Triforce #309: Epic Gamer taken down by Actual Gamers

Pickox.

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Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah, aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome back.

Hello, Lewis.

The Trifles Podcast.

Hello, Sips.

Hello, Sips.

I'm good.

Hi, Pyrian.

Hi, Pyrrhon.

Hi, Lewis.

Hi, Ted.

Hi, Chris.

Hi, guys.

How are you guys?

Hi, how are you guys doing?

I'm doing great.

I'm doing good.

How are you doing, Sips?

Okay, Chris.

I'm doing great.

Thanks so much for asking.

I hope you guys are good, too.

I'm doing good.

Oh, good.

How about that weather, eh?

Fog.

Oh, never stops.

Jeez, just need the the summer now.

I feel like there's weather every day now.

What's happening?

It's always weather.

It's just weather.

It's just weather weapons.

They're deploying them all over the place now.

It's not even just in the USNA anymore.

The USNA.

And A, yeah.

The US and A.

That's the United States and assholes.

That's the one.

Did you guys...

So this is something I forgot to mention about New Year, right?

When I was at New Year.

We were in Spain and they have this thing, I don't know if if you know this, where they eat

at the, they eat grapes at the new year.

Oh, how exciting.

In Time with the Bongs.

The Bongs, the Golf, I guess, 12.

So they have 12 grapes.

12 bongs.

Which I guess is like the Big Ben bongs.

It's a whole mishmash of the culture, isn't it?

That whole thing.

It's quite confusing.

Everyone has their own thing they do.

We sing all Lang Zion for some reason.

Well, that's a song.

Old Man's Eye, isn't it old man's eye

yeah is it yeah is it about new year yeah yeah should old acquaintance be forgot oh okay maybe

never left to right

but it's so it's so horrible well dude that didn't happen there was it was like a i was at a hotel full of english tourists on that night and they didn't do an old land sign and i was like kind of disappointed but everyone else had their own little things like some people were were dancing around and some people were shaking everyone's hands it was all like I wasn't sure what was going on.

You weren't there for Christmas, though, so you missed out on all the Feliz Navi Dads.

It's a tune.

I like it, honestly.

Feliz Navidad,

something like that.

I did say that to a few people in the street.

I think that's a mixture of, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Kind of.

That's nice.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Isn't that that way?

I sort of said it in a kind of like jokey tone.

There was a guy like stood by his bike that he'd crashed into something and it was like sat on the floor.

Right.

He looked at me and I was like, oh, I'm just Feliz Navidad.

Wait, you said it in that moment.

English to Spanish.

I'm doing a Google translate here.

I want to know.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Yeah.

Quiro disiarte una Feliz Navidad.

Is that what you say to be Spanish?

I learned, you know, spent ages learning German and French.

I don't really want to go there.

No.

Those great countries.

Yeah.

I know.

I know.

Exciting.

Do you want to

see Birdwatch 2025 news from Bikes is I've got a new bird thing going on.

Okay.

A new bird thing.

A new bird thing going on.

Not only is it going to be a good thing.

This is like the Triforce's answer to country file.

Yes, that's what it's going to be.

I have my office window.

My office window I tend to have open because I've got quite a lot of equipment in a relatively small room and it pumps out a lot of heat.

So I have the window open, especially when I've got the door closed.

And because it's January and the pigeons are thinking, oh, we're going to be having babies soon.

Better find somewhere to nest.

There are these wood pigeons that keep flying up and landing on my windowsill.

And I'm only a few feet from the window.

And I look at them and they look at me.

And it's just sort of hanging out.

And I think they think, oh, that would be a crack in place for a nest.

But this husband bird, the male bird, he turned up and then his wife turned up and she had a look in at the same time.

And I could see her thinking, it's a bit big for what we need, isn't it?

And he was like, well, no, it's, you know, we could room to expand.

Look, we could put an extra room in there.

She's like, no.

So she hasn't come back, but he keeps coming back.

That's it.

Right.

They are

so intelligent, really.

You know,

a lot of people think these are just rats with wings, but they're not.

I like pigeons.

Also, these are pigeons.

These aren't rock doves.

The pigeons.

These are the quote-unquote pigeons you see in Trafalgar Square are rock doves.

They're not pigeons.

I love when they walk and their head has to move every time they take them.

What is that?

I love that.

Yeah.

It's like the wagetail.

Wagtail, their tail has to wag.

It makes me laugh every time.

Yeah.

Just got to make sure, you know, if you...

If you like pigeons a lot and you are letting them into your house, you should never let them into your house.

But if you do for whatever reason or you decide to keep them or whatever, be warned their poop is quite toxic and can overwhelm and kill you.

Really?

Especially if there's lots of it.

Yeah.

That they always say, you know, like if

somebody's like working on an old barn or, you know, like a place where a pigeon would typically like to nest or a lot of them would like to nest and call home, you got to be careful, like a loft or whatever.

If they've pooped everywhere, their poop can be quite

toxic.

Oh, so here's why.

It's because it gets linked to something of fungus called Cryptococcus.

Right.

That's cryptocurrency.

This is

cryptococcus.

I think that's the other name for Elon Musk.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Cryptococcus Musk.

That's his Latin name, Elon Musk.

That was his hardcore character in Path of Exile before it died.

Oh, my God.

Can we talk about that, please?

Do we have to?

Just briefly, because I just want to say, if you are going to pull the wool over people's eyes, I genuinely think the one group of people who you are never, that's never going to work on is hardcore gamers.

Yeah.

Because they take their game so seriously, yeah, and they're so online.

He live streamed himself, clearly, not knowing how to play this game, yeah, like clearly, and yeah, what did he think was gonna happen?

These are not voters, these are gamers, there's a big difference.

He had a top 10 hardcore character to put that into context.

The people who are top 10 hardcore have played basically every waking moment the game has been out.

Yeah, you no time to do anything else, like they are shitting and pissing in a trough next to their computer and stuff like it's that it is like the most hardcore it is insane and he was like number six or something so i mean it's just it's actually impossible yeah i think one of the that i said this somewhere else but he one of the things he said back in the day was he just doesn't have time for anything and so even like his whole

bullshit of like oh i don't even have time to have sex with a woman so i'm just gonna get her pregnant uh get her to go to a clinic.

Yeah, you know, it's quicker for me to just wank off and give it to her in a tub.

Like, what kind of, and how has he got time to do a thousand hours of Path of Excel 2?

I mean,

it's not possible.

It's a lot of people.

He's got a team of like

four people

running it for him.

You could be paid.

Like, even things like he had his maps saved as Elon's maps.

Yes.

Which was

the pungy gloves, the pair of gloves that his character was using.

He commented at one point.

He said, Oh, you know, these gloves are only level 52 and I'm level whatever 90 or whatever.

So they're kind of low level.

Those gloves are

the best build enabling gloves in the whole game.

Best and smart.

Yeah.

And

they're not like mega difficult to get, but you know,

they're out of reach of people who are just playing the game for the first time or whatever.

Yeah.

I look at some of these people who post on these subreddits, right?

And I played the game, game, I played Path of Exile for a thousand hours, okay?

And there's people who are doing, I went on Reddit like once, and there was a guy who did one run.

It was like, it was like a TikTok kind of like clip of him just going through a thing.

Yeah.

And he got more loot in that thing, like a hundred times more loot in that thing than I'd ever got in a thousand hours.

The people at this high level are on a completely different level to regular people.

And there's no way Elon Musk is, of all the games to pick.

I know.

He could like if he picked Civilization Six, we would never have known.

Right.

Right.

If he picked any reasonable game, but imagine if he picked Dota, you know, we would know.

You cannot.

Yeah.

You know, it's ridiculous.

It's, it's, I guess it's just tied into his ego or, you know, he just has to be seen as being great at these things that maybe he holds in some esteem.

Well, I think in his head, though, here's how it works.

In his head, he thinks if I had the time, I would be this good, right?

Yeah, so therefore, I can pay someone and then act like I'm this good, right?

Right.

Like, that's the delusion that, like,

sets root in his head, you know, that

I am talented.

I am skilled at this.

I'm a natural.

Um, and I could be, I'm just taking the shortcut there because I don't, you know, want to waste my time, you know, my time is valuable.

I'm saving the world, guys.

I can't be sat here on my ass playing Parth of Exile 2 like you losers every day.

Yeah.

You know, it's, it's so strange.

Oh, God, i've played so much of it so far i've been playing it a lot it is it is uh frustrating but also very addictive and uh and and quite good as well but i i've enjoyed this more than i

you're worse than elon musk at it though so consider that yeah that's true yeah he's far superior he's better he is yeah even even uh even when he's not lying he's probably better than me at it but um

What can you do, eh?

But no, it's been fun.

There's a big patch coming out for today, actually, that's going to fix a bunch of stuff.

So that'll be good, too.

Exciting.

I've been playing single-player Tarkov.

Yeah, that's fun.

That is really fun.

But this is the full mod for single-player Tarkov.

Oh.

So there's two versions.

There's the PVE mode, which is the official Battle State games single-player version.

That's the one I was playing in Activity.

Right, which was fun.

I enjoyed it.

This is so much better.

Is it?

That, yes, like I've installed it and a bunch of other mods to go with it.

And it feels like Tarkov.

Like, really does.

The fights are quite really fun.

It's like the AI is pretty good.

Genuinely, at times, you're like, holy shit, they're like flanking me.

And

you can adjust it so you can make it easy, you can make it harder, you can make the loot scarcer, you can make more of it, and you can have like little quality of life mods.

The one I've got is a fucking map in the top right corner.

Oh, that's nice.

Like a mini-map, and then you can bring it full screen.

It'll show you where you need to go for your quests.

Here, where are the extracts?

Where are you on the map?

Which is so much, it's so useful.

Nice.

So I couldn't recommend it enough.

I've been playing that for the last couple of weeks.

Maybe not even.

Yeah, I played it a couple months back.

I was playing

just like the PVE one

modded.

It was fun enough, right?

Yeah, it was fun.

We had a couple of groups.

There was the usual, you know, team killing and,

you know,

fucking wild goons just like getting one-shotting you from halfway across the map.

Oh, my God.

But I mean, all in all, though, it was fun.

And just, it was nice and chill, you know, like

you didn't have that layer of brick in it knowing that, you know, super Chad was out there hiding in the bushes with his, you know, meta, meta-defining, meta-breaking

loadout and everything.

It's, it was a nice change for sure.

A nice change of pace.

I appreciated it.

I would like to see your mod list.

Is it on your stream?

Me.

Yeah.

So I've got I've only got about eight mods installed at the moment.

Maybe not even that.

I'll tell you what I've got.

I mean, there's a fun.

So there's one called swag/slash donuts, which we're waiting.

Everyone was waiting on that to be updated.

Swag slash donuts.

Yeah, I don't know what that means.

I don't know why it's called.

I think it's the two guys that made it, but it's basically like a mod that adjusts how the enemies spawn and where and what kind of stuff they do.

So I've got one, if you guys have played Tarkov, called Continuous Healing.

So you know when lots of bits of you are damaged and you go to heal it, and it takes out the med kit, heals that one thing, carefully puts a med kit away, load of wank.

You just keep the med kit out, and he just heals everything all in one go, which is nice.

Um, check marks: so every item has a little check mark, and you mouse over it, it shows you you need three of these to build this item in your hideout.

You need two of these for this quest, you need four of these for that, which is good.

Um, a progressive bot system, so the bots, it's called acid phantasms progressive bot system, levels up, the bots level up with you.

This is so weird.

Even I'm like thinking, why would you go from this multiplayer experience back to a single-player experience?

Like, Well, I think just having more control over some of the parameters and stuff.

I mean, you can't control how good other people are, but

you can fine-tune a single-player experience to fit what you're looking for at the time.

I think it makes a lot of sense.

No, it does.

I mean, I'll give you an example of what it's done for me, especially when I played the PVE mode, but even now when I'm playing this playthrough, is

this Tarkov is a genuinely fantastic game.

It really is.

And it's got this, there's this, the feel to the world and the guns and the fighting and everything.

Even just the medical system, the way you're sort of desperately bandaging up.

And then as you advance, you get better armor, you get stims so you can fight longer and you don't take damage, all that kind of stuff.

I didn't get to experience that in the PvP game because I'm just not good enough.

Because there's no matchmaking and there's no lobby system, you are thrown in with the top.

Tarkov players in Europe could well be on your server.

And then you throw that hackers and stuff like that on top of that.

It's just so difficult.

And so there was a huge amount of the game that was gatekept from me by my own skill that I've now been able to explore.

I learned labs.

I've never fucking learned labs.

No, I mean, I've never stepped foot in labs.

Labs is like the sweatiest map

in the whole game.

Well, now that's where all like the turbo nerds go and

all of the farm and stuff.

And all the loot hoovering guys.

Yeah.

So now with the single player, I've got to explore that map.

And it's, it's a great map.

Like I've, I'm fighting bosses.

I'm trying to take them on.

So it feels like I've been able to adjust the game so that it's hard enough for someone of my skill level that I am feeling challenged and having fun and not thinking, oh, I bet that guy was hacking or that was desync between me and the server.

The server is running on my PC.

Like it's a little server client that runs on your PC.

And then you play a version of Tarkov that attaches to that server.

So it's all you.

There's no desync.

It's much better.

I think when you're playing against other people who are just, you know, in another league better than you at the game,

the thing that hurts the most is you just feel like your time has been wasted.

You know, by the time, I mean, and the thing is, like playing Tarkov, not PvE on your own or with friends or whatever, the time to get into a map is long.

You know, there's lots of loading and waiting and lobby and stuff like that.

And then only to just get in and just get instantly killed by somebody who, again, just knows the game way better than you, knows where you're going to spawn, probably is waiting for you, ready to kill you and take your stuff.

And you've just wasted half an hour of your time

for nothing.

You don't learn anything from it.

You're not going to get better from that.

Or, you know, it sucks.

Just is it also in the back of your mind that there might be people hacking or cheating?

And so you can't help but think sometimes.

Yeah.

But I mean, it's probably only a small percentage of people, right?

But it's.

And then, but I mean, it's just at this point, it's quite an old game as well, isn't it?

It's not, it's not new out.

I see.

So, the people who are playing it are playing.

It's been out for years, and those people have just been playing it for that long.

And they just know all these little tricks and,

you know, ways to get ahead because they're used to playing against people who are on their level.

So, you know, I walk into a map and it's just, it's, it's just free, free junk for them.

It's a free kill.

It's free, free stuff.

Like, I'm never going to take one of those guys down.

Do you know what I think is

weird?

Is it's really only video games where people get kind of uh i guess precious about how other people are playing yeah like i know there's some people like why would you play this why wouldn't you play pvp you know you're not you're not hardcore or whatever and they'll sort of have that attitude yeah and i think can you imagine that in any other circle of life where with other people's pastimes like knitting yeah if you were knitting and people in public were flaming your knitting and saying, um, you're pretty slow.

That's unacceptable.

Why are you using that wall?

You should be using this wall but just

no one wears scarfs

that's like tier one mate you want s tier s tier is hats you get this a lot in uh well poe is a great example because like normally if i'm playing something i'm really into it i'll watch it as well you know like i'll watch other people just to see you know what they're doing and stuff like that and what you find is like poe is the kind of game where if you're streaming it it's very popular to play it hardcore and it's very popular to play it uh like solo self-fund.

So that means you have no access to trade.

You can't join other people's games or anything.

Like everything you find is your own and your character has one life.

And if it dies, it dies.

And what you'll find is like these guys that

play this way are very good at the game.

They understand all the systems.

They understand all the little things that are going to give them the, you know, the edge or keep them alive longer or whatever.

They got all these little tricks and stuff.

But then you see their chat and like, there's no way way everybody in their chat is as good as them or playing the same way that they are.

But they're talking the talk big time, you know, like they're all the fucking stupid casuals ruining this game.

So it's like, okay, man, like, you are a casual.

You are, you are not even playing the game right now.

You're watching someone else play it.

Like, that is not hardcore of you to be just watching someone else play the game well.

Like, just because you're watching somebody who's good at the game, it doesn't make you good at the game.

You know, like, there's this, there's this big,

there's like a massive canyon of

space between you and that person that you're watching being good at the game.

Like you, you know, anybody can just turn up somewhere and give it loads, but you probably suck, okay?

Just get, just, just get real.

Before you start ragging on somebody else and calling them casual and shit at the game because they're not playing the way that you've decided it needs to be played or whatever, just have a, just have a look at yourself.

Look in the mirror, you know?

It's not you.

You're not there.

There's not thousands of people watching you.

They're watching the guy that you're watching as well.

You're not him.

Okay.

Let's.

That's, I'm just, I just thought I'd say because there's a lot of it, man.

There is a lot of people.

Sometimes I play the game and I look at a streamer playing the game and I'm like, yeah, I'm playing the same game.

Sometimes I look at a streamer playing it and they're playing a different game.

They're like, their game is like, I'm like,

have I blown it wrong?

Like, how has he got all this stuff?

What is all this stuff?

Yeah.

Like, I don't understand what you're doing.

And, and that's, that's, that's POE every time.

Like, even after a thousand hours, I was just, I felt so fucking clueless.

There's so many aspects of some games that you just cannot possibly assimilate all of the information on.

Well, I think for this game, the, the, the devs wanted to slow it down.

They wanted to make it more

less sort of like screen clearing, you know, quickly and, and stuff.

But there's, there's lots of stuff in the game right now that people have figured out.

And it's, it is, it, I think it's a lot more like PoE one right now.

They might change it again, but it's it's fast.

Everything dies immediately.

You know, people have figured out builds where you're just melting these bosses that were designed for you to spend like three, four minutes fighting, going into phases, having to learn the abilities and stuff.

It's quite funny, but I mean, this, I guess it is a community where they tinker around with stuff and they figure stuff out.

So it's been interesting, but I don't know.

I guess it's early access.

So a lot will change, but

it's been a ride for sure.

It's been interesting.

But I mean, I've enjoyed it as well.

It's nice to get stuck in this.

It's already finished.

You've given up.

No, no, no.

I'm still going.

I haven't given up yet.

I should give up, but.

I played Tactical Breach Wizards this week, which I really enjoyed.

Is that asynchronous?

No.

Thank God.

It's like an XCOM.

It's not like an XCOM.

Stop saying that.

I'm sick of people saying that.

It's nothing like XCOM.

It's more like Chimera Squad.

No.

It's a puzzle game.

It's a puzzle game.

Like a lot of these games.

If you're a fan of XCOM, let me tell you why tactical breach wizards is not going to fill that xcom shaped hole in your life this is this is sounding great number one let me tell you something about tactical breach wizards let me push my glasses up here and really go to go to town frankly on the nonsense coming out of your mouth louis frindley of the arts cast okay isn't furious typing um go on so first of all There's very little to no customization of your characters.

The guys that are in your party are fully formed characters that have fixed dialogue, and there are some vague options of doing things, but it's a much more rigid storyline.

There's no base building, there's no sort of exploring the world, there's no choosing which mission to do.

It's a linear playthrough system where you're solving a story, a quest, if you like, as you go through.

And there's like cutscenes, if you like, and characters that come and go.

And it's every single level that you play, you just breach into a room.

And now you have like, oh, this enemy is going to do this, this turn, and that, this turn.

And so if I do this and do that, I'll push him to there.

It's more like a chess puzzle or any of those puzzle games.

I'd say it's much more like into the breach than a fucking XCOM.

It's really very little like XCOM other than there are people and it's turn-based.

That's it.

Yeah, fair enough.

But I think at the same time, this is a thing, right?

Where it's really good.

The writing's great.

The story's great.

It's an encapsulated experience.

I am having a blast with it.

And I just think that I read an article this week by a guy, I can't remember who was talking, who's saying that he thinks that shorter games and gameplay experiences are increasingly on the rise.

These long, epic,

this Josh Sawyer said this, right?

Maybe.

Well, that's interesting because we got Kingdom Come Deliverance 2 coming out next month and Civ 7 coming out next month.

Yeah, which are the same.

Neither of which you would describe.

As That's short form gaming.

That's a long shit game.

A game that you guys, I feel like you guys might like this.

I played this game a couple of weeks ago.

I did a like a promotional thing for it.

Raw Fury is publishing it.

It's called Blue Prince.

And it's like a puzzle game where you go through this huge mansion and

you got to find,

you got to like, you basically pick the room you want to go to and it sort of forms, you know, a layout on the grid.

So you can kind of dead end yourself

if you're not lucky.

You know, it rolls like three rooms.

And, you know, if you're lucky enough to make it to like the, you know, the end bit, cool.

But you got to collect stuff

along the way.

You got to get like keys.

You got to make sure you have enough keys.

And,

you know, you got to, you got to recharge your steps.

You have a certain amount of steps because each day it resets.

So you have like, you have to do it in a certain amount of days, but each day the whole thing resets.

So you, you know, you, you, you have a couple of tries at it.

It looks like Betrayal at House on the Hill or one of these board games.

It's really cool

where you draft a new tile to go in as this room.

So you're going through a room and it's like, open a door.

I would like to go to the foyer.

Some rooms buff.

Some rooms can buff like the whole run.

Some rooms can debuff the whole run.

And like, it's just lots of like, you know, trial and error, figuring things out.

Some rooms are just like have puzzles, like math puzzles or,

you know, logic puzzles.

But I can't imagine this game in its full release is going to take thousands of hours.

You know, but

I think it's one of those, like you were describing, you know, just a quick, kind of short, interesting, really well-polished experience.

Yes, yeah.

Yeah.

And I, I, don't get me wrong, I like those.

I've been looking for those kind of gaming experiences.

Yeah, well, Blueprints.

Play the demo.

You'll like it.

I think you'll really like it.

I'll add it to my wish list.

Did you play the Golden Idol games?

No, I did love them.

I didn't play those.

They're fun.

They're really, really cool.

I mean,

I love Oberdin.

I love Paper.

Well, you'd love those.

Those are kind of quick games.

You'd love Golden Idol.

It doesn't take take long and it's really gets your brain ticking.

It's great.

Golden Idol.

The art style and the little animation style is really

endearing.

It's really

unique and kind of really funny, really cool.

But it's like the puzzles are quite good.

Like they're like, ooh, it's like the arts that the art style is: everyone is ugly.

And there's this great scene where there's like all these models on the beach.

That's the theme of my stream as well.

Yeah, it's funny.

It's kind of funny.

I like it.

I think it's just great.

Yeah,

I like games like that.

Itchy watery eyes, and itchy nose and throat, so you can enjoy doing the things you love all day long.

Be wise all.

Take Zyzol at night.

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What have you guys done other than gaming in the last week?

Anything?

We are back.

We are back in full swing.

Tradesmen visiting our house all the damn time.

Why are you doing this?

Just burn the house down.

Well,

it's got to be...

I mean, we got...

The loft is done.

The kids are up in their rooms.

The rooms are done.

The bathroom is almost done up there.

Just needs some

fantastic mastic.

And but the thing is, the rooms that they moved out of hadn't been touched since like the 80s.

Like they're, they're in, you know, they got all these old shitty, dingy, like plug sockets and skirtings and stuff.

So we're, we're freshening those up because one of them is going to be the, our youngest's new room.

And then the other one's just going to be a spare room.

But I mean, like, the, the carpet's like completely threadbare.

You know, like, it just hasn't hasn't been touched so it seems stupid to just get a bunch of work done and then just leave a bunch of stuff unfinished you know so yeah it's it sucks it's a bit of a slog but hopefully when it's all done we just won't need to do anything for a very long time everything will just be up to good standard freshened up and everything and we're good to go so that's what they're doing now they're fucking replacing ceiling tiles that are because because there's so much weight up in the loft now that there wasn't before so stuff is you know underneath the floor underneath on the ceiling especially is cracking and coming loose and stuff you know where it wasn't before just because it's old and brittle so oh god yeah well it has been a nightmare yeah it's been a lot of uh reminds me of tarkov actually because every time a room is done we have to like shift a load of stuff into it um

you're like it's like inventory management on crack our house right now there's just

piles of stuff everywhere

yeah that gets moved around so these two rooms when they're finished everything from our bedroom is gonna where, which is where everything is being stored at the moment.

It's just like an episode of hoarders in there.

All of that stuff is gonna get dispersed into these two finished rooms, and then finally, they can come in and actually do our room.

Uh, so that'll be the last thing.

So, we're talking like weeks, we're weeks away from completion.

Oh, baby, great,

yeah.

Well, let me tell you something.

There's some big news in the Forsyth household.

Uh, we got a new lamp.

Wow,

What did you call it?

Well, lamp three.

Jeez.

Lamp three.

Now, what's the voltage on that, bad boy?

Is it like one of those, is it used like one of like the shaving plugs, you know, like that's, or is it just used like a lamp?

No, it's a lamp.

It's a standing lamp, like a floor lamp.

Wow.

It was one of those things.

We had the Christmas tree up, and obviously that's lit up, but it's got the lights.

And we got used to having that extra light in the living room.

And when we took the tree away, we realized how dark the living room was a lot lot of the time.

We were like, fuck, it's so dark in here.

We need a lamp.

How do you

switch it?

How do you switch it on?

Is it like got a little floor button?

It's got a floor button.

Okay.

Yeah.

And is there

on the cable?

Do you have to, do you have to do like yoga basically to reach it, or is it in a very accessible place?

It's right there.

Oh, man.

You're living the dream.

I know.

I was.

This lamp, it's changed our living room.

We got our lamps like behind our sofa.

And so

you got to be like a contortionist to get back there.

Oh, no, no, no.

And there's two of them, so you gotta, you got, you, you, you click one on, and then you have to like sort of shimmy along the back of the couch to click the other one.

Oh, it's oh, I hate that.

It's no good, dude.

Do you have to get them like linked into an Alexa plug or something?

Yeah, well, that's it.

That's what I was asking about the low voltage because there's like uh there's like a low you can get low voltage uh lamps that um you can get the bulbs the bulbs are actually smart bulbs that they turn on yeah i think philips do a smart bulb as well

i tell you what much easier than that is you just flick a switch and it's on.

That's what I do.

Yeah, but you can say it.

You don't even have to move.

You can get that.

I don't move.

I'll actually turn my lights on.

Turn on living room light number three.

Don't do that.

It's not that.

So many people that will happen.

So

I actually...

I've got house viewing later today.

What?

Whoa.

Go and see a house view.

What, just for fun, or are you thinking of moving?

No, he says,

he's taking the plunge.

he's gonna be a big boy he's gonna big be a big boy he's gonna be a big boy property owner in this economy as well louis you're insane you are insane i know whatever you are it is what it is yeah what do you i just had a phone call from the um the state agent though and so i've just had a missed call so i i don't know whether they're going to cancel cancel the view no they're not they're probably

they're probably getting like food ready for you and everything man

is not going to be canceling a house viewing in this day and age they are fucking desperate.

Not in winter.

Nothing is shifting.

Well, over here at least.

It's pretty bad.

What's your advice for me, like, looking at the place?

Like,

what should I watch out for?

Make sure,

don't take a place.

Don't look at a place and say, we can change this and we can change that.

We can change this.

Make sure that the place you buy is good to go right out of the box.

No change.

Can you leave all the furniture?

Can I ask you?

Can I just have everything?

Not so much, but just

like like if you go to a place that this is where I'm going to put my current furniture, I can see that it's going to look fine.

It's going to fit.

I'm not going to have to make any changes.

The minute you have to start making changes, it's over, buddy.

You're dead.

Like, don't change anything.

I disagree.

I disagree with that.

Don't have any changes.

You're not going to find a perfect house.

There's going to be stuff where you're like, I don't really like that.

But as long as it's not like...

too grand yeah too too much of a grand design situation

yeah you you yeah you you could be like oh yeah we we could just change that that's no problem anything to do with decorating okay

decorating easy yeah but yeah if it's like some fundamental structural problem you have just find another place that doesn't matter

but i i agree with that but but the the number one thing is the neighborhood above all else yeah like you want to make sure what's the neighborhood like like even if you like the place come back in the evening see what it's like in the evening yeah uh like genuinely do they have a good i think do they have a good internet connection around number number two is what's the internet like because if it's dog yeah that's a big problem i mean bristol has a big problem just like like london does um like anywhere that's historic apparently the internet is not compatible because it involves digging and running cables and you can't do that everywhere so check that yeah um and uh yeah it's um it's just one of those things i think if you have a good feel for a house that that can be great but then when you get the surveyor in which is a very important thing, the surveyor will come in and top the bottom, survey the house and come back to you with a list of problems that that he could see

and things that were negative about the house.

And sometimes it can feel like, geez, this is so many things.

But it's their job to find every little detail.

So they'll be like, the flashing around this part of the roof looks a bit bad.

Some of these tiles aren't great.

Bit of a question mark about this brickwork.

The pointing on this side of the house needs redoing.

These drain pipes are not fit for purpose.

Drains look small, you know, and internally they can't move anything.

So sometimes people will conceal things from the surveyor, but generally the surveyor is an experienced um person and they'll they'll know like they'll come in and say like well that shouldn't be there and that's clearly dodgy and this piping is old as and i would say replacing so the survey is super important i would say if the survey comes back if it's an older place and there's asbestos i would walk away to be honest it's not it's not i can't imagine that would be a thing you don't want to

a whole can of worms Because depending on the type of asbestos it is, and if they have to come in with the hazmat suits and create an airlock and shit like that, it sucks.

It takes forever.

It costs a lot.

Like, I would not, not bother.

Some of the asbestos is like not as bad, you know, like in some of the some of the older building materials, but then some of it is super bad.

And when it's super bad, you have to get, you know, like I said, they got to come in.

It's like the scene where E.T.

is sick and the whole house, it's like that, you know?

You don't want that.

I'd walk away.

I'm not going to buy somewhere with asbestos.

And I think, honestly, like, if you were to send somewhere with asbestos, no, it's not a new build.

It's like it might even be listed.

That's the problem.

It's not to say, but I sort of looked, I tried to Google around and

found a thing that said it might be listed.

I would just not even turn up to the appointment.

No, me neither.

I had a blue black on there that says Lewis Brindley of the Yogscast

here.

Yeah.

No, you're not allowed.

You have to apply it to be able to fart in your listed house.

So, yeah, I understand.

So I touched that with the merge pole.

No, I mean, it may not be too bad, but it's like moving is so stressful.

But, you know, like depending on the type of place that you're moving into, it could be even more so.

So,

well, the thing is, this place I'm looking at, I saw it a couple of months ago as well, and it sort of

went off the market after a couple of weeks.

So obviously, someone made an offer, and I asked the guy on the phone, and he said that, yeah, someone had made an offer and it been accepted.

and then they got married and then because they were married they counted as a single entity or whatever so that one of them already had a house so they would have had to have paid second home right uh stamp duty which would have been like an extra sort of 50 grand or something so right um so it fell through so and so it fell through yeah but i guess like um that's a shame but also like i do feel like certain houses in certain locations are do do go off the market quick so i feel like i can't if i like it i can't really mess around I don't know, there's this pressure, but I know that that's the estate agent will say to me, Oh, you know, we've already got 10 people interested or whatever.

I'm just like, oh, I hate, I hate the whole is it like way out of the city process.

No, it's like just on the edge of

so you can still like get to the office.

And honestly, like, I'm not too worried because I know loads of good places are going to come up in the next, like, in March and April and stuff.

But, you know, I, of course, after everyone has this New Year's resolution is to sell their house, right, and move house.

And so there's this glut of them coming on the market in March and April.

I'm never selling my damn house, not after all this.

You know,

standing on a pile of rubble, it's like that.

That's my hill.

I'm staying here.

I'm gonna die on this hill, yeah, right.

But I feel my with many men, yeah, many men coming, many, many, many, men, men, men, men, yeah.

No, well, good luck.

I mean, it's exciting looking around houses and stuff, but also, um, try not to get too discouraged because sometimes it just takes a little while, you know?

Don't rush it.

Make sure that the place that you get is like ticks most of the boxes, if not all.

Don't compromise too much.

Don't feel like rushed time.

I'm rushed into a decision.

Speaking of something, this summer, I've just been reminded, we're thinking of going to Japan for a couple of weeks.

That will be the summer holiday.

And the kids are incredibly excited about it.

I bet, yeah.

It's quite a long flight, but I figure two weeks is fine.

What tips or and or tricks do you have, Lewis, as someone who's been there?

Uh, and if anyone wants to mail into the mailbag about a potential holiday in Japan, what's good?

What should we not do?

What's the what kind of barriers are we going to face?

What's the language going to be like?

Uh, I know someone said you need a lot of cash because paying by card isn't as common over there or something.

So, it might have been changed since COVID, though.

Like, that's the case.

I didn't actually even spend my use my card once when I was on holiday for two weeks over Christmas because I think everywhere's just got little beepers now.

Sorry, that was in Spain, obviously.

obviously, but I think Japan's changed a lot since then.

My advice is not to go in actual summer because it's fucking hot there during the summer months of July, August.

Well, probably September, October.

Well, that's your first mistake.

Well, having kids that have summer holidays is the thing.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Well, it'll be hot.

So make sure you stay somewhere that has hot.

It was fucking 36, nearly 40 in London a couple of summers ago.

So it can't be much worse than that.

I'm sure they're used to to it i think they have the air con and stuff over there too

they they do

that's just there is so much to do though you can spend like a uh easily

people will write in and give you their their trip i'm sure they will but i've got a friend of mine actually lives there and is like if it's if it's your first time going how long are you going for two weeks two weeks yeah i mean it why it just depends like what kind of stuff you like doing generally but um i mean tokyo is huge and there's tons to do there like you you wouldn't run out of things to do or see in Tokyo and and I guess you'd probably want a couple of days where you're just chilling and stuff too not really doing too much but there's like there's shopping there's there's like uh historical things to see there's you know just the atmosphere of the place generally is you know it's crazy it's a huge huge it's like 30 million people live there or something it's it's wild yeah but i don't know because i i when i went we just stayed in tokyo we didn't go anywhere else we didn't we didn't travel travel yeah no we're gonna do a little traveling and we're gonna we're gonna take the the the bullet train or whatever.

Nice.

Yeah, it's good.

The Shinkansu, it's worth it.

Honestly, you'll have a great time.

I couldn't recommend it more.

Everyone, I couldn't recommend more going to Japan for a couple of weeks.

It's like the most alien place.

But they really don't speak English, do they?

No, I think.

They do in Tokyo.

There's a lot of signs in English.

Outside Tokyo, it's harder, obviously.

Okay.

But around the tourist areas, you're going to be able to do it.

We had to do a lot of pointing.

So much of Tokyo is the tourist areas.

Went to Subway and ordered a sub and had to point at all the toppings.

Okay.

Like it was.

It depends.

Some people are fine and then some people just don't don't speak a word of English.

You know, just

I'll get the old Google Translate out.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we live in this crazy day and age where

it's not as much of a problem.

Like when we went, we went in 2007 and there was a lot less of that available.

So it was like, I mean, I think we still had a book with like common phrases we had to like read and it never worked.

It was awful.

Face surprise.

Yeah, it was a different time.

Duomo origato.

Like, it's just like, I don't know what we didn't, we, we had, we didn't have a clue, but people were generally like nice, helpful, like, understanding, you know, like it was, it was fine.

It was fun.

Okay, this cannot be right.

This is the Google Translate for I would like an Italian BMT sandwich with tomatoes, lettuce, and ranch dressing.

Okay, you already, this is in Japanese.

Tomato, retasu, ranchi doresingu, osoeta, italian with an R, B M T Sandoichu o Enegashimasu.

I really want you to.

Can you film the whole trip, please?

With you doing that, Sando Ichi is amazing.

Sanduichi.

Sandoichi o Enegar Masu.

I'll really count

Ranchi Doresingu.

You're going to have have a lot of fun, I think, in Japan.

Yeah, I think you will.

Yeah.

Just put a U or an O on the end of shit.

Hamburgaroo.

And they'll be like, gotcha.

Apparently, that's like...

We've had emails about that before, actually, people saying they got in a cab and they were like, oh, can you take me to the Hilton Hotel, please?

And they're like, huh?

It's like, oh, Hiltonu Hotelu.

And they're like, oh, yeah.

Go to Tokyo, Disneyland, just for one day, Flex.

Go check it out.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I mean, it's already quite, the flights alone are expensive.

Like, I don't know about Disneyland tickets as well.

And also, I mean, the tickets are expensive, but if you're not actually staying over there, it's obviously a lot less, you know, just for the day.

Yeah, I don't know.

If you're not like, if your kids aren't into it, but some of the new stuff looks nuts.

Like, it actually looks pretty cool.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe.

We'll see.

It's a lot of money.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Flights alone.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

In two weeks.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, the yen is super bad at the moment.

Is it?

Like, Mrs.

F was like, the Japanese economy is in ruins.

We should go there.

That's the best time to go.

Yeah.

So it's like reverse economic migration, right?

It's like the country, the yen is super weak.

Yeah.

We should go.

It's even tempting to buy some yen now in case they recover by the summer.

I don't know.

But yeah, so it's really cheap.

Yeah, exactly.

I know that when Lids and Ravs and I think Tom and Ben went out there actually last year, they said it was amazing and they had a ton of fun and that it was way nowhere near as expensive as they thought it was going to be because of the Japanese economy.

Yeah.

It is mad.

It is mad.

God.

Do you think that the biggest problem for the Japanese economy, apart from I know there was some banking problem they had a few years ago now, is that they used to be this big export country and everybody bought all their electronics from Japan?

I think they're probably just now China's taken over.

I think they're running out of 12-year-old girls because I was told that the entire Japanese economy is hinged off the back of young girls buying like stationery and toys and stuff like that.

This is what Telekitti is in tatters.

Yeah.

The economy was entirely different.

Maybe if they're not having as many kids as they once had before and there's no

on young girls, you know, maybe that's why the economy is suffering so much.

So the birth rate in Japan is an average of 1.26 births per woman.

Okay, and how many of those will turn into 12-year-old girls?

12-year-old girls.

Well,

I would say half.

12.

Not quite half because some people say that so confidently, but perish before they get there.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

But so that's lower than Canada, which is 1.33, and the US is 1.66.

So the birth rate has been declining since 1970.

It's been a steady decline.

So obviously that means less girls flooding the market.

Less 12-year-old girls flooding the market and buying stationery is one thing.

Also, pensions, you have the age expected, life expectancy of Japan is high.

So you have an aging population that is sucking money out of the economy without contributing.

Dare I say it.

They already did their contributing, but now you need other people to come in and contribute to make up for their lack of contribution.

And it ain't happening.

Demographics.

Yeah, I mean, they don't look great around the world.

The more, like, I think South Korea has a less than number, less than one.

Yeah.

So

each woman has less than one child, which means they're going to, population's going to shrink quite dramatically.

But they've also, these countries are notoriously anti-immigration.

Yeah.

Both of them, Korea and Japan, are very racist against each other.

People coming over there, they're racist against Chinese people coming over there.

And so they're really anti-immigrants.

So they hate the idea that somebody's going to come over and steal their jobs and help their economy and look after them in their old age.

Yeah.

It's

very strong.

They're all going over there to steal their gerbs.

Yeah, I think it's

we're in a strange situation there, but no, I don't think that's too much of a thing yet.

I think it's a thing that's a worry in the future, deflects.

No, no, no, it's bad now.

I think they've had problems already, yeah.

Well, I did see there was like a article about a Japanese train that was running just for one student to take them to school, um, which which does feel like a very general thing.

Was it a 12-year-old schoolgirl with a back

and bulging with stationary?

She's having to

do a lot of heavy lifting to keep that economy going.

She's having to buy so much corrective spine surgery because the backpack is so heavy.

So to give you some idea, by 2070, they expect the population to fall.

It's projected to fall by 30%.

Shit.

Yeah.

So that's 50 years.

Yeah, but we're all going to be dead.

No, we're not.

A,

it's hard having kids.

Like, oh, well, 50 years, who cares?

I mean, by that token, why

do anything for the future at all?

But think think about it.

The fact is, it's happening now.

Yeah, and they have to do something about it.

Yeah, but think about it nowadays.

Okay, you have a kid.

You still both need to work.

It's almost impossible for somebody to stay home.

You wait.

Okay.

You go to Japan, P Flax, and then you tell me that it's a problem if there's 30% less people.

You go to one train station in Japan.

You'll be like.

I wish there was fucking 80% less people in this train station.

It is.

It's fucking ramped.

Everywhere is that.

It's not like a desolate ghost country.

If there's 30% less people in Japan, there'll be way better.

You wouldn't even notice, to be honest.

You wouldn't even notice.

I don't know if that's true.

No, but it's fucking packed.

But you just wait.

Honestly, it's

the most densely populated people.

They think it's a crisis.

And you're saying few less people sounds good to me.

But it's everything.

Everything has to be growing, though, right?

Everyone's obsessed with the idea that we have to have more of everything, right?

And

I think finally only people are coming around to say maybe we should have less of a few things.

I don't know, less like pollution and less, I don't know, just less Lewis.

That's a problem.

Unnecessary time.

Who cares?

30% less people is not a problem,

if anything.

If anything, it's a solution to a lot of other problems.

But

it's who the 30% less is, though, because the thing, it becomes a problem when there's nobody to

come up and take on important jobs.

If you've got a country full of 60-year-olds, well, you're doomed.

Nothing's gonna happen.

You're not, you're not gonna have any doctors.

You're not gonna have any teachers.

You're not gonna have, and then they are gonna have to get them.

I mean, it's happening, it's happening everywhere already.

Listen, we we live in a global economy, though.

Like, there's countries like the Philippines who train up nurses and send them across the world, you know, and they work everywhere.

Like, that's not great for them.

No, it's not great.

That's not, that's, I don't think that that's like at all sustainable, though.

I think you, a lot of that stuff needs to be

pushed in in our countries.

You know what I mean?

Like there needs to be more incentive for people to get into these jobs because they mostly suck.

Like fuck me.

Imagine being

anything worse.

Like it's very hard to pay people this money, apparently.

Yeah, but they also like, I think even a long time ago, well, I say a long time ago.

even like 50 years ago,

it was much more common for somebody, like a couple to have a house house that was big enough to have a couple of children.

I think the average age of somebody moving out of their parents' house now is like 30 or something.

It's it's fucking insane.

Like what

the hell are you going to do?

You can't you can't even get one foot on the ground.

Like you you're both going to be working for sure.

Like there's no way that somebody is staying home and looking after kids in your your your post postage stamp sized flat.

What are you going to have?

Four kids in a one bedroom apartment?

Hey, look,

I am not arguing against any of that.

Yeah,

there is zero incentive for people to have kids.

And then they're wondering why nobody's having kids.

Well, fuck me.

It's not that hard to figure out.

I mean,

most of you guys have managed to make so much money.

Like, it is kind of simple economics.

Like, it's it's really not difficult to see why people are choosing not to have children.

Like, it's just impossible.

Completely.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that, but this is it.

We live in an economy and

if people want things to happen, they have to encourage those things to happen.

You know, if you want to make it, you know, if you want to offer subsidies on growing corn, everyone's going to grow corn.

Like, that's how it works.

But like the cost, the cost of child care is astronomical.

No, exactly.

What I'm saying is that that's safe half the time.

Like there's every every every other week now.

These things are so complicated, though, Sips, right?

We've got this massively interlinked global economy with all these different problems going on, and which one's the most important, and you know, there's there's there's it's it's the world is so difficult to grasp.

And we want we, it sounds so simple, you know, let's get all of Bill Gates's money, let's get all of Bezos and Musk's money and give it to teachers and they can all get pregnant, and then we have more 12-year-old girls to buy tat and plastic crap, and then we save the world.

Okay, that's this, let's write that down, let's send it and write a letter to Pierce Stars.

I think a long time ago, maybe there was more incentive to do it because it was a more respected job.

I mean, probably children were different a long time ago.

Listen, we totally don't respect teachers.

The class sizes

are enormous now.

I can't believe my kids' classes have not just one teacher, but they'll have a teacher and like two teaching assistants.

We didn't have that when I was a kid because we just didn't have 30 people in a class when I was a kid.

So we did have 30 kids in a class.

But there was a difference.

Certainly from what I've seen, when I was younger, the kids who were special educational needs, who were disruptive, who were a problem, went to a special school.

They don't do that anymore.

They don't do that.

Now, they put them in

the population.

Yeah, and then your kids basically spend half the day

cowering in a bunker while

dodging these kids.

While this one kid is just off on one, throwing chairs around.

Absolutely.

I mean, I'm not kidding.

That's literally what happened.

I know, but I was talking to my youngest about it the other day.

And she said, she said, I've just, you know, I was talking to my friends the other day.

Primary school was crazy.

I'm like, why?

And she was like listing all these things that had happened where it was always the same two or three kids who were just hitting people, smashing chairs over people.

One of them had a stick fight with the headmaster.

Like he had a massive stick and he was coming at the headmaster.

The headmaster was like defending himself with a smaller stick from this kid

um and and uh there was teachers in tears because they didn't know how to cope with these kids it's unbelievable so you then have these teachers on these frozen pay people bitching about oh they went on strike because they want more

oh my god like you have all that there's not enough money in the world uh that i know i'd take to have to deal with kids who would do it you're you're a saint if you do it and honestly so i i will i will not hear a fucking word against teachers because I know exactly what it's like.

Well, we won't be able to

teach in our time.

Do you know what I mean?

And we've all

very good teachers.

I was not.

I think there's certain things you could all associate with, you know.

Well,

I was on report all the time.

Academically, I was very bad.

But in terms of behaviour, I was very good.

I was very good.

Too much talk and clowning around all the time.

Oh, yeah, I did get chucked out for talking, but that's not disruptive.

No, well, it is.

That's why you got to be able to do that.

Yeah, but they just boot you out.

It wasn't like hitting people and shit.

no it wasn't like i wasn't uh i wasn't having like a psychotic episode every time i was kicked out i was just that made us into the men we are today guys what we stood outside and then mr hawkins would come around that was now vietnam he would say then why are you in the hallway

and i'd say it was uh talking in cars mr hawkins he'd say it looks like you'll be having detention with me after school boy

yes mr hawkins he was a loon yeah yeah we had a couple well sometimes yeah the teachers had their own way of controlling i guess it does make sense to have a couple of assistants in there because certain teachers could not handle the class and others did it with their technique of being mad actually insane like a couple of teachers were frighteningly and they they would flip on a dime as well and be like shouting at you and crazy you know and then they'd be back to nice again and it's like oh you know they they were the ones that you treated really carefully you know i mean my my daughter was telling me the other day that her teacher one of her teachers was just interrupted the lesson to berate the kids for 20 minutes about how they were never going to amount to anything and they were failures and it was a disgrace and all this stuff.

And I'm like, I sometimes wish I was there so I could like at least step up and defend them in some level.

Because, I mean, I just feel like as much as I have respect for and love teaching as a profession, there are some teachers that are so fucking bad that it's like scarring to kids.

I mean, and changes their view of education and that subject forever.

Yeah.

So, a good teacher will absolutely change your life, but a bad one can too.

And I think sometimes people forget that, that there are some really shitty teachers out there and they just don't seem to get found out.

And it really pisses me off.

There's the GPs are the same.

You know, some are incredible and some are

dire.

You know, like, yeah, it happens.

It happens everywhere.

Yeah.

But it's like

my stepmother always says, what do you call the person who finished bottom in his class in medical school?

Doctor.

I was like, All right, fuck.

So, you know,

some guy scrapes through doctor school and he's still a doctor.

Yeah,

you could be a doctor of all sorts of things.

Like, I mean, look at Dr.

Drake, just generally a doctor.

But you could be like a doctor of music.

You could be

a doctor of the

Dr.

Simon Clark.

Dr.

Simon Clark.

You could be Dr.

Simon Clark.

I'm tempted every time I see him.

You could be Dr.

Teller.

I've got a rash.

I have a roller coaster ride.

Dr.

Simon Clark.

I've got a rash on the inside of the corner.

I've got a really itchy ass hunter.

My penis is sore.

Can you look at it, Doctor?

Oh, I'm not that kind of doctor.

Oh, really?

Well, what good are you then?

I got a sore penis here, for Christ's sake.

You're walking around calling yourself doctor, and I'm walking around with a sore dick, right?

With me, I've got to go to this house view, so we have to stop.

Oh, let us know what it's like.

Yeah, please.

Let's do another hot customer.

The next episode we do of the podcast is going to be Lewis telling us all about his new potential house.

Oh my gosh.

Well, tomorrow we're doing a mailbag.

Do we want to do the house viewing next week?

Do we want to talk about it next week?

No, no.

If he's going today, it's going to be fresh.

Tomorrow we're going to go.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Yeah, we're talking about it tomorrow.

All right.

See you tomorrow.

All right.

Goodbye.

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