Triforce! #303: Triforce vs Numbers

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Hello, everyone.

Welcome back to the Trifles podcast.

I'm here with my best friend, Sips.

Thanks for putting me first.

And my second best friend, Pyrrhion Flax.

Brutal, but I'll tell you.

That's right.

That's right.

That's right.

How are you guys feeling?

Good week.

Happy?

Yeah, I've had a cold, but I'm recovering.

All the house stuff is coming along real nice.

Got loads of stuff done this week, so we're getting getting closer to putting it behind us forever.

And you're never going to

commit to a house-changing project again.

Never again.

Yeah.

I don't mind like a little thing, you know, like, oh, a new cupboard or, you know, little bits and pieces.

Do you want to build them yourself?

Do you want to use your hands and

your talents?

I mean, I can put together flat pack furniture and stuff.

It's no problem.

Nice.

But custom stuff's difficult.

You need a skilled carpenter.

I went to Ikea.

You need Jesus.

Actually, this week.

And I don't know if you've been to Ikea recently, but no, there's not one over here.

So I think the last time I went to one was maybe 20 years ago.

I feel like everything in there looks like it should be in a student house, right?

And I guess maybe that's because my tastes have changed or something, but it just feels so good.

You want some big ornate mahogany furniture now.

You're at that.

You're at that chandeliers.

Yeah.

Clothing.

Yes.

Do you think Jesus was a good carpenter?

It never comes up.

They mentioned that he's a carpenter, but I don't think he does any carpentry.

It's all word of mouth with those guys.

Well, he had those 3,000 people.

Do you think during that season?

They don't tend to advertise very well.

I brought you bread and fish.

And also, if anyone has any carpentry that needs doing around the house, I am, of course, available.

Just give me a non-charge.

I charge three shekels and a piece of bread, and I will be there.

Oh, man.

I don't think he ever talks about his carpentry.

It's never like loads of other banal, sort of banal shit comes up in the Bible, you know, when they're talking about where they went and what they did and where they had breakfast and where they stayed.

It never comes up.

Jesus knocked up a really nice chair.

Like, no, it doesn't come up.

It's kind of weird because he probably could, you know, if they reached like a river and,

you know, they could deploy Jesus like an army engineer to erect a bridge, a very sturdy bridge, but he wouldn't need to because he could just walk on water.

You know what I mean?

His magic kind of cancels out his skills, you know, his

carpentry skills.

Good point.

And maybe

they said that

I've just read this online.

There's a prophecy that the Jews would destroy the temple in the, and he would raise it up again.

Do you reckon that it's possible that he could have done it with carpentry?

Do you know what I mean?

He would have raised it up.

If they knocked out that temple, lads, I could knock you up a new one in three days.

Yeah,

well, the first one he made was made of straw and then they put that one down.

So he tried again with sticks um you'd putting his thatching roof thatching and carpentry skills to the test and then tungsten carbide steel

that was the third one yeah that shit's not he slapped it and he said that shit's not going anywhere

interesting so it says from google it says that more likely the greek translations such an old book um changed it a bit and i think i think carpenter could possibly mean artisan or craftsman or sculptor or something.

So it could well be something a bit vaguer than

a guy knocking on the ship.

I don't even use new art for the book or anything.

It's just it is, I guess that just

so much has could be lost in translation from that time.

You know, I think it's, it's very hard to take the, it as gospel.

Oh, oh, he's done it.

He's gone.

He's gone and done it.

Please.

But yeah, I guess, hmm.

Do you, do you ever miss like that?

Like you see people doing these stuff, like building log cabins, and we talk about this all the time.

But do you ever like, do you ever feel less of a man for like not being able to do any

of this stuff?

I can barely hammer a nail in.

I'm terrified to like hit an electrical cable.

Well, they don't even really do that anymore.

They use nail guns now.

They're a lot more common.

Right.

Well, they don't even hammer a nail.

Even you saying that I'm even out of date on using a hammer.

You would be a machine.

If you get a tradesperson over, get a carpenter or a joiner or somebody over to your house to do something and have a look in their van.

They have a doodad for everything.

I see.

The tools that you remember, you know, from like Bob the Builder or whatever, it's not like that anymore.

They got an electrical doodad.

You know what?

The biggest thing they have in their van is like one of those big

lithium, is it lithium batteries that all the power tools use now?

You know, you slot them to the bottom.

They'll have a a big multi-charger for those.

That's the biggest thing.

Oh, we use the stable

tools.

Yeah, right.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And when they're out, they can't have anything that it's much easier to have it be cordless, right?

Because everything is now.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

You need to be able to get places.

But yeah, like I had a carpenter around doing a bunch of stuff around the house stuff that we're having done.

And

he had a table saw that was battery operated with one of those big batteries.

And he just had this huge array that he could plug all of his batteries into and charge them up while he was doing other stuff.

Fucking everything.

Oh, it was mad.

Yeah.

So, what is the weirdest one?

Or do you even pay attention?

Was it all?

And does it feel like cheating?

Do you know what I mean?

No.

Does it feel like it's better?

They just do it.

They do it faster.

Does it make you think you could do it, though?

Not really.

But

I'm interested in talking to people who do it.

I'm interested in that sense.

Like,

I ask questions and say, oh, is that difficult or whatever?

But I'm never tempted to do it myself.

Like, I know my limits.

You know, like, I can just about put together.

Like, I put together a flat pack mud kitchen for the baby yesterday.

Mud kitchen.

It's a mud kitchen.

Yeah.

It's like a little...

You saying?

It's like a little wooden kitchen that...

stays outside and you can you get little pots and pans you can put water and mud and dirt in and you you know you pretend that you make meals or whatever.

You know, you're meant to, it's messy, like messy outs outside, messy play, you know.

So, it's just like an outdoor kitchen that's a toy, yeah, basically, yeah.

But it came like all these pieces of wood and some screws.

And I mean, I put that together, it was fine, but that's about my limit.

Like, I'm not gonna

do anything.

You're supposed to put it together, yeah.

I mean, that's that's why, yeah, I didn't put it together.

We've had it for like probably a year, and it's been sitting in the backyard, and it was so bad, and it got so weather-beaten that most of the cardboard had disintegrated.

But all the, it's meant to be outside, so all the wood inside was fine.

Yesterday, I was clearing clearing up because we finally got rid of some scaffolding and other crap that was uh polluting our land.

And uh, and I saw this thing, I was like, I better put this together.

I only took me like five minutes, but you know, it's perfect time for an outdoor play set just to see.

The weather yesterday was fantastic, too.

God, it was so good.

So, yeah,

yeah, it's the last gasps of decent weather.

Yeah, I'm going away and hoping that that it'll stay vaguely warm, but I'm not expecting it to be.

You know, every time I go on holiday, I get screwed.

It's just fate.

I'm fated.

I'll stay indoors and play video games on other days with nice weather.

Yes.

And then when I go on holiday, it's like shit.

And I'm like, oh, I want to be indoors playing video games.

I bought an airbrush, a new airbrush with like a compressor.

To do what?

And to do various artsy things, mostly Warhammer models and things.

But

I bought it all and then it didn't have a hose.

and i was like oh god

you know always there's always one thing that you haven't have to get you know and then once you've got the hose and you set it all up i'm sure there'll be something else that's missing i'll be like oh i don't have the i don't have any airbrush thinner um do you need that yeah you need like stuff don't you you need everything needs i think it's i think like you just need a little bit of education like half an hour of a of a YouTube tutorial and you feel like you can get the gist of most things.

Yeah.

But that's, I feel like that's what Warhammer painting is.

Like when I was a kid, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and and I did everything terribly.

And now there's lots of cheats.

Right.

You know, there's so many ways to like cheat and make stuff look good.

Right.

With like very low effort.

And I wonder whether carpentry and stuff like that is the same.

You know, well,

carpentry, I mean, I mean, cheating to make something look good is one thing.

But I think with carpentry, you don't, you want it to look good, yeah.

but you want it to be sturdy as well.

You want to be able to slap it at all.

I think to do the design,

you know, I'm looking at like,

well, I'm looking at moving house or getting a house somewhere.

And really,

it is fascinating.

Well, a house.

The people, yeah,

I'm still renting.

And it's like, you're going to buy a house.

I don't know.

Maybe SIPS.

I haven't decided.

But I'm if you do, let me give you this piece of advice.

Do not renovate your house.

Buy a brand new one.

Try to buy a brand, brand new one.

It'll need some work, but it won't need any like major work.

You know what I mean?

So you're saying don't move into a castle or like a, or like a period property?

No.

Have you not watched

Escape to the Country or whatever it's called?

That thing?

No, I don't watch that daytime.

I don't think it is daytime.

I think I'm thinking of the thing with the right one here.

It's a raunchy nighttime show.

Escape the Country has 25 seasons.

What's that one where the couple have a chateau in France?

Is that Escape to the Country?

Something Chateau.

Yeah, that's as far as I got.

Thanks, Luke.

Yeah, something Chateau.

You've put her on the spot big time there.

Something Chateau.

Yeah, that one.

In that, they have this amazing old chateau, but the whole point of the show is

all the stuff they've got to fix.

And it's, it's, if you're not handy, don't do it.

Because the guy that is in the show, like the, the husband, they're a couple, she does all the interior stuff, all the decorating, all the design.

And he's the guy that does all these sort of grunt work.

So, for example, they have the...

the chicken coop or whatever is fucked.

So they've got to build a new one.

There's like this little outdoor building.

Fix that up.

The ceiling is coming down.

This window's fucked up.

Every single week at at something.

And if you had to get people in every time, you'd end up spending twice what you spent on the house.

Yeah.

Guaranteed.

And all the delays and waiting and disruption, having strangers in your house all the time, it'd be ridiculous.

So I think certainly when we bought this place about 20 years ago, there was a lot of stuff that we've had to do to it over the years.

And some of it is more disruptive than others.

But there's certainly some stuff that if I was handy, I could have just done.

And I am a little bit jealous, I suppose, of people who are builders or carpeters or whatever, those kind of people that can do a bit of everything.

Because I could have fixed so many problems just myself, just go buy some lumber, and I've got all the tools and blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

That would have been great.

But I can do bits.

I can't do a lot.

We had a thing yesterday where, because this bunch of scaffolding came off,

they'd put some boards up on like a lower roof on the side of our house.

And the roof has, it's like,

it's not like, it's not like roof tiles or shingles.

It's like

a resin resin sort of you know it's like it looks like a like the hull of a boat or something you know like it's it okay it's uh it's like this like material that you have to like blow torch and like kind of like weld it sort of thing

and um what happened was when they put this board down with the scaffolding somebody drilled the board into the roof but it pierced the membrane

like seven or eight times what by the way is terry in the background doing something yeah i'm gonna go put him outside actually what's he doing?

Trying to escape.

I'll be right back.

You can hear him banging around.

That's so funny.

Oh, it's one or the other from you two, isn't it?

It's either a plane or someone.

Someone honking.

I don't know where you live.

Actually, I do know where you live, but I don't know.

It can't be that quiet there.

Do you have like quadruple glazing or something?

Like, I never hear a sound.

Aren't you in the studio at the office?

I usually record at the office, yeah.

Yeah, so easy peasy.

I'm sorry.

I live in a house.

When I'm at home, it's not ever that loud, though, either.

Like, you Yeah,

I don't know.

It's just quite quiet where you are, I suppose.

It's okay.

If I had a terry in my room, I'd also be noisy.

Chewed out.

Anyway, listen,

so I had like seven or eight holes in this roof, and they had to come by and basically weld little circles like over the holes, which is fine.

It didn't take long, but it's like, man, it's so stupid.

It could have caused a big leak, you know?

The number seven.

Yeah.

Interesting.

I've been thinking about mathematics this week.

Right.

oh i think it's a load of bollocks so you think the fact that seven individual holes were drilled into my roof is means nothing no i think that's fine because you can count it but a lot of other maths just seems like absolute ass to me in all honesty i never got along with it i'll give you an example and this is quite a famous one uh 0.99999999 recurring almost like infinitely is one that is equal to one no if you round it up yeah right if you round it up agreed

And one of the simple proofs they give is: if you take one, what's one-third of one decimally?

0.3 recurring.

So if you add three of those together, you get one.

Yeah, well, no, you get 0.939 recurring.

I mean, to me, that's just a weakness of fractions.

That's just a weakness, you know, because in the real world, you wouldn't divide a cake into 0.333 recurring.

That's just another way of writing one-third.

And there's obviously a gap between the way you write fractions, which are quite straightforward and obvious, a quarter, a fifth, whatever, to putting them into decimals.

There's a weakness in the system.

It's a weakness in the system.

I think the whole thing falls apart at even the slightest glance.

And I think we should abandon it and come up with a new system.

Okay, my turn.

Something that's annoyed me recently,

I share your frustration with fractions.

But this is completely different.

I was

when we were in London, Flax, I flew home.

Obviously, I had to fly home.

And this is something that happens time and time and time again on a plane.

I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this, but I'll never understand people at the back of the plane who think that they are getting off first somehow.

You know, they get up and they start moving, and you're just like, excuse me.

Like, there's so many other people in front of you who are getting ready to leave as well, who are nicely letting the people in front of them go.

What?

How have you decided that you're so so unique and special that you just somehow have to charge to the front of the plane to get off first?

Do they have a connecting flight?

I don't think so.

Well, maybe they do, but I mean, it's tough shit anyway, though.

What I've done in those situations is say to

the stewardess, if I don't get off this plane pronto when we land, I'm going to miss my connecting flight because we're already late.

Yeah.

And we've had that before where sometimes I've been on a plane and they've said, if you have a connecting flight, please let those people off first.

And of course, nobody fucking does.

No.

They just, they don't even notice.

No.

They don't even give a shit.

So I was on a flight the other week.

This was the one coming back from Copenhagen.

Coppenhagen is with two P's, of course.

Yes.

And

this family had to get the connecting flight.

Like they were, we were a little bit late.

They're in a big hurry.

Plane lands and the mother and the dad and the kids, they've already got all their shit.

They've just snuck it down.

Good for them.

They get up and they start piling forward.

Well, you say good for them, mate.

But they were pushing through all these people.

They were at the back of the plane.

They They go clobbering through people.

They're literally barging people out of the way.

Yeah, but the mom is smashing people with her bags.

Okay, that's not good.

Did they, I mean, you could just tell one of the

one of the cabin crew, listen, we have to get off.

And I'm sure they could help you.

No, they can't.

They can't.

Because they say, everybody, wait.

And then at the course of bing, the light goes off.

Everybody fucking gets up.

Yeah.

Like instantly, people are in the aisle.

Yeah.

And, you know, there's no, there's no room for

themselves.

They're all acing themselves trying to get their heavy ass luggage out of the overhead compartment.

You know, like people who bring a full suitcase.

It's crazy.

Oh, it's mad.

I just don't know how people can be so stupid.

Like, it's just, it's, it is insane.

Like, to save like five minutes.

I, I, yeah, I think I don't, I don't, it could be any number of reasons.

Let's go back to maths for a second.

Did you,

did you,

did you know this week, well, last week, a couple of weeks ago, God knows when this podcast comes out,

there's a new biggest prime number, right?

And this happens every so often, right?

That this week it was like some Nvidia guy, ex-Nvidia guy,

amateur mathematician.

Was it sitting at the back of the plane and did it try to charge forward ahead of everyone else?

It is a prime number.

Was it inside a bottle of prime?

Was it hidden inside a bottle of prime?

Hilarious.

If only.

Sorry, I was back to scratch this week.

Tell me more about this prime number.

There's a guy called Mersenne, and the Mersenne primes are the ones that are

like weird.

So

they're kind of like a prime number of the form M,

the prime number equals 2 to the power of the same number.

Okay, 2 to the power of a number minus 1, right?

So the current, this one that was found was

2 to the power of

136 million million two hundred and seventy nine thousand eight hundred and forty one minus one right so that is 41 million digits long why are you telling me this

why are you explaining this well it's just interesting that a number that's so so big can be a prime number okay but maths is like this this is what pyramflex says right my counterpoint to that is it's not that interesting Okay, now here's something's interesting.

Math mathematicians have graphed how often prime numbers are found by year why and it used to be doubling every 4.3 years but now it's growing by 10 to the 6 every 0.85 years

but the computers are better right right what a load of shit that that what a what a meta thing that mathematicians of course mathematicians have made a mathematical graph tracking how often prime numbers are found over time.

It's nonsense.

They They fucking love prime numbers.

They fucking love prime numbers.

They fucking love them.

Maths people fucking love them.

They're so boring.

They absolutely love them, yeah.

It's so boring.

You know what?

You watch one number file video on YouTube.

Suddenly, it's maths up the ass from YouTube.

It's like smashing maths into your face 24-7.

They're all the same.

Some mathematician and some clueless camera person.

or interviewer trying desperately to understand some stupid mathematical proof that they're just wanking over.

And then the guy's got this smirk on his face, like,

you won't believe what happens next.

It's like, fuck off.

You invented this dog shit arcane system.

You guys got to get on my left.

You guys got to shirk off about this shit.

It's so odd.

All my YouTube recommended stuff recently has been Japanese Disney ride POVs.

They're amazing.

My youngest daughter is obsessed with Frozen and Tangled.

And they have these rides at, I think it's fantasy springs in in in uh Tokyo, Disney.

And uh, man, she loves them.

They look great, but uh, I can't understand a thing that's going on in them.

Like, I mean, I get like the music and stuff like that, but it is all very Japanese, you know?

But it's cool.

And more recently, uh, there's a Peter Pan ride that she likes to watch as well.

She watches these every night before she goes to bed.

She's just like, I don't mind those ones so much, but it's the ones like Let It Go, but it's Donald Duck singing it or

let it go but it's goofy singing it those are the ones that i have to say sorry i cannot say this one again that's all right um it's it's it's i i'm the same my my youtube is the same and i i totally agree they have pods

no going back to

maths oh maths um sorry here's what here's one of my biggest problems with with maths is probabilities all right i'll give an example when i because i don't know anything about maths as you may have noticed, I'm terrible at maths.

I always was, always struggled with it.

I cannot help my kids with it when it comes to school work.

I watch the YouTube videos that there are links on the homework.

The math that they do nowadays is mad, though.

It's really hard.

They have all these, it's so different to the way that we were taught it.

Like,

you know, when you, when you do like addition or sorry, subtraction and you have to like take from the number to the left?

No, I don't.

I can never remember the system.

I can never remember.

Well, I remember the system that I was taught, but they're teaching it differently now.

You put the numbers in a different place, and there's like double lines at the bottom and everything.

And it's, and I'm just like, it's like there's like this bus stop system they've got for division or something.

It's like, oh, I don't fucking know.

But I mean, it's like that.

When it comes to, I'll give you the one of the things I don't get.

There are two, actually.

One of them is the lottery.

So if you play the lottery, the odds of winning are roughly 14 and a half million.

Oh my God.

I won eight pounds today.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

That's with one ticket gives you 14.5 million.

Let's say 14 million for ease of conversation.

If you buy two tickets, you now have a one in seven million chance of winning.

That's bollocks.

That is bollocks, isn't it?

That's just you're simplifying two in 14 to one in seven to make it easier.

But, and hear me out, you've got two combinations of winning numbers, and there are still almost 14 million other combinations that are not correct.

There's only one winning winning number.

How can having two tickets make it go from 14 million to 7 million?

It doesn't make sense.

I haven't doubled my,

I haven't improved my chances at all.

Barely at all.

I've only got two tickets.

There's still nearly 14 million combinations out there that I will not win.

Let's reflect on that.

Don't tell me it's one in seven.

It's bullshit.

Here's another one.

The Monty Hall problem.

You know, this was very famous.

You've given three doors.

Right.

Yeah.

Behind one of them is a prize.

Behind the other two is a goat.

You choose a door.

At this point, they remove one of the other doors,

a losing door, and they say, all right, at this point, there's your choice.

And

this other door.

This is bleeding.

I'll take this one, please.

Here's these two doors.

Now, at this point, they offer you the chance to switch.

You should switch.

And they've proven this mathematically.

Because when you made your initial choice, you had a one in three chance.

But if you switch now, it's a 50-50.

That can fuck off.

It's ridiculous.

It's so stupid.

And they can prove the shit mathematically, and you have to explain it at length.

And it's like, huh, it's a real head scratcher.

That's because it's impractical and bollocks and it doesn't make sense.

Yeah.

So I think we're missing all this stuff.

But get back to practicals.

If I cut a cake in half, I have two halves of a cake.

Simple.

Simple.

I can see, I can visualize it.

Once you get to write it down, it's all abstract.

They do all this wank and it just pisses me off.

Wow, people for

maths idiots like me.

I bought a Channel Islands Christmas Lottery ticket yesterday.

It cost two pounds.

Grand prize is like £300,000, I think.

That's terrible odds.

But

you can scratch.

You got to hang on to the ticket for the grand prize draw, which is like a code on each ticket.

But each ticket has like a scratch portion where you can win like little prizes.

And I scratched and I scratched and I scratched.

Scratched the bonus.

Sure enough, boom, eight pounds.

I won.

How did you make,

I won eight pounds on a scratch card into a lengthy anecdote?

I don't know.

It's so exciting.

I never win.

You're even breaking down the scratching.

I never win at those things.

So it was quite exciting.

This is like when you took away.

I took my mom and she was like, I took six pounds in cash and I bought one more ticket.

That's how they get you.

That's how they get you.

Rob guy that does the scratches.

I've never done them.

I've never done them.

I don't know.

Recently I did.

I watched industry and there was a scene in industry where this guy Rob does a scratch ticket.

And me and my wife just found it quite funny.

And

I thought you were saying you wanted to become a businessman.

And every time I go to the store in the morning, I always have to go get milk because we always run out of milk.

So I go get milk in the morning.

And the lady at the shop is always like, do you want one of these?

And I'm always like, Jesus, what a pusher.

Yeah, go on.

Yeah, I always take one.

And then, but it finally paid one scratch code.

Yeah, one.

Yeah.

So you just do them all the time.

There's a scratcher.

No, I bring them home and then somebody else does them normally.

But this time I decided, you know what, I'm going to do it.

Who else?

Who?

Well, my wife.

Your children.

My kids sometimes.

Yeah.

My mother-in-law will do them sometimes.

I'll be honest with you.

You just have a big pile of them on the counter.

And then whoever wants to.

I just thought you would be a scratcher.

That's crazy.

What do you scratch them with?

Well,

I love that you guys are calling me a scratcher.

I mean, this is literally the first time I've scratched today.

No, you just told us.

You brought the pile of regular punches.

I don't scratch them.

You're a scratch enabler.

Okay, that's fine.

I'll take that.

But anyway, I found this little piece of plastic that I used.

It was, I think it was like one of my kids, a piece of one of my kids' toys.

It was just on the ground.

I was like, oh, I'll just use this.

And I scratched.

And there you go, eight pounds.

With a piece of a children's toy.

My father-in-law won like five grand one time.

What was he scratching with?

I don't know.

Fucking fucking.

This is before my time.

This happened before I even knew him.

I don't know.

You can buy scratch card scratches.

A special key, yes, a tool that goes on a keychain for scratching scratch cards.

Can you buy a fucking machine that scratches it for you?

Like machine guy.

Well, you wanted industrial scale scratching.

Hi, yes.

Chris Channel Island Christmas Lottery.

I'll take 200,000 tickets, please.

Automated lottery ticket scratcher from Sigma Design.

I'm not into

the the scratch cards, but this is a yearly thing just around Christmas.

And I think a lot of it goes to charity and stuff, too.

So

there's always a big sort of thing for it.

People do like big syndicates.

When I used to work in offices, there's always big Christmas lottery syndicates and whatnot.

I never worked anywhere where they won, but usually a syndicate wins every year.

Sorry, there is a video on YouTube with 200, sorry, 624 views.

It's called Automated Lottery Ticket Scratcher, Sigma Design, and Pay Range.

I thought this was a joke, Vid.

This is a serious company, and they've actually made and coded an automated scratch card scratcher that also announces whether you've won.

Is it able to detect the void if removed scratch portion?

I don't know.

And avoid it?

I don't know, but that's sigma design.

That would be an important thing for a machine such as that, I think.

And then there's one comment on this video.

I'm an all-processes welder fabricator mechanic.

Seen you are hiring in southern Oregon for a welder fabricator.

Curious of what you guys do.

Been employed seven years of my current job.

No benefits.

Thinking about checking your position out.

Any uh,

that's the only comment.

No, no comment.

Sigma Design is a product design and engineering firm which provides product development services from concept through production.

Do they make other weird shit, do they?

They make things.

They made

a video with 14.

I've got an idea that's going to blow you guys away.

Hourglass pickle jar.

Let's make it happen.

This is the drone delivery system model.

It's called Wing Beat.

I mean, sure, this company does fine.

It's just so boring.

So they're just,

they're, oh my God, I see the magic words.

Monte Carlo simulation, a mathematical technique that uses random sampling to solve complex problems.

So they're doing this system to have drone deliveries.

for automated drone delivery.

So they're working on a system for that.

Good God.

Yeah, this is, so there is a a machine for everything, like that, you know.

You turn up, you know, everything

you don't need regular tools anymore.

You know, a spanner, throw that away.

There's a little fucking some sort of auto-spanner that you can get, they'll do any spanning you need.

They've got a collection.

Before you know it, the robots are going to take all of our jobs.

Did you know that there's a robot that you can piss on and it can measure how hard you piss?

That's my job.

Piss on me, daddy.

I thought that's your job.

Yes, very hard piss.

Yeah, yeah good flow up until now someone's you've had to piss on a nurse's face or something i guess

are you talking about

if you want sounds well nurse it's your first day on the job

you got piss face duty sorry oh yeah we need to find out how strong this man's piss stream is i can't think of another possible way we can discover this.

I get it.

Like, and it's all fucking cheap as shit as well from Alibaba or whatever.

What?

You You can get all this.

You can get anything.

I fucking, yesterday, I was looking at doing some like decals or whatever.

Like, little water sheet transfers that you have on your stuff.

And you can get like a little, little

tray that's specially designed for it with a little plastic sieve and a little comb.

And it's like,

it's all like, why do we need this stuff?

Like, it's so unnecessary.

Just use a jam jar lid, you know, like we used to when we were boys.

What's wrong with, what's wrong with that?

Hmm?

You you know i want to i want to i want all these like cheeky life hacks instead of like a fucking 30 quid tool from alibarba that you've got to use once and it'll fall apart i've still never bought anything from from old ali from miss well you probably have you probably have because it gets resold on amazon oh i see you know any of these things that you bought from it'll be a a fingus god that's reminding me

to razor i need to order something off uh off amazon go have some weird brand i've got to give me some it'll be called like a scratch tickets

A pon pont pontasly or whatever.

It'll just be called some stupid

English name.

I've got it.

And that would be the brand of it.

I have, I did, I did buy.

My daughter buys crap from random people on the internet.

She bought a wig.

Like for Halloween, she bought a wig.

And when it turned up, it was shit.

And she was in tears.

And I was like, what's happened?

She goes, I spent eight pounds on this wig.

Oh, no, it wasn't even eight pounds.

It was like four pounds, including delivery.

She was like, I bought a scam wig.

I said, what do you mean you bought a scam wig?

I said, the wig is turned up.

It's just shit.

You just bought a shit wig.

It's not a scam.

It's just shit.

You paid four pounds plus postage for a wig.

It's going to be shit.

You got exactly what you paid for.

So she bought another wig and it was not a scam.

It was slightly better.

We've talked about this as well because on the front page of AliExpress, it's wigs is up there on the toe.

And hair extensions of wigs is also there.

She looks like that.

As if that's like the main thing that people are buying on AliExpress.

So I assume that's where she got it from.

Yeah, maybe, maybe.

I mean, here I'm looking there at

women girl hand-make gothic Lolita.

Good God.

Oh my god.

That is something they're selling here.

Hot-selling 2024 Fashion Women's Mini Watch, 79p.

I know.

Fuck.

And that's why they buy like a hundred of them and sell them on Amazon for £10 or whatever.

This can't be right.

AliExpress down Dowling's gaming chair, breathable PU leather gaming chair with pocket spring cushions, £5.16.

I know.

It must be like

an inch tall.

It can't be a real chair.

This is what I'm saying.

The world is mad.

This stuff is mad.

You can buy, look, a new three and a quarter inch cordless wrench set, two of them with a million things in a box, eight pound.

Jeez.

But they might, I mean, this is the shit that ends up in the Isle of Wonder at Little.

Sure.

I mean, even this one, even this one I'm looking at, they're exactly the same on AliExpress.

One of them is called the EMD tool, and one of them is called the Fatori.

Do you mean they've got two different brands already?

Like, wait, wait, wait.

It's for the same thing before you've even bought it on the reseller.

This, all right, so these have to just be straight-up cons, right?

Because this is 2024 E99 Pro RC drone 4K professional, they spelled professional wrong, 1080p wide-angle HD camera foldable helicopter drone with Wi-Fi,

£6.66.

I I was tempted to get it just to see what the fuck you get.

I know.

It is.

And sometimes it's actually okay.

What the fuck is that?

It's astonishing, really.

Portable folding chair, 79p.

I know.

This is like we've gone back in time.

But this is.

Children's Glock empty chamber handgun 79p.

It's airsaw.

Children's Glock.

Oh, man.

It is insanity on here looking around honestly and the funny thing is is this is kind of how it's always worked shops buy shit from China for fuck all and then ship them over in a massive crate for literally pennies

and then it fucking they they just resell it for $29.99 with a 300% markup or more right.

It's that's how business has always worked for all of this.

This is a set of underwear called it's not Calvin Klein, it's Kaney Keen, but it's the same font.

That is hilarious.

It's just knock-off garbage, tons and tons of it.

Kaney Keeger.

No, Keener.

Kaney Keener instead of Calvin Klein.

Yeah, looking at all this.

The misspelled Puma, the misspelled Adidas, the misspelled.

You can get Grinch pajamas where the Grinch's face is on your ass.

I just got a brand new Tammy Hillfinger

sweater.

It only cost me five pounds.

Yeah, exactly.

This is, I have never seen this before.

This is absolutely insane.

I figured these were just all cons.

God, no wonder we get so many parcels.

It's my daughter.

I know she bought a thing of lollipops that turn your mouth blue.

They were like two pounds.

Yeah.

And she thought she was just getting a few and a bucket of like 150 lollipops.

That's crazy.

Probably teeming with radiation or something.

There was a thing in the news.

I know this is not lose news, but somebody ordered some clothes from Shein.

You know, that the big clothing of Shin or whatever.

Yeah.

And they opened it up, and there was like a huge scorpion in the packaging.

That with free scorpions.

I didn't order the scorpion.

I'd be shitting myself.

Oh, my God.

Hi, the scorpion you sent came in black.

I ordered a red scorpion.

Thank you.

Yeah, there's just a massive scorpion.

One million

lumens flashlight 79p i know

a handheld game system 12 pounds i wonder what games it takes who knows show of no mercy 79p shoe repair glue 79p three mode opening trash can 79p

where's the profit market that's a bargain how are they making it for enough that they can then ship and sell this to me we talked about this the other week i now have it presented today

it's all stolen yeah yeah we've stolen 3 000 body warmers how can we move these i mean is this just money laundering is it what the is happening i i it's it boggles the mind um because yeah i paid all for some knockoff lego it looked basically the same the real money the real value is the is in the somali pirates you hire two car

jack a cargo ship and then you get all those i don't want to i don't want to advertise aliexpress at all but it is fascinating that it's fascinating that this terrifying amount of absolute shit is being shipped across the globe for doomed en masse.

We are so doomed.

But it just, I think, just be aware that this is

what's happening.

This is, if you look at some piece of crap on Amazon, you can get it for a tenth the price on here.

Well, dare I say it, Lulu, but perhaps the good people at AliExpress who are putting this shit on the internet should up their fucking prices and sell direct.

Have you guys ever shopped at

uh.co.uk have you ever seen those ads belliani have you ever seen the ads on no i know what's on porphyry and i have no idea what that even is

is it like another electronic no i think it's like uh i think it's a furniture store actually stainless steel fishbone tweezer 45p well yeah that's how what so this is this is a an object for teasing out fish bones a useful thing to have in a kitchen yeah i'll need that someone's had to they've had to get the metal they've had to refine it, they've had to get this thing into the mold, make it, check it, stencil it with their brand name on the side, ship it all over the place.

Then these guys are selling it.

Then it's going to get on a container ship and come over here.

45p.

How much are they making on this?

I just put in an order for 5 million solar-powered flashlights.

We're going to make a fortune, honey.

I bought a gas welding, gas burner welding torch, portable blowtorch.

79 pence.

Quit your job, honey.

i just bought we've just 13 million knitted men's plush hats to make a fortune i bought an automatic rolling double layer egg holder sweetheart cancel the holiday we're upgrading we're going to the seychelles we're millionaires now

it's yeah

it's it's it's wild it's fucking wild it's wild

79 people foldable laptops down we're living in does this stuff turn up?

Does it turn up?

So, yeah, it does turn up.

Ben bought something as a test, and it was shit, but it did arrive about two months after it said it would.

Luckily, I don't want anything.

Honestly, I don't actually want anything.

Yeah.

I want to get rid of stuff.

I've got so much stuff that we just had that the other day.

I hide on it.

Yeah.

We had a loft space that we just chucked stuff in for years and forgot about it.

And we bought some new suitcases this summer to go on holiday because our older ones were kind of fucked up and they were so heavy.

Even when empty, they were so heavy.

Do you want these?

Do you have these hard shell Samsonites?

They're not Samsonites, I don't think.

Maybe they are.

I don't know either way.

I think they're, I think they're, is it bench?

They have a lifetime guarantee, you know?

Yeah, whatever.

I mean, our old Samsonites were so heavy.

They added like five kilos to the fucking scales when you put them in.

Anyway, we had, it turns out, four suitcases in the loft space that we'd forgotten about.

So they had to go.

And then there was another small suitcase we had that was broken.

Huge cardboard boxes that my daughter's new bed came in.

Her old bed, her old mattresses, an old PC,

my old barbecue, all this stuff that we just had to fucking go.

You had an old barbecue in your loft?

No, dude, this was in the garden.

Oh, I was going to say.

Yeah, sorry.

That's fair.

And there I know.

So that was in the loft space.

The garden had a few things that we wanted to go.

I just had a big hump and dump yesterday for garden stuff when we got rid of it.

So you went to the dump?

I didn't go to the dump.

No, I called a guy to come in because we had a whole bunch of like rubble.

Sorry, I want to hear the term again.

Plasterboard, hump and dump.

What's the term?

Hump and dump.

Hump and dump.

That's a one-night stand, isn't it?

Am I going crazy here?

It's also a very popular name for general household removal companies.

Never heard that before.

Well, anyway,

it's man and van is what I'd like to do.

Yeah, we have that as well.

Man with a van, hump and dump, lift and shift is another one.

Oh, okay.

um well i had this uh poll my load and hit the road blow my load

but uh no they they they come they come over and uh as long as you've got everything sort of in an area uh which i did all over the driveway i said here take all this stuff and then they just uh sort through it all separate it out because when they go to the dump you there's certain you you have to separate it all out metals yeah uh rubble it's a pain in the ass a pain in the ass there's charges for it too it would have just been so many trips to the tip yeah and like hours breaking all this stuff apart trying to fit it in my car yeah this guy turned up i emailed him he said when do you need me there i was like can you come tomorrow at one he was like i'm there turned up he quoted me on the spot i paid him cash he took everything away job done yeah it was perfect fantastic yeah yeah it's good we we had a sympathy effort at the office except for it was like we called up for a quote and they just turned up like where's your stuff like well no they keep a lot of it if stuff's like good or whatever they would just keep it yeah you see them sorting through it They take it.

Yeah, well, we had people clear out of our basement because we had loads of stuff.

And the guy was like, oh, I'm taking this home for my kids.

I'll have this.

Like, a lot of it was like kind of costumes that would be down there and all.

Well, they were okay.

But do you know what I mean?

It's like, we keep, we keep, we buy so much crap, you know, costumes and things, and we don't want to throw them away.

So they get put in.

Did you sell all of my iconic costumes from

what's it called?

We did, I tell you what, we did charity auction that costume that you wore in France, Sips.

Do you remember when you dressed up as that yes regal lord yeah um we did put that on a charity auction one time i liked doing that but i think the how much did anyone in the office

loses their any of the staff lose their mind if i asked them to do to send something out in the mail right or do an auction it's such a lot of faff um the christmas like our auction that we did was like you know we told like 20 or 30 things but it's such a lot of faff like wrapping them up getting the postage taking the post office like they hate it and they refuse to do it And so it's like anything like that.

It's for me, it's like, do we just throw it away at this point?

Because I think that's, that's where it's come to.

It's like, I'm looking at this thing and I'm like, oh, someone will probably want to buy this for charity.

And I'll look at the, I'm not going to name who it is.

I'll look at them and be, and they'll be like, no, can we just throw it away?

And I'll be like, okay, fine, we'll throw it away.

So yeah, it's an easier option.

So I've contributed to the problem

by how, I guess, how busy we are and how much of a time sink it is.

You know, it's not like we're making any money off it selling it for charity kind of thing.

But I part of me is like, people want to own these random old bits of Yokoska's history.

I kind of want to do like a car boot sale where we just get a table out the front and we're just like, take away all this crap.

There's a bowl shaped like a shark that Ben made.

There's this whole thing that this guy made.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, just take it all away.

All this stuff that we got because we've got so much crap.

Oh, my God.

It just builds up.

It's out of control.

You wouldn't believe how much crap we accumulate.

I would believe it.

I've seen it.

I've seen all the crap.

Well, it's been years now since I've been, but I'd imagine.

I mean, actually, we have got an office giveaway shelf.

I've probably talked about this before.

Oh, yeah.

There's never anything on it worth having.

Well, by the time I get there, there was.

I used it quite often to get rid of a lot of stuff initially.

And then I found that.

You put

your jar three years worth of toenail clippings.

Oh, my God.

Store stuff from TV.

This is my booger collection.

You can just stack it on there.

What?

What the fuck?

Just like

street spanner sets.

You know,

just to change the topic, um, I submitted it, but they won't publish the book I wrote on penguins.

Penguins.

They said I should have written it on paper.

Oh, fucking hilarious.

That joke.

Where did you get that one from?

From the internet.

Oh, God.

Furious.

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I'm really looking forward to giving my mum this frame.

I'm going to surprise her by uploading pics of her and her mum from when she was younger.

Wow.

Okay, well, why don't you try that out?

I will.

Thank you.

On with the show.

Do you want to hear my losed news?

Yes.

Yes, please.

Thanks.

Yes.

Yes.

this guy who and finally, yes,

there's a uh, this guy being a Peter Todd, who's been named as Bitcoin's creator.

Old Pete Todd, old Peter Todd.

Apparently, an HBO documentary accused this guy of creating Bitcoin, which I don't think is the case because he's only 30 years old.

Accused them of creating Bitcoin.

Well, we don't know who this guy called Satoshi Nakamoto is, right?

And there's a reason for that because it potentially he's worth $67 billion,

uh, which means he's a giant target, right?

If,

If people find out that it's him, you know, he could get, you know, that's my alter ego.

So that's the name I use like for business.

And one day they're going to be waiting in a conference room to meet the famous legendary

Sakashi Nakamoto.

And then it'll be me.

I'm going to walk in.

Hey guys.

Oh.

That's not what I was expecting at all.

Everybody's kind of expecting, you know, not me.

And then I stroll in in my shorts.

And I'm like, hey,

even waiting for me.

And he turned up, he was like, I don't understand any of this Bitcoin stuff.

I don't like prime numbers.

Fuck off.

Are you talking about me?

Yes.

That's like my Vandalay.

The thing is, you actually have some experience with coding and stuff, Sips,

and being involved in finance.

So do I.

I fucking programmed.

Did you program in finance?

I've been coded for five years.

I did four years at university, two years available.

I've got a decade of code.

Give me some of that Bitcoin money, you fuck.

It was a blow.

You keep it all to yourself.

Yeah.

So, so anyway,

the people, this guy's going to hide.

It doesn't matter.

Did you see that Google

funded 10 small nuclear reactors to power their data centers?

I did not, but no, did not know.

That's amazing.

It's fucking, it's insane.

Obviously,

Google has tried to commit to clean energy and they've agreed to purchase electricity from these things called SMRs, which are small modular reactors.

I love it when an abbreviation for something scientific has the word small in it.

Yeah.

I just like that.

I think it's what happens if one of these things melts down.

Well, not much.

It's very small.

Yeah.

It's decided.

Your back garden is fucked.

You do not want to go back there.

Yeah.

Going back there in about 10,000 years, honey, but for now, let's just leave it to sell.

Just stay stay out of the garden for the next 10 000 years uh so yes i don't know but amazon did the similar thing they they were actually they actually did it first so um there is there is this idea i this idea that ai it's clean but there is waste produced um

from yeah from all nuclear which is well no don't worry it's it's like a chinese disposable aliexpress nuclear reactor you just buy it from china and you just use it till it runs out like a vase where is it and then you just i'm just curious uh Norway or Sweden.

It could even be Denmark.

I'm not sure.

But they, I was, I was looking at this thing where they've basically drilled deep, deep, deep into the earth and made this like ultra high, long-term, secure nuclear waste disposal site.

Sure.

And it is like, oh my God, it is so, so deep in the in the ground.

But

you just think, man, there's got to be, there's got to be some way that you could just, you know, reprocess that waste into like

plutonium pellets and then maybe plutonium rods and then just dump them into the fix-it sink, you know?

Like that, I think that would be the

satisfaction.

Yeah, that would be the

tunnel in Finland called the Oncarlo site.

It's the furthest along the road to becoming operational among repositories worldwide.

It started construction in 2004 and they're still digging.

Yeah, it's going to go deep.

It zigzags down, down, down, down into this massive storage area that's all

whatever lined by lead.

I mean, these places have to be built in very geologically stable places.

Yes, yeah, they can't be built anywhere where there's because the last thing you want is for it to be ruptured and go into the fucking groundwater because that's like even worse than just leaving it on the surface.

Um, yeah, I guess god, nuclear reactors, fascinating stuff, interesting, I guess.

Um, a children's soft play center have apologized after using body bag style Halloween decorations.

One mother who took her daughter to Rugrats and Half Pints in Cirencester, Gloucester, uh, said she did a double take when she spotted pictures resembling human bodies covered in black plastic, uh, some wrapped with tape marked caution or danger, uh, hanging upside down from the soft play structure.

Jesus

Christ put you in a little picture.

You know, I'm looking at pictures now.

What happened to just like spooky ghosts and skeletons?

Why do we always have to do this with everything?

Like, we don't need an ultra-realistic, you know,

make-believe like autopsy center for aliens or whatever around Halloween and blood oozing out of eyes and stuff.

If you take your kid to the dollar store, there's all these severed hands with bones and blood on them and stuff.

And you just think, Jesus Christ.

It's too much.

Yeah, you can just keep it really, you know, pumpkins and stone times and

comic skeletons is fine.

I think sometimes this is a thing where people, um, sometimes when they home make these things, they end up looking way better than they thought and way creepier than they thought, right?

They think, oh, this will just be some shit.

And a lot of it is.

But yeah, I can imagine sometimes it actually ends up you see these Halloween costumes every year, all these Halloween makeup.

That actually is genuinely frightening.

I just think that I don't think that's really you're getting, I don't think you're really getting it.

Yeah.

The airport in the south of New Zealand at Dunadin.

Dunedin, Dunadin?

I don't know how to pronounce that place.

Sorry.

Dunadin.

Dunadin.

My father's name was Dunadin.

The great dwarf from the harsh home of Swordsmeads.

Sorry.

They have an the airport there have

announced that they are limiting hugging in its drop-off zone to a maximum of three minutes with anyone else who wants a longer goodbye told to head for the car park.

They've put a sign up that says max hug time three minutes.

Three minute hug.

Yep.

I'm getting a boner.

Like, that's a long hug.

That is sex.

That is a long one.

I mean, here, put it this way.

If you caught your wife hugging another fella for three minutes?

It's over.

It's over.

She's

all time.

That is very generous, actually.

Most people just

need to...

hug each other.

But yeah, you're right.

That is, that is, I think it's just because there's congestion due to people saying goodbye at this location.

Right.

And, you know, it's three minutes.

If we're going to put a time limit on, three minutes is also a long time.

Like, it's stupid to have this rule in the first place, but picking three minutes as the maximum time, if you've got all those people boarding a plane, they're all hugging for three minutes.

If you love and miss somebody that much, just live close to them.

What the fuck are you doing?

It's just another fucking rule.

I swear to Christ, there's too many fucking rules now.

Rule.

If I'm saying goodbye to somebody at the airport, I'm happy to be leaving.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's.

Jesus.

Wow, come on.

I mean, I mean, I guess if you got to go away, but I mean, if you go away for a couple of days, nobody's going to be crying that much, sort of thing.

If you really miss somebody, like, why do you live so far away from them in the first place?

Yeah, idiot.

Just move closer.

Yeah, geez, it's easy.

The U.S.

Federal Aviation Administration, talking about airports, have ended a requirement that for planes to have wings.

There is a no-smoking sign off switch, right?

Because smoking has been banned on commercial flights for so long that the no-smoking sign, being able to turn it on and off, was burdensome.

And so it's just, I guess it's now just commonplace that

no smoking signs can

they ever do away with them altogether?

I think they still have them on planes.

Yeah, they do.

They don't have to be able to turn them on and off or something.

So, I mean, I know that Tom and Ben and Lydia and Ravs went to Japan recently, and Japan have much stricter anti-smoking rules than here.

Yeah,

more strict than here.

There's outside areas like on sidewalks and stuff where it says you can't smoke.

Yeah, you can't smoke just outside on the sidewalk.

I mean, that's true in Singapore.

You have to go to like basically a dedicated like tiny box.

Some parts in California are quite strict with it too.

It's like a super sad box where you go in.

So in Singapore, it's on the corners generally.

There'll be an area that's painted.

You can smoke here, but you can't smoke walking along the road.

You have to stand in the area and smoke.

Yeah.

So I assume it's the same in Japan.

it's really similar like and it's i think it's really had a big impact on stopping people smoking because it really makes smokers fucking miserable yeah it's horrible it's really annoying by putting them in these little stinky sad rooms it's awful i saw it at like um going through sort of some airports there's always like an airport smoking area as well and it's just absolutely fucking i like the worst what the little ventilated old yeah smoking rooms being able to smoke after you've gone through is is enormous sometimes you've got to wait ages for your flight there's a in uh in lax there's a big outdoor smoking area.

Bristol's got an outdoor smoking area at Bristol Airport.

Yeah, he throws it.

Once you're through security, you're bonus.

I remember one time in LA when I was flying out of LAX, I went through and I said to the guy, Is there a smoking area?

He went, Yeah, you go back through security, yeah, all the way back through security, you go to the pavement, you go to the smoking area, you can smoke there.

I was like, Why don't you just say no?

Wow, guy.

Finally,

a German pizzeria has been raided over its best-selling pizza.

If you ordered number 40 on the menu, you got a side of cocaine with it.

Wow.

And apparently it was their most popular order.

It's been busted and shut down, but apparently it was running for quite a while.

It was one of the best-selling pizzas.

Food inspectors are the ones who topped them off.

When drug squad officers began observing the restaurant, they buzzed the restaurant manager's apartment and he threw a bag of drugs out of the window which fell right into the arms of police officers

they just a real tight operation there

was the payoff 1.6 kilos of cocaine and 268 000 euros in cash quite a lot of cash quite a bit quite a bit of cash

they they it was it was it was it's good stuff um delicious pizza as well i wonder what what you what the pizza was that you got with i guess like a um you know a plain one i don't know something just a margarita Basic.

Yeah.

Or maybe it was like a real weird one as well, like number 40.

That's quite far down.

Because you don't want people to order it by accident.

No, you want to pick a pizza that no one would ordinarily ever fucking order.

Like a handbook.

Very funny.

I'm joking.

I'm joking.

All right.

Well, there you go.

That's that's the podcast for today.

Yeah, thanks.

So that was great.

Lose news.

Thanks so much.

Great stuff.

We'll be back with more stuff next week.

Enjoy yourselves.

Have a lovely time.

Thank you for listening.

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Goodbye.