Fanny Down, Party Pie Up | Triforce Mailbag #54

Hickox.

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with

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my return.

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Hello, friends, lovers, well-wishers, haters, baggers, and

the infirm. Welcome.

Yes, especially the infirm. Welcome.
Welcome.

Do be welcome. Do be.
Do be welcome.

Please sit down. You're looking very tired.
Take us some weight off your leg and

have a sit down. Would you like a cup of tea? Why, yes, that is one of my

Lalik.

No, what am I thinking of? Hummel. What am I thinking of?

Hummel figurines. Hummel.
Hummels. Yes, they are my hummels.
Hummels?

There's a word for them

for what? Hummels.

But in England, we don't call them that. We call them some.
What? A Hummel figurine? Yes. Hummel figurines.

A series of porcelain figures based on the drawings of Maria Innocentia Hummel. Yeah, but the cheap ones made in Spain and Italy are the ones that we have in the UK.
Oh, really?

Yeah, and they're like little fairy boys or like carrots holding like a candle.

Kind of. Hummel figurine.
This is the mailbag. We're supposed to know stuff.
No, this is intriguing. Rip-off.

I don't know much stuff. Well, actually, there's...
There's a there's a bunch of rip-offs in the UK as well.

I was in Tewkesbury the other day, which has a a nice like abbey. What the heck were you doing there?

We were just visiting for the day, day out for Mother's Day. Oh, right, right.
And British Mother's Day. Don't panic, American.
No, I know, I know it. I know all.

And it was, it was a lovely day. We went, I happened to walk around an antique shop.
And I, it's amazing that tat from another world.

The stuff that's that's in there, you know, clocks and a whole box, a whole like cupboard full of stopwatches and things like this. Before, before people had phones, they had to have tons of shit.

Yeah. And this was like that on display.

The thing that always amazes me about places like that is when you go into them with somebody and they're like, wow, look at this. And you're like, yeah, wow.
That is such a piece of shit.

Like, I would never buy that.

I always find it unbelievable that people buy stuff from those places, you know? Well, I wonder how they do a trade as well. But I think it they should have so much though.

And the problem is, is there's so much that the people running it clearly don't have time to even sort it out because, you know, you're walking through and you see like, yeah, it's a mess.

I think it's, I think it's, well, my mum said it was, it's, she said, well, they have people die and all their shit gets like shoved shoved into here, you know, because it's just a mishmash of nonsense.

There are dumps that you can go to as well. It's probably quicker to unload it all.
Well, that's what I said. I said, this stuff in here is slightly more valuable than just taking it to the dump.

So it's stuff that's worth like 15 quid, you know, or, or, or 10 quid.

It's like stuff that, like, if it was worth less than that, you know, like this, this framed picture of a Matrix poster, you know, with like a limited edition film, you know, it's got a limited edition, like 999 of 12,000.

Yeah. And it's, you know, it's like, and it's like faded a bit in the sun and it's in a crappy frame and it's got like a 40 pound price tag on it.

And you're like, oh, you know, even if I was like a collector of matrix stuff would i want this you know and that's you know next to like a a chinese kind of monkey puzzle wood box you know or something yeah and it's like yeah so it's basically stuff that is is just on the wrong side of the good bad spectrum to be considered not quite trash yet yes like this is just not garbage it's just really trash yeah it's so close to just being, just toss it.

It's on the cusp.

Yeah. It's really teetering.
And I think that's what most antique shops are, right?

It's a lot of cuss. Yes, there are some genuine antiques, but I think the word antique has a certain gravitas to it, right? And it sounds like it should be good, right?

An antique should have value and be ancient and, you know, show

the past and be almost rare. You can't get more of them.
But some of these things, I mean, this this technically a Jurassic Park limited edition poster is an antique, but it can also be crap.

Is that some of these things? Is it an antique? I would say that's just a collector's item now. Like, it's not that old.

A collector.

You're talking like maybe something from like the

Victorian era is an antique now, I would say. You know what I mean? Something from 1990 is not an antique yet.
Like, there's no way.

I think for it to be an antique, it's got to be like at least 80 years old. I'm going to say.

well it's it's i think there is there are other rules but this shop did not listen to those rules right there was everything in there yeah from a literal wooden packing crate that was painted white you know like a brick-a-brac it's kind of i guess that's what it is it's not antiques is it you're right you wouldn't call like an iphone 11 an antique you know it's not it's not old enough you know what i mean like uh i mean you wouldn't even call like an ipod nano an antique yet like they're you know what i mean they're just not it's not old enough jurassic parks stuff can't be an antique just yet in my opinion i i think i think it's too it's too young it's got like 80 years i think about 80 years should be there's probably like a guideline for this stuff somewhere you know yes if only there was like some resource that i could use to find out well here's the thing ladro that's what it's called l-l-a-d-r-o it's a spanish company they've made they still go in and but for the last sort of well one of the biggest things they make is these porcelain figurines, right?

Um, and they're they're what I consider Hummels to be, you know, and but there's a couple of knockoff ladros because obviously, you know, there's your grandma doesn't want to buy a small child holding a candle next to a goat, you know, for

sounds like something occult-related, yeah,

definitely, but they do modern ones, it's like a Grogu Ladro figurine. Do you know what I mean? They have like branded Grogu is the uh, the baby Yoda from the Mandalorian.
Right. That little shit.

I'll put it in chat and you can have a look. But this is this.
Wait, he was called Grogu? Yes. Yes.
I know. Fucking Grogu? It was either that or Grego.
So, I mean.

It's just, that's such a weird name. It is a weird name.
You're right. Well, they had to call him something.
They couldn't just keep calling him baby Yoda. Yeah, true.

They did have to call him something, yeah. Tony.
Just call him Tony. It's a classic name.
Dave.

Go on. Well, give me your.

Give me a mailbag. Mailbagbagbagbagbagbo you want to give him hit him with a mail.
All right, baby.

I keep talking about going around this antique shop. He was mentally.

This is about the D ⁇ D wizard tropes thing that I mentioned, where I said I felt that the wizards in Dungeons and Dragons were the nerds that made D ⁇ D made sure that the wizards were very powerful.

The most powerful. Just because they couldn't pick something up didn't make them not powerful.

So recently you mentioned wizards being frail in D ⁇ D, despite Gandalf being a badass. As a hobbyist historian on the matter, I'd like to share some context you might find interesting.

Besides game balance, which you discussed, the other reason why early DD wizards were frail and didn't much resemble Gandalf is because the creators were more interested in the sword and sorcery genre of pulp fantasy, where magic users are often depicted as villains relying on the occult for power, while the heroes used strength and wits, e.g.

Conan the Barbarian. Appendix N of the first Dungeon Masters Guide, titled Inspirational and Educational Reading has 28 authors listed, including J.R.
Tolkien.

But it's noted there that the most influential of the creators were, I don't know what these mean, Lion Sprague DuCamp, Fletcher Pratt, Robert E. Howard, Jack Vance, H.P.

Lovecraft, Abraham Merritt, and Fritz Lieber. I don't know any of these.
I'm sorry, apart from Lovecraft. Well, Robert E.
Howard is the guy who did Coden. Oh, I see.
But who's

Leon Sprague DuCamp? I've got. He must be a famous

writer. Yes, I know, know, but I'm saying who the hell is he? Like, he wrote science fiction.

You could just look him up.

Use the World Wide Web. I have.
He wrote things like the Franco hits. Extraterrestrial.
Wow. Did he? Yeah.

So he's like a pretty big deal. I mean, extraterrestrial, that's a bit, that's a famous word.
That's a famous word.

You're absolutely right. And he wrote these light fantasy kind of pop, poppy, poppy sort of things.
One of the ones called Land of Unreason, 1942 a kind of adult fantasy oh goodness here's a plot

simpson which was then of course adapted into the simpsons

Fred Barber an American staying as a guest in an English country home during World War II consumes a bowl of milk left as an offering for the fairies leaving behind liquor in its place nice the rightful recipient of the offering uh gets drunk and is offended at the substitution, takes vengeance by kidnapping Barber off to the land of fairies as a changeling, a fate normally reserved for infants.

Okay. He finds Fairy beset by a menace, echoing the war in his own world, trapped in a magical realm where rationality is turned upside down.

He undertakes a quest in the service of the fairy king to be returned to his own world. Wow.
So, yeah, I mean, it's classic, classic

drug-fueled literature. Classic old-school fantasy strangeness.
Yes.

But obviously, like coming in the footsteps of Alice in Wonderland and Narnia and these other things, you know, that were much older, I guess, than this, right? Yes.

Which

were always very prevalent in culture, right? When you think of fantasy, you do have to think of like these early... Oh, she was Narnia before? Was it after? Around the same time.
Anyway, whatever.

Yeah, Tolkien was around the same time, I imagine, as well, like post-war.

That was like the founding, I guess, modern fantasy world. So, I guess that was why DD was there.
Yeah. It has to be something familiar to people, right?

When you've got your players, they have to have, they have to have a world which they've already read the books about. Yeah, yeah.
Gosh. It just reminded me of

the name El Prague DuCamp reminded me for some reason of Tarnsman of Gore by John Norman. Have you ever heard of the Gore novels? No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So

they got talked about on something awful quite a lot back in the day. Right.
Because there's like a subculture around them.

So, Gore, G-O-R, and this guy, John Norman, he basically wrote these really trashy pulp sci-fi books

about

they were called sword and planet novels, right? In that it, it's like sort of low-tech-ish, in that there's a lot of sword fighting and stuff like that, but on exotic alien planets. Uh, and and also

sword and planet is also known as planetary romance, in that they're quite often, for some reason, a bit saucy. Um, so Tans Manager.

I think, I think Tarns Mad Gore was problematically saucy. Right, right.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm coming to that.
I'm coming to that. I'm not going to say that Gore is fine.

Anyway, this, the whole point of Gore was that it depicted women as slaves of men. And all the women in the Gore novels are submissive.

And it's very clear that John Norman was just really into BDSM, where he was like the male dom and he had submissive, you know, women partaking in BDSM with him.

That's pretty much what all the books were right and he

made 38 of these um it's it's insane tarsman of gore outlaw of gore priest kings of gore nomads of gore and so on uh slave girl of gore uh savages of gore like it just goes on and on and on and on and on um yeah he wrote a ton of these books uh yeah anyway so yeah gore and you gotta admire people that like uh they're so passionate about something that they'll just keep doing it regardless of whether it works or not.

You know, like

you hear about these authors that wrote like 20 books and none of them did well commercially.

But then later, you know, somebody discovers them and they're like, wow, these are amazing, but the person is long dead or whatever. Yeah.

But like, how do you have the motivation to just keep writing this stuff? Like, I feel like you'd want to.

Well, the reason why is because it's porn.

Like, this is, he says, um, the first several books are passable exercises of Edgar Rice Burroughs-style fiction, while later volumes degenerate into extremely sexist, sado-basochistic pornography involving the ritual humiliation of women, and as a result have caused widespread offence.

That's a bit like this podcast, really, isn't it? Yes.

Early episodes,

we just talked about sniffing flowers.

I hate women.

Fantasy author Michael Moorcock says that Gore novels should be placed on the top shelves, stating, I'm not for any form of censorship, but I am for strategies that marginalize things that work to objectify women and suggest women enjoy being beaten.

Wow.

This is a common thing in

this stuff. I mean, I read the Terry Goodkind Sword of Truth series when I was in school,

when I was in secondary school, because, you know,

this was what happened. These books were in the school library and they are sort of

in your school library? Well, they definitely,

he, well, again, like one of the things that I'm sure we've talked about this before, but but Goodkind has it like he must be into BDSM or something because he is routinely subjecting his female leads to some form of sexual violence, which is not very cool.

No. And I sort of, I did find it a little bit kind of sexy and erotic when I was a kid, but also in a way that was like kind of unpleasant.
Right. I don't know.

Joey, I was, there wasn't a lot of, I was like, you felt dirty.

You were, you were, You got horny, but you felt bad and dirty about it. Well, it was a strange source of pornography to discover when I was

14 years old in the school library. There was like all this,

all these like, all these books that have

sex in them, you know, but they're in like kind of a strange section of the, you know,

you.

We were very starved for this back in the day.

It's a different world, right? Yeah.

I only had Microsoft and Carter

type in boobs into that and it didn't show you anything. You know, it was not the same.
Yeah, it was rough. It was rough.

Oh, by the way, do you remember we talked about the North Sentinelese Island ages ago? Sure.

Yes, that's the one where

they throw the spears at helicopters. Yeah,

you cannot go there, right?

So on Thursday, Indian police arrested a U.S. tourist who had sneaked onto the highly restricted island carrying a coconut and a can of Diet Coke.
Oh my God. That's what he had.

Is that the only thing he'd carry? Apparently that was two of the things he had and they nicked him.

I mean the main thing we're we're not gonna we're not you know letting people go there is because A, they're gonna get killed by the North Centralese people and B, they might kill all the North Centralese people with whatever diseases they've got.

These guys live in completely isolated conditions. You go over there and give them COVID, they're all fucked.

Well, precisely. I feel like there's

we've seen enough news of people going there and getting you know killed for it.

It's not like you know, that the last time someone was land land, but I think they a lot of these people see it as a challenge, you know, or like the last guy was a missionary, wasn't he?

And he wanted to, you know, spread the word of Jesus to them to save them. Yeah, did it work? Um, and I know he died, they killed him, right? Excellent.
Um, so no message received

excellent, weird, yes, yeah weird that that happened total failure yeah it is weird yeah all right this is uh

from andy

um sorry for the slightly inappropriate question i'll try to keep it as civil as possible while watching a recent yokescast members video where lewis and boba were joking about fanny packs i was suddenly struck by a thought do british women use the slang term fanny in intimate situations For example, and he is then removed on grounds of good taste the example.

So I'll do it. Oh yeah, stick that big cock right up my fanny might be an example.

It's not even

it's pretty common for American women to use pussy in certain situations. But the thought of someone using the term fanny in the heat of passion seems ridiculous and quite funny.

I feel ashamed, but my curiosity and relentless quest for the truth have overridden my common sense. All right.
Yeah. Listen, I think it's unlikely to happen north of Leicester, right?

North south of Leicester. Like it's it's definitely a more northern thing, right? You could imagine some

from some lass from Hull might let that one out. Oh, yes, poppage in my phoof is what we would say.
Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

South of, yeah, yeah. But it's, it's more, it's definitely a more northern term.
And I think these days, not so much. But I think you could definitely see it if you wanted to.

Alan, ravish me with your tallywhacker. That's what they would say.

That's what they'd say in the south. Stuff like that.
But up north, they'd be like, you know, here you go.

The reason British porn hasn't really taken off on the internet. Oh, that's dead nice, Actie.
Oh, yeah.

It was that jizz all over me fucking tips.

I find all porn talk

ridiculously cringe. Like, I don't even know how people, you know, you know, people talk about like, oh, yeah, you know, we're dirty pillow talk and stuff.
Like, why are you doing that?

Like, don't, just do that.

Just fucking shut up and get on with it. We don't need to.
Shut up and get on with it. We don't need the play-by-play either.
Thanks. Like, it's.

I prefer to be perfectly silent. That's right.
Yeah. Completely silent.
Yeah. With like a couple of muffins.
Maybe you could ask me, are you okay? Yeah. Once.
There you go. Are you okay? Dear?

All right, now. I'll get on with it.
Yes, darling. Carry on.
Wouldn't it get right up once, Fanny?

Yeah, no, I don't think

I've ever heard it used, really. I mean, being a southerner, it's not super common.
No.

We call it.

clunge down south

right now you're right yeah that is the the common term for it. That is the common term, medical term.

Well, madam, we've looked at your scams, they've come back, and the specialist says your clunge is infected. Yeah, sorry.

I live way more south than both of you, and

I can tell you that down here they go in big for vajazzle.

Oh, yes, by vajazzle. Yes,

do they? Yes,

yes. You don't go for like a hoo-ha or like a rah-rah or anything like that.
A rah-rah. No, no i can't say i've ever heard of it before

i mean yeah but if someone said she exposed her rah-rah i'd know what you meant exactly it just has to be any slightly slightly twee phrase is the sort of polite version of uh lady garden for example you know anything like that anyway all right this is thank you this is from

yeah cheers thanks so much for that

I found a topic I could chip in on after the Gordon Ramsey bingo discussion. I work as a chef in Sweden, moved here from California in 2020, and I've been working in kitchens for the last 10 years.

While I have no intention of defending the concept of fresh frozen, as mentioned often on Kitchen Nightmares, I think there is a general lack of awareness of the freezing practices in restaurants.

And speaking from my own experience in broad terms, there will of course be exceptions. Freezing foods is incredibly common in restaurants, generally with the help of vacuum sealing to retain quality.

Food is often prepared in bulk as a time-saving measure. Your comment, literally making something and using it for the whole week, is exactly what happens in most restaurants.

Things that take a long time to cook are often made at the beginning of the week and used throughout. So long as it tastes fine, and you, the chef, would eat it, it's acceptable to serve.

That kind of thing can't be done with fresh burger meat or fish, for example. Most places are cooking in bulk and reheating.
It's just how most restaurants work. Sorry.

What is going on in the background? There's like someone shouting or something. Someone talking.
People yelling. Especially people outside.

It might not come up in the episode, but if you do, if you're listening to this in a tranquil moonlit glade

and you can hear some

Twickenhamites arguing in the background. Our sincerest apologies.

They are animals. I imagine it will get processed out in the.

Yeah, I mean, that's an incredibly boring email. Thank you, Rebecca.

Basically, you're saying that. Oh, she's making

that just to save time, we do cook stuff in advance. We just put it in a little bag and seal it.
No, no. Listen to this.

Make our own sausage in-house and prepare enough to last several weeks because it's it's very time-consuming. We make the sausage, vacuum, seal it, and then freeze those bags.
What do you think?

Should they make fresh sausages every day? How is that different to freezing like something

at a factory and then delivering it to you the week later? Like, there's no difference. Like, just because you made it, like,

it's not freshly cooked, is it? It's gone in the freezer.

The whole point of this, and Gordon Ramsey's whole point, is that it's gone into the freezer and come back out of the freezer, which changes it.

You know? Oh, I'm with it. Am I crazy? No, I mean, no, you're not crazy.

But I will say that. I think stuff that has been frozen and unfrozen is different.
It just is, right? I guess.

I mean, I will say that I've frozen sausages before, and when they come out of the freezer, they're fine. They're basically the same.

I've made bolognaise, and then we freeze the bolognese portions, and then we reheat it later, and it tastes the same.

Like, there are just things that you can freeze as long as you don't leave it there in a shabby way, just bosched in the freezer, right?

So, are you saying, hang on, is the point of this email that there's no problem with stuff being fresh-frozen at all, and Gordon's wrong, or is the point of it that, in fact, it's that some fresh-frozen stuff is fine, or is there, or is no fresh-frozen fry?

I don't understand.

So, I think the point of it is that we were talking about the whole fresh-frozen thing, and Becca's contention. So, Gordon's wrong.

No, Becca's contention is that a lot of restaurants do that because they wouldn't be able to do it otherwise. Take it up with Gordon.

Just write into him, not us. Like, what are you telling us for? He's not as accessible as we are.
That's why. He's busy.
He wouldn't just ignore that email.

See, we're listening. We listen.
That's why, you know, you should watch our cooking show instead. It's more accessible.

Apologies for that out there. Rebecca is making excuses for freezing all of her food.

Because it sounds like restaurants actually have to do it in order to function. Well, it sounds like a reasonable thing to do then.
But Gordon doesn't think so.

So maybe buck your ideas up, Rebecca, and maybe cook some stuff stuff fresh. And it's fucking raw.
So, you know, all that.

Yeah.

Rebecca, geez. Gosh.
Jeez. Anyway.

Next. Okay.
Yeah. I'm just reeling from that Lulu outburst.
It always sets me back.

So I was actually reading an article about Amazon Prime the other day.

I don't think we talked about it on the podcast. But 67, about 67% of people in America have Amazon Prime.
The ones that use Amazon. Yeah.
About 67%

have Prime. Right.

But that a lot of the time, the cost of things that you buy when you're logged in on a Prime account are higher than when you are logged in on a regular account.

Like they, you pay for Prime, and then in addition, they stick the prices up for you.

I see. Which is quite interesting.
So this

stump has emailed in the great Amazon Prime conspiracy starring ads and my sanity.

So I'm in the car with my girlfriend, Mailbag52 playing, and Lewis goes full rant mode about Amazon Prime showing ads. And I, once again, cannot stress the look me and my partner shot each other.

A moment of pure connection between myself and Lewis, forged through shared outrage. Why? Because every single word Lewis uttered was like an echo of my own inner monologue.

Watching Invincible or Clarkson's Farm, other shows are available, has become an exercise in rage management. The ads continue to make my blood boil.
Here's why. It's not even the existence of the ad.

No, no, it's the conspiracy of it all. Flash back to a few years ago.
There I am, blissful in my ad-free prime world, believing in the promise of uninterrupted streaming.

Fast forward today, and what do I get? Ads. And what's worse, I'm paying more now than then thanks to inflation.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend just doesn't get it.

She's over there scrolling TikTok during the ads, saying they're fine, they don't bother anyone, but they do bother me.

They're squeezing every drop of revenue out of me for a service that half the time has nothing worth watching. Amen.
Jesus.

This is just a rant-fueled mess of a podcast.

I think we got to understand that the world out there, they don't care about us. They just want to extract as much money as possible and they will only stop when

they start falling apart. It's like Disney putting all their prices up and doing less and less.

They're going to use up all their goodwill eventually.

But until that point, they can just make as much money as possible. That prime thing on the increasing cost doesn't surprise me at all.
It's terrible the way they do it. And

they manipulate and they exploit to get, because they can make millions by doing so, right? On this.

They tweak one little thing that pisses off a bunch of people, sure, but it makes them millions in return.

So like, oh, it's like one of the things they do, for example, on Prime and on Discord and on these things is they offer you like, you can get discounts on signing up at this thing, right?

It's like, oh, if I, and they're selling that to you as a benefit. Okay.
Whereas actually, it's an ad.

They're saying to you, oh, guys, as part of your prime membership, you can get 20% off at your membership, but pure gym. But of course, you can't.
Right.

It's, it's an advert for pure gym because they're paying Amazon to try and get signups, you know, at a discount. It's not, it's not actually a benefit, but they overload you with things.

Discord does this all the time. They constantly

try and give you free stuff, but actually it's all just adverts.

disguised as benefits.

And so this is the world we live in. Okay, guys, we can't, we can't stop it.
People will people will be making money. It's like AI.
Okay.

I don't know if you've seen TikTok or Instagram recently, but AI is starting to get everywhere. Oh, God.
It's so fun.

And I'm realizing it's everywhere, but I'm also noticing that sometimes it's almost too good to notice.

But that means it's everywhere. And I'm not noticing it, right? Like, I've heard that AAA studios are just massively using AI.
And of course, why wouldn't they?

If you can save time, money, paying people, you can get something done fast and get, you know, go on holiday earlier or have more days off or spend more time with your family, why wouldn't you? Right.

We live in a capitalist society. The genie is out of the bottle.
There's no stopping this. And if you're not using AI, you're being left behind.

You can see all the excuses that these people are using to start using this stuff in their games. And it's going to be used in ways that...

are really interesting, like to do the, to automatically do the voiceovers. And, you know, so you don't need to hire the voice acts anymore.

It's going to be used to do all the animations of the mouth moving, so you don't have to do that by hand anymore. You know, it's going to be used for like so many things, and it's kind of here now.

Like, these next generation of AAA games are coming through.

So, do you think finally at long last, we'll have a game where you can choose your character's name, and then for the whole game, they call you that, you know, like in like you know, like it's all voice acted, but they're like, oh, yeah, um,

hey, good to see you, Turbo Hot Rod69.

Welcome back.

But it's all like,

it's just so slick. You know, it's there.
Do you think finally we're at that point?

Is here with that?

I think there's always space for bespoke and skilled people. And there's always going to be people who have to code it and engineer it and tweak it and adjust it and change it and fix it, right?

Like, cause it's never going to be perfect. But at the same time, I think that you can skip vast amounts of faff.

You know, I think in a sense, like, I reckon you can just get how has Audible not already got books on auto being read? Do you know what I mean?

Like, Audible could just throw out tons of books that haven't got an audio book version, or maybe Audible are quaking in their boots because, you know, you buy the book version and a subscription to this AI.

Is it part of the appeal with those

sometimes that like celebrities read them? Well, you can get an AI voice of a celebrity. What are you talking about? I can get Stephen Fry to read me Lord of the Rings.

I know, but like you get him on the podcast. Right.
Well, exactly. Oh, my God.
We can. that we could easily well this is that would be my dream come true it would be

it would be great i'm just saying like that is everyone is is on a knife edge about this stuff but it's it's coming and there's nothing we can do about it right um it's and it's it's it's it's a it's like a juggernaut like pounding down on us it's like nothing we can do it's just going to change everything yeah but maybe that's maybe that's just me i just i just think it's like one of those these points where it's it's a huge change right the internet changed everything and i i think ai is going to be again a huge change ai feels like a really big change for better or for worse like um you know i i i feel like like enough has changed over say the past 25 years let's say but ai feels really significant like it's like it it's a it's a big step all of a sudden there is you know

it's a real it's like it's a real inflection point oh of course it is but like it's really doing amazing things that you can't see behind the scenes right um The art generation stuff

kind of blows my mind. It's real stupid.

I did actually do a thing yesterday where I asked,

I asked, what did I, who did, of course, on my, on WhatsApp, fucking Mark Zuckerberg has got Meta AI now. You can send a message to basically Facebook's chat GPT.

And I asked it to come up with some roles, custom roles for Blood in the Clock Tower.

Right. Wow.
What did it come up?

They were so bad.

They were so hilariously bad. I thought we could like do a little, I always thought we could do a little video talking through.
Oh, okay. Okay.
But it is only a matter of time. Yeah.

It is only a matter of time. Bill Gates said that in like the next 10 years, it'll it'll go nuts.

I mean, yeah. You can believe him or not, but I mean, maybe he knows something about it.
I don't know. I feel like.

I feel like he's probably right. I think in the next 10 years, we'll see pretty big changes to do with AI.

You know, like, not

it'll be a little bit like it's similar to when it's a copy, right? Yeah, it's a shorter, sorry,

but it's like a shadow of reality. Like, it's like a garbled version.
It's like someone going,

like, that sounds like French, but it isn't.

That's what AI is doing at the moment.

It's like mimicking rather than understanding in it. Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, gold sips.

I was just going to say it's probably a little little bit like the, you know, when the first sort of

automation on assembly lines started coming out, you know, it didn't start off perfect, but now, like, look at it now, it's insane. You know, the

way that they make cars and the way that they make,

you know, products, produce goods and stuff like that. Like it'll be something that

it'll catch on and then they'll just refine it, refine it, refine it. And before you know it, you just won't need people to do that kind of stuff anymore, you know?

And it's going gonna be surprising what gets replaced yeah right and what it's not everyone's focusing on art but like the the real stuff behind it is accounting and text and and it's weird jobs that are going to go yeah first yeah like accounting you know everything's going to be done digitally the whole thing um there won't be any more accountants no oh yeah yeah i mean it's already happening i've like reached my bank account to zero or whatever i'm just joking and they just track they just pull everything through there and it puts it all through pretty much automatically yeah um there's always but then again, there's always, there's always something to fix, isn't there?

I think it's just

anyway, let's move on before I rant too much more about falling apart of the world. Yeah.

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And now, on with the show.

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And now on with the show.

Do you guys, do you guys know? Uh, this is a

couple of little mini news stories here. First of all, Sips, you're on another podcast.
Um, I was, I've been on, on many other podcasts. Yeah, why? Side quest?

Yes.

Were you guys all playing games while uh

while we were on there, yeah. Huh, that's interesting.
You told us about this. Was that Jesse's podcast? No, Bear Taffy's podcast.
Oh, Bear Taffy. I told you.
You told us about that. I don't remember.

I apologize. Bear Taffy.

The show was like you had to do stuff in games, but you couldn't do the same. You couldn't do multiple things in the same game.
So like one thing was like chop down a tree. And there was three of us.

So somebody could be like, oh, okay, I know what game I can play to quickly chop down a tree. And then, you know, the other two went off and did.

There's like a whole list of tasks, and you try to do them in a certain amount of time. It's not like he told us, it's not like he's cheating.
What are you talking about, P Flax? What is this?

I didn't accuse him of that. I just was intrigued because I saw it on the Triforce subreddit and I was like, oh, this must have been, you know, maybe he was on Tough Talk with Bill Maher or something.

He's just sounding very accusatory. No, I apologise.
I didn't mean to. Yeah, it's not shit.
You didn't do any other. Have you been on any other podcast?

You used any. I hope you used protection.

I've been on other podcasts and I haven't told you guys about it. So I felt that.
Oh, I told you guys about this because it was kind of relevant to the stuff that we're into and everything.

And it was fun. Right.
Right, right. I wanted to share a fun experience you know well try not to do that me i guess

you're not allowed yeah please don't tell us

don't share positive stories with us about your life

sorry so uh do you guys you guys know abby and britney the conjoint twins those two girls american yeah i saw i saw a picture of them just today actually there was there was something on reddit about them but i didn't i didn't read it so here's what it was i did not read it they had to pay for two separate college college tuitions,

but they only receive one salary from their job. How fucked up is that? Yeah, it's fucked up.
What the fuck?

That's not on.

Pretty bad.

So here's another email. This is from Wolfgang, and he's a mathematician.

I'm a DS. Yes, a mathematician.
Wow. Yeah.
He says, TLDR, I am a mathematician who also finds prime number stuff boring.

And I wanted to share with you that there's actually a lot of really cool maths that the general public doesn't hear a lot about. So it's quite a long email, but I'll sum up this bit for you.

First of all, the Borsuk-Ulam theorem. Have you heard of this? No.
No, I can't say that I have. Okay.

It tells us that there is always a spot on Earth's surface such that its exact opposite point on the other side of the world has exactly the same atmospheric pressure and temperature as itself.

Always. And that point is always moving around, so you can't track it down, but it exists.
They proved it mathematically that it exists.

That is weird. That is weird.

That's weird. What are you talking about? It's true.
There are two points on exact opposite of the.

So, antipodal, I think it is, is when there are two points in precisely opposite directions from the center of the Earth. So, they are absolutely opposite points on the Earth.

Do you know what I can prove mathematically?

That next week I'm going to say, did we get an email from a guy called Wolfgang about math or something? Because I'll have read it on the Reddit because my brain has just shut down.

okay i gotcha um we're old so yeah so you're saying that there's there's on there's a mathematically yeah they've proven it you can look it up there's there's an there's the opposite sides at some point or some tiny minuscule point on the earth the atmospheric pressure and the temperature always match of these two these two points what the yeah i know it's a really weird one and it moves around yeah just playing little pranks all the time yeah uh a consequence uh i don't understand how well i know possibly be true so there's something called the Brewer fixed point theorem.

If you stir a cup of coffee or any liquid without spilling any, no matter how much you stir, there will always be a molecule in the coffee that ends up exactly where it started before you started stirring.

The same result also has the corollary that if you lay a map of your country down on the floor of your bedroom, then there is a minuscule point on the map that exactly coincides with the point that it represents in real life on your bedroom floor.

Right. I love that.
Yeah. You're not interested by any of this?

I mean, I'm interested in nothing. It is kind of wreaking havoc on my small, feeble mind, though.
No, no, no.

That one makes sense to me. That last one.
If you lay a map down and it's completely flat, i.e. every single molecule of that map is touching every single molecule of your bedroom floor, right? Yeah.

There is somewhere one molecule where it's exactly the place on the map. Yes.

That makes sense. That's critical.
Yeah. The coffee one, where you stir it, one molecule.
One molecule will always be right back where it started. Yeah.
That does not make sense to me either.

But is that that doesn't make sense to me. I don't like that.
That freaks me out. So

that makes me think we're living in a simulation.

Okay. So, but I think bearing in mind that if you look into either of these theorems,

who knows how, but they've proved it mathematically. And for anyone who says, oh, well, that's not the same as the real world.

The final point that Wolfgang makes is that black holes, before we actually saw one, were just

thinking I trust anything Wolfgang says says now, Arthur.

I feel like he's making this shit up. Yeah,

carry on. Violated your brain in some way.
I'm ready to be confused even more. So they predicted the existence of black holes purely mathematically.
There was no observation that they went based on.

Based. It was based.
It was

the mathematical understanding can often outstrip the ability to observe physical phenomena, according to Wolfgang. So yeah, it's a bit mad.

it's a bit mad um i thought he was going to give me a black hole fact no that i was some some nonsense no because i think i can conceive of i mean black holes are very some of the stuff to do with them is crazy like the way they warp space

yeah time

yeah that whole thing is that whole thing of like going close to the speed of light and time changing the way the way time is evolved is very mind-warping i think interstellar explained it the best um in a really easy to digest way with the floating library and stuff and being stuck on the walls and everything.

When I saw that, I was like, you know what? I get it. Like, I can't explain it, but I get it.
I don't get it.

I don't know how people know any of this stuff. Like, how, like, where do you even start? Like, how did I think? I think that's exactly it.
You just

built in this stuff, even you build upon it. So you start at the beginning and you work your way up and you get, it's all layers, right?

It's all layers of knowledge you have to understand everything previous to it before you could understand it and we coming in at the top being like duh yeah

would you tell me that when i mix my cup of tea i'm warning the molecules go back to where they were

what's a molecule

what's a cotton bit molecule that's why i don't know why you like immediately for a guy that sounds like he runs a gas station yeah well i was like i don't know sorry gas station runners out there.

I didn't mean to offend. It's just like, I was trying to

think of the easiest, like simple folk accent that

I can do. Just to

prove the point. It is funny.
Yeah. Sorry.
Sorry about that. Anyway, well, thanks, Wolfgang.
Thanks for writing in.

Food for thought. Maybe too much.
It's like a buffet of thought.

All you can eat. And I'm already full, but appreciate it.
Thanks.

Okay.

so um i've got one about slot machines in pubs right um this is uh from someone who wants to remain anonymous um but uh they live in australia this lad spends his time working in the pokies as they're affectionately known the pokies yeah

um i witnessed what can only be described as a sad lonely helplessness of gambling addicts spitting away their entire paycheck day in day out sure sometimes a regular bar patron would go in and have a spin with their mates but the vast majority of the turnover turnover was from addicts who over the course of the evening would put many thousands of dollars in and receive a couple hundred back.

All studies surrounding video gaming machines point to the fact they create gambling addicts.

In fact, 84% of revenue from slot machines comes from problem gamblers and 14% of gamblers account for 44% of all gambling revenue.

They are a stainless society and my time working in Pokies has made me never want to play them in my life and I advise all my friends to do the same. On to the stories.

These are some of the lads, the people that you'd get in the Pokies.

The Octopus.

We had one regular patron who we referred to as the Octopus and he would set himself up between three machines and play them all simultaneously in a glorious symphony of spins.

Strictly speaking, this is not allowed, but our venue owner informed us not to interfere, as his $5 spins across three machines every 2.1 seconds was netting us a considerable income.

The high rollers. In our venue, anyone playing $5 spins was considered a high roller.
We were instructed never to charge them for drinks.

Additionally, there was a small supply of party pies, sandwiches, spring rolls, et cetera, that were only party pies.

That were only to be brought out to the gaming floor when a high roller was playing. On one occasion, a high roller won a cool $1,200.
Wow. It was like

a high roller.

Get the bloody party pies off.

Start defrosting those party pies that you cooked three weeks ago. Crazy.

Craigie, you're down in the basement, bud. Can you break out that box of party pies?

But in the middle of the mate, it's an emergency

Hoyer Arma coming.

Five Aussie dollars in at a time.

I'm absolutely spammed.

We wouldn't happen to have a party primer for me.

Oh, no way.

You put your family down on that chair and you start having fun. I'll bring you free Castlemane Forex.
I'll I'll get a shrimp off the bottom. We'll get a budding snag for you.
Oh, it's heaven.

Oh, fiddlesticks. My monocle has popped out.

So excited.

I think it's got into one of the party bars.

Oh, man.

Okay,

someone went $1,200. It was late in the evening, and the till had run out of $50 notes.

So in order to pay him, I just opened up the very machine he was gambling on and paid him a small chunk of his own money. Fucking

he had just fed about five grand into the machine. He inquired, is all that mine? To which I replied that yes, it mostly was.
And he simply said, Wow. Money laundering.

Many local drug dealers would come in with wads of cash to launder through the machines. The way it worked is this.
You feed $1,000 of dirty cash into the machine. You play a $5 spin.

You press the cash out button. As the cash out was above the $200 threshold for coins, a ticket is created for a manual payout from us.
Collect your $995 of clean money from the cashier station.

That was quite interesting.

So typically we're meant to report this to the Gaming Commission, but we had no real proof that these funds were dirty. And because they would always tip extremely well, everyone turned a blind eye.

Oh, man. That's great.
I like the octopus as well. He's like,

he's like an eight-year-old boy with his phone and Discord and an iPad and a Switch. I mean, like all of the, like you see these kids doing like four things at once.
He's just ahead of his time. Yeah.

You know, playing four games at once. I like that.
Oh man. There must be loads of money laundering that goes on as well.
Like in God's way,

small time. Absolutely crazy.
I mean,

the thing is, it's even written on the side of the machine,

the payout rate. That's what gets me about these,

especially these problem gamblers for fruit machines and stuff.

is that you know that the house has an edge in things like roulette uh and you know about everything actually the house has an edge but they don't put it so blatantly on the side of the machine as they do with fruit machines where it it literally says this machine pays out at 76%, meaning that a quarter of everything you put in is gone forever and you will only ever get 75% to 76% back.

So if you put a thousand pounds in, congratulations, you get 76, $760 back, and the rest of it stays in there. It's insane.
I think this is a false

economy, though, or whatever, false thing, theorem, where the idea is, is that you say, well, it says that you're going to lose on the side.

It's like, how can anyone not, in their right mind decide that gambling is bad, right? It's almost like saying the same thing with smoking.

It's like, you know, well, if we put this, if we tell them that it causes cancer, surely they'll stop.

Appealing to their intelligence or their rationality is not why these people smoke or gamble in the first place, right?

It's not a high percentage of people, it's a small percentage of people who are doing this.

And they are usually people who are doing this gambling because they're desperate or lonely or sad or whatever, right? There's some underlying problem that is always going to be there.

And you telling them they're going to lose is not going to change their behavior, right?

This is why these things and these skinner boxes of games that are, you know, free-to-play games that, you know, they entirely function off whales, you know, coming in and giving huge amounts of money to them.

And the solution really is

not just to tell people that they're going to lose their money,

although they are.

it's addressing the bigger problem. And I think, yeah,

it's devious and

it preys on vulnerable people and it shouldn't be allowed. They just shouldn't allow them.
But I think that they're seen as a bit innocent, the Pokies, right? And a bit of fun.

But there's always somebody who's going to take it too far.

At least with the Pokies, you have to go there in person. You have to actually get them physical money.
You have to feed it in.

The problem with the online casinos is that this stuff is happening in the comfort of people's own homes and it's much more out of control and it's much more dangerous.

So

agreed. Yeah.
I mean, I know a family where

the husband ran up tens of thousands of pounds worth of gambling debts, had to pay them off to the point where they had to remortgage their house.

And the wife, who we know at this point, was like, right, we're taking away all your credit cards, no access to the bank account. You will literally have to come through me for all money.

I mean, fucking, she stuck by them, which blows my mind. Um, but the lad basically fucking ruined the financial future, uh, just addicted to gambling on his phone.

He's like just doing it all the time. But you see, there's loads of stories about that.
It's terrible. Um, so here's a follow up.

Part of it is the idea that you can win it back as well, or that somehow karma

gives you your owed a win. I think there's a lot of fallacies around this.
A huge amount. The sunken cost fallacy and gamblers' fallacy are pretty closely related.

People just, you know, start to see it, think they're seeing patterns.

They start to think they're seeing like a way, a method as a way out and after a certain point as well they're like well i'm in this deep i might as well throw the rest in um yeah i think i think the other thing is is you are just due to variance going to have some really good days and those are the ones that make you think oh this was just a bad day yeah not oh this is a chronically shit way of making money and in fact is always going to lose over the long term it's not like even gambling on horses or or you know whatever it is you're gambling on sports and stuff that some people can make a living from that they're very good at it they're very good at spotting the odds and they seem

so hectic though like uh i don't know if you ever saw that there was a louis thoreux where he was following um a couple people around i think it was vegas i'm pretty sure yes i remember that one and um there was one guy who was like he'd flown in uh and he was like a professional gambler and they put him in like the best suite and he's you know he's got all this great food that he's got access to or whatever And like throughout the weekend, you know, you'd see him off and on.

And it was just like, it was like he was meeting a different person every single time, but it was the same guy because his like mood would just be so drastically different all the time.

You know, like sometimes he'd, he'd have won and he'd be like, you know, excited.

And other times he'd be like, so down because he lost a lot and like, you know, threatening to like cut the weekend short to go home and stuff. And it's just like,

I understand that it's like addictive and some people get addicted to it, and they don't have much control over that side of it or whatever.

But it just seems like such a miserable way to live as well. Yeah.
You know, like there's no, um,

nothing's like

nothing's consistent, you know, like it is constantly this risk, and but it shows in them. They seem stressed out and kind of miserable about it, but like they just can't help themselves either.

I think, yeah, in a sense, a lot of the joy comes from the relief of either winning it back or not having lost, right?

Like, I feel like it is a bit of an adrenaline junkie thing, but it's also this idea of you feel so bad when, like, I think it's a little bit like the way that when you've fallen for a scam, and we've all done it.

We've all fallen for a scam and our hearts dropped and we're like, oh, God, I've got ripped off, you know, on this thing.

And sometimes it's a huge thing and people are like really embarrassed and don't even admit that, you know, they were scammed by someone.

I think a lot of scams aren't admitted to because you feel stupid to have fallen for it, right?

like somehow it's your fault yeah um you know uh this this someone one of my friends actually uh had someone hack their steal their session cookie for amazon wow and started refunding a load of their amazon repurchases getting gift cards and and and um they also had their session cookie for steam and they sold like their entire steam all their tf2 items and all their doser items for like one penny or whatever

and so you know it was like it was like thousands of pounds they sort of had scanned And they sort of rang up Amazon and were like, you know, this person's been, you know,

doing it. And they were like, well,

what could we do? Like, there's nothing we can do. Just, you know, just you, you, but they felt really stupid about it and embarrassed about it.
And it was like, well, this,

you can't control this stuff. You know, it just happens sometimes.
Like, you know, obviously you logged in on a PC somewhere that wasn't secure. It had some

malware on it. Yeah.
And this shit happens. Like, what can you do? What can you do?

And I think like, if you fall for a scam, some of them are quite complicated And some of them look super dumb. And like, yeah, they're designed for dumb people to fall for them.

But some of them are not that.

So don't feel bad.

And usually

there's some way to help. Like, sometimes your bank will help you if you report it soon enough.
Yeah.

You know, and that sort of stuff. So, oh, God, be careful out there.
Be careful out there. Yeah, gosh.
Yeah. Don't live in fear.

There's a lot of

nasty people out there. And be sympathetic with people who've fallen for stuff like this as well, because it it doesn't mean they're stupid.
It just means everybody makes mistakes, you know. Yeah.

I never do personally, but I understand that other people would, you know, lesser mortals, I call them. Yeah, yeah.
I think it's really easy to do. Oh, so Mrs.
F is in Japan.

I think we talked about this yesterday, right? When we recorded, or

we recorded it off, yes, yes.

After the podcast, you showed us the flight path. The sky scanner

where the plane went around certain areas of the world that are a bit dangerous now. So I know where she is.

Japan.

Simple to track her down.

Yeah, so she's there. She's doing all right.
But the jet lag is pretty rough,

as you might imagine. But I'm looking forward to seeing some more pictures.
She's sent us five pictures so far of toilets. Yes.

Like every single time she sees a toilet in Japan, she's taken a picture of it. If someone looks at her phone, they're going to think she's got some kind of a fetish for toilets.

And we've got like a little family WhatsApp group, and the kids are like, Why are you only sending pictures of toilets? And she just replies with another picture of a toilet.

Yeah, no, they are interesting. The toilets are interesting in Japan.
Yeah, I can see why she would be sending pictures of them. Yeah.
Yeah. I see.

Well, yeah, the jet lag is rough. It is, bad.
It's bad going out. Going east is bad.
Going east is bad. Going east is bad.
But going

west is fine.

Because you're like, oh, wow, it's 6 a.m. and I feel full of beans.
Yeah. Well, no, that's not the good thing.

It's more that the way you can get back on schedule is that it's much easier to stay up late and force yourself to stay up than it is to force yourself to stay asleep.

Because that's always my problem is when I go east is I'm waking up at a fucking unbelievable time of day.

And it's like, I have to stay awake now for basically 18 hours and it's going to be almost impossible.

Whenever I fly west, you tend to be flying into slightly earlier in the day, but not like massively earlier.

So it's like maybe you'll land, you know, leave here and we've landed the States at 5 or 6 p.m. If you can stay up till 10 or 11 or midnight, you're almost back on course.
I think that's much easier.

Yes. So flying west, you can do the hard reset of, I'm going to get there.
I'm going to stay up, have a drink, go out, try to go to sleep around like at least 10.

You know, oh, yeah, you've got to stay up past 10. You got to.
And then you wake up at like seven or six or maybe sometimes four or five in the morning.

And but then you've like you've done the reset in one hard go. Yeah.
And generally, you'll improve an hour a day. Like, that's how, how, pretty much how jet lag seems to.

When it's nighttime, be somewhere dark. When it's daytime, be somewhere light.
And your brain will make the switch. But yeah, here we go.
Yeah. Anyway, she'll be all right.
She'll, it's fun.

She's there for like two weeks, right? Should be, once she's over, it should be, should be fine. Tips for jet lag for your wife.
And can I just be not going to listen to this podcast? No, she's not.

She used to, but she's not. She'll hear it.
I don't know what the tipping point was, but she stopped listening. I think she found many other better podcasts to listen to.

No, if that makes more sense to us, but I know. You know what? I don't blame her.
I do.

I do. I can't forgive this.
I mean, the main thing is she has to fucking listen to me record it. So it's stupid for her then again, go listen to it.
Yeah. She's already heard a third of it.
Yeah.

That's what you're saying. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'll pop it.
Ivory Lava and pop it, Fanny Down.

We'll get you a party pie.

You can only go on a pokey. Yeah, have a pokey.

Welcome. So come join us.

Just as a final note, I want to apologize. Apparently, I called Belfast a shithole.
I apologize. Right.
Connell. Is it not? Well, he says it's not.
Do you know what? I've never

remember that time you guys were really ragging on Wisconsin?

Oh, we were. Oh, interesting.

You guys got all those emails from people. Is that how we remember it? That's how I remember.
Well, that's pretty sure. That's how you remember.
That's interesting.

That's pretty much how it went down. Give or take.
Fair enough. Yeah.
Oh, and of course, the people pointing out that it was Barkley, not LaForge.

We covered that. Yeah, we covered it.
Yeah. Sorry.
Sorry about that.

All right. We made a Star Trek error.
I apologize. Please stop.
I still can't see.

I still, every time I see Jordy LaForge, though, I think, what a pest. You know,

my mind is just trained to view him that way.

And I think he might even be, he might be innocent, yeah. But I've just somehow I've gotten my wires crossed and

it's all on him. And I, I just, I don't know if I can forgive.
I don't know if I can accept Jordy back into my heart. You know, I've had an email from one person telling me how to make a risotto.

Brother. Okay.
Brother,

I cook more risottos than we've done podcasts. And that's a lot of podcasts.
I don't need somebody emailing me about how to fucking make a risotto. I'm not an idiot.
Thank you. I heard today

that Apple and Spotify are going to punish

podcasts in the algorithm if they put numbers of episodes in the title. Why? Why? Don't ask me.
Oh, I know why it is. I bet I know why it is.

I bet it's because if people see an episode with a high number, they think, oh, I'm not going to bother listening to all the other ones. And they just move on.

I think that is it. And I reckon if you just put a funny title,

it's going to do better. Do we still put episode numbers on our podcast we do well maybe we should think twice about that well

i've got a business idea that's going to blow you away

how about we stop putting numbers and just say episode and and have the episode written rather than just as well a lot of podcast feeds certainly the one i use my preferred one which is uh pocket casts of course you have something no one's ever heard of

they don't um they still have you still see episode numbers, um, but they're not in the titles. Huh.
Yeah. Maybe we should think about that.

I mean, especially if the bastards at Apple and Spotify are going to fuck us over for doing it, then uh, yeah, fine. Yeah, that's so shit.
Because sometimes you really need that.

Like, if you're if it is a serial that you're watching and you need to listen to my episode, we might move the tit, the episode number to the, to the end of the title. Yeah, let's do that.

Let's do that. Brackets 108, something like that.
Yeah. That'll probably still get us punished, but I I don't care.
Fuck off. Who cares? No one's listening to this anyway, apart from dedicated.

Well, Flax's wife used to listen to it and she's left. So, I mean, well, she wants we don't want her back.
She was put off by the episode numbers. That's what she told me.

Oh, this is too many episodes. Yeah.

Listen, if we've already got enough problems with the jealousy situation with you being on different podcast sips, the last thing we need is to try and bring P.

Flax's, like, coax her back as a listener. Well, Flax

is going to have to go to a podcast.

Bring her a party

He said he's been on other podcasts. He just won't tell us which ones.
Well, that's because he doesn't want us to be jealous. You know, he's sensible.
He's keeping it secret his affairs.

What we don't know about doesn't hurt us, Sim.

I would rather live in ignorance of his multiple affairs. Right.
You know? Sorry. I won't tell you.
I want him to be happy.

I just want him to be happy. Thank you.
Gosh, that's such a nice sentiment. Man.
And we want all of you to be happy too. So keep those emails coming.
Thank you.

I had a lot recently, and I wasn't able to read them all or respond to them, but I do appreciate them all. And I do read them all.
So, thank you. Yes, we do want you to be happy.

And if that means correcting our mistakes, so be it. If that means stepping up on a soapbox and saying, I was wrong, I will do it.

I will take that fall for you,

the brave listener. Thank you.
The kind listener. You are such a hero.
You know that? He really is.

He really is. You are the bravest soldier I know.

You know, that's so kind of you.

Well, expect the knighthood to be in the mail. Oh, boy.
If you're listening, if you're listening to the kingdom. That's how they do it, isn't it? In the mail.
In the mail.

From the fucking king? What the fuck?

What?

You open it up, and it's like one of those birthday cards with a voice.

It's like animated. You got to do the thumbnails.
You open the card. You'll believe what I just received in the mail from the king.
What the fuck?

A tiny pop-out King Charles pops up and a little sword taps you on the shoulder.

You work for me now, is it?

Oh, man. Do you reckon, you know, the people that he would have knighted in the past would have literally been soldiers in his retinue, wouldn't they?

He would have been able to summon them. Is there any law still now that means that King Charles could say, everyone's got a knighthood? Get over here.
We're forming a posse. Oh, yeah.

I would like to know what he's doing.

He wants to form an impromptu posse of knights that he himself has knighted in the past, is what you're suggesting. Yeah,

I'm saying, does he want to get them all together as an army and go fuck some shit up? Well, I mean, firstly. I think the Welsh have gone off too lately.
We're going to be

a 80s.

Let's be honest. It's going to be like fucking the Rotary Club.
This is Athens. You know, shuffling along.
Yeah. I think David Beckham is a knight.
Is he? I'm pretty sure. I don't think he's a knight.

I think he's like an MBE or something like that. Sir David Beckham?

Let me see. A career statistics honours individual.
He's like MBE or an OBE or something. He's an OBE.
Yeah. That's not.

That's not. Not really.
No. It's a British Order of Chivalry.
He's like

part of the establishment now, but I mean, he's not a knight, you know. He's a knight.

It comprises five classes of awards across both civil and military divisions, the most senior two of which make the recipient either a knight or a dame. Right.
Yeah.

So I guess he is, I don't know which fucking one he is. Wait, so David Beckham is a knight, but is Victoria Beck? Oh, he's an officer.
Is Victoria. Is Victoria Beckham also?

Has she also been bestowed the same honor? So just to say he's not a knight.

No, he's an OBE. A GBE would be a knight or dame of the Grand Cross.

A KBE or DBE would be a knight or dame commander. CBE is commander.
Officer is OBE and member is MBE. So he's just an officer.

So that means, I think, that he'd be on the battlefield, but he wouldn't be in charge of much. Right.
Yeah.

I love the thought that when we go to war, David Beckham is going to be on the battlefield somewhere doing something. Well, no, it's not.
It's going to be David Attenborough. And, and, and, um, and

yeah, but they would

be. David Jason.
But they would be at the back. They would be like the generals.

Like, they would be next to King Charles on a horse going, and he'd be like, his weather's looking a bit frightful today.

And David Attenborough would say, You know, something like, Well, well, here we see the enemy forces moving to our left flank. And David Jason would say, Oh, bloody hell, led Rodney.

Rodney. David Beckham would have to rally the troops.
Come on, let's find me. We're going to go on a left flank here, go down a left wing and tight inside.
I'll kick them in the head with a football.

Like, that's the kind of army that King Charles is going to put together. We're just sending out our best.
This is this is the one.

All hands on deck. Oh, my God.
You plonk our Beckham. You ruined me.

I don't know how to do it, David. It takes an impression.
I'm sure he sends Rodney a lot.

Oh, God. Putin should be quaking in his boots.
Send them in. Send in David Jason.
Oh, yeah. Send his.

That's a Games Night vid right there. We put together an army.
You could deploy Lord Sugar and he can lay on a carpet bombing or something.

I've laid on this minefield.

All right, let's call it there.

That's an hour plus of male baggery. Thank you so much.
Keep coming. We'll see you guys next time.
Thank you. Bye.
Bye.

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