Sherbet What Time

It's morning in New York.

Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Potenkin, and I'm Catherine Grody.

And we have a new podcast.

It's called Don't Listen to Us.

Many of you have asked for our advice.

Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us.

Our take it or leave it advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th.

A Lemonada Media Original.

Three.

Trill!

This year, Lord.

Trina!

Trina!

Oh!

Wow, that was really beautiful.

What a run.

That was gorgeous.

She went on such a run.

So, if you were to go down the hall on the Jennifer Hudson Show,

I hope I do someday.

What song would they do for you?

Can anyone predict?

I don't know.

I mean, I just read that

with your name.

Yeah, about the creation of it.

Did you read that?

How everyone who comes up with these songs is on a Slack.

I think we maybe have to pitch.

Yeah, they pitch stuff of like, okay, well, this person's from Philly, so what if we did something else Philadelphia Freedom?

I'm thinking of you right now.

Oh, yeah.

You're like, Paul F.

Tompkins Freedom.

Philadelphia, Paulie.

Here's what they would do: they would be like,

Ockerman, Ackerman,

we've got on the show, Scott Ockerman.

He's going to sit and be a guest.

Everything he says is in just look out.

Here comes Scott Ockerman.

I love it.

Yeah.

Are they all, I haven't seen the show?

Are they all sort of based on this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

No, they're all different.

Every single time.

Oh, yeah, it's bananas.

They do fit bananas in there.

This shit is Paul Tompkins.

P-O-N-N-S-P-K-I-N-S.

Yeah, that would have been better if I didn't start from the beginning.

You can spell it by a tire.

This shit is Paul Tompkins.

P-A-A-K-U-L-E-O-N-A-R-K-I-N-S.

C-I-S-T.

And you're like, dude, that's C.

There's no C in there.

Francis.

God damn it.

You do have a C.

You forgot your own name because you only go by F.

I only go by F.

sometimes people will go by a letter, like they'll just

like instead of two initials or something, they'll just be like

Q, J, period, KJ

or something as their name.

And I find that to be so, um, it's such a strong, like at some point, it went, you know, what never say the rest, it's just L.

Yo, L.

But L is like, I know people who I actually know a Lauren who became L-E-L-L-E

L-E, L-L-L-E, E-L-L-E, like the name L,

like E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E, L-E-L-L-E-S.

Fine.

I think going, if I was just like, I'm the letter L.

It's a hard one.

You have to have a good letter for that.

There was an, I remember

the first, no.

The first time I encountered this was as a child because a woman, an actress who worked on a lot of sitcoms, guests on a lot of sitcoms, her name was Kay Kalan.

C-A-L-L-A-N.

But just the letter K.

And I'd never seen that.

K-A-N.

K-Kalan.

K-Kalan is bananas.

K-A-L-B-N-I-N-S.

It might be Callan.

I'm not sure how it's pronounced.

I will say that she's an American actress and writer, known for playing Clark Kent's mother, Martha, in the ABC television series Lois and Clark with total piece of shit, Dean Kane.

That's what it says.

Crazy.

Wow, it's crazy.

That's crazy.

They update Wikipedia so fast.

They really do.

When somebody becomes a piece of shit,

they immediately update themselves.

No citation here.

So many citations here, though.

His ice video.

He fucking broke his arm or whatever.

Did he break his arm?

Funny.

Trying to join Ice.

He was running so fast.

He was running so fast.

To join ICE that he was.

The wind.

He did an obstacle course because he was going to train to be a good one.

He's doing like

Best Ninja Warrior or whatever.

Best Ninja Warrior.

America's Best Ninja Warrior.

Okay, we've gathered all the Ninja Warriors in America.

America's best test ninja warrior.

What is it actually called?

American Warrior.

What is it?

Ah, you didn't know.

American Ninja Warrior.

I knew what it wasn't, I think.

American Warrior.

American Ninja Warriors.

I don't think it's called that.

American Ninja Warrior.

I was.

So what did I say?

Best Ninja Warrior?

How funny?

You said best Ninja Warrior.

It's the same thing.

Because American Ninja Warrior is the best.

Oh, boy.

It's like the dream team with basketball.

It's just like worse than Ninja Warriors in America are going to be.

It's basketball.

I don't in basketball.

It's like if the basketball was like a dream team.

Or with it.

You know what I mean?

Everybody said with.

I went to a Sparks game.

Oh, fun.

And I had such a fun time.

It's called a concert.

I went to a Sparks concert.

The WNBA.

It was quite exciting.

To be quite frank, I don't know what happened.

You had your back.

I think they did win.

Who seemed happy at the end?

I was going to the car.

Oh, one of those.

I I had a situation where I had to get back,

but I also wasn't paying much attention.

I was talking the whole time.

I actually...

You know, you can do that in other places.

Yeah, but I had a great time.

Iana, you did that another way.

I wanted to talk the whole time.

But my other friend, who was very excited, she ended up getting closer seats so she could be because she loves Paige Beckers, the

really great basketball player everyone's excited about.

I think you're thinking of Dr.

Becker from the TV series Becker with Ted Animal.

I'm not thinking of that.

I think you're thinking of Paige Davis.

I did see her performance.

And she was great.

But we walked around looking for a Wetzel's pretzel for quite so long.

And that...

Why specifically that?

Because my friend really wanted one.

And they had two locations, but both had long lines.

And we kind of should have gotten just in one line.

Then we walked to the other one.

They're like, that's too long.

Let's go back to the other one.

And then they were out of cinnamon sugar.

No.

That being said, Leslie Jones was on the court side seat, and she had a whole big thing.

And Sana Lathen, who was.

What does that mean?

She had a whole big thing.

They were like, we need a little more.

They were singing happy birthday to her.

They had a camera.

Okay, that's a lot.

Yeah, she had a whole big thing.

That's a lot.

Lots of stars were out that night.

Sana was on.

Yes, had a great time.

Lovely.

And I thought it was a great idea.

There was a discussion of how to say her name on Scott Ashley.

I might have said it wrong.

I might have said it wrong too.

I think.

Never heard of it.

I had looked up how to say it and saw her say it on a video with

Jamil

Jamila Jamil

from no, from ESPN.

And everyone thought I was saying it wrong, and now I'm convinced I was saying it wrong.

Well, no, I don't know.

I just

from Love and Basketball.

Yes, which is my point is simply.

It was very exciting to see her because of Love and Basketball.

Yeah.

Fun to see her at the game and just think about all those memories I have of watching that film and listening to the soundtrack.

And

she means it.

She loves basketball.

Oh, man.

Look up her name production.

That's such a good song.

And this is a good idea.

We'd have to watch a video.

That was beautiful.

It's just like how it is, right?

So passionate.

It's really good.

But I had, I really, I loved the energy at the game.

It was really fun.

It was just a good vibe, and it was very packed.

Hold on.

Here we go.

Okay.

Wait, just before you, we wait, wait, before it's Sana Lathan.

Lathan Nazaren, I put the N on it.

I just wanted to.

Okay, okay, relax.

Relax.

Who is that person?

Take it easy.

How did I say it?

I don't know.

I think you said it correctly.

But I think what it is now is we erase whatever we thought it was and we just say it like that.

We just say it like that from now on.

And if I said it incorrectly on Scott Hasn't Seen a couple of weeks ago or whatever.

You can just say Scott's in it.

Scott didn't know.

And now

change it.

Here's the thing.

For your own podcast.

We forget that we have access to editing and we can make ourselves look much better than we actually look.

Yeah.

That's true.

And we should take more advantage of that.

God, the thought of going back to any of these episodes and re-listening to them.

Have you never re-listened to an episode of this show?

Of this show?

No.

I don't think I've ever listened to an episode of this show.

Wow.

I do it every week to make sure that we're all on the up and up.

And I appreciate that.

And I thank you for your service.

You're welcome.

Living good, clean, Christian lives.

Yes.

I usually listen on double speed because I know what we talked about.

Yeah.

And it's so manic.

That sounds like a nightmare to me.

It is, but it only takes 30 minutes that way.

There's a podcast that Janie listens to, and I will listen to it if she's playing it, but I don't seek it out.

But she will listen to it.

So you don't go from room to room hoping Janie's in the room listening to this podcast.

You're not seeking it out with like glasses.

Oh, okay, I do that.

And the binoculars.

No, okay.

Okay.

Yes, I do that.

Okay.

But she listens, if I'm not around, she will listen to it on one and a half speed or maybe two times.

I never do that with shows I listen to.

Yeah,

it's maddening to me to listen to that.

But you know what's so weird?

So I'll play us for like on double speed, and then I'll put it down to 1.5

if I need to listen closer.

And then that sounds pretty normal.

And then I put it down to one.

It sounds like we're talking so slow.

It sounds like we're being weird.

Especially right now.

It sounds weird talking.

Like, yeah, so

if you are

listening to this on

one,

then this is what you hear.

We should.

If you're on two,

then this is what you hear.

Do you remember those?

We should talk really fast and only for a half an hour.

Yeah.

And that saves time and then slow it down.

Why haven't we been doing that?

That's really smart.

So let's try.

Okay.

So anyway, Lauren,

have you seen Paul's hat over there?

It says dinner parties.

I love that his hat says dinner.

I had to say dinner parties.

It's because I like dinner parties.

So that's why I thought I would wear a hat advertising.

Did you get this hat made, made, or is this a hat that you found in a store?

No, this is my idea.

I had it made.

I ordered it online, and now I got to choose the font and everything.

And you chose the colors, do you?

I'm assuming, because these are the varietopia colors?

These are part of the colors that were available.

And yes, I saw colors that I liked, and so I chose them.

Lauren?

I'm so happy that you chose this hat because I was at the camera.

I was

fast.

Wait, are you doing an auction?

Did you get those files?

Did you get those files?

I cannot get the files out of that.

I'm very busy.

No, but I've been very busy right now.

I drove my car into a wall the other day.

Everybody, but files have to go.

Everybody knows

how quickly it goes from speaking fast.

The corporate lady held out.

When I drink water, it falls out of my mouth.

Lauren, how was your birthday the other day?

It was good.

What did you do for your birthday?

Let's talk at a normal pace for our one

out of respect.

Out of respect each other's birthday.

My birthday was great.

I woke up and Mike made me delicious avocado toast with eggs with using farm fresh ingredients that he got specially for high birthday.

So I guess he doesn't want a house.

Yeah, exactly.

And then

I opened presents.

I got really great presents.

One of my presents was a high heel phone.

Another present, which is great.

Another present.

It's out of a flat?

Yeah, it's a high heel.

Another present I got, which I had mentioned wanting a long time ago.

This was a a very like put a pin in it by Mike.

Good job.

Was a old school video camera from like the early 2000s.

I saw that in a photo.

And it's really fun.

It makes every video seem so important.

Can you hook it up to your computer and stuff?

At this time, no, we're going to need some extra things to make it transferable, but

for now we're having fun.

It's so important.

Yeah, it does.

Because Holly likes saying happy birthday on the home movie video.

And she's like, did I do it right?

and then it like cuts off and you're like uh uh it's like it just seems so important like it's like as if that's the only home movie you have you know it just it was so limited before if you'd only have like truly was cube tapes or something it truly was um we went back through our the photo albums uh we finally got them from my mom for fun of me and finally took her claws off them it's it's so funny just how like uh The only time there are ever pictures is a birthday.

Yeah.

And then it just cuts off after I'm like going to high school.

They never took another picture of me ever again.

It's just.

Were you

opposed to having your photo taken in high school?

Because I know I would definitely pout it.

We all had to.

There was photo dough.

Yeah, but I mean, like,

there's a lot of pictures of it.

Every day.

They wanted to do one of those things.

Okay, it's secondary.

It's time for photo date.

God damn it.

They want, I feel like I've read there's a lot of pictures of me like pouting that I'm in a photo.

Oh.

You know, like we were kind of like being grumpy, grumpy, like, oh, my pictures are just like, I thought kids liked me.

Like when I'm a teenager, you're a teenager.

There are definitely some where they're telling me to smile and I'm going, yeah, like a monkey.

Yeah, I'm just like, because I believe I was told by a certain family member I had an ugly smile when I was young.

So

that's so disgusting.

I'm disgusting today.

Why would you ever

like smiling in pictures?

And so it was always like pulling

me down.

It makes me want to cry that someone said that.

But you're not.

Yeah, I want to.

I wish I could.

Oh, wait.

Why can't you, honey?

I just don't care enough, but I do feel sad for you that that happened to you.

For another human being.

And I feel sad for any child who's insulted in a way where then they become self-conscious of something for their whole childhood.

That's horrible.

That's awful.

I was told I had an ugly smile and a terrible singing voice.

Well, they're not wrong.

That's not the point.

I'm going to smile while I'm not.

I should have been told, Happy birthday.

Honestly, haunting.

Jesus Christ.

Why are they?

Change the tune.

Yeah.

It's kind of.

Oh, I see.

You just started very odd too.

It was just up to someone say.

Really?

I want to do that now for somebody's birthday to start.

Yeah.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Who I can get.

You're going to do it.

I feel like you were going to get there.

Paul, you can do it tomorrow for a while.

You want me to do the whole thing?

Tomorrow is my goddamn birthday.

Oh, my God.

Tomorrow's your birthday.

We're holding

six days apart.

We're recording this on the anniversary of the day where you realized that your party wasn't important.

Yeah,

that's right.

Sorry about that.

Do you have a plan for your B-Day?

Yeah, it's the same thing we always do.

Just stare at the wall and bitch about it.

Yeah.

What are you doing, Paul?

We, Janie, and I have

dinner with another couple, and that has just been their tradition.

Is it someone with a similar birthday?

Similar, I'm just saying, Neuip.

Just the same couple every year.

There was just one year we went out for dinner with them for my birthday, and I was like, let's just keep doing this.

I like it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to figure out who this other couple is.

It's my Michelle and Barack.

Do you know what I was actually going to say that?

My friend Michelle and her husband Perry.

Perry.

Their dog Bo.

Do people call them that?

Still alive.

Bo thriving.

Bo pass.

He must have by now.

But don't you think they would have announced it?

They probably did.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

I'm sure someone would would have to do that.

Imagine that.

You liked the post.

You fucked up.

Imagine that cutting through the noise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One dog died.

Flags will be a half-staff for Beau, the White House dog.

The former White House dog.

Yeah, they don't have a damn dog.

Disgraced White House dog.

Have there been, have most presidents had a pet?

Yeah.

So we're at the first one without.

They try to do a

fits the first to make them human.

Of course.

Yeah.

But how many many not everybody's concerned with that how many presidents actually care about

like a parrot or something seems like a lot to take on

i don't think they're feeding it every day and picking up the poo yeah because i'm yeah i'm good with my pets other than the barking the it's the barking's gotten so bad lately yeah it's not good

if i were the president and i had to pick up

in a bag i mean it i'd be mad but that would bring me back down to earth every day yeah exactly it makes you feel like there's other things yeah my My wife tells me about pieces of.

I would read what people said about me.

Also, if anyone ever took a picture of it, they'd be like, oh, you're spending time on this instead of.

He's picking up his dog shit, not America's shit.

He's got time to handle shit.

Yeah.

That was when we taped the Between Two Ferns with Barack Obama.

We were instructed to never say how much time it took

because then it would be a,

oh, he spent this amount of time on doing this instead of fill in the blank.

Even if if it wasn't.

And that blank is still not filled in.

I think it was 45 minutes.

No, you're not supposed to say.

No, I mean, at this point, no one cares.

Well, they might still be mad.

Okay.

Yeah, they might.

I don't know.

They might.

They might.

I think they might.

I think they might.

But I've been very busy right now.

They might.

They might, but they're very busy right now.

They've been very busy right now.

I think they might.

Yo!

Okay, busy right now.

Oh, the last time we recorded, I was waiting on someone to do something.

You went back to work at a restaurant.

Oh, yeah, did they ever?

Oh, I thought you said you were waiting on someone.

Last time I recorded, I was waiting on someone at Cheesecake Factory.

I just remotely.

They couldn't believe the size of Zoom

remotely.

Just let me know what page of the menu you're in.

You're muted.

What do you want?

Did the person ever come by?

I'll let the kitchen know.

They never came by.

This is a delivery.

This started out as a same-day operation.

Wow.

And now it's like, yeah, we'll have it

tomorrow.

We're just going to.

Did you pay in advance?

No.

So you could conceivably never pay for this.

Conceivably.

I could

change my mind.

But you haven't.

Yeah, because I think

that I think the guy actually is making this.

Yeah, you think you have to find out.

I just think he's a weirdo.

Yeah.

Because this is a specialized thing.

So a lot of these people

who do stuff like that, they're on their own timetable.

They are.

And we have to have grace for them because you don't want to do it.

Obviously, you're willing to pay someone.

I can't do it.

It's something that I.

I bet you could.

I believe in you.

If I learned, I would have to learn how to do it, which would take a lot of time.

I believe in you.

I think you can.

Thank you.

You can do it.

You can.

And you can do it.

Well, if I can.

Would you do it?

If I could.

If I could do it, I would do it.

And you can.

And I can do it.

So you will.

So I'm going to do it.

Good.

Okay.

good I got an update from the dog groomer okay let me just say my dog hasn't been groomed yet okay it should have happened days your dog looks like I was

nasty oh I have a picture to show you guys of an ugly dog oh good oh good thank you so much you're welcome they texted the day before saying that they're not coming because their van was experiencing technical difficulties

it's a mobile groomer please tell me that's how they put it

no

they said a lot more details and they were very apologetic.

The drive shifts, yeah, it was.

And I was like, very understanding.

Because by the way,

I was thinking about this later and I was thinking, you know, I was a little heated talking about it, but I'm very nice in my interactions.

I'm never being mean or rude.

I just want this to be clear.

Well, I might say.

You don't want anyone to ever think you're mean or rude.

Well, they might think that behind the scenes I was being a little upset about it, but my face-to-face with the person was very understanding.

And then they moved it to Saturday.

They're like, Can we come Saturday?

Which, by the way, not a great day for that.

Yeah, Saturdays are bad for parents like us.

And then I go, We have to fill the time figuring out.

Saturdays are also bad for me because I don't want to do shit.

That's good for you.

And I said,

I think your Fridays are bad for you too because you don't want to do shit as well.

Yes.

Sundays you're in church.

Sundays are in church.

I don't want to do that.

I don't want to do shit.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday.

I don't want to do it.

Thursday, Friday.

I don't want to do it.

Don't want to do shit.

I still don't want to do shit.

That's why I'm so

happy with me.

So they said they're coming Saturday.

I said, sure, but what time?

And then now I'm saying Sherbet, what time?

Sure, but what time?

And then a day later, they're saying, right now they just texted me 1:30 to 2.

And I'm like, that's not a good time to come.

1:30 is when I need to go out in the world and entertain these children yes what isn't 130 nap time no nap time is usually earlier for gg really and holly doesn't nap now what did holly think of your birthday can we put a pin in this and take a break and then hear the exciting answer on the other side all right okay

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I love it too.

She sent us a picture of this ugly actor.

That dog is honestly so fucking weird.

This was.

We have to put it on an Instagram.

Yes, this was from

the wonderful actor,

Dylan Goela.

Galula?

Galula?

That can't be.

Never heard her name out loud.

Do not do it.

Except when I just said it.

Okay.

No, I wasn't listening to you.

But yeah, it's.

Kalula.

Why?

I've been mispronouncing it.

Dylan, I apologize.

She's also from the

Philly area.

Can I answer your question that we left on a cliffhanger of?

Hold on one second, dear.

Okay.

There is a picture of, it looks like an elevator floor.

And it says, this was in stories and Instagram, meta.

Six days ago, I saw the fugliest dog I've ever seen in my life.

Great opening.

He was so busted, it took my breath away.

I had to take a picture of him.

And then there is that dog.

And guess what?

He looks fucking weird.

It's honestly one of the strangest

faces I've ever seen.

It's very human, but

strange.

He looks weird in a human way.

We don't want our dogs to look like humans.

His face is very scary.

Yeah.

But

he, if you saw that guy as a guy, you'd be like, I don't want to talk to that guy.

I wouldn't want to talk to him.

I'll talk to anyone.

Anyone?

No, I don't think that's true.

Anyone come up to me?

I don't think that's true.

Oh, I met some piss pigs.

Oh, shit.

And then we'll get to your answer.

Where was I?

Oh, I was at the Oasis concert at the Rose Bowl.

Oh, shit.

Was it fun?

It was very fun.

I was going into it going, I've seen Oasis maybe 10 times, and I've seen anything from good shows to boring shows I've walked out of.

Will this be a boring one?

And I got to say, they only played 95% of the songs, if not 97, were from the first two albums and B-sides, and then only two of the big hits from the third album.

And it was just like anything you'd want from an Oasis concert.

Everyone's singing along the entire time.

It was so loud.

They sounded great.

I couldn't tell where you were headed with this when you started out.

Oh, talking about the albums and what songs they played from.

Then I was like, is this good or bad?

This is very good.

Right.

Because their albums get worse and worse.

How many albums do they have out?

Probably one, two, three, four.

How is it?

Seven, I would think.

Or eight.

Wow.

Seven or eight.

I was never a fan.

I didn't like dislike them or anything, but I was not, I did not get caught up in that net.

I was.

And okay.

And no ded.

Just letting you know.

And thank you, full disclosure.

Yeah.

So to me, it seemed like

they come out.

They have a very strong debut.

People are talking about them.

Then it felt like they broke up very quickly.

And that's just with me looking back.

Okay, so their true arc is first album

is a sensation.

Second album breaks through to the states.

Fuck, that's us.

And is huge.

Take that, Robbie Williams.

Third album.

He didn't take that, I think.

Yeah, he was.

Third album is so anticipated and kind of stinks.

And then

people end up quitting the band.

And then

the 2000s come and they put out, you know, three or four more records, which are just declining quality and people don't really care.

Wow.

Yeah.

So, but the first two are incredible.

And I was a big, like, Britpop fan.

Sure.

So I saw Supergrass also that weekend.

And so it was more than just Oasis.

It was blur.

Supergrass.

It was everybody.

It was everybody.

It was Suede.

It was everything to you.

It was everyone.

Everyone you ever thought of what you cared about.

Back to my original thought.

Mark Twain.

Mark Twain.

I was walking out of the Rose Bowl and a gentleman of probably 30 with an older gentleman next to him.

He was 30 feet tall.

He was 30 feet tall.

That's huge.

It was.

I mean, it was impressive.

It was atypical.

He had to stand in the middle of the field, and everyone threw their drinks at him.

Wow.

Why?

Just to see if they could hit him.

Is he okay with that?

Yeah, he was fine with it.

Oh, okay.

All right.

He said he was fine, but he went home and cried.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I know.

I saw a thing.

I need to think of that.

I know.

He comes up and he says, oh, hi, I'm a piss pig.

And I said, I'm so sorry that you had to say this next to.

He goes, yeah, I said it next to my father.

A nice father and son outing.

Literally, the concert has ended 60 seconds ago.

What a night.

And hi, I'm a piss pig.

Yeah.

Yeah.

His father has to hear that.

Anyway, shout out to the piss pigs out there.

I met a few.

Piss out to the PPs.

Out there in Pasadena.

Home of the Rose Parade.

Now let's get back.

Oh, I don't want to thank all the piss pics for my birthday wishes.

Many piss picks.

You know what was a funny one?

So

in the dress I'm wearing in the picture I posted.

Yeah.

A lot of people commented about that dress.

And I'm sitting there going, why are they talking about this?

Like, I knew it must mean something that I don't get because it's a very like, it's just a summer dress.

It's not like remarkable in any way.

Yeah.

Some people it looks like it's gold and some people think it looks like it's

blue.

Yeah.

Freak.

It's not beyond that, it's not remarkable.

Yeah, that's not remarkable,

but, anyways, they were saying, Oh, is that, oh, I know that dress, it's burnt umber.

And then people are saying, Oh, is that the Quince dress?

That must be the Quince dress.

Then I'm and I'm seeing all these comments, and I'm thinking, Why

am I being insulted?

What's happening?

Because

we,

I do ads for Quince.

I did, well, I recorded at least one time where I said I bought a dress from Quince that has what it was.

It's burnt umber, and I described it that way.

And that I guess it plays a lot because everyone was so keyed in on that that I was like, you should have tagged Quince in.

That must have been played a lot.

Yeah, I should tag Quince.

And you should add a link where you get, you know, 5% of

people to buy things.

Yes.

To answer your question,

5% of all people to buy a thing?

That's a lot.

That would be

something to 5% of the population, you'd be set, right?

Do you think 5% of the population has an iPhone?

I wonder.

Do you think that?

Do you?

Because you're stupid if you think that.

What percent?

If you think that, I'm so sorry for you.

And to answer your question, Holly was very excited about my birthday, but she wanted to open all my presents and was very annoyed that I was waiting throughout the day to open them because I wasn't trying to just do it all at once.

And she's like, let's open the striped one, please.

I was, okay, listen to this.

58% of U.S.

smartphone users have iPhones.

Now, what percentage of Americans is that?

Keep asked the question, how many people out of the.

50% of Americans have.

I'm talking about people in the world.

This is simple.

I don't know why he can't do that.

People in the world.

People in the world.

Not interested in AI.

90% of U.S.

adults own a smartphone,

which then means that this is like around probably just under 50% have iPhones.

What about the world, dear?

What don't you get about the math?

We're trying to have you do the world.

The world.

Who does?

Nobody does.

Which one's

trivial.

The rest of the world can go to hell.

54% of the global population own a smartphone.

Wow.

And then

27 to 30% have iPhones of that.

So we're talking like 15% of the world has iPhones.

So that exceeds our

expectations.

Yeah.

It does.

So let's sell the iPhones.

Well, Hag Claims 8 is moving into selling phones.

Oh, man.

We're getting.

Hag Claims 8, by the way, does not work on these phones.

We do know that we already have our phone that comes with specific apps.

And we know that the phones stopped working when Hag Claims 8

went down.

We apologize.

We are getting back into the phone business.

If you already have a HagClaims8.com phone and it has stopped working, it's just a brick.

We're not taking any sort of refund.

We're not giving refunds and we're not taking any exchanges on these.

But if you can take a video of you successfully flushing it down the toilet or throwing it at a 30-foot-tall man.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Either way.

Yeah.

Either one.

Yeah.

Then you will get 10% off your next phone.

Not the one we're trying to sell you, whatever one you buy after that.

How many years old, just as a question, is your current phone?

That's a good idea.

I figured out the other day that because I saw they made a new one.

And so I was like, how did you

minus four years old?

Order.

Which I thought was pretty good.

People are replacing them every year and shit.

What is mine?

Mine is

13.

Mine is a 13 as well.

So what is that?

Four years old?

That's a nice amount.

You think it's a nice amount?

I have a 15.

Whoa.

Whoa, Paul.

Yours rules.

Yours is really good.

15 Pro.

Oh, my God.

Mine's a 13 Pro.

Yeah, I have a lot of professional business to do.

Whoa, it's wow.

I'm a pro when it comes to phones.

I have a maximum professional 13.

Wow.

Wow.

That's amazing.

Max.

iPhone Pro.

Max.

Is that is Max the big one?

No.

It's stored.

Yeah, it has a lot of storage.

Oh, it is bigger than mine.

Oh.

Oh, I just shared something with you.

Oh, my God.

What did you share?

I want to see.

I want to see.

Keep holding nearby to share.

No.

I want to see.

I want to see whatever you're sharing.

That was scary.

He's sharing all your pictures.

And Gigi, what does Gigi make of a birthday?

She's so little.

She had a great time.

They both were quite upset when we went out at night.

Sure.

Oh, they don't like you leaving?

No.

Well, you would think Holly would understand and then be able to explain it to you.

Yeah, no, she really doesn't like it.

She does not want us to go out.

We've escaped that.

I was sort of worried about that, but anytime we say like, oh, we're leaving.

Emmy's always like, bye.

Bye.

And her thing is like, two kisses.

Oh, and a hug.

God, if it was that easy.

That's very pretty.

Oh, my God.

No, it's like ripping yourself out of like a piranha's jaw.

And they're sobbing.

So that's that.

But we always end up saying we need to go out more to kind of get over that.

Yeah.

Like together.

Because oftentimes one of us will go out and the other will stay home and whatever.

Yeah.

Anywho, the thing I'm worried about regarding birthdays is

that

the concept of time is such that they will think that they're going to happen all the time.

Like, oh, when's my birthday?

We got lots of flat turtles.

It did start a conversation about when Christmas is.

And then I was like, okay, well, it's going to be my birthday.

Then we're going to have Halloween.

Then we're going to have Thanksgiving.

And then we're going to have Christmas.

That's right.

Yeah.

And that's the way it's always happening.

And then she asked about Thanksgiving.

I said, it's when you eat a lot of food.

And she's like, I don't want to do Thanksgiving.

And I was like, me neither.

We don't do that.

No one does.

We don't even celebrate.

No one likes Thanksgiving.

No one does.

And do you really do not like it?

No, many people do like it.

We do nothing typically.

Wow.

Last year we went to a friend's house and it was just our friend Susie and Britt made us a yummy Thanksgiving meal and we sat in the middle of the day.

What are you thankful for?

This year I think I want to do a little mini getaway.

Fuck.

Oh, okay.

A miniature getaway.

Where would you go?

Like it's a little bit more than a little bit more.

Like a local?

Someplace tiny.

And the time amount is mini as well?

A few days in a local

place.

Well, I'd always like to.

How about Solvang?

I'd like to go to Solvang.

Yeah, Solving Solving.

And I'd like to go to Ohio.

Oh, yeah.

Ohai doesn't have any Airbnbs, which is probably a great quality for them.

But it means I'd have to stay at a hotel, which is harder with the different bedtimes.

We've never had a touch.

I've never seen it in Oja.

Really?

Yeah, but maybe not.

Maybe through a different type of website.

Yeah.

I'll have to investigate this because I thought, oh, they don't do that.

No, no, no.

We go to Ohio often.

Oh, oh.

Did what?

Did you use Ohio there?

Hmm.

Yeah.

I know.

Yeah.

I saw that.

It's so natural to want to say that.

Did you see Oh, Hello and Oh Hi?

Yeah.

Do they really do that?

I saw Oh Hello and Ohio.

There is a local theater there.

Oh,

Neil Campbell's uncle, I believe, was the creative director there or something.

Wow, it runs in the family.

It truly does.

Nice.

Why do we say Campbell and not Campbell?

I know.

Because we don't sound like Adams.

Tompkins.

Yeah, there you go.

You did it.

That's how you want it to be.

That sounds wrong.

That sounds wrong.

Tompkins.

Tompkins.

That's how I want people to sound.

It's too aggressive.

These are too aggressive.

Paul F.

Tompkins.

That's me.

Great.

So you just felt good hearing that.

I did.

I felt great.

Yeah.

I got a charge out of it.

Sometimes I'll get like lapkus or like lapkus.

People will just

make interesting choices.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People make interesting choices these days, I've noticed.

Yeah.

When I was at Ojai with Janie, we stayed at this

hotel and we were in the dining room of the hotel.

Ritz Carlton?

No.

And whom do we see but Liv Tyler?

Whoa.

She was in the dining room.

She looked luminescent.

She's a beautiful woman.

She looked bioluminescent.

She was glowing.

It was underwater.

We were in the ocean.

She was in hyaluronic acid.

You know that commercial?

I do not.

Eva Longoria, she's selling a skincare product and she goes, and it has hyaluronic acid.

Say it with me.

Hyaluronic acid.

She says, say it with her.

I don't know if she says it with her.

I'm not going to say that with her.

She repeats it.

I would never say that with her.

Very slowly.

So you know, hyaluronic acid.

Okay, Eva, what do I do with that information?

All you need to know is that's a good ingredient.

Great.

So I'll be looking for it in a cheaper brand.

I saw her once in the lobby of CAA.

Wow.

And I have always always thought, oh, yeah, she's fine.

Nice.

And you're like, no, she's fine.

I was like, damn.

She's a beautiful woman.

The same thing with Sandra Bullock, where it was.

I was always like, eh, whatever.

And then I saw her in person.

Eh, whatever.

They sort of look alike.

Interesting.

Yeah, I could see that.

They might be the same person.

They should be.

Sandra Bullock.

And Eva Wangori.

I love all of them.

They're all great.

They're all crushing.

They're all great.

They're all great.

They're crushing it.

They're all great.

I'm happy for that.

All these famous roots are in there.

They're doing that.

There's a necklace that I thought I lost that I actually found.

And I was so happy.

Why are you looking forward to that?

I just thought it'd be nice to fix it right now while I'm talking to you, but I won't do that, I guess.

Okay.

I was going to just untangle it while I was talking, which I thought would be fine, but apparently it's not.

No, it's not.

Do you remember there was a car commercial a number of years ago where

the car was like going vroom, vroom, vroom?

Oh, you've seen it.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And then they were like, you need to get this car.

I've seen that.

Work like a charm.

I bought a car and a charm.

I saw that.

Saw that.

These two mechanic-type guys, they open up a trunk, car trunk,

boot.

They're mechanic types.

They're not

mechanics.

They're not working there.

They just look like coveralls.

They're dry spike.

They're strains all over.

This is exactly what I'm saying.

It's never established that they actually work at this point.

What do we know?

I would love, if you're watching a commercial, everyone just show like proof and documentation of where they were.

We're joining this commercial in situ.

And

there's a spare tire in the trunk.

And the younger guy marvels at this, like, whoa, how young was this?

How much younger?

Like, two days?

No, I think he was two days old.

Yes.

Do you guys think of yourselves as one being older than the other, even though you're kind of around the same age?

I think of Scott as being older than me.

Yeah.

You do?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Even though I'm not?

Yeah.

Just because of like the way it it works.

I'm entitled to my thoughts.

Okay.

You can't help thoughts.

Yeah.

You can't.

No, that's the thing.

You can try.

You can try.

I would love to hook you up to like electrodes to try to rewire your brain.

I don't want to put you up to electrodes.

You are aggressive.

Okay.

Why don't you both hook each other up to electrodes?

The person who is two days old says what?

Two days old says what?

Funny insult to think about.

You're two days old.

Two days old since what?

The older gentleman says,

I'm old.

Ease, honey, pass me that wrench, you grease monkey.

He starts talking about the coelacanth.

What's that?

Coelacanth.

A coelacan, not a coelacanth.

That's real good.

That's really inspiring.

He says the coelacanth was a fish that they thought was extinct.

And then

after

like a hundred years, they found another one.

Whoa.

Got one.

And so the idea is

chomp.

No evidence.

Chomp.

Bones.

The idea.

What's that?

The bones of the mouth.

Pulling the bones out of her mouth.

No, that's not, that's when you're playing bones like a xylo.

No, it goes like that.

No, it goes like this.

Yeah.

It's not.

So if you're pulling it out slowly.

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

Well, seductively.

They always pull it out seductively.

You misrememing it.

I'm doing it seductively.

It's definitely not that noise.

It's definitely not the hereditary noise.

You don't know.

What about the alien earth?

Are you showing me the alien earth noise?

I really like alien earth.

Is that the new one?

That's fun, yeah.

Mike's been watching that.

I've been picking up on a little bit of it.

Yeah, it's good.

Because he's like, I wish I were an alien.

He's like, I wish I was an alien.

That could just be so weird.

I wish I was a Xenomorph.

How do I get to be a Xenomorph?

He watches that.

I watch Platonic.

We both watch.

We both watch Couples Therapy.

Me and Platoon.

Yeah.

Couple therapy.

Couples therapy.

Do you watch Couples Therapy?

Best show.

I have never watched Couples Therapy.

I probably won't.

Why?

Because you live it, man.

I live it, man.

Janie and I are a couple of things.

Honestly, fascinating.

There are some stories on that show where you're like, who are you?

Changing

I think that kind of thing does not.

I could see if I started watching it, I bet I would get hooked on it.

Yeah.

I also don't want to be thinking about my own marriage while I'm trying to fucking relax.

What if they bring up a problem?

Yeah,

I guess if they were specifically to talk, but it does make you think about it.

You can turn the TV off.

Yeah, it's a boring episode.

It makes you think about what you would be saying in there, I guess.

But I don't want to think about that.

But it's, but not all the time.

Sometimes it's just fascinating to watch these people because they will say something that you're like, oh my god, or you're like, she's clearly abusing him.

Like, you know, it's very like, do you ever watch?

It does sound fun.

Do you ever watch a TV show where there's like a married couple and one of them?

One of them's cheating and you're watching it with your partner and you're like,

you feel like you have to be like, but I don't do that.

Yeah.

I just, I just will say under my breath, despicable.

Well, that's how dare one.

You're watching the minions, though.

Despicable me.

Yeah, they're despicable.

That's what that refers to.

Despicable.

Is the minions are talking about themselves.

They're saying, me, me?

Despicable.

Despicable me.

Are we ever going to get the answer to this fish?

One Corinthian.

So they are.

What's the name of the thing?

One Corinthian.

One Corinthian.

Two Corinthian.

What's the name of the thing?

Coelacanth.

Okay.

Coelacanth.

And it's the same thing.

And you spelled that wasn't.

It is spelled in a wild way.

C-O-R.

Tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us.

I can't do it.

C-O-R.

It's hard.

I Corinthian N-T-H.

It is something like a C-O-E kind of

situation.

Coelacanth.

Fish.

C-O-E-L-I-C-A-E-N.

I'll tell you exactly what it is.

I know there's no I.

Ready?

Yeah.

C.

O.

E.

L.

A.

C.

A.

N.

T, H.

I probably could have gotten it.

You can, if I try,

I doubted myself, but I bet I could have gotten close.

Paul, if there's any lesson for this episode, it's you've got to believe in yourself because we believe in you.

So, normally these episodes have a lesson, and today, if there's one, it's that.

But there isn't affected, unfortunately.

There's not.

It's just if there was.

If there was, it would be that.

But all these years I've been dispensing lessons, never realizing one day it'll be about me.

Yeah.

Is that the end of your fish story?

No.

That was just me doing a Dexter interlude.

I love it.

So the idea is that

cars were not giving you spare tires anymore.

I saw that online.

They're not?

And so this, whatever car company it was, was saying we give you a fucking spare tire.

I saw a Facebook post of a woman in one of my groups who was nervous about that.

I guess I've never used one in

two decades.

So I don't even know.

I have used one before.

I used to use them back then.

Oh, yeah.

I guess the last one I used would have been 20.

My car now does not have one because I haven't even looked at an electric vehicle.

So do I.

And so there's no room for it anywhere.

Oh, interesting because the

doughnut.

And batteries are so big.

Not even a doughnut.

I don't even get a doughnut.

That's so Philadelphia.

I can't ride on a doughnut.

Yeah.

What?

I can't even ride on a doughnut.

That's good.

What?

We have to take a break.

Donut.

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Oh,

we're back.

Lauren, don't you know the words to We're Back?

Oh,

we're back!

We're back,

are you familiar with an album called the Langley

School Music Project?

I am.

It's kids singing songs.

Singing 70s pop songs at the time.

So stuff like Space Oddity.

It's very precious and charming.

And there's a song on it that I never heard the original of called Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft by the Carpenters.

And the song sung by these kids is so sweet and nice.

And I was like,

Maybe I'll want to cover that song or whatever in my show.

And so I went and listened to it.

It's seven and a half minutes long.

It fucking sucks.

Oh, it's terrible.

I absolutely hated it.

As a completist.

Why would it ever not be sung by a group of children who can't really sing that well?

As a completist, I would put it on.

I remember I made a Carpenter's best of for Kool-Op that she really liked.

along as she would listen to Bachelor number two and that.

And as a completist, like you're tempted to put it on, but first of all, it's seven and a half minutes long.

So if you're really doing all the Carpenter songs you want,

you can't include it.

And it just sucks.

And it's not the vibe of the Carpenters that you want.

No, it's not.

I don't even know that one, and I love the Carpenters.

See?

See.

Sing it a little bit.

Calling occupants of interplanetary craft.

Calling occupants of interplanetary most extraordinary craft.

So calling aliens?

Yeah.

They're like, hey, are you out there?

I do think

musicians liked to talk about that stuff at that time.

Yeah.

There's a part where an alien voice comes in.

It's like, hello, Harry.

Or whatever.

Yeah, it sucks.

I speak English.

I'm an alien.

I'm cookie puss.

Don't eat me.

Do you know cookie puss?

No.

It's like a famous

New York or East Coast thing.

New Jersey, maybe.

Carvelle.

They made ice cream cakes.

As far as I know, they still do.

Yeah.

Is a brand?

Carvel is a brand.

Cookie Puss?

No.

Oh, it was a

bad company.

Here's how Cookie Puss came about.

Okay.

It was in response to E.T.

Was it?

Yes.

Wow.

Okay,

here are the

molds that they would use for the ice cream cakes.

And it was very, very, the commercials were very local commercial

vibe.

Fudgy the whale.

Okay.

Now, this was a cake shaped like a whale.

I think I've seen this.

Hug me the bear.

Is that true?

Yep.

I think they would make like a tie for Father's Day, some shit like that.

Then they came out with

CP,

which was an alien cake.

Like, obviously, E.T.

It was short for celestial person.

I thought it was cookie pussy.

So did I.

No, they changed it to Cookie Pus.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I'm on the Wikipedia right now.

ET was extraterrestrial, but we changed it to Eaton Tang.

I never remember hearing the word celestial person.

That was his original name, but the initial CP later came to stand for Cookie Puss.

And then you almost choked on that.

In response to Cookie Puss.

Cookie.

Cookie Puss.

Can't even bring myself to say it.

Cookie Puss.

They did a St.

Patrick's version of Cookie Puss where he was called Cookie Opus.

Cookie Opus is crazy.

That continues to be sold annually.

They still do?

Cookie O Puss?

Cookie Opus.

Well, now I want them.

We should get one.

We got to get one.

We got to get it.

Do we have Carvels out here?

I think you can buy them at some supermarket.

Can you get Carvel Delicious?

I need a Cookie O Puss, and I need it now.

We're going to do a

Gold Belly, like $1,000 to get a bad cake out here.

I think

it's it.

It's ice cream right in the mouth.

If you say that, I can't think of it.

Postmates and DoorDash do it?

Holy moly.

Yeah, you can.

We got to get a cookie puss.

Let's order it right now.

Cookie puss cookie puss.

Okay.

Order it right now.

Cookie puss.

Carvell Los Angeles.

There's one right here.

In the next episode, you're going to hear us do

a taste test of cookie puss.

There's actually one available.

I got to look at, I got to look for cookie puss.

Signature cakes.

Cookie puss right here.

Let me see it.

No, you got to see it live in person when it actually comes.

No.

No, you got to see it live.

Fuck it.

We'll do it live.

Fuck it.

We'll eat the Carvelle Cookie Puss live.

I

believe we can get this.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

How much is it?

50 bucks.

All right.

Dang.

I mean, it's a lot.

But honestly, for like a big birthday cake, that's like how much that is at a regular place.

You know what's funny is it never occurred to me that they were a substantial size.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I've never seen one in person.

I'm sure it's big.

We're going to need a bunch of friends to eat it.

We'll each take home a third.

We'll each take home a third.

I'm creating creating an account on Carvell.

I really want to see it, and I'm really bummed.

I can't see it.

I want to say shout out to Carvelle for one day out of nowhere.

I received a package from the Carvelle people.

You did?

And it included an engraved cake.

I want that.

It was really nice, and I don't know why I was sent that, but thank you, Carvelle.

It said PFT on it?

No, it was not personalized.

Oh, it said Carvell.

Online ordering is unavailable at this time.

Call him up.

This is going to be a problem.

I think we could get it through Grubhub or DoorDash or something.

This is going to be a problem.

And if it's not cookie opus, I'm not eating.

It won't be.

But they got me to fucking sign up, didn't they?

They really did.

They know what they're doing, Carvell.

Hey, that girl's signed up and locked in.

They're going to be emailing your house for the next 45 years.

That's why they only have to be explained to one in three people.

So many things require so many hoops.

Are we supposed to be doing something?

Well, we have voicemails.

He is.

He's supposed to be doing something.

But I'm trying to worry about

fucking care.

I don't think you can do it on air.

All right, here we go.

Ready?

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Paul.

Hey, Scott.

Hey, Lauren.

My name is Alex.

I just had a question inspired by one of Scott's recent Instagram posts.

I saw that you went to one of the Oasis shows they did in LA.

Hope you had fun, by the way.

I went to the Chicago show and it was awesome.

Day to ask this.

I don't think I had ever seen my wife more happy than when Oasis announced that they were reuniting for this tour.

She's a huge fan, and it just, that show meant the world to her.

It was really awesome to see and to get to go.

My question is: is there any band or musician that you weren't able to see before they stopped performing that you wish you could have seen?

Thanks.

Also, Scott, what's what's your favorite Oasis song?

Bye.

Bye.

First off, Alex, thank you for going to the famous website, HeadClaimsDate.com.

Secondly, very sorry that

the news that Oasis was reforming trumped your own wedding day for your wife.

Yeah.

You've never seen her so happy.

But I get it.

But I get it.

Look, we've all been married.

The day itself, who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit?

Was that the happiest day I've ever had?

Probably not.

What was the happiest?

I think Time I went on a roller coaster.

What's my favorite Oasis song?

I don't know.

Cigarettes and alcohol is good because he's like, is it my imagination?

It's so good.

I love that.

I mean,

I'm a champagne supernova.

Wonder world.

I mean, they play that.

They think Oasis after champagne supernovas.

You have to.

Oh, the big scandal about the Oasis show in L.A., LA:

the mysterious

light that kept shining in people's faces.

Yeah, I listened to this.

It looked like your angle was better, so you weren't, because people who were on the ground floor, there was a huge rectangular light in the center of the stage that was blinding, and you couldn't see.

I saw so many people post about it.

You couldn't see the stage.

It was like disturbingly bright.

Jackie Johnson,

she was the first person I saw, and she was like talking about this light, how horrible it was.

Then she did,

then it turned off.

You see the light, and it's like, wow, that's very intense.

And then she did a reverse camera so you could see the light on her.

And it was like broad daylight.

Yeah.

Weird.

It was crazy.

I got last-minute tickets.

And so I was on the side with the section that they opened up at the last minute.

Yeah, I will say with a Sparks game, my friend had a suite there.

I didn't go with that person.

Was it?

Zach and Cody?

No.

What?

The Sweet Life?

No.

I was like, we know people in the hotel.

No, it was another friend who was there at the same time as me, and she's like, I'm in a suite because we bought the tickets the same day and they were 50 bucks to have their own suite.

Because no one had bought it.

50 bucks.

So I'm just saying, if you're ever a last minute, go on the same day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look around.

I never book a hotel.

I show up in the city and I start pounding the pavement.

Yep.

I say, what are you going to do for me?

Where do you want me to stay?

Now I have offers from

three different hotels.

Can you beat this or match it?

What?

God damn.

What's the band that you want to see that you never got to see?

Man, I would have liked to have seen Bowie.

I never saw Bowie Live.

Three times.

He's great.

I bet he was.

He must have been amazing.

I bet he was.

And cool.

And Kool-Up.

I think I said this on another show.

I've never seen Kool-Ap Live.

The Kool-Ap was like after I took her to one of the shows.

She's like, now I've seen Bowie.

This is so great.

And then a couple of years ago, she was like, have I ever seen David Bowie live?

I was like, God damn it.

Why did I bother?

So meaningful.

Yeah.

You know, I would not, I don't know that I would have seen Prince live had it not been for you.

That's right.

Having those tickets.

And then I think, was it not 30 seconds in?

You were like, this is the best concert I've ever seen.

Was it not 30 seconds in?

That was

such an incredible show.

I would have loved to see Prince.

What a unique once-in-a-lifetime.

He's like Beethoven.

There will never be another.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I always say Beethoven, one of a kind.

The one and only.

I wish I could have seen him.

I wish I could have.

Old deaf Beethoven himself.

I know he was not that great at concert.

He can't hear anything.

Yeah.

So like, whine, whine, blank, blank, blank, blank.

Am I doing this right?

I mean, look, if he started playing the piano before he lost his hearing, he knows where all the keys are, he knows how to play.

But if he hits a clam or something like that, he has no idea that happened.

No fucking idea.

And he looks around going, what, what?

Why is everybody frowning?

Here's a question that was posed.

My friend Phil has the same birthday as me, and we got breakfast the other day to celebrate our birthdays.

And we were talking about, so Phil and his wife, Sarah, and Mike, they're all three of them, are very good at starting a new skill.

Like they'll just like be like, I'm curious about this.

I want to learn about this.

Learn how to play Mahjong.

Just yesterday.

Oh, we're Mahjong widows going.

He's really intense.

All our spouses are playing Mahjong.

She was last night on a Mahjong live game with the girls.

on audio.

Oh, I know.

Is that who she was playing with?

Because I walked in.

I saw a movie last night and I came in late at night and Kulop's like talking to someone online about a game.

I heard them talking when I was watching my face.

I heard Kulop and Janie one like,

are you on mute?

What's going on?

I was going, what's going on out there?

It was like late at night.

Anyways, but that's an example.

Yes, he is always down to learn something new.

He just got into poker last week from an other friend who was doing this.

Anyway, so I'd like to play him then.

Sarah bakes cakes beautifully.

And every time they each learn something, it seems like they get really good at it.

Like Phil got really into ping pong and he got really good at that.

And he's doing competitions with our other friends.

What?

And I'm just.

I often have ideas of things I wish I could do and then I don't complete them.

And so we kind of were like, what would be a thing you'd want to do to each other?

You know, not to each other.

Oh, well.

A thing we were posing the question to each other.

What can we do by our next birthday?

Like, try to learn something.

We've talked, I feel like we've talked about this so many times.

like the play me is playing piano we've never done it yeah

we never do it i know there is an old episode where we all say like what if we just try to try this year yeah what if

wouldn't that be fun if we realize i can't complete the things i want to do i know well that's part of the problem is i don't have enough time in the day

but if we had done it that it would have been like we've all been doing whatever the thing is for six years

yeah we'd probably be good at it yeah yeah that's so fucking annoying i am still doing duolingo that's good Oh, that's right.

You're doing great.

I think you should do some Pimsler because we were doing Pimsler in the car

of Spanish.

And you're basically speaking it out loud back to the audio recording.

It's saying, like, say this out loud.

Now, do this now.

And what would you say if this?

And it's more interactive than Duolingo.

And Duolingo is also doing a lot of AI, isn't it?

Isn't it kind of getting a little bit questionable?

Some blowback.

I have not noticed a difference in the way that it is done.

Okay.

Like the way the lessons are.

But there is a feature on on Duolingo where

it is interactive where you have a conversation with one of the characters, the Duolingo characters,

and you answer.

What are these characters like Clippy, but for Duolingo?

It's the bird, man.

The world of Duolingo is so vast.

Whatever happened, I forget what happened when that bird died and then they were like R.I.P.

to the owl.

To Duo.

And there was like, it like died and they had like a casket and stuff.

Why did it have to die?

Is it like a Mr.

Pina thing?

It was somewhere.

It was like all for PR.

Yeah.

Okay.

It was all for.

I can assure you, Duo is alive and well.

Yeah, sometimes he'll like send me,

he'll send me updates, like, I'm so sick.

You haven't opened me in so long.

That honestly, that is a funny thing.

That sometimes they will change the app to make it look like

it's fucking sick.

Yeah.

It's really funny.

You look at it, it's like,

he's like, you haven't visited me.

It's really funny.

But, um,

what the fuck?

You know, when you're lonely and you barf?

What was I saying?

You know, when you're lonely and you barf.

Yeah.

Were you talking about Duolingo, how you've kept up with it and the characters?

Yes, the world of Duolingo.

Yes.

You have Eddie and Junior.

Eddie is a real gym rat musclehead.

I love him.

Junior's his little fat son.

Love him.

He always wants to eat and play video joko.

You have

Zari, who is my Loki, my favorite.

Okay.

Loki is your favorite?

Loki is my favorite.

The trickster.

The trickster.

The trickster god.

You have Vikram.

You have Oscar.

Okay.

I forget the bear's name.

There's a bear.

Yeah.

The bear is very funny.

I didn't realize they all had names.

They all have names.

I'm realizing now that the bear is the only one who's not human and everybody else is a human being.

Yeah.

But Lily is a character who's like she's very whatever rolling her eyes yeah you know what i mean and she's the person you have to have conversations with out loud but the problem is when you are not as fluent as say lily is right there's a lot of this in your responses

search for the word and then she'll fucking if you're quiet for even a second she'll just go on with her next well i have to say the pimpler

seemed really helpful because a lot of times I've done a lot of Duolingo, and then I'll be like, Well, I can read a lot of Spanish words that I just remember from taking Spanish in school.

And so I can like pass all the tests, yet I wouldn't feel confident speaking.

So Pimsler kind of forces it's all if you're driving the car, it's like a back and forth conversation.

Like, now you're going to say, How are you?

And this is what you say.

And then you say it, and then you go back and forth, and then it leads you through.

Is it an app?

I don't know.

Probably an app.

I'm sure Mike has Well, what is it then, dear?

Why don't you fucking gigal it, my dude?

Hey, Lauren, we never got to hear your band.

Yeah.

What was it?

Which band?

What band would you wish you could see?

Wow.

I would say the

Beatles, but they probably sucked that.

The stadium was like 20 minutes.

Oh, the Smiths.

The replacements.

You know, I was reading this article that was like some old news article about them the other day because I was listening to a song and then I was like, I don't know.

I was about the replacement.

I don't know why I started reading with it.

And it was all about how they performed like their last show.

I guess they were united years later, but then they had their last like big show was like at the Chicago Outdoor Free Festival.

And they

were like being such assholes during it.

And like, it was, I mean,

it sounded hilarious.

Like, if you had been there, like, I would love to, like, witness something like that.

It's like, it's a free show.

So, like, you're not losing money, like, whatever.

Like, you're just like watching this thing and going, like, oh, great.

And they started, like, he's like, here, this is the last time I'm going to play this song or something.

And then he's like, here's a song I don't want to play and you don't want to hear.

And then he goes,

and then they started switching instruments.

Who is this?

Paul Westerberg.

Oh, yes.

And they started switching instruments to things that they weren't good at.

And so they were playing it really poorly.

And then they started giving the crew people the instruments and they like left the stage.

I love it.

It was great.

I would have loved to have seen them last.

Yeah.

Whether it was a good show or a bad show.

I would have loved to have just seen that.

Yeah.

Liam Gallagher, by the way, dedicated the third song.

This one's dedicated to Woody Woodpecker.

It's like perfect.

It's so dumb.

It's so great.

I think The Smiths is

probably my big, even though I saw Morrissey a lot solo, but it was.

My friend and I were going to go to the Smiths at the Universal Amphitheater for the Queen is Dead tour, and my parents wouldn't let me go.

And I was like, oh, and Talking Heads was the other one where I like.

I would have liked to see Talking Heads.

I never toured after,

you know, Stopped Making Sense.

And you

kept looking for new.

I remember the LA Times had the ticket scalper agencies that would advertise.

They're like, put a deposit down for the Talking Heads.

Put a deposit down.

It was this scam of like, put a deposit down for this band you want to see, and then we'll make sure you get tickets for it.

And then that's a crazy scam.

Yeah.

It's not nice.

And then if they so that they can still say, well, they could still tour.

Let us hold on.

We still have your deposit.

You'll be happy if they get.

David Byrne last week finally came out and said they're never going to tour again.

Yeah, no shit.

Maybe they returned those deposits.

He finally said it.

I would have liked to have seen a talking head show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the movie's so good, it feels like sort of.

Maybe they just wanted to get a good recording of it.

I've actually never seen that.

They're like, oh, we don't have to do it anymore.

Oh, you see.

This is really weird.

We should do Lauren Has a Scene.

It is.

I'm not available.

I think it's the best concert.

You are available.

I actually,

you sent me your schedule when we clicked phones together just now.

Oh, no.

What else came through?

Things you want to do to Mike?

Merge all information.

Kiss, huh?

Things you want to do to Mike.

I think that is, in my opinion, best concert film.

Stop making sense.

Yeah.

Then I'll watch it.

I'll watch it.

I'll watch it up.

There is a concert film of the Prince Shows that we went to.

Is there really?

Yeah, you have to buy a box set of

a record that's not that great to get it.

But I did.

Of a record?

Yeah, an unreleased record that he was touring.

That was the tour of this record that he never released.

If you buy the three-disc box set of it, it comes with a Blu-ray of the show, and it's great.

How much is it?

$510 million.

$5.10 million.

$5.10 million.

Let me look up.

Welcome to America.

$10 million,

people.

Deluxe edition.

Ooh, deluxe.

Why don't you say so?

Okay, that's where the money comes.

Like the Arch Deluxe.

Is it even available still?

I'm not fucking thoughts up about this thing.

Available.

It's ridiculous.

You're willing to pay any amount.

Yo, my name is Nicholas, and this is ridiculous.

Might be $150 if you go through Japan.

Okay, well, I'm not going to Japan.

$200 or shit.

Oh, by the way, I could loan it to you.

Oh, sure.

I forgot about that.

Oh, there's an option.

Just like how you loaned me Master and Commander.

Colon.

The far side of the world.

That's right.

Far side.

Cow talks.

Cow talks.

Cow talks.

Cow talks.

Cow talks.

If I had to describe the far side in two words, cow talks.

If we were on

$25,000.

What if I said cow talks?

Thank you, Dick Clark.

Go.

Who's hosting that now?

Michael Strahan or somebody?

Probably.

He's funny.

He hosts $100.

I was on it.

I got to say.

Oh, there we go.

I told you this in person, Paul.

Martin Short on Match Game is very funny.

Yes.

Yes, and I can't remember.

You also told him that on this show.

I saw a clip, and indeed he was very funny, but there were some other people on the show that made me not want to watch it.

I know.

Well, I want to be on that.

How many honesty could be?

I want to meet Martin Short and work with him.

But as we've talked about it, Paul and I, too famous to be a regular contestant, not famous enough to be on the panel.

We're in that sweet spot.

Okay, we gotta go.

Anything you want to say?

I want to say Variatopia is back out on the road in October, and I'm going to list these dates.

We really need people to buy tickets, man.

Yeah, go to the show.

It's always a good time.

It's a good time.

This tour is so good.

The acts are so great.

The material is so great.

We're having such a good time.

This is October 9, I believe.

Okay, great.

So it's next week.

Hold on.

I'm so sorry, everybody.

Just please don't be here.

Hey, Paul.

We love you.

We appreciate you.

And we'll give you

three more seconds before we fly into a furious rage.

Somebody else go.

I don't have anything to say.

I don't have anything to say.

I don't need to do.

Also, Paul's going to be on the Amy Man, Ted Leo Christmas show.

Oh, that looks so cool.

That's very true.

We're doing a lot of dates.

We're gone for two weeks, and I actually need to talk to you about your schedule.

Yeah.

It's Amy Man, Ted Leo,

Josh Gondelman, Nellie Mackay, and me.

Great crew.

Really fun show.

Are you traveling in separate buses?

We each have our own bus.

Good.

That's someone, by the way,

to our caller's question about who would you regret not seeing live.

Paula Tompkins is one of them.

You got to go out and see Variah Twerpia or you got to see the Amy Man.

Yeah, come on.

Charleston Music Hall in Charleston, South Carolina.

That's Wednesday, October 15th.

Friday, October 17th, the Poleski Theater in Overland Park, Kansas.

Saturday, October 18th, the Sheldon Concert Hall and Art Galleries, 8 p.m.

in St.

Louis, Missouri.

And the 19th here somewhere too, right?

October 19th, Old Forrester's Parish Town Hall in Louisville, Kentucky.

Ah, fantastic.

And then you're back in time for Halloween, which is

back in time.

But then I will be in London, England for Halloween.

All right.

Because we're doing the Thrilling Adventure Hour at the Leicester Square Theater.

And that is the first Saturday in November, I believe.

That's so fun.

November 1st.

Wow.

Remember, remember, the 1st of November.

Ol F.

Tompkins will be there.

I have nothing to plug.

I'm not doing shit.

It's fine.

Do you really think that's true?

I mean, I have my little things I'm noodling on.

Little noodles.

In my spare time.

Yeah.

But they're not worth plugging right now.

You haven't done with them yet.

You can't plug little noodles.

Hey,

we gave you an extra five minutes on this episode.

I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Five to six to seven minutes.

I hope you joke on it.

I hope you joke on it.

Bye.

Bye.

Every caregiving journey is unique, but the isolation, guilt, and exhaustion we all feel, that's universal.

It's reality, it's life.

You know, I wish it could all be happy and joyous, but sometimes it's full of rage, and that is what it is.

That's why this show exists, to be a safe place for caregivers to land.

Listen to Squeezed, wherever you get your podcasts.