Threevisiting: No More Witches No More Goblins

Speaker 1 A

Speaker 1 G1,

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Speaker 2 Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And look at us now.

Speaker 1 Like we're all grown up.

Speaker 2 We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown up stuff and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye, but for the most part, it's about you.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's always been about you.

Speaker 2 From Lemonata Media, Alive with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Freedom!

Speaker 2 The brave

Speaker 1 the brave

Speaker 1 welcome to freedom this is this is Lauren over here

Speaker 1 we got everyone right? Yeah, yeah

Speaker 1 Lauren's wearing like a very like 90s uh beanie

Speaker 1 did it did

Speaker 1 it did

Speaker 3 a back dinner post about it

Speaker 1 why is it a 90s beanie because it has flowers on it i think it's cute thanks

Speaker 1 but the 90s are back babe um whatever why am i being castigated for saying you're wearing a beanie you're fine no one's chopping your dick off

Speaker 1 i uh i am wearing a beanie

Speaker 3 and it's because i didn't want to wash my hair today really i wear beanies in the house now you know sometimes i do when it's a little chilly.

Speaker 1 Ebenezer Scrooge style.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Ebenezer Scrooge.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's me. Ebenezer Scrooge.
Hey, wow. It's me.
Ebenezer Scrooge. Wow.
So I'm a pretty mean guy. Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

Speaker 1 We're going to create a choice. What are the lines of the children?

Speaker 1 Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? You're a crumb of cheese. A lot of mustard.
A lot of mustard.

Speaker 1 A bit of pork. There's more of grave than gravy about you.
Yes. More of gravy than of gravey about you.
Okay. Then we got

Speaker 1 undigested beef. Undigested beef.
You there, boy, what day you should?

Speaker 1 I was in that show, and so I would have to hear that. Of course, absolutely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All day.

Speaker 1 Christmas Carol. In that show.
Can I say that I watched a Muppet Christmas Carol for the first time over the holidays? I know you did. You did a watch already.
I feel like you've been missing out.

Speaker 1 We did. Janie and I did a watch along.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I kind of, because it's beloved, I knew it was like after my time. You know what I mean? Like for

Speaker 1 people younger, it, of course, would have so much more sentimental.

Speaker 1 Although it has sentimental attachments to it, because when I was in the show, it came out. And yes, I watched it in Sacramento.
Wow. Wow, are they doing better than us?

Speaker 3 Did you watch it at the Century 21 on

Speaker 1 the Century 21, yeah? And I bought a house. But people the next day.
I remember people saying.

Speaker 1 for years how

Speaker 1 you know deadly serious Michael Kaine's performance is in that movie.

Speaker 3 They still are. The memes are still abound.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you know what?

Speaker 1 He's fine. I mean, he's not camping up.

Speaker 3 Well, he's not winking.

Speaker 1 He's not winking. He's not camping it up, but it's not like, oh my God, this is intense.

Speaker 3 But I think he is quoted as saying that he, and I don't know if it's a real quote, that he would like, if I'm going to do a Muppet movie, I'm going to do it deadly serious.

Speaker 1 If I'm going to do it,

Speaker 1 if I'm going to do a Muppet movie,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 He was good, but it was good. He was fine.
I thought it was very touching. I remember sitting there and going, like, is someone chopping onions?

Speaker 1 Or am I crying?

Speaker 1 Is someone chopping onions, or did my wife just open her legs? Is someone chopping broccoli?

Speaker 1 Chopping broccoli!

Speaker 1 Could it be Satan?

Speaker 1 Chopping broccoli!

Speaker 1 Chicken make lousy!

Speaker 1 Oh, dear. Oh, my God.
Can you imagine

Speaker 1 pitching that naughty.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine such a thing?

Speaker 1 Can you imagine such a thing? Would you like to touch my monkey?

Speaker 1 Roads of Lots will touch my monkey. Would you like to touch my monkey?

Speaker 3 Would you like to touch it?

Speaker 1 Do you think Mike Myers is pissed at that? Would you like to build a snowman song? Because he's like, that's clearly,

Speaker 1 would you like to touch my monkey? Yes. Really? There's no way around it.
Yeah. It's the same cadence.
They just set it to music. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a total fucking ripoff. Why are you talking about it? These words.
These words. These words, words.

Speaker 1 And then suddenly everyone's making money hand over fist. And he's sitting there in the poorhouse from that song.
That song saved Frozen because people were not interested, but that single.

Speaker 1 Suddenly it's like, do you want to build a snowman? And people are like,

Speaker 1 hey, I'm turning around on that. Frozen.

Speaker 3 Some bangers. I recently watched that film for the second time.
I saw it when it came out initially on Divide or whatever, Rental.

Speaker 3 But I did watch it with Holly, and it is a lot of great songs that you don't really think about.

Speaker 1 How does she feel about the wickedly talented Adele Dazine? She loves her.

Speaker 1 What is funny, New Year's Goal?

Speaker 1 The wickedly

Speaker 1 talented.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, I'm in trouble. Please come to me, please come to me, please come.
Wickedly talented Adele Dazine.

Speaker 3 Just one of the best moments in TV history.

Speaker 1 Now, she sang for Kristen Bell in the movie.

Speaker 1 Does Kristen Bell? Who plays Elsa? No, Kristen Bell sings.

Speaker 3 Anna is Kristen Bell. Yeah, she sings beautifully.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that she was. Did she sing Kristen Bell?

Speaker 1 She sings. Kristen Bell.

Speaker 1 Kristen Bell.

Speaker 1 She's very good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she sang. I did not realize that.
Yeah, she sang in that. I did not know that.
She sang in Nora's show, too, the Central Park. Okay.
Before she was kicked off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what happened? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 No, but I thought the show got canceled, but is it?

Speaker 1 I think it got canceled. I don't know.
I probably never heard about it again. Oh, I think it's still on, is it not? I think it's still on, but it got canceled.
I don't know. What do we want?

Speaker 1 They want. They just keep making episodes.
They're like, okay, we'll just do it.

Speaker 1 If you were a network and someone was just like, hey, I made a bunch of episodes. Yeah.
And you can have them for free. Yeah.
You know, put them on.

Speaker 3 Three seasons.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I guess they're worried that they couldn't get advertising for them. Is that the thing? But if you were just offering them a TV show.
Yeah. I'd put them on.

Speaker 3 They've already done 39 episodes as of

Speaker 1 Netflix. They say that.
Thanksgiving time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. But yeah, who does Adele Dazim sing for? Or is she just she's the king of the she also plays? I guess she also plays the role of Elsa.
And plays the role. And plays the role.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's it. Yes, because she's a real broad role fan.

Speaker 3 I feel like we're kind of not really doing that anymore where someone sings and someone does the

Speaker 1 old Natalie Wood. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, even the old Lion King, actually, apparently I learned that JTT was the voice and then they had another kid.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 He's going to be a mighty king like no king was before.

Speaker 1 You should sing in a cartsana. I should.
I remember zero about that movie except Hakuna Matata. That's all I remember.
Well, then I saw this. How about Can You Feel the Love See?

Speaker 1 Of course, that from Sir Elsie. Do you remember the sex scene? Can you feel the love tonight? Sex scene?

Speaker 3 When they feel the love.

Speaker 3 Nala and Simba.

Speaker 1 Oh, are they getting the love? That's what I'm saying. Well, what do you think?

Speaker 3 The sun's going down. They're rolling around in the fucking tumbleweeds of Africa.

Speaker 1 It's all his barbed penis is coming out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Scraping everything on its way out. Do lions have barbed? I don't know if they should.

Speaker 3 I'm going to fuck it. I'm actually kind of scared to see what a lion's penis looks like, but not

Speaker 1 a little bit.

Speaker 1 It's so weird that that's how evolution works, that it's like, okay, in order for us to propagate our species, we have to have sex.

Speaker 1 They look so

Speaker 3 that's what's on mine.

Speaker 1 Paul is holding his. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 3 That's what it's like.

Speaker 1 Never seen it. Never seen it.

Speaker 3 That That first one's just like a person, right? Like with the man.

Speaker 3 This one's where I'm like, that's got to be more of what we're talking about.

Speaker 1 That's what we're talking about.

Speaker 3 A lion penis has spines on it.

Speaker 1 Spines.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the first picture that comes up is basically just a dude's penis put onto a wall.

Speaker 1 Photo chopped onto it. Why can't it just be nice? Why does he have to have barbs and spines? I know.
No, just have a bar. But I just recognize

Speaker 1 that.

Speaker 1 That's the problem with pandas, too, is that they're. Why? What are their penises do?

Speaker 1 Apparently, they're

Speaker 1 penises are monsters and like they're really wide, like a toe.

Speaker 1 I think it's uncomfortable for both of them, for both sexes. They're like, apologies, that this has got to go down, but here it goes.
And that's why

Speaker 1 there's so few of them, in addition to a few of them. Here's what we're going to get to.

Speaker 3 Weirdest animal penis. Just that's the colour.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
What do we got?

Speaker 3 Labeled one of the weirdest penises of the animal kingdom by Smithsonian magazine.

Speaker 1 By the penis awards?

Speaker 1 I don't know how to say this animal.

Speaker 1 The penis awards have like a Razzies, too.

Speaker 3 I don't know how to say say this. E-C-H-I-D-N-R.

Speaker 3 Echidna. Echidna?

Speaker 1 I've never heard of that. I know how to say it from the They Might Be Giants song.
Oh, how do you say it's a single sound? Which song?

Speaker 1 Oh, what's the fucking name of the song? They list all these genuses and species.

Speaker 1 Is it one of their

Speaker 1 odd songs?

Speaker 3 So the people say, we're not really sure why it looks so weird, but we do know that they only use their penis for mating, not urine.

Speaker 1 Okay. Urine.
Not in the pool of their own urine.

Speaker 3 Oh, and there's like 50 heads on it and it looks fucking disgusting.

Speaker 1 What is it? Echidna?

Speaker 3 It looks like a big, it looks like a big deli meat that just got

Speaker 1 honestly sick.

Speaker 3 It's honestly really sick.

Speaker 1 It's honestly sick. And not long.
But if I was horny enough,

Speaker 3 I'd tap it. The list basically says whale, duck, alligator.
These are all getting really weird. We got the echidna.
We have a slug. A whale?

Speaker 1 A mammal is the name of the song. A mammal.
Mammal. A whale can only fuck another whale, right? Like, if it tried to fuck a dolphin, it would be morally, yes,

Speaker 1 but it would be bad for the dolphin.

Speaker 3 Why would mating be painful for any animal? Cats, it says mating is painful. I'm like,

Speaker 1 why would God

Speaker 1 do that to us?

Speaker 1 It's just more proof there is not a God.

Speaker 3 Because wouldn't he want the cats to have pleasure?

Speaker 1 But there are so many cats,

Speaker 3 it doesn't stop them. They have the horny impulse.

Speaker 1 They have the horny impulse. But see, the male cat doesn't care about the female cat.
Oh, cats. It's like,

Speaker 1 so they're like, okay, the female cats, they don't like this. I got to grow some barbs to just trap her there.
Yeah. Like, she wants it, but then when it starts, she doesn't want it because it sucks.

Speaker 1 It sucks. So I got to fucking.
I got to trap her. I got to trap her and keep her.

Speaker 1 And I guess it works. And they mean that.
And that's how we have to keep her or keep her. After that, that's kind of

Speaker 1 the way those

Speaker 3 silver pieces move is basically

Speaker 3 the same as and thus similar to the way that in such that the cat penis does move infrequently inside.

Speaker 1 And such like

Speaker 1 their names are called, they raise a paw: the bat, the cat, dolphin, and dog, koala bear and hog, the fox, the ox, giraffe, and shrew, echidna, caribou.

Speaker 1 I did it.

Speaker 1 Hey, should we get out of here?

Speaker 3 I'd love to.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Hey, they might be giants. It's like, that's too weird.
Write a song about something just normal. Why don't they write a song about a boy meeting a girl and falling in love?

Speaker 3 Well, they have that song that goes, Tesla.

Speaker 1 But then

Speaker 3 I'm going to be in the next in town in the world. It's about Tesla.

Speaker 1 Elon Musk.

Speaker 1 Scott. Scott.
Elon Musk. You better stop it.
Elon Musk. You better stop it right now.
Elon Musk. You better stop it.
Elon Musk. You better stop it.
You're about to stop it right now.

Speaker 3 Do you know people with Teslas and do they feel like they wish they didn't have one? I know a lot of people with Teslas, but they won't. I'm not going to ask them that question.

Speaker 1 I know somebody who has one and became kind of bummed. Yeah.
Like, love the car, but then it did feel like it was kind of tainted. Everyone was trying to get me to order.
Hey, what? Nick Multi?

Speaker 1 Alyssa Milana returned.

Speaker 1 Elon's trying to get me to order.

Speaker 1 Yo, we have 48 hours to do this.

Speaker 1 Everyone's trying to get me to order one. I was like, no, I don't like the guy.
And they're like, you'll love it. You'll love it.

Speaker 1 And you know what? My car's fine.

Speaker 3 You know, and yeah, it's just if I don't want to think about a specific negative thing every time I get in my car.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's where I stand.

Speaker 1 I don't want to own a car that was created by a dork. Yep.
That's.

Speaker 3 But dorks probably did create a lot of the cars.

Speaker 1 They're nerds. Okay.
They're nerds. They're not dorks.
There is Henry Ford? Nerd.

Speaker 1 Ferrari? Nerd. Anti-Semitic nerd.

Speaker 1 But Tesla made by dorks for dorks. Well, a dork.
I'm not going to throw it. Made by one dork.
I'm not going to throw them all on. We shouldn't throw them all.
Under the Tesla.

Speaker 1 I bet they're dorks, though. Of course they are.
If you work for Tesla, let us know. Are you a dorks?

Speaker 3 A Tesla drove.

Speaker 1 If you work for the Tesla Automobile Company, you might be a dork.

Speaker 3 A Tesla drove straight into a pool in Pasadena.

Speaker 1 Really? Last week or something? Did they mean to?

Speaker 3 It seems that they actually

Speaker 1 have have Tesla's pronouns

Speaker 3 and went through a fence of some sort and straight into a pool and there were children in the car.

Speaker 1 No. But I haven't noticed.
There were only children in the pool.

Speaker 3 Well, haven't you noticed?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was adult swim.

Speaker 3 That is true. That would actually probably be worse.

Speaker 1 I have noticed that. It was nice of you to acknowledge that.

Speaker 3 They do say

Speaker 3 it is a Tesla when there's a news story about a car. I'm like finding that, you know, they're kind of pointing that out.
It's like, even if it's kind of irrelevant.

Speaker 1 That's true. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It feels like the news is a little bit like

Speaker 1 a Tesla crash. The jury still

Speaker 3 because the person was driving it and they, yeah.

Speaker 1 I do hope they get self-driving cars under control.

Speaker 3 That's scary.

Speaker 3 I, you want it?

Speaker 1 I want it. I think it would be great.
I was, I think, have I talked about this?

Speaker 1 I was talking to my mom about it because I think any sort of new technology an older person is like fearful of, and she was like, no, I would love it.

Speaker 1 Because she doesn't want to drive. She doesn't want to drive.

Speaker 1 And she's like, if I could get into a car and just punch in where it should go and then know that it's safely going to take me there, it would be so.

Speaker 3 But it feels like every car has to be doing that then.

Speaker 1 That's how I feel about it. Either everybody has it or nobody has it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't think there should just be a car with nobody in the driver's seat driving behind me and cutting me off.

Speaker 1 There shouldn't be five cars out there that can

Speaker 1 think they can do this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love driving home.

Speaker 3 I don't, I don't mind driving. I do enjoy driving.

Speaker 1 I like it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like it. I love it.

Speaker 3 I think I would feel sick sitting in the passenger seat while the car just took me around.

Speaker 1 There's something. They make you move over to the side of the street.
Have you ever almost hit a friend of yours?

Speaker 1 It makes me think you have.

Speaker 1 So specific.

Speaker 3 Have I ever almost hit a friend of mine? Like in a car? Like

Speaker 1 a car accident where you almost hit a friend of mine? No,

Speaker 1 I don't think I have.

Speaker 1 I was making a right on a light

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 the pedestrian, like,

Speaker 1 you know, started crossing the street and I didn't notice. And I stopped right away.
And the pedestrian looked at me kind of angrily.

Speaker 1 It was Carl Tartz, and I was like, I was like, hey, and he looked at me and he shook his finger like to Kembe.

Speaker 1 And then later, I was like, I wonder if he recognized it as me. Yeah, he did.

Speaker 1 And we laughed about it. But do you think you would have done that with finger wag if he didn't recognize that?

Speaker 1 That was for you specifically. Like, he's been funny, I guess.

Speaker 1 But I was happy that he had like a sense of humor about it. Yeah.
Well, yeah.

Speaker 3 I imagine if he'd got mad at me.

Speaker 1 I was once at a four-way stop in my neighborhood

Speaker 1 and I

Speaker 1 thought I had gotten there before this other car that was coming the opposite direction. And I was about to turn.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 this person was like furious. Like I just went an inch into the into the intersection to turn.
And I saw this big flurry of motion behind the windshield.

Speaker 1 And then I looked looked and it was somebody that I knew and who knew me and then like changed, like their demeanor completely changed.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, accidents happen. But I will never forget that.

Speaker 1 You're yes. Yeah.
So we should always

Speaker 1 treat everyone who are strangers like they're a friend or a friend. But can you imagine?

Speaker 1 I think opposite. No, can you imagine if you're treat your acquaintances and friends like strangers? Exactly.

Speaker 3 If you almost got hit and you're going with that method of thinking and you're like,

Speaker 3 hey, can you not? You're my friend. Like, it's like, that would be a really weird thing.
Your brain doesn't do that on that. You're not defending yourself by going, like, hey, stranger.

Speaker 1 But here's the thing. You didn't mean to do that.
We weren't in danger. There was no danger in the situation.

Speaker 1 We were so far away from each other. It was just, it was that person's turn.
Right. And I thought it was my turn.
And this, the, so the

Speaker 1 rage was so disproportionately. Oh,

Speaker 1 that's different. That's different.
Where I was like, wow. You have anger? Yeah, I do think that topic.
Nothing even happened.

Speaker 3 I used to, we've talked about road rage, and I used to think, I think I used to have like more, I'd be quicker to just be like, fuck you. I don't do that anymore.

Speaker 1 No, you got to take a breath.

Speaker 3 Even like, and even like a year ago or two years ago or something, there was, I was driving back from your place. We were recording and I.

Speaker 1 We're not having an affair call.

Speaker 3 I would never come here unless it was for work.

Speaker 3 But this guy got very aggressive with me and like was like, I didn't give him the finger or anything, but he was, he like almost, like, I think I maybe pulled in front of him, but didn't realize I didn't, I wasn't doing anything on purpose, but he got very upset and then he was like fucking with me, like driving really close, coming out.

Speaker 3 And this also, this happened to me on the freeway not that long ago, where this truck, like, I was trying to get over. I wasn't even trying to do anything.

Speaker 3 I just was trying to switch lanes and slowly waiting for my turn. And then this guy just was like not leaving space and being mean.
Yeah. And then like.

Speaker 3 actually scaring me.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 3 he was shortstopping in front of me to make me.

Speaker 1 You read the stories about the people who shortstop in front of you and then it it causes like these pileups and stuff. Yeah, it's very dangerous.
It's murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or man.

Speaker 1 It's really scary. Specular.

Speaker 3 I just couldn't wait to get off the freeway.

Speaker 1 The idea of being

Speaker 1 so mad that somebody did a minor thing

Speaker 1 that you are going to, like, you have to get up next to them so they can see your face. You have to like teach them a lesson or whatever.
It's like you think about it Road Ridge. It's malicious.

Speaker 1 I know. We're just trying to get Road Ridge.
It's all just, it's all about politeness, which is like to be that angry about people being impolite.

Speaker 1 Because you're not that angry if someone like

Speaker 1 you meet kind of doesn't shake your hand.

Speaker 3 Well, I think my road rage would be more about somebody like doing something dangerous. Like they cut me off.
I'm like, fuck you. It's not like

Speaker 1 that. But a lot of times it's just like, it was my turn.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I don't think I ever had rage like that where I'm like, hello, I get to go.

Speaker 1 But I've had people that have been, and I've never gotten this way. People have met at me just for like an accident where it's like, oh, I thought I could go and I can't go.
Right.

Speaker 1 Or I didn't see you you there when I was trying to change lane. So the people are like furious.
I know. I know.

Speaker 1 No, you always got to scary. Remember if something like that happens, like

Speaker 1 the last accident I was in in the parking lot at the

Speaker 1 grocery store down the street.

Speaker 1 Well, hold on a second. This was in Fried Green Tomatoes.
Yeah. She's selling snapping to you.
Yeah. Which I just watched.
Oh, no, I didn't. And let me guess.

Speaker 1 You told her that you were older and had more insurance.

Speaker 3 I thought fried green tomatoes would steal magnolias just now. And I sort of of think that it is.

Speaker 1 Everybody does. Do they really? It's the exact same thing.
It is the same thing. Is it? I've never seen either one.

Speaker 1 I actually got

Speaker 1 fried green tomatoes.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I saw steel magnolias for the first time.

Speaker 1 Oh, but I've still never seen it.

Speaker 3 I liked it.

Speaker 1 I was making a left into a parking space. And then right as I pulled in, the person on the

Speaker 1 right, the spot in the right hand swung her door open and I

Speaker 1 hit her,

Speaker 1 the edge of her door, like straight on with my car.

Speaker 3 Anyway, that's a very easy thing to happen because I feel like people aren't always looking myself and she was not looking.

Speaker 1 She was on her phone. She just

Speaker 1 opened her car without looking.

Speaker 1 Seemed to think it was her

Speaker 1 or was my fault and was treating it like it was my fault.

Speaker 3 And that feels like it's both people that went. Well, it's like her fault.

Speaker 1 And the investigation.

Speaker 3 It's also just bad timing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. A central obsession.
But it's her, but any door.

Speaker 1 Throwing your door open. Because you're in control of what is happening outside.
You have to look.

Speaker 1 Because if you're driving down the street and someone in a parked car throws their door open and you run into it, it's their fault. That makes sense.

Speaker 1 So it was her fault, but she was treating it like it was my fault. And it was very weird.
I just felt weird about it. Like in my head, just going like, you know, this is your fault.

Speaker 3 You're gaslighting me. But people are kind of trained to immediately not take blame because of the loss.

Speaker 1 Well, that's very true. That's why I started wondering.

Speaker 1 Is this just you jocking for your insurance? Because, you know, your insurance always says, never take responsibility. Never fall in love.
But she was

Speaker 3 never take responsibility. It's like, actually, you're kind of fucked up.
It's like, if you clearly did something, it's okay to be like, I did that.

Speaker 1 Well, the first big car accident I got into where I totaled my wife's car when I was learning to drive.

Speaker 1 I had my license for like four weeks or something.

Speaker 1 And I blew through a stop sign that I just did not

Speaker 1 across this wide intersection. And this car T-boned me.
And then we were, we were getting out of our cars. And then she, the other driver was like, did anybody see what happened?

Speaker 1 And I said, that was my fault.

Speaker 1 You don't have, you don't need witnesses.

Speaker 3 But see, the same thing happened to me where I was in high school and I went through a stop sign and there was a big bush blocking the other stop sign with the car coming from it.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I hit the back of this cart. And then

Speaker 3 I had just recently got like learned to drive and everything.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 their car spun around and it was so crazy. I hit the back, I hit the back

Speaker 3 door.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and it was like a movie stunt, yeah. And these, this old, it was an old couple, and they were like a block from home up.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 And they got out, they were totally fine, but the wife had spilled fruit salad all over the husband.

Speaker 3 It was the 4th of July.

Speaker 1 It was the 3rd of July. What an old people thing to happen.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 1 And then, but they were so nice.

Speaker 3 They gave me a hug and they were so nice about this. I was so upset.

Speaker 1 But wait, what happened was my teacher was at a barbecue right in front of the, in the house that I crashed in front of and he saw me and so he came out and was talking to me and then his dad who's a lawyer came out and he was like don't say anything and it was like this whole and I was and that's where it kind of got in my head that like yeah that's like an important thing I think it's different it's different to be like well we don't know what happened we'll let the investigators work it out yeah as opposed to being like well when you did that you are at fault that's what she was trying to do you know oh yeah yeah and she was English and it just bugged me yeah she was like oh so you so when you did that you did this you know and like where is your insurance?

Speaker 1 Are you mental?

Speaker 1 Are you trying to have a laugh?

Speaker 1 Are you proper mental mate? But the worst part of it was then we both were going in, and so then we had to shop. And I kept walking, kept running into her in the aisles.

Speaker 1 You had to have fallen in love. Why didn't you? I love her.
I love her, man.

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Oh boy, these days, cold mornings, holiday plans, so much going on, right? Well, this is when I want my wardrobe to be simple.

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You know how some things are just better together?

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Hi.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Hay is for horses. Straw is cheaper.
Grass is free. Buy a farm, you get all three.

Speaker 1 Wow. Are you supposed to say that when somebody says hay? That's too much.
I read it in a Spider-Man comic, and it is stuck in my head. Oh, was that guy getting paid by the word?

Speaker 3 Hay is for horses. What?

Speaker 1 Grass is free.

Speaker 1 Straw is cheaper. Grass is free.
Buy a farm and you get all three.

Speaker 1 It doesn't scan. Hay is for horses.
No, no, you don't start with that. You just don't scan for horse.
You just start with straw is cheaper. Someone goes, hey, straw is cheaper.
Grass is free.

Speaker 1 Buy a farm and you get all three. Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 Could you imagine not

Speaker 1 being cut off immediately? Can you imagine what are you doing? Yeah, hey, imagine you're trying to get a sword for the, shut up. What are you trying to do? You're trying to rob a bank.

Speaker 1 And you just want some peace and quiet. Yeah.
I'm trying to get your attention. And then this webhead comes down.

Speaker 1 It was Spider-Man who said it? Yes.

Speaker 1 It's his typical, like, making light of the situation. Look, this is bad enough already.
I'm trying to rob a bank and I'm being interrupted. People have wet their pants out of fear in this bank.

Speaker 1 And now this guy in his fucking pajamas is making jokes? It's a great question. It just doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 It's a great question. It's a great question.

Speaker 1 It's a great question. It's a great question.
Somebody had to ask it.

Speaker 1 They did.

Speaker 1 All right, now I'm on the screen.

Speaker 3 Do you ever hide in your comic book room and shiver in fear?

Speaker 1 Talking to you.

Speaker 1 Talking to you, Paul. I thought that was a question.
Yeah, that was a question for the room. Obviously, a question question for Scott as I stare into his comic book room.
I know it's a beautiful book.

Speaker 1 It's just bigger than my entire house.

Speaker 1 I remember a neighbor of mine when you booked a kid

Speaker 1 had a bookshelf like that with like comics and binders and stuff. Binders.
And I was fascinated by it. He was a collector and he really took care of his shit.
Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 And where is he now? Dead?

Speaker 1 You know, I have a lot of.

Speaker 3 He's buried with the comics. I'm realizing I have a lot of friends who collect comic books.
Isn't that interesting?

Speaker 1 I have a lot of friends who collect comic books.

Speaker 1 What do you collect other than stupid clock condoms? Cat clock clock condoms.

Speaker 3 I collect miniatures. I collect

Speaker 3 my sunny angel dolls. I collect gnomes for my yard.
I collect, you know, I actually do have a lot of collections come to think of it.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you this. If a gnome was real,

Speaker 1 like this, like from the gnome book, like the classic drawing of a gnome. If that wandered, it's kind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But if that wandered into your garden, like you're washing the dishes or whatever, you look out the window,

Speaker 3 I would scream.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. And then I would, would it speak English or a language I could translate? I guess it would.
I don't know. I don't know what they speak.

Speaker 3 I would like, if it did speak English and I could talk to it, I would try to strike up a friendship and I would allow it to live on my property. But I would want.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, God, guys, I'm getting a call.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 I don't know who it is. Hello.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 That was actually a person getting the wrong number. Probably.

Speaker 1 I go by Sonia sometimes. I think that person.
Oh, are they trying to call you fans? Yeah. Oh, you're only fans.

Speaker 1 Do you only talk to your fans?

Speaker 1 What's that? Do you only talk to your fans on that? I only talk to my fans. Oh, wow.
I love my fans. You love your fans.

Speaker 1 I've always said it.

Speaker 3 Paul loves his fans. And you chat.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I keep my clothes on.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I just call myself Sonia. You put on London.

Speaker 1 Why don't we just put her in Oklahoma?

Speaker 3 Why don't we just sign up and see what he's doing on there?

Speaker 1 Let's just sign up. Not because we're interested.

Speaker 1 We can share an account if you want to go have that.

Speaker 3 That'd be better because I don't really want to pay. I just want to know if he's actually.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, I'm making my only social media presence OnlyFans. And that's where you can find all my updates.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 I do think there's people when they, when you are like someone you follow and they make an OnlyFans, and you go, I want to just see it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to pay.

Speaker 3 I just want to know what you're fucking doing in there.

Speaker 1 More friends, just send me a friend. Just show me.
Just show me your boobs. Just text me.
Tell me what you're doing. Show me your tits.
Just show me your tits, please.

Speaker 3 Even like, well, Denise Richards has her OnlyFans. And I'm like, what's happening on there? I'm not going to pay to see, but I'm like, what's happening?

Speaker 1 Didn't she start it because this is what I heard.

Speaker 3 Because of her daughter.

Speaker 1 Because of her daughter. Her daughter started and Charlie Sheen got really upset.
And then Denise Richards is like, don't shame her. But for, but I pose for Playboy.

Speaker 1 And then she started one, I think, because everyone was making so much money.

Speaker 1 Would we make money? Should we do a three-dimensional fan? Together or no? Charlie Sheen?

Speaker 3 No, she's married to another man who was with her on when she's on Real Housewives.

Speaker 1 Reality recap.

Speaker 3 Yeah, by the way, new season of many great things happening soon, including Real Housewives of New York, which I can't wait for.

Speaker 1 And then, of course.

Speaker 3 And I did have a dinner with a producer of a Real Housewives franchise, and I was

Speaker 1 just joining.

Speaker 3 No, but have I mentioned? Oh, yeah, two people I know were asked to be on it, and I think that's fascinating. Yeah, you should do it.
I wish they would never be asked, yeah, it's like I wouldn't

Speaker 1 hate you, the producers would hate you, I wouldn't fit in, talent would hate you, the audience would hate you,

Speaker 3 it would be no, you know what? The audience would love me because I would

Speaker 1 the crew hater, the crew would love me for sure.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the audience would love me because I would be saying things to these women that they need to hear.

Speaker 1 Reality recap, yeah,

Speaker 1 um, Catherine Dennis fired from the only uh reality show we watched. Oh, Southern Charm.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Southern Carm.

Speaker 1 Southern Carm.

Speaker 1 It's the band. It's a David Cross spin-off.

Speaker 1 All the famous Carms are in it. Southern Carm.
CarMax. Carmella.

Speaker 1 And like

Speaker 1 a couple days after the announcement that she was fired, she started in OnlyFans.

Speaker 3 That's all it took.

Speaker 1 Should we start one for

Speaker 3 Freedom?

Speaker 1 People must be making bank on the only fans if we start one for freedom it's just like extreme close-ups of skin and you don't know you have to guess what part it is or who it's from although we could take pictures of our feet i wouldn't mind that if it's only feets

Speaker 1 only feet

Speaker 1 we could we could take pictures of our feet and be like have at it if we did an only fans for feet and all three of us did it the problem is for feet to walk there would be no solo lauren no but as we all know everybody would be coming for my feet and

Speaker 3 no i would want to take a bigger percentage. No,

Speaker 1 we would make sure our feet were always in the frame with you. Yes, so you never know whose feet they're enjoying.
We disable comments.

Speaker 1 So we each know, it's like when a firing squad

Speaker 1 somebody has a blank. Yeah, so everyone has a blank and only one person has a bullet.

Speaker 3 No. Wait, what is this?

Speaker 1 Wait. How does that work? Is it not that is it not only one person has a blank.
So they so everyone

Speaker 1 has plausible

Speaker 1 I had the blank I see I thought it was everyone had a blank

Speaker 3 so so everyone so 20 people are shooting at one person 20

Speaker 1 it's probably two

Speaker 1 is it's firing squads what's a good depicted what's a good

Speaker 1 five I think 10

Speaker 1 10 I think 10 to shoot one person yeah because well

Speaker 1 you because one guy is a blank you want you not it takes nine bullets to shoot to kill someone what if you miss three people miss you're still one guy does it does it shoots them in the toe accidentally if you miss you should not have five or more

Speaker 1 five five or more but ten sounds good to me twenty is also five more more twenty is more than five how about a thousand okay

Speaker 1 one guy has a blank could there be a firing squad so big it couldn't shoot god

Speaker 3 this is so scary what happens during firing squad execution the inmates

Speaker 1 would have a chair

Speaker 3 will be placed over his head a small aim point will be placed over his heart.

Speaker 1 I've never seen the title. After the warnings of the

Speaker 1 blindfolded, I've seen blindfolded. I've seen, like, hey, here's a cigarette.

Speaker 3 After the shots, a doctor will examine the inmate. I don't think that's necessary.

Speaker 1 Like, pull down his pants. Make sure he's dead.

Speaker 3 Why do you have to assume his ass has to be in the inmate?

Speaker 1 Maybe he's just tapping his knee. Come on, Scott.

Speaker 1 His reflexes. No reflexes.
He's gone.

Speaker 1 I hold a mirror up to him. Also, he doesn't have a face anymore.
That was another clue I had.

Speaker 1 No, but one person has a blank so that they all sort of like have plausible deniability where they're like, maybe

Speaker 1 I can't do it. You know, but I think if you're in a fire, if you're a member of a firing squad, you're guilty.

Speaker 1 I love shit like that where it's like, you're so close to not doing this at all. Yeah, like you understand.

Speaker 1 Why don't they get like they should do it in the army, too? Where like one soldier is picked and has wax.

Speaker 1 He dies every time, but he's out there. He dies knowing it was me.

Speaker 1 That's like when they pardon the turkey. It's like, ho, ho, ho.
It's so funny. It's like, that's not.
No.

Speaker 1 Stop executing human beings.

Speaker 3 By the way, burning a turkey is extremely kind and

Speaker 1 blessed. Let's put the turkey into other holidays.
Christmas, Santa's a turkey.

Speaker 3 What? I do think Valentine's Day doesn't have enough turkeys, and I think birthdays are turning.

Speaker 1 Well, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 But hold on a second.

Speaker 1 I want to make sense of what Scott's saying. Santa's a turkey.

Speaker 3 Easter bunny is a turkey.

Speaker 1 Easter bunny is a turkey. Two fairies a turkey.
Great pumpkin is a turkey. Great pumpkin is is a turkey.
No more witches and goblins. It's turkey.
Just turkeys. No more witches.

Speaker 3 No more goblins.

Speaker 1 Goblins. We want turkeys.
You are robbing us of that.

Speaker 1 Robble, robble.

Speaker 1 Ham burglar. He's a turkey.
He's a turkey suddenly.

Speaker 1 Where'd your Bridgerton? Bridgerton is a turkey.

Speaker 3 Where'd your Grimace sweatshirt go?

Speaker 1 It's on the chair.

Speaker 3 Are you scared to be Grimace?

Speaker 1 Why? I'm scared people are going to call me Grimace. Does it need to be cooler in here?

Speaker 1 Well, we've had the windows open.

Speaker 1 I just took my hoodie off. I'm fine.

Speaker 1 we don't need to analyze his body temperature let me let me get a feel let me get a feel analyze his body temperature

Speaker 1 that's the third movie analyze this yeah analyze this analyze that analyze his body temperature analyze this analyze that

Speaker 3 analyze straws chiba

Speaker 1 straw chiba straws chiba

Speaker 1 i just saw a

Speaker 3 free clip on instagram from the movie fear do you recall that movie with uh mark marky mark and reece with a scene that's a filthy scene on the roller coaster but there is a scene

Speaker 1 oh i don't even know finger blaster

Speaker 1 she's a ghost she rockets into the air there's a scene where he's coming out

Speaker 1 the roller coaster catches her in the window he's coming into he's coming to their house to try to kill her basically and her family this happened to me Okay, I don't think I've ever talked about this.

Speaker 1 Have I?

Speaker 3 You've shared a lot of stories that don't sound as interesting.

Speaker 1 You've told this story a thousand times. Where the guy tried to kill you in your house? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I went,

Speaker 1 my parents gave me tickets to the Phantom of the Opera

Speaker 1 when I was 19 years old for Christmas, right?

Speaker 3 It's a beautiful show.

Speaker 1 Maybe I was a good idea.

Speaker 3 It's a beautiful show.

Speaker 1 It's a beautiful show. It's a beautiful show.
Oh, you're one of those people to interview after the show for the commercial. Yeah.

Speaker 1 People would quote me forever if I said it like that.

Speaker 1 It's a beautiful show. I've told you about the lady Outside of the King and I.
They had a commercial for when it was running in Philadelphia with Yule Brenner, who did it forever.

Speaker 3 That is one of my favorite musicals.

Speaker 1 He was like 60 years old still doing The King and I. The I Have Parties guy, by the way, was in The King and I with him.
Well, of course. What?

Speaker 1 And so after, so there's one of those commercials. That's a point.

Speaker 1 The commercial ends, you know, the Man on the Street interviews, it ends with a quick, like a supercut of old ladies saying fantastic in Philadelphia accents, which is

Speaker 1 and then a lady at the end saying wonderful okay so it sounds like it's burned in my brain forever

Speaker 1 fantastic fantastic wonderful oh my god I love that I love it that's really amazing thank you hey thank you and so someone tried to kill you oh so

Speaker 1 I had Phantom of the Opera tickets and this was I think I'd had a girlfriend the year before I'm sure you're telling us that the fucking phantom tried to kill you no but you know what here he goes tried to drop a chandelier on on me.

Speaker 3 Scott has to mention having a girlfriend so much that he said, I had a girlfriend the year before.

Speaker 1 This is what this ties into the story. I had a girlfriend the year before, and I had a girlfriend the year after, but this was a year where I was not

Speaker 1 in a monogamous relationship.

Speaker 1 But I was single. So I, and, and it was at a time where I was not seeing anyone, and I didn't, I wasn't even dating anyone.

Speaker 3 Wow. So you weren't seeing, you weren't dating, and you were monogamy, you were single.

Speaker 1 Just single with no, like, no strings. You were an incel.
I was an incel, yes.

Speaker 3 You were involuntarily celibate.

Speaker 1 There's no way, there's no way around it. And you were mad.
Yeah. But so I just

Speaker 3 love musicals.

Speaker 1 Didn't really have anyone to go with. So there was someone who was in

Speaker 1 this college drama that I barely knew. And I was like, hey, would you want to go?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she said, yeah. And it was a date.
And she said, yeah, but it was still a few months off.

Speaker 1 And so she's like, self-ask.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Kind of getting there a little early.

Speaker 1 But I think, but I think both of us were like, hadn't really ever thought about it, but we're like, yeah, we could be attracted to each other or whatever. Sure, if I tried.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But she was like, well,

Speaker 3 there's maybe free musical tickets where this is coming from.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was three weeks off because I think it would be weird for it to be two months off. Months is like, hey, in two months, do you want to go on a date with me?

Speaker 1 But it was still, it was enough time where she was like, well, why don't we get to know each other first? Like, come over and let's have a date.

Speaker 1 Before we sit in silence next to each other for four hours. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I went over to her house and this,

Speaker 1 this, she lived with her parents.

Speaker 1 And this, I remember, I remember her mother

Speaker 1 asking me,

Speaker 1 she was a MILF.

Speaker 1 No, her mother asking me what my favorite movie was and me saying, earnestly, I said, Back to the future. And she was like, no, but what's your favorite, like, real movie, like, serious movie?

Speaker 1 And I was like, The Godfather? And she went, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Like, impressed. And, like, as a deep cut.

Speaker 3 Like, I was like, that came out four years ago.

Speaker 1 But I remember we rented Dominic and Eugene. What's that? A Tom Hulse movie.
Well, who's that?

Speaker 1 He was in Amadeus.

Speaker 3 What's that? I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 That one I'm taking.

Speaker 3 I have heard of Amadeus.

Speaker 1 Tom Hulse. Tom Hulse, yes.
Who's also in

Speaker 1 Parenthood? Parenthood, yes.

Speaker 3 He's in Parenthood. Oh, I like that film.

Speaker 1 His son is blue.

Speaker 1 But I.

Speaker 1 So I remember we rented this.

Speaker 3 Thomas Holst is a German serial killer who became known as Heidemüte.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Spelled it wrong, obviously.

Speaker 1 Obviously. Obviously, dear.
I have cuts on my thumb. I don't know why I got these.

Speaker 1 So you go with the stranger.

Speaker 3 Probably giving a hand drop to a spiky dick.

Speaker 1 She says,

Speaker 1 Spiky light. Spikes.

Speaker 1 Let's get to know each other. I want my mother to condescend to you.
Yes. Come on over.
But so they go, they go upstairs and we're in the, I remember it was like a den that had,

Speaker 1 it wasn't even, it was like sort of like French doors that didn't seem like real doors necessarily.

Speaker 1 But we, we, and I remember we didn't even start the movie. We just kind of started making out, right? And

Speaker 1 hell yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so then suddenly there's like this, and this is what I think of when I think of the movie Fear, because there's just like this

Speaker 1 on the door. Loud, like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.
This is what inspired that house.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because dad,

Speaker 3 I actually have a story about that specific moment.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because it's in the trailer.

Speaker 3 I've never seen it.

Speaker 3 So there's a scene where he goes. He's yelling with rage, the people.
The guy, yeah. And so the dad is going to quickly lock the door because the killer is typing in the code.
It's opening.

Speaker 3 He slams it.

Speaker 3 He says something calmly. He's like, I'm going to come in there and I'm going to kill all you something, something, something, something, whatever he says.

Speaker 1 And then he's

Speaker 3 ad-libbed, improvised.

Speaker 1 So let me in the fucking house.

Speaker 3 And it's really scary. But then the Instagram post said that the director, the editor cut that and put it into the gag reel because it wasn't in the script.

Speaker 3 And then the director was so upset when he saw that it wasn't the film, he had it put in the film. I'm like, that is a key, that is an amazing ad-lib.
That's very scary. It changes the whole scene.

Speaker 1 And it's so good.

Speaker 3 And it's like that sort of 90s obsession with the fisheye.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, it was the fisheye. Yeah.
I've never seen the movie, but I just remember that.

Speaker 1 I think the fisheye and the screaming. Anytime I think of that, I think about when this happened to me.
It was basically like her ex-boyfriend. Oh,

Speaker 1 basically, like, who was an army guy? Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Basically,

Speaker 3 he was tiny.

Speaker 1 He was a small soldier. He was an army man.

Speaker 1 No, but he

Speaker 1 and a bag of his buddies came over. I think he was watching the house or something and saw that

Speaker 1 I was there and started to try to break the door down to like fuck me up or something. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 For our country. For our country.
And they called the police and the police came. And I had to give a statement to the police and all that.
And I was just like really freaked out by it. Wow.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Phantom must have been like the next week or something like that because we still went together, but that was the last time we ever had a date.

Speaker 1 I don't think we ever, like, maybe we like kissed goodbye at the end of Phantom and we never spoke again or something.

Speaker 1 She clearly got back together with him. Well, he sounds great.
Yeah. He was amazing.

Speaker 3 But yeah, that was the only time he knows what he wants.

Speaker 1 It's the only time this ever happened. What's your story? Oh, you told your story.
It was the behind the scenes.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I just thought it was interesting that he improvised that line, you know, and they were going to put it in the gag reel.

Speaker 1 I'm like, it's not really funny. It's actually really scary.

Speaker 1 And also,

Speaker 3 if it was in the gag reel,

Speaker 1 after you made the movie, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 We know what is in the movie and what is not. And this certainly isn't.

Speaker 1 Somebody opens the door at the wrong time. They're like, oh, I wasn't supposed to do that yet.

Speaker 1 Tell me in the fucking house.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 You're right. It really would have worked.
All right, we have to stick break. Okay.

Speaker 1 This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Fall, autumn.
It's great. Sweater weather, leaves crunching under your feet.
Maybe a special fall-flavored latte.

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Speaker 1 If you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time. That is part of the thing, it's part of the process.

Speaker 1 You try people, I did it, and finally found the person that was right for me. This month, don't wait to reach out.

Speaker 1 Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step.

Speaker 1 Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash thread. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash threedom.

Speaker 4 Well, hi, everybody. It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser Than Me podcast.
And I'm not going to talk about food waste this time.

Speaker 4 I'm going to talk about food resources.

Speaker 4 All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill, it could be enriching our soil or feeding our chickens because it's still food.

Speaker 4 And the easiest easiest and frankly, way coolest way to put all its nutrients to work is with the Mill Food Recycler. It looks like an art house garbage can.

Speaker 4 You can just toss your scraps in it like a garbage can, but it is definitely not a garbage can. I mean, it's true, I'm pretty obsessed with this thing.

Speaker 4 I even invested in this thing, but I'm not alone.

Speaker 4 Any mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's completely odorless and it's fully automated and how you can keep filling it for weeks.

Speaker 4 But the clincher is that you can depend on it for years. Mill is a serious machine.
Think about a dishwasher, not a toaster.

Speaker 4 It's built by hand in North America and it's engineered by the guy who did your iPhone. But you have to kind of live with Mill to understand all the love.
That's why they offer a risk-free trial.

Speaker 4 Go to mill.com/slashwiser for an exclusive offer.

Speaker 1 And we're back, and Lauren has a three-chair for us. Okay, this is like a good girl.

Speaker 3 Hey, I've done my own work and opened the document.

Speaker 3 This feature was submitted by Nathan Diffie, and this is a really fun one. Nathan Diffie!

Speaker 1 I know Nathan Diffie. You do? Yes, he does all my artwork for me.
Oh, that's why the name was so familiar because I've read it. I know one from you, me and Stephen.

Speaker 3 He's done artwork that I believe I've been in, possibly.

Speaker 1 Is that possible? Possible.

Speaker 3 The name is extremely important.

Speaker 1 Kate Winslow in Titanic style.

Speaker 3 Here is a, yes, of course. He said, here is a little feature for your consideration.

Speaker 1 You fucked up with an old colour.

Speaker 3 It's called Threedom Trivia. Threevia.
So in the attached PDF, there are 15 questions about our beloved hosts, five questions per host.

Speaker 3 All of the questions are based on conversations heard during the previous season of Threedom.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. The host

Speaker 3 is reading their own questions aloud. The other two can write their answers down or buzz in with their name or whatever they decide works best.

Speaker 3 The point is, let's see who has learned the most about their fellow hosts.

Speaker 3 You will notice I didn't include any answers with the questions.

Speaker 3 This prevents me from having to send a separate PDF for each host, and it eliminates the possibility of anyone accidentally or intentionally seeing the answers in advance.

Speaker 1 We get it. You're lazy.

Speaker 3 No, I think very smart and thought this out. Since the questions are all based on personal stories that the hosts have told in the podcast, some multiple times,

Speaker 1 that's a dick.

Speaker 1 They should know the answers to their own questions. Okay.
Okay. So you're just going to read these.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I guess I could just read them all. It doesn't, you don't have to read your own.

Speaker 1 And we all we all are answering.

Speaker 3 You're answering as well. Yeah, wait, then I need a piece of paper or something.

Speaker 1 Okay, you want this and I'll use my phone.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Where'd you get all that paper? Your Southwest journal. I don't know where I even got this notebook.
It's like

Speaker 1 so random. It's so random.
It's so random.

Speaker 3 Okay, these are the Scott questions.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 3 They're divided by each person.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 3 So you won't answer these, but you should write down what the real answer is.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Got it.

Speaker 3 The first concert Scott attended was for what band?

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 3 I have to have listened to you.

Speaker 1 I laughed, but I was really insulted.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 So number them. No, that's number one.
Okay. Two, Scott has had his hair permed once in his life.
Why did he get that perm?

Speaker 1 This is hilarious.

Speaker 1 This is like a little, this is your life, right? For me, too. Thinking about my permed head.

Speaker 3 Three, Scott and the writers on the CBB television show were forbidden from writing any sketches that featured what animals.

Speaker 1 I was just thinking about this because she wrote to me today.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 3 I don't remember any of this shit.

Speaker 1 I do.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Four, Scott once visited a store in Santa Monica called Beads and Things. What were the things?

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. I love this.
Oh. My life is so interesting.

Speaker 3 Five. The first time the croc fairy visited Scott, she left him with gibbets that looked like what?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dang. These are good, but

Speaker 1 I think I remember this.

Speaker 1 I might get this wrong.

Speaker 3 So, should we give the answers on that one and see how our points are?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, so one, we have to, Paul and I will each say, so what concert was it? I said George Michael.

Speaker 1 I did not have an answer, so I'm going to say

Speaker 1 Itzak Perlman. What was the answer?

Speaker 1 The the answer is oingo boingo wow i feel like george michael's basically the same thing in my mind you do not get something like that but i couldn't think of okay scott permed to hair why i said for a play

Speaker 1 i know that it was for a play it was for a musical called oklahoma where you played the role of curly oh i i mean paul is definitely right i wonder if you get a point that does count

Speaker 1 okay because it's right

Speaker 3 it counts it was for a play it was i mean it's okay what's the animal okay shut up What's the animal that you're doing?

Speaker 1 You tell me what you get.

Speaker 3 I said cow.

Speaker 1 I believe it was snake. Snakes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Someone was afraid of snakes. She was afraid.

Speaker 1 The head of the network was afraid of snakes. Oh, right.
Got it. And couldn't even read a snakes.

Speaker 1 It's okay that we repeat them because I don't remember what's going on.

Speaker 3 Scott once visited a store with beads and things. What were the things? I said records.

Speaker 1 I'm so mad I couldn't remember because it's something crazy. I just put down umbrellas.
Pool tables. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 it's even crazier than I could have remembered.

Speaker 3 And then the crock fairy left one in the shape of, I said fries, I said baby Yoda, Grogu.

Speaker 1 Oh, you were right. Fuck, I did pretty much.
How many did you get? Okay, so keep track of what you got.

Speaker 1 Which was basically I got three out of five. You got three.
Okay, so we're

Speaker 1 remember that because we're all going to tally up our points at the end.

Speaker 3 Okay, so I'm writing, just write down what you got. Okay.
Yep. My questions now, everybody.

Speaker 1 Okay, these are Lauren's question. Questions about Lauren.

Speaker 3 I mean, get ready to write until you can't see it. Yep.
The first first concert Lauren attended was for what band?

Speaker 1 See, it's harder than you think.

Speaker 1 What dumb shit was she?

Speaker 1 And when you're ready, let me know.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, this is so funny. It does make you feel special like your life is interesting.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Okay. Ready?

Speaker 3 In 1997, Lauren and her friends bought tickets to the Mr. B movie Bean in order to sneak into what our rated movie is.

Speaker 1 What year did it say? 97. 97.

Speaker 1 I don't remember this. I like this game, though.
I do. It's really fun.
This is a really fun game.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine our listeners.

Speaker 3 It's a great game because you know, everyone knows we were told this information. It's not like you're just having to know something about your friend.

Speaker 1 You were told. Oh, my God.
A movie in 97? I don't know. You have to just guess.
Okay, ready? I know it's not this, but I'll just write it down. Okay.

Speaker 3 While in college, Lauren and her roommate were informed via a note on their door that they had won what prestigious dormitory award

Speaker 1 oh fuck

Speaker 1 i kind of remember you talking about this but i don't remember the answer

Speaker 1 okay you ready yep when lauren and her friend tried to go swimming in the shower what did they use to cover the drain all right

Speaker 1 oh all right um

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I remember you doing this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't remember what used to cover the drink. I mean, yours are very specific.
Well,

Speaker 1 mine were too. Okay.

Speaker 3 What was the first movie Lauren watched with her daughter?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What is that called?

Speaker 1 Let me know when you got to put some down.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay, you guys ready? Yeah, I did, I did not do well.
I didn't do well either. Thank you.

Speaker 3 The first concert Lauren attended was for what band.

Speaker 1 I said it was Dave Matthews. You were under the bridge when they poured that shit on you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I said I did not know what to put, so I just put in sync and was surprised that the phone autocorrected it immediately.

Speaker 1 With the asterisk,

Speaker 3 it was dispatch.

Speaker 1 Dispatch. Take a shower and shine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 And what movie did we buy tickets for to sneak? We bought movies, or I'm sorry, we bought tickets for being a sneaky woman.

Speaker 1 I know this is not 97, but I said pulp fiction because it's slack. An R-rated movie that, yeah.
I have no idea when this movie came out or if it's R-rated, but I put Legends of the Fall.

Speaker 3 It was Scream.

Speaker 1 Scream

Speaker 1 into you.

Speaker 3 Okay, while in college,

Speaker 3 we were informed on our door that we won what prestigious dormitory award.

Speaker 1 I said cleanest room. That's what I said, too.
That's the right answer. What?

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 When Lauren and her friend try to go swimming in the shower, what did they use to cover the drain?

Speaker 1 I said duct tape. I said towels.
Phone book. Phone book.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 That's really good.

Speaker 3 And then what was the first movie that I watched with Holly?

Speaker 1 Encanto? I said Moana. It was Enkanto.
Whoa, I got two? I cannot believe I got two. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 I did not feel confident about any of them.

Speaker 3 Great job, everyone.

Speaker 1 Now it is time for Paul. So Paul has four total.
You're doing really well. Well, Paul, four total, yeah.
So, so, four is what we have to beat. Yeah, so I have to get how many do you have?

Speaker 1 You have one, I have one, I have two, so I have to get two to tie and three to win. I have to get all five right, basically.

Speaker 3 Okay, um, no, well, I have to get four of them right.

Speaker 3 The first concert Paul attended was for what band. Oh, gosh, shit, it's all from the same episode.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 1 god, what would it have been?

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think of like

Speaker 1 what it could have been.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to guess. Okay.
Nathan, if you want to go back to other episodes and do this again. Yeah, please.
Yeah, I really do. It's hilarious.

Speaker 3 Paul's first serious girlfriend, Lori, worked in a toy shop with what punny name.

Speaker 1 Oh, god, damn. I wish I could remember it.

Speaker 3 Oh, God. Oh, God.
It's like, I know the other pun name.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you guys had trouble remembering it within that episode. I know.

Speaker 1 Okay. I gotta, I gotta do well on these last three.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 Three is, according to Paul's fifth grade music teacher, a song cannot be a rock and roll song unless it includes what instrument. Yep.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 And this, by the way, I'm benefiting from this being constantly talked about on tour. Almost became a character on the tour.
Oh, man, not fair. In the car.

Speaker 1 I'm glad to be reminded of it.

Speaker 3 Paul was the president of a four-member club headquartered in his childhood basement. What was the name of the club? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's really hard.

Speaker 1 That's honestly unfair. I don't think anybody's going to remember that.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, five and final question.

Speaker 3 When Paul played Jigger in a production of Carousel, what offensive phrase did he use to insult the character of Julie?

Speaker 1 It was in the script, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. It was.

Speaker 1 What? I was in that show. God.

Speaker 3 I think I have a guess, and it's not right, but I think it's close.

Speaker 3 But if it's not close, it's funny.

Speaker 1 Ah, I remember now. Okay, everybody ready? All right, yeah.

Speaker 3 First concert. I said Devo.

Speaker 1 I said Jim Crochy. Jim Crochy? I don't, I had no idea.
He was long dead by the time I was.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 It was Squeeze. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 That does sound familiar. Oh, yeah, in Philly, right?

Speaker 3 Okay, what was the toy shop's punny name?

Speaker 3 I said, Wind Me Up.

Speaker 1 I said, toys not in the belfry.

Speaker 1 The last wound-up. I was close.
Oh, you were so close.

Speaker 3 I was close.

Speaker 1 That should count. I knew about no wind-ups again.

Speaker 3 Okay, according to the music teacher, a song cannot be rock and roll unless it includes what instrument? Saxophone.

Speaker 1 I said drums.

Speaker 3 It was saxophone?

Speaker 1 That's insane. Yeah, exactly.
That's what made it a story. That's funny.
So anytime a song with saxophone came on in the car, usually an RD song, we would say, hey, rock and roll. Just rock and roll.

Speaker 1 It counts. Okay.

Speaker 3 Paul was the president of a four-member club headquartered in his childhood basement. What was the name of the club? I said Cool Kids Club.

Speaker 1 That's not what I mean. I said the world's biggest dumb shit.

Speaker 3 That's also, I wrote KKK.

Speaker 1 I realize I spelled it all with a K.

Speaker 1 World's biggest dumb shits.

Speaker 1 Shangri-La 2. Shangri-La 2.
Why don't I remember this? That's why I heard you, honestly. I wish I did.
Now I will.

Speaker 3 Okay, and then what did you say to Julie in the play? I said you called her an old whore.

Speaker 1 I said whore too, but I don't think that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 I know, I think it was whore.

Speaker 1 If memory serves, it was a

Speaker 1 wobbly hipped slut.

Speaker 1 Slut, we would have counted slut. Damn.
Okay,

Speaker 1 I got one. I got one.
So I got total. Oh, total.
I got three. Wow.
And you guys are winners.

Speaker 3 You know us all the best.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 3 That was a great game, Nathan. Thank you so much.
Really?

Speaker 1 Thank you. That was really good.
That was a really fun game. Yeah, I would absolutely love to play that again.
I would totally play it again. Wow.
Well, that's going to do it for this episode.

Speaker 1 And just a reminder:

Speaker 1 we don't like calling you this, but we want to thank all of our freedom piss figs.

Speaker 3 I actually have never said it, I don't think. That's probably a lie.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can if you guys wanted to be called that. The audience overwhelmingly

Speaker 3 from somebody who said they wanted to be called little dookie pigs.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 I saw that too. That's one person.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The issue is, is everyone voted on the piss pigs? Yes. Was this a Reddit? I thought it was a Reddit vote.

Speaker 1 I forget forget where it happened.

Speaker 1 I think they went to actually went to the polls. Okay.

Speaker 1 They did it on election day. They said, hey, we're also going to hold a separate election.

Speaker 3 It was just, it made sense just because everyone's just going to wait.

Speaker 1 Just to get it out of the way. Anyway, but thank you to all of you.
And if you want to hear ad-free episodes of Threedom, you can go to StitcherPremium or CBBWorld.com.

Speaker 1 And you can follow us at Threedom USA. And you can call us at HaHa LaInpoo or whatever that number is.

Speaker 3 Or it was like one old bag wag or something.

Speaker 1 One old bag wag. Hold on.
Wobbly hip slut.

Speaker 3 Wobbly hip slut impoo.

Speaker 1 Just yell out wobbly hip slut and we'll hear. We'll come here.
We will be there in five minutes. Tops.

Speaker 1 You can call us at gagajag opt.

Speaker 1 Gagajag opt. So stupid.

Speaker 1 Call us at gagalaho78.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, that's it. Anyway, we love you.
We love you. Thanks so much for listening.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 And that was so fun.

Speaker 1 We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.
Bye.

Speaker 4 You know, when you're just going about your busy day, and a voice asks you something like, why do people have crushes? Or, do dogs dogs know they're dogs? The Brains On podcast is here to help.

Speaker 4 Every episode answers tough questions with funny skits, cool facts, and more. It's a science show for kids of all ages.
Whether you grew up with JFK, MTV, TLC, or TMZ, Brains On is for you.

Speaker 1 Listening may induce uncontrollable laughter and turn backseat squabbles into harmonious car trips. Find Brains On wherever you get your podcasts.