nice flaky taste buttery it's buttery buttery it's buttery

And she, she, did you offer?

I can't remember.

I said, do you want one to Paul?

And he said yes.

Then you asked for one and I also said yes.

Now, why didn't I get the offer, though?

Is my question.

Because he admired the crackers.

Oh, I see.

I did admire the crackers.

Yeah.

Okay.

And so then he ate some, and Scott ate some, and I ate some.

I did continue to eat them.

Yeah.

Not asking, may I have more?

It's fine.

But I realized I should have.

It doesn't seem like it's fine the way you're responding.

It's totally fine.

I'm not mad at all.

Okay, that makes it seem like you're very mad.

I'm not mad.

I have, let's see how many I have left.

You appear to have at least four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

so not at least ten can I have four of them at most ten most can you have four

yes you may

they're really good can I have five they're really good he has four you both can finish them if you really want to really

exciting because I probably ate 15 that's very generous I'm gonna Ross Perot it and let you finish

I don't want to finish I want to give them to you now is this is this positing that Ross Perot did let people finish well it was only fair because

they were not letting him finish.

They're all finishing.

Exactly.

They're all finished.

Can I finish?

Yeah.

That's obviously

when he's.

Yeah, when that was around, you know, every stand-up comic was like, here's my version of Ross Perot having sex.

Can I finish?

Can I finish?

Can I finish?

Honestly, I don't know if they were saying that.

It was around then.

But I think they should have been.

What if I said it now on stage?

Comedy.

As a stand-up.

Back then was.

I'm going to do stand-up now.

A little bit of a joke.

Just with that one joke and then wave.

Well, all my jokes are political.

It's, I did not have sexual relations.

It's chop and broccoli, which is vaguely political.

Chop and broccoli.

Very vague,

but still counts.

Because the church lady.

And I'm obviously going to do, can I finish?

And I'll do that part where George Bush barked on that guy.

Yeah.

I'll reenact that.

You really threw up on him.

Yeah.

I'm dead.

And he did die.

Yeah, he did eventually.

Remember his fun little thing of David Copperfield?

Goosing women.

You know my favorite Charles Dickens book is?

David Copperfield.

You don't remember this.

Yeah,

that was his little setup.

David Copperfield?

Oh, Copperfafie.

Men who grabbed their asses.

He said that?

Yeah.

That's real.

In his.

As far as you know.

In his later demented years.

Yes.

My favorite book is David Copperfield.

Yeah.

He would yoink a woman's ass.

Yeah.

He'd Yoink it.

Yoink.

And that's that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, these are all things I'm interested in learning.

And they'd be like, Google, Mr.

President.

Shouldn't if stories like that are going to get out there, shouldn't you have a cover story of like, oh, no, he has full dementia.

But they never tied those things together.

You know what I mean?

They didn't, because it didn't sound like something a demented person does.

It sounds like somebody doing something on purpose.

Oh, it was definitely on purpose, but don't, you know how.

You're saying like this would be the cover story?

Or just you, I feel like out of pride, they never said, oh, no, he's not there anymore.

You know?

Right.

They said, no, he's a creep.

Yeah, exactly.

He's in full possession of his power.

That's what he said was what he meant.

He's a creep.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's a funny joke, regardless.

That's the thing about it.

It is funny.

Yeah.

I abhor, of course, the practice, but the joke is so good.

It's funny if you say it, and it's funny if it's happening to you.

Yeah.

I would tweak it to maybe be, you know, what my favorite magician is?

David Copperfield.

Certainly Oprah.

Well, the book

definitely feels like you're pretty old.

That's my favorite book.

I saw David Copperfield on a plane once, a Southwest plane from

why didn't he just imagine himself in the next place?

I was saying.

Was he doing a show on the plane?

I was saying, why do you have to take this plane?

Just like float around.

Magicky ass.

Do you have a magic carpet or something?

It probably takes a lot of energy to levitate.

Yeah, that's probably true.

You're like, oh, I bet I could do it.

You could get like a couple blocks before you put a post.

What if you could levitate, but you had to do that the whole time?

What if you saw

that?

If you saw a magician and they were making noises like that the entire show, I'd buy it.

I would believe the magic was real.

Yes.

I'm like, wow, he's fucking making an effort up there.

That's what I would need.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm Paul.

Oh, I'm Lauren.

Oh, we've already talked about who we are.

I'm Lauren too.

No, we're not.

I know.

Yeah.

I just like to say it again.

We did?

Yeah, we did.

I said, no, we're not.

I am somebody.

I'm Lauren, and I always will be Lauren.

That's not accurate information.

Lauren, what's on your shirt?

Is this classic McDonald's or is it...

This is from Big Bud Press.

Lauren has stained all over her shirt.

This is a hamburger and fries combo from the store Big Bud Press.

With dress, which is a, this is an expired.

This is an expired.

This is a

shirt.

Discontinued.

Discontinued design.

Out of print.

It's a, it's a

what do you think is a better way to say than expired or discontinued

jesus christ but there's but what she's paul you have to understand what she's trying to say is there's got to be some other way sour shirt yeah yeah it's sour and stinky deadly

it's stinky this shirt this shirt has salmonella deadly you can get trichinosis from it yeah yeah

And I got, I got the trick.

I got the trick.

It's making me want a burger and fries.

You You know what?

It has done that for me before where I've just gone.

Yeah.

Yesterday I got in and out impulsively and it was wonderful.

Sat in the house.

I made it.

So happy.

Do you know where I've never, there's a, you ever passed by a place that you just never go into?

And every time you kind of forget about it until you're driving past and you're like, I should go to that place.

Yeah, I passed a place that's

just across the street here from where I live.

And I saw it and I went, that's there?

And I said, and cool up was there.

I was like, there's an automotive parts shop right there.

I had just like my brain had elided over it because I'm not interested

for so long, but then I saw it and it cemented in my mind of like, oh shit, there's this thing on our block that I've never looked at before.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is my brain broken?

Move closer to your world, my friend.

Take a little bit of time.

I don't even know if I've ever seen that.

The automotive place?

I've seen it.

Hmm.

Come on, you told me a liar.

Paul, you're a liar.

Thank you.

I am.

I like to lie.

You're a liar.

You're a fabulous.

I'm a fabulous, fabulous.

I tell stories to entertain people and myself.

That's delightful.

I'm a delightful scamp.

What's a weird lie that you've told that's stuck in your mind?

I remember I

was singing

this.

I was probably 12 and I was singing this Death Leopard song that it just came out.

And I was walking home from school with some friends and I sang like a little bit of it.

And I said, Oh, I wrote that.

And they said, You wrote the Devil Leopard song.

Oh, I remember a lie I told like when I was a kid.

Pretending to write songs is a very specific thing that I never did, but I know so many people who have done that.

Well, Adam Scott, of course, we talked about he would, he would write girls' poems, but they would be lyrics to sing.

Lyrics to songs, but he would say, This is a poem I wrote for you.

I've known a few people who have done that.

I have done, I have done one of my lies when I was a kid for no reason.

I remember being like second grade, and I had a pillow that said life is uncertain eat dessert first life is uncertain eat dessert

i like said i made that up uh

that's a good like insane

yeah like i told i like said that quote and i was like and would they would they follow up and say how did you get it onto this pillow i don't know if they saw the pillow or if i was talking about it out of context and i was saying like I said that as a quote.

Hey, you know that pillow that says

insert it across.

cover you.

I just don't know.

Hey, you know those pillows that have writing on them, right?

I feel like I lied like that a lot when I was a kid, though, where I would just say, like, I did something or I,

yeah.

I used to tell people, this is not, I was not a kid.

I used to tell people that my middle name was Five.

The fact that I was

a story about it.

Yeah.

I mean, that's pretty good.

I would say, I would say

maybe 50% of the time people believe me.

And how would you justify it?

Would you say like, oh, my parents were mathematicians?

I said,

after my older brother was born, my parents were told they wouldn't be able to have any more children.

Oh, and then I came along, and I was the fifth child, and I was born five days late at five in the morning.

Well, that's a good story.

Yeah, right.

It's sort of believable.

I believe it.

You don't think about it ever again.

Yeah, yeah.

And would like, that's a dumb middle name, but that's fine.

And that's the kind of thing where, like, you're lying just to lie, just to see if you can get away with it.

Just for fun.

Yeah, for fun.

Yeah.

Lying is fun.

Man, they don't want to tell you this.

And kids, if you're listening to this, we understand lying is fun.

Lying to your parents is fun.

Lying to your parents is fun.

Lying to your parents is exhilarating.

Did I tell you about that time when I was waiting at Chin Chin and I, with one table,

how didn't English accent?

English accent.

You know what?

You did.

I did.

Okay, good.

And she's like, what part are you from?

And I was like, oh, we moved around a lot.

And then I moved, I'm not doing the accent now, by the way.

And then we moved to the States

when I was 10.

So I have kind of a mixture of accents.

And she believed it, and she was kind of trying to hit on me.

And I was like,

I can't keep this up

over a whole relationship and a marriage.

It's going to be a parent-trap situation.

It's going to be a parent-trap situation.

And then she has an identical twin.

But it did make me seem more interesting, which is, I think, the reason to do it.

Oh, yeah.

You'd be way more interesting if you were British, moved around to the city.

Some dumb shit who works at Chin Chin.

So I was working on something where you were going to be a little bit more.

You'd become a TV star and a movie director.

I think we were supposed to fill that in.

I was working on something recently with an English person who has lived here for many years.

I'm going to guess it.

And still has an accent, but

certain words,

just a few words pronounced in an American way.

Oh,

like sort of broadcasting.

Well, there are some people who, like actors, do that.

But it's wild because it's like it just pops in every once in a while.

English, English, and then American and then, you know,

it's always wild to me when people from Australia who are actors and who have been here in this country for a long time and have to do the American accent in every role they do, then they'll yell cut and then they'll immediately switch their Australian accent.

I'm like, you have the control.

I just worked with an Australian actor who was speaking in an American accent the whole time.

Paul Hogan.

On and off camera to the point where I practically forgot he was Australian.

Wow.

And I had worked with him before, and I thought, I think he, which was many years ago, and I think he did that then.

And then I didn't know he was Australian because I had just new to him.

And I'm impressed by it.

The ability to do an accent that wow.

That realistically is always, it's very impressive.

I feel like Australian actors are very good at American accents.

So do you think it's partly maybe because they get a lot of American movies and stuff that they've been watching as they're growing up?

Or no?

But I mean, English people are too.

But I feel like you can spot an English person doing an American accent, even if they're doing a good job.

I think you could spot that way faster than you can spot.

Well, it's like my favorite language.

There's no giveaways, you know.

When he was lying in a pool of his own urine.

Yorin.

He was lying in a pool of his own urine.

Which is urine.

From a movie I can't remember, and I can't remember her name.

I care a lot.

Was it the urine pool?

It was Rosamond Pike.

It was Rosamond Pike, and it was in...

I care a lot.

What was that?

Oh, yeah.

We care.

We care a lot.

No, we care a lot.

Not the song.

We care a lot about the people and the parties and the trees.

We care a lot.

It was that about the killer bee.

The party.

But

her accent's impeccable in the film, I will say.

Yes.

Except that one moment where I went, you're in.

And I was like, no, I'm not afraid.

What was the fucking movie that she was in with?

It was Carrie Mulligan's first big thing.

I'm on her page, by the way.

Peter.

I care a lot, is the movie you're talking about.

And the movie you're talking about is

Return to Sender.

No.

The Man with the Iron Heart.

No.

Hostiles.

No.

Beirut.

Please.

And Ted.

A Private War.

The Informer.

Radioactive.

I care a lot.

Evidence of it all.

Saltburn.

Hollow Road.

You know, you're going forward in time now.

Oh, you think I should go back?

Yes.

Before Gone Girl?

Yes, before Gone Girl.

Okay.

This is the first thing I ever saw her in.

Die another day.

No.

Promised land.

The liberty.

Pride and prejudice.

Doom.

Fracture.

Fugitive pieces.

An education.

An education.

An education.

And she plays this sort of vapid

socialite lady.

Right.

And she was so

like,

I thought, like, oh, this is just what this person sounds like.

This is this person's personality.

And then you find out.

And then seeing her something else.

I'm like, wow, that was an amazing, even more amazing performance than that.

Yeah.

That's how I am when I'm an actor.

I just kind of like to play.

No, I see you on the comment.

I thought that was important.

I'm a playing TV show.

It's completely different from what you are.

So, yeah.

Can we talk about this on the other side of this break?

Yeah.

Wow.

What a tease.

Here we go.

Hello from the other side.

We'll be right back.

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oh is that what i was just about

we are back

we are back what goes up spinning wheel goes

in a virtual

spinning wheel right

whap whap whap whap whap whap music used to be so annoying yeah that was really random.

That's not what I was thinking, but I used to think about it.

You know what another annoying song is?

Jeremiah was a bullfrog.

I hate

fucking cares.

Brown-eyed girl.

Oh, that's a nice song.

I liked Brown-Eyed Girl until it got played out in every bar, jukebox, and I wasn't.

I never really listened to it outside the house, but if it ever comes on inside the house,

it's a treat, I think.

All right, I like it again.

It's like nice jangle pop.

My real unfavorite is Bye-bye, Miss American Pie.

It goes on for fucking ever.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

At my wedding, my mother-in-law to be had one request of a song to be played at the reception.

It was American Pie.

It was American Pie.

And I was like, I love you.

You're absolutely insane.

We'll do this for you.

The fucking hit of the night.

Really?

Everybody.

Was she at a different wedding where it was a a huge hit?

No.

She just likes the song.

Wow.

Everybody got on the floor.

I never would have expected

it, but I could see it being fun if everyone was doing it.

It was crazy.

But that's kind of true of any song.

If we all just agreed, like, we're rocking out to this, whatever it is.

Yeah, yeah.

Nothing.

Here's what I love the most is that one video of the Irish dads with Thunderstruck.

Oh, yeah.

They're at that reception.

And it comes out and it's all these middle-aged dudes like, Lauren, have you seen the second season of the Dallas Cowboys?

No.

America's.

I started watching the first season.

I enjoy it, but it's just funny that they show up to a Casey Musgraves concert and they do

the whole choreograph dance behind Casey Musgraves at one point,

including the splits.

The Thunderstruck dance?

They just do it to one of her songs?

One of her songs is great.

Oh, yeah.

That Thunderstruck.

Because she's playing in Dallas.

How would you girls like another opportunity to shatter your pelvis?

Well, Casey Musgraves is down.

Slam.

Paul, what were you going to say?

Slam!

Slam!

They should say that every time they do the splits.

Slam.

Oh, what were you going to say before the break?

Going down slam.

They all yelled slam.

That'd be awesome.

When they hit.

Another fucking thing to worry about.

Yeah, it's true.

The timing.

So I, as so, I'm

doing some episodes of the procedural criminal minds.

That's right.

You play

an eccentric next-door neighbor.

The former next-door neighbor.

Oh, really?

You moved in the show.

Can I just say no?

In the show, the person I was next door to moved.

Can I just say everyone on the show is a next-door neighbor?

No, there's a few people

on private islands.

Okay.

One character lives in space, only comes down to do the job.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Sorry, Emily.

I was coming from space.

Yeah.

But there was some scenes where I had to do like acting acting.

Yeah, like not comic acting, not like, oh, I'm going to be funny.

But also, you think of like procedural acting as like, oh, it's sort of like, it's not real.

You know, you're sort of like.

You're just rattling off techno jargon.

Yeah.

Or you're saying like, I don't like this guy, whatever.

Yeah.

I want to see him clapped in irons.

Uh-huh.

Clapped.

But I was very

optimistic.

What century are you from?

Clapped in irons.

I just watched Master Commander again.

Yes, um, so did I, strangely enough.

Strangely,

I think the episode's been out already for two weeks.

So, there was the director was a very good director and gave me really good notes, but I was noticing,

I'm getting notes all the time.

Oh, and somebody was not getting notes all the time.

When you're on set, to be like, I feel like I'm a problem, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I, it's, it's, and the hardest thing is to not then just get in your head about it.

It's just like, just take the note, listen to the next note.

If the note, if she comes over again, she's going to give me a note.

I'm going to take the note, you know, and I appreciated that, that the way she was giving me the notes was

really good.

Like it was not,

it was not like you're fucking this up.

It was not like, no, do it like this.

It was very, she was giving me

a

constructive, like an idea

that I could then interpret.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Which is all you can actually do.

Which is not a line reading, which is not like stress this word.

Yeah.

You know, it's, it's more about, yeah.

Yeah.

But at one point, she's like, ideally, you know, in this part, you would be like, you would be worked up into tears.

And I was like, whoa, uh-oh.

Ideally.

Ideally.

Ideally is right.

But I can't shoot them salties out like that.

Yeah, that's intense.

Yeah.

That is really intense.

I've never been able to do it.

It's so hard to do.

But I also have never,

how often have I been called upon to do anything like that?

Yeah, you know.

So, did you get close?

Did you at least scrunch your face up?

I did.

Oh, I scrunched my face up for sure.

That's all that directors can ask of you.

I had an experience where I was doing a movie, and it was the first day of the movie,

and it was like a big moment for me.

We were shooting like the last scene of my character, like the first scene.

It was your first day.

Oh, you can't

do that.

If you're directing a movie or scheduling a movie, give your cast something easy to do that will inspire confidence in them on the first day.

It was tough for a few reasons, but I

he didn't like how I was saying the word experiment.

And he was saying it's experiment, and I was saying experiment, and he's saying experiment.

I almost couldn't tell the difference between what I was doing and what he was doing.

Like, I couldn't.

A lot of people say it that way.

Yeah, I felt like crazy because then it was like

he kept walking over and being like, experiment.

I'm like, Roman Polanski, right?

And it was like, I couldn't believe that I couldn't say it, how he was saying it, but I also was going, like, I'm just trying to say my line

facing lady.

Yeah.

And then, like,

what a, what?

It would be different if you were from another country and you're like, oh, no, in this country.

No one was British.

No one was using an accent.

Right.

Oh, no.

You have to say lieutenant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I, like, actually, my character is American and I was like, not supposed to.

So to me, I'm like, this is how I say it.

Is it a British director?

No, he was American.

This is odd.

It was odd.

And I mean, it was actually a sign of things to come in some ways.

But I literally was just like, I don't know if I can.

And then I don't know if I ever did.

I actually, I'm not going to watch and find out, but I don't know if I said it right.

And it became like every time I say experiment now, I'm like aware of that word.

Lauren was between two ferns.

Yeah, it was Scott Auckerman.

God damn it.

What the fuck is up?

I know.

He shot the last scene first and he didn't like it.

Yeah, and then he tells everybody, like, oh, no, no, give him something easy to do.

Yeah, exactly.

Because he's pretending like he didn't do that.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's okay.

No, on the Ferns, we did fun improvising.

No, we had a lot of fun.

Like the first week.

We had a lot of fun.

I think it was only fun.

I think it was all the fun.

I don't remember anything bad.

I'll say that.

All the hard stuff was at the very end.

Well, it was more like weather, crazy colds,

nighttime.

All of that stuff were the last days because it's the New York Times, the daily blues.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Although, When we were getting swept down the hall by the water in that movie, that was really fun.

It was hard, but it was fun.

But Zach was being so funny during all.

I mean, he's just so funny that it made it fun.

I would love to do a thing like that.

Yeah.

I've never gotten to do like a staff.

I'd love to push you down some stairs.

I'll push you down.

Alone or in pairs.

Let's make another movie, folks.

I did get squibbed.

Why not?

I did get squibbed one time.

That was fun.

June squibbed?

Yeah, I got June squibbed.

I mean, in a way, I did work with June squibbed.

When I shot you on that show,

you had blood, but it wasn't a squib.

I had blood.

It was not a squib.

They put an effect in later.

Oh, yeah.

But when I did You're the Worst, I got shot with squibbs.

It was really fun.

It was fun.

We got to do stuff with Zach a lot.

We squibbed him.

We set him on fire.

All sorts of fun stuff.

I got set on fire in something,

and I really did it.

Like I put gel over my hands.

Really?

For you?

It was really

fire.

It was crazy.

I forgot I did that.

Actually, I ran into a guy who worked on it and he brought it up and I was like, oh, yeah.

I'm like, how did I forget that I got set up?

Did they ask you if you were okay doing that?

Yeah, and

I was.

The guy who I was, I was doing a scene with a guy, and the joke was that he was like a stunt guy who was like covered in the goo and whatever.

I don't remember the whole thing.

And he was doing it repeatedly.

And then he showed me how to do it.

And it was fine.

But it was pretty crazy.

Yeah.

It's cool.

They put this like gel over you.

Yeah.

And then they like to look at it must be insane.

Yeah.

Seeing your own hands.

Yeah.

But again, barely remember it happening.

Isn't it?

I think Paul and I were talking about this the other day about how.

I'm Paul, by the way.

So, so many kind of weird things happen to you when you're working in show business that you can just forget, like, oh, yeah, I worked with this famous actor.

Well, it's also funny too, because like when you kiss somebody in something, it doesn't register as like a real kiss in your life.

So, like, you can forget that you kissed someone.

Yeah.

But then that's weird because it's like, if I don't, I remember who I kissed in real life.

I had to kiss somebody in a pilot, and it.

I had to kiss a pilot to get on a phone.

You're not on the phone.

Oh, it's Tammy.

And it was.

You had to kiss a pilot.

In a pilot, you can't.

And the thing about it was, the only takeaway for me was, oh, she smokes.

I did a couple of smokers.

And this is after I quit.

So I was like, oh, that's what my mouth tasted like.

That's close.

It's weird.

You get used to it because the human body just wants to.

The human body wants what it wants.

Human body.

But that human body.

But it is like a shock.

It's not ideal, yeah.

It's not ideal, folks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you have an addiction, that's your addiction.

Yeah, you love, and hey, I'm not here to judge anyone.

Well, mine has to stop, yeah.

If you're addicted to something, great,

good for you.

I think that's good.

I'm addicted to entertaining America and other countries.

I'm addicted to helping people.

I gotta tell you which ones.

Yeah.

You're addicted to what, Paul?

Helping people.

But look.

Yeah.

If you're addicted to cigarettes, heroin, whatever.

I don't care.

I don't want to judge you.

I don't care.

I often think when I see it in movies that

in real life, do heroin addicts have a nice little leather dopped kit that they put their heroin stuff in?

Yeah, because they always do in a movie.

They always do.

They always have like a nice little bag that it's all stored in.

Here's what it makes me think.

You're getting ready to do your heroin.

You're like,

lay everything up.

Doopy, dude.

And then do a little bit of this.

A little bit of that.

And then I put it in my veins.

A little bit of heroin.

Oh, yeah.

Let me remember the heroin.

Can I put it in my veins?

And it goes in here.

Uh-huh.

Oh, that's good.

I remember it.

If I did heroin, I would, after I inject it, say,

here comes the heroin.

If you did heroin, your needle would be wood, your heroin.

Oh, I have everything.

I'd have beautiful stuff.

Bespoke stuff.

Absolutely.

Mine would all be cute, like Hello Kitty and stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, let's do it.

This is making me want to do heroin.

Sorry if you are recovering addicts who are listening to this for fun and don't want to be.

This is the last fucking thing you want to hear.

Yeah, sorry.

We won't do it again.

I'm sorry if you're not a recovering addict and you have no fun addiction.

And you do drugs.

Yeah, I'm sorry if you're not a recovering addict and you're suffering right now.

I'm sorry to everyone.

I'm sorry to everyone.

I'm sorry to everyone who ever had to hear a thing we've said.

And every animal.

Oh, me too.

Cosign.

I'm not sorry to any animals.

I'm sorry to plants.

I'm sorry to a few plants.

Sorry to that plant.

Just because of the happening.

I'm afraid it's going to be real.

Were you doing a Kiki Palmer?

Sorry to this plan?

Here, you know those videos where they're like, if you do this every day for five seconds, you will never have back pain again.

If you do this every day for five seconds.

Is that what you're doing?

Yeah, one of them is this.

Like you touch your two hands behind your back.

Oh, wow.

Like that.

And you'll never have back pain again.

Well, it's like one of them.

You know,

if you do this every day, you'll never have this again.

If you do, I don't know if it's, I think this one was for back pain.

Like if you do this every day for like 30 seconds or something, it's hard.

Okay, so describe what you do.

I don't think I can do it.

So, here, I'll show you.

My hands are.

You're putting one hand behind your back.

One hand over my shoulder to go down my back and one hand under my armpit to go up my back.

And they're touching in the middle.

I can't touch.

And that's supposed to make your back pain not happen?

It's supposed to help keep your back like stretched, I think.

And so that you.

There are better exercises for this.

Now, here's the thing.

Because you can't do that one.

What?

Just because you can't do that one.

No, I'm just saying exercise.

That was not even good.

That was not even good.

No, I know, but I'm saying these videos are like, they go like, if you do this every day, and I just, I say, save them, and then I just go, I'll never do that.

Yeah.

I tried this thing that I saw on Instagram, this woman saying, if you get woken up and you have trouble falling back to sleep.

Oh, is this the I thing?

Yeah.

Oh, what's the I thing?

Because this happened to me at three in the morning.

This

is three in the morning.

It didn't work for Mike, but I find it soothing.

It didn't work for me, and I did not find it soothing.

Okay.

What is the I thing?

What you do is you close your eyes.

As your eyes are closed, you look up, you look left, you look right, you rotate right, you rotate left, and you just keep repeating that.

Look at my thumb.

Gee, you're dumb.

It makes me feel kind of like my eyeballs are getting a little massage.

This is like Vertigo.

It feels so weird to me.

These are the, if you have vertigo, which I don't, Kulap has had a couple of nasty and Charlotte from In Just Like That.

Yes, Charlotte.

Charlotte, who just fell over twice.

Yeah.

But it's very interesting, these Vertigo exercises that you do is basically basically

lying down on a bed with your head off the foot of the bed and then looking in certain directions and all this kind of stuff.

It's very interesting.

It seems hard.

I had a friend.

It's not too hard.

I'll just have vertigo.

Yeah.

One of my oldest friends, this happened years ago.

Is it Santa Claus?

No, this predates both of you guys.

Whoa.

Santa Claus.

It is not Santa Claus.

It's after Santa Claus.

After Santa, before you guys.

Okay.

So

we were talking talking on the phone.

I guess it's Todd Berry.

I just thought I'd talk someone.

Hey, man, hey, man,

um, he just had a pentacitis or something, didn't he?

He had what?

A panda,

just had an operation, he posted about it.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Sorry to this.

Sorry to this, Todd.

Um, I had the heat cups while I was talking to my friend on the phone.

I, not the her.

I immediately pictured what a heat cup is, and it seemed like a swing for your balls

For the male period.

Yeah.

I'm starting gym class.

I need to buy a heat cup.

I'm starting gym class.

I need to buy a heat cup.

I'm not having heat cups over that heat cup.

Or without heat cup.

He was at the airport and he had a defibrillator with his luggage or whatever.

Good luck to him.

Who cares?

What?

It's not.

He's fucking old.

You know what?

If I could have a defibrillator with me at all times, I would too, just in case.

Sure.

Someone who would carry it?

If I need to carry it myself, forget it.

But if there's going to be some random guy who's going to carry a defibrillator for me, yeah, have at it.

If I had a defibrillator valet, absolutely.

Absolutely.

So, absolutely.

Absolutely.

So I have the hiccups and I can't get rid of the hiccups.

And then he guides me through this

cure for hiccups.

where I have to like rotate my arms one way and then these things work one time, by the way.

Well, also, by the way, he made it all up.

Yes.

No, that's it's so I did all of this because someone we know did a cure for hiccups to me and asked me, like, grabbed my hands and asked me a bunch of questions, which I had to think about.

And then after approximately 30 seconds, said they've gone away, right?

And I went, yeah.

And it works only because you're taking your mind off of the hiccups.

Yes.

And you can't ever do it again because you know what's happening.

Yes.

That's right.

So what did they do?

You just twist in your arms?

Oh, yeah, me do like a bunch of shit.

And they went away?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And what's weird is they go away like almost immediately.

Yeah.

Because you're suddenly.

Because you're so surprised by what they're doing.

I should have moved my arms like this.

I was so busy gasping.

Yes.

You know, people are like, the longest hiccups ever were for 12 years.

You're like, that's fucked up.

Yeah.

By the way, you were sleeping during

a lot of that.

You must have stopped.

So you're pretending.

So you just want attention.

Oh, we'll give it to you, dear.

Are you happy?

You got it.

So you just want attention.

Okay, this person's hicked up for 12 years.

Hicked up.

How often do you have to?

Oh my God, I hicced up for a half hour.

All right, we have to take breaks.

Well, hi, everybody.

It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser Than Me podcast.

And I'm not going to talk about food waste this time.

I'm going to talk about food resources.

All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill, it could be enriching our soil or feeding our chickens because it's still food.

And the easiest and frankly way coolest way to put all its nutrients to work is with the Mill Food Recycler.

It looks like an art house garbage can.

You can just toss your scraps in it like a garbage can, but it is definitely not a garbage can.

I mean, it's true, I'm pretty obsessed with this thing.

I even invested in this thing.

But I'm not alone.

Any mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's completely odorless and it's fully automated and how you can keep filling it for weeks.

But the clincher is that that you can depend on it for years.

Mill is a serious machine.

Think about a dishwasher, not a toaster.

It's built by hand in North America and it's engineered by the guy who did your iPhone.

But you have to kind of live with Mill to understand all the love.

That's why they offer a risk-free trial.

Go to mill.com slash wiser for an exclusive offer.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey guys, come here for a second.

Huddle up.

Oh, sure, sure.

What's going on?

Okay, October 10th.

Yeah, coming in World Mental Health Day.

I was about to say that.

Well, this year for World Mental Health Day, I just wanted to thank all of the therapists out there.

Well, I want to thank my therapist.

She's thebomb.com.

I want to thank the two therapists that I've had over the years.

Okay, great.

Is it like half a thank you to each or a full thank you to both of them?

It's a thank you and a half.

My therapist is a bad person.

One gets a full thank you and one gets a a half.

My therapist celebrates my wins.

She asks me questions to challenge myself.

And she creates a safe space for me to explore who I am and what I want out of life.

And I can even cry with her, which is true.

Wow.

You can't do that with either of us.

Nope.

You are unfeeling rocks.

You know, the right therapist can change everything.

And BetterHelp has over 12 years of experience, sounds like 13, matching people to the right therapist.

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That's better, H-E-L-P dot com slash three dump.

Hey, you know we're back.

Shen, we're back.

Why are we even pretending we're not back?

We just are, and it's hard to deny it.

In the past, we've pretended to not be back, and that was fun.

That was fun for a while, but we've put away childish things.

That's right.

We're grown.

We're back, and we just are.

Yeah.

And you know what happens at this point in the show, and we always do it every single episode, is we play something

without fail.

We play something called a threeacher.

We all know what a threecher is.

The hint is it's something we play.

I've known it as a buster.

I've known it as unbustero, a.k.a.

a buster, or some people would say.

I've known it as a little game on my phone.

Are you playing a game?

This is an inside joke between the three of us.

We've probably said that before.

And between no one else.

So back off.

Yeah.

You just don't know.

Don't come up to us on the street if you see us.

By the way, if you see us on the street, please run in the opposite direction.

Whatever you do, don't ask me if I have games on my phone.

Some people saw us at this play that we were at the other day, Paul.

I saw a guy see you.

Yeah.

And

we were walking into the auditorium to see Act Two.

And this person walked right into the auditorium to see Act Two as well.

No, run in the opposite direction.

Run out of the theater, back to your house.

If you ever see us, if you see us, run away.

You're not allowed to be in the same space.

No.

Legally, of course you are.

And these are not private spaces.

This was a public event.

Public space.

Run away.

We don't want you there.

We just don't want to.

We don't want to feel like we're being watched.

I don't want to be observed.

Because we know we're more interesting than Act Two of whatever show you're seeing.

And listen, I also want to say, if you don't know who I am, run away.

Yes.

Here's what I'll tell you.

I I cannot do my arms like that the other way at all.

Yeah.

Oh, so try the other way.

Uh, which way was it doing?

Okay, I was this is really either way.

Uh, for the listener, these guys look like total idiots, and it's embarrassing.

Sorry, they look like would it surprise you to learn we're the smartest people on earth then?

It would, honestly.

That would be quite smart.

Smartest people on earth, yeah,

smarter than Malcolm Gladwell.

What a what a joy to have a name like Gladwell.

I'm glad.

I'm well.

It sounds too medieval to me.

You're Awkin Man.

Man.

I know.

Isn't that something?

Yeah.

The ochre man.

I'm the kin to Tomp.

Yeah.

And you're the kiss to lap.

Kiss du lap.

Kiss du lap.

Kiss du lap.

Kiss du lap.

Ju je sweet kiss du lap.

So at this point in the show, we always play a three char.

Yeah.

And this is no different.

This is no different.

So what we're going to do is we're going to play a three church.

It's called.

It's called taboo word.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Taboo word, of course, you you know how we play this.

Two of us are going to decide on a word.

That word is taboo.

It's not the word taboo.

I know what you're saying.

It's not the black IP taboo.

No,

nor is it Apple D app.

Oh, Apple D app.

Just doing my thing.

What did I say when I saw him at

Cookaroo?

I don't know.

I've talked about this.

You have, but I couldn't tell you.

And the person behind the counter is like, hey, man, what have you been up to lately?

He's like, just doing my thing on my grind.

Okay.

I was like, all right, Apple Tea.

Great story.

It might have been taboo.

When I think about it now, it might have been taboo.

If I think about it, it might have been the taboo.

Okay, so two of us decide on the word.

The third person suggests a household item to start the scene.

Now, the players that know the taboo word try to get the third player to say it.

It's as simple as that.

Good.

So who's going to be the two?

I will give the word

to you.

To me.

And Paul, you think of your household item.

And I'm also the person guessing the word or trying to get a word.

You're irritating trying to guess.

You're trying not to say the word.

You're trying to force me into saying a word that I don't want to say.

Yeah.

And I think of a household object to start the scene.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's just unrelated.

It's completely unrelated.

Yeah, because it helps inspire you, though.

This makes sense.

All right.

You have your household item.

um i'm trying to think of the name of this thing

dildo this part shouldn't be hard but plug it

you still use those in the house

i go to my man cave furry hand jobs furry hand jobs

um

all right i have my household object all right you know what we could do is we could try to guess what his household object i know because it does feel like i'm supposed to.

He's supposed to just start the scene with it, nothing.

That would be fun.

That'll be fun.

All right.

Why don't you do a little scene work, object work?

No, if I do that, you'll guess it right away.

Let's do some Our Town-style miming.

I love your beautiful home.

Thank you.

Do you enjoy the objects in it?

I do, especially this one.

What is it?

Here in my household?

Yeah.

Well, this one is just a dresser.

I put my clothes in it.

I love that.

But it's not my favorite one.

Oh, what's your favorite one?

Tell us exactly what it is and what the name of it is.

Well,

I want you to guess.

Well, you know what?

Is it this beautiful little jewelry box here?

No, but thank you.

I have keepsakes in there and old keys that don't go to anything anymore.

Well, you should throw the keys out.

I can't.

What if I find out what they go to?

It looks very feminine, I have to say.

Well, thank you.

I actually love all of the different prints that you have around this room.

Yes.

Here's the little prince.

Here's Prince Prince Spaghetti Night.

Yep.

Oh, this is Prince's Purple Rain on DVD.

Prince's Purple Rain on DVD.

Do you see the Prince's influence around sort of this?

The Prince Fluence?

Purples and lovely loaves.

Yeah.

Yes.

Mint.

Some little patterns.

Yes.

There's a gingham.

There's a hound's tooth.

There's a window pane.

Yes.

And more.

And more.

And so much more.

What is this household item you have?

Well, you have one too, I'm sure.

It's a spatule.

No, no.

You're both so wrong.

But is it this?

Because it's bigger than that.

Of course it is.

It would have to be.

For its purpose.

To wash dishes.

You can't wash dishes in there.

Why not?

Oh, it's in there.

So it has a door.

Of course it does.

How are you supposed to get inside?

Is it a bathroom?

No, that's not an object, dear.

That's a room.

Is it a sauna?

Sauna?

The same thing.

It's a room.

But you're getting inside it.

It is kind of an object.

Is it a cold plunge?

I didn't say I was getting inside it.

Cold plunges don't have doors, dear.

I thought they did, dear.

The best ones don't.

I thought it had a top on it.

Get yourself a name-brand cold plunge.

It won't have doors.

Okay.

Thank you for inviting us to your home in the far reaches of Africa, by the way.

I love to have you there.

I hope you've blessed the reins.

Yeah, you are.

All of the.

Is this an animal you killed?

Yes.

It's an animal that died.

What's and you've mounted it upon your.

I see an elephant.

Oh, no, that's how it just died that way.

It died on your wall.

It died that way.

I see an elephant.

I see a jaguar.

A jaguar, yes.

Very fast.

A car, yeah.

What's faster?

Do you see a giraffe?

I do.

Yes.

Yes.

Do you see hippopotamus?

I do.

That's a crazy one to have killed.

Do you see baboon?

No, I don't.

That's right.

Oh, you're pulling your pants down and showing your red ass.

You fell for it.

I i did damn it

but i seriously i seriously have a medical condition it's do you think i should go to the doctor it looks raw i'm a doctor can i take a look sure hmm a little tender right here oh wow

Yep, that's an ass.

Now, what is this?

Your underwear is a very interesting print.

Thank you.

What is that?

Animal, animal print.

It's animal print, and as you can see, it's zebra stripes.

Wow.

That's gorgeous.

Black.

You're gorgeous.

You're gorgeous, too.

I like your ass.

I'm like, I'm like, by by the way, that I was just in the talk.

And I like your tail.

Thank you.

Another animal.

I had that grafted on.

Oh.

Yes.

Well, what kind of animal do you want to be?

Is that a cheetah tail?

I beg your pardon.

Oh, sorry.

It's the Jaguar tail.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

I waste no parts of the Jaguar.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Yourself.

Well, this has been fun, but will you say a word for us?

Sure, I will.

It's spelled L-E-O-P-A-R-D.

Leopard?

You got it.

I almost couldn't.

What's your item, sir?

Vermin.

I almost said it.

Okay.

Damn it.

Scene.

See.

I'm going to text a taboo word to Paul.

Meanwhile, Lauren, you're going to think of a household item.

Okay.

If you can.

If you dare.

I definitely can.

I've texted Paul the word.

Have you thought of the the household item?

What's this, Paul?

Epstein files.

What?

What are you playing to do?

Oh, is that an audiobook of the Epstein files?

We're going to read the list.

It's the Instagram reel of a cat.

It says,

help me.

Why does my cat's meow sound like this?

And the cat just answered for a while and opens his mouth.

And they've dubbed in.

Epstein files.

Epstein files.

Do you have your household item, Lauren?

Yeah.

Okay.

Are you going to try to guess it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

As Owen Wilson once said, wow.

Yes, I got leg extensions.

Congratulations.

You're very, very tall now.

Okay.

Tall plus

what?

Fat.

And what is that item?

The sis of baton.

I'm leaving the parade today.

Are you doing anything else?

I'll probably wash some dishes.

Anything else, honey?

I guess I'll clean the house.

And then what?

And the house.

You said it.

You said it, idiot.

What did I say?

And that was the worst.

Well, good luck guessing my object.

Dishwasher?

No.

Butter dish?

No.

Scalpel?

No.

Forceps?

No.

Plasma?

No.

Dog plunger?

No.

Extra strength plunger?

Yes.

Extra strength.

Here, I'll tell you a little more.

I'm going to be cleaning up after my baby.

Oh, how old's your baby?

One year.

Then you have the diaper genie.

No.

You should get it you should get it yeah we're selling it i it's a something i'm gonna use to clean her you're just not interested in the fact that we're selling diaper genies things that she's drank out of

i'm not interested in that

but we have a surplus is it like one of those brushes it is how much is a diaper genie one thousand dollars that's too much for well hold on for one thousand units oh i thought i was guessing Oh, you're asking.

I can get a thousand diaper genies for a thousand

dollars.

So $1 each, but I have to give them a house.

You have to buy $1,000 of them.

I'll do that.

I'll sell them to friends.

Okay.

No, you can't.

Really?

A thousand's too many to be able to get in here.

You're going to give them away.

So did I just put one diaper in each one until they're all full?

You're going to come back on the first of the month, and if you don't have 1,000 of them in your house,

we'll know.

We'll know, and you'll pay for this.

Okay.

Well, I'm going to lock you out of my home.

Fair.

Push, push, push, push.

We've already made copies of your push.

Push, push, push, push, push, push, push.

Okay, well, you don't know how to get through my my bar on the door that I slammed shut.

I really don't.

Slam slam shut.

She's gonna have this vertical bar on her door.

I think we should just duck under it.

Oh, yeah.

She didn't close the door.

Okay, yeah, here we go.

Well, you guys are skinny

and scene.

Seen.

Should we try one more?

Yeah, or should we go?

Sure.

So, Paul, you text

the word to Lauren, and I will think of a household item.

household item.

Yep, got it.

Locked in,

locked the heck in.

Meanwhile, Paul has sent his word to Lauren.

You're uh, oh, hi, come, come in, hurry, hurry.

Oh, gosh, before anyone sees you, get in here.

What's the matter, you dumb dick?

Oh, you're who I was trying to avoid.

No, no, no, no, no, you're an asshole.

Hey, I don't, I don't, I don't appreciate you're a

loser.

Well, you say that like it's a bad thing.

You're a pimple-popping pizza party.

You're a butt-freaking sutie washer.

Okay, I'm all of these things, but I still thought that you were my friends.

What's your household item?

It's this corkscrew.

I did it.

What's the word that I don't want to say?

Fuck.

Fun stuff.

We have fun.

We have fun.

Listen.

Thank you for listening to Freedom.

If you would like to see Variatopia on tour, I'm going to be out in October, middle of October.

I'm going to Charleston, South Carolina, Overland Park, Kansas, Louisville, Kentucky, St.

Louis, Missouri.

Go to variatopia.com for details.

Yeah, it's October 2 when this comes out.

So a couple weeks from now.

Yeah.

I just am excited about whatever's going on.

I'm excited about

everything that's happening in the world and all the cool stuff that's going on.

There's so much cool stuff going on right now.

Oh my God.

This is a great time for

the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm glad we're here to see it.

I'm glad.

And,

you know, other than that, keep listening to Threedom.

Listen at least three times a day.

And listen, you can listen to other podcasts, but after you listen to Threedom.

Yes.

Make Threedom your first thing you do when you wake up.

A lot of people grab their phones.

You can grab your phone, just don't check it.

Just press play on Threedom.

Some people drop their cocks and grab their socks.

Oh, my God.

What?

It's waiting for me.

I do the reverse.

It's the morning.

That's all right.

Drop my cock and grab my socks.

No, that's me.

That's what I said.

You fucking.

Damn it.

Whoa.

You said our taboo word.

Eat some crackers.

Drink some crackers.

Goodbye, everybody.

Eat some crackers.

See you next week.

Bye.

Bye.Coveny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more.

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