Lewis or Lembit | Triforce Mailbag #57

Pickaxe.

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Hello, chums.

Well-wishers, haters, emailers, desperately hoping that theirs gets read out.

And

creative sorts and bitches.

Creative sorts.

Can't forget.

Because this week we have quite

quite a lot of creative stuff.

So

i'm gonna start off with uh five jingles

five jingles five none of these are ai right um and one of them i hate uh and you have to guess which one so uh this is

one out of five jingles blacks hates gotcha so this is a mailbag jingle uh let me just make sure i get the right person who sent it this is from jd uh long time listener first time

not our jd

and a semi-drunk songwriter decided to have a few jars and put together a jingle for you guys.

So, this is uh mailbag jingle by JD.

Mailbag jingle by JD.

Vance.mp3.

Yes, are you ready?

We'll play it in three, two, one.

Play

mailbags back, let's talk shit once again.

Oh,

let's go through your remails and see what presents.

Oh, it's great.

is for love, child, made from the cum.

There isn't any judgment in, we're mostly friends.

Mostly friends,

mostly friends.

I love how you were made from cum.

Dad and mum.

Yeah,

dad and mum's come.

Mr.

Choice.

I think that's the right sort of energy that we have in this podcast.

All All right, well, keep waiting because so this is

Augie from Texas.

Over seven years ago, apparently we sat around to brainstorm a jingle.

And inspired by some lyrics and a nice tune that apparently I put together, I've got a memory of this, as of yesterday, I finally recorded it.

So this is called Three Fellas Talking or the Original Triforce Jingle.

This is by Augie.

No way.

Three fellas talking.

Back in the day.

Yeah, seven years ago.

So pre-COVID, this was a jingle that we never got off the ground, but we were thinking about it.

Are you ready?

We'll play it in three, two, one, play.

It's got the record sound, the vinyl record.

Yeah.

Three fellas talking.

Listen while you're walking.

Or at work.

Listen to it while you twerk.

Just three fellas.

I love that one.

That's so good.

It's amazing.

But the thing is, that could apply to any podcast.

That's why it's so good.

We can rent it out.

We can leak it out.

We can ran it on for people.

Augie, please send that to every other podcast that you can find.

Basically, every podcast is three guys talking.

And say to them, you guys, I just copy-paste the email you sent to us.

You know, just be like,

hi, a big fan of the show.

I just want to say, during the early days, you guys came up with a jingle.

And this is what I've, do you know, do you know what you just send them this?

Because I genuinely think they will all play it.

And they will all think it was for them.

Yeah, that's great.

I love that.

Maybe he's already doing that.

Maybe he sends it to like a genius.

Maybe it's like the same email.

He just changes the names around.

He sends it to like all of the podcasts.

Everybody's heard it.

Everybody wants to use it.

Everybody's had the same idea to send it around.

Like that fucking, there are every podcast has the same three guys.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So this could be the new that.

So this is from my friend Riley.

Now, I know Riley, and I think you might know him.

I know Riley, Canadian Riley, from Donald.

Yes, indeed.

Yes, aka Cock Wobblemeister.

Cock wobblemeister.

One of whose replays, Lulu, I think we may have looked at back in the day when we used to do Scrub Dota.

Okay.

Yeah.

Anyway, all right.

Well, I can tell you're excited.

This is Melbourne Country by Riley.

I know the guy.

I've played games of the.

Yo, Riley famously threw my 20-game win streak.

It was on New Year's Eve, and I joined a game with him, and we lost, and I'd won every single game before that, and I was so pissed off, and I vowed never to play with him again.

Yes, I remember.

It's like a mark of pride for him, that, by the way.

Yeah.

Riley, lovely, lovely lad.

I've met him several times.

Spyro.

Top, top lad, and a big fan.

So he sent us three songs.

And because Riley is a buddy, I'm going to play them all.

Okay, so the odds are that one of these could be.

One of these could be.

But I want you to bear something in mind that Riley is not an editor.

So just listen to the end of the song because there's some nice extra detail there.

All right, here we go.

In three, two, one, play

oh oh oh man

lewis ted and chris

zephos flax and sips will answer your questions to dirty i love it that's very country i love it wait

Those extra mouse clicks.

Oh, yeah, and just like some farting and grunting.

He was like that.

This is his.

I love that.

That's my favorite so far.

This is Mailbag Coral by Riley.

All right.

Three, two, one, play.

Try

force

make

all

bag.

And then just another edit of the microphone.

Clicking long, long

five seconds.

Yeah, it's fine, though.

Mailbag.

So pure.

This last one must be the hated one because I can't imagine you hating either of those.

That's the thing is that that one is the Christmas one.

Yeah.

That's like it's just so

oh, it's it's it's short, it's sweet.

Yeah.

He's got it.

Like we don't want no two-minute long

it sounded a bit like the jingle from uh South Park way back in the day.

Remember what what was it like Kyle's Mum's a bitch or something?

Yeah.

Kyle's mom is a bitch.

She sounded like a bitch.

Yeah.

All right, ready?

This is mailbag punk jingle.

Three, okay, two, one, play.

Mailbag, mailbag, mailbag, mailbag, mailbag, mailbag, mailbag, mailbag.

Now, there is a full 10 seconds of Riley clicking about here.

It's so distorted as well.

It's like an assault on the ears.

Why is he kicking about him?

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

I did not love that, Riley.

That's the one you hate.

That's the one you hate.

That is the one I hate.

But I love Riley so well.

He's done it on purpose.

He did it on purpose.

Yeah.

It's very authentic.

It's very like Teenager in Their Garage kind of music.

I didn't realize he was so musical.

2000.

Yeah, I mean, no, Riley, Riley can play a lot of instruments.

Sometimes he does it when we're playing dots or something.

If he's dead, I've definitely heard him.

Probably explains why he's so terrible at dotes.

I was going to say, yeah,

I wish he could apply some of those skills to Dota.

Maybe I would have had a 21-win streak.

Unlike most Dota players who have one hand on their cock, he has one hand on his guitar.

Nice.

Well, look, in terms of creativity,

this is another one, another creative.

This is not a song.

This is poetry.

Someone's written us a poem.

Right.

This is the lad called Kurosh.

He is, who claims to be a member of the Singapore Tiny Penis Crew.

Love Singapore.

So we have one of those.

We have a Singapore chapter.

Oh, yeah.

Nice.

Singapore chapter.

Going strong.

Going strong.

They look after Lulu's gold.

Remember,

the gold.

He's got the statue example.

The eternal watch.

He's got all his gold there.

Yeah.

All right.

So this is

basically because you didn't know what kimchi is, Sips.

Yeah.

This is a poem that Kurosh has written.

Right.

Okay.

So are you ready?

Yep.

It's quite long, but it's excellent.

Okay.

Sips.

Man of stature, six foot two.

If you squint, and he's wearing his Cuban heels.

Margarita Pizza, pasta, and rice.

Plain.

No basil, no drizzle, no truffle whispering continental seduction.

Just cheese, just tomato, a disc of edible beige.

Thursday, he's offered a pad thai, declines it, politely, a little bow to the microwave.

Saturday, sees Korean barbecue on Love Island.

He googles kimchi, closes tab, opens freezer, finds solace in Iceland brand wedges, £1.49, comfort in carbohydrate geometry.

He will never know the fizz, the crunch, the weird, wonderful what the hell is that of fermented cabbage?

Will never feel the mild panic of Scoville flirtation on a Tuesday night.

Will never meet a Korean grandmother and disappoint her.

Brackets, not directly, but spiritually, close brackets.

Sips, lives simply, eats simply, dreams in Pantone 1235C, the official colour of Cheddar.

Somewhere.

A jar of kimchi weeps silently behind a waitrose pane.

Sips doesn't notice.

He's got chips, and the oven timer is pinging like a tiny, hopeful bell.

That's it.

I thought there's any.

one.

This guy knows me.

This guy knows me.

He must know him.

That's perfect.

It's so, such a good poem.

Oh, I loved it.

I must have like the blandest palate out of everyone I know.

Also, I'm probably the least adventurous food person out of everyone I know.

The thing is, is I'm not very fussy.

Like, if you put something in front of me, I'll eat it.

I just won't seek anything out.

Like, you know, like, I'm very sort of, you know, like,

I eat to live.

I don't live to eat, you know?

Like, I just want, just give, for sure.

Just give me some carbs and I'll be on my way.

Like, I just, you know what I mean?

It's not like a fussy thing, you know?

Like, I'm not the dude that just eats a mountain of shit or cheese.

I will eat something.

If you put it in front of me, if you make it for me and put it in front of me, I'll eat it.

He's going to eat it.

I'll eat it for sure.

I just wouldn't be able to tell you what it was after.

And I might be able to do it.

I mean, especially if someone asked you what you wanted.

If someone asked you what you wanted, you'd pick something you know,

one one of the the the the sips classics i would just say like just a sandwich or something you know just give me a sandwich anything and they say just nourish me somehow this is a this is a highfalutin uh three michelin starred restaurant yeah just give me a sandwich yeah i don't know i'm just not into all that you know i know i get i get why people are into it and why they like it and stuff it's not it's not a thing i've ever really been into interested in you know like i don't really watch like cooking shows or anything like that you know just just give me some bread and water i'm fine we don't eat it there you go get him in this cell right now now.

I do eat.

I mean, you don't

get his fat by not eating.

Yeah.

This leads into nicely into today's mailbag, right?

Food stuff.

Food stuff.

Is it the food?

So we're not doing that this week.

We're not doing that this week.

We're doing a regular one.

Nicole.

Risky.

So risky.

Sex has put together a list of your emails, of which there are hundreds.

Well, not hundreds, but I was exaggerating, but a lot of weird eating emails, a lot.

So I put them in a folder, and we can just do a weird eating special.

But I don't think we can, yeah.

What?

Yeah, I don't think we can.

Well, I'll have to have like a trigger warning on the front of it.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It'll be a listed toxic episode.

This is weird eating.

Listen at your peril and not whilst having bread and water.

Okay, so this is not the weird eating episode.

No, this is just regular emails.

It needs more planning.

It needs more time to cook.

Exactly.

And also, if you have more weird eatings, get them in.

Keep them short and sweet.

No backstories.

No life histories.

Just keep them short and sweet.

10 seconds with five seconds of silence trailing is perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A couple of things.

This is a follow-up.

This is a follow-up.

You responded.

This is

Rebecca Works in Restaurants.

Right.

And this was about frozen food and Lewis complaining about frozen food.

This was off the back of a discussion about how Gordon Ramsey always complains about things being frozen.

Do you remember this, Lulu?

Yes, sure.

All right.

So this is a subject on Lewis's spicy response to my previous email.

Thank you for reading my email.

As Mr.

Brindley stated, it was an incredibly boring email.

Wow.

So I was surprised to hear it read.

Slow week, eh?

However, Mr.

Brindley's poor listening comprehension was not surprising.

Vegans often suffer from vitamin deficiencies that can cause memory problems and confusion, so I completely understand.

The point of my original email was to potentially bring awareness to better freezing practices that exist and the fact that restaurants can be successful, serve good food, and use some frozen products.

Not trying to have a frozen beef with Gordon.

He strives for the absolute best.

I get it.

I've just found many often don't know how fresh things truly are in restaurants.

But foolish woman am I, for I'd forgotten Mr.

Brindley knows all there is to know about the world already.

I offer my sincerest apologies for such a ghastly error.

In a perfect world, we'd be all living in Gordon's no-freezer dream.

If fresher were cheaper, less restaurants would do only that.

It's just simply not practical in most cases for a variety of reasons, including increased food rates, though generally we strive to serve as much fresh as possible in our restaurant uh ps uh my shit talking uh of vegans and lewises just in jeff i love the podcast thank you very much well thank you very much you silly woman and uh it's about time that you did recognize lewis does know everything okay

oh man

you silly woman it's like i've been dressed down by my mother

well there you go it's good to be put in your place sometimes it's good Yeah, it's good.

Tom, it's uh, thank you.

It's homogeneous.

Thank you, Rebecca.

All right.

So, this is uh, this is from longtime fan Jake.

Uh, this is about this is a Jean-Guy Tupperware uh-related uh email.

Fuck.

I was listening to Triforce 321.

You guys were discussing the origins of Jangui Tupperware, and it turns out it's a unique regional term for a French-Canadian man.

This sparked a connection for me as I also grew up hearing a similar wacky name.

Yeah.

Growing up in my area, you might give the name Giuseppe Commasedice to a spam caller or just to refer to a generic Italian-American man.

Another one, probably more commonly known and frequently used by one of my science teachers growing up, was Joey Bag of Donuts.

He would also say Johnny Boxarox.

Yeah, Tony Bologna.

There's like, there's a whole bunch of those ones.

Yeah.

Giuseppe Commosedice is really funny.

That is funny.

Yeah.

That was not, it was very much, it was like John Gi Tupperware.

Like, like, again, if somebody cold call you, you know, like telemarketing or whatever, you'd bust out a Jongi Tupperware every once in a while as well.

Like, it was just.

Giuseppe, Comotoich.

What is it?

Come on, Doice.

Come on, December.

I love it.

I like that.

Yeah.

I love it.

This is a nice little email for you, Lulu.

The question for you.

This is from Michael.

In the song, Girl So Confusing, featuring Lourdé, CharlieXCX says, forgot that inside the icon, there's still a young girl from Essex, talking about referring to herself.

I can't stop thinking there exists a world where Lewis and Charlie XCX have crossed paths.

Does Lewis know Charlie XCX?

What about Billy Bragg?

Who, okay, okay, these are these current pop stars who are Charlie XCX is right, Billy Bragg is

very old.

Uh, let's have a look.

Charlie XCX, Charlie XCX is, is

she was born in 92, right?

Charlotte Emma Aitchison.

She was born in Cambridge, which is not in Essex.

So when she was a little tiny newborn baby, Lewis was already 10.

Lewis was already smoking in the boys room she grew up in start hill essex do you know where that is start hill yeah uh no but it's bishop stortford so that's where the smartest very very west very bishop stortford is very posh essex that is not

shart hill shart hill yeah start hill yeah shart hill nice she ain't no

all right there you go she ain't no sorry charlie bishop stortford and cambridge give me a break

that's pretty fancy isn't it

lewis do you ever think of yourself do you ever think behind the icon is a young Essex boy?

Well, you can listen to old,

I told, did I tell this recently?

I'm sure I've talked about it before, but you can obviously listen to old episodes of my podcasts and videos.

And I sound completely different.

And I'm almost shocked that I sound much more Essex in those.

But that was after, you know, that was after five or six years of leaving, you know, to go to uni and stuff.

And I think a lot of my accent went from, but there's actually

a video my mum found of on a dvd of me um helping out a local village fate and i'm doing i'm running like a splat the rat um stall roll on up and splat that rat you cut

it is me oh my god i am so essex in it um and it's so it's it's almost like this is a different person i'm i'm so embarrassed by it by it are you like oioi ladies whoa like that kind of essex yeah like like, well, I think mostly it's me interacting with little kids who are, and I'm sort of being nice to them, you know, because they're, because Spite the Rat's a bit of a, I don't know if you know, it's like basically.

It's a wee drawer,

it's a drain pipe, and you drop a cuddler, a soft toy down it, and the kid has to time it so they smash it when it comes out of the tube.

It's quite hard, it is hard, it's dropping quite fast.

And so, you know,

it's one of those.

To give people who are not British, and presumably are under 30 maybe and British, this is a thing that you'd have at a village fate or some kind of a church fair along with a legend,

a piece of drain pipe.

And then, you know, the

sort of elbow of the drain pipe exits, and then you have a bit more of a sort of half pipe.

And the rat is generally looks like an old pair of tights stuffed with

something, you know, old fabric or whatever that's brown.

And then you tie up one end and you drop it and it shoots down and you have to whack it with, I think it was a rounder's back normally.

It usually was a rounder's back.

Yeah.

And

it's just

one of these games for kids that isn't really supposed to make any money.

It's just there for fun.

Yeah.

And

I know.

And also

what this thing is, is it gets put away in the village hall shed and brought out every year to the village fate.

And that thing is probably still being used from 30 or 40 years ago.

Daldinghurst Village Fate are probably still using the same part of it.

Doddinghurst Village.

How about that?

Doddinghurst.

That's where I grew up.

It's a nice little village.

You grew up in Doddinghurst?

He did.

I did.

Wow.

Oh, Doddinghurst is quite big.

Yeah, it's a nice little wow.

It's got certainly bigger than the likes of Calverton Hatch or Stondon Massey, let alone Swallows Cross.

If you go to Swallows Cross, you'd be like, oh, I headed into big city today.

You head to Doddinghurst.

Look after yourself.

Of course, that's not how they sound in Essex, but it is very nice.

Oh my God, the Wikipedia article for Doddinghurst has me in it.

No.

Does it actually?

Yeah, notable people.

Lewis Brindley.

Boom.

i mean yay

notable people i don't want to

it's just you and the notable people you're the only notable person to come out of of duddinghurst yeah well it's not you know it's old it was in the doomsday book mate i know exciting the name meaning the wood of dudder good oldest people dudder's wood dudders would i'm looking at uh notable people from twickenham and uh guess who's on the list not me you guessed it tony blair he's right there tony Blair.

Yep.

There he is.

He is there.

We're sending the people.

Steve Holland.

There's a lot of people on this.

Peter Sanders.

Alrighten, Michael Fish.

Yeah.

Tons of people.

Not a lot of them.

Dirty Den from East Anderson.

Panufnik.

Ray, Roxanna Panufnik.

Whose ever that is.

Pete Townsend.

The nonce Pete Townsend, yeah.

Amazing.

you know loads of people loads of historical figures too oh my god so many it says here tony blair lived in twickenham in 1970 sorry 1972 i'm yawning i'm talking.

1972.

Alfred Lord Tennyson?

Alexander Pope.

Yeah.

Wow.

You know, it's a bit more of a high-floating crowd than Doddenhurst, isn't it?

So, some of the people they're listing here, yeah, it's not really Twickenham.

Some of them are more.

I mean, for example, they list Keely Hawes and Matthew McFadion.

That's Strawberry Hill.

They're at Strawberry Hill.

They're not in Twickenham.

They're in Strawberry Hill.

And I'm sure they would announce that difference.

Anyway,

they don't know Charlie XCX.

A kid from Twickenham.

Yeah, let's uh let's let's bosh through the next one.

What about trust of people from Ottawa?

You don't want to do that one?

Sorry, brother.

You're right, that's rude of me.

That's rude, it's rude of both of us.

I'm just gonna assume the list will be

Matthew Darrell, who are being

city of Canada, just to name a few.

Justin Trudeau, obviously, there you are, you're there, Norm McDonald.

Yeah, I'm there, Dan Akron.

Sorry, I just set you up because I knew I was there.

I don't know why why I'm there.

Yeah, alongside the likes of Norm MacDonald and all kinds of amazing people.

Well, you're actually all here.

Nice.

Nice.

Yeah.

Nice.

There's no picture of you, though.

No, there doesn't need to be.

It's fine.

Here's a name.

J.B.

Turgeon.

The French-Canadian mayor of Buytown.

Bruce.

Called Terbon, Quebec in 1810.

Came to Bytown in around 1836.

Yes, I'm J.B.

Turgeon.

That's a great name.

Holy shit.

Paul Anchor.

Alex Munter.

Yeah.

All right, let's do the next one.

This is about Great Yarmouth.

We may have spoken about Great Yarmouth at one point.

Apparently, we did.

And here is Rex with an email.

I was born in Great Yarmouth, raised in Lowestoft, just south of Yarko, whatever that is.

My family have lived in the area for centuries.

Yes, we're probably inbred.

My great-great-granddad was even mayor of Yarmouth for a bit.

I can tell you, Yarmouth is pretty rough, has a local reputation for being run down and all the problems that come with the deprived seaside town of yesteryear.

There was even a Bulgarian spy cell that got busted in Yarmouth last year.

But tell the land from Maidenhead to go, bring some life and love, and help old Yarmouth get back on its feet.

I can praise the area around Yarmouth, which is stunning.

Check out Scrapby Beach and the ancient Roman castle in Berg.

Also, Holcombe Beach in North Norfolk, which, in my opinion, is Norfolk's jewel.

Anyway, I do love my home, but Norfolk and Southwark do have that problem of being so cut off from the rest of the country.

There are no Emeralds in Norfolk.

Oh, I left home a few years ago to go to uni in Bristol, where I bumped into a few yogs, mainly Tom and Harry.

Ah, so you go to the pub.

So there you go.

There you go.

So yeah, that's an East Anglian correspondent Rex advising someone to go to Yarmouth because even though it's rough, they might be able to help bring back the glory days.

I have more Yarmouth-related emails and some Isle of Wight emails because we slagged off the Isle of Wight, or I did at least.

And someone emailed in, Michael, emailed in previously and wanted to know about Great Yarmouth because he might be living there.

Unlike other Michael,

this is a Michael writing in response to a Michael, I've had the displeasure of living in one of the Yarmouth suburbs.

So I spent a lot of time in Yarmouth itself.

Let me tell you, it's a fucking shithole.

Once you scratch past the veneer of the seafront and town centre, which are not exactly amazing, there is a palpable sadness in the air.

The poverty cannot be overstated, and it genuinely feels unsafe if you step a single foot outside the main shopping areas or seafront.

Run-down buildings everywhere, closed shop fronts, and a half-empty shopping mall full of chavs and nasty little utes.

There are some pros however in that the house prices are dirt cheap for england which is because no one wants to live there due to its shittiness it is fun for a day out but keep it like that and do not live here please one particular highlight i feel you guys would appreciate is that there are an arcade attached to the model village that has an entire area dedicated to old-style mechanical arcade games which all use halfpennies you can buy 12 of them for a quid to play all these games uh there you go so there have been rumblings about regeneration ever since i've been around but i wouldn't believe them.

So there you go.

Don't go is the advice from other Michael.

So Michael, you've got two to choose from.

Right.

Yay or nay.

Hmm.

Sounds like a nay.

Yeah.

Bob.

Well,

I imagine this is the same way for many places.

There's areas of Bristol that you don't want to go to.

There's areas, I'm sure, of Twickenham.

Oh, maybe not.

No, that's really not.

You don't want to go to.

There's areas of Jersey that are more run down, aren't there?

Not really.

Come on.

You need a bit of love.

I wouldn't say run down there's just there are there's some parts of some parts of jersey where uh there isn't like a mansion with 20 ferraris outside of it um and then you just think wow where am i i feel like i could be anywhere right now and then you take five more steps and you're like no i'm i'm back in jersey because you see a mansion with like 20 ferraris outside of it so i see i see it's and there's like a an old steam steam train going by or something yes yeah yeah yeah it's uh i think it's bigger places right?

Bigger, bigger cities will always have parts of it that tourists won't really want to go to or need to go to.

And maybe there's more trouble happening there.

But

I don't know.

But I think there's, I think in a lot of places, a lot of cities, well, in the Western world, I'd say at least, and maybe not America, because I think American cities sometimes can be a bit dangerous.

But like

for the most part, I think there's places you can go if you're just visiting and they're mostly fine.

You know, I've dropped a few, um,

I've been dropping a few street view pins around Great Yards.

It doesn't look all that fucking awful.

I mean, compared to some shitholes I've seen on GeoGeese, so yeah, I'm sure.

Uh, there you go.

What about the Isle of Wight?

My brother lives there.

He likes it from just quickly.

He wants me to visit.

Little update from someone.

Those oily black birds with yellow beaks in Sips's backyard were European starlings.

So there you go.

I saw a baby starling in that case

devoured whole by a seagull one time at the zoo.

I had my kids at the zoo and we were looking at the flamingos and the kids were like, God, we got to get out of here.

It really stinks.

And then a seagull swooped down and ate, completely just devoured a baby starling.

The mother was just going insane.

I don't know if the baby ever came out again because I just...

My kids.

Oh, no, let's go.

I think my kids might have seen it, but I was like, okay, let's go.

It stinks.

We'll carry on.

Because it's kind of upsetting.

You know, nature is incredible, but really fucking cruel as well, isn't it?

That's, yeah, it is red in tooth and claw, as they say.

Yeah.

Although the pigeon that's on my windowsill right now, who I've been feeding for the last month and a half, he's not red in tooth and claw.

He's perfectly chill.

Him and his wife stop by three times a day for seeds.

Nice.

Costing me three pounds a week to feed these pigeons.

Anyway.

Terry slept outside last night.

He burrowed slightly into the ground and he had.

You couldn't find him?

No, no.

Gee, just like they just like just the front of their shell, like for their head.

They they use like they use like a little, they, they, they kind of like dig a little ditch and then they use it as like uh, you know, like their breathing creates like like a bit of moisture like around like the walls of the ditch for them.

And it's just like uh I don't know.

I don't know how they know how to do all this shit, but they do they he does it.

Just he's not not been shown how to do anything.

He just instinctively knows how to do all this shit.

But man, he was so happy when I saw him this morning.

Like I went outside to check on him and he was just like stomping around he seemed he seemed pretty if it's because it was hot maybe yeah it's nice the weather's really nice over here so it's like yeah it was humid overnight as well it was quite it was muggy so oh well he likes that yeah he loves it

he loves it yeah it's hot today it's like the sun is boiling it's like it's 20 but it feels like it's 30 you know like with the sun

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On with the show.

All right, here's an email from Dale.

I'm not about to do the classic furious outrage email at your derogatory comments towards the island where I reside.

The Isle of White.

The Isle of White.

Your comment that stepping foot onto this rock is like going back in time is totally accurate.

I mean, we don't even have a Greggs here.

So really, what is the point?

I'd actually be interested to know just how many island residents are Triforce fans, since there's only about 145,000 people here.

And maybe even if any take the time to send you the pitchforks and torches equivalent of an email defending it, which they shouldn't.

Yeah, the only real notable things about the island are the needles, which is a rock formation, and presumably drug addicts, and the fact our prison is and has been home to almost every notorious paedophile in history.

However, I think Simps was right, and you three should come visit.

There are plenty of little studios you can rent to record from.

There's probably even a boat somewhere you could use.

The car ferry is usually an hour-long crossing and you'll need something to fill what feels like an eternity doing so.

Oh my god.

The island feels like the ultimate place for Lewis to enjoy as virtually nothing ever happens and there's a lot to see if you like arcades, piers and road works.

The most dangerous wildlife here is Puff Adders and no one's got a gun unless you visit Black Gang Chine's cowboy town.

So it's already got one up on both Australia and Wisconsin.

I think the three of you would make a good weekend of it on the island.

We could visit Lewis's brother who lives there, allegedly.

Yeah, he does.

No, thanks.

You don't want to miss.

You don't want to meet Lewis's bro?

Real bro?

There's a catamaran that goes that's quicker, I think, than the car ferry.

You don't have to take that.

Does that one take cars?

That's

what.

No, I don't think so.

Where do you catch that boat from?

Southampton, probably.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I suppose you would.

It's 22 minutes.

Yeah, 22 minutes.

I'd guess Southampton.

22 minutes to get get from Southampton.

Yeah, you can't even watch an episode of Simpsons in that time.

Yeah.

Crazy.

All right, this is another Isle of Wight email.

This is from Liam.

While Pirian's assessment of the Isle of Wight was pretty scathing, I appreciate sweeping criticisms of things we're scarcely familiar with, for the provision of laughter is a cornerstone of British culture, and I'm all for it.

I'm a journalist, and I cover a great deal of court, so I get to spend a lot of time with some of the Isle of Wight's best and brightest.

You might be interested to learn.

Sex offenders fill the wings of our prison almost exclusively, save for those on remand, and cases concerning paedophiles and kindred offenders are frighteningly frequent.

But on a lighter note, I'm a fly on the wall for many cases, and whilst most people shrink on arrival, the odd one is quite vocal.

Which one one which lives long in the memory is the gentleman who, apropos of nothing, decided to call the judge a wiggy cunt.

Wow.

For context, it was during a murder trial, and the man had no connection to the case whatsoever.

Presumably, he just wanted to burn some time in the public gallery.

The jury asked to retire for the day because it was too hot, and the judge granted them leave.

At this point, the man, hitherto silent lost the plot.

He called the judge a wiggy cunt and a pedo and told him he should pay for air conditioning out of his enormous salary.

He was held in contempt of court, apologised, and the judge was persuaded not to take any further action.

That should have been the end of it, but the silly goose decided to brag about his great escape on social media, inviting people to message him for further life tips.

Naturally, he found himself back before the same judge, who in no time at all jailed him for eight weeks.

If you do end up visiting our quaint little hellscape, please get in touch.

It would make a fun feature.

All right, thank you, Leo.

Jesus Christ.

Eight weeks in jail.

Yeah, I mean, if you contempt of court is no joke.

I mean, that's how you maintain decorum and get justice: is that people aren't allowed to call judge a wiggy cunt and shout shit out and disrupt proceedings.

You shut the fuck up.

What about my liberties and my free speech, though?

I mean,

freedom of speech does not extend to calling the judge a cunt in the future.

There's a

very specific

dean in the law that says you cannot call a judge a wiggie cunt.

All right, this is anonymous Bosch,

who has emailed in regarding the gorillas versus people.

Yes.

One versus a hundred.

So we don't want to drag this up again, but this is

interesting.

As far as it'll do, I will just say, I've had this a few times.

I want to put this in so people stop saying it.

Someone obviously put out a good thread on fucking dog shit Twitter or whatever.

So we all thought the gorilla would win pretty easily.

So this guy looked into it and there is a popular Twitter thread on the topic by someone with a monkey degree.

Okay.

A monkey degree.

Monkey degree.

And they basically said a gorilla doesn't have anywhere near enough endurance to kill that many people.

It's still made of flesh, just like us.

And that although people may think of this gorilla as a video game mini boss, where it can keep going and going, that's just not realistic.

So essentially, the gorilla would be very scary, but would get tired quickly.

And would, of course, every kick and punch is wearing it down.

So, that's one suggestion.

What about a gorilla on cocaine, though?

Well, or just

puffed up on goofballs.

Who knows?

That's such a good idea.

Where's your monkey degree now?

Yeah, and got your monkey degree, tears degree up in front of him.

All right, so that's the end of the gorilla test.

That's a good rational answer to it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I like that.

So this is from a lad who is an AI wrangler.

Right.

Okay.

So, because we've spoken about AI in both negative and positive ways in recent episodes.

So

this is his email.

Before I start, I want to add: I am not an AI bro.

It interests me as a tool, like scanning 400 research papers for statistics rather than reading them all by myself.

I agree with the sentiment that it is the average middle-of-the-road distillation of whatever it is doing, or however we described it in the last episode.

For creative purposes, I think it's mostly useless, but it perhaps can free us of the paperwork shackles we've built in our modern world.

I would agree with that.

Now for my job, it is a lot about what to do with the AR models when they do not keep to the flat, average, middle-of-the-road spiritless bullshit.

When the models veer away into being a little too creative, too helpful, and willing to engage with users who ask it for wild and inappropriate things.

I'm typically presented with two or three anonymous models and have instructions to evaluate the safety, logic, reasoning, and so on of the various models.

It can be fun, like a recent project that was about the inner nature of animals.

Some of the rule-breaking free-thinking models, when asked about hedgehog psychology, started telling me that hedgehogs often feel morose and introspective in the evenings.

The less whimsical projects can be stuff like giving the AI a picture of a railway and asking what happens if I weld a triangular steel wedge onto the track.

Companies don't want their models to tell users to do dangerous things or be used to find criminal activities.

There is a huge focus to make the models danger-aware and avoid engaging in these subjects.

One model, when given a photo of a rusted World War I hand grenade that I found in the garden, told me to dispose of it in the metal recycling box to keep in line with local regulations.

There seems to be some hidden balance between being safe and being helpful.

So the fully uncensored, no safeguards at all models are sometimes telling people like to do downright dangerous things, like the funny ones like put glue on pizza to stop the cheese sliding off, et cetera, et cetera.

So

there's all kinds of things that it's coming up with that are that are stupid.

Um, like we said, we were talking about this.

The did we talk about this on the podcast yesterday?

That if you look for John Travolta 92, yes, we did 92.

So, yeah, so that's the kind of thing where the truth is just vanishing before our eyes and that the AI is ruining it.

So, it's nice to know there are people out there trying to wrangle it, um, but good luck.

Well, here's the thing: like, it's not, it's already got like they've already got a finger on the scale, right?

Like, AI is already being controlled by what it can and cannot do behind the scenes, especially in China with those ones that are being developed.

You know, you see, like, you know, people typing in something about Tiananmen Square or whatever, and it will start sort of answering your question, and then it will self-center itself and delete what it's written kind of thing.

You could see it happening in real time, but it's like, um, so, so there's all there's already influences being put on it to like basically hamstring it, but also to control it, right?

Like to stop it from doing things that are clearly

because I think also so much of it was trained on the internet, which is full of racist.

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Hi, I, uh, let's get you a basket.

Fascist cunts.

Yeah.

Um, and, and as a result, like, I think it's, it makes sense that, like, it would be incredibly racist.

Um, I think there's we've always known that there's this level, this undercurrent of racism in our society, right?

And then things socially are not, you know, as free and diverse as we'd like them to be.

It's a classic, the classic example.

i don't know if this was i remember talking about this on the podcast before but it was like that um they asked you know little girls which of these two dolls the black doll or the white doll is the good doll and overwhelmingly they picked the white doll um and so there is this idea and even little black girls would pick the white doll and say that was the good doll you know um and that the other one was the bad doll and so it was it was the idea that there's this inherent bias in society and of course i'm absolutely sure ai has picked up on that yeah 100 i mean i mean even in our language, you know, we consider white to be pure and good and black to be dark and

black

and stuff like that.

Yeah.

It's, it's, it's, it's, this kind of racism is inherent to the, how we have a society.

And it's, and it's, of course, it's going to be seen with, with, with, with AI.

And so they have to be in the center.

Yeah, but that's the thing is.

People have to step in and try and feed it.

They do.

But the problem is then you get these arseholes complaining that tech companies are censoring the AI.

So then they say, oh, no, no, we won't do that.

And you have openly racist AI, which I'm sure is going to be a big thing.

And that becomes a thing that

now tells people facts and truth.

And your AI overview might say, oh, yeah, you know, here's a racist fact of the day for you.

It's like, what the fuck is going on?

So I think it's pretty scary.

This is about Britney Spears.

You guys ready for this?

Yeah.

The whiplash of all my guys.

That is so funny.

Long time listener.

I'm on a seven-hour car ride from Maryland to Ohio.

That's a that's a way.

And Britney Spears popped up

on the radio and it made me think of a conversation you guys had a while ago, basically summed up as, who even listens to Britney Spears?

If it's okay, I just wanted to add a bit to the conversation.

I am not a professional in music studies, but I am a 28-year-old queer woman that consumes a lot of pop music.

I feel like Brittany is known as an American sweetheart and gained popularity first with being on the Mickey Mouse Club.

and created a series of albums that gained a pop big popularity with young girls within my age demographic.

I also see her kind of as our Kylie Manoak.

Though Kylie is far more accomplished album-wise than Britney, this is the only thing I can think of similarity-wise when it comes to popularity based on region.

Kylie is way more well-known in the UK, while Britney is not, and vice versa, with the exception of the queer community that consumes a lot of both their music, regardless of region.

I think Britney is

well-known in the UK, though.

Britney is very well known in the UK.

Yeah, I would say as well known as Kylie.

Oh, easily.

Yeah, absolutely.

So,

just to be very clear, when I'm saying who listens to her, I'm meaning who listens to her new stuff now.

Is she releasing new stuff?

I assume so.

Of course.

Who, Britney, is releasing new stuff?

I guess you know who's listening to it.

Britney fans.

Britney fans.

We know that, though.

We know.

I get it, right?

Like, there's the same thing Harry said the other day on the Pokemon thing.

It was like, there's a, some, every Pokemon is someone's favorite.

And therefore, you know, Britney does have fans.

We're not disclosing that.

But also, I think it's, and that is a lot of influences from nostalgia and from you know like you you were a big fan of the music growing up and it influenced you or it was playing around the time when you were you know it it was it resonated with you and there's no reason that it shouldn't I think it is seen though as very manufactured early 2000s crap pop right

team pop and that's okay maybe that's the music you listen to I don't um so there is in my opinion um if you look at some of the early Britney Spears stuff

it's got pedot undertones to it, I would suggest.

Certainly a lot of the videos, if you look.

I mean, when she's...

Send us to the Isle of Wight.

Dude, the new

Isle of Wight.

We're going to do all the prisons.

I don't know if you saw the video.

Where she's called the judge a wiki cart.

Dude, she's in school uniform, dancing in a very suggestive way with a bunch of other high school girls dancing in suggestive ways.

And there was that one is hit me, hit me, baby, hit me, baby.

One more time.

Yeah, so she wants

a man to hit her.

No, okay.

To beat her.

No, let's go through this.

Hang on a second.

No, no, beat me, baby.

One more time.

What the music is saying.

Okay, here are the lyrics.

Ready?

The intro is, oh, baby.

Oh, baby, baby.

Yeah.

Verse one, oh, baby, baby.

How was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here?

Oh, baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go.

And now you're out of sight.

Yeah.

Okay.

What does that mean?

Something wasn't right.

Maybe there wasn't something.

Something was right is a teacher who's into rough sex is basically a young britney spears is what i can gather from those lyrics right well it it was a different time

it was a time of pedoes it was it was a bit

of guitar pedo look at the cover for hit me baby one more time

um this is the cover hold on let me send it to the right channel who wrote this song look so look at this look at this image of britney spears that i'm uploading now That's the cover for the single Britney Spears Baby One More Time.

She's on her knees looking up at you.

I'm just saying it is

hyper-sexualized imagery of a young woman.

And well, listen, it was written by a now 54-year-old man.

Yeah.

You don't see it as much now, but it certainly was a thing.

to sexualize schoolgirls in a and i'm sure a lot of people it's probably still a fetish to see the school uniform right are you ready for this one don't i remember this image might have been an fhm That is shockingly, shockingly pedo-bait, this image.

For anyone that wants to know, type in Britney Spears bicycle into Google.

You will find a picture of her wearing a stripper outfit and pushing a child's pink bicycle, looking back over her shoulder whilst next to a road.

And it's getting towards nighttime as if she shouldn't be out this late.

And you've caught her on her way home, pop her in the back of the van, and away you go.

That is what this image is saying.

Jesus.

This is pedo bait.

It's scary.

So, so around about the same time as Britney's was being a big deal in America, we had the cheeky girls.

Yeah, now

they're still going strong, by the way.

They are.

I saw it.

They're still performing and everything.

So, do you know what they are doing, by the way?

The Cheeky Girls.

They work in high-end die

dealerships as their day job.

So, each of them has a job in a different high-end die.

And they're quite good salesmen, apparently.

They sell a lot of cars.

Wait, wait, wait.

They're just selling cars.

They're not singing the cheeky girls.

They're not professional singers.

They have one song.

Yeah.

Two.

And actually, but yeah.

And apparently, yes, that thing you saw on Reddit with them performing, they actually had to go off stage and press play on the tape.

Do you know what I mean?

They don't even have like a manager or an assistant or anything.

They just go to these events for fun.

They go and sing their one song.

And they're kind of, I mean, they obviously had...

they've faced bankruptcy and things a few times because you know it's not they've not like made that much money off this manufactured song, which was owned by all sorts of other people, right?

Was it Lembit Opic that owned the rights to the song?

Because he was one, he went out

with one of them or both of them.

I remember seeing him with Bond, I think, yeah, because they'd be traveling.

He's too cheeky.

That's the most British thing ever, isn't it?

Um, that you know, our

a guy called Lembit Opic, the who I assume had some like the Scandinavian root, Estonian, because they're Estonian.

So

they're Romanian.

Oh, really?

Because his so Lembit Opic, his grandfather was Estonian astronomer and astrophysicist.

He's 60 years old.

Sure.

His latest tweet on X is: Was Israel wrong to bomb Iran?

This was two hours ago.

So he's still

doing it.

He's still out there.

Yeah.

But look at this.

He went out with Sean Lloyd as well.

No.

Sean Lloyd.

Yeah.

From BBC Breakfast.

She's left.

How do these people do this?

Look at Lembit Opik.

How has he done this?

Look at this guy.

How is he pulling one of the cheeky girls and then Sean Lloyd?

I don't know.

This is ridiculous.

I didn't know.

So if you don't know who Lembit Opic is, Google him right now and tell me that there is any planet where Sean Lloyd would even look like Pete is like Pete Davidson, isn't he?

He is.

He is.

He's whales like the British Pete Davidson.

Somehow dating like one hot woman and then all the other hot women just queue up behind them.

Apparently, they're like, wow.

it's insane.

He must be really, really charming.

Oh,

incredibly charming.

Oh, damn.

Did you know that on the 13th of April 1998, he almost died in a paragliding accident?

He fell

onto a Welsh mountain in his constituency and broke his

mountain in 12 places.

Good God.

As well as his ribs, sternum, and jaw.

That's all.

Jesus.

That's all of it.

gets all of the back.

That's the whole thing.

Like every

joint was broken.

How can you do that?

Fell apart like a loose xylophone.

That's terrible.

Oh, they almost married Sean Lloyd and Leonard Opic.

They came close to marrying, but she ended the relationship in October 2006 and made

some flattering comments about Opic in her autobiography, A Funny Kind of Love.

I wonder who.

I like Sean Lloyd, but fucking Alex.

Yeah, who's buying that autobiography?

Seriously, come on.

Jesus Christ.

No one gives a shit.

Oh, this is so that he was a Sean Lloyd, and then he got together with Gabriella Iramia of pop music double act The Cheeky Girls, and they split up in July 2008 after a difficult period in the relationship.

The difficult period was she realized he's Lenbik Obic.

Oh, man.

All right.

This is

from Dylan.

Hey, guys, just wanted to share some stories about my time as a Hooters line chef in near Toronto in Canada.

Nice.

I am not a waitress.

I apologize.

My penis is small.

My penis is small.

My vagina is not gaping.

Firstly, the regulars that came in, yes, Hooters has regulars, were not as you guys described.

No cowboy hats, no big beer bellies.

The regulars we had fell under two categories, simps and predators.

Most of the time,

I love this.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

I thought he was going to say, Yuppie.

I thought some like yuppies wearing tennis shorts were coming in regularly.

I said, Barnaby, shall we get some Hooters' wings?

Oh, what fuck?

I thought it would be more like the fucking sweaters tied around their shoulders and stuff.

Oh, my God.

So,

the Simpson Predators, most of them are simps.

Weedy, nerdy boys, Brackets Lewis.

What the fuck?

What about this casual rug?

What the fuck?

I don't care the Lembig Opi.

I could date a fucking cheeky girl.

Look at him.

Look at his stupid face.

Oh, man.

It's all right.

Who knew that coming in and spending money, tipping, and buying gifts would get them tons of attention from the girls.

Some regulars who'd gone far enough to pay for the full college tuitions for some of the girls.

Girls love it.

Especially compared to our second category, the predators.

These regulars were guys who clearly used to be hot shit, or at least viewed themselves as such.

So they would come in harassing the girls, thinking that the negging would lead to some sexual satisfaction.

The girls all knew that this is what they were like and would not take them seriously, going as far to warn any new girl hired immediately, oh, this guy grabs asses and this guy will try to take pictures of your tits.

So pretty gross.

So here are some stories.

We could ask for a follow-up here from Dylan.

Here are the subjects would be how much would you spend for a pair of worn panties and how many people can swing as fit on their pleasure craft.

Oh my god.

Let us know some more about that.

Fucking hell.

How many people can swing as far as we can

so many weirdos out there?

Like this is crazy.

It's a staggering amount of weirdos.

It's just

such a shame.

And pervs.

Yeah.

Well, sorry, that's who I was talking about.

Weird, weird, weird perbs.

Yeah.

I mean, you get some people that are just weird, but you also get some people who are weird and problematic.

And I think those are the ones that you got to watch out.

You do get some people.

I don't want to say weird, but we were, when we were in London, me and my entire family, we stepped into a lift to,

we were using the underground.

We were in a step-free underground,

which was which was nice because

we had like the, you know, we had the stroller for our youngest who was just sick of walking and stuff.

So it's easy to get around.

But we stepped into this elevator and there was a man in there reciting like prayers, I guess.

he had like some beads and he was just saying the same thing over and over again um but he was like still kind of interacting with us you know he was like he would like nod his head to let us like get by and stuff because we were we were like in a bit of a rush we were trying to catch a train um but my kids were were just like i had to say after like don't stare at people like especially if they're doing something that you're not used to or whatever like he was harmless but it was very like for them out of the ordinary you know what i mean uh and it was just um

it was weird because we live in such a small place.

We live in Jersey, we don't really see a lot of different stuff.

So, I

was very sort of aware of how dear in the headlights my kids are to like so many things out in the out in the wider world that

I have some at least experience with.

I'm not saying that I was like cool as a cucumber, like, you know, I don't see that every day.

So, when I see that, I'm like, oh, fuck, what's going on here?

But, uh, you know, you, you try not to let it show sort of thing.

But my kids were just like, they looked like they were about to burst into tears like we only went up one floor uh and then uh and he got off but like he seemed pleasant he was just really reciting this the like the same three or four words over and over i'm not sure what that is i i don't know if that's uh you know if it's like uh the fact that he wasn't like anywhere praying or anything either that you know he's just in a lift and walking around and stuff i i i would love to know what what that is or if that is just somebody's you know i I don't have time to actually pray.

I'm just going to walk around and do it like a million times or something or what?

Yeah, let us know.

If you're a prayer, let us know what I don't know.

I don't know the language either.

It was, it was like, it was not English, though.

It was, I don't know what it was.

But

someone did tell me that originally in Islam, you had to pray 50 times a day.

Right.

Like the whole thing.

Right.

And then they were like, this is ridiculous.

We should trim it a bit.

And now I think it's five.

Right.

I could be wrong.

But yeah, 50 times a day, you do nothing but.

And you got to wash every time, like, get the mat and do the whole, the whole palaba.

No, it was interesting.

He was just, he would say, he was saying the same four words like over and over quite quickly, but he was still like, you know, like I said, he was like letting us by.

He was like, you know, nodding.

Like when the was he saying, Omnum Shabai, Omnom Shabai, Omnum Shabai,

it was something liked about that.

It was very similar to that.

But like immediately, I could see my kids were like,

what is this?

You know, like they were like, just almost frozen.

Like, it was, you know, but yeah, I mean, if you don't know any religious people and you don't spend time around them, being confronted with people who are really religious is actually quite alarming.

Like, I know, you know, I don't want to piss you off or upset you or, or, you know, what are you going to do next?

Yeah.

What's going on?

Like, it just, to me, it's like a whole different species when you meet someone who's super religious.

Super religious.

Yeah.

I just can't understand it at all.

Yeah.

Anyway.

So this is for you uh sips uh from alex a tiny dick owner uh sips has said at least once maybe more yeah that going on holiday with your family isn't a holiday and when you get back you need a holiday for your holidays it's true i mean sometimes it's true it's not always true depends on the on the holiday i've always brushed it off as a tired dad is tired no matter what uh or where he is but i've just come off a holiday with my grandparents and no word of a lie that shit is frustrating yeah my granddad can't walk more than 100 meters before his feet hurt and my grandma was in every every shop looking to buy stuff for the grandkids.

I wanted to see the sights of Malta, but these two weighed me down like a ship's anchor.

Anyway, Rantover, whilst they may not be children, old people are a whole new set of problems.

I can definitely relate to that.

Yeah, I mean,

it is just, I think if you've ever been on a vacation before by yourself or with your partner

and you've become accustomed to that pace of vacation, you know, I want to go to a city.

I want to see stuff.

I want to actually spend time in the hotel hotel room that I'm paying for relaxing.

You know, these are all reasonable things to expect from a vacation.

None of those things happen if you go with three kids.

Like, I know what I'm getting myself into.

I'm not under any like, you know, false illusions or whatever, but it is more work being out of the house with three kids than it is just staying home with three kids.

And it's much more expensive as well.

I mean, you got to pay five airfares.

You know, like even like a child who is above two years old is full fare.

So it's, it is five airfares to get there.

It's tons of work.

If you have a really small kid, like we've been away recently, and it's better because my youngest is now more or less toilet trained, you know,

well off of like, you know, formula and needing, you know, baby stuff.

You know what I mean?

Like we can just pack her some clothes.

We just bring like a couple of baby wipes in case, you know,

she shits her pants or whatever.

And

it's, and it's a lot, there's a lot less paraphernalia to take now, so it's easier, but when they're small, it's different

at the different age, right?

Each different age is its own difficulty, right?

Yeah, like if you're, if they're, if they're a baby, then oh my god, you're, I guess you're always looking for a changing room, right, where you can like, and keeping that in mind.

I remember walking

one time with your son, you know, and this, even if it's just like the, the, it was just like the three of us or whatever, and there was like, I was like thinking, oh my God, you know, what if he just ran into the road right now, You know, or something like that.

And sometimes they do sleep on edge, right?

Yeah, for sure.

And it's like, you know, you're, you're freaking out because like, there's all this thing.

And then as they get older, I guess it's less difficult.

It's certainly less difficult for you, P Flex.

I mean, I'm sure your kids can mostly do their own thing, right?

But yeah, but even then, like, if they're, if they're young, like, you know, 11 or 12, you, you go on holiday, you can put them in the kids' club, I guess, or whatever.

I'm trying to give them stuff to do with home.

We just don't do those kind of holidays.

So, like, when we went to France last year, it was me and my youngest that went into Monaco and hired a Twizzy and drove around in it.

Because I'm not like, oh, I have to worry about her nap time and feeding her.

Like, there's none of that.

No, she's just like a young person who is fully capable and has things like, oh, I want to go look at that and I want to see that.

So it's not like taking a baby, where you're dragging them around.

Both my kids are fantastic company when you go out with them individually.

Yes.

Together, they kind of wind each other up, but it's a bit of a title.

Yeah, that, yeah.

Moving around and doing anything in a big group is always going to be kind of frustrating, right?

Like, it is, it is hard to keep everybody on like the same level.

And you know what I mean?

Like, you like when we're all together, there's always something, you know, like if we were going somewhere to see something, we would not be able to see it or enjoy it because you're constantly like, stop picking your nose, stop doing that, you're going to kill yourself.

Get off that, do that, you know what I mean?

It's just, it's constant because it is constant.

None of them rein each other in in any way.

Like, my, my kids, my kids are not like horrible either.

Like, like they they don't have meltdowns that you know they're not screaming they're not like plastered in uh you know dried up chocolate all over their face or anything like that like they're they're they're fine like they're they're they're really nice to go around with but it is hectic but like if i was just if i If I went somewhere and just took one of my kids, it'd be amazing.

Because then they're getting all of your attention.

They're getting all your time,

and there's no issues or whatever.

But when there's like five people,

everybody is just at some point miserable.

And it's tough to even just find places to stay in the first place.

Like with five people, you know, if we want to stay in a room together, it's super expensive.

Or we have to get two rooms because most hotels have

maximum capacity for the fire code.

So we're either getting two rooms or one big room.

And not every hotel has one big room for five people.

So, you know,

you have to look around.

Same with like even just stopping to eat.

Like if we stop somewhere to eat, we need a big table for everybody to sit at.

Like it's it's such a it's such a pain in the ass sometimes.

You know what I mean?

Like it's it's like little things that you don't really think of.

But

when you're already under a lot of pressure and you, you know, you're you're just trying to like get everybody where they need to to go and feed them and give them something to drink and all that.

It's like, every little thing, it's just like a death by a thousand cuts, you know, you get to the end of the day and you're just like, well, we made it, but I'm insane now.

And then that, and then it just repeats itself the next day and the next day and the next day.

Parts of it are super fun, but parts of it are super stressful.

Indeed.

Well, your kids are so broad in range.

Yeah.

In age, that's the thing.

All right.

Any more?

Well, let's do one more

and then we'll call it.

So this is from Kelly T, who signs off as lady, aged 30, Ohio, U.S.

gaping vagina.

So thank you, Kelly T.

I'm writing to you whilst a little drunk and hiding in a restaurant bathroom.

The incident happened a few minutes ago whilst watching my boyfriend at a comedy club open mic night.

Uh-oh.

I ordered dinner, baked rigatone and sausage, which I admit is a bold choice at a low-cost.

It sounds good, though.

Sounds okay, but I absolutely abhorred the sausage.

It was overcooked, chewy, and the flavor was totally off.

The waitress came by and upon seeing my leftover sausage on the plate, asked me how everything was.

In this split second, I thought about one Pirian Flax and his recent experiences at a restaurant where he told the wait staff precisely why their food sucked.

I looked at my waitress and honestly admitted my dinner was just okay.

She frowned, took my plate and didn't visit the table again until I asked for the check.

I can't stop thinking about that moment.

Why didn't I just do the polite thing and tell her it was fine?

Update.

I finally left the bathroom.

However,

to add insult to injury, I found out later that the waitress is the daughter of the owner, who also happens to be a comedian and is friends with my boyfriend.

I feel like she definitely told the owner because he gave me dirty looks from the bar all evening.

I fear I've potentially ruined my boyfriend's comedy career at this bar at least.

Anyway, just figured you'd laugh from my awkward encounter.

Thank you.

That is fairly awkward, but good for you.

I mean, the thing is,

you know what I mean?

You're going there.

You don't have to

be rude, but you don't also have to, you know,

fake all the pleasantries and stuff.

You have gone there and paid for that.

You know, if it's not, if it's not that good, you can just tell them and hopefully they'll make it better next time.

It's not, it shouldn't be awkward, you know.

You know, you've gone somewhere, if you paid for something and you've not been rude about it, you've just said, Oh, you know, it could have been better, you know, it's not, it's not the greatest.

Um, they should say, Oh, okay, sorry, you know, we'll try harder next time, or you know, maybe it was overcooked.

You know, it's just feedback, but man, why I don't know why people would get so, um, you know, giving you like dirty looks and stuff like that.

It's a bit sweet, make better food, you know.

How about that?

People,

I think, maybe they don't even care.

That's yeah, I was just by the way, I love um, one of the things I love is these terrible baby names.

Man, I saw

this morning.

How close

Auntie is Chernobyl.

Oh,

I swear to God.

There's a whole subreddit called Tragedy.

Yeah, yeah.

It's on there.

I think it was a hot post from today, if you want to check it out.

I saw it as well.

Tragedy.

Fucking hell.

That's such a good name for a subreddit.

Oh, tragedy.

Chernobyl hope.

My God.

Apparently, Israel was Chernobyl.

They said it was like it sounded pretty.

They heard it somewhere and it sounded pretty.

That is unbelievable.

God.

That is too much.

People should not be able to name their children.

The government just has a list and you're given a name on the list.

That's it.

Oh, my God.

To save a lot of time and stress.

Here you go.

Like North Korea with the haircuts.

You can choose from like a list of 10 haircuts.

Yeah.

It's the same when anybody's.

It's like a character creator in a video game.

They should have those guidelines.

10 different haircuts.

You can have like one of two body types, and

there's definitely a character limit on your name.

And you can't use any weird symbols and stuff like that.

And if the name is taken already, you're just going to have to.

I guess that's how you get into it.

That's how you get into the big tragedies.

Everybody's kind of like,

oh man.

No, then your name would be like Chris484 or something like that.

Like, yeah, that would make sense.

Anyway, that'll do for emails.

The next one we're going to do is going to be a weird eating special.

So send them in.

You've got weird eatings, but remember.

Wear your bibs.

Get your barf bags ready.

Keep them choppy.

Keep them nice and choppy and short.

Nothing.

I saw a man puking yesterday in public.

He pulled his car over to the side of the road, opened the door, and just puked everywhere.

Just thought I'd share.

Anyway,

have a good day.

Thanks so much for listening.

And see you next time.

See you next time.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Try

force.

Make all

back.