Triforce! Mailbag Special #43: "Normal" people among us

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The mailbag,

the mailbag,

it's here upon us once more.

The mailbag returns once again.

Once again,

that was the catchiest one.

Oh, you reckon?

I don't know.

Not AI generated, at least we don't think.

I had a lad ask me why I hadn't used his jingle, which was not AI generated.

He emailed in a couple of times about it.

And I think I saw a comment on YouTube where he was like, Yeah, I sent in a song and they didn't use it.

It wasn't AI generated.

And he said the same thing in his email to me just the other day.

Why didn't you use my song?

I didn't use your song because there's no words in it.

It's not funny.

It's incredibly loud guitar distortion for a minute.

You know, just imagine that.

Everybody imagine that.

Along vaguely the tune of the

consider that there was a guy who sent one in that was like, are you ready to shit?

Right.

Or whatever.

Like that one made it.

Like, but I mean, but that's because that's terrible.

Like, that was terrible.

And that's why I played it.

Because it's so bad.

It's funny.

If it's just a perfectly acceptable guitar-fuzz, no-words song.

You can't land in the middle ground.

You have to be either noticeably good or noticeably bad.

Exactly right.

That's how you speak to it.

You don't want to be forgettably average.

Exactly.

Guys.

Exactly.

No one remembers the average man.

Let's cover this.

Look at Ben.

So, all right, let's start off with a very simple one.

This is covering some old ground that we must have mentioned these things in the course of the various podcasts, and people are looking for clarification.

This is from Gregor.

I just want to know why all of you hate cold play so much.

Leave my favorite band alone.

Thanks.

Why do we

hate cold play so much?

Do you know what?

Stop living in the 90s.

I don't.

Stop living in the 2000s.

I don't hate them passionately.

I just don't appreciate them either.

You know,

I would never.

they're just not for me.

I don't hate them.

I don't hate them.

I think, you know, fine, go, go for it.

If it's all yellow or whatever, have fun.

But for me, it's not yellow.

It's,

I just find them boring.

I find them really boring.

Sorry.

You can say that about my favorite band as well if you want.

We can have that fight.

I don't mind.

I'm just, for me, it's not,

they're just too boring.

It's exactly the same.

They're playing it safe in the middle of the road with average to

pop songs that hit a large demographic of people that's the thing like because it has to appeal to so many people that makes it bland yeah sorry i respect your choice if that's your favorite band that's great and there's nothing wrong with you have a favorite there's nothing wrong with it that's very sad

i will i will play the the bad guy here and say i do fucking uh hate cold play and if they are your favorite band i think it's kind of sad and what upsets me is when you see a concert and all these people with their eyes closed and their arms in the air like they're listening to the word of God and it's just the most middle-of-the-road music imaginable it is it's it is it is it is modern modern day easy listening which I again it needs an audience and demands quite a big audience easy listening is always I will say that there is a lot of joy to be had in that kind of event community event though like it's like you know people support mid-football teams you know and they get a lot of joy out of those you know you're

no that that doesn't that doesn't track at all.

I think also, like, you know, wait, can I can I say why?

Go on.

Here's here's the reason: when you support a middling or shit football team, a lot of it is suffering.

You are, you are forced to support that team because you have chosen them and you're loyal, and you're supporting this dog shit team playing terrible football, and you go week in, week out, and most of the time it's shit.

That is not the same as when you're like, co-player the best.

You're like, look at the stars, see how they shine fly.

You're like, oh, this is so wonderful and moving.

Oh, you're amazing, Chris.

Keep singing it.

I love the way the guitar parts in every song are the fucking same.

The rest of the band, you could swap in and out.

They may as well be that animatronic band at fucking Chuck E.

Cheese.

They're so faceless.

And Chris, whatever the fuck his name is,

you know, what's his name?

Chris Martin.

That's not actually his full legal name.

Chris, whatever the fuck his name is, Martin.

Just the blandest dude.

You go over to his house.

He's like, oh, hi, I've got a cup of homemade.

If he turned up, I'd be like, oh, I didn't order somebody in to install new windows.

Yeah.

Here,

have a smoothie.

I ground it myself this morning from things from my garden.

Fuck off and give me a pint.

What's wrong with you?

Come on.

Yeah, you're right.

That's the vibe.

But that is the vibe.

The thing is, this is the age-old thing.

Like, your favorite band sucks.

My favorite band's better than your favorite band.

I got better tastes in music than you.

There's a lot of like elitism around music and genres and stuff like that as well.

But I always always just think like there's bands like Coldplay,

like these big sort of like mass appeal mainstream bands.

And you just think there's other music out there.

There's other music out there.

There's other people out there that are more interesting and there's better stuff to listen to.

They're the basic ham sandwich of music.

Like, it's fine, but I don't make out this is the best sandwich ever.

No,

that's the thing.

I think that's the thing that bugs me when people are like going on about them.

And you just think,

you're, you can't, you can't sell this to me.

Like, I know, I know what it is.

You can't,

the same way I would never be able to sell you,

you know,

12 albums of Dragon Force or whatever I like.

I don't like that, by the way.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

It's on the Dragon Force emails.

It's a weird one.

I don't know.

I'm sure this chat also likes other people.

It's had some positive experience.

There's a subscript.

P.S.

This is the only thing I like, and I don't like anything else, regardless of what Lewis says.

He's just written that at the bottom.

Yeah,

he'll only listen to Coldplay.

What about what's the other one?

Snow Patrol.

PPS, I also love Snow Patrol, but not a Patrol.

Snow Patrol are basically Cold Play in disguise.

Their songs sound like

watery.

Snooze Patrol.

Am I?

Oh, my God, man.

They are the worst.

All right, this is some more housekeeping.

Gordon playing footy.

Hello, you mentioned Gordon Ramsey playing football.

I'm emailing to tell you that my dad used to play football with him when he was in school and was part of the same friend group that he was in.

He also allegedly had a massive crush on a girl in their year, but never got to seal the deal with her, and she ended up marrying a Bricky.

She must be absolutely regretting her prior life choices.

Cheers, Josh.

P.S.

Tell Lewis that when I see him in Bristol next, I will be the one telling him he has a tiny penis.

Good heavens.

Whoa.

Threatening there, Josh.

That's a bit threatening.

Calm down, okay.

I have to have a tiny penis.

Good.

I mean, we didn't talk about Gordon Ramsey in a long time, so you must be very behind on the podcast.

But

thanks for checking in, friend.

We could do a big ups this week to GR if you want.

Gordon?

I didn't know.

No, no.

I don't think he's ever been the target of a big ups.

So I don't think he deserves it.

Wow.

He's very...

Is he all right?

I'd rather give one to Marco Pierre White, whose videos I've been watching on YouTube.

And he has a very distinct way of doing his videos.

Like, he'll be cooking a fried egg.

No, I heard he was an absolute cunt.

Oh no, he is, but it's he's like an evil villain who has a cooking show.

So he's like, hello, I'm Marco Pierre White.

And today I'm going to be doing one of the simplest dishes, one of the most as simple as it gets, a fried egg.

And he'll hold up the egg and he'll look you dead in the eye, look the camera, dead in the egg, and he goes, the egg is the staple of a fried egg.

That's all there is to it.

Time.

You have to take time and cook the egg.

If you don't cook the egg right, what's the point in even being alive?

Take the egg and you cook it.

And then he'll crack the egg.

We crack the egg.

It sounds just like Gordon Ramsey.

This is what Gordon, but I guess it's not.

Gordon's more bravado.

But did Gordon come up onto this cloud?

But Market Pierre White's like, I think his ego is insane, like in a different way.

Like he's retired, but he will like crack the egg and he'll be in the middle of doing it.

And then it'll stop.

He'll say, we always apply the pepper with our left hand, grinding it to the right.

Never right grinding it to the left.

Because that would be foolish.

And we must take time to do it properly.

And he's like, everything's bubbling away.

And it went away.

I've got some wisdom.

I've got some wisdom.

Hold on.

And he'll do this deep voice, kind of almost like a threat, telling you, take your time, not too much butter, and never apply the salt first.

And he'll look at you.

He'll pause.

Waiting for that to sink in.

That's what he's like.

You watch the Vince.

You watch the Vince.

It's honestly, it's creepy.

I would not be able to be around somebody who spoke like that all the time.

And to me as well, I would just say, listen, buddy, you're just going to have to speak normally.

If you're trying to tell me something, do it in a normal voice, in a normal tone, or we're done.

I can't keep up with this.

Well, you can see why he didn't like it.

It's not like people see him as like a big TV chef because his style is like this is a guy who's a chef.

He's not like an entertainer or anything like that.

No.

And he's obviously extremely successful.

So he takes it incredibly seriously.

I don't think he has an ounce of sort of

what's the opposite of that.

Yeah, no joy and no self-deprecation.

But yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I feel like a lot of Ramsey's thing was that that angry.

I feel like Ramsey sometimes puts puts it on.

Oh, do you reckon?

He must.

I think you're crazy.

I think it's 100% genuine.

But I think Marco Pierre White never has to.

I think it's just natural.

I think he just is.

All right, there's a question.

Is King Charles out of touch?

It's more of a lose news kind of thing, but I just want to make sure that we as an audience got your specific take on it.

And here's the headline: King Charles did not know what Kling Film was and shrieked the first time he saw it.

Wow.

Okay.

King Charles III had no idea what Kling Film was and shrieked the first time he saw it.

And the author has claimed in an unauthorized biography, which details a selection of interesting stories.

This whole thing where people, the tabloids in the papers always try to do this.

They always try to make you think that these people who might as well just not live on this planet live exactly like you and me.

You know?

Yeah.

Oh, Kate and William just got back from a busy day of work and Kate's got the Kling Film out and she's...

you know, wrapping up some brownies that

Prince George made.

They don't live like that at all.

They probably don't know what half of this shit is because they don't need to know what this shit is.

They just have other stuff to do and all of the little stuff that we get hung up on, they have other people to do it for them.

They are so fucking insanely rich and privileged.

They just don't need to know any of this shit.

He's never had to put

it in.

It does not surprise me in the slightest that he doesn't know what Cling Film is.

Add that to the list of all the other common shit that he probably has no idea about as well.

This guy has never lived in a house that has less than 100 rooms.

Like, he's, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

It should not be a surprise that these people are out of touch.

They are out of touch.

They, they, they have no hope of ever being even remotely in touch.

It's all to them, it's just like, yeah, we have to appeal to them somehow.

What kind of stuff do all of those garbage people do?

What cling film?

Yeah, get me some.

You know, like, they don't care.

That's like they, and they don't, they don't really need to either.

Like, it's just,

they, they They live in a completely different universe.

I think part of it, though, is

the nature of what they do.

It's the hunger of the press for

getting stories on them and finding about them, which makes them more isolated.

It's the fact that they're terrified of making these faux pas and boo-boos that now they are.

Again, makes them more isolated.

And they're surrounded by people who are sycophants who speak in the way they do.

And, you know, the people the children of the there's enough royal relations all swirling around you know with country estates who are want to be royals yeah and you know you see them all the time that you can spend your entire life associating with people who speak in received pronunciation you know you you never need to associate with normal people you've got there's an infinite amount of of of toadies right yeah so i think that it's by their very nature and also in a sense like this weird thing keeps them royal, right?

Like if they spoke, I think some of the other royals in other countries don't feel as royal because they are more in touch.

They've tried to make themselves more normal and approachable with the common man.

And that's not what royalty is.

Royalty is chosen by God, right?

They have to be apart from us.

They have to be special, unique, untouchable, different.

They're a completely different class as well.

It adds to their allure, as well.

I don't see we see them as different.

We're supposed to.

As much as we want to think that he goes to Pizza Express and goes to the bookies and stuff on the way home from work or whatever, he doesn't.

He doesn't.

He's not Prince Andrew, isn't it?

Yeah, but Prince Andrew's, you know.

The Pizza Express?

He's, yeah.

Wait, do you go to Pizza Express and then hit the bookies on the way back from work?

I don't know.

I see, again, I'm in a completely different class as well.

I'm kind of out of touch.

Garage class.

But, you know, you know what I mean?

Like,

I think part of what keeps them

in where they are, their position, is that they're so different.

Yeah, the detachment is key, like Lewis.

To everyone else.

The Peter Express thing felt wrong because you don't want to see a prince in a Peter Express thing.

I don't think he ever went in one, though.

But again,

they try to appeal to people and they'll say these things.

But like, I don't think, you know, even

they used to say, oh, Diana wanted to keep William and Harry,

you know, like less stuffy, more, more modern.

So she let them go to McDonald's and stuff like that.

Yeah, okay.

She probably did once, you know, but like

they're not going to McDonald's after school every day, those guys.

You know what I mean?

You're crazy if you think that they live anything resembling

to get them in, I'm sure.

They're not allowed to, you know, just have a queue enough.

No, of course not.

They'll have the filet of fish.

Oh, father, no one has the filet of fish.

I don't even know what it is.

What is a fish?

It's a weird push and pull with the public.

The public need them to be relatable and accessible, but they're not at all.

But there's this just this desire for them to be, but they are not at all.

We don't want to be led by one of us.

You're going to get emails now from somebody who says,

I was down at the chip shop and I saw William there with blah blah blah and they are accessible.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I guarantee we won't.

We want to be led by someone superior.

We want to be,

you know, British people want someone smart and well-spoken to be in charge of important decisions.

You know, someone who looks like they've had some schooling.

That's how Jacob Reese Mogg was able to be a fucking MP for so long.

It's like, this guy's

a cunt, and you're all voting for him.

Oh, he's soul of the earth, Jacob Reese Mogg.

No, he's fucking not.

He's a cunt.

Nanny,

you should want to wipe my body.

Nanny, I missed my schooling.

Schooling.

Yeah.

It's yeah, it's a weird one.

But yeah, he is out of touch and he will always he will always just be out of touch.

I think it's a given that he's it's by his very nature.

And in a sense, like if they're smarter than we give them credit for, they would lean into it as well because it keeps them in that in that sort of touristy, elevated, safe place.

He's a constitutional monarch.

He has no power.

And he has said that.

I mean, they're talking about, you know, Australia doing this thing where he's doing a tour of Australia at the moment.

And there's certain people, certain groups who love having the king.

And, you know, they've asked him, you know, do you think that Australia should still have a king?

And he said, well, that's up to the people to decide, you know, because it is.

He's not allowed an opinion.

He's a toothless figurehead.

And that's what the queen was.

And she pivoted her role really to being a peacemaker or a peacebroker or community builder, right?

Trying to.

bring together these different dancer countries.

In the later years, she did a lot of dancing.

She'd open everything with a big old bit of break

Yeah, pop a lot.

I think you're getting confused with the other Australian Ray guys.

Yes.

Well, that was Her Majesty's.

She trained Ray Gun up.

Did she?

That's why that was what all this controversy was: is they thought she'd got that royal approval to get in, and that's how she got in.

It was all the queen, and then King Charles took it over.

Anyway, did you say to me?

Did you hear that Boris put out an autobiography?

Yeah.

His memoir.

He was paid 2 million for it.

Amazing.

It sold 40,000 copies in the first week,

which is about,

it's not great, but it's not bad either.

Like, it's average.

I think Margaret Thatcher did 100,000 in her first week.

Blair did like 50,000.

I think Liz Truss did like 1,000 in the first week.

It was a disaster.

But Boris has done okay, but he was paid well for it.

And people love Boris.

It's only a matter of time before he's

all over the place.

He's like Donald Trump.

Al Donald Trump.

Name me one person who likes Boris.

All the people that voted for him and said we love him.

Yeah, like half of the country.

It's the same thing as, but it's the same thing you say, name someone who likes Trump, half of America.

Like literally half.

But anyway, Boris put out his memoir.

Yeah.

And it's done okay.

And one of the things he said was that the queen died of bone cancer rather than old age, because obviously

the royal family would much rather have old age written on

the death certificate, even though no one dies of old age anymore.

Really, everyone dies of something.

Old age is a kind of a very out-of-date.

Yeah, something goes, doesn't it?

But I understand, like, it's more respectful to say i need to keep it quiet and to keep it private right and so it does feel scummy for boris to sort of come out and i don't know to shift to see books does it feel out of character no exactly that's exactly the kind of shit he'd do anyway all right let's move on that's why people love him so much yes

This is about the Wikipedia editing.

Do you remember I talked about the Wikipedia editing that one of the merch guys did at TI with for the Copenhagen?

That's

it.

They did some vandalism, but it was funny vandalism.

Yeah, indeed.

So about five years ago, a friend thought it would be funny to edit my hometown's Wikipedia page to say that I was the mayor.

I expected it to get changed back after a few weeks at most.

For reference, my hometown is in the Midwest US with a population of around 40,000.

It ended up staying for much longer than I expected.

After about three months, if you googled mayor of hometown, my name would pop up as the answer.

If you asked Alexa who the mayor of my hometown was, she would say it was me.

I guess because Google and Amazon pull that info directly off of Wikipedia.

People outside my friend group started to notice and I had people I hadn't heard from in ages asking why I'd run for mayor.

About six months after I first changed the Wikipedia page, this is to change it back, the actual mayor found out and sent me a message about it on Facebook.

We'd never met and we're not Facebook friends or anything.

He just found my account somehow.

He was a good sport about it and realized we were just some guys trying to have a laugh.

The mayor then created a Wikipedia account with his real name, let's say Dave Smith, and changed the page back.

This apparently set off a red flag at Wikipedia because to them it looked like some guy named Dave Smith just created an account to vandalize this page and say he was the mayor.

So Wikipedia reverted his change.

So I was once again the mayor.

And they also banned his account.

Once I realized what had happened, I changed the Wikipedia page myself to the correct mayor, mostly because the joke had run its course and I didn't want the mayor thinking I was conspiring against him to keep him off Wikipedia.

Oh,

man.

Imagine they thought that there was a conspiracy and they were trying to hunt you down like a dog, destroy you for getting in the way of their Wikipedia updates.

Oh my god, man.

This is very common, and I imagine happens all the time.

And

yeah, like these bits of disinformation make it through, right?

This is how you write history.

Yeah, you know, you just you're the one.

If you're the one who writes it down and no one else does, everyone forgets it.

Yeah, it's I it makes you wonder how much of history is real kind of thing.

This is funny.

I read a r an interesting uh r/slash history post recently.

And the question was, why did the Romans not basically erase Carthage from history?

Because obviously we know that the Romans rewrote quite a lot of history in their favor.

Because, you know,

there was an empire and they had to maintain a certain level of sort of, you know, we're the best.

Otherwise, it's hard to keep people on board with the whole we're going to conquer the world thing.

But Carthage and Hannibal, that was a big fucking deal for the Romans.

And, you know, Hannibal got into Rome.

Like they were stomping about having battles in Rome.

And the thing is, the Romans basically started that war by fucking around in Sicily, which at that time was not part of Italy.

It was like, you know, they were fucking around there and all the rest of what is now Sicily.

And they basically goaded the Carthaginians into this war and they had this big fight, but they didn't change the history because defeating this big, bad enemy made them look good.

Even if they'd started it, they kind of, that was a minor footnote.

The main thing was he fucking turned up in Rome.

Like we are having to fight this guy in our home turf.

So it's super important that we beat him.

and aren't we fabulous for doing it.

So sometimes even just keeping history the way it was, but changing a couple of minor details completely changes the way the story plays out.

So imagine if, for example,

D-Day had been a failure, but we'd push Germany back into Germany, then they'd fall all the way back and won.

They might leave out of the history the fact that this was all their fucking doing anyway.

They might just say, look at this, the evil Americans turned up and stomped all over France and Germany and we had to beat them back and we were victorious.

So even though that did, you know, the America did invade France and did push Germany all the way back into Germany, you could easily change the take on that by just changing a couple of minor details early on.

So I don't think that history needs rewriting that much.

You just need to change a couple of key points and

let the facts play out.

Well, I think it's almost nice that

Hitler was such a kind of cut and dry bad guy.

Right.

Yeah, that is nice.

We won, so we can say that.

It is really good.

I think there isn't one for World War I, though, right?

Like the Kaiser being in charge of Germany during that time.

Kaiser von Wilhelm.

Yeah, like, was he Kaiser

II?

Kaiser Wilhelm II,

the former German emperor

until his abdication in 1918, which marked the end of the German Empire.

I don't know.

Was he a bad guy?

Well, exactly.

Like, he's not villainized in the way that

he's used to other people.

I would say it, it, I mean, he didn't do like any that I can tell.

I'm on Wikipedia.

So, you know, maybe there's some information missing or whatever.

But I'll help you.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure that he did like a huge genocide or anything like that, from what I can tell.

He did.

He did.

kind of hand over the country to the military, though, for World War I.

He just sort of said, I don't know what I'm doing.

Military command, can you please take over?

And they ran the country as a military dictatorship for the entire

way King Charles would do.

They don't do anything about armies or Kling Phil.

You guys will discharge.

Oh, by the way, happy birthday, Lulu.

When's it your birthday?

It's next week, right?

Yeah, four days of time of recording.

But this is a mailbag, remember.

So this is a good thing.

Yeah, well, happy birthday to Baby.

It does matter.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, happy birthday.

If it's your birthday, it's your birthday.

Yeah.

Oh, well, thank you, guys.

That's very kind of you.

Your birthday's around the same time as Mrs.

S' birthday.

That's funny.

I got her a present, I didn't get you shit.

I'm sorry, bud.

All right,

I don't think I've got you anything.

This one's called Speeding Up Your Media.

This is from Cameron.

Uh, this is probably the most uninteresting email I could send as my first message after listening since the beginning, but here we go.

But bear with me because I like this.

I listened to the Triforce through Spotify along with all of my other podcasts.

And at some point, I made a change from listening at normal speed to 1.2 times speed.

Sure.

I think this was from listening to some non-fiction and getting annoyed when they'd explained concepts I'd already explained in episodes prior.

We can relate to that.

Yes.

Eventually, over time, this increased to 1.5 speed.

And now we listen to all podcasts like this and have done for years.

I had a strange experience today listening to the 2024 Pickaxe Week episode, which of course was at normal speed.

And honestly, at first, I thought you were all ill or putting on weird voices because I've gotten so used to hearing you at 1.5 times speed to the point that it really felt weird in an uncanny valley type of way.

After this, I had a think and realized I really do this sort of thing with a lot of other media.

For example, if a TV show is based on a book or graphic novel or comic, I'll just go and read that rather than watch the show because it's quicker.

Um, same with a lot of movies.

I can't bring myself to listen to audiobooks because, in my mind, I just know I could just read the book faster.

In more modern times, I've noticed that for work, I've got to check some technical manual.

If it's a big wall of text, I'll just paste it into chat GPT and have it summarize it for me.

Do you guys do anything like this, or have I just gone completely crazy and fucked my brain?

I personally don't do anything like that, but uh, I know lots of of people who do.

Yeah.

And

I think it's become kind of a norm for a lot of people.

I'm a little bit older and probably wouldn't ever have the need to do that personally.

If I even bother to watch or listen to something,

God, my attention span is like fucking awful.

Like I'll watch something for like two minutes and then I'm just like, nah.

Give up.

Well, I'm done.

I am.

Absolutely do what you're saying.

And I worry about it too, because I have to check through these Blood in the Clock Tower videos that I've been in before and I watched them at two times speed.

I listened to podcasts at 1.5 speed usually.

I watched a lot of stuff, even like Netflix, I watched a lot of that at like one and a half speed just because it was like, because you can.

And I feel like I watch a lot of stuff.

I think it's,

there's a lot of stuff that's quite slow, especially podcasts and things like this that are more considered.

Do you watch

the guy spit up?

Oh, this guy's really good.

Oh, my God.

This guy is going crazy.

Look at her soft damn cock.

Look at that.

Think of her knock muscles.

My God.

I don't know why Jerry Seinfeld's watching.

Look at her neck muscles, George.

So there is this one YouTuber.

I had this exact experience.

There's one YouTuber.

who spoke so slowly that I used to watch him at two times speed.

And I watched a bunch of his stuff.

And then I sort of, I can't remember what I was doing, but I was watching it live or something where I I couldn't speed it up and I could not watch it.

I could not watch it because it was like this guy who I was used to, you know, giving these like very high speed instructional, you know, useful things became this like super slow, sluggish, like almost like a stoner.

It was strange.

It was like we were ill.

He was ill or, and I get that completely.

I think it's hard to get the right,

I think we can ingest information a lot quicker than we can give it.

So I think the nature of this podcast is that we play it at the natural speed, but I think that it is more comfortable to listen to it faster.

So yeah, maybe check it out, guys.

Maybe we're much better and more interesting, faster.

A friend of mine does that with everything is two-speed.

Everything.

Everybody just sounds like the chipmunks, though, right?

Well, so he puts a subtitles on.

You watch a film at two times speed with the subtitles on and just burn through it.

And I think if you boil, if you're looking to get information, I think that's fine.

Because if I could read a manual or instructions twice as fast and absorb that information, fantastic.

And now I know what I need to do.

And that's that.

But if it's music or a podcast where there's a lot of character to it and you want to listen to the delivery is very important for a lot of things, or a movie or something like that, or an audio book, to speed it up, I think, is to just say, just smash the information into my brain and leave any art out of it.

Like, I don't want anything to do with delivery or acting.

Just smash the story straight into my brain.

Well, at that point, just read the plot summary on Wikipedia and don't bother watching the movie.

That's the quickest way to absorb a film.

And you can say, Oh, yeah, I watched all of the rings.

Uh, they get that ring and they blow it up in Mad Doom, don't they?

Job done.

I've saved nine hours.

Is it secret?

Is it safe?

It just goes like

it turns out mid-secret and safe, and they did it.

Job done.

I mean, it's just,

I think it's totally right.

Hey, if that's the way you enjoy it, fair enough.

I'm going to say that you can't fucking relate at all.

Yeah, I can't relate either.

I would not speed something up or even really skip through stuff.

You know, even if I'm hate-watching watching something, I rarely skip through it.

I think, oh, I'm in now.

So, you know, I'm just watching the whole thing or not.

I wouldn't bother to speed something up though.

I did notice, like, maybe it's a generational thing.

I don't know.

But my son, if he's watching something,

say he's watching something on Netflix or Disney Plus or whatever.

He constantly checks to see how much time is left, which,

again, I think it's a generational thing because I never check to see how much time is left on something.

Interesting.

I kind of have a sense for, you know,

if I look to see what I'm watching and it says that it's an hour long, you know, I'm just like, okay, well,

yeah, yeah.

But like, he'll check.

He checks and checks like every

couple of years.

That's one of the

weird things I quite like about audiobooks and Kindle reading on my

iPad or whatever it's called.

You don't know when the end's coming.

Reading a normal book or watching a movie, you've got a feeling it's like, okay, this is the last bit.

Yeah.

You know, whereas, like, sometimes, and that kind of sometimes can spoil it, right?

It could, sometimes it's like, okay, this must be the solution, or, you know, this, okay, they've, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the sadness of ending a book.

Yeah.

I hate it.

I hate it.

All right, this one's this one's called accidental swastikas.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

This goes back.

We were talking about Hitler a moment ago.

Uh, staple subject here on the podcast.

It's inevitable.

Greg Wallace and Hitler.

We we talk about a lot.

Anyway, this is from Michael.

I've never seen either of them in the same room together, though.

Correct.

Right.

This is from Michael.

Now,

I wasn't originally going to read this out because I thought it was, you know, it's okay.

But then very cleverly, Michael bumped the email in quite a subtle way.

And I thought, I respect the hustle.

Sent me the email a week ago.

I didn't do anything with it.

And that was followed up with, I may have sent this to the wrong email address because I did not include the dot.

Now, Michael, I'm sure you know as well as I do that you do not need to put the dot in a Gmail email address.

You could put a dot between every letter or no dots at all and it would still go through.

You know that, Michael, but I respect the hustle.

You bumped the email in a smart way.

Please don't let anyone else attempt this.

Long time Canadian listener here from Ontario.

Wow.

I was listening to episode 277.

At around the 38 minute mark, Lewis starts talking about logo design.

And he calls you Chris here.

Chris remarked, I wonder if the guy who made this logo was sitting at his desk one day and coming up with this logo and thought, I hope I'm not plagiarizing or copying someone's work here.

When I heard this, I just had to chime in.

I'm a graphic designer and through my three-year program in college, we had to make a lot of logos to experiment with different forms.

This never happened to me specifically, but I can remember it happening a few times in various classes that someone would be working on a logo and not realize it resembled a swastika until someone else looked at it.

It's much more common than you think to accidentally plagiarize and imitate without any intent to do so.

Awkward to accidentally come up with a swastika, though.

Well, this is one of those things though that you find yourself accidentally googling uh googling

doodling do you find yourself accidentally doodling swastikas very often lewis brindley of the ogs coast i you do sometimes

you're yeah like i think it's a very symmetrical shape and it's very easy to like accidentally i think when you make a logo you want it to be

like rotationally symmetrical or at least like look nice in some way like i think it has to be

something that's like

I was watching the alien Romulus the other day.

Oh, is that good?

It is good.

No, I know.

I'm just kidding.

The word alien is just like five vertical lines, but the ones at the edge, it sort of slightly tapers.

And it's, I don't know, it's just a really well-designed logo of five verticals.

And it looks like the word alien.

And you're like, oh, how does that work?

And so stuff like this, right?

You're looking for to hide as much information in as something which looks simple, right?

It's hiding depth in simplicity.

And I think the swastika is a very easy.

And again, it's the same thing with dicks, I imagine.

It's like a lot of people design a thing and it's like, oh, that looks a bit like a dick now.

Or does

is that just me doing swastika?

It's used in other religions and stuff, though.

It's the other way around.

Oh, it's the other way around, right?

Yeah.

I talked about this in a previous episode.

There's a place near me called Delhi Wala that does Indian food, like vegetarian Indian food, mainly like pakora and samosa and stuff like that.

It's amazing.

But there's some kind of holiday that they celebrate and might be a Hindu holiday that has a lot of swastikas involved, but it's not the swastikas, the other way around.

So in most of the world, that symbol is just like good luck or something or prosperity.

But to walk in there and be confronted with a wall of, at first glance, what looked like swastikas was alarming.

I'll say that, because it's obviously in the West, it's such a big thing in our history and, you know, in our

cultural history that to see it is still quite shocking.

So, to me, the idea that I could just accidentally doodle a swastika is quite funny.

I guess I'd probably notice, but in much of the world, I think Buddhism as well, it's like it's just a regular symbol.

That's why people love to fucking bosh it on stuff and then claim that, but it's like, come on, dude.

It's like, yes, I'm sure it does have other meanings, but you're in London.

Like, you know what it means in London anyway.

Yeah.

Talking of logos,

so looking at a list of some of of the best logos ever designed, talking about symmetry, I think symmetry definitely plays a part, but there's something else going on.

It's simplicity, but also it's just, it's just, it's very easy on the eye.

So look at the, look at this,

these logos here that I, that I've put down.

Some of them are just the word.

I'll put this in the Discord.

There we go.

So Shell, Levi's, obviously, McDonald's, Mercedes, Playboy, Nike, I Love New York,

Starbucks.

Yeah.

The one with the arrows arrows is

the Underground?

London?

British Rail.

Or British Rail.

Okay.

IBM, obviously.

The U, I'm not sure.

I thought that might be Unilever, but I'm not sure.

Okay.

The Panda is WWF.

Yeah.

I'm not sure what the swerve is.

Don't know the next one.

It might be an American.

CBS, obviously, and then

Coca-Cola.

So the thing is with these logos is that you can't imagine any of these not being famous logos.

The U, the two of them are we didn't recognize and they might be American specific.

But the point is, if you think about it, how much of the potency of a brand comes down to a good logo?

I think if McDonald's hadn't had the big M, would it have been as successful?

It's hard to say.

Disney's logo is pretty iconic.

Apple's logo.

Yeah.

Like these are all iconic, but are they iconic because the brand is huge?

Or are they iconic

on their own merit?

Yeah, it's weird because I mean, like some of them you look at, like the Coca-Cola logo, I mean, it's obviously ingrained in everybody's minds, this logo.

You've seen it everywhere, sort of thing.

But to look at it, it's just like,

it's not much to write home about, is it?

Yeah.

If it wasn't a massive brand and you saw that, you wouldn't think anything of it.

So my question is, when you look at Google's logo, for example, which is a good logo.

It's just the word Google in different colors.

Yeah.

It looks like a placeholder logo, but it works.

But if you look at Ask Jeeves, Ask Jeeves had a pretty good fucking logo.

What about the Yahoo logo?

That was awesome.

I mean, so I think quite often, yeah, I think quite often it's easy to say these are the best logos.

And they all happen to be enormous companies.

Yeah.

Like there are plenty of successful companies out there, massive companies, whose logo is dog shit, I'm sure.

So I'm not sure I'd buy the idea that just saying these are these, look at these logos, these brands are amazing, and it's because of the logo.

I don't know.

I think that big companies are likely to have good logos because they can afford to spend all the money on them.

But Wendy's logo is pretty fucking good, just the girl with the braids.

That's quite iconic.

Yeah, but yeah, anyway.

What about Burger King home of the Whopper?

There is a famous, there's a couple of famous Arby's brand designers

who've designed, like, I think Raymond Lowy or whatever, Lowey.

He made the Coca-Cola one and a bunch of others, like the Shell one and stuff.

And

his design has been, you know, his design philosophy has been taken on over the years of like keeping it, keeping it a simple shape that sort of has double meaning, you know.

I mean, the Mercedes logo is

iconic, but it's really bad, really, isn't it?

It's just a circle with the fucking star in it.

It's true.

You know, there's nothing.

It doesn't represent German engineering or like car or design necessarily, does it?

Or maybe it is.

Maybe it's supposed to be a wheel.

Maybe it is a car wheel.

Maybe it's like a precision car.

Maybe,

okay, now I'm looking at it.

I'm like, oh, maybe there's a more

to this.

Oh, my God.

It's unraveling before my very eyes.

No, it's just a simple logo.

It's really, it's really quite basic.

But I mean, again, it's like super iconic, right?

I mean, the McDonald's one as well.

I don't know.

All right.

So

this is a follow-up.

I'm only going to read one.

This is about the death-defining space.

Do you remember the shed, the garden, the room, all that stuff?

Oh, God.

Yeah.

So I had a lot of people.

Oh, God.

Had one guy saying, I don't think that your friends have put much thought into this at all.

It seems like something they came up with when they were just high or sitting around talking.

Yeah.

Yeah, no shit.

That's the whole point.

It was just a joke.

Like, calm down.

We don't need actual definitions.

One guy who actually does deal with spaces for a living and was quite triggered by the shitness of the thesis.

It was just a joke, guys.

I apologize.

To sum it up, this is from Marco.

I've listened to your discussions on spaces and noted your request for thoughts.

Here are mine.

Please do not discuss the moronic ramblings of the readers in the next mailbag.

It's going to be painful to listen to.

And much as I see that your friends have put thought into their thesis, I wish they hadn't.

I'm with Sips.

I couldn't stand the segment.

It reminded me of something you'd find on R/slash Quirky, assuming such a subreddit exists.

It might.

A disgruntled reader.

P.S.

If I met these friends, I'd ask them to shove their paper into their cavernous shed of their anus.

So there you go.

Yeah, the house sandwiched nonsense is...

a kind of this guy did a comment he said this is my favorite sort of low stakes debate slash forum uh socratic method for the most banal topics there you go that's kind of sums it up for me it's like it's just it was just a bit of fun yeah an excuse to to try and it's a little thought a little thought problem that you that you know that that you can argue about and you get it's complicated because you know we have to you try and explain what we're what we mean with lots and lots of examples lots and lots of um different words and yeah it's it's it's just a bit of fun just a bit of fun everyone because i mean zach here has sent in a huge response that breaks it all down.

Zach, I'm sorry.

We've had the final word on it now, and it was, please never speak of this again.

I'm really sorry.

Sorry, Zach.

Zach was

literally, while we've been recording this email, I've had four more emails about it.

Well, that's because the mailbag went out yesterday.

Oh, did it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you're going to get a lot more peaceful.

I don't mind.

That's fine.

The mailbag.

So

during mailbag number 40, we talked about peanut butter and cheese sandwiches.

Right.

This is the same one yesterday.

Right.

So while that might seem strange, my dad absolutely loves peanut butter and egg sandwiches.

Peanut butter and egg, yeah.

So that's a wild combo as well.

These would be made with the whitest of white bread, slathered with salted butter, a thick layer of peanut butter, and topped with a generous helping of sliced hard-boiled eggs.

Wow.

It must be crunchy peanut butter.

The texture is critical.

He's eaten these his entire life, as if they are the most regular sandwich in Britain.

He will enter high street sandwich shops and the staff will look on stunned after he spells out what he wants.

He's originally from up north around the Yorkshire area, which may have something to do with it.

Being from the southwest myself, I've never heard anyone else even ask for a peanut butter and egg sandwich.

With all that being said, they are actually edible, but you gag when you think about what you're eating.

Yeah.

The thing is, it's not like

I get if you like that, fine, but you can't realistically expect.

that people are going to understand what you're saying.

Like, it's not a normal sandwich.

No.

It's not a normal combination for a sandwich.

We've got tried, tested, and true combinations of sandwiches that people have loved for since the beginning of time or since the beginning of sandwiches.

You know what I mean?

And every once in a while, a new one comes along.

I can pretty much guarantee that every once in a while, a new one comes along will never be peanut butter and egg sandwiches.

No, I think he's on his own mostly, or maybe you know, that's the internet's great for this kind of stuff.

He might find other people out there that like a peanut butter and egg sandwich.

I can almost guarantee there won't be many, though.

No.

I mean, I've just googled peanut butter and eggs and looking for recipes.

Yeah.

Scrambled peanut butter eggs.

My husband grew up in West Africa where peanut butter stew was popular.

So he started wondering if peanut butter would go with eggs.

And he puts this in there, some sriracha in there, some ginger and some garlic, some seasoning sauce, and then he just makes the eggs

with peanut butter on top.

You've got peanut butter and stuff.

I think if you're that much off the sandwich grid, you're kind of on your own.

You got to do your own thing.

And it's fine.

It's fine if that's the kind of sandwich that you want to have.

But I think to expect the general public to, you know, make that or even have it, I don't think he's expecting to go to like Pret or something and see.

But, you know, like, it's, it's a, it's an odd one, isn't it?

I can't think of anything that I eat that's like really out there, you know?

Like, can you imagine him

staring into the camera like Marco Pierre White?

Just like the key is crunch, crunchy peanut butter.

It must be crunchy.

If your peanut butter isn't crunchy, get out of the kitchen.

It's that simple.

It seems very like there's lots of very, very specific elements to the sandwich, which it's, yeah, it's, it's weird.

Okay, let me ask you guys a question.

Salted butter?

Yes.

Would you ever have unsalted?

For baking, but otherwise, why?

I mean, if what I was having was incredibly salty,

maybe I wouldn't because then it would be too much.

But yeah, I always have salted butter.

Well,

we've always had had unsalted butter.

I don't like that.

It just tastes like butter, honestly.

But it lacks the salt brings out the flavor of the butter.

Otherwise, it's just the taste of fat.

Yeah.

Like the salt makes it bad.

Yeah, I don't know.

We've just always had butter taste instead of the salty butter.

We've just always had unsalted and nobody's ever really complained about it either.

I think everybody.

This is a great question, sips, that I've not even really considered.

No.

Due to the fact that I haven't really eaten butter for the last time.

what about you do you just get salted butter okay what about margarine versus butter I don't have margarine I don't have a lot of a spread person the person who invented margarine uh stipulated that he never wanted his children to eat it at one time margarine yeah margarine is one of these things margarine

there's a fucking e on the end come on margarine margarine margarine i'm just i've never been a big margarine eater either i've always just been a butter the next thing rhymes with margarine clean This is a question about cleanliness.

That's a hell of a segue.

Today I had an elderly customer complain that I put their glass through the dishwasher before serving them.

She said, people are too clean these days and no one has any immune system anymore.

Oh my God.

The glass

fucking win.

I know.

The glass was unused, but served to another customer prior for water.

And she watched me take it off the table and wash it before cutting.

I'm going to say to you, thank you.

Thank you for doing that.

Thank you for washing my dishes.

If nobody else ever thanks you i am thanking you for for putting the the glass in the dishwasher so that i have a clean glass that nobody else has put their germs on absolute fucking mayhem that you cannot win and keep up the good work you can't win you can't win absolutely cannot that's what world are we living in that that is that is the world of people who serve the public whether it's retail or whether it's some kind of catering based job where you're serving them if you're serving them or selling them they will you will be astonished daily

by what other people they're out there walking around exactly like them

that is the that is like a pure distilled absolutely like isolated example of like what it's like right what it's actually like is that complexified so much that you don't understand that it's completely unreasonable that these people make these completely

bipolar requests you know do you know why they do that do you know why does the request was the request please don't put my glass glass in the dishes.

It was a dirty glass.

It was a complaint.

It was a complaint.

They were complaining because they wanted a dirty glass.

So the setup is this.

She served a customer a glass of water.

Right.

And then when the customer left, they hadn't drunk the glass.

She took it back and washed it for the next customer.

Right.

Because you don't know if someone's touched it.

What if they've sneezed all over their hand, touched a glass, but not taken a drink?

Yeah.

You don't know.

They might have spit in the glass.

They might, who knows?

Like, what she was watching this glass like a hawk and at no point did the guy touch it.

Just it's the most decent and basic thing you could do in any cafe, restaurant, whatever.

Yeah, that the stuff is clean, and that when I use it, a previous customer hasn't had their hands all over it before you hand it to me.

That's a very reasonable and standard thing.

If I worked at a restaurant, I would never take a dish off of one table and just put it right onto another.

No, of course you wouldn't.

That would be insane.

So, this lady's complaining.

So, Lewis is like, you can't win.

They're always going to find something to complain about.

Here's the thing: the reason that retail and servers suffer so much is because people know that you are beholden to them that they are in charge and they finally get to take out some of their fucking frustrations on someone who essentially either has to just fucking suck it up and take it or get fired that's all it is is that you are a big fucking target for people who are awful awful people in private and now they've finally got someone who they don't know that they can offload this dog onto and there's nothing you can fucking do about it you've got to take it i agree that's it because she's not going to walk up to someone on the street and say this she'll tell her to fuck off well but you can't do it because you work in a cleaner.

It's become a fucking idea.

Cunts.

To be like, oh, we're all too clean these days.

Back in my day, I used to roll around in the mud and eat dirt dog shit off the ground.

And I was perfectly fine.

People could be dying of blood poisoning and polio.

Not these days with all this technology and medicine and hygiene.

Washing up.

You're a thing of the past.

More's a pity, I say.

Fuck off.

Exactly.

Get in the fucking ground, you dog shit generation.

Fuck.

Well, that the I think the thing is, if they practice what they preach, they would actually be in the ground.

You know, if they actually never washed any fucking glasses and actually rolled around in the dirt, we'd get rid of them pretty quick.

Canadian dental student in Philadelphia.

I'm sorry for having to hear about Philadelphia.

Long time listener, first-time mailbagger.

I'm a Canadian from Alberta.

Nice.

Saved.

Currently studying dentistry in Philadelphia.

I'm in my second year and I'm in my research study regarding dental anxiety.

Right.

I was wondering what your guys' opinion is on the dentist.

I personally have always grown up with dentists around me, so I never found them as scary as the large majority of your thoughts.

I don't find dentists scary at all.

I had a man dentist when I was a young.

A mentist?

A mantist.

I had

a man dentist.

He's probably long retired now, but he was really nice.

Really, really nice dentist.

I had a lot of fillings as a kid.

I had a bit of a sweet tooth.

And I find now as an adult, I don't require so many fillings because I think all my teeth are already filled.

did you have that sweet tooth pulled out?

Yeah, no, I didn't actually.

It's still there, it's still plaguing me to this day.

Um, no, I've never had a fear of dentists, and I've had

a little bit of dentistry done, not like nothing hardcore.

I've never had like a root canal or anything like that, but um, I've had uh, I've had to have like a like a tooth hollowed out with like you know, new compound put on and stuff like that.

Okay, okay, okay, so

I am not,

I don't think I have a phobia of dentists.

I am apprehensive about going and nervous about going, and probably more nervous about going to the dentist than a doctor or, I don't know, a hairdresser, right?

Like, I think there's a there's a, you know, when you lie down on the dentist's chair and they put their fingers in your mouth and, you know, start poking around and stabbing you and, you know, scratching your plaque off your teeth and saying, oh, you need an x-ray.

It's, it's definitely more than it's definitely a step up.

It is the most probably anxiety

thing that you can do,

especially if you have to go in for some sort of procedure.

And God, like, you know, it puts the fear of God into you to actually clean your teeth and floss because having to go back is frightening.

And

I can completely see why dentists would be scary for people to go to.

It certainly is a common thing.

I feel like I understand it.

It's portrayed in movies and it has been for a long time as a scary thing to do.

You know, you always see it, don't you, with all the...

it's, it's a, you know, God, the amount of movies or horror things I've seen with some horrible dental thing's gone on and it's, it's gruesome and horrible.

I definitely, I had a fear built up in my head because I had, I had four teeth extracted when I was a kid to make room for braces and stuff like that.

And the injections into my mouth, I remember that very distinctly.

And then I had a couple of fillings over the years and I had a crown, a gold crown fitted to one of my teeth

because it was cracked.

And then

me too.

I had four teeth extracted for braces.

I had a silver crown for a while.

Yeah,

I didn't take care of my teeth when I was younger for sure.

And then earlier this year, I had a really, I bit into a tic-tac and I got a shooting pain in my mouth.

I think I talked about it.

I went and had, on the, my, my left side, I had, I think three of my teeth were crowned and I had four fillings as well because it hadn't been in a while.

Since before COVID, I just fucking got lazy.

And then I saw the hygienist.

And since then,

I basically rarely brushed my teeth in the morning until like after I'd had coffee and maybe mid-morning, maybe I'd remember to brush my teeth.

And I never, I never flossed or anything like that because I just thought, well, it's fine.

I don't need to worry about all that.

Wrong.

My gums were, I thought they were a relatively healthy pink.

They were not.

They were quite pink.

And that was like gingivitis and led to a lot of tooth pain and sensitivity.

In the last, I'd say, what, four or five months or something, I've been brushing twice a day religiously.

And I used incidental brushes every single night of the right sizes to fit between my teeth.

My gums are a completely different color, really healthy color, no more tooth pain.

I'm really looking after them.

And it's because I don't want to have to go back to the dentist again.

But to me now, it's not the pain.

It was the fucking expense of having all this done.

I was like, shit.

I would rather just look after my teeth and save the money.

You could have it.

Like it would be much better.

There's dental coverage, some dental coverage under the NHS, right?

But aren't the wait times insane?

Yeah.

I mean, your kids can get stuff much easier.

So my kids get reminders, send you to come and come to the dentist, but on the NHS as an adult, it's a bit harder.

It's the same here, our healthcare here.

You can uh go on the waiting list for dentistry stuff, but it's like years, you got to wait, yeah, because there's a lot of people waiting for it, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's a real shame, actually.

But

it's better than nothing, in my opinion.

It's it's better than nothing, right?

So, certainly, I know many people who haven't been to the dentist in years and could do it.

And I think just go for a checkup once a year, but I think fear is a big part of it.

And I think think one of the very common things is you don't go so you're sort of, you feel embarrassed about it and your teeth get worse.

And then that makes you even want to go even less.

And it's a kind of a vicious circle.

But once you've broken that cycle.

Oh, man.

And honestly, here's the thing.

I think it's weird, but as a dentist, if you choose to be a dentist, okay, and this is part, this is another thing I think about you're you're gonna, it's a pretty tough job, right?

I imagine looking in people's mouths every day.

Yeah.

And I imagine that it takes a certain kind of person.

But once you've, once you are a dentist and you're prepared for it, it's like it's like Kim and Aggie, right?

Going into someone's horrible, shitty house, cleaning the fucking.

All right, I'm going to knock you out so that I can extract a shit from your ass and put it in a Tupperware container.

Oh, wait, sorry.

These containers are not Tupperware.

In a sense, like

it's, it's, you know, how, like, you know, imagine a dentist, if they get someone who's got really terrible teeth, it's almost like a, I don't know if this is true, dentists.

Tell me, I'm sure it's frightening, but is it also, it must be also some sort of degree of satisfying to like really help someone out who's got, have had problems with their teeth and like get them.

I think if they listen to your instructions about doing it properly, it must be very gratifying.

I mean, I know when I went back to see my hygienist

for the checkup a few months after I'd had the work done, he was like, wow, like big improvement.

Do you think you can do any scraping?

If you lost a bunch of teeth, though, and

you just got used to chewing things with your gums, do you think your gums would like harden up a little?

I don't know.

I've got no idea.

These are questions for the mailbag, which Pirium would not want to have to.

No, I don't mind that.

I love getting emails from people who have a job that's do you have no teeth?

A goose right here?

No, you might just have a couple of teeth.

But you know, like you see, like older people who are missing quite a few teeth, and you just think, How do you eat with when you're missing teeth?

But your gums must harden up a little bit.

Eating with old Chopper here, seeing me through some hard times.

All right.

This is the Triforce Underrated Jokes quiz.

All right, we'll finish with this.

This isn't too long.

This is the underrated jokes quiz, according to...

We're going to have no recollection of any of these.

They're mostly going to be Lewis's, I think.

Some of these you'll get.

He's got a couple of underrated jokes in there for sure.

I think Lewis's best one, best line ever for me, I just want to say in this entire podcast, and I remember it like it was yesterday, was the don't worry.

I am AIDS.

I know.

I love that.

That was perfect.

This is short-term cast members.

All right.

Who is the roasty, toasty, old, fruity bastard?

Oh, that was the Muesley Man.

That was the Muesley Van.

You got it.

Oh, my God.

What was Lewis's SAS hard man character obsessed with doing?

Oh.

Oh, this I can't remember, actually.

Putting bottles up people's asses.

What does angry northerner John Bovrill think is the root of the world's problems?

Esports.

Of course he does.

This is disparaged locales.

Match the comments to the place ship talked.

So these are the three locations.

Luton, Wisconsin, and Australia.

So

these are the three statements.

You've got to match them to Luton, Wisconsin, and Australia.

Right.

It might as well not be considered the planet Earth full of snowflakes.

Oh.

That's got to be Australia.

Well, you think Australia?

Number five.

Needs to be written off at this point.

Maybe if you're into all those kind of things, it's like some sort of mecca.

That's got to be Wisconsin.

That's got to be Australia as well.

Number six, you may as well be saying to me that you live on a colony on Mars.

Get out.

Get out while you still can.

That's Luton.

That's Australia.

All right.

The answer was: number four, it might as well not be planet Earth full of snowflakes was Wisconsin.

It needs to be written off at this point.

That's Luton.

Colony on Mars, that was Australia.

That sounds like me in all honesty.

You just, you just, I think, I think I always just assumed you had so many things to say that were bad about Australia.

I just assumed it was all of those things.

Can I just say, as an aside, I get so many really genuinely lovely emails from Australians who found that bit very funny and are like, look, you really should come here.

It's It's fantastic.

So I really do appreciate them taking it.

Okay, we'll go on a road trip.

But I'm never going there.

Come on, never go.

No, thank you.

Okay, well, we at least need to go to France together, though.

Oh, yeah.

We keep saying we will.

We'll do it next year.

What type of table did the casino owner in Rosvodov want to make?

We all know this one.

Gaming table.

Streaming table.

He's like,

streaming table.

Streaming table.

I have black cat table.

I have poker table.

Streaming table.

Streaming table.

What color did the doctors put on Pirian's junk during his heart procedure?

Oh, what color did they put on your junk?

On your junk.

Yeah, because that was.

During your heart procedure.

Oh, yeah, because it went up the yeah, yeah, up my stuff.

It was orange.

It was like disinfectant orange.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember that detail.

Pirian was at an interview for which fake publication when the interviewer shoplifted.

I forgot I told this story.

What the fuck?

I don't remember this at all.

Say this again.

I went for an interview to write for a magazine, and the guy did a competition where you had to write reviews of a bunch of bars.

I did that.

And then he was like, I thought your interviews were the best.

Come on in and we'll do an interview.

So I went to his office and he said, Let's pop out to Oxford Street and we'll get something to eat.

I was like, Cool.

So we went out and we popped into Selfridge's.

And while we're in there, we're walking around.

He looked me square in the eye, took a coat off the rack, put it on, and we just walked out.

That was the job interview.

Fucking hell.

You obviously don't remember this.

It was for a magazine of that.

It was for a magazine called the London Review because that way he thought people would confuse it for the London Review of Books and think this was related to it somehow, but it was just going to be reviews of bars and things.

And he was going to give 50 quid to the concierges or various hotels to get them to hand it to people

when they were asking for recommendations of a stay in London.

That was his whole plan.

Utterly bizarre.

I can't remember the guy's name, unfortunately.

He shotlifted a jacket just right in front of you.

That's absolute mayhem.

Yeah, I know.

It was bizarre.

It was absolutely.

And I thought, God, this guy's never going to pay me, even if I do get the job.

But I was unemployed.

So I was like, what else am I going to do with my afternoon?

This is at least an interesting story.

Sips's lifestyle.

Three questions on Sips's lifestyle.

Okay.

What broke in Sips's bathroom, prompting him to tell the same story two separate times?

The bath plug.

Yeah, correct.

We remember this.

What is one of Sips's superpowers which came up when talking about Taylor Swift?

Oh,

he could tune it out.

No, no,

you can visualize having sex with anyone.

What is the aura frame?

Okay.

What does the aura frame and sips' bathroom show?

You got an aura frame in your bathroom.

Oh, not that I know of.

Well, apparently it displays a picture of the bathroom before it was renovated.

That's such a good joke.

Memories.

This is so good.

This is Lewis.

So you have to determine if this quote was said by Lewis Bridley of of the Oxcast or King Charles III.

Oh, fuck.

This is much harder than you think it's going to be.

When I was 20, well, this is obviously Lewis.

When I was 20, all I knew about 20-year-old women was that they were not fucking me.

That's true.

That's Lulu.

That's true.

Talk to your vegetables.

Oh, my God.

Talk to your vegetables.

Yeah.

That could be me now, but it's not me from earlier.

I think that's a Lewis thing.

It's got to be King Charles.

It's a King Charles.

There's nothing like a good disaster to get people doing something.

That's me, probably.

That is King Charles.

I got off the rails a bit.

I look forward to getting back on.

That sounds like a King Charles.

That's a Lulu.

That is an accident.

That's me.

For sure.

Oh, they're great.

We had a big laugh at our own fucking podcast.

Man, it is occasionally funny, though.

Those are quite some funny jokes, it's true.

God, I had to, I tell you what, though, the other day,

Pirian's been perfecting his Trump accent.

And we were doing this thing in Minecraft, and Pirian turned up as Trump in like a Minecraft Trump skin with the Trump voice, like fully chomping it up.

And we were all just like, I think this is, it's absolutely fucking hilarious, but it's just way too much.

And

it was really uncanny.

And I think the thing is, like, it was just, I was just like, you don't need to do this.

But thank you for

so much.

People were horrified i asked in the discord i've got a donald trump skin for this minecraft is that okay and people were like what

like i don't know they thought that i was a fan or something ah all right

we should hang ben i've been saying it for years hang ben kill ben benz he's no good he's coming over the border he's bringing his demons and his minions he's taking over the collector we got to get rid of it it's the worst ben we've ever had

i was gonna do that for like three hours and then i'm gonna know that would have been you gave us a little taste of it and I was like, this is so good, but how could you?

I just didn't think you could like things.

When I'm doing like an impression on about something, I kind of can't focus on the rest of the game.

And it was your first game around the clock tower.

And I felt like it was just,

there's no way you're going to be able to play the game competently and do a brilliant Donald Trump impression.

It's not good, but it's getting there.

I did it the other weekend for my mates, and they did think it was good, but then I kept doing it.

And they were like, all right, you can stop now.

And I kept doing it to be more annoying.

yeah, and now they hate it.

I love your

Joe Biden impersonation.

I love the Joe Biden.

We should have finished the podcast.

It's been 17, 17 flowers, hours, hours, it's been 17 hours.

Hey, no, wait a minute.

This is what I was talking about right over here with the show.

This guy's a goddamn alley cat.

It's sexy, just

whisper.

Do you an old man whisper and say, wait a minute, an alley cat, I'm up.

Don't even sound like him, and it's just funny.

You can just imagine his eyes really wide.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

What are you guys saying about

parts of the Caribbean?

That's Dana Carvey's impression.

He always ends with that.

I can't believe it's not butter.

It was really funny.

Anyway, all right, that's the mailbag.

Hey, some good emails.

Thank you.

Yeah, thanks so much.

Keep them coming.

Glorious.

Enjoyed it.

Thank you guys.

See you next time.

Goodbye, bro.

Goodbye.

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