And It's All Nudes

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Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Catherine Grody.
And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th.
A Lemonada Media Original.

Srina!

I won't miss it this time.

Are you sh Did you miss it yourself? No, I didn't. Did you miss it? Srina! No, you missed it, you ass hat.
You did miss an ass hat?

Why, STRATO!

Oh, and then you still managed to pull it together to say it on the bottom. Where did ass hat come from? I don't know, but I like it.

I don't think I do like it. All right.
Do you know what word is now disgusting to me? What's that?

Robust.

Why? Because of the bust part? Because you like them small titties. What do you think of when you think of that? The IBTC.
Enigmas.

I know about it. Oh, you do, Lauren? From a book?

The dictionary. Yeah.
Oh, by the way. A picture of your tits.
That's the one thing we've been able to do on our had claims they died. I claimed it, Dr.
D. Novelty Dictionary.

We are restoring the novelty dictionary. You can put someone's picture up next to IBTC TB Titty Committee.

Currently, we have Lauren's picture up there.

But I don't choose to be a representative, and I think that it's actually disrespectful. Oh, okay.
Well, I'll take it down. I mean, you're the person who put it up.

I did put it up, but I felt disrespected when I did so. I just thought, well,

I feel like

it's stolen valor. Wow.
Because there's people who are flattered. Yes.
Yes.

And there's always someone flattered. They deserve to be on that committee.
Yeah, they do. It's an ad hoc committee.

I am privileged and I'm a cuck.

And that's what's up. I am privileged and I'm a cuck.

I just don't.

I don't know what it is about it, but I've been hearing it a lot lately, and I've decided I don't like it. Okay.
You've been hearing it a lot lately? I've been reading it.

A robust amount of vegetables. A robust amount.
Sounds like gullets. Aaron Knight.
Robust opposition. A robust rotisserie chicken.
That's kind of what I think of. Really? I think because

row your bones.

Gently down. Down the stream.
There you go. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.
I would not be shocked if that was how someone's TED Talk started or ended.

Just the way

it sounded like that. You know it's both.
Yeah.

You know they start with and they end up. And they end with them.
Everyone's like, whoa. And in between the most boring shit you can imagine.
We can get rid of TED Talks.

You know what? No.

People need them. Including the cartoon about them.
People need them. Yeah.
Yeah. Ted, who talks.

Yeah.

Well, like, if we have to get rid of that to get rid of TED Talks, I'll take it. Look, we've already gotten rid of Ted Kennedy.
He talked.

Teddy Ruxman. Teddy Ruxman.
Talked. Didn't he talk? Yes, he did.
Teddy Roosevelt. He definitely talked.
He talked. Yeah.
He's gone. He's, hey, rest in peace, King.

Rest in peace, King. Rest in power, Theodore Roosevelt.

Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Probably mostly bad.

They're all bad. I mean, the national parks.
He gave us the national parks. That's a good point.
He gave us those.

National Parks. I think that was his thing, right? That was his idea.
No, I'm just saying that's great. Who gave us national parks? Siri, who gave us national parks i found this on the web yeah that's

really the web

stop talking about that how did you get there i found this on the web yeah i know that's where i wanted you to find i thought you were the web idiot

you

okay let me talk about the national parks because they were envisioned by artist george Catlin. What? And naturalist John Muir, who lobbied for their

lobbied for their protection. However, the actual national park system began with the establishment of Yellowstone National Park in 1872 by President Ulysses S.
Grant

and was formally established with the creation of the National Park Service by President Woodrow Wilson in 1916. Guess who's not mentioned? TR had jacked shit to do with this.
Yeah. That was crazy.

And yet he gets credit. I just went along to me.
I just went along with it. I was like, yep.

And that's where I need to learn. I should have asked Jessica.
Oh, wait, but then here's something on nps.gov: Theodore Roosevelt and the National Park System.

He was often called the conservation president because he impacted the national park system well beyond his term in office. He doubled the number of sites within it.

He established five new national parks. Including black sites, Crater Lake, yep, Oregon, Wind Cave, South Dakota, Sully's Hill, North Dakota, and Area 15.
Hey, are you okay? What? Area 15.

51. 51.
Area 15. It was

before 51. Area 15 is just like we found some weird people.

We make them live here. These guys don't look right.

They just have a weird ponytail. So I think he had something to do with it.

By the way, his birthplace is a National Historic Site in New York. It's like, come on, guys.
Like, real estate in New York is a little too precious to be just like blocking off. Is it a hospital?

I don't know. Speaking of.
Yeah, it should be a hospital. Speaking of

a house.

I'm sure it's older. Speaking of weird ponytails, I heard from a friend of mine that

there's a

comedy writer who refers to the uh creative arts emmys as the male ponytail awards i'm like

that's funny that's crazy that's crazy it's crazy it is literally insane that's crazy absolutely banana don't you have a word that you that you just hate for some reason yes of course which one let me think

i mean

here's a word i have i i also have words that i have love hate relationship with the word refreshment refreshment really yeah

It harkens me back to

playing little league baseball and going to the refreshment. Think of a little kid, being a little kid.
Yeah. Refreshments.
Yeah. Yeah.

It is an emasculating word. Like, oh, I'm going to get some refreshments.
I don't mind refreshments. It sounds like it is about it that bothers me.
Yeah.

But would you ever say I'm going to get refreshments like in the middle of the day? I would say it to be a little to put a little like flair on what I'm doing.

I'm going to get some refreshments and then I'll step out. That might give a little joy to those

next week. I'll try it next Thursday.
Okay, great. I guess a refreshment.
So you come back with one cheese and cracker. Yeah.
And then they say, is that a refreshment?

Well, what do you think a refreshment is? Let's open up this dialogue. How many refreshments are actually refreshments? Because I think refreshments, when I hear that, I think

soda and popcorn. Yeah.

I think of cool things. So I do think of like a soda.
Of course, I think of mints because mint sounds like mint. Yeah.

Of course.

You know, I think of toothpaste. Well, the refreshment,

which mint is that? Double mint refreshment. You know, there's one that's refreshing.
There's double mint gum. Of course.
There is that.

There's like, that's the statement of the great mint in double mint. And then there's one with refreshment.
Sure.

Well, there's the fresh maker, of course. Of course.

Do you remember when Smintz had a chokehold on all of us?

Not really. I think I've maybe had one Smint in my life.

I was in a chokehold by Smints.

Smints had me in a saucy saucy.

They were small,

like slight edges. They were small, yeah.
Triangles. They were smooth.
Oh, triangles. And you'd click them onto them in a box.
There were lemon mint smints that were my favorite.

And then we would eat them on candy. And in middle school.
We would eat them like candy. We didn't mean them on candy.
And in middle school, that was very popular to have smints. Oh, I see.

Well, middle school, when you were in middle school, I think I was an adult. Yeah,

so you didn't give a fuck about smiths. But

they were still popular, like mints.

I remember when they were popular. I do remember when they were popular.
Is that a status symbol for you to like what candy you were eating?

Like, oh, I have the good candy, and this person can't afford it. If I'm clicking Smints out of my clicker, then you know shit's going well.

If I'm clicking Smiths out of my clicker, then you know shit is going well. I saw someone do that in Mexico in Tijuana.
Wow, that must have been cool. Did you catch it in your mouth?

Um, I remember in high school, there was like a little um

uh counter in the cafeteria, a little window where you could buy number three, special little snacks,

special little snacks, and also, of course, school merch. Did you get like muffins, like you know, like those plastic wrapped muffins and stuff?

I did not get that, but here's what I did get, and I don't remember the name of it,

but there was a sort of

white chocolatey

nougat bar.

A blue package. And I don't remember the name.
Whoa, I have no clue what you're talking about. But that was a candy bar that was kind of

good and also disgusting at the same time. Yeah.
I don't remember it. Yeah.
Isn't that insane, school merch, like to be proud of an elementary school? I want school merch. An elementary school.

You know what I mean?

But I had a t-shirt of... like the vessels vikings and stuff like that.
I think I had a

Holy Cross t-shirt. But you know what I mean? It's like, oh, yeah, I lived in this one area and this was the closest school to me.
Who cares? Yeah, and

when you're a kid, like,

yeah, I guess there is like a weird default pride. Pride in anything is weird.
Is it a zero bar?

It might be new. No, that might be more new.
I don't know. I can't tell.
God damn. I can't remember the name of it.
Oh, wait. Okay.
It wasn't. Let me look at it.

That top.

That top. It might have.
It might have been the zero bar. Let's find out when that was made.
It might be current. That might be more of some crazy answers.
At this point, we don't know.

We need more information. We need more intel.
Do you have a high school ring? Did you have a high school ring? No, they were really trying to sell those to everybody.

And I definitely looked at the catalog and was like, Johnston's. Okay, this is, I think that, what were they, $150 or something like that? Something like that, yeah.

And

I couldn't even afford to go to prom my senior year. So it was like, there's no way I'm getting a ring.

What are you even supposed to do with that? No, I didn't have that. I had one.
You still have it. You get sized for it and you're supposed to wear it for the rest of your life.

For the rest of your life, yeah. Yeah, your high school ring.
Insanity. This is where I went to high school.
Well, this was four years of my life a million years ago. Yeah.

Also, it was just like by default. You don't even have to graduate to get it.
You can just order it once you're in high school. It's like, it's not like winning the Super Bowl.
Yeah.

I could have dropped out once I got the ring. Yeah.
Like, ah,

perfectly.

Everyone thinks I went there. I remember my mother because I was like, please help me buy this ring.

You never met my mother.

But

what are you saying? He remembers her. I'm your father.
Luke. Luke.
Look. I'm your father.
Luke. Epic callback.
Yep. Epic.
My mother was like, you're never going to wear this again.

You're never going to wear it. You're crazy, old woman.
So you got one. I got one.
And where is it now? It's in a

pinky toe. I bought a case to put it in your bridge.
Oh my gosh.

It's like it's a World Series ring. It's in your possession, though.
exactly. Yeah, it's on my desk right now.
Did you buy the case more recently?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
When I found the ring in a box,

you were like, I want to give this.

I have to give this. This is a hubris that I must give a special display to.
Is it something you would wear ever? Like,

does it look good enough that you would go like, oh, let me wear this?

I mean, it looks like a high school ring. So then

there's no mistaking it.

Does the fact that it's in a case and you can see it every once in a while, it makes you nostalgic?

Does that give you pleasure? It doesn't even make me nostalgic. I actually think if you wore it.
So, then why do you have to please? It gives me pleasure as a stupid thing.

I think if you wore it, that would be disgusting.

Exactly. Like, there would be something so strange about it.
Yeah, well, you should put it on and go to local high schools. I went to one of these.
Hey, everybody. Hey, just so you can be you.

If this just grants you access into any high school, yeah, exactly. This could be you, weird guy sitting outside wearing a ring.
When I went to high school,

any casa on any school play that I want to see.

Wouldn't that be great to be able to go to any school play?

Would it be? I think you can.

I mean, they sell tickets.

But yeah, pride in, even pride in a high school. I don't know.

I guess if you're competing.

In some sort of college.

It's okay to have pride. Sports are schools.

School spirit is nice.

It's nice to connect with something. I guess.
Yeah, it's fine. I think it's great.
Yeah, I mean, it's good. I guess while you're there, I think it's nice.
Afterwards, what are you doing?

And, well, I've gotten more into,

you know, last time I was home, I bought some merch from my town. You got more into your town? I got more into my town.
I got some magnets for my fridge. I got a pendant.
But I think

there's a difference between being like,

oh, wow, I used to live in this place and it evokes these feelings than being like school spirit. like we're the best.
Yeah, I mean, I have

hometown pride, and there's something that's very enjoyable and comforting to me about it. You spend so much of your time there.
Yeah, it's where I'm from.

Which I like to spend a lot of time in high school, too.

But only four years, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think there's a right and wrong way to go about it.
Yeah. And you're doing it the right way? Do you think people have a pride?

I'm right, they're wrong. Do you think people have a prison pride?

Like, if they sold prison rings, probably. I think you would if you were like, I went to that.
Countless coming. Do you have a little bit of like a, you know, like, I survived.

I'm a raw way state prison man. It's just four cartons of cigarettes for this ring.
I'm getting it. As Kurt Vonnegut said, Grand Falloons.
That's expensive, as he called them.

What did he call Grand Falloons? Cigarettes? No, Grand Falloons are these clusters of people. They're fake

bonds between people of like, oh,

we're both from Indiana. Oh, wow.
Oh, wow. I haven't read any.
When people don't have anything in common.

Cat's Cradle. It's great.
I read them all when I was

in high school and I discovered that. I was like, this is a devoured.
Devour.

I just watched the Breakfast of Champions movie. That's all.
Oh, I've never seen that.

It's terrible. I'm sure.
Is it called Jerry Lewis? No, it's Bruce Willis. What? Oh, right.
I forgot about that. Yeah.
Well, that's great.

And I think I had just read it in the 90s when it came out, and then it got such bad reviews. I never watched it before.
What was the Jerry Lewis one?

You're thinking of the nutty professor, I'm pretty sure.

I think that was was

the clumps, yeah. What if Jerry Lewis had to do the clumps when he was alive? Like, the new nutty professor came out, it was such a huge deal that he was like, you know what?

I'm going to remake it with myself doing the clumps. And then he's slapstick of another kind.

Oh, wasn't that a Star Wars parody?

I mean, from the poster, it looks like it, but it is based on

a Kurt Vonnegut. It is.
Which one? Yes. I believe Slapstick of Another Kind.
Slapstick a move was a book yes i saw jerry lew

speak once and he came out got big applause and then the interviewer who had done so much research and and talked about how the book jerry lewis wrote about uh directing was his favorite book of all time he asked like the first question jerry lewis is like what that's a stupid question uh

and then he asked another question he's like god these questions are terrible then he asked another question he's like you know what

I'm not going to listen to you anymore. Your questions are awful.
I'm just going to take questions from the audience.

And then the moderator had to sit there the entire show,

not speaking. It was

a nice guy. I would love to know what the questions were.
They were like specific questions about his favorite.

What's your favorite letter of the alphabet? Yes.

Got to go Q, and you know why.

Oh,

where we go.

Where we go, one, we go. Oh, white squall.

There actually was a reason.

There was a reason that you picked Q that he would know. Yeah.

I thought it was just a joke, and then

sang a song together. Yeah, I love people who are going to be able to do that.
I love that you don't know anything about this stuff.

I honestly do. Is it? I honestly do.

I hate that we know so much about this stuff. What is it that you know?

We'll tell you during the break. Q Anon.

Shakespeare, Shakespearean movie. Anon Anon.

Q exuent. I think

I'm obsessed with the movie White Squall. QAnon is.
Yes. You know,

this is where Reddit will go like, Lauren doesn't know anything. No, you shouldn't.

I don't want to know about that. That's what I'm saying.
You shouldn't know. And I don't need to know about that.
And I hate that we do.

Yeah. I'm not happy about knowing it.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's my. Well, I'm not happy I even have even perused the Reddit.
But I have. Oh, you mean the Reddit specifically? Yeah.
I meant most of the time.

The QAnon turned out. The Reddit.
No, Reddit generally.

My Reddit's actually getting really weird. My Reddit, like,

I guess.

For you page.

I have gotten into Reddit within the last four months or so, probably, that I actually kind of look at it as a social media check-in kind of thing.

But it does this thing where, like,

I guess it's the algorithm of Reddit, but it's like it'll suggest things. If you had opened a thread that's that, then now you like this.

If somebody sent this to you and you're like, oh, look at this. Then you start getting suggestions.
Or even if you start suggestions and I'm like, what? What is it?

It'll be like an Uber Eats dispute. And I open it and be like,

what? What is an Uber Eats? Oh, someone has a dispute with me. I'm mad with the driver.
And so I open it and I'm like, what is this? And I'm like, I don't actually care.

And then suddenly I'm like getting all that. And no matter how many times I mute and unsubscribe and whatever, it doesn't matter.

And I get a lot of them for like male grooming and being bald and stuff.

It's like really disturbing because like it's just men posting.

No, it's like, I don't know, something that I've clicked has led them to think that I care and sometimes I open it because I'm like what the fuck is this guy

tried dude wipes? Yeah, yeah, honestly it's like that like male hiding and then like a guy who's like posting like a zoomed-in picture of his like rashy beard

I'm like, oh like what is this? Am I dying? Yeah, yeah.

I can't get it back. I'm sort of like I almost think I have to start over.
It's so messed up. Start over.
It's like every single thing I don't know. Can you do a reset of your algorithm on any

I don't know if I just deleted it and started like people will be like, who do I look like? They want their celebrity doppelganger. I get tons of those.
Then I get like, what's wrong with me?

And like, then people are like, you need to cut your hair. And it's like, there's like, oh,

someone posts a picture of themselves. And they're like, what's wrong with me? How can I be better looking? And they're like, you need to do this, this, this.

And like, actually, I find it very heartwarming because usually the suggestions are very genuine and they're good.

Like, it's like, oh, your haircut's a little bit like not good for your shape or your face. Like, you should do this or whatever.
And then it's like, what are you? You'll face it. Yeah.

And, like, and then

they're like, like, get a body scrub that does this. Like, good advice you have to like an older sibling or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice.

Yeah, it's all nudes. And like, and it's all nudes.

Everything. And some of that's nice, but I'm like, I actually don't want to be looking at that.
Like, even though I do think it's nice, I don't care.

When you've, when you're reading a Reddit thread and then you realize, wait, I don't give a shit. Yeah.

I'm, I'm 10 comments deep in this and I don't care about the subject. Yes.
Now, speaking of who

deeds disputes,

do you have a new groomer?

I dog, dog, not male.

I did reach out. So my groomer doesn't know this yet.
Because no, now they want to take. My groomer doesn't know this.
After their car broke down, I think I told her the truck broke down.

Then they wanted to come on the weekend. And then I was like, but that's the middle of my day.
I'm going to be doing stuff.

And so then I'm like, no. And then they're kicking it to the end of the month.
I'm going, well, now she's going to be a stinky rat.

I'm like, I can't.

There has to be some other solution for this. So I posted in my Instagram close friends asking if anyone has suggestions, and I got a few suggestions.

And I texted them yesterday, and they haven't heard back. And so that's where I'm at.
Connections.

Yeah.

I'm proud to be in that green circle. Thank you.
I am too. And I proudly heart those pictures of Holly.
That's nice. I do every time.
Yeah. What about G? Not G.
Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like you just weren't there yet. I'm iffy.

Body weight. Yeah.

But did you see this one? You're iffy body weight? Ah,

gee, geez.

That's like cute.

Look, we have to take a break.

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She or he is so boring

and they look terrible. No, you don't want to do that.
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Seto!

What are you looking at? What are you looking at?

Okay, can I tell you? And you'll stop asking me? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? If I tell you, what do you stop asking? Why don't you try and find out?

No, actually. Why don't you try and find out? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? I don't promise anything.
What are you looking at?

If I tell you, will you stop asking me? I don't know. What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? Now you recall.

Do you recall?

The most famous Poxy mechanical.

I

commissioned a countertop

for my office. Wow.

And this gentleman said, yes, I will be there between seven and eight tomorrow. Yes.
That was one week ago. That's an insane

idea.

I just want to say to make someone get up at 6 a.m. Yeah.

But also,

why would you ever promise a window of one hour and then absolutely not make it out and make it? You're not even make it for days. Not show up for days.

So we kept checking in with him every day, like, hey, how's it going? He was like, probably tomorrow. And then it wasn't happening.
Now, we have not paid him any money.

So this is on him. Sure.
Yeah. Right.
So he's out in materials. But your shelf is withering away.
Yeah. Well, it's not without the the strength of the class ring is.

Oh, it doesn't even care if it's not.

It's the top of the countertop. So there's just

the cabinet underneath is just open.

Oh, no. I can't put anything on there.

Although, honestly, I would prefer that than having to bend over to open doors all the time. God,

I'd always rather dip into boxes.

Everything's so low in your house. Like all of our cabinets.
Well, at least where

Google Up has decided to put everything down that we use every day. She's short.
I know, but I have to bend. I know, but the house has become a maze, like an obstacle course.

I know Mike and I, I feel

unwittingly, you know, put everything high.

And now whenever there's a short person, they're very like, why is I can't reach the glasses?

I can't reach the glasses.

You should be serving them anyway.

You gotta get

put me on your knees so I can climb up. I think a lot of the baby stuff is short so she can get at it.
That's fine.

But every day I have to get an orange juice cup and I have to bend over so low. All my kids' stuff is low.
Yes. That's weird.

What's weird? To get the orange juice cup, you have to bend over so low. Oh, okay.
You bend over a solution.

I think of glasses as high. Well, we're talking about a cup for a child.
Yeah.

Okay.

So maybe stop focusing on your epoxy text and listen to what the fuck we're talking about. Okay.
Now, granted, I'm not a parent, but I also don't have my head up my ass.

So I put a a cup up where the glasses are. Yeah, well, it's plastic and it goes down low.
So what's happening on the floor? Now at least, by the way, why wouldn't the glass go down low?

Because then there's less chance of it breaking and then the plastic goes up high.

There's more chance of it breaking because. This is what I'm saying.

There's more chance of it breaking because you're bending, you're stumbling, you're throwing it down because you can't get your balance back because you always have to go so low to get it.

Okay, I'm not a weirdo, so that's not a problem for me.

You guys have to stop. No, we don't.
I don't know what happened. Now at least Emmy is saying, can I pick my cup? And she gets it.

So it's like, we finally crossed that threshold now where I don't have to bend over every morning. So low.
But then to feed the dogs, they needed low. Everything's so low at our house.

Put stuff up high.

Dog food is going to be low. Oh, I have to get more dog food.

I keep forgetting. Okay, so this guy.
Yeah.

He is making this. I wanted a,

first I wanted a metal countertop. Metal.
Metal.

Not a med doll. But that is so wildly expensive to get something like that made.

Why? Because metal is expensive. Yeah.

Did you want it to be gold? Is that the metal? Yeah. I want it to be solid gold.
24 carats. Yeah.
And turns out that costs a pretty penny.

Then I thought, make it out of pennies. Yes.

But you'll be surprised. How many pennies it takes? Those pennies add up to dollars.

Dollars.

Dollars and pounds. So we found this

epoxy kit

where you can make it look like marble. You can make it look like metal.

Spacey. What does it say? You have things embedded in that.

What material does it start out as?

Are you ready for this?

Plywood.

It starts as plywood. No, you put plywood, then you put epoxy on it.
Yes. Right.

And then

it looks metal. looks it looks metal science no i need to do this to my one of my windowsills that's been cracked and ravaged by the sun

putting epoxy on the wood yeah so you found this and then now what's the update so we contacted this guy who does

epoxy stuff okay

and he was like this is gonna take another three weeks

He said, yeah, we'll come out there and we'll, you know, sand the plywood and put the epoxy and install it.

It'll be a day. Be there between seven and eight.

Don't say it. He didn't say that.
Is it tomorrow? Again, no, no, no. He did not say it again.

This was the initial thing. Okay.
I was like, oh, I see. This is no problem.
Okay.

Then it turned out to be a problem. The guy never showed up.

The guy that he works with showed up to at least sand the plywood and take it with him. We're like, we'll do it at that time.
Step one. Yes.

Then we checked in with him every day and he's like, yeah, it's not ready yet. It's still wet.
I have to do another coat, blah, blah, blah. All this shit.

I think this guy had not done this specific thing before. Oh, okay.
And so it tries to trial and error.

I have had that happen where I hired a handyman to do something and it became evident

just by how long it was taking that he had never done that before. But he did a great job.
Yeah. And I do think you have to learn somehow.
You do.

Everybody's got to learn somehow. It's just kind of interesting to go, like, of course I can do that.
And then, like, you actually don't know if you can.

So every day it's like, not quite yet. And then finally, today

he sent us a picture, picture, a video of it. And it looks good.

That looks great. It looks cool.
It looks beautiful.

But I do think it's much wider than the actual counter is. Okay.

Do you think he's going to cut it down? Ah, that's what I'm about to ask him.

Yeah.

And yeah. Did he put anything in perspective next to like a pen or anything? Well, the plywood that he took, was that something you had measured to be the size of it?

And then he did it on something else. Yeah, yeah.
Like, that's different. And now he measured the plywood and then said,

I will add like a little foam at the front to make it hang over a little bit. So there's a little hangover.
Like, great.

And then I'm looking at this, and it's a very different size. Hmm.
I think you need to ask for sure. I do need to ask for sure.
Just say, just want to make sure this is the size that we're talking.

This is the same size that you measured at my hand. You know, maybe it's forced perspective.
You know, maybe it looks bigger and more. It's zoomed out to 0.5.
Sure. So it looks kind of warped.

I went to the 2000.

Sure. Did you go to any warped tour? I just went to the water.
I went to all of them. Yeah.
Every single one. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm there right now. Yeah.
Wait, what? I am.

I just wrote back, looks good. What are the measurements exactly? Okay.
That's...

That's an interesting way to ask. Thank you.
I'll keep you updated later today is what is his last communique. I think you can say, I've been very busy.

I think you can even follow up what you just said and say, I'm asking because it looks larger than,

but maybe I might. I don't have the heart to say that.
Well, because it's going to suck more when he brings this big-ass thing that doesn't fit. Well, that's why I'm asking him first.

I do like the saga. Also, I think I have plenty of time before this thing shows up in my house.
I like the saga.

I like if it comes and it's not the right size, that adds more content to these three toom episodes. That's true, because right now we still have rumor as a hanging chad.

We have this as a hanging chad.

So many hanging chads. Yeah.

I wish I had some. Oh, well, you know, I still live in a beep house.
No, we're not. Are you fucking up? How can you even handle this? This is impossible.
We were talking about it last night.

You don't live in the Winchester Mystery Mansion. I know.
Let's resolve this.

We were on the bottom of it before? No.

So it's louder in certain areas. In our main.
Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, where it is versus where it's not.

But it's it's impossible to figure out where it is. How is it impossible? No, I mean, I had this before.
It has to be in it.

But I sent you what happened to me, and I, and it, but you said it wasn't that, right? Yes,

it's private. You know what? I respect that.
Mike was hiding and going, beep.

No,

it might be in the attic, but we don't know.

Oh, you're too scared to go up there. Yeah, so forget the lab.
But what I had read initially was, was, oh, it takes about a month for the battery to wear out. It's been more than a month.

Oh, it's been a year at this point. It does feel like we get it.

It needs to give up at a certain point.

The fact that it even works with that. Why don't you change the battery? If it even works with that,

I think you could detect smoke. If you got all these amount of energy you got going on,

okay, here's where my mind has gone to. Oh, no.
Is this shit?

Is this a prank that one of my friends has inflicted upon me? Putting some sort of like that would be so deeper. beeper device yes somebody could reach up there yeah let's let's

putting some sort of beeping device up in our rafters or something because it's nowhere near where a smoke detector is

and and i've i've heard it really loud in in one room and been like oh is it up there but then i go into another room and it's kind of loud in there so i don't really know but but for it to be a year It feels like it has to be plugged into the electricity, right?

It has to be wired to something. I don't know.
I mean, it's confusing. But the thing is, it doesn't really bother us.

We were watching something really soft the other night and I heard it and I brought it up and I was like, that thing is still beeping, Kulop. And she goes, Yeah, but it's intermittent, right?

I said, No, it's literally every 60 seconds. Were you watching Pillow the Movie? Yeah, what was the soft thing you were watching?

And she said, Oh, I guess I just tune it out now. I'm like, Well, normally it's noisy enough that we don't hear it, but

it's infuriating. You need to hire

someone who will sit there, listen for it, and just work their way through every nook and cranny until they get it. Why do we have to change batteries in these motherfuckers?

Why aren't they just we all have to have them by law? You have to have them. No, yeah, because they are wired to electricity sometimes.
They should always be.

No, but they need a backup. It's against the law to only be wired to electricity, I think.
I may be talking out of my ass, but this, in my experience. That makes sense to me, but let's say this.
Yeah.

The battery battery should only be functional when it needs to be the backup. Right.
Right. Sort of like a hybrid car.
Yes. Sort of like a hybrid car.

I have changed to a different type of smoke detector who now

you can, I think, I believe program when it will beep. Like, please don't beep in the middle of the night.
You know what I mean? So like, yes, yes.

Like, we'll, we'll change you, but just only beep between these hours of the day or whatever. Man, I like the sound of that because ours only beep in the middle of the the night.
Yeah.

It's it's so it's the worst feeling in the world where just at two in the morning, yeah, it wakes you, it wakes you up. That happened in an apartment I was in, that I was living in, and it was like

it went, it went crazy in the middle of the night and it was right over my bed. And I like had to, and like my neighbor was like, what's that? Like, it was like, what are you thinking?

It was like everyone was like losing their shit. And so I went to the gas station, try to get batteries, and I had to change up my, it was like a whole dramatic thing.

We had it happen to us last month in the middle of the night. We had to fucking get up, get a ladder out.
My smoke detector beat. That's beautiful.
Is that from the documentary?

So now

we have a better system. And it tests, it tells us when it's going to test.
And sends out a test. So this is just some random thing that's not connected.
Wait, it tells you when it's going to test?

Yeah,

it sends out tests

to make sure they're all beeping and it'll alert us on our phone to say like, hey,

all of the smoke detectors are going to go off at 2 p.m. That's another thing.
Yeah. Is that they all fucking go off.
Yeah. Then just figure out which one it is.
Because they set each other off.

They're like, I'm triggered.

Oh, the other thing, I think I must have talked about this, but the other thing about them going off in the middle of the night is the temperature. In the middle of the night,

my smoke detector beeps. Is the temperature getting low, low, low, low, low,

triggers it and makes it

more, more,

I guess, like drains the battery or something or makes it need more battery or something.

No, at night, temperature goes down because the sun isn't up. Well, then why if the temperature goes down, why does it go off?

You're supposed to be worried about hot, not cold. But it idiot.

Look, that's what I shout at it. That's what I would shout at it.
Yeah.

But it has something to do with that. And that's why they tend to go off in the middle of the night instead of just in during the day.
Stop saying in the middle of the night.

What should I say instead? What is this synonym? Around

2 a.m. In the dead of night.
Around 2. At the devil's hour.
At the witching hour? At the witching hour. At the devil's playtime.

I wish it was not so hot here all the time. Oh, no, you used one of your wishes.
No, no. Well, that's good.
I want that. But then it's ironic every time.

It's not so hot, but I tell you what. It's like the Twilight Zone where everybody was like,

it's so hot because the earth is moving closer to the sun. I'm sweating all the time.
It fucking sucks. And we're all going to die soon.
And then it turns out it was a dream of this girl.

She was having a nightmare because she was having a fever. And really, the Earth was moving further away from the Sun.
It was cold all the time. Wow.
That's ironic. That's must have

a lot for her. Okay, I have an idea.
Yeah. In between episodes, we're taping two episodes in a row today.
As we always do. You guys come into the other room and tell me where you think the beeping is.

And then I'll get the ladder out and we can look for it. We've never done a field trip before.
Honestly, I'm into that. That's fun.
We'll do a field trip. That is fun.
Right? That is fun, right?

That is fun, right? That is fun, right? That is fun, right? Yeah. If we had mobile microphones, it could be our three chair.

Oh, my God.

If only we had mobile microphones. They haven't invented them yet, though.
We all have our phone. We do have phones.
Nope.

Can you imagine trying to stitch that together, all three of our phones? I mean, that wouldn't be my problem. Yeah.
I can imagine someone else doing it. Someone who makes a pretty penny.

Someone who likes to stitch together. A stitcher.
A premium stitcher, if you will. Yeah, sure.

But yes, the beep house, someone please send me a solution to this problem that doesn't require me finding the thing that's beeping. We're going to find it.
I don't see moving. If it lifts.
Thank you.

If it literally beeps every 60 seconds, we're going to find it. We're going to find it today.
You think we're going to find it today? We're going to find it. We're going to find it.

If it turns out to be a device that one of you put there, I guess. And it's just been waiting for me to destroy it.
Then we would be very gleeful, like Rumpelstiltskin. That's true.
He was so gleeful.

He was. Until he was a happy little

freak. Then he jumped up and down so hard.
How hard his arms fell off. Oh, no.
She went to his house or whatever, and he was chanting like, hey, hee hee, no one will ever come up with my name.

It was a jinx. It was a little song with his own name.
He was a fucking jinx.

Like the Jinx? Oh, kill them all, of course.

I killed them all. Rumpelstilskin was the original Jinx.
Yeah. He's like, my name is Rumpel Stilskin, obviously.

Is Robert Durst still alive? That's a great question. Why didn't you ask that bitch, Siri? I thought he passed on, perhaps.
2022. Rest in Power King.

I'm glad he got caught before he died. That rules.

Sorry, I remember the flags were at half-mast. I think on January 10th, they'll say Robert Durst would have been 82 today.

Happy heavenly birthday. He has the blackest eyes on human earth.

I like that his Wikipedia page, his picture is his mugshot.

I do appreciate that. I like that.
I do appreciate it. Oh, and it's real gnarly.

Those are the blackest eyes you've ever seen. Yeah.
Not a single...

Soul in there.

Blacker than mine? Yours aren't black. By the way, the numbers are next to him, I I guess, delineate his height.
How tall is this guy? Do you think he looks

seven feet tall? Do they lay him down on the like?

Do they lay him down on the height thing?

The top of his head. Okay, so you just see

because he has like a breezing apparatus on him. He appears to be incapacitated in some way.
So you think he's just eight inches tall? Yeah, I do. That's what made him so he's eight feet tall.

They buried him in a matchbox.

He used the little

thing in the pizza for a table. Yeah.

He makes a little champagne cork chair. What is the point of the thing in the pizza? To keep it standard.

To keep it standard.

To ground it. Have you ever gotten an off-dinner pizza and you're like, oh, my dinner's ruined.
No, but truly, what is the point? It is to protect the

pizza from the lid.

Because people used to get pizzas and all the cheese would be stuck to the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Smart. Do you remember that story? Lovely, charming story that our friend

Jessica Jean Jardin told us. I just stopped myself from saying it.
Her Scottish father

had never had pizza. Moved to America.
Moved to America. He has a date with this young lady.
Turns out to be Jess's mother. Awesome.
And he shows up to her home. He's going to bring a pizza.

And so he picks up the pizza and then he turns it sideways and holds it under his arm like it's a briefcase. He doesn't even know what it is.
He doesn't know.

When he got there to the door, she was like, why are you holding it? It's just

like a block. Because he'd never had a pizza before? Yeah.
That's what it was? Never had a pizza before. I did see a

they sell a 22-inch hot dog at Universal Studios, and it comes in its own carrying case, like a little suitcase. Like a pool cue.

22-inch hot dogs. I'm a

chili cheese dog.

Chili cheese dog.

Lawrence snarled at me. I don't like that.
That made me want a hot dog. I haven't had a hot dog in forever.
Okay, should we order some hot dogs? Yeah, can you? Yeah, I'm sure. Shake check.

This is going to be a cookie puss all over again. Oh, no.
I know the cookie puss fiasco.

The great cookie puss fiasco. I want to apologize, but I'll order some hot dogs and we'll get them here.
Do you know what we should do for a Christmas episode? We should have a cookie puss. Yeah.

Yeah. If we can ever get our damn hands on them.
Well, we'll have to pick it up.

From where? From Carvelle store. From Carvel, yeah, but it's over on Santa Monica Boulevard.
It's going to melt by the time it gets back over. No, come on.
No, Lawrence, stop saying that.

We'll take precautions to make sure it doesn't. Okay.
All right, we have to take a break.

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And we're back.

And,

hey, guys, do you want to.

What's up, Paul?

What's going on? Did I awaken you from hibernation? I'm just weary.

I think you're going to say, I'm just weird.

Guess Guess what? What? Slept like shit. Had bad dreams.
Bad dreams. What were the babies?

Has good genes.

Slept like shit. The luck.

The lucky hot choke. They all went to heaven in a little rowboat.
Clap hands.

Clap hands. Yeah, we got a new mattress.
Remember we were talking about

a new mattress. We have 30 days to try.
Well, we don't have 30 days. We must return it.
Try it for 30 days. Yes.

No, it's a minimum of 30 days. Oh, meaning you can't return it after one day.
That's right. But you could take it off your bed and put it in a corner in 30 days.
But that's true.

And you sleep on the frame.

Yeah.

So, so

you must try this out for 30 days.

Maybe it needs to break in and you need to, it needs to contour to your body. Here's the thing.
Here's the problem with it. It's actually comfortable, but it sleeps hot.
Oh.

So we've been waking up in the middle of the night. It's like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

And

it's a nightmare. And it's going to be a nightmare.

Do you have conditioned air in your house? We do have conditioned air in here. Could you turn it a bit down?

We're going to have to, I guess. I mean, we already have it programmed to do such a thing.
Yeah. We need to keep it 72 for the for the baby.

What baby? Well, we have a baby now.

Since when? Like three years ago. I don't think she's a baby anymore.
Well, she's a toddler, but you know what I mean. She'll always be a baby.
She doesn't mean Emmy. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Even though she's a big girl, she's not a baby. She's a big girl.
She still considers herself to be a baby. She considers herself to be a baby?

If we say you're a big girl, she says, No, I'm a baby. But if you say she's a baby, she says, No, I'm a big girl.
Sometimes, yeah. Yesterday, there was a bit of like, I'm a baby, and I'm a big girl.

No,

that's not the way it works. I know.
That's what I told her. I pointed out the fallacy.

I mansplained to her. I can't with her.
I know.

I mean, she knows that too. Like, she gets that from you.
She does it on purpose.

She's trying to get you. She likes to torment you.
She likes to torment you. Lauren's head is in her hands.
I'm taking this opportunity to rub my forehead.

When Billy Joel says, I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things. Yeah.
When he says that, you're dumb. I know.
And he says it every day. Yeah.

He decided if I should put this in a song. So I'm going to say this all the time.
Yeah.

I was laughing, remembering

Andy Daly pointing out that in that documentary about Billy Joel, he's very proud of the fact that

he never got a DUI.

He's been drunk and like wrecked cars, but he pointed out,

I never fucking got a DUI. Yeah.

It's like, okay, man.

The thing was still bad. Oh, no.
She's a pirate? I'm showing you a picture that was just sent to me of she's dressed as a pirate.

pirates are evil they're plunderers and you know like we romanticize them

in these movies and yet they were really bad people they were disgusting yeah and i bet they at the same time they were just trying to get by yeah i respect in an oppressive capitalist system

therefore that's true their style was interesting and unique it was and they honed it over time the way they would cut off their legs and put little pegs down there so it is funny when you think about like old-timey navy and they're just like

this is where I shop. I was going to say not old navy, but old timey.
Old timey navy.

And they're like, well, we have to have these hats. Yeah.
That's just what hats are shaped. It'll be like a tri-corner hat, but it'll be a little rounded.

We're not going to have like the little braid on it like the navy guys do. I'll just be plain.
But those sailor hats.

Those are uncomfortable, right? They're not protecting anything. Like, what's the point of that? Like little Popeye hats? Yeah.

That's the weirdest hat. And the fact that it still exists is so strange.

And the fact that it's part of the uniform, I guess maybe, I mean, so much of clothes is just like, does it make you look better?

And I think the answer with those is no.

I mean, it makes them look like sailors.

Yeah. So if anyone was like, is that a sailor up there on that navy boat? But why is there some sort of nautical purpose for them being shaped that way? Maybe it catches the rain.

And so when it finally overflows overflows and gets in your eyes, you're like, oh, it's raining too much.

Yeah,

I gotta go wipe down the when you said it catches the rain.

I almost for a second was like, that is practical because if you get, as we know, from Master and Commander, far side of the world, yes, of course, when it's not raining, that's bad.

Yes, you need rain if you're not. You need rain in order to get the winds in order to sail.
Yes, you also need to drink water. Yes.

So you might not mind a hat full of rain. I don't say get that.
Oh, I guess rain, you're saying. You just open your mouth and go

like a dumb turkey, and then you drown.

Speaking of dumb turkeys,

we take

calls from dumb turkeys who listen to us. Yeah, there's no other way to put it, unfortunately.
Our listeners are a bunch of dumb turkeys.

Listen, if you're a dumb turkey and you'd like to leave us a voicemail, go to the famous website, HagClaims8.com. So famous.
Yes, it is back up and running as a novelty dictionary.

Yes, you can leave voicemails. Yes, you now get a new phone.

You get a new phone. You get a new phone.
It's made of, we haven't said this. It's made out of paper and cardboard and

sort of like forgetting

materials. Yes.
But it works as a phone. But it works.
It does work as a phone. In the sense of if you call someone, they have to be nearby.
Yeah. Like next to you.

Yes. If you're in the same room with someone, you can make a call.
And

they don't even have to pick up their phone in order for the call to go. They can just respond.
They can pretend to do that if that would be helpful.

But that's silly. Yeah.

I mean, it's a silly notion, but it works for us. It's a silly-ass notion.
It works for us. It's just our thing.

You know, we make do with what it is and we like it. It's what we're like.
We just like it. We just like it.
We just like it. Well, let's listen to one of these dumb turkeys.
Okay.

Here we go.

Hello again, Freedom Friends. Henry Artemis here.
Hello again. Here we go again, Henry Artemis.
Well,

I think this person has left quite a few. Oh, because I didn't remember that name, though.
It seems like I should have. It seems very specific.
This is the first one we're getting to, but

this would be the third out of four that this person has left. Oh, so he's a super caller.

Yes, he's one of our cherished super callers.

All right, mega caller, Henry Artemis, from the beginning. Hello again, Freedom friends.
Henry Artemis here. I have two questions for you.
One.

What's something you can't let your kitchen run out of? Everybody's got something they'll need to explain to their spouse if they take the last one

cookies, curig cups, crack, etc. Crack.
Secondly, when are we getting a kushtopia podcast?

Everybody wants one. Enough.
Don't no one. Look, no one.
Henry Artemis. Thank you for calling.
Leave that CBB shit. Leave it.
CBB. These guys don't care about Kushtopia, right?

I don't even care about Kushtopia. This is not, we don't do those jokes here.
We do our jokes. Our same five jokes.
Yes. That's what we do here.
We do, you can do it.

Yes. And you do,

I am your father. Yes.
We do.

Corporate Lady How to Talk.

It's a recent addition. No one's starting to know.
We're going to say it over and over again.

It's going to come up again. You're going to come up again.
And you'll know it and you'll like it. Yeah.
Okay, you dumb turkey. Okay, so what's something that

you feel bad when you take the last one of or you always needs to be stocked in your kitchen? I'm trying to think of like snack type things. We actually don't have a lot of communal things.

Oh, really? You keep your like odd couple style? I have my things that I like and she has her things that she likes. Do you put tape down the center of your refrigerator and you go inside?

That's right. Okay.
That's right.

But I think that the communal things

would be like, I don't know, like cheese and crackers. You know what I mean?

We like these triscuits that are,

it's like roasted garlic triscuits. They're so good.
What if they just made garlic triscuits and it wasn't roasted? Would you still like them? No. Okay.
I like my garlic roasted.

Sorry, Dracula.

A lot like Tom Brady. I don't think Dracula would like it roasted either.

I don't think he'd like it unroasted or roasted. No, he wouldn't.
That's why I'm apologizing. What if they're just like, oh, just because I thought you were saying, sorry, I like it roasted.

No, I'm saying, I'm sorry, Dracula, about your problems with garlic. What if Dracula figured out if you roasted the garlic, he was fine with it?

Can you imagine these dumb peasants making up vampires? And then they're like, and

they don't like garlic, garlic, and they're scared of garlic. Yeah.
I mean, it's the same thing with kryptonite. Oh, and they're, and, uh, uh, kryptonite, they're not trying to scare anybody, though.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, well, not with kryptonite, but with Superman, they are.
These dumb peasants were trying to scare people into thinking vampires were real. And what would, to what end?

What was the purpose of this? It's always to teach children to pick up their things.

That was the purpose of all Grimm's fairy tales.

I got to start telling Emmy about vampires to get her to pick up her things. Yeah, yeah.
Kids in there picking up things. The age-old conflict.
They don't like to do it. They don't want to clean.

They don't want to. They don't want to clean.

They just want to lean. One less bell to answer.

One less toy to pick up.

Lauren,

is there anything in your kitchen that you don't like to run out of? Malden salt, Malden sea salt,

little thick flakes of salt that you put onto everybody. I'm talking about these little thick flakes.

How low kills can get sometimes. Yes.
It can get very low. And we start to go, and we often will forget to get it every time because certain stores don't sell it and yada yada yada.

When we're out of coffee, that is a nachtmer. Yeah.
For sure. Yeah.
And that's a problem for Mike for sure when we're out of coffee.

It's very rare that that happens, but everyone's going to be able to do it. It happened to me last week for a good five days in a row where it was like, oh, I should drop by the market.

And then I would forget.

Five days. And then we put it on the list for someone who is shopping and they didn't know what type to get and just got nothing

instead of fair.

You know what? For making that choice. Coffee.

Here you go. President Select.
I think our issue with eating stuff is usually regarding leftovers. So you might think, oh, this pizza, I'm just going to eat the last one.
Yes, yes.

The person's been planning to eat that. Yes.
Yeah. Because, especially with two people,

the division is very clear. It's an even number of slices.
You get this, you get this.

And sometimes if you're like,

one piece of pizza left, I've already had my allotment. I know.
I sure would like that piece of pizza. Collab generously will say, honey, this one's for you.
Wow. That's very sweet.

She gives you the middle finger.

She realizes the size disparity between us

and realizes that I need a little more fuel for this machine. Fifth FOFAM giant.
I need a little more of our trashy scum that I ordered.

Here, this will keep you going. Eat this trash.
Eat this delicious, greasy pizza. Eat this thing that will take years off your life.

You need more. There was a piece of pizza in the fridge today that was Janie's piece, and I almost ate it for breakfast.
You should have.

She's been disappointed. Better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission.
Yes. She would have been disappointed, yes.
But when is she planning on eating it? For breakfast or for lunch?

She should try getting into it right now.

She had to get blood work done today.

Oh, so she couldn't eat it. So I bet that piece of pizza is gone by now.
Yeah. So she got her blood work and was like, I can't wait to get this piece of pizza.
She returns home.

You've eaten it for breakfast. That would be a disaster.
And she's gone this whole time fasting. She's looking forward to it.
She's thinking about it. Yes.

Meanwhile, you're blood work, which is you've eaten pizza for breakfast and a

dog for lunch.

Yeah. I love getting blood drawn.
You do? I love watching it.

I don't watch it. I don't watch it.
I can't watch it. I avert my ass.
I don't watch the needle going in because I'm afraid I'll jerk away at the last minute. You know what I mean?

You need to jerk off when you jerk it. I'm afraid I'll get so fast.

My penis.

Because you have a needle dick. It's like a penis cleaning on the table.

Because you have a needle.

Because you have a needle dick.

All right, let's hear another

from another one of our dumb turkeys. We're not going to hear another Henry Artis.
No.

We're going to burn through him. Hello, Freedom Boys.
This is Sam from Stockholm, Sweden. Oh, hello.
That's right. From a different country.
Okay, Sam.

I've been keeping track of your voicemails. And

you haven't really had anyone from another country on yet. So hopefully, maybe I'll be first.

And

in honor of that, I would like the three of you to list every country you've ever been to.

Wow. Wow.
What do you think of them?

What do you think of them? It'd be fun. Anyway, it'd be fun.
I love you a lot. Take care.
Thank you, Sam. You love you, too.

Oh, yeah. Piss pig in Swedish is piss gris.
Isn't that funny? Peace, pig. Piss is piss in Swedish, too.
Bye-bye. Look, I've said it before.
Piss is piss is piss is piss. Yeah.

No matter where you are, people have piss and they like to say it. They have piss inside them and they want to get it out.
Now,

I'm just going to look at a list of all the countries. Of all the countries that exist? Yes.
Oh, okay, great. Because I think that'll be helpful to me in listing mine.
Okay. Okay.

Sometimes you might forget about a little place.

Why don't you read them off and we'll say if we've been to them? Okay.

We've talked about how many countries there are in the world. The world.

It's a lot.

Well, there's ones. Look, none of us have been to Angola, right?

I'm going to read them, and you're going to say yes or no and what you thought of it.

If the answer is yes, Afghanistan, no, no, no. Albania, no, no, no.
Algeria, no, no, no. Andorra? No.
No. Angola.
No. No.
Antigua. No.
No. Argentina.
No. No.
No. Armenia.
No. No.
Australia. No.
Yes.

Wait. Paul.
We were there together. I'm sorry.
I got it in the rhythm.

Australia. How do we say what we like? We love it.
Love what we think. Loved it.
Love to have been to Australia. Been to Australia many times.
Always enjoyed it.

I thought it was great, but didn't, you know, when you're touring, you don't really get to see it. We didn't get to see it.
You don't really get to see a lot.

Although, I was, because I had to do that extra press, I was like flying all over the excuse me. We got pictures taken with koalas.

We got to see some things. I know.

Austria. No.
No. This is reminding me that I have to respond to someone from Australia.
Sure. Emails that I forgot to do.

Austria.

Azerbaijan. Azerbaijan.
Azerbaijan? Yes. Bahamas.
No. No.

No. Bahrain.
No. Bangladesh.
No. No.
Barbados. No.
Orally in the bees. Belarus.
No. Belgium.
Yes. Oh,

what'd you think? I thought it was beautiful and really just very poetic and romantic.

Belize. No, no.
No. Benin.
No. No.
Bhutan. No.
No. Bolivia.
No. No.
Bosnia and Herzegovina. No, no.
No. Botswana.
No. Brazil.
No. No.
Brunei. No.
No. Bulgaria.
No. No.
Burkina Faso. No.
Hurundi. No.

Cabo Verde. No.
Cambodia. No.
No. Cameroon.
No. Canada.
Yeah. Yeah.
Love Canada. Canada's great.
Yes, we've been there. Central African Republic.
No. Chad.
No. Chile.
No. No.
China. No.
Colombia.

And wait, China. Chickadee China? The Chinese chicken?

No,

I don't think so. Do you think there's anybody in China that refers to China as Chickadee China? I don't think so.
Nobody?

Come on. Well, I live in Chickadee China.
They don't say I'm from Chickadee China.

You have a drumstick and you're artists ticket. Your brain is a big one.
Watching X Miles with no lights on. Dazzle May San.
Oh, the Smoking Man says.

Camoros. No.
No. Colombia.
Sorry. No.
No. No.
Congo. No.
No. Costa Rica.
Yes. No.
Oh,

what did you think? Costa Rica is gorgeous. At least, okay, I went to two parts of Costa Rica.
I went to the Cloud Forest, and that was one. Best Bin? Yes, I went to Bespin.

Did you see Lando Calverician? Of course I did.

That was so incredible.

And then we went down to South Costa Rica where the beach is and where the surfing was. And that was less good, I have to say.

I wish we just would have stayed in the Cloud Forest part of it, but it was good to see. Do you think Armenia claims Lando Calvercian as one of their own? I hope so.
Yeah. Yeah.
I would if I would.

If I were them. Yeah.
Totally. Kotiavri.
No. No.
Croatia. No.
No. Cuba.
No. No.
Cyprus. No.
No. Chechnya.
No. Chechy, yeah.
Sorry. Democratic Republic of the Congo.
No. No.
Denmark. No.
No. Djibouti.

No. Djibouti.
Dominica. No.
Dominican Republic. No.
Ecuador. No.
Egypt. No.
El Salvador. No.
Equatorial Guinea. No.
No. Eritrea.
No. No.
Estonia. No.
Eswatini. No.
Ethiopia. No.
Fiji. No.

Finland. No.
No. France.
Yes. Yes.

We've all been to France.

I've been a few few times.

I liked it. I was only there for four days.
It was super hot. And there was an Uber strike going.
And so we didn't feel good about this

about calling Uber. You deserve

it. And then at a certain point, we were trying to find a taxi, and it was taking a half hour, and it was 100 degrees.
And I just said, I'm going to call Uber.

Wow.

And

there was no problem. I mean, the Uber strike was like where they were like, they would, if people saw you getting into one, they would like try to overturn the car and stuff.

But we were in the middle of nowhere. What?

Yeah. Who was on people who were striking against Uber? I can't remember the details of it.
Okay.

Was it Uber boycott? You didn't care. It was maybe a boycott.
No, I cared enough to not get into an Uber other than when it was an emergency and Kulop was melting down. There you go.
We can. Gabon.

No. Gabon.
Gambia. No.
No. Georgia.
No. Germany.
Yes. No.
What? I have been to Germany. I had a great time.
I went to a few places.

I went to Munich.

I went to

Berlin and I went to Frankfurt.

And I thought it was great. I would like to go there when it's not freezing.
I was there around Thanksgiving. I have to go.
My sister lives there in Munich. Yes, you do.
That's right.

It's a really fun time.

Great food. Ghana.
No. No.
Greece. No.

No, I want to. I'd like to go.

That's maybe the next place I'd like to go to. Same.
Grenada. No.
Guatemala. No.
Guinea. No.
No. Guinea-Bissau.
No.

Guyana. No.
Haiti. No.
No. Holy Sea.
I don't know that one. Holy Sea.
The Vatican.

Honduras. No.
Hungary. No.
No. No.
Iceland? No. No.
Yes. Oh, that was Iceland.
Wonderful. I would like to go back.
I'd like to go. I want to go back.
I want to really see the northern lights. Yeah.

Which I have not seen. I think it would be cool to look up in the sky and there'd be like these northern lights up there.
Yeah, man.

India, no, no, Indonesia, no, Iran, no, Iraq, no, no, Ireland, yes, yes,

and and uh, this is my first time in this last

year. It was my second, I loved it.
I would like to go back. It was great, I'd like to see people.
I would like to see more of the country, yeah, Israel, no, no, Italy, yes, yeah,

I'll go. Oh, it's so great! Gotta go, gotta go.
I want to go there again, it's wonderful, Jamaica, no, no, no, Japan, no,

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

You've been twice. We've talked about it.
I've been once. Yeah.

And my friends are going in a couple of weeks as like a big fun trip. You should just go.
And I'm really sad I can't go. Well, I'm invited.
Blow off your work. Yeah.
But I can't go. Quit your job.

I know. It'd be really fun.
Jordan. No.
Kazakhstan. No.
Kenya. My wife.

No. Kiribati.
No. Kuwait.
No. Kyrgyzstan.
No. No.
Laos. No.

Oh, you know what? I was across the Mekong River and I never made it into Laos, if you can imagine. Wow.
I can imagine that. Yeah.

I'm picking you up. I can picture you not doing it.
Standing on the banks of the river. We were there for an emergency trip, the details of which I don't want to go into.

Well, it's nobody's business, and I also don't care. But imagine being so close to Kulop's

ancestors' homeland and not making the trip across the bridge. I can imagine it.
Yeah. I can.

Now, I'm going to ask you to pause right now while we're at the L's, which I can't believe we've made it that far. I know.

Should we stop listing countries for now? Oh, and then return to it. Why not? Make it a regular feature of the show.
Sure. Well, I think it's really fun to hear.

We'll do another letter of the alphabet each episode from now on. Honestly, it goes on so much longer than I felt it would go on.
Yeah. Yeah.
And yeah. And then why you're surprised by it.

Because it just, I just thought we'd be able to kind of like zip, zip, zip. It's the no that really.
It's a million countries. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And by the way, I guess I could read it faster and you could just say if you'd been to one. Sure, true, true.
But I guess I'm thinking of

it. I'm thinking of the listener.
You want them to have this experience. Also,

I know the other countries I've been to, and it's not a lot.

Yeah, I feel like we've gone through the ones that I've seen. I feel like the countries remaining versus the ones I have remaining personally, there's a big dispatch.
There's a huge chasm.

And our hot dogs are here.

Oh, my God. Well, goodbye, idiots.
Did you get fried? Goodbye, you dumb turkeys. We love you.
Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week.
And you are, by the way, you do you have today is

October 23rd. Do you have Variatopia Tour is wrapped up? Thank you, everybody, who came out.

What an amazing year.

I will be in

London doing the Thrilling Adventure Hour

after Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving.
And then you're also doing the Michael Penn. No, not Michael Penn.
Annie Manny Christmas tour. We're doing a bunch of

cities. So it starts the day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah. And then ends on the 14th of December.
Yep. All right.
Now you have a show. I don't know.
Yeah. All right.
Bye.

Every caregiving journey is unique, but the isolation, guilt, and exhaustion we all feel, that's universal. It's reality.
It's life.

You know, I wish it could all be happy and joyous, but sometimes it's full of rage, and that is what it is. That's why this show exists, to be a safe place for caregivers to land.

Listen to Squeezed, wherever you get your podcasts.